Leverage/Funny

As noted on the main Leverage page, the show's producers try to go for at least a 1:1 ratio of CMoFs and CMoAs in every episode. Here's the funny.

"Dubenich: Higgins, you can't do that! You can't take my computer! Special Agent Higgins: This company has government defense contracts. There's very serious rules concerning contact with foreign nationals. The PATRIOT Act applies here, my friend! Sir, I can take your underpants."
 * From "The Nigerian Job":

"Hardison: I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate on the wi-fi-- (Eliot throws a rock at the camera) Hardison: --Or that. Eliot: Let's go. Hardison: I'm sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I'm sure that really frustrates you."
 * From "The Homecoming Job":

"Hardison: Okay I see what this is. This is racial. This is about my ethniticity, ain't it? It's 'cause I'm Jewish?"
 * Also, Parker using Hardison as her rappelling guinea pig.
 * And also, of course:

""I once saw a horse kill a clown." *Cut to a man dressed as a horse beating a clown who owes him money.*"
 * An extra subtle nudge towards the bait—the name patch on his shirt says "White".
 * "The Two-Horse Job", Parker explaining why she doesn't like horses.

"Cop: I think we should go by the book on this one. Hardison: The book?! The book got a good man killed! (turns away, apparently overcome by emotion) Parker: (to cop) Ex-partner. Probably shouldn't mention the book again. (Beat) Or propellers."
 * Hardison hamming it up while talking to local cops in "The Bank Shot Job:"

""Yeah, it was like a horror movie. 'Attention must be PAID!'""
 * Parker complimenting Sophie's performance as Willy Loman in "The Miracle Job." Or so Parker thinks.

"Nate: Ok, Hardison, will you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head? Parker: Don't melt Santa! Eliot/Hardison: It's not Santa!"
 * Then, there's the whole discussion when Hardison is trying to get the fake statues to bleed.

"Parker: ] ... Haagan Dazs? (later) Parker: (After being caught) Oh shiny tomato."
 * Sophie's entrance dressed as Sister Magda in "The Stork Job."
 * Parker trying to speak Serbian.

"Hardison: Have you ever been to Kiev? The Cakemaker of Kiev could whoop all our asses! This is the Butcher."
 * At the end, after everything's worked out... and Parker says that they have to stop at Haagen Dazs. And the kids shout Haagan Dazs.
 * The scene near the beginning of "The Wedding Job," where Parker is teaching the kid how to pick locks. Simultaneously hilarious and heartwarming.
 * Both Sophie and Nate's horrible, horrible speeches to the bride and the entire wedding (respectively) Sophie tells the poor bride to "never put her faith in a man" and Nate (as a priest) waving off the groom's objection to his rambling" We're good, man." However, his speech swings around to heartwarming as he admits Sophie has made him a better man and he should just admit it.
 * Hardison's wonderful response to Sophie staying at the wedding:

"Nate: Think he'll recognize you? (cut to Elliot and the Butcher fighting in a burning building, set to Russian music) Eliot: Yeah, I think he'd remember me."
 * Nate and Elliot on the Butcher of Kiev:

"Nate: Did you just kill someone with an appetizer?! Eliot: I don't know, maybe...."
 * Then, this little exchange following Eliot's encounter with the Butcher of Kiev:

"Parker: But do you know what doesn’t have a razor blade in it? This orange."
 * "The Snow Job". In order to create a distraction, they shut down all the ski lifts. Parker hangs off one by one hand and looks around casually. After being prompted, she says in the most serious way possible, 'Help, help.' And then she looks up at the guy who was sitting next to her and nonchalantly asks 'How you doin'?"
 * In "The Juror #6 Job", when they need to teach Parker social skills, they practice by having her convince Eliot to eat an orange instead of an apple. Just as he takes a bite of the apple, she shouts "I PUT A RAZOR BLADE IN THAT APPLE!" and he does a Spit Take. Eliot asks if she was joking, and she says "maybe" innocently.

