You Need to Get Laid

""On the other hand, maybe all of this could have been avoided if you had just managed to get laid once in a while. You can't even tell me you'd be this tightly wound if you were receiving Treasure Type O regularly.""

- Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick

Some people are just too high-strung, uptight, or ill-tempered for their own good. In the worst cases, all three at once.

Inevitably, someone around them will strongly suggest they go out and do some dancing. And not just any dancing, something along the lines of the Horizontal Mambo. In other words, they need to find another release for all that pent-up energy, stress, or aggression, If You Know What I Mean.

I mean sex.

Sometimes said from one friend to another, if they seem too engrossed in their work or hobbies. Similar to "You need a girlfriend/boyfriend," the standard response to geeks being geeky. Can be somewhat patronizing due to the implication that whatever's bothering the person is just because of their hormones. Can very easily carry a wide variety of unfortunate baggage.

A slight variation of the concept is, rather than just flat-out saying it, trying to hook them up with another person in the hopes that the above will occur on its own. Taken to the extreme can result in Pity Sex.

When the person literally needs to get laid, this is Mate or Die.

Compare Why Don't You Marry It?, Sex as Rite-of-Passage, Nerds Are Virgins.

Contrast Did You Just Have Sex?.

Anime

 * Kyon suggests to Haruhi in Suzumiya Haruhi that finding a boyfriend might make her less of a Jerkass. The novels later suggest that Repressed Attraction helps a bit.
 * Quite a few people have told Kirihara this in the new season of Darker than Black, since she's a little too devoted to trying to catch Hei.
 * In Fullmetal Alchemist, Maes Hughes helpfully says to Roy Mustang..."I suggest you find yourself a wife!" In a variation, this isn't because Roy needs to get laid. It's because, politically speaking, Roy's superiors would look on him more favorably if he were married as they all are, instead of going out with a different woman every night as he usually does. Of course, if they knew that they would have a slightly different reaction.
 * Star Driver asks us all a very important question pertaining to Tetsuya's motorcycle enthusiasm: VIRGIN?
 * Haruka from My-HiME is constantly going around butting into everything. Everyone in the student body agrees she could use a boyfriend.
 * The Movie adaptation of RahXephon has a rare case of it actually working in action.
 * In the Fanon of Neon Genesis Evangelion, it's very common to see a character in a fanfic, and a few fans, say that Hikari Horaki needs a good lay. Popular pairings in this event are usually her love interest, Toji or Shinji, who she really hasn't said more than a few words to throughout the entire series.

Comic Books
"Watchdog group MY ASS! Who do these self appointed little fucks think they are, anyhow? Goddamn bullshit artists with too much time on their hands goin' lookin' for trouble where there ain't none to begin with! I mean Jesus Christ, that's how P. fuckin' C. got started! Political correctness! "Yeah, we're a buncha east coast liberal assholes an' we are just SO concerned--except we ain't got the balls to take on any real problems so we're gonna invent some our own so's we can feel like we're doin' somethin'! We're gonna save the world by makin' sure no one ever says FAGGOT! I tell you Skeeter, that's the problem with this country today. We're better off'n anyone else in the damn world but we still ain't satisfied. We can't just be happy with who are an' what we got. You know who it reminds me of is. These BODY-PIERCIN' MOTHER FUCKERS. I mean what the hell're you trynna tell me, you need a fuckin' iron ring in your race or your tits or your ass to feel fulfilled or some shit like that? You ain't a INDIVIDUAL 'til you got a big iron bar shot through the enda your pecker? You need that shit to be sure of who you are? Jesus fuckin' Christ, if there's one goddamn thing I am CERTAIN of when I wake up in the mornin' IT'S WHO THE FUCK I AM! [beat] I really gotta get laid."
 * Astonishingly, this was once said to Conan the Barbarian, of all people. In one of the later comics, Conan has been become the general of a rebellion against King Numedides of Aquilonia. A bit stressed, Conan has angrily chasing people out of his tent with threats of bodily harm. One of his allies suggests going into Messantia and finding a girl to bring on the road. This turns out to be a bad idea, as the girl he finds turns out to be a spy who poisons Conan. Fortunately, he survives.
 * The G-rated version happens in an issue of Marvel Adventures Avengers, when the Avengers are being diagnosed by Doc Samson. He writes in his notes on Spider-Man, "needs a wife." Good to know it's not just the fans who can't stand One More Day.
 * That sequence is taken from the X-Factor issues where Doc Samson examines the team. Wolverine makes a clever reference to Watchmen when he says his blot-test to look like "Some pretty flowers"
 * This page in the Elf Quest series: And really. Rayek does need to get laid. Badly. With a non-evil woman.
 * Jesse Custer in Preacher has this realization about himself after a long-winded rant to his dog, after he hears about a watchdog group protesting Arseface's music career:

"Aquaman: You mean, all this time, THIS was all I needed..? Dolphin: If you're like any other man, yes."
 * Ninjette once told this to Empowered.
 * When Peter David first started writing Aquaman, he quickly became a violent, snarky anti-hero... then he met Dolphin.


 * Subverted in Kevin Smith's Green Arrow run where Ollie scolds Mia to quit the lewd jokes and head to school. Mia snarks back that she would have thought Ollie would be in a better mood after a night-long romp with Black Canary.
 * Clark's editor says this in Superman: Secret Identity, when suggesting his pieces might be less analytical and detached if he lived a little more.

Fanfiction

 * Pulled off brilliantly in the Naruto Peggy Sue fanfic Reload, where Sasuke tells  that he needs to get laid.   listens, and sets off on an epic quest to get some, and isn't hesitant about telling people about it. Needless to say, this generates quite a few WTF?? reactions.
 * Shows up a lot in The History Boys fanfic: Scripps is celibate, and Dakin is always trying to get him to either get laid or even just have a wank.
 * Occurs frequently in Twilight fanfiction towards Edward (especially pre-Breaking Dawn, hur hur). In a typical set-up, Emmett and Jasper would rib Edward about being stuffy and uptight and accuse his virginity of being the root of the problem.
 * In Kyon: Big Damn Hero, Shion commented Keiichi that if his sister went to a hotel once or twice a week she would be much happier.
 * Something of a Running Gag in Athena Prime's Knights of the Old Republic fanfic After The Fall. Noura Den Hades (Revan) and Carth have sorted things out, they just haven't taken that particular plunge and things ranging from bad timing to Sith ghosts keep interrupting things.
 * My Friend, my Lover is an X-Men: Evolution fic playing that straight with Jean actually having medical problems due to lack of sex (Storm states mutants have a very high sex drive). She establishes a Friends with Benefits relationship with Scott. The change in both of them is rather unbelievable for their friends. So is the change in Logan after he hooks up with Storm.
 * In Life Left Behind Draco lives as a Muggle in New York. He works at a diner and one Friday, his best friend Joel shows up for his weekly 'you need a life' chat, which includes a discussion about the fact that Draco hasn't gotten laid in too long. What Joel doesn't know is that Harry, who is the ex that Draco has been pining after for ten years, happened to show up at the diner right before and can hear the whole conversation. Hilarity (and a bit of drama) ensues.
 * Imagine a property where you have an extreme bookworm and a godlike yet mischievous teacher. Imagine a fandom more than happy to dive into Rule34 like, say, the internet. Yes, there are some fics (the one linked to here is from a side-story to Progress) from My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic that go here. Usually the recipient's response is a request for Brain Bleach.
 * Celestia went the extra mile in the Progress side-story. She tells Luna this, and then gathers four of her guards to assist her (which Luna turned down). Oddly, it wasn't because of Luna being uptight, but because of her being naive (in Celestia's defense, Luna had just stated that she thought "Abacus" would be a good name for a foal).
 * In Hogyoku Ex Machina, Ichigo gets told this word-for-word by his hollow self since he's severely weakening himself in order to not be a Poisonous Person (it came with his Physical God status) and he's a Chick Magnet anyway, so why waste it? Ichigo's so embarrassed and adverse to the idea that the hollow turns to Zangetsu and asks, "He's not gay, right? I'd know if he was gay."
 * In a parody of the second Spider-Man movie, Peter doesn't get why Harry is so obsessed with avenging a father who constantly looked down on him. "You either need therapy or a blowjob, and I don't own any kneepads."
 * In Hunting the Unicorn, the Warblers constantly ridicule how sugary and chaste Blaine is with Kurt, but in the twelfth chapter, the trope gets inverted in the worst way possible.  Blaine's older brother did not take it well. In short,.
 * My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfic Whispers has Celestia give Arcanus the G-rated version of this trope, in the pretentious form of an academic task to study love.
 * Also, in Fallout Equestria It's revealed in flashback that  of all people says this verbatim as advice to  By that point, the Great War was waging and it's psychological toll was weighing on the advised party heavily.

Film
""Our last week on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid.""
 * In Babel, a Japanese deaf-mute girl named Chieko, after losing a volleyball match, gets this "suggestion" from a team-mate in order to end her bad mood. Chieko's response is priceless: "I'm gonna fuck your dad to get rid of my mood." And all of this in japanese sign language, mind you.
 * In City of God, the cool-headed Benny tells his volatile friend Lil Z'e, "you need a girlfriend."
 * In the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, after Will Turner reveals that he made all the swords in the blacksmith's shop and constantly trains with them, Jack Sparrow quips that he needs a girlfriend. He later decides Will is a eunuch, and it becomes a Running Gag.
 * The opening of Dogma, albeit with a lot more thought put into it than in most cases: "You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes."
 * And on the villains side, when one of the sexless fallen angels is going on a rampage, "This is just eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off, you know?"


 * Robin Williams to the sergeant major in Good Morning Vietnam, "You are in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history."
 * In the movie Little Big League, a 12-year-old inherits a pro baseball team. There's a scene in which, after he takes a bunch of crap from the players because he is a kid, he goes and gives the team a furious dressing down in which he reminds them that he is the boss and can fire every one of them. After he storms off one player turns to another and says "That kid needs a woman!"
 * Said by one of Andy's neighbors at the start of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. If it isn't obvious, it's pretty much Andy's goal throughout the movie, too.
 * Lucy Diamond, the lesbian supervillain in the film D.E.B.S. is told outright by her comrade right at the start of the film that she's trying to take over the world, destroy Australia etc etc because she doesn't want to face her own intimacy issues. The entire basis of the film is what happens when he sets her up on a blind date with a lesbian Russian assassin.
 * Swingers is pretty much all about Trent trying to get Mike laid so he'll get over a breakup.
 * Similar to the show below, one of the lighter moments of The Last Airbender has Iroh suggest that Zuko meet a girl while in Area 11 Fire Nation Colony 15.
 * Jason's parents to Jason in Mystery Team.
 * In American Beauty, Annette Bening's character notes of herself after she has sex, "That was exactly what I needed."
 * In Moon, Sam Bell says this to his computer companion, GERTY. "You think too much, pal. You need to get laid."

Literature
""... You were on the side for Women's Rights, Miss Grimaud, and against the Tyranny of Man. Yes, yes. You entered very pale and serious and solemn, and stayed like that until your own side began to present their case. They went on something awful, but you didn't look pleased. Then one lean female carried on for twenty minutes about what woman needed for an ideal state of existence, but you only seemed to get madder and madder. So when your turn came, all you did was rise to proclaim in silvery ringing tones that what woman needed for an ideal existence was less talking and more copulation. Or perhaps you didn't say copulation.""
 * Near the beginning of Lois McMaster Bujold's novel Brothers In Arms, Elli tells Miles "I don't think I've ever seen a human being who needs to get laid worse than you do right now." The UST between them means he's not sure if she's coming on to him or just giving him advice...
 * Bujold likes this trope. It shows up in Barrayar as well: "Cordelia pictured some understaffer confiding to Kou: 'Yeah, let's let the Old Man get laid, maybe he'll mellow out...'"
 * And then there's A Civil Campaign. The entire main cast know that they all need to get laid, but knowing that doesn't help matters one bit. Plus, apparently having your staff want your sex life to improve for their sake is hereditary to Vorkosigans: Kareen imagines a similar line about the Old Man's son, "For God's sake, can't somebody please get the little git laid, before he drives us all as crazy as he is?" And then there's "What sex? There hasn't been any sex. Dammit. Or this would all seem a great deal more worthwhile. I haven't gotten to kiss the woman yet!"
 * In The Lies Of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, the titular character is hopelessly in love with a woman who's a thousand miles away (and may or may not reciprocate), who he'd rather be miserable over than happy with anybody else—and that's a quote. Early on, two of his friends (read "adoptive family") tell him that he should just go to a brothel before he drives himself crazy. They almost come to blows over it.
 * Later in the novel, Locke finally decides to take his friends' advice... but he's still stuck on Her, and therefore he can't perform. He does get an excellent massage and some calming advice from a rather understanding prostitute, though.
 * One of the media tie-ins for the TV series Twin Peaks was a book collecting excerpts from Agent Dale Cooper's life-long diary entries. At one point while in college, a friend tells the tightly-wound Cooper that he "needs to get laid in the worst way." The friend then goes on a date that ends with him in the hospital in a full-body cast. Cooper then comments in his diary this must be the worst way to get laid.
 * Pride and Prejudice: Mr. Collins cannot emphasize enough to the Bennets the urgency with which Lady Catherine insisted he get married...
 * In Tanya Huff's Summon the Keeper, the titular Keeper can't get anyone to believe that there's an imp making trouble in her boarding house. She finally has evidence when it writes on her mirror in lipstick, but when she realizes that it's written "Somebody needs to get laid" she can't bring herself to show it to her housemates. (One would have died of embarrassment, the others would have loudly agreed with the imp).
 * Frankenstein's Monster says if he can get laid by a mate of his own kind, he'll stop killing and get out of his maker's hair for good. Frankenstein starts creating a female so his creation can get laid, but then destroys it after pondering "What if she's worse, and their offspring are even more worse than them?" The fact that the Monster didn't say anything about reproducing never crossed his mind.
 * Of course, the fact that a doctor capable of creating a being from spare parts could create a mate incapable of reproducing probably never crossed Mary Shelley's mind. Of course, given that this was written in the middle of the nineteenth century by a young woman, this is to be expected.
 * In the Sequel Series by Dean Koontz, the New Race (essentially version 2 or 3.0 that followed on from the monster) can get laid, but that's all they can do. They cannot feel intimacy (by design). It works about as well as you'd think.
 * In the end of Quicksilver Daniel Waterhouse is told by the John Wilkins of the Royal Society "You need to tend to your own faults, young fellow ”excessive sobriety, ... Undue chastity” let's back to the tavern!" They get him roaring drunk and
 * The Epic of Gilgamesh: Really, that's Enkidu's whole problem. All alone in the woods all his life, no wonder he's cranky. Six days later, problem solved!
 * At the beginning of Yendi, Loiosh says this to Vlad, which is very confusing to people who read the series in publication order since Vlad was happily married in Jhereg, and is a big hint that Yendi takes place before Jhereg.
 * Towards the end of Eclipse, Bella Swan from Twilight gets rather desperate for some action with Edward. When they finally satisfy that need in Breaking Dawn, Edward notes that it seemed that sex was the key to getting her to be agreeable...
 * Really, Edward? Really?
 * In the Night Huntress books, Bones gives the bigoted and tightly wound Justina a cynical look and says, "You're in desperate need of a good shag." Her daughter is too speechless to defend her...because she's often had the same thought about her mother.
 * Tyrion Lannister has this opinion of his nephew King Joffrey. At one point, he actually discusses options with his advisor to get Joffrey out of the eyes of his bodyguard so they can take him to a brothel (whether or not he's serious is anyone's guess).
 * In a bit of Unfortunate Implications in The Hollow Man by John Dickson Carr, Dr Gideon Fell recalls a time he was chairing a debate on women's rights:

""Your body cries out for sex" "No it doesn't" "Well it should!""
 * Later in the book, Carr's assistant suggests that she should have taken her own advice.
 * Zavahl, former Hierarch of Callisoria in Maggie Furey's Shadowleague trilogy, experiences a complete change of personality after finally getting laid.
 * Curse of the Wolfgirl gives us this wonderful soundbite between Malveria and Thrix:

""The Whitecloaks are a tight-lipped group, my Lady, but they are still men. Men who haven't seen a woman in a while, I think. That always makes them lose what few brains they have.""
 * Several people in the Wheel of Time series have this view about the Whitecloaks. From Towers of Midnight, chapter 30:

""If you went out and got a bit of snogging done yourself, you wouldn’t mind so much that everyone else does!”"
 * In Harry Potter, when Ginny and Ron get into a fight about Ginny's dating life, she says:

""Uresh. Your next assignment is to have sex. If you do not know how to do this, see me after class.""
 * During the "off again" phases of the "on again, off again" relationship between Stephanie Plum and sometime boyfriend Morelli, Lula frequently complains that Stephanie is a lot easier to get along with during the "on again" phases than during dry spells.
 * In The Wise Man's Fear Elodin says this to one of his students after the latter tells him a long and complex bit of trivia:


 * In Mercedes Lackey's Sacred Ground, the protagonist's grandfather reminds her of the importance of the "Osage blanket ritual" to relieve stress. A few chapters later, she decides to take the advice.
 * In Greg Bear's Eon, at one point one of the scientists investigates an asteroid confesses that he can't think clearly. One of his female colleagues suggests he needs to get laid. In a rare case for this trope, she proceeds to lock herself into the room with him, and undress.
 * In the prologue to Academ's Fury, of the Codex Alera series, a knight visiting the First Lord notes that the First Lord is looking haggard, and recommends, repeatedly, that he get himself a concubine or something to take the edge off.
 * In White Night, after the book's climax, Lara Raith, a White Court vampire, attempts to feed on Harry, but ends up getting burned by The Power of Love, which has been protecting Harry since his last encounter with his former girlfriend, four years previously. As soon as she realizes Harry is still protected, Lara remarks that while she immensely respects Harry, she finds a man as powerful and attractive as him not getting any for four years to be immensely sad.

Live Action TV
"Roz: For as long as I've known you, you've been complaining about your lack of a sex life. Suddenly, you have one. So why are you still complaining?"
 * Frasier. This strikes all of the cast members at least once in the series.
 * Frasier tends to suffer this the entire series. In the appropriately named episode Frasier Gotta Have It, when he earns a sexual fling with nutty artist Caitlin, Roz asks him an important question:

"Frasier: It’s high time you and Maris sat down and talked through your problems. Niles: (excited) She doesn’t want to talk. When she says “get together” she means in the “You wear the crème fraiche, I’ll lick it off” sense. She’s cleared her schedule from seven till seven-thirty, that means foreplay AND cuddling!"
 * Niles in Look Before You Leap is tantalized by Maris' rare offer of sex that he starts hitting on every female he sees, including Roz.

"Roz: Used to be I’d go out and get a little wild on my birthday. Now I go out and get a little dinner. Frasier: There’s nothing wrong with dinner. Roz: I know, but it used to come with sex. Daphne: Oh, come on, Roz, sounds like you need a drink. Roz: Oh, that used to come with sex, too."
 * Roz in Crock Tales bemoans her lack of a sex life.

"Will: Ya see? I remember when Hilary used to walk around the house all sour and stuff. It's like I always said, "That girl just needs a good fu-riend," Aunt Viv."
 * Kochanski to Rimmer in Red Dwarf, "Rimmer, have sex with someone. And that's an order."
 * The early The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode "Homeboy, Sweet Homeboy" manages to skate just past the radar with this in regards to an old friend from the streets of Will's who drops by and falls for Hillary, lessening her snobby attitude.

"Gunn: "So, you had an epiphany, did you? So, what you just wake up and 'bang'?" Angel: (smirking) "Well, it was sort of the other way around.""
 * In the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "A Night In Sickbay," Phlox questions whether his dog's illness is what's really bothering Captain Archer, and asks him, "How long has it been since you were intimate with a woman?"
 * The opening scene of "Fallen Hero" has T'Pol recommending shore leave on Risa, because crew efficiency has gone down 3% due to a lack of sexual activity. On the other hand, the sexual tension could be caused by a certain Vulcan walking around in her catsuit.
 * On Angel, Cordelia comments that if it were anyone other than the title character, she would say he needed to get laid. Unfortunately, Angel sometimes turns into an evil serial killer when he gets laid.
 * The episode after this proves Cordy is right—Angel has sex with Darla and rather than turning evil, overcomes his Despair Event Horizon and gets back together with his friends.

"Buffy: You never got a single date in high school, did you? Snyder: Your point being?"
 * Sex isn't exactly a problem with Angel. It's just that he can't get groiny with Buffy, the only woman with whom he can really have "a moment of perfect happiness," without unleashing Angelus upon the world.
 * In the second season finale of Buffy, Principal Snyder finds Buffy in the middle of a crime scene, and expels her. After she pulls out a giant sword, Buffy subtly insinuates this to Snyder.

"Xander: Exercising. Butt naked. In bed. You know, jokes aside, you really should get a girlfriend."
 * When Buffy turns invisible in season 6, Xander goes to Spike to discuss the situation and walks in on them having sex. Spike claims he's exercising and, possibly out of denial, Xander accepts it.

"Xander: You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you?"
 * Then there's the time Andrew freaks out over Willow wanting to kill him to Xander and Anya. They're not sympathetic, and the numerous Star Wars references do not help:

""She's no fun when Donald is relaxed!""
 * A variation during the final conflict of Season 6.  says "Oh Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked", but says it in the same way someone might say "You need to get laid."
 * In Season 3 episode 5 of Charmed, Piper's response to Prue's obsession with catching the Triad is "We really need to get her laid, huh?"
 * Season three House episode "The Jerk" has its unlikeable teenaged patient delivering a rather eloquent version of this trope, telling his mother: "Get yourself coited."
 * Nick Stokes on CSI once told assistant coroner David that he needed a girlfriend, only to have David reply "I'm engaged--but thank you."
 * An episode of MASH had half the camp desperate to get Margaret to Tokyo and her new husband, because she was making everyone miserable. And upon returning was sweet and peaceful as a dove, to the point of ignoring insults from Hawkeye and BJ;

""Blimey! Get a girlfriend, Jeff!" and later, "Delete your Internet history.""
 * Glenn gets accused of this in The Thick of It.
 * In late September, Chris Rock appeared on Oprah Winfrey's show promoting a new movie that promised to reveal the "secrets" of African American women's hair. Viewers were not happy. When he re-appeared on the show he was read a letter from "Shirley" with the following exerpts: "It is not necessary to let every white woman know all that we do to compete and be accepted today." "White women know black men love to run their hands through silky smooth hair, and they will use this knowledge to take our men." His response "Shirley Shirley Shirley... Shirley needs a man!"
 * Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother believes that every international conflict boils down to sexual tension. Crisis in the Middle East? Gaza Strippers! Apartheid? Apart thighs! The Cold War? Mr. Gorbachev, take down those pants!
 * Doctor Who, "The Eleventh Hour": The Doctor to Amy's friend Jeff when he borrowed Jeff's laptop and opened it.

"Chiana: Sex does it. D'Argo: For you. Chiana: For everyone. Sex. John: With you? Or with him? Chiana: Whatever."
 * Rizzoli and Isles: Frost says this to Korsak after Korsak geeks out over a victim's expensive sailboat.
 * In an episode of JAG Commander Rabb tells Commander Turner that the sooner Turner gets with somebody, the sooner he'll lighten up.
 * Used indirectly in The Closer; a US army major, after dealing with Brenda, remarks that she needs to get laid. While in her murder room, to her husband. He naturally replies that that's not what's wrong with her.
 * When Crichton's wormhole-controlling-block stops him from fixing the problem in the series finale, Chiana invokes this trope:

"Connor: Becker is really not gonna be happy with you. Danny: Why? Connor: That was his favorite gun. Danny: We need to get him a girlfriend."
 * On BBC Panel Show The Bubble, Reginald D. Hunter to David Mitchell (after yet another of the latter's peeved-about-a-technicality rants): "After this, let's go and get you a girlfriend."
 * In season 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Bambi, Belle's protegée, says this to her, despite the fact that she's working as a prostitute, with the implication being that she needs to get laid in a non-professional capacity.
 * Primeval:


 * In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Captain's Holiday," Riker sends this message to Picard in a very Getting Crap Past the Radar way: he asks Picard to buy him a Horga'hn statuette, but "forgets" to mention that displaying it indicates that one is the in the market for "jamaharon." Unfortunately, his scheme is foiled when Picard proves that, even on Risa, it's possible to avoid having sex if you just act surly enough.
 * In one episode of Scrubs, after Carla and Turk discover J.D. is staring at them making out, Carla, word-for-word, asks J.D., "When's the last time you got laid?"
 * An interesting variation happens in an episode of Glee. Those of the boys who have girlfriends who won't sleep with them figure out that using mental images of their football coach is a very effective way of cooling down when making out. Of course, Coach Bieste finds out about it, and gets so upset that she quits her job (turns out she is really insecure about her looks). In the resulting discussion about how the guys didn't mean to upset her, in fact they like her and she basically saved the football team from failure and humiliation, Santana comes to the conclusion that if everyone would just get laid, the school would have a winning football team.

Newspaper Comics
"Jon: Who needs women, Garfield? All we need is pair of tiny shoes, and... it's the dancing accordion! Garfield: You need a woman."
 * A G-rated version in Garfield:

Stand-up Comedy

 * In Bill Maher's Biblically Incorrect (just after the 2008 US elections) he says that when homophobia is a bigger issue than terrorism America needs to get laid.

Theater

 * In Gypsy, June and Louise both sing "If Mama Was Married," which is basically them dreaming about what life would be like if their mom would stay married, calm down, and leave them be.
 * Toward the end of Much Ado About Nothing, Benedick, after finally surrendering to marriage to Beatrice, turns to Don Pedro(who had engineered the matchmaking between the two) and quips, "Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife."
 * In One Touch of Venus, when Molly spots Savory sulking, she advises him: "A girl on the couch is worth two on the mind!"

Video Games
"Gilgamesh: And you, Faris! You must fall in love, or something, and try to act a little like a woman -- if you still know how!"
 * In Final Fantasy V, a milder variation occurs in Gilgamesh's Final Speech:


 * The Ant uses the E-rated version ("We've got to get this guy a girlfriend") towards Tombstone in Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich. Of course, Tombstone is dead, having been falsely accused for the murder of his wife and executed in the electric chair, only to be resurrected as a wrathful specter by a dose of Energy X.
 * Niko Bellic tells the creepy, sadistic serial killer and rapist Eddie Low that he needs to get laid.
 * This is Sandra's solution to pretty much every problem Phoenix tells her in Culpa Innata.
 * Phoenix doesn't always disagree. This is a Free-Love Future, after all. Marriage is eliminated in the World Union, and immigrants are cautioned never to expect faithfulness from their sexual partners.
 * Keiji from Sengoku Basara enjoys teasing Chaste Hero Yukimura about his non-existent love life and often suggests he should try it. However by the third game, he flat out tells the kid to settle down and get himself a wife already.

Web Comics
"Faye: I like plottin' downfalls. They make me feel... tingly. Dora: We have GOT to get you laid."
 * For a brief while, this was a joke concerning Emily on the Misfile forums. This became Harsher in Hindsight when it was later revealed that she had already had sex before.
 * The The Order of the Stick quote is spoken to Miko Miyazaki, after she takes her Knight Templar-ness to Lawful Stupid levels.
 * This seems to be the fan consensus on Redcloak, the Big Bad's Dragon.
 * Redcloak's brother tries to arrange a date for him in Start of Darkness. It doesn't work.
 * Redcloak's problem isn't sexual frustration, it's not having the balls to admit his mistakes. Xykon: You'll obey me forever now, because I give you an excuse for your inexcusable behavior.
 * Though one of the things driving that inexcusable behavior was his dedication to "the Plan." Right-eye seemed to hope that hooking Redcloak up with a nice, intelligent goblin chick would encourage him to settle down and focus more on living a normal life than building the goblin utopia. So, if not "just sex" specifically, the situation still falls vaguely under this trope.
 * Questionable Content:


 * It really does help.
 * This is implied to be part of Gil's ever increasing stress in Girl Genius.
 * Of course, trying to balance the needs and desires of his love interest and his father, dealing with the Jagers, and taking on an entire army of Steampunk Spider Tanks also contribute to his blood pressure.
 * Really, tossing him and Agatha in a locked room for, say, half an hour would solve a lot of problems.
 * Inverted here, when the baron suggest Gil has to marry so he stops sleeping with any slut he encounters.
 * In the Cinderella theater break, Zeetha tells Agatha "We'd better get you playing with the princes' tool belts quick". Agatha is more excited by the straight sense than she would have been if she understood what it meant.
 * Shortpacked suggests all of the problems in Star Wars could have been avoided this way.
 * Applied to one of the actual cast members here.
 * Viciously parodied here.
 * "... and that's when I bought the horse a prostitute."
 * "I love this guy!"
 * In The Dreamer, Alan gets told this by Col. Knowlton, and even gets furlough papers so he can marry Beatrice.
 * In Arthur, King of Time and Space, Croisette says this to Lancelot.

Web Original

 * "That Kaiba kid needs to get laid."
 * "That Kaiba bloke needs to get shagged."
 * Even his own computer comments this! And no mention of a wife in GX...
 * Though he can't really get married to a trading card.
 * Spoony says it about himself after he acts out a battle between Hal Jordan, Conan the Cimmerian, and a giant Dizzy Gillespie using toys, all in response to a really boring computer game.
 * Linkara mentioned this trope during his Ultimates 3 review, before mentioning that he thinks the Ultimates actually need to stop getting laid - it never seems to end well for them.
 * Uncyclopedia has an entire category on this subject.

Western Animation
""Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.""
 * In Family Guy:
 * In the episode "To Love and Die in Dixie", Stewie says about Meg: "She needs to get laid, big time."
 * In "Leggo my Meg-O", when Meg goes to Paris, Stewie says to her: "Don't worry about me, just get yourself laid."
 * In an episode of the Aladdin series, Aladdin says that Mozenrath "needs a girlfriend." Which, considering this was Mozenrath only led to dozens of fangirls volunteering.
 * "He really needs to get a girlfriend," spoken by Moe of Barney in The Simpsons after the latter goes especially bonkers in a parody of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
 * In "You Kent Always Say What You Want" Rod Flanders, of all people, suggests that his dad Ned needs to re-marry after seeing him going into full-on bible-thumping moral guardian mode.


 * Avatar: The Last Airbender: Katara tells Sokka that he "wouldn't be so bossy if [he] kissed a girl."
 * Iroh likewise suggest that Zuko needs to pick up a chick on more than one occasion. (There's even an entire LiveJournal group dedicated to getting the kid some action.) Tellingly, he mellowed considerably in the episodes of the 3rd season where he and Mai were dating.