Warning! Readers' Advisory

""I'm not a fighter. I'm not an adventurer or a thief or a treasure hunter. I am a librarian! Hidden amongst the stacks of the greatest library in the world, there are many secrets to be found...""

Derek the Bard is the keeper of the greatest library in the world. Here, he shares his findings from the bottom of the stacks, reviewing strange, odd, and awful novels.

Can be found here on Reviewtopia, and on Geekvision.

""I'm not gay... but I'd fuck that voice.""
 * Acting for Two: Or four or five.
 * In Cloak & Dagger, the same actor plays both David's hallucinatory mentor Jack Flack and David's father. This never has any attention drawn to it in the movie.
 * Adaptation Expansion: Expanding on Buenos Aires' destruction in the Starship Troopers movie.
 * A Day in the Limelight: Episode 27 puts a spotlight on the side characters of Nachzehrer, Herr Doktor Innis, the Red Chef, and Great Cthulhu.
 * Ad Bumper: Conan: The Adventurer has the best ad bumpers in cartoon history.
 * Adults Are Useless: In Cloak & Dagger, the adults either just don't understand, or are actively evil and plotting against the children.
 * Affably Evil: Shewan Khan may plan to Mind Rape the world into submission and rule the planet, but he politely compliments Lamont Cranston's outfit. Plus, he's an admirer of Cranston's mentor and offers him a chance to join him in world domination via brainwashing.
 * An Aesop: One of the Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light' powers is... to summon an owl that will tell them the aesop of the episode.
 * And I Must Scream: Matt Frewer's state in the Generation X movie, after the dream machine is unplugged.
 * Angrish: The Bard is stunned into a nonverbal state after reading Crooked Little Vein.
 * Also devolves into Angrish in rage over Orphans of Chaos.
 * And in Troy... where he reviews the movie in a Red Lantern Rage.
 * "TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!!"
 * The Film Renegado devolves into Angrish during Monsters, where the characters randomly find an undiscovered Mayincatec pyramid at the US border.
 * A large part of the Princess of Mars review is composed of Angrish.
 * Anticlimax Boss: The Space Terrorist Guy from The Asylum's Princess of Mars. Has a slow and boring sword fight with John Carter. Then jumps with his super-strength and gets eaten by a giant bug. Problem solved!
 * Stuart from Wolf. Rather than finishing an epic werewolf battle with Jack Nicholson, Michelle Pfeiffer shoots him.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "I let you have porn! Why is The Omega here? WHAT'S THIS LOBSTER DOING HERE?"
 * Artistic License: Biology:
 * The writer of G-8.
 * Apparently being bitten by nuclear snakes means the venom from the snakes bonds to one's T-cells and alters their genetics so they turn into snakes with whole brains and scales and everything. Oh, Curse II.
 * Artistic License History: The guy from Witchboard claims that ouija boards have been used since 540 BC. They weren't invented until the late 1800s, as the Bard is quick to point out.
 * Audio Erotica: The Toxic Avenger's voice, post-transformation.

""I'm about to say some things that don't make a great deal of sense. Please believe me, however, when I say that they all happened in this episode.""
 * Funny version: Lloyd Kaufman himself complimented the Bard on his voice.
 * Author Appeal: Blue Oyster Cult, Tabletop Games
 * Author Filibuster: Monsters. The plot is blah blah blah US foreign policy blah blah immigration blah blah blah. Oh, and somewhere in the background, there are Cthulhu elephants wrecking Mexico, but that's not important.
 * Awesome McCoolname: DEATH HAWKINS, one of the Spider's undercover aliases.
 * The "B" Grade: The central plot of The Bumble Beast, and source of Billy's neuroses.
 * Bacon Addiction: Joshua, of all people, in Lamb.
 * Badass Bookworm
 * Badass Creed: The opening narration. Also recites the Gunslinger's Creed in episode 5.
 * Recites the Night Watch oath in episode 12
 * And a couple of different Lantern oaths—the classic Green Lantern oath in episode 19, the Red Lantern oath in episode 20
 * Badass in a Nice Suit: The Shadow, the Spider. And Shewan Khan, who shows up later wearing the exact same suit.
 * Badass Spaniard: Apparently, according to Monsters, everyone in Mexico is completely cool with giant fungi-squids running around and handle it completely calmly.
 * The Film Renegado goes off for lunch with Godzilla.
 * Bad Santa: Sinterklaas in Sint... who is not a kindly bishop with punisher-elves following him around, but a violent zombie pirate who beheads people with his crozier. And has zombie pirate punisher-elves following him around.
 * Battle Couple: The Spider and his wife (later nicknamed the Black Widow).
 * Beard of Evil: This is what happens to the werewolf characters in Wolf—they grow really furry mutton-chops and beards, rather than turning into real wolves.
 * Because Destiny Says So: The recurring theme of SF Shinseiki Lensman, much to the Bard's annoyance.
 * Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: Nikola Tesla and Carl Sagan are among the science-heroes appearing in Atomic Robo to battle evil.
 * Berserk Button: Damaged library books; stupid weaknesses; people trying to steal from, infiltrate, or otherwise harm the Library; Adaptation Decay; ridiculous gadgets in spy movies; deus ex machina abuse; lazy writing; random katanas
 * "HEY DEREK GUESS WHAT" Just...try saying it to him. Go ahead. I'll be over here, laughing.
 * Don't trash information science! It's just as SCIENCEY as any other science!
 * Big Bad: The Collector
 * Big Creepy-Crawlies:
 * The giant bee monster in The Bumble Beast.
 * Mars is largely populated by them, and the inhabitants use them for everything from gladitorial games to transport to yogurt dispensers.
 * Big Damn Heroes: Carl Sagan (of all people!) in Atomic Robo and the Shadow From Beyond Time.
 * Bilingual Bonus: In the Toxic Avenger review, Film Renegado appears and rants in Spanish. It's subtitled "I love the Monster Hero!" What he's really saying is... not so much.
 * Non Sequitur Episode: Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light' "Dawn of the Sun Imps".
 * As well as Conan the Adventurer's "Dregs-Amon the Great".

""Until the next time you get lost down here, this is Derek the Bard. Be seeing you.""
 * Inhumanoids' "Primal Passions".
 * "G-8 and his Battle Aces: 110 Big-Lipped Alligator Novels!"
 * The episodes covered in the GI Joe review are all Non Sequitur Episodes. But the worst of the lot is Once Upon a Joe.
 * Bloody Hilarious: Several incidents in The Toxic Avenger... except for the deep fryer scene.
 * Boring Invincible Hero: G-8... who kicks all kind of ass throughout The Skies of Yellow Death and doesn't seem to even take much notice of the fact that he has life-threatening pneumonia.
 * Boring Return Journey: Basically the plot of Monsters.
 * Borrowed Catchphrase: BECAUSE POOR LITERACY IS KEWL!!
 * BY CROM!!
 * DERPTY-DOO!
 * Brain Food: The Brain Bug thinks for its species. It also eats brains.
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: The side-characters all do it in episode 27.
 * In Fable: Teeth of Beasts, Lilith Noir's adventures lead her to... the narrator?!
 * Breather Episode: License to Kill, from the trying and plot heavy episodes that came before.
 * The Generation X review
 * A special short episode in which he reads a children's book about books.
 * Broomstick Quarterstaff: The Spider uses one to beat up giant wolves in New York City.
 * Bug War: The trope namer itself—Starship Troopers.
 * By-The-Book Cop: The random 80s cop wandering around through Witchboard. The Bard calls him a reject from Last Action Hero.
 * By the book, but his detective work could use some, well, work.
 * Cacophony Cover-Up: The Omega comes running down the hall, screaming about trolls,
 * Call Back: The Bard theorizes that Nikola Tesla hates Thomas Edison because Edison invented the Death Machine (as seen in a prior episode of the show).
 * The Call Knows Where You Live: After the Lensman anime review, the Bard teleports to Bermuda... only to be found two episodes later and given another terrible book to review.
 * The Cameo: Several—from Diamanda Hagan to Obscurus Lupa to the main researcher for Nash's show to JesuOtaku.
 * The Vampires in their Own Words review was loaded with cameos from con-goers, including Mike Dodd and Doctor Holocaust.
 * The Toxic Avenger features a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Studios!
 * Demoversi has a cameo in the Witchboard review.
 * JESUS! during the Lamb review.
 * Atomic Robo stops in to recommend reading... FOR SCIENCE!
 * Camp Gay: Lord Akeldama in Soulless.
 * Canada, Eh?
 * Cartoonish Supervillainy: Matt Frewer's mad scientist in Generation X is beyond cartoonish—the Bard ranks him lower than Dr Drakken and Dr Doofenshmirtz.
 * Helmuth in the Lensman anime is referred to as a Power Rangers villain. Which isn't much better.
 * The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes' villain is at about this level.
 * Catch Phrase/EveryEpisodeEnding:

""...and *mumble* extradimensional vampire semen... *cough*" in Necroscope"
 * Innis: "Until the next time I have to fill in for the librarian, my name is Herr Doktor Innis du par Nachtetaffen, and one day, you will march to the beat of MY drums!"
 * The Red Chef: "I'm the Red Chef, and if you can kill it, I can cook it!"
 * In Toxic Crusaders: Referring to Toxie and pals as "...a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength!"
 * "So that was ________. How'd it stack up?"
 * Caustic Critic
 * Chaotic Stupid: The villain of the Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
 * Chick Tracts: He comments that some of the dialogue from Witchboard sounds like it came out of a Chick tract.
 * Christmas Special: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
 * Christmas in July: His review of Sint was done in late May... but he misses the holiday season.
 * Coat, Hat, Mask: The Shadow's incredibly simple but cool costume.
 * Cool and Unusual Punishment: For allowing Diamanda Hagan to infiltrate the dream archives, the Bard is forced to read The Scent of Shadows.
 * Corrupt Corporate Executive: More like Corrupt Corporate Scientist—Matt Frewer in Generation X
 * Cough-Snark-Cough:

""THE IN-BETWEEN PLACE! THE PLACE THAT IS IN-BETWEEN!""
 * Crapsack World: Tromaville, from The Toxic Avenger.
 * Also the New York City of The Spider and the Slaves of Hell.
 * Critical Research Failure: Everything about ancient Greece during GI Joe and the Golden Fleece. Yeah, sure the ancient Greeks didn't know about bandages or healing wounds. It's not like Hippocrates was Greek or anything!
 * Crossover: With Diamanda Hagan, the The Film Renegado, Andrew Dickman, and Mikey Insanity.
 * Cut Short: The Clerks cartoon—only aired two episodes on ABC, with only six in total.
 * Darker and Edgier: The Spider and the Slaves of Hell. Dear god, the Spider.
 * As well as the Extreme Ghostbusters, a Darker and Edgier upgrade over the somewhat more lighthearted Real Ghostbusters.
 * Demonic Possession: Part of Witchboard. The evil ghost from the ouija board wants to possess someone.
 * Department of Redundancy Department:

""Et tu, Omegas? *flop*""
 * Warlock has the most utterly redundant foreign title ever. In the Philippines, it's called "Warlock: The Magic Wizard." Do you get it yet? He's a magic bad guy!
 * Did Not Do the Research: Not the Bard; he always shows his work. The people that made SF Shinseiki Lensman, on the other hand... either this or they just didn't care.
 * Also in Starship Troopers. The director stated he quit the book after the first couple of chapters. However, it still had more agreeable results than SF Shinseiki Lensman.
 * Whoever made Monsters fails geography on more than one occasion. For instance, Mexico is part of North America, not Central America. Also, Mayincatec ruins wouldn't be found near the Mexico-Texas border. Nor would a jungle, for that matter...
 * Distress Ball: Tossed between Clarissa and Buskirk in the SF Shinseiki Lensman anime.
 * Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?
 * Episode 27: Did We Just Review a Movie with Cthulhu?
 * Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?:
 * Dissimile: In describing the concept of the Clerks cartoon, he starts off talking about a movie, then feeding the movie meth, because the movie is a person now for some reason, and...
 * The Ditz: Yvonne from Toxic Crusaders. FULL STOP.
 * Doomed Hometown: Buenos Aires in the Starship Troopers movie.
 * Doomsday Device: The steampunk robot dragon and dinosaurs from The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
 * Dressing as the Enemy: Operator 5.
 * Combined with a Bavarian Fire Drill worthy of Hogan's Heroes.
 * Drill Sergeant Nasty: Clancy Brown in Starship Troopers.
 * Drop-In Character: Innis, Nachzehrer, Cthulhu
 * Dumb Blonde: Yvonne, from The Toxic Crusaders. The dumbest of blondes.
 * Edutainment: The Bard helpfully describes how antivenom works during Curse II, as well as some facts about real snakes.
 * In fact, a good deal of the Bard's show could be described as "edutainment," as he does seem to enjoy dispensing interesting facts about a wide variety of subjects.
 * Et Tu, Brute?: The Omega serves as a distraction for Diamanda Hagan to kidnap the Bard and harvest his DNA for a new race of minion.

""Ha ha! Millions of people just died and we nearly had our souls eaten by Space Satan!""
 * "Everybody Laughs" Ending: SF Shinseiki Lensman.

