The Sacred and the Profane

""Suffer the little children to come unto me...""

Somewhere else, the happy ending was different.

The Sacred and the Profane by Afrai is a retelling of Good Omens Canon with Aziraphale as the one who fell instead of Crowley. Don't worry, they're still instantly recognizable to anyone who's read the original book: Zirah is still a kindly, smiling bookseller, and Caphriel is still a sunglasses-wearing Deadpan Snarker dedicated to his job. They've just been translated through a dented mirror. The plot, while rather condensed, is largely faithful to the events of the book, but with a couple of necessary tweaks to match Zirah and Caphriel's characters.

Maybe you should worry. And keep a box of tissues by your side while reading.

It's still an excellent read for those who want to see the original canon in a whole different light.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

This fanfic contains examples of:
"He felt a little better with their comforting weight on the bridge of his nose. They were a sort of protection against the world."
 * Affably Evil: Zirah
 * Alternate Universe Fic
 * Arson Murder and Jaywalking: "...Caphriel had a bizarre tendency to get upset over the slightest things, like murder and rape and duck torture."
 * Axe Crazy: Zirah
 * Badass Longcoat: Caphriel
 * Bilingual Bonus: Caphriel means "God is my redemption."
 * Dark Fic
 * Deadpan Snarker: Caphriel
 * Deconstruction
 * Determinator: Caphriel can't afford to give up.
 * Dissonant Serenity: Zirah
 * The Dog Shot First: "You hurt him!"
 * Downer Ending
 * Epiphany Therapy:
 * The Fettered: Caphriel
 * For Want of a Nail:
 * Friendly Enemy: Of course, but in a much more painful, conflicted way than in the original.
 * Good Is Not Nice: Caphriel
 * Caphriel was very nice. It made the story hurt more.
 * Positively angelic, even.
 * He's kind, but he's not necessarily nice. He'll go out of his way to help anyone, but he might end up swearing at them.
 * Hannibal Lecture
 * Hero With Bad Publicity: Caphriel
 * Insult Backfire
 * Knight in Sour Armor: Caphriel
 * Like a Badass Out of Hell:
 * Love Martyr: Caphriel
 * Mad Love: Caphriel and Zirah.
 * Mirror Universe
 * Mistaken for Pedophile: Caphriel wears sunglasses and a long black coat and just wants to help people.
 * Murder Is the Best Solution
 * No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Caphriel gets slapped for trying to help a crying child.
 * Noodle Incident: "When had he got the stick, anyway? In the fourteenth century, hadn't it been -- he'd been given it by a carpenter he'd helped in a small matter involving a priest, three goats, and a rosebush."
 * The Nothing After Death
 * Original Flavor
 * Only Sane Man: Caphriel
 * Perfect Poison:
 * Poisonous Friend: Zirah
 * Psycho Supporter: Zirah again.
 * Shoot the Dog:
 * Slash Fic
 * Sociopathic Hero: Zirah is a combination of this and a Complete Monster.
 * Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism
 * Stepford Smiler: Zirah, denial isn't just a river in Egypt anymore
 * The Stoic: Caphriel
 * Not So Stoic:
 * Time Abyss: This is why Caphriel wears Cool Shades in this universe, his eyes are older than his face and reflect the suffering of millennia.
 * Which also falls under What Beautiful Eyes.
 * Trauma Conga Line
 * Truth in Television: Caphriel's reasoning behind wearing his sunglasses all the time is terribly similar to that of mild agoraphobes or people with social anxiety.


 * Making his self diagnosis with all the more awful.
 * The Unfettered: Zirah
 * Villainous Breakdown: Zirah
 * Well Intentioned Extremist: Zirah
 * Who Wants to Live Forever
 * Yandere / Cute and Psycho: Zirah
 * You're Insane