Rustlers' Rhapsody

Rustlers' Rhapsody is a 1985 parody of old B-Westerns, in which the hero Rex O'Herlihan the Singing Cowboy rides his wonder-horse Wildfire into yet another small frontier town to dispense a dose of non-lethal justice to the local Cattle Baron. Only this time, reality finally catches up with Rex, and things do not go entirely as planned...

A fun good-natured little flick, particularly enjoyable for fans of old-time Westerns.

Contains examples of:
"Peter: "Rex, you shot him in the head! How do you feel about that?" Rex: [weakly] "I missed his hand.""
 * Accidental Aiming Skills: Rex tries to teach Peter how to light his cigarette by shooting the tip. Nervously, Peter cocks the revolver and fires ... only to shoot Rex's hat off his head.
 * In the climactic gunfight, Rex has been wounded in his shooting arm, and his nemesis is about to finish him off. Rex raises his gun, fires, and:

"Rex: All these western towns are the same. Pete: Oh no! Oakwood Estates is unique! Rex: Is the Matron a pretty but somehow asexual schoolmarm? Pete: Yeah, but-- Rex: Is the Blacksmith a big jolly guy who only gets mad when his barn burns down? Pete: Yeah... Rex: Is the newspaper run by an idealistic young journalist who's hawked everything to buy his press? Pete: Damn! [beat] Oh, wait! I know one thing this town has that the others don't! None of the other towns have-- Rex: The railroad coming through? Pete: [flabbergasted] All western towns have the railroad coming through?!"
 * Affably Evil
 * Affectionate Parody
 * Audible Gleam
 * Badass Longcoat: Lampshades by the narrator, who notes how strange it seems to wear "raincoats in the desert."
 * Battle-Interrupting Shout: Averted - Rex shouts until the gunfight stops, only to realize that it stopped because everyone had already shot each other.
 * Beauty Is Never Tarnished: The cattle baron's daughter is dragged behind a galloping horse for miles. This results in not one bruise, broken bone, or scratch, just a single smudge on her face for the hero to clean off.
 * Blasting It Out of Their Hands: This is the only way Rex ever shoots at anyone.
 * Boring Invincible Hero: Subverted. Like most B-Western heroes, Rex seems, and believes himself to be, invincible, yet in this town the villains have a new trick up their sleeve.
 * Cattle Baron
 * Celibate Hero: Rex. Until he finds out that the Good Cowboy has to be a Confident Heterosexual, which he has to resolve before the final shootout.
 * Cool Horse: "I wish my horse could do that!"
 * Contractual Genre Blindness: Rex.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: The villains figure out that, as villains, they must subvert the standard formula to have any chance of winning. Since the good guys always win, they hire themselves a good guy to stand against the hero.
 * Drink Order: Rex tries to order a glass of milk, prompting stares from the bartender and the patrons. After changing his order a few times, he determines that this is one of those "tough bars", and orders, "A glass of warm gin served with a human hair in it." The other patrons go back to what they were doing.
 * Evil Lawyer Joke
 * Genre Savvy: Rex has been through the standard B-western plot so many times he knows exactly what's going to happen. This time it's different because the villains get Genre Savvy too..
 * Groin Attack: When Rex teaches Peter how to be a sidekick, one of the lessons is "jumping out of a second story window onto your horse".
 * Have a Gay Old Time: "Throw Another Faggot On The Fire"
 * Hooker with a Heart of Gold: So golden, she doesn't actually have sex with anyone. She just talks dirty to them.
 * I Just Shot Marvin in the Face: When the two Mooks and Blackie confront Rex in the saloon at the beginning,
 * I Like Those Odds: Four Mooks stroll into Rex's camp in the middle of the night. Just to be semi-fair, Rex only uses one gun.
 * Improbable Aiming Skills: Not only can Rex consistently shoot the guns out of their hands, he can do so from 100 yards away, shooting casually from the hip while mounted.
 * In the Back: Blackie's mooks accidentially shoot him in the back.
 * Land in the Saddle: This is part of Peter's sidekick training.
 * A Man Is Not a Virgin: Rex's Achilles' Heel.
 * Parody Sue: Rex, naturally.
 * Railroad Baron
 * Romance-Inducing Smudge: Spoofed where the cattle baron's daughter has been dragged behind her horse for hours. When Rex rescues her, she has only a tiny smudge on her cheek to show for it, which Rex tenderly wipes away.
 * Schoolmarm: Mentioned, but doesn't actually appear in the film.
 * Seen It All: How Rex O'Herlahan knows the future. The same thing keeps happening over and over again in every town he visits.


 * Sex as Rite-Of-Passage
 * Technical Pacifist: Rex only shoots villains in the hand.
 * Took a Level In Badass: Rex, after he takes care of becoming a Confident Heterosexual
 * Unlimited Wardrobe: Rex; he has a good-sized wagon for storing all his outfits.
 * What a Drag: Happens to the Cattle Baron's daughter.