The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program

"" I am the image and likeness of god, I am I am I am, I am the image and likeness of God, I am I am I am...""

- Albert Hermann, first reader

"" It's the most bizarre, horrible, extraordinary piece of Christian puppeteering I think you'll ever see.""

- Andy Nyman on a episode of Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe

The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program was a Los Angeles Public Access program run by songwriter, singer and puppeteer David Liebe Hart, who claims he was abducted by aliens. Spanning an impressive run of nearly 20 years, The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program was just that, a Christian scientist Children's Program. It featured a cast of deformed animal puppets and ventriloquist dummies, tortuously bad Bible hymns in which said puppets would sing, and very, very horrible video editing and visual effects. It has been hailed as the most bizarre children's program ever conceived.

Despite all that, the show seemed to exude a certain hypnotic charm. The puppets, as creepy and frightening as some of them were, are very funny to watch, The show itself is fun to laugh at in kind of a So Bad It's Good kind of way, granted you can sit through the lengthy sermons and Anvilicious anti-drug sentiments read by people who look like drugged-out hippies.


 * Anvilicious - The numerous anti drug statements are about a subtle as a hammer blow to the head.
 * The Bible
 * Chroma Key - Abused heavily, to the point where parts of cast members and puppets will be bluescreened out. It gets worse with the amazing technicolor backgrounds used rampantly.
 * Creepy Doll - Albert Hermann and Chip The Black Boy
 * Drugs Are Bad - Don't do the drugs there.
 * Friendly Neighborhood Vampire - Underground Legend Count Smokula makes a few appearances with his accordion. The idea of a blood-sucking creature of the night who smokes tobacco on a largely anti-drug Christian show is a sizable Logic Bomb.
 * Funny Animal - Though not the way they intended.
 * Grotesque Gallery
 * Guttural Growler - Bluey Louie the Raccoon. "91 Psalms, first song on the third disc!".
 * Melismatic Vocals - Reserved for the Bible hymns.
 * Narm - Where does one begin...
 * Not Christian Rock - Some of Liebe Hart's more upbeat songs have little to do with Christianity.
 * Opera - Liebe Hart's preferred singing style.
 * Small Name, Big Ego - Averted. One might think the rock-bottom production quality and the defiant lack of improvement during the show's run might lead one to believe Liebe Hart is full of himself. But upon further research, one gets the impression that Liebe Hart is a modest man who always makes time to interact with is fans and genuinely wants to bring happiness and joy by way of his puppeteering and music.
 * Stylistic Suck
 * Uncanny Valley
 * What Do You Mean It's Not for Kids? - It's hard to imagine any child would sit through the lengthy opera singing and monotone Bible citations, even if they were sung by a blue raccoon with a pancake-flat head.
 * What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made on Drugs?