"Nate: Do you realize what you just did? You won a jury trial without cheating. Hardison: Without cheating? I hacked a government no-fly list and used it to humiliate a witness. Nate: Excessively, cheating excessively is what I meant."
 * After the team wins the trial with Hardison pretending to be an attorney:

"Hardison: Just taxi me around the building. Pilot: Taxi? I thought- I thought you needed to get up in the air. Hardison: * writing on a paper* Uncomfortable with black authority. Pilot: Sir, please don't write that! Hardison: I will write a letter to your mama, if I feel like it."
 * By complete accident, Sophie made Earnshaw spend millions of dollars unnecessarily buying out Mumbai International, a company she was pretending she worked for. We get a quick scene of the deal taking place, and the guys signing over Mumbai International have absolutely no clue what's going on and are just trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
 * "The First David Job" when Hardison is trying to get on the plane. After screwing with the pilot, and making him think there's new regulations:

"Nate . . . you can't just make somebody do what you want them to do. Hardison: That's . . . that's what we do. Parker: *pats on head* You're adorable."
 * Halfway through "The Second David Job," just after, the team has worked out a plan, but the recently crowned Sixth Ranger has some doubts.
 * The rest of them look at her for a minute, then start laughing.*

"Hardison: I spent three days hacking the White House email. No buzz. Sophie: See? Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hin-ky. Sophie: Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. *points to Eliot* Ok, what, what've you been doing in the last six months? Eliot: (reluctantly) ...I was in Pakistan."
 * There's also Eliot and Maggie's conversation in the coffee shop. Especially the team's reaction to Maggie mocking her and Nate's sex life, which actually doubles as a CMoA since Maggie noticed Eliot was wearing a button cam she gave Nate and was trying to provoke a response that would prove it.
 * In "The Beantown Bailout Job," the team describing what they've done in the six months since they split up at the end of the first season. First, Parker says she stole the Hope Diamond and then put it back because she was bored. Then there's this:


 * Fridge Brilliance: Recon on Osama?
 * The promo for 'The Queen's Gambit Job' (4x10) has mentioning that according to Eliot's file, he "crawled three miles through a sewer to kill the head of Al-Qaeda in Yemen". So him being hired to go after senior Al-Qaeda in Pakistan isn't even remotely a stretch.
 * There's also the entire scene after Nate wakes up in his apartment, and Eliot and Hardison's conversation about the detonators. Eliot's been putting small explosives on a building to scare a mark (later on in the episode) and asks Hardison how sensitive the detonator is. Hardison says that they're very sensitive and could go off due to crossed frequencies from a car alarm, while Eliot mentions that he's got several of the explosives still stowed in his pockets. On cue, a car alarm goes off and Eliot's reaction is absolutely priceless, including what is probably the best "Damnit Hardison!" of the entire series so far.

"Parker: What's the possibility that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?"

"Parker (to Nate):Did you just give someone a nosebleed with the power of your mind?"
 * In "The Tap-Out Job", Sophie expresses her doubts about UFC-style fighting, so Eliot teaches Parker how to put a choke hold using Hardison as the unfortunate target. Parker doesn't let up the hold even while Eliot and Sophie continue to debate, while Hardison's cries of distress and pain get weaker and weaker...
 * From The Order 23 Job

"Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources. She has to craft her own narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare. Nate:...do I sound this creepy when I--? Eliot: Hell. Yes."
 * "The Fairy Godparents Job," when Sophie shushes an epic fight between Eliot and a hired assassin so they won't ruin her pupil's big moment in the school musical.
 * "Three Days of the Hunter Job": The frequent Lampshading of the show's frequent tropes aside, we also have Nate's self-realisation.

""That's NOT the same thing. What's wrong with you?""
 * Hardison and Parker and Chronos the Magician, along with Parker explaining how she got over her fear of the dark, in "The Top Hat Job."

"Hardison: Hey, you're bumping into my baby monitor's frequency so what I need you to do is turn yours off, okay. Thanks! Chaos: Your baby is incredibly intelligent. He just attempted to launch a multiple variant computer worm at my baby monitor's firewall."
 * Parker dropping down the elevator shaft, using Hardison as an anchor.
 * The first time Hardison and "Chaos" come face to face in "The Two Live Crew Job", and the dueling Parkers. Also the Imagine Spots when Eliot and his opposite number first meet up.

"Nate: Mr. Kerrity, I am an insurance investigator. This is not the first time I have had a firearm pointed at me."
 * And their High Noon homage... with netbooks instead of guns.
 * From "The Iceman Job", when the mark pulls a gun on Nate, posing as an insurance investigator.

"Eliot: I had court-side seats, tell Hardison if he makes it out alive I'm going to snap him in half! Nate: Eliot says "Hi.""
 * From the same episode, after Hardison is taken by the Russians:

"Hardison: The Iceman cometh."
 * Before that when Hardison walks into his "workshop"

"Eliot: She is hot. Hardison: Very hot. Parker: Hot. Warm. Cold? Why are we staring?"
 * From "The Runway Job", when the team is discussing whether to trust Tara.

"Nate: Eliot, I'm going to ask you not to do anything violent. Eliot: (back to Sterling) What are you talking about? I only use violence as an appropriate response. Sterling: Hello, Nate. Eliot immediately attacks him."
 * Sterling's entrance into McRory's in "The Zanzibar Marketplace Job."

"Eliot: Don't feel bad for this guy! Getting bullied in high school is still no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he's not a criminal. Parker: Uh, yeah he is. Eliot: A BAD criminal. Hardison: Uh, what makes you think I got bullied in high school? Eliot: A, you've got a Green Hornet doll! Hardison: First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it is Green Lantern! Educate yourself!"
 * This sequence also features Hardison handing a large bribe to the bartender seemingly on pure instinct.
 * In "The Three Strikes Job," Super Happy Power Go! That is all.
 * Nate stalling Sterling's elevator in "The Maltese Falcon Job."
 * Speaking of elevators, Nate and Maggie's "it's over" almost-kiss in the "Zanzibar Marketplace Job",
 * From "The Reunion Job," Hardison and Eliot are pretending to be health inspectors to get into a Iranian secret police safehouse disguised as a restaurant. With each violation ("cockroach in the shisleek," "shwarma is only lukewarm"), they say with righteous indignation and in the exact same tone of voice each time "That's going to cost ya" and "I've gotta dock ya!" Later in the episode, one of the secret policemen breaks into a locked room and is confused to find 'health inspector' Eliot there. To which Eliot shrugs and says "I've gotta dock ya again!" And then beats him up.
 * Also in "The Reunion Job," after Parker expresses sympathy for a nerdy mark who was bullied in high school:

"Eliot: Everyone having a good time at the dance? Anyone wonder if Eliot made it out? Hello? Anyone wonder if Eliot's alive? HELLO?"
 * The end of "The Reunion Job." Nate and Sophie have been named king and queen of the reunion and are slow-dancing on the gym floor under a spotlight. Hardison and Parker are having a dance of their own in the rafters of the gym, with Parker floating in the air by her harness. Meanwhile, Eliot (who has spent the climax of the episode fighting Iranian secret policemen in a separate location and hasn't been seen in a while) grows tired of listening to the two couples coo over the comms:

"Hardison: Aww...See, you made two mistakes, bro. First, you flash that fake-ass FBI badges at me.and second...You spilled his coffee. *points at Eliot*"
 * Yet another from "The Reunion Job": Eliot complaining that Sophie has brainwashed him... again.
 * The beginning of "The Double Blind Job." The soon-to-be-client is being chased by two henchmen and runs straight into Hardison. They claim to be FBI agents, leading to this exchange.

"Sophie: What kind of world would it be where everyone who committed some silly little crime went to prison? Complete madness!"
 * The scene then cuts to Eliot with coffee all over his shirt. Pissed off, he tosses the empty cup away and charges off screen, leaving the client to cower in Hardison's arms while the sounds of violence are heard in the background.
 * Then near the the end of the episode Eliot, in character as an assistant to an executive, runs into the same two henchmen. He sarcastically asks them if he can get them some coffee. And then beats them up again.
 * In "The Studio Job," Hardison and Parker are in a sound studio, distracted, while in the background, Eliot is in a soundproof room we can see through a plexiglass window, fighting off various murderous thugs and furiously trying to get the attention of his oblivious teammates.
 * In the same episode, Parker dressed as an over-the-top Bjork parody who speaks only in trilling noises. Here. Later she jumps onstage as a distraction, including imitating a duck, humming, and pretending to faint.
 * In "The Jailhouse Job":

"Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140? Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never."
 * In "The Gone-Fishin' Job":

"Hardison: Science... it works."
 * "The Gone-Fishin' Job":

"Shorty: Who are you people?! Parker: (yelling) We're the good guys!"
 * "The Boost Job"

"Eliot: You don't throw crowbars at people!"
 * Parker revealing that she worked at a getaway driver before she started stealing cars. To put this in perspective, she started stealing cars when she was twelve.
 * When a secondary character asks why they're so sure the cops will respond to a Lojack alert as quickly as the plan requires, the scene cuts to the crew stealing cars from the parking lot of the local police union.
 * Eliot gets into a fight with a mook in "The Three Card Monte Job" and Parker tries to help him by tossing him a crowbar. Unfortunately, she only succeeds in hitting him in the back of the head with the crowbar.

