I'm a Marvel... and I'm a DC/Funny

"Spider-Man (talking about the Green Goblin): Honestly, who's stupid enough to get that drunk?
 * Ironman's alcoholic tendencies

Ironman: Look, ComiCon went really well alright? I'd been very good, I was celebrating, everyone was doing it, we thought we could make it to Tijuana, they dropped the charges so just SHUT UP OKAY?!"

"Batman: Tony? Tony, I'm driving you home. Tony, come on, get up.
 * Iron Man face-down on the table in the first After Hours, drunkenly slurring Iron Man.

Iron Man: *mumblegibberish* IwantsomeCocoPuffs."

"Spider-Man: But...but Tony's an alcoholic!
 * Later:

Batman: I gathered that somewhere around the fifth round of Jaeger. Although a head's up might have been nice.

Spider-Man: Well, maybe you shouldn't have mentioned your movies!

Batman: Maybe you shouldn't have invited him to a bar!"

"Goblin: I did it. I beat 'em all!
 * Almost anything Green Goblin does in the I'm a Marvel... and I'm a DC series, but particularly the time he took on all the possessed superheroes single-handedly and won... not.

Spider-Man: ... Yeah. That'd be great if it had actually happened. But we're gonna freakin' die!"

"Goblin: {about the Joker to Harley} Honestly, I've never seen anyone be that cruel to someone they love!
 * Actually, the entirety of the stoned!Goblin arc.
 * Any time he interacts with Harry will always turn into one of these.

Harry: {offscreen} Really, Dad?!

Goblin: Shut up or you're out of the will!"

"Rorschach: And all the whores will look up at us and shout "Save us", and I'll whisper "No."
 * During the "Wolverine v. Rorschach" video, the titular characters, plus Sabretooth, decide that the combined awesomeness of their movies will make people's heads explode, leading to this moment...

Wolverine: And I'll say "Sorry, darling."

Sabretooth: And I'll say... scale of 1 to 10, what kind of whores are we talking about?"

"Deadpool: So how does this thing work again?
 * What do you get when you put one of the darkest comic book characters ever (Rorschach) in the same room with one of the funniest (Deadpool)? Pure frickin' hilarity.
 * "I smell a sitcom!" Leading to the creation of ''Rorschach And Deadpool: The Series, which is one big Funny Moment after another.
 * Rorschach realizing that shooting Deadpool is essentially pointless, especially when he asks-"You don't die, do you?" Deadpool's response? "NOPE!"
 * Deadpool tries the Sitcom attempt again with Rorschach and Wolverine. Hilarity Ensues.
 * "Rorschach and Wolveriiiiine! They make a great teeeaaaam! Heeee's a psychopath. Heeee's also a psychopath. I don't think that the premise really works." (Is shot by Rorschach again.)

The Comedian: Eh, we just fight over our movies, that's all.

Deadpool: Huh...okay. (clears throat) Hi, I'm a Marvel...(aims a gun at The Comedian)

The Comedian: ...and I'm a D--(gets shot by Deadpool)

Deadpool: ...and boom goes the dynamite. Deadpool wins! (beat) What?"

"Goblin: You tried to nuke me now, I'm gonna kick yer ass!
 * Deadpool beats up his In Name Only movie counterpart counts as this as well as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * The parody of the new Star Trek movie, which has Spiderman and Wolverine fighting over who's the captain, Deadpool as Scotty, Batman as Spock ("Wouldn't it make more sense for Clark to be Spock?" "You've got the ears, just roll with it, sir.") Not to mention: "Fire everything!" "FIRE EVERYONE!"
 * The first Harry Potter parody.
 * You're all wrong. THIS is the Funny Moment. Especially the second half. It, of course, involves Deadpool.
 * Deadpool and Green Goblin's first meeting is funny as hell.
 * "DUDE! That entrance was awesome!"
 * And later:

Deadpool: Nu-uh!

Lex Luthor: (watching this on camera) WHAT THE F** K ARE THESE MORONS DOING???"

"Thor: (to Green Lantern) Sit thine five dollar ass down before I maketh change.
 * The musical episode.
 * Deadpool giving Thor insult advice

Green Lantern: (to Deadpool) He got that from you, didn't he?

Deadpool: It was either that or Hammer Time.

Green Lantern: Good call, good call."

"Green Lantern: Hey, at least my film is escapism.
 * From the same video:

Thor: My film is escapism as well!

Green Lantern: Please... your trailer makes it look like you spend half the movie on flannel shirts looking like Kurt Cobain on steroids, just one way around, taking in the local turn from Albuquerque. That's not escapism, that's an independent film from 1996!"

"The Joker: Tell me, my friend - ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
 * Also, this:

Green Goblin: Yeah. He told me you're gay."

"Deadpool: *after Dexter wins his "Emmys"* Congratulations, Dex. And while we're here, can I interest you at all in being a part of...RORSCHACH AND DEADPOOOOOOOOL! AND DEXTER'S HERE TOOOO-*shot*
 * This:

Rorschach: *runs onscreen* We've only got a few minutes, run, RUN!"

"Deadpool: "Hey, Sookie OH GOD BILL!!! Hey, Sookie OH GOD BILL!!! Hey, Sookie..."
 * Another one from the Emmys winner.

"Deadpool: "Hi, I'm a Marve- WHOA!!!""
 * Deadpool's reaction to Manhattan's "notable appendage".

"Spider-Man: This is the worst decision Marvel has ever ma--
 * All of the attempted Transformers parody, including the beginning, which features . Also: Spider-Man angsting over Marvel losing the comic rights to Transformers...

(Deadpool holds up the head of "Dudepeel", the version of him from X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

Spider-Man: This is the second worst decision Marvel has ever made!"

"Jingle: Call 1-300-DEADPOO because-"Deadpool"-has-one-too-many-letters-seriously-we're-not-trying-to-be-juvenile-it-just-turned-out-that-way~!"
 * If only they weren`t mind wiped. They`d have put it as the third.
 * The jingle for Deadpool's 1-800-esque phone number, where you can order a Team Deadpool shirt:

"Deadpool: And by our cruelty they will know who we are! If our costumes don't give us away first."
 * The entire second half of the Deadpool vs. Green Lantern video.
 * Deadpool beating up Dudepeel's head. It happens near the end though.
 * Just look at the still shot at 1:45 and try not to laugh. The rest of the video is pretty funny too.
 * The majority of the series. Just when you think it can't get any funnier, something happens. Usually Deadpool.
 * For the Crowning Moment of Funny I would argue for a moment in Happy Hour when Green Goblin,  goes on a huge spiel that is completely censored to hilarious effect. Several long seconds of "bleep!" accompanied with elaborate hand gestures and ending with, "--up Richard Gere's ass!" This troper alarmed her roommates with loud laughter at that point.
 * Made even funnier when he realizes that everyone is looking at him and he's supposed to be drugged.
 * Green Goblin: (to a Gatorade bottle.) You hear that, Toto!
 * Deadpool as Lt. Aldo Raine:

"Deadpool: And the Skrull will not be able to help themselves from the imagining the cruelty that our brothers endured at our hands, at the edge of our knives, at the edge of our knives that come from our hands."
 * And:

"Batman: What are you doing?
 * And how could we forget Iron Man VS Batman #4? I nearly fell out of my chair the first few times I watched it...
 * The following Iron Man vs Batman begins with Iron Man wandering around and moping, having a drink, listening to music and watching TV. And then Batman suddenly turns up:

Iron Man: Oh, like you care. I'm drowning my sorrows in alcohol, what does it look like I'm doing?

Batman: No, I mean what are you doing in my house?"

"Scared Mook: W-Who are you?
 * "YOU GET LAID EIGHT TIMES A WEEK! YOU DON'T NEED TECHNOLOGY!!!"
 * The Spider-man reboot parody features our lovable webslinger saying probably the most famous DC Memetic Mutation ever, except his way:

Spider-man: I'm the goddamn Spider-man."

"Deadpool: Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Now squint at your man. Now look at me in HD."
 * Superbowl Old Spice ad. Deadpool. Magic happens.

"Deadpool: -picks up his phone- Yeah? Yeah? Yeah! YEAH! YEAH!
 * OZ WOULD LIKE SOME BUFFALO WINGS!
 * "This is a ringtone!/So pick up the phone!"
 * So funny, that the ringtone available from the shop even works on people who have never seen Marvel/DC.
 * Directly after that ring tone is this gem:


 * cuts to other side of the line*

Spider-man: He said no.

Batman: Give me the phone!"

"Harry Osborn: Dad! Why are there hyenas in my room!"
 * "MUSHROOM CLOUD!" and the  fight in general of Zero Hour 3.
 * "Brought to you by Stan's Place: The Heroes Bar. Serving alcohol to your role models! 1-300-Deadpoo. People with fetishes, please stop calling. And the Stark platinum Card. Gold Cards are for pussies."
 * An early episode has Spider-Man and Superman discussing the decision to make Superman an illegitimate father in Superman Returns. Then Superman drops his baby and says "Oooooooooh no".
 * Spidey's wild ride in the Batmobile. "Please don't tell anyone I webbed myself."
 * During one of the Goblin Bloggin' segments:

"Future!Lex: But first, I would need a distraction. Something that would get the attention of every hero who frequented Stan's Place-a threat so powerful, that it could endanger any and all of the comic book universes! A threat...called Darkseid.
 * One of the Goblin Bloggin episodes has Goblin yelling at Harry Off-Screen: "We'll make [your room] your own country! We'll call it Harrystan! Main import: Daddy's money! Main export: DISAPPOINTMENT!"
 * This bit from Zero Hour #5-not so much the first half as much as the reaction.

Green Goblin: ...*BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*"

"Lance: K, well, stuff happened, and I was all 'Hey Superman' and he was all like 'Dude Lance what's up?' and I was like 'Goblin's all weird and stuff' and he was like 'Dude I should totally check that out 'cause I'm like Superman and I rock'. So then I showed it to him and I'm like 'Dude, what's that?' and then he touched it and it was like 'Dude no way I'm disappearing aaaaahhh.'"
 * Lance's explanation of what happened to Superman in the first After Hours:

"Mook: Ugh...what?
 * The fact that Lance recalls Superman saying this in Superman's own voice makes it even funnier.
 * In part one of the seventh chapter of "After Hours," Batman and Superman briefly revert to their World's Finest Comics incarnations. They constantly assure each other of their friendship, with Batman eventually exclaiming, "We're as close as two friends can possibly be without going over any boundaries that would be indicative of our being more than friends!" After Batman and Superman return to normal, they agree to pretend the reversion never happened.
 * From Rorschach and Deadpool # 1:
 * The Mook that Rorschach had been trying to question and Deadpool shot wakes up in the hospital:

Deadpool: (in a paternal tone) There's our little trooper! When we get out of here, you can have all the ice cream you want!

Mook: Oh God! Wasn't there Security at the door?

Deadpool: Well sure, but hey you know me! (mimes shooting his pistols) Pa-chew! Pa-chew!

Rorschach: Remember, he already fears us. Now get him to trust us.

Deadpool: Okay, so tell us what we want to know and you'll leave here with just the one gunshot wound. Or was it two? Well, no more than six. But you'll walk out of here alive! Probably. Well, maybe. Actually, you know what, I don't want to say for sure at this point 'cause he's gonna want to break your fingers and who knows what I'm gonna do to you! So, anyway, the point is: you're gonna die, we get the info, and everybody's happy! Except you, the dead guy. And don't worry, unless we find them, your family will be completely safe! But, full disclosure, we're actually really good at finding people, so just be thankful you won't live to see what happens to them! So, uh, can we hurry this up, cause I've actually got this thing..."

- Rorschach shoots him.

"'Deadpool': You think I don't have friends? I have plenty of friends! There's the friends I make up, the friends in my dreams, the ones who suddenly become my friends when I pull out a rocket launcher..."
 * Rorschach and Deadpool #2:

"'Rorschach': Do me a favor.
 * and, in the same episode,

'Deadpool': Yeah?

'Rorschach': Go get us some weapons. Lots of them. And meet me back at the hero bar in half an hour.

'Deadpool': (really excited) Who are we killing?

'Rorschach': I'll show you when I get there

'Deadpool': Ahhhhh yeah! The heroes are gonna have so many questions for me that I won't be able to answer!"

"Green Goblin: " Hey pretty lady, you want to make out?"
 * From Happy Hours #2:

Spiderman: " Still me, Gobby."

Green Goblin: " Oh ... So you want to make out?"

Spiderman: " No. But you should definitely ask Logan.""

"Tonnnyyy, wwwwhhhaaatttttt the hhhhhellll?!"
 * Also this little part:

"Green Goblin (to Wonder Woman): Hello, Mistress. The secret word is "pumpkin". Sound good? (Wonder Woman grabs him by the wrist). Pumpkin, pumpkin, PUMPKIN!"
 * From the same episode (I think):

"Beast: I beg your pardon, but would you dastardly curs mind informing me as to why you have transported me from my humble abode into this den of squalor and depravity?
 * There's a bit of a Call Back later when Batman grabs Green Goblin's wrist and he says "Pumpkin! Pumpkin!"
 * From Green Lantern vs. First Class, Professor X using the Jedi Mind Trick on Green Lantern, and the Call Back to a previous video, dealing with a naked blue character- in this case, Mystique. "WOAH!"
 * The entire opening qualifies: It consists entirely of Magneto ranting about mutant superiority and what not while dropping a locker on Green Lantern to prevent him from talking.
 * The Hangover 2 Parody:

Sabretooth: Oooh, a monkey!"

"Deadpool: Excuse me, but when you said "Avengers assemble," should I have taken that as an invitation?
 * The goddamn Joker saying the line: "We had a sick night, bitches!"
 * In Captain America vs. Green Lantern, the Captain actually manages to handle Deadpool. Let that sink in for a moment.

Captain America: (sigh) Deadpool...(holds up a cell phone) it's for you.

Deadpool: Oh. (takes the phone, which clearly has no one on the other side) Hello? Hello? Alright, two can play the Quiet Game!

Hal Jordan: Nice job, Cap!

Captain America: Hey, I punched out Hitler. I can handle Deadpool."

"Goblin: What's in your wallet? (Cut to show Goblin is talking to someone) Dude! I said gimme the freaking wallet! I have a pumpkin bomb, here, I will END you!"
 * The flag-apple pie deserves special mention. Stephen would be proud.
 * And the flag-apple pie came from a Korean bakery.
 * The ending of the 'Stark Platnium' card commercial;

"Lex and Gobby: DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME, BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? SAID YOU'D BE COMING BACK THIS WAY AGAIN, BAAAAABYYYYYYYYY! BABY, BABY, BABY, OH BAAAAAABYYYYYYY! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOU!"
 * Depending on your sense of humor, Spidey admitting in the Thanksgiving special that he forgot if he has anything to be thankful for can count.
 * Lex and Gobby both tripping balls on some serious sedatives in the back of the Batmobile. The part that really sells it for me is the bit where they have a screaming loud, yet perfectly civil debate about which film version of the Incredible Hulk they prefer at the top of their lungs.
 * Also, when a drugged-up Green Goblin fails to get Lex to talk, Batman drugs him up too... then we see the both of them singing and waving their arms in the back of the Batmobile. To add icing to the cake, Spiderman is Face-Palming.

"Batman: You're a Boy Scout, Clark. You're naive, Wally. You're arrogant, Arthur. You're a jerk, Hal. (looks at Wonder Woman) ...wanna go out sometime?"
 * (inner thoughts) "I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead. I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead. I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead..." (out loud) I'm sure he knew exactly how I felt about him."
 * Shit Batman Says in its entirety. Especially the last few lines.

"Spider-Man: Wait, so that means you couldn't even see your movie!
 * Also after asking a number of villains to let him help them, he simply punches out the Joker.
 * This exchange:

Daredevil: No. So, how was Guy Pearce in it?

Spider-Man: ...Guy Pearce?

Daredevil: Yeah. Well, I heard he was rumored to play me for a while and then people just sort of stopped talking to me about it. So how was he?

Spider-Man: ...I think my spider sense is tingling. Gotta go!"

"Magneto: I'm wearing the helmet, Charles, so don't even think about cheating.
 * Every single one of the Marvel/DC Christmas cards.
 * The Running Gag with Professor X and Magneto playing chess.

Professor X: I wouldn't dream of it. Your thoughts?

Batman: Might wanna protect your bishop."

"Huge bad guys from Apokolips appear
 * From Zero Hour #6:

Batman: Oh, no.


 * Oh, yes.

Goblin: Oh, f**k."

": Boys, you will please begin the beat down now, yah?
 * Also from that scene:

Creature: (indistinguishable growl)


 * Yah?

Creature: (louder indistinguishable growl)


 * Okaaaaaay!"

""I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger Initative...Howard."
 * "Hail Darkseid, bitches!"
 * Green Goblin's complete and utter disinterest in  master plan. "We're not the ones who can stop you! JUST! STOP! F**KING! TALKING ALREADY!"
 * In Ways to Screw Up the Avengers Movie:

"Huh, Mjollnir hath suddenly sprung to life in animated form!""

"Iron Man: "We've got to stop Loki!"
 * This bit.

Captain America: "Wait, that's not Loki! It's Sean Connery & his devastating weather control machine!""

"Batman: "My God, he's almost as bad as Clark."
 * From the "Batman vs Avengers" video, after Captain America tells the others to stop fighting over their movies & get along.

Iron Man: "You should see him on the Fourth of July.""