A Customer Draws Near

A Customer Draws Near is the story series of a man named BTB, a prolific Morrowind Modder who IRL used to do computer tech support and is a fan of Dungeons and Dragons.

Also, since he seems to be a fan of parody, this series is an attempt to make amusing the dull, thankless world of giving people help with their computers (in the style of a D&D campaign), which, if one believes his parody to be truth, is a task meant only for those who have unlimited patience and sanity.

The series can be found here.


 * Americans Are Cowboys - Well, BTB being a cowboy is debatable, but it's even a story point he's Texan, which gives him immunity to liquid/heat based attacks. He is also openly referred to as a hillbilly by the Dungeon Master on several occasions.
 * Anti-Hero - BTB is probably this, seeing as it's stated in universe he's Lawful Evil yet is supposed to help people with their computers, or a really sympathetic Villain Protagonist if only because his enemies are a deranged inverse of Idiot Houdini with some Jerkass and hefty amounts of Insane Troll Logic thrown in.
 * Author Avatar - BTB.
 * Author Appeal - Apparently hot strippers and ice cold beer. Also, in universe and out, Swedish redheads.
 * Asshole Victim - The customers by the end of most of the stories.
 * Big No - One episode ends with one of these. It crosses over into the next episode.
 * Booze-Based Buff - Beer is regarded as such by BTB, despite evidence it's actually a debuff.
 * Crazy Cat Lady - The featured customer from The Late, Great Mr. Fluff-Fluff.
 * Deadpan Snarker - Both BTB and the Dungeon Master, though more often the latter.
 * Disproportionate Retribution - BTB often wants to inflict this on most customers.
 * Dump Stat - Charisma (everyone) and intelligence (customers).
 * Dungeon Master
 * For the Evulz - BTB indulges in this when dealing with customers he really hates, just because he can.
 * Jerkass God - The Dungeon Master most of the time, though he can be occasionally civil with BTB.
 * Joke Item - Potions of awakening. BTB even lampshades his own idiocy in buying them.
 * Hatedom - In universe, BTB loathes AOL, and even suffers status penalties for thinking about them.
 * Hammerspace - BTB's inventory has so much implausible crap that this trope is blatantly lampshaded.
 * Heroic BSOD - BTB is prone to these whenever dealing with his dumber customers.
 * Improvised Weapon - BTB once makes a set of Beer Chucks out of some empty beer cans and string when his main weapon gets destroyed at one point.
 * Only Sane Man - BTB, and, at times, the Dungeon Master.
 * Satan - The VP of marketing for BTB's company.
 * Random Number God - The Dungeon Master. Unfortunately, he often doubles as a Jerkass God.
 * Refuge in Vulgarity - In "Get Off My Internets", BTB tries to explain how the internet works to a customer. Using a metaphor that involved naked fat gay men sodomizing each other. It's so gross and over the top even the DM gets a severe case of Squick.
 * Shout-Out - Beerchucks, yo!
 * Too Dumb to Live - Pretty much every single person BTB has to help with their computer.