Everybody Loves Raymond/Awesome

""You have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married, I didn't just get a husband, I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street. And th-that would be fine... if they stayed there. But every day, every day, they dump a truckload of their insane family dreck into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their sixties fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn?! And then the brother... 'I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn, Raymond has a lawn.' But you can't blame him when you see who the mother is. She has this kind of sick hold on the both of them. And the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped on this planet. So, no wonder the kid writes stories - I should be writing stories! My life is a gothic novel and until you have lived in that house with all of them in there with you, day after day, week after week, year after friggin' year... you are in no position to judge me!""
 * Everytime Ray Barone decides to get past his invertedness and actually become assertive, it's a cue that an awesome rant is about to occur.
 * The best of his would have to be "Jealous Robert," where he fights through having been elbowed in the balls to tell Robert about Marie and Debra's scheme to make him jealous of Amy by setting her and his friend together. "You can't stop me from doing what's right! You can't manufacture love!"
 * Debra had hers when she made this speech:

"Pat: This wedding, whether we like it or not, was for Amy and Robert, and you shouldn't have intruded on their moment of happiness. Marie: I was doing it for them! Pat: Oh Marie, I think maybe, you were doing it for you... and you were so worried about what you wanted to express that you weren't thinking about anyone else, including your son. ...I-I think that's called narcissism."
 * Robert has gotten one of his own as well. After being invited to a ride along in Robert's police cruiser, Ray does nothing but crack jokes about how easy Robert's job is. Finally having had enough, Robert sits him down and explains how these jokes are an insult to police officers everywhere. While the speech itself is cool, the Crowning Moment comes when Ray then points out to Robert that the pizza store they are in is being robbed. Robert orders Raymond to get down, and proceeds to sneak up on the gun toting thief, catch his attention, throws a pizza into his face, and tackles the thief to the ground, effectively demonstrating just why he made Sergeant.
 * Marie is often characterized by being smothering and overprotective, but she earns her Mama Bear status in the flashback episode when Robert recounts how he was divorced from his first wife, Joanne. When Marie finds out that Joanne has dumped her son, she turns on Joanne with a ferocity that would melt lesser mortals. And when Joanne ups the ante by calling Marie the B-word, Marie unloads about how she's held her tongue for too long, even ignoring Joanne's past as a stripper in Atlantic City. When Marie concludes her monologue by throwing Joanne out of the house, ending with the line "It's time to take out the trash!" the audience roars approval. Her sons are a bit more surprised by what has happened. Robert asks what he's supposed to do now, with Raymond pointing out the obvious: "Never call Mom a bitch."
 * Ray's speech at Robert and Amy's wedding. With a single speech, he managed to save the wedding reception.
 * The entire final episode could also count as one big Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
 * Also at Robert and Amy's wedding, during the reception, Pat McDougall gets one when she calls Marie out on her selfish behavior - all in her usual sweet, apologetic tone.

"Robert: Hold it right there you little twerp. Jerry Musso: Who are you? Robert: Who am I? I'm someone who can crush you into a fine powder. That's who I am. Now, Ray Barone has more talent in the weird pimple on his neck that won't go away then you have in your entire body you oily, two-faced hack. You only wish you could be Ray Barone because you will never come close to him as a writer, as a father, as a friend, or as a person. [turns away] Come on, Raymond."
 * In one episode, Frank wins a canoe trip because he raised the prices at an auction. Marie forces him to go, because she finds them "romantic". While she's going on about how beautiful the trip is, Frank literally sends her up the creek without a paddle as he chows down on some chicken. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * "And by the way: sometimes the noodles in your lasagna are overcooked."
 * When Raymond gets insulted by Jerry Musso who doesn't like him and thinks he's mediocre and unremarkable, Robert, who for the entire episode has been annoyed at Ray for being so disbelieving that there exists a person in the world who doesn't like him, silently stalks up to the man, towering over him by a good two feet and has this moment of pure, distilled Big Brother Instinct:


 * Ray giving Marie and Frank a speech about how they can't ever appreciate anything he gives them at Christmas and that they should be grateful that he bothered to put any effort into gifts for them and calls them ungrateful and storms out.