Once Bitten

Once Bitten (1985) is a Comedy Spoof of the Vampire Seducer genre.

It was a vehicle for the very early career of Jim Carrey, who played Mark, sex-minded teenage boy in love with his girlfriend Robin, who was a good girl and wouldn't put out, keeping them both virgins.

Along came the mysterious and beautiful Countess (Lauren Hutton), an ancient vampire who needed the blood of a male virgin to stay young and beautiful -- but it's The Eighties, and where is a vampire going to find a male virgin in Los Angeles?!

Mark, frustrated by Robin's refusal to give him any, goes into LA. The Countess spots him, and decides to take his blood for her youth and add him to her coterie of immortal teenage vampires. Robin knows something's up -- will The Power of Love be enough to pull Mark back from the clutches of an undead seductress?

"Sebastian: "I came out of the closet years ago.""
 * Age Without Youth: The Countess' fate when she isn't able to drink from Mark the third time -- in time.
 * Auto Erotica: Mark seeing the parking lot of cars bouncing and shaking with other people having sex after getting the cold shoulder from Robin. Ouch... just ouch.
 * Bad Humor Truck: Mark has an after school job as an ice cream truck driver -- but his partial transformation into a vampire terrifies all the children away from him.
 * Camp Gay: The Countess' mortal manservant, Sebastian.

"Mark: I'm not wearing a costume!"
 * Clap Your Hands If You Believe : The Countess, being an atheist, is unaffected by the cross.
 * Death by Sex: Inverted, as sex is what saves Mark's life. And dooms the Countess to being an old woman.
 * Don't Come a-Knockin' The only thing to get Robin finally to put out is the realization that if she doesn't, the Countess will turn Mark into a vampire.
 * The Eighties: Complete with Unfortunate Implications and some rather unfortunate gay jokes that might make the more enilghtened of the 21st century shake their heads.
 * Even Evil Has Standards: Aside from Mark, the oldest male virgin the Countess's minions could track down is eleven. The Countess is repulsed by the idea of biting a pre-teen.
 * Fetish Fuel: A lot of people found Lauren Hutton in the Zatanna-esque fishnets magician woman costume deadly hot.
 * Robin's costume looked pretty good too, once she ditched the skirt and overcoat.
 * For Halloween I Am Going as Myself: Inverted. Mark shows up at the costume party in all black and everyone thinks he has come as a vampire, except Robin, who is upset he didn't bother to be Jack to her Jill.

"Robin: He doesn't want you because you're mean and evil. He wants me because I'm nice and sweet and pure. So fuck off!"
 * Good Smoking, Evil Smoking: Good girl Robin and Mark share an inexplicably appearing after-sex cigarette in the coffin now that she's been the ultimate good girl and given him sex to save his life.
 * Guilty Pleasures: It's one of those So Bad It's Good or absolutely awful movies.
 * Hey, It's That Guy!: Sebastian is Sheriff Bart.
 * The librarian sang with The Juicy Fruits.
 * Hilarious in Hindsight: Jim Carrey's vampire garb late in the film looks exactly like Edward Cullen. Including the hair.
 * Kiss of the Vampire: The Countess' bite is enough to generate euphoria, strange dreams, and partial amnesia on Mark's part.
 * A Man Is Not a Virgin: Subverted. Not only is Mark a virgin, but so are his two best friends, not for lack of trying.
 * The librarian still makes fun of Mark, saying that if he's an 18-year old virgin, a vampire trying to get him should be the least of his worries.
 * Mate or Die: If Mark loses his virginity before the Countess can drink from him for the third time, his blood becomes worthless to her.
 * Mistaken For Gay: A now controversial scene played for laughs. Robin asks Mark's friends to check if Mark has been bitten. In this case, the Countess bit him on the inner thigh. They wait until they are in the showers with Mark and rush him in an attempt to check. Prompting the other jocks to label them gay. Later on Mark talks to them about it, saying that they could have asked. Prompting them to be horrified at the thought that they may actually be gay.
 * My Girl Is Not a Slut: Robin pretty much embodies this, to Mark's frustration.
 * Nature Abhors a Virgin: The movie begins with Robin balking at going all the way.
 * Our Ghouls Are Creepier: Played for Laughs as Mark's transformation progresses. He stays cute despite the preference for fresh blood.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: The Countess needs a virgin's blood to keep her youth and beauty. She likes men, so it has to be a male virgin.
 * Precision F-Strike: Robin for the win:

"Russ: I'm a mature person, and you're a mature person, so why don't we just skip all of the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions and do what we really wanna do?"
 * Running Gag: Russ getting shot down after his well-practiced come-on speech:

"The Countess: {incredulous} You've had less than a minute!"
 * And Butt Monkey Jamie being afraid of everything from dating to being gay.
 * Sliding Scale of Vampire Friendliness: Despite needing a virgin "sacrifice", the countess and her coven seemed to be in the middle of friendliness scale. As befits a light comedy, the death in her wake was a big 'ol zero, and there were no morality shifts or ravening thirst. The Countess herself was pretty friendly for an evil seductress, and two girls from the coterie and Mark's friends got on pretty well.
 * Poke the Poodle: About the only "evil" thing the Countess did was to push over an old lady and a nun who were in her way -- the latter of which was merely someone in a costume.
 * Smoking Hot Sex: After Mark and Robin have sex to save him from The Countess, they both come out of the coffin smoking cigarettes. Mark especially giving out a large grin only Jim Carrey could pull off.
 * Speed Sex: How Mark and Robin eventually render him ineligible for the Countess's attentions.


 * Vampires Are Sex Goddesses: In a last ditch effort to sway Mark, the Countess offers him pleasures he's never known as both a mortal, a virgin and a teenager.
 * Vampire Dance: Robin and the Countess have a dance-off/tug of war over and with Mark -- to a song called "Hands Off," yet.
 * Virgin Power: The only reason the Countess is interested in Mark -- because his virgin blood keeps her young and beautiful.
 * Virus Victim Symptoms: In uncomfortable places.