The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and my goal this year is to make the ultimate abridged series!"

The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya, by FullmetalChao, is an abridged series of the Haruhi Suzumiya anime. Much of the humor in this abridged series consists of mercilessly hanging a lampshade on all the tropes in the show, which is effective since the original anime was pretty Troperiffic to begin with. It also includes some clever reinterpretations of the characters, such as making Yuki a Scary Black Man, and Itsuki a pedophile.

Kyon, in this series, first meets Haruhi when she introduces herself to the class and announces that she aims to create the best abridged series ever. She then drags him along with her and forces him to help her with her project, starting by grouping together some other students to do voice work. Thus the SOS Brig-er, Evil Cookies Club is born.

FullmetalChao announced that the series would be put on a hiatus. A month after that on November 6th 2009, it came back where it left off. Indicated at the beginning of Episode 10, he explained it was because he was working on his Arcade Gamer Fubuki one-shot, and was finally finished... when his computer crashed. As of June 2010, he has finished abridging the first season (except Episode 00/11, which he refuses to touch). Seven months after the season finale, he decided to call quits on the series - stating it would be a satire as opposed to an Abridged Series in his eyes, had he chose to make fun of Season 2, and that he didn't want to mock The Movie. However, he has announced that short parodies and one shot videos with the characters will continue under the title Haruhi MENT.

This work contains examples of:
"Itsuki: * some of Vash's dialogue from Trigun*
 * AcCENT Upon the Wrong SylLABle: The first three or so episodes has characters refer to Haruhi and Mikuru as "HaRUhi" and "MiKUru".
 * The latter is normal in English speech (the real dub does it despite pretty good pronunciations on every other name in the series), the former is not. Although, since Japanese accents with change in pitch rather than emphasis, any English accenting would be a necessary error of pragmatic translation.
 * Actor Allusion: One in episodes 9 and 10 (it's rather poor though), and one in episode 11.

Kyon: This guy has no future in voice acting. [cue pause: We luv you JYB!]"

"Itsuki: Now let me just take your hand...
 * Ambiguously Gay - Itsuki was this in the original series; the abridged series takes the "ambiguously" part out.

Kyon: We get it, you're gay!"

"Itsuki: Man I guess you figured it out... I'm gay.
 * Also:

Kyon: I was talking about the fact that you're an esper.

Itsuki: Oh yeah, that too..."

"Haruhi: Note that the remainder of this episode will be shown in Implied Rape-o-vision!"
 * Bad Bad Acting: Kyon's made up flashback in episode six.
 * Bittersweet Ending - His send-off video, announcing the official cancellation, moved lots of fans.
 * Black Comedy Rape

"Cue Onscreen Text: [What Kyon Hears]
 * Blah Blah Blah - From episode three, when Yuki and Mikuru tell Kyon their backstories, and also in episode four.

Haruhi: Blah, blah, blah. I'm a selfish jerk. Blah, blah, blah. Pay attention to me. Blah, blah, blah. I have delusions of godhood.

Kyon: Aaand delete [all the pictures of Mikuru].

Haruhi: Hey! That blackmail belongs to me!

Kyon: No. I refuse to be over-emasculated by a woman any longer.

Cue Text: [What Haruhi Hears]

Blah, blah, blah. I refuse to listen to what you say. Blah, blah, blah. I'm here to ruin your fun. Blah, blah, blah. I love plot."

"Haruhi: Any second aaaand... excellent! He's gone! Now, to break out the chains, whips, and the nuclear powered sombreros!
 * BLAM Episode: Lampshaded / discussed in (nearly) the exact same manner as The Nostalgia Chick at the end of the "Remote Island Syndrome" episodes (ep. 10).
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: In Episode 13.

Mikuru: Wait! What was that last one?!"

"Kyon: So, how are you today?
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: Naturally.

Mikuru: The camera is zoomed in on my face meaning I have something important to say!

Kyon: ...Stop ruining the moment."

"Kyon: Wait a minute... "Property of FullmetalChao. If found, please return back". You stole this from our writer and editor -
 * And in the last episode, Haruhi declares that she had broken through the fourth wall when Kyon notices that the umbrella belongs to...

Haruhi: I HAVE GONE THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL!!!

Kyon: And you brought back an umbrella."

"Yuki: Cracka, this isn't hentai.You're not gonna get laid.
 * Calling Your Attacks - "POT PRISM POWER!"
 * Later redone as, "ITSUKI FLASH"
 * "Hopeless defence!"
 * Casanova Wannabe: Kyon, though he refuses to admit it.

Kyon: I'm gonna ignorantly ignore that statement."

"Haruhi: "It must be hackers."
 * Catch Phrase: Yuki's "bitch", and "cracka".

Yuki: "Or crackas.""

"Haruhi: Yuki! Get my rusty chainsaw.
 * Itsuki's "Lulz".
 * "Go to hell, Itsuki."
 * Kyon's "I hate you all."
 * Also, in response to Itsuki's personal space invasion, "Restraining orderrr..."
 * Chainsaw Good: Episode 3. Twice.
 * Morning...

Yuki: Bitch.


 * chansaw rumble*

Narrator: One Chase Scene Later..."

"Kyon: YUKI! LEAVE!
 * And At the Library...

Yuki: Book.

Kyon: There!

Yuki: Bitch.

Kyon: LEAVE!

Haruhi: LATE! CHAINSAW!"

"Ryoko: Now... tentacles, anyone?"
 * Cluster Bleep Bomb: After Haruhi gets busted for handing out flyers in a Playboy Bunny costume, she uses one of these.
 * And another one in the next episode, after they draw toothpicks for the second time and she and Kyon end up on separate teams once again.
 * Combat Pragmatist: In Episode Four.
 * Becomes a Running Gag in other shorter videos.
 * Combat Tentacles

"Ryoko: I'm sorry, but there's no escape. That is... not until your guts are splattered against the wall!"
 * Curse Cut Short: The intro to Episode seven.
 * Dancing Theme - "Sex bomb, sex bomb; you're a sex bomb!"
 * Deadpan Snarker - Kyon, even more than he was originally.
 * Dissonant Serenity

"Yeah, Itsuki? This is Zeromaster: Yui's legal guardian.
 * Expy - Most of the characters in FullmetalChao's 07-Ghost Abridged (Abridged) video are expies of the Haruhi Abridged characters.
 * Flanderization - Mikuru's high-pitched voice is deliberately exaggerated to the point where it's almost impossible to understand what she's saying half the time.
 * Hello Male Nurse
 * It's All About Me: Tsuruya's a main character. Treat her like a god.
 * Kick the Dog - Haruhi deliberately aims at Mikuru's head when practicing baseball, trying to "decapitate" her, in episode seven.
 * Lolicon: Itsuki

Cue Onscreen Text: [This Implies Itsuki is a Child Molester]

Stop sending your messages on her phone, or I'll get a restraining order."

"Smoking weed by moonlight
 * Magical Girl - Itsuki "Sailor Pothead" Koizumi.

Molesting lolis by daylight

Never running from a real fight

He is the one named Sailor Pothead"

"Kyon: I'm more of a Runescape guy.
 * MMORPGs - World of Warcraft is referenced occasionally, and Kyon is seen trying to play it at one point.
 * In episode 4, Itsuki asks if Kyon plays World of Warcraft:

Itsuki: You're dead to me."

"Kyon: It looked like shit before...and it looks like shit now."
 * When Haruhi accepts the computer club's challenge in episode 12, Yuki decides she would rather go home and play Mabinogi.
 * Oh God With the Troping - "Oh sweet God with the running!"
 * Overly Long Gag - The ECC's logo is shit.

"Kyon: Dear God, This plot is like Swiss cheese!"
 * Plot Hole:

"Yuki: Cracka, I have officially haxxored the universe.
 * Reality Warper

Kyon: Wait, you mean...

Yuki: Action Replay."

"Itsuki: Switching to All-Range Mode. Who's making Star Fox references now?
 * Scary Black Man - Yuki. And how.
 * Shout Out - Among other things, there are lots of references to Teen Titans Abridged.
 * Not to mention that it practically shares a universe with K-On! The Abridged Series (for which Fullmetalchao does writing/voices as well).
 * The main characters of said abridged series are apparently members of Itsuki's group of Loli Scouts.
 * In fact, Full Metal Chao voices Yui's Les Paul, Gitah... as a child molester....
 * "Tiny miniskirts!"
 * "Itsuki, I swear to god, if you tell me to do a barrel roll, I will cut you."

Kyon: Not the time, Itsuki."

"Kyon: * staring in horror* ... what the fuck just happened?"
 * At one point, Haruhi mumbles "Sometimes, I just wish I was a man..."
 * Sound Effect Bleep
 * Subverted in the "Itsuki Flash" video. Kyon just out and out says what everyone watching is thinking.

"Haruhi: I am not jealous! I am not threatened by [Mikuru's] looks compared to mine!"
 * Also subverted in Episode 12, when Kyon is listening to a certain Lily Allen song...
 * Spiritual Successor: HaruhiMENT
 * Stylistic Suck - Everyone's a bad actor in Kyon's mind.
 * Surfer Dude - Itsuki.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial

"Yukata: Hey, dudes! Welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay!
 * Talking to Himself - The abridged "Remote Island Syndrome" episodes lampshade the fact that abridged Itsuki and Yukata have the same voice actor and sound almost exactly alike. The characters even refer to him as Itsuki's clone until he's revealed to be.

Kyon: Why does he sound so familiar?

Itsuki: Hell, I dunno."

"Itsuki: Guess what?
 * The End of the World As We Know It

Kyon: What?

Itsuki: Haruhi is destroying the world. Again!"

""I am easily angered for generic reasons!""
 * Tsundere - Haruhi of course.

"Kyon: Are you trying to seduce me?
 * Uncanny Valley Girl

Ryoko: Noooo... I'm here to kill you!"

" FullmetalChao: Y-Yuki, What are you doing with your shotgun?
 * Unexplained Recovery - Yuki was Driven to Suicide due to Endless Eight:

Yuki: I can't take it anymore, cracka.

(Loads up shotgun and shoots herself)"

"Kyon: Wait, how are you alive?
 * Three days later, when Episode 8 came out:

Yuki: Magic.

Kyon: But--

Yuki: MAGIC."

"Kyon: Why didn't you say the line?
 * Verbal Tic - Much of Yuki's dialog is saying "bitch", often with nothing else (and too much to be the other trope).
 * Averted in Episodes five and six. Aversion Justified:

Yuki: I like to create drama."

"[Actual English Dialogue]
 * Vocal Evolution: Itsuki sounds more like a stoner in episodes 5 onward.
 * Who Writes This Crap? - Very common, mainly in the form of complaints about the original show.

Yuki: I forgot to re-create the glasses.

Kyon: Actually, I think you look cuter without those things. I don't really have a glasses fetish anyway.

[/Actual English Dialogue]

Yuki: What the fuck you talkin' 'bout, cracka?

[Seriously...WTF?]

Kyon: I hate my script."

"Kyon: You have issues, man.
 * Yes Man - As Itsuki pointed out, he has no opinion of his own.

Itsuki: Hail Haruhi, motherfucker."


 * Yaoi Fangirl - Haruhi writes yaoi crossovers on her fanfiction.net account.