How to Kill a Character

''Need to have a character buy the farm? It's easy! Just:''


 * 1) Put them in red clothes: For throwaway characters and warriors and young girls a fatal choice of fashion.
 * 2) Inflict them with Genre Blindness.
 * 3) Or with too much Genre Savviness
 * 4) Get 'em laid.
 * 5) ...preferably by the main character.
 * 6) Put them on "point".
 * 7) Let them be completely happy for a minute.
 * 8) Hire Tim Minear. Or Joss Whedon. Or both.
 * 9) Make them do something -- anything -- noble.
 * 10) Make them more interesting than the lead.
 * 11) Have a Ratings slump.
 * 12) Convince the actor to argue with the executive producer.
 * 13) Make it very plain that the character can not die.
 * 14) Announce that they are retiring from a life of public service in two weeks.
 * 15) Let them goof up when they're working for the Big Bad.
 * 16) Alternatively, let the Big Bad decide that they have outlived their usefulness.
 * 17) Let them have a change of heart and switch sides to fight with the heroes.
 * 18) Send them out of doors on a partly cloudy day, especially near sunrise or sunset.
 * 19) Let them show a picture of their sweetheart (or their baby) to the rest of The Squad.
 * 20) Flash forward to their deathbed, years later.
 * 21) Cast a very old or infirm actor, and wait for them to die.
 * 22) Give them critical information to deliver to the main characters.
 * 23) Offer them some Schmuck Bait.
 * 24) Have them chase the heroes across a Rope Bridge.
 * 25) Get them a job at a Dangerous Workplace with No OSHA Compliance.
 * 26) Let the hero come and visit their boss.
 * 27) Assign them to operate the Explosive Instrumentation.
 * 28) Protect them with lots of safety equipment.
 * 29) Introduce them to the Bolivian army.
 * 30) Throw a sixteenth birthday party for them.
 * 31) Cue up a Really Dead Montage.
 * 32) Relocate them to Tokyo...
 * 33) ... or to a town where nothing exciting ever happens.
 * 34) Have them go out of their way to be mean to everyone.
 * 35) Cast them as the villain in a Disney film.
 * 36) Give them that secret potion, the one that turns you into a monster. Because What Measure Is a Non Human, really?
 * 37) Let them fall below the Bishonen Line.
 * 38) Enlist them in the armed forces in a monster/disaster movie.
 * 39) Draw them a Candlelit Bath.
 * 40) Send them down a river.
 * 41) Make them the Sacrificial Lamb used to establish a unique reputation for your show.
 * 42) Chase them into the street without giving them time to Look Both Ways.
 * 43) Have another character curse their existence.
 * 44) Write when you're having a bad day.
 * 45) Hire Ron Marz. (Though this is hit-or-miss. You might just end up with the hero's girlfriend stuffed in a refrigerator.)
 * 46) Have them uncover the Masquerade or discover the hero's Secret Identity when the plot doesn't make it convenient for them to do so.
 * 47) Make them a main character's double from an alternate universe.
 * 48) Cast them as the main character's pilot or chauffer.
 * 49) Make them a mentor who is more powerful than the hero.
 * 50) Have them visit the hero's hometown after the hero refuses the Call.
 * 51) Become a writer for the franchise, and write that character's death.
 * 52) Become an executive for that franchise, and order that character killed off.
 * 53) Make them reveal their homosexuality.
 * 54) Sign them up for the sequel.
 * 55) Assign them the job of mentoring a hero.
 * 56) Put them "in the way" of your One True Pairing.
 * 57) Stop selling their toy.
 * 58) Hire Yoshiyuki Tomino.
 * Alternatively, hire Gen Urobuchi.
 * 1) Send them to a place that gets snow.
 * 2) Hit them with everything from every direction.
 * 3) Hire R.A. Salvatore. With Troy Denning and Karen Traviss on backing vocals.
 * 4) Have them say "I'll be right back." Might not kill them, but it will make a liar out of them at least.
 * 5) Have someone say words to the effect of "We couldn't do without him."
 * 6) Have them be the hero's best friend.
 * 7) Or even better, a love interest.
 * 8) Make them be a Mook. Especially one without a name or wearing a mask.
 * 9) Write them as such a Mary Sue that the audience demands they be killed off as a pointless annoyance.
 * 10) Have them kidnap someone's kids.
 * 11) Have them betray the hero. They won't survive that, right?

...but really, Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him?