Honey, I Shrunk the Kids/Funny

"Wayne: (as Quark the Dog licks his face) On the other hand, we come up with an interesting way of making applesauce."
 * Honey I Shrunk the Kids has plenty of funny moments. Such as:
 * Big Russ getting impaled with a dart
 * The failed attempt to shrink an apple, followed by a quip by Wayne Szalinski:

"Ron: Hey Amy, your date's here.
 * The titular kids have just been shrunken and they carry Wayne's thinking couch across the room to get to the door. Along the way, they come across a dead fly. Ron makes a joke about it:

Amy: Oh, gross."

"Ron: What's a river doing in your yard?
 * Later, after being thrown away by a frustrated Wayne (long story), the kids come across what looks like a river to them.

Russ Jr.: That isn't a river, you dope. It could be a stream of dog pee that looks like a river to us.

Ron: Who's swimming?


 * the corpse of a bug passes by on the "river"*

Nick: Have a ball, baby.

Amy: I'm not swimming in that."

"Wayne: GET OFF THE GRASS! Get off the grass!
 * Wayne searches for his shrunken kids in his backyard and he shouts to the Boorsteins to get off his lawn.

(later)

Wayne: It's very delicate... the lawn. You don't want to over-water... really."

"Amy: Come on guys, this is your ant!
 * Safe to say, it wasn't funny in the kids' P.O.V.
 * Two of these Funny Moments also double as Moments of Awesome:
 * The kids try to bronco-bust a young ant to ride it back to the house, ignoring Amy's protests. Ultimately, Amy is the one who succeeds in taming it by distracting it with a piece of Oatmeal Creme Pie, much to her discomfort. She tries to get the guys to help her, but they are too surprised by her "taming".

Ron: Your sister's not bad. For a girl.

Nick: Of course."

"Russ Sr.: That guy's got serious problems."
 * Wayne resuming his search while suspended from a tether. His dog Quark escapes from his leash and spins Wayne around and around until he tells the dog to "drop it" and ends up getting flung to the Thompsons' pool.

"Russ Sr.: Oh no, not again. Who does he think he is Mr. Wizard? (sticks his head out the window) SZALINSKI! GIVE IT A REST, ITS SATURDAY! (hits his head on the window)
 * Mr. Thompson wakes up from Wayne working so early.

...

Mae: Give the guy a break.

(loud bang from the Szalinski's house)

Russ Sr.: I'll give him a break. I'll break his arm!"

"Diane: That's great!
 * This entire scene after Wayne tells Diane his machine works:

Wayne: It's not that great.

Diane: Why?

Wayne: I shrunk the kids.

Diane: What?

Wayne: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.

Diane: WHAT?

Wayne: Threw them out with the trash. (Diane grabs Wayne and freezes as the bell rang) Excuse me. (opens the door with two cops outside) Yes?

Female cop: (notices Wayne's hat with two head lights attached) Did, uh... you report the missing children?

Wayne: There must be some mistake. Ours are in the backyard. Right, honey? (Diane faints) She... she... Thank you! (closes the door, the cops leave)

Male cop: Mm-hmm."

"Russ: So... you like to dance?
 * Russ' lame pick-up line.

Amy: How do you know that?

Russ: Uh...

Amy: You see me?

Russ: No-- I mean, yes. But I wasn't watching you, I..."

"Ron: I just figured it out. I never woke up this morning and this is all a bad dream.
 * His stupid suggestion to make a rope bridge over the stream of dog pee.
 * This moment after Nick and Russ get separated from Amy and Ron:

Amy: Ron, get up.

Ron: You're just a nightmare. When I wake up this morning, my dad and I'll be going fishing.

Amy: I'm warning you!

Ron: (sticks his fingers in his ears and hums with his eyes closed)

Amy: Okay, Ron, maybe you're right. Maybe this is all just a bad dream. But, if it is, then... (twists his ear sharply) ...would this hurt?

Ron: Ow!

Amy: Get up! If you were my brother I sign myself up for adoption.

Ron: I hope your face ends up on a milk carton."

"Gloria: Don, that man over there is flying.
 * Wayne climbs on the Thompson's fence so he wouldn't step on the grass. Mae sees him from the kitchen window. Wayne sees Russ Sr. staring at him, so he stops and leans casually on the fence.
 * Gloria sees Wayne in a harness above the grass as he searches for the kids.

Don: (rolls eyes) Great, Gloria.

Gloria: Donald, I'm not kidding around-

Don: Not NOW, Gloria!

Don: (saw Wayne) Mm-hmm."

"Diane: (sweetly) Sweetheart, you can tell me~ How bad can it be? (kisses Wayne)
 * While Honey, I Blew Up the Kid is generally inferior to its prequel, it has its fair share of moments, like where Diane confronts Wayne over what happened to Adam, the titular kid. The look on Wayne's face was absolutely priceless.

(Wayne looks very nervous)

Diane: After all, it's not like you've done anything to one of our kids, again.

(Wayne raises his eyebrows, then chuckles)

Diane: (growing serious) Wayne, where is Adam?

Wayne: Well, um...

Diane: Who was that man in the van? (holding up a bigger Big Bunny) And where did this bunny come from?!

Wayne: (still nervous) All right, I confess! I did it!

Diane: Did what?!

Adam: (breaks down the door) Peek-a-boo!!

Wayne: I blew up the baby!

(Diane faints)

Adam: Mama fall down! Mama...

Nick: How'd she take it?

Wayne: 'Bout like usual.

Adam: Mama sleeping?"

"Diane: Wayne, this is a solar van. We're inside!
 * The entire sequence of Wayne, Diane, and Nick trying to tame Adam. Hilarity ensues.
 * Wayne and Diane have just retrieved the shrink ray from Sterling Labs in order to get Adam back to normal size. Diane is perplexed on how to get out since it is solar-powered.

Wayne: There's a switch marked "battery". Just be careful not to switch it to...

(Diane flips the switch, and the van zooms off as Diane screams)

Wayne: High!

Diane: Hold on!"

"Mandy: There's no way I'm changing those diapers."
 * The look on Wayne's face after Diane told him to un-shrink the policemen he inadvertently tested the shrink ray on.
 * Mandy's reaction after Adam grows even bigger and escapes from the house, leaving an Adam-shaped hole in the wall:


 * A TV promo which included the scene of Adam about to put the car with Nick and his girlfriend Mandy inside followed by a "gulp" from Adam, make it look like he did eat them.