Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles/Funny

"John: I call shotgun. Cameron: I call 9mm."
 * From "Queen's Gambit":

"Derek: Remind me again, why are the boys out here and the girls in there? John: Because one of the girls is harder than nuclear nails. Derek: And the other one's a cyborg."
 * In "What He Beheld," we have this exchange:

"Cameron: No. It belongs to the guy I killed and stuffed in the trunk. Morris (to John): Your sister is dark, man."
 * There's also Cameron's Sarcastic Confession when Morris asks whether a nice looking sports car is hers.

"Cameron: If you call home, he'll find you. He'll kill your parents. He'll kill you. Sarah: Cameron! Cameron: (still holding him in the air) Would you like a bedtime story?"
 * In "Automatic for the People," Cameron gets to play pool hustler by using her computer-aided targeting systems to swindle a bunch of employees out of their money. One moment they're having a good laugh to themselves at how she's totally going to lose, and then she sinks five balls on her first shot. The next time we see her she's counting a stack of bills.
 * In "Goodbye to All That," Cameron stops Martin Bedell (a ten year old kid) from using the phone via a Neck Lift, only to be admonished by Sarah for scaring the poor boy.

"Cameron: Ellison lied to us. I'm going to kill him. Sarah: No, you're not killing anyone. Cameron: But he's the only one I want to kill."
 * In "Adam Raised A Cain," Cameron discovers Ellison lied to her, and somehow manages to sound both completely emotionless and like a petulant child at the same time.

""Don't kiss me... or anyone else!""
 * Episode 2. Cameron gets run over by a car. She tries to reassure the family in the car. "Please remain calm."
 * Sarah to Cameron on her first day of school.

"Gun shop owner: (hands phone number to a T-888) Ask to speak to Manny. T-888: I want to speak to Manny. Gun shop owner: Call the number first, then ask."
 * In "Heavy Metal," Sarah and Cameron have captured a human employee of a Terminator and are interrogating him. Sarah tries beating information out of him, but the man is unfazed. So Sarah takes a knife, cuts the man free, and stabs the knife into a nearby table, then tells the man he's free to go...if he can get past Cameron. He gets up, glaces to the knife, and then to Cameron, looking fairly confident. Next scene, he's driving down the road, gripping the wheel with white knuckles, looking absolutely terrified, and Cameron is sitting beside him with a little smile on her face, managing to convey exactly what happened without speaking a word.
 * After Cameron accidentally crushes a bird thanks to her malfunctioning arm, she watches another one fly away: "Goodbye, bird. There was a 52% chance I wasn't going to kill you."
 * "That's a window, bird."
 * Cromartie gives an obnoxious girl a lift because she says she also hates Cameron. Eventually, Cromartie can't take her non-stop rambling and shoves her out of the car.
 * Well, that was the girl that Cameron had nearly choked earlier. And she did ask to be let out...
 * Weaver and John Henry both saying "We'll see" in "Born To Run".
 * Cameron searching Ellison's yard in the middle of the night for Cromartie's body ("Go back to sleep!")
 * This gun-shop exchange in "Born to Run:"

"Principal: You boys are in here at least twice a month waving your Patriot Act around. Let me guess - drugs? Look me in the eye and tell me you've never smoked a little marijuana. Cromartie: [leans down and looks him in the eye] I've never smoked a little marijuana."
 * When Cromartie, posing as an FBI agent, is asked by John & Cameron's school Principal to prove he's been sent by the Federal Government, he kills the Principal, thanking him in an oddly bright voice "Thank you for your cooperation".
 * And before that:

"Anne: Why would you keep a gun in the house? David: For situations like this. Or a bear.
 * In "Self-Made Man", the librarian wonders at the pure silver nitrate films saying they are pure humanity on film without special effects wizardry ("computer generated digital crap" is the exact words he used). Cameron then looks down in shame...
 * Earlier in the episode, Cameron "imagines" a terminator, dressed in 1920s' gangster garb, robbing a bank, wielding a one-handed tommy gun and carrying a sack of money. It's an absolutely hilarious image (until you find out that's what actually happened, anyway...)
 * Same episode, Sarah tells Cameron to make herself useful and hands her a basket of laundry. John snarks that her mother is making the most efficient killing machine ever created do chores, prompting her to make him do it. After Sarah walks out John hands the basket back to Cameron, who shoots him a dirty look.
 * Cameron flipping Ellison over after she had just finished beating him up in "Complications".
 * "The eyes are the windows to the soul, Mr. Ellison. Your eyes look tired. Is your soul tired?"
 * From "Alpine Fields"

Cameron: This wouldn't work in a situation like this.

Anne: Why didn't you tell me?

Cameron: Or a bear."


 * Cameron and another Terminator having to stop in the middle of a vicious fight in an elevator as people are using it. Then resetting their limbs and covering over the scars.
 * Look carefully and you'll see Summer Glau was holding back a smile.
 * In the pilot episode, after Cameron finishes extracting bullets from her torso while topless, she sits there nonchalantly for a moment, before Sarah tells her to "put those back in the holster". The hilarity comes from her brief bit of puzzlement, followed by Cameron going "Oh." and putting her shirt back on.
 * The Mousetrap has Cameron loading heavy computer equipment. When John tells her that she does need help she realizes that people are watching her and she sort of turns in on herself for not thinking of the possibility that what she was doing looked odd.
 * John Henry's insistence on only rolling natural twenties when playing Dungeons and Dragons. That poor Umber Hulk never stood a chance.