Futurama/Funny

MY LEG FEELS FUNNY

In General
"If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello". All I know is my gut says "maybe!" I have no strong feelings about this one way or another!"
 * Pretty much EVERYTHING involving Zoidberg, whether if he is eating something or breaking down into tears.
 * The time he tried to fix the Slinky that Bender straightened.
 * As it turns out, the Slinky is Made of Explodium by the year 3000.
 * YOU WATCHED IT! YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!
 * "And then Bender ran!"
 * Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
 * Every single line from the Neutrals:

"Troper: You mean the military that treats Zapp Brannigan like the reincarnations of Sun Tzu and Napoleon combined? Zoidberg: Sunpoleon? I love that guy!"
 * Any time they use a Spice Weasel and its weird noise.
 * From the Headscratchers page for Futurama:

"Hermes: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules Combined! Dr. Zoidberg: You mean Gumbercules? I love that guy!"
 * Might as well mention the actual scene then.

"A Big Piece of Garbage"
"Fry: You got that on the Internet? In my day the Internet was only used for pornography. Professor: Actually, that's still true. Woman in video: Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. Man in video: With gusto. [porno music starts playing]"
 * The end of the garbage ball documentary.


 * The man has a stereotypical New York accent, and the woman sounds like Fran Drescher.

"When Aliens Attack"

 * Zoidberg: Gracias.

"The Deep South"
"Leela: Where's Fry? Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor? Professor Farnsworth: No, I've been busy."
 * After Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
 * "Well, at least I'll die with my friends. [beat] Where is everybody?"
 * "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry.
 * Quickly followed by:

"Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies... (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela) Leela: ...The screaming moist."
 * Leela's diagnosis of Fry:

"Bender: So that's where I left my cigar. Hermes: THAT JUST RAISES FURTHER QUESTIONS!"
 * Hermes indignantly pointing out an in-universe Hand Wave of how Zoidberg's house burned down underwater:

"The Problem with Popplers"
"Leela: What do you people want? Waterfall Jr.: We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. [holds up a M.E.A.T. pamphlet] Popplers are living creatures. You gotta stop harvesting them for food! Bender: Or what? Waterfall Jr.: Or we'll boycott Fishy Joe's. Leela: You're vegetarians, who cares what you do? Waterfall Jr.: Shut up."

"Leela: [holding a Poppler] Popplers are intelligent. This one called me mama. Zoidberg: Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father."

"Fry: Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk, that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk and we eat them, right? Bender: Yeah. Maybe it just learned to talk as a parlour trick, like Fry. Fry: [nodding] Like Fry! Like Fry!"

"Anthology of Interest I"
"Al Gore: "If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.""
 * The first "Anthology of Interest" has this gem:

"The Cryonic Woman"
"Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass. Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw."
 * Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:

"Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not Veterans. Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!"
 * When the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:

"Amazon Women in the Mood"
"[The Planet Express crew laughs] Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me! [The Amazons start beating him with clubs] Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!"
 * Zap Brannigan:You win again, gravity!!
 * "Ah, she's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro!"
 * "But Bender, think of the señoritas!" [guitar twang] "Vamonos."
 * "We no can dunk, but good fundamentals."

"Guard #1: How Tonk look? Guard #2: Tonk look good. Me fat. Guard #1: No, you look good. Tonk fat."
 * The following lines are especially funny if you're female, seeing as it's pretty much a stock exchange among a lot of us:

"Leela: "What planet is this, anyway?" Zapp: "I 'unno. This whole sector is uncharted." Kif: "It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!""
 * I met her in a club down in Soho. Where we drank champagne that tastes just like Coca Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said...
 * LEEE-LAH! L-E-E-L-A, LEEE-LAH!
 * "This one's like a summer guy!"
 * "The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it."


 * Zapp's pick-up lines: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" and "I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."
 * And of course, DEATH BY SNU-SNU!

"Parasites Lost"
"Fry:That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level! (rolls up his sleeves) Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping. Sal: Hey, sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky in that order! Fry: Hey, Jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love to you? Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. Fry: She does too! She's got plenty of meat! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!"
 * Fry defending his lady's honor:

"Leela: Has anyone seen Zoidberg? Zoidberg comes in riding a spermatozoon like it's a bronco Zoidberg: You'll never guess where I've been!"
 * Leela, Fry and Bender are fueling up at a spaceship station (the equivalent of a truck stop). Bender is fueling up on ethanol (as he's a robot and runs on alcohol) and lights a cigar. Next we see is Leela working the dipstick back into the Planet Express Delivery Ship, an explosion, and Bender's severed head just barely missing Leela's, while Bender's shouts a desperate, "Comin' through!"
 * Also:

"Professor: Listen, this will be one hell of a bowel movement. He'll be lucky if he has any bones' left."
 * The race against time to get the parasitic worms out of Fry's body, with the professor commenting that they could be so ingrained in Fry that "not even Hermes' jerked prunes could get them out!" Hermes, without missing a beat, responds, "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."

"Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Fry: (Opens mouth) Zoidberg: Guess again. Fry: (Changes to a fearful expression)"
 * Earlier:

"Insane in the Mainframe"
"Judge: What evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity? Chicken Lawyer: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Judge: (Gavel slams) Insanity plea accepted."

"Malfunctioning Eddie (trying to sound friendly and polite): Hello there, roommate. Nice to meet you. Fry: Actually, we met before. Malfunctioning Eddie (with deadly surprise): WHA-(explodes)"
 * Also:

"Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye! Hermes: Robots don't say 'ye'! Fry: Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot! Fry: I'll show ye!"
 * "I guess his prices really were insane!"
 * And:

"Roberto: (with knife at Zoidberg's throat) Back off! I've got hostages! Zoidberg: Hurray! I'm helping! Officer Smitty: Do you have any better hostages?"
 * The Planet Express hostage situation:

"Roberto: Okay, to show 'em who's crazy, I'm gonna execute some of you. Maybe you! (jabs Professor in the throat) Professor: Aaaaow! That's going to bleed when my heart beats! Leela: No! Take me first! Bender: Yes! Take her first! Roberto: Sh-shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!"
 * From the same scene:

"Unit 2013: (humouring him) How is working in the lunchroom, Frankie? Frankie: It's alright. Unit 2013: Poor Frankie."
 * The scene featuring Frankie, a robot with delusions of being a lunchroom worker - so he was put to work in the lunchroom.

"Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins."
 * The Lincoln Robot, who has multiple personality disorder. All of his personalities are Abraham Lincoln.

"Anthology of Interest II"
"Professor Farnsworth: Eat it, everyone who doesn't have a Nobel Prize! And that includes you... *points in the direction of Zoidberg* ...Amy!"
 * When Bender says "as a robot, I can't feel emotions, and sometimes, that makes me very sad."


 * ...As the camera scrolls past Zoidberg to show Amy on his other side, bursting into tears.

"Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch"

 * Professor Moriarity: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."

"Less than Hero"
"Leela: I just remembered, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room) Bender: And I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela) Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)"
 * When they're called by the mayor.

"Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen. -blows on cigar- Bender: The name's Bender."
 * Also:

"Crimes of the Hot"
"Bender: Ha ha ha ha, lightweights -- oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, than collapses)"
 * The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:

"Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles"
"Farnsworth: PAZUZU! OHHHH, PAZUUUUUZUUUUU! *he turns the high beams on and they blow up a space station* PAZUZU!"
 * "No beer until you've finished your tequila!" (holds up a bottle of Tequila with a crazy straw in it)
 * From the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
 * Not to mention the search for Pazuzu.

"Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour? Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!"
 * "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
 * "WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!"
 * On relativity:

"Where No Fan Has Gone Before"
"William Shatner: I'm sure I remember an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy. Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan? (They both chuckle.) Shatner: On the show, I did it like this. (Throws shoe. It hits George Takei in the face.) Takei: Ow! (Beat) Shatner: (Hopping) My foot's cold."
 * This exchange:

"Shatner: And then you can hit him with a karate chop, and then-- Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?
 * This exchange in that episode between Shatner and Takei:

Shatner: Well, no... but you never talk about yourself.

Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest..."

"Melllvar: And Melllvar is spelled with three Ls. Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar"."
 * When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:

"Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPAEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK! or this exchange: Melllvar: In order to test who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I will pit you in armed combat... TO THE DEATH! collective gasp Bender: Where would you get an idiotic idea like that? Melllvar: Episodes 19, 27, 45 and 76. Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA! Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, uh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshie's corpse)"
 * Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
 * All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
 * Most of what Melllvar says, really.

"The Sting"
"Leela: What's the mission? Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous. Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!"

"Farnsworth: It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no. Farnsworth: Your insides with boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano! Hermes: I didn't want to know! *sobs*"

"Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly. Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb? Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah! Bender: It's not small? Hermes: No, no no! Leela: "In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form." Farnsworth: "Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space!" * chuckles* "Oh.. I made myself sad.""
 * Also:

"Bender: "You were in the best coma I've ever seen!""
 * Not to mention "I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!"
 * As everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma:

"Bend Her"
"Calculon: "Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist.""
 * Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him at a pirate's barbecue, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:

"Calculon: "No! NO! EN-OH-OH-OH!""
 * When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself.
 * When they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:


 * It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
 * Earlier in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.

Bender's Big Score
"Hermes: That body was the cornerstone of my marriage! What's La Babera gonna do? Amy: Spluh, she's gonna go back to her first husband. Zoidberg: Barbados Slim? I LOVE that guy! Hermes: Everyone loves Slim. He's the only man to win Olympic gold medals in both limbo AND sex!"
 * Bender uses a Spice Weasel with heart-shaped nostrils and then offers to make it eject spice in a star shape. Leela and Lars quickly refuse.

"Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim! Now, goodbye forever!"
 * Later:

""I'm The Professor! I can wire anything into anything!" (dramatic pose)"
 * The scene of Bender destroying New York. Also:

The Beast With a Billion Backs
"Robot Devil: Wow. That was pretty brutal, even by my standards!
 * The whole joke starts and ends in about 20 seconds, but is hilarious.
 * The best part?

Bender: No backsies."

"Hermes: Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain! How scared should we be? Farnsworth: Somewhere between 'not at all' and 'entirely'. Zoidberg: I call entirely! *freaks out*"
 * Also:

"Hermes: *pulls down his trousers, grabs the phone between his ass cheeks, and raises it* Wernstrom: NO! Not the crack slam!"
 * Bender: I feel awed, and strangely humbled by this momentous occasion. *few seconds later* Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal.......*screams and sends the Planet Express crew flying while shitting bricks*
 * The first argument between Farnsworth and Wernstrom: "Don't listen to that crackpot!" "But I'm agreeing with you!"
 * Farnsworth: Hermes! Hang up on him (Wernstrom) in the rudest manner possible!


 * MY LEG FEELS FUNNY!
 * "MY LEG FEELS BETTER!"
 * WHACK THE BOTTLE!
 * League of Robots: (chanting like college freshmen) DRINK THE FLAGON! DRINK THE FLAGON!

Bender's Game
"Rosie: Everything must be clean, very clean. That's why the dog had to die, it was a very dirty dog. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty, dirty."
 * Part of Bender's Game involves Bender in a mental institution for robots. There's one absolutely hilarious moment when another robot is smashed to pieces and Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons, starts cleaning it up and mutters to herself:

"Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop. Hammer time. [a hammer comes downs and destroys his glass head] Dr. Perceptron: I am in your seat. I forgot we had changed places."
 * Also in the Asylum the group change places, then Bender starts having a breakdown:

"The Mutants Are Revolting"

 * Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins. The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.

"The Silence of the Clamps"
"Fry: Earth is dangerous! I fell off my chair there once! [spins around in his chair and proceeds to fall off with a thud] Fry: OW! Quit it, Earth!""
 * Fry's rebuttal for Leela's statement that the Earth isn't dangerous:

Unsorted
"Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral. Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!"
 * "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
 * Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!

"Race Track Announcers: And the winner, in a quantum finish, is... Farnsworth: No Fair! You changed the result by measuring it!"
 * "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
 * Futurama also had the occasional joke based on science that were quite rewarding. First, "The Luck of the Fryish" on the uncertainty principle:

"Amy's Mom: We just put out our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you! Jockey (no taller than 3 feet): Hey baby, ever do it in a suitcase?"
 * Also:

"(As Bender is rigging the race via administering sedatives to horses in the stable) Wong Jockey: Hey! What are you doing?! Bender: This. (Uses the sedative device on the jockey, knocking him out)"
 * And:

"Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'? Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'? Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an earth 'w'! Behold! Lrrr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!"
 * "BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT!" being turned to "BENDER LICKS BUTT" a la the MAD magazine fold-in pages.
 * "REMEMBER ME."
 * The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.

"Lrrr: I don't understand. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
 * Also from the Omnicronians:

Ndnd: Maybe they're saving that for sweeps."

"George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body? Bender: I hocked it. Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth. Washington: Ah~ Booze money."
 * "THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! (Evil Laugh) NOW, I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISIN!"
 * noraisin.net I am not kidding.
 * Choke on that, causality!
 * Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
 * From the same episode

"Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Checkers: * barks* Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!"
 * Then, of course:

"Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Morbo: Belligerent and numerous. Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!"
 * Exchanging pleasantries:

"Nixon: My god, do I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality!"
 * Nixon finally hears himself on tape:

"Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it? Jack Johnson: Unthinkable! John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it! Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under truth-o-scan. Nixon (sweating profusely): Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy it is, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brown) But in any case, I definitely wouldn't harm the child. (Truth-o-scan goes nuts)"
 * Proving that a millenium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:

"Fry: I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death, but I still think he was gay. Leela: Did he use his tongue? Fry: A little."
 * "Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from  Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!"
 * Fry and Leela are talking crap around the ship.

"Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago. Cartridge Unit: Your mother."
 * This exchange...
 * Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it*

"Bender: (singing) Don't melt me down into a crowbar just 'cause I can't use my arms and legs!"
 * From "Bendin' In The Wing"

"Calculon: "That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!""
 * "That reminds me of the story of the Grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long the Grasshopper worked hard, gathering acorns for winter, while the Octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then winter came and the Grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?"
 * Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV":

"Mascot: "Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park! I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir." Bender: "Better mascots than you have tried." [takes a swig, shoves the bottle into Crater Face's eye, and walks away] Mascot: At least I have my self-respect. [laughs, then sobs]"
 * A casual sight gag shows a Stegosaurus lazily grazing on the White House lawn.
 * In the second episode, they land on the moon and go to Luna Park. The mascot is a man with a giant moon face.

"Amy: "Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for... coffee.""
 * From the same episode: "We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon, but there aint no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune."
 * Fry hearing that crap on the radio, and promptly cutting it off. It gets funnier when you realize that it's a Take That against the Small World ride.
 * Amy ditching Leela:

"Leela: Bender, stop destroying the universe!"
 * (Talking into the wrong end of a megaphone) "Citizens of New New York, STOP ACTING SO STUPID!"
 * Made even funnier when a bird perches onto the other end of the megaphone and caws into it causing Fry to fall over backwards.
 * "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
 * Another example from that episode:

"Zapp: If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...checkmate!"
 * Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore "I love stealing, I love takin' things...." This troper still snerks at that.
 * Zapp Brannigan is responsible for more than his share. To wit:
 * Zapp Brannigan vs. military strategy, in what is regarded as his Establishing Character Moment:

"Zapp: Oh, god...you're killing me... (Amazons thrash him with their clubs) Zapp: (in pain) Oh, god! You're killing me!"
 * And on the planet of Amazon women...

"Zapp: We need rest...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised..."
 * Asking for a break in the midst of their Snu-Snu "execution"...

""Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!""
 * And before that, the looks on Zap's, Fry's and Kif's faces when they learn they're sentenced to death by "snu-snu", Zap and Fry switching from looks of abject horror to expectant glee.
 * "Stop exploding, you cowards!"
 * Taking control of a space station/restaurant: "Mmmm...she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro."
 * After having sex with :

"Fry: Bender!! Have you seen my sombrero!?"
 * In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and cries out one of the best non-sequiturs ever:

""A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo fighting a robot? Well now, I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crabp falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!""
 * Fry is just a showcase of CMOF quotes:
 * "I'm getting one of those things again! You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Yeah!"
 * "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
 * "What smells like blue?"
 * "But Bender need brain! For smart-making!"
 * "What did you do now? Stop doing things!"
 * "Hey! It's that guy you are!"
 * "I heard alcohol makes you stupid." "No I'm... doesn't."
 * Bender attaches a magnet to his head. This causes temporary insanity. He starts singing the following: "Fry cracked corn and I don't care! Leela cracked corn, I still don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that you stupid corn!"
 * "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love". Anything involving Claw-plach. But if I had to pick one thing it would have to be the Decapodian national anthem...
 * "YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"
 * Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
 * Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:

"George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
 * From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
 * An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
 * After both his arms fall off (and a subsequent commercial break) Bender puts one arm back on and the grabs the arm he used to reattach his first and puts it back on. Fry says "I don't know how you did that."
 * The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:

Rich Little: Interesting if true."

"Fry: Let's go get Bender back! Amy: Why? (long pause) Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going."
 * The whole extended joke about the "Box Network" renewing their contract that keeps piling on more layers of Take That.
 * That, and the "Torgo Executive Powder" being used throughout the movie.
 * "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back": Really the whole episode, but there's one in about the middle that cracks this troper up in any context.

"Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. * Leela gestures him to shut up* Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh, is she behind me? Morgan: No. I'm in front of you."
 * From the same episode:
 * He feels behind his head*

"Zoidberg: How did this happen?
 * In the underwater Atlanta episode, anything involving Zoidberg's 'house' and its absolute refusal to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.

Hermes: ...that's a very good question.

Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...

(Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring.)

Hermes: That just raises further questions!"

"Zoidberg: I'm so in to you... * starts sucking on the Professor's bald head* Farnsworth: (disgusted, or is he?) Oh MY."
 * Deep South is full of hilarious moments, such as when the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...

"Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him! Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!"
 * "I can't swallow that!" "Well good news! It's a suppository."
 * "This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository..."
 * This troper's favorite Leela line just might be from "The Sting": "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"
 * In "Jurassic Bark," when the Professor gets tired of explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):

"Fry: Why would you want to be normal? You're better than normal. You're abnormal and that's what makes you great! Like Zoidberg, a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does. Zoidberg: Damn straight! Fry: The Professor's an amoral crackpot. Farnsworth: * cackles insanely* Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars. Amy: * drops her wineglass* Floops! Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Hermes: Tally me banana! Farnsworth: And Fry, you've got that brain thing. Fry: I already did!"
 * This whole exchange when Fry tries to convince Leela not to get her phaser eye surgery to look normal:

"Zoidberg: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! * sprays ink all over Leela*"
 * Followed by that other guy saying he wants to have kids, Leela tells him it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, and...

""I have all the money! Compare your life to mine and then kill yourselves." * As a dog starts sniffing him.* "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" * Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up.* "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars.""
 * When Kiff is forced to bathe Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
 * Bender's callous disregard for meatbag life always causes a chuckle, but here are a few that are crowners. A Big Piece of Garbage opens with the Death Clock, which Fry tests. Bender's reaction to his low score? "Oooh. Dibs on the CD player."
 * In How Hermes Requisitioned his Groove Back everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
 * And in Roswell That Ends Well, when Fry's grandfather is killed and Fry is meant to cease existing? "And you. Are. Outta here."
 * "A Head In The Polls" has Bender sell his body, with gut-bustingly funny results. When he's outside the pawn broker however tops the lot.

"Suicide Booth: Please choose method of death: quick and painless or slow and horrible. Fry: Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. Suicide Booth: You have chosen, "slow and horrible." Bender: Good choice!  Bender: Yeah, bring it on, baby!"
 * "We're owl exterminators"
 * Another classic Bender moment: "Have you ever thought of turning off the TV...sitting down with your children...and hitting them?"
 * When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is a Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "...some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
 * I would like to posit: "And thus, Metal Man defeated Meat Man. The End!"
 * "I WILL EAT AND DIGEST YOU ALL WITH MY SYSTEM OF MIGHTY ORGANS! BEHOLD!" * Kaijubot opens chestplate to reveal fake organs and blinking Christmas lights*
 * The first episode, Fry and Bender's encounter at the suicide booth:

"Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me! Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends."
 * "I'll never forget you, Fry... MEMORY DELETED."
 * This little gem:

"Old Man: Being a robot is being a garbage can with sparks shooting out. Bender: (dejected) But the sparks keep me warm..."
 * There's this little nugget:

"Zoidberg: "Oh God...I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!""
 * In "Bendfellas," at Taco Bellevue Hospital, after the sedatives Zoidberg took are wearing off:

"Farnsworth: 5... 4... 3... 2... 3... 4... 5... Leela: (To Fry) Just fire the damn thing!"
 * "...Clack."
 * From A Big Piece of Garbage: the simple scene when Fry goes to press the "Launch" button (surrounded by a bull's-eye, no less), and misses.
 * "Oops."
 * And the moment just before that:

"Robot he passes: Hey buddy! Tell the Robot Devil I'm a-comin'! (Bender walks to the next cell over, which contains...the Robot Devil.) Bender: Hey, that guy told me to tell you-- Robot Devil: I heard him!"
 * The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain in A Clockwork Origin.
 * When Bender is on his way to be executed for crimes against humanity (done while taking the place of Robo-Santa), he's escorted past other prisoners:

"Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
 * Scruffy in "Three Hundred Big Boys" making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:

Amy: (in tears) Of course..."

"Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine..."
 * "Ow, fire hot!"
 * "Professy will help! Oh, fire indeed hot!"
 * The part in "A Tale of Two Santas" when most of the cast claims to be Robot Santa in order to save Bender's life. All except Zoidberg who completely misses the point. "And I'm his friend Jesus!"
 * "None of you are Santa! You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus?!"
 * "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
 * "Rebirth" isn't even over in the States yet, but this troper puts in a nomination for:
 * There are tons within the first 10 minutes of the episode. Zapp's "victory yodel" is among the best. Especially when it's followed up by Kip groaning to the same tune.
 * On a planet with extreme gravity:

"Amy: Ooooooh baby soft! Farnsworth: Indeed!"
 * And one from "Rebirth."
 * Farnsworth slaps Amy's ass*

"Fry: Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? Farnsworth: In your time, yes. But nowadays... shut up! Farsworth: Besides, these are adult stem cells, taken from perfectly healthy adults, whom I murdered for their stem cells."
 * From "Rebirth":.

"Amy: "I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket!" Wine Robot: (on the verge of tears) "Hopes... deleted.""
 * A third from "Rebirth". The scene where everyone is running away from the cyclops-eating monster, except for Bender, who is cartwheeling away from the monster because
 * A fourth from "Rebirth". The very end when Zapp Brannigan comes shooting out of the sphincter thing shouting "Wheeeee!" had this troper and her friend cracking up.
 * The second new episode had This Troper in stitches. "But we're defenceless! Like fish in a barrel!" "What would you suggest?" "Hide in this barrel...like the wily fish." Just Zapp's voice...absolutely kills me. Not to mention: "Mr President! What the hell?" I'm normally against episodes given to secondary characters like Zapp, but this one was rather hilarious.
 * When Zapp is woken up: "I surrender and volunteer for treason!"
 * "Proposition Infinity" has this fantastic bit:

"Leonardo Da Vinci: "Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!""
 * The image of Professor Farnsworth skipping and frolicking through a field of posies while holding hands with a clunky female robot from the same episode also counts.
 * Bender tells Fry: "We're going to have to make a metaphorical Deal with the Devil. And by 'Devil', I mean the Robot Devil. And by "metaphorical", I mean 'get your coat'."
 * In A Taste of Freedom, A decopodian in a Paper-Thin Disguise named Hugh Mann was able to successfully steal the disc and send the Nimbus crashing.
 * The Duh-Vinci Code gives us this classic:

"Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. Farnsworth: She was a wise woman. Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at. Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed."
 * In one of those lovely pieces of Futurama that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of 'The Duh-Vinci Code'

"Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot! Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)"
 * The robots killing each other in "Lethal Inspection". Could not stop laughing.

"Robot #1: We're going to get fired. Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1) (gets himself destroyed by tunnel)"
 * Later

"Robot: I don't understand how it's her... Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other)"
 * And again

"Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window."
 * From The Late Phillip J. Fry:

"Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!"
 * The Planet of the Apes parody in the same episode.

"Fry: That was the old Fry. Beat. He's dead now."
 * There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.

"Countess: Don't worry, Bender. It'll hurt for a while, but you'll be able to share your love again. After all, it's shareware."
 * While each and every part of the episode "A Flight to Remember" was good in its own way, this troper's favorite was when the robot Countess got sucked into the black hole (I know, black holes don't really suck things into them the way a vacuum cleaner does, but that's another story for another time). Just the way it looked when it happened was hilarious. Plus that little bit of computer terminology before that was pretty funny, too.

"Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. *collapses onto his bed, sobbing* Yep."
 * Prisoner of Benda. Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.

"Scruffy: "Scruffy casts his 30,000 shares for the mysterious stranger." Leela: "How come you have three times as much stock as the rest of us?" Scruffy: (tearing up) "'Cause Scruffy believes in this company.""
 * The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
 * More Scruffy humor, from "Future Stock" (context: everyone is voting whether to name the Professor or That Guy CEO):

"Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!"
 * This troper loved the bit in Lethal Inspector where a bunch od cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Herme's cubicle.

"Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!"
 * This Troper always splits a gut at Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms in Spanish Fry

"Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out! Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!"
 * and a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode, my favorite being:

"Zapp Brannigan: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts. Kif: The boy, sir? Zapp Brannigan: You. You lay out my formal shorts"
 * Ladies and gentlemen, the pharoah...suddenly died!
 * Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
 * Leela's mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a regular hole.

"Calculon:"I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady..." Elzar:"Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!""
 * From "Roswell That Ends Well", President Truman suggests performing "an old-fashioned alien autopsy" on Zoidberg. How does Zoidberg respond? "HOORAY!"
 * Truman makes his entrance at the Roswell Air Base by busting out of a crate labeled "Canned Eggs."
 * Or, later on, when Fry gives Enis the calendar and Enis tries to look at the cowboy picture instead of the girls. Fry's expression is priceless.
 * Hell, that whole episode is priceless.
 * This exchange from "Bend Her"

"Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!"
 * This one is from "Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch".

"Oh, thank you merciful God."
 * From the same episode, at the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
 * Kif's reaction (the one anyone would have in that situation) when Zap is ruled out as the father is gold.

"Dr. Zoidberg: (wearing a giant conch shell) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!""
 * From "The Deep South":

"Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power."
 * From "Lethal Inspection":

"Warning: the enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot."
 * As a whole "Love and Rocket", every really subtle reference to 2001 was hilarious from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
 * "Fire dected in the vicinity of: Leela." *Sprays her with a hose*
 * The Enema Bot from The Beast With a Billion Backs, equipped with a rubber glove, a douche, a syringe, a thermometer, and a gasoline nozzle with which to dispense enemas of hot coffee. Fry orders one to go, and gets a cup with a long nozzle affixed to the top.

"Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand? Professor Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one."
 * This:

"Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side."
 * This:

"Fry: I'm not a robot like you; I don't like having discs cramped into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth!"
 * When Fry is in a robot clinic:

"Professor Farnsworth "I can't marry you, for you see, i'm dying. (reads directions as lines) cough, then fall over dead." Zoidberg "My god, he's dead!" Meanwhile, he sits there smiling."
 * From the episode "A Fishful Of Dollars" after going over to the bank to get some money for Bender's bail, Fry discovers his interest has added up over 1000 years, giving him 4.3 billion dollars. He stands quietly for a second, starts breathing heavily, and finally stars frothing at the mouth, collapsing and suffering from a seizure.
 * This little exchange, courtesy of Farnsworth's acting abilities:

"Doctor 1:: Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. Zoidberg: (grabs Doctor's mic) and in this corner, Zoidberg! (laughs) Come on lighten up! what is this a funeral? Doctor 2: (takes out heart) Heart... Zoidberg: Take! I got 4 of them! Doctor 1:: Stomach Contents: 1 Deviled Egg (takes it and puts it in bowl) Zoidberg: Deviled Egg? (eats it from said bowl only for the doc to pull it out again) Doctor 1:: (sighs) The same deviled egg... (Later...) (Doctors are cutting something inside Zoidberg with a hacksaw) Zoidberg: Wait! Don't cut that! I need that to speak! (The doctors pause, then saw faster.)"
 * In the intro to the first movie, we're reintroduced to all our favorite characters, like Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Phillip J. Fry, and...wait, John Zoidberg?
 * This name was first mentioned as early as Season 3, in "The 30% Iron Chef".
 * "I'm sick of being critqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
 * Zoidberg alone is a CMOF especially in "Roswell That Ends Well" Example

"Scientist: This test will determine what, if anything, the alien eats. (Zoidberg is funneled into the room.) Zoidberg: A buffet! Aw...if only I had my wallet... Scientist: (over intercom) Uh...it's free... (Zoidberg shrieks loudly, then gorging sounds are heard, with food splattering against the glass. Then, Zoidberg slaps his open mouth against the glass.)"
 * From the same episode, Zoidberg in the room with the food...

"Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Truman: Bushwa! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid? Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?! Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that! Zoidberg: (giving Truman a look) I'm not hearing a no..."
 * Not to mention Truman's meeting with Zoidberg...

"(on the subject of adopting a mutant girl) Leela: She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is! Adlai: Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Leela: Damn right I was! Fry: YAAY!!! Leela: Shut up, Fry. Now look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wished I'd realised that when I was her age. Sally: I also have a tail!"
 * "The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honor!"
 * Leela (War is the H Word): "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement)
 * The Nannybot 1.0: "SLEEP, LITTLE DUMPLING! I HAVE REPLACED YOUR MOTHER!"
 * "Aww."
 * Is this troper the only one who thought this exchange from "The Cyber House Rules" was utterly hilarious (especially Fry's epic "YAAAY!!!")?

"Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!"
 * Bender, in a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:

"Professor Katz: We shall now vote, "Yay" or "Nay". Nay. Wernstrom: Nay! Bubblegum: Hell, nay! Professor Shpeekenshpell: The horse says, "Doctorate denied"."
 * I'll give you Happy Poopy Time.
 * One of the funniest one-shot characters of the series is Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell from "That Darn Katz". Despite his name, he is a robot whose head is a Mattel See'n Say, and can only speak in programmed lines such as "The cow says 'Moo!'" to which Farnsworth comments "He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since." (This makes a bizarre kind of sense when you remember that cows are extinct by the 31st century and that there are probably few historical records of what they would have said.) This leads up to a hilarious Bait and Switch when he assesses Amy for her doctorate:

"Leela: Inspectors are faceless bureaucrats who blend into the woodwork. Hermes: *Wearing clothes that match the wall behind him* I beg to differ!"
 * "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
 * In Lethal Inspection.

"Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela."
 * "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"
 * In Bend Her, Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.

"Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me? Fry: I like it. Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out) Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it."
 * Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.

"Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me! Leela: Oh God, what have I done?! Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!"
 * Also this:

"Hermes: What's that you're hacking off? Is it my torso? (thump) Aagh! It is! My precious torso!"
 * Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:

"Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict? Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out."
 * From "A Clockwork Origin", Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds
 * Also from "A Clockwork Origin", when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:

"Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!"
 * From "The Duh-Vinci Code", Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.

"Fry: Why do they call it that? The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm. Farnsworth: Because it doesn't have any pigment."
 * In the Futurama Holiday Spectacular, as the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:

"Bender: (referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship) Oh god, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!"
 * This troper gets a kick out of the bit in "The Mutants are Revolting" wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the thre crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
 * "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
 * This particular line:

"Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!""
 * Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:

"Fry: For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! V-Giny: Approved for all audiences! Fry: NOOOOOOO!!!"
 * In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela, Fry's reaction to V-Giny

"Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy? Fry: That was the plan. Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either. Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me. Officer: *Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake* Welcome to police academy."
 * Speaking of another Big No, what about when one of the presidents was about to puke in the Bushes. It then shows both G.H.W and G.W Bush screaming no.
 * Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."
 * "Law and Oracle" This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.

"URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. Fry: Wuh— What happened?"
 * URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:

- URL: He took a early retirement. Damn.

"The massive head of Penn Jillette: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Bender has been deat the KING OF BEERS, a coaster which got mixed into the deck. BUT IT STILL COUNTS!"
 * "Into the Wild Green Yonder" The manner in which Bender wins the poker tournament

"Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!"
 * "My name's not slick, it's Zoidberg! JOHN FUCKING ZOIDBERG!"
 * (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)

"Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
 * Also:

Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.

(Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H. W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big No)"

"(Leela flies the Planet Express ship through the roof) Hermes: (to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay! Zoidberg: (cries)"
 * Two moments from Bender Gets Made; Bender's ten-second Spit Take, and:

"Fry: I believe I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom (Turns around, and presses his ass against the window) Fry:Look at my butt! Woo, woo, woo!"
 * Fry delivering this gem from "Future Stock".

"(Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient Robot village) (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions) Bender (annoyed): Yeah, yeah. Leela (annoyed): We know. Fry (dismissively): Cursed."
 * The entire second act of "A Bicylops Built For Two", quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animals acting like the raucous studio audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
 * This exchange from "The Honking":

"Hey aliens, we will kill you, and dishonor your widows... by making them gather wood."
 * "Bender, you've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it is with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking the exact right amount."
 * In the season 6 finale, during the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:

"Leela: I love this time of day. It's always so still."
 * It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
 * In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.

"Melllvar (completely awed): He found a way."
 * Walter Koenig: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?

"Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur? (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground) Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?"
 * From "Neutopia":

"Calculon: [after noticing that Bender's in his bed] ... Who are you? Bender: Bender. Your biggest fan. Calculon: Are you going to murder me? Bender: Mm... Unlikely. In my mind we're friends! This diorama proves it, see? Lights go off Bender's eyes telescope out to stare at Calculon's face from an inch away"
 * The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
 * Pretty much anything said by the Grand Midwife/Priestess/Funeral Director/Lunchlady/Something else in her three appearances. One standout is in Kif and Amy's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony. "You may now eat the snake-". Kif and Amy both take bites out of the two-headed snake she hands them. "-if you so choose. It's not part of the ceremony, I just had an extra snake".
 * During Beast With A Billion Backs, after Bender decides he's going to stalk Calculon:

"Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs? Big Brain: MEEE! (The Big Brain is then shown killing the Dinosaurs)"
 * This:

"Zapp: Remember, Kif; the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in."
 * Any of Zapp's attempts to impart romantic advice surely qualify. From "Where the Buggalo Roam":

"Hedonismbot: Resume the opera! Fry: But I can't play anymore! Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands! [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.] Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!"
 * In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", when Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:

"Zapp: Execute Order 62. Dramatic chord Nixon: Impossible! We don't have nearly enough piranhas.
 * Manhattan is succumbing to the common cold! What should we do?!

Zapp: In that case, Order 63!"

"Zoidberg: Oh no, they're going to throw us into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas!"
 * ...which is to hurl Manhattan into the sun.

"Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot! Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!"
 * The neutral response. For an added bonus, look at the like/dislike bar.
 * From Crimes of the Hot:

"Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir? Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!"
 * Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
 * At 31 cups:

"Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. *snore* Coffee time!"
 * At 51 cups:

"Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee."
 * At 99 cups:

"Bender: Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money, that's okay. Leela: You're just saying that because he bought you that antique robot toy. Bender: Heh heh. (Toy is revealed to be Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots) Yeah, it is cute... ''(Bender makes the red robot punch the blow, causing blue's head to fly up. Bender clutches his neck and screams.) See it here."
 * When Fry becomes a millionaire, he starts buying things from the 20th century. Leela expresses concern, but Bender shrugs her off.

"Farnsworth: Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well then."
 * From "I, Roommate", when The Professor is on the phone:

"Fry: What's it like? Leela: It varies from person to person."
 * From "Fry And The Slurm Factory." Fry fears that the secret ingredient in Slurm is people, but Leela informs him that there's already a drink like that called Soylent Juice.

"Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe! Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!"
 * From "Reincarnation":

"Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died."
 * In "Godfellas", Bender meets the God-cloud entity and tells it about how he was God once. The God-cloud delivers the most utterly deadpan praise it can:

"Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right."
 * YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.


 * Crushinator's flat greeting of "Yoo-hoo," especially after her more expressive sisters.

MY LEG FEELS BETTER!