SpongeBob SquarePants/Ho Yay

"Spongebob: That's you on the bottom ... You're on top this time!"
 * Spongebob and Patrick of Spongebob SquarePants, to the point where the show had a huge GLBT fanbase claiming their relationship was a real gay one (and some anti-gay groups, for other reasons). Canon-wise, it reached its apex with "Rock-A-Bye Bivalve", an episode where they raised a baby scallop together, acting very much like a married couple (with Spongebob as the housewife and Patrick as the deadbeat dad). At the end, when the scallop flies away to live on its own, Spongebob remarks how that is the hardest part of a parent's life. Patrick responds with a seductive "Yeah...let's have another."
 * And whenever Patrick has a day off, Spongebob takes out his Ho Yay obsessions on Squidward. "Good night...my little angel."
 * The episode "Artist Unknown" had Spongebob's explanation of his piece in a one-on-one art class taught by Squidward:

"Plankton: No, not insertive! Assertive!!"
 * Not to mention him going all sparkly eyed when he found out Squidward was the art teacher "You are the teacher?! To my pupil?! This isn't art class, it's heaven!"
 * This Troper remembers the episode where Plankton wants Spongebob to be more assertive, and then manipulates him to drive everyone off of the beach to build a Chum Bucket Mega Bucket.

"Patrick: I kind of like staring at him... [to Depp's character]"
 * A more recent episode (10,000 Patties Under the Sea) involving Patrick and Spongebob having to deliver patties to new customers had the two drifting off in a mini-submarine waving farewell to Mr. Krabs and Squidward. Spongebob enthusiastically says goodbye to Squidward seductively while twiddling his fingers in a feminine manner. Patrick points out that "You said 'Bye Squidward' twice." Spongebob responds "I like Squidward." in a gleeful way.
 * If this isn't Ho Yay, then I don't know what is.
 * The episodes House Fancy and Boating Buddies have really convinced this troper that Spongebob is seriously gay for Squidward.
 * You too? What did it for you? For me, it was the scene in "Boating Buddies" where as Squidward draws out why he's at boating school, there are frequent cuts to Spongebob literally fawning over him.
 * For this troper, House Fancy was an exercise in Squilliam's general gayness. And that's not even counting how slashy he gets with the host of the show.
 * I don't even want to guess how far it'll go in the upcoming episode guest-starring Johnny Depp. From the preview already:

"Computer Wife: Henchmen. You know, big strong muscular men who do whatever you say.
 * The commercial for that episode was more than just speculation, too.
 * This troper would just like to point out that when Patrick said "I kind of like staring at him" he slurs his words and the first time he said that it sounded like "I got hard staring at him".
 * Not to mention the entire scene when that happens. Depp's character's overly-long surfboard comes out of the shack first, very slowly. Squidward out of nowhere, while watching it, um, grow, says, "Oh...my...gah-" and then faints. The Narrator describes the "really really big" surfboard slowly and with much relish, coming out of the house in a very position. All three characters are quite awed.
 * "That's No Lady", full stop. First of all, there's the obvious fact of "Patricia" attracting Mr. Krabs and Squidward before dropping a Bridget on them, but there's also the fact that Spongebob apparently has a detailed schedule of daily activities to do with Patrick, including "Stare at Patrick". It's heavily implied (and outright stated after Patrick dolls himself up and he and Spongebob go walking together) that Patrick is Spongebob's supposed girlfriend. Not to mention at the end when Patrick tears off his disguise leaving him in the nude, Spongebob hugs a naked Patrick, takes out the schedule, and tells him "Hey buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list?" They then happily run out of the restaurant towards Spongebob's home.
 * "Spy Buddies". When Patrick gets two-way radio pants, Spongebob goes right up to Patrick's butt crack to talk to Mr. Krabs. Then, the radio pants asks for a coin like a pay phone. Then, Spongebob raises a hand with a quarter and he and Patrick smiles.
 * For those of you who didn't get it, coin slot is a word for butt crack. Brain Bleach is available in that vending machine.
 * The vending machine requires change you bastard! Curse you and your Stealth Puns!
 * In the episode where Spongebob and Patrick steal a balloon, Spongebob performs rather elaborate fellatio on his candy bar. Somewhere, Freud is alive and smiling at this.
 * Some from Squidward towards rival Squilliam, after telling himself to imagine him in his underwear: "Oh no, he's hot!"
 * From "Plankton's Army", paraphrased:

Plankton: I like the sound of that."

"Patrick: *throws a guy to the side in anger* "PATRICK NEEDS LOVE TOO!!!!"
 * Does anybody remember the opening to that episode with Sandy's bosses. Y'know, the one where Spongebob gets that backscratcher. And starts scratching his back. While moaning. With music straight out of a porn video playing. Then Patrick gets a turn. And it turns out that he was using Spongebob's arm. So, consider this. If Freud Was Right, and that backscratcher was a synonym for a 'prosthetic pleasure device' and Patrick ended up using Spongebob's arm, then does that mean...
 * "The Fry Cook Games", in which Patrick and SpongeBob grow ridiculous muscles, wrestle (and end up in very suspect positions), realize what they're doing to each other, hug, and then walk off hand-in-hand in the sunset together. While still sporting said muscles.
 * It gets worse: the fight climaxes with both characters trouserless, standing in their underwear. Patrick's underwear just happens to be yellow and Spongebob's underwear just happens to be pink. So, metaphorically speaking...you do the math.
 * "These were white when I bought them."
 * "And now for our final event... Bun Wrestling!"
 * When Squidward takes advantage of Spongebob's hospitality after getting fired, he has Spongebob serving him food in a maid's uniform. One that, oddly enough, has no back.
 * And kisses him goodnight on his forehead then saying, "Goodnight, my little angel." And spoon feeds him, and when yelling at him to finally "Get a job!" he straddles him in bed and gets close to his face while doing so...
 * In a recent episode, after receiving a written customer order, Spongebob takes the paper and gently caresses the side of Squidward's face with it. Just imagine it is as a feather instead and shudder...
 * "The Two Faces Of Squidward" was a non-stop Ho Yay fest when Spongebob accidentally slams a door in Squidward's face causing him to become handsome and everyone in town, man and woman, follows him around wanting to look upon his handsomeness, and acting like crazy stalkers. There's also SpongeBob's obsessive worry over Squidward's recovery, and at one point Squidward runs into SpongeBob's house in a towel and begs him to break his face again to bring him back to normal, to which SpongeBob replies: "But I could never hurt you on purpose!" As well as Spongebob telling Squidward after his face changes the first time "You might even be more handsome than before. If that's even possible!" and calling him a "hunk".
 * The episode "Giant Squidward" has a scene where Spongebob and Patrick share the same ice cream cone, both licking it rather exuberantly.
 * The Valentines episode has Spongebob trying his darndest to think of the perfect way to "show his love" to Patrick... which involves him creating a giant chocolate heart-shaped balloon for him (with a picture of Patrick on the front of it) and having them watch it from the top of a Ferris wheel at a Valentine's Day Carnival. However, when Sandy is late getting the balloon to the carnival and Spongebob has to give Patrick a "friendly handshake" instead Patrick reacts with great disappointment and reacts like a psychotic jealous boyfriend upon finding out how many people had gotten valentines from Spongebob. As a result, he goes on a unstoppable rampage around the Carnival, and when the chocolate balloon finally arrives he calms down, happily bites into it and tells Spongebob (who are both now covered in chocolate) "Aww Spongebob you didn't have to get me anything."

Patrick: (to Spongebob) "You broke my heart! Now I'm gonna break something of yours!""

""He just wants the plump, juicy, warm, succulent sausages around your neck!""
 * The episode "Dear Vikings" has Spongebob kiss Squidward on the nose.
 * "Slide Whistle Stooges" has Spongebob and Patrick tie each other up in a rather big knot.
 * "Spongicus" has Spongebob a little to eager to feed the sea lion the sausages that are around Patrick's neck.

"Spongebob: Well, I wouldn't say that... [cut to Spongebob and Squidward sharing Spongebob's bed. Spongebob gleefully flicks Squidward's nose.]
 * In "Model Sponge", Patrick's suggestion to get Spongebob out of his depression is to sit down and drink some "Liquid Sausage".
 * In "Greasy Buffoons, Patrick can't stop licking Greasy Spongebob. OK, you can argue that he only wanted the grease, but still...
 * In "The Splinter", Squidward gives Spongebob an order card that reads, "Spongebob: 2 Krabby Patties. PS, You're an idiot. Love, Squidward." Spongebob giggles and says, "Love you too, Squiddy!"
 * In "The Smoking Peanut", where Patrick is "on the case" of who upset the Oyster, and the clues lead to Spongebob, Patrick states "I am so close, I can almost taste it" and then licks what appears to be the side of Spongebob's face, but is actually a popsicle. (The troper always needs brainbleach for any romance in the show, and is glad she hasn't been imagining all of this for years...)
 * There's an episode where Spongebob's obsession with Squidward becomes flanderized to the point that he turns his house into an exact replica of Squidward's. You even have Sponge breathing heavily, looking at Squidward through the window while they're on the phone when Squid says he's coming over to get his vacuum cleaner back.
 * The entire episode "Squid In Love" was one huge dab of this for Spongebob and Squidward since Spongebob dressed in drag and acted like a lady towards him as a "pretend date" since Squidward is trying to learn how to date someone he loves. Spongebob is shown to clearly enjoy what he's doing. There is also the ending with Patrick dressing in drag.
 * "Trenchbillies". It did a double-up with Getting Crap past the radar and Hoyay. In a part of the episode when Spongebob and Patrick show the Trenchbillies Jellyfishing, they we're dancing around in a gay tune. But it gets gayer. Spongebob than says "Now Patrick!" And they both lunge at each other face-to-face with the tip of a iceberg. Them accidentily kissing! Yeah you read this correctly. They actully accidently kissed! Nick didn't bother putting this crap past the radar, only cut a minor part of it. But it was on the screen LONG ENOUGH for people to jump to conclusions. No, this isn't Naruto or any other anime. THIS WAS DONE SOLEY BY NICK! Yet, they claim that Spongebob isn't gay. THIS DOESN'T HELP! So the huge GLBT fanbase wins this battle.
 * "Sponge-Cano". Spongebob saves Squidward's life, Squidward's house gets destroyed for the nth time. And when Squidward mourns not having a house...

Squidward: Go away. [switches off the lights; the episode ends]"

"Mr. Krabs: I would trade it all away, if you'd come back to stay!
 * "Sun Bleached" might have the best example of this. At the beginning of the episode, Patrick wears Spongebob as a swimsuit.
 * "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" is an early example where Spongebob and Patrick fight over Squidward. You could probably get away with saying it's innocent until it reaches the infamous "Hey buddy, I warmed it up for you." scene with Patrick sitting naked in Squidward's tub. Then Spongebob pops in. "Rubber bath toys" indeed.
 * The Christmas Special. When Squidward comes into their house, Spongebob very happily sings, " Hey Patrick who's that under the miiistletoe ? "
 * I'm Your Biggest Fanatic - Patrick spots a guy in a jellyfish suit: "Wait, Jeffery Jellyfish! I have to touch you!" And at the end, Patrick can be seen dragging a rope-bound Jeffery away to Neptune knows where... "C'mon, Jeffery..."
 * There's also Spongebob's obsession with Kevin.
 * Welcome to the Chum Bucket has Mr. Krabs losing Spongebob's contract in a bet with Plankton, resulting in Spongebob working at the Chum Bucket. Cue a song Mr. Krabs and Spongebob sing about each other that sounds more like it's between Star-Crossed Lovers!

Spongebob & Mr. Krabs: This kitchen's not the same without you!"


 * And then there's the episode "Sailor Mouth" where Spongebob writes on a dumpster: Squidward smells...GOOD.
 * From "Graveyard Shift": Squidward saying while hugging SpongeBob because he's terrified of the Hash Slinging Slasher "SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!"
 * The episode "Dumped" where Spongebob is heartbroken after Gary (his pet snail) leaves him for Patrick is treated as if Spongebob and Gary were lovers until Gary eloped. And then at the end Gary goes back to Spongebob and Patrick acts as if Gary left him for another lover and screams (while in his underwear no less) "Gary, I thought what we had was SPECIAL!!!!"
 * The episode where Spongebob and Plankton become friends and Plankton becomes nicer and Plankton reveals he was just faking Spongebob acts like Plankton left him at the alter. "How long were you planning on doing this?! TELL ME!"