Who Writes This Crap?

""Whoever wrote this episode SHOULD DIE!!""

- Gwen, Galaxy Quest

Sometimes Lampshade Hanging isn't enough. That's when this trope comes in, which is outright bashing on bad writing. Often expressed in the phrase, "Who writes this crap?" but there are other ways as well, of varying subtlety.

Keep in mind that in order to qualify as true to this trope, it has to be lampshaded in the actual work -- i.e., one of the characters blurts it out. If it's the audience who's saying it, it's probably just actual bad writing.

When used in another work (usually a parody), often overlaps with a Not Making This Up Disclaimer.

See also: Self-Deprecation, Take That, Who Would Want to Watch Us?. Often a symptom of Better Than a Bare Bulb -- they're knocking the trope, but they're still using it...

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 * In one Hanes commercial, a character tells spokesman Michael Jordan he finds it unrealistic that random people would show him their underwear. He then proceeds to show Michael Jordan his underwear.

Anime & Manga
"Meta Knight: Oh! It is Fire Dedede, our hero! (as an aside) ... I would never say that..."
 * In one Samurai Pizza Cats episode, the heroes were facing the villain (named Big Cheese) directly. In the English version, the narrator describes the conclusion of the fight: "With his Ginzu-Sword, Speedy cuts the cheese once again! Who writes this stuff?"
 * Oh-so-very-used by Kyon, resident Deadpan Snarker, during episode #0 of Suzumiya Haruhi, except it's more along the lines of "Who wrote this crap? Oh yeah, Haruhi."
 * It happens again in a normal episode when Kyon is thinking about how crazy his life has become and says "Who wrote this scenario? Was it Haruhi?"
 * A variant from the 4Kids dub of Kirby Right Back At Ya!, in an episode where Meta Knight is recording dialogue for a Show Within a Show produced by King Dedede:


 * In the original, he says something like "I can't make that sound cool" after losing his enthusiasm towards the end of his line.
 * Lord Ryuu says exactly this during a battle in RG Veda. Kind of jarring considering it's a Fantasy series.
 * In Yu-Gi-Oh GX, during a duel between Chazz and Adrian Gecko, Adrian retorts to Chazz's lame comebacks with "The sooner I beat you, the less bad dialogue I have to hear!"
 * That whole episode had many a Shout-Out to Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, proving even 4Kids! Entertainment can be funny if they try. Unfortunately that seemed to have been the only time they did that.
 * In Sgt Frog, the Funimation Dub gives the narrator a few lines. Even the CHARACTERS take notice of how he hates the show, and is only doing the job due to being in debt from too much gambling.
 * In Mahou Sensei Negima, Chisame is vocally annoyed by the lack of foreshadowing for
 * In Spice and Wolf, when Lawrence tells the (slightly edited) story of how he and Holo first met, Abe remarks that it "sounds like the kind of meeting a cheap poet would write about."
 * HOLY agent Mad Script (okay, "Sprict", but come on) from S-Cry-ed had the ability to forcibly rewrite someone's perception, so long as everyone around them follows his script. Unfortunately, he's a little too in love with his own maudlin "genius", so when he tries to rewrite rogue Alter Kazuma into joining HOLY, his "players" are often shown complaining to him about their parts... including, inevitably, Kazuma.

Comics

 * A staple of Pearls Before Swine.
 * In an issue of Booster Gold, Rip Hunter refers to Superboy Prime's reality-altering tantrums in the same way that many fans had already done. "Punching time? Ridiculous."
 * Would occasionally crop up in Giffen and DeMatteis's Justice League.
 * Power Girl never quite gets out the actual line, but when Vartox reveals that he has come to Earth because his planet is dying and he needs her help to repopulate the species she finds the entire story completely ridiculous.
 * Done literally in the final issue of Grant Morrison's run on Animal Man, when Animal Man meets Grant Morrison.
 * During her "meta" phase, She Hulk would often despair at the crap she was forced to act out.

Fan Works
""In a few hours the sun will rise!" -- Tristan"
 * Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series and Megami33's Sailor Moon Abridged like to take Macekreed lines and say them as they are written, wholesale or paraphrased. You see disclaimers that this is the case.

"(actual dialogue in the English dub)
 * Finally, Raye got fed up with this.

Raye: That Serena isn't a Sailor Scout. She's a failure scout!

(end of actual dialogue)

Raye: Okay, who the *bleep* writes these lines?"

"Kunō: And so it falls out that we have we prize not to the worth whilst we enjoy it, but being lacked and lost, why then we wrack the value, then we find the virtue that possession would not show us whilst it was ours.
 * There was one in Avatar the Abridged Series too, just after Aang get pwned by Jet: "Okay, seriously, what the crap? Who wrote this episode?"
 * Turns out Iroh taught Zuko how to break the fourth wall.
 * In episode 7 of Wedding Peach Abridged, Jama P told the love angels about the devil infecting rice with "the essence of fatness", and when they said it was lame, he said, "Hey! I didn't write this script, so don't complain to me!"
 * Ranma 1/2: The Abridged Chronicles did this with Kunō as well, although only those who watched the original dub would be able to recognize it.

Ranma: What the f*** does that mean?

Kunō: I have no idea. But it sounded sexy."

"Bob: No-one knows for sure... oh you know what, screw it, I hate this stupid line."
 * That one is actually a quote from Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing. Slightly misquoted, but it's at least partially understandable as the western version of the classical Japanese poetry Kunō would likely be spouting.
 * In Evangelion Abridged, Misato says "I have a bad feeling about this... who writes this crap?"
 * Avatar The Last Puppet Bender has this as the final punchline to the episode.
 * Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Abridged: "What's zat? You say I can beat your bum?"
 * The words in the original manga were "What's that? You say you beat your pistol?", which isn't much better.
 * Re Boot the Abridged Series

"Nimdok: Who wrote this crap?
 * In Zelda's PRIDE Force, a flash cartoon on Newgrounds, the final words come from animated versions of the creators.

Nalem: There was a script?"


 * In a Harry Potter Fan Fiction Made With Our Love, the author mocks several fanfic sub-genres/tropes  through Harry doing something that has become something of a cliche within those sub-genres. In the twist ending,   Harry admits that he'd gotten his idea for it from "some piece of crap on the internet."
 * In the fanfic Ed, Edd N Eddy: The High School Years, this is done subtly in chapter 4 by Kevin and then in chapter 5 by Eddy in references of the budding relationships of Rolf and Marie and of Ed and Edd

Films -- Animation
"James Earl Jones: (introducing the Carnival of the Animals) Here the sensitive strains of impressionistic music combine with the subtle artistry of the animator to finally answer that age-old question: What is man's relationship to nature? (is handed a note) Oh, sorry... that age-old question: What would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? (beat, turns to look off-camera) Who wrote this?"
 * From Fantasia 2000:

""Attention. Tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow... Who wrote this?""
 * FYI, the flamingoes use the yo-yo string to clean their beaks. Just... don't ask how I know that.
 * *deep breath*
 * In Atlantis the Lost Empire, Ms. Packard complains about one of the bad jokes on the intercom announcements:

Films -- Live-Action
"Gwen: I'm not doing this! This episode was badly written!
 * Galaxy Quest. And You Thought It Was a Game plus No OSHA Compliance equals Death Course:

(after they make it through)

Gwen: Whoever wrote this episode should DIE!"

"Nick Rivers: Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
 * From Top Secret:

Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.

(long pause with off-camera grumbles; both look at camera)"


 * Cat's Eye: A character played by James Woods complains "Who writes this crap?" while watching David Cronenberg's The Dead Zone on TV. (Stephen King wrote the screenplay for Cat's Eye.)
 * In the highly self-referential indie film Killer Flick, the main characters, who are making the film itself as they go along, try to audition a woman to be The Chick. Looking at the script, she gets into an argument with them about the film's sexist and adolescent writing. In the end, the guys cheer and give her the role, since their whole argument was actually written in the script.
 * My Name Is Bruce starring Bruce... Campbell, to self-deprecating effect has a kid coming to the drunken "star" and extolling his need for help and explaining what is effectively the movie's plot. Bruce takes it as an indie film pitch, tells him to keep the budget under $500,000 and get one named actor, then gives himself an aside saying it's the stupidest pitch he's ever heard.
 * Delirious has a show-within-a-show example: the repairman fixes John Candy's cable, allowing them to see the lurid soap opera his TV producer character spends the movie trapped in, prompting this exchange: "You watch this crap?" "No, I write this crap."
 * Singin in The Rain: At the test screening of the movie within the movie, when in a love scene the leading man makes a romantic speech consisting of saying "I love you" over and over again, one viewer sarcastically remarks, "Did somebody get paid for writing that dialogue?"
 * Fenster's reaction to the words he was given in the lineup scene of The Usual Suspects. This was actually a case of Throw It In, as Benicio Del Toro could only say "Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker" so many times with a straight face.
 * In True Lies, Schwarzenegger's character has a French agent record some dialogue as part of a complicated scheme to punish his wife for (almost) cheating on him while also bringing some passion back into their marriage. Midway through, the agent complains, "Who wrote this shit? Harry? C'est la merde!"
 * In Muppet Treasure Island, during the completely over the top and absurd song Cabin Fever, one character's contribution to the song is the line "I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!"

Literature
""A meeting out of a silly ballad, Darkwind, I could almost hear a harp a-playing.""
 * In Winds of Change, Wintermoon describes the reunion of Skif and Nyara in similar terms. He found it funny, but also touchingly sweet:

Live-Action TV
"Kelly: I'd like to spend a hundred years of solitude -- with you!
 * The A-Team: In the Episode The Crystal Skull, the natives' chants at the end of the show are clearly Who wrote this? Who wrote this? repeated over and over again.
 * In one of the MTV Movie Awards, the cheesy writing in awards shows was mocked. Someone said a horrible banter line, and the presenter said, "Who writes this crap?" What followed was a pre-filmed sketch with David Cross pretending to be an awards show writer -- specifically, a parody of actual awards show writer Bruce Vilanch. "I'm a patter writer! I write this crap!"
 * Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert at the Emmys, complaining about the quality of the Witty Banter.
 * For that matter, Jon Stewart whenever he has to do one of his uncomfortably innuendo-laden segments (such as Uncle Jon's Story Hole...).
 * Or when the writers return from a strike.
 * Saturday Night Live had one of their Nobel Award Nights (as if it was like Oscar Night) where Kitty Kelly and Gabriel Garcia Marquez are introducing an award.

Garcia Marquez: I can't read this crap."

"Detective Odafin Tutuola: Damn, who thinks this stuff up?"
 * Law and Order Special Victims Unit:

"Female client: I can't believe you came all this way just to make a stupid sex joke.
 * In Black Adder III, the actors hired to give Prince George elocution lessons look over Blackadder's speech, snort, giggle, then finally say "Who wrote this drivel?!" This slight, combined with his general hatred of actors, is what causes Blackadder to seriously consider resigning as George's butler. Of course, being Blackadder, he ends up.
 * It should be noted that we never actually had the chance to read the actual content of the script in question. In a previous episode, Blackadder is hinted to be of exceptional literary talent in-universe, with the show's Samuel Johnson (who hangs out with Byron, Shelley, and Coleridge, no less) declaring his ultimately unpublished novel as a masterpiece. So while the keywords were indeed spoken, we never knew whether it's actually meant as a Take That against bad writing or just sour grapes of pretentious actors.
 * The Basil Brush Show: "I'll have a word with the head writer when he gets home from school...."
 * Characters on The Electric Company would occasionally ask "Who's the dummy writing this show?", particularly J. Arthur Crank.
 * This trope is a recurring gag on The Monkees.
 * An episode parodying Robinson Crusoe started with the Crusoe and Man Friday characters watching The Monkees, and Friday saying "Who writes this stuff?'' Once the band arrived, he would repeat this frequently.
 * Not exactly this trope, but in another episode, Micky is frustrated by a turn of events and stomps off the sound stage, past the cameras and crew, into a back room, and demands that the writers give him an idea to resolve the plot. They do, but he rejects it and returns to the set.
 * Red Dwarf: Back to Earth has Rimmer reading what says about him and exclaiming, "Neurotic? Neurotic?! I'm not neurotic! Who writes this stuff?!"
 * In an episode of So You Think You Can Dance the host Cat Deely asked this after joking about a dancer's name that's pronounced "a day" -- "It was Ade to remember..."
 * Canadian TV writer/producer Greg Lawrence often made references to his own apparent lack of writing skill in his shows Kevin Spencer and Butch Patterson: Private Dick. As just one example:

Butch: (also played by Lawrence) Just think how the writer feels."

"Sheppard: I don't know. It's almost as if somebody in a warm, cosy room typing onto their computer sent us here for their own amusement."
 * Supernatural took potshots at some of its less well-written episodes in "The Monster at the End of this Book", wherein the author of the Supernatural book series, really a prophet, apologizes to the main characters for having forced them to live "bad writing".
 * Commonly used in Spike Milligan's Q series where Spike Milligan would often drop out of character during a sketch to complain about the poor quality of the writing "And I should know, I wrote it".
 * Alton Brown says "Who writes this stuff?!" in the Good Eats popcorn episode after encountering a parody of Adam West Batman.
 * A bit of a Take That against himself since Alton Brown writes Good Eats.
 * Stargate SG-1: Pretty much the point of "Wormhole X-Treme" is to give SG-1 and Co. a chance to say this. A good example is someone proposing that the third shot from a Zat Gun vaporizes its target (a retconned plot point from the early seasons) only to have a TV writer retort that that's "the stupidest thing [he's] ever heard."
 * They also used "Citizen Joe", an episode where a barber could see Jack O'Neill's life to mock some of their old episodes, particularly "Hathor", as well as some of the more complicated story points.
 * They also took potshots at Roland Emmerich--writer of the original Stargate film--by mocking his newer movies on the show.
 * Stargate Continuum has a line that's actually not Played for Laughs. As Daniel, Sam, and Mitchel are trying to explain to the incredulous alternate Air Force about the Stargate Program they get increasingly frustrated, causing Daniel to yell "Seriously, who would make this shit up?!"
 * Stargate Atlantis had a quick mention, too, in Doppelganger:

"Waiter: Fine, sir, he said in between clenched teeth knowing full well it was a most unrewarding part.
 * Fox Mulder in the fifth season The X-Files episode "Post-modern Prometheus"; "This isn't the way the story is supposed to end... I want to speak to the writer!"
 * But Mulder wasn't referring to the writing of the episode, he was referring to the writer of the comic in which the monster was featured.
 * And now for something completely different: one episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus had this caption with the last four words crossed out:
 * THE R.S.P.C.A. WISH IT TO BE KNOWN THAT THAT MAN WAS NOT A BONA-FIDE ANIMAL LOVER AND ALSO THAT GOLDFISH DO NOT EAT SAUSAGES. THEY ARE QUITE HAPPY WITH BREADCRUMBS ANTS' EGGS AND THE OCCASIONAL PHEASANT.
 * When the narrator reaches the last four words, he asks, "Who wrote that?"
 * Then there's this exchange:

Interviewer: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in."

