Prototype 2/Funny

"Mercer: And for God's sake, man, put some fucking clothes on."
 * Mercer, leaving Heller after their second meeting, lampshades a hilarious difference between his infection and Heller's.

"Guerra: (reluctantly) James, did you...did you kill those scientists?
 * Father Guerra, reluctantly, tells Heller that he needs to kill certain scientists. After the job's done:

Heller: (brusquely) Yep. By the way..."

"Heller: I'm at the computer, what do I press?
 * When Heller, who has been cutting through foes by the dozen, is stymied and enraged by his mortal enemy; a computer. Hearing him growl about keys with a "squiggly line" just doesn't get old.

Guerra: First you need to --

Heller: I'm pressing the red button. Shit. Now the screen's all fucked up.

Guerra: Okay, press the alternate key. "A.L.T." Alternate --

Heller: Alt? There's no fucking alt. I got a fucking squiggly line key, I got a fucking key with a triangle on it -- what the fuck kind of keyboard is this anyway?"

"Guerra: Don't forget to log off!
 * And when Heller is done:

Heller: Yeah, yeah.

(Heller walks away)

Intercom: Terminal 4 is currently logged on with no personnel present. Please return to your station and commence proper log off procedure.

Heller: Fuck off. I hate computers."

"Guerra: Watch out, y-you may need to --
 * The Project Long Shadow dialogue between Guerra and Heller:

Heller: (interrupts) Dress up like a Blackwatch bitch to get in? I know the drill."

"Dana: I'm not pasty."
 * Dana's reaction after overhearing a conversation between a disguised Heller and a clueless Blackwatch officer who calls her a "pasty hacker cunt":

""Brah, have you been hearing all the rumors? This Heller guy, dude, they say he can get into anywhere. Like, he can turn invisible and shit."
 * The one Blackwatch soldier who keeps referring to everyone as "Brah," to everyone's extreme displeasure.

""Well, then how's he do it, brah? How's he get inside these places? He just shows up!"

"Shit, sendin' 'em here? That's a big mistake, brah. Heller finds out about this, he'll try to get in and fuck those tanks up."

"Look brah, I don't feel good about those victors comin' here."

"Whatever. You're the boss, brah.""

"Heller: This asshole says "brah" one more time, I'll break his fucking jaw. Well, might do that anyway.
 * This includes Heller, the soldier Heller ate to get the Blacknet mission, and Red Crown, Blackwatch's radio control. Blackwatch's soldiers aren't as threatining as before.

SGT Emery McDonald: If you don't quit calling me "brah", I'm going to bust you right in your fucking face."

"Scientist 1: Why, that is ridiculous! (nervous laughter) Project New Templar is actually... uh... developing a new advanced Velcro!
 * Mission Objective: Bail out to fuck over New Templar scientists.
 * Even better is if you hang around and listen to them beg for their lives.

Scientist 2: Yes! You wouldn't want to deprive the world of this wonderful new velcro technology! Would you?!"

"Heller: Hello, uh, Southpaw. I'm the replacement. Catapult Four One just got his head bit off by a Brawler, wouldn'chaknowit.
 * After Heller has killed a helicopter pilot in an attempt to gain access to the Red Zone, this interesting little discussion with command takes place.

Southpaw: (without missing a beat) Yeah, that happens a lot around here. Okay, New Four One...."

" : Commander, don't you DARE let him eat you!"
 * Any time every time a blackwatch trooper uses the verb "Unfuck"
 * After, we get this little gem after Heller forces a Blackwatch Commander out of an APC.

"Heller: Great. Lost that dick Roland--gained this dick monster."
 * Chasing a known Evolved, but missed the opportunity and now Heller faces a Hydra:

"Blackwatch Soldier (after watching Heller consume the goliath) FUCK ME!! The subject, he... he just... HOLY FUCK!!! DID ANYONE ELSE FUCKING SEE THAT?!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!"
 * The soldier who witnesses Heller's first battle with a Goliath. he sounds like he's reading the laconic entry on the Cluster F Bomb page while going into shock.

"Starnes: You know, some infected chicks are still pretty hot if you put a bag over their heads.
 * When picking mutations, some of the pictures associated with them are hilarious. For example, the mutation that speeds up hijacking/breaking weapons off vehicles has Heller standing on a tank, holding the turret in one hand, and a terrified Blackwatch soldier waving his hands in the air. The one that makes Heller Immune to Bullets has him nonchalantly reading a book while bullets are bouncing off his head and arm.
 * My personal favorite is one that gives Heller an extra air dash move. The mutation is called 'Extra Dashing,' and the image is of Heller with a top hat and monocle Being shot out of a cannon.
 * This exchange between Blackwatch soldiers:

Blackwatch Soldier: Starnes, for the life of me, I dunno how you passed the psych profile."

"Starnes: I swear you guy this morning I shot an infected that looked exactly like Jimmy Fallon!
 * Especially because one has to wonder why Blackwatch even has a psyche profile. Unless they're looking for a minimum level of crazy in their recruits...
 * Later on during a similar blackwatch patrol mission, you apparently end up in a squad with the same guy.

Blackwatch Soldier: Photo or it didn't happen.

Starnes: Celebrity headshots, man!"

""... You're a very crude person, aren't you?""
 * In the final boss fight, Heller threatens to ''skullfuck [his opponent] and suck the memories out the hole."
 * After eating some random Blackwatch soldier, Heller coughs and says "Dude must have been a smoker."
 * Mercer gets some great lines during his climactic battle with Heller, such as his deadpan response to one of the good sergeant's patented Cluster F Bombs:

"Mercer: (completely unfazed and with accompanying 'fear' pose) Ooh, scary."
 * Not to mention
 * And when Heller has gone berserk and is screaming at Mercer to give him his daughter:

"Blackwatch Soldier: Oh my GOD! Subject has just ripped off our rockets! Repeat: subject has stolen our TOW!
 * During the mission to consume Doctor Bellamy, if you gain the ability to rip off vehicle-mounted weapons and use them, and do so on one of the convoy's Bradleys you get this.

Dr. Bellamy: Well, get it back! We need that!

Blackwatch Soldier: Will you just...JESUS! Just sit the fuck down!"

"Riley: Corporal Rand Baker: for consistent display and embodiment of the organization's core tenets, you are hereby awarded the Blackwatch Iron Star and all associated benefits, compensation and standings, congratulations soldier.
 * As part of Lincoln Meadows Blackbox #4 one Lieutenant Baker shoots a woman trying to find her boyfriend immediately after two warnings when she gave a confused response to being informed the are was off-limits. Blackwatch's response? On the same day according to Blackbox #5:

Crowd: *wild applause*

Baker: Just doing my duty sir."

"Scientist: How could you let him in here? What the hell are we paying you people for? Why don't you just go bomb a third world country or something!
 * In one of the Bases, after you start eating your lunch one of the Gentek scientists says this to the blackwatch garrison:

Blackwatch Soldier: With all due respect Doc... SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

"Blackwatch Soldier: "Ho-- Holy shit, dude. You been workin' out?"
 * Heller Throws Down trailer.
 * During the mission, "A Nest of Vipers" in the sequel, Heller, disguised as a Blackwatch trooper, can still pick up weaponry that's usually vehicle mounted without blowing your cover, if you do, one remarks:

Heller: "High protein diet.""


 * The final boss starts out using the Blade power. If Heller attacks with his own Blade, the boss can block and counter, yelling "I'm using that!" as if Heller had broken the rules or something.