Dragon Ball Z Abridged/Funny

Funny moments from DBZ Abridged. WARNING: You might be here a while.

Episode 1
"Farmer: (notices spaceship crash on his farm in the distance) OH GOD NO, MY MARIJUANA PATCH! I mean uhhh, my carrot patch. Uh... YEAH.(approaches crashed spaceship) Guess I'll do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation (pulls out rifle): GIT MAH GUN! (Notices Raditz getting out of his ship) HOLY CRAP, IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! Oh wait, no... Its an alien! HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!
 * All of the farmer's lines, despite the fact that he only has about 4 of them in the entire series.

Raditz: Now I have arrived on this dead plane-f oh wait, it's not dead. Did Kakarot screw this up again? I knew we should have sent Turles.

Farmer: (thinking) I better think of something cool to say to make him stop... (shouting) HEY YOU! (thinking again) Genius, farmer... Genius.

Raditz: Isn't that cute? He thinks he's people. What's your power level? Five, huh?

Farmer: (shoots) PROTECT ME, GUN!

Raditz: (catches the bullet) No! Bad human! Bad. (Flicks it back)

Farmer: Damn it, I voted for Bush.

Raditz: Now get up and say you're sorry. (Farmer doesn't move) Human? Huuuman? (sighs) So this is why dad said I couldn't keep Appule."


 * For added hilarity, this troper always thought he said "a pool." Because it seemed like something Raditz would have said, with Bardock looking frustrated and annoyed at him.

"Goku: So what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?
 * Goku meeting Raditz.

Raditz:The...the Dragon's what?

Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them? They grant you any wish you want? Like immortality.

Oolong: Or Bulma's panties.

[Cut to some alien bug planet]

Nappa: Hey Vegeta did you hear that?

Vegeta: Oh yeah, we're totally going to go to Earth to get our wish.

Nappa: Yeah we're going to get panties!... I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant. Right Vegeta?

Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod, Nappa."

"Bulma: Hey I'm here.

Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma... Hi!

Bulma: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay."

"Piccolo: Why should I help you?
 * Piccolo and Tom. That is all.

Goku: I'll friend you on My Space.

(beat, followed by a cut to the two flying)

Piccolo: Tom, you've been replaced."

Episode 2
Raditz, Goku, and Piccolo in Episode 2: "Raditz: Aha! Attacking an opponent up to four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy... no, no, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?

Piccolo: (offscreen) Retarded?

Raditz: That's it, thank you! Now, disregarding the Namekian, I-

Goku: Ah- [he's] a Yoshi.

Piccolo: (offscreen) I'm not a goddamn Yoshi!

Goku: But you said you were!

Piccolo: (offscreen) It's called sarcasm!

Goku: What's that taste like?

Piccolo: (offscreen) DAMMIT Goku!!"

"Krillin: Holy crap. (cheerfully): I'm not the first person to die in this series!
 * "DAMN YOU, HINDSIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!"
 * Bleh.
 * Right after Goku dies:

Roshi: Krillin!

Krillin: What?

Roshi: Too Soon!"


 * Piccolo mentally singing Mahna Mahna while Goku "distracts" Raditz.

Episode 3
"King Yemma: And not just any mahogany! But mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7! Where the trees are 300 feet tall and breathe fire! From these trees this desk was forged 2,000 years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the ancient Malchior people! Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructable, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also, it's a very fine material. Very expensive.
 * King Yemma's rant about his (Mahogany!) desk.

Kami: Oh...kay.

King Yemma: It's mahogany."

Episode 4
"Goku: Have you guys seen my brother Raditz around here? Spiky hair...tail?
 * Goku's defeat of Princess Snake.
 * As well as her earlier spying on a naked Goku...while hiding in a cardboard box.
 * The backstory behind the blood fountain in hell.

Mez: Ach, yes, he made a horrible mess of ze blood fountain.

Goku: Looks fine to me.

Goz: IT USED TO BE WATER!"

Episode 5
"Guru: Nail... Nail!
 * Meanwhile, Back in episode 5,

Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?

Guru: I saw a fish. That is all. Go back outside now."

"Guru: NAAAIL!
 * And later,

Nail(obviously angry): WHAT!

Guru: I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass."

"Arlian: You have freed our race! We shall erect statues of you...
 * Vegeta rocks the Arlian king... like a hurricane.
 * The reward of the Arlians freed by Nappa and Vegeta.

Nappa: Well, isn't that nice of them, Vegeta?

Arlian: ...Out of our dung!

Nappa: (beat) Well, isn't that nice of them, Vege-

Vegeta: We're leaving, Nappa.

Nappa: 'Kay."

"Kami: Mr. Popo, where did you send them?
 * Absolutely anything Mr. Popo says.

Popo: I'll tell you where they're not: safe."

"Popo: Alright maggots, listen up. Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order: it goes you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami; and Popo. Any questions?
 * Hell, the first time he speaks:

Krillin: Uh, yeah, I- (cut to outside shot of lookout as sounds of fighting can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout) AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! (Krillin Owned Count: 3)

Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, bitch. Any more questions? (silence) Good. Then we can begin."

"Kami: Mr.Popo, what are you watering?
 * Everything he says in episode 11.
 * Or episode 24.

Mr.Popo: Pot.

Kami: Pots of what?

Mr.Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it.

Kami: Are you kidding? That shit's great for my glaucoma."

Episode 6
"Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks (not deathball thrown by Freeza). Ahahahahahahaha! P.S.: Freeza rules you!"
 * Freeza the Wiki vandal:

"You're all going to die."
 * Popo's last comments for the Z fighters after they've completed their training are hilariously blunt.

Episode 7
"Nappa: Look, Vegeta! A Namekian!
 * Here's a little fact from Namek: Namekains may be powerful fighters, but they have one weakness: they don't  have penises!

Krillin: Hey, I take offense to that!

Piccolo: He was referring to me, you idiot! And it's not a insult. The Namekians are a fine, proud race of...

Nappa: That means he doesn't have a penis.

(Vegeta and Nappa snicker off-screen, as Piccolo stands embarrassed.)

Vegeta: Eunuchs."

"Krillin: Wait a second! Namekians don't HAVE penises!"
 * And from the Fake Namek episode:

"Nail: Well Sir, if you're having a problem with our Customer Support you can call 1-800-eat-a-d*ck!
 * And from Episode 22:

Super Kami Guru: We don't even have those!"

"Nail: Ahh, if we had junk you'd be gay right now!"
 * When Nail instructs Piccolo on fusing, he tells the latter to put his on his chest...lower...lower...lower...little lower...

Episode 8
"Nappa: Vegeta!
 * When Nappa stops in mid air.

Vegeta: What is it, Nappa!?

Nappa: I can fly.

Vegeta: (Stammering) ...Yes Nappa, yes you can."

Episode 9
"Krillin: (With Nappa charging towards him) Wait, myturnmyturnMYTURN!
 * Nappa and Vegeta's discussion at the start of the episode:

Nappa: (stops dead in his tracks)

Vegeta: Nappa, what are you doing?

Nappa: It's his turn, Vegeta. I have to wait for him.

Vegeta: Wha... I... uh... (nose starts to bleed)

Nappa: You okay, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Yes... just... just having an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity.

Nappa: Oh. (beat) I didn't think you were that stupid, Vegeta.

Vegeta: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHGHHHH!!!!!!!

Vegeta: Nine minutes, eighteen seconds...nine minutes, eighteen seconds...

Nappa: What's that, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Happiest...moment...of...my life..."

"Krillin: HEY! Stop treating me like a joke dammit! I've got a new technique-- which I probably could've used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends' lives-- but that's beside the point! (charging a disc of energy in his hand) Get ready for my destructo disc!
 * Krillin shows off his new technique:

Picollo: (barely alive) Laaame.

Krillin: Now, take THIS! (throws the disc at an angle, where it grinds across the ground before heading towards Nappa and Vegeta)

Nappa: Oooh! A frisbee Vegeta!

Vegeta: Nappa, no! It's a trick!

Nappa: But Vegeta... tricks are for kids.

Vegeta: ... You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.

Nappa: Yay, like a doggy! (gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain) Ow!

Ricola guy: Riiicola-- (disc explodes, cutting off the mountain's top half) Oh goddammit! (mountain half falls and breaks into pieces)"

"Gohan: I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
 * Gohan loses his temper:

Nappa: [Beat] ...What?

Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULLF██K YOU!"

"Krillin: Breath, Gohan! You're a leaf. A leaf in a calm stream!
 * Then, much later:

Gohan (pissed): F██K THE STREAM!"

"Goku: Where's Chaotzu?
 * Krillin tells Goku about the fate of his friends:

Krillin: Oh, he's here... and there... and there... and there... and-

Gohan: Krillin!

Krillin: What?

Gohan: Too Soon!"

"Nappa: Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?!
 * Team Four Star presents their version of one of the most famous Memetic Mutations in anime history:

Vegeta: It's... one thousand and six.

Nappa: ...Really?

Vegeta: Yeah. Kick his ass, Nappa!

Nappa: Yaaaaay!

(Nappa gets his ass handed to him by Goku)

Nappa: (while Vegeta is delivering the below lines) My arm doesn't bend that way! MY ARM DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY! *snap* Aaw, now it does!

Vegeta: Hmmm... that doesn't seem right... wait, wait, wait wait! Nappa!

Nappa: (collapses at Vegeta's feet) Whaaaaat?!

Vegeta: I had the Scouter upside down. It's over nine thousand. (calmly crushes Scouter) Rah.

Nappa: Why do you sound so bored?!

Vegeta: Because he's still not a threat.

Nappa: But-

Vegeta: To me."

"Nappa: Hey Vegeta, I'm a-firin' my BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"
 * And on the subject of Memetic Mutations:


 * This episode ends with a surprisingly understated (yet hysterical) moment where Vegeta at exactly nine minutes and eighteen seconds. His reaction is a simple smile.

Episode 10
"Goku: Are you okay in there?

Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.

Goku: Oh, really? Can I come in too?

Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.

Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream!

Vegeta: ]"

"Goku: What's going on, guys? We won, right?"
 * AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Vegeta: It's like you're beef jerky and I'm Filet Mignon.
 * When Goku and Vegeta are about to fight:

Goku: I like both those things!

Vegeta: ...I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop."

"(Oozaru!Vegeta has Goku in his grasp)
 * And later, Son Goku: squeaky toy.

Oozaru!Vegeta: Alright, Kakarot! Let's hear those bones shatter! (squeezes harder)

Goku: *squeaky*

Oozaru!Vegeta: ...What the?

Goku: *squeaky*

Oozaru!Vegeta: Oh my God! That's hilarious!

Goku: *squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky*"

"Goku: Gohan, this is daddy. I know you angry right now but you have to focus your anger. ﻿ R-remember Icarus? (shows Icarus and explosion) He did it.
 * How about this one when Gohan fights Vegeta:

Vegeta: Well that's Bulls***! I haven't killed a damn thing since I came to this godforsaken planet. (Looks at camera) Not from lack of trying, mind you."

"Vegeta: "They've broken my body... I've failed in my mission to find the Dragon Balls... I even lost my tail... but, at least... it can't get any worse... from here..."
 * But the crowning moment of them all came at the very end of the first season as a throwaway gag.
 * Vegeta, at the end of episode 10, comes across an old friend, much to his horror

???: "Vegeta... Vegeeeeetaaaaa..."

Vegeta: "Wh-what?"

Nappa: [appears as a ghost] "I'mhauntingyou!"

Vegeta: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Goku: Man, this is worse than that time I was in high school, and all the guys called me "Geeko", and I was Piccolo's slave, I couldn't get Chi-Chi to like me, and... Oh wow, I hit that rock harder than I thought."
 * Goku hits his head harder than he thought and believed he was in the Dragon Ball Evolution continuity.

"Vegeta: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PLANET KAKAROT!!
 * Vegeta when he loses his temper is always hilarious.

Goku: Hey, that's not very nice!"

Vegeta: OF COURSE NOT, I'M F***ING EVIL!""

"Vegeta: Hey Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken? (Crushes Goku's legs) CHRISTOPHER REEVE!
 * More Card Carrying Villainy from Vegeta:

Goku: (in agony) That was in terrible taste.

Vegeta: Don't care! Evil!"

"Vegeta: I'm going to obliterate you, and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-
 * The entire Kaio-ken running gag.

Goku: KAIO-KEN!

Vegeta: Kaio-what? (Punched repeatedly in the face, before breaking away the combo with a kick to the chin) Okay... not bad... but still nothing compared to me!"

"Vegeta: I told you Kakarot! There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here. You might as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-
 * And again.

Goku: KAIOKEN TIMES THREE!

Vegeta: Times wha-(PUNCH) GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! (sent flying and crashes into a mountain) This... proves... nothing..."

"Vegeta: This is the end Kakarot! You don't stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! Now perish... WITH THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC WORLD!
 * Once more, during the Galick Gun/Kamehameha struggle:

Goku: KAIOKEN...

Vegeta: Noooo.....

Goku: ...TIMES...

Vegeta: No, no, no....

Goku: ...FOOOOUUUUR...

Vegeta: Nononononononono-(gets carried away by the blast)-FUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"Vegeta: -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK."
 * Meanwhile, Back at the Plot:

"Goku: Kaio Ken!
 * Brought back again in Bardock: Father of Goku during a flash-forward.

Bardock: (Back in his own time) Kaio what? (Punched in the face by something completely different)"

"Ginyu (in Goku's body): This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?!
 * And once again in Episode 23...

Goku (in Ginyu's body): Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!

Ginyu: What techniques? Tell me!

Goku: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!

Ginyu: Kaio-wha-? (Kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time)"

""AAAAH. My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Freeza in the shower. Wait a minute, Freeza's always naked - AAAAAAGGGGHHH!"
 * Vegeta getting hit in the face with a Solar Flare.

"Vegeta:" Again with the f***ing eye!!"
 * Also in general Vegeta getting hit in the eye.
 * Also in general Vegeta getting hit in the eye.

Vegeta:" The eye! The eye! Why is always that goddamned eye!!??""

"Vegeta: Now watch, Kakarrot, as your life becomes inconsequential, as I reveal my GIANT MONKEY-
 * This Bit Before Vegeta's Transformation:

Crowd: (gasp)

Vegeta: FORM!

Crowd: (sighs of relief)

Random Guy in Crowd: Thank god I thought he meant penis!"

Episode 11
"Chi Chi: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn't going anywhere.
 * Gohan's extreme calling out to his mother, Chi Chi in episode 11:

Gohan: Actually... Mom... I'm going to Namek.

Chi Chi (strained): As... I... Said. My little boy (now angry) ISN'T... GOING... ANYWHERE!!

Gohan: But, mom! Piccolo died for me! It's my responsibility!

Chi Chi: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me and you will do as I say!

Gohan: But that's not...

Chi Chi: Did you carry around a baby in you for nine months...WITH A MAN WHO LITERALLY THOUGHT YOU HAD CINNA-BUNS HIDDEN IN YOUR SHIRT?!

Gohan: But I...

Chi Chi: Now you are going to lay in this hospital bed! Recover like a normal boy! And then, you're going right back to your advanced trig classes, AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL...!

Gohan (pissed): SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!

(Pause)

Gohan (calm): I'll be going to Namek now.

Chi Chi (calm, too): You best. (slams door as she leaves the hospital)"

"Mr. Popo: "MAKIN' TOAST! [...] BUTTERIN' TOAST!""
 * Goku's failed attempt at borrowing Popo's magic flying carpet.


 * Season 2 gives us

Episode 12
"Krillin: Krillin's Log, stardate...uh...November 28th. We've been flying for two weeks now, and I'm starting to feel very tensed up. Not just for being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her underwear! I would relieve this tension, but I've had no alone time SINCE THE TOLIET KEEPS SCREAMING AT ME!! I'm not sure how much longer I can last...
 * Krillin's inner monologue at the start of the episode:

Bulma: Krillin, are you saying something?

Krillin: Nothing! God-damned !!"

"That's impossible, my transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was... (eyes focus, cuts away to him riding a space pod screaming:) GODDAMMIT NAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
 * Vegeta realizing how anyone might have found out about the dragon balls.

Episode 13
"(After successfully hiding from the onslaught of Freeza's forces.)
 * Roshi: (On the telephone) "Could you speak up? I'm not wearing any pants."
 * Every line uttered by Krillin in this episode.

(after bing asked several times if he felt Freeza and his men's power levels) Krillin: Yes Gohan, I noticed! On the bright side, I no longer have to pee anymore."

"Bulma: "Oh God, it's everywhere!!""
 * After dealing with Bulma being a total cocktease on the ship, Krillin... 'releases some tension and takes ten whole minutes for it. When Bulma goes into the cave to set up camp...

"Narrator: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies, and do Gohan and Krillen stand a chance? The answers to these questions will be revealed... right now. Zarbon, Dadoria, Freeza, and Oh My, No.
 * The final moments of the episode, narrated by Little Kuriboh:

Krillen: Wait, wha-"

(credits)"

Episode 14
"Krillin: QUACK!!"
 * In Episode 14...

"Freeza: Well Vegeta, you've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely... With some help, I see...
 * Oh, the joke goes much farther than that. Originally, in order to avoid being caught by Dodoria, Krillin pretends to be a space duck by yelling "Quack!" over and over. After being caught, he yells a parting quack as he and Gohan take Dende away. Much later on, Goku arrives on Namek. As he goes on about the planet's beauty and splendor, he hears Krillin's anguished cries of pain... and thinks it's a space duck. He only catches on to the plight when Krillin gives out a pathetic "Quack".
 * When Freeza appears after Porunga is summoned, Krillin tries to fool him into beleiving he is a Space Duck... While he's standing directly in front of Freeza.

Krillin: QUACK!

Gohan: Krillin, seriously not helping.

Krillin: I can try..."

"Namekian Elder: "Why are you here? Why are you killing our people?"
 * Every response from Freeza and co. when the Namekian villagers did something to anger them.

Freeza: "Well I was just in the neighborhood, thought this was a lovely place for a summer home- Oh what the f*** do you think I'm here for!?"

Namekian Elder: "Our Trees?"

Freeza: "...Zarbon, two or three more."

Zarbon: "Two or three more?"

Freeza: "Two or three more.""

"Namekian: We're going... to... f*** your face!
 * Freeza making a mental list of every heroic speech he hears.

Freeza: [laughs] Oh my! Twelve."

Episode 15
"Vegeta: What.
 * Vegeta's reaction to  true gender:




 * Beat*

Vegeta: WHAT!?!?!"

" : And that's why I was considered the most beautiful, and fertile, woman on my home planet. Before Freeza blew it up.
 * What compounds the hilarity is that the second "What" sounds like (and probably is) Lanipator's real voice.
 * And this:

Later...

You and I... we could team up against Freeza! Rule the Universe! ... As husband and wife."

Episode 16
"Guru: "Nail, I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass cheek."
 * The beginning of episode 16. The audience knows what's about to happen, and the happy music and cheerful outlook of the Namekians make the coming slaughter of them by Vegeta all the more hilarious.
 * Anything Guru said in the episode 16...

[...]

Guru: [seeing Krillin] Naaaaaail. There is an albino Namekian in here. Kill it like the rest.

Krillin: Actually sir, I'm from Earth.

Guru: ...Kill it like the rest.

[...]

Guru: [Take the Dragon Ball]. Just don't steal the TV.

Nail: Sir, we... we don't have a television.

Guru: .... Naaaaail. Gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma TV.

Nail: Sir, that would be a grievous misuse of their power.

Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your heeeeaaaad!

[...]

Guru: So, the son of Katat has passed. Unfortunate.

Krillin: We just called him 'Kami'.

Guru: Oh, so he calls himself 'God'. Pretentious prick. Nail.

Nail: What?

Guru: I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami.

Nail: Yes, Super Kami.

Guru: No, wait- Super Kami Guru.

Nail: Can I just call you Guru for short?

Guru: Super Kami Guru allows this."

"Krillin: Aw, you made a friend, Little Green? Oh, I know, I'm gonna call you "Big Green"!
 * This exchange:

Nail: Call me that again and I'll snap your neck.

Krillin: With that attitude, I don't think you should be friends with him, Little Green.

Nail: Listen, I don't care where you come from or who you are, I will not put up with such disrespe-

Guru: BIG GREEEEN! Get in here...

Nail Big Green (irritated): Oh, good... goddamnit!"

Episode 17
"Vegeta: I've got a lovely bunch of dragon balls, dodododoodo, here they are all sitting in a bunch, do doo do. One Star, Two Star, all as big as my head! Give em a toss, a planet across, that's how Vegeta wins BU-BYE!"
 * From episode 17:

"Vegeta: Later, bitches. *awoooga! awoooga!*"
 * And after that, him hiding in the water, complete with submarine noises:

"'Ghost Nappa: (whistles) Is this thing on? Is it on? (tuning noises) OK, there we go! A-HA-HEM!! You are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you while you were unconscious. Have fun with that."
 * The glorious return of Ghost Nappa:

"Freeza: Ginyu, quick; double time! Zarbon really screwed the pooch on this one!
 * Freeza and Zarbon's Innocent Innuendo.

