Bob Rivers

Bob Rivers is a well-known American rock and roll radio on air personality in the Pacific Northwest as well as a prolific producer of parody songs, which he brands as "Twisted Tunes". (The logo is a clear Shout Out to WB's Looney Tunes, ripping off the design outright.) He's most famous (or infamous) for his Christmas song parodies; his earliest notability dates to The American Comedy Network and an AT&amp;T breakup song "Breaking Up is Hard on You" (which was topical in 1982).

The Other Wiki has an extensive article. He has his own website. He could be heard on-air weekday mornings by clicking the listen button on the radio station's website, and there's (predictably) a channel and topic on YouTube.

One of the Names to Know in Comedy, he's also a Contest Winner Cameo on an episode of Star Trek Enterprise.


 * Acceptable Professional Targets: Too many to mention. The "Minimum Wage" flunky Spitting in the Customer's Food is a prime example. Incompetent or brutal police are another. Addressing someone as "a clown" is inevitably pejorative.
 * The Alcoholic: "Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator" (as a Drunk Driver version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", which ends with the Santa sled wrapped around a tree). "Police Stop My Car" (as a parody of "Feliz Navidad") is also about DUI.
 * The Alleged Car: Invoked at least a couple of times: "My Toyota" (parody of The Knack's "My Sharona") and "The Day My Lemon Died" (parody of Don McLean's "American Pie"). Other automotive-related easy targets range from distracted drivers ("Drivers on the Phone", a parody of The Doors' "Riders on the Storm") to excessively high fuel prices ("Can't Afford To Drive My Car" as parody of the Beatles "(Baby You Can) Drive My Car").
 * The Duct Tape for Everything approach to transport extends beyond alleged cars to alleged aircraft ("Beat Up Old Jetliner / Hope you got a tuneup today / Oh beat-up old jetliner / Did they sneak you past the FAA?") and even an alleged space station ("This is ground control to Station Mir / You guys are doing great / And we're sorry that you stained your underwear" as a "Space Station Oddity" reminiscent of David Bowie's "Space Oddity").
 * Bad Santa: "Santa Claus Is Fooling Around" (a parody of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town", told from the POV of a jealous, suspicious husband).
 * Big Beautiful Woman: Eminem's "Real Slim Shady" is parodied as "Would the real big ladies/Please stand up..."
 * Brand Name Takeover: "I'm Just A Singer In A Holiday Inn®" (parodying the Moody Blues "I'm just a singer in a rock-and-roll band" as "we are the Moody Tunes")
 * But You Screw One Goat!: "Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep" (a parody of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap").
 * Buxom Is Better: "You Chesty Thing" (a silicone-enhanced version of Hot Chocolate's "You Sexy Thing") infers bigger is better, while "I Love Your Breasts The Way They Are" (as parody of Billy Joel's "I Love You Just The Way You Are") creates more A-Cup Angst than it resolves.
 * Christmas Elves: "All You Need Are Elves" (as parody of the Beatles "All You Need Is Love").
 * The Cover Changes the Gender: Mostly averted. If "Weird Al" needs a female blonde for a Lady Gaga parody ("I'm not insane/I just Perform This Way") we get his face pasted onto a skinny blonde bikini girl's figure - with jarring effect. If Bob Rivers needs a Sonny Bono and a Cher soundalike for a parody "I Can't Ski Babe" he'll find musicians who seamlessly match the originals in both gender and style.
 * A Date with Rosie Palms: "Caught Me One Handed" (a parody of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me") is largely a flurry of Unusual Euphemisms for being awkwardly caught (by mama) choking the chicken or beating the bishop.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: He's prone to create multiple, different parodies of the same song. For instance, Don McLean's "American Pie" is parodied as "The Day My Lemon Died" (a song about The Alleged Car abandoned at roadside) and parodied again as the American Pie Eulogy ("She made my music die" - blasting Madonna for her remake of the song disco style). Likewise, Dead Moon's "Johnny's Got A Gun" is parodied as "Elmo's Got A Gun" and parodied again to target George W. Bush's VP with "Cheney's Got A Gun". The Doors' "Riders on the Storm" is parodied as "Drivers on the Phone" and parodied again as "Burgers on the Grill".
 * Gender Bender: Any crossdressers or transgender characters are portrayed in Incredibly Conspicuous Drag as a source of cheap laughs. There's the infamous "Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear" (as parody of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland") but, even if the stated intent is permanent transition instead of Drag Queen comedy or disguise, the patient is given Man in a Bikini proportions. If Butch checks into Genital Hospital on Tuesday and Bev checks out with a change of undergarments on Thursday, her 16XXL measurements ensure she will not pass. (In "I Wanna Be A Woman", what was Pink Floyd's "Young Lust" from "The Wall" - "I am just a new boy / A stranger in this town..." becomes "I am just a female / Trapped inside a man")
 * Going Postal: "Please, Don't Shoot Me Mr. Postman" (as parody of the often-remade "Please, Mr. Postman")
 * Intercourse with You: "Hello, I love you, Let's get tested for AIDS" (as a parody of the Doors tune).
 * Misattributed Song: The Bob Rivers tunes are often mistaken for "Weird Al" Yankovic's work, even though Rivers tackles many awkward topics "Weird Al" refuses to touch.
 * Mondegreen: "There's a bathroom on the right!" (to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Bad Moon Rising").
 * Mystery Meat: "Cat's In The Kettle" (as Asian takeaway food parody of Harry Chapin's "Cats In The Cradle"). "They'll say it's beef or pork/But Garfield's on my fork/He's purring there on my fork".
 * Older Than They Look: "Roach", the lead singer for a death metal band who sings a duet with a simulation of Bing Crosby in Bob Rivers' parody Christmas song "Rummy Rocker Boy", confides "I'm not as young as I look", wearing a wig and using cosmetic surgery to maintain the illusion of youth. And then there's "I Used To Rock-and-Roll All Night (and party every day)" in which a geriatric, ageing KISS hides the "liver spots" and skin wrinkles under heavy makeup ("If the shirts keep on selling/We'll keep on yelling...").
 * Police Brutality: "Take A Whack on the US Side" (parody of Lou Reed's 1972 "Take a Walk on the Wild Side") has a pair of illegal Mexican immigrants sue for this, as the beating is caught on video.
 * Seattle: Done to death. There's an entire album of tedious local in-jokes (for instance, AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" becomes "Highway to Bellevue").
 * The Stoner: Apparently Stoners Are Funny, as it's a recurring theme. "What if God Smoked Cannabis?" is a parody of Joan Osborne's "What if God Were One of Us?", while "One Toke Over the Line" is parodied as "One Toke Under The Bench" with the implication of a high court judge being stoned instead of sober.
 * Technology Marches On: "Chat Room" (a parody of the 1975 C.W. McCall CB radio song "Convoy") steps directly into this pratfall by hard-coding 56kbps dial-up speeds, hard-wiring the piece to an era a few years after the Eternal September of 1993.
 * Teeny Weenie: I Only Want to Be with You becomes "(I've Only Got A) Three-Inch Tool"
 * Toilet Humour: Loads of crap, piled high. "The Old Man Down The Road" (John Fogerty) becomes "The Old Man's on the Commode". Bob Seger's "Night Moves" becomes "Bowel Moves". A parody Britney Spears exclaims "Oops, I farted again!" while the dogs mark their territory with "Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!" (to the tune of "Let It Snow"). And yes, there's a bathroom on the right.
 * Twisted Christmas: "Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire", as one of many Anti-Christmas Songs which fill a few seasonal albums. The plight of the poor little angel who has a Christmas tree forced up her bottom in "Who Put The Stump (In My Rump)" (a parody of Barry Mann's 1961 Who Put the Bomp) is painful.
 * Unintentional Period Piece: Any political references, such as invoking the Monica Lewinsky scandal to justify fetishising Big Beautiful Women or deriding Gary Hart's 1988 campaign, have become dated very quickly.