Shrek/Funny

Shrek and its sequels are simply packed with Shout Outs and Crowning Moments of Whatever, but this is for genuine moments of Funny that don't need to actually parody somebody else to be funny. Pick a few you think are especially good.

Shrek
"Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than you think. Donkey: Example?... Shrek: Example? Okay, umm... ogres... are like onions. Donkey: [Sniffs onion in Shrek's hand] They stink? Shrek: Yes- NO! Donkey: Oh, they make you cry! Shrek: No! Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs? Shrek: NO! [peels an onion] Layers. Onions. Have. Layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers... you get it, we both have layers! [Sighs and walks off]] Donkey: [Beat] Oh, you both have laaayers... [Sniffs onion on ground and makes face] You know not everybody like onions... CAKE! Eeeeverybody likes cake. Cakes have layers! Shrek: I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres... are not... like cakes. [Walks off] Donkey: [Beat] You know what everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious! Shrek: NO!! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story- bye-bye!.... See you later. [Walks off] Donkey: [beat] Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the damn planet... Shrek: You know what? I think I preferred your humming. |undefined"
 * From Shrek 1, there's Donkey realising that Dragon is a girl dragon, and starts complimenting her on reeking of feminine beauty and babbling about not being ready for a relationship of this magnitude. Even better? She goes from pissed off and ready to eat him to being head-over-heels in love with him.
 * The entire ogres are like onions bit. This troper has the dialogue memorized.

"Keep your feet off the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your... FACE!"
 * "This is the part where you run away."
 * "We gonna stay up all night, swappin' manly stories, and in the morning -- I'm makin' waffles!"
 * When Shrek and Fiona start making balloon animals, from real animals.
 * "What you're doing- do the opposite of that!
 * "Now hand me that big old rock the one that looks like your head."
 * (groans) "You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy!"
 * "Celebrity marriages...they never last do they?"
 * Donkey's just made of these.
 * Whenever Donkey appears onscreen while singing I'm a Believer. Same thing with the Shrek Karaoke Dance Party, where he sings Baby Got Back. (With Dragon shaking her backside to his tune)
 * Gingy's interrogation is made of funny.
 * Duloc is indeed the perfect place.


 * Shrek takes a groin shot while he, Fiona, and Donkey are escaping from the dragon's castle (Shrek's holding the smaller two while sliding down a stone banister that has a large bump appropriately placed). His eyes cross, but (being an ogre) he shakes it off more quickly than a human would.
 * "Dead broad OFF the table!"
 * "I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'."
 * Donkey, after Shrek roars at him to try to scare him away. "Wow...That was really scary. Now, if that don't work your breath would certainly get the job done because you definitely need some tic tacs or something cause your breath STINKS!"
 * The nervous Donkey has to be goaded into crossing a rickety rope-and-plank bridge over a volcano. He says, before they set out, "Don't look down." Donkey actually manages not to, though he seems like he's about to try once or twice... and then he puts a foot wrong and ends up with his face poking through a gap in the planks. "SHREK! I'M LOOKIN' DOWN! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
 * During that same scene, Shrek accidentally puts too much force onto the bridge and makes it swing violently. After seeing Donkey freak out at him for doing that, he decides that Donkey needs some tough love to get over the rickety bridge and proceeds to deliberately cause the bridge to swing wildly complete with shit-eating grin. Donkey backs away screaming about how he's going to die... only to be perfectly fine as he makes it across.

Shrek 4

 * "Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?"

Shrek the Musical
"Fiona:(while tearing one of her books to pieces) Cut the villains, cut the vamping Cut this fairy tale Cut the peril and the pitfalls! Cut the puppet in the whale!
 * Fiona's Sanity Slippage during her "adult" part of I Know It's Today

Cut the monsters! Cut the curses!

Keep the intro! Cut the verses!

And the WAITING, the WAITING, the WAITING, the WAITING... !

THE WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIITIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!

(sweetly) But I know... he'll appear

Though I seem a bit bi-polar..."