BASEketball



At the turn of the millennium professional sports leagues are in decline due to increasing commercialisation and lack of passion for the games they play. One night at a party, two losers, Joe Coop and Doug Remer (Played by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone) invent a sport combining baseball and basketball, but requiring no real athletic skills. The sport becomes a big hit in their neighborhood, catching the eye of Billionaire Ted Demslow (Played by Ernest Borgnine), who offers to make it a national sport. Five years later, Coop, Remer and their friend Kenny Squeak "Little Bitch" Scolari are now professional players of the team known as the Milwaukee Beers. After Demslow dies, Coop owns the Beers and Baxter Cain, head of the rival team, the Dallas Felons, wants to change Baseketball's tradition and plots with Demslow's widow Yvette (Played by Jenny McCarthy) to destroy their chances of winning the Demslow Cup. Based on an actual game created by director David Zucker.

"Cain: But until we allow teams to move cities and players to change teams, and take advantage of lucrative corporate tie-ins, I'm afraid you and your colleagues are gonna have to continue working for... (Cain reaches down where a chicken is eating some feed) Coop: (looks at Cain's hand) Chicken poo? Cain: Ugh! Feed. Chicken feed."
 * Affectionate Parody: Inspirational sports movies.
 * Analogy Backfire:

"Coop: One day, I'm gonna be a big sports star!"
 * Arc Words:

""Continued expansion diluted the talent pool, forcing [sports team] owners to recruit heavily from prisons, mental institutions, and Texas"."
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:

"Remer Dude, quit thinking about yourself for a change! Coop Dude, I'm not gonna cave in! End of story, dude! Remer: Duuude?? Coop: Dude! Remer: Dude!! Coop: Dude. Remer: Dude! Coop: DUDE! Remer: DUDE!! (Coop is aghast) Dude. Coop: (speechless) I guess you got a point there."
 * Ask a Stupid Question: Denslow's will involves an obviously rhetorical question, to which Coop responds.
 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny: Remer
 * Author Catchphrase: Early appearances of "Derp," which later appeared in South Park
 * Awesome but Impractical: Many of the psyche-outs require lots of planning, and even some props. Each psyche-out can be used only once, or it loses its shock value.
 * Both Sides Have a Point: Played with between Coop's control over the NBL and Remer wanting more from this.

"Coop: He goes home, does some push-ups, fucks the sleeve of his favorite jacket... Jenna: WHAT?!"
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:

""Hey, I heard your (female relative)'s going out with Squeak!""
 * Butt Monkey: Poor Squeak.
 * Chekhov's Gag:

"Look out ahead, there's a truck changing lanes And you've got some yellow crumbs on your upper lip..."
 * Chew Toy: Squeak, again.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Remer
 * Coincidental Broadcast: Coop listening to the radio:

"This is going to be the end of the foundation; it's not endowed like- (Beat) well, like- [...] Enough! Look at yourselves! You're just typical men with humongous... egos. You're like every other pro-athlete, I should have kept those kids away from you, now their little lives are ruined and all you can do is argue over who is the bigger penis- I mean child. (sigh) Long wanger. (gasp) Throbbing cock. (screams)"
 * Comically Missing the Point: Joey's first wishes include big game hunting a bald eagle or a giant panda, before choosing poisoning a reservoir and throwing flesh-eating fish into a public swimming pool.
 * Also, Squeak with his admiring fan. She can't be a dude - she's got the cutest little Adam's apple!
 * Distracted by the Sexy Played for laughs in the locker room. As a running joke based on a popular athlete stereotype, Coop and Remer have been shown to have comically large dicks when changing in the Locker room.  Baxter who was blackmailing Coop and Remer into losing the Demslow cup, didn't seem to notice or care about it until after he reveals his evil plan, where he only glimpses them before leaving.  Jenna on the other hand, while berating them for Remer's clothing being run by a sweatshop, goes on a Freudian Slippery Slope replacing every noun with a euphemism for penis. When she can't take it anymore she leaves.
 * Doing It for the Art: Coop's philosophy while building the NBL; He wants to create an environment where passion for the sport, not franchising, is the main motivating factor for the players.
 * Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Squeak. His real first name is Kenny, but his teammates use his nickname so exclusively that it's assumed to be his given name.
 * It gets even better when everyone is referred to by full name and nickname and we get to "Squeak 'Little Bitch' Scolari."
 * Face Fault: Common result of the psych-outs.
 * Faux Yay: Coop and Remer have a full-on snog session toward the end of the film.
 * Feud Episode: Coop and Remer,.
 * Fingore: One psych-out has Coop flip off the opposing player, slowly creep a pair of wire-cutters towards his finger and tear it off. It's a fake, but still...
 * Freudian Slippery Slope: Jenna after seeing Coop and Remer naked in the locker room.

""If I had a nickel for every time this ball's gotten me out of a tight spot, I'd have a shitload of nickels!""
 * Full-Name Basis: "Victoria Silvstedt, Playmate of the Year!"
 * Funny Background Event: The movie is full of them.
 * Gag Penis: Coop and Remer in the locker room with Jenna.
 * Happy Dance: Inverted, Coop does his happy dance whenever he's pissed off, with varying results.
 * Hero Worshipper: Coop is one to Reggie Jackson. In turn, Joey is to Coop.
 * If I Had a Nickel:

""Oh, now you're such a big shot, you're gonna act in a Hollywood movie? Fuckin' sellout." (awkward pause)"
 * Instant Sedation: For one of his psych-outs Remer plays a droning, monotonous book-on-tape in a player's ear, lulling him to sleep in seconds.
 * Lampshade Hanging: Coop (Trey Parker) to Remer (Matt Stone):

"Coop: Jenna, I can explain... Remer: Yes, it was his fault. (Jenna leaves) Remer: You gotta believe me, it's all Coop's fault!"
 * Littlest Cancer Patient: Joey.
 * Meaningful Echo: The Beers win the final championship game using the exact same play that they won the backyard league championship with at the beginning, complete with identical commentating from the announcers.
 * Moment Killer: Remer barges into Coop's apartment in Kramer fashion just as he and Jenna are about to kiss.
 * Never My Fault: Remer blames the entire mess on Coop because he wouldn't share control of the NBL and for saying no to Cain's first proposition (thus forcing Cain to take drastic measures in order to change Coop's mind). When Jenna comes down to tell them they've destroyed her foundation, Remer quickly pins the blame on Coop.

"Coop: Dammit, man! I'm trying to save an innocent life! Remer: I'm giving her all she's got, Captain!"
 * Opposing Sports Team: The Dallas Felons.
 * Pair the Spares: Remer and Yvette, despite never meeting before. They were lonely because everyone else was paired.
 * Real Song Theme Tune: Reel Big Fish's cover of A-Ha's "Take On Me" for the movie itself, their song "Beer" for the Milwaukee Beers.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: After infighting between Coop and Remer threatens their shot at winning the championship game, Squeak delivers one to them at halftime while dressed as a pineapple.
 * Running Gag: Cain's headaches. Of course, he's Surrounded by Idiots.
 * Second Place Is for Losers: After losing the championship game at the beginning, the Beers are met with hats and assorted merchandise labeled "LOSERS."
 * Shout-Out:
 * La-Z-Boy, to Roy Hobbs' Wonderboy (a bat he carved himself from a fallen tree) in The Natural.
 * The salute Coop, Remer and Squeak give at the end was copied from a touchdown celebration ("The Mile High Salute") the Denver Broncos were known for at the time.
 * Star Trek jokes during the second hospital scene.

"Did I just fart?"
 * Strange Minds Think Alike: For some reason, everyone but Baxter thinks that Shaq got rich playing in college.

"Baxter: But you know, my (glances at groin) lobby could use a good buffing, if you know what I mean. Yvette: I know exactly what you mean. (Cut to Yvette struggling to use a janitor's buffer in the lobby)"
 * Stunt Double: Remer has one.
 * Suspiciously Apropos Music: "Warts on Your Dick"
 * Take That: It's a movie by the South Park crew; The list could fill its own page.
 * Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Squeak and his female fan are the extreme of this.
 * Trash Talk: Psych-outs, an official part of the game.
 * Troll: The object of a psych-out is to make your opponent miss his shot without physical interference, so most people take this route. Coop and Remer are masters, employing everything from the conventional Trash Talk to fake self-mutilation and books-on-tape.
 * Un Entendre: Yvette, being a trophy wife, frequently mistakes Baxter's unconventional requests as sexual come-ons:


 * Video Wills: How Denslow leaves the team to Coop.
 * You're Nothing Without Your Phlebotinum: Coop and his La-Z-Boy ball.