Hellfire Commentaries/Funny

"FTA: ...WHAT?! You're fucking jo--please tell me you're joking on that, please tell me, tell me he, I, just, ....e-e-excuse me for ten seconds please... (Leaves his mic) WHAT THE FUCK?! GRAAAAAAHH! -thud- -thud- -thud-
 * FTA's reaction to the "Who's The Captain?" mission:

NTom: (as FTA returns) All better now?"

"FTA: WHAT THE FUCK?!
 * Made even funnier by the dialogue during the game WHILE he says this.

Sonic: That was incredible!

FTA: FUUUUCK!"

"Shadow: Let's get MOVING!"
 * Like FTA and Eggmanland below, NTom loses it in a similar fashion during the Trials of Soleanna.
 * "Damn you all to hell! Please subscribe. " (FTA)
 * Three words:

"FTA: This has been ten minutes and forty-seven seconds of my life I'll never get back. Damn you all to hell!
 * Near the end of Part 15 of Silver's story:

NTom64: Don't be silly... you don't have a life!"


 * FTA: Silver's head looks like marijuana!

"Tom: That dialogue with Tails was terrible.
 * "I feel up for a boss! Don't you, Tom?" (Helldragon) "Hmm, is this loading screen the boss?" (NTom)
 * "I'm so glad that this cutscene of the Cerberus being destroyed was sandwiched by loading screens, because THAT'S what we needed!" (Helldragon)
 * A throwback to the Kingdom Hearts playthrough:

Helldragon: His gesturing is terrible. "Oh man, I hope we solve this mystery!" And he's flailing at the air like a moron!

Tom: Mm. Parasite Cage would be ashamed.

Helldragon: Buh, Parasite Cage should just jump in and kill them all, and then I can get a drink."

"NTom: By the way, this is intentional. (Sonic runs into a wall of spikes)
 * This exchange:

Helldragon: Well, why'd you do that?

NTom: Because he deserves it, okay?"

"Helldragon (whiny Silver voice): Sonic, now we're alone so we can finally make love~
 * "I am now mounting you from behind! Forever!" (Helldragon)
 * "Look at me ma! I can use computer!" (Helldragon)
 * "No! Typing doesn't make it go! What was I thinking?! STAR TREK!" (Helldragon)
 * Before Sonic's Kingdom Valley level, when Silver appears:

NTom: Ugh; please don't bring your fanfiction into this, mate.

Helldragon (normal voice): Wha-- I don't write crap like that!"

"Helldragon: ...I have to question the wisdom of making blast doors out of glass!
 * This exchange, regarding Eggman's choice of security:

Tom: What, is he taking advice from Lawrence III here?

Helldragon: He better not, or he'll end up just like Lawrence at the end of Pokémon Heroes.

Tom: What, his picture will be in a book?

Helldragon: ...No... that was an obituary, because I shot him."

"Helldragon: "I-probably-should've-thought-this-throooooough--" BWOOSH! And now they're dead."
 * During the last cutscene in Sonic's story, when Sonic and Elise are falling:


 * And in either of the '06 playthroughs... "Dooo-dododo-dodo-dodo Don't touch it!"

"NTom: It's going to be in every game! I can't escape it!"
 * NTom's little freak out when Sonic said "Let's get moving."

"NTom: What's a moray?
 * NTom posing a perfectly reasonable question:

FTA: When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's a moray.

NTom: (clapping) Well done, that is actually well deserved."

"NTom: Well, Yuji Naka's always been a bit of a glory hog...
 * Tom explains his joke:

NTom: See what I did there? Glory "hog"?

FTA: It wasn't funny, so I didn't laugh."

"FTA: -starts humming this song-
 * During the Shamar night level:

Tom: Could you please not hum that throughout the entirety of this part?

FTA: ...Why?

Tom: I really don't want to have to kill a bitch.

(Beat)

FTA: -starts humming it again-

Tom: Since I'm lazy, insert stabbing sound effect here."

"NTom: *imitating Professor Pickle* Hmm... My nether regions are on fire!
 * The group's Rule 34 discussions are always hilarious, but special mention goes to this playthrough, with them bringing up a hypothetical Fire Wizard x Professor Pickle Crack Fic. (Bonus points: this is shortly after the humming session mentioned immediately above.)

FTA: Now that's just wrong.

NTom: You started it."

""Everyday, people are asking me 'When's Unleashed getting finished?', 'When's Unleashed getting finished?'! FUCKING TODAY!""
 * Someone eventually wrote one on their forum.
 * "Oh fuck; we're talking about beverages in a Sonic Unleashed playthrough!" (NTom)
 * "You are white, and probably middle-class; I don't know, I haven't bothered to ask." (NTom)
 * Fastest Thing Alive's maniacal laughter once they finish Eggmanland.
 * And the following part after it:

"NTom:"
 * This outtake.
 * Tom's reaction upon seeing definitely qualifies.

"NTom: I lost to Knuckles?!
 * When NTom loses to Knuckles in the first game. FTA's verbal abuse doesn't help Tom deal with it either.

FTA: (laughing) You lost to Knuckles! Man, you suck!"

"Tom: I will fucking shank you.
 * "Who the fuck else is she gonna be? She already told you her name is 'Rouge the Bat'!" (FTA)
 * This Accidental Innuendo/Innocent Innuendo:

FTA: You'll shag me?

Tom: Shank.

FTA: Tom, this is hardly the time or place!

Tom: S-H-A-N-K, OK?!"

"Tails: All's well that ends well, right?
 * "Grinding's been sort of a staple in the series, like rings, loops, and bad voices." (FTA)
 * FTA's imitation of former Sega game developer, Yuji Naka.
 * This little exchange from the first game.

FTA: THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!"

"Tom: (after FTA shot down the fact that Tom's birthday was coming soon) What do you mean, so? You bastard.
 * From the third part of the Dark Story, I give you this: Tom and FTA falling out.

FTA: So, how does it affect me? It doesn't affect me, Tom, I don't care, shut up.

Tom: (starts mock-whimpering)

FTA: Shut your whore-mouth.

Tom: I dun wanna talk to you no more! (Beat) Yeah, that's the end of the SA2 playthrough, bye!

Both: (laugh)

FTA: This video contains E-drama."

FTA: Because I despise you.-] "Tom: And don't forget Robotnik is chasing you with a Death Laser™.
 * [-Tom: Gareth, why has it taken us so long to get to this playthrough?
 * Tom describing the race with Metal Sonic:

FTA: (laughs)

Tom: And if you get caught by that, the Death Laser--

FTA: ™.

Tom: --you will die.

FTA: ™.

Tom: Yes, I trademarked death, that's right.

FTA: ™."

"Tom: Aah, get away from me! You crazy bitch!"
 * "Why are you so boring?!" (NTom)
 * Sonic's first meeting with Amy:


 * "We destroyed the robo-sandwich." (NTom)

"Helldragon: Parasite Cage would be like, the worst roommate ever. "Hey Parasite Cage, you want something to eat?" "AAAHHH!" and he flails and he takes out the fridge.
 * The first Kingdom Hearts playthrough had its moments, such as with Parasite Cage:

Tom: Takes out the whole left side of the house.

Helldragon: "Goddamn it Parasite Cage, you need to get a fucking job!" "AAAHHHH!" "Stop killing my fridge!""

"Helldragon: Why'd you put on Fairy Harp?
 * Located here for your convenience.
 * "Oh dear, where has Metal Chocobo gone?"
 * This exchange at the end of Neverland:

Tom: Number one, it's green. Number two, it's more powerful than the one we were using before

Helldragon: Number three, the range is pathetic.

Tom: Number four, shut up.

Helldragon: Number five, you just missed a treasure chest back there.

Tom: Number six, I do believe you're correct.

Helldragon: Number seven, ha ha ha ha ha I win.

Tom: Number eight, fuck you."


 * The duo's efforts to make sense of the Gummi Ship space. Sonic, Tetris, and Gradius references ahoy.

"Xemnas: I'm what's left.
 * From the beginning, the KHII playthrough was bound to become a riot.

Helldragon: Of what, the pizza?

Xemnas: My name is of no importance.

Helldragon: (simultaneously) His name is Not Dongs.

Tom: Yeah... hello there, Mr. Of No Importance."

"Helldragon: And that last asshole back there, that att- they're driving around like fucking maniacs now! God! Kill them! Die! Now! Today! Mind bullets! Nrrgh!"
 * "After he met Roxas, he became happy and free, and emotional. Fan-fictiooooon!" (Helldragon)
 * "And thus a thousand fanfictions were born!"
 * "Die, Windows! Die, Linux! Di-- Macintosh, you're alright; you don't get to die --DIIIE!" (Helldragon)
 * Also, their alternating Fan Nickname for Dusk Nobodies... usually they call them "Gimps", but occasionally they call them "Pimps" instead.
 * "Now, let's massage the giant, sweaty cat." (Helldragon)
 * Helldragon's mental breakdown, regarding the cars in Timeless River:

"Helldragon: Oh yeah! (Sora turns around and sees Barbossa) Oh no!"
 * "Shake your fist in angry British rage, Tom!" "You can't see it, but my fist is wearing a monocle!"
 * And in Port Royale:

"NTom64: Sora, regardless of what it says in the song, you are not a pirate.
 * And another moment:

HellDragon: yarr-harr fiddle yee dee being a pirate-yeah, I'm not going to sing that."

""I will destroy all the fridges in the world!""
 * The return of an old friend...

""And suddenly, a new Trope was born...""
 * During that battle, their references to This Wiki.

"Helldragon: He's ceased being a troll and has become a flamer. The phases of Saix: Troll, Flamer and Overall Respectable Forum Member. Not sure when that last one happens though."
 * "Yeah, we got Oathkeeper, but I'm a "kill things" man, and magic doesn't have the killtential that I crave..." (Helldragon)
 * "Okay, are you gonna say it, or should I?" "Go for it." "MANSEX!"
 * "Whatever, we're confused; this is Filler, don't judge me. Judge him, but not me." "Fuck you."
 * Saix, the Ultimate Troll.

"Helldragon: That's not my Heartless!"
 * Bob the Douchebag. "'What did you bring? I brought casserole.' 'I brought FIRE!' 'Why do we keep inviting him?'"
 * "Well, it's gonna be around 14 parts or so, if my rudimentary math skills-- GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME --are anything to go by." (NTom)
 * Derp-Dragon. That is all.

""We found the recipe for Freddie Mercury!""
 * Upon picking up a "Queen Recipe" item:

"Helldragon: Ow. That was good."
 * "Holding down Square? Isn't that what Enix has been doing for years?" (NTom)

"Helldragon in agony: I love you...you love me. We're a happy family.
 * Throughout the playthrough, Tom's developing status as a Pungeon Master-- by the 100th episode, his barrage of puns has nearly caused Helldragon to lose his mind.
 * Atlantica. Their descent into madness is glorious.

Ntom also in agony: I can't feel emotions anymore!"

"Helldragon: Notes everywhere! Notes!"

"NTom64: I've dreamed about recording the commentary for this for years now.
 * "Quinton Flynn Action Time, go, now, yes!"
 * "Alright Axel, let our powers combine! Fire! Umm... Fire! ...Fire! ...Fire!"
 * "With your powers combined, I am Captain Fire!" "~Captain Fire! He's on fire! Holy shit, he is always on fire!~"
 * Them bringing up the fact that they went away and read some Aku Roku fanfictions.
 * During the dialogue between Xemnas and Ansem:

HellDragon: Fine, I won't spoil it for you, you nerd.

NTom64: No, I mean I woke up thinking we'd done it, but it was still during the nine months we were gone."

"Tom: Haha, oh shit!"
 * One more for the endgame, when, Tom delivers yet another killer line, which sends both of them into hysterics:


 * When they highlighted Sora finishing Xemnas off by stabbing him in the crotch, when the latter is in his Armor Form and the camera decides to show the action in slow motion.

"NTom: You did it again, you bastard!"
 * Next up, Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep. Hoo, boy...
 * The latest Running Gag: Terra's affinity for murder.
 * Helldragon finally getting revenge with his Terra-ble puns!