"Spike: I must be a noble vampire, a good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
 * A potential example occurred in the fifth season finale of Lost: after leading the Others to the statue where lives, Richard suddenly claims that only Locke (the leader) can speak to  when Locke asks if both he and Ben can go inside. Locke angrily accuses Richard of simply making things up as he goes along. This is likely a reference to one of Lost's most famous criticisms in popular culture; the idea that (especially during earlier seasons) the writers had no long-term gameplan and made things up with no intention of resolving them.
 * Although this has a slightly different meaning when you find out later that
 * Buffy the Vampire Slayer
 * The episode "Normal Again" had several lines of this nature during the Cuckoo Nest scenario -- such as the psychologist saying that Dawn's existence created "inconsistencies," and commenting almost snidely that Buffy went from fighting a god to a bunch of losers from high school.
 * In the episode Shadow, Glory comments on the writing of a magic spell she's performing: "Dark incantations. Always overwritten."
 * In "Tabula Rasa", after everyone loses their memories, Buffy has to tell Spike that he's a vampire and they're both pretty confused that he seems to be one of the good guys. This leads to a playful Take That to both Buffy and Angel and a Shout-Out to the latter, including the catchphrase for "Angel Investigations."

Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my God! How lame is that?"

"Mike: Hey, look, you wrote this crap!"
 * The XBOX video game had Spike ask this in the midst of chanting out a demonic incantation.
 * The episode "Worst Case Scenario" of Star Trek Voyager featured a holodeck program written by Tuvok called "Insurrection Alpha," a tactical training scenario that the characters mistook for a holonovel. At one point, Paris was playing the program and ended up being trapped in the brig with a holographic Tuvok. He wanted to stage an escape attempt, as opposed to "just doing nothing." Tuvok replied that they were hardly doing nothing, but rather observing their captors for weaknesses and that they should keep doing so, even if it took a week for them to figure something out. At which point, Paris commented "A week? Who wrote this stuff?"
 * Inverted in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Soultaker", thanks to the fact that the riffed movie's female lead was also its writer.


 * A variation in Doctor Who: "...clothes designed by a first year fashion student..."
 * At least one suspect on CSI has said the situation seemed like "something from a bad TV show".
 * Frankie Howerd practically made his career out of breaking the fourth wall, and many of his quips were about the bad writing, or that he knew that joke wouldn't work, or that the writers gave all the best lines to others.
 * An implied use of the trope was used in Season 9 promos for Two and A Half Men promoting Ashton Kutcher's appearance on the show. Alan is talking with Jake while dressed up as a surgeon, an Astronaut, and an explorer while giving various stories about how he met the guy whose going to stay with him, and eventually just turns to the crew and says "Aw come on, there has to be a better way to introduce the character."
 * Happens all the time with Have I Got News for You, a news based Panel Show, with guest presenters reading the auto-cue and having to give out the awful one-liners. However that's all part of the fun of the show.

Music

 * In "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants, after describing Person Man (basically a Chew Toy turned Up to Eleven), they then proceed to ask "Who came up with Person Man?"
 * The Beatles' "Only A Northern Song" is this trope from start to finish, with lines such as "You may think the harmony/is a little dark and out of key/you're correct." Likewise, the song is an echo-filled cacophony, overlaid with tuneless instruments and random sound effects. (George wrote this song as an intentional slap-in-the-face to The Beatles' publishers, Northern Songs.)
 * Mindless Self Indulgence, in "2 Hookers and an 8 Ball": "Can you believe that I write this shit" (Basically the whole song, too.)

Pro Wrestling
""Who. Is Booking. This CRAP? The Rock against Billy Gunn. The Rock against Gangrel. I mean, next week The Rock will be laying the smack down on the Brooklyn Brawler, for Chrissakes!""
 * Then meta-heels Degeneration X decided to sit on the stage during a broadcast of RAW and play the part of angry fans. Triple H held up a sign that read "Who Booked This Crap?", the wrestling equivalent of the question. DX had almost unlimited access to the McMahon family then, and Trips married into the family later. As the years go by, a screencap of that moment gets funnier and funnier.
 * Shawn Michaels would later ask this in 2007 after a particularly confusing DX promo. Trips retorted with something along the lines of "I don't know, they're all on strike!"
 * The WWE didn't actually have this excuse, since WWE programming is non-union since Vince McMahon is a controlling bast-- uh, I mean, the existing trade unions in America are not set up to handle Sports Entertainment or its writing.
 * The Rock turned this Up to Eleven while doing ringside commentary during the August 23, 1999 RAW where Triple H won his first world title (considering what HHH's reputation would become, Fridge Logic could make this Hilarious in Hindsight):

Puppet Shows
"Miss Piggy: Whoever wrote this should be shot!"
 * The Muppet Show...

"Floyd: If I didn't know I was a genius, even I wouldn't listen to the garbage I write!"
 * How about this one:

"Sam's Dancing Partner: What's the difference between immoral and illegal?
 * Another example in one of the ballroom sketches:

Sam The Eagle: Immoral is doing bad things. Illegal is me with a tummy ache. (To the camera) I didn't write it."

""I've got cabin fever, I think I lost my grip!"
 * Used in Muppet Treasure Island. In the middle of the "Cabin Fever" musical number, the following exchange occurs:

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!""

"Announcer: Ugh, who wrote this?
 * As the ship is leaving dock, Statler and Waldorf (serving as the ship's figureheads) commiserate about their cheap berths - but it could be worse, at least they aren't in the audience. (Dohohohoho.)
 * Muppets Tonight, at the beginning of the "Hardy Pig Boys in the Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Bee Woman Case: Based on a novel by Jane Austen".

Andy & Randy Pig: We did!"

""Romero, Romero, wherefore ark thong, Romero?"
 * And in the episode with Garth Brooks, he and Miss Piggy have a Romeo and Juliet scene (that was supposed to be a country song), and Piggy has to read from cue cards, but either her eyesight is really bad or her glasses are faulty because she misreads many of the words.

"Good night, Good night. Parking is such sweet... sparrow? Sponging? Parking is such sweet sponging.""


 * After reading the last line she snaps "Whoever wrote this should be shot!".

Radio
""Ting-tong-billy-bong! I would like it known that though I read this stuff, I don't write it. Ftang!""
 * In The Goon Show episode "The Scarlet Capsule", the Guest Announcer Andrew Timothy at one point says:

"John: ...Who writes this rubbish?
 * During one Bob & Ray show, the duo are openly embarrassed to have to read a cheesy promo. Ray eventually convinces Bob to go ahead by pointing out that it'll demonstrate "what happens when you let people with college educations write things."
 * On The Jack Benny Program, the actors on the Show Within a Show would sometimes stop in the middle of dialogue to object to a particularly corny gag, until Jack pressured them to go through with it.
 * In one episode, Dennis Day praises Jack's finer characteristics to the heavens... then asks to leave, saying, "I can't keep reading this stuff! It's making me sick!"
 * Fred Allen, a contemporary of Jack Benny, often made fun of the writing on his show, especially when a joke bombed. He'd make a comment like, "I'm through the halls, writing all week long, and it comes down to THIS..." or "It doesn't matter with our show, you can open the script at any page. Here, I'll show you...(reads next line)" These audience asides were much more popular than the original jokes.
 * On NPR's Car Talk, whenever Click and Clack (Tom and Ray Magliozzi) get a caller whose question and banter come from way out in left field, Tom will crack "Doesn't anybody screen these calls??!"
 * The BBC show Hello Cheeky was written by the three main performers, which occassionally led to some pleasant lampshading.

Barry: We do.

John: It's not bad, is it?"

Theater
"Stine: (reading from the script) "Wild, bloodshot private eyes?" That's atrocious! Am I supposed to run up and down the aisles in every movie house in the country and say I didn't write that?
 * The Firesign Theatre has a running gag in recent releases: "Boy, those Canadians can really write!"
 * There seems to be a similar Running Gag with England in Forbidden Broadway, it's never fully explained.
 * Show Within a Show example: In the musical City of Angels, Stine finds out that his secretary has been helping with the Executive Meddling on the script to his Film Noir:

Donna: I thought it was clever, to be honest.

Stine: (realizing) It's yours. It's your line.

Donna: I tried to make it sound like you.

Stine: It doesn't rub off. Sometimes not even on me."

""Ding-dong, I wouldn't believe this story if they played it on the stage!""
 * The Flying Karamazov Brothers' adaptation of William Shakespeare's The Comedy of Errors starts off with this after it's opening Mr. Exposition sets things up.

Video Games
""Who writes these ghastly code phrases anyway?"
 * In the SNES/Sega game Bubsy, the stage names were all Incredibly Lame Puns. Bubsy was one of the first voice-acted characters in the 16-bit era. His response to one of the worse puns? "Hey, I didn't write this stuff...."
 * Possibly, in the sequel, he even flat out said, "Who wrote this stuff?"
 * In No One Lives Forever, one level sees Cate visiting various informants who all have to use extremely goofy and horribly misogynistic (even for 1960s standards) pick-up lines as passwords and wonder who the heck chose to use them as such.

"Someone from the cryptography department. Someone in need of a girlfriend, apparently.""

""My flaming fists of fury will destroy you fiend! Ha ha ha...God, who writes this stuff!?""
 * The Buffy the Vampire Slayer video game has Spike reading an invocation to summon a demon lord that's holding Dru's spirit hostage. In the middle of the invocation, he pauses to say, "Who writes this dross?"
 * At the end of the dating sim parody in Super Paper Mario, no matter which responses are chosen, Peach will say a variation on this. "Hey! Who's picking these responses for me, anyway?!"
 * Used by Zetta in Makai Kingdom. Bonus points since he is literally (pun accidental, but intended) a book for the majority of the game. A book that actually contains the script.
 * Happens once in Serious Sam:The Second Encounter

""Too bad the shields took a direct hit... too bad I said 'Bingo-bango', who writes this junk?!?""
 * Justified in Ratchet Deadlocked, since Dallas, the commentator in question, is...not quite the smartest person in the game. Even he can spot the key bad writing:

"Alas, you have died,
 * Also happens during the Captain Qwark mini-games during Ratchet and Clank Up Your Arsenal. The narrator in the opening and closing bits voices his disbelief of Qwark's supposed adventures. Didn't help that Qwark wrote the scripts.
 * In one of the non-canon side stories in Kagetsu Tohya Akiha suddenly remembers her twin sister! At which Shiki points out that's ridiculous, there was absolutely no foreshadowing or buildup and crummy as this story is that's just too dumb to let slide.
 * You sure it wasn't Kokutou Azaka?
 * From the Smackdown vs. Raw series of wrestling games, known for their somewhat awkward commentary, Tazz describing a near pinfall: "If the referee hadn't cut his fingernails, that would've been three!... Who writes this stuff?"
 * One of the outtakes in the end credits of Age of Mythology has Athena's voice actor wondering this about some of her lines.
 * In Kirby Super Star Kirby gives a "Who writes this crap?" look to the camera when the game calls him a "Pretty Jolly Guy".
 * The Game Over screen of the ZX Spectrum game Blob The Cop consists of the following verse:

You'll be buried at sea,

To restart the game.

JUST PRESS ANY KEY!

(Beat) God Who writes this rubbish?"

"Text Box: Captain Smiley is used to grabbing poles to make progress.
 * The first level of Emo Game has a boss battle against Creed. Before the fight, Scott Stapp explains that he and his band were literally formed from the shit of Eddie Vedder, at which the player character remarks that at least they know they suck. Then Scott elaborates, saying that they have held onto that shit and used it to build an attack helicopter, and now they must kill you because you know their secret. Your response is "God, this plot is getting worse and worse."
 * Lampshaded in Blast Corps, where the government contracts you to demolish a bunch of stuff on the moon for reasons that don't really make any sense, but makes for a good level.
 * In the VCPR radio station of Grand Theft Auto Vice City Stories, the announcer for Bait and Switch reads off "Dialectical materialism", stops, and says "Wrong script... who wrote this shit?" before Larry yells "Tits!" and the announcer accepts that in place.
 * A bizarre, unintentional example occurs in The Ignition Factor, the American localization of the Super Famicom game Fire Fighting. Apparently the game was released with an unfinished translation, because, in addition to various Blind Idiot Translation issues, there were several developer in-jokes that were left in the script, including the line "I can't believe I'm saying this. Is this really in the script?", which occurs during an otherwise solemn discussion of the death of one of your teammates.
 * Alan Wake called this a very cheap plot twist, with the character even remarking on it by name. Before he dies.
 * Captain Smiley says this in the tutorial level of Comic Jumper:

Smiley: I'm "used to grabbing poles"? Who writes this stuff?!

Star: Someone awesome!"

""That ball is really moving! Is there a urologist in the house? I guess they work well with fast-moving balls...whadda...who writes this?!""
 * One of Eggman's PA announcements in Sonic Colors has one too many "ocean" puns for his taste, leading him to wonder "who writes this drivel?". As it turns out, he does!
 * From Outlaw Golf 2, this was one of Dave Attell's quips.

Web Comics
"Red XIII: Okay, "quail" isn't spelt Q-U-A-Y-L-E and "potato" doesn't have an E in it... my God, a Scrabble joke that's 16 years out of date. Who writes these scripts?"
 * Variation in Adventurers: Having found yet another legendary sword, Ardam wonders who writes all these legends about swords. Of course, right on cue, a scholarly-looking fellow carrying a big book walks up and says, "I do. Got a problem with that?"
 * Even greater variation in Ls Empire where one of the authors asks this question, only to answer themselves.
 * Ansem Retort: Red XIII playing scrabble with Sora.

"Phil: Deal with it."
 * One Over Zero has No Fourth Wall, so two lovers can directly address the writer when they realize he sucks at writing romantic conversations. Most of the rest of what they say to each other is off-panel.
 * In Fans, when Rikk and Ally go on their first date with Rumy after agreeing to a triad relationship, Rikk and Rumy are still uncomfortably shy, only speaking in two-to-three word sentences, until Ally asks, "What, George Lucas is writin' y'r dialogue now?"
 * When Girl Genius took a break to do their take on Cinderella, Gil and Tarvek complain to co-writer Phil Foglio over the fact that they've both been assigned the role of the prince. When Gil asks who thought having two boyfriends was a good idea, there's a pan to Agatha, Zeetha, and other co-writer Kaja Foglio with huge grins on their faces.

Web Original
"Foamy: That's it. I'm leaving. This is the worst cartoon ever made. Scripts about jiggly asses don't cut it with me, alright? Who writes this crap? I want names. Give me names."
 * In the Neurotically Yours sketch "Jiggly Butt", Foamy is outraged by the cartoon's declining standards when Germaine starts jiggling her butt onscreen.

"Linkara: I am...the beekeeper!
 * In The Decline of Videogaming, Dim, Dan, and JT find a copy of Devil May Cry 4: Who wrote this crap?!
 * In episode 7 of 4 Swords Misadventures, during the "obligatory filler time", Purple Link exclaims this after Green Ljnk does the ant speech from Naruto.
 * In Asdfmovie 4, one character's reaction to getting a piano dropped on his head is to shout "Whose idea was this?!"
 * Inverted and combined with Self-Deprecation in Spoony's review of Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead's Revenge.

Spoony: Oh my God, I wrote that!"

"Character B: This scene is complete rubbish! Why would anyone want to watch this?
 * In his Virus review, the Joueur Du Grenier (Basically The Angry Video Game Nerd's French equivalent) had this reaction after saying a cringe-inducingly lame pun about evil in a fake movie trailer for Virus 2.
 * Newgrounds' Legend of Pokémon had this; when Gary sees the ship, he says, "Who the fuck wrote this shit?"
 * In the Julian Smith sketch Rerun, the characters are cartoons in a scene complaining about how dreary the show they're on is. It's multilayered Lampshade Hanging.

Character A: That's why we got canceled..."

