Knights of the Old Republic (video game)/Funny

HK-47
""No! What are you doing, Master? REMOVE THE ARC WRENCH! REMOVE THE ARC WRENCH! ...Medic!" "But I need those circuits master! Please, master, do not destroy them in your frustration! Calm yourself, I implore you!""
 * Everything HK-47 says. But, we should try to get the good ones.
 * The failed repair attempts.

"That is not it, Master. No, that is not it, either. (sigh) That is a hinge, Master."
 * Or this:

"HK-47: Veiled Threat: If you do that I cannot be held accountable for your subsequent medical condition. Player: Did you just say "veiled threat"? HK-47: Clarification: Of course not, master, you must have misheard me."
 * Having to state the tone of your next sentence doesn't really help when you're trying to be subtle

""Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticule, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds.""
 * "Mockery: Oh master, I love you, but I hate all you stand for, but I think we should go press our slimy, mucus-covered lips together in the cargo hold!"
 * HK defines love. The best part about this line (that people always forget) is that, in context, it becomes almost sweet... or at least as sweet as HK can ever be.

""Did you hear that meatbag? I WILL BE BACK!""
 * HK's hatred toward the Ithorian shopkeeper you buy him from, especially if you're passive about his threats.


 * "Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assasination droid... not a dictionary!"
 * "Commentary: I mean, nice human. Goood human..."
 * Another great example of HK-47 being Ax Crazy.

Revan
"Rakatan Elder Councillor: Is this some type of test, Revan? Some type of trick? You came seeking our aid; you came in search of a way to enter the Temple of the Ancients. You claimed to be seeking a way to destroy the Star Forge, and we were foolish enough to believe you. Unaware of your true nature, we helped you enter the Temple. But you betrayed us, Revan. Instead of destroying the terrible legacy of our ancestors, you unleashed the evil of the Star Forge upon an unsuspecting galaxy. And now you stand before the Council of Elders once more. And once more we ask you: for what reason have you returned, Revan? Revan: Uh... I need to get into the Temple so I can destroy the Star Forge."
 * During a murder investigation where you have to interrogate two subjects and find out who (if any) is lying, one of the reasons you can give for why someone is lying is "Fat people always lie."
 * Speak to the Rakatan Elders, and try to explain yourself.

"There is a locked door, and you need to get to the other side. What do you do? 1. Blast it open. 2. Hack into the lock to get it open. 3. Knock."
 * During the questions for what kind of Jedi you'll be:

"Dead-Eye Duncan: You'd better watch yourself. I'm the number five ranked duelist in the Arena!
 * This exchange from the first game:

Player: Out of how many?

Duncan: Uh... five. But it's an elite group, okay? It's not like just anyone can step into the dueling chamber! Well, actually, anyone can... but not many do!"

"Bastila: On which planet were you born? Revan: Kashyyyk. I'm a Wookiee...can't you tell? Bastila: What is your background? Revan: I'm a Hutt in human form planning to overthrow the Republic. Bastilla: How old are you? Revan: 3012. Healthy living, you know. Bastila: I see you intend to be childish about this."
 * It's even funnier (and a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming) if you allow Duncan to beat you.
 * Which, by the way, is impossible without tampering with the game files a little.
 * "I may have lost 52 matches in a row before you, but I figure I've got your number!"
 * Not reconciling the two feuding families on Dantooine. You can be such a total, total dick it Crosses the Line Twice back into funny.
 * It really does, as shown in the second part of this video.
 * Carth and Revan flirting, her hurting his "man-feelings". "Don't tell me not to take it personally, you hairless wookiee!"
 * Revan just loves to toy with Bastila.

"Revan: "Your face is all scrunched up like a kinrath pup." Bastila: "A...a kinrath pup? It most certainly is not!" Revan: "Come on, I was only having fun." Bastila: "Fun? Fun? Driving me insane is your idea of a good time? You...you are a really odd man, do you know that? I simply don't know how to deal with you. All I want to do is help you but you seem determined to drive me mad.""
 * Any attempt to flirt with Bastila. See here for a good compilation.
 * Teasing Carth works better for a female character.
 * Revan's and Bastila's interactions.

"Carth: I don't know, what am I gonna have to do to earn forgiveness?" Revan: "Just a little kiss. How about it?" Carth: "I...aheh, I really think that we should...um...get going." Revan: "No kiss then?""
 * And fem!Revan attempting to romance Carth.

The Exile
"Exile: [Force Persuade] Give me all your credits and jump into that pit over there. Exchange Mook #1: B-but...can't resist...here, take the credits...I have to go. Exchange Mook #2: Jumping into the pit is a good idea. Get to ground faster that way."
 * You'd be surprised what people can be persuaded into doing by a Dark Exile. And you don't even need to be a Dark Exile; even if you're going for light-side mastery, it's worth it.

"Vossk: There are the Twin Suns, two Twi'lek slaves from Ryloth, slaves who killed their masters and developed a taste for it. They have mastered a dance of death. Very beautiful, very dangerous. Exile: Two beautiful Twi'leks are hunting me? How is that bad? Brianna: (rolls eyes)"
 * At this point, due to a bug, some followers will react with a light-side style Influence reaction.
 * The male Exile would perhaps prefer a little excitement.

"Exile: Can we make it so that the other bounty hunters are called off but the twi'leks still chase me? Brianna: (bristles)"
 * Or...

"Exile: Nothing hurts more than a blaster shot to the groin. If you've never been shot, there are no words to describe how much pain you're going to feel... and there are many other ways you can get maimed and seriously injured. I expect most of us are going to die today, so you might want to think about all the things you care about. It won't matter soon. Uh... That's it, really."
 * Before the battle on Dantooine, you can choose to give a Rousing Speech to the defending forces. One of your options is "Tell them they're doomed," resulting in the following address:

"Mandalorian sentry: We claimed this moon decades ago when we reforged ourselves after Exar Kun's defeat. Some of us call it home. Why are you trespassing here? Exile: I was thinking of starting a Czerka office here. I sense a lot of untapped potential. Mandalorian sentry: That was a joke, right? It'll be interesting to see how long you keep your sense of humour - here."
 * What makes it even funnier is that after you get done speaking, every single one of the troops starts doing the "panic/cower" animation where they tremble and cradle their heads in their hands. Zherron informs you that he doesn't think your speech helped all that much, and also that the men react pretty much the same way to his speeches.
 * How can people forget this hilarious exchange when you first encounter the Mandalorians on Dxun?

"Exile: Why do I even bother?"
 * In the tomb of Ludo Kresh, when reaching the vision of Kreia and the companions, the Exile catches on to the fact that it's just another vision. As the hallucinations of the companions gang up on the hallucination of Kreia...

Jolee
"Lashowe: "Do you know how many Sith there are here on Korriban?" Jolee: "Twelve! No, wait, Thirteen!" Canderous: "Nice one, old man." Jolee: "Thank you, it takes effort to be properly irreverent at my age.""
 * Jolee never misses an opportunity to snark. Even Canderous approves.

"Jolee: "Changed the political course of the entire sector for centuries to come. I'd call that quite a destiny, wouldn't you?"
 * Jolee and his story about "swirling Force" and destiny. "You know, you remind me of someone I used to know. Promising young man, great destiny. Breath like a bantha."
 * Especially his comment about how sometimes "swirling Force" is just "swirling Force", no matter how many old geezers say "Oooh, destiny!"
 * And his whole story about the guy who believed his destiny made him invincible so he started talking back to the warlord Kraat who had him hostage, got thrown down an intake pipe, bumped into something on the way down, and blew the whole ship to bits.

Revan: "I hate you, old man.""

"Exile: "I believe it's called 'Pulling a Bindo'." Brianna: "Pulling... a Bindo?" Exile: "Sorry, bad joke, bald man, long story...""
 * This comment from the second game.

"Master loves tombs, don't you, master?"
 * Choosing Jolee to break you out of prison.
 * On a similar note, taking Jolee with you when first applying for admission to the Sith academy, which arguably Crosses the Line Twice. When you refer to him as a slave, he instantly adopts a servile manner and expresses gratitude that you don't beat him much any more. Even Yuthura is somewhat put off. Also this:

""Later, I found out they would say prayers to the Hairless One before venturing into the Shadowlands. Harumph, Hairless One. I used to have plenty of hair, I tell you.""
 * Discussing the Wookie's reverence of him.

Atton
"Atton: "Just so you Jedi know, the whole "cryptic routine" isn't mysterious, it's just irritating. If you really can see the future, you should be at the pazaak table." Exile: "But to know the future, one must know yourself." Atton: "What was that, some kind of joke? That's what I'm talking about. "Jedi talk". You two should start your own little Jedi Academy." Exile: "But to teach, one must be willing to learn." Atton: "All right, all right! Cut it out, I get it, I get it! The last Jedi in the galaxy, I get the comedian who runs around in her underwear. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.""
 * "Are you an angel? Aw, I'm just kidding. That's the worst line I've ever used. Hope some poor kid doesn't start using it."
 * "Nice outfit. What, you miners change regulation uniform while I've been in here?" Depending on your gender, this is delivered curtly or in a 'How you doin'?" manner, seeing as you're in your underwear at the time.
 * "Look, not that your naked interrogation isn't a personal fantasy of mine..."


 * (after the Exile tells him she's found some clothing) "Dammit. I mean...good, good to hear it. No sense in you running around half-naked. It's... it's distracting. I mean, for the droids."

Mission

 * "Who designed those Sith uniforms anyway? A Blind Rodian with a sick sense of humor?"
 * Bastila and Mission.
 * "She tried to bite me through my armor, and you should hear what she said about my mother..."

Unsorted
"Atton: "Did anybody here catch that? All I understood was 'very.'" Bao-Dur: "I think he wanted us to give up the General to his poorly-trained collection of bounty hunters." Atton: "Ah. Well that should explain it. Which one do you want?" Bao-Dur: "I'll take the stupid one who decided to threaten us rather than shoot us when he had the chance.""
 * This exchange:

"Player: We are Jedi. What we decide is right. Carth: Is that your impression of Bastila? If so, it's a good one."
 * The Disciple or Handmaiden completely not getting Atton's sardonicism. "No, Atton! I think it might be a trap!"
 * There's a farmer named Jon at the Jedi Enclave, and when he first sees you he demands to know why the Jedi haven't yet done anything about the Mandalorians terrorizing the people of Dantooine. You have three dialogue options as usual, but if you pick a particular one...

"Mira: You want me to do it? Why can't you do it? Exile: You're right. You're probably not Vogga's type. Mira: Oh, so it gonna be like that? Fine. I will do it. I'm not gonna back down from a challenge like that."
 * The Exile needs to break into Vogga the Hutt's vault to get parts to rebuild her lightsaber. To do so the idea is to have either her or another party member dance for him, then sneak in when he falls asleep. Try and get Mira and we get this exchange.

"Twi'lek: No offense, but Vogga generally likes his dancers younger. Kreia: (in a voice that combines snark with irritation) None taken."
 * There's also the option of suggesting Kreia.

"Juhani: Now that I have shared my thoughts, I don't know what to say. PC: How about 'thank you'?"
 * Juhani is a Gay Option for female characters. If played to the conclusion we get this this exchange.

"G0-T0: Amendment 1695-30 of the Khoonda Civil Code allows us to sell you into slavery. Jorran: What?! That's ridiculous! G0-T0: Paragraph 12: Salvageable items include organic matter incapable of leaving the boundaries of the salvage area. Jorran: You wouldn't! G0-T0: A male human such as yourself would fetch approximately 500 credits on the auction block on Nar Shadaa. Therefore, I suggest you sell your goods for a sum 500 credits less than your initial figure."
 * G0-T0's haggling with a salvager in the ruins of the Jedi Enclave shows the dangers inherent in building a droid that knows every law of every planet in the history of ever:

"Ahlan: There you are, Shen! Shen: Father! Rahasia: Mr. Matale! Nurik: Rahasia! Rahasia: Father! Shen: Mr. Sandral! Ahlan: Nurik! Nurik: Ahlan!"
 * The Say My Name montage at the end of the Sandral/Matale feud. Serious situation, hilarious encounter.

"HK-50: Mocking query: Coorta? Coorta, are you dead yet?"
 * Anyone else think being given the dialog option to shout your character's name randomly at the end of that would have made it even better?
 * The HK-50 unit on Peragus has a few gems on the Evilly Affable side, given that it can't quite keep itself from gloating about how it managed to slaughter every member of the facility's crew. And then of course, there's this moment.


 * Pretty much the entirety of the Gizka quest. Even the quest log is exasperated by the harmlessly annoying froggy-things.