Neverwinter Nights 2/Funny

Original Campaign
"Duncan: Get your drink yourself Dwarf, seeing as how you haven't paid for a drop your entire stay here! Khelgar: Been wondering when you'd cave in and give me free reign over your kegs. Anyone else want anything? Duncan: Some Dwarves should never be allowed to walk the surface. Little freeloaders..."
 * After recruiting Qara, when you next enter the Sunken Flagon you'll be treated to a hilarious cutscene where Neeshka and Khelgar are having an "insult contest", only for Qara to butt in and completely show them both up. The scene is capped off with Duncan showing exasperation over how Khelgar hasn't paid for a drop of all the ale he's drunk so far.

"Sand: Yes, well, as tempting as the offer to I shall pass. Not much future, you see - for you or them. Besides, the little girl here... she needs minding, else... well, else bad things could happen to us all, and I will not allow that to happen."
 * While befriending Kistrel the intelligent spider is heartwarming, the text given afterwards is oddly hilarious. XP GRANTED FOR BEFRIENDING A GIANT MAGICAL SPIDER!
 * Befriending, huh?
 * He even knits you a snazzy cloak. Awww...
 * If your influence with Sand is high enough, then is pretty funny.

"Grobnar: Whether they're several hundred Khelgars high-- Khelgar: What did I tell you about using me as a unit of measurement?
 * Sand taking a second look at your shards. "Oh, very well, give them here and let me see what my keen arcane senses can determine." *cue raising arms, casting spell* BOOM *Sand, PC, Duncan get knocked to the floor* "Well... it seems to have some... resentment to being scryed." It's mostly the tone in which he says it.
 * If you fail to beat Cain Lethellon in a lute contest, fear not! You always have the option to set him on fire, grab the prize, and cheese it. In many ways, a much more satisfying resolution.
 * Just about any moment involving a hefty amount of Grobnar. From the first time in the Ironfist Clanhold (Quote please, it escapes me) to later on when attempting to explain the Wendersnaven

Grobnar: --several Neeshkas high."

"Male PC: No, I'm not female. Baalbisan: But it looks female. How can I be certain? Male PC: I suppose I could show you. Stand back -- I'll need a lot of room. Baalbisan: It offers to reveal its parts, but my vision is not what it was. I doubt I could make out something so diminutive."
 * And when talking to the demon, Baalbisan:

"Neeshka: Well, from what I have heard, it is not that small at all. Elanee: What did you say? Neeshka: [quietly] Hey, I don't know, I'm just trying to help."
 * That one gets even better when Neeshka tries to back you up:

"Bishop: That's like leaving the village idiot in charge of a trebuchet. Grobnar: Oh come now, that's hardly a proper analogy. It's more like leaving the village idiot in charge of a huge, savage, nearly unstoppable wolf that can only understand simple commands like "Kill", and "Stop Killing", and "Oh no! Put both halves of that man down this instant!""
 * When Bishop and Grobnar are discussing the blade golem's password activation thing:

"Deekin I like gnomes, / So dumb and fat, / Fat and dumb / In burrows like moles / Shoot 'em full of arrows / Put 'em on a stick / That's why I like gnomes. Grobnar: My word. Just hearing that gives me the shivers. Qara: I'll bet that could have shattered a castle wall. Sand: Well, that cleared my sinuses. Shandra Jerro: How... pleasant. Now Grobnar, I'm sure he didn't m... Grobnar: I say, this is... genius. The tone, the tempo. You can almost feel the angst and pain of the gnomes as they are filled with arrows... and put on sticks. And the theme of the piece... now, that is tragedy, in its deepest, most primal form. And the climax, the uplifting portion, where the affirmation of liking gnomes is confirmed... And then brought full circle with the physical and emotional double meaning of them being in the mind and in the stomach. Amazing. I say, traveling to Neverwinter with you all has really been broadening my horizons -- who would have thought I'd get to meet a kobold author and playwright!"
 * Deekin Scalesinger meeting Grobnar Gnomehands is funny due to many levels of Mythology Gag. Scrappy versus Scrappy. Bard versus Bard. Kobold versus Gnome. Then the two of them top that when Deekin breaks into song:


 * When Quara first meets Sand and threatens to burn down his shop, he replies that there's a spell on the building that will drain her life if she tries, making a snide remark about how she probably hasn't read the codex it's in. The best part? The spell doesn't exist, which Quara would have known if she studied.

Mask of the Betrayer
": I take it you gathered up another circus sideshow, then? Does this one sing for his supper? Does he bark like a dog? Or maybe he does a little dance on your command? Knight Captain: Gann is a good friend and a loyal ally. Gann: And I can dance and sing quite well, as a matter of fact."
 * If Gann is with you during :

"Knight Captain: And what does it mean if a portal smells like cheese? Safiya: Well, I suppose it depends on what kind of...That wasn't a serious question, was it? Knight Captain: It wasn't at first, but now I'm kind of curious."
 * When you first find the shadow portal in the Veil Theater and Safiya is waxing eloquent about the science of portals,

"Kaelyn: You...you are a...oh, I don't know any profanity. How embarrassing."
 * Kaelyn the Dove, taunting or cussing:


 * When someone mentions a never-ending fire that's slowly burning down the forest, one of the dialogue options is essentially you asking if they've seen Qara around.