Corrupt Corporate Executive/Quotes

""Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.""

- Charles Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons

""President? Do you know how much power I'd have to give up to be President?""

- Lex Luthor shares his political opinions with The Question, Justice League

"Asok: Wally, I've discovered a deadly security flaw in our product. Who should I inform?

Wally: No one. The stock market would plunge. We'd have massive layoffs. Your career will be ruined.

Asok: But my negligence could cause the death of a dozen customers.

Wally: The first dozen is always the hardest. "

- Dilbert

""I hear you're a conspiracy nut. Well, this is the conspiracy, kid. It ain't ancient gods an' aliens an' coded shit on the dollar bill. It ain't even a a secret. It's somethin' ordinary folks do for a livin', every day of the week. It's business.""

- The Legend, The Boys #19

""I know this is supposed to be an evil corporation, but having actual pure, elemental evil lying around seems to be slight overkill.""

- Evil Tim, Let's Play Shinobi, Stage 6-A

"Ansem: We need to kick off 2009 with a bang. Something that will remind people how evil FOX truly is. I mean something that would make Sauron jealous. Just pure evil.

[Cut to a courtroom]

Judge: I hereby award the rights to Watchmen to FOX studios."

- Ansem Retort

""We have no obligation to make history. We have no obligation to make art. We have no obligation to make a statement. To make money is our only objective.""

- Michael Eisner

""My God! ISO 9001 Certification is a license to kill!""

- Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000: Time Chasers

""You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.""

- Ripley, Aliens

"''I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage

Called the blood of the exploited working class"

- They Might Be Giants, "Kiss Me, Son of God"

"Richfield: Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair. Boo-hoo, it's raining acid, there's a hole in the ozone, you're hurting Flipper! Bah! Bunch of tree hugging pantywaists! They're always standing in the way of profits and it's our job to pave right over them!

Earl: I think you're missing the point sir! The world may be coming to an end!

Richfield: Well, that's a fourth quarter problem. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge when we come to it! Right now my biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with all this money!"

- Dinosaurs

""But in our culture ... corporations are always corrupt, and poverty is always the fault of the wealthy people's greed.""

- Andrew Klavan, Klavan on the Culture, "Liberal Fantasies vs. Reality: Can you Spot the Difference?"

""Sorry it took me so long. I had to go get my power suit.""

- Lex Luthor, Justice League

""Corporate America! Killing art.""

- The Nostalgia Chick - Xanadu

"''"You can wheel and deal the best of them

Steal it from the rest of them

You know the score

Their ethics are a bore..."''"

- Ray Stevens - "Mr. Businessman"

""I wonder if the CEO just rubs himself with money.""

- Gordon Freeman, Freemans Mind

""Sorry I'm late. Work was murder.""

- Norman Osborn, Spider-Man

""Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit!""

- Monty Burns, The Simpsons

"Bartleby: (to the board of "Mooby") You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid - not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year, you cheated on your wife of seventeen years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.

Loki: (giving him two thumbs up) In the bed that you and your wife share, no less.

Bartleby: Mr. Newman - you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out, just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. ... She, uh, killed herself two months later.

Mr. Braaaace disowned his gay son! Very compassionate, Mr. Brace!

Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home...to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens.

Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven-year-old-BOY!

Mr. Holtzman okay-ed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was, SURVEY SAYS... less costly.

(He approaches Ms. Price, the only woman on the board)

Bartleby: You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you. But you, Mr. Whitland, you have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud. (whispers in his ear)

Loki: You're his father, you sick fuck. (Whitland breaks down crying)"

- Dogma

""We chase and shout after the man who steals your basket of eggs. The wiser thief is the man who manipulates us into buying goods we need at his shop and overcharges us a copper piece every time he can. He takes much more from us all, without ever having to run anywhere or suffer our anger. Indeed, sometimes we praise him for providing what we want or need, and never look past his welcoming smile.""

- Storm Silverhand, addressing young Harpers.

""It has been said that most merchants die not of lawbreaking or lack of coin but of running afoul of a cabal--one they belong to, two or more they belong to that end up having conflicting aims or activities, or just one they happen to be in the way of. Cabal troubles, even more than angry victims of swindles, are the reason so many merchants mysteriously fall out of high windows, fall 'asleep' on streets where heavily laden wagons can roll over them, or go for swims in handy harbors while unconscious.""

- Realmslore in The Silent Sail by Ed Greenwood.

"I want to keep my money / And give away absolutely nothing

To the government who moderates my spending / and obliterates depending on what time of the year

brutality is near / in the form of income tax

I'd rather take a fucking axe / to my face, blow up this place

with you all in it, I'd do it in a minute / If I could write off your murder

I'd save all of my receipts / because I'd rather you be dead

than lose a tiny shred of what I made this fiscal year

I'd rather you be dead than ponder parting with my second home

I'd rather you be dead than consider not opening a restaurant

I'd rather you be dead"

- Dethharmonic, Metalocalypse

""'Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu""

- The Onion

""There are so many things I remember

From the deeply revered days of old

When living was gentle and gracious

And working folk did as they're told."

"They were wonderful days, I remember,

When a feller could live like a king;

And children were working in coal mines

And life was a beautiful thing."

"But the fortunes of mankind are changing;

Things aren't what they were anymore;

And although I'm in no way complaining,

By Harris and Tweed, I preferred it before.""

- The Roar Of The Greasepaint The Smell Of The Crowd

"Kaiba: So you've got a dweeb army. Am I supposed to be scared to attack?

Dartz: (smirking) Well, only if destroying an innocent soul concerns you.

Kaiba: (smirkier) Naaah. As the President of a major corporation, I have to do that every day."

- Yu-Gi-Oh, "Waking the Dragons" arc

"After all, what could a master criminal buy? There was a shortage of seaside properties with real lava flows near a reliable source of piranhas, and the world sure as hell didn't need another Dark Lord, not with Gilt doing so well. Gilt didn’t need a tower with ten thousand trolls camped outside. He just needed a ledger and a sharp mind. It worked better, was cheaper and he could go out and party at night."

- Going Postal gives us the obligatory Pratchett quote

"There's a man going around in the town

Spreading lies.

He's the bad businessman.

Does his business while he can.

He just does his business bad."

- Squirrel Nut Zippers - Bad Businessman

"(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) All the customers are buying!

(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the money's multiplying!

(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the PR people are lying!

(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the lawyers are denying!

(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) Who cares if a few trees are dying?

(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) This is all so gratifying!"

- The Once-Ler, How Bad Can I Be?, The Lorax