Scrubs/Awesome

J.D.

""Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! And shut up! Okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is just bitch about your relationships all day long! And you know what? Glare all you want, Big Dog, okay, 'cause I'm not afraid of you. Oh, no! Jordan's only paying attention to the baby! That must be so hard for Dr. Look At Me! Isn't it? Look at meeeeeee! And you two? Come on, you're arguing since you got engaged? Wow, you're probably the first couple that's ever done that, ever! It can't be that you're just scared, is it? And you! You! You know what, let's just--let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Because, for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage your relationship from the outside. It really is. Honestly? The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are! Ugh!""
 * Following the trend of awesome Scrubs rants, JD has his very own in a Season Two episode:

"JD (to himself): Must... keep... lower... lip... from... quivering."
 * When he tricks Dr. Cox and throws Cox's 'never treat people based on your own perceptions' lesson back in his face, when he outwits the Janitor for a change and traps him in a walk-in freezer, and when he finally gets to teach his teacher in the episode 'My Extra Mile'.
 * Two Words: Super Eagle.
 * I have to say that in this Tropers opinion the it is in the final season when JD finally gets to hear Dr Cox.
 * After Dr. Cox has yelled at JD in typical Dr. Cox fashion (walking around him in a circle, etc) for something JD supposedly screwed up, JD takes the patient's chart from him and gives the rant right back to him, pointing out that he did NOT screw up and had Cox read the chart properly, he would have know this. Dr. Cox gets right in his face, trying to intimidate him.


 * And he DOES, leaving the disgusted Dr. Cox to stomp off in frustration.
 * When Dr. Cox puts him in charge as an experiment during "My Butterfly," he gives Cox a string of orders while doing an absolutely pitch-perfect imitation of all Dr. Cox's condescending rants at JD, complete with Cox's unique speech inflections, verbal tics, hyperbolic suggestions, derogatory remarks about his masculinity, and addressing him with a girl's name. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Funny.

Elliot

"Jordan: Look, I don't know where your mother was when she should have been telling you all these things, but you cannot have sex with someone you care about! Sex is for making babies and revenge. Elliot: [Under her breath] Well, you're so full of it. Jordan: [Threatening] Listen, Stick, if you wanna wipe your nose and pretend that was a sneeze, I will play along. But if you have something to say, say it. Elliot: [Sudden burst of courage] Everybody knows you're still sleeping with Dr. Cox! And it can't be about making babies 'cause you'd probably just end up eating them, anyway. And as for revenge, I'm just not sure that driving to his apartment and pleasuring him while he watches sports on TV is hurting him as much as you might think. So I have to figure that you still care about him, whether you want to admit it or not. [Courage abruptly fails] And if you lay one finger on me, I'm blowing my rape whistle."
 * Elliot once achieved the impossible and rendered snide, sarcastic Jordan, always prepared with a sharp, cruel put-down for everyone, completely speechless:

"Dr. Moyer: MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! [Elliot marches in dressed to the nines] Elliot: Dr. Moyer, you're going to give Mrs. Farley the abdominal CAT scan, and I'll tell you why. You remember that colon patient of mine you screwed up on? Well, I'm going to tell him exactly whose fault that was. And then I'm going to spend every waking second helping him figure out how to physically and financially bitch slap you, even if the end result is that we both get our asses fired. Your move, Chuckles. Dr. Moyer: [growling] Bring her down."
 * I can recount two moments when Elliot delivered you suck speeches to Cox and they ROCKED! Specifically here and here (Around 2:15)
 * Elliot gets one in the first episode of the third season after getting a makeover and reinventing herself:

"J.D.: Don't cry. Elliot: Oh, don't worry, i won't."
 * After preying on her insecurities, and getting her to dump Sean, J.D. decides he doesn't want her. When he tells her, we get this.


 * She then grabs him by his collar, and tosses his ass over the dinner table. Then nonchalantly sits back down, asks for more wine, and compliments the chicken.

Turk
 * In My Turf War, Turk and Dr. Cox continue to pass a patient off on each other. Turk ends up becoming a Magnificent Bastard in the end, tricking Cox into think he performed a surgery, enlisted Kelso in his plan by "fake firing" him, and has Carla guilt Cox into a confession.

Carla

""You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here, or taking care of my mom. So, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something around here. And you judge me? Well, guess what, word does get around, Miss "Out For Herself", so you can dump on everyone here if you want; but you will not hurt me.""
 * In the pilot, Carla has her own very special moment of awesome with her beautiful rant at Elliot:


 * In the episode "My Heavy Meddle," Carla, after Dr. Kelso quashes her attempts to play Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me" to a coma patient to honor his dying wishes, sings the song to the patient herself. As with many moments on the show, it doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.

Dr. Cox

"Dr. Cox: What do you want me to say? That you're great? That you're raising the bar for interns everywhere? JD: ...I'm cool with that. Dr. Cox: I'm not gonna say that. You're ok. You might even be better than that someday, but right now all I see is a guy who's so worried about what everybody else thinks of him that he has no real belief in himself. I mean, did you even wonder why I wanted you to do your own evaluation? JD: I, er, can't think of a safe answer, I just figured- Dr. Cox: CLAM UP! I wanted you to think about yourself, and I mean really think. What are you good at, what do you suck at, and then I wanted you to put it down on paper. And not so I could see it, and not so anybody else could see it but so that YOU could see it! Because ultimately you don't have to answer to me, you don't have to answer to Kelso, you don't even have to answer to your patients for god's sake! You only have ot answer to one guy newbie, and that's YOU! There, you are evaluated... Now get the hell out of my sight, because you honest to god get me so angry I'm afraid I just might hurt myself."
 * There is when Dr. Kelso is viciously reprimanding Elliot at the end of season 2, Dr. Cox just walks up to him and punches him in the face. The whole hospital watches in awe. It should be mentioned that J.D. is the one who talked him up to it with the line "Now if she was your daughter, you'd know exactly what to do." Then came the hittings.
 * And then you see Ted crying Manly Tears of joy...
 * Many of his speeches qualify, but a personal favourite would be his evaluation of JD:


 * Cox solving medical problems in House homage, while supporting himself on a cane due to him having hurt his leg earlier in the episode.

Dr. Kelso

"Dr. Kelso: Yeah. Funny long list. We get it. You need a new thing, Big Guy."
 * Where he responds to one of Dr Cox's patented rants:

"Dr. Kelso: Alright, listen up gang, I'm only going to say this once. From this point on, there will be no more employee discounts here. Everyone pays full-price ... except for me, of course. Dr. Cox: Do you mind telling us why? Dr. Kelso: ... Why the hell not?"
 * In the episode where Dr. Cox fiddles with Kelso's treadmill to send him flying across the room, Cox later tries to sit down and watch the big basketball game, which he'd recorded on Kelso's TV.
 * "What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso."
 * "You are going to shut your damn yapper and listen for a change, because I've got you pegged, sweetheart. You want to take the easy way out with this surgery because you're scared. And you're scared because if you try and fail, there's only you to blame. But missy, let me break this down for you Bobbo style. Life is scary. Get used to it. ...There are no magical fixes. It's all up to you. So get up off your keister, get out of here, and go start doing the work. ...I'll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."
 * Kelso's final line in His Story IV. In spite of being lazy and generally unpleasant in this episode, Kelso also makes an effort to take care of a patient while everyone else is tied up in petty squabbles and actually proceed to out-Jerkass Dr. Kelso by acting with hostility and dismissiveness when that patient nearly dies. He finally puts an end to their squabbles with an act of revenge that is as awesome as it is petty.

Janitor

"Janitor: Door is broke. Fifth time or so it won't open. J.D.: Maybe there's a penny stuck in there. Janitor: Why a penny? J.D.: No reason. Janitor: You stick a penny in there? J.D.: No, I was just making small talk. Janitor: If I find a penny in there... I'm taking you down."
 * The Janitor had his Crowning Moment of Awesome in his first appearance!


 * ... This set the tone of his character for the entire series. The way in which he informed J.D. that he had found a penny was pretty awesome, too.
 * Or, eight seasons later, when
 * The Janitor's "KNIFE WREEENCH!"
 * For kids!
 * The Janitor after having a particularly hard day warns everyone not to annoy him. Dr. Cox can't help but push his buttons and says that he's not afraid of the Janitor. The Janitor just smiles at Cox and shouts "boys!" At which point about a dozen janitors come out of no-where and drag Cox off. J.D later find Cox tied up and in one of the morgue freezers.
 * In one episode, Carla is trying to organize a staff photo in front of the hospital, but barely anyone responds at all. The Janitor spent most of the episode bitter because he wasn't even asked to be a part of the picture, and when Carla finally realizes this and asks him if he'd like to be in it, he is ecstatic. Cut to the next scene, and suddenly everybody is standing outisde of the hospital. When Carla asks him how he got everyone to participate, The Janitor responds with only one word, "Fear".
 * Getting Kelso to admit over the loudspeaker that he does, in fact, fear The Janitor.

Jordan

"Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend, he knows; he and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Perhaps you're afraid of something? Huh. And Bob? When are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for was filled months ago! It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your 'colleague' Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna go ahead and do it for ya, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah! And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protégé, here... J.D.: [thinking] Oh, please God, no. Jordan: I slept with him... and it was good - oh! How's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye!"
 * Jordan's parting gift at the end of season 1, after being asked to shake things up a bit

Dan Dorian

"Hey, listen, Dr. Cox: No offense, I'm a big fan of the tough-guy act, but let me tell you what I really think. I think you love the fact that these kids idolize you. Johnny does! Johnny was always the one in the family we knew was going someplace -- sweet kid, smart kid. Becoming a doctor, this is all he ever wanted; and yet, somehow, you've found a way to beat that out of him, haven't you? Turned him into some cynical guy who seems to despise what he does. Dr. Cox, Johnny's never gonna look up to me. Ever. But he hangs on your every word. So, I'm askin' -- I'm telling you -- take that responsibility seriously; stop being such a hard-ass, otherwise you're gonna have to answer to me. It was good seeing you, Dr. Cox."
 * Feckless, useless older brother Dan gets one, when he calls Dr. Cox out on his cynical act, in a Crowning Moment so Awesome it even wins Dr. Cox's respect:

"Dan: You know what JD? You need to grow up."
 * After Dan becomes more successful, he buys JD a car. The gift isn't well-received and JD smashes the windshield and yells angrily "you're supposed to be the screw-up!" For anyone who was bothered by how JD became a condescending and arrogant Jerkass in episodes featuring Dan just because he was more successful than his brother, Dan's Wham! Line was glorious:

Ted

"Dr. Kelso: Ted, was this your doing? Ted: [Composed and mild] Please, sir. I don't have the guts. [In his head; deliriously happy] Oh, yeah! Suck it, bitch! I will murder you!!!"
 * Even useless, pathetic "hospital sad-sack" Ted Buckland gets his moment, when he for once manages to outwit Dr. Kelso, even if no one will ever know:


 * That's not Ted's only awesome moment. Standing up to Kelso to back up Turk is another good example. And no, flinching from the resulting high-five does not diminish the moment whatsoever.

The Todd

"The Janitor: What are you? Todd: I'm the Todd."
 * The Todd gets one. After he  he sets to a smug walk down the corridor, making inappropriate remarks at both genders, and finally seals this as a Crowning Moment thanks to this exchange with The Janitor.

Doug

"Doug: Hey Nelson, got some of your handiwork down in the morgue today. You operating with a blindfold on or what?"
 * When Doug finally found out he had a talent for pathology in My Malpractical Decision. He even found the confidence to get in a shot at a surgeon whose body he'd been inspecting in the morgue.

Laverne


 * Laverne gets the moment we'll remember her for when Doctor Cox finally gets sick of her constant religiosity, leading him to repeatedly point out (genuinely correct) flaws in her logic throughout the episode. She finally snaps at him that if she didn't believe there was some purpose to all the suffering she sees, she couldn't emotionally deal with it, and wouldn't be able to come to work in the morning.
 * Doubles as a Tear Jerker because
 * Laverne has another great one in My Hero when she manages to scare the shit out of Dr Kelso right before he was going to rip into her after she laughed at one of Dr Cox's rants about how much Kelso sucks.

Hooch

""Who the hell put bouillon cubes in the showerhead?! Hmm?! Did you do it? Did you? If it happens again... I will wait in my SUV, blast me some speed metal five point one surround sound, heavy on the bass....... And someone. Will be getting. Mowed. Down.""
 * Hooch's reaction to a practical joke played on him which really shows how Ax Crazy this surgeon is:


 * "Hooch is crazy!"

 Derek


 * Derek spends his entire introductory episode trying not to get involved in everyone's problems. He leaves the lunch table where JD, Carla, Turk, and Cox are fighting, heads to the elevator, says screw it, comes back, and calls them all out on being babies.

Sunny Day


 * Sunny Day spends an episode worrying about how the Janitor called her "weak" when he spares her from his revenge on her and two others, only to confront him and point out that it takes a lot of strength to smile all the time.

The Whole Cast


 * Two Words: My Musical! They somehow turned a Musical episode into a Funny, catchy, heartwarming, Awesome episode for the whole cast and even had it make sense in context.

''What has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we met.''