Rock Slyde

"One man. One case. No clue."

With a name like Rock Slyde, he was destined to become either one of two things: porn star or private eye. The porn thing didn't quite pan out, so he became a detective. Now, he's fallen on hard times. Not only does he lack the clients required to pay the bills, his building's being taken over by a cult leader, Bart, who intends to buy out Rock's office for his Church of Bartology. Rock takes on a case with a new client who shares his love of coupons and receiving positive eBay feedback, and his refusal to sell his office to the cult leads Bart to brainwash Rock's secretary (a major setback for Rock, since she's the only one who knows how to use the coffee machine) and threaten to expose Rock's past as the star of gay, pirate-themed musical pornos The Jolly Roger and Butt Pirates of the Caribbean. Not that it was much of a secret, anyway, since Rock used his real name when he acted in the movies.

Stars Patrick Warburton as Rock Slyde, Rena Sofer, Elaine Hendrix and Andy Dick as Bart, and features cameos by Jason Alexander, Eric Roberts, Lea Thompson, Guillermo Rodriguez, Jerry Cantrell and Brian Bosworth.


 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny: Rock's inner monologue immediately goes from talking about saving his secretary to squealing Coffee!
 * Bigger Is Better in Bed: Rock, on why his career in porn didn't work out: "I was hung like a hamster."
 * The Cameo: Including Jason Alexander as a mailman, Lea Thompson as a recruiter for the Church of Bartology, and Alice in Chains guitarist Jerry Cantrell.
 * Camp Gay: I'm the Jolly Roger and I ride the seas, swashbuckle me, swashbuckle me, get on your knees!
 * Church of Happyology: Bartolgy.
 * Even Evil Has Standards: Bart's henchmen glare at him while he's describing Rock's gay pornos. Bart snaps that he didn't watch the movies, and what are you looking at me for? Rock Slyde is the one in them!
 * Everyone Is Bi: "I didn't know what 'bi-curious' meant."
 * Femme Fatale: Sara Lee. She was sent into Rock's office with a fake case by the Bartologists, but ends up falling for him.
 * Mistaken for Gay: Rock was in two gay porno movies, but only because he was young and needed the money.
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Rock is a private eye who's better known as the star of gay, pirate-themed musical pornos.
 * Invisible to Gaydar: Rock's Jolly Roger character is this, largely because Rock himself is straight. He needed the money.
 * Stylistic Suck: The Jolly Roger was very obviously shot in front of a green screen.
 * Where Da White Women At?: Rock likes black women. He wonders, does he like black women because he used to watch Soul Train as a kid, or did he watch Soul Train because he likes black women?