Final Fantasy/Narm



""The six-foot bird-steeds known as chocobos are a nice addition to the cuter incarnations of Final Fantasy. However, tradition demands that they be included in every installment, even the angst-suffused grimfests. So you get characters saying things like, 'Who are all of us really? Can you ever know your own soul?' and in the background someone's riding a giant chicken.""

- Lore Sjoberg, The Book Of Ratings

Sometimes, the high drama in Final Fantasy games doesn't quite come out as intended.

""Why? What do you want me to do?""
 * In Final Fantasy IV, Tellah's cry of "you Spoony Bard!" has become beloved by RPG players worldwide. The original Japanese meant something a leetle bit more crude; it was edited out, along with anything else objectionable. When the game was rereleased in America with a retranslated, far more faithful script, "You spoony bard!" was kept in for nostalgia's sake.
 * Three times.
 * Hell, even Phoenix Wright catches onto this; the Judge says he's not a spoony bard at one point.
 * And Final Fantasy Tactics a 2 as well, using the spoony bit as an insult where one character calls another "A spoony Seeq".
 * An NPC in Final Fantasy X whines: "I asked a warrior monk out to the cafe, but she called me a spoony bard! Unbelievable!"
 * It also gets a Shout Out in Dragon Quest IX as a Sidequest called Big-headed Bard. And yes, the bard in question is very spoony.
 * Edward himself is full of Narm. In one scene, he needs his dead girlfriend's spirit's support to take down a common Mook. In another, he gets told to stop being a wuss by Rydia, at the time an eight-year-old girl.
 * An eight year old girl who had just lost her entire family, and village, in an act of genocide. Yep, she handles that better than Edward handles the death of his girlfriend.
 * Even better in the DS remake, where you get treated to watching Cecil punch out Edward, honestly better then watching Tellah beat him up with a cane in my opinion
 * While the scene was believable in the other versions, the scene in Final Fantasy IV DS where Cecil was pushed too far. They actually decided to go with a Skyward Scream, with him yelling "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" and then "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". Combined with his armor, it made him seem like Darth Vader.
 * This Troper found herself giggling when, right after aforementioned screams of anguish, Rydia begins to cry... and the word "[sobs]" appears on screen.
 * Fortunately that same scene ends on a more well-done note because Rydia's "I HATE YOU!!!" still sends chills down my spine thinking about it.
 * As was Garland's infamous threat, "I Garland, shall knock you all down!", from the first Final Fantasy. 8-Bit Theater, of course, had a field day with this one.
 * It was also in the GBA rerelease. It's not in either of the Playstation versions, though - after the original game, the line's no longer true Narm, and Sony has limited tolerance for deliberate silliness in its RPGs.
 * It was, unfortunately, editted out of the European release of Dawn of Souls but left in the American version.
 * It's still there in the iPhone version of the game.
 * It's not in Dissidia Final Fantasy, but Garland says "I'll crush you" in some of his attacks. Hmmm...
 * Overly dramatic delivery (in text form!) hurts a flashback sequence in Final Fantasy V in which the main character's mother dies unexpectedly. Her name is Stella.
 * When Exdeath, the game's Big Bad, meets Guido, the turtle sage. In the old Super Famicom version, the depicted sprite fight between them has to be seen to be believed. It's a bit "DBZ action turtle." (The scene is similar in the GBA version, but the turtle aspect is lampshaded.)
 * He even declares that he didn't sit in a sewer eating pizza all these years, which in and of itself is narmy.
 * Then there's  nonsensical garble:
 * In the Anthology translation,, Bartz decides to respond with the distinctly underwhelming statement of "Oh Crap!". It's an especially great source of Narm when you haven't even played the game and you already know it'd throw you out of the moment.
 * Gilgamesh is made of meta-narm. He's so over-the-top nobody besides himself takes him seriously.
 * Certain dramatic scenes in Final Fantasy VI would have been much easier to take seriously had an important character in them not been named Madonna. This was probably meant to draw a Virgin Mary parallel, but if one knows that her Japanese name was the relatively normal "Madeline"... (And if any gamers make parallels with the other Madonna, it's even worse.)
 * Also from the original Final Fantasy VI: the unintentionally funny Bum Rush. (Changed for the GBA.)
 * Eh...I never found it funny, but then I used the term bum rush before I ever played the game, so maybe it'd be weird if you've never heard of the ol' bum's rush before.
 * Heck, it took me a few seconds to even figure out what was SUPPOSED to be funny about this. It's not an uncommon term.
 * From a British slang perspective, "Bum Rush" sounds like something that would happen in a Slash Fic.
 * Also also, the Opera Scene. Its meant to be a beautiful tearjerker, but the "voice acting" was so bad (saying "oh oh oh oh" in time and tune to the music) that it causes one to laugh out loud. It reminded me more of a dog barking than a person singing.
 * Thankfully, the Anthology version handles this much better, adding a much more dramatic FMV and actual vocals. Also, the Advance version, while still in sprite form, replaces the old synthesized voice with a more pleasant sampled voice (and better translated lyrics.)
 * It doesn't help that we've just seen a fanged, letter-writing octopus lying in wait.
 * Kefka revealing his evil plot of reviving the statues to no one in particular (except the player who is conveniently hiding to hear him reveal his plans).
 * To be fair, Kefka is completely insane. It's kind of a given that he would talk to himself like that.
 * The Remake on the GBA featured a scene where Banon is addressing the Returners in their hideout, and promptly kills the tension when he explains that the Empire is amassing "weapons of Magitek destruction." This troper actually had to reset his Gameboy to make sure he just read that.
 * In the climactic battle between Gestahl and Kefka in the SNES version, Gestahl's fiery spells aren't working. "N... ...nooooo! Why isn't my magic working? Merton!!!" As it turns out, Merton is the most powerful fire spell in the game. At this point, however, the player has yet to see it in use, there is no animation for the spell due to the circumstances of the battle, and the name is sufficiently mistranslated from its original intent ("Meltdown") that it looks like Gestahl just screamed a random geeky-sounding name for no reason.
 * It's even better if you're from the UK, where the 'Merton!' part can conjure up images of an angry Ian Hislop.
 * Final Fantasy VII's most notorious moment was spoiled by a typo. In the pit of despair, Cloud screams out, begging Sephiroth for a justification, berating him for what he did - all this with no small amount of self-hatred, as he had been possessed previously by Sephiroth to kill Aeris himself and only failed to do so because his True Companions called him back. It's incredibly moving until Jenova answers, "Beacause you are a puppet." Final Fantasy VII had a Good Bad Translation to start with, but the sheer mood of the scene this was in made that tiny 'a' jar more than it should.
 * Aerith's entire death scene is full of narm, except for the music and the part where the two people in your party besides Cloud pay their last respects to Aerith (right after defeating Jenova LIFE).
 * But, in that scene, if you have Vincent in the party in the PC version, he will do a little dance due to glitchy programming.
 * Tifa and Scarlet getting into a slap fight. It's just an utterly silly moment that comes completely out of nowhere and spoils the tension of the scene
 * A screenshot of Aerith's death; the chibi art style of the game causes all the characters to look ridiculous.
 * For gamers who have been spoiled by all the high end graphics of today and forgotten how crappy old 3D games looked, the scene is likely to leave you with a good chuckle. Hard to feel sympathetic or sad when the characters all look.
 * From impossible sword movement to the pathetic animation to Cloud's nonsensical dialogue, it's all Narm, all the time. And right after she's stabbed, the materia falls out of her hair and proceeds to bounce around for a good twenty seconds, and its momentum changes for no reason...
 * In the scene preceding, (un)intentional hilarity oft occurs when a new player attempts to buttonmash Cloud out of the mind control; this invariably results in a great deal of SD pixel hip-thrusting. When Cloud is holding his sword at groin-level...well.
 * Vincent sucker-punches Cloud with his metal gauntlet to stop the SD pixel hip-thrusting.
 * That aside, after seeing Vincent, Mr Stoic Angsty-for-a-reason, do that, it's virtually impossible to take Aeris death seriously with tears of laughter rolling down your cheeks.
 * I've seen a picture of that but thought it was fake. Vincent is a douche.
 * Also: Cloud in a wheelchair, twitching like a two-dollar whore. Cosplay that, fanboy.
 * We have.
 * ...and that makes it even funnier.

""They're not the wings of a monster! They're the wings................ of an angel!""
 * Super Nova, International version. Sephiroth does destroy the Solar System in the original Japanese version (it's harder to see because the explosion happens so far away); but for the International Version, they not only redid the attack to have much better animation, but they also made the attack incredibly over-the-top, showing the destruction of several planets (with their names in case you don't know what Jupiter looks like), with the Sun being a whopping two feet in front of our heroes before going Super Nova. It's even worse with the knowledge that it is a percentage-based attack - it will never directly kill the party.
 * And it can MISS. A Supernova can miss, despite being two feet from the faces of the party. Convection Schmonvection at it's mosty Narmful.
 * What truly puts it in Narm territory is the fact that Sephiroth can cast it multiple times. I see that planets reproduce by binary fission in the Final Fantasy VII universe, or so it would seem.
 * Oh, and he for some reason decides to spare Mars.
 * After Cloud comes out of his Heroic BSOD, he gives a speech to his party, and while it's pretty incoherent the translation pulls itself together for his genuinely inspiring final lines - "I'm... Cloud. The master of my own illusionary world. But I won't live in an illusion any more. I'm going to live my life without pretending." Tifa immediately pipes up - "You're sure messed up, Cloud!" Some friend she is.
 * Yeah, this troper tried really, really hard to ignore the HORRIBLE effort in the tranlation. Nonsensical sentences, wrong character names for the speech bubbles, misspelled words, etc.
 * This troper lol'd hard at Tifa's line.
 * In Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core, there's a minor but horrible one when Cloud and Zack are bonding. They reach a facility they're about to infiltrate, and Zack suddenly says, "Cloud, look". If you know why that's horrible, you've been on the internet far too long.

""No way! He just ate my haaaair!""
 * Intentionally invoked for effect with Genesis, who was intended to be a ridiculous over-the-top drama queen.

"HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA."
 * "DAMN YOOOOOOOU!"
 * Another minor one here. During the otherwise well-done ending FMV of Crisis Core, Cloud's scream was jarringly cliche and pathetically delivered. Luckily, it didn't ruin the scene completely, and most people only cringed slightly before continuing to let the tears stream down their faces.
 * At the very least, in the Japanese version, Takahiro Sakurai actually has a really heart-wrenchingly painful scream. (This Troper is rather glad she watched the Japanese version first...)
 * Thankfully averted during, which was actually beautifully executed even given the inherent Narminess several similar video game moments seem to share. In fact, it was probably the first scene in a video game to succeed in making this troper cry.
 * "Rate hike! Rate hike! Tra, la, la!" accompanied by a kangaroo impersonation does convey that Palmer is an idiot, but I don't think we're supposed to laugh in the middle of a tense plot-advancing scene with our heroes in an air vent spying on the enemy's top brass.
 * The burning of Nibelheim is a dramatic scene, that would probably have been a lot more had it not featured a man who looked like Frank Sidebottom.
 * Adding to that, in the previous scene where Cloud confronts Sephiroth in the basement, and Sephiroth gives Cloud a whole The Reason You Suck Speech, the impact of what's he's said is rather deadened when Sephiroth says he's going to "see [his] mother", and leaves. Although he's probably meant to be running, Sephiroth's running animation (coupled with the strange camera angle) instead makes him look like he's skipping out of the room.
 * Don't forget Sephiroth's last action before running from the room. He freakin' chucks a materia at Cloud! The most badass, menacing, threatening character in the game, committing a meaningless act of violence that would fit right in during elementary school recess.
 * That being said, the materia still manages to hit Cloud with enough force to knock him down. Not sure if that makes this better or worse.
 * "Finish... Sephiroth... off...". Try saying that three times fast.
 * At the end of Final Fantasy X, the moment when Yuna runs into Tidus arms'...and . Considering that at this point, it's probably supposed to be dramatic.
 * Definitely YMMV on that. A lot of people found that to be one of the most heartbreaking moments of the series.
 * The infamous 'Laughing Scene' is another good example.

"The boy is known by the legendary title of...
 * It wouldn't be so bad because the awkwardness is intentional, but the sentimental music pushed it straight into narm territory.
 * If you can believe it, it's worse in the Japanese version. Tidus sounds like a crow.
 * And then there's the scene in Home where Tidus learns what is going to happen to Yuna. Though it is clearly supposed to be a touching and dramatic moment, some people laugh at Tidus' hysterics, particularly the part where he just....squeaks out a cry as the camera shifts upward. Thank you so much, James Arnold Taylor.
 * Let us not forget the Bevelle scene where Yuna's threatening to jump off the extremely high building, while she's saying she can fly and telling Tidus to believe, he goes from shaking his head quickly to nodding super fast, it ruins a potentially dramatic scene.
 * Also the way Tidus and Yuna have a tendency to say "okay" really fast, like they're trying to fit lip movements.
 * Some of Tidus' comments after using certain spells. I once used Haste, Tidus said "Hey, hey, hey", and the only thing going through my head was Fat Albert.
 * It seems that Tidus tends to move and act like he's buzzed out on caffeine or cocaine, maybe both, such as.
 * The scene where Tidus cries, saying "I hate you, Dad," in EXTRA-SPECIAL-SUPER-AMAZING-GRAPHICS. Out of context, it's extra fuel for Tidus's Hatedom, though considering what he's crying about, it's justified enough for most people.
 * "I don't like your plan. It sucks," from Final Fantasy X 2, which is an understatement, especially since Yuna then goes on to say.
 * The infamous massage and hot spring scenes, anyone?
 * "THE NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVE!" Apparently, 'nerve' is now a twenty syllable word.
 * From Final Fantasy III: "Light and darkness: one cannot exist without the other, much like
 * In the DS version, it's a bit hard to see the villains as genuine threats when they're in chibi style, especially for Big Bad Xande., though.
 * In the DS version's ending: "Thank you for saving the world!"
 * Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus. The whole thing. Vincent rescues small children, and then he walks off, flipping his cape with panache. When he dies, he mutters, "Now...I can finally...rest...". It doesn't help that the extreme case of Cutscene Power to The Max the game suffers from, where every shot involves him running around and flipping upside down and shooting things in mid-air, cause his rather awkward in-game actions to seem hilariously stilted. The original game didn't take itself entirely seriously, but Dirge is melodrama from beginning to end.
 * Indeed, while the majority of video game Narm seems to fall under the "endearing flaw" category, Dirge of Cerberus is a game that Narmed itself straight into Fanon Discontinuity for many fans. Granted, it's not the only reason (Retcon, anyone?), but it's a huge part of it. This troper dares anyone to listen to Rosso the Crimson speak for more than twelve seconds without cringing, cracking up, or both. Even Vincent is unimpressed.
 * Where did she pick up a Russian accent !?
 * The same place Nero picked up his British accent.
 * Oh Nero. Lord of the Narm. "STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!"
 * Special mention should go to the scene towards the climax featuring the main characters from Final Fantasy VII (sans Red XIII). We finally get to see them DO something, and then their entire role in the story from there is channeling the Power Rangers and simultaneously cheering Vincent on in a six-way split screen.
 * In Dissidia Final Fantasy, you get this awesome opening to one of the story modes, spoken in deep bass narrator voice:

"Onion Knight"."

"Kefka: "Well, the mouse is... *close up pan to his face* SMACK. Dabinthemiddleofenemyterritory.""
 * Later on, Cloud of Darkness even says to Onion Knight that he is not "worthy of his title". Why the heck is everyone acting like being called an Onion Knight is something to be proud of?!
 * To be fair, title Onion Knight is some kind of prestige in Final Fantasy III, a representation of hard work and intelligence as the class is really weak in the beginning and getting stronger in later levels. It's just the reference of the title that goes through many players' head that makes the title a narm.
 * Tidus lands one in his story mode where he narrates, stating that he has a sudden urge to yell for no reason. He than suddenly runs ahead of Firion with a scream as if he's dying. And Firion doesn't react at all. He must do this a lot.
 * We should be glad he didn't have the sudden urge to laugh for no reason.
 * Firion's dream of seeing a world full of roses is a metaphor for his desire to defeat the Emperor and create a peaceful world free of tyranny and injustice. In practice though...the characters are talking about flowers.
 * Kefka has several moments, considering he's a Villainous Harlequin, it's justifiable, and possibly invoked as Rule of Funny.
 * After Zidane confronts Kefka about Bartz being caught in  warp trap


 * Kuja can also be pretty narmtastic, comes with being a large ham, but the scene before Zidane fights him at the end of the destiny oddysey IX has to top it, with both of them spouting off various theater puns (Zidane works in a theater and Kuja loves luxurious things, so it's to be expected), he also ends up stuck with Kefka as his only fair weather ally, which can lead to some amusing moments.
 * Cloud and Sephiroth's rivalry is played up for Fan Service, as expected, but in Dissidia it's so extreme it could even be parody. Notable is a scene where Sephiroth appears - "It's good to see you again, Cloud," - and immediately threatens him with his sword. Cloud rolls his eyes and, when asked why he isn't fighting back, says "fighting you is pointless". Sephiroth gives a heartbroken, jealous expression. Possibly because earlier Cloud was fighting with Firion, who also presented him with a glittery pink rose to represent his inner feelings.
 * Each of the characters in Dissidia go through a little Character Development quest to unlock their crystal. This leads to a scene where Cloud (lunatic and not real), Cecil (job dissatisfaction and family problems) and Tidus (family problems and not real) are sitting around discussing their issues, and Firion, from Final Fantasy II (before such gimmicks as ridiculous over-the-top Deus Angst Machina backstories were necessary), admits that he doesn't have any huge mental problems. The fact that he has no mental issues is the mental issue he has to overcome in his story.
 * No one has mentioned the dancing scene in Cleyra from Final Fantasy IX? I love that game so much, but that scene is still silly. Bad celtic folk music + Irish dancing. Dancing anthropomorphic rats no less. Awesome.
 * BAD Celtic Music? Bad?
 * On the note of IX, Kuja's horrifying fashion sense. For God's sake, the man's wearing a thong!
 * During one of the cutscenes in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, Mewt kneels down and begs his attendent Babus to find his Mom who has dissappeared, but thanks to limited sprite animations, the scene winds up looking like this.
 * In Final Fantasy VIII, though It Makes Sense in Context, Squall's outburst when the characters believe Seifer to be dead and try to speak well of him: "I won't have it!" "I won't have anyone talk about me in the past tense!", especially funny when you consider that his entire speech about death and being forgotten was in his head and the aforementioned words are the only ones spoken aloud.
 * Also, Ultimecia's ridiculous Funetik Aksent. Thankfully dropped during the actual battle and Dissidia.
 * Final Fantasy XIII has Lightning's speech to . Though to be fair, it's really more of the script's fault than the actress's.
 * Even though Final Fantasy XII has succeeded in avoiding Narm in the more serious moments of the game, there's the infamous yelling quest in which the objective is to go around the city shouting things like "I'M CAPTAIN BASCH FON RONSENBURG OF DALMASCA!", "DON'T LISTEN TO ONDORE'S LIES!", "BASCH LIVES!" and so on. It wouldn't be so bad, if you didn't have to that around 50 times to get the quest complete. Viewable here.
 * What about Basch's outfit? Is that a potholder? And a pink undershirt?
 * Right before the climax of Final Fantasy VII, Cloud tries to give a rousing speech to his party. What does he tell them? " ." Certainly intentional, because Cid makes fun of him for not sounding enough like a man.
 * The Chocobos Dungeon series has some very big threats and sometimes very heavy themes, but it all kind of falls flat when you factor in that all the villains are monologuing to a baby chocobo.