The Secret of Castle Cant

The barony of Cant is a tiny place, not often found on maps. (It's often printed on them, it's just not often found. It's that small.) Its residents live a simple existence, and tend to distrust anything from outside their tiny, moutain-cloistered kingdom. (They consider such places the "outlands"--so anything from them is definitely "outlandish.") It is presided over by a noble Baron named Adolphus. Adolphus has a daughter, named Pauline, who has a maidservant, named Lucy. And that is where the story begins.

Lucy and Pauline are going about their business at the castle one day, planning a prank that will launch underwear into the castle walls, but, in the process, they accidentally put a halt to an execution. They wouldn't think much about it, until an accident leads to them being mistaken for friends of the prisoner. Lucy, who takes the blame for all of Pauline's schemes, is roped into being a spy for the Cause, a secret rebel sect within Cant. But that's only the beginning of the trouble, as Lucy finds herself dragged into a web of intrigue that involves trade wars, a succession crisis, printing manifestos, and the horrible truth of what really happened to Lucy's parents.

Everyone has some different design for Lucy, be it as a spy or a servant. But Lucy just wants to keep her mistress Pauline safe. What will become of the two girls, when they learn the truth of Castle Cant?

This piece of Children's Literature was written by M.J. Bath.


 * Based on a Great Big Lie: The author's note swears up and down Cant is a real place, and takes great offense at the idea that he's making it up.
 * Bland-Name Product: The Gizmobots, which Lucy has a T-shirt of, are a takeoff of the Transformers. One of them is even named "Cybertron"!
 * Conveniently an Orphan: Lucy was orphaned when she was very young. Not long after, the castle needed a maidservant to look after the young Pauline, and there was an orphan girl about her age, ready to serve!
 * Death by Childbirth:
 * Evil Chancellor: Orloff. Not surprisingly, he cheated his way to the position.
 * Fake Nationality: In-Universe, Lu Mingshu the printer. He was born in Cant, but he associated more with Chinese culture, so he decided to become Chinese.
 * Insistent Terminology: The author's note swears he is not a novelist, or a fabulist, or anything of the sort.
 * Kid Hero: Lucy, on the grounds of no one would expect a little girl of spying.
 * May Contain Evil:
 * Regent for Life: What Orloff wants to become.
 * Ruritania: Cant. The author's note Hand Waves this by claiming that Cant is surrounded by high mountains that make it difficult to enter or leave, and that the people of Cant are very distrustful of outsiders and their customs.
 * Shown Their Work: The information on heraldry and coats of arms in the book. There's even a small segment at the bat, explaining some heraldry terms and how to interpret the heraldic descriptions.
 * Spoiled Brat: Pauline.
 * Spoiled Sweet: Lucy believes Pauline is this, deep down, despite Pauline being fickle and aggressive.
 * Succession Crisis: Those of the Cause challenge Pauline's right to the barony, and within the castle itself, there's debate over who will become the regent if the Baron suffers an untimely death.
 * The Talk: The Baron gives a remarkably frank one
 * Writers Suck: "They accused me of trying to perpetrate a hoax, or worse, writing a novel."
 * You're Not My Father:
 * Writers Suck: "They accused me of trying to perpetrate a hoax, or worse, writing a novel."
 * You're Not My Father: