Imma Wiserd

How to describe Imma Wiserd? Well, as one dramatic reader said, it's basically the gangsta version of My Immortal—or at least that's what was said. Unfortunately, being like My Immortal, Fan Fic.net took it down. It's been re-uploaded yet again and even then it was taken down. Several dramatic readings can also be found on YouTube, one of the most popular being this one.

Since 2016 a (re?)post of the story can be found here.

""NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" sed herman but she was 2 busy sewing 2 do anyting."
 * Artistic License: Biology: Jezebel laughs so hard that she has a baby. This occurs several times in a couple of days.
 * Artistic License Religion: Hoo boy... the author claims to have talked to a preacher so he could learn enough about biblical times to write about it. He must not have been paying very much attention.
 * As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Adolf Hitler says many phrases in Mock-German, none of which are even remotely accurate to the translations given by the author.
 * "gutantof gutantof chocolate choclate gutantof" sed hitler wich wuz german 4 "i agree we shud kill him"
 * "Gutantof" is a misspelling of "Gutentag", which means "Good day" or "Hello". The real translation should be "Ich stimme zu, wir sollten ihn töten."
 * "KINDERGAREN" he sed wich wuz german 4 "deres sumden rong wit mi baby"
 * "Kindergarten" means "Children Garden" and is one of the first years of schooling. Again, the proper German for the above English phrase should be "Es ist etwas mit meinem baby."
 * Author Filibuster: If it wasn't a Troll Fic, it would probably qualify.
 * Awesome McCoolname: The main character's full name is "Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson", but everyone else calls him "Turtle" for some reason.
 * Bed Trick: Joseph is tricked into having sex with Jezebel, which is traumatic for him considering how he is portrayed as Camp Gay and wants nothing to do with women sexually.
 * Bible Times: The main character goes back in time to this time period to re-invent fried chicken.
 * Big No:

""how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr. it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit and we wuz da only blak guys on da feild. "it is bcuz da ski is wit and we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed."
 * Bloody Murder: One of the dragons Turtle fights shoots fire from the neck when decapitated and has acid blood.
 * Camp Gay: The portrayal of Joseph.
 * Catch Phrase: Bradberry and Steven, Joseph's gay friends, say "fabulos" far too often.
 * Dead Baby Comedy: Solomon's math lesson involves cutting up babies with chainsaws. Several of the story's villains eat babies.
 * Department of Redundancy Department:

"" i wuz so sad. but den one day dat all changed. all of a sudden i found out someden dat changed my life 4eva... imma wiserd.""
 * Did Not Do the Research: Turtle goes back to Hogwarts in the time of the Bible, despite the fact that there's an age gap of a few thousand years between some of the characters.
 * Eats Babies: As noted above, the villains of the story do this.
 * Gratuitous German: Hitler, natch. However, it's very obvious that the person writing this never took a German language class in their life.
 * Greedy Jew: How Snape is portrayed. He even rides a giant dollar bill like a flying carpet.
 * IKEA Erotica
 * Jesus Was Way Cool
 * Jive Turkey: Pretty much how the whole story is written.
 * Ludicrous Gibs: Happens to the monsters that Turtle and David fight.
 * Magical Negro: The story's alternative title is the... less polite form of this phrase.
 * Modern Minstrelsy: Oh, where to begin?
 * N-Word Privileges: That word is used a ridiculous number of times throughout the story, yet a white cop who uses it gets a dragon Patronus set on him.
 * Personal Raincloud: Joseph gains one after falling victim to the Bed Trick.
 * Race Lift: Harry is black in this story, but mentions that a white guy was cast to play him in the movies.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: Oh so very much. Notable examples include:
 * he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111
 * den snap cam up and sed "cum 2 mi oriface"
 * "dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."
 * Serial Escalation: The story starts off crazy from Chapter 1 and it just gets crazier chapter after chapter.
 * Stay in the Kitchen: "Herman" (Hermione) wants to go back in time with the male characters, but is told that she shouldn't because they didn't have sewing machines, pretty dresses, or vacuum cleaners back then.
 * Statler and Waldorf: Make appearances in the story.
 * Title Drop: Turtle does this after relating his depressing life before Hogwarts to Leonardo da Vinci.

""no" i sed "a yeer ago i mite have been a failure. i wud just sit on da porch an dreem. but now... im a frend... im a hero... IMMA WISERD!111""
 * He also does this in the supposed final chapter during an epic battle with "Vadermort"


 * Troll Fic: Whereas people still to this day don't know whether or not My Immortal is a Troll Fic or not, they know very well that Imma Wiserd is a 100% trollfic.
 * Unexplained Recovery: Turtle supposedly dies after being knocked off his broom by Vadermort in an early chapter, but wakes up in the hospital wing the next day and quickly recovers as if nothing has happened.
 * Where the White Women At: Turtle's relationship with "Herman".