Gakuen Kino

""From my cold dead hands!""

- Kino, after the author finally decides on a transformation catchphrase.

This work has nothing to do with Kino's Journey.

Gakuen Kino is the story of Kino, an energetic high school student with a big appetite, whose life is changed forever(maybe) after meeting a talking cell phone strap. The cell phone strap, Hermes, tells Kino that the Earth is under attack from enemies that take over humans, turning them into monsters--and it's up to Kino to defend the Earth from this demonic peril.

Kino is joined by a mysterious masked pervert who calls himself the Samoyed Mask, who has absolutely nothing to do with Kino's handsome and chivalrous upperclassman, Shizu. A third character, the vengeance-obsessed Detective Wanwan, rounds out trio--and he's most definitely not Kino's Stalker With a Crush classmate Rikutarou Wanwan Inuyama.

Much parodying of the Magical Girl genre ensues, as well as an unhealthy dose of Gun Porn and fourth-wall breaking.

Originally written as a joke by Kino's Journey author Keiichi Sigawa, Gakuen Kino somehow managed to become a proper Light Novel series. Five books have currently been published.

This work contains examples of:

 * Big Eater: It's gotten to the point that local restaurants with speed-eating competitions are issued warnings about Kino.
 * Clark Kenting: Kino, Shizu, and Rikutarou.
 * Dogged Nice Guy or Stalker With a Crush: Rikutarou, who latches onto Kino almost immediately after transferring into the class.
 * Foreign Exchange Student: Inid
 * Gun Porn: Up to Eleven. Looks like every time Kino or Detective Wanwan fight, they get new firearms described in loving detail by the narration.
 * Hyperspace Arsenal:  has pulled an M80 out of a pouch no bigger than your fist.
 * Implausible Fencing Powers: Samoyed Mask can deflect bullets with his katana.
 * Interactive Narrator:
 * Meaningful Name: Rikutarou (Tarou=stereotypical boys' name in Japan) Wanwan (onomatopoeia for dog barks) Inuyama (Inu=Dog), who is the Gakuen Kino version of Riku the talking Samoyed from Kino's Journey.
 * Mysterious Protector: Samoyed Mask is a parody of the trope. His attempts to protect Kino almost always end up messing things up for her.
 * Never Mess With Granny: Kino's grandma kicks serious ass!
 * New Transfer Student: Rikutarou, who transfers just a week before summer vacation starts.
 * Otaku: Parodied with Inid, a Foreign Exchange Student from America who can only speak English, except for several hilariously inappropriate catchphrases she has learned from anime.
 * Revenge: Detective Wanwan's main motivation for wanting to kill Shizu. Exactly what he wants to avenge is not yet clear.
 * Sleep Mode Size: Inverted by Chako-sensei, who is normally a teacher in her 20s and becomes the twelve-year old grenade girl Ti when monsters appear.
 * Teeth Clenched Teamwork: The three heroes don't really get along, despite being on the same side.
 * Transformation Sequence: Parodied for all it's worth. The narration lampshades Kino's disappearing clothes and the ensuing lightshow. Meanwhile, Shizu parodies the trope by having to manually take off all of his clothing and put on his Samoyed Mask outfit piece by piece.
 * Transformation Trinket: Kino's model gun.
 * Unexplained Recovery:
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Shizu never goes anywhere without his katana, but no one, not even police officers who stop him for a spot check, ever comments on it.
 * Same can be said for Kino, who's model gun is of little interest to anyone. That pouch she always keeps on her belt though.
 * White Haired Pretty Boy: Rikutarou, true to his Kino's Journey counterpart Riku.
 * Why Won't You Die:, who was shot at point blank range by both Riku and Kino on various occasions. Sometimes, at the same time.
 * In his defense, he keeps a lot of tomatoes on him.
 * Why Won't You Die:, who was shot at point blank range by both Riku and Kino on various occasions. Sometimes, at the same time.
 * In his defense, he keeps a lot of tomatoes on him.