"HellDragon as Terra: And that's when I pushed Aqua off that bridge.
 * Both of the commentators roleplaying dialogue for Ven's silent flashback


 * Both of them laugh*

NTom as Ventus: Good times."

"Ven: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
 * HellDragon: "Considering he [Terra] dodges like a truck!"
 * Right after that too, when Terra tries to open a treasure chest...only to miss completely
 * "Kingdom Hearts in a Nutshell":

Tom: "Heh, Kingdom Hearts in a nutshell.""


 * "Whee; Companion Cube!" "Stop humping the Companion Cube!" (Ron and Tom, respectively)
 * greatzombieron's threat to anyone who spoils "The Dark Knight" for him.
 * "NTom64 does not condone pushing disabled people." (NTom64)
 * "Ron does. Because it's fun." (greatzombieron)
 * "I fantasize about... boobs. They're delicious." (greatzombieron)

"IRTundraboy: (singing) Vagina mouth demon!"
 * IRTundraboy, when the first boss (A worm-like creature) shows up:

"Tom: Will you stop killing the Sonic franchise?!
 * This exchange, after Ron runs over another hedgehog ground urchin:

Ron: It's already dead! Project Needlemouse will fail!"

"Tom: I'm smarter than the average BEEEEAR..."
 * When a large, metallic bear is hit by their car:


 * Also, "Bambi of the Damned!"
 * During the Filler episode -- the Guardian of Metal says "Go fucking crazy!" as they're leaving the Motor Forge... and Ron does just that. "I AM THE BANANA!"


 * Tom, Ron and Tundraboy gunning down Metrocops while singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
 * All of the moments listed here have culminated into a hilarious, very meta segment where NTom, greatzombieron, and IRTundraBoy spend nearly half an hour discussing their own trope page. Among other things, they discuss how IRTundraBoy's barely featured at all, and how most of the quotes listed have come from Helldragon.

"NTom: I've been trying to tone down the innuendos in this part, because apparently "That was a penis joke" is now an Overused Running Gag. Thank you, whoever edited that in on TVTropes; it hasn't affected me at all!"
 * Of course, they're also quite willing to take a couple shots at us:

"Daniel: That was a penis joke. Because he called him a dick."
 * And then IRTundraBoy immediately follows up with this:


 * Ron's impressions of Gabe Newell and Christopher Walken. Can overlap with Squick, due to what he said during the latter.
 * Ron shooting Combine in the face while IRTundraBoy sings a little carnival tune. Made twice as hilarious when the combat fits the rhythm and when Ron turns to see a Combine soldier spazzing out in a door G-Mod style.
 * When Tom is trying to stop a fan inside an air duct so he can pass by without being cut to shreds, he's supposed to use a metal shovel. A shoe almost works. Made funnier by the fact that if he didn't hesitate before trying to pass, it would have worked, seeing how long it stopped.

"Helldragon: God, they weren't lying when they said that this was a storm.
 * Pokémon the First Movie has the gag where
 * Also, this bit:

Tom: They said it was only a light drizzle!"

"NTom: ...Fuck you, 4Kids!
 * Spell of the Unknown: "Stop watching Youtube and pay attention!"
 * During the Pokémon 4 Ever commentary, Helldragon nearly made Tom cry when he implied that Ash's Butterfree died shortly after leaving the show.

Helldragon: Hahaha! I made someone cry.

NTom: Fuck you as well!"

"Helldragon: (singing) "I'm a cucumber! I'm a cucumber!""
 * Early on in the Jirachi Wish Maker commentary:

"Helldragon: Pokémon: The Quest for Breakfast.
 * "I like puppies and kitties and cute things... a-and if you think I am a loser for thinking that, I will fucking cut your throat!" (Helldragon)
 * Near the beginning of their Destiny Deoxys commentary, they decide that the entire movie is about scientists trying to cook a Deoxys egg:

NTom: Destiny Delicious."

"Helldragon: Yeah, hi, Deoxys; we definitely weren't going to mix you together with salt and pepper."
 * The aforementioned Space Omelet is brought up several times throughout the movie, such as when the egg is hatched--

"Helldragon (Rayquaza): You will pay the omelet tax, so says the omelet king."
 * ...and later on:

"Helldragon: It was gonna be my balanced breakfast, goddammit!"
 * ...and later still:

"Helldragon (Deoxys): Hey, I got a gift for you Rayquaza -- it's called dying!
 * This lovely little exchange:

NTom (Rayquaza): But didn't you get me that last Christmas?

Helldragon (Deoxys): You are so hard to shop for!"

"NTom: Oh wow, Brock actually scored for a change."
 * Lucario and the Mystery of Mew
 * "The Waltz of the CGI." (Helldragon)
 * Kidd accepting Brock's request to dance with him at the ball.

"NTom: That was the perfect opportunity! Why didn't you snap his neck? Another ten years of that fucking twat that can't win any tournaments!"
 * This scene when Lucario jumps Ash:

"NTom: When Ash goes flying forward, he's going to hit a Brock."
 * Helldragon wondering why Brock and Kidd are the only ones who bother to put on seatbelts. And then Tom's pun:

"NTom: what are you crying about about, 'oh Max's limbs were so beautiful before I cut them off'."
 * "Okay, chlorophyll does NOT work like this. I've watched The Magic School Bus, trust me." (Helldragon)
 * Helldragon's hatred for Bonsly.
 * Ash's Pokedex entry.
 * At one point, Helldragon off-handily makes a joke about cutting off Max's limbs later:

"NTom: You sicken me with your ad-libbing, Aaron... I me--
 * A couple exchanges in the Alice in Wonderland comm, such as:

Greatzombieron: MY NAME IS RON!"

"Greatzombieron: Why are you such a walking stereotype?
 * Also, the question we've all been dying to ask:

NTom: I don't know, Guv'na!"

"RandomDCE: "I say, my good fellow; what's going on here?""
 * Three words: "It's a living!"
 * From A Bug's Death Life-- the Shakespearean bird.

"Helldragon: The sultan is a reference to fat people! Take a drink!"
 * All of Aladdin and the King of Thieves-- "Take a drink!"


 * "Persian Wolverine! He's the best at everything he does! "
 * Likewise, their entire High School Musical riff-- all of the Alternate Character Interpretation, particularly that of the (demonic) Coach Bolton.
 * Tom pointing out the Double-bacterian Camel on the set.
 * "Does NTom have to smack a bitch?"

"FTA: "If you were in FTA's body, and FTA was in your body, what would you do?"
 * From the Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions stream, when FTA was relaying questions from the live chat to Tom (who was playing at the time):

Tom: *In evil voice* "Initiate Self-Destruct.""

"FTA:: Tom, "what would you do for a Klondike Bar?" (Must be an American thing.)
 * Other gems:

Tom:: ...Kill you?

...

FTA: What is Minecraft, anyway?

Tom: It's a thing, where you do stuff."

"Before entering a room, the two are following a (guest) player in a race:
 * Mario Kart Wii, with IRTundraBoy:

Tom: How can he ride a bike? He has no feet!

Tom: Haha, look at that! You're immortalized for all time on the HellfireComms livestream. You are shit! You are shit! Look at you, FC Bayern!"

"FTA: Danielnicholl says "Question: Would all three of you get into one huge porno--" What is your obsession with us in a porno? Seriously.
 * Another moment was when Tom was racing with a bunch of regular stream visitors. Right before the finish line, Tom was in third place. Cue a Bob-Omb appearing out of nowhere and right in front of him, putting him down to second to last. Tom was not amused, but the stream audience was.
 * More shenanigans ensue in the second segment of the Shattered Dimensions playthrough:

Tom: It would be so hot, it would be past X-rated.

Helldragon: ...What would the porno entail? Just three fat guys wishing they could have sex with someone?"

"Stephen!Walken!Eggman: Get a LOAD of this!"
 * Sonic Adventure 2, with a triple-bill of Tom, Gareth, and Stephen (SonicMovies):
 * Stephen's cat accidentally shutting off his computer.
 * "FTA and SonicMovies Make a Porno."
 * The aforementioned two discussing a re-dub of the game, with SonicMovies as Christopher Walken as everyone:

"Tom: Oh no, movie clips, we're going to fucking jail."
 * MANY hilarious moments ensue during the FTA's Super-de-Duper Sonic Stream
 * FTA and Skylar are very close and personal friends
 * Do you know Classic Amy?
 * "Didi Pickles was a MILF back in the day - randomirishlad"
 * From the Toy Story 2 Marathon stream.
 * Tom's initial reaction to the FMV cut scenes

"Tom: Yes! Pancakes and blow jobs for all!"
 * Tom's finally completing a particularly tricky swinging section.

"FTA: They're like, "It's Sonic, it needs to have ]ings!"
 * The Gaming Brit singing Escape from the City in his Sonic Generations review.
 * "Ah! Old man! Leave me alone! I told you last night 'No'! I'm going to file a restraining order!" (RandomDCE)
 * Any of DCE's impressions count here.
 * From the Sonic and the Black Knight playthrough:

NTom: It's li-- did you just say "wings"?

FTA: Even without wings, I can still fly!

NTom: YOU BASTARD-MAN. WHY DO YOU BRING THIS HATE INTO THE PLAYTHROUGH?!"

"NTom: Now, I will say, he's definitely not in the game; Robotnik -- you know, Merlina's not, at the last second, gonna, like, pull off a face and it's Robotnik wearing a dress...
 * Earlier from the same video: "That's 'cause you're a BITCH!" (NTom)
 * And of course:

FTA: That would have been the greatest thing ever...! -laughs-

NTom: That is a plot twist worthy of Shalamalama-ding-dong himself."

"Tom: Now I believe someone in the, er, comments section of the non-commentary version that's on HellfirePlaythroughs actually said in a moment, Sonic looks like he's coming on to Caliburn.
 * "Oh god, I feel Deviant ART clicking as we speak." (NTom)
 * This:

FTA: *LOLs* Oh Christ almighty! "What's a nice sword like you doing in a place like this?" *cracks up again*

Tom: "Mm, you're a studly piece of metal." *laughs*

FTA: That's hilarious. This game's dirtier than 06!"

"NTom: ...STOP FUCKING MAKING FUN OF ME!"
 * From the (now-removed) Sonic and the Secret Rings playthrough, when Tom calls FTA out:

"DCE: Can you imagine what the welcome sign is? "Welcome to Forks; there is no spoon.""
 * Tom's dramatic reading of the of the first chapter of Twilight. All of it. DCE certainly helps.

"...My. Wasn't that just retarded?"
 * Also Tom: Do you realise you've just spent the first two pages describing A FUCKING CAR!?
 * Speaking of dramatic readings, the entirety of My Immortal.

"Helldragon: George Lopez has fucking snapped, and he's gonna kill me! "I know everything, and you know nothing, little bitches!"
 * The entirety of the SharkBoy & LavaGirl commentary (and the loss of sanity within), but some moments stick out:

NTom: Remember where we parked LavaGirl."

"Helldragon: Whitest movie ever!"
 * Every single moment of the Harlem Globetrotters Meet Snow White commentary.
 * The first "HellfireComms Versus"; in a nutshell: NTom and Helldragon. Battleship. Hilarity Ensues.
 * The second "HellfireComms Versus"; in a nutshell: NTom and Helldragon. Yu-Gi-Oh!. Hilarity Ensues.
 * Several moments in the Dragonball Evolution commentary; near the end at one point, Tom bursts into high-pitched, hysterical laughter at the stupidity of the movie.

"RandomDCE: If someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good."
 * This line from the Ben 10 live action movie. Let's just say the reason why the line came up was because the Big Bad of the film wants Ben.

"NTom: *After Phelp's police cap gets knocked off* That was my Power Limiter, now it's time to turn into Super Phelps!"
 * In the L.A. Noire special, they go nuts with Phelps' Alternative Character Interpretation to funny levels.

""I GOT TURNED INTO A FLY HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN WHERE AM I NOW WHY MY SHOULDERS HURT"
 * Helldragon's ways of coping with the real-time lightspeed travel. Mainly, cutting to footage of someone being murdered.
 * The preview at the end of episode 7, with incoherent buzzing that loosely translates to: