The Colbert Report

""Some people promise to read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.""

The Colbert Report (pronounced Col-bear Re-pore) is the Emmy award winning (Best Writing - Variety, 2008 and 2010) Spin-Off from The Daily Show, featuring the screen persona of news anchor Stephen Colbert. The show operates as a parody of news talk programs such as The O'Reilly Factor. (When the show was pitched as "Stephen Colbert parodying Bill O'Reilly", it was picked up immediately without even a pilot.)

The character of Colbert himself can be best described as a Strawman Political of a news pundit, a mega-conservative who embodies all the stereotypes about conservative people in one convenient shell. Much like its progenitor, it reads the real news in a humorous tone. It's also coined the words "truthiness" and "wikiality". The latter one is a portmanteau of Wikipedia and reality: basically the practice of Rewriting Reality by bringing democracy to information. "If enough people agree on it, it becomes true" -- the example given being Colbert's assertion that elephant populations had tripled since 31 January 2006. hottip:*: [[Hilarious in Hindsight -- the elephant population of South Africa has ballooned to the point where they are being given vasectomies by the Elephant Management Program.

Differs from its mother show in that it's a kind of Sit Com with guest stars playing themselves and a funny premise. Whereas The Daily Show is mainly Jon Stewart reading the news and making funny observations, The Colbert Report revolves around a character and his interaction with the real world. There are recurring characters and plot points (such as Colbert's broken wrist). Indeed, during the show's first year of existence, Colbert even had a fictional "archenemy" in the form of fellow comedian David Cross, who played fictional liberal talking head "Russ Lieber" before the character was written out of the series.

It should probably be noted (or perhaps not) that Stephen Colbert, the fake news anchor, is, in fact, a character that Stephen Colbert, professional comedian, is playing. He does not believe the views he espouses on the show (for the most part), and has referred to the character as "a well-meaning, poorly informed, high-status idiot."

The Trope Namer for:

 * Black Best Friend
 * Colbert Bump
 * I Need a Freaking Drink

Tropes A - D
"Stephen: I'm hitting the gym, getting pretty cut. And I'm shedding pounds by not cooking with butter. Instead I use it to grease up my body when I work out. That way, none of those stroke gays, or stro-mos as we call them at the gym, can get a handle on me."
 * Air Guitar: In the beginning of every 'Sport Report' segment Stephen rocks out on the air guitar. At one point he points out that he can play air guitar even with a broken wrist.
 * Armoured Closet Gay: Stephen confirms that he works out to "prevent gay strokes."

"Colbert: (on Ninja Assassin) "Yeah, impressive, but you know who you didn't see in that video? Me! (Beat) Who's the better ninja now?""
 * Alter Ego Acting: Colbert in character and Colbert out of character are two very different people.
 * Altum Videtur: Stephen's fireplace has 'VIDERI QUAM ESSE' engraved on it. Appropriately enough, the fireplace houses a monitor that displays an image of flickering burning logs.
 * Always Someone Better: Anderson Cooper
 * Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: The CGI eagle from the opening credits got a red-white-and-blue makeover in later seasons.
 * Analogy Backfire:
 * Stephen turns Rick Santorum's Iraq War Lord of the Rings analogy into a an analogy backfire. Can be seen here. Since Stephen is a big LOTR fan, he probably couldn't wait to sink his teeth into that one.
 * Republican politician Andre Bauer compared poor people to animals which is an analogy backfire on its own, but Stephen of course made it even more of a backfire by following the analogy to its logical conclusion.
 * "I'm as straight as the Mississippi!"
 * Anal Probing: A segment about an "Alien Hunter," Derrel Simms, sees Mr. Simms recount a story about him being probed by aliens in his youth. After describing the alien probe in very phallic terms, Colbert interrupts him in a voice over just before Simms was about to say where the probe was "jammed very painfully," exclaiming, "Okay, that's enough; I think we all know where the probe goes." Simms then reveals that it went into
 * Anatomically Impossible Sex: Stephen gives advice on how to make babies and he gets quite a few things wrong.
 * Animal Nemesis: Colbert loathes bears.
 * Animate Inanimate Object: Stephen is defeated in a health care reform debate by a table and a desklamp. He is the only one who can hear them though.
 * Arch Enemy: It changes from time to time:
 * Early episodes featured David Cross playing Russ Lieber, a liberal inversion of Colbert's character, who over-thinks everything and is so hesitant to offend that he can't make a single statement without backpedaling.
 * Korean pop star Rain, who became Stephen's arch-nemesis due to taking cruel pleasure in beating him at things.
 * Kanye West has held this title.
 * In one of his Daily Show/Colbert Report conversations at the end of the Daily Show, Colbert claimed that his original arch enemy from his Daily Show years, Steve Carell, continues to hold the position as well.
 * Eleanor Holmes Norton.
 * Previously and briefly held by Helen Thomas.
 * Stephen Hawking is such an A-hole.
 * MANILOW!
 * BEARS!!
 * NIBIRUUUUU!!!
 * STEWART!!!
 * James Franco is now his renaissance enemy. Or renemy.
 * At one point, Stephen had a "war" with, of all things, Miracle Whip. It looks like it begun on October 15, 2009, when Stephen "attacked" the Miracle Whip commercials. In response, Miracle Whip bought ad space on every commercial break during his November 12 show and well... Hilarity Ensued. Now here's some cool people dancing. And then there's Stephen's response, which points out how Miracle Whip buying ad space on his show would give him money that he could use to buy more delicious mayo.
 * FALLON!!!
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "I am ... [an] Emmy winner, Grammy winner, Peabody winner, and Free Pepsi winner."
 * Artistic License Military: Seriously, that drill Sergeant couldn't wait to get rid of him.
 * Ascended Meme:
 * "Nation, the internet is being SquidRolled!"
 * "Magnets: They fucking work because unpaired electrons spinning in the same direction create lines of magnetic domains"
 * "...using the gut-brain's 500 million nerve cells, as many as there are in a cats brain. But unlike lolcats, lolguts can has cheezburger!"
 * Also, can has SuperPAC.
 * He also gave a shout out to all his bronies.
 * Asian Speekee Engrish: Ching Chong Ding Dong, who spouts stereotypical lines like, "Ooooh, me rikey tea!" Colbert freely admits that the character is extremely racist, but he's not racist for performing the character, because Ching Chong Ding Dong is speaking through him.
 * As the Good Book Says: Taken Up to Eleven. "I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth..." Stephen Colbert really is a devout Catholic (he even teaches Sunday School, presumably why he can recite the Nicene Creed from memory).
 * Attack of the Killer Whatever: A Styrofoam cup which Stephen had irradiated for several days in a microwave (to demonstrate the Libertarian opposition to safety regulations) apparently grew to human-like size, developed limbs, and came back to attack him. On the show's website, the clip is marked Revenge of the Styrofoam Cups.
 * Attention Whore: Mocked. Stephen inverts the traditional interview, where the subject comes onto the set to a round of applause. Instead, the subject sits in a corner of the set and Stephen does a victory lap to get the applause for himself before beginning the interview.
 * Background Halo: done deliberately; when the camera is facing Colbert's desk straight-on, stars circle his head.
 * The Backwards R: "Cold War Update", done in faux Cyrillic.
 * Bait and Switch Comment

"Colbert: I am on the South Carolina Republican primary like white ... on the Republican primary."

"Colbert: We have a broadcast legend ... who will be interviewing Tom Brokaw."
 * Bait and Switch Comparison

"Stephen: I LOOK TERRIBLE IN PINK! I'M A WINTER!"
 * Berserk Button: During an interview with Neil Irvin Painter she refers to the Scots Irish as properly Irish. Colbert promptly corrects (2:10) her with: "There's no Irish blood in Scots-Irish People. They are Scottish Presbyterians, who were given land in Ireland. THEY TOOK OUR LAND AND DROVE MY PEOPLE ACROSS THE RIVER SHANNON, WHERE WE WERE FORCED TO FARM ROCKS BY OLIVER CROMWELL AND I WILL SEE HIM ROT IN HELL BEFORE YOU CALL SCOTS-IRISH PEOPLE IRISH! DO YOU WANNA FIGHT?!" Then they arm wrestle.
 * Do not steal his Super PAC money (Jon Stewart) or call him out on pointless spending (Nancy Pelosi)- he will chase you down and make you pay.
 * Big No: Colbert is extremely fond of this trope. For example, after seeing how terrible he looks in pink.

"In the May 10, 2012 episode, Stephen tells a story of a monkey who had accidentally swallowed a peanut, causing the zookeeper to lick the monkey's butt (in order for the monkey to defecate). At the end of the episode, Stephen pulls out a can of Planter's."
 * Also, when sugar runs low, he panics and tears into a whole bag.
 * Big Ol' Eyebrows: Not physically big, but his eyebrows are often Large Hams in their own right.
 * Bizarro Universe:
 * When Stephen was discussing parallel universes, he was suddenly replaced with a long-haired pipe-smoking hippie counterpart who wanted to solve the Iraq war by making everyone share M&M's and hug each other. Also, Esteban Colberto who in our universe hosts the Spanish News/Variety show "Colberto Reporto Gigante" complete with "Chicas".
 * Also a brief Imagine Spot where the Colbert Report apparently went into Sweet Mode, pink shirt, big smile, the works. Can be seen at the end of this clip
 * And the Evil Twin universe shown in an interview clip (although there were indications that it was just Evil Twin Colbert interviewing the normal-interviewee-wearing-facial-hair).
 * And when he had Steve Carell on, it was introduced as the "Carell Corral", as Stephen had gone to Hollywood, while Steve had gotten his own show... but it was all just a dream. Or Was It a Dream?? {reveal horse hoof hand} NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
 * Black Best Friend. First used here.
 * The Blind Leading the Blind: Stephen lives this trope, but it is especially highlighted in the Stephen's Sound Advice segments.
 * Brass Balls: Stephen Colbert talks about his brass balls quite often. They're the only thing that give him the guts to speak the truth.
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall
 * During his appearance on the show in September 2011, Al Gore mentioned Colbert's "character." Holding back laughter, Colbert responded: "My character? What the hell are you talking about, sir? ... Well, 'Al Gore', thank you so much for joining us." Later when he signed off, Colbert said, air quotes included, "For The Colbert Report, I'm 'Stephen Colbert.' "
 * Brick Joke: Because segments of "The Word" take so long to get back to the initial Word, it sometimes takes the viewer by surprise.
 * Also a Running Gag. Michael Stipe (formerly of R.E.M.) lives on Stephen's bookshelf.
 * During a segment focused on teaching monkeys how to recognize ads, one of the facts is they're aroused by the private parts of the opposite sex. Stephen jokingly puts up a picture of a monkey vagina with a caption telling the males to "Eat Jello." Two seconds later, guess what Stephen's scarfing down his gullet?
 * Butt Monkey:
 * Poor Bobby.
 * Stephen humiliates Bobby for mixing up two photos.
 * Stephen performs a humiliating employee performance review with Bobby.
 * Tad also had moments of this.
 * Jay the Intern
 * Call Back

"...that's a fact, and nothing can convince me otherwise. [a beat] Here to convince me otherwise..."
 * Calling the Old Man Out: Aimed at idol "Papa Bear" Bill O'Reilly. Played for Laughs.
 * Cannot Spit It Out: In this hilarious Cheating Death segment.
 * Canis Latinicus: The motto for his Iraq shows? "Veritasiness."
 * Catch Phrase:
 * George Bush: great president or greatest president?
 * X or Y? Pick a side, we're at war.
 * Tons of variations on this:


 * "Checkmate!" or "I just nailed you." when interviewing people he disagrees with. Sometimes when the audience is clapping for the guest he'll say "I haven't nailed him yet but thanks."
 * "[X], please!"
 * Whenever a guest agrees with him (usually on a very minor point) "Apology accepted"
 * At the beginning of shows: "Nation, in here, out there..."
 * "This is America."
 * "I don't see race, people tell me I'm white and I believe them because I "
 * "Nation, anyone who watches this show regularly knows that I love/hate "
 * Celebrity Is Overrated: Stephen doesn't think so. "You people are like water in the desert."
 * Character Blog: The @stephenathome Twitter.
 * Chekhov's Gun: An unintentional one in this episode when Stephen forgot about the mousetrap that he had placed on his desk earlier in the show.
 * China Takes Over the World: Alluded to in this clip.
 * Christmas Special: "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All"
 * Christmas Songs: "Another Christmas Song", which is all about getting people to buy "Another Christmas Song" so Stephen can collect the royalties. Also an Anti Christmas Song performed by Toby Keith, about the alleged left-wing "war on Christmas" and how real Americans will fight back.
 * Real Life Relative: The Heartwarming Orphans are his kids.
 * Saving Christmas: ...for him.
 * Special Effects Failure: on purpose, and in buckets.
 * Stylistic Suck: as an Affectionate Parody of the variety-show Christmas specials from The Fifties to The Eighties, all Chroma Key sequences are done as crudely as possible.
 * Clip Show: The Global Editions, though a couple include original sketches.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: His unique interpretation of current events.
 * Cluster F-Bomb: French-Canadian Stephan Colbert.
 * Chroma Key:
 * Formidable Opponent, in which Stephen debates himself, and the Green Screen Challenges.
 * The green-screen "window" during the Vancouver segments, which started out with a normal view of the city, went up into a blimp, then went into NBC's studios (Brian Williams: Will you go away?!).
 * Also when interviewing a Wisconsin Senator in Chicago 20 Million BC.
 * Church of Happyology: Colbert has recently declared himself the New Galactic Overlord. He wears a shiny cape.
 * Clip Show: The Global Edition.
 * Cold War: The Cold War Update Segments.
 * Comically Missing the Point: His whole talk show revolves around this.
 * The Comically Serious: "German Ambassador" Hans Beinholtz.
 * Companion Cube: Sweetness, a gun which Colbert treats like a cross between Mr. Flibble and Sooty.
 * And Ham-Rove, a canned pressed ham with glasses that came about because Karl Rove looks like one.
 * Cone of Shame: Stephen wears one while recovering from a broken wrist. He attempts to pour drugs into his mouth. One wonders how he got the bottle open.
 * Cooking Duel: Stephen's epic dance duel with Rain, which is apparently the only universally accepted way to challenge someone and how all conflicts are solved.
 * Cool Gun: Stephen's .38 caliber revolver "Sweetness", a "trigger-happy" and very talkative (at least, to Stephen) firearm who has shot quite a few audience members by accident.
 * If by "a few audience members", you mean the same audience member every time, same bullet wounds and all. Even he wonders why he keeps sitting there.
 * Cool Sword: Andúril.
 * Corpsing: Stephen tends to break character and laugh over some of the more ridiculous lines, or at least grin the whole time he's saying them. There is an actual video tag on his site called "cracks up" for when he does this. He and Jon Stewart have done this to each other quite often; if one of them loses it, the other will soon follow.
 * Couch Gag:
 * The introductory text that appears next to Stephen also changes on occasion. This has ranged from words such as "Megamerican" to "Lincolnish", "Libertease", and "SCILF."
 * Before the Vancouver shows "Sponsored by Verizon. They paid for this."
 * Cowboy Bebop At His Computer: Comparing John Kasich's Cabinet to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, if they were all the White Ranger. They made a big deal about him having a Long Lost Sibling on an Indian reservation and guess what color he was wearing at the time. Also, for having Green and White in the same picture.
 * Crowd Chant: Stephen Colbert often leads his audience in chants of "U.S.A!" or "I was right!" in this rhythm. And, of course, the show usually starts with enthusiastic chants of "Ste-ven!"


 * Crying Wolf: Stephen warns about crying wolf or rather crying zombie in the end of this clip about college students playing zombie tag. According to Stephen this game will leave us vulnerable when the rage virus escapes.
 * Cult: "So congratulations Apple [on your new iPad]. Speaking of cults-- [Happyology]."
 * Cute Kitten: On March 5, 2009, while discussing the imploding U.S. Economy with Jim Cramer of CNBC, Colbert had videos of kittens and puppies playing behind Mr. Cramer, saying that this would make people feel better about the economy.
 * He once brought an actual kitten onto the show to help accentuate a joke that involved killing said kitten- but, thankfully, it was Played for Laughs.
 * Cuteness Proximity: Stephen normally hates and fears bears The Godless Killing Machines, but pictures of cute little bear cubs invariably send him into hopeless Baby Talk. An attempt to de-cuteinize one cub failed when putting the cub's face on bin Laden's body just made terrorism adorable.
 * He couldn't help but admit that Rain dressed up in a hedgehog costume was adorable. Or that Rain in general is adorable.
 * Dagwood Sandwich: After seeing a burger where the buns were replaced with grilled cheese sandwiches, Colbert contemplated a grilled cheese sandwich where the bread was replaced with grilled cheese sandwiches... ad infinitum. "Prepare yourselves nation, for I have invented... The Mobius Melt", a sandwich that you theoretically cannot stop eating. He then recalls his other favorite fractal sandwich, the "Mandelbrot BLT -- the more you zoom in, the more bacon there is. What will explode first, your heart, or your mind?"
 * A Date With Rosie Palms: The cure for Restless Leg Syndrome is Restless Hand Syndrome
 * Death By Gluttony: The Mandel-BLT, where the bacon approaches infinite density as you zoom in. What will explode first? Your heart, or your mind?
 * Department of Redundancy Department: "Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow"
 * Detournement: Carrying neo-conservative punditry a few bridges too far.
 * Did Not Do the Research: In his interview with Maurice Sendak, Colbert incorrectly states that Vin Diesel was in 2Fast2Furious.
 * Double Vision: Formidable Opponent. Bonus points that they're usually Color Coded for Your Convenience- one wears a red tie (Conservative bias) and the other wears a blue tie (Liberal bias).
 * Drill Sergeant Nasty: Encounters a real one for his bit of basic training prior to "Operation Iraqi Stephen".
 * Dropped a Bridge On Him: Done jokingly with Bobby the stage manager (Eric Drysdale), who was barbecued and eaten by Stephen in his farewell appearance. When Bobby's ghost came back for a guest spot like a kind of Jacob Marley, Stephen ate the ghost, too.
 * Droste Image: The portrait in the studio of Stephen is one of these, more so with each passing year. The original portrait showed Stephen standing in front and to the left of a portrait of himself. In the show's first episode, at one point Stephen came back from a commercial break standing in front and to the left of the portrait saying "What's the most important thing a TV journalist needs? Humility." Each anniversary the portrait has been replaced with a new one showing Stephen standing in front of the previous one:
 * 1st: To the left
 * 2nd: To the right, arms crossed, glowering over his lack of an Emmy
 * 3rd: To the left, holding an Emmy
 * 4th: To the right, wearing a military uniform and haircut, saluting (in honor of his visit to Iraq)
 * 5th: To the left, wearing an olive wreath on his head (in honor of the Report's sponsorship of the U.S. Olympic speedskating team), with the Grammy he won for A Colbert Christmas hung like an Olympic medal around his neck
 * 6th: To the right, holding the F.E.C. ruling allowing him to form his SuperPAC
 * Dyeing for Your Art: See Important Haircut

E - H
"Stephen: We need a new leader soon because America is standing at a precipice. Which, I think, is either a bonfire or a poisonous Australian jellyfish."
 * Eagle Land: Stephen is so patriotic he fathered a baby Bald Eagle. The San Francisco Zoo named a newly hatched male bird 'Stephen Jr.' Really, all you need to know about the show is that the eagle in the opening credits is named Liberty.
 * Edit War: Colbert has publicly incited a few of these over at The Other Wiki.
 * Egocentric Team Naming: mocked, claiming to have had a band in the eighties called "Stephen and the Colberts."
 * El Nino Is Spanish for The Nino: "Grow a pair of whatever the Mexican word is for cojones."
 * Enforced Plug: Stephen parodies this often with Doritos, once even spending an entire week on location in "Chili-delphia, the city of brotherly crunch." In a weird sort of reverse Product Placement, Doritos hadn't actually paid him when he started the gag, but apparently a deal has been reached involving the large exchange of Nacho Cheese Doritos.
 * In a segment about health care Stephen suddenly drinks and enjoys Sierra Mist.
 * Erotic Eating: The banana. And the coffee. And the pizza. With Jon!
 * There's also the bit with the sausage near the end of this clip... The fact that Baird is a psychologist just makes it that much better.
 * This clip has Stephen discussing how he was one of Maxim's Hot 100, then licks a lollipop to demonstrate.
 * Mr. Fanservice: Seriously, don't believe us? Three words: Jane Fonda Interview. It's all the proof you need. Invoked with Sexy Hotdog Man.
 * Even the Guys Want Him: While in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Games, a camera pan over the crowd revealed one cardboard sign bearing the words "Marry me Stephen! (It's legal here!)"
 * Everything's Worse With... number one on tonight's Threat Down... BEARS!
 * The Fair Folk: Colbert suspects presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich of being an elf with Hammerspace pockets.
 * Fake Band: Stephen and the Colberts. Then got Defictionalized and now Charlene (I'm Right Behind You) is on Rock Band.
 * Fake Nationality
 * Occasional guest star Esteban Colberto, host of the (fake) Mexican sister show Colberto Reporto Gigante, also played by Colbert.
 * French-Canadian affiliate Stephan Colbert.
 * Fascinating Eyebrow: It's harder to find a photo where he isn't doing this.
 * Feigning Intelligence/Obfuscating Stupidity: Coupled with Ive Heard of That What Is It Stephen frequently uses a word correctly in a sentence, then admits he has no idea what it means. It is unclear whether the character is feigning stupidity or feigning intelligence.

""It was just a simple Freudian slip. Named, of course, after Sigmund Freud. I'm sorry that's my mom. Jimmy, put up my mom. I mean, my breasts. I mean, Freud."
 * Le Film Artistique: His parody of The Artist, Transformateurs: Noir de la lune, including Gratuitous French and The End or Is It.
 * Foreshadowing: Lampshaded in this segment before a Richard Branson interview.
 * Flowery Insults: Usually "[Job description], and [flowery insult], [Person's name]"
 * "Minority leader, and septuagenarian ninja turtle, Mitch McConnell"
 * "Texas GOP congressman, and human fence post, Louie Gohmert"
 * "Pundit, and part-time weather balloon, Rush Limbaugh"
 * "Florida congresswoman, and home-perm after model, Debbie Wasserman Schultz"
 * Flynning: Colbert and Elijah Wood, both of them using versions of Sting (Colbert brandishing one given to him by Peter Jackson).
 * Food Porn: One of Stephen's SuperPAC ads blasts other SuperPACs for pandering to Iowa voters with "cheap cornography" and says Iowans deserve better, and then shows slow-motion footage of corn set to porn music.
 * Freudian Excuse: It's strongly suggested that a lot of Colbert's problems stem from childhood trauma - for example, his hatred of books (a shelf fell on him). His actual fear and hate of bears stems from a recurring nightmare Stephen had as a child where bears would maul him to death for apparently no reason.
 * Freudian Slip: From the last episode in 2011:

""The point is, you don't have to make me God himself. But if that happens, hey - I get it.""
 * Frivolous Lawsuit: Colbert being told by his lawyer brother the many words he can't say during the Vancouver Olympics shows (including "Vancouver" and "Olympics").
 * Fun With Acronyms: NASA's new space treadmill: the "Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill" (C.O.L.B.E.R.T.) And now there's video of it being installed on the ISS.
 * Germanic Depressive: Recurring character and German ambassador to the UN, Hans Beinholtz.
 * Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: "No! Get a grip Colbert!" and various alternate phrasings.
 * Getting Crap Past the Radar: Apparently, Stephen Colbert refers to his Australian Formula 401 cans' contents as crock juice. He himself finds it so funny that immediately afterwords, he has to pause to regain his composure and NOT laugh.
 * There is a series of segments dealing with Arctic issues called Smokin' Pole.
 * Several of his SuperPAC heroes have included: Suq Madiq, Harry Balzac, Harry Balsagna, Apoop Mapanz, and Mike Clitoris. And let's not forget the one that really made him crack up- Munchma Quchi.
 * During a segment about monkeys learning how to buy things and read sexually hypnotic billboards, Steven somehow got away with showing a monkey vagina on live TV. Is he a censor wizard? You bet your ass he is!
 * Giving Someone the Pointer Finger: One of Colbert's favorite poses.
 * Not to mention his Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger segment
 * A God Am I: Upon introducing Conservapedia's Conservative Bible Project to Colbert Nation, Colbert then commanded the masses to add him into it as a biblical figure - perhaps Moses, or Samson - or...

August 2009 saw Stephen produce a desk lamp from under the desk - a desk lamp that is apparently very good at arguing about health care reform. Stephen also keeps an emergency supply of sugar, and of a four-ounce Mini Gulp (for when the Big Gulp is shrunk) in his desk. Other mysteries yielded by that treasure trove include a poll-sausage making machine and the Ham-Head of Karl Rove. And, of course, a Shofar. And probably the entire line of Prescott Pharmaceutical supplies - up to an including a freaking snake. ... And last but not least, he keeps a Peabody award under his desk, which he pulls out for his Heroic Gloating. "I HAD A HAPPY CHILDHOOD."
 * In doing this, Colbert unleashed an "Unintended Denial of Service Attack" and the website went down within minutes.
 * Green-Skinned Space Babe: Tek Jansen's "hundreds of girlfriends".
 * Gut Feeling: Colbert considers this the only valid way to make a decision.
 * Hammerspace: The unseen part of Stephen Colbert's desk contains a fax machine, a stay the course notebook, telephone, pitchfork (and presumably other Angry Mob accoutrements), a Big Red Button, Rahm Emanuel's finger, Abraham Lincoln's skull, a Starbucks, a rival Starbucks (now defunct), a Foot Locker, the Atone Phone for apologetic Jews, a suitcase with John Oliver inside, a (probably endless) supply of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream, a washing machine, and a secret prison for terrorists until it was closed. As of April 8, 2009, the desk also yielded three Jewish slaves (whom Stephen promptly freed), and he admitted it also has a few Asians and a pyramid (incomplete.) The desk also has the Apology Box.
 * As of August 2011 he has a chicken and bars of gold stored under there, along with other potential forms of currency if the economy collapses. In February 2012 he produced two kittens, named Whiskers and Other Whiskers.
 * Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Absolutely, he is!
 * Heävy Mëtal Ümlaut: The Wørd.
 * Her Codename Was Mary Sue: Tek Jansen, a Captain Space Defender of Earth, who has "obviously had hundreds of girlfriends".
 * Heterosexual Life Partners: When does Sir Dr. Stephen T Colbert DFA plan on retiring? Half an hour after Jon Stewart.
 * Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Varies. Much more explicit in I Am America, including the margin note


 * Hitler Ate Sugar: Charles Manson believes in global warming.
 * Homage: He carried and swung a golf club on stage in Iraq, explicitly stating it was in homage to Bob Hope.
 * Hollywood Atheist: Stephen of course has an Hollywood Atheist view on atheists.
 * Hostile Show Takeover: Albeit a very brief one, on May 4th, 2010's show. Michael J. Fox only wanted to sell his book....
 * Hurricane of Puns
 * Summer's Eve vaginal puppeteer ads.
 * Hypocritical Humor
 * Rare for this show, this instance happened to be unintentional. On the topic of Texas governor Rick Perry's inarticulacy, Colbert said, "Some of our greatest presidents have been tongue-tied on occasion," backing it up with a clip from George W Bush's "Fool Me Once" flob. "Is that intelligible? No. That sounds like the fevered ramblings of a syphilitic brain." Colbert then finished his diatribe with a flob.
 * Stephen Colbert informs Seth Meyers that making fun of the news is inappropriate.

I - L
"Guest: Jesus said, "I am divine, and you are the branches."
 * I Call It Vera: Sweetness.
 * I Just Shot Marvin in The Face: We all knew Sweetness was going to go off eventually. He later repeats the incident, accidentally shooting an audience member in the leg with his finger.
 * Important Haircut: Ordered by President Barack Obama and done by Commander Gen. Odierno no less, to show that he'd really gone through (a little) basic training. See it all here.
 * Looking back on it, he thinks his hair never grew back the same.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun

Colbert: ...Sir, God does not approve of puns.

Colbert: ...But specifically it is a affront to the Christmas Trees' Lord and savior, Treesus"

""Snap out of it, Col-burt!""
 * Greatest Pun Of All Time! Four minutes of buildup for one pun, but so very worth it. Also a Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * Insane Troll Logic: Very intentional, and very funny.
 * Insult to Rocks: In the midst of heaping abuse on Canton, Kansas, Stephen says that converting the town to a landfill would be an insult to landfills.
 * Intentional Engrish for Funny: Happens in one episode where he discusses a Chinese millionaire who was killed by poisoned cat stew. He says that this doesn't affect his Chinese canned cat meat stew, "Colonel Tuxedo's Happy Joy Power Cat With Eating". Its motto is "Reliable Sting of Pleasure, Trustworthy of Lunch".
 * Internet Counterattack: Invoked frequently. Notable instances include a campaign to get a bridge in Hungary named after him through internet voting, and against Wikipedia to enforce "wikiality."
 * Intoxication Ensues: The "little stamps" presented to Colbert by his interns, which turn out to be LSD.
 * Irishman and A Jew: The Report's sister show is anchored by Jon Stewart (born Jonathan Liebowitz). The dynamic between the two seems to tap into this old Vaudeville trope, though probably quite unintentionally. As in most such pairings, the Jewish half is sarcastic and exasperated with a world gone mad. In contrast, Colbert (who self-identifies as Irish-American) is irrationally self-confident and totally oblivious to the world around him, in keeping with the Irish half of many such pairings. It probably helps that Colbert's patriotism would put even George M. Cohan to shame.
 * Is This Thing Still On?: Stephen has had several such incidents.
 * There was the Ching Chong Ding Dong incident.
 * He also had an angry rant very similar to Bill O'Reilly.
 * It Got Worse: Stephen's assertion that Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity facebook event got more RSVPs because the people who RSVPd were taken over by alien pod people. Muslim alien pod people. Gay Muslim alien pod people.
 * It Is Pronounced "Tro-PAY": The Colbear Repore. The T in 'Report' is silent, because "it's French, bitch" and because his name also ends in a silent 't'.
 * Except when Steven gets upset, when he'll pronounce it differently to himself.

"Like mis hermanos The Dead Kennedys say, "Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor!""
 * During the Writers Strike of 2007, when Colbert would go on the air without his writing staff, he would deliberately refer to the show as "The Colbert Report" as a sign of solidarity with his writers.
 * Jerk With a Heart of Gold: Stephen Colbert the character is a jerk, but he can't help but let his heart of gold shine through on occasion. Especially when he is helping various charities.
 * Kayfabe: This is what makes it so hard for many people to "get" the show or the character. Is he sending a message this time, or is he just making people laugh? Is what the character Colbert says what the real Colbert thinks, or its exact opposite? Well, he keeps the line very blurred.
 * Colbert recently testified to Congress, under oath. In character.
 * Kick the Dog: In an effort to be declared the Worst Person in the World by Olbermann, Stephen slapped a baby with a puppy. Could have been seen here if it wasn't for the fact that there was an unfortunate technical mishap preventing anyone from seeing it happen.
 * Kill the Poor: Stephen has, on at least one occasion, equated the "War on Poverty" with the "War on Drugs" and has wondered why we haven't yet made poverty illegal.
 * During one banter segment with Jon Stewart at the end of The Daily Show's 10th Anniversary episode, Colbert remarked about how Stewart's show is all about supporting "the underdog" and Colbert can't believe how he ever backed that "losing horse." That's why Colbert on his own show now supports "the overdog" (specifically, big business). When concluding his point, Colbert quotes the Trope Namer!


 * When offering solutions to help the poor and unemployed without having to raise taxes for the wealthy, Colbert suggested that rich people should buy the natural rights of poorer individuals and took Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal seriously, calling for poor children to be sold as food for extra cash.
 * Colbert wants the Occupy Wall Street "pity party" to end so that Wall Street can get back to their own party--snorting the ground up bones of the poor.
 * Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Stephen portrays himself as an extremely far-right Republican/Christian Know-Nothing Know-It-All.
 * The Krampus: Stephen decides to join forces with Krampus to fight the eeeeeevil liberal secularists' War on Christmas. He offers Krampus some cookies and milk, which Krampus promptly whips with a rusty chain, then threatens to drag Stephen to Hell.
 * Kwyjibo: When it is announced that Scrabble will allow proper names to be used Stephen announces his new middle name Qxyzzy. In short, he's made up a word worth an obnoxious amount of points.
 * Lampshade Hanging: When discussing that "all things must come to an end," Steven mentions, "Eventually, this show will be cancelled."
 * Large Ham: Oh, yes.
 * Since Karl Rove refuses to come on the show, his substitute is literally a large canned ham with glasses. The resemblance is amazing.
 * Left It In: Commonly Played for Laughs.
 * The Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday: Invoked by Stephen in this segment. Stephen concludes that things keep going wrong in the cleaunup of the Mexican Gulf oil spill because someone keeps making wishes with a cursed monkey paw bought in such a shop.
 * You Fail Logic Forever: Colbert's own special brand of tortured logic permeates just about every explanation or piece of reasoning on the show. The lead-up to the epic Melee a Trois ran on a deeply bizarre use of "the transitive property of Huckabee". Not to mention his method of deducing everything from the truth about the Illuminati to the results of the 2008 presidential election, which consists of him free-associating words at random.
 * Logic Bomb: Stephen tried to have his Pandertron 8000 interpret some doubletalk from Newt Gingrich; it shorted out and decided to remove the source of illogical paradoxes by killing all humans.
 * LOLcats: See Ascended Meme.
 * Loophole Abuse: In a segment of Formidable Opponent where Stephen debates himself one of the Stephens argue that torture is constitutional. The constitution might forbid cruel and unusual punishment but that's not a problem according to Stephen if torture is used so often it is no longer unusual.
 * Stephen's campaign to get a bridge named after himself in Hungary on the grounds that there was no rule stating the namesake of the bridge had to be Hungarian.

M - P
"Stephen: So do you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah?
 * Mathematician's Answer:

Bobby: Sure."

"This of course is Aragorn's sword Andúril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil, given to me by Viggo Mortensen. Now, this has nothing to do with the metaphor -- I just want to remind everyone that I have this."
 * Mean Character, Nice Actor: Stephen Colbert is a Jerkass in character, but out of character, he's very much a Nice Guy.
 * Mega Corp: Stephen often shills for The Prescott Group. A shady conglomerate with companies such as Prescott Pharmaceutical, Prescott Oil and Prescott Finance.
 * Men Don't Cry: Except when they do.
 * Monkeys On a Typewriter: A June 2006 segment discusses how many monkeys are required to produce the works of various authors.
 * Metaphorgotten:

"Colbert: Oh? That's ok? A coma patient, an old man with a feeding tube. But heaven forbid we make one perforated colon reference."
 * Mood Whiplash: Any time that a serious tragedy occurs, the tone can get pretty somber at times, in sharp contrast to the comedic aspect of the show.
 * As in this example, where Stephen takes a couple of shots at an elderly gay coupleThe couple were 77 and 85 at the time. who are the first to be married in the state of New York. The mood quickly changes when he covers the massacre of 80 in Norway.
 * Moral Dissonance: On a segment about low-income patients paying medical bills with their time (starts around 1:25), the audience reacted badly to a joke about having a perforated colon patient as a guitar teacher, but laughed at the idea of using a coma patient as a Swiffer. Colbert's reaction: What the Hell, Hero?

"Colbert: This plan worked perfectly in Georgia ... other than the working part."
 * Motor Mouth: The Nicene Creed. Also shown when you mention he's the youngest of eleven children: "JimmyEddieMaryBillyMargoTommyJayLuluPaulPeterStephen."
 * Multiple Choice Past: Everything before Colbert started at The Daily Show is pretty fuzzy.
 * Among other things he was a midday anchor in North Carolina in 1987.
 * Before he was a newsman he was in Stephen and the Colberts and before that he was a carnival roustabout.
 * Back in the 80's Stephen had a radio show in Chicago.
 * When Ricky Martin came out as gay, Stephen showed that he's a longtime Martin fan by playing a (fake) clip of himself as a local news anchor. In the clip, Stephen mentions "She Bangs," which was recorded in 2000, as a "new song." Stephen actually joined The Daily Show in 1997, suggesting there may be some overlap between his fake past and his time on the show.
 * Mushroom Samba: Colbert has taken blotter acid on the show a couple of times (both as a joke). The first time, he licked an entire sheet of 10x10 blotter acid and sat in his set's "fireplace" (which was really just a flat-screen displaying a burning fireplace; Colbert thought it was real). The other time it was part of a "Cheating Death" segment in which Prescott Pharmaceuticals issued what was essentially blotter acid. And before he did it, he said, "Let's take a magic carpet ride!" Both times, his smiling face appeared on the front.
 * Must Have Caffeine: Colbert's... interesting relationship with coffee.
 * New Media Are Evil. Stephen takes on the bloggers with the help of Papa Bear.
 * Nice Guy: Real-life Stephen. A suspiciously high proportion of interviews with him include some variation on "nicest man in the world", and his main worry when the show was pitched was that he wouldn't be able to handle playing an asshole.
 * No Except Yes: On a proposal in Alabama to use prisoners to replace migrant workers:

"Stephen: A zoo is nothing but monkey prison. Which means this monkey has made this zookeeper his bitch."
 * No Export for You: Several (but not all) countries outside the US can't watch the videos on the site. Many fans aren't happy.
 * Noisy Nature: That eagle cry in the opening credits does not sound like an eagle.
 * No Party Like a Donner Party: In one episode, Colbert discussed a particularly alarmist spin on the looming food shortages... and ended it by apparently eating his stage manager Bobby. (And in the meantime imagining Bobby as a giant chicken rotisserie). And in a later episode, he ate Bobby's ghost.
 * No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Stephen uses those exact words in this clip about Barney Frank.
 * No Kill Like Overkill: "That was not stripmining; that's how I hunt quail."
 * Not That Kind of Doctor: Stephen has a honorary doctorate in fine arts. This doesn't stop him from presenting "Cheating Death", his segment on illness, health, and pharmaceuticals, with the name "Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA".
 * N-Word Privileges: Since Colbert doesn't see race, not having this is one of the ways he knows he's white.
 * One of Us: Even before his and Jon's Star Trek trivia war at the Reality to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, Jon played a clip of Stephen reciting Aragorn's entire geneaology.
 * Asked James Franco, in a Tolkien fan Nerd-Off, why Galadriel came to Middle-Earth. And Colbert corrected Franco with stats straight out of The Silmarillion. Badass in the annals of nerddom.
 * OOC Is Serious Business: If Colbert ever drops out of character, even if only for a moment, and starts speaking as himself, you know what's being discussed is serious.
 * Only Known By Their Nickname: Bill Kilmeade of 'FOX & Friends' is always referred to as "Brown-haired guy who is not Steve Doocy"
 * Opinion Myopia: Played for laughs. If someone doesn't agree with Stephen, he will twist the words to make it sound like it's actually an agreement.
 * Oral Fixation Fixation: Stephen often licks things, not to mention his pen-chewing habit.
 * Oscar Bait: "For your Oscar consideration."
 * Out of Focus: Remember "Better Know a District"? Or the "On Notice" and "Dead to Me" boards? Those were fun.
 * Overly Long Gag: Which Pringles flavor is not being recalled?
 * Papa Bear: Doesn't mean what you think it does.
 * Parody Commercial: Several examples.
 * Stephen made his own version of an anti gay marriage ad.
 * Which, according to Bill O'Reilly, is now playing "in Hell".
 * Stephen showed this commercial from his sponsor Prescott Oil. Parody of the We Care commercial.
 * Stephen has also made his own extreme ad for mayo. Parody of the Totally Radical commercial.
 * In a parody of attack ads Stephen attacks Willie Nelson. Stephen is not happy that Willie also got an ice cream flavour.
 * Stephen shows a few rejected versions of a Tiger Woods Nike commercial.
 * Stephen showed this ad telling you to stock up on gold, women and sheep before the apocalypse.
 * Stephen made his own health care Infomercial.
 * Everything that comes from the Colbert SuperPAC.
 * Pass the Popcorn: This .gif has started to show up as a response to internet drama.
 * Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Fresh Hot Slice with Representative Brad Sherman.
 * Play Along Prisoner

"Stephen: (on interdimensional black people) These minorities are travelling here via some kind of black hole. I'm sorry. Excuse me. "African-American" hole."
 * Played for Laughs: Obviously. Every trope that isn't already a comedy trope is played for laughs.
 * Political Correctness Gone Mad

"Colbert: (strokes his gun Sweetness) "All-You-Can-Eat" means "All-You-Can-Eat-For-Life!" We're gonna get us some banana pudding, motherfuckers!"
 * Porn Stache: Stephen is rocking the porn stache in his hypothetical gay porn career.
 * Portmanteau Couple Name: Stephen comes up with Filliam H. Muffman for Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy.
 * The Power of Rock: His guitar duel with Wilco.
 * Precision F-Strike: Colbert uses these to expert hilarious effect.

"Colbert: Sarah Palin is a fucking retard! See, it's just satire."

"Colbert: (on same-sex marriage law passing in New York state) Folks, I am not happy, or 'gay,' that this law passed. I'm very sad, or 'heterosexual.'"
 * Also had one when Jimmy Fallon got his revenge on Stephen. Initially, Stephen claimed that Jimmy would match the $26,000 auction price for Stephen's portrait (which went to charity clearinghouse Donors Choose), and donate said $26,000 to Donors Choose. Jimmy replied that he had never said such a thing. Rather than turn it into another mock feud, Jimmy instead challenged viewers of both shows to donate $26,000 within a week to Donors Choose. If so, then Jimmy claimed Stephen would come on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and sing Rebecca Black's "Friday" with The Roots. Stephen's response: WTF?!...and he later did go on Fallon's show and and sing the song.
 * Pretentious Latin Motto: "Videri Quam Esse" is engraved above the (fake) fireplace - it means "to seem to be rather than to be".
 * Product Placement:
 * His 2008 presidential run was "sponsored by Doritos", his quest for a spot on the US Olympic team was sponsored by Dr. Pepper, Verizon, and (I think) Miller Lite, and of course he and the Colbert Nation sponsored the US Olympic speed skating team, with the logo prominently displayed on the skaters heads and thighs. During the Olympics, several family members of the speed skaters were wearing Colbert Nation hats.
 * "I have an iPad! :D"
 * He's also used product placement as an excuse to drink real beer (well, Bud Light Lime). On television. Twice. In the same week.
 * There was also the night that Bing promised to donate $2,500 to relief for the gulf oil spill every time he said "bing." He was up to the challenge.
 * Everytime Jeff Goldblum appears he makes sure to plug Law and Order Criminal Intent, regardless of how apropos it is or isn't...but he won't be doing that anymore; the show was cancelled in June 2011.
 * In 2012, Stephen mocked sponsor Wheat Thins by reading quotes from the hilariously specific memo they had provided him to promote the product. It included such detailed instructions as "[Stephen] shall not be shown eating more than 16." He jams 16 in his mouth, when when he goes to add the 17th, the show suddenly has "technical difficulties." When he returns, a lawyer is on set and Stephen is mock-apologizing to Nabisco.
 * Pungeon Master

Q - T
""And they say America doesn't make anything anymore!""
 * Quote Mine: the Edit Challenge.
 * Rapid Fire Typing: Any time he types anything, on anything. Typewriters, computers, phones, 10 keys, everything! Including smacking the keys with the back of his hand.
 * Real Joke Name: The crawl on the bottom of the screen showing donors to Colbert's Super PAC included a "Suq Madiq", who apparently has a father named Liqa Madiq and a mother named Munchma Quchi. Colbert proceeded to break character and laugh uncontrollably. He referred to them again in the April 4, 2012 episode, thanking Suq Madiq along with Harry Balsac and Apoop Mapanz.
 * Raygun Gothic: Tek Jansen is an Affectionate Parody of the genre.
 * Real Life Relative: Stephen's children occasionally show up. One of Stephen's brothers, a lawyer, has appeared at least twice, the last time at the start of the Vancouver Olympics series to tell him he can't legally use the word "Olympics". Or "Vancouver".
 * A Riddle Wrapped in A Mystery Inside An Enigma: When Stephen uncovered "lost footage" from an interview with Bill O'Reilly, Stephen introduced it as "a conundrum wrapped in a riddle covered with a spicy enigma sauce."
 * Robot War: Most times robots are mentioned Stephen warns about how they will turn against us and start a Robot War.
 * This segment of the threatdown contains two instances of Stephen's dire warning.
 * Rule of Three: "That's three. Three times makes it true."
 * Running Gag: Lots.
 * Sadistic Choice: He had an Actual Pacifist play Marry/Dump/Bomb with Iran, Pakistan, or North Korea. Clip found here.
 * Saying Too Much: Most infamously, in response to Bill O'Reilly's claim that Colbert "blew me right away".
 * Say My Name:
 * "RICKLES!"
 * "BENNETT!"
 * "MANILOW!"
 * "RAAAAAAIIINNNN!"
 * The dance-off has him saying Rain's name about five times in a row in various different ways.
 * "BASIC HUMAN DECENCYYYY!"
 * "KANYE!"
 * "OBAMA!"
 * "GORE!"
 * "FALLON!!"
 * Scandalgate: Stephen referred to Michelle Obama shaking the hand of Indonesia's Health Minister as "Handergate."
 * Scare Chord: Used along with a sudden camera change while Stephen tells the nation something allegedly horrifying in order to promote his March to Keep Fear Alive.
 * Also, in the January 4, 2010 episode (first after the new year), he says, "I just hope the butt fat I had injected into my cheeks wasn't from the butt-" (scare chord) "...of a murderer."
 * See You in Hell: Parodied at the end of each "Cheating Death" health segment: "This is Stephen Colbert, and I'll see you in health!"
 * Self-Deprecation: About his rivalry with Rain - "Beating me in a dance-off on the technicality that he's a much better dancer than I am!"
 * Serious Business: The idea of schools banning tater tots turns into a massive rant spurred by Steven's childhood memories about getting heinously bullied, then drowning his sorrows with a plate of tots, then finally snapping and getting his revenge on said bully by slamming his head over and over into a locker, then breaking down and sobbing over while munching on tater tots at his desk.
 * The rivalry between Jimmy Fallon over their Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor popularities, Colbert's "Americone Dream" and Fallon's "Late Night Snack". Apparently, potato chips in your ice cream is taboo.
 * When sugar becomes scarce, Steven breaks out a reserve supply and pours a whole bag down his mouth.
 * Sesame Street Cred: Inverted, when Cookie Monster appeared in his show.
 * Sex Bot: On reporting about the world's first Sex Bot And it wasn't the Japanese, it's us! Ain't that a kick in the head?

"Stephen: Like being gay, being British is a choice.
 * Shaggy Dog Story: Stephen's recent segment detailing his love affair with a Jewish man named Jonathan.
 * Shout Out: Among the people who've donated to Colbert's SuperPAC are Lord Sauron, John Galt, Jerri Blank, R Inglip, D.B. Cooper, and Jesus of Nazereth.
 * Significant Birth Date: The eagle named after Stephen was born on Patriots' Day. Stephen hopes that this will be a significant birthday and that Stephen jr. will grow up to become the first raptor president.
 * Small Name, Big Ego: Parodied as part of the show's main premise.
 * Spell My Name With A PH: The segment about "Stephens With A PH". The first subject was Stephen King; Stephen Fry will also be featured (eventually).
 * Spit Take: Lampshaded, predicted, deliberately engineered (twice in a row!) yet still hilarious.
 * Stalker With a Crush: Colbert stalks his ex-girlfriend Charlene, despite her restraining order against him. So he formed a prog-rock band "Stephen and the Colberts" and wrote a song about it. It later became a song in Rock Band.
 * Apparently he is so over Charlene now...by the way, who is Alan?
 * Start My Own: As a Take That to losing Time Magazine No. 1 Most Influential Person of 2007 to Rain, Colbert made a music video parodying "How To Avoid The Sun", where he not only danced but also sang in Korean.
 * Then after watching Speed Racer and realising that Rain had a leading role, Colbert wrote his own screenplay for a sequel which apparently consists of Rain getting run over by a car for two hours.
 * Stealth Parody: Believed by some to be a parody of the left-wing lens. If so, it's a rather brilliant one, as many reading this very opinion take it to mean he's thought to be sincere.
 * Stealth Pun: Stephen's attorney Gorlock is.
 * During a segment titled "Fear for All", Stephen talks to Aaron Hicklin, editor-in-chief of 'Out' magazine:

Hicklin: It's a fallacy that gay is a choice-

Stephen: This is a family show, I'd rather you not use the word 'fallacy'."

"Stephen: I am still reeling from Pres. Obama's announcement yesterday that he is gay. (crowd laughs) Now I have to assume that's the reason he supports gay marriage."
 * Stock Footage: There is a short clip of a roaring bear that is shown pretty much every time Stephen mentions bears, especially during the Threatdown segements.
 * A clip of Michael Stipe sitting on Steven's shelf shouting "HEY-OH!" gets used to keep up the Running Gag he now lives there.
 * Stop Helping Me: Whoever has the cursed monkey paw, stop making wishes!
 * The Straight Man: Jay the Intern. Poor guy.
 * Strawman Political: The character of Stephen Colbert is an extreme exaggeration of a conservative talking-head in the name of comedy.
 * Studio Audience: Obviously.
 * Stunned Silence: Stephen's response when he learns that among the victims of "News of the World" hacking scandal were the voicemails of victims of 9/11, families of British soldiers killed in the war in Afghanistan and the voicemail of a missing 13 year old girl. "News of the World" even took the liberty of deleting some of the girl's messages when her voicemail started to fill up leading to her family being given false hope that she might still be alive.
 * Stupid Statement Dance Mix: According to some liberal pundit, Mitt Romney's stay-at-home wife has "never worked a day in her life". Naturally, this was made into a techno remix by Stephen.
 * Suddenly Sexuality

""Come on, what's wrong Rain? Tell me when Korea lists the non-existent embargo on BALLS!"
 * Sunk Cost Fallacy: When discussing torture, Stephen summed this fallacy up nicely: "We must do whatever it takes to justify what we've already done."
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial:
 * Stephen's team of not-8-year-old-Malaysian-child-labours took a few days to sort through suggestions for Stephen's SuperPAC.
 * The Definitely-Not-Coordinated-With-Stephen-Colbert-SuperPAC
 * Take That: This man makes his entire career out of these.
 * Suspiciously Similar Substitute: The "Ham Rove" Running Gag; Steven can't get Karl Rove on the show, so he finds a stand-in- a rack of deli ham wearing glasses.
 * The French-Canadian and lethally foul-mouthed Stephan Colbert.
 * Temporal Paradox: When Stephen wanted to lure his future self into the present to talk with him, he threatened to stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self came back to stop him. His future self did come back, but present Stephen went through with sticking the fork into the toaster anyway, thus killing him. When future Stephen saw that 2009 Stephen was dead, he decided to take 2009 Stephen's place so that he could still exist 500 years from now to continue hosting his show. Makes sense, doesn't it?
 * Tempting Fate:
 * Colbert claims that it'll take more than a 4 star general to get him to shave his hair off. Guess who appears to give an executive order for General Rey Odierno to shave Colbert's head.
 * Colbert asks to see some of Rain's supposed "Ninja badassedness." Cut to a video clip of Rain displaying awesome ninja badassedness.
 * The Tag: "Oh, hi! I didn't see you there."
 * Torches and Pitchforks: Stephen keeps a pitchfork in the Hammerspace under his desk and since he already refers to the Studio Audience as "the mob", it was only a matter of time.
 * Translation Train Wreck: Parodied when Colbert showed Google Translate's take on a Korean article about his rivalry with Rain.
 * Trash Talk: Stephen loves to trash talk and he is good at it.
 * In honor of Earth Day, Stephen participates in a little interplanetary trash talk.
 * During World Cup of Soccer 2006 Stephen trash talked together with Alexi Lalas.
 * Stephen and Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson trash talk spheres in the running to be new planets.
 * Stephen and George Wendt trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
 * Stephen trash talks an opponent of the Saginaw Spirit.
 * The "Cantons Controversy," anyone? Stephen turned this into an entire series--and even a song!--of Trash Talk. By way of background, Stephen initially praised Canton, Ohio, after John McCain made a campaign stop there, while at the same time taking a jab at Canton, Georgia. The next week, he made a fake apology and directed his Trash Talk to another Canton. By the time the segments had run their course, Stephen had insulted five towns or cities named Canton in five separate states, including Where It All Began--Canton, Ohio, after Barack Obama also campaigned there.
 * Also Rain has received his fair share of this:

"Hey Rain, nice jacket! My sister wants it back.""


 * Transparent Closet: It's heavily implied outright stated that Stephen (in-character) has repressed homosexual tendencies.
 * Baby carrots are trying to make him gay.
 * Colbert's test for determining if one of his male employees is gay is showing him a picture of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey and asking if they find it sexy. If they answer no Colbert says they are gay and in denial because a straight man would acknowledge how sexy he is.
 * Troperiffic
 * Tsundere: "Charlene II (I'm Over You)" is absolutely dripping with how Stephen is totally, completely over Charlene... not that he's 100% against the concept of a relationship with her. You know, hypothetically.
 * And towards Jimmy Fallon, too.
 * Turned Against Their Masters: Gulpzilla, in the January 13, 2011 episode.
 * Two Decades Behind: In the April 26, 2012 episode, Stephen talks about how he can relate to youth much better than Obama. He says things like "Turn off your Atari, Obama, because the game is over" and "They know I'm young because I always carry around a full deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards and I love the Power Rangers."

U - Z
"Colbert: Ted Nugent has condemned your generation as lazing and apathetic. Your response?
 * Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Stephen expresses bewilderment at how Dennis Kucinich got married to his (taller, younger, redheaded) wife.
 * Unknown Rival

NYU Student: Who's Ted Nugent?"

"Stephen: Donald Trump is a friend. He's my best friend. Number 1, best, greatest friend of all time. We race yachts, we trade mistresses. I call him "Trump Card," he calls me "Col-beer." That said, the guy's a boob. He looks like a tangelo had sex with an old dishrag. And I can say that because I love this man."
 * Up to Eleven: Stephen Colbert vs. Sen. John Kyl's 'Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement'
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: According to Stephen, Donald Trump.

"Stephen: Steve, I am thrilled for your success. Hell, I'm amazed by it. Nobody who knows you saw this coming, and it is a joy to see you in person. When I just see you in your movies I forget how funny and attractive you are. Frankly, I'm excited.
 * Visual Pun: The occasional segment "Monkey On The Lam" opens with a graphic of a monkey riding a sheep while shooting a gun in the air.
 * Volleying Insults: Even Stevphens with Steve Carell. Many insults were thrown back and forth. A snippet:

Steve: Of course you are excited, Stephen. I'm not your normal guest, people have heard of me. Stephen, I am an international movie star.

Stephen: Yes, Steve. I suppose Canada counts as international. And yes, most of my guests are people who contribute to society. So bantering with an old friend about mindless Tinseltown pablum is a welcome vacation from substance.

Steve: Thanks, Stephen. Is a vacation for me too. I am used to having 8 million people watch me on TV. Doing the Report is like being in the Witness Relocation Program."

"Rain: Let's just say, don't quit your day job.
 * And of course with Rain (via recorded messages):

Stephen: My day job happens to be president of the "I Hate Rain Fanclub"!"

""War And Peace? Pick a side, we're at war"."
 * We Named the Monkey Jack: The stuffed moose seen in the Vancouver shows was named "Ebersol"; when he went over to NBC Late-Night he was renamed "Colbert", and now that he's going on exhibit at NBC he'll get another name because Comedy Central and NBC are rival companies.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: During an interview with HCAN leader Richard Kirsch, Colbert asks if alligators versus chickens would be awesome.
 * Just listen to what he thinks Barack Obama should do after declaring the end of the war.
 * Also, just listen to that explosive handshake!
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?: The idea behind the Nailed'Em segments is that Stephen viciously attacks someone who has got in trouble for doing something completely innocent.
 * What Have I Done: Colbert about a "fake" gay relationship entered solely in order to turn a man off the idea of gay marriage forever.
 * "Well Done, Son" Guy: It seems that Stephen has some very deep approval-from-a-father-figure issues.
 * Wiki Vandal: Wikiality.
 * With Us or Against Us: Stephen is like this about everything.


 * Word Schmord: "Evolution, Schmevolution" Week.
 * Worthy Opponent: Usually, the line "You sir, are a formidable opponent" is said by Colbert to Colbert in the eponymous segment. But George Will earned the right to be called that by Stephen.
 * The genuine Colbert also admitted in interviews to gaining a lot of respect for Rain after the dance-off, saying that he knew he was "in the presence of a master".
 * Worst News Judgment Ever: The show did a segment covering how a man in Athens, GA saying it was "too hot to fish" became a story in that town's newspaper, and somehow became a story in The New York Times.
 * Writing Around Trademarks: "Exclusive Vancouverage of the 2010 Quadrennial Cold-Weather Athletic Competition".
 * Written in Infirmity: When Stephen broke his wrist, he milked it for humorous effect by pretending to become addicted to his painkillers and delirious from overdosing.
 * Yes but What Does Zataproximetacine DO: Parodied in the "Cheating Death" segments (which open with a Chess With Death sequence where Stephen distracts Death and moves the pieces), where Colbert advertises sponsor Prescott Pharmaceutical's cure-all drug whose name is usually a variant on "Vaxadrine." Side effects include "minor heart explosions", "speaking in tongues", "braintooth", "tracheal meerkat colonies", "carcassing", "ADHDEAD", "Mind of Mencia", and "involuntary Narnia adventures". Also growth of teeth.
 * When going through a (mock) vetting by Clinton vetter Cliff Sloan in an attempt to get a position on Barack Obama's cabinet, Stephen is taken to task for these endorsements.
 * You Can Panic Now: If there's fear to be mongered, Stephen's the one to do it. It's pretty much the point of Threat Down. Kinda Deconstructed at one point, where a failed terrorist attempt caused most of the media to call the bomb pathetic. Colbert then reminds everyone that they ARE scared out of their gourds "so the terrorist has succeeded and therefore doesn't have to prove his point by trying another attack".
 * Your Makeup Is Running: The inauguration of Barack Obama caused Stephen to cry with massive amounts of mascara running and snot hanging from his nose.