Drive (webcomic)



""The story is serious. The characters are hilarious.""

- Jeff Kapalka, The Post-Standard

Drive is a scifi webcomic by Dave Kellett, author of Sheldon. It takes place a few hundred years in the future, in which humanity has discovered FTL space travel in the form of the Ring Drive, and has a large intergalactic empire, ruled from Madrid, on Earth. They are at war with mysterious aliens, called the Continuum of Makers, who invented the Ring Drive humans "discovered".

The story mainly follows an amnesiac lizard creature, using the name "Skitter", with an impossible talent for piloting ring ships, which even the Continuum can't match. But we're also shown some of the politics of La Familia, who closely guard the secrets of the Ring Drive in order to keep in power, and the history of a certain individual of the Continuum, which for lack of a name will be referred to as the "Rogue Maker".

"Nosh: Show respect to my captain.
 * Alleged Car: The Machito, before the Emperor upgraded it.
 * Always Chaotic Evil: The Tesskans appear to be this.
 * Applied Phlebotinum: The Ring Drive. Only the Continuum knows how it really works, and they aren't in the mood to explain.
 * Asteroid Thicket: Skitter loses a Continuum ship in one.
 * Subverted in that it's not your typical Space Is an Ocean Asteroid Thicket - they could easily avoid it, if they wanted to, and it's only dangerous because they're crossing it at FTL velocities.
 * Berserk Button: Nosh has a history with the Tesskans.
 * Beware the Nice Ones: Nosh.
 * Beware the Nice Ones: Nosh.

Tesskan: ooOOooh...whatcha gonna do, pacifist? Punch me?

Nosh: No...but I am very good hugger. [picks Tesskan up from behind with a "hug"]"

"Nosh: A Moebius is figure-eight that goes loopty-loopty-loop."
 * Also, Veetans in general. An info page lists the Tesskans flash-bombing a Veetan planet as the critical error in the three year Tesskan/Human war. The resultant mobilisation of the Veetan Defence Force resulted in Tesskil being conquered a week later.
 * Big Eater: Veetans. There's an in-universe poem about the sight of a Veetan eating. It ends, "A Veetan eating is not joy, but more like abject fear"
 * Bizarre Alien Biology:
 * The Continuum reproduce asexually, are born from silica-based cocoons with basic knowledge and motor skills after a 2-day term, and they feel nothing unusual.
 * Skitter's mohawk can detect gravity waves, allowing him to maneuver around obstacles nobody else would notice until too late.
 * Fillipods look kind of like caterpillars, and their legs/feet/stalks have an incredible grip via Van der Waals forces. They have a stinger on their head which injects its target with a sedative, which works even on the Fillipod it came from. Also, they're incredibly "huggable" to the point that pillow companies are trying to make pillows that feel like a Fillipod.
 * The Vinn are actually a number of species infected with a parasite, but this parasite spreads a number of useful genetic traits across each of those species. So most Vinn tend to have "bioelectrogenesis, venomous necrotoxins, chromataphore cells in their skin/hides, sharp vision due to minimal diffraction of incoming light, and shark-like electroreception".
 * Buffy-Speak: Lots.

"Taneel: Wonderful. So they're bigger and faster...and I'm flying the dang car I had in high school.
 * Completely Missing the Point: Nosh, fairly often.

[...]

Nosh: Wait wait wait wait...you saying your car in high school smelled this bad? I find hard to believe."

"Nosh(mid-fight): Maybe you forget why you lost the war, Tesskan. You didn't lose because of the humans...you lost because you made my lovely, joyful, peace-filled people...PISSED OFF."
 * Cool Ship: The Machito, after the Emperor has it upgraded. Also, La Invencible, being the Emperor's ship.
 * And especially the Spark of Thought, on the Continuum side.
 * Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: More a Genius Ditz than moron, but Nosh fought off a bunch of mooks on his own.

"Nosh: Our armada ships...have a 1-in-600 chance of catastrophic impact anytime we pinch space.
 * Cutting the Knot: The Tesskans, in their city-sized stolen Continuum ship, were attacked by another Continuum ship. The Tesskans still hadn't figured out the weapons systems on their ship, so they just drove right through the attacking ship.
 * Deflector Shields: Mentioned, but averted. Armada ships, at least, only have a sort of energy field which vaporizes small debris. Not nearly enough to be called a Deflector Shield.
 * Disproportionate Retribution: How La Familia deals with anyone who tries to steal the secret of the Ring Drive, because that would put their supreme power in danger.
 * Disturbing Statistic:

Skitter: I...I'm gonna die in space.

Fernando: Nosh, that number is a lie, spread by the royal family. It's not 1-in-600...it's 1-in-400...we lose five or six ships every week.

Skitter: [slow clap] Wonderful. Awesome. Let's all thank Fernando for clearin' up the math, there."

"Nosh: ...You are like bad episode of "Gilligans Island"."
 * Easy Amnesia, Laser-Guided Amnesia: Skitter woke up on a prison planet with no recollection of who he was or how he got there, and was informed he took a nasty hit trying to protect Nosh. Lampshaded.

"Cuddow: We went from zero manufacturing to space travel in two generations!"
 * Faster-Than-Light Travel: Of the second variety - pinching space together to hop across the top, if you will.
 * Gadgeteer Genius: The Fillipod race in general are very good with technology.

"Nosh: I am researching lung capacity of common earth-wolf.
 * Genius Ditz: Nosh is the science officer of the crew, interested in all types of science, but lacks common sense.

Taneel: Good lord...why?

Nosh: Pique of my interest, mostly. I read in earth story how wolf able to bring down house with massive lung capacity...

[Beat]

Taneel: ...Did the aforementioned wolf happen to "huff and puff" before he blew said house down?

Nosh: Yes! Amazing creature, no?...I research the pig construction techniques, next."

"Nosh: Is too much anger in Monopoly... Share the railroads! Everyone benefits!"
 * Gentle Giant: Nosh, and apparently most Veetans.

"Skitter: What? What possible way could that help me defeat these jer-
 * Gilligan Cut:

[cut to milkshake bar]"

"Narration: Evolution is funny. Generation after generation of Fillipods were naturally selected for stalks capable of ever-stronger van der waals forces. Basically, for reasons of diet. The Winter Tilla fruit has an amazing combination of proteins, carbs, and vitamins... but has a tree bark that's glass-smooth, and impossible to climb. Hence the natural selection towards van der waals forces: the Fillipods who could climb... could live to breed. It's an ability that's kept them alive for thousands of years. And, oddly enough, did so again when"
 * Impossible Task Instantly Accomplished: The Rogue Maker passed the Test of Tests, which was supposed to take nearly a week(if that), in an hour.
 * Largely out of petulance, no less.
 * The Napoleon: The Emperor
 * Misapplied Phlebotinum: Averted viciously. If the space being pinched by a ring drive is occupied by a planet, then that planet will suffer massive tremors. The bigger the ship, the more severe the quakes. This has been taken to the logical conclusion.
 * Mood Whiplash:

"Fernando: Captain, no! An asteroid field is certain death! Open space is bad enough... we can't intentionally fly into debris!
 * Never Mess With Granny: Captain Taneel of the Machito. But don't call her granny.
 * Oh Crap:

Skitter: Wait--why not? Just turn on your doo-dads or shields or whatever.

Nosh: What shields?

Skitter: Don't you have some kinda... energy bubble that can... I dunno... push aside material or somethin'?... Like a snow-plow?

[Beat]

Skitter: Or some kinda... reinforced hull thingy... that can survive impacts at speeds of...?

[Beat]

Skitter: I'ma skip a step and launch my escape pod now."

"Fernando: Do you know what my family will do to your people when they find out??
 * Oh Wait:

Cuddow: What, Oh wait."

"Fernando: MAAAH! HOW'D YOU GET ON BOARD??"
 * Omnidisciplinary Scientist: Nosh.
 * Planet Killer: Every single Drive-equipped ship can cause seismic events on a planet by pinching too close to it, see the Misapplied Phlebotinum entry above. When a ship is big enough, well...
 * A double whammy of Plot Time and Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale, in a way that negatively impacts the internal consistency of the story. The ring drive is the only way to travel FTL in this universe, and only humans and the Continuum have it. However, the Veetans somehow crossed lightyears in something less than a week to end the Tesskan war after one of their worlds was somehow bombed by Tesskans trying to attack Earth, hundreds of species come together to trade at locations like Slaughter, and there are multiple civilizations spanning tens of thousands of light years. And the crew just took a hop on a sublight freighter to Slaughter, where Empire ships are not welcome.
 * Poor Communication Kills: Literally. The language of the Continuum is so complex and nuanced, traditional translator devices can't decipher the whole thing. This leads a Tesskan to decapitate a Maker out of frustration.
 * Properly Paranoid: Standard procedure for all imperial ring ships returning to Earth is that nobody but the captain may steer the ship in to dock, and Earth's coordinates are to be top secret, and never recorded anywhere. This is because before this policy was implemented, the Tesskans captured a ship, and the Fillipods were able to recover Earth's coordinates from it. If not for the Fillipods, the Tesskans would have won the resulting war.
 * Proud Warrior Race Guy: The hat of the Tesskans.
 * Quest for Identity: Skitter. Fortunately, he's been roped into a hunt for his own home planet.
 * Royals Who Actually Do Something: The Drive is serviced and run exclusively by members of La Familia, though they also take great pains to keep it that way; see Disproportionate Retribution above.
 * Shout-Out: To Gilligans Island, later Tetris.
 * Stealth Hi Bye: The Tres Primos do this to Fernando while he is alone on the Machito.

"Taneel: Well, lessee now... "Skitter" is a ridiculous name that sounds like an 18th century case of the trots... but "Steve" is the name of my jerk of an ex-husband.
 * The Emperor: The current Emperor killed his uncle for the position, and framed Nosh.
 * The Empire, The Federation: It's technically an Empire, but it shares parts of both of these tropes. For example, they formed an alliance with the Veetans, which is a trait of The Federation. But anyone with blood ties to the royal family (La Familia) gets extra privileges, everywhere, which seems to fit The Empire trope more.
 * The Mole: Orla O'Malley is actually part of La Familia like Fernando, but only the reader knows this: She's here to keep an eye on the crew.
 * Taneel may be on to her...
 * Twitchy Eye: Nosh, upon learning the crew's next destination is Tesskil. More so when he finds they're being pursued by a Continuum Dreadnought ship.
 * Unfortunate Name: Skitter wanted to call himself Steve, but...

[Beat]

Skitter: ...Skitter it is?

Taneel: Skitter it is."

"Maker: Prepare a leap directly above the planet. We shall crack it like an egg."
 * Still, it might've been worse. Nosh's ideas were "Pablo Picasso", "Mr. Fancy Pants", and "Boopsie-Diddle".
 * The Virus: The Vinn aren't actually a single species; they're at least 14 species all infected with the Vinn parasite. The parasite bonds to the nervous system and restructures the brain, resulting in an entirely new, unique mind. Most, possibly all Vinn are trying to spread across the galaxy in an attempt to find their "gods", who developed the parasite as a misguided cure for an unknown affliction.
 * Wham! Episode: Every now and again, a page will reveal something shocking, even if the consequences of the revelations aren't apparent at the time.
 * The strips detailing the "Rogue Maker's" actions turn out to lead up to the events of the very first strips.
 * The "Tres Primos" came out of retirement recently..
 * Wham! Line:

"Taneel: You'll meet 100 species on that planet, and each one is a mob hitman."
 * Also:
 * What the Hell Is That Accent?: Nosh spent 6 years stuck in Moscow when he ran out of cab fare, and so speaks with a ridiculous Russian accent.
 * When It All Began: "He has never piloted before. But then, he has only been alive for fourteen hours..."
 * On April, 22nd 2011 this came full circle.
 * Wretched Hive: Planet Slaughter.