Thud!

"Mr. Shine, him diamond!"

The 30th Discworld novel and the seventh in the Watch theme.

"Thud" is the Discworld equivalent of chess, with pieces portraying dwarfs on one side and trolls on the other, at the legendary Battle of Koom Valley. The anniversary of the Battle is just around the corner. Since this was a very important date for both the Dwarfs and the Trolls (No one knows who won, who started it or what the heck actually happened, but everyone cries "Remember Koom Valley!" when they want to get the blood up), tensions are running high in Ankh-Morpork. Commander Vimes of the City Watch is not happy about this, nor about Salacia Von Humpeding, the new vampire recruit, nor about the Patrician's clerks poking about the Watch. Nevertheless, he takes all this in stride, and still manages to get home every day at six to read his son a bedtime story.

The situation only becomes worse when Hamcrusher, a grag (a sort of dwarven preacher and lorekeeper, a "deep-down" dwarf fundamentalist) who vehemently speaks out against trolls, is found murdered beside a troll club. Vimes visits the scene, butting heads with Hamcrusher's right-hand man Ardent and a nervous servant named Helmclever, and finding an expansive tunnel system filled with doorways stretching underneath the streets of Ankh-Morpork. While there, he catches his hand on one of the sealed doorways, and it begins to itch...

"Imagine how strong I must be."
 * Adult Fear: Vimes' nightmares about his son, which involve empty cots and darkness.
 * All Trolls Are Different: Trolls in Discworld are made out of metamorphorical rock (a pune, or play on words, upon the terms metaphor and metamorphic). Once in a while a special  troll will turn up; these trolls tend to be the   of the troll race.
 * Arc Words: More like Arc Symbols—the mine signs.
 * Also: Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?—Who watches the watchmen?
 * And: "Mr. Shine! Him diamond!"
 * Ascended Extra: A.E. Pessimal previously appeared as a humble Obstructive Bureaucrat in a short story, but is elevated to Beware The Boring Ones here.
 * Badass Boast: One brilliant yet simple one from.

"Him who mountain crush him no, Him who sun him stop him no, Him who hammer him break him no, Him who fire him fear him no, Him who raise him heart above him head, Him diamond."
 * And an unexpected one from : Come on then, if you think you're hard enough!
 * Badass Creed:


 * Battle Butler: Willikins, who was once a member of a street gang, helped to calm the riots, and stabbed a Dwarf with his ice knife. Which he happened to be holding, having been cutting ice in the cellar.
 * A.E. Pessimal is similar—although he's a Battle Bureaucrat... wannabe.
 * Battle in the Center of the Mind: The Summoning Dark vs Quis custodiet ipsos custodes indeed.

""Because you can't call yourself a good guy and then do bad guy things.""
 * Also therefore a rather literal example of What You Are in the Dark.
 * Berserk Button:
 * Beyond the Impossible: A temperance definitely-not-a-vampire has learned how to roll his w's.
 * Brainless Beauty: Tawneee Mobil. Thicker than a yard of lard, but it doesn't really matter.
 * Brick Joke: Koom Valley was mentioned back in Men at Arms as the only battle in history where both armies ambushed each other.
 * Additionally, during Vimes' THAT IS NOT MY COW battlecry he goes up by one exclamation-mark each word.
 * Calling Card: Supernatural variant, as scattered objects near the Dark-inhabited Vimes keep arranging themselves into the Summoning Dark symbol.
 * Cerebus Retcon: Vimes' previous joke that he used to be "blackboard monitor" in The Fifth Elephant suddenly isn't so funny any more when he ends up dealing with some very fundamental dwarves, who attach the same stigma to someone wiping out words as, say, a human would to someone who Eats Babies.
 * Also, the revelation of what actually happened at Koom Valley. What was once a humorous Noodle Incident (both sides somehow ambushed each other) is now
 * Character Development: Vimes is forced to compromise on two of his most strongly held principles, which go back to Men At Arms and have been referenced in nearly every Watch book since: his particular hatred of vampires and refusal to employ them in the Watch, and his reluctance to ask the wizards for help.
 * Also, paralleling the way computer technology has gone from a gimmick to mainstream use in police work, he finally learns how to use one of his Dis-organizers and puts it to good use. Granted, he finds a person to do the same work for him, but he seems quite fond of Gooseberry.
 * More likely, Gooseberry will read whatever Pessimal deems important and give a summarized account to Vimes.
 * Continuity Nod: In the barricade scene, when the Watch stands its ground between two mobs of battle-crazy dwarfs and trolls, Fred Colon asks Vimes if he remembers 'another barricade.' Colon is of course referring to the barricades erected by the Watch and the citizenry of Ankh Morpork on the night of the Glorious Revolution, at which both Colon and an 18-year old Vimes had been present. Colon also mentions Sergeant Keel, who 'pulled a trick or two that night'. The 'Sergeant Keel' Colon refers to was in fact Vimes himself, who traveled back thirty years into his own past during the events of Night Watch due to a major time anomaly that was the focus of Thief of Time.
 * Vimes also mentions, sardonically, that it's been a long time since the city burned down.
 * Mention is also made of Detritus's girl, Ruby, now his wife.
 * Mr. Pony is mentioned briefly as the head of the Guild of Artificers, quite a step up since Going Postal
 * Cowboy Cop: Vimes refuses to become this, and it is awesome.

