Police Are Useless/Quotes

"Know why these guys are trying to rescue the owner? Because the CIA and the FBI apparently they suck! LOOK AT THE PLOT! I'M NOT KIDDING!"

- PlayItBogart, Rollergames

""Due to budget cuts, we only have the resources to enforce the last law passed" (looks at Snake randomly shooting passersby from the roof of the Kwik-E-Mart) "Yeah, we'd have been all over that in the old days"."

- Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons

"Get up, get get get down, Nine One One is a joke in your town"

- Public Enemy, "911 is a Joke"

"I'm not even fit to wear this uniform! I'M! A! DIS-! GRACE!"

- Constable Funnyname, Rex the Runt

"Reed Bahia: Dad helps people, right? Mom Bahia: Of course, it's his job. Why do you ask? Reed: Police always seem so useless in comics 'n' movies. Mom: It's just because that makes things more interesting for the hero. But in real life, your dad has to do the hero's job."

- Kiwi Blitz

""You know what really chaps my hide? It's the way you pledged an oath to serve and protect -- and then you don't give a rat's ass when something really happens!""

- Reese Wilson, campus police officer, Urban Legend.

"''Welcome to Whose Line, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like the Police in Columbia.""

- Drew Carey on Whose Line Is It Anyway?.

"Cop concluding investigation of robbery at Jerry's apartment: Well, Mr. Seinfeld, uh, we'll look into it, and we'll let you know if we, you know, if we find anything. Jerry: Do you ever find anything? Cop: (pause) No."

- Seinfeld, "The Robbery"

""All this work is such a pain. It's like people expect the police to solve crimes or something.""

- Dojima, Persona 4 Parody comic

""Criminals are stupid and I'm always one step behind them!""

- Officer Don, 3rd Rock from the Sun

""I wish real cops were this passive.""

"Cops here try so hard, to look just like movie stars... They couldn't catch a cold, baby don't waste your dime"

- Tom Waits, "$29:00"

"GO, COPS! Get the dawgs, Let's go fuck with old folks!"

- Rucka Rucka Ali, Go Cops

"Blake, I've had just about enough of your shit! You've been chasing this guy for what, two years, and what have you found, huh? Nothing! Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!"

- Norman Jayden, Heavy Rain

"Crow: Shouldn't we call the police or something? Servo: Eh, we didn't last time and things seemed to work out."

- Mystery Science Theater 3000

""Great, it's the "Cop at the Door" scene. Which is totally never in any of these home invasion movies.""

- The Cinema Snob, Mother's Day (2010)

"“...It was a straightforward case, so they sent it to General Box, Head of Public Order. Then his subordinates inundated our house—” “Listen, Govins, maybe you can tell me. Did they check the level of magic present in the room? ” “It never even occurred to them. At first they thought it was all clear and simple: the man was drunk. When I told them that Nattis had never once been drunk in his whole short life, they decided again that it was all clear and simple: I had killed him. And then they just disappeared. As I understand now, Sir Venerable Head, through your intercession.” “How typical that is of Boboota’s boys,” Juffin groaned, clasping his hand to his forehead."

- Labyrinths of Echo, in the very first case