Homestuck/Characters/Post Scratch Kids

""But none of that's on your mind now, because you are PSYCHED about this SPECIAL DATE, 11.11.11, i.e. 2X3PRONG DAY (WHATEVER THAT MEANS), a date exhibiting just the sort of numerical gimmick corporations love to exploit for their big releases.""

When John and company "scratched" their session at the end of Act 5, things changed. Their session and universe were subjected to a cosmic Reset Button, and the resulting rebooted universe wasn't quite like the old one. Many things, both large and small, were different, presumably to enable mankind to have a better chance at winning Sburb. The most prominent change is that the original kids and their parents have switched places, and now it's the guardians-turned-kids who will tackle the new session.

The post-Scratch kids in general

 * Chekhov's Gunman: In the pre-Scratch universe, Nanna and Grandpa were shown in flashbacks as thirteen-year-old children in a brief sequence; while it was clearly relevant then, it also served as a preview for the appearance of Jane and Jake. Additionally, Jake's existence as Jade's penpal was introduced as far back as Act 3.
 * Color Coded for Your Convenience: They share the colours associated with the Sprites of the Pre-Scratch Session.
 * Jaspersprite was slightly darker than Roxy for some reason, likely tying into her mutated cat symbol, and it does correspond to her Beta Counterpart's trademark Scarf of Asskicking.
 * And it applies in reverse too; Jane's Cruxite, Kernel, and sprite all have identical colors to John's text.
 * Disc One Nuke: So far all of them have been shown to have access to materials and items that give them a distinct advantage over the initial trials the Pre-Scratch Session had to undergo.
 * And also inverted. As a Void Session they'll never have to face many of the challenges the Pre-Scratch Session did at all, like the Reckoning.
 * Fan Nickname: The post-Scratch universe is commonly called the "Alpha Universe" after its version of Sburb (which is in the alpha development stage instead of beta). It's helpful too, because otherwise terminology would increasingly get confusing.
 * Note that "Alpha Universe" should not be confused with "alpha timeline".
 * Because of the confusion this causes, references to the "Alpha Universe" are discouraged on this wiki, as Post-Scratch or B2 are both canonical and less confusing ways to refer to it, if a bit wordier.
 * Ascended Meme: "Alpha" has been acknowledged by the author and the official merchandise.
 * Future Slang: Roxy and Dirk use Troll terminology from time to time since human culture has essentially been co-opted by the Condesce by their time period.
 * Gender Flip: Jane and Jake are of the opposite gender to their Beta counterparts, John and Jade; Dirk and Roxy have opposite chumhandles and personalities compared to Dave and Rose.
 * Geodesic Cast: It also serves as an example in-universe. The post-Scratch kids are younger versions of the pre-Scratch kids' guardians, while possessing similar elements to the pre-Scratch kids themselves. In addition, they have elements in common with several of the deceased Trolls, such as their titles in Sburb.
 * In Universe Nickname: They're known as the Nobles rather than the Heroes, because of some unknown quirk in the session that causes them to enter the session long after the Consorts and Lands have died. Fans adopted this quickly, as a quick way of distinguishing between the Pre and Post Scratch Human sessions.
 * Meaningful Name: Roxy's Land is LOTAK, Dirk's is LOPAN, and Jake's is LOMAX, though the extended names of their lands are thus far unknown. The Noble gases in descending order are Helium (already used in Jane's land), Neon, Argon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Ununoctium.
 * Love Triangle: Pretty simple ones. Jake likes Jane, who reciprocates. Dirk also likes Jake, who considers reciprocating. Roxy likes Dirk and Jake, though she decided not to try to pursue a relationship with Jake since Jane likes him. One of the focal aspects of the plot in Act 6 thus far, which, judging from Andrew's comments, is a light jab at Homestuck's fandom becoming shipping obsessed.
 * Meanwhile in The Future: Roxy and Dirk live in the far future of Earth, but experience events in concert with Jake and Jane in the past.
 * Off the Rails: Their session, in addition to being a Void Session and not having prototyping or other features in other sessions, has the machinations of the Condesce and the entry of the Pre-Scratch Kids, making the session incredibly atypical and essentially unique.
 * Unwinnable By Design: As mentioned above, theirs is a Void session, which is inherently supposed to be unwinnable.
 * Shouldn't We Be in School Right Now: Averted. Jane seemingly doesn't go to school, and Dirk, Jake, and Roxy can't.
 * Stock Super Powers: As a natural extension of Sburb. All of their abilities are thus far ambiguous, though information about them is being dripped at a snail's pace.
 * Jane, as the Maid of Life, has at least Immortality, the specifics of which are unknown, and may also have Healing Hands.
 * Jake, as the Page of Hope, has unknown abilities, though as a Page he has a latent and innate knowledge of his session, Sburb, and possibly everything.
 * Roxy, as the Rogue of Void, would have Psychic Block Defense versus scrying and may even be Immune to Fate completely. At some unspecified point in the future, she's able to black out the entire B2 Session from being seen by UU. UU describes Void as being absence and potentially even the outright destruction of knowledge. As a passive class, she will be oriented more toward applying the abilities to her allies. UU has also heavily suggested that Roxy will at some point reach her God Tiers.
 * Dirk, as the Prince of Heart, has unspecified abilities, though they partially extend to his being able to control multiple selves at once. According to UU, his class could be described more poetically as "Destroyer of the essence of being", and she suggests he can outright destroy souls. UU again heavily suggests he will reach his God Tiers. According to UU as well, his Myth Arc has to deal with his fractured sense of self, between his dreamself, the AR, and his other various robots. He's also very martially gifted, and has a potent Flash Step and Implausible Fencing Powers.
 * Technicolor Eyes: Their eyes match their text colors, like their Pre-Scratch counterparts. Unlike the Pre-Scratch Kids, only Jake's eye color would be considered normal, with Roxy and Dirk's being outright impossible and Jane's stretching the bounds of natural colors.
 * Teen Genius: All of them save Jane are very technically inclined. As for herself, Jane is a pretty smart cookie, though she can be clueless sometimes.
 * Theme Naming: A four letter name and a seven letter last name. Jake and Jane share last names with villains.
 * Jane and Jake continue the pattern started with Jade and John of having names starting with J, and their names are phonetically similar to their counterparts' (John and Jane, Jade and Jake); Jake English has the same initials as John Egbert.
 * Dirk has the same initials as Dave and Davesprite. Roxy has the same initials as Rose.
 * The chumhandles of all the humans except Jane reference the New Testament. Jake's chumhandle references the place where Jesus died. Roxy's chumhandle refers to Gnosticism (in addition to being a actual brandname). Dirk's handle refers to the blind man healed by Jesus. And while Jane's chumhandle breaks the pattern, her initials are JC and she's the Hero of Life.
 * They're all friendly with UU, who has a serpent theme.
 * Tomato Surprise: Dirk and Roxy actually live on the future wasteland that Earth has become. This was hinted at subtly before being revealed during the End of Act 6 Act 2.

