Skewed Priorities/Quotes

"Late last night I returned home from my duties as royal envoy, to find my kin in a greater uproar than the southern city I had left behind. Ten months of Westgate's problems shrivel to insignificance when compared to the tragedy that has befallen the clan of the Wyvernspurs of Immersea. How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?"

- Giogioni Wvvernspur, Wyvern's Spur (Forgotten Realms novel by Jeff Grubb and Kate Novak)

"Lister: You've got to get your priorities right! You know, it's like those people you read about who run back into a burning house to rescue some treasured piece of furniture and wind up burning to death. I mean, nothing's more important than a human life! Rimmer: What about your guitar? Lister: ...except my guitar."

- Red Dwarf, "Marooned"

"Hey commander. Check it out! Big news; the new Blasto movie is breaking opening-week records! There's also a big expose on quasar tournaments, tips on how to make your apartment look bigger, and... oh yeah, a big-ass Reaper invasion."

- Joker, complaining about this in Mass Effect 3

"Cartman: (crying) My dad was a ginger! Kyle: Dude, you killed your own dad, and you're worried about that?!"

- South Park

"Fake Theme Park: POWER OUTAGE. Guests have not heard "Jingle Bell Rock" for almost 20 minutes. BRING IN EMERGENCY SPEAKERS. ... Fake Theme Park: POWER OUTAGE. We'd like to kindly ask guests to eat the seasonal Cast Members first. ... Fake Theme Park: POWER OUTAGE. Park managers, please loudly say, "I'm working on it!" and start hitting something with a hammer. Fake Theme Park: POWER OUTAGE CONTINUES. Guests have not heard "Jingle Bell Rock" for almost 20 minutes. BRING IN EMERGENCY SPEAKERS."

- Fake Theme Park (Log Fic on Twitter)

"We all agreed to have our memories changed. The U.N.S. was gonna torture and kill us if we didn't I cheated, because I wanted to kill and eat that one guy. But he had it coming."

- Schlock, Schlock Mercenary, 21 November 2010

"Elf: Impact in three minutes. How quickly the heat is going to reach us? Gasca: I don't care. I need to get these sensors re-positioned. Elf: How can you not care about half a billion megatons? Gasca: I don't care about the heat. I totally care about exploiting the best sonar pulse ever."

- Schlock Mercenary, 8 September, 2016