SpongeBob SquarePants/Quotes/Season 5

Friend or Foe [5.1]

 * SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? Why does he hate us so?




 * Mr. Krabs: Listen up Squidward, 'cause this is where it gets juicy.




 * SpongeBob: Don't forget your condiments, Plankton!




 * Kid Plankton: Get outta my FACE!
 * [He and Kid Krabs growl at each other]




 * Potty the Parrot: You've got rats in the kitchen!

Rise and Shine
" Patrick: I've got to put on my teeth and brush my pants!

Sing a Song of Patrick [5.3]

 * Patrick: I think I wrote a poem once... [flashback to a younger Patrick, whose voice is higher-pitched]
 * Young Patrick: [reading from a sheet of paper] A Poem, by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red. I have to go to the bathroom. [eats the paper and burps]
 * Gym Teacher: How many times I gotta tell ya, this...is...gym class! [blows a whistle, and several dodgeballs are thrown at Patrick]




 * Squidward: What's that horrible smell?! [sees steam coming out of SpongeBob's window] Is Patrick thinking again?
 * Patrick: [sticking his head out of the window] I'm making art!
 * Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled into your brain and died.
 * Patrick: That's the creative process at work!




 * A band member: This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up!
 * Another band member: Oh yeah? [he takes the script and, upon reading it, his eyeballs shrivel up and turn to dust]
 * Director: I don't care how awful his poem is, he spent his hundred bucks already!
 * Band leader: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. A-one, and a-two, and a--
 * [Cuts to a graveyard: the band members apparently died after recording the song]
 * An eulogizer: [to Patrick] They wanted you to have this. [hands a record to Patrick]
 * Patrick: My song!




 * SpongeBob: It's really loud!
 * Patrick: You need it louder? OKAY!




 * "I Wrote This" Lyrics:
 * Twinkle Twinkle Patrick Star
 * I made myself a sandwich
 * My mommy named it Fred
 * It tastes like beans and bacon
 * And smells like it's been dead
 * Writing stuff is hard
 * So I used a pointy pencil
 * Pointy, pointy, pointy
 * Pointy, pointy, point
 * P.U., what's that horrible smell?
 * Man: Drum solo! [drum solo]
 * I have a head
 * It ends in a point
 * Pointy, pointy, pointy
 * Pointy, pointy, point
 * This song is over
 * Except for this line
 * You win this round
 * Broccoli!

A Flea In Her Dome [5.4]

 * [SpongeBob and Patrick are crying because they miss Sandy]
 * SpongeBob: Why did she have to go to the science convention and TAY-HAUS [Spanish pronounciation of "Texas"]?
 * Patrick: TAY-HAUS!
 * SpongeBob: She won't be back for one more hour, 26 minutes, and 47 seconds! [they start squirting tears at each other]
 * Patrick: I miss Sandy so much! Her tentacles, the way she plays clarinet, her massive nose...
 * SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's Squidward. He's not gone; he's right here! [camera pans to Squidward planting a flower in the ground]
 * Squidward: No I'm not. [walks away]
 * SpongeBob: I sure do miss that squirrel! Her karate chopping, that 10-gallon glass dome over her dome, and who can forget those buck teeth? After Sandy gets back, we're gonna let her know how much we miss her!
 * Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "mom"?
 * SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's your mother. But that does give me an idea! We'll throw Sandy the mother of all welcome-home parties! Patrick, to the tree dome!
 * Patrick: WHOHAIE!




 * SpongeBob: [singing] Welcome, home Sandy, you know that, we missed ya—
 * Bus Driver: NO!! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING!
 * Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, he's got a fierce no-singing policy!
 * SpongeBob: That's quite all right, Ms. Cheeks, as long as you don't have a fierce no-partying policy!




 * Patrick: [the flea bites him and makes marks on his stomach] Ahahahaha! Connect the Dots. [draws lines connecting the bite marks on his stomach] I drawed a horsey! OUCH!! Why does this flea keep biting me?
 * Sandy: When a flea bites you, it's because he's sucking up your blood for nutrition.
 * Patrick: I have been bitten by a vampire flea! NO!! I'm gonna turn into a vampire now! It's already happening! [starts going berserk]

Krabs à la Mode [5.5b]

 * Squidward: I'm going to go recover from hypothermia.
 * Spongebob: Hippo-whatia? What does that mean?
 * Mr. Krabs: It means he's a big fat crybaby.


