The Cheap Show

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- Disclaimer shown before each episode.

""This authentic Early American bee smoker worth nine dollars and eighty-four cents, or any one of these other exciting, nearly-great prizes might be taken home by our contestants. And we have something horrendous in store for their unfortunate loved ones. All this and much, much less tonight on The Cheap Show! And here's the host of The Cheap Show — the only man we could find who'll work this cheap; the man who actually believes that his check is in the mail, Mr. Dick Martin!""

- Opening spiel, as read by Charlie O'Donnell.

Game Show that ran in weekly syndication from 1978-79 with Dick Martin of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In fame as emcee. Two couples competed, with Martin asking questions to a thr-oh, sorry, two-celebrity panel. The couple "in control" then picked one of the two celebrity answers; a correct answer awarded you a point (and a great prize such as Dick's toenail clippings) and your opponent got covered in slime, while a wrong answer gave your opponent the point and toenails while your spouse got covered in slime.

The first couple to reach 20 points won the game and moved on to The Semi-Colossal Prize Sweepstakes Finale, in which the couple picked a hole from 1-12 and hoped the show's mascot hamster Oscar scampered into said hole.

The Cheap Show was a parody of low-budget games, with embarrassingly-cheap "prizes" and the most obvious Golden Snitch format ever — Exactly What It Says on the Tin but Better Than It Sounds, running for about 39 episodes. Here's the fourth episode.


 * Bonus Round: The Semi-Colossal Prize Sweepstakes Finale, where Oscar the Wonder Rodent ran around in a circular area with holes representing actual and legitimate prizes, and the first hole he went into determined what prize would be won. If the couple could correctly guess where he'd go, they'd also win the grand prize of a car, and not a junk piece of scrap metal — an actual new car!
 * Consolation Prize: Some were described between Rounds 1 and 2, and more following the Bonus Round. Again, these prizes were genuine.
 * Golden Snitch: The first two questions were worth one point each, while the final question was worth 20 points. 20 points were required to win the game.
 * Personnel:
 * The Announcer: Charlie O'Donnell.
 * Game Show Host: Dick Martin.
 * Lovely Assistant.: Wanda (Janelle Price), a dim-bulb ditz who talked in a very stilted/robotic manner. Oh, and men in drag.
 * Oscar, the show's mascot hamster.
 * Studio Audience
 * Promotional Consideration: Surprisingly.
 * Zonk: The main-game "prizes", typically priced at less than $20.

"Dick Martin (noticing the third seat is empty): Where's our third celebrity? Charlie O'Donnell: That's right, Dick. Henry Ford was supposed to be with us tonight, but he said that the change in his pocket added up to more money than we offered to pay him. Back to you, Dick!"
 * Affectionate Parody: Pretty certain it's not "Affectionate", but yeah.
 * Biting the Hand Humor: A lot of Dick's comments, especially his monologue. Justified, in that the show pretty much asked for it.
 * Catch Phrase: "Remember, it's not whether you win or lose — it's how much it costs you!"
 * Covered in Gunge: If you lost a round, your loved one got something dumped on top of them, or a Pie in the Face.
 * Credits Gag: Such as "Oscar's Wardrobe by MOTHER NATURE".
 * Half-Hour Comedy
 * Luck-Based Mission: The bonus game depended on the hamster's brain, not yours. Winning the car was difficult, to say the least.
 * Mascot: Oscar, the Wonder Rodent.
 * No Budget: Parodied as the gimmick of the show, then subverted in the Bonus Round where actual and legitimately-good prizes were available.
 * Opening Narration: Quoted at the top of this page.
 * Take That: Toward low-budget games and those who ran them.
 * Written-In Absence: A three-celebrity panel was part of the set, but only two celebrities were actually present; the third, a person who would not ordinarily appear on a Game Show (such as Henry Ford or Richard Nixon), would always be absent for one reason or another.