"Vetinari: Who watches the watchmen? Vimes: [immediately] Me. Vetinari: Ah, but who watches you? Vimes: I do that, too."
 * Dark Is Not Evil: The Summoning Dark might have found it possible to take complete control of Sam Vimes if it
 * De Fictionalisation: There are now official 'Thud' rules and boards available. Well worth a look.
 * They were around at least a year before the book came out.
 * Curb Stomp Battle:  Vimes vs. the dark dwarfs..
 * Demonic Possession: The Summoning Dark
 * Determinator: It's Vimes. Always.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: The contrast between Hamcrusher and Bashfulsson and those who follow them is obviously based on the contrast between radical and moderate Islam preachers.
 * Although really, it could just as easily apply to extremist versus moderate Christians. Or Jews. Or probably just about any other major religion you'd care to name. It even works for the different varieties of atheism (gain acceptance vs. wipe out religion).
 * Once again, female dwarfs admitting they're female reminds one of homosexuality. Especially when Carrot implies that the deep-downers (very religious, set-in-their-ways dwarfs) are very hostile towards them.
 * Eldritch Abomination: The Summoning Dark.
 * Foreshadowing: Quite early in, during one of the Summoning Dark scenes, the narration mentions footsteps, slow, but the Dark knows they'll catch up. They do.
 * And Mr Shine: him diamond!..
 * When Vimes thinks of those guilty of the murders, he says "When I catch up with them, and I will, I hope there's someone to hold me back."
 * This exchange between Vimes and Vetinari:
 * This exchange between Vimes and Vetinari:

"He raised the bow again, looked round at a noise like two slabs of meat being slapped together, and was picked up and thrown across the cave by a naked woman. An astonished miner swung his axe at the smiling girl, who vanished in a cloud of bats."
 * Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: Sally, seemingly just trying to get along in the Big Wahoonie, but
 * Full-Frontal Assault: Blink and you'll miss it, but during the climax, Sally uses her "turn into a cloud of bats" ability during combat, which has the abovementioned drawback.


 * Fur Against Fang: Werewolves and vampires do not get on.
 * Genre Savvy: Indeed, how did Bashfullsson know Vimes would be going ? Was it the power of story, or ?
 * Getting Crap Past the Radar: When Angua, Sally, Cheery, and Tawneee have their little night on the town, Fred Colon refers to it as "minge drinking". BINGE drinking is the overconsumption of alcohol, which does occur. "Minge", on the other hand....
 * Heroic Willpower: Vimes, natch.
 * I Just Want to Be Badass: A.E. Pessimal
 * Implacable Man: Vimes when.
 * I Never Said It Was Poison: Vimes calls out the troll Chrysophrase during their talk.
 * I Know Karate:

"Watchmen across half the continent will say that Sam Vimes is as straight as an arrow, can't be corrupted, won't be turned, never took a bribe."
 * Incorruptible Pure Pureness

