The Twelve Chairs/Quotes

"He loved and suffered. He loved money and suffered from absence thereof."

"Time that we have is money that we don't have."

"The way people used to kiss before the age of historical materialism."

"No one likes us, unless you count Criminal Investigations, which also doesn't like us."

"Podkolyosin asked tragically, "Why are you keeping quiet, like the League of Nations?"

"A week ago, the Water Rescue Society had held an evening there, as evidenced by the slogan hanging on the wall: THE CAUSE OF HELPING THE DROWNING IS IN THE HANDS OF THE DROWNING THEMSELVES."

"Most importantly, we have our assets: an émigré who has returned to his native town. And we have our liabilities: he is afraid the GPU will take him away."