Batman: Arkham City/Funny

The Game in General
"Hostage: Why doesn't he just tell you what he wants?
 * This exchange in one of the Riddler's Challenge room.

Batman: [flatly] ...Because he's INSANE."

"Riddler: I know you were lying, Strange. There's no way that you could have figured it out! It's some kind of trick. It must be!
 * Also, in one of the Riddler's interview tapes, Nigma receives a magnificent Take That from Strange, who is explaining the strategy he used to learn Batman's identity.

Strange: Oh, I use no tricks, no childish puzzles. I simply created a psychological profile of the man most likely to be the Batman, and then matched it against the most logical candidate. I was right, of course.

Riddler: Well, who is he?!

Strange: Ah, but that would spoil the game for you, wouldn't it?

Riddler: You must tell me! I implore you Strange! I-

Strange: Really, Edward? If I could figure it out, it must be child's play for you.

Riddler: But I... I...

Strange: Interesting. Tell me Edward, how is the Riddler like a blank dictionary?

Riddler: ...

Strange: You're both at a loss for words."

"Jack Ryder: The name's Ryder, Jack Ryder.
 * Batman saves Jack Ryder from some inmates.

Batman: The T.V. reporter.

Jack Ryder: Yeah, you a fan?

Batman: No."

"Strange: My name is Professor Hugo Strange. And you are...?
 * This video, matching gameplay footage from the trailers with 60s Batman music and effects to hilarious effect.
 * Joker's interview tape with Hugo Strange gives us this gem:

Joker: Two-Face. ...Catwoman? *giggles* Batman!"

"Batman: I figured you could use my help, Selina.
 * Two-Face shooting Batman in the courtroom and shouting "Objection... overruled!" Way funnier than the last time he shot Batman...
 * "Two guns, bitch!"
 * This exchange:

Catwoman: You're right. I think I chipped a nail back there."

"Riddler: Well done, Dark Knight! You figured out how to open a door!"
 * That's funny enough, but much later in the game the lines are reversed between the two after Catwoman helps Batman. Batman delivers it pretty poorly, however, and Catwoman calls him on it.
 * When Batman confronts
 * Better yet, if you die in that room (and on harder difficulties you probably will), you get to watch it over and over - and it gets funnier every time.
 * Batman punching the (significantly-shorter) Penguin off his feet and into a pit while a dramatic chord swells is great for unintentional hilarity.
 * Even better when you truly defeat him. It's hilarious to just see Batman wail on the little guy at super speed.
 * This line from the first Riddler Room:

"Mook 1: Just walk away, and everything will end okay.
 * The first time you encounter Harley, she's cartwheeling and back-flipping down to you. She's actually trying to ATTACK YOU. If you counter her kick, you fling her to the side. If you don't? You get hit in the face, and it seems like you're about to have a fight with Harley...until you take her down in one punch anyway.
 * After she leaves, four of the mooks with her are pointing guns at Batman. The following exchange is priceless.

Mook 2: End OK? She. Left us. Alone. With. Batman."

"Mook 2: What do we do? It's not like he breaks out of death traps...oh wait, he does!
 * And then they start giving Batman ideas:

Mook 1: Relax, we've got guns. What's he gonna do? Throw a smoke bomb, knock you out and hang me from the ceiling?


 * Tutorial: Throw Smoke Pellet."

"Catwoman: Well, isn't this nice. I guess Batman found your wife after all.
 * Tragically, none of the four thugs in the following predator tutorial are designed to be taken out with an inverted takedown (which hangs them from the ceiling).
 * Not designed to be, no. But you can take one of them down this way if you swing to the third gargoyle on the left fast enough.
 * If you go to the Iceberg Lounge early, Batman can knock on the door and a mook will peek out. Grumpily asking what you want before realising who he's talking to.
 * When Vicki Vale reports on Bruce getting involved with Arkham City, she introduces him as "millionaire Bruce Wayne", only to have him interrupt with "It's billionaire, Vicki. Millionaires are so last year."
 * In the epilogue, Catwoman can talk to various villains/characters. A highlight among them is her conversation with Mr. Freeze.

Mr. Freeze: Yes. My beautiful Nora is now safe.

Catwoman: So is now a good time to talk to you about an idea I had to steal the Pharaoh's diamond from the Egyptian museum? It's really hot there and, well, all this latex really makes a girl sweat...

Mr. Freeze: (Deadpan) Leave me with my wife, Catwoman."

"Catwoman: Hey, Pammy, here's an idea! If you want a boyfriend, how about trying the dating route? Beats this voodoo crap.
 * Her exchanges with Ivy before, during, and after her boss fight in Episode 2 are hilarious, but the one commenting on how she's controlling some of the inmates with pheromones takes the cake.

Catwoman: Well, what do we have here? Weird, out of place plants...check. Mindless, hypnotized henchman...check. The oh so subtle odor of rotten pumpkin...check. Looks like I've found the entrance to Ivy's lair."

"Mook: Nothin's gettin' past me.
 * When Batman and Hugo Strange finally meet face to face, Strange gives him a Hannibal Lecture.
 * Subjective to be sure, but I always got a giggle out of the boss fight with
 * Any fight with one of the Abramovici twins becomes this if you use the stun gun, which makes enemies flail around with their weapon when hit. Couple this with their size in a room crowded with goons, and Hilarity Ensues.
 * After you have capture the Riddler, you can be a jerk by standing in front of him. You can also gag/ungag  later in the game to hear humorous result.
 * When the enemies start pulling out sniper rifles, complete with laser sights, upon your return approach to the Steel Mill:

cue Batman sneaking up behind them and knocking them out, or just plain pulling them off the ledge."

"Cash: Is that some kind of hemmorhoid cream?
 * After you rescued Aaron Cash, you can ask him about Protocol 10.

Batman: I doubt it."

"Riddler: Oh come now. Surely "the great Batman" can progress without cheating and looking for answers online."
 * When you pursue a side mission in the Steel Mill, you come across a powerless elevator with some mooks trapped inside, trying to get it to work. Have fun listening to their panic when you use the Remote Electrical Charge to make the elevator go up and down.
 * The Joker phone calls. Especially when he gets mad that you won't pick up.
 * When rescuing the  Riddler hostage, one of the taunts the Riddler throws is this gem:

"Joker: You're making me late for my spa treatment! I mean, it's not like you've got a girl to save anymore, is it? ...oh, I'm sorry! Too soon?"
 * In a very dark sense, this line from The Joker literally minutes after killing :

"Joker: He's taking you guys to pieces like a puppy in a blender! PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!"
 * Another Black Comedy line:

"Batman: Please don't lie to me. I just cleaned the last informant's blood on my face."
 * Batman threatening Riddler informants is pretty hilarious, this line, for example:

""Hello, Talia.""
 * Joker explains to his gang members, but then compares the whole thing to the revelation of the mystery on a TV show. Then he follows that up with, "How come it all ended in a church?"
 * Solving Riddles in the game will reward you with little bits of backstory about what took place between Arkham Asylum and Arkham City. One of these stories reveals that Joker and Harley actually escaped before being transferred to Arkham City in an attempt to keep away from it. Instead, they stole a boat, and after being chased by Batman, wound up sinking said boat and having to swim to shore, winding up in Arkham City anyway.
 * Batman's dying, surrounded by assassins, but still manages to crack wise when he get's slapped in the face by Talia Al Gul.

"Batman: I've destroyed the containers, Bane.
 * At the conclusion of the "Fragile Alliance" sidequest to destroy the Titan containers with Bane, this happens:

Bane: Good.

TYGER Mook: Hand over the Titan!

Bane: Help me, Batman! We must not allow these puppets to take the Titan!

[at least fifteen TYGER guards attack; Bane and Batman take them out in short order.]

Batman: [not even out of breath] As I was saying--"

"Penguin: Welllll, look who it is. Mr Fr...
 * While you can complete the quest in the Playable Epilogue, it's funnier if you do it before the finale, because it means that Batman is at death's door and still easily kicks the crap out of over a dozen trained guards.
 * Even after being punched off a balcony and knocked senseless by Batman, Penguin still can't resist gloating as he's thrown at the feet of Mr. Freeze. Victor isn't in the mood to listen.

(Freeze stamps his boot onto Cobblepot's broken hand, making a sickening crunching noise.)

Penguin: AAAAAAIIIIGH! AAAAIIIIGGHHH!!"

"Batman: How can I get into the steel mill?
 * Also, note that Freeze's boot has spikes for walking on ice.
 * Alfred brings his A game in his role of Servile Snarker. Some of his comments are absolute gems.

Alfred: I suppose you had tried the front door."


 * While not in the main game, the Iceberg Lounge VIP Room Challenge Map has Killer Croc in the background, smoking a cigar or delicately handling a drink. See it here.

Funny Mook Conversations
"Mook 1: Huh. All paper. What are the odds?
 * A lot of Enemy Chatter is made of the mooks complaining how cold it is. At one point, someone points out that winters have been getting progressively colder with each consecutive year. They conclude that only one thing can be to blame...MR. FREEZE!
 * In the mission to rescue Nora Fries, if you wait to listen to the Enemy Chatter before jumping the mooks, you can see them playing rock paper scissors, introducing things like guns and dynamite and getting called on it.
 * It's not only that: they're trying to have a three person game of rock, paper, scissors, and none of them seem to know how to play.

Mook 2: Do I look like I graduated high school?"

"Mook 1: Just hold the door shut and we'll be fine out here!
 * At one point in the game, some of Two-Face's goons discuss a rumor that Catwoman tore the skin off of Harvey's good-looking side, and wonder if they'll have to start calling him One-Face.
 * After taking the door on a balcony out of the Courthouse with mooks holding the main door shut...

Mook 2: What if he goes out the back?

Mook 3: There's a back?!

Mook 2: Yeah, Two-Face showed me it...

Mook 3: And you didn't think to mention it until now?!"

"Mook 1: So do ya think the rumors are true?
 * And another, when approaching the church for the first time...

Mook 2: What, that Harley used to be a dude?"

"Mook 1: Since when have you been all about reading?
 * This may be a Development Gag, as her mocap movements were those of a dude.
 * When entering the subway to find Penguin's last jammer. Two of his henchmen are discussing if it works underground. One comments that he read the manual which states that it doesn't:

Mook 2: [offended] I read.

Mook 1: Porn don't count.

Mook 2: Screw you."

"Mook 1 Me, I prefer the hammer. More personal, you know. You can feel every blow. Understand the complexity of the human body as it's deconstructed into a primordial sludge.
 * One of them was apparently a Heath Ledger wannabe, intimidating hostages:

Mook 2 That's deep man. I had you all wrong. I was told you just liked hitting people with hammers."

"Mook (imitates Harley): Oh, Mistah J, please hurt me some more.
 * When you enter the smelting chamber a second time  a mook will imitate Harley and Joker's voices mockingly, and he's pretty good at it.

Mook (imitates Joker): OK, my dear. Why don't you go out and fight Batman while I make a daring escape..."

"Mook 1 Did you see what she looked like? Is she hot?
 * After the boss fight with Mr. Freeze, you can hear two mooks discussing his kidnapped wife Nora:

Mook 2 She's in a block of ice.

Mook 1 If you thawed her out, would she be hot?

Mook 2 Way I understand it, if she thaws out, she's dead. But, to answer your question, yes, she's kind of good looking. In a near dead frozen sort of way I guess.

Mook 1 Nice.

Mook 2 What's wrong with you?"

"Mook 1: No, I heard she goes both ways.
 * Upon visiting Museum after the end game, you can hear they discussing about what will come up next. One of them wandering if they are going to have Arkham County or Arkham Nation next. At the end they admit that both names sound stupid though.
 * When talking about Catwoman...

Mook 2: I bet she does.

Mook 1: Not like that you idiot!"

"Mook: What is wrong with the Riddler freak? Doesn't he have anything better to do than leave green question marks all over Arkham City?"
 * An Enemy Chatter gem from later in the game:

"Inmate: If you see some strange flowers or plants, it means they belong to Poison Ivy.
 * It's even better when the Mook saying that is one of Riddler's "undercover" henchmen.
 * After the Penguin's been defeated, you come across a crowd of his mooks in the subway, getting a recruitment speech from one of the Joker's men. For maximum levels of irony, you can pop out of the grates and K.O. the speaker just as he goes on about how 'invincible' they are.
 * Even better. One of them, who is playing around with a mask talks about how he will always join the stronger faction, having no loyality beyond that. Said mook is actualy a Riddler henchman.
 * There's actually a group of unaffiliated (haven't joined any of the gangs) criminals camped out on the roof with a frozen over swimming pool who comment on various story developments as the game goes on. They even manage to survive Protocol 10. Some highlights include them debating which gang they should join up with, and joking with one another about resorting to cannibalism with one saying to another how he's starting to look like a big tasty pork chop...
 * Apparently one mook didn't listen to Penguin's speech on how they'll be taking over Arkham City because he was on the can.
 * Hearing mooks talking about their experince in Arkham Asylum during the events of the first game are always a nice call back. Especially when other inmates refuse to listen to their warnings about Batman.
 * Some inmates can be heard giving tips on how to survive in Arkham City, some which imply an almost Too Dumb to Live mentality among the general population:

[Beat]

Same Inmate: That means it's bad and you should stay away from them."

"Mook #1: (staring over the wall) How the hell are we supposed to get in there?
 * When Batman is breaking into the Steel Mill for the first time, we get a true glimpse of just how stupid the Joker's thugs really are, along with one guy who simply can't believe what he's hearing.

Mook #2: There's gotta be a way. What would Batman do?

Mook #1: Do I look like Batman?

Mook #2: No, I mean he could get in. How'd you think he'd do it?

Mook #3: He'd use his grapple thing. I guess he could go in through the main tower.

Mook #1: Great! Have you got one?

Mook #3: ...Nah.

Mook #1: Okay, let's get this straight. The only way in is through one of the main cooling tunnels.

Mook #2: S'pose.

Mook #1: The tunnel full of boiling water and poisonous gas?

Mook #2: Yeah, we could build a boat!

Mook #1: And the gas?

Mook #3: Gas masks?

Mook #1: So... let's get this straight. You geniuses think that the best way in is to build a boat and sail across a boiling ocean wearing gas masks to stop us getting killed?

Mook #2: Yeah! Let's do it."

"Mook #2: That I'd like to see.
 * One of the mooks in the Harley Quinn's Revenge DLC is thinking of making a name for himself on the Gotham crime scene, only for his friends to make fun of him:

Mook #1: You think I can't do it?

Mook #2: Well, what's your gimmick? Mr. Freeze is a crazy scientist who's got that freezer gun, Two-Face has got that burnt thing goin' on... what's yours?

Mook #1: I'll figure somethin' out.

Mook #3: Yeah, right. Best you've got is you killed all that family on Thanksgiving Day 'cause your mommy burnt the turkey and you promised to get her a new one.

Mook #2: "The Turkey Man"... I like it.

Mook #1: [seething with anger] You wanna shut your mouth, or do you want me to do it for ya?

Mook #3: What's up, Tuuurkey Maaan?

Mook #2: [gobbles]"


 * While holed up in Harley Quinn's base in the shipyards, a group of thugs start discussing whether or not Batman . One of them breaks out some in-universe Wild Mass Guessing, postulating that  . The others dismiss the notion as completely ridiculous.
 * At one point, as Robin in Harley Quinn's Revenge, when you start a fight, one of the mooks yell "It's the Batman's bitch!"

The Comics
"Joker: That car will carry you safely to the exit. *beat* Or was that the car that runs to the incinerator?
 * The prequel comic shows how Batman uses a nondescript boat to hide the Batboat, in order to come and go to Arkham city at will. Or so he planned - when he arrives the second time, the boat gets blown to hell with him in it! As Batman's flying through the air from the explosion, he calmly notes that "...that worked a total of once."
 * The Joker receives a house call at the smelting plant from one of Strange's doctors, who informs him that they've isolated the toxin in his blood and gives him a sample of it. Joker, in response, tells the doctor that he won't be held accountable for the pain that the illness is causing him, and that he's free to go.

Off-panel: WHOOM

Joker: Dear, dear. I must be slipping."