Game Cola

""Seven is ABOVE AVERAGE!""

- The main slogan for GC, in their fight against the Four Point Scale.

""Have you ever sat around and just thought to yourself, "Paul, what do you want to do with your life? Do you want to waste it all away playing Nintendo, or do you want to make something of yourself?". Being that that was a rhetorical question, a response is not expected; but if there is one, I'd guess it is "no", because your name's not Paul. Regardless of name (rose by any other, etc.), that is a valid question for most players of video games. After contemplating it for nearly four seconds, I decided to do both. Hence, Game Cola.""

- Paul Franzen, Editor-in-Chief

In the realm of the internets, video games seem to be an easy focal point for humor, whether it be the games themselves, the fans of the games, the industry that makes the games, the ads that sell the games, the reception the games get, the memories games give, the emotions that stem from games, the music that accompanies games, the art seen within games, the narrative games give, the political and social issues games present, the lessons learned from games,or the pets we name after characters we have fallen in love with in games. This is a site that flourishes on this very idea of videogame-humor.

Game Cola is a site devoted to observing video games in a clever and humorous light. It takes a completely unbiased and honest look into video games and video game culture, and ridicules as much of it as the writers comprehend. This is simply a group of gamers who love playing video games, and enjoy sharing their opinions, sense of humor, and love of gaming with the audience of the internet.

When the writers aren't talking about video games, they're usually talking about how much they hate each other.

From 2002-2005, the site was a updated once a month in a newsletter-like format, having every article written for the site collected and posted onto one single webpage. Because of long load times on bad connections, and simply being a bad idea in general, the site retained the monthly update schedule, but adopted a magazine format, with every individual article getting it's own page. The slow update schedule prevented Game Cola from obtaining a larger fanbase and readership (most people would simply forget the site ever existed). So in June 2009, Game Cola officially released its final issue, and announced plans for a total re-haul of the site in order to obtain a more modern style. That is to say, doing what everyone in the modern age does, and post new articles once they are ready to be published. Since June, the site continues to be on hiatus, with new content in the form of YouTube videos and posts on the site's blog, with a message to the readership every month to remind people that the site is still alive, and is making sure that the new site's launch is absolutely perfect.

You can view the website here, Then go tell all your friends.


 * Badass Beard: On who better than the editor-in-chief, himself?
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Many of the writers have shades of this, but the best examples would likely be Meteo and Zach.
 * Foregone Conclusion: Played for laughs with Things Zach Rich Demands to See Before He Dies in 2020. He uses his upcoming death by the hands of THE MOOOOOOOOON PEOPLE to get game developers to do what he wants as a "dying wish".
 * Four Point Scale: Averted, actually. The site prides itself on attempting to use a rating of five as the absolute average. One of the sites slogans boasts "Seven is above average." Depending on the Writer, it tends to work.
 * Gamer Chick: Somewhat. Vangie Rich is somewhat of a gamer in training, due to her relationship with her significant other (who also writes for Game Cola). Her column, Gamer Girlfriend, showcases her experence with video games and hardcore gamers from an outside perspective.
 * Hostile Site Takeover : On April Fools' Day 2009, Zach Rich took over Game Cola, changing the site's name to Zach Rich?s Slightly Carbonated Extravaganza for the Hard of Hearing. He then kicked out all of the other writers on the site, and proceeded to explain exactly why he hated every single other person on the site. According to an episode of the podcast, Zach had a lot more planned for the joke, but his computer was swarmed by viruses before he could get any other articles finished in time for April Fools.
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: "oooOOOoooOOOVODKA!"
 * Not Blood Siblings: Zach Rich and Vangie Rich.
 * Official Couple: Paul and Lizo. Michael Ridgeway and Vangie Rich could count as well.
 * Sanity Slippage: Over the reviews of Quake II (N64), Ys/Super R-Type/Mystery Quest and ActRaiser 2, Meteo begins to lose it until . Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * Self-Deprecation: Somewhat of a Running Gag with the site; writers tend to make fun of the fact that there's more staff members than actual readers of the site. Hopefully the re-design will fix that issue.
 * Where the Hell Is Springfield?: The Game Cola HQ has been listed in a number of locations, including a McDonald's Play Place in Memphis, a Cardboard Box in Paul Frazen's Living Room, and The Vatican, among other areas.