Books of Kings

The 11th and 12th books of The Bible.

1 Kings tells of Israel's Golden Age under Solomon but he also sows the seeds of rebellion which leads the nation to divide into North and South.

2 Kings continues the history of the divided nations of Northern Israel and Southern Judah. Both go into a downward spiral until they are destroyed by foreign nations and their peoples sent into exile.

Was followed by 1 & 2 Chronicles, a Lighter and Softer rehashing of Kings to inspire the Jews exiled to Babylon. Most of the Prophets preached during this period so they will be discussed here also.


 * The Alcoholic: King Elah of Israel.
 * Cain and Abel / Red Oni, Blue Oni: Israel and Judah.
 * Chronic Villainy: Judah often backslides after a "good" king dies.
 * Curse: Joshua cursed whoever rebuilds Jericho. This came true in the reign of Ahab.
 * Dreaming of Things to Come: Isaiah saw 2 centuries into Israel's future. Some scholars believe these were written by other prophets and attributed them to him to increase it's authority.
 * Downer Ending
 * Egopolis: Israel during the reign of Omri.
 * Evil Matriarch: Jezebel and Athaliah (the latter was not above killing her own grandchildren to secure her own power.)
 * God Save Us From the Queen: Jezebel and Athaliah.
 * Heel Face Turn: Manasseh.
 * Horrible Judge of Character: Jehosaphat's alliance with Israel had terrible consequences. Pagan practices spread to Judah, he was almost killed in battle because of Ahab, his venture into maritime commerce ended in disaster and his daughter-in-law Athaliah almost destroyed David's royal line.
 * Jerkass: Rehoboam.
 * Klingon Promotion
 * Last Of Their Kind: Elijah and Elisha were the last miracle workers in the Old Testament.
 * Love Ruins the Realm: Solomon allows his wives to worship their own gods, rather than forcing them to convert. They eventually persuaded him that their gods were better, leading him to idol worship (as well as many of his subjects.) This leads to religiously-motivated civil war.
 * Name's the Same: Jeroboam II is a descendant of Jehu, not Jeroboam I.
 * Pet the Dog: Chronicles does this for the bad kings of Judah and even the Northern Israelites in the few times they are mentioned.
 * Polyamory: Turned Up to Eleven: Solomon has 700 wives and 300 concubines.
 * The Purge: Oh, so much.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: King Abijah of Judah gave one about Jeroboam in Chronicles.
 * She's Not My Girlfriend: David had a ward in his old age who everyone thought was a concubine. One of his sons even asked to marry her perhaps to lay a claim to the throne.
 * Too Good for This Sinful Earth: Jeroboam had a young son, Ahijah, who died of illness. He was the only one in the family to be buried and mourned because he was the only one in whom God found any good.
 * Tragic Mistake: Hezekiah showed off Judah's treasures to Babylonian envoys and ended up putting his country on Babylon's hit list.
 * What an Idiot!: Rehoboam inherited NONE of Solomon's wisdom, and even then he could have kept the kingdom together had he promised the Israelites he'd be slightly less hard on them than Solomon was. Instead he promises them he'll be an even bigger tyrant.
 * Vice City: North Israel. Especially pronounces in Amos.