Monk/Funny

"Monk: One bag at a time, one truck at a time!"
 * The episode where Monk loses it due to a garbage strike: First, he accuses none other than Alice Cooper for the murder (complete with Cooper actually being in the clip for the summation) and this, him answering seriously when asked how exactly he is going to clean up the city:

""I'm gonna call you "soft serve"! Like the ice cream!""
 * Keep in mind that his plan was to fill up a truck, then drive it into the ocean. And then get a new one.
 * And the summation in question, that was his second summation in the episode when it turns out the Mayor is very likely to have not murdered the union boss, and the first, wrong summation was actually closer to being correct than the second summation.
 * In the same episode, he proposed a different plan to the mayor. Specifically, that since the stench would ruin the city for eternity, everyone should be evacuated. The city would then be burned down, and the ashes burned a second time, at which point it would be repopulated and rebuilt.
 * In the episode "Mr. Monk Goes to the Hospital", Monk encounters an 80-year-old, bed-ridden invalid who is nonetheless tough as nails and takes an instant dislike to the Defective Detective. He eventually picks out Monk's nickname (the utter contempt in his voice it what truly makes it a CMoF):

"Guy at entrance: And your name?
 * Monk tries to get into an exclusive fashion show.

Monk: Puff... daddy."

"Natalie Teeger: I took a shortcut. I... cut across the creek.
 * Though you may scream Dude Not Funny! throughout the scene when Natalie basically steals Stottlemeyer's new car -- TWICE! -- towards what she thinks is her daughter's murder, you may well also laugh long and loud.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.

Natalie Teeger: I know.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek."

"Dr. Kroger: Madeleine is fine, she knows it comes with the job.
 * In the same episode, Monk is in his therapist's office talking with him, having phoned him up in the middle of the night. Monk apologizes for waking Dr. Kroger up, and Dr. Kroger says it's fine. Then Monk expresses concern that he annoyed Dr. Kroger's wife:

Monk: Does she have Tourette's Syndrome?

(beat)

Dr. Kroger: Yes."

"Monk: I didn't dig up Trudy and parade her around.
 * When he told Kroger about the alleged suspect's digging up his mother's corpse.

Kroger: And I commend you for that."

"Stottlemeyer: the first person who attacks him may not necessarily be your serial killer.
 * When the cast accompanies him to Manhattan where he's following a lead on Trudy's killer, Captain Stottlemeyer and Randy sneak into the police station to look at the files of a local uncooperative cop. The alarm on Randy's new watch goes off, and The Captain tells him to turn it off. "I can't. The instructions were in Korean."
 * Randy stops a murderer
 * Two moments in "Mr. Monk And The Really, Really Dead Guy". The first is because the special investigators use their advanced technology to come to the conclusion that the self-proclaimed serial killer threatening to strike again despises street performers (he killed one previously), so Randy dresses up as a street performer to lure the guy. As he stands there playing awful music and singing badly, Stottlemeyer tells the other investigators that there's a flaw in their plan, because :

FBI Agent: Why's that?

Stottlemeyer: It might be me."

"Stottlemeyer: Hey, you were right, one of your gizmos caught the killer!"
 * The second is when Monk proves that Ludd Was Right by using old-fashioned deduction to solve the case where the advanced tech championed by the special investigators failed, and the killer flees. Stottlemeyer grabs the electronic recording device from one of the agents and throws it at the killer, knocking him down and allowing him to be captured, then quips:

"Natalie Teeger: Oh! Oh! [runs up] Mr. Monk! What are you doing?!
 * Monk takes a look at a mummy, and immediately concludes that they were killed. Natalie tries to get him to hurry up by pointing out the mummy's been dead for centuries, to which Monk replies "there's no statue of limitations on murder."
 * "Mr. Monk Gets Drunk." And then solves the case, delivering his summation while still completely hammered.
 * "Mr. Monk Goes to a Rock Concert" has a lot of them.
 * This one when Natalie spots him after he comes out of a port-a-potty. Monk's reaction is quite appropriate, made more so with the fact that a body falls out:

Adrian Monk: I was just calling for a taxi; they're gonna pick me up out front in about ten minutes!

Natalie Teeger: But, Mr. Monk, that wasn't a phone booth!

Adrian Monk: No that wasn't a phone booth. Natalie, it was that horrible, plastic outhouse! [Natalie leads him away] Oh my God! What was I talking into?! Oh my God, where--where did I put that quarter?! For the love of God, Natalie, where did I put that quarter?! [A maintenance man breaks open the port-a-potty next to them and a body falls out]

Natalie Teeger: [gasps] Oh my God!"

"Lt. Randall Disher: [pretending to be wheezy] Hello?
 * Funny when Stottlemeyer catches Randy red-handed faking sickness to attend the concert. His method: call Randy from about twenty feet away on his cell phone and sneak up on him:

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, Randy. How ya doing, buddy? I-I was worried about you.

Lt. Randall Disher: Captain?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yep?

Lt. Randall Disher: [pretends to cough] What time is it? [Long pause]

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry! Did I wake you up? [pause] Hey, what's that music I hear?

Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, [fake coughs] it's my stereo! It's broken! I can't turn it down!

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's loud!

Lt. Randall Disher: Listen, Captain, thanks for calling!

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sure.

Lt. Randall Disher: I'm gonna get up now; make myself some soup.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Soup? Yeah soup is good; fluids are good. Drink plenty of fluids.

Lt. Randall Disher: Fluids. Okay, thanks for calling, Captain.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Take care. [Randy hangs up and turns to the woman next to him]

Lt. Randall Disher: My boss! [Laughs as Stottlemeyer puts his hand on Randy's shoulder, surprising Randy when he turns around]"

"Murderuss: I am not going to be putting a bomb under somebody's town car. You know me, I'm up close and personal, face-to-face.
 * Monk repeatedly ending his sentences with "Over" when communicating with Stottlemeyer over a walkie-talkie.
 * At one point, Monk  washes his hands.
 * This exchange between Murderous and Randy Disher in "Mr Monk and The Rapper":

Lt. Randall Disher: Well, not according to this. [produces a CD, which he puts down on the table] Track 4. A little song called "Car Bomb." [imitates rapping] "Ch, ch, ch. I put the bomb in your limo, that's what the surprise is / Under your seat, like Oprah giving prizes." Sound familiar?

Murderuss: Not the way you do it.

Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, well, I wasn't really performing it.

Murderuss: Look, you got to be one of the whitest white boys I've ever met. And I've met Kevin Costner."

"Adrian Monk: Hi, um, we're looking for this woman. [flashes a photo of Marilyn]
 * A great one from "Mr. Monk and the Bully", when Monk is trying to bribe a bartender into revealing information about his target:

Bartender: You a cop?

Adrian Monk: No, no. Just an old friend.

Bartender: Haven't seen her.

Adrian Monk: OK. [Monk pulls out a $1 dollar bill and puts it on the counter] Maybe General Washington can refresh your memory? [He waves his hand over the dollar bill as if attempting to perform a magic trick]

Bartender: Is that a dollar?

Adrian Monk: [slowly winks] Okay, I get it. Who knows? Maybe there are [puts a quarter down] two General Washingtons. [The bartender walks away]"

"[while arresting the twin]
 * A moment with Randy, later:

Lt. Randall Disher: How do we tell them apart? [Marilyn coughs up salt water] Say "aunt."

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy? Let's arrest the one that wasn't drowning.

Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, uh, that works too. [Stottlemeyer handcuffs the twin]"

"[after arresting Rob Sherman for murder]
 * Randy has his moments in "Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees"**

Lt. Randall Disher: Backup disk. Oh, and I printed off a copy.

Captain Stottlemeyer: [takes the photo; to Sherman] Ah. You and your friend take a very nice, very incriminating picture.

Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, I put it on a mug, too. [shows the mug]

Captain Stottlemeyer: What for?

Lt. Randall Disher: Well I figure the jury might appreciate it. They're human. They get thirsty. "Exhibit A. Thank you very much." [takes an imaginary sip from the mug] "Mmmm, guilty.""

"[Adrian, Jack, and Natalie have interviewed prison guard Daniel Reese at his house and are leaving]
 * A funny moment in "Mr. Monk's Other Brother" (also an Oh Crap moment):

Jack Monk, Jr.: Are you sure?

Adrian Monk: I'm 80% sure he's the guy. [Reese immediately opens fire on them from the roof and everyone dives behind a tool rack] I'm 95% sure!"


 * In "Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend," that scene where Randy mistakes Natalie's mention of confident information as meaning to say that she is in love with him, much to Natalie's annoyance.
 * Later, a scene where Monk sabotages Stottlemeyer's interrogation by pretending to be an FBI agent, but fails miserably, calling out the suspect's drinking and her moonlighting as a waitress.


 * Always a gem: those scenes in "Mr. Monk Goes to the Bank". First, Randy tries to unfreeze a living statue performer who may or may not have seen a bank robbery with some unusual and totally bizarre antics. Later, Natalie tries even more unusual methods in a failed attempt to unfreeze Randy at the police station.


 * In both "Mr. Monk is on the Run" parts, there are some pretty amusing moments:
 * In "Part One", Natalie has to use a drill to take off Monk's handcuffs and jumpsuit, and to explain the purpose of the drill to Randy, she pretends that her blender broke and makes an unusually bizarre smoothie. Randy obviously notices the oil, since this is the type of heavy-duty drill used in construction.
 * In "Part Two", that scene where Randy is playing his funeral song for Stottlemeyer, which is fifteen verses long and does not seem to be documenting Monk's "death" until near the end. To spare himself more, Stottlemeyer cracks and confesses that Monk is alive.

"Honest Ramone: Hey Jake, can you see me? [chuckles]"
 * A few in "Mr. Monk Buys a House":
 * This one, when Jake's assistant Ramone cuts a small hole in the wall with a reciprocating saw.


 * The scene where Stottlemeyer and Disher tap Morse code messages to each other on a door.