Game of Thrones/Recap/S2/E09 Blackwater

Ladies and Gentlemen, for today's Bottle Episode, we give you: the Battle of the Blackwater, a pivotal engagement in the War of Five Kings, between Stannis Baratheon and Joffrey Baratheon. The action takes place entirely in and on Blackwater Bay, and no characters anywhere else in the world appear. It was also written by series scribe George RR Martin, and much of the season's increase in budget was devoted solely to it. We're in for a hell of a ride.

Stannis Baratheon surveys the battlefield from the deck of his flagship: Blackwater Bay silent under the moon, and King's Landing beyond. Below, some of his soldiers are being violently seasick. Admiral Davos Seaworth, leading the fleet (the books call his ship Black Betha, after his wife, and we'll use that convention for lack of other name), watches as well, his son Matthos at his side, reminiscing about his days in Flea Bottom and dodging the royal fleet instead of attacking it. Matthos is sure in R'hllor and confident of success: "Our ships outnumber them ten to one. Our soldiers outnumber them five to one."

Tyrion is trying to sleep, but quite understandably having trouble. At least he has Shae on his side. ("You can't fuck your way out everything," he laughs. "I have so far," she reminds him.) Cersei is also not sleeping, though perhaps for another reason: she has Grand Maester Pycelle doddering his way through a speech. As it turns out, he has brought her a vial of "essence of nightshade," the same fast-acting poison Jaqen H'ghar used on Ser Amory Lorch a couple of episodes ago. Why would a queen in a city besieged need poison?

Down below, Bronn and the gold cloaks are engaging in some recreation of their own: drinking, singing and wenching. In particular, we are introduced to a song called "The Rains of Castamere," which we will explain in a bit as it is an important Leitmotif to the series. But for now let us move on to the arrival of the Hound in the tavern. He doesn't seem to like Bronn, possibly because the two of them are Not So Different, and the two are nearly at swords before the bells ring the alarum, summoning the defenders to their posts.

The Rains of Castamere
The Rains of Castamere is, In Universe, Tywin Lannister's "The Villain Sucks" Song. You will recall, if you've paid attention to the series, that Tywin's father, Tytos Lannister, was a weak and ineffectual lord; his bannermen mocked him in their cups, and his mistress stole jewels from his wife. Well, some Lannister bannermen, the Tarbecks of Tarbeck Hall and the Reynes of Castamere, thought they could overthrow the Lannisters. Well, Tywin took the Lannister armies against the "Red Lion of Castamere" and Lady Tarbeck and they lost: Tywin slew every Tarbeck or Reyne there ever was and tore down their castles. Keep in mind that by this point Tywin wasn't even the Lord of Casterly Rock.

The Rains of Castamere is a song some bard crafted to commemorate the event; note the pun of "rains" vs "Reynes." Summarized it in one sentence, the song's meaning is, "A Lannister always wins." It can be considered Disproportionate Retribution that Tywin wiped out all the Reynes and Tarbecks, and perhaps it was, but note that House Lannister would have likely faced the same fate had they lost. But they didn't, and that's the point. Once Lord Farman of Faircastle was also feeling big for his britches and beginning to make rebellious noises. All Lord Tywin did was send a bard to play this song. Lord Farman shut right up quick as you please.

"''And who are you, the proud lord said,

that I must bow so low?

Only a cat of a different coat,

that's all the truth I know.

In a coat of gold or a coat of red,

a lion still has claws,

And mine are long and sharp, my lord,

as long and sharp as yours.

And so he spoke, and so he spoke,

that lord of Castamere,

But now the rains weep o'er his hall,

with no one there to hear.

Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall,

and not a soul to hear.''"

Podrick Payne girds Tyrion for war while Varys presents him with a much-desired map: it shows all the tunnels and secret passageways beneath King's Landing. He also mentions that, according to his little birds, Stannis has devoted himself to the Lord of Light and the red priesthood. Varys has never mentioned precisely how he was castrated, but the... Well. Perhaps some other time. (In the book he does explain it; see the trope section below for what was left out.) But suffice it to say, Varys hates any practitioner of magic and will stop at nothing to keep one (IE Stannis) from the Iron Throne.