Zarbon: Lord Freeza! Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!

Freeza: I'm coming Zarbon! Quick, grab my balls!

Ginyu Force: (Laughter)"

"Bulma: Oh my God he's so hot! I just want to grab him and --
 * Krillin (and later Gohan): "I got a Dragon Ball!"
 * Bulma being distracted by Zarbon.

(Cut to Goku doing upside-down crunches)

Goku: -sixty nine, seventy, seventy-

Vegeta: -one time you've defeated me, Zarbon. And that's one time too many."

"Freeza: Oh... and all this time I could've sworn you were- ...never mind.
 * Then Bulma's reaction to transformed Zarbon: KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
 * Goku: "I'm gonna beat someone up!" and "I'm gonna beat him up!" and "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
 * Zarbon is and acts really surprised if someone calls him . And even so, Zarbon still acts.

Zarbon: What? You thought I was single?

Freeza: Well, no, I just... I thought you were into... you know, it really doesn't matter.

Zarbon: Well it matters to me, because, frankly it sounds like you thought I was-

Random Minion: Lord Freeza! Vegeta's broken out of the healing-TAAAAANK! (dies by ki blast)

Freeza: Oh no, that minion died. Could you go fix that? We'll continue this conversation never."

"Vegeta: Let me put this in a way you'll understand; I'm about to blow my load all over your insides.
 * Vegeta's final words to Zarbon as he prepares to . Doubly funny due to Zarbon's confused expression:

Zarbon: What the-

Vegeta: -No homo. [Va-VOOM]."

"Vegeta: Freaky Alien Genotype."
 * And then what he says after he dies:

"Freeza: APPULE?! You left Appule here?!
 * This scene, especially the expressions Zarbon and Freeza have at the end of it.

Zarbon: Well I thought he could handle it!

Freeza: Appule couldn't handle a shot of raspberry schnapps, much less Vegeta!"

"King Kai: Hello Goku? Do you hear me? I swear to God, if this is George Takei again, I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's ass!
 * King Kai's telepathic "call" to Goku.

Goku: King Kai?"

"Goku: Oh all right. I absolutely promise not to...click beeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
 * King Kai then proceeds to order Goku to stay away from Freeza, warning him about his incredible power. Goku gets more and more excited about the prospect of fighting him until King Kai makes Goku promise not to do so.

King Kai: What the-

Goku:...eeeeeeee *gasp* eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

King Kai: He... he hung up on me! How the hell did he even do that?!? Damn it, I'll call him back! *dialing sounds* Goku, I swear to god I will ride your ass on this one!

George Takei: Oh my!

King Kai: DAMN IT, TAKEI!"

"Zarbon: Why isn't he naked?
 * The exchange between Zarbon and Appule:

Appule: Luckily we... what.

Zarbon: In the healing tank. I always thought you needed to be nude.

Appule: Wh-... why would you think that?

Zarbon: You know, to... absorb all the healing... juices.

Appule: ...

Zarbon: ...Well, it looks like you have everything under control here! (quickly takes his leave)

Appule: ...Freaks me the f*** out."

"Dende: Guru sir, I have a question.
 * Guru telling Dende how old he is in the stinger:

Guru: Ask away.

Dende: You've been around for so long. Just how old are you?

Guru: I am this many. [doesn't move]

Dende: You didn't raise your hand.

Guru: THAT'S HOW OLD I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!"

Episode 18
"Trunks: Daddy?"
 * In episode 18: Vegeta discovers the Dragonball he hid away is missing. This irritates him.
 * On that same note, the fact that his scream can be heard by Goku in space, King Yemma in the afterlife (who mistakes it for his ex-wife) and TRUNKS TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE ON ANOTHER PLANET IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE.

"Vegeta: God, I love it when a plan comes together! Took some time, effort, and lots of bodies, but now it's mine. Immortality is my bitch! Now, it should be right here...riiiight here... Where the hell is it? It couldn't have gone anywhere... All right, I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them up it's going to be right here- it's not here. Why isn't it here!? I don't get it! Who could've-?! The kid! But, how could he have found it, it was- Wait. That watch...that watch wasn't a watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator! Which means...which means...!
 * Then there's his Internal Monologue before The Scream.

Ghost Nappa: He took the Dragon Ball."

"Gohan: So, uh, can I help you?
 * The whole "I need an adult" running gag

Vegeta: (gently puts his hand on Gohan's face) No... But maybe I can help you.

Gohan: Uh... I need an adult...

Vegeta: I am an adult. (Knees him in the stomach)

Vegeta: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent up aggression against your father. Take that. (flies away)"

"Krillin: Gohan, I'll be getting you to Guru's now.
 * Later...

Gohan: What? Why?

Krillin: So the old man can touch you, and pull things out of you that you never knew you had.

Gohan: ...I need an adult?

Krillin: I am an adult."

"Guru: Now, relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
 * Later still...

Gohan: I... need an adul-

Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- (cuts away)"

"Gohan: Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
 * While it doesn't feature the "I need an adult" phrase, the joke leading up to it is pretty hilarious too.

Guru: Do I look Catholic to you?"

"Nail: Hello? Can I ... help you with something?
 * This exchange between Nail and Vegeta:

Vegeta: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.

Nail: Ooh! Ooh! Is this really happening? 'cause I really hope it is.

Vegeta: (laughs) Oh trust me, you don't want any of what I am now.

Nail: Then come on, bring on all four feet of you. Or should I count your stupid hair?

Vegeta: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.

Nail: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal bitch."

"Krillin: (In response to why he didn't stop Vegeta from taking a Dragon Ball) I don't know! Maybe you could've bitched at him! How 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days! Huh? Used your bitch fu on him? Bulma, the mistress of bitching, that's what they should call you!"
 * Krillin's Reason You Suck Speech to Bulma in Episode 18.

"Krillin: Seriously! Five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth! And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars have aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell, because YOU! ARE SUCH! A BITCH!"
 * After the Vegeta and Gohan scene:

"Vegeta: Besides Freeza, I'm the most powerful being on this planet! Bar none.
 * The long-awaited arrival of the Ginyu Force:

Guru: Heeeey. Just thought I'd let you all know I detect several high power levels approaching the planet.

Vegeta: What!? Several high power levels?

Guru: There are five of them in total.

Vegeta: Five of them!?

Guru: And they're all INCREEEEEDIBLY FLAMBOYANT!

Vegeta: OH GOD! IT'S THEM!!"

"Vegeta: I-am-here-for-it.
 * Vegeta after he finally catches up with Krillin. He can't speak coherently, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's yelling at Ghost Nappa.

Krillin: For what?

Vegeta: Dragon- ball. I- need- that Dragonball. Give it to me. The-one-you-took. I Need my wish.

Krillin: (scared) Are... you okay?

Ghost Nappa: I think your rage broke Vegeta.

Vegeta: SHUT UP GHOST OF NAPPA!

Krillin: What was that?

Vegeta: I'MNOTCRAZY!! YOU'RE CRAZY! Especially you, Nappa!

Ghost Nappa: Eeeeey!

Krillin: Who are you talking t-

Vegeta: Dragonball. Hand now, please!"

"Vegeta: I'm going to pay him a... uh... what do you call it?
 * Perhaps more funny is the constant "drug withdrawal" Does This Remind You of Anything? during the above.
 * When Vegeta regains his wits, Krillin blabs about Guru's ability to release untapped potential.

Krillin: A visit?

Vegeta: A beating! That's it! Gunna to go pay him a beating."

"Beer: No, it's too early to get crunk.
 * The entire end of Episode 18, with Goku trying to think of what to drink.

Powerthirst: Ehh, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.

Peanuts: Ha ha, I can't drink these, these are nuts!

TFS Soda: This looks good! And it's high in Calcium! Team Four Star Soda!"

"Guru: Naaaaaail!!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like (gagging and slurping noises)
 * Every time Guru shouts at Nail, especially when Nail is preparing to pulverize Vegeta.

Nail: (pissed)Thank you, lord Guru!"

"Gohan: You guys, I think we should move to a new location.
 * When Gohan arrives with Vegeta's Dragonball in episode 18:

Krillin: Why? What's wrong with this place?

Gohan: Because we have ten minutes before Vegeta finds out I stole this (Dragonball)

Krillin: (Terrified, high-pitched whimpering noises as Gohan smiles sweetly)"

Bulma hating the fact that she's always getting abandoned on Namek. "Bulma: Oh no, no no no! I am not letting yo abandon me here again! Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!

Krillin: Bulma, you're right. You have been very helpful and very patient with us. So in return...we'relettingyouwatchthedragonballbye! (He and Gohan fly off)

Bulma: I will kill you both in your sleep!"

Episode 19
"Vegeta: When did you have time to set this up?! Is- is that a camera? What kind of sadistic retard watches this crap?!
 * The Wheel of Death routine from episode 19. Even funnier because this is exactly what the Ginyu Force would do with enough time and preparation. Then there's Vegeta's reaction.

Freeza: Love this show."

"Vegeta Look at your men, now back to me, now look back at your men, now back to me. I am not your men! I'm flipping you off! Look at the ground, back to me. Where is the Dragonball? It's gone! I threw it! And there's not a damn thing you can-
 * Vegeta sounding like The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

(Burter returns the Dragon Ball to Ginyu)

Burter: Here you go, boss.

Ginyu: Thank you, Burter.

Burter: It's what I do!

Vegeta: But... I... I chucked that son of a bitch as hard as I could!

Burter: Oh, you can't beat my speed! I'm the fastest in the universe!

Krillin: That's what she said!"

"Super Kami Guru: Naaaaaaaiiillll! Slap him.
 * While Vegeta's spouting off various ways of saying they're going to die:

(Slap is heard)

Krillin: Ow!

Super Kami Guru: Thank you."

"Vegeta: What.
 * Even more hilarious from behind the scenes since both Krillin and Vegeta are voiced by the same guy.
 * Vegeta's reaction to Krillin deciding to call them "Team Three Star."

Krillin: Well, we're a TEAM, there's THREE of us, and the Dragon Balls have STARS on them! Team Three Star!

Vegeta: That just makes me want to kill you even more, and you're STILL only the second most annoying bald person I ever had the displeasure to work with.

Krillin: Team Three Star, MOVE OUT! *flies away*

Vegeta: I swear to god...! *flies after him*"

"Ginyu: Supposedly there are seven (Dragon Balls) in total, if my report is correct. And the other five are-?
 * Later in the same episode, after Krillin has messed up again.

Krillin: (scared, shouts out quickly) RIGHT-BEHIND-YOU!

Vegeta: My GOD man, you just can not-!

Krillin: (still running his mouth quickly) ShutupwhenImscared,Iknow! IoncegotacrushonalittleindianboythatIthoughtwasagirl.

Vegeta: Please kill him. Seriously, he won't be missed."

"Vegeta (with a menacing tone): Hello, Earth woman.
 * Bulma's attempted rape fantasy with Vegeta should also count. It's Crosses the Line Twice at best.

(Bulma stammers with fear.)

Vegeta: You know what I want. Now, give it to me!

Bulma (scared): The... the Dragonball's right there.

Vegeta: Oh, I'm not here for the Dragonball.

Bulma: Wha... what?

Vegeta: Spread 'em!

(Bulma, with fear, prepares herself, then falls down back to reality as Krillin unties the Dragonball to her foot.)

Krillin (with a quick tone): Takin' the Dragonball! Bitch at me later! (flies off)

Vegeta: Your hair looks stupid! (flies off)

Gohan: Sorry, Bulma! (flies off)

Bulma (pissed): ALL OF MY HATE!"

"Krillin Gohan! Did you see? His power, he can-!
 * Or when Vegeta tells Krillin to destroy the Dragon ball in the same episode, Krillin fails, while Vegeta keeps screaming at him to hit it harder.
 * Krillin on the receiving end of Za Warudo.

Gohan Stop time?

Krillin Summon steamrollers!

Gohan (dumbfounded) Y-You sure?

Krillin Positive!"

""Son of a g- fuk monster! Why the f does all this fu s happen to me? F my life! Always surrounded by m fing c! It's like this whole world just likes to bend me over and f me in the As! Like I'm some sort of sh receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cs can have a f, WITH A GODDAMN PIG!"
 * Vegeta's hurricane of Unusual Euphemisms as The Stinger of Episode 19.

Jeice: Sorry captain, this scouter's acting a bit shonky."

"Vegeta: Throw dog biscuits at him.
 * Go Space Broncos!
 * "Why can't I feel my everything?"
 * Guldo getting dog biscuits thrown at him.
 * Or Vegeta's advice to Krillin on how to fight him:

Krillin: How will that help?

Vegeta: I'll find it hilarious."

"Guldo: ...I f***ing hate you.
 * And finally, Guldo's Facing the Bullets One-Liner, as he realises he is dying, and begins to contemplate his afterlife and what it all means...

Vegeta: I know. [VA-VOOM]"


 * "Sure is Zarbon in here."

Episode 20
"Jeice: Oy... is that Guldo? I think he's dead!
 * The Ginyu Force mourns Guldo.

Recoome: How tragic.

Beat

Burter: Not telling the captain, 1-2-3, not it!

Recoome: Not it!

Jeice: Not it- Oh, wankers."

"Vegeta: Wrestling's fake. (boos and jeers) Oh, go to hell, all of you! And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to kill your ass! Now hit my music.
 * After Recoome's first Badass Boast:


 * Dragon Ball GT Theme Tune Rap plays*

Vegeta: Oh, the f*** with this!"

"Krillin: HELLO GOHAN, HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T CHI CHI WILL KICK MY ASS!
 * While it might be funny only to wrestling fans, Jeice using "slobberknocker" and "vintage" while commentating is quite hilarious.
 * This bit after Krillin got owned for the 12th time:

Gohan: Ah, are you okay?

Krillin: Yeah, seems he threw my nervous system out of whack, there. Can't quite feel the pain!

(Beat)

Krillin: There it is! AAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWW..."

"Guru: (monotone singing) Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.
 * Dende feeling sad that he's one of the few Namekians alive.

Nail: Lord Guru...

Guru: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE."

"Recoome: (his mouth is all messed up) Can Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth.
 * "Silly Vegeta! The only thing Recoome sells, is merchandise!" *Cue images of merchandise with Recoome on them popping up, including a vibrator with his head*
 * After Gohan and Krillin have saved Vegeta by forcing Recoome's mouth shut while he was using his Breath Weapon:

Krillin: (offscreen) Dear God, what happened to your face?!"


 * The entire Spacey's skit. It's good food. In Space.

Episode 21
"Jeice: Alright, you bastard! Prepare to face the wrath of the Ginyu For*punch* AHH! You goddamn wanker! You punched me right in the*punch* Ah, he did it again! *punch* Ahh! Stop it! Stop it! *punch* PISS!!! Oh... what would the captain do in this situation?!
 * "WE GET IT! YOU'RE FROM SPACE AUSTRALIA!!!"
 * Episode 21, Jeice getting punched in the face over and over again is enough to make you fall down laughing.
 * Especially when he tries to think about what Ginyu said to do in that situation...only for Goku to punch him again mid-flashback. Jeice then holds his face and screams "Oh, he cut off the captain!"
 * Jeice can't rely on his squadmates either:

Ginyu: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to*punch*

Jeice: Oh, he cut off the captain!

Goku: So, are you going to dodge any of these?

Jeice: Ohhh, THAT'S what the Captain*punch* BURTER! SUPPORT!!

Burter: Well, you've got very lovely hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team.

Jeice: I MEANT PUNCH 'IM, YA DAFT BASTARD!! AGGH! Oh, but thanks, you know? That really cheered me*punch*"GOD, I THINK HE BROKE SOMETHING THAT TIME!!"'"

"Freeza: (After Ginyu has brought him the Dragon balls and finished the Dance of Joy, which was authorized by Freeza's father) Now, let's wish me some immortality!
 * Jeice and Burter have a touching display of camaraderie, showing how good friends they are and promising to go out drinking once its all over, the music swells... and Goku one-shots Burter.
 * Freeza's rant: "I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way, because everyone is inbred and LOOKS THE F***ING SAME! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his, WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED CHUCK!"
 * This.

Ginyu: Not quite yet, Lord Freeza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance!

Freeza: (indignant) My father would command no such thing!

Ginyu: You are correct, Lord Freeza!

Freeza: Very well.

Ginyu: It was your brother!

Freeza: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-"

"Ginyu: "Might I suggest the dance of cheering you up?"
 * After the Dragon Balls don't work.

Freeza: "...proceed.""

"Goku: So Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy? (talking about Recoome)
 * "And now, the Dance of Solitude!"
 * "You think that's bad? If you hit 'em hard enough you can play a song." Cue Vegeta playing the Tetris theme by repeatedly kneeing Burter in the throat.
 * Vegeta's Renegade Interrupt.
 * Gohan is fed a senzu bean. a green 9999 appears over his head and the healing ding plays.
 * "Silly Gohan! Animals don't eat people - people eat animals! Silly Gohan!"
 * Vegeta's excuse about being so beat up:

Recoome: *groaning in pain*

Vegeta: (stammering) Uhhh no...I..umm...uh..

Ghost Nappa: You fell down some stairs.

Vegeta: I fell down some stairs.

Krillin: No you didn't, you-

Vegeta: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!"

Episode 22
"Guru: NNAAAAAIIIILLLL! Do we have a visitor?
 * Episode 22: Another great Guru line - "And so I tell him, 'I don't care who you are, now clean my jowls!' ...And that was Nail's first day on the job." Then, after Guru unlocks Dende's potential, Dende leaves. Guru's response? "Thaaaat SLUUUUUUUUUTTT!!"
 * Also from 22:

Nail: Yes sir.

Guru: NNNNAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLL! Take his coat.

Freeza: I don't have a coat.

Nail: He doesn't have a coat sir. [looks at Freeza] And I believe this is the guy who basically just killed our whole race.

Guru: [sounding a bit annoyed] NNNNNNAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLLL. Don't take his coat."

"Krillin: "When the dragon balls are all put together, the sky grows darker than the blackest void!"
 * KILLING CRABS! IN THE OCEAN!

Popo: (on Earth) "Hm?""

"Freeza: (passing Dende) "Good afternoon."
 * Later, when Freeza is going to Guru:

Dende: "It's morning. (Douche.)"

Freeza: "Cute kid. Seems familiar.""

"Jeice: That's him, Captain! That's the one who beat us up!
 * "Oh god. NATURAL LIGHT!"
 * "I utilize these poses as a means of reinvigorating my men and raising morale. HOW DARE YOU MOCK THEM!"
 * Ginyu meeting Goku

Ginyu: What?! Just look at HIS hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sake, Jeice, he's even wearing pajamas.

Jeice: I swear it's him, sir. He picked us apart one by one. We never stood a cha--

[Goku punches Jeice.]

Jeice: OH, THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

Ginyu: Jeice, what have I told you?"

"Freeza: You see, I recently acquired what you people referred to as Dragon Balls, but I'm having trouble getting them to do what I want.
 * Nail again demonstrating his aptitude at passive-aggressive trash talk:

Nail: Did you try working the shaft?

Freeza: ...Classy."

"Guru: Naaail, what does he want?
 * Which leads too...

Nail: He wants to know how to use the Dragon Balls.

Guru: Did you tell him to try working the shaft?

Nail: Yes, Lord Guru.

Guru: Good work, Nail."

"Freeza: Good Lord! I was lead to believe your species survived almost entirely on water! How is he so fat?!
 * After Freeza sees Guru for the first time:

Guru: Oh, hello. I'm Super Kami Guru. And I'm the guy who is not judging you on your appearance."

"Captain Ginyu: Did (Recoome) at least die with dignity?
 * That's... a good question, actually.
 * Becomes Fridge Horror when you remember the mention of a Namik suffering a terrible drought during Guru's reign.
 * (re: the Ginyu Force's defeat)

(Cut to Recoome lying face down on the ground, his naked ass in the air. Buzzing flies are heard.)

Jeice: Err...Define "dignity", Cap'n."

"Jeice: Well, cap'n, if you're getting stressed, you could always... ya know...
 * This exchange:

Ginyu: Jeice! This is hardly the time nor the place. Besides, I already did it in the pod on the way here.

Jeice: ...I meant switch bodies, sir..."

Episode 23
"Gohan: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.
 * Krillin and Gohan discussing why the Namekian Dragon Balls aren't working.

Krillin: Maybe if I sing to it. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves-

Gohan: -Actually Krillin I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.

Krillin: I don't speak German! And the only person I know that does was the toilet... and it's dead. God rest his seat."

"Bulma: Why?! Why would you leave me alone here?! I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!
 * Bulma calling out Krillin and Gohan on leaving her alone all the time, and Krillin pointing out the logic of her problem:

Krillin: Okay, Bulma, just calm down. Why are you upset?

Bulma: Why?! Because I am always alone!

Krillin: And if we were to stay here, what would that accomplish?

Bulma: ...just take the f***ing radar.

Krillin: Thank you, Bulma. Say "Thank you", Gohan.

Gohan: Thank you, Bulma.

Bulma: No problem, Gohan.

Krillin: And no problem...

Bulma: Shove it!

Krillin: I'll take it."

"Freeza: (to Nail) Oh, I know. How bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Their whole race. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too."
 * Also in episode 23:

"Freeza: So. We've been flying for about twenty minutes now. Got any family? Because if so I probably killed them."
 * Freeza is just terrible, in the funniest way possible.

""Amazing.""
 * "Stop ignoring me."
 * Vegeta imagining himself yelling "Team Three Star" just before breaking Krillin's neck.

"Soldier: Dude, that was totally it! (dies, emitting the scream as well)"
 * Two soldiers talking about the Wilhelm scream and trying to imitate it. Vegeta then knocks one to his death, which makes him do the real deal.

"Vegeta: (jumping into Freeza's base, deadpan) Weeeeeeee."
 * Made even funnier when after that, everyone else very clearly also has a stock scream... of Team Fortress 2 characters. Also after the slaughter:

"Ginyu!Goku: (After Goku!Ginyu flies off) Man... I'm a jerk now...
 * Ginyu!Goku getting confused about who is in whose body.

Ginyu!Goku: (after hearing Vegeta explain that Kakarot and Goku refer to the same person) So does that make me Ginyu?

Ginyu!Goku: (blocking Vegeta from Ginyu's body change) I'll save you, Goku!"

"Ginyu: Just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.
 * Vegeta's answer to Ginyu's request for a moment of silence.


 * Beat*

Vegeta: Mine mine mine minemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE! (Bashes Ginyu!Goku into the ground.)"

"Krillin: Gohan, we might have a chance now! But you have to give it your all! Remember, (Ginyu) may look like your dad, you can absolutely not hold back-
 * Gohan's snapped rage which doubles as Calling the Old Man Out.

Gohan AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! You abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMOOOOORE!

Goku!Ginyu: I don't know where he gets that from."

"Goku!Ginyu: This is easily the second worst hole I've had in my chest. It's going to take, like, a million mommy kisses to make this feel better."
 * This line:

Episode 24
"Nail:(attacks Freeza mid-sentence) HAAAAA!
 * Episode 24 is crammed with funny moments:
 * Freeza and Nail's confrontation:

Freeza: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were starting. Here, allow me. (rips Nail's arm off)

Nail: AAAAAAHHHHHH! (falls to his knees in agony)

Freeza: Looks like someone's going to be missing this! (Drops Nail's severed arm in front of him)

Nail: No, not really. (grows a new arm)

Freeza: Ooh, that looks like it hurts a lot. Are you okay?

Nail: I'm fine!

Freeza: Good to know. Yoink! (rips off Nail's new arm)"

"Freeza: How many arms do you think we're up to? I think we're up to 24."
 * In their next scene, there's a whole pile of mutilated arms on the ground.

"Vegeta: It'll take a while, though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.
 * Also a reference to the episode number.
 * Vegeta, Gohan, and Krillin taking Goku to the healing tank in the ship:

Krillin: What happened to the newer model?

Vegeta: Blew it the f*** up.

Krillin: What, did it have an opinion?

Vegeta: Eat me. [...] Now, both of you, STRIP.

Krillin: Ummmm...

Vegeta: I've got body armor for you.

Krillin: ...Less awkward."

"Krillin: You know, Gohan. It just occurred to me.
 * Krillin and Gohan lampshading how long they've been on Namek.

Gohan: Yeah, Krillin?

Krillin: We're still on Namek.

Gohan: What do you mean?

Krillin: Well, it feels like we've been here for like, a year.

Gohan: But we've only been here for six days!

Krillin: I know, right?!"

"Krillin: Hey, by the way, don't I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name, again? Hey, Vegeta! What was that one guy's name? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? (Nappa's head appears) Vegeta? Vegeta?
 * Krillin unintentionally giving Vegeta flashbacks from the previous season:

Vegeta:(Scowls) Goddamnit, Nappa.

Krillin: Oh, right! Good ol' Goddamnit Nappa."

"Goku: Who's that, King Kai?
 * George Takei randomly interrupting the conversation between Goku and King Kai:

King Kai: It's George Takei. Somehow we made this into a three-way.

George Takei: Ohhhh my!

King Kai: Call! Three-way call!"

"Gohan: Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26 year-old dwarf, and a giant green alien who constantly hits me. Still, better than my dad. At least they're around . ...Huh. Where did that come from?"
 * Dende starts screaming in terror when he thinks he's been caught by one of Freeza's henchmen. Then he realizes it's Krillin, and he screams even louder.
 * Gohan's inner monologue as he reflects on his life:

"Krillin: Holy crap, your dragon's on steroids!
 * Porunga's introduction:

Porunga: [In Namekian] (I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-- [sees Krillin]...Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!)

Dende: (Actually, they're earthlings.)

Porunga: (God, they're ugly.)

Dende: (And annoying.)"

"King Kai: Stop screwing around and wish these idiots off my planet!
 * King Kai communicating with Krillin:

Krillin: Holy crap, I can hear a voice inside my head!

Dende: Is it telling you my name is Dende?

Krillin: Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me.

King Kai: This is King Kai. Wish these guys back to life before I kill myself.

Krillin: Wait, can gods kill themselves?

King Kai: I'm about to try!"

"Krillin: Little Green, wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek.
 * No one cares what Yamcha thinks!
 * Piccolo's reaction to being sent to a random spot on Namek:

Piccolo: Hold on a minute, don't do that! That is a terrible i--(is resurrected and brought to Namek)--dea!

[Piccolo's can be heard screaming in the distance.]

Dende: He is on Namek.

Gohan: Wait, where is he?

Dende: On Namek.

Piccolo: (in the distance) You dumbass!

Krillin: Why didn't it bring him here?

Dende: You must be specific.

Gohan: Oh, so it's a sort of monkey's paw. You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.

Piccolo: (still in the distance) NEEEEEEEERRRRDDD!"

"Vegeta: (suddenly wakes up, jumps to his feet, fists clenched) I have to pee! (bolts out of the room)"
 * Apparently, Goku was right; Vegeta does have a very nervous bladder.

"Krillin: (on what he should use the third wish for) Well, now I can have a three-foot-long...
 * It also takes him way too long to figure out why the sky has turned dark; "Jesus, I overslept. It's already night...for the first time since I got here...on a planet with three suns." (Alarm clock in his head ticks, then goes off after several seconds) "Oh you mother-(cut back to the dragon)-FUCKERS!" But when he does...

Vegeta: (visibly furious) HEY, WHAT'S UP GUYS?!

Krillin: ...I'm never going to get my hoagie.

Vegeta: SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!

Gohan: What am I doin'?

Vegeta: WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!

Gohan: Nothing much.

Vegeta: THWARTIN' MY PLANS?!

Gohan: Thwartin' your plans?

Vegeta: ARE YOU?!

Gohan: ...Yes.

Vegeta: ...I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!"

" : I feel that they have finally summoned the dragon. Would be a reeeal dick move to die right now...Huuurrkk [dies]"
 * death and how well it fits with his character:

"Popo: -humming and watering plants-
 * When Kami is resurrected.

Kami: (poofs) Fan-freaking-tastic, We're back here again.

Popo: Oh, you're back. Hi Kami.

Kami: Mr. Popo, what are you watering?

Popo: Pot.

Kami: Pots of what?

Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it.

Kami: Are you kidding? That sh*t's great for my glaucoma."

"Nail: (Enjoying this moment) The earthlings have the password.
 * Even better given it's a brick joke to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOVORQzNmrM&feature=related
 * Freeza's reaction to learning that the Namekians have hoodwinked him.

Freeza: ...What?

Nail: Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru's? On his way to the humans with the password. By now he's probably already there and they're about to summon the dragon!

Freeza: (Barely concealed rage) Grk...Jch...

Nail: Yeah, if I could guess your biggest mistake, it would be not stopping him. That or the purple lipstick.

Freeza: I WILL F***ING MURDER YOU!!

Nail: Whatever.

Freeza: (flies off and turns on scouter) Why aren't the Ginyus showing up!? Oh, they're dead. WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!"

"Vegeta: First immortality. Then the bitches."
 * Vegeta's thoughts as he was falling asleep.

"Nail:(Lands on a random spot) This is my people's sacred battleground.
 * The reveal that even Krillin thought the name "Team Three Star" was stupid.
 * That seemed more like he was trying to save face than anything else, considering how enthusiastic he was about it in the beginning.
 * Freeza getting annoyed with Namek. Again.

Freeza: We flew over an hour for this? It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this god-forsaken rock!"

Episode 25
"Freeza: Peaceful young races with fires on their﻿ houses, millions of voices all silenced like mouses, watching the cowards bow toward their new king, these are the few of my favorite things!"
 * The Stinger has the theme song with Freeza under a powerup box. Out pops the mushroom and Freeza transforms.
 * Episode 25 has several including Freeza raising the Owned count so high that he gets a 1Up, Nappa in the flashback and.
 * Freeza singing a modded rendition of "My Favorite Things" in 25, is both hillarious and chilling.

"Nail, (inside Piccolo's head): What are you doing?
 * Another is the aftermath of Piccolo's fusion with Nail. Team Four Star handles it EXACTLY like the dub complete with Piccolo psyching himself up...until...

Piccolo: Errrghummm...Nothing.

Nail: Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself.

Piccolo: Are you in my head?

Nail: Yep. Don't worry, supposedly I should fade into your subconscious...sooner or later.

Piccolo: Ok...so what now?

Nail: By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bastard that killed our people.

Piccolo: And?

Nail: Well, let me put this in terms you can understand...YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT! YOU! CAN! DO! THIS!

Piccolo: Oh HA-HA!"

"Saiyan: He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta.
 * When Freeza's still in his first form, locked in a power struggle with Vegeta, his scouter displays the message "F**K THIS. I'M OUT." seconds before exploding.
 * During the flashback about Bardock's warning:

King Vegeta: Wait, my son, the planet, or me?


 * Beat*

Butarega: ...Yes.

[King Vegeta blasts Butarega away]

King Vegeta: Friggin' smartass."

"Gohan: I... you... healed me.
 * When Dende heals Gohan.

Dende: You are the only one I respect.

Gohan: Then why did you heal Krillin?

Dende: The better question is; why did I tell him he was immortal?"

"Gohan: Think, what would dad do?
 * When Gohan's Roaring Rampage of Revenge after Freeza (almost) kills Krillin fails.

[Flashback]

Goku: Bye, son!

Gohan: I'm beginning to think I have issues."

"Vegeta (inner monologue): I swear if he used that wish for immortality on himself, I am going to murde-
 * When Krillin comes back in top form after being impaled:

[creeping realization]

Vegeta (out loud): That... bastard."

"Gohan: Krillin, stop! You're making him stronger!"
 * SOCIAL ACTIVITYYYYY!
 * While Freeza is owning Krillin so much he gets a 1UP...

"Gohan: And then you used your Ki-Enzan to cut him in half?
 * Krillin tells the gang how he blinded Freeza with Solar Flare;

Krillin: Ummm...

Freeza: I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!!

Krillin: To answer your question, Gohan, no, I did not do that."

"Krillin: Wait, you mean I could have actually died?
 * Krillin learns that he isn't immortal.

Vegeta: Yeah, and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it.

Krillin: Hax! I call hax!"

"Nail: There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.
 * Piccolo's Big Damn Heroes moment is accompanied by Magus' battle music.
 * Nail explains his plan to Piccolo.

Piccolo: And we're just gonna abuse it?

Nail: Oh, maliciously!

Piccolo: Bitchin'! What do we do?"

"Freeza: So Vegeta, does this get you angry?
 * Freeza "taunting" Vegeta while he tortures Gohan

Vegeta: Not really, kind of a smart ass.

Freeza: Well then, why am I even bothering?!

Vegeta: Because....you get off on it...?

Freeza: Oh, unbelievably!"

""What was that idiot doing, bringing me here? It's- Wait a minute. I can feel it. This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields... The crystal clear waters... The wind brushing past my GOD this is boring! Huh...no wonder I feel right at home."
 * Piccolo's first thoughts on Namek;

"Vegeta: Guldo told me
 * How Vegeta knew that Freeza can transform.

[cutaway]

Guldo: So... Did you know that Freeza can transform?

Vegeta: Huh. That right?

Guldo: Yeah. And Burter's gay!

Vegeta: (genuine surprise) Really!?

[cutaway]

Vegeta: And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story."

Episode 26
"Kanassan 1: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUUUURE!
 * The miraculous return of the Kanassans:

Kanassan 2: BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KIIIIIID!

Kanassan 3: THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!

Kanassan 4: CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FOOOOORM!

Kanassan 5: GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUUUUYYYY!

Kanassan 6: GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAAAAP!"

"Krillin: Little Green! NOOOOOOOO!!!
 * The Stinger has this exchange:

Gohan: Actually Krillin, his name was Dende.

Krillin: Huh, that's funny. He never spoke up about it."

"Piccolo: Don't think you have the upperhand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armour!
 * A brilliant send up of of the series' "weighted clothing" concept:

Freeza: Weighted armour? How quaint. And how much does it weigh?

Piccolo: Same as it always does: one hundred kilo-

Freeza grins

Piccolo: ...Oh.

Freeza: That's just cute!

Piccolo: That concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?"

"Krillin: Aw man that sounded good, now I have to do my neck. [SNAP] OWWW MY NECK! [Krillin Owned Count: 26]"
 * After Krillin sees Piccolo crack his knuckles and neck in a truly awesome way.

"Freeza: So Namekian, what do you think of my 3rd form?
 * Piccolo and Nail's conversation during Freeza's 2nd transformation.
 * For some reason, this troper finds the exchange after Freeza transforms into his 3rd form hilarious.

Piccolo: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.

Freeza: What are you talking about? *Alien tongue bursts out of mouth and makes noises* Let me touch your skin...

Piccolo: *disturbed yell*"

"Freeza: I have a question for you though.
 * Definitely this exchange:

Piccolo: Whats that?

Freeza: DIE.

Piccolo: ...That's... not... a... questio- *gets knocked into plateau*

Freeza: That's because I don't do requests."

"Freeza: *suddenly appears* So, Vegeta, where do you think you're going?
 * When Vegeta tried fleeing, this happened:

Vegeta: Oh, y'know... *shifts eyes* places...

Freeza: Places, hm? Like that mountain over there?

Vegeta: *looking* Actually, that looks more like a plat- *gets knocked into* -EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

"Freeza: How about this? Let's play a game. Ever hear of paintball?
 * Extra funny if you realize a similar joke was made 23 episodes earlier.
 * Freeza's "game"

Piccolo: Yeah...

Freeza: Just remove the "t".

Piccolo: I don't ge- (Freeza blasts him in the knee) OH HO I GET IT!"

"Freeza: Now for your other glubok! (He blasts Piccolo again.)
 * Plus the exchange right afterward that would later be alluded to in episode 29.

Piccolo: AGH! ...You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?

Freeza: It doesn't matter! I'll hit your glubok somewhere! (He starts repeatedly blasting Piccolo)"

Episode 27
"Goku: I'm sure they're doing just fine.
 * The opening.

Vegeta: HEALER'S DOWN!

Krillin: NEED A REZ!

Gohan: OUT OF MANA!

All three: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"Freeza: It's like putting down Old Space Yeller
 * Before that, Goku was singing "Put the Lime in the Coconut".
 * Freeza's continued mocking

Krillin: HOW IS THAT A THING?"

"Goku: I'm Goku! I'm insane, from Earth!
 * The return of "DOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!"
 * Goku's attempt at a Badass Boast.

Vegeta: He means Saiyan."

"Freeza: Well between you and the Namekian I think I've lost my touch at genocide."
 * And then Freeza's comment:

"Huh, I should've known that was only a one-hit wonder."
 * A good amount of the dialogue in episode 27, such as the round of "Row row row your boat". Especially once Goku arrives and starts talking to Freeza.
 * Note that the singing round includes King Kai and Tien, but cuts off before Yamcha. Priceless.
 * Meta example in that shortly before the episode's release, The Nostalgia Critic reviewed Star Trek V the Final Frontier, which had an infamous scene of Kirk and McCoy singing Row Row Row Your Boat. KaiserNeko noted this coincidence on Twitter.
 * Vegeta attempting to rock Freeza like a hurricane.

"Vegeta: You see, Freeza? You aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore-
 * After Goku blocks Freeza's Beam Spam attack, Freeza demands to know how it's possible, from Vegeta, who's been talking about the Super Saiyan legend the whole episode, and previous ones (having already given an identical speech about it twice). Mostly in relation to himself, but you can tell Freeza sees it coming again. Each word out of Freeza's mouth is angrier than the last in the following exchange.

Freeza: Oh. My! GOD!!!"

""Baguan, brederin Vegeta. Me be ya spirit animal. And me here to tell ya how to mash up dat bumbaclot Freeza. All you got﻿ to do is ..." *crunch*""
 * EVERYTHING that the extremely short-lived Jamaican (That sounds familiar to Sebastian the Crab) crab (Apparently his name is 'Orpheus') says before getting eaten by Freeza in Episode 27.

"Goku: Oh, hey Piccolo! When'd you come back?
 * When Goku arrives, he talks to the others. This happens.

Piccolo: Uh... Dragon Balls...

Goku: Cool,

Krillin: GOKU!!

Goku: Hey Krillin! You look funny in that armor!

Gohan: DAD!!!

Goku: Hey."

"Goku: So, are you that Freezer guy?
 * And then he turns to Freeza:

Freeza:  I am Lord Freeza, yes.

Goku:  Awesome! Imma deck you in the schnozz!



Vegeta: Ow.

Freeza: I'm... sorry, that's a new one. Who did you say you were, again?"

"Freeza: Unfortunately, Vegeta and I had a disagreement. He wanted himself to live, and, well, I didn't.
 * And note that this is actually a Brick Joke to how Freeza keeps track of every Badass Boast made towards him.
 * Freeza explains why Vegeta is injured;

Goku: Why do you want to die?

Freeza: Wh- no, I meant, I meant I wanted him to die-

Goku: Is it because you look weird?

Freeza: What?!

Goku: Ah, you know, you got that big head, those weird lips and that tail-

(Freeza gets angry and tries to blast Goku. Goku swats the blast away.)

Goku: -and you don't have ears...

Freeza: Okay, no.

(Freeza shoots multiple beams that Goku swats away effortlessly.)

Goku: ...And to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk.

Freeza: (Shocked) And apparently, this is now happening."

"Vegeta: (Yes I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me!)
 * During their, ah, fight, Vegeta and Freeza's thoughts.

Freeza: (God, Zarbon's, dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyus are dead...this has been one giant mess. It's just like that jockstrap incident, only now I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes!)"

"Krillin: I couldn't even follow that attack! It was almost instantaneous!
 * Early on when Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo are all certain of their defeat and Vegeta keeps boasting how good he is:

Vegeta: Yup, just gonna stand here and keep bein' awesome--

Piccolo: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power!

Vegeta: (Annoyed) Uh, hello, awesome? Right here.

Gohan: We're all gonna die!

Vegeta: ... You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left and I don't want to SMACK YOU WITH MY DICK."

"Freeza: (Appears) Oh, go ahead, pool's open; water's fine. (Everyone just stands there, shaking in their boots) No? Just going to stand there like a bunch of piss ants? Thought so."
 * I know the whole scene with Freeza curb stomping Vegeta is pretty morbid, but I always find it humorous when Krillin asks if they should do something

"Vegeta: Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan swagger."
 * After Freeza tells Vegeta that a Super Saiyan is just a myth...


 * While firing an impressive but ineffective Beam Spam, Vegeta yelling "DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA!"

Episode 28
"Vegeta: You are our race's last hope. You are the last remaining Saiyan. ...Oh god, you're the last remaining Saiyan."
 * The opening, which has Vegeta stating the usual legal stuff, but clearly dying with each breath.
 * Vegeta's dying words.

"Goku: Wow, that was close! I was almost out of the frying pan, and into the... lava.
 * Freeza's complete stupification as he tries to comprehend how Goku thinks.

Freeza: How do you function?"

"Vegeta: That lying red motherfucker!
 * After kicking Freiza into a mountain, the two exchange banter. Goku gets in a legitimate taunt.
 * And actually thanks his brain for coming up with it.
 * All of the ensuing fight between Goku and Freeza... as Freeza gradually loses it from exposure to Goku's stupidity.
 * Half the fun is Goku taking Freeza's thinly-veiled threats and taunts at face value.
 * Vegeta tells Goku that your clothes don't come with you when you die. Goku says his stayed with him.

(Later, at King Yenma's)

King Yenma: (To all arriving souls) Strip...next. Strip...next. Strip...next. Strip...(Beat, learns forward) nice.

Arriving soul:"

"Bulma: Oh God﻿! That was so refreshing... too bad it was all saltwater though. (faints)."
 * The random moment with Bulma shows her drinking the planet's water.

"Goku: My butt is flaming!

Freeza: ...I miss Zarbon."

"Goku: What do I win?
 * Krillin getting hit in the face with Freiza's puke, bringing the Krillin Owned Counter up to 27.
 * When Goku says to Freeza that he won the game because he fought without his shirt (long story). He asks what his prize is.

Freeza: Another bath!


 * Beat* Goku: But I'm not dir- *Cut to Goku being drowned by Freeza*

Freeza: Just tell me when you need to come up for air."

"Freeza: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place... Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell!
 * The following exchange, just after Vegeta's burial. Freeza's expression while saying the last line is priceless:

Goku: I don't know, I went to Hell once. The only real bad part was these two oiled-up German guys trying to wrestle me.

Freeza: ...are you real?"

"Freeza: ...Good lord, I traded Vegeta for this."
 * Freeza, after Goku responds to his rhetorical question with a rhetorical answer.

"Goku: Vegeta, no!
 * Goku's brain appearing to be voiced by Orson Welles, at least if its garbled comments about "frozen peas" while Goku is drowning were any indication.
 * Vegeta's spirit animal falling out of Freeza's ear.
 * The beginning;

Gohan: Vegeta, no!

Krillin: Don't worry, Gohan. Little Green'll- (Shot of Dende's corpse) ...oh. Vegeta, no!

Piccolo: ...Meh."

"Goku: Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.
 * Goku bites Freeza's tail. 'Nuff said.
 * Goku continuing to be a terrible father.

Piccolo: So... keep doing what I've been doing, then?

Goku: Yah-huh.

Piccolo: Yeah, I figured. Let's go!

Krillin: Oh thank god!

Piccolo and Krillin fly away.

Gohan: (whispering) Dad... beat him within an inch of his life... AND HANG HIM UP BY HIS ENTRAILS!

Goku: (To himself) Wow, he sounds like he's had a hard time. Piccolo should really have a talk with him."

"Freeza: (threateningly) Want to play a game?
 * Freeza asking if Goku wants to play a "game".

Beat

Goku: Yes..."

"Freeza: So how did you like that game, monkey?
 * After the "pinball" game:

Goku: Eh, it was okay.

Freeza: Wha...How did you-

Goku: It's no Donkey Kong though. That has a pie level!

Freeza: (Wide eyed, says nothing. Leans forward making a creaking sound)"

"Goku: Vegeta, are you all right?
 * Why Vegeta got shot;

Vegeta: I have...a f**king hole in my chest...why didn't you block that one!?

Goku: I thought you had it!

Vegeta: No!

Freeza: It's funny how he's still talking, I could have sworn I hit a lung- (Vegeta coughs blood) Oh there it is!"

"Freeza: How do you function?
 * Freeza loses his patience with Goku.

Goku: Hey, I'm just like any other guy. I pay my taxes one leg at a time!

Freeza: ...I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.

Goku: What? Why would you drown puppies!?

Freeza: (Snidely) Because they're cute and cuddly.

Goku: Are...you coming on to me?

Freeza: Arrr...!"

"Freeza: (still holding Goku under the water) Any last words, monkey? Besides "gurgle gurgle?"
 * The end of the episode

Goku: (Goku breaks out from under the water) Yeah! Kaio-ken!

Freeza: Kaio-what?

Goku: KA! ME! HA! ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (He apparently obliterates Freeza)

Freeza: (Emerges from the blast relatively unscathed) No, seriously. Kaio-what?

Goku: Kaio-crap!

Freeza: I thought so. (He attacks Goku)"

Episode 29
"Director: That was perfect, Krillin. Don't worry about your check, we'll send it to your next of kin.
 * The disclaimer is read by Krillin, followed by this gem of an exchange.

Krillin: ...What?"

"Freeza: Now what do you have to say for yourself, monkey?
 * Freeza after pulling Goku out of the water

Goku: (Spits up onto Freeza's face)

Beat

Freeza: (Starts kicking Goku repeatedly)

Goku: AH! OH! Son of a-!"

"Yamcha: [King Kai's training] is bogus!
 * The entire bit with the Ginyu Force on King Kai's planet. Including lines from Yamcha.

Tien: I'm going to do my best to overlook the fact that you just used the word "bogus"."

"King Kai: Hey, I was just inside, taking a crap, I'm old, takes a while, come out, there's a tree in my living room... What's up?"
 * King Kai's casual reaction to the tree Guldo threw at his house.

"Goz: Meeeeez! We havez visitaaaaars! Prepare ze campz."
 * And when the Ginyus get kicked down to hell :

"Goku: No, I can't lose. I have to beat you. You're evil, and you have to be stopped!
 * This exchange:

Freeza: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand. (lightning strikes Freeza, to no effect) HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!"

"Freeza: (in a calm tone despite the look of horror on his face) ...Oh. Somehow I completely forgot about that.
 * Freeza's frustration at not understanding what Goku's up to with the Spirit Bomb. "There you go again, throwing your hands up in the air like you just don't care. Care, damn it!"
 * Freeza gets hit by the Spirit Bomb

[The Spirit Bomb absorbs his attack with an "om nom nom" sound]

Freeza: (still calm) Oh my god.

Freeza: (thinking) If I had any single regret for the countless horrific events that have transpired in my wake, it's that I'm dying."

"Piccolo: Did you just hold a grudge?"
 * The Call Back to Piccolo having Goku distract Raditz while Goku is charging the spirit bomb. This time, the positions are reversed.

" : (After seeing Piccolo taken out) Oh, for a moment I thought that was going to be me.
 * And just like Piccolo, Goku sang a song while Piccolo was getting a beatdown. The song was, again, Mahna Mahna.
 * I'ma charging my attack.
 * If you listen carefully the beatdown, Piccolo said "Ow, my glubok!"
 * As Goku brings the Spirit Bomb down on Freeza, who was charging a world-ending attack.
 * Freeza's reappearance: "By the way, not dead. Kthanx DIE."
 * When Freeza after taking out Piccolo:

Freeza: Ohoho, you're next.



Freeza: Remember ?




 * Freeza gives an ugly stare at, while  gives a smile*




 * Beat*"

"Mr. Popo: (dramatic closeup) CALLED IT."
 * The stinger, after :

"Freeza: That's stupid! You're stupid! Stop being stupid!
 * Freeza finally loses his cool.

Goku: Or...maybe I'm being rhetorical.

Freeza: NO! NO YOU'RE NOT! God, it's like you just use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!

Goku: Huh. Well, now you're just acting transcendent.

Freeza: RR! (Kicks Goku)"

"Burter: Whoa, little quick to the trigger there, Ace!
 * "RECOOOOOOOOOOOMEEE! DIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEE!
 * After Guldo throws the tree at King Kai's house:

Guldo: Sorry, I kinda lost my head there after I... lost my head."

"Freeza: What is that glare? That's not a sun, it's not a moon and it's certainly not a space station - what is that? (looks up) What... is... that - What is that!?
 * Freeza spotting the huge spirit bomb above him.

Goku: Are we still playing twenty questions?

Freeza: You were planning to use this on me, weren't you!?

Goku: ...Yeah..."

"Piccolo: Shut up!
 * Also, Krillin keeps blurting out what Goku's doing, and how strong the Spirit Bomb is.

Krillin: Too scared!

Piccolo: Damn it!

Freeza: What is that fool yammering on about?

Goku: He's talking about...ghosts.

Freeza: ...Ghosts.

Goku: (Eyes shifting) Yeah, you know... Spirits? ...Ghosts?"

DBZ Abridged - Episodes - Other
"Gohan I swear, I don't even know what's going on anymore."
 * This is the best song ever.
 * Nappa's year-long Are We There Yet?, which at first seems to come to a rather anticlimactic end ("Yay!") only to be brought back in a wonderfully unexpected way: "Is he here yet?"
 * They turned Recoome into The Rock.
 * He's a mash-up of the Rock, Hulk Hogan, and John Cena in one ball of wrestling hilarity.
 * Apparently, as episode 20 shows,
 * And then there's this:

"Guru: Drop it!"
 * Guru has two words for everyone.

DBZ Abridged - Movies and Specials
"Nappa: (to Vegeta) I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"
 * And now from the "Bardock - Father of Goku Abridged" we have the following:

"Bardock: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy! Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... Alright, whoa ho ho ho! Ten-thousand! That's my boy! *sees name plaque* ...Wait, Broly...?"
 * Also from the Bardock special:

"Gohan: Someone threw out a perfectly good baby! I think I'll name you... Clark."
 * Even better is the set-up to that. Bardock at first doesn't give a damn when the doctor asks if he wants to see Goku, noting that he never paid attention to Raditz when he was growing up. The doc answers, "And we all know how he turned out," followed by a Gilligan Cut to the above line.
 * Another from the Bardock special:

"Dodoria: I think that Bardock's a pretty cool guy.
 * Bardock witnessing the future of his son Kakarot Goku... from a scene from Dragon Ball GT. "....And now I welcome the sweet embrace of death."
 * "Well, I'd say I should've seen this coming, but that would be ironic."
 * "USELESS-ASS PSYCHIC POWERS!!!"
 * Mr. Popo's cameo as Bardock first gets his ability to see the future.
 * This exchange

Zarbon: He conquers planets and doesn't afraid of anything.

Freeza: Doesn't afraid of anything indeed."

"Nappa: Vegeta!
 * The whole exchange between Nappa and young Prince Vegeta.

Vegeta: What is it, Nappa?

Nappa: Well, I've got good news... aaaaand bad news. The bad news is... *rushed* reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by gigantic meteorite along with its all its inhabitants.

Vegeta: Ah- But- What about-?!

Nappa: Aaand your father.

Vegeta: My. Whole. Family. My race!

Nappa: But the good news is we're going to Dairy Queen!

Vegeta: My entire race is gone!

Nappa: DAAIIIRY QUEEN!

Vegeta: ...Just take me to the damn queen, Nappa.

Nappa: Yaaay! This seems like the beginning of a bee-yootiful friendship."

"Professor: Well, what's your costume?
 * The Halloween Special:

Popo: Oh, I'm not in costume. Yet. Hold on. [cut to clip of the Cloverfield monster, with Popo's maniacal laughter]"

"Obnoxious Fan: Can I be Cutter?
 * Four Words: Banana on a tricycle unicycle.
 * Heck, the entire FAQ is one big CMOF.
 * The obnoxious salaryman... er, fan. That is all.

Vegeta: No! Wait... who the hell is Cutter?

Obnoxious Fan: You guys suck! I'm going to go complain on my Live Journal page.

Vegeta: Yes, I'm sure your mother reads it religiously."

"Obnoxious Fan: Can I be Oozaru?
 * Also-

Vegeta: I DON'T KNOW! LET'S ASK HIM!

Oozaru: ROAR! (Fires blast of energy from his mouth at the Obnoxious Fan.)

Obnoxious Fan: ...Ow...."

"Nappa: The editing is done by Tigerkitty!
 * Nappa answering the question of who writes and edits the show.

Vegeta: It's Kaiser Neko, Nappa!

Nappa: Kaiser Cat.

Vegeta: Neko!

Nappa: Meow! (pair of cat ears pops up on his head)"

"Nappa: Hey. Vegeta. Check out that cosplayer over there. They're hot!
 * The AWA special:

Vegeta: Goddamnit Nappa, stop breaking the fourth... whoa, wow, she is hot.

Nappa: I'm talking about that guy over there! The L cosplayer!

Vegeta: Nappa, that's just a guy in a white sweatshirt.

Nappa: Yeah, like I said. L.

Vegeta: Are you telling me that counts as a cosplay?

Nappa: Yep!

Vegeta: F***ing cop-out."

"Announcer: ...wait a minute, this is missing something. Hey Nappa, say something funny.
 * In the middle of the Conneticon 2011 announcement.

Nappa: My parents died in a tragic space accident when I was only a child. That's why I can never grow up.

Announcer: Ha ha, oh Nappa."

"Nappa: Tien, what are you doing?! That was your line!
 * Nappa and the other bald characters' parody of Lady Gaga's Born This Way.
 * After the music stops, some of the reactions are priceless:

Tien: Yeah, I'm not doing it.

Nappa: I thought we talked about this.

Tien: Yeah. You talked. I said no.

Nappa: Look. It took a long time to put this together. Piccolo's in the outfit!

Piccolo: (covered in plush Yoshis) I'm in the outfit.

Tien: That's because you have no friends.

Piccolo: (stops smiling and sobs offscreen)

Nappa: What the f***, Tien?

Krillin: Oh, geez!

Tien: I am. NOT. DOING. YOUR STUPID. SONG. PARODY.

Nappa: Why?!

Tien: F*** you, that's why."

"Vegeta: This is so non-canon, it hurts.
 * The entirety of "Christmas Tree of Might." Especially the end.

Ghost Nappa: Vegeeeeeeta! Tonight, you will be haunted by three ghoooooosts! (Appears) And they're all me. (Soon, two more Ghost Nappas show up.)

Ghost Nappas (simultaneous) : Hi!

Vegeta: Goddamnit, I hate Christmas."

"Goku: Well, what am I getting for Christmas?
 * The "mouth present" thing.

Chi-Chi: The same thing as last year, Goku.

Goku: Oh, so that thing you do with your mouth...."

Chi-Chi: NOT IN FRONT OF GOHAN!"

"(Gohan is transformed into a Great Ape)
 * And later...

Goku: Oh, man! If Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get mouth present."

"Shenron: No! No way! No, not you again! HAS IT EVEN BEEN A YEAR?!
 * The wish Krillin makes  Thank you, Krillin and thank you Shenron.
 * Shenron's jackassness is hilarious.

Oolong: It's been one year, 2 months and 50...

Shenron: SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Piccolo: Bitch, you look like Goku.
 * Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell ROCK THE DRAGON, DRAGON BALL Z!
 * This:

Turles: And you look like a Yoshi.

Piccolo: I get that. Now hand over the kid. (Gohan)

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!!

Turles: You want this kid?

Piccolo: I want him!!

Turles: You want-you want?

Piccolo: I WANT THAT KID!!"

"Chi-Chi: Goku, stop that or I'll deck you in the halls!"
 * Goku singing while Chi-Chi is lecturing Gohan.

"Goku: Big tree, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to beat you up.
 * "Did I just smash the Krampus?"
 * "FalalalalalalalaDIE."
 * "YOU NEVER WASTE FIGGY PUDDING!" *beatdown ensues*
 * Goku's attempt to reason with the tree.

Yamcha: Goku, trees can't talk.

Amond: (Offscreen) Why don't you come up here and try it.

Yamcha: Ya know what, f*** it, I don't care anymore."

"Cacao: Singing:Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit.
 * Yamcha's "fight" with Cacao:

Song: But do you recall, the most useless fighter of all...

Yamcha: Go to hell! *throws a Spirit Ball, which misses*

Yamcha: *trying to redirect the Spirit Ball, and still missing* Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You.

Song: Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit, always beaten by his foes...

Cacao: Do you require assistance?

Yamcha: *still trying to redirect the Spirit Ball* Shut. Up. You. *the Spirit Ball finally hits* YES! TAKE THAT MOTHERFU- *Cacao knocks Yamcha to the ground*

Song: ...and if you saw this guy fight, you would even say he blows.

Cacao: Agreed."

From the Lord Slug movie, we have Piccolo's interaction with Slug's minions. "Piccolo: Alright, what's your gimmick?
 * Turles' rant against Christmas in front of Gohan, mainly because of the voice, the way he was speaking, and who he is quoting.
 * Also the previous, nefarious misdeeds of his mooks, including raping Rudolph.

Minion: Gimmick?

Piccolo: Yeah, like the last guys, they were all misfit minions and crap, what're you?

Angira: We're just here for your planet. Though if I had to choose, i'd say i'm the pretty one.

Piccolo: Eh, 6 out of 10.

Angira: You sassy bitch.

Piccolo: That makes you the weird one with the freaky power.

Medamatcha: I can spawn mini-mes'!

Piccolo: (sarcasticly) Spectacular. And that would make you no doubt the big, tough, stupid one.

Dorodabo: You take that back or I'll kill you!

Piccolo: Alright, alright, you're not tough.

Dorodabo: That's better.

Gohan: Didn't you just...

Piccolo: Give him a minute.


 * The minion thinks to himself...*

Dorodabo: HEY! You son of a bitcccccccccccch!

Piccolo: Now, now, that truck is NOT your eating disorder.

Dorodabo: You're a penis!

Piccolo: So long since you've seen yours, you don't even recognize one do ya?"

"Slug: You know, there's a certain sport I excel at.
 * The truck returns in this gem delivered after Goku has been impacted into the ground like a vegetable.

Goku: *muffled due to being underground* What's it called?

Slug: *plucks Goku out by the leg* Competitive BITCH TOSS! *hurls Goku into a truck*"

"Goku: Kaïoken!
 * After Piccolo rips his own ears off in order to avoid being affected by Gohan's whistling, he keeps yelling "WHAT?" everytime he thinks someone is talking to him, even when nobody's talking back. He later combines it with the Kaïoken Running Gag:

Slug: Kaïo-

Piccolo: WHAT?"

"Vegeta: And the Emmy goes to...
 * It's doubly funny coupled with the fact Piccolo's Big Damn Heroes moment was accompanied by Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music; later in his career "WHAT?" became something of a catchphrase for him.
 * Also comes back during the credits.
 * Vegeta watches Krillin get pasted on TV and records the moment.

Goku: KRILLIN!"

"Piccolo: The Kamehameha doesn't drill things!
 * Goku thinking it's Christmas for most of the movie. Because it's snowing!
 * "I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS!"
 * Piccolo and Nail's conversation at the begining of the movie. (Nail is in Piccolo's head, even though he wouldn't have been at the time, but the movie doesn't really fit into continuity anyway.)

Nail: Last time I checked, neither do cannons.

Piccolo: THAT'S what makes it SPECIAL.

and

Nail: Who's that?

Piccolo: It's just Gohan. If you ignore it, it'll go away.

Also

Nail: So you just ignore all of your problems?

Piccolo: No, some I invite to live inside my head."

"Goku: Aw great Iguana Street, now I'm gonna get mugged. But the joke's on them! I have no mo-*Gets punched through wall.*"
 * How Goku seems more worried about trivial things when landing on Iguana Street, than the actual fight.

"Goku: Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun, kill my enemies!"
 * The Overly Long Gag where Dorodabo repeatedly gets knocked off a building by Piccolo.
 * Goku's song while charging the Spirit Bomb.

"Piccolo: *standing on Slug's head* Hey. Name's Piccolo. I've got your antennae! Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?
 * Piccolo's master plan against Lord Slug:


 * Slug grabs him*

Piccolo: Aha! I knew you would do that! Now for phase two of my master plan! *tears off ears* AAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!

Lord Slug: What the hell is wrong with everyone on this planet!?"

""Papa Medamatcha gonna make you his bitch!"
 * Medamatcha in general.

"What, bitch, I'm talking to you! I will smack you with my dick!""

""Oh, I don't give a shit what Christmas is now. I just know I'm going to kill it, and then my little Matcha's are going to RAPE IT!"
 * Everything he says is hilarious.

"Slug: My god, that's hilarious!
 * Squeaky Toy!Goku returns!

Goku: Why does everyone keep doing that...? Those are my lungs...being crushed by my ribs...!"

"Popo: *Hums* What?
 * This exchange.

Kami: Mr Popo are you torturing a cat?

Popo: Oh come on Kami, I don't torture cats.

(Beat)

Jinx: Jinx! Jinx!

Popo: Bitch, shut up!"

"Krillin: Yamcha's here! [Explosion] Yamcha's dead!"
 * Toolo: "I CAN SEE THE FYOOO-CHURRRR!!!!!!"
 * OH, NO! THEY CAN SEE ME!! I HAVE TO STOP YOU FROM DESTROYING MY RACE! IN THE FYOOO-CHURRRR!!!!!
 * "Um, we already did that." *Beat* "I KNEW YOU'D DO THAT!" NOW I HAVE TO KILL YOU! NOW YOU, TOO, CAN SEE THE FYOOO-CHURRRR!!!!!
 * I'M ON FIRE!!!
 * Yamcha the Scar Faced Bandit. Particularly when Krillin manages to smack talk him.
 * Dragonball Z Kai Abridged, the entirety of season 1 condensed into two minutes and ten seconds of nonstop hilarity.

"Vegeta: Hey Nappa. Let's go to Earth.

Nappa: Ballin'."

"Nappa: I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say."
 * The part where Nappa sums up his total reason for being;

"Nappa: Vegeta why?! (as he is dying)
 * Case and point.

Vegeta: Because I'm a monkey! (transforms into the giant ape Ozaru)."

"Guru: Nail...Nnnnnail!
 * The Yomacon commercial;

Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?

Guru: Do you know what I love about Canada?

Nail: ...Sir, there's nothing to love about Canada.

Guru: Nail...

Nail: No, seriously, it's the only place more boring than here-

Guru: Nail! None of that.

Nail: (Sighs) What is that you love about Canada, sir?

Guru: I love...their moose!

Moose: Hurr!

Nail: (Makes a surprised yelp)"