"He'd learned, then, not to use his little lantern. Light only ruined your vision, it blinded you. You stared into the dark until it blinked. You stared it down."
 * Though Vimes is a Deconstruction: the reason he is incorruptible is his constant vigilance against his dark side.
 * Innocent Swearing: Sam Vimes reads his son his own version of Where's My Cow with the Catch Phrases of prominant Ankh-Morporkians instead of animal noises, including Foul Old Ron's "Bugrit! Millenium hand and shrimp!" The next day Young Sam announces "Buglit!" to his nanny, and from then on Vimes sticks to the written version.
 * Insistent Terminology: Vimes can tell the difference between "Mr. Vimes" and "Mister Vimes" and only allows people who have fought alongside him to call him "Mister".
 * Judging from the audiobook, the issue seems to be not so much that Vimes can hear the difference between Mr. Vimes and Mister Vimes as that in the original manuscript, Brick accidentally called him Missus Vimes, and somewhere along the line an overzealous copyeditor "fixed" the "typo."
 * Ironic Echo: When Vimes first gets an audience with a grag, he mocks their belief that light is evil and blinds you. However, some dozens of pages later, Vimes talks about visible shades of darkness, and recalls the memory of when he stopped using the lantern in the Night Watch.

"If Willikins wanted someone dead, he wouldn't have taken a prisoner. It must have been a surprise, breaking into a cellar and meeting something like Willikins."
 * Ironic Nursery Tune
 * It's Not Porn, It's Art: Spoofed in both directions: Colon reasons that a picture's in a museum and has an urn, a plinth, or a cherub somewhere in it, it must be art; Nobby rationalizes Tawneee's job as "artistic."
 * Subverted with Tawneee as she honestly believes men come to watch her dance because she's really good at dancing. Some of what she does is quite difficult, see?
 * The Laws and Customs of War
 * Large Ham: Mr. Boggis is apparently in danger of being killed by the god of Over-Acting.
 * Noodle Incident: Non-comedic example in the Battle of Koom Valley. All they know is that dwarves fought trolls and vice-versa.
 * Also non-comedic example: Mrs. Oldsburton, whom Vimes remembered fell into the Despair Event Horizon after the death of her baby and began compulsively cleaning the house non-stop, in a mobile version of an Angst Coma.
 * Malevolent Architecture: Anything designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson, such as Empirical Crescent, which continues his newly-revealed ability to turn simple stupidity into mind-bending horror.
 * The Men First
 * Nightmare Fuel: In-universe, Vimes quietly thinks this of his butler. He defended himself against an assassination squad in the cellar using an ice knife. A knife used for cutting foot-wide blocks. It's a foot and a half of steel.

"Vimes: "Why do you care about some troll?" Shine: "Why do you care about some dwarf?" Vimes: "Because somebody has to!" Shine: "Exactly! Good day, Mr. Vimes.""
 * The Nose Knows: One of Angua's main contributions to the Watch, but here Sally's ability to sense heartbeats continually threatens to one-up her.
 * Not So Different: Mr. Shine invokes this subtly on Vimes when the latter questions his concern for Brick:

"Carrot: Well, technomantic Devices look like things that are built, you know, out of - Vimes: Captain, you've lost me again. What are Devices and why do you pronounce the capital D?"
 * Not So Omniscient After All: When Vetinari learns that A. E Pessimal attacked a troll bare-handed, he looks genuinely taken aback for one of the only times in the entire series. He has to make very sure they're talking about the same A. E. Pessimal ("Small man? Very clean shoes?"), before asking "Why?"
 * Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: It's mentioned that instead of 4 angels guarding his bed, young Sam has 4 trolls watching over him.
 * Obstructive Bureaucrat: A.E. Pessimal.
 * Older Than They Look: Sally could have passed for 16, but is actually 51, though by vampire standards she's of "no age at all."
 * Painting the Fourth Wall: There are some instances, but mostly:

"Angua: Serves you right for drinking...vine. Sally: Oh ha ha. I am perfectly fine with sarcastic pause "vine" thank you!"
 * Papa Wolf: Vimes does not react well to the thought of his son being in danger.
 * Pardon My Klingon: "Why don't you go ghuhg yourself?"
 * Plot-Triggering Death: Grag Hamcrusher's.
 * Portmanteau: Trolls are said to be made out of "metamorphorical" rock, a portmanteau of "metamorphic", a type of rock, and "metaphorical". This is used to explain Brick: trolls tend to take on the appearance of the dominant rock where they grow up, and he grew up in a city.
 * Powder Keg Crowd: Dwarves and trolls around Koom Valley Day.
 * Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?: Vimes's reputation as an honest copper, who will arrest anyone if they break the law, is based on the Crowning Moments Of Awesome in previous Watch novels.
 * Vimes gets a bit narked at the fact that, amid listing his achievements (arresting two armies, killing a werewolf with his bare hands), the people saying this usually include "maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but..."
 * Revealing Coverup: The dark dwarfs attempt to cover up, but by trying to do so they lead Vimes right to it.
 * Revenge: The Summoning Dark is this trope.
 * Shame If Something Happened: After two troll thugs working for the troll crime boss Chrysophrase tell Commander Vimes that their boss wants to see him, Vimes tells them "Well, he knows where I live," to which one of them remarks meaningfully "Yeah, he does." Not a good idea. Later, Chrysophrase insists to Vimes that he never gave orders to make any threats, and had the infractors...dealt with. Later in the story, unthinkingly does this in a moment of anger. To his credit, he immediately shuts up when he realizes what he said and is informed what  had ordered earlier in the book (and what happened to the people who carried those orders out)...
 * Shout-Out: The Long Dark rune, which simply symbolizes the entrance to any mine or delving, is a circle with a horizontal line through it - which in Real Life is the symbol of the London Underground and is displayed on signs outside the entrances to Tube stations.
 * "The Gooseberry", the new Dis-organizer, is an obvious one for the Real Life Blackberry mobile e-mail device.
 * Possibly unintentional, but another well-known fruit-named computer, the Macintosh, was the first computer to become easily usable to new computer users. It was also the 5th Apple computer (after the I, II, III, and Lisa), much like the Gooseberry is the Disorganizer Mark V.
 * Excellent double pun as well, since (at least in the UK) 'gooseberry' is another term for a third wheel, or in other words someone you really wish would leave you alone and let you get on with the task at hand...
 * There's also the older than...something legend surrounding King Arthur that his army met Mordred's army to parlay but one of Arthur's knights sees a snake about to strike. The knight raises his sword to kill the snake which Mordred's guys take as an ambush and the whole thing just gets messy. Sounds a lot like Koom Valley, doesn't it?
 * The unsanitary game of "Poosticks" (referenced in a footnote) seems to be a shout out to "Poohsticks" from Winnie the Pooh
 * "I do not drink ... wine." Subverted by Sally and Angua after a night of what Sergeant Colon terms as a night of minge drinking, as Sally is throwing up in a corner.

"Fred: War, Nobby. Huh! What is it good for? Nobby: Dunno, Sarge. Freeing slaves, maybe? Fred: Absol--well, okay."
 * A double shoutout, to the American Civil War and the song "War" comes from Sergeant Colon and Corporal Nobbs:

"Vimes: Don't look at me when you say that. Detritus is one of my best officers!"
 * "The Battle of Koom Valley" is based on similar pictures in real life. More specifically, it's an allusion to the Civil War cyclorama, famous for being the 'Largest Painting in the World', painted in the 1890's
 * Some of My Best Friends Are X: is explaining how humans came to view trolls as mindless monsters.

"Helmclever: I refuse to comply with your request! Carrot: It wasn't a request."
 * Stock Phrase: "It's a dwarf/werewolf/vampire/married couple/female thing."
 * Stolen MacGuffin Reveal
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: Vimes wonders if "the community leaders appealed for calm" really means that they're winking and saying "Do not use those shiny new battle-axes in that cupboard over there... No, not that one, the other one."
 * The Tape Knew You Would Say That: "This is just a trick!"
 * They Call Me Mister Vimes
 * That Wasn't a Request: Carrot is attempting to investigate the death of a prominent dwarf community leader, but is being stymied by another dwarf:
 * That Wasn't a Request: Carrot is attempting to investigate the death of a prominent dwarf community leader, but is being stymied by another dwarf:

"Angua: You resisted for about four seconds, and then I brought you down."
 * This Is Sparta:
 * Unstoppable Rage: "They will burn."
 * Subverted in that

"I watch him. Always."
 * What You Are in the Dark: Vimes finds himself alone in a cave with the dwarfs who have instigate the entire mess..
 * Who Watches the Watchmen?: Vimes claims that they watch each other. But when he's alone.

"Sir Reynold Stitched: We've had a burglareah, officer! Nobby: A burglar rear? Fred Colon was impressed. You could barely understand the man, he was that posh."
 * You Say Tomato: The peculiarly "posh" pronunciation of words used by the Arts Curator draws a lot of comment from Nobby and Colon particularly, complete with its own lampshade and characteristic merciless mocking. Leads to plenty of exchanges like this: