Marvel Cinematic Universe/Funny

Iron Man
""I don't want to see this on your My Space Page. Please, no gang signs... No, throw it up, I'm kidding."
 * From the first film:
 * Tony at the beginning.

"Yeah peace, I love peace! I'd be out of a job with peace...""

"Soldier: Is it true that you went twelve-for-twelve with the Maxim cover girls last year?
 * Also at the beginning:

Tony Stark: That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict but fortunately the Christmas cover was twins."

"Tony: I'm sorry, this is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is over there."
 * Also also at the beginning:

"Christine: "Even after all this time, Tony still has you picking up the dry-cleaning."
 * Pepper talking with the reporter who Tony slept with and subsequently dumped.

Pepper: "I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires... including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?""

"Pepper: I actually don't think that you could tie your shoes without me.
 * Also this scene:

Tony: I'd make it a week.

Pepper: Oh really? What's your social security number?

Tony: ... Five."

""I did say I was done making weapons. This is a flight stabilizer. It's completely harmless." *Tony activates it and gets blasted back by the force* "I wasn't expecting that.""
 * "Okay, let's start things off nice and easy, see if 10 percent thrust capacity achieves lift. In three...two...one..." *WHAM!*
 * Then there's the bit just after that where he's designing the stabilizers.

"Tony: If you douse me again and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college."
 * Tony in the Mark II suit turning off the repulsors, then going through the roof, piano and one of his cars. Cue one of the workshop robots spraying him with fire extinguisher.
 * The previous scene:

"Party Girl: Hey, Tony, remember me?
 * The great unsung comedy moment of Iron Man, due entirely to Downey's brilliant deadpan delivery:

Tony: Sure don't."

""Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.""
 * The best part is that he doesn't even stop walking or turn to look at her as he says it.
 * When Tony shows up at the party and he thinks he sees Hugh Hefner and pats him on the back, only for "Hef" to turn around and be.
 * Tony's reaction to Pepper seeing him in the Iron Man armor;

"JARVIS: Well, it is a tight fit, sir...
 * Better yet, the dialogue between Tony and JARVIS while they're trying (off-screen) to remove the former's suit.

Tony: Ow!

JARVIS: Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt.

Tony: Be gentle, this is my first time."


 * Two words: "icing problem?"
 * "Might wanna look into it." *clonk*
 * A brief moment during the final fight scene. Tony's just started getting out of his suit, thinking that he's won and he can take it off, when Iron Monger appears behind him. He turns and lifts his hand to deliver a repulsor blast... Only to find that he's already taken the armored glove off of it and his hand is bare. He actually turns his palm to stare incredulously at it for a second before getting slammed in the face.

"Tony: Boy, I'm good..."
 * From the second film:
 * Tony hacking into the.

"Justin Hammer: She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Magazine. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know.
 * In fact, the entire scene was hilarious from Tony's "Yes, dear?" to Senator Stern's launching of a Precision F-Strike at Tony on a live international broadcast.
 * The senate hearing is equal parts funny and awesome, but the best part had to be Justin Hammer Especially when the top half   Crosses the Line Twice at its best.
 * Made even better by the fact that there were originally just blurry satellite photos to try and prove that other countries had Iron Man level tech, so Tony remotely hacked into the system with his cell phone and patched in video surveillance from these failures, including Hammer's.
 * Made... umm... even more better (?) considering that said scene is {a possible} remake of a scene from Robo Cop 2. One would think they would have learned by now.
 * JARVIS is wonderful at providing these moments. For example, in Iron Man 2, when looking at a YouTube video of Tony's senate meeting. "May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir."
 * Stark and Pepper running into Hammer in Monaco, who has the reporter from the first movie with him.

Pepper Potts: She did quite a a spread on Tony last year.

Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well!

Pepper Potts: It was very impressive, very well done..."

"Hammer: You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways.
 * A nice little Mood Whiplash after...Whiplash has been causing chaos at an F1 race. Happy Hogan rams Whiplash with a car, then does it repeatedly every time he tries to move. Made even funnier by the fact that Pepper is screaming at Tony and Tony is just saying "Hand me the briefcase" repeatedly while showing virtually no reaction.
 * The first scene between Justin Hammer and Ivan Vanko (in the airplane hangar) has this gem. This is a conversation where Vanko so far has said and done nothing besides sit there and look at Hammer blankly.

Vanko: *Fascinating Eyebrow*"

"Tony: Hammer tech?
 * One standout scene was SHIELD agent Coulson finding something that looks a lot like Captain America's shield amongst the clutter of Tony's laboratory. Tony asks Coulson to hand it to him, since it's exactly what he needs to deal with his current problem...
 * Coulson gets another one earlier; he is assigned to keep Tony from leaving his house. Tony acts like himself, and Coulson just grins and threatens to tase our hero, and then watch Super Nanny while Tony drools into the carpet.
 * Hammer's magnificent un-success.

Rhodey: * disgusted look* Yeah."

""A lot of people ask me how I go to the bathroom in my suit." (pause– smile) "....just like that."
 * It's more like a Crowning Moment of Snigger, but This Troper was highly amused by Tony's spontaneous christening of the Hammer drones as "Hammeroids".
 * Not the first time we've heard that name...
 * Tony "entertaining" the guests at his birthday party, completely shitfaced (bottle in hand), all while wearing his Iron Man suit definitely deserves mention.

""The party's over... well, it's been over for me an hour and a half ago. BUT THE AFTER-PARTY STARTS IN 15 MINUTES!!!" "
 * Even funnier is when Pepper calls him out on pissing his pants, he mentions there's a filtration system in the suit and adds "You could drink that water!"

""""
 * Later:

""""
 * He put on Another One Bites the Dust.
 * Tony and Pepper
 * "You look like two seals fighting over a grape" has to be one of the highlights of the movie.

""Sorry, it's funny how annoying a little prick can be.""
 * Shout-Out to The Count Of Monte Cristo's (1934) "Find your own tree."?
 * The line was "Get a roof", a bad pun on "Get a room", which Tony swiftly complains about.
 * Tony having Fury

"Fury: Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut!
 * Tony's in the second film, what with him.
 * Many of Fury's lines in the second film are downright hilarious. One example is when Tony is sitting in a giant donut prop and Fury finds him.

(Tony pulls on his shades slightly as a silent Flat What)"

"Tony: I didn't give it to him, he took it.
 * The donut in general. Tony lounging around in full armor except for the mask in a donut shop's giant donut, pigging out because he's . In character but utterly ridiculous. Fridge Logic reveals a Offscreen Moment of Awesome: he must have walked into the donut shops in his armor to buy those. Like the Uncomfortable Elevator Moment in Spider-Man 2, but even more so.
 * Another example when the two are discussing the fate of the Mk 2:

Fury: Whoawhoawhoa- he took it? You're Iron Man and he just TOOK IT?! The lil' brother walked in there, kick'd ass and took. Your suit."

"Tony: "'Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior.' In my own defense that was one week. 'Prone to self-destructive tendencies.', I mean please. And hey, aren't we all? 'Textbook...narcissism? (Looks up at Fury.)
 * And pretty much the entire exchange while Tony is reading his evaluation to Fury, the latter not saying a word as Stark tries to justify his many flaws.

Fury: (Glares back)

Tony: (Looks back down at folder) Agreed..."

"Tony: Whoo! Tastes like coconut! And METAL!"
 * Theres something strangely hilarious about a man wearing millions of dollars of Hi-tech weaponry, the head of the worlds top Espionage agency and a professional shadow\spy lounging around a doughnut booth like its no big thing.
 * No love for Howard Stark? "I'm Howard Stark... and on behalf of everybody at Stark Industries, I would like to show you... my ass."
 * Also a sorta twisted Crowning Moment of Heartwarming Like Father, Like Son moment. You can definitely see where Tony gets it from.
 * Justin Hammer is unveiling the Hammeroid drones by type - "Army!" "Navy!" "Airforce!" - with each group rising from the stage sporting some minor modifications. When there's no more room in the line-up, a fourth group of droids, painted camo, pops up in front as Hammer shouts "Marines!". The scene then culminates in what would be a CMOA for Hammer Industries in real life any other movie when the drones collectively salute.
 * Tony's line when :

"Vanko: I make salute."
 * We also have this line:

""One down!""
 * Also:

"Tony: JARVIS, break in! I need to own him!"
 * Black Widow
 * Tony has some good ones as well. Being :

"Rhodes: You look like two seals fighting over a grape.
 * At the end of Iron Man 2. So funny because of the total deadpan delivery between a couple of guys in metal battle suits arguing like five year olds.

Tony: Hey, you weren't supposed to see any of that. Get lost.

Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof.

Tony: How much did you ...

Rhodes: All of it. I've been here a while."


 * One of Hammer's goons threatens to kill Vanko's bird and stuffs it in a bag. When the film cuts back to the scene, the man is dead and the bird is perched on him. Honestly, Vanko's bord is one of the best parts of the film.
 * Happy biting the guard's ear. HE BIT HIS EAR!

The Incredible Hulk
"Bruce: You know, I know a few techniques that can help you manage that anger very effectively...
 * When Hulk is startled by Betty in the cave he hits his head on the low ceiling. Instead of freaking out and smashing the cave he rubs his head, grumbles and turns around looking embarrassed.
 * Later on in the same scene there's a lightning strike and thunder clap. Hulk throws a boulder at the sky, roars as loud as he can and gestures for Betty to stay in the cave, thinking that the thunder and lightning is a threat.
 * Once Bruce and Betty reach New York City looking for Mr. Blue, they contemplate the hazards of riding a subway full of typical New Yorkers and decide on taking a cab. Cue one crazy Euro taxi driver whose antics nearly cause poor Bruce to hulk out from the stress.
 * And it's Betty who goes into full meltdown yelling at the taxi driver for being a huge jerkass.

Betty: You zip it. We're walking."

Thor
"Darcy: What? He was freaking me out!"
 * "You dare threaten me, Thor, with some puny weap-" ~tasered~
 * Selvig and Jane's shock and Darcy's line afterwards put the cherry on top of it all.

"Thor: This drink, I like it!
 * "YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR THE MIGHTY TH-" ~injected~
 * In the butt.
 * It Gets Better...Pull a Last-Second Word Swap, and you get the anti-psychotic,
 * Thor is trying coffee for the first time.

Darcy: I know, it's great-

Thor: ANOTHER!! *hurls mug to the floor*"

"Thor: I need a horse!!
 * God of Thunder walks into a pet store. God of Thunder demands a horse.

Pet Shop Owner: We don't have horses. Just dogs, cats and birds.

Thor: Then give me one of those large enough to ride."

"Guards: Heimdall requests your prescence.
 * The delivery makes it even funnier than it sounds. Just look at how earnest Hemsworth's face is when he says it.:
 * Fridge Brilliance if you're familiar with Norse Mythology -
 * The Warriors Three and Sif discussing what to do after Loki takes the throne. Hogun suggests they go and find Thor, Volstagg gets very nervous because that would be a betrayal and he thinks Heimdall may be listening. Cue guards.

Volstagg: We're doomed."

"Jane: I'm so sorry! I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."
 * After they meet with Heimdall and confirm that they're going against Loki's orders, Heimdall's "Good!" as he readies the Bifrost is really funny.
 * Jane running over Thor - twice.

"Darcy: I think that was legally your fault."
 * The best part was while Jane was being worried about subduing Thor if they need to, Darcy is checking her Tazer.
 * Jane bemoaning the loss of years of research, and Darcy bemoaning the loss of 30 songs she downloaded into her iPod. Like it's the same thing.
 * "All my research is in that equipment or in this book!" *YOINK*
 * Darcy is Plucky Comic Relief incarnate.
 * "What's Myeh-Myeh?"
 * "I found Myeh-Myeh!"
 * When they get out of the car after hitting Thor:

"Darcy: Whoa! Does he need CPR? 'Cause I totally know CPR."
 * Upon seeing Thor after getting out of the car:

"Thor: Hammer?! Hammer?!
 * When Thor is freaking out:

Darcy: Yes we know you're hammered...kind of obvious."

"Darcy: How could you eat a whole box of pop tarts and still be this hungry?"
 * When they're at the diner:

"Darcy: You know, for a crazy homeless person he's pretty cut."
 * And of course:

"SHIELD Agent #1: Is the Renaissance Fair in town?
 * Don't forget when Jane explains to the hospital staff that Darcy was the one who tazored Thor. Darcy gives a matter-of-fact "Yes, I did!"
 * SHIELD agents seeing the Warrior's Three and Sif walking down the street:

SHIELD Agent #2: Call it in.

SHIELD Agent #1: (on radio) Yeah, we got Xena, Jackie Chan, and Robin Hood..."

"Hawkeye: Want me to slow him down sir, or you sending in more guys for him to beat up?
 * Even better, they can't figure out how to describe Volstagg...
 * Gimli?
 * Hagrid?
 * Obelix?
 * "FOUND YOU!"
 * And their big, dopey grins when they're tapping on the glass. It's just adorable.
 * Made even better by Jane, Darcy and Erik's reactions. Three dumbfounded stares, and Erik and Darcy both drop their cups of coffee.
 * During the banishing of Thor, as both Odin and Thor ham up their performances to new levels, Loki tries to intervene on Thors behalf. Odin just barks him down.
 * Hawkeye's few lines are CMOF.

Hawkeye: You better call it, Coulson, 'cause I'm startin' to root for this guy."

"Coulson: Dr. Selvig? Keep him away from the bars.
 * Erik's conversation with Coulson.
 * How did an MD tear through an entire camp of highly-trained SHIELD agents? "Steroids!"
 * When it seems like they are about to get away.

Erik: I will.

(as soon as they are out of earshot)

Thor: Where are we going?

Erik: For a drink.

'''Phil (to other agents): Follow them."

"Thor: "We drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud!""
 * Boilermakers served in giant liter-and-a-half mugs, Vodka shots dropped, and then a good ten-second shot of Erik and Thor trying to chug it down, with Erik's only visible eye staring at Thor in disbelief while trying to keep up.
 * And following that:

"Erik: [drunk] I still don't believe you're the God of Thunder, but... you ought to be!"
 * Plus Erik's goofy grin after what Thor pronounced.

"Guy holding a beer: My turn."
 * Stan Lee's cameo. "Did it work?"
 * Even funnier, his character is credited as "Stan The Man".
 * Hell. The whole scene surrounding the hammer's crater was pure win: the locals set up a tailgaiting party while everyone tries to lift Mjolnir.

"Thor: And who proved that a maiden had a place in battle, above all objections?
 * Thor's rousing speech when it comes to Sif.

Sif: I did.

Thor: True, but I supported you, Sif."

"Frost Giant Soldier: (to Thor) "Run back home, little Princess."
 * Referring to Coulson as "Son of Coul".
 * Extra fun, considering Thor himself is called "Odinson" several times throughout the film.
 * Sif & the Warriors Three are fighting off the Destroyer, to buy Thor and his friends time to evacuate the town and escape themselves. Fandral signals something to Volstagg, who charges forward, before being launched at The Destroyer by Hogun & Fandral, whilst bellowing "FOR ASGAAAAAAARRRRRRD!". The Destroyer just backhands him away with no effort. That had this troper in stitches.
 * The look on his face afterward sells it. "I knew it wouldn't work, and I knew it would hurt, but damn that was too easy for him and DAMN that hurt."
 * Early on there is an extremely tense face off with Thor, Loki, and the Warriors Three deep in enemy territory, one poorly-chosen word away from getting killed and starting a war. Loki manages to convince Laufey to let them depart safely, then this happens:

Loki: (completely deadpan) "Damn.""

"Volstagg: Do not mistake my appetite for apathy!"
 * Thor's grin in that scene sells it for me
 * Anyone know that scene in which someone called out Volstagg on his eating while things are getting worse?

"Agent: Is it one of Stark's?
 * The SHIELD agents first spot the Destroyer, but mistake him for another Iron Man prototype. Easy assumption to make, the poor guys!

Coulson: I don't know. The guy never tells me anything."

"Thor: Father! We'll finish them together!
 * Loki is about to fall off bifrost and Thor kneels down to help him..
 * Thor is overjoyed at Odin's Big Damn Heroes moment. Odin isn't.

Odin: Silence."

"Jane: So is this how you normally look?
 * Jane, seeing Thor in his full Asgardian outfit:

Thor: More or less.

Jane: It's a good look!"


 * Thor's method of immobilizing Loki.

Captain America: The First Avenger
"Steve: (face still frozen in shock) I have some ideas about the uniform. (hands note to Howard)
 * Before the procedure starts, we have everyone in the lab stopping dead in their tracks when they see Steve for the first time. Peggy's reaction is just a resigned sigh and a "let's just get this over with" expression.
 * However, after the procedure she's Not So Stoic. She's as gobsmacked as everyone else, and actually sneaks a feel of the dazed and newly transformed Rogers, before pulling back.
 * The best bit about it? It was actually a blooper.
 * Peggy firing a gun at Steve's shield, with Rogers responding with a look that says "Why the hell did I kiss that secretary?/That woman is crazy!"'.
 * Howard's expression is equally hilarious.

Howard: (same expression) Whatever you want, pal. (takes note)"

"Buck: Is it permanent?
 * You could just see the relieved anger in Peggy's face afterwards too.
 * "He's still skinny."
 * "Is it too late to go to the bathroom?"
 * There's something to be said about Steve Rogers doing girl-pushups.
 * It's even funnier seeing Chris Evans do them behind the scenes!
 * Steve reuniting with BFF Bucky Barnes, who notes his friend's transformation.

Steve: So far."

""Let's go find two more!""
 * When Cap rescues Bucky from being tortured, the obviously out-of-it Bucky tells him "I thought you were shorter".
 * Even better: it's his reaction to Steve's elated line, "I thought you were dead!"
 * Colonel Phillips providing the best counter ever to HYDRA's motto after blasting one of their soldiers mid-sentence.

"Kid: Go get him! I can swim!"
 * After a child is tossed into the ocean by a HYDRA agent, Steve tries to decide if he should save the kid, or go after the agent.

""I'm from Fresno, ace!""
 * Jim Morita's indignant response (with zero accent) when a GI wonders why they have to rescue a Japanese soldier as well.

"Steve: Alright. We'll drink it after.
 * When presented the challenge of grabbing a flag on a very high flagpole (the reward is a jeep ride back to base with Carter), the other soldiers scramble all over each other trying to scale the pole. But (pre-supersoldier) Rogers outsmarts his stronger squadmates by simply detaching the pole's anchor bolts and letting it fall over, rather than trying to scale it. The soldiers' and drill instructor's faces when he pulls it off are priceless.
 * Peggy is definitely impressed and amused.
 * Erskine proposing a toast to Rogers the night before his procedure before remembering that Rogers can't have any fluids, so he snatches Rogers' glass away and drinks it down for himself.

Erskine: No, I don't have any procedure tomorrow."

"Steve: Did you save me any of that schnapps?
 * And then, just before the procedure is carried out:

Erskine: ...Not as much as I should have."

"Prisoner: Who are you supposed to be?
 * Steve not knowing what "fondue" is, and assuming it is something sexual.
 * Howard Stark explaining what fondue is. Actually, Howard Stark's hamminess in general.
 * The scene where Howard is testing the fragment of the cube Steve took from the Hydra base and blowing himself across the room. "Write that down!"
 * When they're in Brooklyn, Steve lists off all the places he got beat up as they drive by them, solidifying his status as The Woobie for many viewers.
 * The first time Steve appears as Captain America in a propaganda stage show, with him wearing a goofy outfit, reading his lines off the back of his shield, and throwing a poorly-choreographed punch at an actor in a low-quality Hitler costume.
 * The best part? Steve's getup is actually the original Captain America outfit.
 * Even better: That scene is a callback to Captain America's first comic cover, put into the movie in the funniest way humanly possible.
 * When Steve comes to rescue the prisoner from their cells, we get this priceless exchange:

Steve (awkwardly): I'm.... Captain America.

Falsworth: I... I beg your pardon?"

"Falsworth: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
 * Keep in mind that Falsworth is British, making is confusion at the name "Captain America" even more hilarious.
 * Later:

Captain America: Yeah. I've knocked out Hitler over two hundred times."

"Peggy: Go get him.
 * As Red Skull makes his escape on the Valkyrie bomber, Peggy and Phillips commandeer the Hydramobile and uses its Nitro Boost to get Steve onto the aircraft before it lifts off. Cue the Now or Never Kiss.

Steve: [stops, looks at Phillips]

Phillips: I'm not kissing you!"

"Lee: I thought he'd be taller."
 * When one of the news films shows that Steve has a picture of Peggy inside his compass, Phillips give her an amused half-smile.
 * Stan Lee's cameo during the award ceremony upon seeing a backstage aide tell the president Rogers isn't there and mistaking the aide for Rogers.

"Buck: Don't do anything stupid until I get back.
 * When Senator Brand starts demanding answers for how a HYDRA agent got into the testing area, General Phillips counters by pointing out the agent arrived with the Senator.
 * More meta than anything, but during the end credits, wherein we all learn the origin of this image. How about a nice cup of freedom?
 * Steve and Buck's parting, which doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.

Steve: How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.

Buck gives Steve one last hug before leaving.

Buck: You're a punk.

Steve: Jerk."

""See? Told you, they're all idiots.""
 * Bucky, on the men who would be the Howling Commandos.

""I'm invisible. I'm turning into you. This is a horrible dream!""
 * Bucky utterly failing to grab Peggy's attention when they first meet.

"Zola: What about me? where will I sit?
 * When the Skull and Zola are fleeing from their exploding lab, Zola points out that the Skull's escape jet/helicopter only seats one. The Skull responds by calmly turning to Zola and handing him the keys to his car.

Skull: Not a scratch, Doctor. Not a scratch."

"I will fight until the last one of these bastards is dead, in chains, or crying like a little baby!
 * Jones and Dernier in the pub. Understanding French turns it into another kind of funny.

I hope all three!

Me too!

(Everyone looks on in puzzlement)

We're in."

""Where are you from?"
 * This exchange between Steve and Erskine.

"Queens.""

Marvel One Shots

 * The explanation for why Tony talked to General Ross instead of Nick Fury or Agent Coulson.
 * Coulson casually purchasing donuts after saving the cashier from two muggers.