 * Squidward: It's freezing in here! How cold does Krabs keep this place anyway? [looks at the thermostat which reads 62 degrees, much to his disgust] 62 DEGREES!? [with confidence] I'm gonna set to a toasty 63. [turns the thermostat dial slightly clockwise; an siren goes off and a red light flashes]
 * Mr. Krabs: [bursts through the door to his office] WHOOOOO TOUCHED ME THERMOSTAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!? [everyone points to Squidward]
 * Squidward: [to Spongebob] Oh, thanks a-- [Mr. Krabs grabs him in the jugular]
 * Spongebob: You're welcome, Squidward.
 * Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you're always going on about your book club. READ THIS!! ''[points to a poster above the thermostat that reads "DO NOT TOUCH THERMOSTAT EVER!]
 * Squidward: Do not touch thermostat ever. [Mr. Krabs sets it back]
 * Mr. Krabs: HEAT COSTS MONEY!! There's two ways to get on me bad side, boys. I don't like kids playing in me yard, and nobody but me, touches me thermostat!
 * Squidward: That's totally selfish!
 * Spongebob: Yeah! Your yard is really fun! There are kids playing in it right now.
 * Mr. Krabs: WHAT?!?!?!?!


 * Mr. Krabs: [having a nightmare] Someone... touching... thermostat!


 * Mr. Krabs: ''[yells that the icicles fall] Don't..touch...ME THERMOSTAT!!!

Donut Of Shame [5.9c]

 * Patrick: Where am I? What happened? Oh yeah, the party. I must have passed out in SpongeBob's kitchen, on the ceiling. See, SpongeBob? I told you we shouldn't stay up past 8:30, things get real crazy after 8:30. [has a flashback of last night's tea party] She really knows how to pound 'em down huh, SpongeBob... SpongeBob? [notices SpongeBob snoring with a donut in his hand] That's a good lookin' donut.

Atlantis Squarepantis

 * Mr Krabs: Is this some kind of joke!? Where's that gas tank?
 * [Song starts]
 * SpongeBob: A song? To sing a song? A song of wanting to move along
 * ''To a land where all our dreee--
 * [Falls to the floor low song stops]
 * SpongeBob: Sorry.
 * SpongeBob: ''To a land of all our dreeaaams can finaly come true

20,000 Patties Under the Sea [5.16a]

 * SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [sounding flirtatious] Bye, Squidward.
 * Patrick: You said "Bye Squidward" twice.
 * SpongeBob: I like Squidward.




 * Patrick: I think I fell on a rock! [shows a sharp, jagged rock in the back of his head]




 * Plankton: Hello, little one! Would you like a Chum Burger?
 * Little Kid: Uh...does it come in raspberry?
 * Plankton: Umm...no...
 * Little Kid: Blueberry...?
 * Plankton: No.
 * Little Kid: Uhmmmmmmm...raspberry?
 * Plankton: Aw, c'mon kid! You already said that! Quit wasting my time!
 * Little Kid's Mother: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?!
 * Plankton: I'm Plankton, ya old hag, and your son smells like boogers!
 * Husband: Hey, don't talk to my wife like that! What do you think this is?!
 * Plankton: Looks like it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That's what it is!
 * Husband's Grandmother: You can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone ought to put you in a mental institution!
 * Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, grandma!
 * Husband's Grandmother: You're probably right...
 * Plankton: You people are crazy! I'm gettin' outta here! [people begin throwing rocks at him] Hey!




 * Patrick: [talking about mysterious stomach-like thing from the abyss] It's a liquid!
 * Spongebob: No, it's a solid, it's a solid! [thing oozes mysterious liquid]
 * Spongebob and Patrick: It's a losquid...

The Battle of Bikini Bottom [5.17a]

 * Patrick: I happen to like my various smells and germs.


 * Patrick: [after he reveals he doesn't wash his hands, much to the chagrin of Spongebob] You... [writes a "U" on a brick wall with mud] are... [writes an "R"] how do you spell "Notmyfriend"?

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 * Patrick: Taste pit evildoer.

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 * Squidward: [to Mr. Krabs] Did you get any of Patrick's gold?
 * Mr. Krabs: He's not digging for any gold I'm looking for!