Vision of Escaflowne Abridged

The third The Abridged Series from Hbi2k. Take Vision of Escaflowne, turn Hitomi Genre Savvy, make Van Wrong Genre Savvy, and turn the Big Bad into a Cloudcuckoolander (not Dilandau, who's just as crazy as in the original series).

Now finished, it delivers the laughs as well as the earlier series, Gantz Abridged and Berserk Abridged. Courtesy link.

"Van: What's that from? I'm trying to reference Lord of the Rings here. Mole-Man: That was from Lord of the Rings. Van: No it wasn't! I should know, I watched all three extended editions back-to-back once. Best two years of my life! Mole-Man: Bah, you dammed kids and your Peter Jackson..."
 * Adaptation Displacement: Van is a big fan of Lord of the Rings...yet he doesn't even know there was a book series by that name.

"Hitomi: Wow, Van, that's actually a really mature and well-adjusted way to look at it... Van: Hey, thanks! Hitomi: ...And do you know how many fangirls mature, well-adjusted characters usually get? Van: Fifty thousand! Hitomi: Lower. Van: Five hundred? Hitomi: Lower. Van: Square root of negative one? Hitomi: ...Okay, higher and...less imaginary. Van: ...Zero? Hitomi: Bingo! Now, angst! Angst like you've never angsted before!"
 * All Girls Want Bad Boys: Hitomi points this out to Van when has trouble trying to be Wangsty over his evil brother.

"Van This is for Freid! Dilandau Cesta! Van For Balgus! Dilandau S- Stop that! Van For my parents! Dilandau What the hell, man?! We didn't even do anything to your parents!"
 * Analogy Backfire: Zig Zagged.
 * And This Is For: parodied in the fight leading to the angst coma.

"Hitomi: Oh yeah, I guess I just don't think about [Van's tragic backstory] because you're all happy-go-lucky all the time. I mean, would it kill you to mope about it a little more?"
 * Angrish: Folken is reduced to this upon learning that Hitomi's powers could have saved him all the time and effort he sunk into building his own fate alteration engine.
 * Angst Coma: The Trope Namer. Van goes into one after Escaflowne is damaged, and Dilandau after Van slaughters his Dragon Slayers.
 * Angst? What Angst?: Lampshaded In-Universe.

"Hitomi: Allen, you took a tentacle attack for me! Allen: Kinda makes what Jesus did seem pretty piddly, doesn't it? Hitomi: Hey, don't make fun of Jesus! Blasphemy's a sin. Allen: Yeah, but didn't Jesus die for those? Think what a waste that'd be if I never committed any."
 * Authority in Name Only: Dornkirk
 * Ax Crazy: Dilandau to the max.
 * Bad Liar: Allen sucks at hiding the whole "bastard child with Marlene" thing.
 * Bishonen: Allen, Van, Amano, Dilandau, Dryden, Folken....
 * Blasphemous Boast

"Katara: Do something optimistic! Sokka: Do something skeptical! It's what SCIENCE would want. Merle: STOP, STOP, STOP WITH THE VOICES!"
 * Blood Knight: Van loves pointless fight sequences.
 * Brain Bleach: Episode 16 has Hitomi's furious mental request for mental soap upon learning that Allen might be her second cousin.
 * The Cameo:
 * Zuko and Iroh appear in Merle's mind the first time Hitomi is kidnapped, the second time Katara and Sokka appear.

"Van: Hey, Hitomi, you're a girl, right? Hitomi: How nice of you to notice. Van: Yeah, I'm perceptive like that."
 * Can You Hear Me Now?: "This episode of Escaflowne Abridged has been brought to you by Chekhov's Cellphone Service, bringing you more bars in more places -- even on Gaia."
 * Captain Obvious

"Hitomi: Was it all just a dream? Or maybe a vision...No, it was re- Van: Whoa, whoa! Is that supposed to be your catchphrase or something? Because you sound like Descartes after a big, heaping helping of stupid. Hitomi: What about you? "Snickety slice"? What are you, Wolverine's inbred stoner cousin?"
 * Catch Phrase: "Snickety Slice!"
 * Which in itself is from Tenacious D Wolverine  Mallrats various places.
 * And, of course, "Beefcake!"
 * Van and Hitomi throw some flak at each other for their catchphrases

"Van: I'll never run from an enemy! ...Except for that one time when I ran from an enemy and ended up here. But that's the limit of my running from enemies!"
 * Dornkirk has "OI! FOLKEN!"
 * Chocolate Baby: "Prince Chid is my son... What? My genes are just recessive, that's all. All of them."
 * Technically vanilla...
 * Couch Gag: The Opening Theme.
 * Covert Pervert: "Yes! Make me a woman, mysterious naked savior!"
 * The Dark Side
 * Embrace the Shoujo side of the fandom!
 * Determinator: Spoofed with Van.

"Chid: How strange. She always said you had the largest weapon of any man in Asturia, but your sword is quite normal sized.... Van: * snort* She must not have seen many men's weapons. Hitomi: Van... Milerna: What Van means is that this sword is just for everyday use. Allen: Yeah, my other weapon is for everynight use. Milerna: Allen! Chid: Ooh! May I see this every-night weapon? Allen: Oh, uh, no. I only unsheathe that one when I come upon a beautiful maiden in distress. Chid: You come upon a beautiful maiden every night? Allen: Sometimes twice, if I'm not too- Hitomi and Milerna: SHUT UP ALLEN!"
 * Deus Ex Machina: Lampshaded in the finale when Asturia asks The Cavalry not to use the alchemy bomb on Zaibach because the whole situation seems like one of these. This prompts the commander to a rant about all the blood, sweat, and tears the army had expended in acquiring and arming the bomb, justifying it as an established plot point. Unfortunately, it seems the whole thing was cut for screen time.
 * Don't Explain the Joke: "Oh, by the way, this is Merle. We keep her around because she's so good at detecting irony."
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: "But I thought the G-spot was in the Mystic Valley"
 * "It was... (but) the metaphor broke down."
 * Double Entendre: the group has fun throwing these over Prince Chid's head when he innocently decides to comment on Allen's "weapon."

"Hitomi: Van!? You're the mysterious naked savior? Van: Naked? You wish. My wings can come out just fine with my pants still on, thankyouverymuch."
 * Dreaming of Things to Come

"Van: The reason you're confused is that the network decided to skip the first episode. It seems that certain...elements didn't test well among that crucial, "Has a Penis," demographic. Hitomi: And that was more important to them than maintaining continuity in the plot? Van: You're watching Fox."
 * Eats Babies: Dilandau Snacks.
 * Exact Words: "If you're truly my son, you'll guard this treasure with your life and the lives of all those that follow you!" Too bad for Duke Freid that Chid is an obvious Chocolate Baby.
 * Executive Meddling

"Folken: "Fuck you, Dilandau. Fuck you right in your " Dilandau: "...What an odd thing to say....""
 * Fetish Fuel Station Attendant: "Incestuous Bisexual Ninja Cat Girls!"
 * Who dress up in maid outfits on Folken's birthday.
 * Foreshadowing:

"Van: Oh, hi, Dilandau! Dilandau: "Hi, Dilandau?" You are facing the implacable enemy who has dogged your footsteps since you've left your homeland, and all you can say is, "Hi, Dilandau!?" Van: Um... it's... nice to see you?"
 * Gambit Roulette: The events of the entire series were all part of an elaborate plan by Dornkirk in order to
 * Genius Ditz: Dornkirk, especially considering he's The Inventor of the Fig Newton and the deadliest Sunuvabitch in space.
 * Genre Savvy: The show has a field day playing with this. For one thing, Hitomi uses this to fake still having Psychic Powers when her actual ones are temporarily blocked.
 * Go-Karting with Bowser

"Dilandau: "Damn, I'm sexy. Why haven't I worn leather pants before?""
 * Handsome Lech: Allen and his Alternate Reality Counterpart Amano. "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's ugly old men trying to take advantage of young girls. That's for us beautiful men to do."
 * Heel Face Turn: Folken defects because he's sick of the emperor's bullshit.
 * Hell-Bent for Leather

