The Fearless Vampire Killers

"Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire."

The Fearless Vampire Killers, or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck (universally known in countries outside America as Dance of the Vampires) is a 1967 horror comedy film from director Roman Polanski (who also starred and cowrote the screenplay), which gives a good-natured ribbing to vampire movies, particularly those in the Hammer Horror tradition. It is today perhaps best known as the inspiration for Tanz der Vampire, a Screen to Stage Adaptation that is extremely popular in Europe, as well as for being the film which introduced Polanski to his future wife, Sharon Tate.

The eminent (in his own mind, at least) vampire expert Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran) and his bumbling assistant Alfred (Polanski) arrive in a small Transylvanian village to track down and kill a nest of vampires that they believe are lurking nearby. Stopping to rest at a local inn, they become convinced that they are on the right track, both by the presence of garlic adorning every available surface, and by the reluctance of the innkeeper Shagal (Alfie Bass) to discuss the location of the local castle.

As Professor Abronsius spends his days surreptitiously searching for clues, Alfred meets and falls head-over-heels for Shagal's beautiful daughter Sarah (Tate). He is not the only one who notices her, however, and soon the lord of the local vampire coven, the elegant Count von Krolock (Ferdy Mayne), abducts her to his castle. When Shagal attempts to keep the interlopers out of the matter and rescue his daughter himself, he is quickly turned into a vampire himself. It therefore falls to our two heroes to travel to Castle von Krolock, rescue the fair Sarah, and put the curse of the undead to rest once and for all.


 * Abhorrent Admirer: Alfred sees Herbert, the Count's son, this way.
 * Absent-Minded Professor: Abronsius is easily distracted by books, bats, and discoursing on how great a scholar he is.
 * Affably Evil: Count von Krolock
 * Aristocrats Are Evil: Shagal appears to be the only "commoner" vampire.
 * The Bad Guy Wins
 * The Blind Leading the Blind: Alfred hangs on Abronsius' every word, and doesn't seem to realize that he's more than a bit incompetent.
 * Blond Guys Are Evil: Herbert is the only blond man in the film.
 * Censor Suds: When Alfred encounters Sarah in the bath.
 * Classical Movie Vampire: Count von Krolock.
 * Depraved Homosexual: Let's just say that Herbert is interested in sucking more than just Alfred's blood.
 * Dirty Old Man: Shagal.
 * Disney Villain Death: For.
 * Distracted by the Sexy: A constant problem for Alfred.
 * Damsel in Distress: Sarah, though she never seems aware of the danger she is in or shows any desire to be rescued.
 * Executive Meddling: The American version, in addition to being retitled by the producer, was also absolutely butchered. Twenty minutes of footage was cut, all of the actors were redubbed with American accents, and a cartoon short was added to the beginning. Polanski disowned this version, and it has never been released on DVD.
 * Failure Hero: Both Anbronsius and Alfred show to be terribly incompetent and useless hunters, so that
 * Fantastic Religious Weirdness: The opening quote is said by a Jewish vampire to show that a cross will not work on him.
 * Glamour Failure: Vampires do not show up in mirrors. This becomes important in the ballroom scene.
 * Haunted Castle: Practically de rigeur, isn't it?
 * Heroes Want Redheads: Alfred and Sarah.
 * The Igor: Alfred is a rare heroic version.
 * Innocent Fanservice Girl: Sarah.
 * Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Professor Abronsius' advice is singularly unhelpful at just about every stage of the film.
 * Logo Joke: Leo the MGM lion morphs into an animated Orlokian vampire, whose fangs drip blood that trickles down past the scrolling credits.
 * Love At First Sight: Alfred's reaction to Sarah, and Herbert's reaction to Alfred.
 * Matzo Fever: Alfred, for the beautiful red-headed Jewess Sarah. Ironically this was inverted in real life. Polanski and Tate were a couple, but Polanksi was the Jew.
 * Nice Job Breaking It, Hero:.
 * Non-Indicative Name: While Abronsius is indeed fearless, Alfred is scared as hell, and both aren't effective in killing vampires.
 * Our Vampires are exactly the same: Vampires sleep in coffins, only go out at night, and do not appear in mirrors. They can be warded off with garlic and religious symbols (apparently only the religious symbols they believe in). Theoretically, at least, they can be killed with a stake through the heart, but the protagonists never get a chance to test that idea.
 * The Professor: Professor Abronsius likes to think he is this.
 * The Renfield: Koukol.
 * Screen to Stage Adaptation: Became the popular European musical Tanz der Vampire (and, allegedly, the much less popular American version, Dance of the Vampires).
 * Shiksa Goddess: Shagal for his blonde serving wench, though anything would be preferable to his wife.
 * Sliding Scale of Comedy and Horror
 * They Called Me Mad: Professor Abronsius' vampire obsession eventually got him fired from his post at Königsberg University, where his colleagues dubbed him "The Nut."
 * Twist Ending: Doubles as a Downer Ending (and maybe Inferred Holocaust).
 * Überwald: Transylvania gets this treatment, natch.
 * Vampire Bites Suck
 * Vampire Dance: The climax occurs during the vampires' annual ball.
 * Vampire Hunter: What does it say in the title?
 * Vampire Vords: The Count talks like this, but Herbert, oddly, does not.
 * Vampires Are Rich: Shagal appears to be the only lower class vampire.
 * The Virus: Vampirism.
 * The Von Trope Family: von Krolock
 * Yiddish as a Second Language: Shagal, the innkeeper.
 * Yiddish as a Second Language: Shagal, the innkeeper.