Anaconda

"People go up river, big snake is very hungry. Guess what happens."

- The NZ Listener's twelve-word review of Anaconda

Monster movie with an All-Star Cast ranging from Owen Wilson to Jon Voight to Jennifer Lopez to Ice Cube on the hunt (in their own various ways) for the eponymous giant snake. Largely notable for Jon Voight as Paul Sarone, chewing up scenery with a far greater appetite than any serpent could muster.

There were three sequels which oddly enough Arc Wielded itself across three movies:


 * Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid: Which had a company sending a team into the Borneo to find a flower that was supposedly the fountain of youth. Not surprisingly they have to contend with the numerous anacondas to get it.


 * Anaconda 3: The Offspring: In which one of the anacondas was captured and experimented on to find out its longevity. It escapes, breaks out its mate and goes on a rampage (made more deadly due to the fact that these anacondas have spear tails from the experiments...no we're not making that up) some mercenaries are sent to get it back. Notable for staring David Hassleholf.


 * Anacondas: Trail of Blood: Which continues where 3 left off. The offspring of the previous anaconda is found and used to help make the flower. The anaconda breaks out once again while the employer from the last movie sends more mercenaries after the scientist who took the anaconda for his own to get the fountain of youth serum. All the while a previous character from the last movie is looking to destroy it. Yeah its just as confusing and convoluted as it sounds. Oh the snake can regenerate in this one.

The latter two movies were direct-to-video, and all three sequels are considered worse than the original.

On a side note - it's rather easy to miss this, but there are in fact two anacondas in the first film, not one. .


 * All-Star Cast: Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Eric Stoltz, Owen Wilson, and Kari Wuhrer. Yeesh.
 * Artistic License: Biology: Oh so very much, all in the name of the Rule of Scary. Among other things:
 * Anacondas don't grow that damn big.
 * They don't move at the speed of a cheetah in chase.
 * They don't predominantly prey on humans, especially after encountering life-threatening resistance each time.
 * They don't eat multiple preys the size of a human being one after the other. After consuming a meal like that (which can take hours), the snake will find a secure location where it will remain immobile for months to digest its food.
 * They hiss, but they don't squeal/roar.
 * And they certainly don't regurgitate their prey just so they can hunt again out of sheer sadism. They sometimes do this for safety purposes, such as when they're threatened by a predator and they can't afford to be lethargic by having such a big meal in their stomach.
 * They're constricters, they don't just grab their prey and swallow it. Even when they find a dead animal, they'll usually constrict it first just to be safe.
 * The Amazon
 * Badass Spaniard: Sarone.
 * Better to Die Than Be Killed: Danny Trejo's nameless poacher.
 * Big Bad: The anacondas, Paul Sarone.
 * Determinator: Sarone.
 * Dwindling Party
 * Hazardous Water
 * Honey Trap: Jennifer Lopez tries one of these to get the crew out of their predicament. Works, if only as a temporary distraction.
 * Impending Doom POV: Played with, as the looming creature coming after Owen Wilson and Kari Wuhrer
 * Instant Drama, Just Add Tracheotomy
 * Kill It with Fire: "Hold on, I think I can blow it up!"
 * Large Ham: Jon Voight. Oh, god, Jon Voight. Let's just say, he's the main reason to watch this movie. By far.
 * MacGuffin: The native tribe.
 * Monster Vision
 * Mouth Cam: eventually meets his end to one of these.
 * Murderous Thighs: Sarone provides one of the rare MALE examples of this trope.
 * The Mutiny: The crew eventually figures out what Sarone's up to. Unfortunately, he swiftly gets out of it via being a Magnificent Bastard.
 * Not So Different: Sarone gives Kari Wuhrer's character some friendly advice on murder.
 * Reptiles Are Abhorrent: "You brought that snake... you brought the devil!"
 * River of Insanity: The search for the Amazonian tribe doesn't go quite as planned....
 * Smug Snake: Sarone, full stop.
 * Super-Persistent Predator: The eponymous snakes.
 * Up to Eleven: After having managed to kill the first one, the second anaconda they encounter (at the abondoned factory) is even bigger than the already enormous first snake.
 * We Can Rule Together: Owen Wilson's character bites on this.
 * With My Hands Tied: The crew should have tied Sarone's feet as well. His old man legs are killer.
 * Your Mom: Said by Ice Cube to the British guy.