Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner/Web Comics

"Doc: Rayner, you killed my mentor, and you kidnapped my sidekick. I met Death himself last night, and he's going to follow me all the way to your house. You made it personal."
 * The Tallyho features a pretty good Pre-Asskicking One-Liner... "I got the tools, I got the team, I got the motivation, and baby, I just ate me a whole ROLL of 'Mentos'."
 * The Adventures of Dr. McNinja: "We are on Eastern Pain Time, and it is Dan o'clock!"
 * Parodied in "D.A.R.E. to Resist Ninja Drugs and Violence" where the Doctor directs a pretty awesome speech at Frans Rayner...

"Doc: I'm trying to think of that thing I said earlier today, when I was riding that raptor there, and how Death was mad at me... and somehow I applied it to you? I forget it now. It would have been good. But, uh, whatever. You're like, the lamest Great Dane since Marmaduke, and I'm gonna kill you. Whatever, who cares. Let's go."
 * ... But then it takes him the whole chapter before he actually fights Rayner. When the Doctor and Rayner finally do fight, the best Doc can come up with is:

"Nicole: Oh, come on ... everyone loves a surprise hit."
 * Mitzi McNinja gets one of her own during the "Punch Dracula" Story Arc: "And the dead can't hear their own eulogies. So let's wrap this up.!"
 * Looking for Group: "Rejoice, for very bad things are about to happen."
 * In The Order of the Stick, Elan actually needs to use these for an attack bonus on his "Dashing Swordsman" prestige class.
 * And then there's Bozzok's "Yeah, and I'm bringing the onions - to make you cry!"
 * Belkar: "Back me up and I'll cut a path through these guys." Then he decides to go into more detail.
 * Haley: "Oh yeah? How are they at keeping you from becoming a shish kabob??" in this strip.
 * Also Haley: "SNEAK ATTACK - BITCH!"
 * Oasis tries to use some of these in Sluggy Freelance, but she doesn't quite have the hang of it.
 * Bun-Bun gets a more straight example when he has his big showdown with Santa Claus: "Have a holly jolly funeral!"
 * In Girl Genius Gilgamesh Wulfenbach does pretty well here (starting with the last panel, and continuing for the next few pages). Later attempts one here and fails.
 * In Everyday Heroes, Summer lampshades the above quote from Scarface.
 * Gordon Frohman of Concerned fails to assassinate Gordon Freeman before the explosion of the combine portal, because he's too busy coming up with a line.
 * In this Sam and Fuzzy strip, Nicole delivers a good one just before.

"Brother Wu: It seems we are not the ones in a position to have our asses kicked. (kicks Ken's ass into a wall)"
 * Digger by Ursula Vernon. "Remember Tunnel Seventeeeeen!!!"
 * Brianna from Servants of the Imperium tells  "May the Emperor have mercy on your soul... because I will not."
 * Subverted in Sinfest in a Ninjapiece Theatre strip when Slick, the Pimp Ninja threatens Yellowtail (the Geisha Slut) with "I kill you so hard your ancestors will die!"
 * Mandatory before every fight in What the Fu.
 * In No Need for Bushido, Brother Wu delivers a rather appropriate one to the trash-talking Ken.


 * Caw caw, motherfuckers.
 * In Brawl in the Family, during the Phillips CD-I arc, Waluigi returns from vacation to find a Phillips CD-I making everyone become characters from that game... except Dedede, who's trying not to go insane. He views the situation, and then says "Weh. You call this madness? Step aside. Waluigi time.
 * Sixteen extremely traumatic seconds later...
 * In Schlock Mercenary, a mafia soldier expressed the intention to "unleash some hell" against some of the good guys, which is when an elephant with fists the size of him replies with a better line from behind.
 * xkcd on this page (see Alt Text) got a cool one, in case someone gets a target lock on Mount Olympus. "I'm here to return what Prometheus stole."