Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (novel)/Funny

From the book:
"Molly Weasley: Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody.
 * Draco Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Ferret.
 * Harry Potter's secret heartache? What's ailing you now?
 * Re: Arthur Weasley's eccentricities:

Fred Weasley: Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he?"

"Skeeter: How are you? I hope you saw my piece over the summer about the International Confederation of Wizards' Conference?
 * Divination homework, doing a month's worth of self-predictions filled with every human misery possible. "You seem to be drowning twice." "Oh am I? ... I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff." Made even better by the fact that Professor Trewlaney loved it.
 * Made even better, when you realize that all of his made-up predictions come true (in a matter of speaking) during the course of the book.
 * Harry never got trampled by a rampaging hippogriff, though.
 * However, he did almost drown twice. Guess you don't get any points for redos.
 * Just after Harry opens the egg and it emits a horrible screeching noise: George: "I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing. Maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower."
 * Hilariously so, he would be more or less right a year ago.
 * Dumbledore meets Rita Skeeter:

Dumbledore: Enchantingly nasty. I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dingbat."

"Harry: Really, you shouldn't worry about what that Skeeter cow- er, sorry Professor.
 * Another case, where Harry and Dumbledore are trying to cheer up Hagrid after Skeeter writes about his being half-giant:

Dumbledore: I have gone temporarily deaf and have no idea what you just said, Harry.

Harry: Erm... right."

"Ministry wizard: Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these.
 * The old wizard Archie, who, attempting to pass as a Muggle, wears Muggle clothing... which, unfortunately, happens to be a nightgown.

Archie: I'm not putting them on. I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks."

"Ron: Who're you going with, then?
 * Ahem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT8a9DUrd64
 * When Harry meets Percy at the Yule Ball and Percy mentions how he's been promoted "As if he were announcing his election as supreme ruler of the universe."
 * After Fred mentions the Yule Ball:

Fred: Angelina.

Ron: What? You've already asked her?

Fred: Good point. (calling across the room) Oi! Angela!

Angelina: What?

Fred: Want to come to the ball with me?

Angelina: All right, then.

Fred: (to Harry and Ron) There you go, piece of cake."


 * Especially funny compared to Harry's agony over asking Cho.

From the film:
"Hermione (close to tears): "Everything's going to change, isn't it?"
 * Daniel Radcliffe's very good at being hilariously blunt. A good example being the final scene, where it's sinking in to Hermione that Voldemort is back.

Harry: (puts his hand on her shoulder, then says "Yeah" in a completely blunt, unsympathetic tone)"

"Snape: Do you know what this is, Potter?
 * Ron complaining about Krum: "Ruddy pumpkinhead!"
 * Also Ron coming in pale and shaking and looking like he's about to faint because 'He just asked Fleur Delacour out."
 * "Actually, he sort of screamed at her."
 * "Hermione... you're a girl!"
 * The Veritaserum scene.

Harry: Pumpkin juice, sir?"

"Ron: (suddenly sits up awake in bed) Spiders... want me to tap-dance... I don't wanna tap-dance.
 * Also where Snape laments that its use on students is "regrettably forbidden."
 * In the studying scene, where Harry and Ron keep on getting caught talking by Snape and get their heads smacked by a book and forced down for their troubles.
 * The uber-annoyed look Snape gives and the precise manner in which he pulled up his sleeves before shoving their heads down was the icing on the funny cake.
 * Harry's completely deadpan reaction to Ron's Waking Non Sequitur.

Harry: (deadpans) You tell those spiders, Ron.

Ron: Okay. (passes out)"


 * My eyes aren't "haunted by the memory of my dead parents"!
 * Harry Potter, Age 12...