Average Joe in Bullet Hell

"I'm trying to be a gentleman. Don't make my job any harder than it needs to be, okay?"

Ryan Randa, middle-class citizen of Tucson, Arizona, is minding his own business when one day he gets an unusual message on his phone. Thinking it a prank, he ignores it. This trend goes on for about a week. He then gets pulled through a gap.

Average Joe In Bullet Hell is a Touhou semi-self insert fanfic written by Magnificent Sasquatch. Can be found here

Contains examples of:
"Ryan's thoughts: You know, I like this, I really do. These two have been real accommodating, and are very friendly overall. Already, the idea of living in Gensokyo is appealing to me, even Common Sense is giving the thumbs-up! Although I should probably find some bros…waitaminute. Something Reimu mentioned is coming back.
 * Asskicking Pose: Reimu and Marisa actually strike one of these in a recent chapter... only to find out that the person they thought they were rescuing wasn't impressed.
 * Battle Couple: Ryan and Utsuho, Aka Solar Team, are well on their way to becoming one.
 * Berserk Button: If anyone other than the SDM staff calls her China, Meiling becomes absolutely furious.
 * Brain Bleach: Apparently, it tastes like copper.
 * Butt Monkey: Being Chino is suffering.
 * Combination Attack: And it is awesome.
 * Cool Sword: The sword that Yukari gives to Ryan.
 * In Chapter 26, it is revealed to have
 * Cool Old Guy: Tata.
 * Defeat Means Friendship: Flandre.
 * Energy Absorption: Ryan's power. It allows him to absorb pretty much anything energy-based. Also counts as...
 * Elemental Absorption: Since he is capable of absorbing things like fire, lightning and danmaku bullets.
 * Actually, lightning is the number-one thing Ryan wants to avoid.  Subverted hard in the case of danmaku bullets, as they still cause pain regardless of absorption.
 * Energy Ball: Ryan calls his "Sparky".
 * Failed a Spot Check: During Marisa's battle against Cirno, she begins shooting off repeated Master Sparks. She stops firing after a while to take a breather, but finds out that the one tree that wasn't blown up was where Cirno was hiding.
 * Feather Flechettes: Commander Iza's Spell Cards involve a lot of this.
 * Go Look At the Distraction: In which Ryan's the distraction!
 * Head Desk: Ryan does this, a lot. Alice has also given in to this when dealing with Marisa.
 * Hearing Voices: Ryan calls it his Common Sense. Utsuho has one as well.
 * Heroic BSOD: Marisa has a temporary one in response to her failed spot check mentioned above.
 * Hong Kong Dub: In-universe, due to messing around by Yukari so the English-speaking Ryan and Japanese-speaking Gensokyo residents can understand each other.
 * Idiot Savant: Utsuho/Okuu.
 * I'm a Humanitarian: In this canon, Yuyuko ate Mystia.
 * I'm Cold... So Cold...: Although doesn't actually say anything,  gets this in Chapter 26.  manages to recover in time to make an awesome comeback.
 * Improbably-Female Cast: Of course, this is Touhou, but it still deserves mention for lampshading it.
 * I'm a Humanitarian: In this canon, Yuyuko ate Mystia.
 * I'm Cold... So Cold...: Although doesn't actually say anything,  gets this in Chapter 26.  manages to recover in time to make an awesome comeback.
 * Improbably-Female Cast: Of course, this is Touhou, but it still deserves mention for lampshading it.

Ryan: Ah... Marisa...?

Marisa: Hm? What's the matter with you?

Ryan: Reimu did say before, after we were working... something about the guy-girl ratio in Gensokyo?

Marisa: Ha! Yeah, you're totally an endangered species, ze. *Ryan headdesks* Hey, at least you've plenty of options for shacking up with someone. They'll probably be more willing than you are to get together, considering the limited options. *headdesk* Especially if you're gonna be a fighter. No guys in Spell Card battles till now, ze. *headdesk* Real quick! If you're thinking of getting with a youkai chick, my advice: don't get frisky in the Spring, ze. *headdesk*

Reimu: Marisa, I think you've messed with the poor boy enough. *Ryan starts to sit up* Although, that last one? Really keep it in mind. *headdesk*

Marisa: ...I think he's already found a special someone in your table, Reimu."

"Ryan: "Let's get down there!" I exclaim, hopping over the railing. "LEE-ROOOOOOOY JENKI-"
 * Knight of Cerebus: Commander Iza.
 * Leeroy Jenkins: Attempted by Ryan. He fails at it:

WHUMP.

Ryan: "Ow." Again, I fall upon my face. Why must mine poor proboscis be subject to such torture?"

"Yukari: Dr. Wily does not approve."
 * Literal Split Personality:
 * Mama Bear: Satori regarding her 'pets'.
 * Manipulative Bastard: Yukari for
 * Mega Manning:
 * Me's a Crowd: Four of a Kind.
 * My Name Is Not Durwood: Suika calls Ryan everything except his name. Also, Alice Margatroid is understandably annoyed when Ryan calls her "Metroid" the first time they meet.
 * Obfuscating Stupidity: Yuyuko, just...Yuyuko. Think she's all whimsy and simplicity? Think twice.
 * Oh Crap: When Cirno brings up that she beat Marisa.
 * And when Ryan realises just who knocked out everyone in SDM. Hint:
 * Phrase Catcher: "Goddamnit, Yukari!" gets bandied around a bit.
 * Punctuated for Emphasis: "I... Am not... A POPSICLE!"
 * Ryan's reaction to Satori's mind-reading powers. "GREAT...BARRIER...REEF."
 * Savvy Guy, Energetic Girl: Ryan's the savvy guy and Utsuho is the energetic girl.
 * Schedule Slip: The six month hiatus was humourously Lampshaded in the "Intermission" chapter.
 * Sempai-Kohai: Once Flandre and Utsuho meet, it doesn't take long for the former to start referring to the latter as "Okuu-senpai".
 * Shout-Out: Ryan's powers make him very comparable to Zero. (The gun and sword combo being reminiscent of the Mega Man Zero titles does NOTHING to help.) This is lampshaded by Yukari, much to Ryan's embarrassment.


 * The Champion: Ryan has shown shades of trying to be this for Utsuho's sake. Only succeeds once in a blue moon, however.
 * There Was a Door: When told to assist Patchouli in her first appearance in-story, Sakuya attempts to stop time and exit through a window. Remilia stops her and directs her to the door instead.
 * The Rival: Cirno thinks she's this.
 * Which Me?: Taboo Incarnate "Mirrored Catastrophe", in which me is a Surfer Dude. Which Utsuho mistakes for an Evil Twin.