A Match Made in High School

The seniors of ECHS are forced into Arranged Marriage and Weddings for Everyone at the beginning of the book. Why, you ask? The principal just got dumped and she wants to make sure the kids know how to handle a marriage. So she's implemented a mandatory yearlong program to make the kids playact at marriage (with budgets, mutual jobs and mutual activities--but no sex!) with someone they've been randomly assigned to. Naturally, the parents and students are all pissed off about this. Especially pissed off about is our narrator, Fiona, who's been married off to Jerk Jock Todd Harding. And her crush has been married off to Todd's girlfriend. Nasty pranks, insults, secret relationships and crushes, and cheerleading ensue.


 * Belligerent Sexual Tension: Fiona and Todd are a rare non-sexual version of this.
 * Brainless Beauty: Amanda
 * The Cheerleader
 * Cool Loser: Fiona
 * Covered in Gunge
 * Cupid Hates Odd Couples
 * Gentle Giant: Johnny Mercer
 * Handsome Lech: Gabe turns out to be one
 * Jerk With a Heart of Gold: Todd, though it's a fairly little heart.
 * Karma Houdini: Todd, to an amazing degree. He never ever gets busted for anything. Compare his punishment (i.e. lack of) to what happens to Johnny and you'll especially feel disgusted.
 * Last-Minute Hookup
 * Oblivious to Love: Fiona
 * Popular Is Dumb
 * Practical Joke
 * Real Men Wear Pink: Todd is a cheerleader and extremely unashamed of it. "I spend all afternoon with my hands between a hot cheerleader's thighs, looking up her skirt as I hold her above me. Meanwhile, you're bent over, sticking your fingers in some fat guy's butt crack again and again. But I'm the gay one?"
 * Secret Relationship: Marcie and Gabe
 * Single-Issue Psychology: the motivation behind the marriage program seems to be entirely based on (a) Principal Miller's husband dumping her, and (b) Maggie hating being single. This is also what's caused their breakdowns.
 * The Glasses Gotta Go: when Fiona is cheerleading, at least, so they don't slip off.
 * Tomboy and Girly Girl: Fiona is the tomboy, and the rest of her female friends seem to be girly girls (or evolving into them).
 * Two-Teacher School: Principal Miller and Maggie are the only administration people really focused on (other than the janitor in a mild sort of way), and they aren't even teachers.
 * Volleying Insults
 * Wedding Day: one of the bizarrest you've ever read about. And that's even before Todd breaks out his prank...