Magiczne Przygody Kubusia Puchatka



Magiczne Przygody Kubusia Puchatka, Polish for Magical Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, is one of the legends of Polish internet. It's a cycle of stories concerning the inhabitants of Hundred Acre Wood; being set in already-existing fictional universe, it technically counts as a Fanfic.

...or more like a Crack Fic.

The characters, and the whole setting, is depicted in a very peculiar way — they're a bunch of thugs, drunks, junkies, womanizers, with an occasional paedophile or Camp Gay thrown in for flavour, spending time boozing, robbing and causing brawls on local discos, and meeting people important to early 90's Polish pop culture. The episodes were originally (apparently) coming from a single person running the website, who nevertheless admitted good stories sent to him. Later, when the site fell, a number of additional episodes were written by other people.

"Piglet: So I work hard the whole morning mugging the old ladies, and now you apparently think that the fact that you've got jumper from Adibas and trousers from Nice grants you the right to rob me of my hard-earned money?"
 * Acceptable Targets: the dresiarze (Polish chavs), Romanians/Gypsies, politicians, Catholic Church, police, camp gays...
 * Arch Enemy: to the crew, Christopher Robin and Just 5 (a Polish Boy Band from the 90's).
 * Baba Yaga: actually Konstantynopolitańczykowianeczkitrzy, called "dick" for short.
 * Back from the Dead: the Gopher, who apparently came back from (by courtesy of Eeyore) being eaten.
 * Badass Longcoat: Eeyore. Also a wielder of Sawed-Off Shotgun (the sawing happens in an early episode).
 * Bar Brawl: at one point, when a character asks if the other think there'll be a brawl at the disco, it's stated that it is a rhetorical question—if they're going to be there, there'll be one.
 * Batter Up: a baseball bat is the weapon of choice of Winnie. It's remarked he wields it with the skill that must've come from hard and long practice.
 * Biggus Dickus: Piglet, despite being smallest in the crew, is proud to wield the biggest member in the Forest. In winter he covers it with a sock, to keep it warm.
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: happens in one of the stories, when Piglet and Winnie intimidate the narrator to cease his "X said, Y replied" entries.
 * Butt Monkey: the Rabbit.
 * Camp Gay: Christopher Robin, also the whole Just 5.
 * Catch Phrase: "wy debile" -- "you morons", a catch phrase of Owl.
 * Funetik Aksent: the crew is fond of speaking in a very peculiar "Polish-English-redneckish" dialect.
 * Gargle Blaster: "Heracles, classic Płońsk aperitif"—a cheap wine (itself a peculiarity of Polish drinking culture) moonshined by Babajaga. The by-products include rotten apples, sulfuric acid and dead rats. The other example is the Russian spirit bought on a bazaar, identified by Eeyore to contain traces of rocket fuel and radioactive materials.
 * Heroic Sociopath: everyone, but Eeyore in particular. His real name is Hannibal Lektor and he escaped from American prison for mentally ill murderers.
 * Mugging the Monster: happens several times, when someone (mostly the chavs) attempts to mug one of the crew. In one case Piglet even responded with a rant:


 * The crew itself almost suffers that fate when they mug a Mafia hitman, but they manage to find a way out of the affair.
 * Psycho Rangers: Łowcy Pip (loose translation: "Pussy Hunters", with the pussy referring to Camp Gay), a paramilitary squad of unclear numbers ("two guys like us three, you'll find not one", said the fifth and both left) whose leader, DonVasyl(TM), had constant problems with his manliness. They occasionally clash with the crew.
 * Refuge in Vulgarity
 * Shout-Out: for such a thing, it contains quite a lot of smart popcultural references. Two episodes are in particular based about recreating the plot of The Matrix and Star Wars.
 * The Stoner: Tigger, an afficionado of LSD.
 * Where the Hell Is Springfield?: the Hundred Acre Wood seems to be located in Poland, but at an unclear location.