Family Fortunes/Funny

Bob Monkhouse (1980-83)
"Bob: We asked 100 people to name something blue.
 * A few famous ones he would later quote in his stand-up routine:

Northern Irish woman: Is it my cardigan?

Bob: ...Let's see if it's up there!"

"Bob: We asked 100 people to name a bird with long legs.
 * Another:

Contestant: Sharon Stone!"

"Bob: We asked 100 people to name a dangerous race (as in the different horse races)
 * And this one was reportedly cut from the recording:

Contestant: ARABS!"

"Bob: This is the warm hearted British public for you... on New Year's Eve!"
 * The New Years 1983 edition had a question along the lines of 'Name something wicked that you've always wanted to do'. Not all of the answers were revealed, and when they were, the bottom answer given was 'Shoot your neighbour'

"Bob: Aren't we proud of our British institution?"
 * Another one had the question 'Name a form of transport you wouldn't want to travel on'. As with the above, not all the answers were given, and once they were, British Rail was given as the bottom answer.

"Bob: This is Family Fortunes. I think you want The Krypton Factor."
 * At the start of one episode when he was introducing the families, one of the girls said that they would like to run an assault course (or something on the lines of that), leading to this.

"Bob: *goes over and hugs the man, still laughing* I love you... oh my God... *after a little more laughing* An answer like that can get you badly battered, I'll tell you that..."
 * One episode had the question "Name something that uses micro-chips". One of the two contestants buzzes in with the answer "Fish fryer" before catching himself and realizing just what he had said, prompting the audience to burst into a fit of laughter and having Bob looking at the camera with a huge WTF expression.


 * Topped off with Bob not even bothering to ask the computer for the answer - the X just comes on silently.

Max Bygraves (1983-85)

 * 1983: The "Turkey" incident is perhaps one of the best known incidents from this show, even to Americans. It was actually a ham-fisted attempt at cheating; the contestant's headphones weren't working, so he heard his teammate give "Chicken" to one question, and kept answering "Turkey" because he figured it would get some points as well.
 * "Name something you do when visitors are expected." Sounds simple enough, right? Except that the contestant had an incredibly thick accent, and Max couldn't quite understand him, assuming his answer was "a Northern expression." The answer given? "Bake." As in "bake a cake."

Les Dennis (1987-2002)
"Les: Name something people take from hotels as a souvenir.
 * An odd example:

(contestant buzzes-in)

Les: Ann.

Ann: The lamps.

Les: The lamps...

(everyone starts laughing)

Les: This is experience talking, is it, Ann?

(she nods)"

"Les: We surveyed 100 people and asked them to name a way of toasting someone.
 * This instance:

(contestant buzzes-in)

Les: Michelle!

Michelle: Over a fire.

(audience laughs)

Les: I tell ya what...if it's up there, I'll give you the money meself--over a fire!

(board reveals the #5 answer "Grill", worth 12 points)

Les: Oh, no!

(audience cheers and applauds)

Les: I owe you £12! That's the first time that's ever happened!"

"Les: Name a game you can play in bed.
 * Still another instance:

(contestant buzzes-in) I Spy.

(Les, the contestants, and the audience all laugh)

Les: I Spy!

(The board reveals "I Spy" as the number one answer; Les makes a Flat What expression as the audience whoops and cheers)"

"Les: We asked 100 people to name a famous "Arthur."
 * I Thought It Meant...

(buzz-in)

Les: Kenny!

Kenny: Er...Shakespeare.

Les: Arthur Shakespeare...?"

"Les: We asked 100 people to name something associated with The X Files.
 * Apparently The X Files isn't that big across the pond...

(Long, awkward pause as no one buzzes in. The audience starts laughing.)

Les: We could show you an episode while we're waiting for an answer...(noticing the male contestant looking at the female contestant)...what are you looking at her for? You can't ask her advice! You're playing against her!

(buzz-in)

Les: Oh! Mel!

Mel: Television!

(Les and the audience laugh.)"

"Les: Name something you stroke.
 * You'd think "Name a character from Alice in Wonderland would be an easy answer, right? But the first buzz-in answer given was "The Tin Man." From The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Even poor Les looked like he needed to pour himself a stiff drink.
 * Another instance of mishearing the question:

Contestant: You stroke a match.

Les: Stroke a match, do you?

(everyone laughs)

Les: (pretending to hold a match and stroking "it"') Come on! Come on! (pointing at "it") You're my favorite match!"

"Les: Name something people have more than two of on their body:
 * Odd anatomy:

(contestant buzzes in)

Les: Eddy?

Eddy: Arms.

(everyone laughs)

Les: More than two arms you've got, Eddy?"

"Les: Name something that comes in sevens.
 * And another:

(after a brief pause, a contestant buzzes in.)

Les: Caroline?

Caroline: Fingers.

(as everyone laughs, Les counts his fingers on his hands and tries to look at Caroline's hands.)"

Andy Collins (2002)

 * (Nothing as of yet, but here just in case.)

Vernon Kay (2006-Present)
"Vernon: Name a type of bean.
 * Circa 2006-07: From a celebrity episode...

Brian Dowling: Baked bean.

(buzzer sounds)

Vernon: Another one.

Brian: LESBIAN!

(the survey board was nice enough to show his answer as "Les Bean")"

"Vernon: Name something you do in a lift.
 * Another celebrity episode...

Melinda Messenger: Press a button?

(buzzer sounds)

Vernon: Another one.

Melinda: Uh, pass.

(As that was the last survey question...) Vernon: Name something you do in a lift.

Melinda: Uh, wee.

(Vernon makes a "are you kidding me?" face as Melinda claims to never have done so.)"