"Folken: Van, I am your brother! Van: That's not true, that's impossi-wait, yes it is, hey bro!"
 * Doubles as a Shout-Out to Draco in Leather Pants.
 * I Am Your Father

"Van: "If I wanted to sleep through half of the episode, I would have watched..." List of series flashed rapidly: Wolf's Rain, Gungrave, GitS: SAC, Paranoia Agent, Mushishi, Boogiepop Phantom, Hi, Mom!, Serial Experiments Lain, squirrels do it, Samurai 7, Soul Taker, Casshern Sins, Kino's Journey Van: "Witch Hunter Robin.""
 * If I Wanted X, I Would Y: Spoofed in episode 5, with the ever-so-convenient random anime Take That generator

"Yukari: He's the most desirable Bishonen in school! If you don't make a move now, you may never get another chance! Hitomi: Uh, actually, it sounds like you're really into him. Are you sure you don't want to make a move on him? Yukari: No! You've loved Amano for years! I could never stand in the way of your happiness... Hitomi: Actually, I just met him today. Are you sure you're not projecting just a little? Yukari: ...Okay, Hitomi. If it's for my best friend, I guess I have no choice. I'll stand aside, and give you a chance at happiness with Amano! Hitomi: Um, okay...."
 * I Have This Friend: Done transparently by Millerna..
 * I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Yukari's projecting just a wee bit too much...

""Illogicality!""
 * Done again by Dryden to Millerna in the finale. Subverted in that.
 * Innocent Innuendo: V Card does not mean what you think it means.
 * Insane Troll Logic: Hitomi in the second round of Passive-Aggressive Kombat.

"Van: That's right! How did you heal Allen back then? Milerna: I don't know, all I did was touch him inappropriately... Van: Worth a try!"
 * Intimate Healing

"Allen: Wait, this is crossing the line? Going over to Zaibach, invading Fanelia and Freid, killing your mentor, kidnapping and drugging you. All that stuff was cool, but this is eternal vengeance territory? Van: Is there a problem with that? Allen: Just making sure I understand you."
 * Ironic Echo: Dornkirk to Folken in the finale.
 * It's Personal: It has to take a catgirl kidnapping Hitomi to get Van to say this....

"Dilandau: I love my life!"
 * Jive Turkey: Dilandau's late-series henchbeastman, Jajuka, talks like an especially irritable urban stereotype. Don't call him Toby.
 * Karma Houdini: Dilandau, who in the finale is.

"Allen: Still legal. All right!"
 * Kissing Cousins: Allen's mental response to learning he might be Hitomi's second cousin

"Hitomi: Well, that's confusing. Can't we just call them all mecha? Allen: Ha! Good one. And while we're at it, why don't we call anime "cartoons" and manga "comic books?" Hitomi: Hey, yeah -- why don't we? Allen: ...I'm still trying to get into that tiny skirt of yours, so I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear you say that."
 * Lack of Empathy: Van. When he briefly does develop some empathy in one episode, he's convinced it's a superpower.
 * Leitmotif: Kefka's theme plays pretty much anytime Dilandau is onscreen.
 * Also Darth Vader's theme from Star Wars for Folken, Setzer's theme for Allen, Gestahl's theme for Dornkirk, and several others.
 * Loveable Sex Maniac: Allen is depicted as one of these.
 * Male Gaze: As seen on episode 2.
 * A Mech by Any Other Name

"Zonghi: Brother! NOOOO! Oh, cruel fate, what are the odds!? ...No, seriously -- the odds against this happening must be astronomical."
 * Million-to-One Chance

"Miguel: I-I love you! Can I defect...er, I mean, I am a loyal servant of Zaibach and am answering your questions only because I am under hypnosis."
 * Mook Face Turn: Miguel. The promise of not being bitchslapped is so powerful that he snaps out of hypnosis just to ask if he can defect to Fried

"Van: I, Van Fanel, have completed the task of dragon slaying! He was all, like, "GRRRR! FWOOSH!" and I was all like, "No way!" and then I went, "SNICKETY SLICE!" and I cut out his heart! Red Shirt 1: Wow, that sounds badass! Red Shirt 2: I wish everyone could have seen it! Van: Yeah... Me too."
 * More like he was feigning hypnosis the whole time, and broke character for a moment.
 * New Powers as the Plot Demands: "Well, that's bullshit! First you get Hitomi's seeing powers, and now my healing? What are you gonna steal next, Allen's sex appeal?"
 * No Fourth Wall: Obviously. When Hitomi's Seer abilities are temporarily suppressed, she decides to find Van by going into Omniscient Narrator Mode.
 * Offscreen Moment of Awesome: As part of the potshots against the Fox run, we have the missed fight with the dragon.

"Folken:Yeah...Once again, if my lord could perhaps be a bit more specific...."
 * The Omniscient Council of Vagueness: So vague, in fact, that even half of the Council itself isn't quite sure what they're talking about.

"Balgus: Make your dead parents' rotting corpses proud, my lord! Van: Do you really have to put it like that? Balgus: I just wanted to make sure it was established that they're dead. And rotting. In their graves! ...Beefcake!"
 * Only Six Faces: "It seems you've got me mixed up with someone slightly less attractive. It happens all the time, the animators only know how to draw, like, four different kinds of faces."
 * Overly Long Gag: Dilandau slapping the messenger over and over again.
 * Parental Abandonment

"Dornkirk: 'Oi! Folken! Have you found the dragon yet? Folken: No, my lord, and I seem to be running out of flamboyant lackeys to send after him. Dornkirk: Why? What's wrong with Dilandau? Folken: He's been slipping in and out of an Angst Coma ever since his underlings were killed. Turns out he did care about those guys; who knew? Zonghi's dead.... Dornkirk: Have we used the gecko ninjas? Folken: We've used the gecko ninjas. Dornkirk: How about that snake guy? Folken: We've used the snake guy."
 * Passive-Aggressive Kombat: The Trope Namer.
 * Politeness Judo: The first round of Passive-Aggressive Kombat.
 * Poor Communication Kills: Lampshaded in the finale.
 * Quirky Miniboss Squad: Wonderfully lampshaded with the following exchange!

"Dilandau: I tear my shirt off in anguish!"
 * Reference Overdosed
 * Retroactive Wish: Used twice with the help of Hitomi's MacGuffin pendant:
 * First, in episode 8, Van wishes that all the fossilized dragon hearts being mined would explodes. The MacGuffin pendant makes them do so. Then he wishes for cheeseburgers to eat instead of grubs. Nothin'.
 * Then, in the next episode, Hitomi wishes that a "knight in shining armor" would save her from Naughty Tentacles. Cue Allen arriving in a suit of armor. Hitomi then wishes that she was back in her fantasy world where Allen gave up his womanizing ways for her. Again, nothin'.
 * Lampshaded in episode 14 when Allen hopes help would arrive to heal Van after a recent battle. A friendly caravan arrives, and Allen then wishes that there would be some sexy nurses as well. Hitomi points out that she tried it, and it doesn't work.
 * Selective Obliviousness: "Oh my God, is it possible that Allen's intentions towards me are less than honorable? ...Nah!"
 * Shirtless Scene: "Oooh! Manservice!"

"Van: Yes! I can do the impossible! Hitomi: Well, see the invisible... Merle: RAW, RAW! FIGHT DA POWA!... * cricket chirp* ...Aww, I wanted to be part of the moment, but I killed it! Why do I kill everything I love?"
 * Shout-Out: To the "Beefcake!" line from South Park.
 * "Would you kindly get back to Van's boring backstory, and BLOODY WELL LIKE IT!"
 * Spoofed when Merle screws up the moment by making the "Libera Me" reference a little too obvious.

"Van: First in every charge and last in every retreat, that's the motto of the kings of Fanelia! Folken: That's the kings of Narnia, you idiot. Van: We can use it too! They don't own it!"
 * To The Chronicles of Narnia:

"Allen: Look Hitomi, Just because I want to tap that like a Prodigal Sorcerer doesn't mean I'll risk people's lives over a hunch! Hitomi: How would dealing 1 damage per turn to a creature or player help? Does Zaibach use a lot of 1/1 creatures?"
 * To The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in the form of a sandwich made by Arthur Dent.
 * To Magic: The Gathering

"Prince Chid: My late mother often told me about a brave knight named Allen. Tell me, did you know Marlene of Asturia? Allen: Uh, well, yeah, but not intimately... I mean not biblically! ...I mean, y-yeah, we met."
 * To his own Gantz Abridged in episode 2. "You know, now all I can think about is sex." After counting past six...
 * Sound Effect Bleep: This is the only abridged series made by hbi to have that trope.
 * Surrounded by Idiots: Folken.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial

"Duke Fried: Sergeant Cannon Fodder Canaan-Föder, how do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake? Canaan-Föder: I... I don't know, sir Duke Fried: That's easy, you don't! You just keep sending wave after wave of men to their deaths! Now, call in the reserves -- we're having a good old-fashioned troop surge!"
 * Take That: At Fox Kids not airing the first episode.
 * "Don't be stupid! Only an idiot uses a giant key as a weapon."
 * Tempting Fate: "Well, my Guymelef is pretty smashed up, but the most important thing is that nobody important got hurt." Guess who's bleeding to death at the moment. Go on, guess.
 * That Man Is Dead: Folken invokes it, but Van takes it literally and thinks for a second that he's a ghost.
 * The Ugly Guy's Hot Daughter: "Have you seen the king? He makes me look like you, and you look like some kind of...freaky, super you! Makes you wonder how his daughters got so hot...."
 * Uncertain Audience / Multiple Demographic Appeal: "In the anime industry's quest for ratings, the creators of shows with strong cross-demographic appeal must pander to two separate, yet equally important groups: the shonen fandom, who enjoy Giant Robots, short-skirted schoolgirls and long, drawn-out fights between musclebound supermen full of thinly veiled homoeroticism; and the shoujo fandom, who like their schoolgirls magical, their Giant Robot pilots Bishonen, and their homoeroticism right out in the open. These are their stories..."
 * Wangst: Hitomi advises this for Van to get more fangirls, since he equates it to getting stronger. He develops the ability to detect Merle from behind the bushes.
 * We Have Reserves

"Canaan-Föder: How does it feel to be the last man to die for a mistake, asshole?"
 * Inverted in that as soon as he says it, his own men shoot him in the back with an arrow volley.

""That's about as close as anyone gets in this show. Oh, except Dilandau; that guy's crazy. Don't ever get on his bad side""
 * Well-Intentioned Extremist: Folken

"Van: And it's like I could tell what they were thinking and feeling just by watching what they said and did.... Did I just get some awesome new superpower without realizing it?"
 * Which might be cribbed from the Escaflowne page on this very site.
 * "Zaibach: Kicking your ass for the greater good."
 * What Is This Feeling?: Spoofed when Van briefly experiences the mysterious concept known as "empathy."

"Moleman: We don't have a doctor on board. Princess Millerna, you'll have to save him Millerna: What? Why me? I don't have any medical training. One of those guys do it! Moleman: Nope, it has to be you. Van: He's got a point. There's only a couple of useful powers that girls ever get in this kind of show, and Hitomi's the Seer, so that makes you the Healer."
 * What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: "Oh God, now I'm having a flashback that's not even mine? This is the worst superpower ever."
 * What Measure Is a Non-Human?: "Killing humans isn't murder, it's pest control!"
 * White Magicial Girl: It's noted that such series make this one of only two roles women get to play. Millerna is stuck with being this, as Hitomi is the prophet.

"Hitomi: Van, why do you have wings now? Van: I told you -- I'm an awesome Shonen action hero, and I have lots and lots of powers. Hitomi: Oh yeah. Angel wings. That's really Shonen. Seriously, is it genetic or something?"
 * Wing Pull


 * Wrong Genre Savvy: Van. The guy seems to think Escaflowne's a straight up Shonen show.
 * You Do NOT Want to Know: . Allen asks anyway, and the explanation horrifies him.