Paladin (fanfic)

Paladin (posted on Fanfiction.net) is an AU Death Note Fanfic in which Light's gambit to kill all the F.B.I. agents fails because  going missing allows L to move in on Light sooner. Meanwhile Ryuk finds himself in trouble and so makes Light an offer he can't refuse... Crack with plot ensues

Stopped updating after chapter 13 due to the author protesting fanfiction.net's changes to their rules regarding Fiction Ratings. A 5-chapter long mirror is available at Archive of Our Own.

"Rem: Teru, think about what you're doing! What do you think will happen if you kill [L]? Mikami: Then no one will oppose God. Rem: Your right, he's his opposite... Think that over... Mikami: L is Lucifer... God's Enemy... God's opposite... If he loses his opposite... then it will offset the cosmic balance, and His Works will lose their meaning. God will go mad... and then... the Apocalypse! Rem: So you see, it's a bad idea to kill L. Mikami: You are wise Rem-sama."
 * Accidental Kiss
 * Affectionate Parody
 * Alone with the Psycho – Naomi gets this twice, as does L, and this happens to Light too, but it is naturally a subversion...
 * Alternate Universe Fic
 * Always Save the Girl
 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny
 * Author Appeal – Light Yagami, Naomi Misora, Nineties Anti Heroes, Survival Horror
 * Ascended Extra – Naomi, Zellogi.
 * Backstory - for Near,, also for Mikami
 * Badass Cape – Light wears one in his "Ruling the World" fantasy
 * Batman Gambit
 * Big Bad –  in the first arc,
 * Big Brother Instinct – in a Pet the Dog for Light
 * Big Damn Villains
 * Black and Gray Morality
 * Black Comedy
 * Bond Villain Stupidity
 * Boom! Headshot!
 * Boy Meets Ghoul
 * Boys Love
 * Brain Bleach - L would like some, plz k thx.
 * Ryuk trying to have The Talk with Light...
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick
 * Break the Cutie
 * Break the Haughty
 * Breather Episode - Kira no Nakama where the cast goes off to watch Sweeney Todd together.
 * Briar Patching –
 * Brick Joke
 * Butt Monkey – Light, Naomi, L, Matsuda...
 * Cat Fight - a half genderflipped example.
 * Chekhov's Gun –
 * Chekhov's Gunman -
 * Chess Motifs: White King (Light), White Queen, White Bishop (Mikami), White Rook (Rem), Black King (L), Black Queen , Black Knights (Mello and Matt), Black Bishop (Near), Black Pawn
 * Chew Toy – Near.
 * Co-Dragons -
 * Cold-Blooded Torture
 * Colliding Criminal Conspiracies
 * Comedic Sociopathy The Series.
 * Corrupt the Cutie
 * The Corrupter – Light
 * Cosmic Horror Story
 * Lovecraft Lite
 * Cosmic Plaything
 * Cough-Snark-Cough
 * Cower Power
 * Crack Fic
 * Crapsack World
 * Cycle of Revenge
 * Dark Is Not Evil
 * The Dark Side – come to the Dark Side, we have Cake.
 * The Dark Side Will Make You Forget
 * Dead Baby Comedy
 * Dead Person Impersonation - Not As Planned, honest.
 * Deadpan Snarker - Light, L, Ryuk, Zellogi, Naomi, ... Let's just say it's a World of Snark.
 * Demoted to Extra - the Kira Taskforce.
 * Designated Girl Fight – Naomi and Rin Bukimi the psycho nurse.
 * Devil in Plain Sight - Up to Eleven