""Excuse me, but I need this vehicle to fight evil!""
 * Everything's More Nonsensical with Dinosaurs: The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
 * Everything's Better with Monkeys: The Clerks cartoon is like the movie. With drugs... and monkeys!
 * Everything's Worse with Bees: The giant Grumble Bee in the Bumble Beast.
 * "BEES. MY GOD."
 * Evil Gloating: Tim Curry in The Shadow, although it's more like "evil sidekick gloating."
 * Evil Hand: The Bard notes that this was once something of a genre of horror back in the day during his Curse II review.
 * Evil Twin/Evil Genius: "Thorpe" Holmes in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
 * Exposition Fairy/Mr. Exposition: "Mohinder" in Wolf, who explains all the rules of the movie and a bit of plot.
 * Eye Scream: A few different times in Warlock—starting when the titular villain.
 * Fake Nationality: Several different ones, when reading aloud from the books
 * Fake Russian: Nachzehrer
 * Fallen Hero: "Thorpe" Holmes.
 * Fantastically Indifferent: The title character in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Dinosaur attack? Sure, whatever. Dead brother mysteriously come back to life as a mad scientist villain? Huh, fancy that. Robot woman who turns into a bomb intend on blowing up the palace? Huh.
 * Field Promotion: Johnny Rico in Starship troopers—from a private to a lieutenant in one battle!
 * Frickin' Laser Beams: One of the characters on Inhumanoids has power armor with claw weapons... that shoot lasers sometimes.
 * Flat Earth Atheist: Originally, everyone but Kylie and Egon in Extreme Ghostbusters. Which is especially weird, because it shares a continuity with the movies AND the Real Ghostbusters cartoon...
 * For Science!!!: Everything in Atomic Robo, because science is awesome.
 * Frame-Up: Stuart framed Jack Nicholson's character for murder in Wolf.
 * Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: Nachzehrer is lonely and wants to be friends with everyone.
 * Fun with Subtitles: The subtitles and dubbing of Sint are hilariously inconsistent with each other, sometimes even from line to line between both editions, which is why the Bard had both English dubbing and subtitles on for this movie.
 * Fur Against Fang: A fairly common feature of some of the novels he reviews. He also comments that this is becoming something of a genre on its own.
 * Gag Dub: Since Tim Curry's dialogue in The Shadow is so clunky, the Bard replaces it with dialogue/songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
 * Gang of Hats: Several of them appear in The Toxic Avenger.
 * Generic Guy: G-8, who has little personality and little backstory and a very small supporting cast, is a somewhat less emotionally-investing character than the other pulp heroes of the time.
 * Apparently the rest of G-8's world is populated by such generic men that anyone on the planet can be mistaken for him easily!
 * Glass Cannon: Sinterklaas' zombie minions in Sint can silently sneak up and cut veteran SWAT officers in half, but you can apparently bring them down by tapping them with a stick. They're very breakable.
 * Good Is Dumb: The Toxic Crusaders—all played for laughs.
 * Good Parents: Dave's dad in Cloak & Dagger—the most sympathetic character in the entire movie.
 * Good Powers, Bad People: The Darkling Lords in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light: Knights of the Magical Light have much cooler powers and totem animals than the good guys.
 * Government Conspiracy: The Norwegian government is trying to cover up the existence of two-hundred-foot-tall trolls.
 * Green Aesop: The Toxic Crusaders cartoon, though it presented them in a funny and endearing way, rather than an over-the-top preachy and obnoxious way.
 * Green Lantern Ring: The Bard himself wears and uses one. In the heavily-Adaptation-Decayed Lensman anime, the Lens seems to be the same as a Lantern ring.
 * Gushing About Shows You Like: In episode 12, the Bard lists his all-time favorite books.
 * Despite a few complaints, he also seemed to enjoy License to Kill.
 * The whole point of Pulp Month.
 * Especially during the review of Galactic Patrol.
 * A big fan of the Generation X comics. The movie, however...
 * The Bard quite liked Soulless.
 * The concept behind What We Watched—a series examining cartoons he liked as a kid.
 * Half of the time, Better off Read turns up movies that make the Bard smile, such as Confessions Of a Dangerous Mind or The Toxic Avenger.
 * Half-Human Hybrid: Jezmin from Conan—she's half snake-person.
 * Heel Face Turn: Headbanger from Toxic Crusaders. Turned to good because bad guys don't get chicks.
 * Psyko from the same show *would* do it, but seems to be too lazy.
 * Hero of Another Story: Possibly the gas station attendant from Curse II, who the Bard thinks wandered in from a zombie movie.
 * Heroic BSOD: At the beginning of Crooked Little Vein. Twice.
 * His subconscious suffers one in episode 20.
 * "Did I just break my subconscious!?"
 * Minor one in episode 22, after the, combined with I Need a Freaking Drink.
 * During the climax of SF Shinseiki Lensman, again combined with I Need a Freaking Drink.
 * Breaks from the relentless grimdark-ness of The Spider and the Slaves of Hell, but heals right up with a quick break for Kung Fu Panda.
 * Experienced by Billy over a B grade in The Bumble Beast.
 * Hero Stole My Bike: Toxie commandeers a bulldozer from a Radiation Ranger.

""They raise vampires using the power of SCIENCE!!" (Picture of Doctor Insano)"
 * Heterosexual Life Partners: Josh and Biff in Lamb.
 * Hey, It's That Voice!: Almost. No one is credited for the role, but you could almost swear that Billy West is voicing the main college kid in Trollhunter's English dub—it sounds uncannily like him.
 * Billy West himself DOES show up to voice Slimer in Extreme Ghostbusters, however.
 * Hippie Jesus: Jesus (referred to as Joshua) is a very kind-hearted, sensitive, peace-loving guy in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff.
 * Hollywood Science: Generation X runs on science so soft it could be used as a pillow.
 * H.P. Lovecraft: An important player in Atomic Robo and the Shadow from Beyond Time. He is portrayed as being insane.
 * Hulk Speak: Red Lantern Bard, during Troy.
 * Hyperspace: One of the Lensman anime's many glaring errors. It's an inertialess drive, not a hyperspace warp!
 * Hypocritical Humor: The Bard complaining about nerds at Con Bravo.
 * Idiot Ball: Tossed between the two main characters of Monsters constantly. Leading to...
 * I Know Karate: Sandra from Inhumanoids does!
 * I Love Nuclear Power: The only reason given for the mutant snakes biting people and turning them into mutant snakes is... because some people in Arizona were setting nuclear weapons off underground. Yeah.
 * Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy/A-Team Firing: In The Shadow, upon hearing someone coming across a bridge, the bad guys fire wildly into the air, at everything, including lamps and the street. They aren't even trying to shoot the Shadow. They just hear someone coming and start shooting lamps.
 * Improbable Aiming Skills: Inverted—the Archer spell in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light NEVER hits anything worthwhile.
 * One of The Shadow's talents given to him during his training in Tibet, apparently.
 * Witch-hunters are apparently all javelin champs, apparently able to chuck huge un-aerodynamic weathervanes over buildings and into warlocks' spines.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun: After a guard gets thrown into an electric eel tank in License to Kill: "OW!! That was shocking!"
 * His name for the pig in Doc Savage: Habeas Porkus.
 * SO MANY bee and B-related puns in The Bumble Beast. In fact, the majority of the dialogue in that book may have been incredibly lame puns.
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: The Bard loves his vodka. And he drinks it out of a crystal skull.
 * He prays for a drink trolley out in the hallway once Trollhunter is over with and he's escaped from Diamanda Hagan's clutches.
 * In Name Only: The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes... and not even then, because his name isn't "Sherlock," it's "Robert"!
 * Inherently Funny Words: "Weeza-squeeza" in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light; "Lord Akeldama" in Soulless.
 * Insistent Terminology: Toxic Crusaders' Killemo -- "THAT'S DOCTOR KILLEMOFF TO YOU!"
 * Instant Expert: The anime version of Kim Kinnison suddenly and randomly goes from "regular guy" to "ninja" in the space of about two scenes.
 * Interspecies Romance: Inhumanoids' Primal Passion episode features this three times: Metlar/Statue of Liberty (no, really), D'Compose/a transformed Sandra, and Tendryll attempting to get his mack on with a Tendryll robot piloted by a human woman.
 * Jedi Mind Trick/Charm Person: The Shadow's mind-manipulation powers.
 * Jesus Was Way Cool: Josh during Lamb. The book goes through a lot to humanize Him.
 * Jewish Mother: Toxie's Mom in Toxic Crusaders.
 * Kaiju: One of the Darkling Lords' spells in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light: Summon Godzilla!
 * Katanas Are Just Better: One of the Bard's pet peeves. Dante Valentine in Working for the Devil and Johnny in Edison Death Machine randomly had them for no reason.
 * Kill It with Fire: The only thing zombie Santa fears is fire, so Gurt attacks him with a flamethrower.
 * Kindhearted Cat Lover: Derek's cat (Kitteh, short for Kit-Kat) occasionally cameos on his show for one reason or another.
 * Knife Nut: The Bard has a gigantic dagger as a letter-opener and shows it off in the Let's Read.
 * Kung Fu Jesus: Subverted in Lamb. Balthasar attempts to teach Jesus kung-fu, but Jesus refuses to hit anybody and instead creates Jew-do, a martial art based entirely on dodging and apologizing profusely.
 * La Résistance: Operator 5's agency fights against invading Nazis. IN AMERICA.
 * Large Ham: God bless Matt Frewer's insatiable appetite for the scenery!
 * Laughing Mad: The Bard's Sanity Juice is great! *insane giggle*
 * Let's Read: His title card artist sent him a mystery book in a package and asked him to review it, in one single continuous take, on camera.
 * Library of Babel
 * Living Statue: Metlar's true love, The Statue of Liberty. Yeah.
 * Living Weapon: Living and often possessing more common sense than its wielder—Toxie's mop, in The Toxic Crusaders.
 * Load-Bearing Boss: Helmuth, in the Lensman anime.
 * Loan Shark: Mobster Phelous in the Edison Death Machine movie.
 * Long Title: The Clerks cartoon's titles are not so much titles as plot synopses.
 * Lovecraft Lite: Atomic Robot and the Shadow From Beyond Time could qualify, as Cthulhu is eventually defeated WITH SCIENCE!
 * Macguffin: The focus of Once Upon a Joe. It's literally called the MacGuffin Device!
 * Magic Knight: He's a wizard... but he also knows how to swordfight!
 * Magic Librarian
 * Mad Scientist: Matt Frewer's character in Generation X. Who apparently attended the same school as Dr Insano.
 * Also, the villains in Soulless.

""He's a snake, wearing a giant snake's head! ...yeah.""
 * "Thorpe" Holmes in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Possibly a predecessor of the Insano School of Science.
 * The Earth's Core Needs Women: Inhumanoids. In Primal Passions, they each get hit with a love potion and fall in love with a surface woman (and, in one case, a robot).
 * Master of Disguise: G-8 and his two Battle Aces.
 * Also the Spider.
 * Medal of Dishonor: His praise for the giant war-fireballs being the best actors in Troy.
 * Message in a Bottle: Randal sends one out to Dante in the Clerks cartoon.
 * The Messiah: Jesus Himself in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
 * Most Definitely Not a Villain: The Central Empire in Operator #5 has a flag with a decapitated head and two crossed bloody swords. And people are surprised they're an evil empire!
 * Multiple Head Case: Headbanger in Toxic Crusaders.
 * And the first troll in Trollhunter.
 * Mundane Made Awesome: A poltergeist tosses a knife on the ground... THEN TIPS A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP ONTO IT! What do you mean it's not scary?
 * Must Have Caffeine: Josh in Lamb. He loves His coffee!
 * The Bard loves tea and cocoa as well.
 * New Powers as the Plot Demands: Telekinetic bullet-smashing powers in The Shadow. (Both of the characters seem surprised to have this ability, too.)
 * Nice Hat: The Bard has a really sweet top-hat.
 * The Bard comments on Rath-Amon's headdress in Conan: The Adventurer.

""TRANSYLVANIA!!" dramatic music sting "...yeah, that's not gonna get old quick.""
 * The Film Renegado has a cool hat during the Monsters review as well.
 * Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Nachzehrer
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: The Bard is a wizard Green Lantern librarian who is also apparently in touch with his inner eldritch abomination.
 * In the Lensman anime, Kim rides a "space-motorcycle-jetski-plane-thing."
 * Also from the Lensman anime: Worsel the lasergun-toting telepathic space pterodactyl Lensman!
 * Edison Death Machine: Zombie Elvis—er, Buddy Gilbert, Zombie Samurai, Zombie Confederate Soldiers, and a real Zombie Pirate!
 * Sint's main villain: Zombie pirate Santa Claus (well, the Dutch St Nicholas if you want to get technical) and his zombie pirate blackface minions! What the hell.
 * No Celebrities Were Harmed: Everyone raised by the Edison Death Machine.
 * Also, from the same movie: Mobster Phelous?
 * No Fourth Wall: No one bothered constructing one for the Toxic Crusaders cartoon.
 * Oh Crap: The general reaction to Monsters, both from the Bard and the Film Renegado. Not because it's scary, mind you, but because it's terrible.
 * Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Generation X: Banshee's accent is apparently Iringlisherican.
 * Only Sane Man: The Bard... and Operator 5, in his own universe.
 * Ouija Board: The central focus in Witchboard is an evil demon-possessed Ouija board.
 * Our Souls Are Different: The world of Soulless.
 * Pals with Jesus: Biff, Jesus' best childhood friend, in Lamb.
 * Paper-Thin Disguise: The Cobra troops attacking West Point in The Viper Comes. You'd think the Joes would notice the distinctive helmets.
 * People Puppets: One of the Sun Imps on Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light is transformed into one... using his hair. WTF.
 * Perky Goth: Kylie from Extreme Ghostbusters.
 * Pineal Weirdness: A minor plot point in Generation X and why Dr Tresh is suddenly superpowered at the end.
 * Pit Trap: The Spider is dropped into a pit full of wolves during his battle with the Slaves of Hell.
 * Plaguemaster: Akira. No, not that one!
 * Plucky Comic Relief: Klinger from M*A*S*H* serves this role in Curse II. The Bard's Epileptic Tree is that this is really what Klinger did after leaving Korea—became a traveling snake-oil salesman.
 * Poltergeist: "David," the evil spirit in Witchboard.
 * Prop Recycling: In Princess of Mars, Tracy Lords wears an honest-to-god Slave Leia outfit for the entirety of the movie, and the Bard is almost certain that her ship was Jabba's barge.
 * Psychic-Assisted Suicide: A security guard in The Shadow is compelled to do it by the villain, Shewan Khan.
 * Race Lift: Filipino Juan "Johnny" Rico, as well as the entire population of Buenos Aires, is looking pretty damn white in the Starship Troopers movie.
 * Reality Ensues: The children in Cloak & Dagger actually act like scared, tired children in a troubling situation would, and David is actually traumatized by the events of the movie.
 * Reasonable Authority Figure: The dad in Cloak & Dagger.
 * Refuge in Audacity: Half of what goes on in the Clerks cartoon, including the name of the little league baseball team.
 * Reptiles Are Abhorrent: So many evil mutant snakes in Curse II.
 * Rube Goldberg Hates Your Guts: The way that the ghost kills people in Witchboard seems kind of... overcomplicated.
 * Rummage Sale Reject: The Extreme Ghostbusters' costumes. Especially Kylie, who appears to be dressed like a crossing guard with a trashcan lid on her back.
 * Running Gag:

""Buskirk takes it well."
 * In SF Shinseiki Lensman:
 * scene of Buskirk flipping out*"

""Kassandra takes it well."
 * This one makes a return in Warlock.
 * Kassandra screams in frustration*"

"I'm not sure this joke is funny anymore."
 * "Godlike aliens... Man, do I HATE godlike aliens!"
 * Witchboard: Scream-o-vision! SCREAM.
 * Also from Witchboard: SCAAAAAAAARY CLOSE-UP!
 * In Wolf: Making up random superpowers for Jack Nicholson's character. "SHADOW-FIGHTING OF THE MONGOOSE!" "CANNIBALISM OF THE MAN!" "SKEEVINESS OF THE PERVERT!" "VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS!"

