The Wolf Blood Lineage

The Wolf Blood Lineage by Comics Nix tells the story of Hermione Granger, who learns early in the first chapter that she's actually Foxylene Siouxsie Angel du Dehors, heir to a Secret Legacy of mecha wolves, and gets thrown into a Random Events Plot.

Yeah, it's kind of like that.

It can be read here, if you dare.

"Bennett the Sage: "And the universe just imploded.""
 * A Date with Rosie Palms: After Luna is sexually harassed by Dumbledore, she runs and masturbates in the bathroom "just to break the tension."
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "Luna falls over the blood soaped ground, crying the tears for that girl that showed her new will to live thru tribulations. Ron clenches a chalks between his legs, to protest against the very laws of lawful nature. Neveille throws hands to the air, clamouring mercy from the heasvens. Ginny sings chants to applacate the raging thundering spirits of wolf blood lineage. Carl Johnson lowers his head and pray for the soul to be delivered at the upper dimensons. Hagrid smokes a pipe."
 * "Now Foxy is really, really terrified. There's no hope for her. Snape will tell everything; the wizards are going to cage her, rape her, kill her and smudge her makeup."
 * Beige Prose
 * Big Applesauce: Hermione Foxylene has to go to New York to discover her Secret Legacy. We never learn why, and her entire trip across The Pond is summarised in a few paragraphs.
 * Cluster F-Bomb: "Bitch is your fucking Fuher you bandoling piece of fuck!!!"
 * Costume Porn: "Now, Foxy have a blonde pompadour hair, like Ammy Whinehose, but more beautiful and hot. Her nails got painted green like the sea of India and she now uses cool new clothes of the ultimate fashion. Her pants are jeans trousers, but they are yellow like the sun in the morning of countryside Romania and are very tight, highlighting her curvy and sexy hips and legs of godess."
 * Crack Fic
 * Crossover: "Foxy, let me introduce you my cousin...


 * Also: "MBarrier, now!!!!!"
 * Deal with the Devil: "I made a blood pact with the the devil himself"
 * Dramatic Reading: Courtesy of Bennett the Sage's Fanfic Theatre here.
 * Evil Laugh: has one.
 * Furry Fandom: Draco acts like a dog for Hermione Foxylene.
 * Gorn: "she shoots the rider`s face, obliterating his head in a thousand of bloody messy pieces of scourged foul brain all over the highway."
 * The cock fight and ensuing riot afterward in chapter five.
 * Groin Attack: The only way to kill a male mecha werewolf.
 * IKEA Erotica
 * Infant Immortality: Averted. A baby's carriage is thrown into the street after the baby's mom is shot in the face, killing the baby.
 * Lighter and Softer: As horrifically graphic as the story can get at times, it's actually quite tame compared to the author's other stories.
 * Mind Screw
 * Mobile Phone: Harry, Ron and Foxylene are all given one, despite the fact that it's set in The Nineties and that they don't work in Hogwarts anyway.
 * They had mobile phones in the '90s, but they weren't handing them out to kids until the very end of the decade.
 * Mushroom Samba: Happens when Harry and Ron smoke Hagrid's cigar.
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Hermione Foxylene is a mecha wolf witch.
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: They're mecha.
 * Overly Long Name: Hermione Foxylene Siouxsie Angel du Dehors is from the same school of nomenclature as Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, leading a lot of readers to suspect it to be a Troll Fic even without knowing who it's by.
 * Prison Rape: The rare co-ed example happens to Luna.
 * Product Placement: Attempted, for "Boing" aircraft.
 * Purple Prose: Used along with the Beige Prose. Somehow.
 * Random Events Plot
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: Just look at any of the quotes in this page.
 * Secret Legacy: It's there in the title.
 * The Stoner: Hagrid. Yes, Hagrid.
 * Those Wacky Nazis: Hermione Foxylene and Luna meet some in "muggle" prison.
 * Troll Fic: Possibly It's by Comics Nix. Definitely.
 * Unfortunate Implications: "The woman was very strange, clothed like an unwashed gipsy, but she was not a gipsy, only unwashed."
 * You Fail Biology Forever