Myths Retold

Blog by "The Great Ovid" in which he recounts myths and legends from various cultures in his own irreverent vernacular. Also features some multi-part video retellings.

The mythologies covered on the blog include Classical Mythology, Norse Mythology, The Bible, Arthurian Mythology, Fairy Tales, Celtic Mythology, Arabian Nights, Native American Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Hindu Mythology, Japanese Mythology, The Cthulhu Mythos, the works of William Shakespeare, and more.

A dead-tree edition is in the works.

Found here.

This blog contains examples of: "and then he's like goodnight girls
 * All Lowercase Letters
 * Boring Invincible Hero: Ovid sees Sir Galahad as this.
 * Cargo Ship: Dwarves take their love of gold a touch too far.
 * Cluster F-Bomb
 * Edutainment: Sort of.
 * Evil Laugh: In "WHOOPS":

sleep well

try not to die brutally during the night

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"so medea has effectively killed 2 birds with one stone
 * Exactly What It Says On the Tin: These are myths. They are being retold.
 * Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: The multi-part video myths tend to go this way. For instance, part one of the Genesis series was called "Did somebody say GENESIS?", and subsequent entries continued to speculate on whether or not anybody had indeed said Genesis.
 * Metaphorgotten: Used from time to time, such as in "Medea Kind of Sucks Also".

or 2 birds with one robe i guess

one poisoned robe

and instead of birds it is nobles

but the metaphor holds"

"so the next morning the thief shows up at the count's place
 * No Punctuation Period: The earlier stories had very little punctuation; with time Ovid shed even what little there was, so that most of his myths are completely unpunctuated (emphasis and pacing is provided instead by line/paragraph breaks and frequent use of ALL CAPS).
 * A Rare Sentence: In "Robin Hood is for Pussies":

and he's like yo

you should check your closet full of doves

there are religious personages in there

and the count is like boy

how did I get to a point in my life where that sentence makes sense"

"but the place where daphne finally gets tired
 * Record Needle Scratch: Inserted into a myth in "It is hard for Set to not be a douchebag".
 * Running Gag: Dwarves sure do love themselves some gold. Like, carnally.
 * Also, consulting the Oracle at Delphi is a terrible, stupid idea.
 * Ovid sniggering at anything that sounds a little dirty.

is right on the banks of this river Peneus

haha peneus"

"one of my favorite things about having this blog
 * Sophisticated As Hell: A key element of Ovid's writing style.

is I get to routinely use words like fucking and seminary

IN THE SAME GODDAMN SENTENCE"

"so the moral of the story
 * Space Whale Aesop: A natural result of trying to synthesize a moral out of most mythology.

is if you are going to have a goddess for a mom

try to have a less shitty one than aurora

one that can save your life in battle

instead of turning your smoking corpse into some angry birds"

"and the gods go and bring it to fenrir
 * Spoof Aesop: Each story ends with this kind of moral, generally a Space Whale Aesop (see above), or a Warped Aesop (see below).
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: In "ENOUGH with the cows":

and are like i bet you cant get out of this ribbon

and fenrir is like come ON guys

there is no fame to be gained

from breaking a fucking little girl’s pretty bow

and i dont think youd even be asking me to break this

if you had not magicked up some ridiculous bullshit

that means i will like

lose my balls

or my face will come off

when you tie me up

and the gods are like no no no

why would we do that

what do you think we are

desperately afraid of you or something"

"moral of the story
 * Warped Aesop: The other natural result of trying to synthesize morals out of mythology.

if a charismatic religious figure offers you a pill

eat it

even if it has been clearly demonstrated

numerous times

to be deadly poison

in fact

especially in that case

take two if you can

take a dozen

take all of them

come on don't you want to be immortal"


 * Your Mom: Apparently The Iliad did the nasty with her. Your dad too.