Mike J/Funny

"In 1763 a man (...) became bored of the local past-time of killing cats and decided that instead he would put some of the flesh in his mouth to take away the taste of his latest prostitute. As he swallowed the meat he realised that the intense stomach pain he'd experienced since birth was beginning to soften. As he ate more of the meat he became to feel stronger and nourished. From that moment on food was born. As the craze caught on cat farms begun to spread across the country and quickly life expectancy rose from 12 years old to 31."
 * Mike J's A Brief History of Britain: Food

"Girl: "Please, stop, I'm tired!" Mike: "Oh for God's sake, stop before she starts COUGHING again!""
 * And that's just the beginning. It constantly tops itself.
 * The montage of him and "Film Brain" during the Son of the Mask review. Not only does it make more sense than the film he's reviewing, it's also pretty disturbing and funny.
 * "And the film ends with a wankin... uh,uh a winking baby."
 * His review of American Pie 3, done entirely in rhyme. Also a moment of awesome.
 * In the Wicker Man review, Mike J's reaction to Nicholas Cage punching a woman while wearing a bear suit. Also, the teabag hat.
 * The crossover review with Guru Larry,
 * When one of the Ewoks dies in his review of Caravan of Courage, we cut back to him grinning for a good ten seconds.
 * To a ill child: "Oh, just DIE already!"

"Movie Villain: "I want the power!" Mike: *cheerfully* "Of course you do, dear!""
 * And then there's the sequel, "Ewoks the Battle For Endor", that has many funny gags... like Mike's face when he thinks he heard "Jar-Jar".

"The girl and the Ewok have crashed. Mike: "There's still hope yet!" They're both unarmed. Mike: "Bollocks.""
 * And his hate for the ill girl returns.

"Mike: Hmm, lemonparty.org. Seems innocent enough!"
 * "Hmm! Flower pie!"
 * Lake Placid 2 involves him checking his Twitter every once in a while to see viewers responses to the video. Most of which are spambots.

"Mike J: I suppose I should be happy. At least you're wearing clothes. Film Brain: Well! Certain changes can be made...*begins stripping*"
 * "My God. I gain more followers every time I say the word 'tits'! I have the most followers in the world!"
 * From the Matrix Revolutions review with Film Brain.

"Film Brain: I'm sure I've got something else that will haunt you for the rest of your life... Mike J: Is it a man holding a gun shaped like a dildo to the head of a baby dolphin?
 * And afterwards.

Film Brain: Beat...no. It's Matrix Revolutions.

Mike J: That's Worse!"

"Mike J: It is Mila Kunis! Looking as gorgeous and beautiful and [subtitle: She's 14] seeeeeeeeeee...oh look, a bear!"
 * Masako X as the designer. Pretty much everything about it.
 * "MAKE ME CLEAN! MAKE ME CLEAN!"
 * Waiting for Arkham City.
 * The infinite ammo pistol from "Komodo vs. Cobra".
 * His reaction to seeing a young Mila Kunis in Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves:


 * Garfield 2:
 * "...Shitloads."