Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer/Quotes

"Re: Fireball's reaction to Rudolph's nose. Okay, so it's a bit unusual to see someone's nose light up. That doesn't explain Fireball's reaction, who acts as if Rudolph's face just peeled off and the skull burst into flames. Was he dropping acid or something? As to Santa having "human foibles", baloney! This is obviously an old, disgruntled Santa, burned out by years of reading whiny letters from Sally Brown and Lucy van Pelt. Nagged to death by a yenta of a wife, he sublimates his rage by ruling his minions with an iron fist, and ejects anyone who disagrees with his idea of perfection. Only when his life is at risk (it's too foggy to fly) does he stoop to asking for the mutant reindeer's help. And now, thanks to the misfit toys, he can get revenge on the screaming pre-pubers, giving them defective toys instead of what they ask for. That's why he's so happy at the end -- "Screw you, kids! Don't try to stand out!" Bitter? Oh, just a tad."

- Guy Propski, about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the Straight Dope Website, 12/13/2000