Falcon Quinn

The Falcon Quinn series is a series of children's fantasy novels by Jennifer Boylan, previously a writer for adults.

The titular Falcon is an almost-thirteen-year-old boy who lives with his grandmother in a small town in Maine. One day, on the freezing cold Spring Equinox, he nearly falls through the frozen pond in pursuit of his tuba. He doesn't think too much of it at first, and gets on the schoolbus with his classmates Max and Megan. But rather than winding up at school, they find themselves taken to a strange building with no architectural solidity, and are greeted by a strange woman who informs them that they're all monsters!

They've come to an Academy for Monsters, a place which seeks to educate them and their many fellow students about their monster nature... and how to repress it. Monsters, in addition to scaring humans, are hunted by the guardians--so-called "protectors" of humans. Of course, many monsters hold no love for humans, either. To top it all off, Falcon doesn't even know what kind of monster he is! Now he and his friends must make a choice: Do they stick with their cool new powers despite the odds, or do they try to blend in to survive?

Despite that somewhat-grim descriptor, this is a mostly lighthearted series that relies heavily on humor (as well as strong dialogue and characterization) to help tell its story and build its world.

This series contains examples of:


 * All Guitars Are Stratocasters: And a classic Strat at that.
 * Aloof Big Brother: Jonny, though not a big brother, otherwise fits quite well.
 * Alpha Bitch:
 * An Ice Person: Vega has an amulet that can freeze people.
 * Animal Theme Naming: Falcon  follow a bird theme.
 * Balance Between Good and Evil: For centuries, monsters and guardians have been in balance.
 * In the second book, it's taken further by revealing that the balance is literal:
 * : "Never forget, Falcon, whatever happens... "
 * Beware My Stinger Tail: Beware the poison of La Chupakabra, the famous goatsucker of Peru!
 * Be Yourself
 * Bigfoot Sasquatch and Yeti: Max is a sasquatch, and quite proud of that fact.
 * Blessed With Suck: Destynee, who finds out that she is  However, she does eventually figure out it's more blessed than suck.
 * Brain In A Jar: Quimby, though he's less a brain and more a strange, disembodied head.
 * Boisterous Bruiser: Max!
 * But Your Wings Are Beautiful:
 * Catch Phrase:
 * Max: "Excellent!"
 * Pearl: "La Chupakabra, the famous goatsucker of Peru!"
 * Jonny: "It's just this thing I can do."
 * Mr. Slate: "Shaddap!"
 * Character Name and The Noun Phrase
 * Chekhov's Skill:
 * Dead Older Sisters: Megan's twin older sisters.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Quimby does well for being a head in a jar.
 * Defeat Means Friendship: Played with--Pearl insists on "defeating" Falcon and Megan in a fight (by swatting them with rolled-up magazines, as you do) before declaring that this defeat has made them friends. Which is all a part of...
 * The Dulcinea Effect: Pearl suffers from a platonic version, in that she is willing to swear herself the lifelong friend of pretty much everyone she meets and is willing to die defending them. Quimby even Lampshades this tendency: "Are you sure you want to be tied to these kids for life?]]
 * Elemental Powers: Elementals, natch, of which Megan is one.
 * Eloquent in My Native Tongue: A variation--Shakespeare is said to have secretly been a Frankenstein, and the monsters consider his original "Frankenstein" drafts of his plays (which are written in Hulk Speak) to be far more beautiful and lyrical than the "human translations."
 * Similarly, Sparkbolt's poems, despite being written in the same Hulk Speak, are considered to be quite eloquent by his Franken-peers.
 * Enemy Within:
 * Everything's Deader With Zombies
 * Eye Beams:
 * Feather Motif
 * Forgot I Could Fly:
 * Frankenstein's Monster: Generically called Frankensteins here. And before you fly into an Insistent Terminology rage, note that this is a school that plays home to 30+ different species of monsters; what better is there to call a reanimated corpse with bolts in its neck when the "accepted" term is just "monster?"
 * Freaky Is Cool
 * Friendless Background: Prior to coming to the school, Falcon lamented that he didn't really fit in with any of the school cliques (prep, jock, emo, etc.) and was thus usually excluded. At the school, this continues--first he doesn't know what kind of monster he is, and even when he does,.
 * Fun Personified: Mr. Hake wishes he could be this. He is not, however, quite there.
 * God Save Us From the Queen:
 * Gratuitous Spanish: Pearl, though she is Peruvian.
 * Happiness Is Mandatory: Mr. Hake tries to enforce this.
 * Heart Is an Awesome Power: Destynee's . Great, she can turn into  ... Oh, but she can also
 * Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Gone to extremes with, one of whom is   and the other of whom is.
 * Hulk Speak: Most Frankensteins speak like this, with the most notable being Sparkbolt. He's considered quite eloquent for a Frankenstein, though.
 * I Am Who?: Given quite a send-up by Ms. Redflint: "We're not going to have that conversation, are we? The one where you say, 'Oh, but monsters don't exist!' and I say 'Ah, but that's where you're wrong...'" on and on, et cetra.
 * The Igor: Algol, though he has an atypical Cockney accent.
 * Ill Boy: Linky.
 * Insistent Terminology: At, the teachers insist that Falcon isn't a monster, he's a
 * I Was Told There Would Be Cake: "HOORAY CAKE!" However, due to the cake being promised by the Happiness Is Mandatory Mood Swinger Mr. Hake, it's somewhat... off-putting.
 * Little Miss Badass: Pearl!
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: The relevant members of the student body alone include Falcon, Max, Megan, Pearl, Jonny, Linky, Destynee, Weems, Merideath, Sparkbolt, Mortia, Anhk, Woody, Peeler, and several others yet still.
 * The Masochism Tango:  "Has anybody ever told you two that you have the weirdest marriage ever?!"
 * Mismatched Eyes: Falcon has them, which, for a long while, is the only real sign of his monster-dom.
 * Misunderstood Loner With a Heart of Gold:
 * Monster Mash
 * Mood Swinger: Mr. Hake, who goes from Tastes Like Diabetes to RAAAWRG in less than a second.
 * My Brain Is Big: Dr. Medulla.
 * My Nayme Is: Many monsters have these, with the most notable being "Merideath."
 * Noodle Incident: "Chamber X." A Deleted Scene (available on the website) shows what happened there, though.
 * Only Sane Man: Lincoln firmly believes himself to be this, and thinks the Academy is an asylum.
 * Our Monsters Are Different
 * Please Select New City Name: Anhk is from Cairo...
 * Prison Break
 * Psychic Dreams for Everyone
 * Puppy Love: Many, In Universe.
 * Raised By Grandparents: Falcon was raised by his grandmother.
 * Ravens and Crows: Crow. Ya think?
 * Secret Test of Character:
 * Shout Out: Zombies can gain powers by singing and dancing. Hmmm...
 * There's a band that plays strange kinds of percussion. It's composed entirely of green men.
 * Similar Squad: When Falcon ends up at  in the second book, he encounters a number of people who are eerily similar to the people he knows at the Academy.
 * Stellar Theme Naming:
 * Strange Syntax Speaker: Mr. Pupae, the mothman. It speaks this way to us!
 * Tastes Like Diabetes: Mr. Hake. "Super Happy Points" indeed.
 * Totally Radical: Max, like, could totally be Bill and Ted's excellent lost third amigo! Dude! (It seems to be a sasquatch thing; Woody and Peeler are the same way).
 * We Can Rule Together:
 * Winged Humanoid: Crow.
 * Who You Gonna Call?: The guardians hunt monsters. Of course, when your good guys are the monsters, well...
 * The World Is Just Awesome: Pearl takes Falcon and Megan for a ride through the sky, which delights them both.
 * Would Hurt a Child:
 * Your Vampires Suck: Ms. Redflint does not think highly of vampires, and considers them walking superiority/inferiority complexes. What with the angst and the "Twilight brooding" and all.
 * The World Is Just Awesome: Pearl takes Falcon and Megan for a ride through the sky, which delights them both.
 * Would Hurt a Child:
 * Your Vampires Suck: Ms. Redflint does not think highly of vampires, and considers them walking superiority/inferiority complexes. What with the angst and the "Twilight brooding" and all.