Western Animation
"Foghorn Leghorn: (shoving Plucky out of the classroom) Phew! That duck spits more words than a dictionary in a garbage disposal!
 * There is a Tiny Toon Adventures episode in which Buster complains that the episode appeared to have been written by 13-year-olds.
 * The joke, naturally, was that the episode was written by 13-year-olds.
 * In "The Anvil Chorus", Plucky similarly complains about an opera he's expected to perform, in which the script calls for him to have an anvil dropped on his head every three seconds or so. Incidentally, the short was apparently written by the anvils.
 * This joke comes up quite a bit. In one episode, Little Sneezer is playing a tuba and eating smelly cheese in the basement, which carries through the ventilation system, causing the toonsters to assume someone is farting repeatedly. Babs asks, "Who wrote this?"
 * In the second episode of the series, "A Quack to the Quarks":

Buster Bunny: Uh, speaking of garbage...

Babs Bunny: What?

Buster Bunny: Who wrote today's script?

Babs Bunny: Be nice!"

"Krusty: Well, here we are. Star of The Blue Lagoon and me: The blue-haired goon! What the...? It's terrible! [...] First of all, my hair is green, not blue! I've got nothing to work with here! Nothing!"
 * One episode of Drawn Together ("Little Orphan Hero") ended with the cast walking out in disgust, saying the plotline had obviously been written by a special-needs child.
 * The Simpsons:
 * Krusty, when he is introducing himself with Brooke Shields for the cartoon awards, ends up being fumed about a joke in his opening line.

"Krusty: (Back on the air, smoking a cigarette) Ehh... I could pull a better cartoon out of my a... (turns to the camera and notices he's back on the air and immediately stops himself and tosses away the cigarette) ...ahhehehahahaha! (runs to them) Hey, whoa! Wasn't that great, kids?!"
 * Also, in the same episode, Krusty mentioned this in regards to the Itchy and Scratchy episode "Dazed and Contused", which basically had Itchy tapping Scratchy's head with a mallet repeatedly, then saying "Kids, say no to drugs!"

"Krusty: Come on people, lighten up! It's a comedy! (reads script) Woah, who wrote this crap? Wait, I got one -- how do you make a King Lear? Put the Queen in a bikini! Hey, tough crowd -- they're booing Shakespeare!"
 * And when he's performing King Lear at the dinner theater:

"Krusty: No more Rice Krispies, we are out of Rice Krispies. What, don't blame me, I didn't write this crap."
 * And also when performing Il Pagliacci in Rome.

"Burns: "Thank you all so much. I love Springfield, from the cuddliest infant, to--" (grimaces and rifles through the rest of the speech) "Puppies"? ... "Patriotism"? ... "Bluebirds"?! ... Pffft! I'm not reading this drivel! This speech is over!"
 * Mr. Burns gets one of these moments in "The Mansion Family", when he wins an award for Oldest Man in Springfield (the previous winner has just died via Kiss of Death from Britney Spears), and tries to pass off the guy's written speech as his own:

"Wolf: (after drinking a Gargle Blaster) This stuff's been cut!
 * The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy did this at least twice with Grim/Billy saying something about what kind of moron wrote the script for the episode of the day, usually cutting away to a drooling baby or a monkey wearing a diaper with a laptop.
 * In one episode of Sheep in The Big City, the Narrator reacted to a particularly weird plot twist by asking "Who writes this stuff?!"
 * From the Droopy short The Shooting of Dan McGoo:

Droopy: Well what do you want for ten cents, gasoline?

Wolf: 'T ain't funny, McGoo! (beat) What corny dialogue."

"Peggy: Lenny, don't drunk so much!
 * The makers of Dragon Tales once produced a parody video of their own work, dubbed Dragon Tales: Too Hot for TV!. It ended with the male lead exclaiming "Who wrote this *BLEEP* ?!"
 * Phineas and Ferb's Cliptastic Countdown: Major Monogram asks who is writing their lines. Carl the intern responds "Agent M!". Cut to a monkey in a fedora at a typewriter. Dr. Doofenshmirtz then rants about how none of the kids watching this show are going to know what a typewriter is.
 * Clerks the Animated Series did this in its sixth (and final) episode. Dante and Randall find a door marked "Writers' Room" and inside are what appear to be a bunch of morons whose next great idea is "Let's stick them on Gilligan's Island and make gay jokes about them."
 * They got the idea from Seth MacFarlane.
 * This happens in Wakfu during the Gobbowl story arc, when Yugo, Amalia and Eva are entering the match. The rather excitable sport announcer is handled sheets with their descriptions, finds them too bland and comments "Who wrote this? That's lame!" before going into wild improvisation.
 * In an episode of King of the Hill Peggy fills in for Bobby in his Of Mice and Men play the line goes something like:

Hank: Okay, George you have some, you have some too.

Peggy: I don't know, it looks kind of scummy to me... who writes this crap!"

"Helga: "Oh, orzo-shaped Prometheus, wandering dim hallways of my..." What is this crap?!"
 * Hey Arnold has one where Helga reads some of her Arnold-centered poetry to see whether an "out-of-love potion" she took has stopped her from being obsessed with him:

"Timmy: Some forty-year-old who lives with his mom.
 * Somewhat referred to in the Animaniacs theme song... "The writers flipped, we have no script / why bother to rehearse?"
 * Sung while they show a bunch of drooling maniacs playing with paper and pencils, presumably the very ones who do Write This Crap.
 * One of them is Shakespeare. Stereotypical clothing and everything.
 * More specifically, in one cartoon Slappy asks Skippy why he's delivering bad dialogue. He says that's what's in the script, to which she reminds him that scripts are only good for lining the bottom of bird cages.
 * In The Fairly Odd Parents, the fictional metafictional character The Crimson Chin is repeatedly brought to life. On one occasion he asks Timmy who writes his comics.

Crimson Chin: Any money in it?

Timmy: (indicates own speech bubble in previous panel) Lives. With. His. Mom."

"Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil would be so unforgiving.
 * Ed, Edd n Eddy: In "Brother, Can You Spare An Ed?", after Edd goes on a dramatic, guilt-ridden monologue about Eddy convincing Ed to buy jawbreakers with Sarah's money (instead of fudge, like she asked), Eddy responds with "Who writes this guy's stuff?"
 * Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: As listed on the quote page, Dr. Robotnik demands to imprison the cartoonist who made fun of him in his comic book.
 * On Futurama, we know Fry writes this crap. ("I am the greetest. Now I will leave Earth for no raisin!") But there's also this, as part of his opera that was crashed by the Robot Devil:

Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing."

"Robot Devil: This play is as lousy as it is brilliant! You can't just have your actors announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!"
 * More appropriate to this trope is the Robot Devil's comments on Fry's characterization of him.

"Principal Prickly: (via P.A.) ...And don't forget to tell your parents that Principal Prickly is a big fat... HEY! Who wrote this in the morning announcements?! Mrs. Lemon!!!
 * Probably the instance that started it all in animation is the 1937 Porky Pig cartoon "Porky's Duck Hunt," where Porky sends his dog to retrieve the duck he's ostensibly shot, but the duck throws the dog back on land. Porky takes out a notepad, studies it for a second, then exclaims "Hey! That wasn't in the script!"
 * In Recess, King Bob reminisces about his days as the Prankster Prince. One of these pranks had this:

The children started laughing in an uproar, while King Bob, then a fourth grader, smirks, hinting that he was the one who messed up Prickly's speech."

"Piggy: I don't know who's writing this, but give them a big bonus!"
 * Inverted in an episode of Muppet Babies - due to a transporter mishap, there are three versions of Kermit (Captain Kerkmit, Kerm Spaceton, and Skyhopper) and one Piggy. When a fourth one, dressed as Indiana Jones appears...

"Sam: Harsh, but fair."
 * Invoked word for word in The Dating Guy by Sam in the Twenty Four parody. She's then relabeled from "The Girl" to "The Bitch".

"Mickey: He may be the richest duck in the world but he's turning the "House of Mouse" into the "House of Baby Chicks".
 * From the House of Mouse episode "House Of Scrooge"

Horace: Huh?

Mickey: You know. Cheap-cheap.

Horace: Even the writing's gotten "cheap-cheap"."

"Daffy: Oh brother! 51st and a half anniversary... Who writes this slop?! Ech! "Happy birthday, old chum, old pal, old buddy." They next thing you know, they'll stick me with three snot-nosed nephews! I wouldn't put it past them! It's just... ugh! Warner Brothers doesn't have an original bone in its..."
 * In the Looney Tunes cartoon, Blooper Bunny, Daffy is seen doing a mini-rant while going over his script.


 * Taz Mania: Francis X. Bushlad gets an epic one in one episode, berating the writers for the All Just a Dream ending and pointing out the unfired Chekhov's Gun of the 16 ton weight that had been dangling over the characters' heads for most the episode. This proves unwise.

Real Life
"Wells: Because it's full of--of--of things that are only correct because they're grammatical, but they're tough on the ear. You see, this is a very wearying one, it's unpleasant to read. Unrewarding."
 * Truth in Television: Prime Minister Jean Chretien of Canada once was giving a speech, and in the middle, he looked up and said, "Who wrote this crap?" on National Public Radio. Ironically, he's a notorious Malaproper whenever allowed to speak extemporaneously.
 * Reportedly the father of Werner Klemperer (a.k.a. Colonel Klink) read the script of the first episode and said to his son "Your work is good... but who is the author of this material?".
 * Mark Twain once wrote at the end of a chapter in the novel Heavenly Twins “A cat could do better literature than this.”
 * There was a moment on New Zealand TV when Leighten Smith, the "colour" presenter for the then relatively new TV 3 channel, interrupted a lead-in to say, without changing his serious tone of voice; "Who writes this stuff? [Long Pause] I did". He then went on as though nothing had happened.
 * This behind-the-scenes video of rehearsal footage from Late Night With Conan O'Brien. The look on Conan's face and the tone in his voice as he reads the name "Yakov Smirnoff" is absolutely laced with contempt.
 * A famous example of 'celebrities at their worst' is an MP 3, originating from the BBC's Classic Doctor Who site no less, of Tom Baker recording a commercial for a company named Symphony Furniture. The seven-minute recording features Tom berating the other poor individuals in the studio without mercy, saying (among other hilarious quips) that the commercial should've been marketed as a sleep aid, read like a translation from early Serbo-Croat (or "fucking Albanian"), seemed to have been written by a "fucking infant teacher," and was powerful enough in its sheer emotion to give him an erection.
 * The infamous Frozen Peas tape, featuring outtakes from Orson Welles' readings of various commercials where he complains about the directors, the inane pronunciations, and the writing.


 * Charles, Prince of Wales reading the BBC Scotland weather report. "Who the hell wrote this script?"

Now who wrote this crappy excuse for an article?