Heroic Comedic Sociopath/Quotes

"Frank Hannibal: What are the parts of your job you like the most, Sergeant? Schlock: My plasma cannons. Using them. Explosions. Close combat. Cutting a wide swath through the enemy. Frank Hannibal: You like the killing, then. Schlock: Done right, yeah. Ending a horrible, evil person with superior firepower is very satisfying. It's so much simpler than how society usually tries to do it. Frank Hannibal: How do you feel about the word "sociopath?" Schlock: I get mistaken for one all the time."

- Schlock Mercenary

"Schlock: Hey, we don't need an employer. We're here, the mob is down there, and we're already dressed for dancing. Tagon: Sergeant, we're not going to go down there and start shooting just for the fun of it. We're soldiers, not sociopaths. Schlock: Not sociopaths. NOT. hmmmm... I guess I ought to go set the guys straight on that one. Kerchak: I like the way you bring out the best in your troops, Tagon."

- Schlock Mercenary

"Captain Tagon: Sergeant, put together a team. We're going to sweep Southport. Schlock: Are you sure you want me, Captain? The news said I'm a reckless, dangerously violent sociopath. Captain Tagon: You are. But you're my reckless, dangerously violent sociopath."

- Schlock Mercenary

"Schlock: So... Thurl: Eat it, kill it, make friends with it or take a bath in it. THOSE are the points on your moral compass."

- Schlock Mercenary

""This soul thing... can I get one by eating someone else's?""

- Schlock, Schlock Mercenary

"Karl Tagon: Most mercenaries won't do certain things no matter how much you offer to pay them. Karl Tagon: Most patriots won't do certain things no matter how much they love their country. Karl Tagon: But sociopaths... they'll accept any justification for the chance to do things nobody else can stomach. Tailor: Don't worry, General. Your son isn't a sociopath. He might have a few on payroll, though. Karl Tagon: So Sergeant Schlock is real, then? (10 pages later) Ebbirnoth: You looked like you really wanted to blow it up, though. Kaff Tagon: Someday... someday will be the right thing to do. I can be patient."

- Schlock Mercenary

""What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman.""

- Batman, All-Star Batman and Robin

"A dozen dead cops and thousands of dollars in property damage mean nothing to the goddamn Batman."

- Protoclown's review of the above

"Roy: I don't want you to kill anyone! Belkar: You know, no matter how many times people tell me that, it never starts making sense."

- The Order of the Stick: On the Origin of the PCs

"I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly now, before they are out of range."

- Vaarsuivius, The Order of the Stick

"Belkar: So, I did what I always do--murder people horribly--but because I killed the people everyone else wanted me to kill, I get presents instead of prison time? Roy: Uh, well, it's a lot more complicated than that, but-- Belkar: HA HA HA HA HA HA! It's working! It's WORKING, SUCKERS!"

- The Order of the Stick, demonstrating the extremely rare "fake character development"

"Baron Wulfenbach: Dupree. When I say the words "Alive and unharmed" -- do any neurons actually fire in that brain of yours? Bangladesh: Um -- no sir! Baron Wulfenbach: I thought not."

- Girl Genius

"Gilgamesh: Dupree- Bangladesh: Hey, I'm working here! Do I come into your lab and tell you how to torture rats?

Gilgamesh: Frequently."

- Girl Genius

""Maybe we should be finding nonviolent solutions...hahahaha!""

- Boss, Saints Row 2

""It is not a game, Zevran. You either know right from wrong or you do not.""

- Wynne, Dragon Age: Origins

"Caller: Can I speak to your superior? Dogbert: There's some religious debate on that question."

- Dilbert

""Yeah, it's strange - I thought I would start feeling weird about killing all these people, but really, I don't. That's because they're all pricks and deserve to die!""

- Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

""This sounds like a job for ambassador pineapple!"


 * HABLOOEY*

"Well, it sounds like we've reached a resolution!""

- Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

""That's it, more Mr. Nice Guy. If you're wearing an enemy uniform, you're dead. If somebody's grandma is cold and puts on a camo-blanket, she's dead.""

- Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

""It could be safe to say that you would rather have a psychopath at your side that to your back, since they're more likely to splatter your enemy's brains on the wall than your own. The Sociopath loves to fight, or at the very least feels the most alive while in battle. They kill without hesitation or remorse, and only rarely do we see any kind of emotion other than a "Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a rock up your ass" sort of vibe. While dangerous and unpredictable at times, they often have a personal code of honor, and will not break it under any circumstances. Though we doubt shooting you over the last Pop Tart in the pantry falls within the confines of that code, so you'd best watch yourself.""

- Cracked, on BioWare Heroic Sociopaths (Specifically Wrex, Canderous Ordo and Black Whirlwind)

""Roger's a dirty cop!" "He's been on the force for three hours!""
 * Looks at watch*

- Stan Smith, American Dad

""Takin' what I want, when I want! Plus, I'm a sociopath, so, you know, all this fits me like a slipper." Roger, American Dad"

"Speed: I thought Avengers weren't supposed to kill?

Wolverine (claws-deep in a Skrull): Relax, junior. They're Skrulls. They'll grow back. Eventually.

Speed: In that case...(uses his super-speed to literally make the Skrull pop)

Wolverine: You're sick, kid. I like it."

- Young Avengers

"Sam: Max, where should I put this [bomb] so it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about? Max: Out the window, Sam! There's nobody but strangers out there. (BOOM!) Sam: I hope there was nobody on that bus. Max: Nobody we know, at least."

- Sam and Max Hit the Road

"Guerrero: I'm gonna give you a choice, 'cause I believe in every human being's right to being tortured democratically. Peel your fingernails off with this, or shoot you in the kneecaps. I have a preference, but I'm gonna leave it up to you, it's your body."

- Human Target Ilsa Pucci

""WE COULD BE BURNING GERMANS RIGHT NOW!""

- Sergeant Reznov, Call of Duty: World At War

"Max: We save the world. Sometimes on purpose."

- Sam and Max Freelance Police (Actually, their main goal is saving the world. The mindless violence is just for fun.)

"Black Mage: We can do this one of two ways. The easy way... Or the excruciatingly painful death way. I suggest the former, m'self. You're welcome to try the latter of course, but I assure you it's a wasted effort. You are up against a knife-wielding sociopath just looking for an excuse to hurt you, even if he has to make one up."

- One of the "heroes" of Eight Bit Theater.

"Garland: What kind of tactic do you tend to employ? Fighter: Oh, we usually murder our way to the top and claim victory whilst astride a pile of mangled bodies. Garland: I see... Fighter: But we're heroes so it's okay when we do that. Garland: Now, this killing, would you characterize it as precise or strategic? Fighter: It's kinda indiscriminate really"

- Eight Bit Theater; redefining the meaning of Anti-Hero.

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research!"

- Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock

"That orphanage attacked me. It was self-defense."

- Richard the Warlock Looking for Group

"Fuzzy: There you are, Lance! Good news! I gutted all the upholstery in your car and filled the seats with water. Just like a comfy water bed! Only your car is flooded. Lance: No... No more! You need to stop helping me now! Fuzzy: You haven't enjoyed my help? But you stopped screaming in horror hours ago! Lance: Now the screams are on the inside."

- Sam and Fuzzy

""I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid.""

- Jayne, Serenity