"Not to happy about it, Sophie editing her story to make Eliot into the uttermost cliche of a Southern hillbilly as revenge."
 * From the same episode, Nate's utterly deadpan response to the Russian mook who says he doesn't like him. "Gee, does that mean I can't come to your birthday party and ride the pony?"
 * From The Rashomon Job, Eliot, Hardison, and Parker all depict Sophie with a completely different accent.
 * "Completely different accent" doesn't come anywhere close to doing this justice.
 * Eliot remembers her as having a hilariously over-the-top Cockney accent.

"Sophie: Americans! Every accent sounds the same to you! I just...*gave up* Go on...I sound like one of the dwarves from The Lord of the Rings!"
 * Hardison gives her a Scottish one (not for nothing, Gina Bellman seems to have fun playing Accent Jump, listen to her trill her Rs when she says "You're allergic to shrimp.")

"Sophie: I hate you all."
 * Mentioning LOTR is especially funny since a quick game of Six Degrees Of Separation can link her to Bilbo Baggins.
 * And doubly so because in the gag reel, she accidentally says "Lord of the Flies"
 * Parker's Sophie speaks in unintelligible gibberish. Honestly, the implication that Parker can't understand Sophie at all, ever, is what kills you on this one.

"Hardison: (Somewhat unsteadily) I hacked history, people!"
 * It's more funnier during the outtakes, Gina Bellman has a very hard time saying the gibberish words in the gag reel thus making both her and Beth Riesgraf can't help it but laugh too hard on it.
 * This episode had all kinds of CMoFs, including the following:
 * "I'm gonna go sharpen this knife. Maybe walk around the halls. In the dark." * looks at Hardison * "Don't leave."
 * Similarly to the accent getting more and more outrageous, the knife for the emergency tracheotomy gets bigger and bigger with each retelling. Since Nate's (complete) version features the biggest knife, evidently this is the one detail that got more correct.
 * Word of God is that Nate's is mostly correct, but not entirely. The knife bit would probably be in that 80%, though.
 * Parker finding out that stealing mail is a crime.
 * John Billingsley.
 * The Anvilicious parody of BP CEO Tony Hayward at the end. Crosses the Line Twice indeed.
 * What did he do, though? Being an asshole isn't really a crime or anything.
 * No, but littering is.
 * In real life, Heyward...left BP under a cloud of scandal.
 * Poor Crowley...
 * Eliot saying "TWO DEAD GUYS WHO CARES" when Hardison starts explaining the dagger's history.
 * Parker's victory dance after getting the dagger.
 * Parker's look of gleeful fascination as Eliot tries to cut open Hardison's throat to stop his "allergic reaction".
 * The King George Job gave us Parker as an auctioneer, auctioning off things she previously stole.
 * Also, Hardison's slow evolution into "master forger".

"Parker: Don't stab! Don't stab! Don't stab! Don't stab! Don't stab!"
 * The Morning After Job:

"Parker: Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa! Nate: You know that's not really Santa, right?"
 * Pretty much any time the focus is on Parker that isn't a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * The "Ho Ho Ho Job" was basically a Crowning Episode Of Funny, what with Parker's over the top enthusiasm for Christmas, Eliot being a grumpy, cantankerous Santa, and the hilarious "true meaning of Christmas" final exchange between . The following deserves special mention:

"Parker: Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole. "
 * Parker decorating the Christmas tree with stolen jewelry deserves a special mention.

"Santa: You are high on the holiday spirit! Duley: Yes I am! And pills mixed with morphine! I can't *believe* you let me drive here!"
 * From later on in the episode, the mall owner seems to have reformed and saved Christmas:

"Hardison: We got this. We- (Moreau walks in flanked by bodyguards.) Ah hell, it's Moreau. Nate: Yeah, I caught that."
 * Additionally, this exchange:
 * Additionally, this exchange:

