Glee/Recap/S2/E06 Never Been Kissed

We begin in the McKinley High locker room, where Finn is relaxing in a hot tub. Next to him, Sam settles into a bath full of ice. Finn asks him how the hell he can stand the cold, and Sam says he's used to it since he started dating Quinn. We get a flashback of Sam and Quinn making out. Sam wants to go further, but Quinn tells him no, and Sam is obviously frustrated. Finn commiserates, and wonders how he and Sam managed to start dating the only girls in school who won't put out. Sam asks what they can do, and Finn suggests thinking about the opposite of making out. We get another flashback to Finn and Rachel making out. Finn remembers the mailman incident, which greatly aids the situation. Back to the locker room. Sam says that he's never actually almost killed a civil servant before, and Finn tells him that he just needs to think of something completely unappealing. Cue Beiste. Sam and Finn both agree that she makes an excellent buzzkill.

Kurt and Tina walk along a hallway to class when Karofsky walks past them and slams Kurt into a locker without looking back. In Glee class, Mr Schue welcomes back Puck, who's out of juvie. Schue briefly hopes that Puck's actually learnt his lesson and become a better person, but Puck shoots him down. Schue announces that they have two new opponents for Sectionals: the Warblers, a choir from an all-boys school called Dalton Academy in Westerville, and a senior citizens' choir called the Hipsters. He also announces the second Boys vs Girls tournament. Kurt wants to join the girls, but Schue makes him join the guys, which he really isn't pleased about.

Puck approaches Artie at his locker. The subsequent conversation reveals that to get out of juvie early, Puck sold his probation officer a story that he knew a cripple who needed help, so he wouldn't have to pick up trash from the roadside. Artie isn't too pleased.

Karofsky throws Kurt into the lockers again. They have a screaming match in which Karofsky tries entirely too hard to be butch and Kurt throws insults at him. It ends with Karofsky shoving Kurt into the lockers, right in Schue's view. Schue talks to Kurt and asks if Kurt needs help. Kurt tells him that he needs to do it alone, and Schue says that he's noticed that Kurt's mood has taken a turn for the worse lately. No shit. Kurt says that Schue is too quick to let homophobia slide, but he then starts going on about Schue's lesson plans, so back in Glee class, Schue changes the tournament so that the girls are now singing songs usually sung by boys, and vice versa. Kurt is delighted.

Kurt attempts to orchestrate the boys into singing a Diana Ross number with him as lead. The boys shoot him down, and Puck says that if he wants to be useful, he should go spy on the Warblers. Kurt walks out.

Sam and Quinn are making out. Sam summons up the image of Beiste in a black negligee. It works beautifully as a buzzkill, but when Quinn tells him to say her name, Sam says Beiste instead. Whoops.

Quinn instantly runs to Sue, asking for help as she thinks Sam wants Beiste. Sue tells her to go public, confront Sam, and they'll try turning Beiste into Mary Kay Letourneau.

Puck and Artie busk, performing 'One Love/People Get Ready' at lunchtime at school, and make a fair amount. They decide to spend it on a double date with Santana and Brittany at Breadstix.

At Dalton Academy, Kurt's attempting to spy. He's surrounded by frantically rushing Dalton boys, and stops one of them to ask what's going on, offering a cover story that he's a new kid. The boy he stopped introduces himself as Blaine and explains that the Warblers sometimes perform in the senior common room, and everyone goes to watch when they do. Kurt is stunned by the concept of a school where the Glee club isn't alienated. Blaine grabs Kurt's hand and tows him along to the common room. When they get there, they find that the place is being adjusted so the Warblers have more room to sing. Kurt sighs that he sticks out like a sore thumb, and given that everyone in Dalton is wearing a uniform while Kurt's wearing clothes that are a fairly good imitation but don't actually pass, no shit. Blaine tells him not to forget his jacket next time. The Warblers start to perform and Blaine propels himself into their midst, revealing himself to be their lead singer. They perform Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream' a cappella, and Kurt is overwhelmed.

Back at McKinley, Mike tells Tina about Sam's buzzkill strategy. Tina thinks it's hilarious and drags Mike into a classroom to make out. Everything goes well until Tina whispers 'Beiste' and Mike hears her. He, naturally, is not amused. Tina tries to pretend she didn't say it, but she's not fooling anyone.

