Knight of Lolicon

A Mega Crossover Fanfiction by maestrodelvuelo. The original Spanish version can be found here.

Mike is an everyguy who still holes up with his parents. When some day he decides to smash all those stereotypes and go out for an adventure, he finds and saves a rather stunning girl from falling down a bridge and cracking her head, by painfully cushioning her. As the lass has lost her memory (prior to her encounter with Mike) the boy names her 'Linda' (Spanish for 'pretty') and takes her in to his house. No parents of hers around, no clue about them except for a mysterious letter... 'Just sleep a night, and then everything will be alright'. They do so and when they awake... a whole animated world gives them a non-welcome. Mike makes a pact with the resident Mentor Mascot: 'Shonenji, Genderiel of Shonen' in exchange for power to help Linda... and now he has to find all Genderiels and restore their goddess: the Goddess of Lolicon, in the off chance that she has the way to return them home. Along the way, a rival appears: the evil Lord Xig-Lem, who thinks about lolis as just sex dolls, and his helper: a corrupted Genderiel called Shojonoe.

This story has a English version by the name of Tales of Toons: Rorikon no Kishi, thanks to STORM and ROC.

As of 4/18/2011 the fanfic has spawned a sort of sequel: Tales of Toons: The Movie. Shorter than the original, gives insight and some character development to the antagonist and uses a new female heroine. Only available in Spanish, the author's trying to avert No Export for You by asking for translation help.

Among those who know of its existence, this fic is rather Love It or Hate It.

The premise itself is strange. The Goddess of Lolicon appears to be for all intents and purposes your run-of-the-mill deity, and the lolis are nothing more than regular girls from each Universe that lend the hero Power Ups via simple platonic hugs.

It's only in the sequel where the links to Lolicon are revealed, and even then the story's moral is that lusting after little girls is bad.

"Mike: I call it... the Feminist Fist!"
 * Action Girlfriend: Linda becomes more like this after the pact with the Genderiel Rita.
 * A Day in the Limelight: For the villain, it was a day out of the limelight: the Monster of the Week appeared, but not himself.
 * All There in the Script: Mike's real name is never provided (and Linda's is given in the very last episode) to make it difficult for readers to start tying unnecessary clues until The Reveal.
 * Mike's real name, though never said, is heavily implied to be.
 * Alternative Character Interpretation: Invoked by the author. The fic runs on the idea that the very first fictional Lolita (Dolores Haze) was a real person that died and became some kind of goddess/overseer of the Toon World, after her soul was cleansed, to represent the Lolicon phenomenon... On the same note, Humbert is bleached into being a hero for supposedly turning his sexual love into the fatherly kind, and shooting the 'villain' who was trying to, you know... make his daughter star in a porn film.
 * Arc Break: At the last planet of a given galaxy. (almost always with a Cliff Hanger)
 * Armor-Piercing Slap, Megaton Punch: After watching Sakura Haruno do the impossible (with a little help from her Inner Sakura) Mike understands that only such attack can penetrate the Made of Iron Big Bad, and in a later chapter helps Linda learn it from the Megaton Punch mistress: Naru Narusegawa.

"Rini: Are you her boyfriend? Mike: Man, what do I do? If I say something inappropriate, Linda will kill me! Linda: YES HE IS! Mike: I am?"
 * Author Avatar: Mike.
 * Author Vocabulary Calendar: The word "fulminating" is used a lot, at least in the English version. This sounds more natural in Spanish.
 * Badass Normal: Mike, when the current galaxy being visited limits his flashier techniques.
 * Beach Episode, Hot Springs Episode: Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch and Love Hina's chapters.
 * Bond Creatures: Genderiels do a pact with humans, to help them gather the rest of their kind.
 * Boy Meets Girl: ordinary dude Mike meets mysterious, dashingly beautiful Linda...
 * By the Power of Grayskull: The heroes' activating phrases: Master Force! for Mike and Magical Change! for Linda.
 * Catch Phrase: 'You can't hide anywhere: Cosmo Break!' (sometimes followed by 'You can't beat what you can't reach: Eternal Return!') Mixes with Calling Your Attacks.
 * Celibate Hero: Mike tries to lay low on the love thing, shunning every Girl of the Week he finds in his and Linda's travels. To the point of making her answer this:

"Linda: Grrr, now that I think about it, he didn't try anything when we were in the hotsprings... doesn't he find me attractive or what? Shonenji: Does some unspeakable fantasy roam your mind, Lady Linda?"
 * Censor Steam: Linda uses her Fog spell to cover the entire Hinata Hotsprings with smoke to bath alongside Mike without making him uncomfortable.
 * Chekhov's Boomerang: A skill learnt in some planet may have an use in a later one, as Mike shows us bringing his Transtector to a Gear fight... or using Jutsus in the series where ninjas can exist.
 * The Chessmaster: You have to give Lord Xig-Lem that: the guy has really masterful plots...
 * Clingy Jealous Girl: The boy saved her from dying, and so Linda has the resolve to make him love her no matter what. Those girls must know she was the first!
 * Clingy MacGuffin: The visor piece of his Knight armor doesn't go away in Mike's civilian form.
 * Cool Big Sis: Most little girls in the Maho and Shojo Galaxies treat Linda as this.
 * Cooldown Hug: Used in Pretty Cure's chapter, to subdue a rampaging Cure. Good example also on the first Virtual Galaxy planet: Linda is shocked at The Reveal involving her, and Mike says that 97% probability of 'yes' still has 3% probability of 'no'.
 * Covert Pervert: Linda becomes more and more of this with each chapter. Shonenji picks on her in that subject:

"Haruhi: I'm sure you grabbed her like this, you little devil. (grabs Linda's boobs) Linda: HEY! (pushes Haruhi) Feminist Fist! (punches her in the face) Kyon: We are SO doomed!"
 * Crazy Enough to Work: When nothing can stop Lord Xig-Lem's chakra-stuffed giant monster, our hero does Shadow Clone Jutsu... in order to do a Fusion Dance with it. His raw power was the same but with the stats multiplier that the Metamur clothes gave him.
 * And again in Mahou Sensei Negima's chapter, he throws Linda's earrings to the Narutaki twins, and they worked as some sort of Potaras, fusing them into a most dangerous Cute Bruiser.
 * Dangerous Forbidden Technique: Mike's Purple Comet can work by mixing blue (good) and red (evil) chakra and forming a meteor with it, while Linda's 'Dusk of Despair' mixes Light and Dark magic into an all-engulfing energy ball.
 * Dead Sidekick:
 * Death Is Cheap:
 * Debut Queue: Every new loli and Genderiel follows a strict, historical order of appearance.
 * Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?:

"Shonenji: Do you insist on calling me things I am not? Now I am angry! Linda: Shonny, please, don't be so picky... Shonenji: Not you too, Lady Linda!"
 * The Dragon: One different in each planet.
 * Embarrassing Nickname:

"Raine: Marta, before you leave... would you let me ask you something personal? Linda: (posing as Marta) Oh no, she busted us! Raine: What... well, what CUP SIZE do you use now? Linda: Enough talking about my boobs!"
 * Even the Girls Want Her: In Haruhi Suzumiya's chapter, it's the reason Haruhi picked Linda to be a new brigade member: to see if she could get such a reaction from Mikuru (or at least that was Kyon's reasoning).
 * Evil Counterpart: Lord Xig-Lem has the same kind of armor as Mike, just black colored, and his weapon is a mirror shield to match Mike's light saber.
 * Evolving Credits: Each chapter has an ending fit to the series it comes from (they have all of their corresponding next-episode previews/teasers).
 * Expansion Pack Past: As they meet new Genderiels, Linda unravels more of her forgotten past.
 * Facial Markings: When Linda gets her last spell, her magic rosary loses its thread and mystic markings appear on her cheeks and forehead.
 * Finishing Move: Mike's Cosmo Break and Linda's Rosary of Dawn (the former uses it on an usual basis, but that's because everything dies from it... Linda loses hers when she masters her own weapon, but gains a new one: the Elemental Wheel).
 * Fire, Ice, Lightning: And Wood, Water, Wind, Light, Dark...
 * Fourth Wall: Acknowledged in this quote from Mike's: 'I have just suffered the Anticlimax Boss, Big Damn Heroes and God Mode Sue tropes!'
 * Gag Boobs: Linda is at first oblivious to her... power over men, but this is a good example:

"Mike: ITS A FRIKKING GARBAGE TRUCK! Linda: I don't see any problem with it... Mike: IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE!?"
 * Gainax Ending
 * Genre Roulette: Each galaxy has its own rules to abide to... so no, Mike, you can't use jutsus or ki attacks on the Shojo Galaxy. Nor you can do anything yourself in the Mon Galaxy. Correlates with So Last Season.
 * Goggles Do Something Unusual: The special visor which comes with the standard Knight of Lolicon package allows Mike to do Enemy Scan, has an external camera, a GPS map and some more things he never had time to tinker with.
 * The Heartless: When The Dragon isn't made of pure darkness, it's some character's mind and body gone terribly haywire.
 * Heroes Want Redheads: And if they become the Fiery Redhead, the better (although Linda started out as a Shy Blue Eyed Girl, soon the metaphorical fire in her hair took over her)
 * Heroic BSOD:
 * Hidden Eyes: Sometimes, when speaking about a delicate topic (Mike's position in this war, for example).
 * Hidden in Plain Sight: The best place to hide the Goddess of Lolicon's dying soul was
 * Hostage for Macguffin: Used by the eeevil Xig-Lem when he doesn't reach the Token Loli before the heroes. Straight example in Mahou Sensei Negima's chapter, where he wants to exchange Anya for Shojonoe's egg.
 * I Always Wanted to Say That: A few times.
 * If I Can't Have You: The reaction of zombified Odajima-sempai when everything was beginning to go down hill. If she can't have Nagisa, then the world will be nuked by her Combined Energy Attack!
 * I Just Want to Be Normal:
 * Image Song: In Mermaid Melody's chapter, the boy writes a song for his girl partner to sing the villain to death (which is a version of Mystical Ninja's intro, sung with Spanish fan-lyrics.)
 * Granted, Linda had just passed the same mermaid test as Yae, so it fits the plot perfectly.
 * Impossibly Cool Clothes: The armor granted to the Knight of Lolicon is a mish-mash of Rule of Cool ridden items. In the same vein, the witch costume granted to Linda looks like Rainbow Pimp Gear.
 * Inevitable Tournament: In the Tales (series) chapter.
 * Invisible to Normals: The Genderiels, if they want to, of course.
 * I Will Find You: When Linda recovers her memory, she instigates Mike to do such promise to her.
 * Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Lord Xig-Lem looks like a monster driven by Perverse Sexual Lust at first sight, but even he grew out to genuinely care about his Perky Female Minion after her absence.
 * Jigsaw Puzzle Plot: It has the level of a six-piece preschooler puzzle, but it's there.
 * Jumped At the Call: A totally stranger girl is about to fall to her death and you are at a jump's distance to catch her? Mike's answer was quick and blunt: Going hero!
 * And then happened one of the weirdest cases of Crash Into Hello, the Funbag Airbag: in reverse and on a vertical plane.
 * Keep It Foreign: The original Spanish version of the fic is titled "Tales of Toons: Knight of Lolicon". The English translation is called "Tales of Toons: Rorikon no Kishi".
 * The Kid with the Remote Control: Mike also gets his own Transtector in the Masterforce universe:

"Shonenji: Shojonoe, why did you defect to the wrong side? What you feel for such a villain is dangerous... and self-destructing."
 * Leave Him to Me: Uttered by Mike, to the point of it being a Running Gag (he knows nobody can stand a chance agaisnt Dangerously Genre Savvy Lord Xig-Lem but himself, the Ascended Fanboy)
 * Lolicon: the focus of all the plot. Genuine, fatherly love or Perverse Sexual Lust? Whose side are you on?
 * Lost in Translation: Some in-jokes don't make sense out of the Spanish language.
 * Love Freak: Mike is a rare male example of what was said about Lolicon being fatherly love (of which he approves) instead of evil lust (which is what is corrupting the Toon World and why he was chosen as his savior)
 * Love Makes You Evil: Shojonoe, being the Genderiel of Shojo, feels the need of being romantically attached to someone. Anyone. She met Lord Xig-Lem, and the rest is history...

"Mike: (narrates) That was a shock! Along with her memories, Linda had also lost her manners! Only she would have dared to appear before me wearing... arg, I can't end the phrase!"
 * Magical Girl: Linda, when she pacts with Mahorita, the Genderiel of Maho Shojo and gets her own superpowers, complete with Transformation Sequence.
 * Magnet Hands: Lord Xig-Lem can manipulate, activate and even resize his Mirror Shield without touching it, which comes in handy when he has his hands busy grabbing a helpless loli.
 * Make My Monster Grow: Sometimes used by the bad guy, that is, if the monster wasn't ginormous to begin with.
 * Marshmallow Hell: Used offensively against the Monster of the Week inhabiting the Demon World, in Petite Princess Yucie's chapter.
 * Meaningful Name: Linda is quite a looker.
 * Mega Crossover: Of twenty-six different series.
 * Mega Manning: Linda learns her spells blue-mage style, by exposing herself to the appropriate elements (sometimes by accident)
 * Mentor Mascot: Shonenji is this to Mike, and later Mahorita would be this for Linda (albeit her attitude is more of an 'upperclassman' rather than a 'teacher')
 * Mismatched Eyes: Linda has a case of this with her Wings of Heart, where one is the right color (Mahorita's pink) and the other is not (the meddlesome Shojonoe's golden yellow)
 * Musical Spoiler: When the heroes don't know where have they just landed, they only wait for the series' OP song to start and immediately resume traveling.
 * Naive Everygirl: Linda has traits of these, even when she's near Mike's realistic influence.
 * Naked First Impression:

"Shonenji: Remember, Lord Mike, that Lady Linda has her biological necessities too. Mike: Ah, yes, I forgot that we travel from here to there, never really stopping..."
 * ... Absolutely nothing. There, I said it!
 * Nobody Poops: Inverted. In Love Hina's chapter, Linda hurriedly asks where is the bathroom...

"Shonenji: Again with the silly nicks, Lord Mike? How about I call you Mickey?"
 * No Pronunciation Guide: So, the boy's name is pronounced Mee-keh...

"Linda: You said this move is the key to drill through Xig-Lem's defenses, right? Mike: Correct, you already were witness to Sakura managing to do it. Linda: The card-catching girl? Mike: No, the ninja one!"
 * Occidental Otaku: Mike is an example of this in his own world.
 * Official Couple: (at the very last chapter, till then, it's a never-ending Ship Tease)
 * One Steve Limit: The following interchange between the two friends...

"Gotchi: Now I will enter the girl's soul, looks comfier. Mike: Hey! Are you saying MY soul is dirty? Just go and make Rita company...!"
 * "On the Next Episode of..." Catchphrase: Each chapter has his own, corresponding to its base series (like Sakura's Join us next time: RELEASE! or Digimon Frontier's Now the legend evolves!)
 * Panty Shot: When Linda uses her Transformation Sequence ripped off of Moetan, being the well endowed girl she is, Mike gets a good view (and a healthy boner)
 * Party in My Pocket: The recruited Genderiels shack up inside one of the humans' souls to rest.

"Mike: (posing as Emil) *clinc* Playtime's over... aaarg! (PLAM!) (ras-ras-ras!) It's the final strike! (PLAM!) (bzzz!) *insane laughter* Darkness Devours: Ain Soph Aur! (BOOM!)"
 * Power Crystal: Shojonoe threw a sharp crystal with the intention of killing someone, but it was embedded in Linda's head for two straight galaxies, a la Radioactive Man... (during that period the crystal worked as a plot advancement trinket)
 * Power Incontinence: Just when her rosary was completed, Linda began sneezing spells she didn't want to (although Mike mistook it for a 'master control')
 * Power Levels: Used, of all places, in the Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch chapter... as shown:
 * Mermaid lvl 1: Gain fish tail, Super Not-Drowning Skills, and resistance to cold.
 * Mermaid lvl 2: Lose fish tail, gain Impossibly Cool Clothes, and becomes a Musical Assassin.
 * Mermaid lvl 3: Aside from Power Makes Your Hair Grow (present in lvl 2), gain a Frilly Upgrade.
 * Mermaid lvl 4: (fic-only) More hair growing, changes skin color, learns sonic-boom scream.
 * Red String of Fate: Shojonoe, in her last serious battle, detected the two energy strings that meant the two friends had made a vow relative to each other.
 * Replacement Goldfish:
 * And of course, his creation loves him a bit too much.
 * Save Both Worlds: Mike is chosen to save the Toon World and the Real World, by stopping the flow of negative energy (regarding Lolicon) coming from the most insane, troubled part of humankind. There is a difference between a harmless pedophile and a child molester, you know.
 * Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: Done to ridiculous lengthts during the Tales (series) chapter:

"Linda: Come on, Mike, I hope the next time you will let me watch... Mike: That sounded quite dirty."
 * Sealed Good in a Can: The Goddess of Lolicon.
 * Secret Test of Character:
 * Shout-Out: Oh boy, where to start... maybe from the beginning.
 * The division between galaxies is reminiscent of Super Mario Galaxy 's gameplay.
 * Mike's outfit is a reference to Ben Tennyson's, while Linda is like Travis Touchdown's
 * The first chapter's head paragraph ('a teacher is one who devotes oneself...') takes after the Narrator's first lines in Hayate the Combat Butler's first OP sequence.
 * The enemies in the Transformers chapter aren't Masterforce's Decepticons but the ones in the first live action movie.
 * The Big Bad has a self made Transtector, which looks like Gotcha Force's dragon borgs. (Even the name is a Shout-Out: Draco-borg)
 * When Linda gets bathed in Chemical Z her pictomancy powers take after Final Fantasy VI 's kid artist Relm, complete with living-portrait-kicking-its-models-ass.
 * In Mermaid Melody's chapter the mermaids get trapped in her half-fish form because of being cursed with spring water (which curiously, doesn't come from China but from the Dead Sea) In the same chapter, Linda sings the intro to Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon... with an all-new translation.
 * The one-shot only attack granted to Mike by Aqua Regina, the 'Dragon Wrath' looks like the similar sounding tech from Shiryu, the Dragon Saint. Of course that was to be on par with the villain, who somehow stole one of Poseidon's Cloths.
 * Lenneth Valkyrie makes a cameo in the Ah! My Goddess chapter along with a fellow Norse mythology partner: the squirrel Ratatosk. The heroes were expecting someone a bit more... blonde.
 * The Petite Princess Yucie chapter has us meet a young Lucifon, before he met the Gods chosen child, Olivia. Apparently, when young he disliked sexy women as much as some famous evil overlord.
 * All the plot in Haruhi Suzumiya's chapter stems from the Treehouse of Horrors episode in which Bart is also a Reality Warper.
 * Negima's chapter brings us the four mages which founded the 'Jobar' School of Wizardry (it's a Spanish term roughly meaning 'aw, man') Their names should ring a bell.
 * Pokémon's chapter has Ash's cousin visit him and being robbed of her Pokémon, and Mike gets a Pokewatch that morphs him into different Pokémon. And Colosseum's heroes, Wes and Rui, also make an appearance.
 * Digimon's chapter, set in the Tamers universe, needs some knowledge of the Wonderswan games to fully be understood (Ryo's relationship with Cyberdramon)
 * In Yu-Gi-Oh!'s chapter, good old Yami does a Shadow Game to beat Lord Xig-Lem... and the game that's suggested appears as a minigame in Tales of Eternia.
 * In the The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess chapter, Agitha gives her medallion to Link before being caught, which later summons a giant, golden stag beetle to fight alongside the heroes. Mike describes it best: 'This looks just out of a damn Mushiking fight!'.
 * Xenogears's chapter delves into Maria Balthasar's missing mom, and it happens to be that she pulled out a Yui Ikari.
 * The Tales series chapter makes the boy and girl from the second Narikiri Dungeon game take after Mike and Linda's appearance (just after they robbed Emil and Marta's costumes themselves)
 * All the Final Fantasy chapter, set in the Dissidia world, is reminiscent of the Sanctuary arc of Saint Seiya.
 * Subordinate Excuse: Shojonoe began following Xig-Lem's every whim because she wanted to be the one on top of his 'galactic harem'.
 * That Came Out Wrong:

"Kaolla: Hey, the boy with the funny glasses is naked... well, just as the girl is. Kitsune: You're right! From here you couldn't tell, but I am sure they were about to do This and That to each other... Mike: (frozen) We weren't!"
 * Theme Naming: Come on, don't tell me you can't guess Shojonoe's name origin... Or Mahorita's? Or Gotchi? Not even Digidude's? That's sad.
 * The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: More like 'the only one apt to defeat you'.
 * The Reveal: Two of them, one involving Linda and other involving Lord Xig-Lem.
 * This and That: In the Hinata Hotsprings:

"Shonenji: How do you like them Knight's powers? Mike: Apart from pulling out a sword from nowhere, they are rather lame."
 * This Is My Story.
 * Time Travel: This must happen in order for the Yu-Gi-Oh! chapter to make any chronological sense.
 * Token Loli: Each fandom's has the energy needed to restore a bit more of the Goddess' powers.
 * Trapped in TV Land.
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Inverted... the first thing many characters notice about Linda is the painful-looking crystal stuck in her forehead.
 * Villain Exit Stage Left: The heroes can never really defeat the villain, only force him to flee.
 * "Wake-Up Call" Boss: the T-rex found in Dragon Ball's chapter, served as a (not)tutorial for Mike's newfound powers as Knight of Lolicon.


 * What Is This Feeling?:
 * Whip It Good: The Wood spell of Linda's, makes vines grow and do all shorts of whip tricks.
 * Younger Than They Look: Mike himself looks younger than your typical Christmas Cake... but yeah, the prize goes to the Goddess of Lolicon proper, having existed since... 1955.