"Nate: Parker, have you ever climbed a mountain? Parker: I climb skyscrapers. I can WALK up a mountain. Eliot: It's not the same! Are there avalanches on a skyscraper? Parker: No. (Beat) That would be SO cool though."
 * Most of the flashbacks. Especially: "We, the United States, are pleased to make the first payment on the Trans-Ukrainian Pipeline, to her Royal Highness of Slovenia."
 * As the team reunites after a two-week break in "The Long Way Down Job," they find that Nate has set up a job that takes place on a mountain. We get a couple classics:

"Sophie: Nate, how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us? Nate: (stammers) Hardison: (Gilligan Cut to a flashback in the office) Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing!"
 * The look of wonder on her face is priceless.
 * Immediately followed by:

"Sophie: (runs up to him and kisses him, then whispers) I'm running a Moscow circus, you're the Ivan. Nate: Okay, I'm kind of dying of altitude sickness though..."
 * Nate walking into the main tent after having rescued the client in "The Long Way Down Job":

"Parker: You realize this isn't going to be normal. Hardison: My nana says that normal is whatever works for you. This, we all work. Parker: I should meet your nana. Hardison: Yeah... wait, what?"
 * This exchange from the end of "The Long Way Down Job":

"Nate: No, you're emotionally involved. Leads to bad decisions. Hardison: Did you just say that? With a straight face?"
 * Also in "The Long Way Down Job," when the client, an experienced climber, wants to help.

"Parker: I think I'm getting better at this... I didn't even stab him! Hardison: (weirded out) Yeah. We are so proud of you! No stabbing Wednesdays, new tradition!"
 * Parker implies in "The Ten Li'l Grifters Job" that her first job was robbing Imelda Marcos. Especially funny for Filipino viewers.
 * Hardison revealing in "The Ten Li'l Grifters Job" that he's hacked his way into the Oscars since he was 15 - and his flashback showing that he was sitting next to Halle Berry when she won.
 * From the same episode: "Yes, Parker, I'd tell you if I murdered the mark."
 * From "The 15 Minutes Job":

"Nate: How would I destroy me? Parker: Yeah, and you can't say 'booze'."
 * Parker rolling back and forth on the rolling chair in the evidence room in "The 15 Minutes Job."
 * Mitchell Kirkwood's horrifically cliched Country Music video in "The Studio Job".
 * The team (rather half-heartedly) tries to be 'victims' to force the mark in "The 15 Minutes Job" into heroism.
 * Parker gets pursesnatched by Eliot. The mark doesn't notice, but a random middle-aged lady does and beats Eliot up with her umbrella. Eliot's face is priceless. Then Parker gives her a thumbs-up.
 * Sophie loses a baby carriage. The mark doesn't notice, so she lets the baby carriage run off the street and into traffic, where it is presumably hit by a car, when she's distracted by a SALE sign at a nearby store.
 * We don't even get to hear what Hardison did, though it seems to involve choking on a hotdog and getting a Heimlich maneuver by a rather large man.
 * From "The 15 Minutes Job'":


 * From "The 10 Lil' Grifters Job"; Eliot has to do the grifting for Nate to investigate the suspects to the murder mystery. His "grifting" involves approaching every suspect, knocking them out as inconspicuously as possible, and searching their clothes for clues.
 * From "The Van Gogh Job," Eliot playing with Hardison's face, and Nate telling him the computer interface isn't a toy.
 * The bra scene from "The Hot Potato Job".
 * Sophie punches Hardison in the face to sell the con in "The Hot Potato Job".
 * And how could we forget the actual mole reveal from "The Hot Potato Job"?
 * Jungle Eliot in "The Boiler Room Job".
 * The most delicious Ham and Cheese.
 * Nobody ever remembering the mark's nickname from "The Boiler Room Job".
 * Parker after the chocolate festival, the first time, severe caffeine jitters.
 * Parker dealing with getting her pocket picked at the chocolate festival.
 * Post-op Hardison in "The Cross My Heart Job." It Makes Sense in Context.
 * Sophie offering to wait to make her escape until Eliot has worked out his anger over being drugged by Sterling in "The Queen's Gambit Job" - mostly because working out his anger means beating the crap out of mooks.
 * The Call Back to the pilot at the end of "The Queen's Gambit Job." "Wait... don't I die in Plan M?" "Usually."

