Ted Nugent

""If guns can cause crime, all of mine are defective.""

- Ted Nugent

""Hey, what's up? If any of you don't got a gun, a knife, handkerchief, and a Chap-Stick, get the (guitar riff) outta here!""

- Ted Nugent, from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode "Gee Whiz"

Describe Ted Nugent here.

No, you can't. Seriously, you cannot grasp the true power of the Nuge.

Ted Nugent is a rock guitarist and vocalist from Detroit, Michigan who has sold over 14 million albums in the US and 31 million worldwide. His best known song is "Cat Scratch Fever." Nugent has been touring annually since 1967 and will likely never stop.

He was first in a band called the Amboy Dukes before starting a successful solo career. In the 1970s, he recorded three multi-platinum albums: Ted Nugent, Free-For-All, and Cat Scratch Fever. He later joined the supergroup Damn Yankees before going solo again.

Nugent is also an advocate of conservative causes, the Republican Party, and the United States military. He supports hunting, conservation, America, hunting, unrestricted gun ownership, anti-drug activism, hunting, a straight-edge lifestile, and did we mention hunting?

""Anybody who wants to get mellow can turn around and get the fuck outta here!""
 * Blatant Lies: His talk of pointing a gun at Barack Obama as if it were a street mugging when it was only during a discussion on Fox News. If it happened like he really claimed, he'd have been tackled down by security guards and on trial.
 * The Cameo:
 * Made one on Aqua Teen Hunger Force, where he shot Carl with what turned out to be an exploding arrow.
 * Also one on The Simpsons, in an episode where a convict (voiced by Steve Buscemi) obsessed with Marge is waiting for her to call him on the prison phone. When he gets the call, it's the Nuge on the other side, asking for the passing of a pro-firearm amendment.
 * He also appeared as himself in the That '70s Show episode "Backstage Pass", despite the fact that it sets in the late '70s, but was filmed in 2001.
 * Was set to appear in an episode of Undeclared, playing himself giving a political speech on campus. They ultimately decided not to introduce his politics on the show and re-wrote him out of the episode. The original cut with him can be found on the DVD.
 * Shows up for part of an episode of Sons of Guns leaving a trail of awesome in his wake.
 * Contemptible Cover: Several of his albums qualify. The worst was arguably Love Grenade], whose pre-release cover shows a naked woman bound and bent over on a large platter, with a grenade in her mouth, presumably about to be cooked. Eagle Records pulled this one and replaced it with a tamer hand grenade with a pink ribbon. Oh, and note to collectors, if you're lucky enough to have one of the originals, it's likely worth a fortune.
 * Dude, Where's My Respect?: The winner of his reality show was a class act from start to finish, but guarantee that Ted could ALWAYS find a way to be at least subtly insulting.
 * Eagle Land: If you haven't figured it out by now, he comes across as a strong Type 2.
 * Epic Rocking: "Stranglehold" is the best-known example.
 * Hot-Blooded: During his live performances, Ted has a harder time standing still than an ADHD child who just drank a 12 pack of Red Bull.
 * Intercourse with You: About 90% of his catalog.
 * The Man Behind the Man: The Nuge rarely sings lead himself, usually leaving that role to his rhythm guitarist Derek St. Holmes.
 * Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: There was a girl on his reality show he nicknamed, "Rich Bitch." She didn't stand out that much at the time. That girl would later be known as Tila Tequila.
 * Smug Straight Edge: Has strident anti-drug and anti-tobacco views.
 * Soapbox Sadie
 * What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made on Drugs?: Ted Nugent is notoriously straight-edge and by his own estimation has had three or four beers in his entire life.
 * Ironically, he seems like someone who'd benefit from a joint once in a while. Not that he'd want to...


 * He was famously unaware, or claimed to be unaware, that the epic Psychedelic-riff-gasm that is "Journey To The Center Of The Mind" was about drug use.