Private Schulz

""Well what do you do when the lunatics take over the asylum? It's every man for himself.""

Private Schulz is a six-episode Britcom, aired in 1981 by the BBC.

In Nazi Germany on the eve of World War II, small-time con artist Gerhardt Schulz is released from prison to do his bit for the war effort. Using his skill with languages to land what he thinks is a safe, comfortable job in Postal Censorship, Schulz is instead transferred to SS Counterintelligence. Their commander -- the fanatical Major Neuheim -- is less than impressed, but immediately ropes in Schulz for a mission to abduct two British agents from Holland, where his ability to hot-wire a car gets them out of a very sticky situation.

When the nefarious British start air-dropping forged ration coupons over Germany, Major Neuheim suggests to Hitler that they retaliate with forged British five pound notes. Hitler gives his covert approval, and top forgers are rounded up from prisons and concentration camps all over Germany; including Solly, a Jewish former cellmate of Schulz.

The rest of the six-part series covers Schulz's attempts, both during and after the war, to get his hands on the expertly-forged banknotes, and stay alive in the process.

""Finally we questioned him and ah (slaps Schulz's shoulder heartily) when he recovered we questioned him again...""
 * Acting for Two: Ian Richardson plays three characters; Major Neuheim, Double Agent Melfort, and British villain Stan.
 * Not counting a brief cameo as a waiter in the last episode.
 * Based on a True Story: Though historical fact is altered for drama and comedy, the series draws on real-life events including:
 * The Venlo incident where two British intelligence officers were abducted from just across the Dutch border.
 * Salon Kitty, a high-class brothel allegedly used by the SS to spy on foreign diplomats and high-ranking Germans.
 * Operation Bernhard, the German plan to forge British five pound notes, involving prisoners at Sachsenhausen concentration camp.
 * The use of the forged banknotes to pay German agents.
 * The British Double Cross counter-intelligence operation, which nearly captures Schulz on his mission to England.
 * Black and Gray Morality: Schultz is more likable than his superiors, but he's not exactly a con artist with a golden heart -- he was jailed for bilking poor widows during the Depression following World War I. When Schultz encounters people from the Allied powers, they are just as greedy and corrupt as the Nazi characters in the story.
 * Counterfeit Cash
 * Deadly Euphemism: Neuheim's Sexy Secretary helps Schulz at one point with a scheme that amounts to betraying Neuheim and the Party. In a later scene, Neuheim makes a comment about her "ripping out her fingernails in grief".
 * Plus the Gestapo man who detained Schulz.

"Bertha: "Oh not now, I'm tired. I haven't been on my feet all day.""
 * Determinator: After the war Schulz enlists the help of a gang of British criminals. After their sudden yet inevitable betrayal, Schulz is able to jump on a bus with a parachute container full of the notes. The leader of the gang starts running after Schulz and continues to do so for the entire bus route
 * Double Entendre

"Count von Frick: "You are despicable, Major Neuheim. Despicable! Killing is one thing! That is inevitable in time of war. An army may burn a church, sometimes even with a congregation in it, though that would be deeply regrettable. But when you attack the integrity of the British pound, and encourage others to do the same to the German mark, you strike at the roots of European law and order!""
 * Even Evil Has Standards: Parodied/subverted (see Moral Myopia); the Nazi characters think of counterfeiting as dishonorable, but gladly do much much worse things.
 * Failure Is the Only Option:
 * Hammerspace: Hilariously averted with the Nazi officers towards the end of the war, walking out of the vault where the banknotes are kept with conspisciously bulging uniforms.
 * Honey Trap: The Salon Kitty bordello, which is wired for sound in the hope that its high-ranking clients will reveal state secrets and subversive talk. All this does is aggravate Schulz, who has to sit on the other end of the microphones listening to everyone else have a good time.
 * Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Averted with Salon Kitty courtesan Bertha Freyer, who has a psychological block preventing her from sleeping with any soldier below the rank of major. The lovelorn Private Schulz has no chance...unless he should happen to get his hands on some foreign currency, which is what sets the whole thing in motion.
 * Moral Myopia: The Ministry of Economics on the forging of banknotes.

"Neuheim: "They brought a firing party! (slaps British officer) You cheating swine!""
 * Neuheim is abducting two British officers at gunpoint from a neutral country when their backup starts shooting at him.

""Good God, I'm surrounded by incompetence and copulation! Get the hell out of here! Colonel, sir...I'm sorry to disturb you...""
 * Newsreel: Used for exposition, and to show what time period events are taking place in.
 * No Sense of Humor: Major Neuheim is totally lacking in warmth and anything resembling a sense of humor. However, his humorlessness is itself a source of comedy.
 * Pet the Dog
 * Pointy-Haired Boss: Herr Krause of Krause Underwear. Major Neuheim is a particularly evil version.
 * Right in Front of Me: Major Neuheim bursts into a room during a party and catches an officer making out with his secretary.

""You should look upon yourselves as sewerage being recycled in the national interest. Naturally I want you to put your hearts and souls into this work for your country." "I am most concerned for the welfare of your men...out of the way you swine!""
 * Reality Is Unrealistic: SS officer Bernhard Naujocks, on whom the Neuheim character is based, had a heavily-scarred face and wore a black-eyepatch -- but that would have seemed too cliched even for a comedy.
 * Spot the Imposter: On his mission to England, Schulz gives himself away the moment he steps into a pub and asks for a coffee.
 * Truth in Television: Nazi spies in Britain genuinely were that incompetent, and usually gave themselves away in similar situations (one example was a spy who tried to pay for a restaurant meal with ration coupons).
 * That worked both ways: A French-speaking OSS agent was captured in Paris because at a restaurant, he used the fork and knife in a un-French manner.
 * The Starscream: The warden of Spandau Prison is rather dismayed when his former inmate returns as an SS officer, though Schulz just requisitions his office and drinks his booze.
 * Stupid Boss: Major Neuheim, after being warned that the parachute container is booby-trapped, whacks it with his swagger stick. Neuheim is smart enough though to realise that Schulz is a good source of ideas that he can take the credit for.
 * Those Wacky Nazis
 * Translation Convention: Everyone speaks English. During the Dutch operation Schulz has a slight accent when speaking 'English' to the British spies, but talks normally on his mission to England.
 * Villainous Demotivator: Major Neuheim is full of this.


 * Villainy Discretion Shot: The audience certainly knows of the extent of Nazi villainy, but achieves black comedy by pushing it to the background; for instance Schultz was likely tortured at one point, but no violence is shown, only the apologetic torturer who feels kind of bad about it. Similarly Neuheim has a lot of looted art, but there's really no need to comment on the likely source of it.