No Except Yes

"THIS IS NOT WAR! THIS IS PEST CON-TROL!"

- Dalek Sec, Doctor Who ("Doomsday")

First you say what it isn't. Then you say what it is. Both of them effectively have the same meaning, though.

This is when a character rejects a word in preference of a more colorful one - often with the same practical meaning, given the circumstances, but with some extra connotations.

In most occasions, it will reflect just how easy, one-sided, or unsporting the thing in question is.

The most common form is "We're not lost, we just don't know where we are."

See also Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word, Metaphorically True, Insistent Terminology.

As an aside: In philosophy, this is a fallacy known as "Distinction Without a Difference".

Contrast Both Sides Have a Point.

Advertising

 * It's not a cookie, it's a Fig Newton.
 * It's way better than fast food, it's Wendy's.
 * It's not TV, it's HBO.

Anime and Manga
"Arf: Are you one of their familiars? Zafila: In Belka space, we don't call the beasts that serve their masters "familiars"! We call them their fangs and shields! We're Guardian Beasts! Arf: It's just the same damn thing!"
 * At the end of Red Garden, the villain tells the main characters that he isn't killing them, he's destroying them; since they're already dead, it doesn't count as killing.
 * Azumanga Daioh, Tomo loses to Sakaki in a two-person footrace, and shouts that she's not the loser, but the runner-up.
 * Used and lampshaded in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's during the battle between Arf and Zafila.

"Agito: You know, this place is really great. Lutecia: You mean you can't see that it's a criminal deportation world? Agito: That's not what I mean. It's not a penal colony. It's a world that people are currently adapting and developing."
 * And again in StrikerS Sound Stage X, which is set three years after Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS, when Agito visits Lutecia in the latter's Prison Planet, which, to be fair to Agito, really is a pretty nice place.


 * In Maria Holic, when Mariya first comes to the conclusion that Kanako is a lesbian pervert, Kanako insists that he refer to it as "yuri". He of course then points out that that means the same thing.
 * Similarily, in Lucky Star, after Konata asks her dad, on account of him having loved Kanata and is clingy with Konata herself, if he is a Lolicon, he insists that she's got him all wrong; he not only likes young girls, but likes more mature, well-endowed women, too, so he is "also a lolicon"... Konata is suitably disturbed.
 * After another Team Rocket plot failed on Pokémon, Meowth said to think of it instead as not succeeding.
 * [[media:Futari Ecchi v01 002.jpg|Apparently]] Futari Ecchi is not Hentai, but rather the thinking man's erotic manga. The author insists he's not lying.
 * In Naruto, when Naruto accused Jiraya of being a pervert, Jiraya replied that he's not a pervert but a super-pervert.

Comic Books
"Fergus: Oh, dear - my son is as crazy as a loon! Hortense: Poor people are crazy, papa! Rich people are eccentric! Matilda: Scroogey's as eccentric as a loon!"
 * From the Don Rosa story "The Billionaire of Dismal Downs":


 * Devin Grayson stated that Nightwing's... unfortunate encounter with Tarantula "wasn't rape, just nonconsensual" - a feat roughly on par with saying "not the ocean, just a really big sea."

Fan Works
"April: "So... you used to work for the Foot Clan?" Breech: "The word 'work' implies I got paid. I think a more accurate term would be, 'enslaved'.""
 * Used perfectly in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fanfic The Long Walk, where the nice word is actually replaced by the ugly word:

Films -- Animated
"Helen: We were not arguing, we were... discussing. Violet: Pretty loud discussion."
 * Beowulf: "This is not battle. This is slaughter."
 * The Incredibles:

"Robin Hood: Rob? Tch tch. That's a naughty word, we never rob. We just... Sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it. Little John: Borrow? Heh. Boy, are we in debt."
 * Robin Hood, the Disney version:


 * From Toy Story: "That wasn't flying. It was falling with style!"

Films -- Live-Action
"Griff: [referring to German soldiers] I can't murder anybody. The Sergeant: We don't murder; we kill. Griff: [sarcastically] What's the difference? The Sergeant: You don't murder animals; you kill 'em."
 * The Big Red One:

"Nick: This is murder! Danny: No, it's not; it's ketchup!"
 * Parodied in Hot Fuzz:

"Coop: See, my feeling is that if there weren't any women none of us would be here. Maverick: What kind of sense does that make? If there were no men, we wouldn't be here either. Coop: Are you mocking me? Maverick: Don't get ruffled. Let's just say I was agreeing with you in a totally unusual way."
 * Maverick (1994)

"Lone Starr: Barf, we're not just doing this for money. (beat) We're doing it for a shitload of money!"
 * In Rat Race the rich gambler orchestrating the titular race (John Cleese played him) is "too rich to be crazy. I'm 'eccentric!'"
 * In Spaceballs, the protagonists Lone Starr and Barf need '1 million spacebucks' to get out of a debt with a creature called 'Pizza the Hutt' in a situation clearly meant to mirror Han Solo and Chewbacca's within Star Wars. After being given a mission to rescue a king's daughter and successfully demanding that price, Barf is afraid by how they are risking their lives for money. Lone Starr replies:

"Barf: Look, Your Highness, it's not that we're afraid-- far from it! It's just that we've got this thing about death. It's... not us."
 * Before that, they were hesitant to accept the mission:

"Jack: You're crazy! Payne: No! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric."
 * The Don Rosa quote above mirrors one in Speed:

"Anna Maria: You stole my boat! Jack: Borrowed! Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of giving it back. Anna Maria: But you DIDN'T!!"
 * From Pirates of the Caribbean:

"Will: We're going to steal a ship! That ship? Jack: Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that [different] ship. Nautical term."
 * And in exactly the same vein:

"Holly: He's not my beau. He's my boyfriend!"
 * Preemptively averted by Sgt. Howie in The Wicker Man (1977). "Now you can wrap it up any way you like, but you people are about to commit murder."
 * A profoundly nonsensical example shows up in Troll 2:

"Saavik: You lied. Spock: I exaggerated. Valeris: A lie? Spock: An omission. Spock: A lie?
 * Done many times in Star Trek The Wrath of Khan and The Undiscovered Country.
 * A choice."

"You lied? Spock: I implied."
 * And in the 2009 film:

"Prince Vultan: What is this? Dr. Zarkov: Humanity. Vultan: Madness!"
 * Dr. Strangelove: "You're talking about mass murder, General. Not war."
 * Space Mutiny: "Are there any other of you... that wish to confuse... FREEDOM... with TREASON?"
 * I'd like to confuse bok choi with cabbage, Sir!
 * Flash Gordon: After Flash defeats Prince Barin in a duel, but shows him mercy, the following exchange occurs:

"Peter: (in response to false Spidey bashing headline) That's slander. J Jonah Jameson: It is not, I resent that! (beat) Slander is spoken. In print it's libel."
 * Spider-Man the first movie.

"The Dude: Just stay away from my fucking lady friend. Da Fino: Hey, hey, I'm not messing with your special lady. The Dude: She's not my "special lady," she's my fucking lady friend."
 * The Big Lebowski:

"Wadsworth: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT! WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO KILLED HIM, AND WHERE AND WITH WHAT! Professor Plum: There's no need to shout! Wadsworth: I'M NOT SHOUTING! (beat) ALL RIGHT, I AM! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOU--"
 * Clue:

"James Bond (to megalomaniac Carver): Hmm... You're insane. Carver: The difference between genius and insanity is measured only by success."
 * At this point, his shouting has vibrated the candlestick from its perch above the doorway he's standing in and clocked him on the head.
 * Tomorrow Never Dies

"Balian: What is Jerusalem worth? Saladin: Nothing. (He walks away then turns around) Everything."
 * Kingdom of Heaven:

"Jack: I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in!"
 * Gargamel isn't obsessed with The Smurfs, he just "can't stop thinking about them".
 * From The Shining, as Jack Torrance has pretty much lost it and starts menacing his wife.

"Governor: This is the biggest thing to happen to this state since we stole it from the Indians! The Boss: Borrowed."
 * In X-Men: First Class, Emma Frost interrupts the CIA Directer and Stryker Sr. when they're discussing the possibility of a war. She prefers not to use that term; it implies that both sides have a chance of winning.
 * In National Treasure, Ben tells Riley that when Thomas Edison was asked about his first failed 1000 attempts to make a light bulb, he replied that he didn't fail. He just figured out 1000 ways how not to make a light bulb.
 * From The Miracle of Morgan's Creek:

"Local boss: How's (Moscow boss)? Inspector: Told to send his best regards. Local boss: (cautiously) Really? Inspector: (deadpan) Yes. Told in so many words - "You go give it hot to these sonovabitches"."
 * The Codex of Disgrace, when the inspector arrived to the Zurich branch of Soviet bank.


 * The Awful British Sex Comedy Confessions of a Window cleaner has an example in the opening theme: "You're really not a loser, you just find it hard to win"

Literature
""He was strangled, and then he was hung" "Hanged. Men are hanged. Meat is hung" "Yes, well, as I said. He was strangled, and then he was hung""
 * In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Cornelius Fudge says "Sirius Black didn't kill Pettigrew. He destroyed him!" In fairness to Fudge,  Black caused an explosion in a crowded street, and Pettigrew was caught at the center such that the biggest/only part of him they could recover and identify was a finger. Blowing someone up is a fairly extreme way to kill someone, especially given the existence of spells that can kill quickly and silently.
 * This happens in Narnia: Prince Caspian at the beginning.
 * Sam Vimes, Discworld: "I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic."
 * Also, Granny Weatherwax doesn't get lost. She always knows where she is. It's the rest of the world that has a location problem.
 * Discworld itself doesn't have continuity errors, but it does occasionally have alternate pasts.
 * The above is not just a clever reinterpretation - attempting to understand the canon timeline is an exercise in futility because the timeline in the Discworld was literally shattered into a billion pieces and glued together bit by bit a bunch of monks. Twice.
 * The Discworld books have also used the "poor people are mad, rich people are eccentric" line a few times. In the Companion it adds that King Ludwig the Tree (who believed there should be a new kind of frog, and wore his underpants on his head) was "a little confused".
 * And then there's Ahmed the Mad, AKA Ahmed the I Just Get These Headaches. He's obviously a parody of Abdul al'Hazred.
 * In Maskerade:

"Rachel: Did you snore when you got all calm and restful and not completely alert?"
 * The Assassin's Guild are masters of this trope:
 * 1) Small-a assassins are thugs who kill people for money; capital-A Assassins are refined gentlemen of wealth and breeding who enjoy food, wine, and culture, and are occasionally commissioned by other refined gentlemen of wealth and breeding to "remove, for a consideration, any inconvenient razors from the candyfloss of life".
 * 2) Capital-A Assassins do not "kill" people. They inhume, delete, rub out, or remove people, but "killing" implies a certain unprofessionalism.
 * 3) Capital-A Assassins are never "employed". They are commissioned, engaged, retained, contracted.
 * It's not necromancy, it's Post-Mortem Communication. Necromancy is a very bad form of magic, done only by evil wizards. Since we are not evil wizards, what we are doing cannot possibly be called necromancy.
 * Ciaphas Cain has an interesting take on this. Usually the reword puts someone in a better light. He, on the other hand, spends hundreds of pages explaining in detail how he is not a hero, that he doesn't charge the enemy, he's really retreating through them; that saving people's lives is not selfless because in the long run it ensures his survival. You can bet each one of his stories has hundreds of these rewordings; being the Warhammer 40,000 universe, though, he is a Badass.
 * Animorphs had Ax retort that he did not fall asleep in class as had been insinuated; he just became calm and restful and not completely alert.

"Mona: I didn't lose my virginity. I obliterated all traces of its existence."
 * The Lasher series:

""Oh, they never lie. They dissemble, evade, prevaricate, confound, confuse, distract, obscure, subtly misrepresent and willfully misunderstand with what appears to be a positively gleeful relish and are generally perfectly capable of contriving to give one an utterly unambiguous impression of their future course of action while in fact intending to do exactly the opposite, but they never lie. Perish the thought.""
 * The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate. But, it assures the reader, in the case of major discrepancy, it is always life that has got it wrong.
 * Inverted in the fourth Artemis Fowl book, when Trouble Kelp orders his troops to "retreat". The narration points out the troops' disbelief; whether it's called a retreat or a tactical withdrawal, they're still running away.
 * "It ain't got nothing to do with luck. Fortune delivered you into my hands."
 * Becoming involved in the machinations of Contact in ''Look To Windward, Ziller suggests some of the Minds may be lying and is corrected by a Contact drone in an Expospeak Gag fashion:

""You say I murdered Peter Carey; I say I killed Peter Carey, and there's all the difference.""
 * In Honor Harrington, when a Grayson makes a promise to a doomed man, the text states that it was not a promise, but an oath. Possibly justified, since Graysons are all highly religious.
 * The Belgariad has a lot of fun with this, particularly regarding nautical terms. Land-based characters are frequently called out on their use of "tip over" instead of "capsize", "right" instead of "starboard", and "boat" instead of "ship".
 * Sherlock Holmes has this in The Adventure of Black Peter:

""It's not exactly that she's unobservant. It's just that she doesn't always notice what's happening.""
 * In the man's defense  which of course is a very significant difference in a legal context.
 * Thus Was Adonis Murdered by Sarah Caudwell has a nice example:

""Sir," said a dazed subordinate, "that isn't war." "It isn't? What do you call it?" "Extermination, sir. Pest control. War assumes some degree of equality between opponents.""
 * Lord Ivan Vorpatril, after he discovered his widowed mother had begun an affair with Simon Illyan, and Miles asked him not to yell about it: "I am not yelling. I'm being firm." Miles then asked him to be firm at a lower volume.
 * In Christopher Anvil's "Interstellar Patrol" stories:


 * "All animals are equal...but some animals are more equal than others."
 * Which is of course an inversion, as they are not implying that all animals are equal...
 * "Artemis Entreri, master assassin" from The Icewind Dale Trilogy and later series by R.A. Salvatore was not an assassin! He was (dual class human) Fighter/Thief who killed people for money! I that some meddling on transition from AD&D1 to AD&D2 Time of Troubles had all the assassins sacrificed/consumed by Bhaal, but Artemis Entreri was kept around on this "reasoning".

Live-Action TV
"THIS IS NOT WAR! THIS IS PEST CON-TROL!"
 * Dalek Sec's description of how he intends to fight the Cybermen on Doctor Who.

"Doctor: That's sheer murder! Dalek: No. Extermination."
 * Which may also be a Shout-Out back to the very first Dalek serial:

""This isn't war. This is sport!""
 * The same line is used, in a different context, in the audio book Pest Control.
 * It was The War of the Worlds (the most recent movie version with Tom Cruise) that gave us "this isn't a war: it's an extermination". Something similar happens in Independence Day. Essentially, any time a bunch of Sufficiently Advanced Aliens arrive to wreck up the place someone feels the need to say this.
 * Of course, Sec is saying that he would not dignify what is about to happen with the name "war"; one does not make war on vermin...
 * The Sontarans got their own version in series 4:

"Doctor: It's not an invasion, it's too late for that. It's a victory."
 * They had removed their enemies' ability to shoot back. When UNIT switched ammo to something that still worked, said Sontarans were slaughtered in a fair fight.
 * Possible example when The Doctor finds out the ghosts are really Cybermen in "Army of Ghosts":

"Doctor: It's not an invasion, it's an occupation."
 * The Eleventh Doctor seems incredibly fond of doing this: "Except it's not a torture chamber, is it? Well, except it is. Except it isn't." Several of his episodes involve examples of him doing this.
 * He says something very similar about  in The Impossible Astronaut/Day of The Moon.

"TARDIS: Then you stole me. And I stole you. Doctor: I borrowed you. TARDIS: Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing which was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?"
 * Granted, invasion is a process. Occupation generally comes after a successful invasion. It's similar to the Army of Ghosts example above.
 * Later, when the Doctor and the TARDIS get to speak.

"Inara: Well, since I can't seem to find work as a Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you! [An uncomfortable silence descends for a moment.] Mal: Petty? Inara: I didn't mean petty. Mal: What did you mean? Inara: ...Suo-shee? Mal: That's Chinese for "petty"."
 * Jim Trott from The Vicar of Dibley: "No, no, no, no,no, ... Yes"
 * Gossip Girl: "Actually, it's hash. I find it gives a softer high."
 * Inverted (sort of) in Firefly:

"River: She understands. She doesn't comprehend. Mal: Glad we have that cleared up."
 * Another Firefly example, from "Objects In Space":

"Simon: So you're a bounty hunter. Jubal: No, that ain't it at all. Simon: Then what are you? Jubal: I'm a bounty hunter."
 * This is something of a subversion, however. There is a distinction between understanding and comprehending, but not one Mal is likely to understand or comprehend.
 * The distinction is that understand is to grasp the meaning of the word or phrase, whereas comprehend is to have a clear picture of the reasoning by which the words that are understood were reached. In the above phrase, River knows what is going on, but doesn't understand why. Admittedly, this is a pretty pedantic difference that usually doesn't matter. In fact the word "comprehend" appears in the definition of "understand" on dictionary.com, and the word "understand" appears in that same resource's definition of "comprehend." Like most synonyms, the words mean essentially the same thing, just with different implications.
 * Taken, perhaps, to an extreme elsewhere in Objects in Space:

"Simon: So you're a horrible person that is going to kidnap my sister and take her to the people that tortured her. Jubal: No, that ain't it at all. Simon: Then what are you? Jubal: I'm a paid professional that is going to take back a wanted fugitive to the proper authorities."
 * Actually, that is externalism 101.

"Buddy: Mom, Dad, I'm gonna lasso you two if you don't stop yelling! Mr. Ernst: We're not yelling, Buddy, we're talking loudly. Buddy: That's what you always say."
 * In The X-Files, Mulder once claimed "I would never lie. I willingly engaged in a campaign of misinformation."
 * Rigel from Farscape insisted that he never retreats, but "strategically maneuvers".
 * When once accused of "snurching"(Farscape-ese for stealing) he responds "I don't snurch, I... procure."
 * Hey Dude:

"Dream-Giles: You hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um... Dream-Harmony: Props? Dream-Giles: No. Dream-Riley: Props? Dream-Giles: Yes!"
 * "It's one of those irregularly declining words. I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he's round the twist." Bernard Woolley, Yes Minister. Also, "I hold confidential briefings, you leak, he's been charged under section 2A of the Official Secrets Act."
 * A skit on Royal Canadian Air Farce during the Bre-X scandal: "Now, Pamela [Wallin, a somewhat famous Canadian newsanchor], we don't lie--we misappropriate the truth."
 * Inverted in an episode of Buffy that takes place in a dream (well, several dreams):

"Kryten: It's charging us with looting Space Corps derelicts. Lister: But we don't loot Space Corps derelicts. We just hack our way in and swipe what we need! Rimmer: ...Lister, if this goes to trial, I demand separate lawyers."
 * Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: "I wasn't yelling. I was expressing my opinion loudly." It seems to run in the family, as his father once claimed "I wasn't sleeping, I was checking my eyelids for holes."
 * The Female Changeling, when declaring the need to pull back their forces, is accused of retreating by her Breen allies. She and Weyoun immediately try to spin it as a momentary withdrawal so they can build up their forces and attack again.
 * From the Red Dwarf episode "Emohawk: Polymorph II":

"Rimmer: Oh, and sir -- you're wrong. We won't be apart, we just... won't be together. (beat) I cannot believe I just said that."
 * Also from the episode "Holoship":

"Marnie: We'll always be together! It's just... that we'll be apart."
 * Itself a callback to some crappy Casablanca knockoff they were watching at the start of the episode. (Rimmer considered it Glurge.)

"Sam Axe: Yeah, actually, I need you to keep your head down for a while 'cause this is going to get worse before it gets better. Madeline: Sam... you're asking me to hide? Sam: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. I just need you to be some place where no one can see you."
 * From Jon Stewart on The Daily Show: "[The Bush] Administration does not torture logic, no! This administration merely flew logic in an unmarked plane to Bulgaria. Whatever happened to logic there, we have no idea."
 * From Burn Notice:

"Bassie (usually while drifting to sleep): I'll go look at that on the inside of my eyes."
 * The Dutch children's show Bassie En Adriaan gives us a repeated example:

"Sylar: I'm not a Serial Killer. Sylar's son figure: You kill people, you take souvenirs... Sylar: Okay, technically, I'm a serial killer."
 * Usually this implied "I'm going to dream about that."
 * Averted in Heroes.

"Effy: You think you're going mad, so you came to see me to see what a crazy person looks like. Naomi: No. NO! No... yes."
 * This snippet from Skins, when Naomi goes to visit Effy in her psychiatric institution.

"President Bartlet: You told the press I have a secret plan to fight inflation? Josh: No, I did not. Let me be absolutely clear, I did not do that. Except, yes, I did that."
 * The West Wing:

"Mrs. Thing: Oh, have you been shopping? Mrs. Entity: No, I've been shopping."
 * Also counts as a bit of a Genius Bonus, as Richard Nixon had a "secret plan" to win in Vietnam, and Gerald Ford claimed to have a plan to fight inflation...a key part of which involved buttons.
 * Monty Python's Flying Circus has this dialogue snippet between two pepperpots:

"Barry: Please! There's no room for vulgarity on this programme! John: Why? Barry: There's too much filth and nonsense!"
 * This bit from Hello Cheeky, just after Tim has told a dirty joke to the camera.

Music

 * "Yes, we Have no Bananas"

Professional Wrestling

 * The WWE uses the phrase "released to pursue future endeavors" as a much politer euphemism for "We fired his ass".
 * There are also the the phrase: "WWE has come to terms with the release of [insert wrestlers name], we wish him/her the best in his/hers future endeavors." Not surprisingly, it has reached meme status.
 * In his series Wrestle! Wrestle!, Spoony uses "future endeavors" to mean "The company is screwing you up the ass, quit now while you still have your dignity".
 * While normally just a case of Insistent Terminology, whenever a ring announcer commentator or wrestler superstar verbally corrects their colleague about how to refer to Professional Wrestling Sports Entertainment, it starts slipping into this territory. Especially if it's blatant enough to get the fans The Universe to start booing about it.

Tabletop Games

 * The Magic: The Gathering card Coastal Piracy: "I don't like to think of myself as a pirate. I'm more like a stimulator of the local economy."

Theater
"When a rich man loses on a horse Oh, isn't he a sport? When a poor man loses on a horse-- He's a gambler, he's a spender He's a low life, he's a reason for divorce!"
 * In the musical Finian's Rainbow, there's the song "When the Idle Poor Become the Idle Rich", which covers this trope. A typical example:

Video Games
""Kill is such an ugly word. Actually, we're going to sacrifice you to Amon Ra!""
 * Call of Duty 2 has a mission called Retreat? We're Advancing in Another Direction.
 * World of Warcraft joins in on the fun. Victory over a certain encounter relies upon you running from a boss and escaping his fortress before he one-shot kills your entire party. The linked achievement for doing this in a certain time is "We're Not Retreating; We're Advancing In A Different Direction!"
 * In the rerelease of Final Fantasy Tactics, Balthier clarifies for some bounty hunters: "I'm no thief. I'm a Sky Pirate."
 * Because of Japanese linguistic conventions, the word "pirate" refers to one who is not in a Navy and not a fisherman - so it can also refer to people who claim salvage and seafaring (or skyfaring in this case) Treasure Hunters. Although he may be a thief as well, in Japanese media you can't assume Thief = Pirate.
 * Similarly, in Final Fantasy VI, Locke insists, "I'm not a thief, I'm a treasure hunter!"
 * Yuan Shao in Dynasty Warriors 5: "This is not a retreat! Rather, a move for my future!"
 * Used in the PC adventure game The Dagger of Amon Ra:

"Know this! What will come to pass is no longer war! It is endless sacrifice in His name. Blood for the Blood God... let the universe... droooOOOOOooown in it!"
 * In Dawn of War: Winter Assault, Chaos lord Crull celebrates his acquisition of an ancient weapon:

"Butz: I wasn't dumped! She just wasn't taking my phone calls...or seeing me...ever. What's it to you, anyway?! Payne: Mr. Butz, what you describe is generally what we mean by "dumped"."
 * Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword: First the devlopers said that the girl in the early promotional art wasn't the Master Sword—she was the Goddess Sword. ...Which becomes the Master Sword later.
 * In the first case of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, prosecutor Winston Payne asks defendant Larry Butz if his ex-girlfriend, Cindy Stone (the murder victim in the case), broke up with him:

"Grindor: I'm sorry, Starscream, I forgot: you don't retreat, you advance backwards!"
 * In the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen game, this is used by Grindor to question Starscream's courage under fire:

"Courier: In the meantime, you'd rule Vegas as some kind of dictator? Mr. House: I prefer the term "autocrat"."
 * From Fallout: New Vegas:

"Dr. Klein: "I'm not going to harm it. I'm going to dissect it until it's dead!""
 * Also, from the Old World Blues DLC:

"Soldier: We have you surround, at least from this side!"
 * Inverted when you Ubercharge as Soldier in Team Fortress 2:

Web Comics
""I'm not queer, I'm inverted, thou lie-breeding swine.""
 * Vincent from My Life in Blue:

""Earth is a nature preserve, you feebs! This isn't even piracy--It's poaching!""
 * Princess Voluptua, berating some Space Pirates in The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!:

"Ocelot: 'Torture' is such an inelegant word. I'm an artist. Their testicles are my canvas."
 * The Last Days of Foxhound

"Petey: "Spy" is such a short ugly word. I prefer "espionage." Those extra three syllables really say something."
 * Haley from Order of the Stick isn't a thief; she's a "freelance wealth redistribution specialist."
 * She also describes Elan thus : "He's not useless, he's... use-impaired".
 * Schlock Mercenary


 * Andy is not bait. He is flypaper.
 * From Misfile: I'm not spying, I'm strategically listening.

Web Original
"Joey: Shut up, Tristan! You just want to get into my sister's pants! Tristan: No, I don't. I just want to have sex with her! (beat) Oh, that's what you meant!"
 * "Technically you could call me a Serial Killer. I don't know if that's the correct noun. Personally, I just think I'm a bloke who had a few people put down. I don't have any voices in my head, and I haven't got any mother-love fantasies. Well, not really." ~, Kate Modern: The Last Work
 * Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series:

"Spoony: "So, it's like LARP'ing?" Critic: "No! That's just a bunch of dorks dressing up and fighting for a fake reward." Spoony: "While we're a bunch of dorks dressing up and fighting for a real reward." Critic: "Exactly!""
 * Red vs. Blue has Sarge's "We're not retreating; We're advancing, towards future victory!"
 * Also: "It's not pink, it's lightish red!
 * Which gets the appropriate response: "They have a word for that. PINK!"
 * From the trailer for Suburban Knights:


 * From the Something Awful review of the movie The House That Screamed: "I'm not saying I disliked the film, I'm just saying that I'd rather rip all of my teeth out with rusty pliers, make them into a comb, and use the comb made of my own teeth to scrape all of my skin off than watch it again."

Western Animation
"Cale: TREASON! Dragit: Revolution."
 * In the little-known DreamWorks Animation miniseries Invasion America when the evil Dragit attempts to capture the Cale Oosha so he can invade/conquer Earth, this exchange takes place:

"When the Fuehrer says, "we never will be slaves!" We Heil! Heil! But still we work like slaves." "Fry: Let's do this now and never regret it. * timeskip* Fry: I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it."
 * At one point in Der Fuehrer's Face Donald in saluting with 2 bayonets prodding his back while he marches into a factory. These lyrics are sung as this is happening:
 * On the DVD commentary for G.I. Joe : The Movie, it was mentioned that while Cobra retreats, the Joes withdraw.
 * Futurama episode "The Cryonic Woman":

"iHawk: This isn't a war, it's a murder. [Flips a switch from Maudlin to Irreverent] iHawk: This isn't a war, it's a moider!"
 * From War is the H-Word

"Bender: Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word. I prefer 'extortion.' The 'x' makes it sound cool."
 * From Anthology of Interest I

"Lisa: You're replacing me? Homer: Oh Lisa, dumping is such a harsh word. Let's just say I'm replacing you."
 * The Simpsons episode "Tennis the Menace":

"Homer: I didn't lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth!"
 * From "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife":

"Oogtar: Oogtar not run. Oogtar jogging for health! Yoshi: Jogging good for health? Oogtar: Is when hungry, Oogtar-eating caterpillar behind you!"
 * In one Aladdin episode, Iago says "This isn't stealing! It's surplus inventory reduction!"
 * "They're not pirate ghosts, they're ghost pirates!". The distinction, apparently, is that a ghost pirate is the ghost of a pirate, whereas a pirate ghost is a ghost that decided to become a pirate.
 * In an episode of the Super Mario World cartoon, Oogtar puts it plain and simple. "Oogtar not lost! Oogtar just...not know where he is."
 * Also this exchange:

"Betty: Real live zombies!!? Archie: They're not live; they're undead."
 * Archie's Weird Mysteries brought us this:

"Sokka: You guys are pirates! Pirate: We prefer to think of ourselves as "high-risk traders.""
 * Avatar: The Last Airbender:

"Billy: GRIM! Guess what I got on our camping trip! Guess guess guess guess guess!! Grim: I don't know, Billy! ... A rash? Billy: No! ... well, yes."
 * Drakken of Kim Possible once decided to start outsourcing instead of stealing... yeah.
 * In Dan Vs. "The Bank," Dan reassures Chris that they won't go to jail for robbing the bank. Prison, probably, but not jail.
 * An episode of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy gives us this little exchange:

Real Life
"Carrott: Do you have any tartare sauce? Balinese waiter: Oh yes! (does nothing) Carrott: Er...well, can I have some then? Balinese waiter: Oh yes! (smiles, does nothing) Carrott: (looks at watch) Er...will it be long? Balinese waiter: (nodding pointedly) Oh, yes!"
 * An example that's arguable: Maj. Gen. Oliver P. Smith, the Commanding General, 1st Marine Division, at the Chosin Reservoir, said, "Retreat, hell! We're not retreating, we're just advancing in a different direction." To a civilian, retreat means "move away from a battle or position" but the military definition is specifically "withdrawal of troops to a more favorable position to escape the enemy's superior forces or after a defeat. Since they were moving to attack the enemy as part of their break-out, their actions could be described as an advance rather than a retreat.
 * What it all comes down to, of course, is that Marines would much rather point out that they were attacking the enemy instead of getting hung up on the fact that they were also getting themselves out of a very untenable situation. "Retreat" is a word that brings with it connotations of running away from the fight, which they were certainly not doing.
 * For context, the Marines had been surrounded. The Chinese forces were between them and their friendly lines, thus "advancing in a different direction."
 * Besides it was a Badass Boast so nobody cares.
 * People from Brussels have a habit of saying "non peut-etre" ("maybe no") when they actually mean "yes".
 * Asterix once parodied this habit mercilessly, to the utter confusion of the Roman legionaries.
 * Jasper Carrott did a stand-up routine about the Balinese allegedly hating to answer "No" to any question, leading to a conversation like:

"We didn't turn him down. We didn't admit him."
 * Their neighbours, the Javanese, also have this habit. This concept is called "Inggih, boten kepanggih" which is "Yes" as in "Yes, I understand perfectly what you said, but I never said I'm agreeing with you/confirming that".
 * "It's not war, it's murder," said Confederate general Daniel H. Hill about the carnage of the Seven Days battles.
 * Of course, all the "it's not war, it's carnage/murder/slaughter/etc." lines are undoubtedly trying to convey the idea that "war" should be somehow "honorable" or at least the opponents should have some fighting chance or fighting CAPABILITY. So, a battle primarily killing civilians/non-combatants or a battle where it is so one-sided the opponent has no chance to even inflict damage on your side, may get this kind of line.
 * Another army story has Canadian troops during World War 2 moving through a village, when a German Tank rounded the corner. Beating a hasty retreat, they told their CO, who angrily yelled "You are Canadians! You do not retreat!" The troops feared he was going to order them on a suicide charge, until he followed up with "You are moving to a more strategic location!"
 * According to William Lutz, author of The New Doublespeak, the first Doublespeak Award went, in 1974, to US Air Force Colonel David Opfer in Phnom Penh, Cambodia for saying to American reporters, "You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's air support."
 * Strictly speaking "air support" is a type of bombing, as distinguished from interdiction and strategic bombing.
 * Publicly stated by a foreign official in 1998: "No viewpoints have been banned, except for those that have been banned by the law."
 * David Dinkins, after it was discovered that he hadn't paid income tax some years earlier, replied: “I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.”
 * He didn't commit a crime by taking an action the law prohibits. He failed to comply with the the law by failing to take an action the law requires. The distinction is understandably lost on ordinary citizens who can't get away with either. The difference between an offence and a failure to comply can be the difference between a jail sentence and a request from a legal authority to kindly comply with the law.
 * There was a Swedish quote: "Jag har inte begått något brott, jag bara misslyckades med att följa lagen." Translation: "I haven't committed a crime, I simply failed in following the law."
 * After losing to the Americans in a sporting event (not the Olympics) the Soviet media (supposedly) claimed that they had come in second, while the US came in second to last. Which is all totally true...since the event only had two nations competing: The U.S. and the Soviets.
 * Such a common way of speaking there was a book about racism named (in Finnish) after the phrase: "I'm not racist, but..." (Alternative: "I'm not racist, I just...") There are legitimate ways of continuing at least the latter sentence, of course, but the usual use falls under this trope.
 * Now, thanks to the old internet’s magic, we have: NotRacistBut.com, a site where you can enjoy quotes taken from public facebook search from various people who are not racist, but…
 * The other one is "I have black/gay/Jewish/white/Asian/insert minority to taste friends..."
 * There is a "game" called Conjugation, which works like the "irregularly declining" words noted in the Yes Minister example above. I'm liberal, you're radical, he's a bomb-throwing anarchist; I'm cautious, you're conservative, he's puritanical.
 * Clarke's Third Law can be paraphrased as "the Hand Wave I'm using isn't magic, it's just science we don't understand yet!" You'd be surprised how often this excuse is given for stories which violate well-understood laws of physics.
 * Law enforcement never says they beat somebody into submission. They "establish compliance".
 * A country club spokesman on why a specific person was refused admission thereto:


 * FSTDT has several examples.
 * "'&#91;G&#93;laciers' were not ice but frozen water."
 * "Vinnie accused me of circular reasoning in concluding that the Bible is a work of non-fiction. My reasoning is not at all circular, I felt that I was pretty clear. First, I presume the verity of the Biblical writers. Second, the writers claim that they were inspired by God and they are recording the truth. Conclusion, the Bible is a work of non-fiction."
 * "I'm not racist, but... black people are an insult to our race."
 * According to the interviews, Google doesn't censor its search… they only makes the results they don't want you to see unavailable. One comment to this discovery was titled "Burning Books vs Setting Fire to Books".