Making Money/Quotes

"All the way to Genua there were people who'd been duped, fooled, swindled and cheated by that face. The only thing he hadn't done was hornswoggle, and that was only because he hadn't found out how to."

"What harm can it do to find out? It's a question that has left bruises down the centuries, even more than 'It can't hurt if I only take one' and 'It's all right if you only do it standing up'."

"Moist: 'But I don't know anything about running a bank!' Vetinari: 'Good. No preconceived ideas.' Moist: 'I've robbed banks!' Vetinari: 'Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside!"

"What we have here, he told himself, is a Mk. 1 Feisty Old Lady: turkey neck, embarrassing sense of humour, a gleeful pleasure in mild cruelty, direct way of speaking that flirts with rudeness and, more importantly, also flirts with flirting. Likes to think she's no 'lady'. Game for anything that doesn't carry the risk of falling over and with a look in her eye that says 'I can do what I like, because I am old. And I have a soft spot for rascals.'"

- About Topsy Lavish

"Whoever said you can't fool an honest man wasn't one."

"The lady in the boardroom was certainly an attractive woman, but since she worked for the Times Moist felt unable to award her total ladylike status. Ladies didn't fiendishly quote exactly what you said but didn't exactly mean, or hit you around the ear with unexpectedly difficult questions. Well, come to think of it, they did, quite often, but she got paid for it. But, he had to admit, Sacharissa Cripslock was fun."

"Is it some kind of duplex magical power I have, he wondered, that lets old ladies see right through me but like what they see?"

"It was more than likely that Mr Fusspot had never seen a real bone before. He circled it carefully, waiting for it to squeak."

"He was not naturally at ease in the presence of skulls. Humans have been genetically programmed not to be ever since monkey times, because a) whatever turned that skull into a skull might still be around and you should head for a tree now, and b) skulls look like they're having a laugh at one's expense."

"It contained herbs and all natural ingredients. But belladonna was a herb, and arsenic was natural."

"As a member of the Ancient and Venerable Order of Greengrocers', Mr Parker was honour bound never to put his punctuation in the right place."

"Quia Ego Sic Dico"

"Vetinari: "I love democracy. I could listen to it all day.""

"A shouted order to do something of dubious morality with an unpredictable outcome? Thweet!"

"'You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.'"