Vampire's Kiss



"Not to be confused with the SNES game known in Europe as Castlevania: Vampire's Kiss. For that, see Castlevania Rondo of Blood."

""I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!""

- Peter Loew

Vampire's Kiss is a 1989 film starring Nicolas Cage.

Peter Loew is a yuppie literary agent who goes insane. He plays as a businessman by day, and hops clubs picking up women by night. In the opening, Peter sees his therapist, Dr. Glaser, whom he visits frequently, about his sexual conquests. One night, he takes a woman home with him, and a bat gets into his apartment. The experience leaves him feeling sexually excited, something he reports to Dr. Glaser.

Soon after, he meets up with a woman named Rachel in a night club and takes her to his apartment to have sex. However, unknown to Peter, Rachel is a vampire, and while they are having sex, she bites Peter on his neck. After that, he believes that he is turning into a vampire, and consequentially develops a sensitivity to sunlight and can no longer see his reflection.

Meanwhile, Peter's secretary, Alva Restrepo, becomes concerned about his mental behavior. Peter torments her by forcing her to search through an enormous file for a 1963 contract. When she fails to find it, he humiliates her. She does everything she can to find this file, but after dealing with his demands for so long, she decides to call in sick to avoid him. It does her no good; he figures out where she lives and takes her back to work.

Later, Peter meets with Rachel, who dumps him in a night club. He accuses her of being a vampire, resulting in him being kicked out of the club. In the conclusion, Peter has become one of the crazies of New York, walking in a blood-stained suit, talking to himself, and turning his apartment into a vampire's cave where he hides from the sun by crawling under an upturned sofa.

This film provides examples of:

 * , you don't say?
 * All Just a Dream:
 * Ax Crazy: Peter. Possibly also Nicolas Cage.
 * Bad Boss: Peter obviously. See Below.
 * Break the Cutie: Poor, poor Alva. Peter is absolutely horrible to her even before.
 * Cut Himself Shaving: Peter uses this as an excuse when Dr. Glaser asks about the bandage on his neck.
 * Cute Little Fangs: When the fangs that Peter expects to appear fail to do so, he buys a pair of cheap plastic costume fangs from a novelty shop and runs around flashing them.
 * The Dog Bites Back: After Peter rapes Alva,
 * Eat The Cockroach: To make matters more disturbing, Nicolas Cage actually ate a cockroach. One has to wonder how many takes it took before the scene was finished.
 * He also catches and eats a pigeon later in the movie.
 * Epiphany Therapy: Dr. Glaser, Peter's psychiatrist.
 * George Jetson Job Security: Alva's position at the office progressively becomes the job of acting as Peter's personal chew toy throughout the movie. He flat-out threatens to fire her if she refuses or fails to find a twenty-five-year-old contract, despite her dedication and dependability.
 * Girly Run: Seen as Peter runs down the street, screaming, "I'M A VAMPIAH! I'M A VAMPIAH! I'M A VAMPIAH!"
 * Likes Older Women: Late in the movie, Peter calls Dr. Glaser at night. She is wearing an alluring night gown, with a shirtless young man in his 20s.
 * Looks Like Orlok: Nicolas Cage does a rather impressive physical impression of Count Orlok in one of the later scenes in the movie, before assaulting a young woman at a nightclub.
 * Maybe Magic Maybe Mundane: This is sort of an overall theme with this movie, since
 * A bit more ambiguously
 * Mind Rape: When Rachel bit Peter, it apparently drove him insane.
 * Posters Always Lie: Despite what the various posters might indicate, this is NOT a romantic comedy, but a somewhat disturbing psychological thriller in the vein of American Psycho.
 * Our Vampires Are Different:
 * Well, not exactly..
 * The Power of Love: By the end of the movie, Peter believes that true love is the only thing that can cure his psychosis. He tells this to a statue in downtown New York City, although he thinks he's talking to his therapist.
 * Rape Discretion Shot:
 * Sanity Slippage: Peter.
 * Villain Protagonist
 * What the Hell Is That Accent: Peter's weird high-class accent seems to soften depending on who he's talking to.
 * Sounds like a mix of Ted Theodore Logan and Patrick Bateman.
 * Wondrous Ladies Room: At one point, Peter chases Alva into the women's restroom, revealing a very posh environment for nature's business.