Silver Spoons/Quotes

Pilot

 * Derek: You still looking at that stupid picture?
 * Ricky: You call this picture stupid once more, and your tooth fairy's gonna need a wheelbarrow!
 * Derek: Come off it, creep-face! You told me you were gonna go live with your father and you'd never have to come back here again.  Well you're here, just like I told ya... He probably took one look at you and threw you out, just like your mother did.
 * Ricky: You know, Derek, now I see why all your gerbils commit suicide!

The Great Computer Caper
[ Ricky looks at page 3 of the paper ] [ Ricky and Arnold hear a knock on the door ]
 * Arnold: Hey, Ricky!
 * Ricky: Hi, Arnold!
 * Arnold: Well, there you are... this week's copy of The Weekly Woodpecker! Check out the headlines!
 * Ricky: "Room 12 Gets New Blackboard."
 * Arnold: Not that headline... this one.
 * Ricky: "Computer Whiz Kid Breaks Military Code."
 * Arnold: Rather catching, isn't it?
 * Ricky: Yeah, nice job, Arnold! I think it's important for the people to know this.  It's just too easy to get military information with a computer... But you didn't mention my name, right?
 * Arnold: Hey, I always keep my sources anonymous!
 * Ricky: "This information was furnished by Ricky Stratton, who prefers to remain anonymous."
 * Arnold: See?... Aw, Rick, I needed that story. I've never made the front page before, and my editor wouldn't print it without the details!
 * Ricky: Well, at least you didn't print a picture of the plane.
 * Arnold: I guess you haven't gotten to page 3 yet.
 * Ricky: Arnold, you shouldn't have done this! We can get into big trouble for this, Arnold!
 * Arnold: What trouble? It's a sixth grade newspaper! Who's gonna see it?
 * Voice: [behind the door] Open up!  This is the FBI!

The X-Team
''[Kate enters the living room to pick up something she forgot. She hears the TV (and the boys) laughing in the den and goes to investigate. She opens the door a bit, takes in horror as she sees what's on the TV, and flings the door open, getting Ricky and J.T.'s attention.]''
 * Freddy: Turn it on!
 * Ricky: It's on! Boy is it on!
 * J.T.: That must be Cinnamon Toast! All those Venutians got some great lookin' nurses!
 * Ricky: How come she isn't wearing any clothes?
 * J.T.: Simple! The doctor's givin' her an examination!
 * Ricky: OK, then how come the doctor's not wearing clothes?
 * J.T.: You see, I think that has to do with why we're not supposed to be watching this kind of stuff!
 * Freddy: How are they?
 * Ricky: Outstanding!
 * Kate: (gasps)
 * Ricky: Kate!!
 * Freddy: Kate's in this?!
 * Kate: Ricky, what is going on here?
 * Ricky: Well, you see, Nurse Toast is getting a checkup from the doctor...
 * Kate: That's not what I meant, what I mean is, why are you watching this kind of........ show? Well?

[Ricky and Edward hug]
 * Ricky: I don't think this doctor and nurse were really in love. I mean, during the whole thing, she never stopped reading The Wall Street Journal!
 * Edward: I think you may have the idea. See, son, movies like that reduce lovemaking to purely physical, mechanical acts... and, in my opinion, they put down women... treat them like mindless sex objects.
 * Ricky: Why do we get these movies on our TV?
 * Edward: Well... it comes with the cable service. See, I ordered the cable service because I want to see... recent movies without commercials.  And to my surprise, they... they also broadcast these skin flicks!  I-I have no choice... if I want to watch a decent movie, then I just have to order these... these movies at the same time!...  Are you buying this?
 * Ricky: Dad, you're a grownup... I guess you can watch whatever you want!
 * Edward: Yes, I can, son, but I don't choose to watch movies like this... and until you're old enough to make your own decisions, I won't allow you to watch 'em either. Is that understood?
 * Ricky: That's understood.
 * Edward: Let's get some sleep.
 * Ricky: Dad? Thanks for talking to me about this.
 * Edward: Well, thanks for listening.
 * Ricky: And thanks for being so open.
 * Edward: Thanks for coming to me and telling me about it.
 * Ricky: And thanks for not grounding me!
 * Edward: Nice try, Rick.
 * Ricky: [sheepish grin] Thanks!
 * Edward: Uh, son, you forgot to give me back my keys.
 * Ricky: Would you believe I lost it?
 * Edward: Another nice try.
 * Ricky: Thanks!

Rumors Are Flying
[Edward catches Rick and Samantha sleeping on the bed, both fully clothed.] [Edward has a look of serious alarm on his face]
 * Edward: [shaking Rick's foot] Rick!
 * Rick: Oh, hi Dad... Dad! [Rick looks over at Samantha and takes in alarm when he realizes that they've been sleeping on the bed]
 * Samantha: [groggily] What happened?
 * Edward: That's a good question!
 * Rick: But Dad, we must have fallen asleep!
 * Edward: That's not a good answer!
 * Samantha: I am so embarrassed....
 * Rick: Dad, it's not what you think... I was just showing her my moles!
 * Edward: We'll talk about your moles later! Samantha's mother just called... she's worried sick about you!
 * Samantha: Great... it's been nice knowing you.