Aboardship, Davos hears the ringing bells and orders his ships forward. The drummers beat the rhythm and the rowers begin their work. Tyrion, meanwhile, briefs Bronn on his duties, and then bids a surprisingly heartfelt farewell to him. He also stops to pass his wishes to Sansa and her handmaiden, Shae, who will be joining Queen Cersei in Maegor's Holdfast (a castle within the Red Keep itself). "I will pray for your safe return, my lord," Sansa tells Tyrion. "Just as I pray for the king's." Of course, Joffrey then summons Sansa to kiss his new sword (Hearteater), and promises she'll kiss it after the battle and taste Stannis's blood, so one can hardly blame half that sentiment. She asks if he'll be in the vanguard: "They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting is thickest, and he is only a pretender." It would sure be a shame if Joffrey listened to her and somehow got killed in the fight, huh?

Joffrey strides forth with Lancel Lannister, the Hound and three more members of the Kingsguard--only Ser Mandon Moore and Ser Boros Blount are identified by name; the third was Ser Balon Swann in the book, but he's never been identified onscreen whereas Meryn Trant has--in tow. Both he and Lancel look desperately out of place on a battlefield, far more so than Tyrion, who is striding about purposefully. As they gain the battlements, they see Blackwater Bay empty: no Stannis-fleet, and no Joffrey-fleet either. And here we discover why the defense of King's Landing has been so desperate: Bureaucracy.

"Lancel: "Where's our fleet?"

Tyrion: "Away."

Joffrey: "Why isn't it here now, they're coming!!"

Tyrion: *pays attention to the bay; doesn't answer*

Joffrey: "Hound, tell the Hand that his king has asked him a question.

The Hound: (*exasperated*) "The king has asked you a question."

Tyrion: *not looking up* "Ser Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the King that the Hand is extremely busy."

Lancel: "The Hand of the King would like me to tell you to tell the King that--""

And so on. Joffrey, for once in his life sensible, threatens to cut it all short by cutting the Hand short, but Tyrion points out that he needs to give "the signal" upon which the city's defense rests. So evidently he has something up his sleeve. Out to sea, Ser Davos is also concerned over the missing fleet, but has no choice but to press on.

Maegor's Holdfast is a cramped and dreary place; there isn't even music, just some guy juggling (Ser Dontos Hollard, that guy Sansa saves in the first episode, now the new court fool). Cersei walks in wearing a Breast Plate, either as a Lampshade Hanging or as further evidence of her vanity, and Tommen in tow. She immediately summons Sansa and the two have a rather stilted conversation. Sansa can't help but be distracted by the presence of Ser Ilyn Payne, the King's Justice (read: executioner), but Cersei claims he's there for everyone's protection. This is somewhat undermined by a Kingsguard knight reporting that several servants are trying to escape out a postern door with horses and gold cups: Cersei orders Payne to "see to" them. Like Theon before her, Cersei subscribes to Machiavelli.

Out on the battlements, credit must be given where it is due: Joffrey is the first to spot a ship emerge from the midnight mist. (He seems to be carrying the Smart Ball this episode.) As it turns out, though, it's not Stannis's fleet, it's only one ship, and it's sailing in the wrong direction--down the Blackwater, out into the bay. Ser Davos gets a good look at too as it approaches Black Betha, and is confused by the fact that it is completely unmanned. But then it passes his ship by entirely, and he sees the iridescent green liquid spilling out the back. "Wildfire. Steer clear! Steer clear!"

Wisdom Hallyne hands Tyrion a torch, and he flings it: the signal. Bronn, heeding it, nocks and arrow and sets it alight. It arcs out into Blackwater Bay and lands amidst the wildfire. "Matthos!!" Ser Davos yells. "Get down!!"

"Then he heard a short sharp woof'', as if someone had blown in his ear. Half a heartbeat later came the roar. The deck vanished beneath him, and black water smashed him across the face, filling his nose and mouth. He was choking, drowning. Unsure which was was up, Davos wrestled the river in blind panic until suddenly he broke the surface. He spat out water, sucked in air, grabbed hold of the nearest chunk of debris, and held on.

