The Adventures of Samurai Cat



"Sixteenth-Century Japan -- a land suffering through the long night of Sengoku Jidai, the Age of Battles, a period of constant civil war, of anarchy and terror, of savagery and bloodshed and lots of other good stuff. The social order was shaken to its core; class distinctions blurred as military prowess became all-important. With luck, even a peasant could slash a place for himself among the mighty."

"Even a cat..."

The Adventures of Samurai Cat is the first of a series of six books by Mark E. Rogers, describing the adventures of one Miaowara Tomokato, a samurai in the service of Lord Oda Nobunaga, a key player in Japanese history in the late 1500s. Tomokato is an anthropomorphic cat, skilled in the ways of the samurai, who following the death of his lord, which occurs in the first 11 pages of the first book, embarks upon an epic journey of revenge and reprisal upon those who banded together to slay his lord.

Apparently, Lord Nobunaga traveled a lot in his youth. And torqued a lot of people off. People from oddly familiar settings. For this is parody. His first mission leads him to the Bridge of Catzad-Dum. Then he travels to fabled Outsmouth, where dwells Great K'Chu. Afterward to Pictland, and thence to Asgard. And that's just the first book.

Joining Tomokato is his nephew, Miaowara Shiro, spunky bloodthirsty sidekick lacking in the samurai spirit but filled with bloodlust and a love for More Dakka.

Other books in the series are More Adventures of Samurai Cat, Samurai Cat in the Real World, Sword of Samurai Cat, Samurai Cat Goes to the Movies, and series finale Samurai Cat Goes to Hell. Very, very few of these additional story collections take place in feudal Japan.

Mostly out of print.

Not to be confused with Samurai Pizza Cats.

"Hanako: "Wave good-bye to your Uncle Tomokato, children." Huki, Duki, Luki, and Agammemnon: "But his back is turned!" Hanako: "Nonsense. If he can deflect bullets with his sword without looking at them, he can certainly tell you're waving good-bye.""
 * Air Vent Passageway: In The Sword of Samurai Cat, a cruise ship's air vents "... appear to have been designed for covert transportation." "That would explain the moving walkways and vending machines."
 * All Just a Dream: Even the characters aren't sure whether any of the events of The Sword of Samurai Cat actually happened, or if it was all just the dream of a little Martian child.
 * Anachronism Stew: revels in this. One example: discussing how bad the Chicago Cubs are. Problem? This is in Prohibition-era Chicago (the Cubs were serious contenders during this time, winning penants every 3 years), and Miaowara is from 16th-century Japan. Later in the story he ends up meeting thugs armed with GAU-8 Avenger cannon, too.
 * It seems that all you need to travel in time or to other fictional realms is to know the right bus schedules.
 * The Terminationer uses a Temporal Plot Device.
 * Badass Back: parodied, of course.

"Tomokato: Look, Shiro, a Hollywood Ninja. Shiro: How can you tell he's from Hollywood? Tomokato: Because we're a mile underground in a dark tunnel... Shiro: ... and he's dressed all in white. Got it."
 * Badass Family: The Miaowara clan. Tomokato and Shiro are a given, but Shimura, Shiro's brothers, and even Shimura's wife Hanako join in the fight at some point or another.
 * Barehanded Blade Block: This is tried by one of the targets of Tomokato's vengeance. He then smiles up to Tomokato.
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: notable in the trip to The Magnificent Seven.
 * Call Back: "Letters of Transit" in Goes to Hell.
 * Complete Monster: Any number of villains, but places of honor are reserved for the Stalinwolf and the God-Emperor of the Universe.
 * The Dragon: Ubersaurus Rex tends to act as one; to the Nazi high command in Adventures, to the God-Emperor in Movies, and to Satan in Goes to Hell (Not that Satan really needs a dragon, but...)
 * Diagonal Cut: Used on Darth Shatner.
 * Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Why, yes, he did. Tomokato has taken on not one, but two Cthulhu analogues, sliced Thor's hammer in half, single-handedly prevented Ragnarok, and ends the series by
 * Epigraph: Each chapter is prefaced by a relevant snippet from Cat Out of Hell: A Biography of Miaowara Tomokato, by William Shirer and A.J.P. Godzilla. And, in the first two books, a parodical Fantasy World Map.
 * Faking the Dead: the original battle scene when Nobunaga's enemies think Tomokato is dead.
 * Also the signature technique of the swordmaster in the Seven Samurai parody, who practices the Apparently Motionless School of swordsmanship and starts out every combat by lying down and closing his eyes and waiting for someone to attack his apparently dead body... before he jumps up and cuts them in half.
 * Gatling Good: Troll mobsters carrying GAU-8 Avengers.
 * Heroic Sociopath: Shiro. And it's only Tomokato's constant influence that keeps him remotely on the "heroic" side of things. It's been confirmed that he sold easily concealed nukes to terrorists.
 * We see an alternate timeline where Shiro was raised without Tomokato's influence (as Tomokato had died young) or, for that matter, any parental guidance at all (as Hanako had gone insane from a series of events that main-timeline Tomokato had prevented from happening to her, and then killed her husband in a fit of madness). Shiro ends up as an unholy combination of Darkseid, Kefka, and Khorne, ruling over a dystopian hell as God-Emperor of the Universe.
 * Highly-Visible Ninja / Technicolor Ninjas: The Hollywood Ninja from The Sword of Samurai Cat.
 * Highly-Visible Ninja / Technicolor Ninjas: The Hollywood Ninja from The Sword of Samurai Cat.

"Suddenly a figure clad entirely in black came into view, dramatically silouhetted against the noonday sun as it swung in on a grapple line attached to nothing in particular. It was the Hollywood Ninja, without a doubt."
 * In his second appearance, it gets even worse.

""Where did you get those alligators and all that lava?" "Different places.""
 * Hyperspace Arsenal: Shimura's kimono, which conceals roughly all the .45 automatics ever made. And Hanako's -- she has the ammo clips.
 * Hurricane of Puns: In Goes to Hell: the "Pax Mongolica" sequence goes on for three hilarious pages, by which time even the author is begging for it to end.
 * Idiosyncratic Wipes: In the Seven Samurai parody, the characters employ a Kurosawa-esque wipe to end a scene. Which is to say, everybody shouts "WIPE!" and voila, the scene changes ...
 * Improbable Weapon User: Happens all over the place, but honorable mention goes to Shimura, a black-belt samurai of the Colt Semi-Auto school.
 * Infant Immortality: Lampshaded up the wazzoo by Shiro the homicidal kitten, who revels in his Baby+Cat Immortality, gleefully rushing into meat-grinder battles in the smug confidence that the author wouldn't dare kill him. Eventually this trope was averted in Samurai Cat Goes To Hell, but only as a plot device to send his uncle to retrieve the bloodthirsty little creep.
 * Lampshade Hanging: Of everything, including the lampshade hanging. Recursive trope is recursive.
 * Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: typical when it's a fictional setting.
 * Luke, I Am Your Father: Darth Shatner tries this on Tomokato, only to find his claim reversed: "How can that be, when I'm your father?" It catches him off guard long enough for the cat to finish him. "Daddy!" he cries in a betrayed tone.
 * The Magnificent Seven Samurai: in The Magnificent Seven Samurai Cats, natch.
 * Massive Multiplayer Crossover: the army sent to take out Nobunaga. Itself an Anachronism Stew.
 * Mathematician's Answer: Used when appropriate, as in The Magnificent Seven Samurai Cats:
 * Mathematician's Answer: Used when appropriate, as in The Magnificent Seven Samurai Cats:

"Tomokato: Shiro, considering what a dangerous situation we're in, is there any point in us reminding him that he's a hack?"
 * More Dakka: Shiro lives this trope.
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Ubersaurus Rex is a Nazi werewolf Tyrannosaurus Rex!
 * No Fourth Wall: The series is this trope. It folds, spindles, mutilates, and slices sashimi out of the Fourth Wall, so much so that the feline characters constantly deride the author for being such a spineless, unimaginative hack. Occasionally, this incurs direct in-story retaliation in the form of bad luck and/or nasty enemies' sudden and inexplicable appearance.

"Tomokato: The weakness of the Dark Side of Absurdity is that it is vulnerable to the smallest amount of common sense. If you run towards us on top of our own bullets, we will stop firing. If you dramatically attack us with your incredibly large and unwieldy sword, we will duck. And if you bounce towards us on one finger, boing-boing-boing, we will laugh at your clumsy ass and then slice you into dogmeat."
 * Noble Demon: Ubersaurus Rex in Goes to Hell: when his plan
 * No One Could Survive That: When Tomokato complains that Ubersaurus Rex couldn't possibly have survived a fall, the SS tyrannosaur replies: "Logic means nothing to a true Nazi!"
 * Ubersaurus Rex has the distinction of being one of the most difficult-to-kill enemies Tomokato has ever faced. He survives the fall of Der Kampfburg and becomes an ally of Josef Stalin -- and a werewolf to boot. Yes, a werewolf tyrannosaur. He shows up again in an alternate universe ruled over by an evil Shiro, and which means Tomokato has to go through all the trouble of killing him again. He's been stated by Shiro -- and agreed by Tomokato -- to be even "badder" than Tomokato is.
 * Normally I Would Be Dead Now: In Samurai Cat Goes to the Movies, Tomokato ends up shot nearly to pieces by his enemies. The bullets are said to pass through the several places in his heart and brain where a bullet could pass through harmlessly. He and Shiro are 'millimetres more accurate' in their return fire.
 * Played straight in the same storyline, when Tomokato's first two attempts to kill the Producer fail because its entirely pointless to shoot a Hollywood Producer in either the heart or the brain, because never uses either organ anyway.
 * Odd Name Out: Shiro's brothers Huki, Duki, Luki, and Agamemnon.
 * Paper Master: "Origami Ito" (a reference to "Lone Wolf and Cub") is able to create anything out of paper, including weapons, soldiers, even paper tanks. The last one does him in, though, since he took too long folding the men to crew it and gets shot.
 * Playing Both Sides: In Prohibition-era Chicago, Tomokato decides to do the classic bit with the Capone and Moran gangs as "a refreshing break from (his) usual style." At the end, once most of the dust has settled, Sanjuro and the Man With No Name show up to score his efforts.
 * Power Born of Madness: Shiro, able to carry an Avenger around like it was a toothpick. Actually firing it was a bit too much, though.
 * Public Domain Character: typical in a historical romp, although Santa Colonel Claus and Satan also crop up.
 * Reality Ensues: Actually weaponized by Tomokato and Shiro, vs. the Hollywood Ninja. Initially stymied by the Hollywood Ninja because he's even less bound by the laws of physics and rationality than they are, the cats' victory comes when they realize that the Ninja only has mastery of the Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny (or as they are named in-setting when used jointly, the 'Dark Side of Absurdity') and doesn't actually have basic combat skills in addition, while Tomokato and Shiro do.


 * Retired Badass: Tomokato's brother Shimura, who can still step up to kick ass if need be.
 * Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Tomokato's whole quest.
 * Rule of Cool: Whatever can't be excused by this...
 * Rule of Funny: ...is excused by this. Although as seen in the Reality Ensues entry above, it is important in this setting to not grow too reliant upon this rule.
 * Samurai: of course. Miaowara and his brother were actual samurai under Oda Nobunaga; his brother retired with an injury, while Miaowara went Ronin and spent the entire series avenging him.
 * Ronin: as a former samurai, Tomokato ends up going this route.
 * Silver Bullet: when fighting werewolves, naturally. Shiro tends to carry these.
 * Take That: A few, here and there. He apparently doesn't like the movies Willow or Spaceballs, since the former is dreamed up by a scriptwriter who has had his brain removed. And every book includes a slam against Dick Van Patten and Eight Is Enough.
 * Those Wacky Nazis / Stupid Jetpack Hitler: In order to kill Reinhard Heydrich, Tomokato must team up with Colonel Claus and assault a three-mile-high Nazi fortress. Run by the jackboot-clad SS tyrannosaur named Ubersaurus Rex. Who plans to launch a missile containing thousands of dehydrated Nazi dinosaurs into the Great Lakes.
 * Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Inverted. Shiro throws a sword at a fleeing bad guy, and strikes the man firmly in the head with the pommel of the sword, knocking him out cold. He had been aiming for decapitation.
 * Trigger Happy: Shiro. At one point he claims his weapons will go to a museum. A very big one.
 * Weapon of Choice:
 * Katana for Miaowara; then again, while he thinks Katanas Are Just Better, he will use other weapons if needed (for example, when fighting Xenomorphs straight out of Alien, guns are clearly the way to go).
 * Guns for Shiro. He knows his guns very, very well. He does take up a sword once or twice, though.
 * Wonderful Life: Blatant rip off. Tomokato, finding Shiro less than mindful of bushido, considers what would've happenned had he not been there. That's when we find out the difference between Chaotic Neutral and Chaotic Evil.
 * Bonus points for having the Terminationer be from the alternate future.
 * Yamato Nadeshiko: Hanako, Shimura's wife and Tomokato's sister-in-law. Quiet, demure, a humble homemaker.
 * Subverted in that she also carries pretty much all the bullets in the world hidden in her kimono (to reload her husband's weapons with), and is herself a crack shot. She just happens to be related to some of the most ridiculously deadly and aggressive people in the universe, so most of the time she steps back and lets them have fun doing the fighting because while she could contribute usefully its hardly like they need her help most of the time, and its just not what she's interested in.
 * But on the other hand, when they do need her help you are well advised to beware Mama Bear. At one point a villain who temporarily stunned both Tomokato and Shimura with a cannon shell is standing over their bodies and prepared to finish them off, when Hanako politely asks her not to do that. Upon refusing Hanako's request said villainess -- who, note, has already defeated Hanako's brother-in-law and husband at this point -- dies before they even know what hit them. (Answer: The contents of both magazines of Hanako's sleeve guns, directly into their brain pan.)
 * You Have Failed Me: The God-Emperor of the Universe has what amounts to an assembly line of Mooks standing on trapdoors being randomly shot, dumped, and replaced while the line is shouted at them. For the Evulz.
 * Satan comes up with an appropriately-twisted, definitely unique variant of this when he's chewing out his high command in the last book.
 * Zombie Apocalypse: A fallen Soviet satellite irradiates a graveyard, resulting in a horde of -- yes! -- Communist Zombies in Red Dawn of the Dead.