Bruce Has a Problem



Beginning as a one-shot crackfic by Adrian Tullberg, Bruce Has a Problem tells the tale of what happens when Harley Quinn deduces Batman's identity and decides to leave the Joker for him. Bruce is in shock, Alfred is amused, the Bat-Clan is confused, and Harley's oblivious.

Due to public affirmation of the idea's brilliance, this one-shot subsequently transformed into a Round Robin (as opposed to Harley, who makes for a really Stacked Robin), moderated by Andrew J. Talon, showing the deepening of Bruce and Harley's surprisingly effective relationship and the often unpredictable effect it has on everyone else.

Note: The above link is to a thread on spacebattles.com, which is littered with non-story discussion. Here you can find a table of contents that links to all the story-posts.

This story provides examples of:
"The Metropolis loudmouth, who was covered in plaster dust and bits of what used to be a chair, finally stopped gaping long enough to ask, "What the hell was that?!"
 * Abduction Is Love: Inverted in that it's a woman (Roxy) doing the abducting (Dr. Resch) and subverted by making it clear Dr. Resch has no romantic interest in her.
 * Abhorrent Admirer: Harley, at least at first.
 * All Love Is Unrequited: Multiple ways, but Poison Ivy is the poster girl for this.
 * Aw Look They Really Do Love Each Other
 * Bad Guy Bar: The appropriately named Dive Bar mostly caters to Rogue henchmen/women and the less discerning sort of mobster.
 * Beta Couple: While Bats and Harley are at the center, other couples that have shown up that highlight relationship differences:
 * Dick and Babs
 * Tim and Cass
 * Doyle and Penny
 * Belligerent Sexual Tension: Subverted quite epically by Talia when Ubu and her Handmaiden can't quite stop arguing.
 * Brass Balls
 * Bland Name Product: The Sundollars coffee bar.
 * Bodyguarding a Badass: During the election arc, Moe and Larry find themselves body guarding Bruce Wayne, who probably doesn't really need it.
 * Cannot Spit It Out: Ivy is like this around Harley.
 * Casual Kink: Harley seems to be very open about what she and the Bat get up to in bed. Or on the couch. Or in the Batcave. Or in the Batmobile. Much to the trauma of his kids.
 * In her latest 'catfight' with Selina, Harley takes this up to 11. Proudly proclaiming she'd do anything to keep 'Mr. B' happy. Including letting him sleep with other girls... or sleep with them herself.
 * Comically Missing the Point: Oh Dr. Hugo Strange, you poor delusional madman...
 * Hugo keeps managing to figure out EXACTLY what the Bat has planned, but keeps ascribing completely erroneous motivations and reasoning to him.
 * Creepy Crossdresser: It was for a job interview!
 * Dating Harley Quinn
 * Disability Immunity; Doctor Resch's exposure to anti-fear toxin, possibly coupled with post-traumatic stress, has resulted in his seeming immunity to fear and panic. He seemed completely unaffected by AMP and the Hatcasters; and it's suspected that the damage also made him immune to Ivy's pheromones.
 * Distracted By the Sexy: Damian by Stephanie's "Hypno-Boobs", Tim by Cass's various actions, even Bruce is a victim of this by Harley though he hides it better.
 * The Riddler's assistants, Query and Echo, try this on Eddie but being Genre Savvy he's wise to their efforts. It's quite effective on Sid the Squid though.
 * The Don: People seem to have gotten the wrong idea about Bruce Wayne during the Election Arc.
 * Embarrassing Nickname: Dan "Fancypants" Proxmire is really unhappy about his nickname. Doctor Doyle "Doc Ironballs" Resch probably isn't much happier about his.
 * Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Hugo Strange just doesn't quite understand that not everything revolves around him.
 * Face Palm: Often.
 * Fan Convention: The setting, or at least the starting point for the Joker Riot Arc.
 * Flat What: The latest snippet has Bruce reacting this way to
 * Kuudere: Cass, somewhat. By the definition, Bruce as well.
 * Improvised Weapon: even a few Rogues have learned to mind their manners around Doctor Penelope "Penny" Young and her $500 fountain pen with a nib of Amazonian-forged steel.
 * Intercontinuity Crossover: The continuity is a mish-mash of comics canon, BTAS, the Arkham video games and other bits from all over.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun
 * "Knight Vision" for Batman's Detective Mode feature in his cowl. Spoken by Harley.
 * Jokes involving how much Babs loved Dick have finally surfaced.
 * A nautically themed low-class bar is actually named The Dive Bar.
 * Large Ham: Maxie Zeus.
 * AQUAMAN.
 * Leave the Two Lovebirds Alone
 * Les Yay: Ivy.
 * Love Makes You Crazy: This is Harley all over the place, at least initially.
 * Manipulative Bastard: Batman. Played up a bit during the Election arc.
 * Mistaken for Gay: Jim Gordon, despite being an excellent detective otherwise, draws the completely wrong conclusion about his daughter and those friends who keep sleeping over at her place. Babs straightens him out right away.
 * Mooks: Moe, Larry and Curly as well as Query and Echo count. They also have Union representation.
 * No Hero to His Valet: Alfred is not being paid enough for this.
 * On the other hand he Apparantly has secret fangirls, and Diana's mom is hot for him.
 * The Nicknamer: Harley does this to nearly everyone, noteably referring to Alfred as Obi-Wan and Bruce as Mistah Bee (which fits for both Bat and Bruce).
 * Jason Todd also tends to have snarky nicknames for everyone, most notably Velma for Tim.
 * Opposites Attract
 * Pet the Dog: Literally in Damian's case.
 * Practical Joke: The members of the Batfamily seem to like to pull these on each other.
 * Precocious Crush: Damian. So much. Forever.
 * Round Robin: Mostly a traditional one though there are chronological issues given how loosely it's moderated.
 * Running Gag:
 * Mainly used in the discussion thread, but ALL Lexcorp electronic products are programmed to attack Superman
 * Which is a real problem when Lois buys Clark a Lexcorp Razor for their anniversary.
 * Tim's supposed previous 'relationship' with Superboy gets some mileage.
 * Blonde women, and women in general, tend to keep finding Damian adorable enough to smoosh into their bosoms.
 * Dr. Strange guessing Batman's plans right... For all the wrong reasons.
 * Steph's tendency to lose most of her costume during Talia's 'bridal training' sessions.
 * Shout Out:
 * Joker's three henchmen are named Larry, Curly and Moe. Shemp is mentioned as having been killed off-screen.
 * Stephanie introduces Damian to animated Disney films, including Bambi and Toy Story 2.
 * During Harley's sleepover with Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown and Pamela Isley, Cass is dressed in her mask, a tank top and sweatpants much like she's dressed in another fan work.
 * There are multiple references to Chris Dee's Cat Tales fanfiction series.
 * Aquaman, recently brought back to life, has become far more outrageous.
 * The Penguin and other members of Batman's rogue gallery have a Tabletop Saturday weekly in the Iceberg Lounge.
 * The Joker has taken to consulting a plushy of a certain pink pony.
 * Multiple references are also made to a fictional food chain called "Derpy Donuts".
 * At one point,  exclaims "Huzzah! The fun has been doubled!".
 * Oracle apparently has trained Steph in marksmanship using Dino Crisis light guns.
 * One of the Arkham guards refers to Dr. Young as Lassie.
 * Sid the Squid serves as the head of the Blackgate Allied Trades Credit Union, essentially an insurance and banking service for Gotham's henchmen and hoods.
 * Maxie Zeus, Sid's secretary, refers to his boss as THE MIGHTY KRAKEN, despite the Kraken being a part of NORSE mythology. Since Maxie Zeus is crazy and the film got it wrong too, it's forgivable.
 * "Zelinski's" is mentioned in the context of a costume shopping trip, which refers to a superhero/villain tailor Leo Zelinski from JMS's run on Spider-Man.
 * Taking the place of the Batman comics and cartoons in the real world, Big O is a popular, long-running franchise, with its own myriad adaptions and remakes over the years. The actual anime series takes the spot of B:TAS, but there are also references to an Adam West TV show and a modern, more realistic film series.
 * Shown Their Work: When Batgirl (Stephanie Brown) attempts to catch Roxy Rocket's... Rocket, with a grappling hook, even with several anchors in the roof she's yanked up and taken for a ride. They even Lampshade it by referencing the Mythbusters and The Incredible Hulk.
 * Signed Up for The Dental: Larry wants to keep his Union benefits because they apparently include discounts at local strip clubs.
 * Tempting Fate: Dan Proxmire's introduction in a henchman's dive bar has him saying that Gotham will be a piece of cake next to Metropolis because the heroes here are "just a bunch of regular folks in capes." Cue Roxy Rocket with Doctor Resch as her hostage smashing through the bar, with Batgirl (Stephanie Brown) hanging onto it by a grappling hook while screaming.

Moe looked the guy in the eye and said in a level tone. "Just regular folks in capes.""


 * The Missus and The Ex
 * The Reason You Suck Speech: A particularly epic one is given to The Joker of all people by the young Dr. Doyle "Doctor Ironballs" Resch. In fact, that was but the first of several instances that day that generated that reputation.
 * Followed up by an even better one, also given to the Joker, by Batman.
 * The Shrink: Harley Quinn herself, Dr. Penelope Young and Dr. Doyle Resch.
 * Tsundere: Damian acts this way towards Steph. Actually toward pretty much everyone.
 * Unwanted Harem: The amount of romantic interests that Bruce managed to both attract and (attempts to at least)drive away is staggering.
 * Voice With an Internet Connection: Multiple examples.
 * Babs aka "Oracle" is in far more scenes as a voice on the Bat-comms than actually being physically onsite.
 * Wendy aka "Proxy" takes over Oracle's job when she wants a break. She also tends to flirt rather heavily with the Batfamily.
 * Ironically, even Moe filled in on this role during the Dive Bar Siege, although he was the voice, Fancy had the actual internet connection.
 * Weird Trade Union: Blackgate Allied Trades Credit Union. For henchmen, particularly those working for the Gotham Rogues.
 * Yandere: Harley. Oh, Harley.