"Elliot: I have four minutes to prove your theory wrong. Conrad: What theory? Elliot: That torture doesn't work."
 * Marco?
 * It's probably Blowfish.
 * You gotta admit he IS good. Like how he managed to correctly point out that Nate was sleeping with Sophie. Hardison and Parker (listening to them on comlink) just snap their heads to Sophie with expressions screaming "What?"
 * In "The Experimental Job", after Elliot knocks over a table, grabs Conrad by the neck, asks him where Hardison has been taken to, and he refuses to talk, this exchange takes place:

"Nate: No no no no, that, that right there, that's a lie. I love foreplay!"
 * The faces of the military volunteers looking through the windows as it happens really sells it.
 * "The Office Job":
 * Everything about Elliot and Hardisan's sandwich feud.
 * The "confessional" shots, especially the last one, when we discover that Hardison did eat the sandwich, while eating a sandwich.
 * Nate and Sophie's argument-by-proxy. Their slowly escalating reactions are priceless.

"Irish guy: Why is there a nun's habit without a nun inside? Nate: Rapture!"
 * The blurred-out greeting card.
 * Nearly every moment Peter Stormare was on-screen.
 * How the boss is ... "embarrassing" and they are printing "cards".
 * All of Parker's ideas for alternative card concepts, and her attempts to evade pursuit from the cameras.
 * Plus, y'know, it's an Affectionate Parody of the American version of The Office.
 * "The Boys Night Out Job"
 * Those Two Bad Guys, a pair of Irish mobsters, have a debate over whether or not a church basement counts as holy ground, and somehow the conversation turns to the Boy Scout oath.
 * Nate is impersonating a priest:

"Elliot: (to the beat up thugs) Yippie-ki-yay, motherf- Jimmy Ford: Found it!"
 * Hardison's increasingly frustrated demands that Eliot let him shoot a man.
 * "The Gold Job" has Eliot's grudging acceptance of, and later full enthusiasm for, Hardison's Mr. Punchy animated representation of him.
 * "The Radio Job": After a sarcastic quip by Eliot about there being a time machine in a patent office they need to break into, Parker is fully convinced that it's real and wants to steal it. This later leads into a Doctor Who Shout-Out when she imagines Nate's dad using the time machine to go back to 1962 while the show's theme tune plays in the background. This also leads to Hardison quoting the Eleventh Doctor's "bowties are cool" Catch Phrase.
 * In order to keep the FBI and Homeland Security from storming the place, Eliot starts channeling John McClane.

"Chaos: I want my usual fee plus expenses, and Parker dresses up as Starbuck from |Battlestar Galactica. Hardison: Hey, it's not happening. Chaos: I'll accept Sophie as Counselor Troi. We'll negotiate on the flight. Hardison: So wrong, on so many levels."
 * Relatedly, the fact that the actor playing the cop on the other end talking to Eliot played the role absolutely straight makes it even more hilarious.
 * "The Last Dam Job"
 * Chaos to Hardison: "I dream that you die and wake up laughing."
 * The exchange when Hardison first hires Chaos.

"Hardison: Wow... this is what it's like for Eliot. You just want to punch somebody... all the time."
 * Hardison and Chaos in general:

"Hardison: YOU GOT ME A BATCAVE?! Nate: No, I did not. Chaos: This is totally a batcave."
 * Hardison going full squee over the "batcave".

"Sophie: Look at that, he looks like a...slapped mackerel."
 * At the end of the episode, Hardison wants to keep the batcave. Eventually, he manages to get Elliot to help him convince Nate... by promising him his own batsignal.
 * The first time Archie meets Chaos (who not only called him 'super old' but flirted to 'yummy' Parker), he threatened Chaos with his cane with two painful weapons; a taser capable of several hundred volts, or a six-inch stiletto spike. Chaos nervously asks which one the cane does and Archie remarks that he can't quite remember, being super old. When he hears Chaos flirt with Parker again later on, he tases him into unconsciousness without warning.
 * Quinn's reaction to having to work with Chaos is pretty good too. Imagine Eliot and Hardison...now take the best buds part out of Vitriolic Best Buds.
 * Sophie recruits Maggie for some grifting, with the side benefit of both of them messing with Nate's head.

"Hardison: [cheerfully] I hate you with the white hot heat of a thousand suns. Chaos: I dream you die and I wake up laughing. Beat Hardison: Sci-five? Hardison/Chaos: No."
 * Every time Hardison and Chaos interact, basically.

"Tara: Sophie was right. You're the best I've ever seen. Nate: I know. (walks away) Tara: But no one in the world is as good as you think you are!"
 * At the end of one of Tara's first episodes: