Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?

"Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!"

- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

A character who talks big about his (or, more rarely, her) love life and success with the ladies (or gents), but in fact has little or nothing going on. Can be part of Of Course I'm Not a Virgin.

If everybody else is talking about the protagonist's (nonexistent) conquests, it's an Urban Legend Love Life.

Compare Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?, which is frequently used in a parallel way. Subtrope of Suspiciously Specific Denial.

Anime and Manga

 * Rare Female Example: Sae in Hidamari Sketch constantly insists she has had tons of boyfriends and has all kinds of experience which she supposedly uses as inspiration for her writing.
 * Another Rare Female Example: Saori in Girls und Panzer talks a big game about having lots of boyfriends or romantic experience and wisdom, but has little success to show for it.

Film

 * American Beauty.
 * Sherman in the first American Pie film.
 * The Breakfast Club. Brian tries to insist that "[He's] laid loads of times", and upon further questioning by Bender he insinuates that he's had sex with Claire. He later admits that he's a virgin.
 * Rascal in Memphis Belle constantly teases "Virgil the Virgin" while bragging about his own conquests. The novelization reveals that Rascal himself is in fact a virgin.
 * In The Departed, The Mole's new marriage is suffering from The Loins Sleep Tonight. When his boss says that women are attracted to married men because "it tells them you've got some money and your dick works," he responds, "Oh, it's working! Ha-ha! Overtime!"

Literature

 * from The Dresden Files. He talks a big game but when they show up at the Hollows in the run up to the climax in White Night Lara Raith is touched that Harry thought to bring a virgin as a gift.

Live Action TV
"Radcliffe: I've done it with a girl, sex wise."
 * Daniel Radcliffe guests starred in an episode Extras as himself - a pathetic version of himself who is desperate to shag anything that moves and to shake off his Harry Potter persona by doing such "adult" things as smoking.

"Snail: "Guess what mom, I'm sexually active!" Her mother: "You're 33, you're supposed to be sexually active.""
 * Parodied with Dave in Flight of the Conchords, who acts like an expert in all things, especially being a ladies' man. Judging by his tendency toward Malapropisms and the way he (deniedly) lives with his parents...
 * Kirk St Moritz from Dear John was always bragging about his non-existent conquests.
 * In an episode of Quantum Leap the son of the person Sam leapt into was a virgin and his "friends" mocked him for it, but according to Word Of Ziggy one of them was a virgin too.
 * Richard Richard from Bottom.
 * Bud Bundy from Married With Children.
 * Prince Edmund in the first series of Blackadder.
 * In The IT Crowd, Moss does this when he has to pretend to be married, several times going out of his way to mention all the frequent and amazing sex that goes on in his marriage.
 * Xander's classmate in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Teacher's Pet". We know this because he becomes the prey of a Monster of the Week that only eats male virgins. He threatens to sue everyone when they figure this out.
 * The Todd from Scrubs is known across Sacred Heart and beyond for his high fives and constant sexual innuendo. When finally asked by the Janitor how many times he had sex recently the answer was a shame filled "Bagel."
 * Parodied in the Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention" with Dee and Denis's cousin nicknamed "snail"

"Gob: Guess who was just "over her." Don't-I'll tell you, me. I *bleep*ed the business model. Voiceover: Actually, they just made out. Gob: Yeah...she had all sorts of orgasms."
 * Arrested Development: Telling Michael he had sex with Starla:


 * In the unaired Global Frequency pilot, the main female lead is listing her very lengthy list of academic qualifications, all of which she has achieved at a very young age (she's no older than thirty). The male lead makes a joke along the lines of "how'd you find time to have a life?" The female lead, suddenly very touchy, begins insisting that she had a life, ending with a completely out of the blue and not very convincingly delivered declaration that she "had boyfriends," the implication being that she's lying and is probably still a virgin.
 * from the third generation of Skins.
 * Jay from The Inbetweeners does this all the time.
 * Itano in Sakura Kara no Tegami.

Music

 * The Lonely Island would like to tell you that they just had sex! It was the best thirty seconds of their life!

Theater

 * Rod from Avenue Q incorporates this into his song, "My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada." Granted, he was hiding something else, albeit unsuccessfully, but there was a dose of this, too.

Web Animation
"Grif: Valentine's day? The day we celebrate love? And Romace? You know... girls? Simmons: Ohhh yeah, I celebrate that all the time with all kinds of ladies. Griff: Riiight. Then why didn't you know what I meant? Simmons: I thought you said Valentine's... Doy?"
 * In a Red vs. Blue Valentine's day PSA:

Web Comics

 * T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics seems to discuss non-existent/"hypothetical" relationships often.
 * Though, early strips establish that he and Utahraptor were a couple in college.
 * Also, did he mention that he and Dromiceiomimus had tea... and dinosaur sex?
 * Milford in Scary Go Round. "Listen right, when I was on holiday, I met this girl, and got off with her like a hundred times"

Web Original

 * Strong Bad.
 * Variation with The Nostalgia Critic. He does Really Get Around, but he tries to convince us that he's just a normal player when really his love and sex life are both freak shows.

Western Animation
""We are certain it's a woman this time, right?""
 * Page quote: Zapp Brannigan from Futurama.
 * Although ironically, that quote comes from right after he really did have sex with a woman. Apparently for the first time, though.
 * Possibly not, from later things he said. However, it's probably very infrequent and she might be the first to leave his bed without being converted to lesbianism. Or perhaps the previous one was a trap.


 * Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force likes to portray himself as a ladies'... shake, although it is repeatedly lampshaded by someone (usually Frylock) pointing out that he doesn't even have genitalia.
 * In one episode of South Park, Cartman claims he's been laid "like, five thousand times."