Jerk with a Heart of Gold/Quotes

"Peter: Yeah. The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold.

[cut to mail room]

Peter: Hi, Kenneth. Hey, did I get any mail?

Kenneth: No! And if you come any closer, I'll cut you!

Peter: Okay! Okay! Man, what a bad-ass!

Man: Yeah? Well that bad-ass just gave half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with diseases!

[cue sentimental instrumental music]"

- Family Guy, "Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington"

""I'm just hiding my true compassion behind a facade of selfishness. Really.""

- Iago, Aladdin

""Howl is NOT a monster! Sure, he's selfish and spoiled, and sometimes he can be hard to understand, but his intentions are good!""

- Howls Moving Castle

"Kee Nang: "Gompa, I have ruined myself with the American. He is a fool."

The Old Man: "But he's brave."

Kee Nang: "He is irresponsible."

The Old Man: "But he's generous."

Kee Nang: "He thinks of nothing but protecting his own feelings."

The Old Man: "But if you touch his heart, there's nothing he wouldn't do for you."

Kee Nang: "He believes in nothing."

The Old Man: "Yet, still he does what is right."

Kee Nang: "He is a callous, thoughtless, undisciplined fool."

The Old Man: [chuckles] "Yes. I, too, like him very much. It's very hard not to.""

- The Golden Child

"Jeff Winger: "Oh, please. I invented phony. You care about people. I accuse you of faking it to convince myself I'm not such a jerk."

Britta Perry: "Jeff, you help people more than I do and you don't even want to. You're not a jerk, you're fine.""

- Community, "Modern Warfare"

"Inuyasha: Uh, are you crying? Stop crying. STOP CRYING!!!

Kagome: Well, what should I do then, laugh?

Inuyasha: No, you should shut up and let me protect you!"

- Inuyasha

""Good morning, Voyager. I want to tell you about a friend of mine. I first met this man almost a year ago and, to tell you the truth, I didn't like him much. He seemed a little too cocky, a little too sure of himself. A lot of people had questions about him. He'd proven he'd pretty much sell himself out to the highest bidder, go wherever the wind blew him so people wondered, could you trust this person when things got tough? Would he stand side by side with you or would he let you down when you needed him most? But the fact of the matter is he proved himself right from the beginning. I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for him and the same goes for many of you. It took me a while to realize it. Like a lot of people, I was too caught up in first impressions to see the truth that was right in front of me. I overlooked his bravery because I was focusing on his brashness. I ignored his courage because I saw it as arrogance and I resented his friendliness because I mistook it for licentiousness. So while this man was giving us his best every minute of every day I was busy judging him. And now he's leaving. I'm proud to say that in spite of my narrow-mindedness Thomas Eugene Paris became my friend. I'm going to miss him. No more laughs over a game of pool. No more sitting up into the wee hours swapping stories. No more complaints about my cooking. (chuckling) Goodbye, Tom. I think I speak for more of us than you might imagine when I say you're going to leave an empty space when you go. I hope you find what you're looking for.""

- Neelix, Star Trek Voyager, "Investigations"

""Tom Haverford is a selfish, sleazy, self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly kind and wonderful tiny, little person.""

- Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

"Anne Shirley: You're not an old ogre at all

Miss Barry: I am to an old ogre and don't you let on any different."

- Anne of Green Gables