Lego Quest



""Ho, Spaceman! No beast of Oasis has yet felled a Futuron!""

- Endman of Futuron, immediately after soundly defeating a pair of hostile predators.

Lego Quest is a concluded Quest (similar to Ruby Quest) that was held on 4chan's /tg/ board. Unlike most other quests of its type, the Game Master used Lego figures and pieces rather than on-the-spot illustration to represent a situation. It is, at heart, a lighthearted send-up to a time when men were men, and women were women, and Space Knights carried oversized electroswords.

Set in the brightly-colored world of LEGO Space / Space Police, the quest begins with Spaceman of Futuron stranded on a remote, unnamed planet, his spaceship forced to crash land due to sabotage or accident. Over the course of his travels, he encounters a hideous Octoshark, a race of alien natives with strange powers (and an even stranger holiday), and finally has a run-in with his Hated Rival Hodge La Roque and his servant robot.

Freed thanks to the natives' unawareness of Spaceman's status as a prisoner, our hero quickly finds himself free of the shackles his hated rival has bound him with, only for La Roque to return, summoned by his robot! In what is to be the first of many insane but effective actions, Spaceman hurls the closest native at La Roque, resulting in his nemesis' disintegration and the adulation of the locals (who take Spaceman's actions as a sign of affection).

What happens from there on out has to be seen to be believed.


 * Action Girl: Officer Clarke, as the only major female character. In fact, she ends up rescuing supreme badass Endman of Futuron during the climax, rather than the other way around (offscreen).
 * Amusing Aliens: The natives of the world where Spaceman of Futuron has crashlanded.
 * Anticlimax Boss: The final confrontation with Lord Spruesworth involves Spaceman
 * Artificial Limbs: Spaceman is forced to replace a hand with a robotic claw after he loses it in a fight. Twice.
 * Black Speech: The enigmatic, horrifying, and ostensibly lethal Blacktrons speak with distorted text.
 * Boisterous Bruiser: Endman of Futuron, cheerful whether he's blasting Imperial troops to ash or grappling with alien monstrosities.
 * Boom! Headshot!: Several times, occasionally at close range, with plenty of Lego gore.
 * Cool Hat: Invoked several times, and becomes a plot point once when the hats Spaceman and Endman have appropriated from the Blockonium transport guards are used to fool a suspicious official. And also, they look snazzy.
 * Spaceman's friend Boston Texas sports a cowboy hat.
 * Chainsaw Good: Azimuth the Iceman, and later, Spaceman of Futuron, wield the OTC - the incredibly powerful Orange Transparent Chainsaw.
 * Death World: The lush, verdant planet of Oasis. Filled with life. Life that wants to eat every other form of life.
 * Face Heel Turn:
 * Frickin' Laser Beams: The ubiquitous "Burners" carried by pretty much every combatant in the setting. The Oasis miners' Corer digging implements, which make for powerful, if shorter range, weapons.
 * Five-Man Band:
 * The Hero: Spaceman of Futuron
 * The Lancer: Endman of Futuron
 * The Smart Guy / The Chick: Officer Clarke.
 * The Chick / The Big Guy: Bennie the Robot.
 * Gunboat Diplomacy: Employed several times by Spaceman of Futuron. It helps that his profession is, technically, Space Pirate.
 * Guns Akimbo: Endman of Futuron dual-wields a pair of Burners, and has impeccable aim.
 * Groin Attack: Employed by Officer Clarke during a gunfight with Imperial troops. Used again by Spaceman against a huge combat robot. And it works.
 * Humanoid Abomination: The Blacktrons are heavily implied to be this or something like it.
 * Human Aliens: The M-Trons, masters of magnetic technology, the Icemen, and of course, the Futurons. Justified by the source material.
 * Large Ham: Endman of Futuron can't speak without delivering large amounts of ham, and awesome.
 * La Résistance: Initially only composed of the thousand miners of Oasis along with Spaceman and co. Thanks to Spaceman's heroic charisma, the revolution spreads like wildfire from Regis Prime after he manages to seize control of a news station.
 * Man of Wealth and Taste: High Lord Bryston Spruesworth the Third, Heir to Pennymarshal Estates and sovereign of Regis Major.
 * Not Quite Dead: Bennie the Robot is finally taken down by Imperial troops at the cost of over ninety men. Two of them remain close by, looking him over. Cue chainsaw stab.
 * Not So Different: Spruesworth to Spaceman, while offering him a job.
 * Rebel Leader: Spaceman, during the climax.
 * Shout-Out: One of Spaceman's early allies is a Space Knight named Rom.
 * Smooch of Victory: Officer Clarke and Spaceman in the end.
 * Space Police: Mighty, inexorable, and irredeemably corrupt... with one exception.
 * Sword and Gun: Spaceman, after killing the Imperial Knight with his own electrosword.
 * Taking the Bullet: Spaceman does this for Officer Clarke when a group of Bounty Hunters interrupt her in the process of arresting him.
 * Undying Loyalty: "I have pledged to follow you across the universe, Spaceman. If you go into Blacktron space, know that my burner shall ever be at your call." - Endman of Futuron.
 * We Can Rule Together: The Vetinari variant. Spruesworth wants Spaceman's heroic charisma and combat skills working for, rather than against, him.
 * Wretched Hive: Apparently, the whole of New Jerusalem.