Get Medieval

"Once upon a time, long, long ago in a faraway land, a spaceship landed on Earth."

Get Medieval is a Web Comic about a group of Human Aliens - anthropology student Asher Hane, his former mob boss father, Torquel Hane, Torquel's current wife Iroth Rousel, his accountant Neithe Wen, and Iroth's bodyguard, Oneder - landing on Earth in 14th century France for what should've been a quick refueling stop. When their ship is attacked by natives (in this case French knights and soldiers) who seemingly take down Oneder, Torquel panics and takes off in their ship (only to make a forced landing and be captured by Muslim holy warriors), leaving the others stranded and forced to make their own way. Most of the comic focuses on Asher and Neithe, with Neithe trying to make the best of the situation and Asher determined to find a way off this "backwater planet", eventually settling with Sir Gerard, a French nobleman, and his family.

After concluding the story, the artist, Irony-Chan, added a commentary rerun, eventually going through the entire series again. Irony had two false starts on a new webcomic (Dumnestor's Heroes and Knowledge Is Power) and tried to settle into a consistent pace with Interstellar Tea House before being Cut Short with a Series Hiatus in July 2013 caused by real life events interfering with the comic.


 * Asskicking Equals Authority: Who died and left the Nameless Knight (actually Torquel) boss? "Dude," he's boss because he was Badass enough to deliberately dislocate his own thumbs to slip his hands out of the chains.
 * Aw, Look -- They Really Do Love Each Other: Torquel & Iroth
 * Also, Celeste is delighted to learn that her dad isn't dead as she was told. Awwww.
 * Bee-Bee Gun: Asher's idea of catapulting beehives into the castle to flush the occupants out.
 * Bee-ological warfare.
 * Berserk Button: Never tell Asher he's just like his father.
 * Best Her to Bed Her: Rylede is a subversion, in that she beat her love interest in combat, causing him to fall for her. They seem quite happy together.
 * Beware the Nice Ones: Gesh was Santa Claus at Torquel's company parties.
 * Big Bad: Broat
 * Bratty Teenage Daughter: Celeste
 * Brick Joke: The ten-dollar bet. Neithe has totally forgotten about it, and is bewildered when Asher pays up.
 * Also, the very last thing Asher said to his girlfriend before the story begins was "Don't forget to clean the catbox!" At the end of the story, heading back to Earth, he tells Neithe his cat needs feeding twice a day, "and don't forget to clean his box!" After a beat, he turns back to Neithe, hugs her, and says, "You're my friend, and I'll miss you."
 * Carnival of Killers: The "Extraterrestrial Mob Assassins" storyline.
 * Cassandra Truth: When Gerard first tells Eleanor where he's just been.
 * Dysfunctional Family: Asher, Torquel, and Iroth
 * Did Not Do the Research: Averted; Irony-chan is a history geek. She freely admits when she throws it out the window if it makes a good joke, instead.
 * Emo Teen: Celeste. She considers becoming a nun out of spite, but as the abbess put it, "One should take vows because one wishes to serve God, not because one is going through puberty and hates His creation."
 * Face Palm: Lots.
 * Failure Is the Only Option: Asher's various attempts to build a signal device.
 * Fantastic Anthropologist: Asher was studying to become one for less advanced planets. Thus he's well-prepared to provide a reasonable outsider's perspective on 14th century Earth culture. And hey, at least he's getting a lot of field-work experience, right?
 * Foreshadowing: In strip #731, Sir Gerard gives a very good one: "I'd return via the Moon if that could avoid it."
 * Even better: strip 380, when Neithe says it'd be possible to teach Sir Gerard to fly a spaceship, foreshadows strip 798, well over a year later, when they need to teach Sir Gerard to....
 * The Guards Must Be Crazy: When somebody points with a hand that should be chained to the wall but isn't, you're a sap if you turn to look where he's pointing.
 * Happily Married: Sir Gerard & Lady Eleanor
 * Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Belle
 * Human Aliens
 * With a Lampshade Hanging here.
 * If You Ever Hurt Her: By a little boy in the paper-copy-only story "Milady's Contract," with regard to his sister. "You break her heart, I'm gonna break your fuckin' knees! Pardon my English."
 * Innuendo Backfire: Asher's first encounter with Belle.
 * In the Name of the Moon: Kaguya apparently pioneered this as well as You Gotta Have Blue Hair (see below), according to a side-story in the print version. One of the pirates she threatened with "In the Name of the Moon, I shall punish you!" called it a dumb line, but another said, "I dunno, it's kinda catchy."
 * Karma Houdini
 * Like Brother and Sister: Asher & Neithe. Notably, they're never even mistaken for a couple. All in all they're more Platonic Life Partners, but it's noted the monks who took them in immediately assumed they were brother and sister (because of the way Neithe would regularly kick Asher's arse).
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: Though the vast majority disappear after their relevant story arc.
 * The Mafia: In Space!
 * Mama Bear: Lady Eleanor
 * The Masochism Tango: Torquel & Iroth
 * The Middle Ages
 * Missing Episode: For a while, the archive was missing great swaths of strips for the dates of late '05 and the end of the comic. Eventually corrected with the commentary updates.
 * Morally-Ambiguous Ducktorate: All of the waterfowl of Earth are evil, as far as we see. A cast list Irony-chan posted confirms that they are. "Unadulterated evil."
 * Never Heard That One Before: Ex-lawyers.
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: A side-story included in the print version has Kaguya witness the teaming up of a band each of ninja, pirates, and samurai -- last seen confronting "a forty storey firebreathing lizard ... heading for Edo!" "You goin' down, lizard!"
 * No Periods, Period: Averted by Celeste warning, "Yt is thatte tyme of ye moonthe!"
 * Noodle Incident: "Do you remember the last time we thought Torquel Hane was dead?"
 * Only Known by Their Nickname: Kaguya
 * Broat addressed her as "Miss Freitnor" (twice). An FAQ in the dead-tree version states that her name, presumably her given name, is Breony. Oh, and Professor Daren referred to her as Breony once. However, she told Torquel that Kaguya-hime was the only name she'd give to criminal masterminds.
 * Out with a Bang: Some anonymous who died off-page.
 * Perfectly Arranged Marriage: Subverted very sweetly in the dead-tree-only side-story "Milady's Contract." Eleanor was arranged to marry Gerard's Jerkass older brother Armand, but then Gerard managed to lawyer a way she could marry him instead. Adds a touch of Hypocritical Humor to Sir Gerard's insistence that Celeste had to marry someone he chose for her.
 * Platonic Life Partners: Asher & Neithe.
 * Platonic Prostitution: Asher's first night with Belle.
 * Psycho for Hire: Gesh, Rylede and Spot (though Gesh seems to be MUCH saner than the other two).
 * Psychopathic Manchild: Spot
 * Rock Beats Laser: A starship armed with Frickin' Laser Beams vs. a particularly large and well-aimed crossbow bolt.
 * Say It with Hearts: Iroth, when she smooth-talks the Duc d'Orleans into holding a tournament for her birthday.
 * Screw the rules, I just gave the pope a nice present http://get-medieval.livejournal.com/264753.html#cutid1
 * Shout-Out: Numerous. The prologue written for the first dead-tree volume is a parody of the Gilligan's Island theme. Mention is made of Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein at one of the tournaments (of course, there was a real Sir Ulrich, but he lived a century before). And then there's Oneder channeling Samuel L. Jackson regarding snakes on a train.
 * Or when Asher wakes up screaming from a dream about a flock of swallows dropping coconuts....
 * There's also the squire William of Preston and his friend Theodore.
 * Sweet Polly Oliver:, to build a good and independent life despite the culture of the time, and thanks to inspiration from Asher. This works so well that in the Where Are They Now? Epilogue, we learn that eventually,  . Though the author won't tell us which one, historically speaking (or she'd no longer be able to blackmail the Vatican...)
 * Took a Level In Badass: Asher, to the astonishment of everyone. Including himself. "Wait... am I winning?"
 * What Happened to the Mouse?: Oneder is infamously missing from the Where Are They Now? Epilogue
 * What Might Have Been: The main character was supposed to be Neithe, with Asher as her sidekick/foil. Asher proved the more interesting character so Ironychan went with him.
 * Wholesome Crossdresser: Duc d'Orleans;
 * You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Kaguya's naturally pink hair. Lampshaded when we learn that she may have been the original inspiration behind the trend of oddly-coloured hair in Anime, and Justified by the fact that genetic engineering was common on her planet (which also made her the victim of a form of Fantastic Racism).