Better Than It Sounds/Film B


 * : Naive kid attempts to be something he's not and impresses a few different species.
 * : That naive kid travels away from home and makes friends with more species.
 * : A working-class ditz bears the child of a professional woman. Hilarity Ensues.
 * : Thanks to a discontinued sports car, a boy nearly commits incest with his mother after teaching his father how to use violence. All their lives improve as a result.
 * Alternatively: Eccentric old loner helps his friend’s father hook up with a teen-aged girl.
 * : A young man uses a discontinued sports car to visit his children. Someone steals the car to get himself a sports almanac and then returns it. This changes all reality.
 * : Two people plan a train robbery in order to conduct a scientific experiment and escape a gunfight. A canyon is named after Clint Eastwood.
 * : World's worst participants in a faked sport make the big time.
 * : Novice prostitute joins forces with insensitive playboy and embittered family man to hunt down foreign exchange villain.
 * : Insensitive playboy tries to join the family of the embittered man while the two are hunting down another foreign exchange villain.
 * : Two Spanish clowns fight. A trumpet gets broken and a roast chicken beat up.
 * : Casablanca WITH STRIPPERS! For most, as bad as it sounds.
 * : Man leads communist revolution and overthrows corrupt government in order to impress a girl.
 * : Crazy guy from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest organizes city's anniversary celebrations whilst attempting to woo attractive photographer. Beetlejuice demonstrates the practical applications of his awesome toys.
 * : Corrupt Corporate Executive sponsors disfigured Abandoned Child's mayoral campaign. Meanwhile, concussed woman attempts to seduce Beetlejuice by wearing skin-tight leather and beating him up. All this while lots of terrorists who once worked in show business get their asses kicked.
 * That small guy from Taxi and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest tries to destroy a city because of Parental Abandonment, with the help of that guy who dances in that one Fatboy Slim video. His gang includes that tall guy from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.
 * : Jim Morrison fights two men disputing on who is the largest ham in the film: one who got smarter due to a thing that looks like a giant blender, and a disfigured one who paints himself pink. For some, as bad as it sounds.
 * : Billionaire argues with hormone-crazed sidekick about the sexual intentions of a Well Intentioned Extremist while their butler is dying of a terminal disease that the wife of a now-mad scientist whom the extremist teams up with happens to have. And the butler's niece snoops around a lot. For many, as bad as it sounds, if not worse.
 * : Welsh ninja detective fights Irish ninja and Irish mad scientist that wears a bag on his head.
 * On top of it, said ninja falls in love with an undergraduate of Law school that pretends she's a District Attorney, and has his combat equipment designed by Miss Daisy's driver. Meanwhile, Lothos insists that everybody at work "get the memo."
 * : While not pretending to be a rude and obnoxious corporate executive, a ninja detective fights a Monster Clown and a deformed lawyer who has trouble making decisions by himself, and puts to rest once and for all that wiretapping really does work.
 * Also: part of the clown's plan is ruined by Deebo from Friday.
 *  : A middle-aged billionaire and his teenage "ward" run around in tights, kicking and punching a variety of garishly-dressed people who speak in cheesy puns.
 * : A bunch of water-loving visitors drop by for a swim on the beach and tour of prime coastal properties. Billions die.
 * : A Japanese High School class has to fight to the death, or their heads will explode.
 * Alternatively, a class goes on a field trip; most don't make it back.
 * Or - Lord of the Flies on a cocktail of hallucinogenic pills, a few spoons of paranoia fuel, and a good measure of Nightmare Fuel.
 * : New Yorkers threatened by contagious dinosaur.
 * : Young woman is captured by violent fanged monster, and talks to furniture and crockery. Fortunately, she convinces her captor to not be such an ass, and everyone lives Happily Ever After. Except for a Bruce Campbell lookalike, who falls off a building.
 * Or, French woman gets kidnapped and develops Stockholm Syndrome.
 * : Nice dead people try to scare living people from a house. Also, a decomposing pervert with an identity crisis falls madly in love with a teenage girl and tries to marry her.
 * : Two people meet on a train. They do not plan a murder. They are both exactly who they claim. There are no series of humorous misunderstandings. They just talk for a bit and then have sex.
 * : Sequel to the above and exactly the same except in Paris.
 * : A chronically unemployed puppeteer finds a magical portal that facilitates the unwilling Mind Rape of a notable character actor for 15-minute spurts. The traumatic experience is repeated frequently for laughs. Because of this, the Actor facilitates marital infidelity, spousal abuse, stalking, lesbianism, fraud, corporate theft, and the potential immortality of Gary Sinise. It's okay, though, because there's monkeys.
 *  : An Idiot Plot.
 *  : Loose tile makes man lose his best friend, get arrested, and enter the world of racing.
 *  : Swede with Cockney accent fights monsters, yells often. Sex with unmarried women invariably leads to death. Glory is achieved by having your son violently murdered and/or tearing out your son's heart with your bare hands.
 * : Man loses everything, and, with the help of a man from first-century Palestine, gets his life back together.
 * : A bunch of people go to a dog show.
 * : Sensitive, eccentric android builds artificial organs and replaces his insides with them over a 200-year period in hopes of becoming human . Also, he likes making clocks.
 * : Reasonable man attempts to rationally settle land dispute and gets branded a coward for his trouble.
 * : Jewish baseball player's namesake defrauds an entire bureaucracy just to get into Buffy's pants. It doesn't work, but along the way he does develop a protective instinct toward a foreigner who is often required to wear dark glasses.
 * : Dude gets his rug peed on, and then has to fight a bunch of nihilists.
 * The prostitute has been kidnapped by nihilists. Are you a bad enough Dude to rescue the prostitute?
 * Alternatively: Stoner and his violent buddy fail to solve a non-mystery. Also, bowling, a cowboy and a pederast.
 * : A trucker gets entangled in a kung-fu movie, and accidentally stabs a would-be bigamist in the head.
 * : Time-Travelling George Carlin ditches his stand-up career to help two So-Cal losers cheat on their homework. They meet in the parking lot of a convenience store and, well, you can imagine where it goes from there. Napoleon is a fat bastard who eats too much ice cream and cheats children in meaningless competitions. Well, at least that part was accurate.
 * : Losers attempt to stop evil android duplicates with the help of a Supernatural Bald Dude and two disfigured midgets from beyond the stars.
 * : Idiot goes back to school.
 * : Family of liberal Southerners must stage bizarre deception to avoid angering family of conservative Northerners. The ruse is assisted by an illegal alien named after a man who was crucified (no, not that one).
 *  : Poorly-animated exploding birds decide to suicide bomb a crappy romance movie because of Global Warming. They are fought off using coat hangers.
 * : A crazy ballerina who still lives with her mother sleeps with Meg.
 * ': Based on a comic book, the black guy in White Men Can't Jump kills people who don't like sunlight.
 * : Special police officer searches for criminals seeking their parents. Fans try guessing his true nature and are doomed to fail.
 * Alternately: A mostly retired hit-man falls in love with a woman he might have to kill.
 * Alternatively: A weary cop questions himself as he hunts down, shoots, and occasionally forces himself upon four-year-olds.
 * : A man from the '60s is transplanted into the '90s. Hilarity Ensues.
 * : A small town in the old west gets the last sheriff it would ever want thanks to the machinations of a corrupt government official who is frequently mixed up with a famous actress. The sheriff manages to keep order with the help of a drunk and some tricks taken right out of a Merrie Melodies cartoon. The climactic fight is so violent it shatters the Fourth Wall.
 * : Pics or it didn't happen.
 * : Two ex-con musicians try to pull off a Get Rich Quick Scheme and antagonize everyone they come across.
 * : Musician rebuilds old ties with family, friends, and cops, and has dealings with the supernatural.
 * : Kyle MacLachlan likes hiding in women's closets. Dennis Hopper likes horrible beer. Isabella Rosselini likes being beaten. Laura Dern likes birds.
 * : A hotel owner cheats on his wife, the kitchen staff fight, some people fall in love on the day of their wedding, Tony Hopkins plays chess with Harry Bellafonte, a woman goes shopping, Ashton Kutcher punks Shia Laboeuf with LSD, one guy is mean to a journalist, and this other guy barely appears and then gets shot dead.
 * : A TV actor who's way too into his role hitchhikes from New York to Hollywood with a sarcastic homeless woman and his biggest fan.
 *  He's a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking Cowboy Cop from Québec. He's a square-headed, stick in the mud, by the book cop from Ontario. They Fight Crime.
 * : Naive young man stumbles into a career which requires him to have lots of sex with attractive young women. After having sex with his drug-addicted mother figure, he attempts to start an eighties rock band but winds up a drug-addicted prostitute and failure.
 * : Badass totes  across what is very definitely not the Capital Wasteland. He is accompanied by Meg Griffin and hunted by Commissioner Gordon. Tom Waits briefly shows up.
 * : Two brothers, along with a sandwich delivery boy and a coffee-loving FBI agent, examine questions of morality and legality while cursing profusely. Their estranged father, an Irish comedian, puts their doubts to rest.
 * : An eccentric foreigner with a strong accent travels across America making everyone feel uncomfortable.
 * : As above, but with gay jokes. Lots and lots of gay jokes.
 * : Secret agent with amnesia wanders around much of the world, beats up other secret agents and others who are after him, and all the while tries to remember who he really is.
 * : Guy proves to have mercy. This causes him to be shot and Left for Dead.
 * : The Incredible Journey with appliances.
 * : The characters of the above film fight animal cruelty.
 * : The same guys are IN SPACE!
 * : A bureaucrat tries to get some loose paperwork errors corrected, and maybe get his air conditioning repaired in the process.
 * Alternately, 1984 as directed by Monty Python.
 * : Five teenagers with problems waste a Saturday proving that they're even less unique than they thought.
 * : A group of people want to blow up a bridge, and another group wants to stop them. Tension occurs. The group that wants to blow up the bridge has decided on this course of action long before the bridge is finished. And this bridge is being built by perfectionists who place their workmanship on the bridge above all else.
 * : Heiress attempts to woo paleontologist with use of leopard. Complications ensue.
 * : Sweet-natured but unsuccessful Broadway promoter escorts mob-connected girlfriend of one of his acts to a social function and incurs the wrath of lovelorn gangster. She betrays him in a business deal but he forgives her.
 * : Two cowboys look after some sheep. It turns into an angsty Slash Fic.
 * Or: If it had pudding, a movie foretold by South Park.
 * : God Morgan Freeman goes on vacation, leaving Jim Carrey in charge. Hilarity Ensues.
 * : An aging Elvis Presley and the reincarnated John F. Kennedy fight a zombie, who is picking off the residents of a senior's home.
 * : Guy accidentally destroys a food offering. To prevent the violent consequences of such act, he hires a circus troupe.
 * Alternatively: Animated Adaptation of The Seven Samurai.
 * : A mid-western writer gets his big break in the theater. The overseer his play's "angel" gives him ends up rewriting the entire work; he is much better at playwriting than the playwright. During the first showing of the play on Broadway, this overseer is terminated with prejudice for excising the reason the "angel" funded the play.
 * : A quiet, privacy-minded family from Eastern Europe move to next door to a Crazy Survivalist, a meddling oaf, and Princess Leia. Hilarity Ensues over misunderstandings over their intentions. Tom Hanks does not turn into a kid, does not have AIDS, isn't retarded, and isn't stranded in the middle of the ocean.
 * : A mopey college student and her Autistic brother spend a rainy day inside, with the new family pet.