Swarm On the Somme

Swarm on the Somme is an ongoing Alternate History Web Original story series in the Alien Space Bats sub-forum of Alternatehistory.com, started in early autumn 2009.

The story is essentially a typical tale of Earth being invaded by a Horde of Alien Locusts, while unprepared humanity tries to unite and rally its forces against the Planet Looters. BUT this time, it's not set in the Present Day, or Next Sunday AD, or World War Two. This time, it occurs in the earliest months of World War One. And it's Better Than It Sounds.

You can read the main thread here or the newer thread, episode only thread, here.


 * Aliens Are Bastards : Even a Complete Monster is sympathetic compared to the the Grex. Made worse by the fact that they're a highly intelligent Horde of Alien Locusts.
 * Aussies With Artillery : One of the landing sites of the Grex is Australia, which is hard to defend given its sheer geographic size and sparse population density. The ANZAC forces are formed even in this alternate timeline, but ironically, in response to the Grex! The combined forces of Australian, New Zealander and Japanese troops pull off many Badass Last Stands against the Grex, but it still looks like a Hopeless War for them and the entire continent of Australia will probably become a Doomed Hometown sooner or later.
 * Ax Crazy : Anita Roux and her gang.
 * Badass : Every single historical figure has their badassery levels turned Up to Eleven. Notable examples include Churchill, Hitler, and Erwin Rommel.
 * Dare to Be Badass : You've got unarmoured and in every way vulnerable human soldiers fighting with WWI bolt-action rifles and simple melee weapons against merciless and ferocious Eldritch Abominations which have an evolutionary advantage of millions of years and a lot of expierence in conquering advanced civilizations and assimilating them.
 * Badass Crew : "Monty's Marauders". Also Erwin Rommel's, Gheorgiy Zhukov's and Mustafa Kemal's squads.
 * Badass Normal: What every soldier on the front has to become just to survive.
 * Blood Knight / Crazy Awesome : Rommel and other German soldiers consider private Hitler a raving Conspiracy Theorist, but no one doubts that he is one hell of a Roach slayer !
 * Bloody Hilarious / Black Comedy / Gallows Humour : A fairly large amount of it, but quite understandable, given the situation.
 * Brits With Battleships : And they put them to good use too, in order to prevent the Grex from reaching the Belgian and Dutch coastline and steal ships, so they could infest the rest of Europe via sea. This actually almost happened once, when Grex-assimilated humans captured a British battleship and the British navy had to sink it before it would wreak havoc on the Isles. With the help of a German submarine, no less ! Though the Grex infectees somehow managed to survive and almost founded a new infestation in the London sewers. Thankfully, they were more or less stopped in the nick of time.
 * Bug War : An Alternate History-flavoured version.
 * Call A Tank A Land Dreadnought : Well, it is an Alternate History story, and tanks were just being developed and had no official name yet when the Grex arrived.
 * The American soldiers fighting the Grex infestations in California and Utah invent parafin and gasoline bottle bombs. They name them "Teddy Tonics / Roosevelt Rum", in honor of former president Roosevelt (who payed a visit to them in order to boost their morale).
 * Cool Airship: The German army zeppelins are modified into Luftkreuzers, which are better armoured on the outside and are equipped with light naval cannons and lots of reinforced machine gun nests in addition to bombs. Given the weight and gas issues of airships, they're not terribly effective and are quite vulnerable - but they still offer a valuable source of defence against the Grex. One of these souped-up zeppelins even has a Gunship Rescue moment, when it comes to rescue Erwin Rommell and his mixed German/Austro-Hungarian company from the completely besieged town hall in Brussels.
 * Cool Train : The armoured trains used by the Americans and Russians are positively badass and armed to the teeth. Still, they need to be often carefully guarded and protected from getting hijacked by Grex-infected soldiers posing as normal humans.
 * Crapsack World : And how ! It's bad enough that the first global industrial war started raging on. Now humanity has to fight for sheer survival of life on Earth. The Grex know no mercy. Industrial resources and human reserves are not easy to acquire or in endless supply. And everything takes time to produce, as the author points out several times.
 * One of the readers of the thread even declared in one post, that only Warhammer 40000 can rival these stories in terms of sheer bleakness and "grim-dark". Another one noted, that "if humanity eventually wins, its psyche is going to come out of the conflict very, very scarred".
 * Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys : Averted. The Gauls With Grenades are portrayed as brave and determined soldiers everytime they appear, even in situations where they're clearly outnumbered and outgunned.
 * Darker and Edgier : It's a Bug War version of World War One. That hardly sounds cheerful...
 * Deconstructor Fleet : Remember all those Alien Invasion stories where humanity eventually manages to outwit the invaders with some cunning technology, easily liberates the Earth in a month or so, and everyone then rejoices in a nice big happy ending ? Well, this is not one of those starry-eyed stories...
 * Determinator : The British start taking the Roaches more seriously after they steal one of their battleships from a Belgian harbour, try to infest London with fresh Grex cocoons and nearly pull off an assasination of Edward VII.
 * Easily-Thwarted Alien Invasion : Averted hard.
 * Enemy Mine / Fire-Forged Friends : The various nations were reluctant to help each other in the first weeks of the invasion, but a month or two later, the British, French, Dutch, Belgians, Canadians, Americans, Australians and Japanese are co-operating not only among themselves, but occasionaly with troops of the Central Powers as well, if the situation calls for it. Tsarist Russia made peace with the Central Powers and then received Turkish, German and Austro-Hungarian reinforcements. A notable squad in the western front is Monty's Marauders, consisting of veteran soldiers from virtually every nationality present on the front. Led by Bernard Montgomery himself, no less. The Entente and Central Powers haven't officialy made peace yet, but it's bound to happen very soon.
 * Fantastic Slurs : The Grex are called Roaches, Les Cancrelats, Schaben, Zhuki and Oni by the various nationalities.
 * High Octane Nightmare Fuel : Lots of it. Especially what the Grex do to captured living beings and territory. And corpses of fallen soldiers... Brrr...
 * Historical Villain Upgrade: U.S. President Woodrow Wilson gets one to an almost strawman extent, who upon hearing of a Grex incursion into San Franciso rejoices in the idea of the city being purged of colored people.
 * Hive Mind : The Grex to a large extent.
 * Hope Spot : 
 * Hopeless War : While humanity isn't completely defenseless or unsuccesful in holding the Roaches at bay, it's certainly not winning either. At least not yet...
 * Horde of Alien Locusts / Planet Looters : The Grex, short for Entomogrex impurus, meaning "vile insect swarm".
 * Humans Are the Real Monsters : But those who are constantly like this are usualy killed off sooner or later...
 * I Did What I Had to Do / Shoot the Dog / Sadistic Choice : Grex infectees are essentialy doomed and the only way you can help them is by putting a bullet in their skull. There are several scenes where people are forced to do this to their own family relatives, including children.
 * In the Past Everyone Will Be Famous : Younger versions of Bernard Montgomery, Erwin Rommel, George Patton, Charles de Gaulle, Adolf Hitler, Gheorgiy Zhukov, Josip Stalin, Mustafa Kemal and others appear prominently. There are also supporting and cameo appearances by Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, H.P.Lovecraft... and even a certain Red Shirt Austro-Hungarian private named Bela Ferenc Blasko - known later in Real Life under the pseudonym Bela Lugosi...
 * Last Stand : Many, and we mean many. Hell, almost every confrontation with a group of Grex has this vibe to it.
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: Both historical and fictional.
 * Memetic Badass : Several. Former US president Teddy Roosevelt is one from the get-go (but this is a typical Running Gag of AH.com, so it's not that surprising).
 * In one episode, where he and the Rough Riders get ambushed by a group of Grex, ol' Roosevelt uses something awfully similar to Gun Kata in self-defence...
 * Mighty Glacier : The "Bombardier Beetles" of the Grex - as tall as a building and equipped with assimilated human artillery fused to their bodies. They're exceptionally hard to bring down, even with heavy artillery and air strikes.
 * Mistaken for Gods: A Satanic cult in France starts worshiping the Grex as instruments of Lucifer. The Grex see them as useful saboteurs and infect them so they slowly turn into dangerous Human-Grex Hybrids.
 * Mood Whiplash / Action Film Quiet Drama Scene : Quite a lot.
 * Mordor : The Grex infested areas slowly morph into this with each day of the ongoing infestation, becoming a Death World full of deadly lifeforms created from assimilated Earth organisms. Even mundane looking plants (including trees) can actually be a plant-like sentinel species of the Grex, ready to grab and devour an uncatious bypasser.
 * More Dakka : Used prominently and even referred to as such literally, as a codename for this procedure.
 * Names to Run Away From Really Fast : Seriously, The GREX.
 * Officer and a Gentleman / Cultured Warrior : Most prominently Montgomery, Rommel, Kemal and de Gaulle.
 * Organic Technology / Applied Phlebotinum : A staple of the Grex, it has many Nanotech-like properties and can assimilate non-organic technology and living beings alike. It can even assimilate a steam-powered battleship to make it go faster. The Grex also use all sorts of organic bullets and Abnormal Ammo, all very effective due to Applied Phlebotinum enhancements.
 * Paranoia Fuel : As already mentioned, the Grex can easily infect and impersonate anyone and spread the disease and destruction further. There are few sure-fire ways of how to prevent this, each of them unpleasant, but still better than the worst alternatives...
 * Poirot Speak : Used to add flavour to people of the various nationalities present in the story.
 * Real Trailer, Fake Movie : Three written ones so far, courtesy of the thread on AH.com that specializes in this very trope.
 * Redshirt Army : The Imperial Russian army.
 * Rose-Tinted Narrative : Averted. The author of the series has no qualms about showing the various prejudices and racist tendencies that were still an accepted part of everyday reality in the early 20. century. Often, Humans Are Bastards to each other, even in the face of iminent danger. A hidden Some Anvils Need to Be Dropped Aesop is present : Humans can only survive and be victorious if they put aside their differences and unite against a great threat.
 * Sliding Scale of Alternate History Plausibility : Well, it's got an Alien Invasion during World War One - definitely Type X and Rule of Cool / Rule of Drama. The descriptions of 1915-level tech and its effects on the alien invaders are very believable though.
 * Shout-Out / Homage : Waaay too many to count... Some go to nearly The Genie Knows Jack Nicholson levels, but take care to not completely shatter the atmosphere of the early 20. century.
 * A propaganda short meant to bolster the public's courage against the Grex ends with a recruiting adress and the question "Would you like to know more ?" above it.
 * A Scottish soldier after gunning down an attacking Grex: "Ooh, they're goin' to have to glue ya back together... IN HELL !"
 * The Grex themselves seem to draw many elements from the Bugs, Tyranids and even the alien monster from John Carpenter's The Thing.
 * A London bum is attacked by the little yellow Grex "scarabs", but his faithful dog kills most of them in time and sniggers cunningly. His name is revealed to be Muttley.
 * One of the updates set on the western front features an amusing conversation between three British soldiers, who are very obviously identical to the main cast of Blackadder Goes Forth.
 * A gatling gun installed on one of the American armoured cars is nicknamed "Little Miss Painless". Also, a lower ranking officer utters "If it bleeds, we can kill it !"
 * And, of course, the "More Dakka !" command...
 * "SUFFER NOT THE COCKROACH TO LIVE!" Said by Adolf Hitler, no less.
 * Starfish Aliens : Though the Grex are mostly insect- or crustacean-like, their inner biology and more specialized castes created from assimilating other organisms are biologically downright bizarre.
 * Tank Goodness : The early tanks featured in the stories are even more awesome than their real historical counterparts. Justified because of the monstrosities they have to deal with. In addition to cannons and heavy caliber machine guns, British tanks are also equipped with flamethrowers and armoured plows for crushing Grex. The French tanks have not only flamethrowers, but chainsaw-like contraptions for literally cutting through swarms of Grex warriors. And the Germans had flamethrower armoured cars until they reverse-engineered captured British and French tanks.
 * Telepathy:
 * The Ahnold : A machinegun-loving Austro-Hungarian soldier appearing in several chapters. Named, appropriately enough, Ernold.
 * The Mutiny :


 * The Swarm : Guess.
 * Too Dumb to Live / Nice Job Breaking It, Hero : The human armies vastly underestimate the cunningness and intelligence of the Grex in the first weeks of the conflict. They eventually recover from the hard-earned lessons and gradually start innovating their tactics and equipment in order to better respond to the worldwide threat.
 * Turks With Troops : Helping their former Russian enemies at repelling the onslaughts of Grex swarms in the Ural mountains. They dislike the local snow and cold, but are still a Badass Crew.
 * Values Dissonance: And how, with (completely accurate) historical famous people like U.S. president Woodrow Wilson holding extremely racist beliefs. The whole alien invasion thing does wonders for various national and ethnic rivalries issue though once former enemies start realizing they have to unite to win.
 * X Meets Y / Recycled in Space : It's a bit like War Against the Chtorr... BUT SET IN World War One !
 * War Is Hell : To almost literal levels...
 * We Have Reserves : Sadly, this is more true on the Grex side of the war. Humans are starting to suffer shortages of manpower, and "supplies" of fresh soldiers are getting hard to come by, especially in the most infested areas.
 * What Measure Is A Human / What Measure Is a Non-Human? : Invoked a lot by the characters, both Grex and human.
 * World of Badass : What the most Grex-infested frontlines have become, in order for the soldiers to even survive.
 * World War One : The Grex invade Earth in January 1915, at a time where most of the really powerful military tech and gear of the era was only under development and infantry of even the wealthier nations rarely used any helmets on the battlefield. Needless to say, the Alien Invasion stimulates the advances in military technology a lot. The British Admirality's tank project starts advancing considerably, and in less than 3 weeks after the aliens arrived, the first tanks are deployed on the western front alongside British and French troops.
 * You Will Be Assimilated : One of the methods used by the Grex to replenish and innovate their forces.
 * Zerg Rush : The Grex play this horrifically straight, to the extent of destroying their own co-fighters in a whim of an eye, if it can earn them any tactical advantage.