My Stupid Reality/Funny

"Light: L'S TRYING TO KILL ME WITH DIABETES!"
 * Light blurting out "I'm Kira" when trying to avoid a persistent stalker.
 * After Watari drugged him, Light is mumbling in his sleep, having Bad Dreams when he bolts awake:

"L: Wherever it is that you, my true successor, are hiding, enjoy your last few days of normalcy. L's life is a hard one. One you're going to start soon. No matter who or where you are. I'll find you. And when I do, you're not getting away from me. I am justice, and justice will always prevail.
 * From the prologue:

Somewhere in the world, a certain Light Yagami sneezed."

"Watari: L, you are not going to lock up the poor boy just because he has no wish to be a detective."
 * "The day a man like that retires is the day I come out of the closet... Wait, it's not that I'm in the closet, I just meant... it's impossible ok! Never gonna happen."
 * L is thinking about locking Light up if he denies his generous offer and Watari is somehow able to guess his thought process:

"Sayu: Hehe I just don't understand why we're in this old abandon warehouse. I mean when we showed up here, my first thought was that you were going to show me all your murder victims. And then when I screamed you were going to 'add me to your collection'.
 * Light's answers on the Psych Evaluation.
 * Sayu shows what she really thinks of her brother:

(Dramatic Ellipsis)

Light: What the hell, Sayu?

Sayu: Hey! It was only a little less likely!

Light: Less likely then what?

Sayu: You being gay.

Light: I shouldn't have asked.

Sayu: Hey it's possible.

Light: So you think I'm a gay murderer?

Sayu: A gay mass murderer, yes. Now all we need is a sexy gay detective, and I have a yaoi manga! Quick! Go kiss Matsuda!

Light: That is beyond wrong on way too many levels!"

"Light: Stupid conscience. I wish I could just give it up with a few magic words and live the rest of my life with no problems."
 * Light's Firstperson Smartass when :

"Light (thinking): Slut, (page turn) slut, (page turn) slut, (page turn) not even 18, (page turn) slut, (page turn) whore, (page turn) gross, (page turn) eww, just eww. This just sucks."
 * When L puts cameras in his house Light attempts to look normal by reading porn:

"Light: I think we should see other people. This relationship isn't going to work out. I mean, I should be with a shower right now, and you down the drain; maybe with a nice dead goldfish to hang with..."
 * "And so Light fell to his death..."
 * Matt nicknames Light "PB" (for Pretty Boy, not Peanut Butter!)
 * Light sets up a false trail for his pursuers that leads through Minnesota to Fargo, North Dakota.
 * While on the run, muddy and exhausted, Light strikes up a mental conversation with the mud on his clothes:

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