 * Diabolus Ex Machina
 * Did Not Do Research - the depiction of various science "facts" may or may not be true. (In the case of one plot point most definitely NOT...)
 * Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu? - yeah, Kira just wants to be your fweind.
 * Did You Just Romance Cthulhu?
 * Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu? - Damn fire extinguisher!
 * Distress Ball -
 * Do Not Adjust Your Set
 * Does Not Like Guns
 * Does This Remind You of Anything??
 * Doomed Hometown – for Near.
 * Dream Within a Dream
 * Dreaming of Things to Come
 * Dropped a Bridge on Him - What fandom do you think this is?
 * The Dulcinea Effect – a m/m example…
 * Dysfunction Junction
 * Enemy Mine
 * Even Evil Has Standards
 * Evil Gloating
 * Evil Mentor
 * Evil Overlord – in Light's "Ruling the World" fantasy
 * Evil Overlord List – Beyond obviously hasn't read it. "...my options will not be limited to fight hand to hand with [knives] or blow up the planet."
 * Evil Redhead – Mukido Bukimi
 * Evil Versus Evil - the entire story...
 * Eviler Than Thou
 * Evilly Affable -
 * Exact Eavesdropping
 * Excuse Me, Coming Through
 * Eyes of Gold – Rin and Mukido Bukimi
 * Face Palm
 * Fake-Out Make-Out
 * Faking the Dead - though not intentionally.
 * Fan Disservice - for one anything involving Shinigami and sex in the same sentence...
 * Fever Dream Episode - Faustus in which
 * Flashback Nightmare
 * Foe Yay – Light and Naomi and Light and L.
 * Forced to Watch –
 * Freak-Out
 * Friendly Neighborhood Shinigami
 * Foreshadowing
 * Four Lines, All Waiting – the dangers of trying to take on the Death Note Ensemble...
 * Freudian Excuse - Beyond blames his "condition" on his Training from Hell, he also blames L for the death of A.
 * and Light... you'd be Axe Crazy too if you were smerter than everyone else and they still treated you like a kid...
 * Gambit Pileup
 * Gambit Roulette
 * Get a Hold of Yourself, Man! – Ryuk does this for Light.
 * Glowing Eyes of Doom
 * Good Cop, Bad Cop
 * Good Doc Bad Doc
 * Gorn - it's rated M for a reason...
 * Gut Feeling
 * - see
 * Hannibal Lecture
 * Heroic BSOD
 * Heroic Sociopath
 * "Hey You!" Haymaker
 * His Name Is--___
 * Hollywood Hacking
 * Humanity Is Insane
 * Hurricane Kick
 * Hypocritical Heartwarming
 * Hypocritical Humor
 * I Have You Now, My Pretty
 * I Know You Know I Know
 * I Meant to Do That - uh Just As Planned.. yeah.
 * I Owe You My Life
 * I Want Grandkids
 * I Was Just Passing Through
 * Idiot Ball - Well here's the equation: A God Am I + Pride + + BSOD + UST - Therapists = Walking into Slasher-lair alone.
 * Imagine Spot – Light's "Ruling the World" fantasy
 * "What am I, your slave?"
 * The Immune - Near...
 * Improvised Weapon - steaming hot coffee...
 * Incompatible Orientation
 * Insane Troll Logic - an instance where it comes to the "right" conclusion...
 * The Immune - Near...
 * Improvised Weapon - steaming hot coffee...
 * Incompatible Orientation
 * Insane Troll Logic - an instance where it comes to the "right" conclusion...
 * Insane Troll Logic - an instance where it comes to the "right" conclusion...

"Naomi: Why is it that all the good men I know are gay, dead, serial killers, or social retards?
 * Instant Death Bullet - the death note did it...
 * Irony
 * I Take Offense to That Last One:

Light: Hey, I'm not a social retard!"

"Matsuda: ...and people call ME an idiot!"
 * It Got Worse
 * Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique
 * Jerkass - Light and Beyond. Also Ryuk and Zellogi seem to be on a mission to annoy Light as much as possible.
 * Mello promises not to laugh... much...
 * Jerk with a Heart of Gold - Light (with his Morality Pets...)
 * Just Between You and Me
 * Killed Mid-Sentence
 * Let's Split Up, Gang!
 * Light Is Not Good - nope, he's not.
 * Lima Syndrome
 * Line-of-Sight Name
 * Local Hangout – the ultra secret meeting place at the Café.
 * Love Makes You Evil
 * Manipulative Bastard - Light, of course.
 * Meaningful Name – Mukido ("reckless, aberrant") Bukimi ("uncanny, weird, eerie"), and Rin ("stern, severe") and Naomi's parents Isamu ("courage") and Katsumi ("victorious beauty"). the last two are also Shout Outs (Macross Plus and Silent Moebius) as well as common Japanese names which I thought sounded cool...
 * Mind Screw
 * –  and canon subtext makes for many Hilarious in Hindsight moments.
 * Mobstacle Course
 * Morality Pet – Sayu  for Light.
 * Multitasked Conversation
 * My Beloved Smother - Katsumi, Naomi's mother.
 * My Sister Is Off-Limits
 * Neck Lift
 * Nice Job Breaking It, Hero
 * Nightmare Sequence
 * No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
 * No-Holds-Barred Beatdown
 * No Sense of Personal Space - Beyond
 * No Sympathy
 * Noble Demon - Light
 * Nobody Calls Me Chicken
 * Not Helping Your Case
 * Not Me This Time
 * Not So Different
 * OOC Is Serious Business
 * Oh Crap
 * Omnicidal Maniac - "...Now do you really want to see me outdo Kira?"
 * The Omniscient Council of Vagueness – Meanwhile, in the Shinigami realm...
 * Omniscient Morality License
 * The Only One Allowed to Defeat You
 * Original Character - (C-List Fodder...) Also Naomi's parents are mentioned in the manga but are never shown at all. So I introduced them as Amazingly Embarrassing Parents.
 * Overprotective Dad – Isamu, Naomi's dad
 * Painting the Fourth Wall – Shinigami speak in bold.
 * Pass the Popcorn - (pass the skulls)
 * Passive-Aggressive Kombat
 * The Plague
 * Poisonous Friend – Mikami to Light, Light to Naomi.
 * Politeness Judo
 * Plucky Comic Relief – the Shinigami
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech
 * Red Eyes, Take Warning
 * Refuge in Audacity
 * Revenge
 * Revenge Before Reason
 * Rule of Funny
 * Sadist Show - Jerkass saturation is over 9000!
 * Sarcastic Clapping
 * Sarcastic Confession
 * Security Blanket – Zellogi and his blankie...
 * Self-Deprecation
 * Shiny New Australia
 * Ship Tease – see Foe Yay
 * Shipper on Deck– Katsumi is trying to hook up Naomi and Light, while Ryuk is trying to get Light to admit his feelings for L.
 * Shout-Out - Shadow Over Innsmouth, Portal, Dexter, Metalocalypse, Code Geass, Sweeney Todd, Hamlet, Twilight, Resident Evil, Firefly, Doctor Faustus, Kill Bill, Captain Planet ... Also let's just say I imagine Beyond being played by Heath Ledger... also Beyond watches Teletubbies like a certain Doctor Who villain..., Zellogi is also known as Chief Linus the Shinigami and he talks about Fight Club...
 * Obligatory reference... Join me and together we will rule the galaxy!
 * Shut UP, Hannibal
 * Slash Fic – Light x L, L x Light OTP, also got Light x Mikami, hints of Light x Matsuda, and the het option of Light x Naomi.
 * Soap Within a Show - the events that Ryuk kicked off in the human world is just a big Soap Opera to most of the Shinigami...
 * Sorting Algorithm of Evil
 * Spanner in the Works –
 * Spin-Off - Possessing Humans: A Guide The Shinigami get together to create a guide to possessing and raising a human pet.
 * Spin to Deflect Stuff
 * Starboarding – So far looking like Naomi --> Light --> L, Matsuda --> Light --> L, Mikami --> Light --> L, and Beyond --> L
 * Story Arc – the first one featured Beyond Birthday, and now we're beginning the second one...
 * Stuffed Into the Fridge –
 * Suspiciously Apropos Music / Soundtrack Dissonance - Framing fanfic chapters with song lyrics is a long and ancient tradition...
 * Take That, Audience!
 * Talking Is a Free Action – Beyond certainly seems to think so.
 * Tall Light And Snarky
 * Tangled Family Tree
 * Team Pet – the Shinigami
 * Tears of Blood
 * Tempting Fate
 * Tenchi Solution
 * Terms of Endangerment
 * There Is No Such Thing as Notability - I think it's the best thing ever, but I wrote it so I'm a little biased...
 * These Hands Have Killed
 * They Would Cut You Up
 * This Is for Emphasis, Bitch
 * Took a Level in Badass - Light is beginning to shed his canon role of Non-Action Guy and Matsuda in Chapter 12.
 * Took a Level In Dumbass -
 * Torture Cellar
 * Transparent Closet – Everyone knows, Light. EVERYONE.
 * Trauma Conga Line
 * Ultimate Evil –
 * Unstoppable Rage – can't leave out Matsuda's Crowning Moment of Awesome now can we?
 * Unusual Euphemism - Cooking Club. That is all.
 * Unwanted Harem
 * Villains Out Shopping – Light and Ryuk play Mario Kart together.
 * Later we have a literal Shopping Montage
 * Villain with Good Publicity – Light, What a nice young man...
 * Villainous Breakdown
 * Villainous Rescue
 * The Virus
 * Visible Silence
 * Vomiting Cop
 * We Can Rule Together
 * What Measure Is a Non-Human?
 * What the Hell, Hero??
 * What Were You Thinking??
 * We Can Rule Together
 * What Measure Is a Non-Human?
 * What the Hell, Hero??
 * What Were You Thinking??


 * ...Who Needs Enemies?
 * Who Writes This Crap??
 * Whole-Plot Reference
 * Why Don't You Just Shoot Him??
 * Wild Mass Guessing
 * Worth It
 * Yawn and Reach
 * You Are Grounded
 * You Didn't Ask - Well for starters, Kira's followers are under the mistaken impression that he controls the Shinigami...
 * You Said You Would Let Them Go
 * Your Worst Nightmare