Green Porno



"Hahahaha! Chase me! Mate with me! Seduce me! He is so strong... and sharp! Doesn't need a vagina at all! [male bedbug stabs her in the gut] OOOOOH! Ejaculate on my wound... the sperm will travel on their own... to my ovaries."

- Isabella Rossellini, on the reproductive rituals of bedbugs.

Ok, Green Porno. Where do we start?

Green Porno was a series of short films starred by Isabella Rossellini released in Sundance Channel from 2008 to date. In the eight original films that comprise the first season, Rossellini enacts the mating rituals of various insects with cardboard cut-outs and foam-rubber sculptures... most of the time both quite graphically and accurately. A good deal of its comic value comes from Rossellini's great ability to mimic different insects (dragonfly, spider, bee, praying mantis, worm, snail, fly), the cardboard settings as well as her playful yet oddly sensual physical approach to the subject.

The following series are actually called Seduce Me, but the concept remains the same, and most people still call it Green Porno. Over the course of Green Porno's three seasons, the focus of the show has shifted. Season one dealt exclusively with insects that people can realistically encounter on a daily basis. The second season focused on sea creatures but also included an episode on the sexual organs. For the third and smallest season, Green Porno adopted an overt environmental theme, specifically one which focused on the concept of over fishing contrasted with the mating habits of animals commonly used as food. In season three, Rossellini is joined by biologist Claudio Campagna.

It doesn't gets less disturbing.


 * Death by Sex: A common fate for male bees.
 * Downer Ending: The male mantis fate, for reasons widely known. The female bedbug, for not so widely known reasons.
 * Gender Flip: A lot of times Isabella plays the male part. Or both the female and male half of it, with hermaphrodite creatures (earthworms, snails).
 * Getting Crap Past the Radar: Probably more like rubbing said crap over radar's face.
 * Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Bedbug females have no sexual organs. They are "stabbed" by males and receive their sperm directly in their blood torrent and guts. So do snails with each other, being hermaphrodites.
 * Large Ham: Isabella indulges in this quite frequently, overacting and not taking things too serious being the whole point.
 * Mind Screw: Over and over again.
 * Naughty Tentacles: Justified, since is a nature (???) TV show.
 * Refuge in Audacity: The other whole premise of the show.
 * Sensual Spandex: YMMV over the sensual, but Isabella's costumes are made of this material. Sometimes with painted nipples over it... for some reason.
 * This Is Sparta: The male mantis, while being eaten: "She would eat my head... But I keep copulating. Nothing stops me! I keep going!!! [humping beheaded] SEXXXX!!!"
 * What Do You Mean It's Not for Kids?: While most people generally have no issues regarding kids watching some documentary about giraffes mating in the Serengeti, watching a grown up actress enacting sexual intercourse with a cardboard homefly, grinning maniacally while dressed in spandex with weird appendages... well, you get the point.