Game of Thrones/Recap/S1/E06 A Golden Crown

Eddard Stark stirs fitfully in his bed, his leg broken from the events of the previous episode. He awakens to find King Robert Baratheon and Queen Cersei Lannister looming above him, each angry for their own reasons--Cersei for her brother's kidnapping, Robert for the disruption of the peace. It isn't long before the two of them are bickering... and not long after that before Robert slaps her across the face. Jaime has fled the city, of course, and Robert denies Ned the chance to bring him to justice, declaring the feud over. He then gives Ned the silver-hand badge, officially refusing to accept Ned's resignation. It will be Ned's job to handle things whilst Robert hunts in the kingswood.

Across the narrow sea, Daenerys continues her obsession with her dragon eggs. Today she tries putting one on the coals of the fire. Nothing happens, even when she picks it up--including the "Oww, my burnt hands!" reacting you'd expect when someone picks up a stone that's been in the fire. Dany's hands are unblemished. Huh?

Bran is having another "three-eyed crow" dream, venturing deeper into the crypts beneath Winterfell, when Hodor bursts in with the saddle Tyrion designed for him. Next thing we know, Bran is riding around on his horce Dancer, hooting and hollering, whilst Robb and Theon discuss how House Stark should react to Ned's injury. Their strategy session is interrupted by the realization that they've misplaced Bran. (Good going, guys.) Bran is elsewhere in the forest, waylaid now by three wildlings who have made their way south of the Wall, at least one a deserter from the Night's Watch. Robb and Theon arrive, precipitating a short, tense confrontation, resulting in the two men dead and the lone woman, Osha, taken prisoner.

Two more check-ins: Tyrion is in the sky cells and Arya is at her dancing lessons, neither happy. Tyrion tries to bribe the gaoler Mord with gold, but his purse was confiscated by Ser Rodrik Cassel, and Mord is astoundingly stupid. ("Sometimes possession is an abstract concept... Ow!") Arya, meanwhile, is pre-occupied by her father's injury, but Forel pushes her anyway, pointing out that fighting rarely happens when you're clear-headed, and a distracted water dancer is a dead one. "There is only one god, and his name is Death. There is only one thing we say to death: Not today."

Daenerys is eating a horse's heart. Seriously. It's part of a Dothraki ritual which gets a lot more explanation, but suffice it to say that her child is to be "The Stallion that Mounts the World," some form of ultra-awesome Dothraki superman. The TV show also adds Viserys to the mix. He sees how Dany has become integrated into the Dothraki culture and, in a jealous rage, tries to steal her dragon eggs. He's stopped by Jorah Mormont, who all but declares outright that his allegiance is to the princess now. We also get the first intimations of Ser Jorah's Bodyguard Crush on Daenerys, which is likely to prove important later.

Tyrion tries again to get out of the sky cells by announcing he will confess his crimes to Lysa Arryn. This time it works, and he launches into a litany of sins which have to be seen to be believed. However, he persists in proclaiming his innocence in the matter of Lord Arryn's death and Bran's botched slaying, and demands Trial By Combat. Ser Vardis Egen, Lysa's Dragon, champions her cause, while Tyrion manages to get Bronn to stand for him.

Ned sits the Iron Throne for the first time in his life, passing judgment on the petitions of riverlanders who have come to King's Landing for justice. They were attacked in the night by a band of raving rapers, led by a man who chopped the head off a horse in anger. "That sounds like someone we know," Littlefinger whispers to Ned. "The Mountain." They also left behind a bunch of fish, which Littlefinger observes is the sigil of House Tully. "Can you think of any reason the Lannisters might possibly have for being angry with your wife?" Ned commissions a force to bring Clegane to justice, led by Lord Beric Dondarrion, and then passes a royal decree stripping Clegane of his lands, titles and knighthood. He also summons The Mountain's master, Tywin Lannister, to court; he must either declare his loyalty or face the same fate. It's on now, kids.

Bronn fights Ser Vardis Egen, using his heavy gear and the environment against him. It's not really a contest, especially since Ser Vardis has Lysa on his side. "Enough, Ser Vardis, finish him," Lysa shouts, after he's already been injured and Bronn doesn't have a scratch on him... and the brave fool obeys. (Too Dumb to Live?) Tyrion is returned both his freedom and his purse. One takes him out the door, whilst the other goes to Mord. "A Lannister always pays his debts."

More check-ins: Joffrey visits Sansa, interrupting a pretty serious snark-fest between her and Septa Mordane. He gives her a necklace (and a kiss!) and promises never to mistreat her again. Meanwhile, Theon finds his favorite whore Ros on the kingsroad, heading to the greener (fleshier?) pastures of the capitol. She gives him one more flash of her cooter. That's the only appropriate word for the circumstances.

Ned assembles his daughters and announces that he's sending them home for their own safety. Sansa, her head full of dreams, protests that she has to marry Joffrey: "He'll be the greatest king there ever was, a golden lion, and I'll give him sons with beautiful blond hair!" "The lion's not his sigil, idiot," says Arya with a trace of smugness. "He's a stag, like his father." "He's not, he's nothing like that old drunk king," Sansa retorts. Both of them are completely oblivious to the Eureka Moment kindling behind their father's eyes. Ned sends them from the room and attends his giant book, The Lineage and Histories of the Great Houses of the Seven Kingdoms, where he sees that black hair is a Baratheon family trait. Every Baratheon has it, as does Gendry and the whore's infant from last episode. Every Baratheon has it... except Joffrey.

It's Vaes Dothrak, and there's a feast. Things are going pretty well for Drogo and Dany until Viserys stumbles in, either drunk or more insane than usual. (He was drunk in the book, but the TV show doesn't say anything either way.) When the Dothraki shame him, he draws his sword, threatening to spill blood in the sacred city. He demands the golden crown he was promised in exchange for his sister keeping her skin intact. Khal Drogo agrees. He pulls off his medallion-encrusted belt and tosses it into a pot over the cookfire, where the gold begins to melt. To quote the book, "Viserys began to scream the high, wordless scream of the coward facing death." In a moment, he's got his golden crown... but he doesn't seem to enjoy it very much. He hits the ground with clanking finality and stays there.

"He was no dragon," Daenerys decides. "Fire cannot kill a dragon."

Tropes in this episode include:
"Daenerys: He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."
 * Alas, Poor Villain:  death could almost come off as this, given how sympathetically he's played in that scene.
 * A Real Man Is a Killer: "In the Iron Islands, you're not a man until you've killed your first enemy."
 * As You Know: Littlefinger lets Ned know exactly what's going on as he hears the report of Gregor Clegane's atrocities, including the sigil of his own wife's family. Justified as subtly insulting Ned with how little he's prepared for this.
 * Littlefinger may also have been trying to provoke Ned into doing something ill-considered. He wasn't especially subtle or quiet about pointing out the symbolism of the fish.
 * Alternately, it's just bad writing on the part of Jane Espenson. For all his Chessmastery, Littlefinger knows how to be subtle, all this Mister Exposition nonsense notwithstanding. (And they had Pycelle in the scene too!)
 * Awesome Moment of Crowning:
 * Berserk Button: managed to push Khal Drogo's by threatening Daenerys and her unborn son.
 * Combat Pragmatist: Bronn fights Vardis Egan by being evasive and tiring out the heavily-armored knight. Lysa criticizes Bronn for fighting without honor, which he readily admits.
 * Cruel and Unusual Death:.
 * A Date With Rosie Palms: Tyrion mentions that he once "milked his eel" into some stew, which his sister later ate (or at least, he hopes she did.)
 * Disproportionate Retribution: In response to Catelyn's vigilante arrest of his son, Tywin Lannister sends out an army to kill, rape, and burn their way across villages under the king's protection, leaving behind dead fish as a symbol of which family is to blame.
 * Domestic Abuse: Robert slaps Cersei hard enough to draw blood after she insults his masculinity. And note that he doesn't know anything about her adultery or other possible crimes against him. He regrets his actions moments later.
 * Eureka Moment: Eddard.
 * Exact Words:
 * Tyrion said he wanted to confess to his crimes; he never said he wanted to confess to the crimes he was accused of.
 * And  really should have specified what he wanted when he asked for.
 * False Reassurance: Drogo's promise to Viserys.
 * Going Native:
 * Daenerys seems to have completely accepted Dothraki culture, to the point that she willingly takes part in a ceremony that involves eating a whole horse's heart.
 * Sansa now sports a southron hairstyle and is acting more haughty as she prepares to be a princess.
 * Killed Off for Real:, the first member of the main cast to die.
 * Large Ham: In-universe, during Tyrion's "confession."
 * Noodle Incident/Noodle Implements: Tyrion confesses, "I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel..." but he's cut off before he can finish. Robin is particularly interested in hearing what happened next.
 * Papa Wolf: You don't threaten Khal Drogo's wife and son. Unless, of course, you wanna have.
 * Schiff One-Liner (also Foreshadowing):


 * Talking the Monster To Death: Tyrion's long, funny monologue, an attempt to get sympathy from the court of the Vale and to get Bronn on his side.
 * That Came Out Wrong: Sansa describing her desire to marry Joffrey over a hypothetical lord put forward by her father--"I don't want someone brave and gentle and strong, I want him!" Arya snickers in response.
 * Trial By Combat: Tyrion invokes this to save himself from the Eyrie.
 * Unusual Euphemism: Tyrion provides quite a few ways to describe A Date With Rosie Palms. "I made the bald man cry!"