Garfield Royal Rescue

"Time to prepare for my British vacation. My only souvenir will be flaming vengeance."

- Garfield

Bad fanfiction is no uncommon occurrence; it litters the fields of various devoted sites all across the internet. Some, however, are so horribly, laughably bad that they gain a degree of infamy within their respective fandoms. Harry Potter has My Immortal. Death Note has Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami. For the Garfield fandom, that fic is Garfield Royal Rescue.

Garfield Royal Rescue, written by ShakespeareHemingway, is a (rather short) tale in which - like with every other story the author has done so far - Garfield is retooled into a badass of epic proportions, fighting the evil...Prince William of England, to rescue his love interest, Kate Middleton. Yes, really.

What ensues is a very beige adventure that involves Garfield delivering lots of one-liners, and relieving royal guards of duty. Violently.

There is also a sequel, Garfield: Prince of Tragedy: Royal Rescue Part 2, where Prince Harry becomes the new Big Bad.

"Rob Bricken: I can't help but wonder if the author has Garfield confused with Chuck Norris Facts."
 * Action Hero: Garfield is re-imagined as one of these, having almost nothing in common with his lazy, snarky, Fat and Proud canon self.

""The metal of your chains is no match for the metal in my veins." Garfield said with rock and roll."
 * Badass: Garfield again.
 * Battle Cry: See Catch Phrase.
 * Beige Prose
 * But Now I Must Go: Garfield apparently does this to Kate in between stories, as he is too wild to be bound to a life of monogamy.
 * Catch Phrase: Jon's "AMAKOOOOOOOO."
 * Clock Tower: Big Ben.
 * Except Big Ben is the bell, not the clock tower.
 * Damsel in Distress: Kate Middleton,.
 * Full-Name Basis: Kate Middleton,  are always referred to as such.
 * Frickin' Laser Beams:
 * Made of Explodium: British Royal Guards, apparently.
 * Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner: If Garfield isn't making one of these, he's probably either involved in IKEA-worthy debauchery, killing mooks, or you're simply not reading the story right.
 * The Power of Rock: In the sequel, Garfield is on the ropes until.


 * Real Person Fic: A crossover with the world of Garfield, but yes. In this case, Prince William goes through severe doses of Ron the Death Eater.
 * Said Bookism: Every dialogue tag, without exception, is in the format of "Said/[other bookism] with X".
 * Goes into Captain Obvious territory with Garfield saying something "with words of saying".
 * Self Fanservice: To go with his Badass reinterpretation, Garfield goes from being Fat and Proud to what appears to be a Heroic Build.
 * Trademark Favourite Food: This fic takes Garfield's love of lasagna Up to Eleven; he.
 * Troll Fic: Almost certainly.
 * Weaponized Landmark: See Clock Tower above.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous??: Garfield reacts badly when he sees that there's no "lausgna".