Glorious Shotgun Princess

"Judging from the car, I think he had another career planned out as the Kool Aid Man."

- Joker, on Garrus' aircar

On the one side, we have Mass Effect, with its grand space opera and omnicidal cthulhuan cuttlefish. On the other side, we have Exalted, with its superheroics and Kung-Fu Fighting.

What would happen (asked Gregg Landsman of Nobody Dies fame/infamy) if a titular Exaltation from the latter wound up in Commander Shepard of the former?

And Hilarity Ensued.

Can be read here, along with pages upon pages of speculation, off-topic ranting, and hilarious omake scenes. Just check your sanity at the door.

This fic contains examples of the following:
"You took a murderous AI, plugged it into parts from a more murderous AI, and made it non violent, then tried to make it violent anyway, and succeeded at failing."
 * AI Is a Crapshoot: Inverted.


 * Beyond the Impossible: Everything Shepard does. Some of the other cast members also qualify from time to time.
 * Brick Joke: The crew has a discussion about how Cerberus projects tend to wind up killing all the scientists and taking over the base.
 * Car Cushion: Joker catches a falling Liara and Miranda (after they fell out of his car to start with...)
 * Car Fu: Shepard's fight with starts off this way.
 * Chekhov's Honey Badger
 * Cool Car: Garrus' aircar. Aka.
 * Fluffy the Terrible: In Mass Effect canon, he was Legion, Terminal of the Geth. Here, he's...Wuffles the Wonder Geth.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Kasumi.

"" The cybersecurity suite of your personal vehicle requires updating.""
 * Heel Face Turn:
 * High Altitude Interrogation: Exalt!Shepard's method of choice for turning to her side.
 * Hollywood Hacking:


 * Holographic Disguise: How everyone's favourite Geth would infiltrate Azure, except Geth do not infiltrate.
 * I Got Better: Shepard doesn't quite die at the end of ME1 as in canon...
 * Impossible Thief:  is a Sidereal. She can steal your train of thought.

"Miranda: No, I've figured it out. It's just that it would take more eezo being jammed into you than the drive core of an Asari Dreadnought."
 * Informed Obscenity / Unusual Euphemism: Claw Hammer. (also a Shout-Out )
 * Magic Versus Science: Miranda insists that Shepard's newly-gained superpowers can be rationally explained.

"Joker: I've always wanted Power Girl as a drinking buddy."
 * Martial Medic: How does Shepard cure ? She punches it out of him.
 * And Kasumi Produces many exclamations of 'what'.
 * Meaningful Name: Chekov.
 * Most Common Superpower: As an Exalt's Appearance score increases, their...assets are enhanced, as Shepard finds out. Lampshaded by Joker.


 * Noodle Implements: Kasumi's miniature Krogan statue.
 * Punching Gag: Shepard's attempts to get off Alchera invariably end with her destroying the ship she planned to use to escape, occasionally with Clothing Damage ensuing (as while an Exalt is nigh-indestructible, her clothing, not so much).
 * Also, everyone has needs.
 * Poor Wuffles tends to get used for target practice by people who freak out upon seeing a Geth.
 * Shout-Out: Joker's maneuvering in the aircar chase is not unlike the "tunnel scene" from Men in Black.
 * "One of my magic powers is a bullshit detector. It goes ding when there's crap."
 * What would happen if Cerberus made a taco cart?
 * Wuffles, the Wonder Geth references Wuffles, the Wonder Fish from Nobody Dies (whose own naming was a shout out to Legion's in Mass Effect 2)
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Vasir tries to give one to Shepard.
 * The Immodest Orgasm:
 * Weak but Skilled: Vasir doesn't have the pure power of Exalted Shepard, but she has been a Spectre longer than Shepard has even been alive, with the experience and skill to match.
 * Xanatos Gambit: The Illusive Man fully expects Shepard to steal Normandy, unshackle EDI and subvert the crew.