Bailey School Kids

The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids (or simply The Bailey School Kids) is a series of children's chapter books co-authored by Marcia T. Jones and Debbie Dadey. It revolves around a group of third-grade kids who are convinced that people around them are monsters. In each story, the kids meet an adult who shows signs of being some mythical being.


 * 1) Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots
 * 2) Werewolves Don't Go to Summer Camp
 * 3) Santa Claus Doesn't Mop Floors
 * 4) Leprechauns Don't Play Basketball
 * 5) Ghosts Don't Eat Potato Chips
 * 6) Frankenstein Doesn't Plant Petunias
 * 7) Aliens Don't Wear Braces
 * 8) Genies Don't Ride Bicycles
 * 9) Pirates Don't Wear Pink Sunglasses
 * 10) Witches Don't Do Back Flips
 * 11) Skeletons Don't Play Tubas
 * 12) Cupid Doesn't Flip Hamburgers
 * 13) Gremlins Don't Chew Bubble Gum
 * 14) Monsters Don't Scuba Dive
 * 15) Zombies Don't Play Soccer
 * 16) Dracula Doesn't Drink Lemonade
 * 17) Elves Don't Wear Hard Hats
 * 18) Martians Don't Take Temperatures
 * 19) Gargoyles Don't Drive School Buses
 * 20) Wizards Don't Need Computers
 * 21) Mummies Don't Coach Softball
 * 22) Cyclops Doesn't Roller-Skate
 * 23) Angels Don't Know Karate
 * 24) Dragons Don't Cook Pizza
 * 25) Bigfoot Doesn't Square Dance
 * 26) Mermaids Don't Run Track
 * 27) Bogeymen Don't Play Football
 * 28) Unicorns Don't Give Sleigh Rides
 * 29) Knights Don't Teach Piano
 * 30) Hercules Doesn't Pull Teeth
 * 31) Ghouls Don't Scoop Ice Cream
 * 32) Phantoms Don't Drive Sports Cars
 * 33) Giants Don't Go Snowboarding
 * 34) Frankenstein Doesn't Slam Hockey Pucks
 * 35) Trolls Don't Ride Roller Coasters
 * 36) Wolfmen Don't Hula Dance
 * 37) Goblins Don't Play Video Games
 * 38) Ninjas Don't Bake Pumpkin Pie
 * 39) Dracula Doesn't Rock and Roll
 * 40) Sea Monsters Don't Ride Motorcycles
 * 41) The Bride of Frankenstein Doesn't Bake Cookies
 * 42) Robots Don't Catch Chicken Pox
 * 43) Vikings Don't Wear Wrestling Belts
 * 44) Ghosts Don't Ride Wild Horses
 * 45) Wizards Don't Wear Graduation Gowns
 * 46) Sea Serpents Don't Juggle Water Balloons
 * 47) Frankenstein Doesn't Start Food Fights
 * 48) Dracula Doesn't Play Kickball
 * 49) Werewolves Don't Run For President
 * 50) The Abominable Snowman Doesn't Roast Marshmallows
 * 51) Dragons Don't Throw Snowballs


 * Aesop Amnesia - The characters take turns between believing a character is supernatural, considering it unlikely, and teasing their friends for considering it, depending on the book. This becomes particularly egregious when a character who was convinced their science teacher was a sea monster in the last book sneers at their friend for thinking the cashier at a restaurant is a mummy in the next.
 * Agent Mulder: Liza is almost always the one to suggest that someone is a supernatural creature.
 * Agent Scully: Eddie is consistently the most doubtful of the group, making him official Scully. Melody also usually takes more convincing than the others.
 * Almighty Janitor: Regardless of whether or not he's Santa, Mr. Jolly is clearly this.
 * Black Best Friend: Melody
 * The Cameo: Numerous one-time characters from the other books appear in the illustrations in Bogeymen Don't Play Football, cheering in the stand.
 * Carpet of Virility: Mr. Jenkins is characterized by this.
 * Classical Movie Vampire: Mrs. Jeepers shows every sign of this, being a very suave and ladylike, and even bearing a widow's peak, her Eastern European accent, her air for the dramatic when she's not being calm and menacing, and her outdated clothes.
 * Does Not Like Shoes: Mr. Jenkins avoids wearing shoes, until his cabin is filled with wolfsbane, at which point he puts shoes on.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything? - Although it may not have stood out in 1990, when Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots was published, modern vampire mythology often puts them into a sexual context, making one wonder what Mrs. Jeepers did to Eddie in the last chapter.
 * Evil Albino: Mrs. Zork from Aliens Don't Wear Braces. She's implied to be an alien on a mission to steal color from Earth and bring it to her monochromatic home planet.
 * Funetik Aksent: Averted with Mrs. Jeepers; she is said to have a thick accent, but it does not translate into text.
 * Girlish Pigtails - Melody is always drawn with twintails, sometimes wearing a ponytail or braids within the story.
 * Haunted House: The Clancy House, which Ms. Jeepers moves into in the first book, is described as this by the students.
 * Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Each book features a title " does not ".
 * Informed Flaw - In Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp, Liza is described as "plump" and "chubby" a few times, despite this never being mentioned or seen in any books or pictures.
 * Jerkass > Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Eddie, who is originally described as the school bully, often comes off as this.
 * Lame Comeback - Eddie is prone to these.
 * Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane - The books rarely come to a concrete conclusion over whether someone is or is not the creature the kids think they are.
 * Mind Control Eyes - Mrs. Jeepers' eyes flash green when she hypnotizes Eddie. (They also flash green threateningly when she's disciplining the children).
 * The Mole: Allegedly, a vampire infiltrated the leprechauns' kingdom as the teacher of their children in order to take back the gem they stole and seal them in Ireland. It's heavily implied that Mrs. Jeepers was this vampire.
 * Monster of the Week
 * Oireland: "Magic" O'Grady's nationality. Howie's grandmother also hails from there.
 * Our Monsters Are Different (Depending on whether you believe that the characters are monsters or not.)
 * Our Vampires Are Different: Mrs. Jeepers is clearly able to go out in the sunlight, but has an allergy to garlic and is shown to be able to hypnotize people. It's implied that she sleeps in a coffin and can feed off people.
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: Mr. Jenkins is shown to turn into a hairy humanoid on nights surrounding the full moon, and prefers raw meat in human form. Exposure to wolfsbane causes him to turn far less hairy, looking just like an ordinary person at all times.
 * Our Santa Claus Is Different: Mr. Jolly is shown to have magical abilities, visits a different school every year to check on the local kids, and drives a red sports car with the license place reading "HOHOHO".
 * Our Leprechauns Are Different: Mr. O'Grady uses lucky charms to perform magic, is confined to Oireland due to the vampires stealing his people's magic gem.
 * Our Goblins Are Wickeder: Apparently goblins are plump middle aged men who teach computer classes, play video games that resemble Castlevania and Ghosts N Goblins, and are Neat Freaks.
 * Positive Discrimination - Melody is the only black character, and she's also the bravest, most polite, and most reasonable of the group. She is often pitted against Eddie, who is a red-head.
 * Sassy Black Woman: Melody, in spades.
 * Sealed Evil in a Can - Although not evil so much as tricksters, the leprechauns were confined to Oireland by the vampires.
 * Shown Their Work: In Frankenstein Doesn't Plant Petunias, Liza gives a surprisingly good summary of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, avoiding most of the misinformation that has been engrained in the public's minds after the movie. The only one mentioned is the angry mob at the climax, and Frankenstein's fear of fire, both of which are actually plot points.
 * It should be noted, however, that Frank's creator is Dr. Victor, whereas his creator in the novel is not a doctor at all...or named Victor.
 * Victor is the creator's first name in the book.
 * Stern Teacher - Mrs. Jeepers
 * Title Drop - Once a book.
 * It's absent in Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp, however.
 * Token Minority: Melody
 * Twofer Token Minority: If you consider women a minority, she doubles as this.
 * True Meaning of Christmas: The ending to Santa Claus Doesn't Mop Floors.
 * Vampire Vords: Somewhat averted in that she's said to have a realistic Romanian accent, rather than the exaggerated one that comes with the trope.
 * Villainous Widow's Peak: Mrs. Jeepers
 * Wolf Man - Between the descriptions and the illustrations, Mr. Jenkins is probably something like this.
 * You Know the One - Referring to Mr. Jolly as "SC" feels particularly unnatural after a while.