Too Dumb to Live/Quotes

""I am too stupid to LIVE!""

- Rebecca Howe, Cheers

""Defective microchips? I like the sound of that!""

- Mikey Simon, Kappa Mikey

"Brian Griffin: Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher? Peter Griffin: Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at serious risk."

- Family Guy

"Fry: Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees that nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Farnsworth: Let's go back there!"

- Futurama

""Bastian flips through the book and says, "It keeps going!" Koreander is a little too polite to reply, Of course it keeps going, it's the NeverEnding Story, ya dipshit!""

- Agony Booth recap of The Neverending Story III: Escape From Fantasia

"Sonic: Cool, it's raining fire! Players: Cool! Cool! I'm gonna die!"

- Let's Play Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 by pokecapn, Medibot, Kung-Fu Jesus, IlluminatusVespucci and John Condit

""..And as little as one month. Assuming the moron intends to give a two hour speech in a gale with no coat or hat. For more information, consult William Henry Harrison, Idiot of Tippecanoe.""

- America: The Book

"Mach: Hang on, I'm getting a strange energy reading. Ops: Do not touch the artifact! Direct orders from Dostya! Mach: It'll just take a second."

- Supreme Commander

"Iori Yagami: Geez, sorry you guys! There's no cure for stupidity!"

- The King Of Fighters '96

""You remember what daddy always said. That God gave you a big sister instead of a brain.""

- Meredith (to Flint), Heroes

"Zeke: The average human lifespan is seventy years. Embla: I see. Zeke: Heh. Except Ethan. If you run the data, his life expectancy comes out to negative forty years."

- Ctrl Alt Del

""You were born to be murdered.""

- Major Calloway (to Holly Martins), The Third Man

"Things I Learned From This Game: Some people are just too fucking stupid to live."

- This review of Racial Holy War.

"Moiraine: "DO NOT go out into Shadar Logoth, or touch anything!" Mat: "Let's go out into Shadar Logoth and touch things!" Rand and Perrin: "Good idea.""

- Wheel of Time mock summary

""Duuuh. You died because you were dumb.""

- Death message, Space Quest V

"Stupidity is the only natural capital crime."

- Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long

"Freakazoid: Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage! Gutierrez: You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either. Freakazoid: I know! Dumb!"

- Freakazoid

""I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug -- bare-wired... at my feet... PEEING ON IT! All to get a better clean.""

- Phil Jupitus on QI after hearing about the fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket because they put all the knives in pointing up -- all to get a better clean.

"Ray: Why would I be nervous? Lindesfarne: Because... I'm an insectivore. Ray: What's an insectivore? Lindesfarne: (whispers to Tammy) Not too big on self-preservation, is he?

Ray: What's self-preservation?"

- Lindesfarne (a hedgehog) and Ray (a firefly) in Kevin and Kell

""Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe.""

- Urdnot Wrex, Mass Effect

"Klingon Transporter Operator: I do not deserve to live. Kirk: Fine, I'll kill you later."

- Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

"I mean like, dangerously, not-able-to-function-on-his-own level of stupid, like, if you were to give this guy a cup of applesauce and a spoon, would probably drown-level stupid."

- Noah Antwiller

"Tom Servo: "Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!""

- Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Last Clear Chance", right before the characters get hit by a train.

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."

- Rincewind on Twoflower, The Colour of Magic

"Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."

- The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

"Thief: Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across Fighter [off-panel]: Done! Black Mage: Why is the rope on fire? Fighter: I tied it to the lava! Y'know, so we could find it when we're done here."

- Eight Bit Theater

"Link: Ah! Fire! My flame-proof suit isn't working! Navi: That's not a fireproof suit, you just painted your regular suit red! Link: But...isn't that how fireproof suits work? You know, by camouflaging me from the flames? Navi: How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me."

- Ocarina of Time: The Abridged Series, Episode 12

"Thoth sprang up, blood mounting darkly to his face, while his eyes flamed with the stunned fury of a man who suddenly realizes the full depths of a fool's swinish stupidity."

- Robert E. Howard, "The Phoenix On The Sword," as Thoth-Amon realizes that Dion has his lost Ring of Power and doesn't even know it.

"He said he wouldn´t be my friend if i didn´t tell him!"

- Barney, on why he revealed the player's top secret mission to the enemy in Heart of Evil.

"Cartman, you've stooped to the level of a full-fledged retard."

- Kyle Brofloski, South Park

"I suppose from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct."

- Abed, Community

"Meatwad (holding a scorpion): I'll eat it.... if you eat it.

Shake: All right, deal! Wait a minute... how are you gonna eat it after I eat it?

Meatwad: Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it.

Shake: Okay.

Later

Frylock: What's wrong with Shake?

Meatwad: Oh, he's dead. Dumbass ate a scorpion."

"Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of the Shades was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying "Got rocks in your head?" to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful."

- Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett