Drives Like Crazy/Quotes

""I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk! It was just a couple of miles...""

- Benny the Cab, Who Framed Roger Rabbit

""And if you are still driving out there, please, be careful, there are some NUTS on the road!""

- Herman Cain

""They don't call that guy 'Dangerous' for nothing.""

- DJ Atomika (describing Dangerous Dave's piloting skills), SSX 3

"Chiyo: Um... since Yukari-sensei's car looks a bit more spacious, why not put three people over there?

Nyamo: Isn't it better for fewer people to die?"

- Azumanga Daioh

""B-but... we ain't afraid of no rollercoasters no more.""

- Osaka (after her very first ride with Yukari), Azumanga Daioh

"Cassie: Aaaaaaaah!

Jake: Lookoutlookoutlookoutlookout!

Marco: Would you shut up? I'm trying to drive here!

Jake: Car! Car! Car!

(driver flips off Marco)

Marco: That's rude. And totally uncalled for.

BAM!

Cassie: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Marco: Oh, it's just a trash can. Chill out.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Marco: Okay, so it's four trash cans.

Jake: Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!

Marco: (yanks wheel right, bumps the sidewalk, grazes a parked car)

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Jake: Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!

Marco: I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.

Jake: You can't drive at all!"

- Animorphs, "The Andalite's Gift"

""There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette.""

- Greg Ayres, referring to the character from Chrono Crusade

"Aziraphale: Watch out for that pedestrian!

Crowley: (driving) It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!"

- Good Omens

"Hang on. That light four blocks away just turned yellow."

- Peter Fox, FoxTrot

"Ziva: I'm driving.

Tony: I'm dead.

(later in the episode, Tony and Ziva arrive at the crime scene)

Tony: This is going to suck.

Ziva: Stop complaining.

Tony: Sorry. No sleep tends to do that to me.

Ziva: I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.

Tony: I tried, but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.

Ziva: We made good time.

Tony: Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road I couldn't even see.

Ziva: Then it's a good thing I was driving."

- NCIS, "Lost and Found"

"Tony: Hey, not so fast!

Ziva: I always drive fast! It’s the best way to avoid possible IEDs and ambushes.

Tony: You’re in America now. I wouldn’t worry about it. How about this? Slow down or I’ll puke on you.

Ziva: Tony, why don’t you like the American Civil War?

Tony: I don’t want to talk about it.

McGee: It’s because of his father.

Tony: Was she talking to you, Probie?

Ziva: Oh. You didn’t get along with your father. Hm… explains a lot.

Tony: My father and I got along fine.

Ziva: If you say so. I think it’s best to talk about things instead of burying them inside.

McGee: What about you? Your father? Deputy Director David, what’s he like?

(Ziva slams down more on the gas pedal)

Tony: Slow down, we’re taking the next left.

(The sound of car horns and screeching tires can be heard)

McGee: Ziva, car! Car! Car!

(Tony shouts)

Ziva: Sorry. First time behind the wheel after a six-month mission in the UK.

(Tony pukes)

(Cut to Tony driving, and Ziva with a put-upon expression on her face.)

Ziva: I said I was sorry.

(later in the episode)

Gibbs: [Ziva] almost killed my entire team yesterday.

Jenny: How?

Gibbs: Driving home from a crime scene.

Jenny: I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life."

- NCIS, "Silver War"

"Eli: With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.

Ziva: I drove.

Eli: Enough said."

- NCIS, "Aliyah"

"Vance: Most fathers teach their daughters to drive. I have you to blame for this?

Eli David: This she learned from her mother."

- NCIS, "Enemies Foreign"

"Ziva: Slow drivers.

Tony: Bad drivers.

Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn."

- NCIS, and yes, she was completely serious.

"Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?

Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay?"

- Leverage

"Eliot: Damn it, Parker! Where'd you learn to drive?!

Parker:[nonchalantly] Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.

Hardison: Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve!"

- Leverage

"Liara: "Truck!"

Shepard: "I know."

Liara: "Truck!"

Shepard: "I know!"

Liara: "Yaaah!"

Shepard: "Heh. There we go!"

Liara: "You're enjoying this!""

- Mass Effect 2, Lair of the Shadow Broker

""I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane / while people behind me are going insane""

- "I'm An Asshole", Dennis Leary

""This guy's already driving like I intend to in this game!""

- Unskippable

""...His driving is like unto the driving of Jehu, for he driveth furiously.""

- Israelite Lookout, The Bible

""A taxidriverman is what I want to be"

"But there are no customers who want to ride with me"

"I don't know why it could be that I'm almost blind"

"But every street in Calcutta I can find""

""Calcutta, I am a taxidriver in"

"Calcutta, I drive my little taxi in"

"Calcutta, taxi taxi taxi in"

"Calcutta, I am a taxidriverman""

""I love to drive the taxi I like it very much"

"Even though I have no license I always find the clutch"

"I can drive without my hands I can drive without my feet"

"And I have no problem keeping taxi on the street""

- Dr Bombay, Calcutta