No Matter What Happens, I Still Won't Become An Anime Character

"When I was 13, a sword threw itself up out of a lake. I handed it in to Lost and Found."

The JSDF has been in a constant battle with The Monster Formerly Known As Godzilla for an unspecified amount of time. Magical Girl duels are a semi-regular occurrence. Ancient Conspiracies make move and counter-move against each other in the dark of night. At least one Alien Invasion is implied to have happened in the not-so-distant past. This is the world of Anime, and don't you ever forget it!

But in the middle of it all, one unfortunately-pink-haired girl just really, really wants to have a normal life.

No Matter What Happens, I Still Won't Become An Anime Character is a kind of anti-forum-roleplaying-game, where the objective is to avoid any and all plot progression. Player Character Kokoro Sakura (yes, really) has had the universe trying to rope her into one adventure or another for her entire life, but her encyclopedic knowledge of tropes has allowed her to unfailingly thwart its efforts thus far.

Now, however, there are 10 weeks left until Sakura's sixteenth birthday, which has her very, very worried...

Tropes that are Exploited

 * The Aversion of Adults Are Useless. When on Day 4, Sakura . Kumiko's reaction is priceless.


 * Always in Class One + Idiot Hero + The Lancer: Sakura decides to set up Kiyoshi Kita to be the protagonist in her place, because he fits these tropes.
 * Knight Templar: If all else fails, yell "HEATHEN!" and duck. The Homeroom Teacher Who Is Definitely Not A Nun With A Sword will take care of it.

Tropes that are Defied
"I maintain a careful, arms-length distance from every other person around me, keeping an eye out at doors, junctions and broom closets on the off-chance someone is about to burst out from there on a collision course."
 * The overarching goal is to repeatedly defy The Call Knows Where You Live until it gives up.
 * Crash Into Hello


 * Dreaming of Things to Come: Upon waking up on Day 4, Sakura makes sure to immediately forget the dream she had the previous night.
 * Mentor Mascot: Sakura has turned away 17 of them as of the beginning of the story.
 * Tempting Fate: Members of the Red Shirt Gang never, ever keep family portraits in their pockets.
 * Through His Stomach: Sakura always packs a lunch exactly large enough for herself, so that "nothing can get mysteriously offered in any direction."

Tropes that are Invoked

 * Off the Rails: Sakura's main goal is to invoke it In-Universe.
 * Plot Armor
 * Sakura makes a point of learning the names of members of the Red Shirt Gang in order to increase their chances of survival.
 * Sakura encourages Hideaki to ask out the Mysterious Transfer Student in the hopes of getting him into a "romance subplot," because when the guy in a relationship gets beat up, there is never permanent damage.

Tropes that are Deconstructed
"I...look up at the incredibly bland exterior of concrete, barbed wire and sandbags that make up my current choice of high school. Because all the other ones closed down...There's a few craters here and there but honestly it's lasted the longest out of any school I've ever been to."
 * Comedic Sociopathy: When just off-screen, we hear no less than three explosions in quick succession.
 * Fantasy Kitchen Sink: The defensive capabilities of the school, among other things.

"Completely wrecking a classroom first thing on a Monday morning is the type to make the Student Council irritated; they can only mysteriously repair any and all damaged faculty buildings over the weekends, after all. The construction teams take not being seen as a point of professional pride... we think. Having never seen them or anything."
 * Negative Continuity

"Amidst the smoking rubble and twisted steel, her boots crunched against the broken glass. Heresy, mind-control, mecha, magic... everything had brought down everything in the end. A broken equilibrium that could never have been met... "Well?" The figure asked, regarding the ruined vista spread out before them. Fire, smoke, rubble, water. An entire city with shirts painted red. "Do you feel like a normal person, yet?""
 * Red Shirt/Red Shirt Army: In addition to literally wearing red shirts, members of the Red Shirt Gang know exactly how short their life expectancy is. They post (extremely jumpy) lookouts whenever they gather in a group. Many have large numbers of scars from the times they not-quite-died. Some seem to be in a perpetual state of shock, whimpering and mumbling to themselves.
 * The entire premise of the work itself is deconstructed in the non-canon Spec Ops: The Line-inspired ending.

Tropes that are (merely) Lampshaded
"(While hanging out with allies): You're not sure, but you could probably do something with pepper spray in this situation."
 * The All Solving Hammer: Jumping out the window, interpretive dance, and especially pepper spray.

""CLOOOOUDS.""
 * Cloudcuckoolander: The literature teacher.

"From a nearby open window, the Piano Club unintentionally starts providing a mournful piano solo."
 * Duct Tape for Everything: Because it's duct tape.
 * Dramatic Wind: In Day 2 Part 8, and again in Day 3 Part 7. Both times, they're indoors but with a conveniently-broken window and open door to provide the cross-breeze.
 * Empathic Environment


 * Paper-Thin Disguise: The People We Suspect Are Secretly Pigeons. Evidently seen through by Sakura (and, given the word "we," presumably others?), since she's the narrator.

Tropes that are Played With in other ways

 * Crazy Enough to Work: Zig-Zagged in Sakura putting a bucket over her head to avoid being accosted by Kumiko. It works, but also prevents her from plugging her ears to avoid learning Kumiko's name when the teacher calls it. And then the fumes from the cleaning chemicals that used to be in the bucket get her high. And turn her hair even pinker.

Tropes that are just Played Straight
"After Homeroom, the morning session is Science; which consists of a physicist standing in front of the blackboard and crying."
 * Ascended Glitch: On one occasion, the GM accidentally called Hideaki "Hideyoshi." By the time anyone noticed, so many players had already gone along with the new name that the GM decided to have Sakura misremember it too.
 * Big "What?": In Day 3 Part 6, by when she learns that . Accompanied by Flipping the Table.
 * Break the Scientist


 * Crapsack World: An inevitable result of Deconstructing Fantasy Kitchen Sink.
 * Darker and Edgier: The GM originally categorized it as "comedy," but it didn't take long for the players to notice that they'd inadvertently made Sakura pretty clearly sociopathic, and that in her all-encompassing desire to be normal, she's missing the forest for the trees.
 * Deconstructor Fleet
 * Everything Trying to Kill You: see "Crapsack World," above.
 * Flipping the Table: see "Big 'What?'" above.
 * Fourth Wall Observer: Sakura, her parents, and the Red Shirt Gang.
 * Hive Mind: The student council drones, Borg-style.
 * Humongous Mecha: Mentioned in passing a couple of times.
 * Literal Metaphor: The occasional spring in Sakura's step.
 * Local Hangout: The Red Shirt Gang hangs out at the bike sheds at lunch, because nothing plot-related ever happens there.
 * Loophole Abuse: Since Word of God says Sakura won't be getting any more pepper spray before the end of the quest, some players have taken to discussing the feasibility of having her buy hot peppers to make her own.
 * Overly Long Name
 * The work itself.
 * The school: St. Mary's Coed We-Swear-We-Didn't-Build-It-On-A-Hellmouth-This-Time School for The Vaguely Catholic Militant Church.
 * Kumiko (see Characters page).
 * The Homeroom Teacher Who Is Definitely Not A Nun With A Sword.
 * The Rich Girl With Curls Who Owns Most Of Europe.
 * The Small Dog That Wandered In One Day.
 * The People We Suspect Are Secretly Pigeons.
 * In-Universe historical literature: "Interpretations Of Clooouds, And Also Daffodils Not That I Like Them Or Anything, Idiots," by William Wordsless.
 * The Whips, Cowboy Hats and Archaeology Teacher.
 * Royal Brat: The Rich Girl With Curls Who Owns Most Of Europe.
 * Shout Out
 * Apparently, they really didn't build the school on a hellmouth this time.
 * Sakura doesn't ride bikes because they "have an irritating habit of trying to fly to the moon whenever I crest the hill."
 * The People We Suspect Are Secretly Pigeons have a table in the cafeteria.
 * The phrase, "life, the universe and everything" is mentioned multiple times.
 * There is a Whips, Cowboy Hats and Archaeology Teacher.
 * Sakura sees TV news reporting on a dimensional portal opening up in the Pacific, and her reaction is to be mildly annoyed that her next shipment of pepper spray will probably be delayed.
 * Tastes Like Friendship:
 * Too Awesome to Use: Pepper spray.
 * You All Look Familiar: The Red Shirt Gang all sport red shirts and pompadours.