Fullmetal Lol

Fullmetal Lol is a particularly crack-tastic Fanfic by Nimrochan. It can be found here. Perhaps one of the best crack-fics written about the Fullmetal Alchemist series, the premise has Ed constantly drunk and Al as the only brother with the least bit of sense, looking to discover the powers of the mysterious Internet. It Makes Sense in Context...maybe.

"Roy: How is it that I'm a higher rank than you?
 * Abhorrent Admirer:, to Edward.
 * Alcohol Hic: Edward, all the time..
 * Almighty Janitor: Liza Hawkeye. Lampshaded in Chapter 21:

Liza: Not a day goes by where I don't ask myself that same question, sir."

"Ed: Dude, you're like the *hic* hottest chick I've ever seen!"
 * Ambiguously Gay: Envy/Spam, considering he not only looks but also sometimes acts like a girl.
 * Amusing Injuries: Paninya takes Ed's kidneys, STD chops off Fat-Ass's head, and, just to name a few...all played for laughs.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking
 * Berserk Button: Surprisingly, there's been but one joke related to Ed's height. He actually calls himself short. He doesn't react well.
 * Winry  whenever Ed wrecks his automail.
 * En...er, "Spam" really seems to hate it when people mistake him for a girl.
 * Black Comedy: Big time. There have been jokes made about underage drinking, steroid use, eating disorders, and Ling's opium.
 * Butt Monkey: Alphonse, though Edward himself is certainly not exempt.
 * Spam definitely counts, considering he's pretty much always the butt of a gender-confusion/gay joke or getting hacked (or otherwise injured) by Ling.
 * Catch Phrase: "Roy Mustang, Fire Hazard,"
 * "That's What She Said" for Greed The Situation.
 * The Chew Toy: Edward, definitely.
 * Also, Tom.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Ed, Roy, Winry, Ling...pretty much everyone, actually. Even Riza and Al have their moments.
 * Comedic Sociopathy
 * Cool and Unusual Punishment: Roy Mustang punishing Ed with a vuvuzella.
 * Mustang's subordinates rearranging the furniture in his office, causing him to have "heavy diarrhea," by disrupting the principles of feng shui.
 * The author punishes herself after a Firestorm of Incredibly Lame Fire-puns by reading Twilight!
 * Cute and Psycho: Winry..
 * Depraved Homosexual:.
 * The Ditz: Ed, but that's mostly due to being drunk.
 * Winry too. And Pinako.
 * Tom. Just Tom.
 * Drunken Master: Invoked by Ed at least once. Whether or not he is one...well, we have yet to see him sober.
 * Dude Looks Like a Lady: Envy...well, Spam in this case, gets mistaken for a girl constantly. He hates it.

"Liza: Shall we split up in pairs?
 * It doesn't help that he apparently acts like one, which kind of makes you wonder...
 * For Inconvenience Press One: Poor Hughes...
 * Funny Foreigner: Ling. Dear God, just Ling.
 * Genre Savvy: Riza in Chapter 20:

Havoc: Oh, no no no. I've seen this in too many horror movies. We're in the dark basement of a lab, chasing a monster. If we split up in pairs, someone's going to die.

Liza: It's okay, Jean, we're blond."

""Hey ID. You saw my old man!""
 * Though considering that's a Dead Unicorn Trope...
 * Gratuitous Japanese: Alphonse referring to his brother as "Nii-san"
 * Hurricane of Incredibly Embarrassing Nicknames: Mustang keeps calling Riza various nicknames like "Lieutenant Dove liver" or "Lieutenant Ostrich Belly".
 * I Just Want to Have Friends: Ling, apparently.
 * Ill Tell You When Ive Had Enough: Guess who?

"Armstrong: AND THEN RAYMOND HAD TO PRETEND TO ENJOY THE COOKING, LEST DEBORAH MADE HIM SLUMBER UPON THE SOFA ONCE MORE.
 * Insult Backfire: Kind of...in Chapter 21:

Edward: Maybe if I get off this horse and lay in the sun, I'll die of heat stroke and my suffering will end.

Armstrong: I AM SERIOUS, EDWARD, LET US WATCH THE SHOW TOGETHER SOME DAY. IT IS MOST ENJOYABLE.

Edward: That sounds about as appealing as a prostate exam.

Armstrong: SOME PEOPLE LIKE PROSTATE EXAMS, EDWARD."

"Armstrong: MAJOR ALEXANDER LUIS ARMSTRONG, AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR.
 * Jerkass: Ed, especially towards Alphonse.
 * Large Ham: Major Armstrong, as per usual:

Roy: Why are you yelling?

Armstrong: IT'S THE STEROIDS, SIR. THEY MAKE ME VERY ANGRY."

"STD: How are you doing this? You should be bleeding to death from that wound!
 * My Eyes Are Up Here: Lust STD has this problem with Roy and Havoc.
 * Narm: Deliberately invoked when, which basically turned one of the most gut-wrenching scenes in the original series into one of the most hilarious instances of For Inconvenience Press One!
 * No Fourth Wall
 * No Indoor Voice: MAJOR ALEXANDER LOUIS ARMSTRONG! But that's because of the steroids...
 * Only a Flesh Wound: Repeatedly. Obviously done with the homunculi because their Philosopher's Stones Internet gives them extra lives. Also happens with a few human characters too:

Roy: I put a band-aid on it."


 * Rule of Funny
 * Shout Out: There are quite a few of these in the story
 * "OREGANO IS PEOPLE!"
 * Lan Fan and Fu are now Pokémon, apparently.
 * Don't forget Bender!Al
 * Or Greed The Situation.
 * Take That: Many, many examples of this toward Two and A Half Men. The author probably doesn't like the show.
 * A notable one is made at Justin Bieber too.
 * And Twilight
 * Thanks for The Mammary: Roy's attempt to get STD's Internet...
 * That's What She Said: The Situation, all the time.
 * Tourettes S*** C**k Syndrome: Izumi.
 * Weaksauce Weakness: Roy Mustang is heavily affected by the balance of his office furniture, and his subordinates use this against him a lot.