Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series/Funny

Can we just cut out the middleman and declare this a Crowning Series of Funny?

...No? All right then.

Please list the examples in episodic order.

Episode 1
"Kaiba: (over the phone) I kidnapped your grandpa, Yugi, and then I dueled him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself.
 * Episode 1: Screw the Rules, I Have Money!

Yugi: Wait, who is this?"

"Joey: (after Kaiba ripped Grandpa's Blue Eyes White Dragon) What the heck did you do that for?
 * And also:

Kaiba: So that it could never be used against me.

Yugi: In that case, why not just tear up every card in the whole world?!

Kaiba: Shut up and duel me!"

"Kaiba: I'm here for your Blue Eyes, old man, and I won't take no for an answer. Now give it to me.
 * This one always gets me:

Yugi's Grandpa: No.

Kaiba: (in a bland, monotone voice) Curses. Foiled again."

"Tea: Gather round everyone and I'll mark us with a special sign! (Draws a smiley face on their hands)
 * What? No mention of this bit of gold?

Joey: Hey, Tea, not for nothing, but ain't this permanent marker?

Tea: Oh...whoops...

Joey: What the heck were you carrying that thing around for anyway?

Tea: I'm a kleptomaniac, I stole it from school.

Tristan: Hey, my wallets missing!

Tea: Kaibatookit!"

"Grandpa: Playing a card game has somehow caused me to become severely injured!"
 * This troper thought this was the best line of the whole episode, due to a bit of Take That to the original episodes:


 * "Kaiba, if you truly want to know, then TALK TO THE HAND!!!" (mind crush)

Episode 2
"Grandpa: I just hope this isn't one of those cursed videotapes that are all the rage these days...
 * Episode 2: "You bastard ! You turned him into a mime!"

Pegasus: (on videotape) Seven daaaays.

Grandpa: Oh snap, I knew it!"

"Yugi: Now I will defeat you with the cards I stole- I mean that Joey let me borrow."
 * Yugi looking through Joey's cards, realizing that they're much stronger than his, so he decides to steal them and says to Joey he will 'improve it. Made even funnier when he dueled Pegasus.

"Rex: Hey, Weevil, check it out; my dinosaur's horny. Huhuh. Geddit?"
 * Rex and Weevil's Beavis and Butthead-esque exchanges:

"Yugi: Grandpa... Grandpa!
 * "Let's see how your Grandpa manages... without his soul!" To a non-Yu-Gi-Oh fan, that's so out of nowhere, and the delivery is perfect.

Joey: Hey Yug, down in front!

Tristan: Yeah, we were watching that!"

Episode 3

 * Episode 3: "TORRRRRRRRMEEEEEEEEEEENT!"
 * "Remind me why we're friends again."
 * "Apply the handbreak, ya dumb broad!"
 * "You're here, there's noooothing I fear..."
 * Joey: "Must.. risk.. life.. for cards!"

Episode 4
"Yugi: Sure, Joey, sure. *cue ironside theme*"
 * Episode 4: When Tristan was freaking out about evil rings and hobbits, Tea points out why any of those things would be on the island. Cue shot of Bakura's Millennium ring and little "hobbit" Yugi.
 * The Kill Bill montage, when Joey asks Yugi if he forgave him for stealing a part of his puzzle.


 * "Now quiver in fear, as my knight's mighty lance penetrates your moist cocoon."
 * "What are you, a virgin or something?"
 * Weevil turning into Cornholilo.

Episode 5
"Yami: Yu-Gi-Oh is sponsored by Yugios. They're Yugilicious. Wait a minute, "Yugilicious?" Is that even a word?
 * Episode 5: The "ad" at the beginning.

Yugi: It lets the kids know that they're tasty!

Yami: Yes, but "Yugilicious"? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi, or something?

Yugi: Yami...

Yami: How exactly do you go about testing something like that? I mean... besides the... obvious method...

Yugi: Just. Say. The line. You amateur-

Yami: Fine. Yugios: apparently, they're Yugilicious. Okay, now where's my BEEPing paycheck?"


 * "Hooray, for censorship!" *Cue 4kids logo*

Episode 6
"Mokuba: Stealing makes everything better.
 * Episode 6: Mokuba, (Seto's kid brother) has just stolen Yami/Yugi's star chips.

Yami: No! Wait! Mokuba! You mustn't do this thing! Think! What would your brother say if he could see you right now?

Seto (in Mokuba's imagination): Well done, Mokuba! Now steal something from Joey, too!

Yami: Okay, but what would he say if he wasn't a complete douchebag?"

"Yugi: Did you just throw a harpoon at me?
 * Can't forget this one.

Mako: Um, I didn't want you to leave. And I wasn't sure how else to get your attention.

Yugi: Just ask! Just say "Hey Yugi, could you stay a little longer?" Don't lob a freaking harpoon at me! Seriously. That's like the rudest thing ever Fing Evah!"

"Henchman: (to Kaiba) Don't move a muscle or we'll shoot you with our invisible guns.
 * And this.

Kaiba: (jumps out window) I'm too rich to die!

Henchman: (looks out window) There's no way he could have survived that fall.

Kaiba: (from down the cliff) Actually, I seem to be OK.

Henchman: Nope, he's definitely dead.

Kaiba: You guys are idiots!

Henchman: (answering back) At least we're not dead. Like you."

"Tristan: My voice gives me super strength!
 * Um... Really now?

Kemo: Yes, but my hair gives me the power to defy gravity!"

"Joey: Get bent, you freaky fish guy!
 * And don't forget:

Mako: I am not a freaky fish guy!

Yugi, Joey, and Tristan: (sing-song) Mako's a freaky fish guy!"

"Mokuba: What's wrong, Seto?
 * In a flashback, Mokuba is talking to Seto:

Seto: They wrote my character out of the show."

"Seto: Just look at Bakura.
 * And shortly afterwards:

Mokuba: Who the heck is Bakura?

Seto: Precisely."

"Seto: Now, I'm going to hide in some disclosed location. You stay here and guard my multimillion dollar company while I'm gone. Kay, thanks.
 * Then right after that:

Mokuba: But, Seto! What if an evil group tries to take over while you're missing?

Seto: Oh, come on, Mokuba. What are the odds of that happening?

(cut to scene of Pegasus)

Pegasus: So, let me get this straight, gentlemen. Now that Kaiba boy has gone missing, your evil group wishes to seize control of his company?

Group of men: That is correct.

Mokuba: I f**king knew it!"

Episode 7
"Tristan: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant! And you're the father!
 * Episode 7's opening had this troper rolling for a good five minutes.:

Yami: Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen?"

"Téa: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Bakura's the-
 * Before that:

Yugi: No BEEPing way.

Téa: Okay, I lied about that one."

"Yami: Does anyone believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost?
 * From the same episode:

Tristan: I do!

Yami: Anyone besides Tristan?

(pause)

Tristan: I do!"

"Tristan: That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants!"
 * At the end:

"Yami: Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all! You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently."
 * What about:

"Yami: If you're a ghost then I'm straight."
 * Or


 * Just Kaiba: The Kaiba Cave, his 1337 h4xxorz 5kI11z, the Blue Screen of Death...

Episode 8
"Bakura: This is my favorite card!
 * Episode 8: The gang and (secretly evil) Bakura are each showing their favorite card.

(Holds up card of Sephiroth while Ominous Latin Chanting plays in the background.)

Bakura: Oops, wrong one!"

"Bakura: There's something else I need to tell you. (Millennium Ring activates, changing from Good!Bakura into Evil!Bakura) You're a bunch of idiots.
 * Also from Episode 8:

Yugi: This came completely out of nowhere!

Bakura: (traps the others in cards) That's what you get for hogging all of my screen time, you little bitch."

"Joey: Wait! Don't run with those scissors!
 * And lest we forget...

Tristan's Voice: You're not the boss of me! *smack* Ouch!

Joey: Oh no, he's dead."

"Tristan: Hey, Joey! I'm back to watch your card game!
 * Tristan has run off on Joey's duel, but returns:

Joey: Hey Tristan! I don't care!"

Episode 9
"Bakura: (possessing a card) I've taken control of this woman's body in order to save you guys. And I don't mind telling you it feels bloody great!
 * Episode 9:

Evil!Bakura: By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!"

"Bakura: I shall be a main character! Even if it takes me another two hundred bloody episodes."
 * Later on ...


 * The Zorc and Pals opening. "Who's that crazy kook destroying the world? It's Zorc - that's me! - Zorc and Pals." And the ending: "The blood of the innocent will flow without end, his name is Zorc and he's destroying the world." (Just see for yourself!
 * The entire "Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh!" opening sequence, complete with terrible subtitles.

Episode 10
""The card game's thesis/will soon be set in defense mode/with surging hot life-points/if you activate a trap card/Embracing the Swords of Revealing Light/young boy, play some card games""
 * Episode 10, where it cuts to a parody of the Neon Genesis Evangelion opening sequence complete with Gag Subs for the theme song:

"Joey: Geez, this is a lousy episode. It reminds me of our spinoff show, Yu-Gi-Oh DMX.
 * "I cast Magic Missile at the darkness!"
 * Don't forget what Joey said about the episode:

Cue Yu-Gi-Oh GX opening with DMX's "X Gonna Give It To Ya".

Joey: Honestly, who would want to watch a bunch of rap artists playing card games?

Tristan: Hey, I like that show.

Joey: Touch me again, Tristan, and you're going home in a body bag."

"Yami: Bullying is just wrong. Destroying people's brains with magical powers is A-OK!"
 * And then there's this quote...

"Yami: With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Dragon Champion toward your castle, shattering its flotation ring thereby causing it to collapse on top of your monsters!
 * This troper would like to add the Shaft references to the list.
 * Let's not forget that Episode 10 is The One With New Rules As the Plot Demands.

Bakura: This card game is a load of bollocks!"

"Mai: Could I have my star chips back now?
 * At the end:

Yami: Only if you beg me. C'mon, get on your knees.

Mai: You're kidding, right?

Yami: Did I stutter or something? Bark like a dog, woman!"

Episode 11
"Bakura: You blokes are a bunch of wankers."
 * Episode 11: When Bakura is introduced as a new student from Britain, a generic student shouts, "Go back to Russia!"

"Bakura: Oh, that's just my gaydar. My father had it installed in my Millennium Ring in order to protect me, because I look so bloody effeminate!
 * When Yugi notes that Bakura's Millennium Ring has begun pointing:

Yugi: I wonder why it's pointing towards Pegasus' castle...

Bakura: Bugger if I know.

[cut to Pegasus]

Pegasus: This tournament is simply FABULOUS! Ooh! Let's celebrate by watching the Spice Girls movie!

Croquet: Oh, not again..."

"Pegasus: Ooo-oo-ooh! I can sense you, Kaiba boy! And when you get here...I'm going to spice up your life. [Cut to credits as "Wannabe" plays]"
 * And at the end of the episode:

"Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have green hair!"
 * The one, the only:

""You don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. Camp... but ruthless!"
 * After Kaiba defeats Joey:

"Bakura: (voiceover) I was watching you play card games with your mates, when my Millennium Ring started pointing towards your Millennium Puzzle! I can't imagine why.
 * In Bakura's Flashback:

Yami: This Millennium Puzzle is simply FABULOUS!"

"[i think adult swim is gonna sue somebody]"
 * At the end of each installment, LK parodies Adult Swim's black screen and bold white text between commercial breaks, and lampshades the similarity.

Episode 12
"Bakura: Tell my fangirls... I love them..."
 * Episode 12 has two in one scene: The Katamari Damacy parody, and "My voice gives me Super Strength!"
 * *POP* "Holy $^&% it really does!"
 * Also, "I think Bakura's scarred for life again."


 * Thriller. That is all.
 * "Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand."
 * "These sunglasses sure make it hard to see in the dark. But I refuse to take them off, because I'm an American. And Americans always wear sunglasses."
 * "And now it's time for my favorite Shakespeare quote. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him. In America."
 * "Hello, did you enjoy watching me take a whiz?"

Episode 13
"Yugi: Hang on a second, are we rhyming too?
 * Episode 13: This dialogue:

Joey: Don't ask me, I ain't got a clue.

Yugi: This is like something out of Dr. Seuss.

Tea: I can't stop staring at Yugi's caboose.

Bakura: Everyone seems to have gone all rhymey.

Tristan: Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!"

"Joey: Let this be a lesson to ya Yug. Never, under any circumstances, leave your beaver exposed.
 * This gem of a Double Entendre conversation after Yugi's Beaver Warrior is destroyed:

Yugi: You're right Joey. My beaver was on full display. Next time I'll take better care of my beaver.

Tea: I didn't know Yugi had a beaver."

"Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba. Mommy and Daddy are talking."
 * How could we forget this?

"Pegasus: I turned Mokuba into a monster card. And he doesn't have any attack or defense points.
 * And also:

Kaiba: You sick bastard! That makes him even more worthless than Kuriboh. Please, I'll do anything. Just don't release that card into the general public."

"Bakura: Oh my, I wonder if those are the gay people?"
 * We can't forget the Paradox Brothers' famous spinning martial arts entrance... to the tune of YMCA.

"Para: It appears that we have run out of luck!
 * And this Curse Cut Short:

Dox: It's just a card game! Who gives a fu-"

"Para: We are villains who like to rhyme.
 * Honestly, no mention of this yet?

Dox: In fact we do it all the time.

Para: You may think it's rather crass.

Dox: But you can stick your cards right up your nose.

Para: You were supposed to say 'ass', brother. I thought we rehearsed this."

"Soundtrack: Everyone loves Magical Trevor cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever...
 * The Mystic Box scene:

Para: You have tricked us with your magic box!

Dox: We invite you to suck on our c-

Bakura: Cor blimey, that was a smashing maneuver! Good show, chaps!

Tristan: Stop being so British!"

"Para: Against our Gate Guardian, you stand no chance.
 * Para and Dox summon their Gate Guardian:

Dox: I'm not wearing any underpants.

Para: Is that true brother, or are you just rhyming?

Dox: I didn't want to throw off our timing. (Beat) But it is true."

Episode 14
"Yami: Yeah, well at least I'm not adopted!
 * Episode 14 has at least three:

Kaiba: ...what did you just say?

Yami: Sorry, did I touch a nerve? Why don't you run home and cry to mummy? Oh, that's right! You don't have one!

Kaiba: Yugi! I respect you as a duelist, but if you continue to act like a petulant child, then--

Yami: Hey, everyone! Look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba! I have a dragon fetish and I sound like Brock from Pokemon! Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!"

Kaiba: That's it, Muto, you're (bleep)ing dead!"

"Yami: I activate Asexual Reproduction! Prepare to be completely smothered by my giant hairy balls!"
 * And when Yami uses a card to create an army of Kuribohs:

"Kaiba: How the hell did you do that?
 * Additionally:

Yami: It's called cheating. Deal with it!"

"Yami: Kaiba must die!
 * When Kaiba threatens to kill himself:

Joey: Yugi's going to kill Kaiba. This is awesome!"

"Yami: Oh no. Whatever would we do without you."
 * And of course:

"Yugi: But what would Grandpa say?
 * And:

Grandpa: Yugi... kill that son of a bitch!"

"Yami: Oh, poopie!
 * After Kaiba used Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon:

Joey: Get up on the hydra's back, Yug!"

"Tea: And then we got married and had two beautiful children.
 * "I'm here for my ballet classes. I should warn you, I look damn good in a tutu!" What has been thought can't be unthought.
 * After Tea's flashback -

Yugi: I'm pretty sure I don't remember that. Hey, Tea, do you still have that waitress uniform-?

Tristan: Hey! Stop developing your characters, we've got card games to play!"

"Yami Yugi: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just a card game.
 * I dunno, but the kidnapping montage was pretty funny.
 * The following:

Kaiba: (about to jump off a castle battlement) Card games are Serious Business!"

Episode 15
"Kaiba: Now it's time for the ultimate cartoon showdown - Japanese cartoon animation versus American cartoon animation!
 * Episode 15:

Bandit Keith: Hey! you can't use that word! It belongs to America! Only Americans are allowed to-

Kaiba: Shut the f-*beep*-k up!

Bandit Keith: * Quietly* ......."

"Tea: Look! It's Skankety Slut-Slut!"
 * Poor Mai.

"Mai: Pegasus' castle. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
 * It's been almost 5 years, and yet this troper still cracks up at the Star Wars opening with "Card Games" replacing the title.
 * And while on the Star Wars subject, Mai channeling Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Kemo: Attention duelists! You are not duelists! May I please see your identification?

Tea: Me love you long time?

Mai: You don't need to see their identification.

Kemo: I don't need to see your identification.

Mai: These are not the breasts you're looking for.

Kemo: These are not the breasts I'm looking for.

Mai: Move along.

Kemo: My hair is in love!

Mai: (smacking him with her purse) Rejected!

Kemo: WAIT! My hair wants to marry you (runs into the door) OW! My hair!"

Episode 16
"Bandit Keith: Now, time for a little Bandit Keith fanservice! In America!"
 * Episode 16: Pegasus and his hooded cultists chanting "Hooked on a Feeling".
 * Bandit Keith jumping on the "Fanservice!" wagon.

"Tristan: Hey look, a rope! We can hang Bakura with this! Then we'll have a corpse!
 * He's single, ladies!
 * (Arrow points to Bakura staring blankly whilst Tea and Tristan talk): Bored out of his mind.
 * Tristan finds a rope:

Bakura: That never happened in the Goonies!

Tristan: Well it should have!"

"Yugi: Gramps, are you okay?
 * The line "This room is for main characters only!" always gets this troper cracking up.
 * This exchange:

Grandpa: Of course I'm not okay! You put me in a home!

Yugi: What? No I didn't.

Grandpa: Yes you did! You couldn't stand the sight of me anymore, so you had me sent away! I swear, kids these days! They have no respect for their elders!

Yugi: Grandpa, you're not in a home. You've been kidnapped.

Grandpa: What?

Yugi: Pegasus put your soul into a card, and now he's forcing me to duel him in a tournament to rescue you.

Grandpa: What?

Yugi: Grandpa, is your hearing aid switched on?

Grandpa: What? Just a second, I think my hearing aid isn't switched on.

Yugi: Urg! (punches ground) And now my hand is broken."

"Bakura: Now it's time for some Bakura fanservice! (screen goes black) Oh bugger! It's the credits!"
 * The last scene:

Episode 17
"Announcer: Mai Valentine is a seasoned competitor with a long list of victories. Let's take a look at her dueling history. First she faced Joey Wheeler... And lost. Then she went up against Panik... And lost. Her last match before entering the finals was against Tea Gardner, which, of course, she must have won... Oh, my mistake, she surrendered. I think I speak for everyone when I ask: What's wrong with this picture?
 * Episode 17:

Bandit Keith: I pledge allegiance to your death!

Bandit Keith: (falling off cliff) AHHHHHHHHHHHH.........in America! (splash)"

"Joey: Alright Yugi, I'm gonna give it my all, and try my best against you!
 * Yugi and Joey's duel is brilliant:

Ýami: Like hell!

Joey: Nyeh?

Ýami: Face it Joey, you're a terrible duelist! You've only gotten this far because I've been telling you what to do! I mean, you've got Baby Dragon in your deck! Baby-freaking-Dragon! I bet you don't even remember why you entered this tournament in the first place!

Joey: Sure I do! Because uh... you told me... to?

Yami: It was your sister, you silly little man! She needs an operation!

Joey: Why, is she sick?

Yami: No, but you will be. Mind Crush!"

Episode 18
"Yami: I summon LittleKuriboh impostors!
 * Episode 18:

Pegasus: No! There are so many of them! I can't tell which one is the original!

Yami: Which means you'll never be able to watch the abridged series ever again!

Pegasus: No! I can't live without Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series! It's so important to me!

Yami: Don't worry, Pegasus, there's always Naruto the Abridged Series. But as everyone knows, that's just not as good!

Pegasus: Oh, NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Yami: Couldn't I just Mind Crush him?
 * There's also...

Yugi: You can't fix all your problems by Mind Crushing people!

Yami: Oh, come on, just one little Mind Crush, it'll barely hurt him.

Yugi: No! Bad Pharaoh! No Mind Crush!"

"Tristan: My voice gives me kung-fu!"
 * "It's like HP Lovecraft, only gay!"


 * Guard: (clanking sound is heard) "Did I hear something just now? Nah, must have been the wind." (clanking sound gets louder) "Yeah, that's definitely the sound that wind makes."

Episode 19
"[As an unconscious Pegasus is carried past by a guard]
 * Episode 19:

Tristan: He died as he lived: draped in the arms of another man."

"Pegasus: We fell in love instantly and decided to get married. Then when we were standing at the altar, something very unexpected happened. You exploded... Yeah, that was kinda weird."
 * And in the flashback:

"Pegasus: At long last I was reunited with you, my love. I thought my dreams had finally come true. But then, you exploded. Again. You really need to stop doing that."
 * And later in the episode...

"Pegasus: You took out the wrong eyeball, you fool!"
 * When Bakura defeats Pegasus... with ANCIENT EGYPTIAN LASER BEAMS!

"Yami: By the way, have you ever seen Labyrinth?
 * Any moment with Shadi, especially when he's in Yugi's head...

Shadi: No. Why?

Yami: No reason.

(cue David Bowie as Shadi stumbles through the maze)"


 * "Screw my sister, I have money!"

Episode 20
"Rebecca: I'm looking for Solomon Muto!
 * Episode 20:

Yugi: Who the hell is Solomon Muto?

Tea: Yugi, that's your grandpa.

Yugi: He has a NAME?!"

"Tea: Shut up. Yugi's grandpa would never lie. He's the wisest man I've ever met.
 * Grandpa's "wisdom".

Grandpa: Where am I? What day is it? I like pudding."

"Grandpa: We met in Egypt, where we bonded over our mutual hatred of young people. There, Arthur shared some very radical theories with me.
 * Grandpa explaining how he and Arthur became friends:

Arthur: I believe that the Ancient Egyptians used to play Yu-Gi-Oh cards in their spare time.

Grandpa: Nonsense! Next you'll be telling me that the Romans played Pokémon!

Arthur: But it's true! See how this card barely resembles these hieroglyphs!

Grandpa: My god, you're right! This could be the archaeological discovery of a lifetime... somehow."

"Arthur: Let's play a game of Duel Monsters to decide who gets to live.
 * And later:

Grandpa: That's the sickest thing I've ever heard of. Let's do it!"


 * Rebecca's evil teddy bear. Especially the lines "Your mother plays card games in hell!" and "Touch me and DIE, unclean one!"

Episode 21
"Kaiba: (being chained up) What the hell is the point of this scene?
 * Episode 21:

The Witty Phantom: It gives the fangirls a chance to see you in chains."

"Edena: Hello, I'm Princess Edena.
 * "Hey, this fairy is really annoying! Let's kill it!"
 * The group's reaction to Princess Edena, a gender flipped version of Mokuba:

Joey: This is just wrong.

Mokuba: I've never been more traumatized in my entire life. Why would my brother create something so twisted?

Joey: Now do you see why we hate him so much?

Edena: Welcome to the land of Simlau. Every year my people are beset by a terrible evil. A mythic dragon descends from on high to devour the--

Yugi: Question.

Edena: Um, yes?

Yugi: Just what the hell are you anyway? Are you a boy or a girl?

Joey: Maybe it's a she-male. You know, like Bakura.

Mokuba: Whatever it is, it's going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

Edena: Excuse me, brave heroes, but I'm trying to tell you about the suffering of my people.

Yugi: I think it's pretty obvious why your people are suffering: their ruler is a transvestite.

Edena: The only way to defeat the mythical dragon is to resurrect the ancient flying machine that would--

Yugi: Why weren't you censored anyway? Guns are bad but cross-dressing princesses are A-OK?"

"Joey: Bye, darling!
 * Also, as they're going into the virtual world:

Tristan: Ixnay on the arlingday..."

Episode 22
"Tea: Joey, no! We mustn't let Tristan breed!"
 * Episode 22: Joey tries to tell Tristan about the birds and the bees.

"Duke: We'll play Dungeon Dice Monsters, a game of my own creation. We each take it in turns to draw dice.
 * "They say he's the sexiest thing since sex." "Eh, sex isn't that sexy."
 * Yes yes work it baby! Grandpa likes it like that! Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
 * "Cheap parlour tricks are very exciting!"
 * "Why hasn't anyone noticed I'm not wearing a school uniform?"
 * "How dare you expect Joey to uphold his end of the bargain!"
 * Yami vs. Duke Devlin.

Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.

Duke: Then we use those dice to summon holographic monsters to the field.

Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.

Duke: Both opponents are given three Heart Points, and when they run out, the game is-

Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.

Duke: Hey, stop it! My game is nothing like Duel Monsters!

Yami: Prove it then!

(Pause)

Duke: My game uses dice.

Tristan: Burn the witch!"

"Duke: [Pegasus] was incredible! It was like he'd played Dungeon Dice Monsters his whole life!
 * Then later, as the battle is underway:

Yami: That's probably because he had! Your game is exactly like Duel Monsters!"

"Duke: If I win you must swear on the life of your grandfather that you'll never play card games ever again!
 * The following conversation between Yami and Duke:

Yami: Big deal, he'll be dead by the end of the month."

"Duke (with Sexy Back playing): I owe you guys an apology. I treated you all like crap. Do you think we can still be friends in season two?
 * This scene always has been laughing my ass off:

Yugi: Only if you stop using that annoying theme music.

Duke (Sexy Back still playing): What theme music?"

Episode 23

 * Episode 23: "Super special awesome plot twist!"

Episode 24
"Kaiba: Are you trying to tell me that Yugi and I are destined to play card games with each other for eternity?
 * Episode 24 has Kaiba saying at one point..."Hey that guy looks just like me! And he has a Blue Eyes, just like me! And he's an asshole, just like me!"
 * "OH MY GOD, A GIANT ROCK!"
 * "IT'S A ROCK AND IT'S GIANT!"
 * "OH MY GOD, ANOTHER GIANT ROCK!"
 * From the same episode:

Ishizu: Yes.

Kaiba: Best. Destiny. Ever."

"Mokuba: Hey, big brother, can I watch SpongeBob?
 * "These are ancient Egyptian spoiler tags!"

Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba, I'm busy flagging YouTube videos to compensate for the fact that I have a extremely small penis.

Mokuba: Oh... I like Patrick."

"Kaiba: Can we stop talking like this? I'm getting dizzy."
 * The camera is swivelling around whilst Ishizu and Kaiba are talking:

Episode 25
"Yugi: Okay, Pharaoh, you can thank me later. And remember, no hickeys! (switches to Yami)
 * Episode 25: Yami's Cluster F-Bomb. To wit:

Yami: Huh? YUGI, YOU LITTLE (BEEP)! YOU SON OF A F(BEEP)ING (BEEP) (BEEP BEEP BEEP)! I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR (BEEP) AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP) AND THEN (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) ON YOUR (BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) WITH (BEEPBEEPBEEP) IN THE (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) AND (BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP) YOUR (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO (BEEP) SIDEWAYS! (BEEP) (He finally notices Tea staring at him.) Hm? Hi there."

"Yami: "Hey Tea, who do you think of-"
 * Yami tries to explain to Johnny Steps why he shouldn't go on a date with Tea: "Trust me, Johnny, you don't want that! She'll sing Disney songs and birds will randomly attack you!"
 * "Oh no, Johnny Steps is losing! And that's me!"
 * Yami's erm... duel with a milkshake. "Man I hate milkshakes. Die, milkshake, die. That's right milkshake you have been defeated! Now you go to milkshake prison!"
 * "Brainwashing people is fun!"
 * Tea: "This is a dream come true! I can't believe I'm on a date with the Pharaoh. I've got the play it cool. That means no friendship speeches. No matter how tempting it is I mustn't do a friendship speech. I mustn't!"

Tea: "Friendship is the best thing ever! Don't you agree?" *inwardly* "Dammit!"

Yami: "Sure, why not.""

"Bystander 1: Oh my god, he's attacking her!
 * Téa is being attacked by Johnny Steps:

Bystander 2: Let's just stand here and watch!"

""F*cking birds!
 * This song, set to the "Something There" song from Disney's Beauty and The Beast.

This date is lame,

It's such a bore

I'd rather be home playing card games more and more!

If you ask me,

Téa's a whore

But thats nothing new, she was like that before""

Episode 26
"Baby Pharaoh: (speaking in adult Pharaoh voice) Wah! Wah! Baby Pharaoh wants milk! Somebody fetch me a nipple!"
 * The flashback in Episode 26:

"Yami: You're just BLEEPing with me, aren't you?
 * He says the exact same thing as an adult in the next flashback.

Ishizu: Indeed I am."


 * Kaiba: *leaning out the helicopter and holding a finger in the air* Don't forget to register and pick up your duel disks, because in exactly one week from to-" *propeller chops off his finger* "DAAAAUUUGH! My finger! It came clean off!
 * Kaiba: I summon Boar Soldier! Hitosu-Me Giant! Maha Vailo! And... some kind of zebra-unicorn thing. Seriously, what the hell is that!? Whatever it is, I'll be seeing it in my nightmares.

Episode 27
"Joey: Does it say anything about me on your magic computer box thing?
 * Joey getting Rick Roll'd in episode 27. That is all.

Shopkeeper: Let's see...

Rick Astley: ''Never gonna give you up/Never gonna let you down...

Joey: That bastard Kaiba Rickrolled me!"


 * In the same episode there's also the Item Get parody where Joey "nyehs" the "treasure chest opening" musical cue from the Zelda games, then the "item discovered" sound cue is heard as he holds the Duel Disk over his head. "Looks like Joey found a Duel Disk!"
 * "I claim this card in the name of Mars! Isn't that lovely?"

Episode 28
"Grandpa: While I'm out here sweeping the floor, Yugi's inside talking to his imaginary boyfriend."
 * Episode 28:

"Tristan: I'm sorry, Serenity can't come to the phone right now as she's about to be deflowered."
 * And later...


 * Does Mako Tsunami have to choke a bitch?

Episode 29
"Young Kaiba: You guys call yourselves bullies? He's not even bleeding! You're all fired, I want you out of this orphanage by tomorrow morning. You make me sick."
 * Episode 29:

Episode 30
"Arkana: Here's an old saying among high rollers and card sharks: "Always trust your opponent, but only after you've cut their deck".
 * Episode 30: Yugi and Marik recite the entire opening cutscene from Castlevania Symphony of the Night.
 * When Yami and Arkana are preparing for their duel:

Yami: Oh yeah, here's another saying: "Go F yourself, Arkana"."


 * "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with gay clown!"
 * "No! Help! Save me from the completely harmless dark disc!"

Episode 31
"Marik: Now be gone Mr. Tweetums, I'm trying to stalk my nemesis."
 * Two Moments in episode 31...

"Tristan: Yeah, I can break necks with my mind!"
 * And...

"Grandpa: Jeff Goldblum? He's one of the most powerful cards in all of duel monsters."
 * A third moment:

Episode 32

 * Episode 32: The redub of Star Trek the Next Generation at the beginning.

Episode 33
"Marik: My name is Marik Ishtar.
 * Episode 33:
 * Marik meeting Bakura for the first time:

Florence: I don't care.

Marik: Well that was kinda insensitive! No wonder you're so lonely!"

"Yami Bakura Florence: Face it, you're about as manly as a Square Enix character. Shall I call you Captain Basch from Dalmasca?"
 * Later:

"Random Kid: Hey dad, I wanna see the freaky fish guy make the whale jump over a rock like in Free Willy *gets hit with a harpoon* Gaaaaaaah!!!
 * And another in Harpoonshipping.

Joey: Mako!

Mako What? That could have been anybody's harpoon!"

Episode 34
"Umbra: Secretly unbeknownst to them, Steve, we are flipping them off below our cloaks!
 * Episode 34- "Man, look at the size of that nose! It's like the animators just didn't care!"
 * The two Lunar Steves are spying on Kaiba and Yugi:

Lumis: Yeah man! I'm doing it with both hands!"

"Mokuba: I can't believe I've gone almost an entire season without being kidnapped! Wait 'til Seto hears about this!
 * This one:

Steves: Surprise!

Mokuba: Oh, me and my big adorable mouth!"

Episode 35
"Yugi: Losing a children's card game has caused me to have an existential crisis!
 * Episode 35 - the recap episode, and it's pretty much non-stop funny.
 * "Epic Pouting Manoeuvre" struck me as the best line.
 * I'm the goddamn Kaibaman.
 * "Oohohohooh! If I weren't so very Camp I'd probably make a credible villain!"
 * "--YUGI! If you don't let me win this duel, I'll kill myself!!" (deadpan) "Oh no, that would be terrible, whatever would we do without you."
 * The Clip Show:

Tea: I have prepared a friendship speech for such an occasion!

Yugi: NevermindI'mallbetternow."

Episode 36
"Kaiba: Come on, lets land on him. It would be funny."
 * Episode 36 - Joey and Yugi singing one of the lame songs from Music To Duel By at the end.
 * Don't forget the beginning, where Kaiba and Yugi and riding in a helicopter to rescue Joey:

"Marik: Oh, what the (EFF) is this bullcrap?! I wanted to duel the Pharaoh, not this little dickweed! This gives me effeminate fury!"
 * Also the "friendship" drinking game and little counter in the corner.


 * "And as Yugi filled his pants with urine..."
 * Tristan's Shout Out to Pulp Fiction.
 * "Ow, that barely hurt!"
 * For all the Smarks out there, Sheiky Baby's brief voiceover at the end was pure gold.

Episode 37
"Florence: Pyramid Head, stop humping Nemesis! I knew I should've had him neutered."
 * Episode 37 is dedicated to Yami Bakura Florence. From the opening segment of Zorc & Pals to the end, it was hilarious. But the clincher was at the end (Florence had summoned Pyramid Head and Zombie Boy had summoned Nemesis. The two monsters didn't exactly "duel".

"Marik: Bakura... I command you to rise and shine, sleepyhead!
 * Marik visiting a sleeping Yami Bakura Florence:

Yami Bakura Florence: Oh, great...now the fangirls have started invading my dreams, too...

Marik: What?! It's me, you fool! Do I look like a (EFF)ing fangirl?!

Yami Bakura Florence: You really don't want me to answer that."

"Yami Bakura Florence: Why don't you go buy yourself some more spray-on tan?
 * Their exchange later in that same scene:

Marik: HEY (EFF) YOU! This tan is 100% genuine!"

"Bakura: "You sound nervous. Is it the accent? Do you want to know how I got it? My father was a drinker; one night he went a little crazier than usual, so my mummy got the teapot to defend herself. He didn't like that, so he pours boiling hot tea all over her. Then he comes at me with a teapot and asks 'Why so British?'.""
 * We cannot forget Yami Bakura's Dark Knight shoutout, can we?

Episode 38
"Mai Valentine: My breasts are not fake!
 * The Running Gag of Episode 38.

Everybody Else Except Tristan: Riiiiiight.

Tristan: I don't believe you!"

"Mai Valentine: It finally happened! I killed a man with my breasts!"
 * And another couple from 38:

"Jean-Claude Magnum: If you won't marry me, then I'm going to kidnap you instead, since that appears to be the default response to anything on this show!
 * After her breasts make a squeaky toy sound after landing on Joey.

Yami: Why is everybody in this guy's Deck a @#!*% ninja?

Naruto: Why is everyone on this show a @#!*% duelist?"

Episode 39
"Hans: Do not disrespect ze Fuhrer or we shall be forced to shoot you in ze kneecaps!
 * Episode 39 - This troper just can't get enough of Kaiba's two German bodyguards Gruber and Hans

Gruber: HEIL KAIBA!

Kaiba: You guys might want to tone it down a notch.

Hans and Gruber: Ja, mein Fuhrer!"

"Marik: Odion! You're the master and being bland and uninteresting! How do you do it?
 * Marik asking Odion for advice on how to be bland and uninteresting:

Odion: I don't know, normally I just stand here and say "Yes, Master Marik!"

Marik: By god, that is all you do!"

"Yugi: Wow, I bet you could grate cheese on those abs!
 * Yugi talking to Marik:

Marik: Yes, but the smell tends to linger somewhat."

"Ishizu: Sorry I'm late, I was busy predicting the future.
 * "Hahahaha! Soon I shall destroy you all!"
 * "Over-the-top anime reaction!"
 * Ishizu showing up late had this troper in stitches for hours:

Hans: Then why couldn't you predict that you were going to be late!?

Ishizu: Because shut up."

Episode 40
"Bakura: The Ouija board is about to spell out a name so evil, so foul, that they had to censor it twice to get it past standards. Now it just says FINAL.
 * Episode 40 has a few good ones (the nod to LK's AnimeNEXT cameo, Takahata101 guest starring a week after Dragon Ball Abridged finished the Saiyan Saga), but this troper cracked up at the Destiny Board message jab:

Yami: What did it say before?

Bakura: DISNEY."

"Or the poke at Naruto the Abridged Series.
 * Possibly one of the censors could count

Bakura: With this in play I can communicate with the dead.

Yami: What are you going to do, ask the Naruto Abridged fanbase to come kick my butt?


 * Rimshot*

Yugi: They had a fanbase?

Yami: Touché."

"Bakura: How come you're always making that stupid 'Nyeh' sound?
 * Also the beginning:

Joey: Nyeh? What stupid nyeh sound?

Bakura: The one you just made.

Joey: Nyeh? What are you talking about, nyeh?

Bakura: You're doing it right now.

Joey: I don't get it. What noise? Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... (over Bakura's next line)

Bakura: The one that's coming out of your mouth at this very moment!

Joey: But I can't hear anything. Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeh...."


 * "IGNORE ME!"

Episode 41
"Tristan: Duke, no matter what happens, I want you to know one thing. In another few hours, the sun will rise!
 * What about episode 41? That episode had quite a few:
 * Zach and Cody: "Make him disappear!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!". Also, "Oh, faithful trading cards! You're the only real friends I have. Except for you Berfomet, you're kind of an asshole. What's that, Dark Magician Girl? You wanna make out?" Finally, Pegasus asking Shadi why he took him to the Tomb of the Pharaoh if he knew it could break the fourth wall, and Shadi says "I am - how you say - kind of a dick."
 * And the moment that doubles as a continuity nod: as Tristan and Duke "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" Devlin are hanging off a blimp...

Duke: What the f*ck does that mean?!

Tristan: [Crying] I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S TRUE!!!"

"Croquet: Yeah...everyone involved in the production of the Egyptian God Cards was killed.
 * This scene:

Pegasus: What? Even Chad from accounting?

[Cut to man being thrown out of skyscraper window]

Croquet: Especially Chad from accounting."

"Tristan: Hey, I can see my house from here! Hi Mum, hi Dad!
 * Duke and Tristan are still hanging off the blimp:

Tristan's parents, who sound exactly the same as him: Hey, Tristan!"

"Tristan: I have a fairy godmother!
 * Shadi rescues Duke and Tristan:

Duke: Is she a milf?

Tristan: She looks kinda like Piccolo.

Duke: Yah, that's a milf."


 * "Dirty hands! Dirty dirty hands!"
 * "This song is terrible! Don't you have any ABBA?"

Episode 42
"Marik: Ancient Egyptian basketball sure is fun, Odion! * Gets bitten by a snake* Ahh! I just wish it didn't involve so many poisonous snakes!"
 * The entirety of 42 was pure comedic gold.
 * Kaiba's '+ 100 dead puppies', and '+ 9001 dead puppies' captions. As well as 'Egyptian Basketball'.

"Odion: I can only hope you're proud of me [mother].
 * The Moment Killer into the Oh Crap when Odion gets hit by lightning.

Marik: She's not even your real mom, douche bag!

(Odion gets hit by lightning. The Millennium Rod shatters. Brain Damage by Pink Floyd starts.)

Pharaoh: By the gods! The Millennium Rod is made of delicious cheese!

(A vision of a young Marik is being taken away as present-day Marik looks on.)

Young!Marik: Help me! Odion!

Odion: (slowly collapsing) Forgive me, master Marik. I tried. I tried--

(Odion faceplants, and the music cuts off)

Odion: Ow, my face.

Marik: (wide-eyed) Ohhhhhh (EFF)..."

"Marik Melvin: Remember Team Four Star?
 * And how could we overlook the new villain?:

Yami: Yeah, they got suspended. So what?

Marik Melvin: That. Was. Me!

(The rest of the cast gives shocked looks, except for Kaiba, who is smiling, with a caption reading .)"

"Veronica: Odion, your father does love you. He's just under a lot of stress at the moment with the redecorating.
 * Marik screaming as he is dragged away for the tombkeeper initiation- while music from Beverly Hills Chihuahua plays.
 * "Man, even in my own flashbacks I'm a minor character!"
 * "I'm going to go hold this baby up to the moon! I'm-a pretty sure thaeyt's one of our ancient traditions!"
 * "Oh my god! Who's Team Four Star?!"
 * Veronica talking to Odion:

Hank: Hey Veronica! What do you think of burgundy for the sacrificial chamber?

Veronica: Sounds good, dear.

Hank: You don't even know what burgundy is, do you Veronica?!"

Episode 43
"Joey: Hey Kaiba, since Marik entered the tournament under a fake name shouldn't he be disqualified?
 * Episode 43:

Kaiba: The only person who should be disqualified around here is whoever made Tristan black in this shot.

Tristan: Don't you be hatin' on mah blackface, playah!"

"Joey: How bad is it, Dr. Feelgood?
 * Tea: I am so angry, I could walk away like a pimp!
 * "Fo shizzah ma nizza! Ma brizzas be off the hizza!"
 * "Now, using my Millenium Rod, which I keep clenched between my buttocks..."
 * "Oh no! I'm late for a children's card game! Somehow this prevents me from simply lowering the knife and stabbing him! Punctuality! My Achilles Heel!"
 * The entire opening to episode 43.

Dr. Feelgood: He was struck by lightning. In the head. It's not looking good.

Tea: We have to help him!

Dr. Feelgood: Medical science is already doing everything it can...

Tea: Screw medical science, I'm talking about friendship!

Dr. Feelgood: I-I beg your pardon?

Tea: Friendship is the only cure for a lightning bolt to the face!

Yami: That's right! Joey was struck by lightning and now thanks to friendship, he's okay!

Joey: Yup! My brain am thinking good with stuff!

Dr. Feelgood: Look, friendship isn't going to cure this man.

Tea: Silence, non-believer! Go back to your leeches and your potions! The power of friendship and Tristan's beautiful singing voice will heal him!

Dr. Feelgood: You guys are morons. Have fun staring at a guy in a coma.

Tristan: (singing) Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend..."

"Mai: I use Amazon Chainmaster's special effect to take one card from your deck! And the card I choose is Mega Ultra Chicken!
 * And then Kaiba's reaction to Mai getting a hold of The Winged Dragon of Ra Mega Ultra Chicken:

Melvin: What?!

Kaiba: Summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit

Mai: And now, I'm going to summon it!

Kaiba: Finally! Geez!"

Episode 44
"Kaiba: It looks like the rules--(pulls out a pair of sunglasses)--just got screwed!
 * The scene in episode 44 with the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From The Future.
 * Also, the CSI Miami Riff in the same episode:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Kaiba F(BEEB) DESTINY! I AM SETO KAIBA! I MAKE MY OWN FATE!
 * Why don't we just say the entire scene where Kaiba kicks Ishizu's ass at a children's card game is both hilarious and possibly the abriged series' best Crowning Moment of Awesome. Which makes it more hilarious because of how insane Kaiba goes.

Ishizu: How can this be, why would you do this?

Kaiba: BECAUSE A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE TOLD ME TO!

Ishizu: ...

Kaiba: What? It's just as ridiculous as the crap that comes out of you."

"Ishizu: Our universe has grown tired and cliche. Our characters have become nothing more then vessels for lame catchphrases. For example, Joey saying, "Nyeh."
 * Episode 44:

Joey: Nyeh?

Ishizu: Kaiba saying, "Screw the rules, I have money."

Kaiba: Haven't said that in years.

Ishizu: Or Tristan saying...pretty much anything...

Tristan: God damn it, Nappa!"

"Tea: Yugi! What's that thing?
 * From the same episode:

Yami: That's Ishizu! She's the one who told me about my ancient past, even though I kind of already knew about it. She's a mysterious character shrouded in mystery, which is just another way of saying she's boring as all get out.

Duke: I'd hit it.

Marik: Ishizu! Help me!

Melvin: Sorry Marik, but your sister's in another castle!

Marik: (trapped in hourglass) No! What is this I don't even-"

"Ishizu: I'm here to save my brother's soul. He has been consumed by a great evil, and I intend to rid him of it.
 * In episode 44 when Kaiba says "You were never in my tournament, Wheeler." To which Joey responds with a confused "Ah-bah-dah-nyeah?!"
 * "Now do you understand why so many people love me even though I'm the biggest dick in this entire show? It's because I'm Seto-freaking-Kaiba. Accept no substitutes!"

Melvin: Good luck with that, chucklenuts! I've been om-nom-nomming on his soul for a good ten years now, and I happen to like the taste. Mmmmm, that's good Marik soul."

Episode 45
"Ishizu: Marik, what are you doing?
 * Episode 45: two words; IN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * "Sorry baby. I'm a rebel, a loner if you will, and I can't "
 * Marik: (monotone sounding voice) Must...kill...family...
 * For this troper, it was actually the shopkeeper's (played by LINKARA!) response to him: "What's the Matter Kid? You Never seen the "Kill Your Family Show" Before?"
 * Marik finding the yaoi manga. "Hey Ishizu, what's that one guy doing to that other guy? I don't know what it is but it gives me cravings."
 * "Marik don't flaunt your yaoi in public!"
 * Before they return home, and Marik is still gushing over his magazine image of a guy on a motorcycle:

Marik: I'm riding an imaginary motorcycle; what the (EFF) does it look like I'm doing?!"

"Ishizu: * whispering* Remember, we must be very quiet so that we don't disturb our father.
 * There's also this exchange:

Marik: HEY ISHIZU LOOK AT THAT THING OVER THERE I WONDER WHAT IT IS!? LOUDLY DO I WONDER ABOUT IT!"

"Odion: I fluffed a pillow... it's f*ckin FOOL PROOF."
 * Also had the running gag of how Odion, Marik, and Melvin all thought fluffing up a pillow on a bed was a great bluff. Ishizu plays the only sane man here and thinks they are being dumb, which makes it all the more amusing.

"I always knew you wanted me to be inside you, Bakura."
 * Florence is sharing his body with Marik's soul. Melvin's response to this is:


 * "Argh! The yellow-squiggly lines! They burn!"
 * "Oh no! I mustn't have seen that in the dark! Even though I've lived my entire in the dark and should therefore have no trouble seeing in it!"

Episode 46

 * Episode 46, featuring The Suite Life of Zork and Cody.
 * Bakura and Marik arguing over whether or not to hug Evil Marik Melvin.
 * "Hug?"
 * "NO HUG!"
 * This deleted scene from episode 46.

Episode 47
"Duke Devlin: Ahh... waking up next to a blond and brunette. Just another day for Duke Devlin."
 * Episode 47:
 * The Big 5 imitating Team Rocket
 * Duke Devlin on waking up with Joey and Tristan in bed:

"Seto Kaiba: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... and you're about to be curb-stomped by Seto Kaiba!""
 * When they confront the Big 5.


 * WHO THE FUCK IS FUNIMATION?!

Episode 48
"Yugi: For once in my life, I knew what it was like to be Bakura."
 * Episode 48: Flashback to Cockney Yugi.

"Mokuba: Isn't this the orphanage where we grew up?
 * The Kaiba bros. at the orphanage

Seto: Correction, the orphanage where I grew up. You stayed relatively the same size."

"Gozaburo: Horses can't be knights. That's just silly. ...chess is stupid!"
 * Gozaburo is a little confused over how chess works.

"Yami Yugi: Kuriboh! Activate Super Chibi Kawaii Desu Moe Mode! * Kuriboh makes a rainbow, cue theme music* And now I activate Robot Unicorn Attack! Go mighty unicorn! Cross the rainbow bridge and attack his lifepoints directly!"
 * Yami Yugi finishing Ganzly with Robot Unicorn Attack, all set to the music from the Flash game.

"Kuriboh: Lalalalala lalala la?
 * Gansley: Ohhh, it's a full rainbow! Oh my God; it's a double rainbow all the way! So intense! Aaaaagggghhhhh!
 * Mokuba, about a deadpan-faced Kaiba..."And you look slightly happier than usual!"
 * "Oh my god! I'm... I'm... cute!"
 * "Is that how you address the Chess Prince?"
 * "Kneel before the Chess Master!"
 * The Internet troll stinger at the end of the episode. Actually, just the internet trolls.
 * The whole thing with Tristan and Duke. Especially the Axe bit.
 * This bit near the end:

Yami: No. No, I don't love you.

Kuriboh: (sadly) Laaa."

"Kaiba: Checkmate.
 * Gozaburo Kaiba. Especially, the orphanland bit and
 * And this:

Gozaburo: Best two out of three?

Kaiba: You lost!

Gozaburo: But I still have my horsey!

Kaiba: It's called a knight.

Gozaburo: Why is the knight a horse?

Kaiba: I'm your son now!

Gozaburo: Horses can't be knights! I mean, that's just silly! ...Chess is stupid!"

"Kaiba: Mokie! I believe I am experiencing character development!
 * More from the orphanage:

Mokuba: Wow, what does that feel like?

Kaiba: It kinda tingles..."


 * "I feel like celebrating...INITIATE DISCO MODE!"

Episode 49
"Hobson: HOBSON SMASH!
 * Yugi telling Yami Yugi that he's in pretty good shape. He plays card games all the time.
 * Episode 49: Anything with Hobson, the Gonkish mentally challenged butler of the Kaiba family.

Hobson: HOBSON SORRY!

Hobson: (whispering) HOBSON NOT REALLY SORRY!

Hobson: HOBSON POLISHING!

Hobson: ONE DAY, HOBSON SMASH EVERYTHING THEN HOBSON MAKE THEM DO SILVERWARE.

--

Kaiba: Man, what a day! I don't even wanna look at a textbook.

Hobson: HOBSON HAVE TEXTBOOK FOR SETO!

Kaiba: Go f**k yourself Hobson!

(Beat)

Hobson: HOBSON DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO!"

"Crump: Tea Gardner--age 16; sneaker 6; bra size F; I challenge you to a children's card game!
 * After Crump... descriptively describes Tea:

Tea: Wait, how did you get all that information about me?

Crump: The penguins told me.

Tea: How the hell do the penguins know my bra size?!

Crump: The penguins know everything!"

"Tea: Awwww, what a cute little penguin!
 * Tea's first encounter with one of Crump's penguin minions:

Penguin (squawking translated to subtitles): I will pluck out your eyeballs and feed them to my kin!"

"Yugi: We have WRITERS!?
 * How Crump manages to get Tea to duel him:
 * OH, IT IS ON IN A MANNER SIMILAR TO THAT OF DONKEY KONG!
 * Yugi gets a lot of nice lines in this one:

Yugi: The door just bitch-slapped me!

Yugi: (repeatedly, over and over again, even in the background, despite all previous evidence to the contrary) [Téa]'s NEVER played Duel Monsters!"

"Crump: I looovve penguins!
 * And Crump's...passions.

Tea: Eww!

Crump: Platonically...

Tea: Oh.

Crump: And physically!

Tea: EWWW!!!"

"Serenity: ''(running for her life) GAH! SOMEBODY GET THIS F*CKING DINOSAUR AWAY FROM ME!
 * Tristan and Serenity vs. a Mad Sword Beast.

Tristan: What a majestic beast. I MUST DESTROY IT! (jumps off the tower) Here I come, Serenity! (lands roughly on its back) Oww, my scroat! This is for killing Littlefoot's mom, you jerk!

Duke: (taking Serenity by the arm) Hey baby, mind if I take your top off real quick?

Tristan: Look, Serenity! I'm finally becoming a (Mad Sword Beast dives into the river) maaaaaaaan!

(The beast does not resurface. Tristan, on the other hand, does.)

Tristan: It wasn't a meteor that killed the dinosaurs--it was Tristan Timothy Taylor!

Caption:"

"Duke: Where are all the hot babes?
 * This exchange:

Tristan: Hm, I don't know, maybe they were all scared off by your CONSTANT BITCHING, DUKE."


 * Kaiba telling Mokuba to steal Chibi-Kaiba's Blues eyes that Chibi-Mokuba made for him

Episode 50
""Tea": Damn it, Yugi, touch my boobs!!!"
 * Pretty much all of Joey's trial in Episode 50.
 * "Wahh wahh Baby Pharaoh no like blonde man. And someone fetch me a nipple."
 * "He stole my catchphrase. In America."
 * Joey making Al and Frank angry by calling them by descriptions of them instead of names
 * Crump's horrible attempts to seduce Yugi in Tea's body.

"Tristan: I'm gonna touch your boobs!
 * What would Tristan do in a situation like this?:

Duke: (Beat) Why?"

"Yami Yugi: I'm sorry Joey... but I believe I ate your sandwich!
 * When Yugi says that Joey is 'the nicest guy he knows' and 'that he'd never hurt anyone,' we get a flashback to a picnic they had recently, and Joey is looking for his sandwich.

Joey: *grabs Yami Yugi* Nyeh, give me back my sandwich, you bastard! *punches Yami Yugi in the face, flashback ends*

Yugi: Mmmmost of the time."

"Johnson!Mai: Hello, Joseph. I've been waiting for you.
 * When Joey encounters Johnson as Mai Valentine:

Joey: Mai Valentine, you sound like a man! That is completely normal for this series, but what the hell?!

Johnson!Mai: I'm sorry, is it putting you off?

Joey: No, I still find you very attractive. Ney!

[Mai transforms into Johnson with sound effect]

Johnson: It is I, Johnson. Third member of the Big Five and head of the 4Kids legal department.

Joey: Okay...

Johnson: You still find me attractive, don't you?

Joey: A little bit. Ney!"

Episode 51
"Serenity: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
 * Episode 51, they defeat Robot Nesbit with a Logic Bomb; specifically, showing him a picture of the new Yugioh protagonist.
 * The theme music battle between Robot Nesbit and Duke, as well as Serenity's theme music being the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic intro music.
 * Serenity's attempt at a Logic Bomb

Nesbitt: The rocket-powered fist! (Hits Serenity with the fist)"

"Zuul: ZUUL, MOTHAF**KA, ZUUL!
 * Serenity first opening the door, under the belief that there's ponies behind it.

Serenity: (closes the door) That didn't sound like no pony.

Door: You must have startled it."

"Random Jawa: Watini!"
 * The opening: I'M ALWAYS THE ANNOYING DOUCHEBAG!
 * I"M ALWAYS THE OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE!
 * Mokuba: Big brother, I don't want to be on Tatooine. I don't want to be mistaken for a jawa.

"Kaiba: I'm shutting down your reasearch lab, Nesbitt.
 * Kaiba deciding not to shut down the lab... instead blowing it up.

Nesbitt: Mister Kaiba, I beg you to reconsider!

Kaiba: Kay.

(shot of lab being blown to smithereens)

Nesbitt: But you said you'd reconsider!

Kaiba: I did. I was going to have the building renovated after I shut it down.

Nesbitt: Then why did you-

Kaiba: I reconsidered."


 * The Ending

Episode 52
"Lecter: Let's say we had your motorcycle, Mr. Kaiba. And for the sake of argument, imagine we were both dueling while riding said motorcycle. How would you describe that situation?
 * Episode 52: "Grabbing a pipe--" Kaiba grabs a pipe and brandishes it like a sword. "--Come at me bro."
 * Episode 52: Lector demonstrates Jinzo's ability to destroy internet memes.

Kaiba: Uhh, I dunno, card games on motorcycles?

Jack: CARD GAMES ON MOTOR--WHAT THE AAAAAAGH (gets blown up by Jinzo's laser beam eyes)"

"Kaiba: (Possessed!Tristan is standing on a roof) Hey, that's that funny guy that says the funny things! Hey, funny guy! Say some funny things!
 * Kaiba's 'Like a BOSS' montage, basically summing up his entire character in just a few seconds.
 * Impressed by rocks! (Like a BOSS!)
 * Be an asshole! (like a boss.)
 * This:

Possessed!Tristan: (Leaps off building) I'M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUU!

Kaiba: (Jumps out of the way of Tristan) Hahahahaha, that's classic!"

"Hobson: HOBSON RECOMMEND INVESTING IN INTERNET STOCK.
 * Once again, everything involving Hobson:

[...]

Hobson: HOBSON REGRET NOTHING!

[...]

Kaiba: My first order of business: build the ultimate theme park! All I need is a name.

Hobson: HOBSONLAND!.

Kaiba: ...yeah, I'll think about it.

Hobson: YAY!"


 * Kaiba mugging the dreamworks executives for money
 * "When did this show become amazing?"
 * Mokuba taking advantage of his kidnapping:
 * "Chibi Little Man"

Episode 53
"Melvin: Behold, Door! I shall now defeat you with my superior mental mind powers! Grant me access, I command youuu!
 * Episode 53:
 * Melvin's repeated attempts to guess the password to open a door
 * "A locked door?! Impossible!! Wait, no, it's totally possible. What am I talking about?"

Keypad: Please enter access code.

Melvin: Staaab... (He enters "STAB")

Keypad: Access denied.

Melvin: Kiiill... (He enters "KILL")

Keypad: Access denied.

Melvin: Mutilate- (Enteres "MUTI") Aww damnit! There's not enough spaces. Okay, umm... Paiiin... (He enters "PAIN")

Keypad: Access denied.

Melvin: Why are these the only words I know?!"

"Robokaiba: --
 * Mokuba: Seto! You're really here!

Mokuba: Wait, that's not Seto! He's way too expressive!

Noah: Hold on a sec.

Robokaiba:

Noah: Here we go.

Robokaiba:

Mokuba: He remembers my name!"

"Noah It's me, your biological son.
 * Friendship Pile Driver! :D
 * This little gem:

Gozaburo (Deep booming voice) I HAVE NO SON!Beat (Lightheartedly) Oh wait, yes I do, I just adopted one. (Holds up photo of Kaiba) Isn't he adorable? Now get back to swabbing.

Noah But father...

Gozaburo SWABBING I SAY!"

"Melvin: 1111! *Access denied!* 1112! *Access denied!* 1113! *Access denied!* 1114! *Access denied!* THIS DOOR IS A BITCH!!!"
 * Yugi in a tutu. That is all.
 * The stingers for the episode - first off being the synching of the Space Core to Astral. Followed by Melvin still trying to crack the password for the door:

"Noah: Seito, how unexpected. And by unexpected, I mean totally expected.
 * When Kaiba falls into Noah's room from the sky he shouts "Dirt rich!" upon impact with the floor.
 * These three gems, starting with:

Kaiba: Can it with the Phineas and Ferb jokes, you tiny shorts wearing freak!"

"Kaiba: Noah's my stepbrother? This is totally unexpected! And by unexpected, I mean totally expected."
 * Followed by:

"Seto: (sings tunelessly) "Spongepants... Squarebob... he's a friendly little... guy... (speaks) Is that it? Am I close?"
 * And capped off with the end song being "Gitchie Gitchie Goo".
 * It's also kinda funny that Seto instantly recognizes a P&F reference, yet was completely clueless about Spongebob SquarePants.

Noah: No.

Seto: Damn it!"

"Noah: It seems you and I aren't so different after all
 * Speaking of SpongeBob, Joey randomly singing the exact same song.
 * Seto tries to distinguish himself from Noah...and fails:

Seto: You're nothing like me! You're a self-centered, heartless bastard!

Noah: Hello, Pot. My name is Kettle. You're black.

Seto: Your hair is green! My hair is brown!

Mokuba: Can I have another donut?

Seto and Noah: SHUT UP, MOKUBA!

(Seto and Noah stare at one another in shock.)

Seto: ...that was weird."

"Yugi: Don't worry Kaiba, you can ride with us!
 * Seto's reaction to the picture of Yami in a tutu.
 * This:

Joey: I hope you like sing alongs, Kaiba!

Kaiba: (running away) Runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunning...

Joey: ...Kaiba?

Kaiba: (still running) Must... get... away... from dweebs... specifically Joey... Hate... so intense... Makes me faster..."

Episode 54
"Evil!Tristan: Muhahahaha!
 * Yugi's explanation on how the evil Tristan isn't the real Tristan.

Yugi: It's Tristan! The evil version.

Joey: How can you tell?

Yugi: This one isn't drooling all over your sister.

Evil!Tristan: Yes, it's me, evil Tristan. And this time, I didn't come alone.

Gansley appears as an image over Tristan's body

Gansley: With all five of us controlling Tristan's body, there's no way we can lose.

Inside Tristan's head

Crump: Hey, Gansley. Dibs on the blond guy's sister.

Gansley: You can't just call dibs on someone's body.

Crump: Hmm. I'm afraid I just did.

Back outside

Crump!Tristan: I like redheads almost as much as I like penguins. *Smacks lips repeatedly*

Joey: ...Are we sure that's not the regular Tristan?"

"Gansley: (on Megaupload) Helloooo? Ish anybody there? Why ish this place sho empty?
 * The final fates of the Big Five is to be trapped in "the five darkest corners of the Internet".

Johnson: (on The Dangerous Box) In all my years on the stand, I can honestly say I've never seen so much slander.

Naruto: (on Chat Roulette) ARE YOU A NAKED GIRL?

Nesbitt: Negative. I am a robot.

Naruto: A NAKED ROBOT?

Nesbitt: Robots have no need for clothes.

Naruto: SO WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED?

Lecter: (on Fanfiction.net) Oh Sweet Lawd of the South, I don't know what's worse: the grammar, the porn, or all the un-American Jap-an-i-ma-nay. Huh, I wonder what happened to Krump..."

- Krump: (on 4chan with numerous penguin pictures) PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS PENGUINS...

"Kaiba: Did I just watch a snuff film?"
 * Kaiba learning that Noah was run over...

"Evil Tristan: Yugi's body will belong to Gansley.
 * Melvin finally succeeding in getting through the passkey-guarded door... Only to find another behind it. Doubly funny when you consider Marik's luck with doors in his Let's Play.
 * The planned division of the bodies among Team Four Kids:

Yugi: Ugh, that freaky fish guy?

Gansley: I am not a freaky fish guy!

Evil Tristan: Joey's body will belong to Lector.

Joey: Neyh!

Evil Tristan: Nesbitt will take Tristan.

Monkey Tristan: Bananas!

Evil Tristan: Crump will take Serenity's body. [Makes slurping noise]

Serenity: Meep.

Evil Tristan: And Johnson will take Duke.

Duke: This is the only time I'm ever going to say this to anybody... but I would never let you have my body.

Tea: Wait, I didn't hear my name.

Evil Tristan: Yeah, uh, you're free to go.

Tea: Why don't any of you want my body?

Yugi: I want your body.

Tea: Why doesn't anyone want my body?!

Evil Tristan: Well, nobody really wants Crump's sloppy seconds. Not even Crump."

"Tea: Also we have THESE!
 * Tea trying to persuade Kaiba into going good...with her boobs.

Kaiba: (With adorably uncharacteristic awkwardness) Umm...th-those are very nice...but I'm not interested. I'm going after Noah. On my own terms.

Tea: BUT DOES NOAH HAVE THESE!?

Kaiba: God I hope not."


 * Kaiba's entire rant about stairs.

Episode 55
"Noah: First, Duke!
 * Yami's reaction to Noah turning everyone to stone.

Duke: *Muffled version of Sexy Back plays while petrified*

Yami: Huh.

Noah: Then, Serenity.

Serenity: Ahhhhhhhh!

Joey: No, Serenity! Great, now I gotta win another tournament to fix this.

Noah: Then, Joey.

Joey: Nyeeeeeh!

Yami: And nothing of value was lost.

Noah: Then, Tea.

Tea: Aaaaah! Pharaoh, I...love...you...

Yami: Wonder who that was.

Noah: And finally, the robot monkey.

Yami: No! Not the robot monkey! Oh, manly fainting noises. *faints*"

"Kaiba: (towards Yami) What do you think, Mokuba?
 * Thomas The Blue Eyes White Dragon Train.
 * "Do-Da-La, Motherfucker!"
 * Kaiba's flashback montage, but especially this part:

Yami: I'm not Mokuba.

Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba!"

"Joey: Yugi, take my card!
 * After Yami sees all of his friends in a vision, they give him their cards.

Tea: And my card!

Tristan: I'm just here for the food!

Serenity: Take my card, Yugi!

Duke: And my card.

'''"

"Yami: Hey, Joey! Watapon! Am I right?
 * "I have the weirdest boner right now."
 * When Kaiba is petrified, Yami makes fun of his lame-ass deck.

Joey: Heh, what a n00b!

Kaiba: *hrrrmpf*"

"Kaiba: Oh God, what's wrong with his face? Are you guys seeing this? What the hell is wrong with his face?
 * When Noah displays an Off-Model Slasher Smile.

Joey: *Has an Off-Model face* I fail to see the problem.

Kaiba: What the hell's wrong with everybody's face?!"

"Kaiba: *Tied up to a cross* Can you guess who I am?
 * Kaiba's halloween costume

Witty Phantom: Uh...

Kaiba: I'm Jesus!"

Cr@psule Monsters
"Tristan: Hey, look, it's an Indian!
 * My favorite is from Cr@psule Monsters:

Yugi: Tristan, that's not an Indian.

Tristan: Oh, right. I meant to say "Native American"."

"Brisbane: Hello, I'm Dr. Alex Brisbane, and I'm Most Definitely Not a Villain."
 * Also:

"Tristan: Pocahontas kidnapped Joey!
 * Nah, the finest Cr@psule line is:

Tea: That bitch!"

"Joey: (after landing crotch-first on a tree branch) Right on the little Joey! Curse you, Pocahontas..."
 * I heartily disagree. The best part was when Yami was looking on at the burning tree's saying "Yes, that's right burn. The rainforest can kiss my pasty Egyptian butt."
 * "So you're stepping on the map, then?"
 * Everything is Pocahantas' fault in Crapsule Monsters.

"Yugi: Look out, Pharaoh! There are millions of fangirls taking screencaps of this scene!
 * When Yami Yugi is attacked by tree monsters that he finds "strangely arousing":

Yami: The fiends!"

"Tristan: Perhaps we reproduced without our knowledge?"
 * Tristan thinking the Capsule Monsters are his and Tea's children.


 * "What a digital dummy!"
 * Yami's "invisible bicycle" from Cr@psule Monsters 2.
 * "Dammit, he knows my secret!"

Season Zero
"Tea: Come on, Yugi. You know I love hanging out at your creepy grandpa's game shop.
 * Season Zero Abridged:
 * Tristan getting introduced to the classic Monty Python's Flying Circus Stock Footage clip of an elderly audience applauding.
 * This exchange

Yugi: There's nothing creepy about my grandpa!

Grandpa: I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH!

Yugi: Okay, kinda see where you're coming from now."

"Ushio: The Elite Beat Agents don't come cheap. This beating will cost you 20,000 yen.
 * Grandpa's listing off every synonym for Tea's breasts.
 * Aside from the Incredibly Lame Pun involved here:

Yugi: 20,000 yen?! That's like a whole dollar!!"

"Yami: I hope you like giant man-eating worms!
 * This:

Ushio: Huh, I wonder what he meant by that-OH MY GOD, THAT IS WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT!"

"Ushio: Yugi.
 * Yugi wishing for Tristan and Joey to get beaten up.
 * Yugi runs back to the school:

Yugi: Ahh! What the hell? Have you just been standing here this whole time hoping that I'd randomly show up?

Ushio: Look, do you have the money or not?"

"Yami: Wanna play a game?
 * Yami and Ushio's fight.

Ushio: What sort of game-

Yami: First one to die loses!

Ushio: ...

Yami: Look! the Queen of Spades!

Ushio: What does that do-

Yami: You lose!

Ushio: *falls* UAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Yugi: (In thought) God, those eyebrows are huge! I can't stop staring at them! It's like if Martin Scorcese and Jennifer Connolly had a baby! Aaand now I'm picturing Martin Scorcese having sex with Jennifer Connolly... Why do I keep doing that?
 * "Ushio! Baby! How's it hanging! Get it? 'cause you're gonna die!"
 * Yugi's utter astonishment at how enormous Ushio's eyebrows are...

Ushio: Is something wrong?

Yugi: I AM EXTREMELY AROUSED!

beat

Ushio: You have problems, man."

"Kaiba: (laughing) Oh, it feels so good to laugh.
 * The second Season Zero Abridged Episode: They turned Kaiba into a overly friendly, calm and reasonable figure. He even says he would do anything for his little brother. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
 * Emperor Mokuba. That is all.
 * The best part would be
 * Yami laughing uncontrollably when he realises Kaiba was playing the game for fun.
 * And then, Kaiba joining in on the laughter.

Yami: (laughing) I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

The Movie

 * The Movie: Pegasus shouting: "Hurry! Get to da choppah!" in his refined voice.
 * Don'tlookathispenisdon'tlookkathispenisdon'tlookathispenisAaaaaah! ...I looked.
 * Yugi running from the zombies, with a speech bubble above him reading "lol, yugi", and several of the zombies having "lol, brains", whilst "Running in the 90's'" plays in the background, as inspired by a Memetic Mutation from YTMND.
 * Joey: Wow; an action sequence that doesn't involve a children's card game.
 * Tristan (after punching straight through a zombie): "HOLY SH** ON A SH** SANDWICH!!"
 * Joey (running from another zombie): THIS SCENE'S SURPRISINGLY VIOLENT!!
 * Tristan (breaks his arm free by ripping his zombie in half): Did you see that?! I just tore that guy's f*** ing arm clean off! This is the BEST MOVIE EVER!
 * "Spining Bird Kick!"
 * Yugi: "Here goes nothing! (Throws dagger and fails) ....Damn I suck!"
 * There's also the moments in the beginning where Holo-Yugi and Kaiba are dueling. Kaiba jumps on top of his Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon with a "Wheeeee!" and then they have difficulty hearing one another until Kaiba pulls a split screen.
 * Pegasus flirting with Kaiba.
 * "There's a man in my head that tells me to burn things."

Bonds Beyond Time Abridged Movie
"Jack: C'mon Crow. Let's go play a card game, while standing completely still. On. The. GROUND.
 * The opening riffs off of the Let's All Go To The Lobby parody from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, with Yugi, Joey, Tea and Tristan singing in the first half and TEAM SATISFACTION playing through second half.
 * The BBT abridged movie is hilarious. But my favorite part is Yusei's nightmare.

Yusei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Yusei... I see dead people."
 * Don't forget the goddamn DOCTOR WHO theme tune kicking in, complete with parody opening.
 * There's also this line from Jaden:

"Yusei: I'm the serious one with the voice that makes the fangirls swoon.
 * And then there's:

Jaden: I'm the cute, hyperactive one that people want to choke in his sleep!"

"Yusei: Who's Yubel?
 * Marik cameos...with the help of Yubel, Jaden just blows him up!
 * Jaden explains who Yubel is:

Jaden: The demon that lives inside my head!

Beat

Yusei: Wonderful!"

"*Flashing his Yubel-granted Heterochromia* "Aw, desu desu, bitches!""
 * Jaden's pre-battle cry:

"Yusei: (Looking at a picture and seeing Paradox) Wait, I found him!
 * As always Jack Atlas is pure shouty comic gold

Jack: YOU FOUND WALDO?

Yusei: The guy who stole my card.

Jack: WALDO STOLE YOUR CARD?

Yusei: *annoyed*Jack.

Jack: YUSEI!

Yusei: No.

Jack: 'KAY."

"Yusei: You can be my wingman anytime, Yugi.
 * Jaden creates a Time Crash at the end of the movie when he tells Yugi
 * The Stinger; explaining any further would kill the joke.
 * Yami and Yusei getting their Ho Yay on. Complete with Sexophone.

Yami: No Yusei, you can be mine.


 * romantic music; cue eyesex*

Yusei: No Homo, right?

Yami: ALL OF THE HOMO!"

"Yugi: You know, the Shadow Realm. The big, purpley cloud place you go to when something really bad happens to you.
 * * The time when Yugi explains about the Shadow Realm to Yusei and Jaden and doesn't take it well:

Jaden: I think you're talking about Hell!

Yugi: No, it's the Shadow Realm. Y-You know, when people fall from a really tall building, or they get stabbed in the chest... They go straight to the Shadow Realm! What, you guys don't have the Shadow Realm in your future?

Yusei: I don't think that's a real thing.

Yugi: So wait... Is ... really dead?

Jaden: 'Fraid so, brosef.

Yugi: I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie!"

"Yami: Oh god no...
 * Yugi just wants his Oscar now, thank you very much.
 * Also, Team Four Star, you may have Kyle Hebert...so what, we have Juicy Flannigan!
 * Yami tells Paradox there is no way someone would agree to a stupid duel like the one he proposed...Jaden however interrupts and agrees that they will all take part.

Yusei: Jaden...

Jaden: What's up?

Yusei: If we survive this, I'm going back in time, to slap myself for taking you along on this adventure."

"Yusei: Oh please tell me he's not going to rap!"
 * This line from Jaden to Paradox, "Then What The Hell Man?! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!"
 * Jaden goes freestyle...much to the dismay to Yami and Yusei.

"Yusei: Paradox, you got some explaining to do!
 * This bit...

Jaden: YEAH! Like why the hell were you in Venice!

Yusei: Look, this isn't important...

Jaden: I disagree-

Yusei: Shut up."

"Paradox: Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come from Duel Monsters have evolve far beyond your understanding. Compared to me you are just a learner.
 * Top Gun is so not gay, by the way.
 * Yusei commenting on everyone's hair that he sees, "What's wrong with his/your hair!?"
 * "Hello! I'm Extremely asian!"
 * "I'm so happy to be asian today you guys!"
 * "I'VE NEVER FELT SO ASIAN!"
 * How Yugi describes how he can beat Paradox, despite his "superior" skills.

Yami: That may be the case in your timeline, Paradox. But then we're not in your timeline, are we?

Paradox: Um-

Yami: And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the Hell out of it!"

"Jaden: Dang son! That is one awesome motorbike you have-
 * When Yusei saves Jaden from Paradox...

Yusei: You're not riding it.

Jaden: Worth a shot."

"Jaden: Can I ride your bike?
 * This gem...

Yusei: I already told you no!

Jaden: Oh come on, it'll be fun!

Yusei: I'll let you ride my bike if you can tell me one thing.

Jaden: Sure, ask away.

Yusei: Why are we in Venice?


 * beat*

Jaden: F*ck it...you win!

Yusei: Always do..."

"Jaden: WHOOOOOOA!...I thought you said you weren't going to let me ride it?
 * Yusei and Jaden save Yugi from Paradox, and time travel to when before everyone in Domino City died...leading too.

Yusei: Everybody gets one."

"Jaden: Check it out dawgs! My Neos card came back! It must be because we went back in time!
 * "It's not a spoiler if it's obvious."
 * And this gem too...

Yusei: That is not how time travel works.

Jaden: Well how else do you explain it?

Yusei: Obviously this movie has its head up its own anus.

Yugi: Well that answers pretty much every question I had."

"Jaden: Aw yeah! Looks like we chillin' with the King Of Games biotches! This shit be ballin'!
 * Yugi decides to join Jaden and Yusei on their quest to defeat Paradox.

Yugi: ...What?

Yusei: He said he's happy to have you on board.

Yugi: Oooh."

"Paradox: I am here for the one who destwoyed the futuwe.
 * They turned Paradox into Mandark.
 * Pwotagonists!!!
 * For the last time the name is Jaden Yuki!
 * The joke on Syncro-what?
 * Wait!...I've seemed to stop caring.
 * And this...

Jaden: Look there must be some kind of mistake I'm Jaden Yuki.

Paradox: Yes that is wight.

Jaden: But I'm harmless! I couldn't destroy anything!

Paradox: Cowwection! I think that you'll find that you destwoyed Yugioh's cwedibility!"

"LittleKuriboh: We at Yugioh Abridged like to apologize for the lack of 3D content in this movie, however we like to think this is totally justified since 3D is bullsh*t and adds absolutely nothing to the cinema experience. So please, enjoy your 2D movie. Because it's cheaper and much less obnoxious."
 * The Take That to 3D effects.

"Yusei: Jack look out!
 * An unexpected cameo...

Jack: CROW LOOK OUT!

Crow: Wario look out!


 * Wario comes in behind everyone on his motorcycle*

Wario: Imma gonna win!"

"Jaden: Oh my God!
 * Jaden and Yusei search the Internet.

Yusei: Is that woman doing what I think she's doing?

Jaden: I forgot I bookmarked 2 Dark Magician Girls, 1 Pot of Greed."

"Jack: YUSEI! WHIP OUT YOUR JUNK!
 * Jack telling Yusei to summon his junk warrior on Paradox.

Yusei: What??

Jack: WARRIOR! YOUR JUNK WARRIOR!


 * A few seconds later*

Jack: GOOD! NOW WHIP OUT YOUR JUNK AND WAVE IT AT HIM!

Yusei:What????

Jack: WARRIOR!"

"Yami: Now Yusei, I should point out that this card game is not going to take place on a motorcycle. I hope you understand that. I don't want you to try to- ride on your duel disk or something. We're just going to be standing firmly on the ground-
 * "I'm Batman!"-Jaden
 * Can we just say the entire intro to the movie?
 * Oh HELLS yes. The first four minutes--beginning with the original Yugioh cast doing an old-timey "let's go down to the lobby" style jingle, getting interrupted by the 5Ds cast doing a Death Metal extravaganza, half of which consists of threatening the audience should they commit disorderly conduct while the other half is them gloating over how they now have your money, and then moving into Yusei's nightmare (see the first entry under the film for details) may be the funniest opening four minutes to any comedy movie, EVER.
 * To give credit where credit is due, this sequence is basically a copy of the opening sequence to Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters. Doesn't make it any less hilarious to see Yusei telling the audience that Satan will rain hot acid down their throats if they videotape the movie they are about to see.
 * Don't forget if you sell this movie on ebay...Yusei will BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND TEAR YOUR WIFE IN HALF!!!!
 * Yugi very slowly telling Yusei that they are going to play a card game on the ground and not on a motorcycle. Then goes on to say that he doesn't want Yusei to try and ride his duel disk.

Yusei: I know how to duel.

Yami: Well okay then."

"Yusei: I totally won that duel back there."
 * Yusei's reaction whenever Paradox cuts out on him.

"Yusei: Paradox. Why are you trying to destroy the world?
 * Paradox telling the Pwwotangonists about his intentions:

Paradox: I'm not trying to destroy the world. I'm trying to save it.

Yusei: NOT IF WE CAN STOP YOU-- wait, what?

Paradox: In the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Humanity's ignorance has made the world become wavvaged, and wifeless.

Yami: 'Wavvaged' and 'Wifeless'?

Jaden: But how? Was it global warming?

Yusei: Nuclear war?

Paradox: No, none of those things happened. What destroyed the world was.... caaaaarrrrdddd gaaaaammmmeeeessss.

Yusei: What?

Paradox: That riiigghhttt. Caaardddd gaaammmesss.

Yusei: You're serious.

Paradox: Yesssss. Veerrryyy.

Yusei: How?

Paradox: What?

Yusei: How did Card Games destroy the world?

Paradox: Well, I wasn't actually there, but I heard that someone played a card game and then BOOM! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Card Game- BOOM! Everyone dead."

"Paradox: It's either I destroy the card game, or the entire world destroys itself. It is as simple as that.
 * Yami's and Yusei's reaction to finding out that they would either have to lose Card Games or the Entire world:

Yami: Hmmm... The entire world... or card games. Tough choice.

Yusei: There is no choice. Without card games, this world isn't worth living in."

"Jaden: My name's Jaden Yuki, and I'm absolutely flawless.
 * Jaden's introduction.


 * Absolutely Flawless

Yusei: Stop being happy.

Jaden: Aint no one in the world as fly as me.

Yusei: I'm serious. Stop it.

Jaden: Bitches line up just to get a glimpse at my sweet moves.

Yusei: I'm going to tear the happy right out of your soul.

Jaden: Come on homie, don't be a playa hater.

Yusei: I'm not a player hater. I just hate you."

"Jaden: I go to a kickass school that teaches us how to play trading cards! We get to sleep on warm comfortable beds and get served food whenever we want... awww it's a good life!
 * Jaden then goes on to troll Yusei about having not grown up on the streets like Yusei.

Yusei: Well just look at all the f*cks I give!"

"Paradox: PWOTAGONISTS!
 * Pirate Hitler.
 * When Yusei and his friends first encounter Paradox.

Yusei: Wait, who's that?

Jack: I don't know but his hair is beautiful!"

"Jack: That guy stole your Stardust Dragon card! What a dick! I mean I know I did that in season one, but...he's a dick!"
 * And while the delivery is what makes this line absolutely beautiful, Jack's reaction to the theft of Yusei's card bears quoting;

"Yami: Wow Jaden! Way to get your lame on!
 * Yami after Jaden's Rap.

Jaden: Actually, it's get your gam-

Yami: I know what it is."

"Yusei: Paradox.
 * Yusei confronts Paradox in Venice and makes some Brick Jokes.

Paradox: Pwotagonist?!

Yusei: I came--

Paradox: What?!

Yusei: --to the past.

Paradox: Oh.

Yusei: But I also had an orgasm.

Paradox: Ewww!

Jaden: Ha! Nice!"

"Welcome, all you foolish nerds/To the gayest spectacle in the world/I'm making a cameo in this movie/I'm much more fabulous in 3D..."
 * Pegasus' song:

"Yami Yugi: Huh... I think we may have just killed a man...
 * After Paradox has been defeated:

Yusei: If anyone asks, Jaden did it!

Jaden: Yeah--Wait, what?!"

Music Videos
"Joey: Okay Kaiba, this time I'm really gonna beat ya, and there's nothing you ca do about it!
 * Joey's take on Lady Gaga's song "Poker Face" is just pure epic comedic win.
 * As is his take on "Bad Romance" EPIC!
 * The opening of "Brooklyn Rage":

Kaiba: Please, Wheeler, I could defeat you with my hands tied behind my back. What makes you think you can win this time?


 * music kicks in*

Joey: Well, I'm glad you asked.

Kaiba: O...kay, where the hell is that music coming from?

Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...

Kaiba: ...Please tell me you're not going to sing.

Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...

Kaiba: *quickly* Look, I'll pay you any amount of money right now if you don't sing.

Joey: Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh...*launches into song*"

"Jaden: Yugi! It's time...(music cues up) to spit some rhymes!
 * The rap battle between Yugi and Jaden, especially the ending.

Yugi: Bring it on, Ja--wait, what? Oh, you have got to be fng kidding me..."

"Jaden: (chuckle) That was a'ight. But lemme lay somethin' fresh on ya!
 * After the first "round"

Yugi: Uh, Jaden? You're not black."

"Marik: "Plus, we're both hot! Hot, hot, hot! We are quite sexy!
 * The full version of Little Kuriboh's take on Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance".
 * Especially the "Why am I speaking French?" part.

Florence: "Marik, that doesn't rhyme."

Marik: "Shut up, I am Lady Gaga!""


 * "I like the silly noises!"
 * "I'm an evil bitch, baby!"
 * "Okay Marik, though I have to say I had no idea you were this keen to get into the Pharaoh's pants."
 * Literal Pants. That is all.
 * Chibi Little Man!
 * ASS!
 * "Fire fire fire, he's highly flammable"
 * "Hello Marik I'm right behind you." "AND NOW I'M YELLING AT YOU!"
 * "Fat, fat, fat, this guy is fat."
 * "I'm very fat."
 * "Crouching, looking dapper, this song has gone down the crapper! Guest appearance by Ghost Nappa!
 * ("Oh, by the way, he's from Dragonball Z Abridged!")
 * Hey I JUST MET YOU, AND THIS IS CRAZY, BUT I'M ESPA ROBA! WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY?!

Evil Council
"Marik: [Enter] SILENCE!
 * The four times Marik held his Evil Council Of Doom.
 * And the one time Melvin held it.
 * Evil Council 3:
 * Florence, Steve Luna, Steve Umbris, Zork and Rebecca's possessed teddy bear discussing Lost before Marik comes in...

Steve Umbris: Yes, silence! Everybody bow down to your digital ruler!

Steve Luna: Bow down, muchachos!

Marik: HEY! What part of "Silence!" don't you people understand?!

Steve Umbris: The part where you apologize to us for having such a horrible attitude.

Steve Luna: That part!

Marik: Oh. Well...in that case, I'm...very sorry.

Steve Umbris: That's much better. Please continue with your lame speech.

Marik: Right, yes. Well, as I was saying...SILENCE!

Florence: ...Marik, nobody was saying anything.

Marik: It was a preemptive silence!

Florence: Oh. So...you silence the silence. Good job.

Marik: Yes! That silence didn't know what hit it!"

"Dartz: Mah fwiends, dere is only one way to defeat that dooshbag...we will du him!
 * Then, when Dartz and his minions set their scheme in motion:

(Uncomfortable silence)

Rafael: ...um, did you say "do him"?

Dartz: I said DU HIM! What part of 'du him' doncha understand, dooshbag!? We're gonna du him! Toogeda! All foh of us, we gonna du him. du him hard and thowowowy. We will du him so hard dat he will feel it in the mo'ning when he wakes up!

Alister: Um, boss? Are you serious?

Dartz: Yes, you ayzhole! What, you want me to du you, too?

Alister: No sir!

Dartz: Then keep yo' mouth shut, mayn! Okay, mayn?! Yeah. So we're gonna du him...on motuhcycles!

Valon: Won't that be kind of...uncomfortable?

Dartz: (legitimately confused) What the (EFF) are you talking about, mayn?

Rafael: Yeah, I...I don't wanna do anybody on a motorbike--

Dartz: Duuu!

Rafael: ...are you saying "do" or "duel"?

Dartz: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Rafael: ...so, you want us to do Marik?

Dartz: Yes! And I will stand here and watch you du him!

(Beat)

Alister: Well, okay then...let's go...do...Marik...I guess...

Dartz: Du him, dooshbags! THOWOWOWY!"

"Marik: GAAAAH! I AM 100% STRAIGHT! HONESTLY!
 * It comes back as a Brick Joke at the end of the video:

Alister: ...so, can we do you now?

Marik: GET OUT OF MY HOTEL ROOM!"

"Steve Luna: Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care, Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care, Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care~
 * Evil Council 4:
 * Steve Luna's flow is Serious Business:

Florence: Well if you don't care then please stop bloody telling us about it!

Steve Luna: Man, don't be ruining my flow!

Florence: Your flow is of no concern to me! I simply wish for you to shut your mouth hole before I nail it shut!"

"Dartz: Here's what we're gunnah do, mayn. We're gonna find Yuu-gay Mowtoe, and we're gunnah take his dck.
 * Zorc singing 'Destroy the World' to the tune of A Whole New World from Aladdin.
 * Dartz is going after...something else...

(Uncomfortable silence ensues.)

Rafael: What.

Dartz: His dck! You know mayn, his dck. We awl got dcks. You got a dck, I got a dck, Hell, I could whip out my dck right now and show you!

Rafael: NO, NO, NO. Please don't, I'll just trust that it's there.

Zombie Boy: Uh... is he saying deck or (bleep)?

Valon: Eh, sometimes it's best not to ask.

Dartz: Now it’s crucial that you guys don’t (EFF) this up. So I want you to cwose yoh eyes and imagine that yoh standing in front of Yu-gay Moh-toe.

Rafael: (kneeling) Okay, now what?

Dartz: Now, reach out and gwab his dck.

Rafael: Oh, no.

Dartz: And pull it towards you.

Rafael: Oh, this can‘t be happening.

Dartz: Then I want you to cut his dck into three pieces!

Rafael: Mother of God!

Dartz: And each of you will take one piece of his dck and twavel to a different part of the planet. And then his dck will belong to us!

Rafael: Uh, is...is that it? Can we open our eyes now?

Dartz: No, man. There’s one more part to the pwan.

Rafael: Of course there is.

Dartz: Next, we gonna take Mai Vawentine’s dck!

(Raphael vomits)"

"Yugi: (answering the phone) Hello? Yes, this is Yugi Moto. ...you wanna take my what?! No! That's disgusting! ...what do you mean "Does Mai Valentine have one"?!"
 * Makes for a hell of a Brick Joke / Stinger:

"Marik: I'm not gay! [Bakura laughs] What? What's so funny?
 * This part from the third Evil Council video:

Bakura: Come on, Marik, we all know!

Marik: Know what?

Rex: Uh, heheh, yeah, we know.

Weevil: Heheh, yeah, we know.

Pegasus: I definitely know!

Marik: Know what? What the hell does everybody know?

Bakura: Marik, I believe it's time you came out of the closet.

Marik: Oh, what, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately and hang around with another extremely attractive man and read yaoi and flaunt his gorgeous abs and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?!

Bakura: ...Kinda.

Marik: You're all pricks!

Bakura: Well no wonder you like us so much!"

"Pegasus: (breaking up an argument between Marik and Bakura) Girls, girls, you're both very pretty... But try as you might, you'll never be as pretty as me."
 * Marik: "There are no women in Yu-Gi-Oh! There are only extremely girly men! And I am the girliest of them all!"
 * Pegasus: "Keeeep, telling yourself that!"
 * Evil Council 5 in it's entirety, when it's not being a Tear Jerker that is:

Unsorted
"Little Kuriboh: It's nice to know that Joey is loved in various areas. (Beat) Wait a second--
 * A real life moment of funny at Youmacon 2009, and doubling as Wayne Grayson's Crowning Moment of Awesome -- one-upping LK not once, but twice!

Wayne Grayson: That's what she said!"

"Kaiba: Happy Hannukah."
 * The first Christmas special was absolutely hilarious.

"Bakura: What sort of time do you call this?
 * Zorc and Pals:

Zorc: ...time to DESTROY THE WORLD!

(Uproarious canned laughter from audience)"

"Yugi: Rule #5: You must be registered and have a badge to enter main events and rooms. This will be enforced by the staff members and badgers.
 * The entirety of the episode "What Would Yugi Do?"
 * The anime convention episode. Especially with the mentions of hopscotch and badgers.

Tristan: Holy (bleep) on a (bleep) sandwich! This convention is run by badgers!

Joey: That explains everything!

Tristan: Give us back our hopscotch, you evil badgers!"

"Joey: Go yiff yourself, Kaiba!
 * Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger...
 * Tristan: "Who's smexy now, bitch?"
 * Joey and Kaiba's "smexy" argument.
 * Tea: (thinking) "I wonder if I should get a haircut that doesn't make my head look like a cardboard box with features."
 * * while wrapped in a blanket Tea thinks to herself* Soon I'll be a beautiful butterfly, and then Yugi will love me.
 * "Joey Vs. Door: Round 2".
 * Also:

Kaiba: *walks off* Whatever that means.

Joey: Nyeh, Google Image it, ya jerk!"

""Corn on my mouth, Moe's soup machine...""
 * Yami: *while looking at Kaiba's nose he thinks to himself* "Look at the size of that nose! It's like the animators didn't even care!"
 * Duke: *while hanging off the side of Kaiba's blimp* Oh my god I'm gonna die! I can't believe I'm gonna die on a show about f*cking card games!
 * BROOKLYN RAGE! BROOKLYN RAAAAGGG-AH!
 * This troper simply adores Joey's "Nyeh!" and Tristan's Barney sounding voice.
 * REJECTED!
 * "Because... shut up."
 * Screw the rules, I have green hair!
 * The opening of the other abrigded movie.

"Yugi: It got Bakura!
 * Yugi running away from (apparently) Kemo with Gary Stu: "I really gotta quit smoking."
 * Whenever the Dark Magician makes an appearance, one of the "Magical Trevor" songs is played..
 * When they're being chased by the giant boulder, comparing it with the 4KiDS dialogue makes it a lot funnier.
 * 4KiDS version:

Téa: Oh no!"

"Yugi: It got Bakura!
 * Abridged Series version:

Téa: GOOD!"

"Yusei: Jack.
 * Not necessarily Yu-Gi-Oh, but each episode of the Naruto Spoof Series Comedy Show has quite a few. Just watch! There's too many to list!
 * This Troper admits he isn't interested in Yaoi, but even I admit that the scene in episode three with Naruto wondering why he likes Sasuke and then doing things confirming this sexual assault... It ended up making me laugh, somehow.
 * The Vagina Monologues. Not for the easily offended-- a redub of the first episode, except it replaces certain words with... yeah. It must be seen to be believed. (Made even funnier by the fact that everyone's trying to not burst into laughter while doing it and failing multiple times!)
 * "I'm here for your vagina, old man, and I won't take 'no' for an answer! Now GIVE IT TO ME!"
 * "That Kaiba kid needs a vagina." "BIG VAGINA!"
 * "Big brother! Is it time for my vagina yet?"
 * "No! It's because the vagina makes no sense and no one can figure out how to do it."
 * "SCREW THE VAGINA, I HAVE A VAGINA!"
 * "My vagina's pretty crazy, too! I'm thinking about shaving it!"
 * "Hey, My vagina's missing"
 * My grandpa's vagina has no pathetic vagina, Kaiba, except maybe for vagina, but it also has a vagina!
 * Vagina... Vagina!!!
 * "In that case, why not just tear up every vagina in the whole world?!"
 * "For some reason, playing a card game has caused my vagina to become severely injured."
 * "Holy Ra! Real vaginas!"
 * "Gentlemen, everything is going according to my vagina."
 * "No wonder your vagina is never around!"
 * CARDGAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!
 * VAGINAS ON MOTORCYCLES!!!
 * From the April Fool's Day 2010 video:

Jack: WHAT IS IT YUSEI?!!

Yusei: I came....

Jack: ...

Yusei: (laughs)

Jack: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!"

"Bakura: Zorc, what's wrong? You haven't destroyed the world today!
 * I'm surprised no one's mentioned the the epic duel between LittleKuriboh and Dan Green.
 * Only because it's not officially "part" of the official series. Still funny/awesome.
 * "Next time, on a very special episode of Zorc and Pals:"

Zorc: I have a terminal disease!

Bakura: No! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her?

Zorc: She also has a terminal disease!"

""We are the Rare Hunters! My name is Steve! These are my associates! They are also called Steve!"
 * From the "Silent Night" video, Joey punching Tristan complete with a "SHORYUKEN!" sound effect.
 * Before Cerebus Syndrome set in, completely killing the joke:

"Kaiba: I've got my ego under control.
 * LK's review of the first volume of the Yu-Gi-Oh Manga. All of it.
 * The conclusion of the identity of Kaiba's father. Featuring Frieza.
 * The ending of the Inception trailer parody:

Cut to Kaiba jumping down from his dragon shaped jet onto a crowded stadium wearing a jetpack

Joey: ...I'd hate to see it out of control."

"Tristan: (The Pokemon theme plays) I don't even know what that is!"
 * The Deleted Scenes Montage is pure win in this tropette's opinion.
 * Agreed, I especially enjoyed the part where we're shown Joey's thought process, even though it doesn't really do him anything good the first time.
 * And also the part where Tristan found the remote to Duke's theme music.

"Bakura: Kiss my arse, Marik!
 * The Eff Hole:

Marik: But there's poop down there!"

"Yugi: Tristan, we don't take too kindly to references to abridged series not made by Littlekuriboh around here. People who do tend to mysteriously have their kneecaps broken.
 * The consequences of too many Team Four Star references.

Yugi: With a wrench.

Yugi: Specifically, this wrench! *holds up large wrench*"

"Yugi: Omigosh! Who could have broken Tristan's kneecaps?
 * Then, later, after Tristan makes yet another reference:

Yugi: With a wrench.

Yugi: Specifically, this wrench! *holds up large wrench*"

": Hey, Bakura, how's it hangin'?
 * EVERYTHING about Concrete Giraffes....

Marik: Wait, wait. You two know eachother?

Bakura: Unfortunately...


 * We were college roommates.

Bakura: Yes. We used to get crunk and pick up chicks, as the saying goes.

{Cut to Bakura and in a dance club, while the song plays}"

"Jack Atlas: I GOT HIM A MOTORCYCLE, SO THAT ONE DAY HE CAN PLAY CARD GAMES ON IT!
 * "Uh Gay Elephant Noise?"
 * Most of the "Ishtar Family Christmas" video. Including the Take That at card games on motorcycles.

Joseph: Card games on motor-

Yami: Don't."

"Hank: Okay Billy, time to open your present.
 * cameo. "Excuse me, is this the Jesus residence?"
 * The ending:

Malik: Let's see...oh, I wonder what's in this long, snake-shaped one?

Hank: Did you try rattling it?

Malik: Yes, but it just started hissing at me...rather like a snake.

Hank: Maybe it's the Buzz Lightyear you always wanted.

Malik: Oh boy! I always wanted Buzz Ligtye AAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S NOT BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! IT'S A SNAKE!

Hank: Say hello to Cornileous the Secooooooooooooond!"

""Shhh, I'm trying hear the nudity.""
 * From the third Naruto Abridged parody video:

"Akefia: Shall I compare thee to a summer's duel?"
 * From the Snot Him video. Not so much the video itself, but the comments about it. A lot of fans were surprised to discover that the Hair Guy has a name!
 * EPIC SMUG FACE
 * The entirety of his newest video, Neko Porno. It crosses the line so many times that there isn't even a line anymore, but I'll be damned if it isn't one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Specifically though:
 * Marik reading the suggestion for the video in a monotone
 * Bakura and Marik having the conversation about what happened the last time Bakura's email was given out in public. "The fanart" indeed.
 * The random scene changes. "Stick it right in my-" "BEAVER WARRIOR!"
 * Marik saying "Oh no I di'int" to Kaiba.
 * The fanfiction police officer, Ushio.
 * "This is the best fake sex I've never not had!"
 * Kaiba and Yugi meet "Akefia" in the OOC-prison.

":"
 * Marik Plays Bloodlines. All of it.
 * His reason for playing the game,

"Yami: WHAT'S THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL?! (whips out Exodia) GOOD IDEA!
 * Kaiba's Winning.
 * Meet the Kaiba
 * Yugi and Yami get Heavy's voice while Kaiba gets Scout's, in a reference to one episode's Stinger. Unfortunately Kaiba doesn't reprise "BONK! I broke your stupid crap!", but they recuperate that:

Kaiba: OH GEEZ!"

"Mokuba: Can you feel ze Schadenfreude?"
 * And after he wins, Mokuba calls out to the audience:

"Tea: You have failed me... with your friendships!"
 * Tea is replaced by the Administrator, so when she's talking about friendship we get a hilarious Out-of-Character Moment:

"Tea: Kill him! Slaughter him like a dog!"
 * Then, a few seconds later:

"Kaiba: Hey look! You shapeshifted into a dead guy!"
 * Tristan is "voiced" by Pyro.
 * When Yami shows up, we get this:

"Pegasus's Henchman (As Soldier): That was an amazing killing spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!!
 * The ending. Just the ending

Pegasus (As Demoman): I'm drunk!"

"Yusei: One night we were set to preform in front of the entire world, but then, we experienced some... technical difficulties...
 * YGO 5Ds One Shot
 * Akiza assuming Yusei's suggestive comments are about her (spoiler alert: it's about his bike).
 * The Sound Check

(Two Years Ago, A Cityscape is seen)

Yusei: Okay! Mic Check! Testing, testing, one two three! Jack, you wanna check your mic?

Jack Atlas: OKAY! TESTING TESTING ONE TWO (Massive Pillar Of Light destroys city) THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Pillar of Light is now shooting off into space)

(Present Day)

Yusei: The Strange Part was that his microphone wasn't even plugged in. It was the worst night of our lives.

Rally: Because the city was destro--

Yusei: Because none of us got laid! Nobody wanted to sleep with us because they were all too busy burning to death!"

"Announcer: (on television) And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man who ruined all other men for you...JACK ATLAS!
 * It happens again.

Jack Atlas: (on television) TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREEEEEEEEE--(TV explodes)

Yusei: You guys owe me a new TV.

Tank: But that was our TV--

Yusei: I don't care!"

"Jack: TO BE, OR NOT TO BE--ON A MOTORCYCLE! THAT IS THE QUESTION!"
 * The one-man production of Hamlet on a motorcycle. Starring Jack Atlas.

"No moogles here man."
 * The multiple captions denying that Neo Domino City in any way resembled Midgar

"Melvin: If you're done fighting with your girlfriend, we have a card game to finish!
 * The band Jack forms at the end made up of the loudest characters, with Espa Roba, Naruto and Lanipator.
 * "WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY? (I'm Lanipator) WOULD YOU LIKE IT, OOOOH?"
 * The following:

Florence: He's not my girlfriend!

Marik: You tell him, honey!"

"Kaiba [thinking]: Hmm. Perhaps I should consider keeping him on a leash."
 * "Mokuba was supposed to be there with me, but he had been kidnapped for the fiftieth time that week so his seat was empty."
 * Little Kuriboh even saw fit to put together a montage of a few scenes in which he was kidnapped.

"Keith: I have ten star chips! In America!
 * NyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEH! ... The Audience is from Brooklyn.
 * Kemo's famous line: "Attention, duelists! My hair is assaulting you!"
 * And when Kemo and bandit Keith meet:

Kimo: My hair is inviting you to enter!

Keith: Man, that guy sure likes talking about his hair.

Kimo: Man, that guy sure likes talking about America."

"Gendo: (to Shinji): Who the devil are you?
 * The one-shot Little Kuriboh made for charity, spoofing of all things Neon Genesis Evangelion. It may not be part of the actual series, but it starts being hilarious at about 10 seconds in, and stays that way for the rest of the video. Complete with  as the Third Angel.
 * Special mention goes to Gendo channeling Mr. Burns. Also a bit of a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Little Kuriboh, who managed to so flawlessly imitate Mr. Burns' voice that you'd think he actually got Henry Shearer to play him.

Shinji: I want a robot!

Gendo: Smithers! Release the hounds!

Fuyutsuki/Smithers: Sir! This is your son!

Gendo: Oh, of course it is! How foolish of me...ha ha I must be getting old! Now where was I? Smithers! Release the hounds!"

"Melvin: Now, who wants a hug?
 * Melvin's "hugs".

Tristan: I do!

Yami: Tristan, no! He's just going to stab you or something!

Melvin: Don't listen to him, Tristan. He just wants all the hugs to himself."

"G La DOS: Oh, it's you.
 * The Marik Plays Portal video for MomoCon is hilarious. Especially when GLaDOS meets Marik.

Marik: Who the frig are you?

GLaDOS: I'm Your Worst Nightmare.

Marik: You're me without a fabulous bottom?

GLaDOS: Okay, I'm your second worst nightmare.

Marik: You're a buffalo?

GLaDOS: Never mind."

"Possessed Tristan: Since I'm the evil Tristan I'm going to do the one thing that regular Tristan never could.
 * BE LESS BRITISH!
 * Episode 54: They Saved Tristan's Brain.
 * Tea asking Kaiba if Noah has boobs and Kaiba goes "God, I hope not..."
 * And then there's:

Yami: You're going to get us to like you?!"


 * Yami mistaking Marik for a woman.
 * "Yers! I am henceforth known as the ruler of all doors! Every single door shall bow before me and open at my command! I am the Master of Unlocking!" "Please enter secondary password." "NO!"
 * "Ohmigod what's happening to my face!? This has never happened before, what the frick!?"
 * Anything about Michael Bay's Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. Describing it doesn't do it justice.
 * Tristan keeps exploding. Literally.
 * Kaiba being the Only Sane Man. Until it turns out
 * At which point Yami gives him the most casual mind crush ever.