Vampires Suck



"Some sagas just won't die."

- The Tagline

The newest film by Seltzer and Friedberg, and the first one to concentrate of parodying a single franchise, rather than the usual system of parodying a single genre or just parodying everything they could think of. As usual, the film is pretty trope-heavy, with most of them being lampshaded.

The film is an Affectionate Parody of the Twilight Saga, and was fairly successful at the box office, perhaps indicating that if there's one thing the public loves to mock more than Seltzer and Friedberg, it's Twilight. While most critics panned the film overall, many of them noted that Jenn Proske's dull-eyed Kristen Stewart impression almost saves it. In early 2011, the film also earned the distinct honor of competing with Twilight itself for four Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture.

Not to be confused with Your Vampires Suck. Definitely not to be confused with the other Vampire parody, Suck: Vampires Rock.

"Becca's narration: Oh, wait, you've already seen this bit."
 * Batter Up/Off with His Head: Edward, to James Jack.
 * Beard of Sorrow
 * Better Than a Bare Bulb: Pretty much every single trope to be played straight in the Twilight Saga is lampshaded in this.
 * Blatant Lies: The trailers actually went so far as to make up acclaiming reviews by "reviewers" with punny names such as "Oliver Klozeoff".
 * Book Ends and/or Flash Back: Like the Twilight films, the film starts with a scene from later on. Here, though, it's played for laughs.

"Edward: The only thing that doesn't stop aging is your ass. It gets pretty wrinkly down there..."
 * Camp Gay: The werewolves (except Jacob).
 * Dead Baby Comedy: Literally. Edward at one point is forced to juggle an apple, a bowling ball and a baby before he catches them in Becca's bag, with the baby landing in second place. Makes Just as Much Sense in Context, to be honest.
 * Don't Explain the Joke: The Black Eyed Peas joke was Actually Pretty Funny until the James expy spelled it out and deconstructed it.
 * Deconstructive Parody: Of Twilight.
 * Double Standard Rape (Female on Male): Becca with Edward.
 * Eating the Eye Candy: Jacob's first Shirtless Scene.
 * Emo Teen: Lampshaded constantly.
 * Fan Disservice

"Becca: Why'd you take your shirt off? Jacob: It's in my contract [gives camera unimpressed look]"
 * Fan Service:
 * Lampshaded by Jacob.


 * Played straight with Edward's exposing scene.
 * Was there really any need for the camera to focus on Becca's body when she was wearing bondage gear?
 * Gross Up Close-Up:
 * When Edward uses Derric as a Human Shield, there are some disturbing close-ups of his injuries.
 * Edward's naked, 109-year-old butt. It takes up the entire frame. Twice.
 * Hand or Object Underwear: The infamous sparkly vampires of Twilight are parodied by Edward having a disco ball covering his, um...
 * Karmic Death: At the end of the movie, a Jacob fangirl kills Edward, only to die by a vampirized-just-then Becca.
 * Kryptonite-Proof Suit: SPF 500 sunscreen. It's the freakin' page picture.
 * Next Sunday A.D.
 * No Fourth Wall: See Fan Service above.
 * Parody Failure: The lampshade on Jacob's constant shirtlessness? The Twilight movies already did that, several times.
 * Parody Names: Everyone except Edward and Jacob.
 * Protagonist Centred Morality: Edward's "keep Bella safe at all costs" attitude in Twilight is parodied by giving him a tendency to actively put random people in harm's way every time Becca is threatened. Including Becca herself.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: They obey multiple vampire 'rules', but only the ones that can be played for laughs at the time.
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: Some of them are actually chihuahuas...
 * Rule of Funny: The only reason why anything happens in this movie.
 * Shout-Out:
 * In addition to the entire plot being based off of the Twilight Saga, there are also references to Alice in Wonderland, Jersey Shore, The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wizards of Waverly Place Lady Gaga, and the Black Eyed Peas.
 * The Team Edward vs. Team Jacob fight is a Shout-Out to Twilight's infamous Fan Dumb.
 * This Is for Emphasis, Bitch: "Team Jacob, bitch!"
 * Warm Bloodbags Are Everywhere: Played for laughs.
 * You Fail Physics Forever: Again, played for laughs.
 * Your Vampires Suck: Obviously.