My Immortal/Headscratchers

Let's begin by saying that everything about this fic should have you scratching your noggin.

We now return to your regularly scheduled HS page.

"Chapter 3: Then [Draco] put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. Chapter 14: He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
 * OK, what the hell is a "prep"? Don't agree with me, I really can't figure it out.
 * A prep is basically a really stereotypical girly girl.
 * Wikipedia is your friend.
 * Though the above wiki link has the most accurate description, the usage of "prep" as seen in the fic is based on a wider usage of it by various alternative kids in the late '90s and early '00s to basically mean "normie" or "mundane", but with an added emphasis on them being popular kids, especially Jerk Jocks and Alpha Bitches. It's actually something you could see quite a lot on the internet if you paid any attention to teenage pseudo-alternative subcultures there, but has quickly become dated.
 * I'm probably dating the hell out of myself by saying so, but back in the 80s, it was just a style of dress (preppy) that featured Izod shirts, khakis, loafers with no socks, sweaters draped over the shoulders and other trappings. This fashion trend was usually associated with bully characters like Jerk Jock and Alpha Bitch in teen movies from the decade, which could be why "prep" evolved to be something of a negative term for clean-cut white kids from wealthy backgrounds. These kids were always the arch enemies of the heroes of the movies, who where usually nerdy, Goth, punk or otherwise part of a marginalized group.
 * At one point in Chapter 16, Tara says that Enoby and B'loody Mary "talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie." How exactly does that work?
 * No, wait! WMG! Enoby and B'loody Mary are telepathic!
 * Well, that's pretty much confirmed in-story: Enoby does use "vampire telepathy" (which she calls "telekinesis") to tell Vrompire and Darko to destruct Snap.
 * Would it have been too much to say they were whispering to each other?
 * This troper always assumed "silence" was typed by accident and was meant to be "Japanese", since they had just been speaking it (well, a word or 2 of it).
 * Okay. At one point, it's said that both Draco and Ebony are bisexual. So how come Ebony never demonstrates any attraction to girls, ever? Now, I know it's probably because Tara isn't supposed to like Girls Love, but she could have avoided that by just saying Ebony was straight. So...?
 * Well, If I recall correctly, It was Draco who said Ebony was bisexual. It's possible that he simply made a wrong assumption.
 * Hell, she even drops a "Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?" in the very first line of the first chapter's disclaimer!
 * I have something of a crack theory regarding this.


 * Thus, Draco somehow becomes female between Chapters 3 and 14, proving Enoby's bisexuality. Or not.
 * She does keep telling the reader how "sexily" she does everything. It seems that she does find one girl attractive: herself.
 * Maybe Tara thought that making her characters bi would make them more goffik and edgy. Interpret that as you see fit.
 * What's the street value of invincibility coke?
 * If you let Drako take your virility keenly against a tree, he'll give you some invincibility coke.
 * How is it Draco comes back to life? Twice? Rule of Funny and just not caring aside, how does this fit in the logic of the story?
 * What is this "logic" of which you speak?
 * Voldemint probably kidnapped Draco and put a dead body double in his place or something to cover up the operation, or maybe after Draco killed himself he kidnapped the body and brought him back to life for some reason. Also, when does Draco commit suicide a second time?
 * Regarding Draco, when Dumbldor runs into the dormitory he says "It has been revealed that someone has-" but stops when he seen Snap and Loopin chewing on the sex tape. I'd always assumed that, had he been able to finish, it would have gone "-kidnapped Draco and left a fake corpse".
 * Everyone here is missing an important detail. Immediately before Draco's death is revealed, Ebony says she expects him to slit his wrists, but not die because he's a vampire. This suggests Dumbledore merely mistook him for dead. The real headscratcher here is why Ebony believed Dumbledore's report of Draco's death.
 * So, "Snap" was possessed by... Snap? How does that work?
 * He could be possessed by his future self? He's unaccounted for when Enoby goes back in time. While Ebony brought Satan back with her after having him fall in love, Snap went back in time.
 * I get it! Snap went back in time on Voldemort's orders, knowing that Enoby was time-travelling. Should Ebony screw up the timeline or change Voldemort in any way, Snap would undo what she did. He told Dumbledore that they were in the great hall when Satan and Hedwig were having sex.
 * Dunno how it happened, but it reminds me of a D&D battle where one of the party got Charm Person'd by the enemy. How'd we deal with it? I charmed the party member right back. So maybe Snappy had the same thing done for a similar reason. (Yes, I know Charm Person isn't mind-control, but still...)
 * Based on the context, it seems like she meant to say "James was possessed by Snape". Apparently, we're meant to believe she somehow misspelled "James" as "Snap".
 * Most likely a point of she just didn't care after making a mistake. Some writers make those kinds of mistakes where they'll be writing/typing what's on their mind, and they'll accidentally write something in that makes no sense, but it was on their mind at that current point.
 * I made similar mistakes by accident.
 * The Swedish translation of one Harry Potter book, I forget which, writes "Voldemort" where it should say "Dumbledore" by mistake. It's in a scene that doesn't even feature Voldemort.
 * I've not read any of the books and the only Potter movie I've seen is Deathly Hallows, Part I, to bear with me. Lucien/Lucius or whatever is Draco's dad. And in the past he gets his arm shot off by Samaro Potter who was secretly possessed by Snap at the time in some kinda time gambit to keep Draco and Vampire apart, or something... Well, here's my actual thing: Point is, Lucien has only one arm in the present in My Immortal, but when Ebony goes back in time and takes the bullet, he gets it back. What I'm asking is, does Lucien ever lose his arm in any way in the actual Potter canon, and this is Tara's way of explaining it, or is Lucien having one arm entirely her own creation?
 * Lucius at no point has one arm in the Potter canon. It's all Tara. The funny part is Tara apparently forgot to explain that he only has one arm in the My Immortal present, making Ebony's amazement that he has two arms in the past completely random.
 * Thanks for clearing that up. Understandably, Tara probably didn't think of that plot thread until the time travel was already introduced.
 * (Same guy who asked the Lucius Arm question above) What the hell is Voldemortserum? Is it based on something from the canon but with a screwed up name, or what?
 * Presumably that should have been Veritaserum, which (since you haven't read the books or seen any other movies) is truth serum.
 * So wait... then that makes Professor Sinister/Trevolry addicted to truth serum?
 * Yes, that's exactly what it means.
 * How is it that Ebony was named after her 'long ebony black hair' when she was presumably born without it?
 * From an in-story perspective, there are three plausible explanations: 1) For whatever reason, her parents didn't name her until they could tell what sort of hair she had, 2) For whatever reason, Ebony herself or her parents changed her name from whatever it was originally, and 3) Her parents were divination/deviation experts and therefore knew what her hair would be like.
 * Plenty of babies are born with some hair, and it would still be black. It just wouldn't be "long".
 * Based on the other characters, like "Vampire," and "Drkola," and the utter outlandishness of her full name, she probably made it up herself. Alternatively, she sprung, fully formed, from the Hellmouth. Either or.
 * Is this a troll fic or not?
 * That's still being debated. It's a lot funnier if you read it as one, though.
 * How is it that Voldemort shows up after Ebony brought Satan (who is past-Voldemort) into the future? Shouldn't present-Voldemort cease to exist when his past self was removed from the past?
 * Assuming Satan returns to the past at some point, Tara's way is actually consistent with the Harry Potter time travel rules.
 * The link on the main page leads to a re-post of the story and I've read that fanfiction.net deleted the original version. Why is that? Why did they delete it? I've seen no other sign of the people in charge caring about the quality of what's posted on the site, so did they remove for a different reason?
 * There have been other instances of fanfiction.net removing stories that it considers to be "obvious trolls." The works of Peter Chimaera, for example. Whether My Immortal is an actual trollfic, or just the product of an incredibly bad author, is still a subject of much debate.
 * How do James and Lucian know the names of their future sons? When James attempts to shoot of Lucian's arm, Lucian says Draco will never be friends with Harry.
 * Ebony dips Satan's cigar into Amnesia potion, only for Satan to tell her that Amnesia potion won't work as it hasn't been invented yet.
 * How is this possible, when in the past (same timeline as Tom Satan Bombadil's schooldays) Ebony steals Amnesia potion from Professor Slughorn? It means the potion has been invented!
 * Possibly Slughorn somehow travelled to the future and got the potion there.
 * Maybe Slughorn was developing the potion and that was a useless experimental version.
 * If Draco has a you-know-what and so does Enoby, does it mean both of them are of the same gender?
 * If Ebony is supposed to pretend to be in love with Voldemort, why does she eagerly offer to film him and Hedwig making out?
 * Considering she shortly before made out with Voldy, it makes her seem manipulative and uncaring.
 * Why does Voldemort in Chapter 44 summon Navel's wand, when he has a gun to shoot people with?
 * Even if a wand is more useful to him, why can't he use his own wand? To summon Navel's wand would require his own wand. which is more powerful than Navel's.
 * I know! This must mean Navel is the true hero of the story, not Harry. He is taking away Navel's wand to prevent Navel from defeating him magically. This must mean Navel is more powerful than Harry, who doesn't have his wand taken away from him.
 * It would also explain why Voldemort keeps on threatening to kill Draco and doesn't when he has the chance to do so. Navel is protecting his friends from Voldermort somehow.