Ghost Voyage

"Mary had a row boat the row boat had a bell. Mary went to heaven the row boat went to... *insane laughter*"

Ghost Voyage is a 2008 horror film produced for broadcast on the Sci Fi Channel in the United States. Its cast includes Antonio Sabato Jr., Deanna Russo, P.J. Marino and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.

The plot deals with nine strangers, most of whom are engaged in criminal and/or morally questionable acts, who wake up on an apparently abandoned cargo ship with no memory of how they arrived there. The ship's steward soon appears and explains "the rules" to them: First, do not breach any closed doors. Second, do not enter the captain's quarters. Third, do not refuse any orders from a member of the crew. They soon learn two things: that the ship is haunted by malevolent spirits, and the ship is taking them to hell.

This movie contains examples of:
"Michael has poured paint thinner on a door and is about to set it on fire. Ronnie: Wait! The Steward said not to breach any closed door! Now, are you sure that breach doesn't include pouring something on it? Michael: You barely graduated middle school and you're giving me English lessons? 'Breach' means 'to open'!"
 * All Just a Dream: Implied that the whole event is one.
 * Asshole Victim: Technically, everyone.
 * Death by Sex: Simon and Jessica.
 * Dragged Off to Hell
 * Face Heel Turn: Nicholai. Twice.
 * Fan Service: One of the ghosts treats Ronnie to a sexual dance... before turning into a zombie hag for a Jump Scare.
 * Fate Worse Than Death: Aside from the fact that they're going to hell? Andrew is.
 * Heel Face Turn: Nicholai.
 * Humans Are Bastards: Basically what brought everyone to the ship.
 * Karmic Death: Everyone who dies. They broke the rules, those unscrupulous hooligans.
 * Go Mad From the Revelation: Nicholai.
 * I Knew It!: Michael and Ronnie argue about whether "breaching a door" includes dumping paint thinner on it and setting fire to it. When it turns out that  says "I told you so!"
 * Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Nicholai, then Michael..
 * National Stereotypes: Gangster Italians and a KGB-esque Russian.
 * "You're American, you've had it easy! You wouldn't last five minutes in my world!"
 * Non-Malicious Monster: Considering the ghosts only attack people who break a rule and, one can argue that they're not malevolent at all.
 * They seemed poised to take  to hell, but gave him another chance when he apologized. That was... unexpectedly polite of them.
 * No OSHA Compliance: Not only is there only one lifeboat on a large cargo ship, it's made of wood and smashes like lego after hitting the hull of the ship once.
 * No Smoking: The Steward tells Luis not to smoke.
 * Oh Crap: Nicholai, when the mermaid demon things turn on him.
 * Seinfeldian Conversation


 * To Hell and Back