Monsters, Inc./Funny

"Horrifying Monster: Well the kid flew right over me and blasted a car with its laser vision."
 * The scene in the sushi restaurant.

"Mike: Put that thing back where it came from or so help me, so help me, and cut!"
 * "It is my professional opinion that now is the time to PANIC!"
 * "Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical." (for added hilarity, during the credits a musical with that name is enacted...)

"Mike: What are you worried about?? She's out of our hair!! Randall: What are you two doing?! Random Employee: They're rehearsing a play! Mike: (singing) SHE'S OUT OF OUR HAIR!!"
 * Later, after Boo is missing:

"Mike: Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city, and release it into the wild! Sully: ...Spoons.
 * For an added bonus, there was even a pamphlet about the musical in the DVD extras. Mike got credit for everything and the musical has gotten some bad reviews (except from Mike's ma, of course), which kinda contrasts the audience's opinion of the show in the end credits.
 * " I'm watching you, Wazowski, ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS."

Mike Thats it, I'm out of ideas."

"Randall: Say hello to the Scream Extractor. Mike: Hello."

"Mike: Hey look, it's Randall- ohhhhhh...'"

"Mike: That thing is a KILLING MACHINE! Boo: Bla bla bla bla. *giggle*"
 * When Mike is trapped in the scream extractor, and tries to bribe Fungus to release him by offering....
 * Sully watching what he mistakenly thinks is Boo getting mashed in the trash compactor.
 * Sulley's reaction to this by fainting gets me every time. Especially the third time when he comes up covering his eyes, but peeks and then faints again. And then fainting again when the compact cube comes out.
 * Made even better if you're a die-hard Looney Tunes fan, as the entire scene is basically one long Shout-Out to Chuck Jones.
 * Followed by the gaggle of child-monsters and "Mike Wazowski!" Chomp!

"Mike: That face of hers, it just makes me go- YIKE!!! Roz: Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight? And I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once? [beat] Your stunned silence is very reassuring."

"Monster: She almost touched me! I COULD'VE DIIIIIIED!"

"Mike: Let's watch my favorite part again... shall we?"
 * Mike going all smug as he reveals Waternoose's plot... The expression on his face is the best part.

"Oh, look, we're out of snow cones...."
 * "23-19! We have a 23-19!"
 * "Oh dear..." (gets tackled)
 * For bonus points, George catches on the third time and stuffs the sock into his partner's mouth before tossing him through the door and closing it.
 * The Abominable Snow Man and his snow cones.
 * Later on, when  he says this to excuse himself

"Mike: Dodgeball was the best - I was the fastest one out there! Of course, I was the ball... but I... was the ball."
 * Mike's stand-up routine that fails to amuse a child.

"Sulley: (using sign language) You...go...to...sleep. (mimics snoring)"
 * YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!!!
 * The scene in the locker room where Sulley just walks away, not even realizing that Boo is hanging onto his back until he goes around a corner (to which I always count "3, 2, 1.") and then runs away screaming. And just to make it even more funny, part of the Psycho theme is playing.


 * Sully: "Slumber Party"