Ultamite Nineball

"ultamite nineball" officially spelled with All Lowercase Letters was a Fanfic writer in the Redwall fandom known for his uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh interesting writing style To this date he has written only three fics respectively titled "Blood omen" "soulless shell" and "Enough" but those were enough to cement his notoriety

Yes, he has quite a problem with punctuation.

ultamite nineball's works provide examples of:
"Ara: "Wait, wait, she's seventeen? We've been making paedophile jokes the whole time for a reason, she acts like she's seven!""
 * Abusive Parents: Jacob towards Blain.
 * Accidental Innuendo: Perhaps worst is the bit where Leif attacks a rapist with the words "Now feel the pain that so many innocent young girls like her have felt but with oh so much more intensity". Disregarding his impressive lung capacity, what the hell is he doing with those magical knives?
 * Well, considering this is Ultamite Nineball we are talking about here,... probably not that much.
 * Aerith and Bob: Characters' names include Leif, Maoimi, Aveena, Karas, Thrnos, Monroe and Arnold.
 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny: Raynold's only defining characteristic.
 * Authority Equals Asskicking: For Leif, and it's mentioned that Catartos is an experienced spy while Rajh is a veteran warrior. By contrast, the rest of the council is mostly useless.
 * Badass Boast: The Crowning Moment of Funny is an attempt at one of these.
 * Beige Prose: "Ahh he yelled as he slashed him his blood hit the floor."
 * Black Comedy Rape: Unintentionally so.
 * BLAM Episode
 * Boring Invincible Hero: There are no opponents who could present any sort of challenge to Zain or Leif.
 * Canon Defilement
 * Cardboard Prison: Arnold talks his guards into letting him out and joining him in revenge against Leif.
 * Crowning Moment of Funny: See Narm.
 * Curb Stomp Battle: Zain and Leif against everyone they fight. Lampshaded in Leif's encounter with three of Arnold's guards (who, to be fair, as Mooks, wouldn't give most heroes any trouble, either).
 * Darker and Edgier: Well, at least it's trying to be.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: At one point, Thrnos bows twice in a single run-on sentence.
 * Did Not Do the Research: "Blood omen" features a character making a bow in a forge. The bow is described as being "made of a very rare metal called ebony".
 * Dirty Old Man: Arnold.
 * Dual-Wielding: Leif dual-wields knives in his demon form, and Jacob has Prophetic Dreams of Blain growing up to dual-wield claymores.
 * Wicked Weasel: Arnold is a ferret.
 * Fat Bastard: Arnold, again. He's even described as one in-story.
 * Fat Idiot: Arnold. See Too Dumb to Live.
 * Frickin' Laser Beams
 * Hammerspace
 * Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Leif isn't actually all that big in his mortal form, but Maoimi apparently can't reach above his waist.
 * In Name Only: This thing bears no relation to the canon except for the fact that it's briefly mentioned that the characters are rats/mice/foxes/ferrets/whatever, and are the "evil" species of the world. Except Leif is half-rat half-mouse and is a good guy, yet is the leader of the bad guys ... Try not to think about it too hard.
 * Indecisive Parody: It can't be real, right?
 * Interspecies Romance: The title of "crimson king" can be held only by a half-rat half-mouse, so Leif's and Zain's parents fall under this heading.
 * Knife Nut: Leif likes to wield daggers and throwing knives.
 * La Résistance: Maria and her mother are the leaders of the "rebel group zaridos".
 * Large Ham: Leif. See "Narm".
 * Lolicon: Seemingly Maoimi, who behaves like a toddler and apparently can't reach above Leif's waist when hugging him.

""It's really just the 'Arnold' bit that's bugging me, because the first thing I thought of was the governor of California. You can tell the author's just out of ideas.""
 * Marty Stu
 * Black Hole Sue
 * God Mode Sue
 * Most Fanfic Writers Are Girls: Averted - the author claimed to be a 15-year-old boy. The evidence suggests he is indeed male, but is probably overstating his age, if he's not trolling.
 * MS Ting: See links.
 * Narm: "Leif walked into the alley SO ARNOLD HE YELLLED TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MORE POOR YOUNG GIRLS EH I GUESS I WAS TOO LATE TO STOP YOU FROM TAKING THIS YOUNG GIRLS INNOCENCE BUT IT IS NOT TO LATE FOR ME TO KILL YOU."
 * New Powers As the Plot Demands: Particularly Zain, who literally develops a new power with every fight scene.
 * No Ending: All three fics. He appears to have become bored and/or discouraged by the lack of reviews.
 * No Indoor Voice: Characters SHOUT A LOT. Described by someone on Live Journal thus: "It's like Bruce Banner and the Hulk, except when Leif gets pissed off, he turns into Captain Capslock."
 * No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Leif performs one on Arnold.
 * No Punctuation Period
 * Obligatory Swearing
 * Odd Name Out: Arnold. See the MST:


 * Older Than They Sound: Maoimi.
 * One-Winged Angel: Leif's bizarre winged transformation, which comes completely out of left field.
 * Rape As Drama
 * Reasonable Authority Figure: Leif.
 * Red Eyes, Take Warning: Leif.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: Especially "Councilmen Rajh, Councilmen Arnold" etc. How many of each of them are there?
 * “Common im defiantly a match for you”
 * Rule of Cool: If he's writing in seriousness, this is probably what the writer is going for.
 * Scars Are Forever: On Rajh.
 * Shout-Out: The "crimson king" routine is a reference to the Demons and Wizards song "Crimson King". The song itself was based on The Dark Tower, though it's unclear if the writer knows this. Also, during "Blood omen", Zain sings the Helloween song "Keeper of the Seven Keys" for reasons having apparently nothing to do with the story.
 * Sinister Scythe: Zain wields a scythe, which he keeps in Hammerspace.
 * Snark Bait
 * So Bad It's Good
 * Spell My Name With an "S": Raynold/Reynold and Akira/Akria.
 * Stealth Parody/Troll Fic: The quality implies it's intentionally bad, though there's something eerily earnest about it.
 * Talking Is a Free Action: Leif spends a long time yelling at Arnold before actually attacking, and it doesn't occur to Arnold to run while he does this.
 * Teleporters and Transporters: Leif as well as at least one other person.
 * To the Pain: See Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * Too Dumb to Live/What an Idiot!: Arnold falls for Leif's not very clever bluff, inadvertently confessing to his crimes while begging for mercy as Leif sentences him to death. It's suggested that had he not done that, Leif might not have had enough evidence to actually sentence him to death.
 * Unfortunate Implications: Leif declares that he must keep an eye on Maiomi because "she is a seventeen-year-old girl she is bound to be assaulted and raped sooner or later". Thanks, asshole. Then again, maybe he's just Genre Savvy.
 * The Unpronounceable: Thrnos.
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Nobody reacts in the slightest to Leif or Zain's monster forms and beam-shooting.
 * Waif Fu: The first fight scene in "soulless shell" with Leif learning to shoot beams from his paw takes place when Leif is only three or four (we think, it's quite hard to tell with the clumsy pacing).
 * Wanton Cruelty to The Common Comma: When there actually is any punctuation whatever.
 * Verbal Tic: Leif often inserts "eh" into his sentences.