Umineko: When They Cry/WMG/Silly

=== This is a list of silly, or Just for Fun wild mass guesses for the series Umineko no Naku Koro ni. More serious entries should go in one of the open pages. ===

Please add new entries to the bottom of the page.

Genji is a Genie
The names are only a few letters off,and in a strange way it would make sense. The roulette? His three wishes.

The series is a stealth sequel to Hitherby Dragons
Beato and the Mariage Sorcerie are gods created by Maria, in the same way that Eva-Beatrice is a god born to answer Eva's suffering. Battler ascended as a Hero during the tea party at the end of Legend of the Golden Witch: hence his growing supernatural power and inability to affect real events (the blood of the People of Salt is strong Kinzo's family). And the Monster...

...there is no monster. There's just folks, trying to get by.

The "Pendragon-sama" the Siestas report to is not Arthur, but Arturia Pendragon.
Because why not? There are apparently trillions upon quadrillions upon quintillions upon googleplexes of kakera out there; why couldn't one of them be the Nasuverse?
 * Given that Chie is based of Ciel, I'd say its more likely to be Arturia then Arthur.

Umineko = Code Geass
Umineko no Naku Koro ni takes place entirely in the universe of Code Geass. This would explain the names being mostly European even though the series takes place in Japan (excuse me, Area 11). That's really about it. I mean look at the costumes, they look Britannian.
 * Both involve immortal witches who are served by a man who proclaims himself to be a demon and invoke chess symbolism.
 * In the Code Geass universe, Japan was not occupied until the Twenty-first century. Also, in EP1 there is reference to the Korean War. If The Royal family of the Britannian Empire fled to America, The Korean War sure as hell wouldn't have occured, as the attack on Pearl Harbor never happened. (The Japanese would have had no reason to attack Pearl Harbor, as Britannia would've already been involved in World War II if there was one at all, there would have been no reason to try and prevent America (which doesn't exist here.) from entering the war!) No Pearl Harbor, No MacArthur. No MacArthur, no Korean War. No Korean War, no war funds. No war funds, no fortune. No fortune, NO PLOT!
 * You forgot to add that the American Revolution never happened, either.
 * The fact that The Korean War as we know it did not occur does not mean that there couldn't be a war in Korea involving Britannia. If such a war took place, it would still be called the Korean War, because it would be a war taking place in Korea.

One or more of the characters has a Death Note.
This is all but confirmed in Umineko Hell; who's to say it might not apply to canon? Hell, maybe Beatrice herself has been controlling the deaths through the Death Note all along and is only making Battler think magic might be the cause because she's afraid of what would happen if the note fell into the hands of Battler.

Umineko is actually a romance!
That explains everything. Kihihihihi. "Kyrie:"Fufufu, can great detectives deduce the emotions and feelings between men and women? They can't, right? Figuring out the feelings of the opposite sex is an even more advanced art than exposing the tricks in difficult crime cases. If you ask me, romance novels have much deeper mysteries than masterpiece mystery novels.""
 * Possible hint from the first game:


 * ... Surprisingly confirmed.

'Beatrice' is the name of the smog monster from Lost
All mysteries can be explained by this.

Beatrice is actually a teapot.

 * In MacArthur, the giant murder party started after tea was served. Poison tea could cause everyone to hallucinate about stakes and gore and shit. What contained the tea? Teatrice.
 * In MacArthur, Shannon gets the gold butterfly brooch thing while she's on the beach. This makes little sense, though, as a) she wouldn't be on the beach, she'd be doing meido things, and b) how the hell would a servant get a perfectly made golden brooch? Shannon is actually just in the kitchen, and she's holding the teapot that is Beatrice. She's thinking about George and how she is in RABU with him, which translates to the magical love-enhancing power whatsit of the butterfly brooch.
 * One of Natsuhi's many delusions in EP1 is that she's drinking tea with Beatrice. However, Bern states in red that there was only one person drinking tea there. Natsuhi still was technically drinking tea with "Beatrice," because TEATRICE.
 * Bronove hangs around Beato and makes cookies. Cookies go with tea, right? And tea goes with teapots. TEATRICE.
 * Beatrice is Western. Kinzo's got an obsession with Western shit, right? Well, the teapot was imported from Europe.
 * To get around the "only humans are involved" rule...well, who brought out the teapot? Who bought it in the first place? Who put the tea in it? There's an "accomplice," someone using the teapot...but the teapot itself is what's killing people.
 * This kind of implies that Battler fell in love with a teapot and said lots of Engrishy things to it. HE'LL RIDE IN ON A WHITE HORSE TO SAVE YOU, TEAPOT-CHAN~! He could have dropped the teapot or something, which would make it really hard to put back together. He probably got in trouble and promised that he'd be back next year to put it together on his own, but after he left the family they realized that he wouldn't be back. So, they put it together again, and put it on some shelf somewhere...until the family conference six years later, where they decided to take it out again.
 * Maria's used to speaking to inanimate objects, so TEAPOT AS BFF is no problem there.
 * I like this theory.
 * It's actually a lot closer to the truth than you might think. While she might (or might not) be teapot shaped, though, she isn't a teapot.
 * I get it all now! The original Beatrice whom Kinzo fell in love with was a teapot. They had a daughter who was half-teapot whom Kinzo knocked up again and created Yasu, who is quarter teapot. Because of that her parts are all made of teapot and thus she is unable to love.

Ryukishi07 visited friends in South Korea before writing out the plot
...and while he was there, they showed him this funny American game that's very popular where they live. It has aliens; and guns; and online multiplayer. But the people online are a buncha eleven-year olds, and Ryukishi07 decided to write about his experiences in his next series of EP2. Did I miss anything?
 * Nobody got murdered, but the connection wasn't great, so there's a fair amount of disconnecting going on.
 * These people were using invisible units. Freaking invisible. Where are the gosh darn things? They aren't there at all! I won't recognize them! They don't exist!
 * Red got confused, though, and started taking things too seriously. But he got better after a good challenge was thrown at him.
 * Grey and yellow pulled a "in order to fool your foe, you must first fool you friend" style of trick, which involved yellow killing grey's main and then grey warping in Zealots on red. Luckily for red, that was about when his little sister's forces arrived, and she managed to save his base.
 * After a couple of games, the host (yellow) got tired and started lagtrolling everyone. Thankfully, blue and pink lived in an apartment near her's, and threw stale spaghetti at her windows until she reconnected.
 * Red's little sister wanted to play, too, but he didn't realize who she was and almost killed her main. Then she lagged out.

Kanon is Kannon
Headscratchingly ambiguous gender, vaguely defined magical powers... it's a snap!

Maria is the reincarnation of Mary.
It's stated in Episode 4 that MARIA has the maternal power to give birth to 1 from the sea of 0. That's not exactly subtle is it? Other hints include the cross in her name, the murders in the chapel being dedicated to her, her belief in the guidance of a higher being, and most of all, the rarity of her death. I surmise that being the one chosen to give birth to The Messiah would make her too holy to be touched by Beatrice and the Stakes. Also, perhaps the Eiserne Jungfrau appearing from heaven to execute the hellish forces on Rokkenjima is evidence that God is protecting his "investment".
 * So this clearly means Sakutaro is Jesus (the White Heart of Maria, her best friend and main creation, redeems her soul when he's revived, is a lion like Aslan, is loved by all, cannot be harmed by anything magical), so does this mean Beatrice is God? She speaks in Red Truth like Jesus in some versions of the Bible, her Endless Magic is godlike according to Eva-Beatrice, Mary/Maria believes in her despite being devout, she speaks of love and can command demons while mentioning Jesus a couple times, only people who believe her can see her, accepting her existence means going to a paradise, and she starts off being an evil monster, then turns into a hippie Love Freak like the Old and New Testaments.
 * Wait, Jesus speaks in red truth in the Bible? That's awesome!
 * Well not so much Red Truth. Literally every word he says is in Red, because he's just that badass.
 * I thought that was just to assert his authority (ties in with a WMG above) whether those around him acknowledge it or not. Alternatively, it was a clue that he's not a normal human.
 * I agree with the main theory linking Maria to Mary, but not that other troper's theory linking Beatrice to God. No, Maria is Beato (which is an actual word meaning blessed), Beato is known to be in love with Battler, and who impregnated the Virgin Mary in the Bible? And by that logic, Battler is God! (it's certainly more supportable than "small bombs")
 * Everyone is God in Meta World.
 * OP here. Just to expand on my opening theory, I don't think Sakutaro is Jesus. He's more of a Joseph figure. I'd assume we haven't seen the Jesus analogue yet. As for God, they mention the actual God in the text multiple times, so maybe... bare with me now... GOD IS GOD!

The whole thing is due to Bernkastel and other witches achieving Medium Awareness and wanting to lash out at Us Bastards.
In the Tanabata side story, when Bernkastel goes to grant a wish, she repeatedly addresses the audience, belittling us and accusing us of wanting to see her twist wishes about horribly and do terrible, horrific things with her magic. This isn't just a You Bastard attack, however: it's her Motive Rant. After the hell all the Rikas were put through in Higurashi, Bernkastel gained Medium Awareness and came to realize that everything that happened was for our amusement. So she can write off her being a Complete Monster as just Pandering to the Base, with the intent of giving us all a massive Heel Realization and sending us into a shared BSOD. And anyone who doesn't go into a BSOD upon the revelation are just proving that Humans Are Bastards.
 * I fell in love with her at that point.
 * I do not watch to see someone do such murders, or grant evil wishes. I watch to see one who commits such actions be CAUGHT!
 * How could we expect her to understand this? If you underwent such a horrible ordeal, only to learn it was for somebody's entertainment... how likely would you be willing to listen to anyone claim they didn't mean any harm, or that they were on your side the whole time?

The real (meta-)reason why everyone's rich...
After the True Ending, Battler goes back to Ancient Rome and becomes Plautus, where he uses the events of the final loop as the basis for The Pot Of Gold. He then becomes meta-Battler somehow, and uses the events of the rest of the series to write the lesser-known (but more accurate) The Aristocrats. Over time, The Aristocrats is corrupted through Memetic Mutation from a fantasy/mystery/romance/whatever about repeated murders and a Big Screwed-Up Family into the joke we all know. Hence the plot reason for all the money; he couldn't call it "The Aristocrats" if it wasn't about aristocrats.

The Siestas are/were/know The Prismriver Sisters

 * Not seeing the connection. Can you explain, please?
 * (Respondent here.) Why does my request for an explanation keep getting deleted?

Erika Furudo is a distant descendant of Hercule Poirot
Crime-solving runs in the family. Also, between the arrogance and the talk of "little grey cells", I found it easy to see her as a less amiable relative of Poirot's.
 * Impossible, she's clearly a relation of Red Green.
 * Objection: Her complete insanity means that she must be related to Professor Moriarty.
 * OBJECTION! Professor Moriarty was not a detective! If Erika Furudo was related to him, she would be a criminal, not a detective! You must have been thinking of Sherlock Holmes, who was a detective!
 * Being related to a criminal does not automatically make one a criminal.
 * She would have been brought up in that kind of lifestyle, hence my previous statement. Besides, she's not insane. She's just a bitch.

EVA/Eva-Beatrice is EP5 as a cute girl.
Let's see:
 * Imposes ironic, fantastic tortures on her victims, check.
 * Forces the one person who pisses her off the most into a Fate Worse Than Death, check.
 * Are beings of pure hatred, check.

The Golden Butterflies are nanomachines in blood stream reaching the brain.
Kinzo, being a genius in the stock market, invested in nanomachine technology when he learned of his cancer, and secretly had a lab in the other mansion. Beatrice is the codename of the nanomachine project and the nanomachines were set loose by accident. The Golden butterflies illusion are a side effect of the nanomachines attacking the body. The Japanese government sealed of the island to take over the research. The pioneering work set by Kinzo's investment led to the events in the Cowboy Bebop Movie.
 * Clark's Third Law is cheating and not allowed, according to Lambdadelta.
 * I think you meant Knox's 4th. Besides, I did not mention that they were killed by nanomachines but rather that the golden butterflies they see at times are merely caused by the nanomachines messing up with their brains.
 * I meant what I said. Anyway, things like nanomachines or drugs that cause hallucinations has been denied in Red. No such drug EXISTS. It must not EXIST.
 * Only because it's forbidden by Knox's Decalogue! I propose that Knox's Decalogue does not apply to Beato's game!

Umineko is an open-source MMORPG in the Higurashi universe.
Witches are mods, and the Game Master is the server admin. Beato's server, Rokkenjima, was originally an RP-heavy Modern Horror game, but then she decided she wanted to switch to Urban Fantasy. She announced this, and it was generally well-recieved, until Battler started ranting at her about how you can't Genre Shift in mid-story without anything in the plot to indicate that it was coming up. They argued about it on the fora for a while (and a few of the others agreed with him), until Beato tried to shut Battler up by giving him mod priviliges and basically saying "okay, you're so good at this, you tell a story" as well as a sternly-worded lecture on what would happen if he abused his new powers. Naturally, with two authors arguing over which direction the story should take, things started getting weird. Beato recruited Rika to help restore order without having to revert Battler's account, and she brought along a few other characters (including Takano's old character Lambdadelta, now played by Satoko). Beato eventually wound up meeting Battler IRL and they hit it off. After a while, Beato started running out of ideas and got the mods together so that she could figure out an excuse to give someone the admin account.
 * Ooh, interesting! If someone actually made this IRL, I would so totally play it!

Rotti Largo is a descendent of the Ushiromiya family.
Hello, rich old villainous man who hates his family for being weak and only wanting his money, extols the values of gold, and wants to punish the woman he loves for getting away from him!

There's no way Kinzo and Rotti aren't related. This makes even more sense if Beatrice actually was Italian; Rotti just reached back to his mother's(?) heritage.

Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are/were/will be Digidestined.
There exists a Digimental of Miracles, and a Digimental of Destiny. Furthermore, every Crest shown corresponds to a Digimental. Therefore, every Digimental in the Digimon anime must have a corresponding Crest. No human could exhibt the traits neccesary to earn the Crest of Miracles or the Crest of Destiny. However, the Witch of Miracles and Witch of Certainty would certainly exhibit those traits.Every Crest shown belongs to a Digidestined.
 * This is the best theory ever. Who are their Digimon partners?
 * I'm not sure, but I would guess Black Gatomon for Bern, and I have no idea what Lambda's would be. Someone, with a more comprehensive knowledge of Digimon then me, would probably be able to provide a better answer.
 * I haven't watched (or read, or played...) Umineko yet aside from the first few episodes of the anime (and am only on this page because I was bored), so I had to look up Lambadelta on the Umineko Wiki and on the character sheet, so if this doesn't fit her, I'm sorry. I'd guess a possible partner for her would be Lopmon, with the Mega (Dub name)/Ultimate (Japanese name) being the dark form of Cherubimon.

The End...
...is gonna be a rickroll.

Umineko is one big story created by the Higurashi gang
Certain parts are created by certain characters; Maria related stuff are both Satoko (/Satoshi?) and Rena related and Battler parts are Keiichi related, for example. Kanon having a machete was put in by Rena. It would explain design similarities too, and why the story is so troll at times.

Beatrice is responsible for the Adaptation Decay in the anime.
Because she decided to use a different tactic to both give Battler more hints and screw with his head some more: Show the murders in anime form. The constant Fanservice shots were there to snap up Battler's attention (given that he is something of a pervert), and the contorted facial expressions served to troll him even harder. However, when it came to depicting the scenes developing her and Battler's relationship, she got into "tsun" mode and didn't want too much hints about her real feelings for him given away, so she cut down on any scenes suggesting her feelings for him went beyond that of a "worthy opponent".

The "witches" are literally roleplayers
Really, really bad ones who love to troll, god-mod, and are fighting over who gets to be the spotlight character of the RP. Battler is the poor schmuck who wandered innocently into the forum and ended up getting strung along by all of them; the colored-text battles are him trying to call the "witches" out on their terrible VNs.
 * Or, they're all extremely GOOD AM, and it's Battler who sucks.
 * Would this RPG happen to be titled "Witches & Woodlands"?
 * Alternatively, the witches are all Sim-players. The constant use of a Locked Room Mystery makes perfect sense - it's a favorite tactic of Sim-players everywhere. All the characters have Impossibly Cool Clothes because the witches download modded content.
 * As seen here.

Bernkastel did the Final Destination movies.
Admit it, this is exactly something she'd do.

Beatrice and the "magical" denizens of Umineko are all Shadows.
Beatrice in particular adores giving characters verbal smackdowns about their flaws, and their Berserk Button is humans denying that they exist. Kanon and Shannon have similar issues to Aigis and Teddie. There's also an awful lot of butterfly symbolism going down between both franchises.
 * Maria is a Persona User, and Sakutarou is her Persona. Same with Ange, who can summon the Stakes too, having the Wild Card. The Meta-World is the Velvet Room, and most of the witches and demons are obvious in what they represent. Beatrice, especially, is  If that's not a Shadow, I don't know what is.
 * Philemon and Nyarlathotep even have a challenge similar to the games in the meta-world. And the entire fourth game was about REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH. Who knows, maybe we'll start seeing some red text scattered around soon...
 * Bernkatsel is of course, Rika's shadow. Or is that canon?
 * Not to mention that Izanami is voiced by Takano, who Lambdadelta is an Expy of. What's Izanami's special ability? To kill unfailingly!

Battler and Beatrice are just a couple of really drunk friends trying to recall something-or-other.
Each retelling gets increasingly bizarre, with more 'magical' elements and characters added each time.
 * I demand fan art of this. Right now.
 * Will a fanfiction do?
 * Theory poster here. That story is awesome and must continue!

Okonogi spoke of world peace for a reason.
It turns out that actually Kinzo's epitaph leads not just to the gold, controversial in itself, but also a secret cache of weaponry and multi-national secrets. The Ushiromiya family found them out, and if word got out, World War III would have broken out and caused the collapse of multiple governments of First World Nations all over the planet. Therefore, to keep this from happening, Shkannon, an orphan from Fukuin house (actually a secret plant for training shadow government assassin agents) was assigned with observing the Ushiromiyas and silencing them if things turned bad. Therefore, by killing the Ushiromiyas, the entire world was saved from nuclear fallout. It is for this reason that Beatrice martyred herself as a supernatural witch, as Shkannontrice felt sympathy for the family (especially Battler) and wanted them to die as heroes in service of mankind and it's future.

Umineko no Naku Koro ni is based off of a true story.
Why else would the this is a work of fiction disclaimer be in white instead of red?
 * And the title of the story is really just "Na", and Higurashi never happened. We've been hardcore trolled.

Sakutaro and EVA are related
Their themes are a little too related for This Troper. We can only hope we are being trolled, or else that stuffed lion is a greater troll than Fermat.
 * Because music in Umineko have NEVER been remixed for use outside of thematic reasons. No sirree, not at all. Never.

The Siestas were made in Iceland
Why else would they have the national flag on their arms?

Battler's sin is not finishing Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
12-year-old Battler is reading this book Higurashi no Naku Koro ni (which he namedrops in Ep. 1). Let's pretend it's a choose-your-own adventure book with about a million ways to die and only one Good End. Battler takes this book with him to Rokkenjima to kill time, but gets frustrated with it, rage-quits, and accidentally leaves it lying around somewhere on the island. Because of the falling out with his father, he never returns to retrieve it, and he never contacts anyone on the island to send it back to him. Eventually, he forgets about finishing the series entirely.

Meanwhile, poor little Rika Furude has a bit of a problem on her hands: her master suddenly just... stopped playing/reading. She has no hope of reaching that one good end now - she'll just be killed in the same ways over and over.

Eventually, something very unlikely occurs and Rika manages to reach that single good end by herself and becomes Bernkastel, the Witch of Miracles because of it. She's not happy though. Most pieces aren't after being abandoned by their master to be repeatedly killed for no rhyme or reason.

Bernkastel decides that she can only be satisfied with revenge. The next time Battler returns to Rokkenjima, she's going to make him experience the same hell she had to go through...


 * And Lambdadelta too

The reason Bernkastel is evil...
Is because she saw Rika's horrible performance in the Higurashi English dub. So horrible was the attempt at Nii-pah that it caused her to hate all reality.

The Ushiromiya gold...
... used to belong to the Knox family. Dlanor will solve the epitaph to reclaim it, then have the gold moved to a high-security fort.

Santa Claus will save everyone.
The 8th game is being released at the end of December, and Beato and Bern talked an awful lot about him at the end of Episode 2. Frankly, I wouldn't be too surprised.

Sebastian is one of the goat butlers.
Ronove taught him everything.

Featherine isn't Hanyuu, Dlanor is.
Have we ever seen the inquisitor without her hat? She adopted a new verbal tic to stay hidden and covered up her horns.
 * Alternately, they're both aspects of Hanyuu. All we need is a Fusion Dance!

Beatrice isn't a witch, she's from the Moon Tribe.
A Trickster Mentor who leads the protagonist to the end of a journey through riddles and various amounts of taunting,, , Hair of Gold. Sounds awfully familiar.

Maria's father is Ganondorf.
Orange hair, both of them are slightly unhinged, and then you see the family resemblance in this video.

The true reason Battler avoids family conferences.
It's Lion's fault for being a butt-pincher. Battler got tired of it, so he stopped showing up.

Why are there only 17 people?
Because Furudo Erika is a Complete Monster.

Everything's going to be okay.
Someone will solve the epitaph, no one will die, nothing's going to explode, and.... *sniff...*

The whole Rokkenjima massacre incidents are just a cover-up.
Flandre Scarlet escaped from the basement, and got a little rowdy. As a fellow witch/magician, Beatrice owed Patchouli a favor, so she covered the whole thing up. And the whole detective motif? Flandre's theme: U.N. Owen was her?.
 * Confirmed.

It's all a bad dream.
"Ugh... I'm never eating mackerel before bed ever again."

