Toy Story (franchise)/Funny

Toy Story
"Buzz: And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
 * Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in A New Hope. His voice and the music build dramatically, then:

(Beat)

Woody: You! Are! A! TOOOOOOOY! You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!

(beat)

Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell.

Woody: Yeah? Well, good riddance, ya looney!"

""Oh, I'm a sham! I can't even fly out the window! Does the hat look good? Tell me the hat looks good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!"
 * Double-funny for doing the Vulcan salute along with "Farewell".
 * When Toy Story 3 was knocked off of its 100 rotten tomatoes review level by two contrinarians who gave bad reviews because they wanted to be contrary, the director responded by tweeting "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."
 * "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbit!" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly smacking Buzz to his senses with his own dismembered arm makes it even funnier.
 * Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
 * Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together.

"Woody: Hey guys, look, its the real Buzz Lightyear!
 * "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
 * Best of all, it's a Shout-Out to a Far Side strip!
 * "Okay, Mr. LightBeer, prove it!"
 * A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him "LightSnack".
 * Look at Mr. Potato Head and Wordy during Woody's speech in the beginning.
 * Every other line of Mr. Potato Head's. "Did you all take stupid pills this morning?"
 * Ditto for Hamm. "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
 * Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play Battleship, especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid except the ones where his ships are.
 * And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
 * Perhaps a failure to understand how it's supposed to be played?
 * Or perhaps this is how they want to play. Potato Head's offering of body parts is oddly similar to strip poker in hindsight...
 * Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
 * "I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school."
 * You think?
 * Woody laughing at Buzz's delusions.

Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?

Woody: Oh, no no... BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!!!

Buzz: Where?! [Woody laughs hysterically]"

"Buzz: I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".
 * Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, coupled with Woody's reaction.
 * This exchange:

Woody: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present."

"Rex: Hey! A dinosaur documentary! Maybe this one will have a happy ending!
 * In Toy Story Treats, "Roadblock." It's just such a horrible joke, and Woody makes such a stupid face... My sister and I occasionally reference it and burst out laughing.
 * Speaking of which, Buzz had mad shadow puppetry skills.
 * "Sky Runner Buzz! It really flies!" It's sad and hilarious at the same time, how does that work?
 * Wait, Sky Runner Buzz?

Hamm: Annnd there's the meteor."

"Rex: I don't like confrontations!"
 * Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:

"Woody: Your helmet does that, that-that...WOOSH thing!"
 * Even Lasseter and co. agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
 * During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...

"Mr. Potato Head [is turned away from the camera] Hey, look at me! [turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face] I'm Potasso!
 * This exchange right at the beginning of the movie:

Hamm I don't get it. [walks away]

Mr. Potato Head [at Hamm] You uncultured swine!"

"Buzz: Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?"
 * "What are you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs, which shrugs in a "What?" fashion.
 * This line cracks me up for some reason: "He's not a Space Rangeeeer! He doesn't fight evil, or shoot lasers or fly!"
 * It's the way he draws out the word 'ranger'. That's gotta be it.
 * Buzz deciding to sit up front because it's safer there. Made funnier by him putting a (huge) seat belt on, Woody's mocking, and the fact that he was right.
 * Woody: (Grabbing Buzz and repeatedly pushing a button that makes his arm go up and down) Use your karate chop action!

"Green Army Soldier: Okay, it's bedsheets.
 * "Great, so if anyone attacks us we can blink 'em to death."
 * Buzz explains to Woody that revenge is something that isn't encouraged on his planet... then clarifies that they're not on his planet to which Woody responds with an Oh Crap face and saying Little No.
 * When the toys are finding out what Andy got for his birthday.

Mr. Potato Head: Who invited THAT kid?"


 * Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."

Toy Story 2
""I'm gonna spend some quality time with my dad!"
 * The scene when Jessie and Woody meet.
 * "No, Buzz -- I am your father!"

"Go long, Buzzy!"

"Great throw, son!""

"Mr. Potato Head: (completely unaware) "Well that went well!""
 * The toys crossing the street, especially the shot of all the chaos they're oblivious they just caused.

"Deluded Buzz: Will someone please explain what's going on?!
 * "You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!"
 * "Will you leave me alone?!"
 * "Daaaaddy!"
 * BUT I DON'T WANNA USE MY HEAD! *CLANG*
 * "Look, Barbie! An big ugly man doll! Oooh he needs a makeover!"
 * "She's an artist!"
 * "I'm packing you an extra pair of shoes, and your ANGRY eyes, just in case!"
 * Which sets up this amazing Brick Joke: "Prepare to meet - MR. ANGRY EYES!"
 * How could you forget those unforgettable ad-libs from Mrs. Potato Head during the gag reel?!
 * The homage to Jurassic Park with the shot of Rex in the rearview mirror.
 * Andy's Buzz meeting another Buzz Lightyear at Al's Toy Barn: "Tell me I wasn't this deluded!"
 * Moments earlier: "Am I really that fat?"
 * EVERYTHING the deluded Buzz they meet in Al's Toy Barn says and does:
 * Calling Hamm "Slotted pig" and Potato Head "Vegetable Man"
 * Telling everyone to join hands as he tries to fly out of Al's car.
 * Don't forget Buzz 'explaining' what's going on to the deluded Buzz!

Buzz: It's alright Space Ranger. It's a code 546.

Deluded Buzz: You mean it's a...

Buzz: Yes.

Deluded Buzz: * Gestures to Woody* And he's a...

Buzz: Oh yeah.

Deluded Buzz: * Runs over to Woody, and kneels before before him* Your Majesty!"

"Buzz: Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot schmoes!
 * Freaking out exactly the same way original Buzz did when his helmet was open in the first movie and Woody and the others having the same reaction as Woody in the first.
 * Woody's reaction to Al's belch.
 * Hamm (reading the owners manual for the Pizza Planet truck) "Oh, I seriously doubt he's getting this kind of mileage.."
 * This exchange here never fails to make this troper and her older sister (who's TS3 Andy's age) crack up.

Woody:. . . (perfect deadpan) They're called smores, Buzz. -__-"

"Woody turns Prospector's box around to reveal...Prospector talking to twin Barbies.
 * Again, outtakes:

Prospector: So you two are absolutely identical? You know I could probably get you a part in Toy Story 3... (realizing they're filming) Oh, I'm sorry are we back? Well girls, lovely talking with you! Yes any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Now off you go!"

"Mrs. Potato Head: And monkey chow!
 * The fact that he looks at their asses as they walk out just makes it even funnier.
 * The ridiculously long list of items Mrs. Potato Head tells Mr. Potato Head to bring with him:

Mr. Potato Head: Monkey chow? For what?

Mrs. Potato Head: WELL, FOR THE MONKEYS OF COURSE!!

(monkeys swarm all over Mr. Potato Head)"

"Rex: How do you spell FBI?"
 * The various pranks Woody plays on Buzz during the outtakes. Such as the old "ink on the binoculars' rims" trick. Buzz takes the pranks in stride at first, but quickly gets annoyed, making the whole thing even funnier.
 * "THIS SPACE FOR RENT."
 * Yet more outtakes: the scene where Buzz is walking through the entire aisle of Buzz Lightyear toys... with Woody in one of the boxes, making the silliest expression ever at him. Cracks me up every time. Even Buzz can't resist laughing.
 * Mr. Potato Head trying to unlock the door, only for Utility Buzz to accidentally launch him in the air, followed by a genuine scream and Hamm's classy "Haha!".
 * Rex, barging in, busting everything in his path during an important scene to ask...

"Andy: (pointing finger guns at Buster) Stick 'em up!
 * Buzz getting to know  at the end. Somewhere between his , this troper was in hysterics. The wings probably didn't help, either.
 * Woody doing tricks with Buster, and when Andy comes in...

(Buster scratches his ear and leaves the room)

Andy: Eh, we'll work on it later."

"Rabbit: *rabbit noises*
 * From the "Woody's Round-Up" show:

Woody: What's that? Jessie and Prospector are trapped in the old abandoned mine and Prospector just lit a stick of dynamite thinking it was a candle and now they're about to be blown to smithereens?

Rabbit: ...Uh huh."

"Puppet!Stinky Pete: Has anyone seen my pick? (Pick is in his rear)"
 * Toy!Stinky Pete has a solemn, Tranquil Fury air to him; in stark contrast, Puppet!Stinky Pete is a rambunctious Yosemite Sam-type character. Watch as he comes up in the theme song; you can see Toy!Stinky doing a Face Palm.


 * Buzz and the gang are in Al's Toy Barn, where they stumble upon Tour Guide Barbie. Mr Potato Head immediately begins chanting that he is a "married spud", while Hamm tells him to step aside for the single fellas.

Toy Story 3
"Jessie: Did you fix Buzz?
 * Pretty much any scene with Why? Let me phrase it like this. So far we've seen at least 3 different multiple Buzz personalities already (Space Ranger, Enlightened and Mrs. Nesbit). Yet PIXAR has somehow managed to take the idea of a deluded Space Ranger and up it to the 11 make it new and fresh again.  do I really need to explain?
 * Jessie's reaction to

Hamm: Eh... sort of."


 * This troper had read about  before seeing Toy Story 3, and knew it was coming, so she thought the humor was ruined for her., the theater broke into hysterical laughter from which there was no recovery. The same went for his 'greeting' of Woody. And his interaction with Jessie. You know what I mean. You know you felt it too.
 * And for that matter, Woody's reaction to.

"To Jessie: "Ven conmigo, mi amor. Yo te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia y vamos a derrotar el mal con nuestro amor.""
 * Or this line:

"Ken: It's almost like we were..
 * -->Translated for those who don't speak Spanish "Come with me, my love. I will show the wonders of the galaxy and we will defeat evil with our love."
 * Not to mention the flamenco that comes just before it. Just try not to crack up when El Buzzo pulls that crazy-crab-walk-windmill move. You will fail.
 * This troper and her BFF are fluent in Spanish. It cracks them up because they know what he's saying.
 * Ken. Just Ken. The best is probably Buzz's reply of "Yes, Well Groomed Man!"
 * The Brazilian dubbing makes that even funnier ("Yes, plastic metrosexual!").
 * For this troper, it was the line of "You don't even know me from GI Joe!" that made her giggle. This was because her father always used to say that Barbie should end up with G.I. Joe instead of Ken because, and I quote, "Ken is too big a baby and G.I. Joe is a real man."
 * That line about G.I. Joe made me immediately think about one of Bill Engvell's jokes about Barbie cheating on Ken with an "IG Joe".
 * Heh, remember that project when a group was replacing Barbie's voice boxes with G.I. Joe's?
 * This scene after realizing the how literal that line is.

Ken and Barbie: -Made- for each other."

"Woody: Look, I just need to know how to get out of here.
 * One of the funniest parts about him was wordless and didn't actually have him in it: when Barbie goes to pick up Buzz's operating manual disguised in Ken's astronaut suit, the bookworm notices the high heels "Ken" is wearing and gives "him" a sharp look as if to say "You know, we always kind of wondered about that boy..."

Buttercup (melodramatically): There is no way out!

Woody: (gasps)

Buttercup: Just kidding, door's right over there."

"Jessie:

Buzz:"

""You will not BELIEVE what I've been through tonight.""
 * Any scene involving "Mr. Tortilla Head". This Troper had tears in their eyes from holding back laughter.
 * It's either this or Nightmare Fuel.
 * Especially the pigeon. Something about the way "Mr. Tortilla Head" just falls apart...
 * Just the way "Mr. Tortilla Head" flops around is silly and hilarious.
 * Or "Mr. Zucchini Head".

"Buzz: That Barbie's got some nice handwriting.
 * This Troper thought it was a Squick / Parental Bonus joke.
 * When the Bookworm notices "Ken" is wearing pink high heels.
 * One word:
 * Chuckles. Just Chuckles. He was probably the most depressing character in the movie, but the cut to his -_____- face absolutely KILLED both the audiences this troper saw it with (including herself).
 * Barbie: "Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force!"
 * During the end credits, when the gang read a letter from Sunnyside, written in very neat, curly, and pink handwriting. It is not from Barbie, as they initially think, but Ken. The kicker? He signs it "Hugs and Kisses!"
 * During the end credits, when the gang read a letter from Sunnyside, written in very neat, curly, and pink handwriting. It is not from Barbie, as they initially think, but Ken. The kicker? He signs it "Hugs and Kisses!"

Jessie: Uhh... Buzz? Barbie didn't write that..."

"Jessie: Poor Barbie!
 * The line that seemed to get the most laughs in the theater comes right after Molly throws Barbie in the donation box:

Hamm: I get the Corvette."

"Woody: The name's Woody.
 * Woody introducing himself to Dolly cracks me up for some reason. It's the delivery of the line that nails it:

Dolly: Woody, huh? You're gonna stick with that?"

""I got to get home to my owner." (Shows him his ANDY boot upside-down)
 * "Of course, you're getting this from a doll named Dolly."
 * Mr. Pricklepants: "Well, EXCUSE me, I'm trying to stay in character!"
 * And then the line of him asking Woody if he's "classically trained."
 * The pairing of Rex and Trixie as video game partners, each getting excited about the game and then collapsing after they defeat it. The best part? Trying to high five each other even though Rex's hands are too short.
 * Despite being sort of scary and weird, brainwashed Buzz has some really funny quotes. "Quiet, musical hog!"
 * The entire opening sequence. Seriously. It's just so hilariously overblown and epic that words don't do it justice. It gets even better when you realized the whole damn thing is just
 * "The orphans!!!"
 * "That's MISTER evil Dr. Porkchop to you!"
 * "Money, money, money!"
 * "Oh yeah? Well, we brought our FORCE FIELD GUARD DOG!
 * "Well, I brought my DINOSAUR! Who EATS FORCE FIELD DOGS!"
 * The Big Red Button labeled "DEATH BY MONKEYS."
 * And the resulting explosion.
 * The best part is that the entire scene is one long Call Back to the opening scene in the first movie.
 * Make that both movies.
 * "El Vaquero!" (The Cowboy!)
 * "Abierto!"
 * Actually, every single line said by Spanish Mode Buzz is hilarious if you've ever seen Spanish soap operas. The longer lines he says are as cheesy as the lines can get in an actual Spanish soap opera. The voice actor's over the top delivery of the lines is the cincher, though.
 * What about this line?

"Who's Yidna?"

"I think it's pronounced Yid- 'Nay'.""

"Jessie: "Woody, we were wrong to leave Andy. I-I was wrong."
 * Pretty much everything said by  during her playtime is a combination of this and Heartwarming Moments: "The ghosts are throwing pies!", "I have the secret ingredient-Jellybeans!", "We need a spaceship to get away from the witch!"
 * "SOMEBODY'S POISONED THE WATERHOLE!" "Poison?!" *spits out a jellybean*
 * This shot, after Bonnie's had a little too much pretend coffee. C'mon, say it with me: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
 * And on that note, after Bonnie goes away Woody tries to find out where he is, only for the other toys to take a few seconds to remember what kind of bizarre scenario they're part of this time.
 * When Jessie admits to Woody he was right about Andy not throwing them away:

Mr. Potato Head: "Jessie's right, Woody. She was wrong!""

""I told you kids, stay out of my Butt!""
 * The Where Are They Now ending is both this and Heartwarming Moments. Five words: "Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
 * And who could forget this hilarious line by Mr. Potato Head:

"Lotso: "She replaced us"
 * "Just a dinosaur". The context, coupled with Kristen Schall's voice acting, which managed to make the line sound apologetic and dismissive, at the same time, never fails to please.
 * Though the Monkey was Nightmare Fuel for some, it's hard to hold back laughter at the telephone's speech to Woody. There's something hilarious about a dramatic briefing with the word "monkey" in it.
 * Plus, that part - and the part where Woody and his pals are escaping - just SCREAM Ocean's Eleven.
 * After being thoroughly creeped out by that monkey,  was what made this troper walk out of the theater with a smile on his face.
 * I have no idea why but I love the look on Buzz's face when Woody's trying to calm the toys down pre-packing.
 * I just love the look on Woody's face when Trixie tries to tell him where they are.
 * I may be alone but this short exchange in Lotso's backstory had me laughing because it came off a little assholish:

Chuckles: "No, she only replaced you""


 * You are not alone on that one. But for me more because it sounded like he was just casually stating a fact.
 * The way that Lotso condescendingly calls Ken "Kenneth" always cracks me up.
 * When Barbie needs to get information from Ken. She does this by tying him up....and ripping his clothes.
 * Lotso's Fate Worse Than Death at the end. Enough said.
 * It's made even funnier by Sid appearing as the garbage truck driver.