Haroohee/Funny

Episode 1
"Kyon: (narrating) What I knew was for some odd reason, I felt almost compelled to talk to her. I had no idea what I was gonna say- I was, I was- I was feeling pretty nervous, you know?! Kyon: (to Haruhi) So do you watch anime? Haruhi: I hate anime. (Kyon laughs nervously) Haruhi: I'm not joking. Kyon: ...What the fuck?!"
 * When Kyon prepares himself to talk to Haruhi (the new girl in class):

"Kunikida: This rice tastes like shit! (to Tanighchi) Hey, didn't you date Haruhi before? Taniguchi: LOVE IS JUST A LIE!"
 * At the cafeteria:

"Kyon: (narrating) Straight-A student, she's in every school club available and, ahem, every now and then, you know, she, uh... (shot of Haruhi removing her shirt) Background voice: No, she doen not, you liar! (shot of the boys being kicked out of the class) Kyon: Okay, so maybe not that last past. (Ryoka closes the sliding door.) Ryoka: Ow, my fucking TOE!"
 * When Kyon describes Haruhi:

"Kyon: So, do you change your hair daily because you're insecure about the way your forehead looks? Haruhi: Yeah, I do. How'd you know? Kyon: I too have an insecure forehead. (shot of his forehead) Hnn!"
 * Kyon talks to Haruhi:

"Kunikida: Hey! What' up guys? What's up, guys? Kyon: Why'd you ask twice? Ryoko: Hey, Kyon! Kyon: Motherfuck! I'm getting real tired of you guys sneaking up on me like that, okay?! (Kyon's mouthflaps keep moving) BG Voice 1: What's he doing? BG Voice 2: ''Is his mouth stuck again?! BG Voice 1: Yeah! BG Voice 2: Oh God damnit! Just give him a few seconds. Kyon: You bitch! BG Voice 2: Ah! BG Voice 1: There we go!"
 * Taniguchi and Ryoko scare Kyon:

"Haruhi: It's so boring around here, you know? I'm tempted to jump out a window. Kyon: (thinking) Oblige me, O mighty temptress. Kyon: (speaking) Interesting, huh. Like what? Haruhi: Well, like something cool. Kyon: Why don't you stick your HEAD in a freezer?! Haruhi: ''All the clubs here suck! And all the people suck just as hard. Aggression! (slams her desk with her fists) Kyon: Why don't you do something about it, then? Haruhi: (lifting her head up) I. Don't. Know. What! Kyon: (unedited dialogue) Listen, you can't help it if there aren't any. Besides, as normal human types, we gotta be happy with what we're given, you know what I'm saying? You can look at it this way: the people who don't like what they've given ofte- Haruhi: (falsetto voice) Will you hurry it up already?!! Kyon: (whispering) You should make your own club."
 * "This fucking board eraser is consuming my whole life!"
 * Haruhi doesn't like clubs:

""So now I'm stuck helping Haruhi with this club of hers. I'd say no, but quite frankly, she scares the crap outta me! And she's gonna do bad things to me, man! Bad things!''""
 * Kyon gets paranoid outside:

Episode 2
"Teacher: Suck my DICK! Haruhi: I am not a hooker! Teacher: Yes, you are! Haruhi: No, I'm not! (to a student) Anyway, sir, how would you li- (The teachers take Haruhi and Mikuru by force.) Teacher: You are a hooker and you are going to suck my DICK!"
 * Haruhi and Mikuru, dressed in Playboy Bunny outfits, are handling pamphlets to students when teachers mistake them as hookers and come in:

"Haruhi: AH! Kyon: WOAH! Haruhi: Where's Mikuru? Kyon: She's probably in your head. Haruhi: Let me check. (She closes her eyes and concentrates) Haruhi: No, she's not there. Kyon: WELL, LOOK HARDER! (Haruhi hums loudly)"
 * Yuki insisting for Kyon to take her book and him looking dumbfounded beyond belief.
 * Haruhi at her computer:

"Haruhi: What am I supposed to do without Mikuru? I had this new sexy outfit for her to try on and everything! Kyon: ...I'll wear it. (Scene change) Kyon: (narrating) And it got real quiet after I said that."
 * Haruhi screams:

"Kyon's sister: Hey, Kyon. Where are you going? Kyon: Fuck you and your blue popsicle!"
 * The quick cuts between Yuki waiting at the park and Kyon reading his book. And then when he realises how long she waited...
 * This gem:

Episode 3
"Kyon: (holding Yuki's book) Well, book, I am horny. And it's just you and me. (Scare Chord, zoom to the book) Book's thoughts: OH, NOT AGAIN!"
 * After thoughts of Yuki and Haruhi together... possibly naked:

"Haruhi: The mysterious transfer student is finally here! Excitemeeeeeeeeeeeent! Kyon: (in between Haruhi) Isn't it a little early for you to be LOUD AND OBNOUXIOUS?! And how do you know he's mysterious? Haruhi: (twirling her finger) Because all transfer students are mysterious. And I just drank some stuff from under the sink! Kyon: Oh really? Me too! Haruhi: Really? Kyon: No! You're going to die! Haruhi: Awesome! (Haruhi runs past Kyon) Kyon: So anyway, how are you going to find the student- you just puked all over the floor. Haruhi: I'm still so excited!"
 * Haruhi sure is excited:

"Itsuki: Itsuki Koizumi. Pleasure to meet your awkward acquaintance! (Background voice: Hi!) Haruhi: So mysterious, we don't even know his fucking name!"
 * Yuki attemps to play Othello: "King me, bitch."
 * Guess who Haruhi fucking found:

"Mikuru: Sorry, Yuki. I guess we can't continue the game we're playing. Oh no. Yuki: (thinking) Fucking cheater."
 * Itsuki to Kyon: "Oh god, your hand is so smooth! HHGGGNNN!"
 * Mikuru trips on the game board:

"Kyon: She's a girl?!"
 * Kyon intrudes on Mikuru being dressed by Haruhi and, embarrassed, rushes to the exit:

"Kyon: Could you tell me how old you really are if you are really time travelling? Mikuru: That's classified. Kyon: WHY DO YOU TEASE ME SO?"
 * Mikuru to Kyon: "I'm actually A BIG HAIRY MAN. Uh, I mean, I am actually a time traveller who travel through time."
 * After a whole bunch of exposition from Mikuru:

Episode 4
"Haruhi: We have a weird transfer student and a total moe character, so why hasn't anything strange happened yet? I asked the Magic 8-Ball if something out of the ordinary would happen today, and it told me to go fuck myself."
 * Haruhi complains about her day:

"Teacher: Why do I even bother teaching you kids? You're all retarded."
 * This bit:

"Yuki: Stop it. Stop it. The door is unlocked!"
 * While Kyon whacks the door to the club:

"Haruhi: What am I even doing?"
 * Haruhi sits at the computer and stares at it...

"Kyon: (narrating) You know, I should really be freaked out by all this, but, eh, not as bad as paint huffing. (burps)"
 * In the middle of Yuki and Ryoko's battle;

"Kyon: Yuki, are you all right- (Yuki kicks him in the face) Yuki: Kyooon, loook out. Kyon: She didn't attack that time! Yuki: Yes, she did, you just didn't see it."
 * Later in the showdown:

"Kyon: ...Is it weird if I have a boner right now?"
 * While Yuki deprograms Ryoko's environment, changing it into a desert filled with sparkles:

"Yuki: Um. Kyon: What's wrong? (Yuki smacks her face. Her glasses are missing.) Yuki: I can't see a fucking thing."
 * After the fight:

"Taniguchi: What's up? Forgot where the bathroom was, so I'm just gonna poop in here- (He sees Kyon and Yuki in a compromising position and is shocked.) BG voice: NO. Taniguchi: Well then... (He sprints outside of the classroom) Taniguchi: I guess I'll just poop in the cafeteria like everyone else...!"
 * Taniguchi opens the classroom door:

Episode 9
"Itsuki: This trip should keep Haruhi's spirits in a good mood. No more of this closed butthole shit. It's super god dang annoying and my asscheeks hurt!"
 * Right at the beginning:

Episode 10
"Kyon: GodDAMNIT I'm gonna fuck you in the ass, Koizumi! Itsuki: Come at me, sugar butt. Kyon: Ahhh okay, statement retracted. Like into my body, right into my stomach. And out of my mouth, and very far away."
 * "That is a dead ass mothafucka!"
 * "Is he- Is he gonna check his dick for a pulse?"
 * The butler "checking" the dead host's signs by slapping the shit out of the dead host, screaming about how much he hates his guts.
 * These lines:

"Haruhi: Anyway, the apparent murderer, they try to escape, right? I mean, what if they're outside right now, trying to do just that?! Kyon: Yeah! So let's just go ahead and run head first into some dude with a knife who's gonna probably fuckin' stab us in the stomach repeat- (Haruhi takes Kyon and drag him along) Haruhi: Exactly! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"
 * Haruhi doesn't get how dangerous the investigation could be: