Calvin Ball/Quotes

""That's Numberwang!""

- The host of Numberwang, frequently, at completely random intervals, That Mitchell and Webb Look

""Malachi shrugged. He didn't follow human sports. They were too dull and the rules never changed.""

- Narration, Malachi summarizing The Fair Folk's sports in Chasing the Dragon

"Spongebob: "Hike Patrick, hike!" [Drops rock, which breaks in two] Spongebob: "You just lost 3 points!" [Climbs up coral] Spongebob: "1, 2, 5!" [Stands on his head and blows a bubble in the shape of 'G7'] Spongebob: "G7!" Patrick: "G7?! King me, king me! " [smashes into coral] Patrick: "I lose!" Spongebob: "But it's not Tuesday, Patrick!" Patrick: "Tartar sauce!" Squidward: What are you two invertebrates doing?! Beat Patrick and Spongebob: "We don't know.""

- SpongeBob SquarePants

"Humph: Fingers on buzzers, teams. How many legs have donkeys? Tim [buzzing]: Four! Humph: Tim says four. Barry and Graeme? Barry and Graeme: Higher, higher, no, I think it's lower. Lower. Humph: You say lower? Well, the right answer is no legs have donkeys. So, you were right to go lower. And Tim gets ten points. Tim, question or nominate? Tim: Nominate Graeme! Humph: No, the correct answer is "nominate Barry". You lose ten points. Barry, what's the first letter of the word "aardvark": A, B, C or D? Barry: Can I go 50-50, Humph? Humph: Very well. Computer, take away one wrong answer and one right answer. Barry, you have two wrong answers left. Which do you go for?"

- I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

""That's two points for recycling! The girls' score is now the square-root of pi while the boys still have a crudely-drawn picture of a duck. Clearly, it's still anyone's game!""

- Phineas, Phineas and Ferb

""At first I intended to become a student of the Senate rules and I did learn much about them, but I soon found that the Senate had but one fixed rule, subject to exceptions of course, which was to the effect that the Senate would do anything it wanted to do whenever it wanted to do it. When I had learned that I did not waste much time on the other rules, because they were so seldom applied.""

- Calvin Coolidge (Then Vice President and President of the Senate)

"McKay's First Law: Just because I can't count, don't know the rules and cheat, doesn't mean you have to watch me."

"''Everybody's playing the game, But nobody's rules are the same."

- "Nobody's Side", from Chess

"You can raise all you want If you raise the roof. Scream and shout and the gate incrases. Break the rules, break the bank, I'm the living proof. They don't care how I move my pieces. I know I'm the best there is But all they want is a show. Well, that's all right, I'll be glad to oblige, ''S.R.O. S.R.O."

- The American, "Opening Ceremony" from Chess

"Of course, the rules are subject to change without notice. And it's against the rules not to realize that the rules have changed without warning. In International play it's a mandatory 1.5 point deduction with no chance of a medal!"

"Rules are rules, even if I make them up as I go."

- Michael Swaine, Dr. Dobb's Journal, June 1998

"Focus on winning and to hell with how you play the game."

- #188, Life's Little Destruction Book