Cloudcuckoolander/Recorded and Stand Up Comedy

""I [asked for a Kinder Surprise in third person] the other day and it answered me back, and he said to me: "No, I am Bill Bailey. You are not Bill Bailey, you are just a mere doppelgänger. I am the true Bill Bailey, in Another Dimension." And I went, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that." Then I thought the only way to solve this, I have to run at my doppelgänger, then we will be fused forever. So I ran full-tilt at it, and just before I got there I realised it was the highly polished side of the cheese counter.""
 * Steve Martin
 * Robin Williams
 * Steven Wright, as referenced in the page quote.
 * Mitch Hedberg.
 * Emo Phillips.
 * Zach Galifinakis
 * Ellen DeGeneres, queen of the non-sequitur.
 * Ross Noble. Bless.
 * John Hodgman
 * Mitch Hedberg. Yes, he deserves to be here twice.
 * Bill Bailey.

""I have less focus than squirrels!""
 * Gilbert Gottfried
 * Bobcat Goldthwait
 * Emo Philips. He deserves to be here more than twice, but two will have to do.
 * Norm MacDonald
 * The Firesign Theatre
 * Mitch Hedberg
 * Noel Fielding His hat's made out of skin! his paper is made out of skin! everything is made out of skin! So I got freaked out and ran home, and it took me an hour, and when I got there some bracken had put my window through
 * Demitri Martin

"(The answer is "15") "Is it... how many magic biscuits are there in the magic biscuit tree?""
 * Sarah Silverman
 * Stephen Colbert
 * Mitch Hedberg
 * Maria Bamford
 * Did we mention Mitch Hedberg?
 * Tom Green
 * Richard Lewis
 * Milton Jones


 * Reggie Watts

Loopy loopy loopy


 * Mitch Hedberg.