Overly Pre-Prepared Gag/Quotes

"Contract YOU hereafter referred to as "Dumb" and DOKAKA hereafter referred to as "Ass" Ass gives Dumb an enjoyable moment via CD-DA format which includes Ass's Voices and Dumb finds listening to Ass's music is really fun and feels happy. For The Dumb, (blank line) For the Ass, (Dokaka's signature) Now, we are "The Dumbass Brothers"!!"

- liner notes from The Dokaka Discography

"I gambled my last dollar, was thrown out in the street, Took off my Eaton collar, There was nothing left to eat. I broke out of the poor house, and through the woods I went, The bloodhounds never found me, for I did not have a cent!"

- Al Duvall, "Dark Inside"

"Lister: Sometimes, I think it's cruel giving machines a personality. My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with Artificial Intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got rattled one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, his shoes got bored going from his local to his flat. They wanted to see the world, you know. He had a hell of a job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they'd show up again the next day. He tried to shut them out, but they just kicked the door down. Rimmer: Is this true? Lister: Yeah. The last thing I heard, they sort of... robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn't steer, you see. Rimmer: Really? Lister: Yeah. Petersen was really, really blown away about it. He went to see a priest. The priest told him... he said it was alright and all that, when shoes are happy that they'd get into heaven. You see, it turns out shoes have soles.

Rimmer: Ah, what a sad story. Wait a minute....How did they open the car door?"

- Red Dwarf

"Carla: Turk made me watch Anaconda with him. Elliot: Oh, is that the one with the giant snake? Todd: (stands up from behind the counter) No, (points to self)this is the one with the giant "snake"! I was back here for forty-five minutes waiting for a setup. My back is killing me - but I nailed it. It's about commitment."

- Scrubs