Quinn publicly confronts Sam, and everything turns into one huge mess as Mike, Beiste and Schue get involved. Schue drags Mike and Sam into his office and berates them for insulting Beiste so cruelly- after all, she's an outsider who people see as different. He points out how upset Beiste would be if she knew, and tells them that being so cruel to an outsider is what the Glee club is trying to prevent. He tells them that they need to tell everyone else in the club to stop it, and that Beiste can never find out.

At Dalton, Blaine and two other Warblers, David and Wes, have confronted Kurt over his spying, since he showed up again the day after he first went there. Kurt asks if they're all gay. Blaine says that he is, but David and Wes both have girlfriends. David and Wes explain that while Dalton isn't a gay school, what they have is a zero-tolerance harassment policy. Poor Kurt is almost crying at this point, so Blaine asks David and Wes to give them some privacy. Kurt tells Blaine about Karofsky and how horrible his life has become, and that nobody seems to give a damn. Blaine admits that he was also bullied, and he also went to the faculty, but nothing resulted, so he went to Dalton. He tells Kurt that he has two options: transfer to Dalton, which may not be feasible as it's an expensive school, or refuse to be the victim and confront Karofsky.

Back at McKinley, Puck and Artie ask Brittany and Santana out. Beiste asks Will why his kids are mouthing off to her, and says that if the students don't respect her, she can't do her job. Will admits that his students are using her as an anti-fantasy, and Beiste becomes upset and leaves.

At Breadstix, Puck brags about how awesome he was in juvie before deciding that the four of them are going to leave without paying. Artie, who isn't a dick, hangs back to pay and give the waitress a tip. Puck gets angry at Artie and tells him that he won't help him anymore.

In the music room, the Glee girls perform a mash-up of 'Start Me Up' and 'Livin' On A Prayer'. Kurt gets a text from Blaine that says 'Courage'. At the end of it, Becky gives Will a note from Sue telling him to go to the auditorium. In the auditorium, Sue gleefully announces, with the aid of confetti cannons, that they got Beiste fired (well, she quit) and now they can rejoice, for they have their budgets restored.

In the hallway, Kurt is rereading his text from Blaine when Karofsky knocks the phone out of his hand and shoves him into the lockers. Kurt, now fuelled by Blaine's text, chases after him and follows him into the locker room, where they throw insults at each other until Karofsky grabs Kurt's face and kisses him. He releases Kurt and tries for another kiss, but Kurt shoves him away and Karofsky punches the locker in frustration and storms out, leaving Kurt standing there with an expression of absolute horror, and the audience staring at the screen with identical expressions.

In the Glee room, Will angrily screams at the club for driving Beiste to quit. Rachel is understandably confused, so Finn admits that they were using her as an anti-fantasy. Figgins storms in and drags Will and Puck to his office, where Puck's probation officer is waiting. The probation officer is angry that Puck lied to her, and hanging out with Artie doesn't count as community service. Unless Puck actually starts serving the community, he's going back to juvie. Puck throws a fit and runs out.

In one of McKinley's external stairwells, Kurt and Blaine confront Karofsky, trying to help him understand that he's not alone so he doesn't need to push around gay kids and pretend that he's straight. Karofsky refuses to admit that he's gay, shoves Blaine into the barrier and runs off. Kurt tells Blaine that things are even worse because his first real kiss- i.e., with a guy- was in fact sexual assault.

In the locker room, Will tries to convince Beiste not to quit. She admits that the whole thing has destroyed her self-esteem as she's forty and she's never been kissed. Will gives her a chaste kiss.

In the hallway, Puck admits to Artie that everything he said about juvie was a lie, he got shoved around, and he's terrified of going back. Artie cuts him a deal: Puck will be picking up trash, and in return Artie will tutor him in Geometry.

Kurt stands at his locker, revealing that he's set up a Stalker Shrine to Blaine, complete with a huge photo and the word 'Courage'. Karofsky shoves him into the locker and Kurt falls to the floor, staring at the wall sadly.

The Glee guys apologise to Beiste and perform a mash-up of 'Stop! In the Name of Love' and 'Free Your Mind' as a tribute to her. Beiste admits that it was good, and they have a group hug.

Songs Performed:

 * "One Love/People Get Ready" by Bob Marley, performed by Puck and Artie
 * "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, performed by the Warblers
 * "Start Me Up/Livin' On A Prayer" by The Rolling Stones and Bon Jovi, performed by the Glee girls
 * "Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind" by The Supremes and En Vogue, performed by the Glee boys