Kenny Everett/Quotes

""Roy Rogers... but doesn't everybody?""

""I...FOUGHT...for people like you! And I never got one!""

- Said to David Bowie during the taping of one of his TV shows, about his work for gay rights.

"So this bus breaks down, and the driver gets out to try and fix it. The lady bus conductress gets out too, and says 'D'you want a screwdriver?' - and the driver replies 'Leave it out, I'm late enough already...'"

""Hello, my little video buffs! It is me, the enchanting Marcel, the experience of a lifetime on legs! How are you? Are you in the mood? Good, I'll be there in 20 minutes. I just have this little jokette to do. What is it that a man does standing up, a woman sitting down, and a dog on three legs? It's shaking hands! What else could it be? I'm coming round. Pop your cork!""

- As "Marcel Wave"

""'Allo, Sid Snot 'ere. My Dad told me that back in the Fifties when 'e was tearaway, they used to rip up cinema seats. I think that's disgusting - no, it's, it's animal. I mean, when we go to the cinema now, we wouldn't dream of doing that! You know, we go to see a good film... beat up the manager and go 'ome.""

""Hello. Colonel Muriel Clean here, for the Campaign for Nice Things on Television. (bar from Hallelujah chorus) We believe in goodness, truth and beauty. We think that Julie Andrews should get her own series, and Joan Collins should get her own breakfast. And remember, you don't have to watch this endless display of perversitude and fleshy bummery. You've all got a knob there - so use it!""

"“Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.”"