Jane Crocker


""Though you guess that probably comes with the territory of being the HEIRESS APPARENT TO A BAKED GOODS EMPIRE. You don't suppose it hurts that you are said empire's NUMBER ONE FANGIRL, either! It should come as no surprise that you enjoy BAKING, but you also adore reading DETECTIVE STORIES. You fancy yourself a SKILLED PRANKSTRESS, if by no other measure than lineage. Though at times you feel it's tough to fill those shoes when you are SURROUNDED BY JOKERS. Seriously, the shenanigans perpetrated by your pals make your old school japes feel KIND OF PEDESTRIAN SOMETIMES, but oh well, you love them all anyway.""

The post-Scratch iteration of Nanna Egbert, and John's Post-Scratch counterpart, Jane is the heiress to the great Betty Crocker empire and the comedic legacy of her forefathers.

Her chumhandle is gutsyGumshoe. She is the Maid of Life of the Post-Scratch Human Session and is the leader of said session.

Her fetch modus is RECIPE, which allows her to view all the possible Alchemization combinations allowed to create the items she puts in it, as well as the grist cost for each combination, and her STRIFE SPECIBUS is allocated to the SPOONKIND ABSTRATUS, which can switch to the FORKKIND ABSTRATUS.

" "

"
 * Agent Scully: Acts as this to Roxy as they argue the existence of the Batterwitch. This is later justified by Jane living in a time in which Betty Crocker's influence is subtle instead of the overt tyranny of Roxy's time period. Jane also displays this to Gamzee and UU as well.
 * Anime Hair: Much like her relatives, John and Jade, her hair has impossible cowlicks.
 * Anguished Declaration of Love: Subverted, when Jake straight up asks her about their mutual feelings towards each other, Jane denies them and then immediately regrets it, and tries to immediately take it back, but Jake thinks she's just trying to comfort him platonically.
 * Buffy-Speak: Out of excitement for Sburb Alpha's delivery, she calls the letter box signal flag the flappy thing, THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD, THE ARM DEALIE, and THE GODDARNED RED SWINGY FLAPPY LEVER ARM THINGAMABOB...ON THE MAILBOX.
 * But Thou Must: When seeing a God Tier Gamzee greet her at her home in LOCAH, despite it being an interactive sequence, her responses to having Gamzee be her guide are "No" and "Fuck no".
 * When Gamzee is selling her his "potions", you have the option of clicking "Yes" or "No". Clicking "No" gives you a different dialogue screen, but it still winds up with her reluctantly buying the potion.
 * Call Back: Her room is loaded with them. Also a Mythology Gag since she really seems to like Problem Sleuth; her shirt is even a sprite version of one of the first enemies.
 * Can't Spit It Out: To Jake. Even when he asks her up front about it. Accidentally invokes Let's Just Be Friends.
 * Digs her hole even deeper by encouraging Jake to be more forward with Dirk, and outright suggests they date. Jane is appalled by her own stupidity. When some fans brought up her being mindcontrolled into saying it, the Huss himself all but laughed at the idea of teenagers having to be forced to act like dumbasses.
 * Death Glare: Here.
 * Does Not Like Spam: Doesn't like Gushers if her faint praise is any indication.
 * Dreaming of Things to Come: Jane awakens on Prospit the night before the Sburb Alpha comes out, and has briefly seen Skaian visions during blackouts since.
 * Disappointed in You: Jane gives this vibe toward Roxy after hearing her talk drunk, especially saying what would her Mom think of her behavior.
 * Funny Spoon / Fork Fencing: Her Weapon of Choice.
 * Fan Girl: To Betty Crocker, though it's pretty justified in that she's the Heiress to the company, and possibly also because she's brainwashed into liking it. She also likes Problem Sleuth, Jeff Foxworthy, Harry Anderson, and mustached comedians and private eyes in general.
 * Fetish: She seems to have a thing for men with mustaches or at least comedians with mustaches. This may have something to do with her admiration and respect for her grandfather and great-grandfather, who were both mustached comedians.
 * Foreshadowing: When she levels up, we see the very next level on her echeladder is "Heiress Sans Parent".
 * Genki Girl
 * Gosh Dang It to Heck: Jane scrupulously avoids using any actual swear words, initially at least. As time has gone on, she's started peppering her speech with them.
 * Grammar Nazi: As seen in this BettyBother:

"


 * Hardboiled Detective: Aspires to be one as evidenced with Her BettyBother handle, GutsyGumshoe. This aspiration got her father in a spot of trouble with the law.
 * I Believe That You Believe It: Jane wishes Jake Godspeed on his cyborg bunny project, despite finding it strange and silly.
 * Improbable Weapon User: Spoons and forks.
 * Jumped At the Call: Pretty much the only member of her session excited to actually play the game, and pretty happy to explore LOCAH.
 * Let Us Never Speak of This Again: "Once dabbled in AMATEUR BOTANY, but found it TOO FRUSTRATING due to VEGETABLES DISAP-actually, you know what, you DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." It was later revealed Jake and Roxy were the ones stealing her pumpkins, partially by accident.
 * Locked Out of the Loop: Unlike Jake, she is completely unaware Roxy and Dirk live in the future. This is because of her initial Agent Scully nature being too overpowering for Roxy to try to tell her otherwise.
 * Made of Iron: Survived being blown out of a second story window with no injuries. Justified in part because of her Healing Factor as the Maid of Life.
 * Meaningful Name: Her initials are J.C.
 * Messianic Archetype: Previous characters have had some traits associated with this trope but Jane takes it Up to Eleven, at least in terms of symbolism. Her initials are JC, her role in Sburb is Life, and her associated color matches Skaia, which is basically Sburb's version of God. Taken even further with her dreamself exploding in a Prospitian recolor of St. Peter's Square.
 * Might just be part of every shown leader of a session being The Messiah though.
 * Meganekko
 * Mythology Gag: Two of her Echeladder levels are "Haberdasher's Daughter" and "Sodajerk's Confidante". Both of these are references to the title character of Problem Sleuth, who had two ratings named "Groom to the Haberdasher's Daughter" and "Suitor to the Sodajerk's Confidante".
 * Nice Hat: Has one filled with memories.
 * Non-Fatal Explosions: Poor, poor Jane.
 * Oblivious Guilt Slinging:
 * After the mailbox explosion, Jane contacts Roxy and apologizes for doubting her. Roxy says Jane is making her feel bad... because it turns out she was trying to set up a fake assassination attempt involving an exploding copy of the game just so Jane would start believing her.
 * She's on the receiving end when she fails to be honest with Jake about her feelings, leading him to open up to her as Just Friends. Watching her beat herself up about it as she only digs herself deeper is both funny and heart-wrenching, and Jake's oblivious praise of her only twists the knife further.
 * Our Hero Is Dead: Twice, with both her dreamself and her realself. Played straight when she ends up being okay both times anyways.
 * The Pollyanna: She really doesn't seem all that worried about multiple recent assassination attempts, though the one where she actually got stabbed did upset her somewhat.
 * Poster Gallery Bedroom
 * Rule of Symbolism: When John made his Cruxite Artifact, needed to enter the Medium, he created a tree that dropped an apple. When Jane makes her Cruxite Artifact, she makes a tree that doesn't drop anything and simply vanishes.
 * Significant Monogram: "JC".
 * Skeptic No Longer: She starts trusting UU and Roxy at their word shortly before starting the game.
 * Spoiled Sweet: Subversion. She's the heir to the most powerful company on earth and has a small hint of snobbishness towards the lower classes, but she's quite friendly and sweet to her friends. The subversion is that she doesn't seem to have any of the actual wealth that would come with her station, and other than having a few advanced BCCorp prototypes and a bunch of "useless" boondollars, she just lives a normal, suburban, middle-class life.
 * Strong Family Resemblance: She heavily resembles Jade (genetically her daughter) both in appearance and personality.
 * Swiss Army Weapon: It can change back and forth from SPOONKIND to FORKKIND at the touch of a button.
 * Symbol Swearing: Uses "&%#$@!!!" as a swear towards a drunken Roxy.
 * Trickster Archetype: Though like John, she freely admits she's awful at pranks.
 * Tritagonist: John is the main protagonist, Karkat is the Deuteragonist, and Jane is shaping up to the tritagonist to them.
 * Trope 2000: The aforementioned Junior Battermaster's Bowlbuster Stirring Solution 5000.
 * Whatever: In response to Dad's grounding her.
 * Worthless Yellow Rocks: Jane starts with a fortune in Boondollars, a fetch modus that tells alchemy recipes, and a device that can render objects back into their component grist, but has no clue just how valuable all of these things are before the game starts. Justified because outside of Sburb, they genuinely are useless.
 * You Are Grounded: Her punishment after getting caught outside the house staring into the sky too long. You might say she's stuck at home. It might also have had something to do with the assassination attempts on her...
 * Grounded even more firmly by being blocked in her room by bathtub after she slips out and nearly get assassinated again by a mail bomb.

Jake English


""Not a gent of your PANACHE AND SWAGGER, qualities which you would BANDY WITH APLOMB on your globe-spanning adventures, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. You would love to travel around the world, toppling any SACRED URNS you encountered. You'd be tickled by the opportunity to defile HALLOWED TOMBS everywhere, raiding them of their treasures. And how you'd give your RIGHT LEG for a shot at desecrating THE SHIT out of some real life MYSTIC RUINS for their byzantine wares. Luckily for your limb, there is a dandy set of such ruins nearby, and you desecrate them quite frequently!""

The post-Scratch incarnation of Grandpa Harley, and Jade's Post-Scratch counterpart. He is Jade's penpal, communicating with her across the two Earth universes, and he assisted in the creation of the cyborg bunny and provided its weapons.

His chumhandle is golgothasTerror. He is the Page of Hope of the Post-Scratch Human Session.

His STRIFE SPECIBUS is allocated to the 2X PISTOLKIND ABSTRATUS. His fetch modus is PUZZLE, which can hold a truly absurd number of items as long as the pieces fit.

" "

""Luckily (or unfortunately) you grew up alone, so there was never anyone around to point out how ridiculous you look.""
 * Adorkable
 * Adventurer Archaeologist: Aspires to be one.
 * The Aloner: Grew up completely alone on his island, unlike Jade who dreamt on Prospit daily from a young age. He does have his online friends, but that seems to be it. It explains to a great extent his eccentricity.
 * Ancestral Weapon: His Weapon of Choice, Twin M9 Barettas, are part of an absurd arsenal inherited from his Grandmother.
 * Antiquated Linguistics
 * Awesome McCoolname: Jake. English.
 * Bi the Way: He's expressed interest in reciprocating Dirk's feelings, though he's still uncomfortable about it. He also has a massive crush on Aranea and a long standing one for Jane.
 * Boisterous Bruiser: Loves a good scrum.
 * Chekhov's Gunman: As Jade's pen pal as early as Act 3.
 * Crazy Prepared: He carries 5 computers on himself at all times, like a sensible person.
 * Dead to Begin With: His dreamself was killed before his first appearance.
 * Even the Guys Want Him: Every one of his friends has a crush on him.
 * It extends to Dirk's fragments too, like the AR or a copy of Dirk in Jake's subconscious.
 * Roughly 1/3 of his lower tier echeladder rungs lampshade this: "One Tomb; Many Suitors;" "Cupid's Crosshair Candy," "Sharkbait Heartthrob," "Hunk Rumpus Buster," "Beau Skylark."
 * Eye Glasses: Humorous Lampshaded when Dirk's Brobot punches him and knocks his eyes off with the glasses.
 * Failed a Spot Check: Thanks to using a vision-blocking computer helmet while hanging around outdoors where FRIGHTENING FAUNA of a regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE lurk.
 * Fetish: Pretty open about having a thing for blue skinned space babes. And Smurfette. And washed-out blue pictures of Lara Croft. Really, he's not that discriminating as long as they're blue. Two of his crushes, Aranea and Jane, are heavily associated with the color blue as well.
 * The Fool: Much like John, Jake's a bit slow on the uptake, though unlike John, it actually is a subconscious case of Obfuscating Stupidity.
 * Furry Fandom: Dirk jokes that Jake's adoration of Neytiri places him in this but Jake doesn't seem to be a furry otherwise.
 * Genius Bruiser: He's pretty intelligent when he applies himself, though he's had a lot of help from Dirk and Roxy.
 * Good Counterpart: In a very loose sense to Eridan. Both are Heroes of Hope and routinely fight lusii, but Jake shows remorse for killing a fairy bull and is outright scared of the lusii.
 * Eridan propositions everyone for romantic interest and is always unsuccessful, while Jake gets romantic interest from everyone without even trying.
 * Good Old Fisticuffs: One of his preferred methods of fighting.
 * Guns Akimbo: Inherited from his Grandmother.
 * Hollywood Action Hero: What he likes to think he is.
 * Nerd Action Hero: What he actually is.
 * Impossibly Tacky Clothes: His full set of ostentatious wearable computers.

" "
 * Impractically Fancy Outfit: His double holster, shown here.
 * Inventory Management Puzzle: Literally; his Fetch Modus is PUZZLE. He keeps the remains of his old house in it.
 * Jive Turkey: Speaks in a really odd mix of archaic and modern slang. Unlike Jane's predilection for proper grammar, this gets commented on a lot.
 * Jumped At the Call: If exuberant for ADVENTURE, then logically would accept it readily.
 * Subverted later. He's wary of the fact that as a Page, he subconsciously knows a lot of things he doesn't think he should.
 * Kid From the Future: During Acts 3-5, it seemed that he was Jade's grandson from the future. It's subverted when we learn that he's just her grandfather's Alternate Universe counterpart. He however, does think he's speaking to his Grandma in the past.
 * Large Ham: "OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY. HOW THEY EXACT THEIR POUND OF FLESH. OH GOD NO OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH."
 * Magikarp Power: All Pages have this, but Jake as the Page of Hope in particular has vast amounts of untapped potential.
 * Meaningful Name: His grandmother deliberately renamed herself after Lord English in order to insult the Condesce. Jake himself is obsessed with skulls, wears what appears to be a caricature of English's skull on his shirt and there's a poster of what appears to be a film about Lord English on his wall. Most of his wearable-computers resemble Lord English: a flashing coat, mismatched shoes that follow the same color scheme as LE's clawed foot and peg-leg, and a skull-shaped helmet with flashing eyes. These turn out to be made by Grandma English's company, as another way of insulting the Batterwitch.
 * His chumhandle is named for Golgotha. As the article states, the name means "place of a skull", referencing Jake's love of skulls. It's also the site of JC's death...
 * The heroes of the Post-Scratch Human session are known as Nobles. Lord is a title of nobility.
 * The Movie Buff: Like John and Karkat, he loves movies. Unlike them, who focus on bad movies and romcoms respectively, he loves ALL movies indiscriminately.
 * Mythology Gag: One of his echeladder levels is called "Hunk Rumpus Buster"
 * Oblivious Guilt Slinging: To Jane as he talks repeatedly about how relieved he is to get all his feelings honestly out in the open, right after she fails to be honest with hers.
 * Oblivious to Love: Zig-zagged. He's aware of Jane's and Dirk's feelings for him, but when Jane Can't Spit It Out when asked directly, he takes her at face value despite noticing that she's acting odd about it. He may also be aware of Roxy's feelings, though he's only hinted at it in passing.
 * Subverted later. Dirk's fragment in Jake's subconscious shows that he's actually completely aware of what is going on with everyone's feelings and just isn't comfortable acknowledging it.
 * Oh Crap: When fighting the brobot.
 * Only Known By Their Nickname: Before his full name was revealed he was only known by his initial "J". It turned out to be Jane's nickname for him.
 * Plot Allergy: He shares John's peanut allergy. His dreamself died when he was fed peanuts by (B2) Courtyard Droll.
 * Poster Gallery Bedroom: So far, easily the most extreme example: you can't even see the walls or windows because of his movie posters.
 * Secret Diary: Filled with BARK code. Roxy appearified it from him and still has it, unwilling to admit to the theft.
 * Shout Out:
 * One of his echeladder levels is titled "Castor Troy's Apprentice".
 * Another is titled "Bernie Lomax's Revenge." (Bernie Lomax is Terry Kiser's character.)
 * Sophisticated As Hell:

" "
 * Strong Family Resemblance: John and Jake are almost exactly alike, right down to having similar personalities and mannerisms, although Jake is more eccentric. Not to mention with a haircut, Jake would be virtually identical to John.
 * Take Up My Sword: Upon learning that his grandmother was affiliated with the resistance movement against Crocker.


 * Wall of Weapons: His inventory is literally full of guns and food.
 * Would Hit a Girl: Once he figures out that Meenah is the Batterwitch, he starts beating her to a pulp. Of course, she's already dead, so it doesn't really do much.

Roxy Lalonde


"''"God DAMN do you love WIZARDS.

You wish and hope they are REAL, and that so too is their MAJYYKS AND STUFF. You enjoy writing FANPROSE FOR SAID MAGICAL MEN, but you think maybe it's NOT SO GREAT. You are however QUITE GREAT at the esoteric sciences, such as ECTOBIOLOGY, DARK FENESTROLOGY, and the delicate art of APPEARIFICATION. You have tended to accrue dead preserved SPECIMENS from your experiments, little to none of which AREN'T FELINE."''"

The post-Scratch iteration of Mom Lalonde, and Rose's Post-Scratch counterpart. She's a perpetually drunk, upbeat, flirty, and paranoid genius.

Her chumhandle is tipsyGnostalgic. She is the Rogue of Void of the Post-Scratch Human Session.

Her STRIFE SPECIBUS is allocated to both the RIFLEKIND ABSTRACTUS and the FISTKIND ABSTRACTUS. Her fetch modus is MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE.

" "

"You aren't one to shy from A BIT OF GAMING, particularly the sort WELL PAST ITS PRIME."
 * Anything That Moves: Has expressed attraction to Jake, Dirk, and Jane's Dad, and has been Ship Teased with Jane. The last occurred in an Easter Egg, [S Ride], and may just be a Shout Out to the relatively popular ship of Jane/Roxy, often called "Cotton Candy."
 * Bottle Fairy: Even though she's not even 16.
 * The Alcoholic: Played for laughs and she's quite a bit underage, though it's implied later that she does it in part to try and deal with living in an After the End wasteland, which might veer into Deconstruction territory.
 * Rose possibly reconstructs it by claiming her doomed timeline self started drinking mainly out of bored experimentation due to not having much to do. Roxy is quite possibly in the same position.
 * Foreshadowing: Nobody is around to stop her from drinking, as she's one of the few remnants of humanity left.
 * Cassandra Truth: Knows more about Betty Crocker's true identity and schemes than any other character seen so far (except for perhaps Nanna), but Jane doesn't trust her on virtually anything, causing a major source of angst.
 * On the other hand, she doesn't want any "pity believins." She's a scientist and she wants to prove that she's right about this. Her failure to do this with her appearifier early on with Jane was part of what led to Jane treating her skeptically.
 * Cat Smile: Both on her shirt and used in text on occasion.
 * Chekhov's Gunman: We now finally know who the girl was that Jaspers spent the rest of his life with after having been taken from Rose.
 * To an even greater extent, Mom Lalonde's odd bedroom in the Skaianet lab proved to be largely relevant to Roxy, making her presence alluded to since Act 3.
 * Chivalrous Pervert: The only thing stopping her from hitting on Jake is that Jane has a thing for him. She also respects that Dirk isn't interested in her due to being gay.
 * Cluster F-Bomb: Nigh constantly.
 * Gamer Chick: She has a Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Game Cube, Game Boy, Nintendo Wii, Play Station, and Xbox 360 in her room, and...
 * Retro Gaming:

" "
 * Foreshadowing: From her perspective, all gaming is retro.
 * Hello Nurse: Dave and John both responded positively to seeing her in dreambubbles. Dave's reaction to finding out she was a genetic duplicate of his mother wasn't kind.
 * Hypocritical Humor:

"Why did you have to clone so many cats? Why did they all have to breed so much? Why do they all have to be so friendly???"
 * Irony: Is extremely suspicious of Betty Crocker. Her hair visually resembles Betty Crocker's public image almost perfectly.
 * As a scientist it is her duty to find and organize knowledge. As a Hero of Void she is capable of not only hiding it, but destroying it as well.
 * Kindhearted Cat Lover: "D'aw who are you kidding. You can't stay mad at cats."
 * Crazy Cat Lady: Downplayed. She has a huge collection of mutant cats in her lab that she loves dearly, but it's accidental and not a sign of mental illness or social ineptitude.

" "
 * Promptly subverted when she encounters a group of Carapacians in her lab hunting her cats. She doesn't begrudge them at all for it.
 * Leet Lingo: Uses the most out of anyone in the comic.
 * Loveable Rogue: And she essentially describes the trope when talking to UU about the difference between the Rogue and Thief classes.


 * Mad Scientist: Her idea of testing portals is to throw mutant cats in them.
 * Omnidisciplinary Scientist: She's a competent hacker, ectobiologist, and esoteric physicist. She's also at least a fair roboticist.
 * Meaningful Name: Her chumhandle -- a combination of the words "Gnostic" and "nostalgia" -- is named after an actual company that sells absinthe.
 * Not to mention someone from the far future communicating with the past being nostalgic about it.
 * Mythology Gag: Roxy gets attacked as soon as she ends up on the other side of an unpowered window, which was a constant threat in their original appearance in Problem Sleuth.
 * Odd Name Out: Roxy is the only two syllable first name amongst all of the Kids.
 * Of Corpse He's Alive: When speaking to Jane she talks as though her mother was still alive. This is because in Jane and Jake's time, she is.
 * Only Known By Their Nickname: Before her real name was revealed she was called by a variety of nicknames. Dirk calls her RL. Jane calls her Ro-Lal.
 * Pink Means Feminine: The pink cat Mutini on her shirt. All of her game systems are painted pink too, and all her plush wizards are pink.
 * Playful Hacker: Stole her copy of Sburb from Crockercorp servers and brags to Jane about it, if somewhat facetiously by way of exaggerating, invoking Hollywood Hacking and acknowledging it. She then admits that the game wasn't really encrypted or protected at all, so it was less "hacking" and more "downloading".
 * Though Roxy is good enough at coding ~ATH to blow up people's computers... though that's also what the program is best at.
 * Portal Door: Her black fenestrated planes act as two-way portals; when she goes through one plane she comes out at another one set up in her house. But the space in between the planes...
 * Windowspace Is A Scary Place: ...is actually The Furthest Ring. This leads to a surreal moment where an awake Roxy passes her sleepwalking Dream Self.
 * Power of the Void: Rare heroic example, as the Rogue of Void. The exact manifestation is unknown yet, but all Void heroes seem to have Psychic Block Defense against scrying.
 * Raised By Wolves: Or rather by Carapacians, which in large part helps explain her whimsical nature.
 * Ray Gun:
 * Her preferred weapon for use with her RIFLEKIND ABSTRACTUS. Well, a ray rifle actually.
 * Her appearifier also looks like a ray gun pistol.
 * Sad Clown: She is a very upbeat person but she is utterly sick of being The Cassandra for Jane and Dirk has hinted she's hiding a lot of issues.
 * Scarf of Asskicking
 * Ship Tease: With everyone.
 * Sleepwalking: Her dream self keeps wandering off in Derse, seeking out the void. At one point, it actually passes by Roxy's real self as she's going through a fenestrated plane.
 * Super Strength: Possibly. She managed to break free of a strangle hold by a magenta-blooded ghost troll and then jumped several times her own height to an active window above her, though this was in a dreambubble, so normal physics might not apply. All FISTKIND wielders we've seen so far have demonstrated this trope, including her B1 counterpart, who punched out a giant.
 * Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Again, she's 15 and drinks. Regularly. And as Jane points out, during the day. Justified by living After the End and being raised by non-humans to boot.
 * The Un-Reveal: Parodied - the narration builds up to revealing her first name, only to show that the last two letters are blocked by a cat's tail. The next update properly reveals her first name.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: With Jane.
 * What the Hell, Hero?: She purposely sends Jane a bogus copy of Sburb that will explode her computer when run, just to make Jane believe her about the Batterwitch. When Jane and Dirk realize this, they discuss the extremeness of her actions.
 * My God, What Have I Done?: Once Jane comes to her hat in hand about how she should've always trusted her, Roxy feels quite like a jerk about having done this. Unfortunately, she doesn't get a chance to disarm it before Jane sets it off anyway.

Dirk Strider


"''"Holy SHIT do you love PUPPETS.

"If you weren't so DAMN ALOOF and actually let people GET A LOAD, you might get described all kindsa ways. Maybe tagged as a RENAISSANCE NINJA, PHILOSOPHER PRINCE, and FLASHSTEP PUPPETEER. Or perhaps a PANTHEONIC IRONICIST, GANGSTA LOGICIAN, LUCID WAKER and DERSITE SPY. Screw descriptors though, as if the shits you give ain't nil. You're cool with dabbling in the FINE SEQUENTIAL ARTS, and your work could be viewed by some as BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC. And to those philistines you'll be heard wondering, what the fuck do you mean BORDERLINE?"''"

The post-Scratch iteration of Bro Strider, and Dave's Post-Scratch counterpart. He is a stoic and intelligent Polymath who looks out for his friends and builds robots ...which then he proceeds to demolish in death matches. He also loves puppets and horses.

His chumhandle is timaeusTestified. He is the Prince of Heart of the Post-Scratch Human Session.

His STRIFE PORTFOLIO contains SPECIBI for BLADEKIND, which he considers his main SPECIBUS, and two Joke Weapons; PUPPETKIND, and FNCYSNTAKIND. His fetch modus is TECH-HOP, a Mythology Gag to And It Don't Stop. It's fairly complicated but is the best modus for hashrap enthusiasts.

" "

"[[color:#f2a400:The Prince is awake.
 * Anguished Declaration of Love: Planning one towards Jake, and simultaneously lampshaded.
 * Animal Motifs: Gulls to correspond to Dave's crows. The brighter portion of his symbol is a stylized gull as well.
 * Anime Hair: Shaped like a bird, similarly to Dave's.
 * And a Shout Out / Stealth Pun to boot..
 * Assassin Outclassin: Hegemonic Brute was required to take out Dirk. He didn't stand a chance.
 * Author Avatar: To a greater extent than Dave, but still not a 1:1 copy of Hussie. Dirk however more closely resembles Hussie as he is now, which is to say that he's a lot less prone to ironic gestures though he still enjoys them.
 * Ascended Meme: He used the phrase "You're welcome." to Roxy criticizing him, much like a memetic picture of Andrew Hussie.
 * Awesome Tattoo: Of Hella Jeff, just like Hussie.
 * Badass Boast: Addressed to the government of Derse and received by the Draconian Dignitary:

Your shit is wrecked.]]"

" "
 * Badass Gay
 * Bad Powers, Good People: Lampshaded. Dirk's reaction to finding out that his Sburb role could be translated to Destroyer of Souls is that it sounds cool, but he's not sure it's useful for anyone but a "cartoonishly villainous sorcerer."
 * Broken Ace: He's the martially gifted of any of the shown players, incredibly intelligent, witty to a fault, but has no sense of self and genuinely believes an inanimate puppet is his closest friend.
 * Call Back: Has a striking tendency to use phrases oft repeated throughout the story and occasionally comments when others do it too, meaning it may well tie into his abilities as the Prince of Heart.
 * There's already been one character who types in orange with the initials DS.
 * He's got a lot of copies of himself and alternate versions around, like Dave.
 * The ability to have your Dreamself run around while your real self is awake is similar to Pickle Inspector and Mobster Kingpin's Abstracted Thought Tech.
 * Nepeta and Eridan, the only other known Hero of Heart and Prince respectively, both had unrequited romantic hopes.
 * His STRONG wifebeater outfit stems from Hussie briefly considering giving him one in the preliminary design process, and his Hella Jeff tattoo seen while wearing it is based on Hussie's own Hella Jeff tattoo.
 * Dirk isn't the first character in Homestuck to build robots in order to fight them, nor is he the first one to give someone a robot as a gift as a bizarre form of courtship.
 * The Chessmaster: Claims to be this. About an hour later in story, everything starts spiraling out of his control, so he's actually a Subversion.
 * Cool Shades: They don't just look cool. They're also one of his computers and house the Auto Responder.
 * Decapitation Presentation: After killing the Hegemonic Brute, Dirk decided to stop pretending to be asleep and announced himself to Derse by sticking HB's head on a pike in full public view with a note. (See Badass Boast above.)
 * Eyes of Gold: Technically orange but close enough.
 * Flash Step: So fast it might as well be Teleport Spam.
 * Furry Fandom: Specifically, horse furries. And yes, in that way.
 * Genius Bruiser: One of the smartest characters and arguably the most badass one before the game starts as well.
 * Hive Mind: Limited to two bodies. He's always awake on Derse and aware of his dream self's body. He just pretends to sleep because controlling two bodies at once is difficult.
 * Inventory Management Puzzle: The only Post-Scratch Kid to have a genuinely difficult FETCH MODUS. Everything in a GROOVE ROW must share a theme like puppets, orange soda, or stuff about bros. Everything in a SHADE COLUMN must rhyme. If you can't find a slot for an item that matches both (after creative renaming) you can't pick it up.
 * Irony: Obsessed with the various levels and meanings within meanings of ironic gestures, attempting to refine the concept to its highest levels. Essentially, by intense commitment to the absurd, you gain the "sincerity" of reverence to the ridiculous, which means that you "mean it" on a level that is impenetrable to non-ironic minds, a fact which itself can be mined for additional humor.
 * Creator in Joke: Which is exactly how Hussie has described his Affectionate Parody of Con Air.
 * His mocking edit of the kids' book he gave Jane is a prime example of just how he tends to get carried away with this. Note that this is also a Creator in Joke; Hussie has done similar edits.
 * Joke Weapon: One of his three weapons of choice are FANCY SANTAS. Nobody's sure how to damage someone with one, but if someone can figure it out it's probably him.
 * Lethal Joke Weapon: On the other hand, his use of puppets is just straight up dangerous.
 * Katanas Are Just Better
 * Literal Split Personality: Between the AR, Squarewave, Sawtooth, and his dreamself, Dirk has a very fractured sense of self, which ties into his Myth Arc. One of Dirk's "Fragments" as they're referred to in universe even turns up in Jake's subconscious.
 * Mad Scientist: Dirk downplays his own scientific knowledge, saying that in the future, the technology level has greatly advanced, but he still has chunks of uranium and random robots all around his apartment.
 * Matchmaker Crush: A dream splinter of him offers pointers to Jake on how to woo Jane and Aranea, but seems content to let him make a complete fool of himself in their presence.
 * Meaningful Name: The first part of his chumhandle can refer to any one of these guys. His chumhandle may also refer to the Turing Test thanks to his auto-response program which is almost indistinguishable from himself.
 * Dirk refers to a a type of long dagger and Dirk is a Sword kind user.
 * Me's a Crowd: Is the only known player yet to be able to keep his Dreamself and Realself active at the same time, though it's a bit difficult.
 * Mr. Exposition: Does this a lot.
 * MST: Gave Jane a copy of Pony Pals: Detective Pony that started with tons of penciled in snarky comments, and then progressed to in-line edits, until he finally went Off the Rails into a full replacement of the book, keeping only the chapter titles and turning into a "tough, draining read" that's "cathartic in all the worst ways."
 * Mythology Gag: His TECH-HOP modus is lifted straight from And It Don't Stop, including Grooves (themes) and Shades (rhymes). Plus Dirk battles with robots, which is where the TECH in TECH-HOP comes from in And It Don't Stop.
 * Nice Hat: He loves hats in general but doesn't want to muss his hair, so we hears an orange baseball cap as his icon on his shirts. The brighter portion of the icon is a stylized Gull. He also has some hats lying around his apartment.
 * Only Known By Their Nickname: Similar to Roxy, before his name was revealed he was called by various nicknames -- Strider, DS, Di-Stri, and to a lesser extent, Bro.
 * Oracular Urchin: Has been awake and aware on Derse for years, which explains his extensive pre-game knowledge of the session.
 * Of Corpse He's Alive: When speaking to Jane he talks as though his brother was still alive. This is because in Jane and Jake's time, he is.
 * Passive-Aggressive Kombat: With his AR. With one being a copy of the other and with both enjoying irony and messing with other people's heads, it was practically inevitable.
 * Perverse Puppet: Has them in his room. Along with Lil' Cal.
 * Marionette Master: They're weapons.
 * Pet the Dog: His rationale for leaving his auto-responder on as much as possible.

""OK FINE, YOU LOVE THIS ONE PARTICULAR LITTLE RAINBOW HORSE UNIRONICALLY, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME."
 * Punny Name: A sword user named Dirk.
 * Unfortunate Names: Similar enough to "Dick" that the jokes practically write themselves, especially considering his interests and sexuality.
 * Real Men Wear Pink: He has pictures of horses in his room...including Rainbow Dash. He also has a tiny Maplehoof - as in an actual Fun Size horse. As with all of his interests, the line between irony and sincerity is blurred.

"She is so spunky. <3""


 * Robot Master
 * Serious Business: Considers irony to be this.
 * Sky Surfing: Remember how Bro Strider had a rocket board? Dirk does too.
 * Sophisticated As Hell
 * The Stoic: Just about the only one taking everything seriously in his Session. Not that he can't loosen up and goof off himself, but he understands the full implications of Sburb much better than anyone else.
 * Straight Gay: Doesn't really consider it to be a huge deal that he's gay, and actually dislikes that people label him as such.
 * Bi the Way: Some of his fragments like the AR and his comments to Roxy indicate he's not against having a relationship with a woman, but his preference is towards guys, and Jake in particular.
 * Justified: He lives in future in which troll culture has overtaken human culture...and troll culture is binormative. Thus, despite his knowledge of history and his correspondence with Jake and Jane giving him the understanding that it was once an issue, it makes sense that he shouldn't really understand why.
 * Teen Genius: To the point where Jake considers him more intelligent than Roxy.
 * However, he implies that making robots and A Is in his era is about as easy as building a computer in ours.
 * Trickster Mentor: He sent Jake's training bot in pieces to him for him to assemble, making him "complicit in his own merciless jungle predation" with the goal of training him into a "ruthless killing machine." It's worth mentioning that said robot on easy mode can catch bullets or cut them in half with its sword and will pummel Jake into the ground mercilessly.
 * The Un-Reveal: Parodied the same way as Roxy's name above - only this time the letters are obscured by a Fun Size Maplehoof.
 * Stealth Pun: When they're finally revealed, the last two letters of his name are called "diluvial". Diluvial means something pertaining to a flood, and "RK" sounds like (and is the last two letters of) "Ark". These last two initials were revealed after Roxy's last two initials were revealed; two-by-two, as it were. It's later shown that Dirk lives in the future where Earth is completely flooded.
 * Zen Survivor: He enjoys playing up this persona, mostly to infuriate Jake.

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