"I am the man who arranges the dead Who betray their secrets to the KGB; I strip down and I fuck them around Then I drink their cerebellum for tea!"
 * Sarcasm Mode: Bard's pretend-crying at Gary Kinnison's death in SF Shinseiki Lensman.
 * Saving the Orphanage: Part of the Joes' mission in Once Upon a Joe is fixing up an orphanage after it's been burned to the ground by Cobra. Because Cobra is just that evil.
 * Scaled Up: The creatures bitten by the snakes in Curse II, whose hand turns into a snake... along with the rest of him later.
 * Science Hero: Atomic Robo! A hero FOR SCIENCE!
 * Sealed Evil in a Can: The disease-goddess Akira. No, not that one!
 * Self Deprecating Humor: "I should fire my scriptwriter! ...I am my own scriptwriter."
 * Shaggy Dog Story: GI Joe: The Viper Comes. Entirely pointless and riddled with completely unanswered questions.
 * Shown Their Work:
 * Especially in regards to vampire mythology, as detailed in the Anita Blake video.
 * Explains the history of The Iliad in episode 20, as well as recommending other, more obscure classical Greek stories to Lupa) and reciting a passage from it.
 * Runs down the history of James Bond in episode 21.
 * And during Pulp Month, with regards to the medium itself and the history of the period.
 * Gives a rundown of the history of Troma Studios in the Toxic Avenger review.
 * Calls bullshit on the history of the ouija board as presented in Witchboard and gives a short lesson on its real history.
 * Valiantly tries to explain the physics of extradimensional science, Lovecraftian eldritch abominations, and time travel in Atomic Robo.
 * He seems to know an awful lot about exorcisms, witch history, and witch-hunting; he even has the Malleus Maleficarum, the Goetia, and other such books on his shelves. You know. Just in case.
 * Explains the history and myths relating to Sinterklaas and other Dutch Christmas traditions in order to explain what's going on in the movie Sint.
 * Shout-Out: To Sandman, in episodes 16 and 17.
 * Many to The Prisoner (including the Strange Salute used as his signoff).
 * M Bison's "OF COURSE!!"
 * As mentioned above: "BECAUSE POOR LITERACY IS KEWL!!"
 * The sword-duel in episode 19 featured a shoutout to The Princess Bride.
 * Innis apparently has a history similar to Dr Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb.
 * To Pig With the Face of a Boy's "Complete History of the Soviet Union" song in episode 22:

""Looks like I have nothing to do today! :D" "WHY DO I HAVE THIS INSTALLED? Nothing good ever comes of it!""
 * Several to Discworld—including directing the viewer to Stibbons at the High-Energy Magic Building to learn more about Lensman science
 * Stealth shout-out to Warhammer 40,000: makes an appearance at the end of the SF Shinseiki Lensman review.
 * In a fit of anger, the Bard uses Merlin's "BLOW ME TO BERMUDA!" spell.
 * Gives a shout-out to Demoversi's series Irreverent Edutainment and Let's Survey! in The Toxic Avenger.
 * Another Warhammer40k shoutout during The Shadow review: "LOOK OUT, IT'S ONE OF THE LOST PRIMARCHS! SOMEONE CALL THE SPACE MARINES!"
 * "Scientific Progress goes SPLURGH!!"
 * Show, Don't Tell: A big problem in the movie Monsters.
 * Side Effects Include: The Bard's Sanity Juice (the crystal skull vodka) has side effects which include crippling muscle spasms, hair loss, flatulence, upset stomach, diarrhea, and impotence. Aside from that, it works great and he's 100% crazy-free! *insane giggle*
 * Sitcom Arch Nemesis: The Bard mentions Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla as having this kind of relationship in Atomic Robo.
 * Robo and Stephen Hawking also have this kind of relationship.
 * Sophisticated As Hell
 * Spam Attack/Beam Spam: The Ghostbusters in "Ain't NASA-carily So" fail to use their proton packs to capture the shogg—er, ghost. So they just spam MORE proton beams at it and that works better. Somehow.
 * Special Effects Failure: The animatronics and the wolf makeup in Wolf.
 * "Someone actually managed to make a worse werewolf costume than Big Wolf on Campus!"
 * Spikes of Villainy: Everything Rita Repulsa is described as wearing in The Bumble Beast is "pointy" in some way, from her hat to the sleeves of her dress.
 * Spider Sense: Toxie has one, both in the Toxic Avenger film and the Toxic Crusaders cartoon. In the latter, this is explained by something called "Tromatons."
 * Spooky Seance: Or maybe not so spooky, considering the hippie valley-girl medium with the giant crazy 80s hair in Witchboard.
 * Spot of Tea: During the Soulless review. He's been terribly wrought over this whole affair!
 * Squee: At the beginning of Galactic Patrol.
 * And a little while describing Generation X comics.
 * Squick: Jack Nicholson pissing on another guy's shoes in Wolf. And if that doesn't do it for you, he also finds severed fingers in his pocket afterward.
 * Standardized Leader: G-8, who has virtually no real distinguishing features, but does lead a couple of guys in airplanes.
 * Steampunk: Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter and Soulless feature this. The Bard dresses up in an appropriately steampunky outfit for the latter occasion.
 * The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes included elements of steampunk as well, but didn't pull it off half as well as the books previously listed.
 * Step Three: Profit: The core of Edison Death Machine: 1) Raise celebrities as zombies. 2) ???? 3) PROFIT!!
 * Asylum Sherlock Holmes: 1) Build steampunk robot attack dinosaurs 2) Steal random shit to build more 3) ???? 4) TAKE OVER ENGLAND!
 * The Stinger: With a twist—as he usually reviews books, the stingers are usually thematically-relevant clips from cartoons or movies.
 * Strange Salute: His signoff uses the salute of The Prisoner's Village occupants.
 * Stupid Evil: Tendryll, from Inhumanoids.
 * Subliminal Advertising: Matt Frewer's fiendish intentions for the dream machine during Generation X.
 * Super Senses: The spirit of the wolf grants all kinds of enhanced senses in Wolf, including telescopic vision, vastly-enhanced sense of smell, and super-hearing. The Bard lumps them all under Bravestarr's various animal superpowers.
 * Taken for Granite: Conan's family in Conan: The Adventurer.
 * Light also turns trolls into stone in Trollhunter.
 * Talking to Himself
 * Talk to the Fist: Operator 5 answers a man seeking his credentials this way. And then pulls Talk to the Gun a minute later.
 * Tampering with Food and Drink: What's that in Demoversi's drink? CORDYCEPS!
 * Techno Babble: There's a lot in Galactic Patrol, and the Bard gamely tries to explain it to everyone.
 * There's a scene in Trollhunter where a troll doctor tries to explain why trolls turn into stone when hit with sunlight. It's an incoherent explanation involving vitamin D in their veins.
 * Technopathy: Apparently the power of some of the more minor characters in Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light: Knights of the Magical Light. They don't have magic spells like the main cast, but they can power ancient Lost Technology.
 * Tempting Fate:
 * message orb blinks*


 * Timey-Wimey Ball: Stuff that happened during GI Joe and the Golden Fleece.
 * Those Two Guys: Jay and Silent Bob in the Clerks cartoon, though they're also almost antagonists sometimes.
 * Those Wacky Nazis: The Central/Purple Empire in Operator 5.
 * Throwaway Country: Poor Maine. Destroyed by green Nazi gas. And Delaware's next in line.
 * Translator Microbes: Well, a translator millipede—John Carter eats one to understand Martian language in Princess of Mars.
 * Trauma Conga Line: The poor Spider.
 * Toilet Humour: In Trollhunter, of all things. You first see a troll scratching its ass, and later, there's a ten-second clip of a troll farting in a cave. Trollhunter is all class.
 * Tomato in the Mirror: "...Oh my god, I'm a pervert! D:"
 * Seems to run with it in the Toxic Avenger, cheering the fact that porn finally appeared in his show!
 * Also gleeful at the scene where Margo Lane strips during The Shadow.
 * Total Eclipse of the Plot: During the Monsters review, Mexico has an eclipse. Canada gets a special Heroes eclipse.
 * Touch of Death: Or undeath. D'Compose's touch turns people into zombies.
 * Tsundere: Jezmin for Conan in Conan: The Adventurer.
 * Two for One Show: The Message Orb works as both of the following Regular Caller & Epic Hail and has been used thrice so far to do something evil to him
 * Obscurus Lupa: Troy
 * Judgment, The Mad Judge: Reviewanomicon
 * JesuOtaku: Lensmen Anime
 * Unfortunate Implications: Every single thing about the Zwartepietes in Sint, straight from Dutch Christmas traditions. They seem to put a little piece from every iteration of the myths in there, from the offensive blackface to their beating bad kids to kidnapping kids and selling them as slaves in Spain under Sinterklaas' orders. Dutch Christmas is weird.
 * Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Biff, from Lamb.
 * Unusual Euphemism: Cthulhu's "Jesus fucking Space Christ!" and Innis' "Sweet slippery Sinestro!"
 * From Witchboard: "If only he had remembered to keep his ouija in his pants!"
 * Unusually Uninteresting Story: "Robert" Holmes seems to take the sailor's story about a robot kraken attack on a treasury ship remarkably easily and does not question it even once.
 * Everything in Toxic Crusaders is an Unusually Uninteresting Sight. No one really seems to notice or care that Dr Killemoff is eight feet tall, has four arms, a gas mask, and a giant machine strapped to his back... and no one really remarks on the other Hideously Deformed Creatures of Superhuman Size And Strength, either!
 * Even Toxie himself does this. "Oh, apparently, my mop is alive."
 * While Sinterklaas is chasing Frank during Sint, his horse is shot and crashes through the roof of somebody's condo. The two occupants within stand at a bar drinking nonchalantly, look at the crashed zombie pirate Sinterklaas and dead horse, and merely comment "I thought we weren't celebrating St Nicholas this year?" This is utterly unexplained.
 * Villainous Breakdown: Tim Curry, during the last part of The Shadow.
 * Visual Effects of Awesome: Curse II, surprisingly.
 * Weaksauce Weakness: Apparently vampires are vulnerable to plain old chloroform in the world of Soulless!
 * The warlock in Warlock is killed by saltwater. However, to be fair, this IS one of the classical witch (and evil critter in general) weaknesses.
 * Weirdness Magnet: The Bard himself.
 * What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Everyone in Generation X!
 * What the Hell, Hero?: Towards Harry in Necroscope.
 * And Kim Kinnison in Galactic Patrol.
 * And Skin from Generation X.
 * Whole Costume Reference: Deja Thoris inexplicably wears a Slave Leia outfit. Literally. It's the exact same costume.
 * Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: The fears of the Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light, when struck by the bad guy's fear-powers.
 * Wide-Eyed Idealist: Toxie and his entire cast in Toxic Crusaders.
 * Wunza Plot: The Bard describes Deja Thoris' and John Carter's romance as thus: "Suddenly he wants to fuck her brains out. Of course, that also might be because she's a porn star, and he's an underwear model..."
 * Yellow Peril: G-8 and his Battle Aces fly the Skies of Yellow Death, and by that we mean they fight evil racist stereotypes of Chinese people.
 * You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: In the Lensman anime, Helmuth kills an underling just about every time he shows up.