Swordfish and the hulk were gone, blackened bodies were floating downstream beside him, and choking men clinging to bits of wood. Fifty feet high, a swirling demon of green flame danced upon the river. It had a dozen hands, in each a whip, and whatever they touched burst into fire.''"

- George RR Martin, A Clash of Kings, pg.835 (paperback)

Bronn, Tyrion, The Hound and (on his flagship) Stannis look on, horrified. Wisdom Hallyne looks pleased. So does Joffrey. But to Stannis's credit, he does not give up--and nor should he, as he still has enough ships and men to commit to an amphibious landing. As TV!Stannis leads from the front, unlike his pagebound counterpart, he and his men board the boats and begin to row out to the city.

In Maegor's Holdfast, Sansa is praying with several other noblewomen when Cersei summons her again. "You're perfect, aren't you," Cersei marvels, seemingly in earnest. Sansa, praying to the gods to have mercy? On everyone? "Even me? Even Joffrey?" And Sansa's fledgling liar skills can't get her through that one. Cersei starts making mock of the gods, and then of her guests, whom she was obliged to invite but clearly has little use for. Sansa asks what will happen if the city falls, and Cersei declares she will surrender. "If it were anyone else outside those gates, I might have hoped for a private audience, but this is Stannis Baratheon. I'd have a better chance seducing his horse." Then, "Have I shocked you, little dove? Tears aren't a woman's only weapon. The best one's between your legs. Learn how to use it." But then she answers Sansa's actual question: "If the city falls, then these fine women... should be in for a bit of a rape." Sansa drinks hurriedly.

The oars churn as Stannis's force closes with the beach; there are enough of them to reach the lee of the walls, and Baratheon archers begin to return fire, knocking out some of the Lannister defenders. Pod is sent to the King's Gate to muster up any spare men, whilst The Hound leads a sortie to clear them, dragging Lancel in with him. "Any man dies with a clean sword, and I'll rape his fucking corpse!!" Lancel, to his credit, holds his own, but someone manages to tag him with an arrow, and he hurries inside.

Cersei is holding out a conversation with Sansa--she's been doing most of the talking ever since anyone entered the room, actually--whilst Tommen drowses in his chair beside her. Unexpectedly, Cersei's eye alights on Shae, who rises to pay her respects. Cersei gives what may actually be a genuine laugh: "That's the worst curtsey I've ever seen. Here, it's not difficult, I mastered it when I was four." Shae gets it right the second time. Of course, now Cersei is interested in her, and begins to ask about her past--particularly how she managed to get from Lorath to the Red Keep in ten years without ever learning to curtsey. Fortunately, Lancel swings to her rescue (?!), barging in wounded to give his report. Cersei immediately orders Joffrey recalled, despite the importance of his remaining at his post. Lancel rushes off to obey, and Cersei returns her attention to Sansa and admits Ser Ilyn Payne's real motivation: "He's here for us. Stannis may take the city, he may take the throne, but he will not take us alive."

Outside, the Hound is doing okay at staying alive, but the reality of fire begins to get to him, and he loses his nerve. A Baratheon man-at-arms who is on fire makes an attack run at him (?!), and the Hound is too unnerved to defend himself; instead, someone arrows the man to death: Bronn. However, everything is still on fire, and Sandor staggers back in the Mud Gate, his remaining defenders falling in around him. The ladders go up, and Stannis himself is the first man on the wall, laying about him with his sword.

"I Need a Freaking Drink," the Hound declares. Neither Tyrion's scorn nor Joffrey's petulance can compel him to go back out there while the Blackwater is on fire. He deserts the battle, leaving the Kingslanders without a battle commander. (This is a bit of a sop to Kingsguard knight Ser Balon Swann, who by repute is all a knight should be; but then he hasn't even been identified on screen yet.) As Baratheon forces bring a ram, and turtle to protect it, up to the Mud Gate, Lancel arrives with Cersei's orders. Though he hesitates, Joffrey seems to have finally realized that he does NOT know Mortal Kombat and has no business leading from the front. Of course, it's still the worst timing possible. He departs in full view of his forces, and morale plummets.

Tyrion says possible the dumbest thing he has ever said in his life: "I'll lead the attack. I'll lead the attack!" And then, when the Kingslanders ignore him: "They say I'm half a man. What does that make the lot of you?" He leads them out one of those secret tunnels to take Stannis from behind.

Cersei is unmoved by Lancel's pleas to let Joffrey return to the fight, even though she has quite possibly doomed the city by pulling him in the first place. She punches Lancel right in his arrow and then charges out, Tommen in hand. It's left to Sansa to keep the assembled women calm, and she starts a hymn to the Mother. While everyone is distracted, Shae sends Sansa back to her room. "Go to your chambers and bar the door. Stannis won't hurt you. This one--" (cut to Ser Ilyn Payne) "--will." Sansa does as she is bade, but her room is already occupied. It's the Hound. He announces his intention to desert, and offers to take Sansa to Winterfell. But Sansa decides to stay.

Tyrion, wearing a helm with no visor or even a nasal, conducts a short, fierce sortie against the Baratheon men operating the ram, repulsing them entirely. The Kingslanders chant his name: "Halfman! Halfman! Halfman!" But Tyrion turns to look down the beach, and as his men turn too, their exultation dies. There is a huge attack wave of Baratheons charging into battle. "Oh, fuck me," Tyrion groans.

The battle surges back and forth, Kingslanders against Baratheons, with Tyrion ducking blows as best he can. His assailant is knocked away to reveal Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard, and Tyrion smiles with relief and strides towards him. Moore raises his sword and slices Tyrion across the face. Blood begins to seep from the cut as Tyrion flops to his knees. Moore advances to deliver the coup de grace, but then a spearpoint erupts from his face, and he falls--revealing Podrick Payne, protecting his master as a good squire should. Pod cradles Tyrion as the dwarf gasps in pain.

Cersei has taken the last moments of her life to do the thing she has always, always wanted to do: sit the Iron Throne. Tommen is cradled in her arms. She tells him a bedtime story about a mother lion and her cub. "She loved him very much... but there were other things that lived in the woods, evil things. Like stags." ("Stags aren't evil, they only eat grass," Tommen protests.) Tyrion, sprawled upon the battlefield outside of the Mud Gate, gives us a slow-motion shot of The Cavalry--literally, a line of charging horses. Stannis looks up as well. Whose horses? Where did these come from? They cleave through the battle lines, swords flashing, laying waste to Stannis's men-at-arms. One of them, if his armor is any indication, is Renly Baratheon. Tyrion slumps to the ground unconscious or worse. Hey, remember how this show killed off their first-billed character in Episode 9 last season?

The camera alternate between Cersei, trying desperately to comfort her son, and the doors to the throne room, through which someone will burst at any moment. "I will keep you safe, my love, I promise you," Cersei tells Tommen, and raises the little bottle to his lips. But the person who enters is Renly. He takes off his helmet to reveal... Loras Tyrell. Stannis Baratheon is dragged screaming from the walls of King's Landing by his own men, his forces in full retreat. And Lord Tywin Lannister strides into the throne room, declaring, "The battle is over. We have won!"

Tropes in this episode:
"Tyrion: Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!"
 * Action Film Quiet Drama Scene: Everything involving Sansa.
 * Adaptation Explanation Extrication: In the book, Sansa refuses to leave with Sandor because she already has an escape plan well underway, and he's quite uncomfortably sensual with her. Here, her deciding to stay makes less sense.
 * And the Fandom Rejoiced: Bronn leading the City Watch in a drinking song, which is pretty cool and-... is... is that "The Rains of Castamere"?
 * Absurdly Sharp Blade: Pretty much anytime a sword (or axe) swung by one of the major characters makes contact with an enemy, it severs something in one stroke, even cutting men wearing armor in half.
 * Annoying Arrows: Averted. Lancel not only is prompted to flee the battle after getting injured with one, Cersei pretty much cripples him by just pushing the wound.
 * Authority Equals Asskicking: Stannis personally leads the fight and cuts down everyone in his way.
 * Badass: This episode shows off the credentials of Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Tyrion and Stannis excellently.
 * Badass Boast: Unsurprisingly, from Tyrion:

""They say I am half a man -- what does that make all of you?""
 * Better to Die Than Be Killed: Cersei's point of view.
 * Big Budget Beef Up: Most of season 2's increase budget was spent on this episode
 * Big Damn Heroes: Tywin Lannister, Loras Tyrell and the cavalry ride into battle just in the nick of time, with Tywin entering the throne room and announcing a Lannister victory. Could be Villainous Rescue, depending on your perspective.
 * Podrick saving Tyrion, too.
 * Bodyguard Betrayal: Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard attempts to kill Tyrion. Podrick Payne kills him in retaliation.
 * Bottle Episode: Subverted; it's entirely in one area rather than the show's usual Four Lines, All Waiting approach, but is easily the most expensive episode so far and required a good deal of the season's budget to be reserved for it.
 * Breast Plate: In what may be something of a parody, Cersei wears one built into her clothing, which is probably of no combat value and intended only to raise morale.
 * The Cavalry: The combined Lannister-Tyrell army.
 * Appropriately, the first we see of it is literally the cavalry.
 * Chekhov's Gun: Prior to the battle, Varys shows Tyrion a map of the secret escape tunnels under King's Landing. Tyrion later uses these tunnels to lead his troops outside the city and attack the Baratheon forces from behind.
 * Chekhov's Gunman: Ser Mandon Moore, introduced one episode ago.
 * Composite Character: Loras fulfills his brother Garlan's role in the Battle of the Blackwater (ie. pretending to be Renly to spook Stannis's army).
 * Compressed Adaptation: In the book, Tyrion arrays Joffrey's tiny fleet as a distraction for the unmanned wildfire hulk, sacrificing it to the green god of wildfire. Tyrion also commissions a giant chain across the mouth of the Blackwater: he waits until Stannis's fleet is committed and then gives Bronn "the signal" to raise the chain, blocking the river and preventing any of Stannis's ships or men from escaping the holocaust. However, Stannis is not aboard his ships: his army is drawn up on the other side of the Blackwater river, and enough shipwrecks pile up at the chain that some of those men can begin to cross via their decks. ("Those are some brave men out there. Let's go kill them.") Much of the final charge takes place towards and eventually on this bridge of ships, but Stannis himself remains in the rear, where the LannisTyrells sweep him from the field; Salladhor Saan's ships, remaining back as a contingency force, are his army's only escape. With all this in mind, it's quite obvious why the TV version discards the chain: the budget. Presumably, Joffrey's fleet was written out for the same reason, but Joffrey's still right to ask where they went, as no In Universe explanation is provided.
 * Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Podrick Payne, Tyrion's unassuming and clumsy little squire, unexpectedly saves him in battle.
 * Butt Monkey Lancel gets some respectable battle time before an arrow wound forces him to withdraw.
 * Cyanide Pill: Cersei gets a vial of poison in case the castle is breached. She is stopped seconds before giving it to Tommen and herself.
 * Dare to Be Badass: How Tyrion gets everyone's attention at the beginning of his Rousing Speech:

"Varys: I've always hated the bells. They ring for horror: a dead king, a city under siege-
 * Despair Event Horizon: Cersei passes over it when she thinks the battle is lost.
 * Diagonal Cut: The Hound bisects a man in the fight in front of the gate.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: Once more we get a hint of how Joffrey and Mad King Aerys have a lot in common; while Sandor Clegane is totally unnerved by the wildfire explosion (for good reason) and Tyrion is clearly having a My God, What Have I Done? moment, Joffrey is grinning at the sight and sound of hundreds of men screaming as they're set alight.
 * Dirty Coward: Joffrey rather unsurprisingly turns out to be all talk when it comes to battle. However, to give him his due, he did at least seem to realise that it was a bad idea to withdraw from battle, and seemed unsure about it. Considering how stupid and blinkered he usually is, even hesitating to withdraw is a big moment for him.
 * Surprisingly averted with Lancel, who doesn't leave the fighting until he takes a bad arrow wound. He also tries to get Cersei to allow him to take Joffrey back to the front lines, in order to bolster morale.
 * Ear Worm: "The Rains of Castamere". Even when we only hear the last refrain, it's damn catchy. It makes one want to go to a pub just for an excuse to start belting it out.
 * El Cid Ploy: Loras as Renly.
 * The Enemy of My Enemy: The Tyrells ally themselves to the Lannisters against Stannis.
 * Even Evil Has Standards: It might be a stretch to call Varys evil, but he is clearly disturbed by the Black Magic used by priests of the Lord of Light religion, and the prospect of a worshipper of it sitting on the Iron Throne terrifies him. It's implied this is because he was castrated as part of Black Magic.
 * Considering that he served under both King Aerys and Joffrey that is saying something.
 * Evil Is Petty: How does the Queen Regent spend what she believes may be the last night of her life? Getting drunk, and insulting and deriding the one person in the room actually attempting to keep hope alive.
 * Eye Scream: Bronn puts an arrow in the eye of a soldier about to kill Sandor.
 * Foreshadowing: The Rains of Castamere.

Tyrion: A wedding?

Varys: Exactly."

"Sandor Clegane: Fuck the king's guard. Fuck the city. [Looks at Joffrey] Fuck the King."
 * Four Star Badass: Stannis is the top general of his army, and he kills a lot of people while leading from the front. Since Tyrion is the real commander of the Lannister forces (with Joffrey being just a figurehead), he also counts.
 * Genre Savvy: Sansa predicting that Joffrey will survive the battle, because "the worst ones always live."
 * Hazy Feel Turn: Loras joins the Lannisters to get revenge for Renly's death.
 * Helmets Are Hardly Heroic: The main characters don't bother with them, apart from Tyrion briefly when he leads a charge. Mind you, they don't do much good for the mooks anyway.
 * Heroic BSOD: At the sight of "Renly" (really Loras in Renly's armor) fighting with the Lannister troops, Stannis freezes and then has to be dragged away screaming by his own men.
 * Hidden Depths: Even though Lancel is pulled into the vanguard by Sandor Clegane, he still fights until he is badly wounded by an arrow, and tries to return to the castle walls with an unwilling Joffrey.
 * Stannis also proves that he is a class A Badass in this episode, rousing his men with a sentence just moments after half his fleet is blown up by a Westerosi equivalent of a Greek Fire/napalm bomb, getting onto the landing boats first, standing on the prow of his boat holding up his glinting sword in the moonlight as if daring for archers to shoot him, landing ashore in the first boat, running through a hail of flaming arrows unscathed and reaching the wall first, as well as being the first man to climb over it and slaughtering many defenders. He then has to be dragged off the battlefield by his men.
 * Hold the Line
 * Improbable Aiming Skills: Bronn is apparently really good with a bow, in addition to his previously observed skills with blades.
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: Sandor after watching men burn alive.
 * Cersei's deep in her cups throughout the episode.
 * In Vino Veritas: As Cersei gets drunk (and thinks she is going to die), she starts to open up about things that Sansa doesn't want to know. She even seems to be dumping wine down Sansa's throat to induce the same reaction.
 * Kick the Dog: Good grief Sansa, was it really fair to (subtly) tell Tyrion, one of the only men in King's Landing who has shown you any kindness, that you're praying for his death in battle?
 * Made of Plasticine: My god. Sandor slices a man in two, and Stannis cuts the top of a man's head clean off.
 * Motivational Lie: Sansa tells the other ladies one after Cersei pulls of Joffrey out of the battle and leaves the room to keep their morale up.
 * My God, What Have I Done?: See Tyrion's reaction to the effects of wildfire.
 * Nay Theist: Cersei gives virtually the dictionary definition of one when talking about her father: "He believes in [the gods], he just doesn't like them very much"
 * Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Tyrion's efforts saved the city. But The Caligula Complete Monster Joffrey still holds the throne.
 * Oh Crap: Davos spotting the wildfire leaking from the ship, followed by Joffrey seeing just how many of Stannis' men survived the attack. And finally Tyrion gets a typically understated one when his forces defeat one group of Baratheon men, only to get all the others charging at them. "Oh, fuck me."
 * Joffrey has another one when The Hound says "fuck the King" to his face. He looks like a toddler deprived of his security blanket.
 * One-Man Army: Stannis Baratheon cuts his way through Lannister soldiers on the walls of King's Landing. Sandor Clegane also slices through every man he encounters, and its his withdrawal that causes the vanguard to fall back.
 * OOC Is Serious Business: Sandor Clegane shows fear for the first time when he is surrounded by fire.
 * Pet the Dog: Sandor offering to take Sansa with him when he flees the city and to take her home.
 * Precision F-Strike: Whole lot of swearing in this episode. It's a battle, so it's to be expected.
 * Pyromaniac: We already knew that Wisdom Hallyne loved the effects of wildfire perhaps a bit too much, but Joffrey seems disgustingly thrilled by them as well.
 * Rousing Speech:
 * Tyrion pulls off an excellent one, managing to keep the defending side from deserting at their darkest moment.
 * Stannis has a plain semi-subversion, fitting his socially awkward personality. Instead of a speech, all his troops get is "Come with me and TAKE THIS CITY!" It seems to work on them though, as they're inspired by his example and bravery since he's the first to board a transport boat.
 * Sandor Clegane has his own take on the trope: "Any man dies with a clean sword, and I'll rape his corpse!"
 * More of a quiet, reassuring speech than a rousing one, but Sansa manages to calm down the ladies and children holed up in Maegor's Holdfast after Cersei has fled the room, giving them hope, and leading them to sing to keep from panicking.
 * Royals Who Actually Do Something: Awesomely played straight by Stannis, Tyrion (a lord, but it still counts), and Tywin. Averted as expected by Joffrey who does nothing in the battle but whine and then flee.
 * Contrasted by Sansa and Cersei. Sansa spends the night praying and leading the others present in song. Cersei is busy getting drunk and insulting them in the same room.
 * Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Sandor abandons the King's cause after seeing the Blackwater on fire and the slaughter at the Mud Gate.

"Sansa: They say my brother Robb goes where the fighting is thickest, but he is only a pretender..."
 * The Siege
 * Smart Ball: seriously, Joffrey actually takes a step towards competence--by realizing for the first time that he is incompetent. Shame it doesn't stick.
 * Spared By the Adaptation: Ser Imry Florent at least possibly. In the books he's the one who leads the fleet and dies in Tyrion's trap.
 * Stuff Blowing Up
 * Teeth Clenched Teamwork: Bronn and Sandor.
 * Try Not to Die: Tyrion and Bronn exchange this just before the battle.
 * The Un-Reveal: as mentioned, Varys has exposition that simply didn't make it onscreen. In case you'd prefer to wait for the show to deliver it, we have spoilered it out; but if not, read on:
 * Uriah Gambit: It is never confirmed whether this is what Tyrion was hoping for when he put Joffrey on the front lines, but it is very clear that this is what Sansa was hoping for when she suggests that Joffrey lead the vanguard.


 * Villainous Breakdown: Cersei
 * Visual Effects of Awesome: The wildfire explosion, a piece of CGI worthy of a feature film.
 * We Have Reserves: Stannis calmly expects thousands of his men will die to put him on the throne.
 * Sounded more like Brutal Honesty to me. Stannis is not one to sugar-coat war and isn't one to shy away from letting his men know just what victory will cost them in such a siege. He spoke the truth and how they'd perceive it was their own business. All he asked of them was to follow and help him TAKE THE CITY!
 * Not to mention that the line could be understood to mean that while Stannis expects many of his troops to die, he also expects to take hundreds of Lannister soldiers down with them.
 * Wham Episode
 * What Could Have Been: Weta Workshop actually offered to help animate the Battle of Blackwater. Sadly, George RR Martin politely declined their offer.
 * Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Sandor Clegane can face any man... but set everything on fire, and he freezes in terror. Justified considering his Freudian Excuse.