Click
"Is this just Fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies, and see... I'm just a poor boy. I need no Fantasy! Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter To me"

"Mother, just killed a man put my gun against his head  pulled my trigger now he's dead Mother, life has just begun And now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mother, didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back this time tomorrow carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters"

"Too late my time has come Sends shivers down my spine Body's aching all the time Goodbye everybody I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the wind blows) I don't want to die Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all"

"I see a little silhouetto of a man Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me (Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro Magnifico-o-o-o-o I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"

"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go! Let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go Let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go! Let me go (Will not let you go) Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never) Let me go, o, o, o, o No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama Mia, let me go Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!"

"So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye So you think you can love me and leave me to die Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here"

"(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)"

"Nothing really matters Anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me"

"Any way the wind blows..."

Dlanor is from Gensokyo.
She's a relatively young-looking girl who wears a somewhat-frilly outfit and a Nice Hat, and she has her very own meme ("DIE THE DEATH! etc.")

Beatrice used to be Inoue Orihime.
Her powers have grown to the point she has trascended humanity. Observe:
 * Orangeish hair? Check
 * Powerful ability to restore anything to a previous state? Check
 * Sentinent flying homing weapons that stab people? Check

Shannon is infected with the Hinamizawa Syndrome.
We now know that the outfits of the Siesta Sisters, wich are oddly similar to the Angel Mort outfits, were originally designed by Shannon. So where did Shannon came up with the design? Where else but at Angel Mort, Okinomiya, itself, where she went on vacation at some point. And we know that hanging around Hinamizawa is enough to get you infected...

Willard is Chuck Norris.
Both exude an aura of untempered badassery.

Genji is an ex-spy and/or a scret agent
He can trow knifes with a perfect aim! he is like james bond!!

All 18 people on the island entered a small room together and suffocated, the whole thing is a Dying Dream.
Personally, I think they all died because they suffocated. With that much boobage in the house, it wouldn't be impossible, especially if all 18 people (that's 10 oversized boobs) squished together in a room. The oxygen that wasn't pushed out of the room by the bouncers would be used up very quickly. That's why Battler is always oogling at the girls breasts; was the last thing he saw. This also explains Beatrice's huge tatas.

Bernkastel is GLaDOS.
Makes more sense when you remember that Lambdadelta's a cake.

Beatrice is Lady Gaga
]] Think about it.
 * Lady Gaga does things RANDOMLY. Beatrice kills RANDOM people RANDOMLY

Gaap is a bisexual

 * Her friendship with the former Beatrice, and she asks Virgillia if George was cute when she was about to fight him.

Willard H. Wright was once Aragaki Shinjiro.

 * In the Male Protagonist's story, Shinjiro died at October 4th and lost his ability to summon his Persona(though in another Kakera, the Female Protagonist's Story, he survived, but he might die later). Heaven reconized his deeds and his sacrifice that he was appointed as first-class archbishop and Chief Inquisitor of SSVD, and became sucessful with Van Dine's Commandments. As part of SSVD, Shinjiro changed his appearance and was given a new name, Willard H. Wright. But similar to his action in the Past, he quit SSVD just as he quit SEES, but just because of SSVD's brutal standards.
 * Also, Willard still has Shinjiro's Hidden Heart of Gold, and of course, his signature Head Butt.

Bernkastel is actually a Puella Magi Madoka Magica witch
(MJAOR SPOILERS for PMMM and When They Cry) Why? Because

Beatrice is just continuing the game because she secretly likes Battler.
And she thinks that he's cute when he's thinking or angry and stuff.
 * This is so canon that it's not even a WMG. Did you only watch the anime or something?
 * Sorry. That's exactly it. I'm a noob to this series and I'll admit it. I want to see the visual novels, but I don't know how to purchase the translations and I don't want to watch videos online because I feel like that's stealing in a way.

The red truth proves that red does makes thing go faster.
Well, the truth must be said in red, right? And it has been proven!
 * Wait a minute. That was 'scientificly proven'...
 * Da red wunz go fastah!
 * Ok, so which one should we believe? The red truth, the scientific theory or the power of da WAAAGH!!!?

The United States will release Umineko

 * I've got a feeling that they would.

This equation proves a popular theory
If we reference the unused Knox's Fifth and play the game of Umineko after the manner of Chinese Chess, we can gather that at least  The piece Pao (translation: cannon, is also sometimes referred to as simply "cannon") does not show up in the traditional English game. Another name for the Pao or Cannon is the Rook Lion, sometimes abbreviated to Rion.