The Maltese Falcon/Funny

"Cairo: He then procceds to cry like a little baby."
 * I know it's supposed to be a kind of Tear Jerker moment and I'm supposed to feel sorry for the villians but, the way Cairo freaks out always makes me laugh.

"Joel Cairo: I certainly wish you would have invented a more reasonable story. I felt distinctly like an idiot repeating it. Sam Spade: Don't worry about the story's goofiness. A sensible one would have had us all in the cooler."
 * Poor Joel Cairo's the Butt Monkey of the whole movie. I know people may think that title should go to Wilmer but let's be honest, Cairo got slapped around lots more than Wilmer. It kind of helps that Cairo is kind of charismatic, likable and charming, where Wilmer's just a bit of a sullen hot-headed jerk.

"Spade: [Amused] Alright, buddy, I ain't gonna stop you."
 * Dude! He even got bitten once!
 * The scene where Cairo attempts to search Spade and his office at gunpoint, but Spade manages to disarm him and talk him down. Once they're done, you think Spade's persuaded Cairo to back down a bit, so Spade gives him back his gun -- and Cairo immediately holds him at gunpoint and demands to search the office again. Even Spade bursts out laughing.

"Spade: You shouldn't let him go around with these on him, he might get himself hurt. Gutman: Well, well, what's this? Spade: A crippled newsie took 'em away from him. I made him give 'em back."
 * Spade relieving Wilmer of his handguns is awesome. His explanation afterwards to Gutman, meanwhile:

"Spade: I hope you're not letting yourself be influenced by the guns these pocket-edition desperadoes are waving around, because I've practiced taking guns from these boys before, so we'll have no trouble there."
 * And, later on:

"Spade: You getting this all right, son, or am I goin' too fast for ya? Stenographer: No, sir, I'm getting it all right. Spade: Good work."
 * Spade goes before the district attorney, who thinks he's concealing evidence about who killed Thursby. This, and the fact the police suspect him, does not go over well with Spade, and he starts chewing out the district attorney. Mid-rant, he turns to the stenographer: