I Need a Freaking Drink



""In victory, you deserve champagne; in defeat, you need it.""

- Napoleon Bonaparte

Ever just have one of those days? Where things just go from bad to worse? Everything that could go wrong does go wrong? Does the entire world have it in for you? Or have you just had enough of being Surrounded By Idiots?

That's when you just say to yourself (or whoever happens to overhear)..."I need a freaking drink."

This comes in one of two flavors:
 * Someone recites this phrase, or a variant thereof; usually omitting the "freaking" or replacing it with something else, or
 * Someone reaches for the nearest alcoholic beverage, or if he is currently holding one, will down the rest of it in the blink of an eye.

While this is similar to Drowning My Sorrows, this is only a temporary solution. If the situation is especially bad, said drink can incite the same reaction as the Best Beer Ever. Once they have said freaking drink, they're back on their feet with their head securely attached and ready to get back to business. Someone who needs a freaking drink will never have a Beard of Sorrow, either. If they need nicotine to go with their alcohol they may opt for a Cigarette of Anxiety.

Can sometimes be a type of Trigger. Contrast No More for Me. Also see Gigantic Gulp. Occasionally, the drink might be milk.

Anime and Manga
"Fujisawa-sensei: You saw him, too? I thought I had the D Ts. I need a cigarette... Everything's fine, relax, stay cool... (takes a long drag) That's it, a drink! That'll calm my nerves. Where is it? Ahh... (sees empty flask) Ahh, gone! No drink?! I need a drink! I can't live without it!
 * In Zero no Tsukaima, Louise sees her familiar/servant/friend/love interest/(It's complicated!), Saito in a hot bath (heavily improvised, late at night, and out in school grounds) she angrily stormed off (all the while making herself even angrier by insisting to herself she had no reason to be angry) and grabbed a drink about to be ingested by another student. Through a long series of events (irrelevent to this example) the drink was spiked with a love potion (that also seriously altered her personality, apparently...) and only made the issue worse... for everyone.
 * From Puella Magi Madoka Magica: "It's always hard being a grown up. That's what alcohol's for."
 * Fujisawa-sensei from the El Hazard OAV has a moment like this when he realizes that he and his student Makoto aren't at Shininome High School anymore and scrambles for both a cigarette and a nip from his handy flask:

Makoto: Sensei...

(woman heard screaming off-camera)

Makoto: Hey!

Fujisawa-sensei: Oh, shit! Someone else is out of alcohol!"

Comic Books

 * From Nextwave, "My robot brain needs beer."
 * Most Warren Ellis characters are like this, actually. Special notice should go to Spider Jerusalem, who, after finding out that the President is out to kill him, walks into a bar and orders 37 shots of whiskey.
 * The guidance counsellor in Archie Comics did this in response to the students' crazy personalities/aspirations. This being Archie of course, he goes to Generic Pepto-Bismol to deal with the stomach ulcers caused by the stress rather than alcohol. He's typically downing an entire bottle of the stuff by the end of one of his stories, if not by the middle.
 * Calvin and Hobbes's teacher Miss Wormwood has done this at least once.
 * Captain Cold needs a damn beer.
 * Iron Man had a great inversion of this during the original Armor Wars story arc: "Even though I've never wanted a drink more... I've never needed one less."
 * During Fear Itself,
 * Captain Haddock is like this all the time.

Fan Fic

 * This Knights of the Old Republic fic features Carth of all people saying something to this effect.
 * In the Harry Potter fanfic, Harry Potter and The Methods of Rationality, Professor McGonagall goes into the bar for a drink after a long day of taking Harry shopping for school supplies. This is perfectly justified.
 * Said by George (without the “freaking” part) in With Strings Attached after John reveals his wings to him. The four then proceed to a bar and get trashed (except for John, who can't any more).
 * One My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfic, "Once Bitten, Twice Shy", gave this reaction to Fluttershy of all ponies on a disastrous not-date with Twilight Sparkle. After one setback, Rarity gives her a glass of wine to help get her confidence up. Following a particularly stressful incident, Fluttershy drains most of the wine bottle and has to be magically sobered up before she's able to stand, let alone go back into the restaurant.
 * In The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle has this reaction to a movie studio's legal team trying to intimidate her into signing over the rights to her likeness for a movie the Great and Powerful Trixie is making. It probably didn't help that Twilight had thoroughly embarrassed herself in front of Trixie several times earlier in the fic.
 * In a Bleach fanfic called "Saying I Will", the final major arc of the story has Byakuya drinking a 1000-year old Sake after finding out that
 * In Through a Diamond Sky, as Flynn's working on escaping his captors, he remarks to himself that he needs a nap, a cold beer, and a long talk with his wife; not necessarily in that order.
 * In the My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic fanfic Whispers, the mere mention of his brothers is enough to get Arcanus chugging on wine without looking back, despite insisting a few seconds ago that he doesn't care for it.

Film

 * Done in the Robin Willaims/Nathan Lane comedy The Birdcage. After Armond learns his son, Val, is getting married, Armond downs an entire glass of white wine, then goes to get even more.
 * The Patriot. After getting thoroughly chewed out by his superior, Col. Tavington watches a ship full of munitions, supplies and General Cornwallis' good clothes get blown to splinters by Benjamin Martin's militia. This takes place at a very gallant ball overlooking the harbor (and said ship). One of the partygoers mistakes the destruction for fireworks. Tavington quickly downs his drink and spikes the glass into the ground.
 * In Paint Your Wagon Clint Eastwood's character, who doesn't usually drink, needs a drink really badly after Jean Seberg's chraracter reveals to him and Lee Marvin's character that.
 * Unforgiven, another Clint Eastwood film. Clint's character, who is trying to put his murderous past behind him, has sworn off the bottle because when he gets drunk, he gets mean..
 * From Hell: One of the prostitutes says as much and goes out to buy some hooch. Bad idea with Jack The Ripper on the prowl.
 * In UHF, Weird Al Yankovic's character, George, has hit the low point of his life, so he leaves the TV studio saying that he needs a drink. His friend Bob points out that he doesn't drink, and George replies, "Yeah, but I've been meaning to start."
 * Galaxy Quest: "Where are you going?" "To see if there's a pub!"
 * Played with in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country: After the not-quite-successful diplomatic dinner involving Kirk, Chancellor Gorkon, their respective senior staffs, and rather too much Romulan Ale, the Klingons have just beamed off the Enterprise, at which point Bones leaves the transporter room proclaiming, "I'm going to go find a pot of black coffee".
 * In Star Trek First Contact, Zephram Cochrane was found very inebriated in a bar after the Borg shell his base camp--though it was implied that he could often be found there Borg attack or no.
 * Indian in The Cupboard had the cowboy character stumble hungover out of the titular magic cupboard, unaware that he'd been transported through time and space (and size). After swearing to lay off the hooch several times in a row, he realizes that he's surrounded by giants, and proclaims, "Oh my dear sweet Lord. I need me a drink."
 * Played with in Airplane! by Lloyd Bridges' character, Steve McCroskey, progressing from smoking, to drinking, to amphetamines, to sniffing airplane glue.
 * Shorti does this in Scary Movie 2. Watching the butler "mishandle" the turkey for the feast forces him to down a bottle of red wine in short order.
 * Red Dawn has Col. Tanner explaining military tactics to a bunch of high-schoolers: "Now I think that's pretty simple. Any questions so far?" Kid: "Yeah, what's a flank?" "What's a defilade?" Tanner: "I need a drink!"
 * "Well if we stay down here long enough, I'll have to lay off the fuckin' booze, Steel, 'cause there won't fuckin' be any of it fuckin' left! In the meanwhile I will continue to indulge myself and I will continue doing my best in the good fight against dry-rot and rust."
 * Done in the 2009 Sherlock Holmes film. After systematically taking out his opponent in a pit fight, he walks over to a small table, snatches a bottle of beer off it, uncorks it with his teeth and chugs it as he walks by.
 * Of course, Holmes tends to be the opposite of this, in that when things are crazy is for the most part when he doesn't need a freaking drink. Calm moments and inactive periods, however, inspire him to get zonked out of his mind to stop it from being bored.
 * Variation in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. "You're in love. Have a beer."
 * One of the Americans in The Mummy 1999, while hiding from Imhotep (ineffectively; it's Imhotep) tells his friend to bring him "a glass of bourbon. And a shot of bourbon. And a bourbon chaser!"
 * Benny and Joon: Shortly after meeting Cloudcuckoolander Sam for the first time, Benny mutters "I need a beer."
 * In My Man Godfrey, during a typical evening at home, Mr. Bullock takes a whole tray of martinis & asks Godfrey to repeat the order in 30 minutes.
 * After a wild skimmer chase through downtown Coruscant and an attempt on Padme's life, Obi-Wan announces his intention of getting a drink - or two. Never get into a vehicle piloted by Anakin Skywalker.
 * "But why is the rum gone?"
 * In Clue, as the guests try to determine how Mr. Boddy died when it seems like he wasn't murdered, Mrs. Peacock shouts "Oh, I need a drink!" and helps herself to some brandy. But while drinking, Professor Plum theorizes "Maybe he was poisoned!", making Mrs. Peacock throw the glass on the ground and scream her head off.
 * In The Little Shop of Horrors, Mr. Mushnik returns late to the shop to get some money to pay his restaurant bill and sees Seymour feeding body parts to the plant. He instantly dashes back to the restaurant and demands alcohol--any kind they've got, as long as he gets drunk.
 * In The Avengers, after  and , Loki admits to the Avengers that, if its okay with them, he'll have the drink Tony offered him earlier.

Literature
"Crowley: ...The point is... the point I'm trying to make... is dolphins. That's my point..."
 * Discworld:
 * Commander Vimes tends to think this when things are going particularly poorly, but after Guards Guards he quit (with a brief relapse in Men At Arms), and for a long time afterwards had to remind himself that just one would be too many. William de Worde's first impression of him in The Truth is "badly dressed, badly spoken, and badly in need of a drink".
 * It's actually been mentioned that Vimes is, in fact, slightly "Knurd": meaning he's more sober than sober, and actually needs at least one drink in him to be "normal". Klatchian coffee is so strong that it has the same effect, but the Klatchians make very certain they are well and truly out of their heads on orakh (the only liquor on the Disc that can match scumble for potency, made from cactus sap and scorpion venom) before partaking.
 * In a scene in Witches Abroad, Nanny Ogg is both figuratively and literally stuck between Magrat and Granny Weatherwax after the two have a falling-out. As the three walk along a yellow brick road, Magrat says, half to herself "What some people need is a bit more heart," to which Granny replies "What some people need is a lot more brain." Nanny, meanwhile, thinks to herself "What I need is a drink."
 * In Hogfather, when a huge surplus of extra belief floods Discworld, one of the beings created is Bilious, the Oh God of Hangovers, who experiences the consequences when other people engage in this trope. At one point, he much relishes a chance to turn the tables on a god who loves to get drunk.
 * In Mort, one of the mortal pleasures Death attempts is drinking. When he and the bartender discuss his lack of friends, he pauses, then muses aloud that he thinks he could be friends with the next bottle of booze.
 * Good Omens: Crowley and Aziraphale do this after Crowley delivers the newborn Antichrist to the hospital where he'll be switched with another family's baby, and the pair are forced to confront the possibility of The End of the World As We Know It, and all the great things Earth has going for it.

"Crowley got a commendation for the Spanish Inquisition. He had been in Spain then, mainly hanging around cantinas in the nicer parts, and hadn’t even known about it until the commendation arrived. He’d gone to have a look, and come back and got drunk for a week."
 * This also happens to Crowley in the backstory:

""Yeah, that's it," he murmured after a while. "Whew! I guess ! I think I'll get tight."
 * Harry Potter gets his first taste of Ogden's Fire Whiskey in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows after the Battle Over Little Whinging.
 * More fitting this trope is of course Hagrid's reaction to only narrowly escaping the most powerful dark wizard of all times: "Haven't go' any brandy, have yeh, Molly?" asked Hagrid a little shakily, "Fer medicinal purposes?"
 * Happens a lot in the Garrett PI series, as befits a homage to hardboiled detective fiction. Even the Grand Inquisitor demanded brandy in a jar when he stopped by to complain about his ecclesiastical colleagues. Upon his return from one emotionally-wracking case, Garrett's associates practically forced a mug into the main character's hand, anticipating that this trope was in effect.
 * Lightsong, a Physical God in Warbreaker, is rather fond of trying to get drunk, despite his long-suffering high priest's insistence that he is physically incapable of getting drunk.
 * Henry Kuttner's character Gallegher works best when plastered anyway, but special mention to the first story (in which he is called Galloway), Time Locker.

And he did."

"Miranda: It's Mother. She's trying to destroy the world.
 * Used in more than a few volumes of The Dresden Files. The biggest one occurs in Changes after Harry learns.
 * Lawrence says this (though not in those exact words) when Temeraire brings up the subject of prostitutes. Specifically when he notes that the runner Emily Roland seemed rather young to seek their services.
 * Shows up all the time in the works of Robert Asprin.
 * Shows up in the third book of the Serpentwar Saga. Pug, Nakor and Miranda have finally tracked down the legendary wizard Macros the Black in their quest to get his aid in dealing with the Serpent Queen. Miranda (whose background has been a total mystery up to that point) addressed Macros as Daddy and then says

Macros: I need a drink.

Miranda: First you need a bath."


 * In Robert A. Heinlein's short --And He Built a Crooked House, Teal hands Bailey a shot of liquor to help revive his wife, but he downs it himself.
 * In "Best Served Cold" by Joe Abercrombie, Cosca turns "A drink, a drink, a drink," almost into a personal credo.
 * In Wheel of Time . Birgitte, and the other two decide that yes they do indeed need a drink, in the plural sense and as soon as can be arranged.
 * In "The Winds of War," Pug Henry declares his need for a drink when his son Byron is still missing somewhere in Europe, his son Warren the fighter pilot has, his wife Rhonda   and.
 * Happens pretty frequently in Jeeves and Wooster, since Bertie's automatic stress response is to go someplace and order a few drinks. If Jeeves is in the vicinity, he'll prepare the drink, but he never needs a drink himself.

Live Action TV
"...I could do with a hot fudge sundae. And a bottle of vodka."
 * The Trope image is The Colbert Report. During this "The Wørd" segment after the 2006 Midterms (and giving the Democrats control of the House), Stephen Colbert was visibly depressed, slouched over and with his head in his hand. The bullet point reacted to this by displaying this exact phrase (see above)
 * Stephen proceeds to pull out what appears to be scotch and first the Word says "Fight it" before he gives up and pours, changing the message to "F*ck it" and finishing with "Oh, sweet brown medicine, take away the pain..." as he downs the whole glass
 * Done on The Daily Show when Jon and Mike Huckabee discuss abortion and the pro-life movement.
 * Jon Stewart after a bad day on The Daily Show:

"Sophie: (Indicating that he should return to rehab) Well. Are you ready to finish what you started?
 * Ben Harper in My Family takes this to almost Catch Phrase levels.
 * Happens every now and then on Babylon 5. In one episode, Londo hands Vir an unpleasant mission while at the bar and Vir finishes off the drink his boss abandoned at the table before heading out. The temptation is probably pretty heavy for Garibaldi at times.
 * As with virtually every other liquor-related trope, Battlestar Galactica Reimagined has developed this trope into high art. Virtually every major character says some variation of "I need/could use a drink" at least once in the series, typically at a very important moment.
 * How I Met Your Mother when Ted has to break up for the second time with a girl he dated much earlier but broke up with her on her birthday. When he realizes it's her birthday yet again and she starts to say how he's brought hope back into her life. He turns to the waiter and says "Oh so much more wine."
 * Jen does this in The IT Crowd when hearing of how a high school classmate has the perfect successful life that Jen wished she had.
 * Nate says or does this every now and then in Leverage. As a recovering alchoholic, it's a bad sign. Notably, at the end of The Twelve-Step Job, after he has been in rehab with a happy-pilled Parker for several days.

Nate: I need a drink."

"Travers: Uh, Rupert? When we inventoried your shop, we found a bottle of single malt scotch behind the, uh, incense holders.
 * Anya in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Doppelgangland" (3x16). Subverted because she can't get even that. "I'm 1,120 years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!!"
 * A season later, in "Something Blue" (4x09), Giles is driven to his limits by the sight of Buffy and Spike engaged and smooching each other (under the influence of a spell gone bad). When Buffy asks Giles to give her away at the wedding and declares "we're family," Giles can only reply, "It's all right. I have more Scotch." (And he's had not a few shots by that point.) Later in the season, after Spike's attempt to split the True Companions, he goes into a depressed funk and consoles himself with drink.
 * The trio had made a pretty good attempt at destroying Buffy's life, and Spike tries to console her with whiskey. She drinks most of it on him, then he invites her out to a demon bar to get information. She goes because there'll be more alcohol and when a drink of some indeterminate spirits is about to be poured for Spike Buffy takes the bottle and spends the night going through it. Every shot is straight.
 * In a season 7 episode where Buffy is showing the potential slayers the demon bar, Clem plays a particularly frightening joke on them, causing Vi to say, "I could use a shot of that yak urine right about now."
 * In season 5, Quentin Travers does the Stuffy Brit version after Buffy reads him the riot act.

Giles: Well, it's, it's not, you know, during working hours...

Travers: I think I could use a glass."

"Castiel: I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol."
 * On an episode of Mork and Mindy, Mork tries to explain religion to Orson, who becomes so confused he decides he needs a drink.
 * In Sex and The City, Carrie and Samantha are stuck on an interminably long train ride. This includes "dining with the Amish", a couple who happen to be sitting next to them in the cafeteria. Momentarily forgetting her company, Carrie says "Oh, God I need a big ol' drink." The Amish couple look at her. "Sorry."
 * In Pawn Stars, Rick and Corey get a Peter Lik print. While staring at the image, Corey remarks that it makes him want to have a beer.
 * Stargate Universe, Air Part 3..
 * NCIS. "Minimum Security". Gibbs grumbles "I need coffee" after being woken up by a naked Tony pointing his pistol at an iguana.
 * In the Supernatural episode "Red Sky," Sam is escorting an elderly woman at a fancy-dress party, who is hitting on him very hard. At one point she presents him with a glass of champagne, raises her own, and says, "To us." Sam promptly downs the entire glass.
 * Also, in the episode "The Real Ghostbusters", Sam and Dean say "I need a drink" in sync after being thoroughly weirded-out by some LARPing fans. Of themselves.
 * Also, Castiel does a variation of this in the season 5 finale (when they realise that they are really really screwed):

"Sam: Are you... Are you drunk?!
 * Castiel again, after the events of the episode "The Dark Side of the Moon." In the next episode, after he gets a call from the boys:

Castiel: No. (Beat) Yes.

Sam: What happened?!

Castiel: I went and found a liquor store.

Sam: And?

Castiel: I drank it."

"Brennan: (searching) I need vodka!
 * Also, Castiel in the episode "Free To Be You And Me". When Castiel is taken to a brothel by Dean and is introduced to one of the girls there, he downs a generously sized glass of beer before being pulled away to one of the back rooms.
 * And generally Dean does this on a regular basis. The only thing that separates this from Drowning My Sorrows is how quickly he recovers afterwards. Considering the things that are trying to kill him/beat him/torture him, you know things are really bad when he stops drinking!.
 * In the ill-fated early 90s reboot of Dark Shadows, after saving Josette from the zombie of Jeremiah Collins, his father Joshua says, "I need a stiff drink!"
 * In one episode of Yes, Minister, Jim Hacker comes home and when Annie asks if he'd like a drink he says to make it a triple. She realizes this is serious, but moreso when Bernard comes in and also asks for a triple!
 * A double example appears in one episode of Friends: first Monica accepts Rachel's offer of margaritas after her painstakingly organised photo collection gets messed up; later, while collecting ingredients for said margaritas from Ross' apartment, Rachel accidentally overhears Emily leave a message on Ross' answering machine saying she's having doubts about re-marrying. She immediately unscrews the cap of the tequila she's holding and takes a swig straight from the bottle.
 * In the episode "Everybody Finds Out", Phoebe and Rachel decide to have Phoebe hit on Chandler to prove that he and Monica are seeing each other. This escalates to the point where they're in Chandler's apartment for a date. When Phoebe pours them wine and they toast, both promptly drain their entire glasses.
 * A noteworthy example in a MASH episode is when Hawkeye takes a challenge to abstain from alcohol. The story climaxes with Hawkeye having the terrifying experience of keeping a prisoner's grenade from detonating in the operating room. After the successful conclusion, the gang goes to the Officer's Club where Hawkeye gets a drink saying that he needs it. However, after a few fateful seconds, Hawkeye pushes the drink away saying "I'll have it when I want it, not when I need it."
 * Amusingly subverted in one episode of Bones (paraphrased):

Booth: So do I, Bones, but we're on duty here!

Brennan: No... to preserve the tissue samples."

"Quark: Kira! I always look forward to your infrequent visits.
 * Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Kira is helping two rival Bajoran clans resolve a territorial dispute. This exchange ensues.

Kira: Quark, save the small talk and get me a Stardrifter.

Quark: So how are the negotiations going?

Kira: Make it a double."

"Abbey: Claudia Jean? Let's go get drunk."
 * In The West Wing, when C.J. tells Abbey Bartlet that the swing vote on her medical review board is recusing himself:

"Monk: There's never hope. I wish I drank. Is it wonderful?
 * In the House episode "Role Model", House is pressured by Vogler into giving a speech. When House, in mid-speech, goes Off the Rails (putting it very mildly), Chase reaches for his glass, presumably of champagne, and downs the whole glass in one gulp.
 * Used in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries as "D'you fancy a drink?", usually said by one of the partners to the other after a particularly hard case.
 * Subverted in an episode of Monk, in which Monk, who doesn't drink, is visiting Natalie's parents while despairing over a hiring freeze at the police department:

Peggy: Yeah. It's pretty great."

"Castle:Can I get you a drink?
 * In an episode of Castle when Rick is practicing making drinks in the kitchen, his teenage daughter walks in saying "I need a drink." When he gives her A Look, she explains she meant water.
 * In another episode, Castle "quotes" Ernest Hemingway as saying, "Man, I sure could use a drink right about now."
 * In on of the earlier epsiodes, Castle takes Beckett to a fancy ball, after being introduced to the mayor, Castle askes Beckett if she wants a drink, he reaction was very much this trope, though she tried to back out of it (Castle ignores her).

Beckett: Yeah. Vodka. Lots of vodka [he makes a great face and leaves to do so but she holds him back]...But I'm on duty. So water?

Castle: [rolls his eyes and smirks] Yeah. Vodka..."


 * In the 30 Rock episode "Christmas Attack Zone," Liz downs her entire glass of white wine upon learning exactly want Jack was going to do:.
 * On Home Improvement, Jill hastily asks for some liquor when she is worried about her son Brad driving by himself for the first time. In another instance, Tim gulps down his drink after he is Mistaken for Gay at a bar.
 * In the Community episode "Mixology Certification" Annie starts off the night odering Root Beers but as she gets progressively worked up about planning out her entire life she eventually ends up switching to screwdrivers.
 * Mad Men features this constantly, albeit usually without saying the phrase. Expect Roger (and Don during Season 4) to immediately reach for the booze when something goes wrong... or simply when they enter a room.
 * In Doctor Who, Amy needs another glass of wine when she realizes.
 * The Big Bang Theory uses this as a Running Gag with Penny, notably in the season four premiere where she is dragged into chaperoning Sheldon on his first "date" with Amy Farrah Fowler. As it becomes clear that Amy is the Distaff Counterpart of Sheldon, especially when it comes to No Social Skills, they eventually turn their combined lack of tact on Penny. Once it gets to calculating how many men she has slept with, she begs the waiter for a drink.
 * Toward the end of the Parks and Recreation episode "Dave Returns" (S 4 E 15), Leslie says "And now I am going to endorse ten beers into my mouth, because today has been very stressful." (Or words to that effect). Despite the large number of beers, it counts as needing a freaking drink and not Drowning My Sorrows because Leslie specifically cites stress as a factor, and it's a one-time thing (at a party at a bar, no less).
 * In the Bitchin Kitchen, when Nadia asks Panos' wife how she deals with her marriage, her response is "a little ouzo goes a long way."

Music
"My rival is Neanderthal, it makes me think
 * "Seven Days" by Sting is about the singer trying to beat a dumb but strong guy for a girl. The second verse ends like this:

Perhaps I need a drink

IQ is no problem here

We won't be playing scrabble for her hand I fear

I need that beer"

"I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity
 * "Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota" by Weird Al Yankovic

I had to pop myself a beer"

"I ain't complaining, but I'm tired, so I'm just saying what I think
 * Very many Country Music songs about Drowning My Sorrows, far too many to count, will also have the narrator explaining this in some way.
 * "Teenage Daughters" by Martina McBride, however, is a non-Drowning My Sorrows example (it's, obviously, about the highs and lows of raising teenage daughters). The first and last stanza of the song is:

And if we're being honest, then honestly, I think I need a drink"


 * Also, there's Terri Clark's "The World Needs a Drink", where she fantasizes about gathering all the world powers together for a drink at the bar to forget their troubles.

New Media
"Critic: (slaps a bottle of Jack Daniels on the desk beside him) Okay, I'm just gonna have this on standby; I hope you don't mind."
 * The Angry Video Game Nerd does this quite a lot in response to always having to play such despicable games. His favorite seems to be Rolling Rock, and he apparently believes that the only thing better than Super Mario Bros 3 is having a leprechaun bring him beer.
 * The Nostalgia Critic demonstrated version two in his Howard the Duck review

""Good God, I need a stiff drink.""
 * He would later be seen chugging the Jack straight out of the bottle.
 * In the review for Titanic: The Animated Movie, he pulls out progressively larger bottles of Jagermeister until he has one the size of himself.
 * And when it's discovered there's another animated Titanic movie that's even worse, he shoves that off the desk and calls in one so large it has to be delivered by helicopter.
 * Linkara has also done this by tossing back a bottle in a paper bag on occasion.
 * In his review of Seven Pounds, Film Brain signs off with "...and I need a stiff drink."
 * Spoony did this once. After seeing Breaking Dawn, part 1. For real. (For added points, he's not much of a drinker, but he does keep a small stock in case of company, so he was dancing from rum to vodka to whisky, and also nursed a can of Diet Coke.) And since he didn't want to drink alone, he had a conference call with Linkara and Jew Wario while he expounded upon the outright terribleness of the movie. For an hour and a half.
 * The end of the trivia section on Transformers wiki article for the G1 episode B.O.T.:


 * Played straight on the online Test Cricket radio station Test Match Sofa, frequently admits to being run on booze; so much so that a running jingle says "Won't Someone, anyone, fix me a drink""
 * The Nostalgia Chick is a full-blown Lady Drunk, and went straight for the bottle after watching The Christmas Shoes.

Radio
"Zaphod: Oh, god. [rapidly] Ford, this is Trillian, Hi. Trillian, this is my semi-cousin Ford who shares three of the same mothers as me. Hi. [...] Zaphod Beeblebrox, this is a very large drink. Hi."
 * The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy, when it's established that (due to the effects of the Infinite Improbability Drive) Ford and Trillian are the only two members of the core cast who haven't coincidentally met before:


 * Ghost often invokes this trope by name after a particularly effective set of trolls.

Standup Comedy

 * Dr. Conway (known as Uncle Kage) was talking about his woes with the "ABC" Security Company--then he slipped and said the company's real name . While he usually sips wine from a glass throughout his show, after that goof he chugged straight from the bottle, much to the amusement of the audience.
 * Kathy Griffin 's mother's reaction to hearing that Kathy would be going on a cruise with lesbians and their children: "I need a drink!" *click*

Tabletop Games

 * Magic the Gathering gives us this card. It starts out as No More for Me. But when the floating thing comes back, he decides trying to sober up didn't help.

Theater
""Uggh. I need a butterbeer.""
 * A Very Potter Musical:

Video Games

 * One of the disgruntled Motor World pedestrians in Crash Tag Team Racing exasperatedly shouts "I need a drink! That's an understatement."
 * In The Punisher video game, after you complete the Stark Enterprises level, a cutscene with Iron Man appears where he looks at the mess you made and, visibly shocked, says "I need a drink."
 * In Bully, Galloway says "I need a drink!" if you annoy him by repeatedly writing gibberish in English class.
 * In Metal Gear Solid 3, one of Snake's radio support members Para-Medic, who has the job of telling him how to maintain his health and what animals and plants are okay for him to eat, informs him of a certain type of mushroom he has procured that should never be combined with alcohol. Para-Medic being the good physician she is explains that the mushroom inhibits the body's natural ability to absorb and break down alcohol so if you were to go drinking after eating it you would get a hangover from hell. Snake finds this fascinating but he takes Para-Medic's words as an insult asking if she honestly thinks he would risk compromising the mission at hand by drinking alcohol, Para-Medic responds by saying that she is popping back a shot right now as they speak and says that Snake should join her and loosen up. Snake is flabbergasted by Para-Medic and grunts in disgust, who then says that she was only joking, which in frustration causes Snake to mutter under his breath, "Uh... I need a drink.", before ending the conversation.
 * In Half-Life 2, the phrase "Huugh.. I need a drink, who's with me?" is said by a Rebel Base Commander after surviving a raid by a Combine Hunter-Chopper.
 * In Blood, "I sure could use a drink." is one of the lines that is uttered by Calib. After all he's been through, like being turned into a zombie and having his god desert him, you can't blame him.
 * In Mass Effect 1, a Renegade Shepard can destroy businessman Lorik Qui'in's career for being reluctant to testify against a corrupt Administrator. When he finds out, the poor guy "feels the need to order more drinks while I can still afford them."
 * Echo Bazaar has an entire side quest started by and devoted to one of these moments.
 * In Dragon Age, if you, Alistair will say, in a shaky voice, "I think I need a drink. Or ten."
 * In Ar Tonelico Qoga, is often seen mentioning her need for a drink whenever you end up building some of the more reality-breaking items in the game, such as a floating tablet... out of spare parts.

Webcomics
""I do so need a three-martini lunch right now.""
 * Nodwick: After Piffany essentially out-lawyers a pair of devils, one of them proclaims,

"Marten: "Jesus CHRIST do I need a drink right now. To throw in my EYES.""
 * Variation in Questionable Content #513:

"Dr. McNinja: "It disappeared! Oh my God! Jose Cuervo must have been a ninja too! HAHAHAHA!" *thud*"
 * A recent example sees Faye deciding it's time for the emergency bourbon.
 * Marten comes in intending to get drunk ; when he sees what Pintsize has done to help him with that, it requires immediate application of liquor.
 * In The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, the titular Doctor goes out to a bar after arguing with his parents. He orders a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila and downs the entire bottle in the time it takes the bartender to turn around and get him a shot glass.

""If anyone needs me, I'll be seeking the Spirit of Christmas Spirits. 98 proof.""
 * Variation in "On the Origins of PCs" in Order of the Stick; when Elan insists you have to recruit adventurers in a tavern, Roy asks "Why? I need adventurers, not a drink. ...Well, not JUST a drink."
 * And played straight with the Cliffport Police Chief here.
 * Aaand Durkon combines it with Brain Bleach here.
 * Ken in Dork Tower responds to a badly mangled takeoff of O. Henry's Gifts of the Magi:

"Carson: Isn't it premature for Bill to be hitting the celebratory champagne? Oh, never mind, that's vodka."
 * Bill also gets in on the act.

"Twilight: Ugh, I need a drink!
 * In what is likely an homage to Airplane!, at one point in Bob and George, Zero mentions "I picked the wrong week to stop snorting Energon cubes.
 * This Starslip strip.
 * This Concession strip.
 * Out There: Miriam always needs a freaking drink. Sherry, Araceli, Rebecca, et. al. sometimes need a freaking drink. Clayton never needs one, but he'll have one anyway, thank you.
 * Freefall's Winston Thurmad suspects he'll need one due to an upcoming discussion with Dvorak and Qwerty.
 * Abel of all people becomes victim to this trope here.
 * In one of the Erfworld summer updates, Parson gets into a discussion with Jack and Maggie about the nature of time in Erfworld. At some point, he realizes that he is either too drunk, or not drunk enough to participate in the conversation. Having no way to sober up, he gambles on the latter, and downs a wineskin.
 * John Kossler of The Word Weary goes from The Teetotaler to this after a particularly bad day.
 * Considering the week/months in comic time they've been having by this point, it's amazing Wooster is the first to invoke this trope and that it took that long.
 * Roxy does this in Homestuck at the end of this conversation.
 * Friendship Is Dragons adds its own take on MLP's scene below.

DM: In-character or out-of-character?

Twilight: BOTH!"

Web Original

 * GM Dave of Bannable Offenses is quite the heavy drinker, mostly due to the fact that he spends 8 hours a day (plus whatever he plays at home) often dealing with the dumbest members of Final Fantasy XI in existence, and will occasionally (read, very, very often) use this phrase or a variation thereof. Unsurprisingly, his most vicious (and therefore funniest) punishments come on the rare occasion when he runs out of Jack Daniels. Lord help you if you anger him then...
 * Protectors of the Plot Continuum go through Bleeproducts like water, after most missions.
 * Subverted in The Batterys Down: Molly's cousin tells Dani that he's Irish which means he needs he "needs another fucking drink".
 * It's not alcoholic, but the version of Kyle Rayner in DC Nation frequently "needs a sketchpad" in the aftermath of shit hitting fan.
 * Dr. Shelton says something like this when he starts hearing a voice in his head.
 * Said by a Great Soft Jelly Thing in this Youtube Poop.
 * The Fan Fiction Critic, during her review of Legolas By Laura: "It's five o'clock somewhere, right?" *swig*
 * Derek the Bard often finds himself in need of one, and often reaches for a crystal skull full of vodka.
 * In Pay Me Bug, Grif Vindh says this over, and over, and over.

Western Animation
""We're proud to present on the WB, another bad show that no-one will see-ee-eee! Ugh, I need a drink.""
 * An episode of The Simpsons has this from a parody of Michigan J. Frog:

""Yep." "Hai.""
 * In King of the Hill, after Hank gets into a fight with Peggy in a hotel room, he heads to the minibar, sighing and proclaiming, "I need me one of those eight-dollar beers..."
 * In the "Returning Japanese" two-parter, Hank and his Japanese half-brother Junichiro are wandering around a subway station looking for Cotton, who plans on spitting in the face of the emperor. They pause, and Hank sees a neon billboard advertising beer. He says he could go for a beer that size. Junichiro without hesitation goes to the nearest vending machine and buys both of them a beer.

"Dan Backslide: "Confound those Dover Boys! Oh, how I hate them! I hate Tom! I hate Dick! And I hate Larry! They drive me to drink!" (Blurs running over to the bar to pound down drinks at ludicrous speed, with the bartender taking a single drink in the middle. Blurs back to original position)
 * During "Edu-macating Lucky" when Luanne announces  Peggy rather calmly sits down, and tell Bobby to get her "A cold towel, and a glass of bourbon."
 * In Metalocalypse, an episode has the band awakening a lake troll. In the ensuing chaos, Nathan states he needs exactly one hundred beers. Cut to the Nathan and the band in a bar, asking for one hundred beers.
 * The Dover Boys at Pimento University; or, The Rivals of Roquefort Hall:

"Confound them! (HIC!)""

"Jake: Ugh. (turns to a prince) Buy a lady a drink?"
 * In the Hey Arnold episode "Helga On The Couch," upon learning her daughter will be attending therapy, Miriam Pataki loudly announces, "I need a smoothie." If you watch enough of the show (and you're old enough) you know she really means something stronger.
 * Implied in My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, of all places. In the first episode, main character Twilight Sparkle pours herself a glass of what looks like booze while Pinkie Pie talks her ear off. It's actually hot sauce, much to Twilight's dismay. The scene has become a minor meme in the fandom in conjunction with the quote from The Dover Boys seen above.
 * Rarity takes a turn in "Sweet and Elite"; during an upper-crust garden party that her friends have just gatecrashed, she drains a glass of (what appears to be) punch in one shot.
 * Another children's cartoon example: Jake from Adventure Time, when he attends a really boring meeting.

Real Life

 * Several air forces (US and UK come to mind) would hand their pilots a shot of whiskey after returning from a mission during World War II and other wars.
 * Actually a Subversion: Whiskey and milk is an old folk remedy for an unsettled stomach. Like, say, from airsickness. Had nothing to do with Shell Shock, which would be this trope.
 * Well, yes, but (1) the pilots were given straight shots of whiskey (known in some cases to induce an unsettled stomach, depending on the quality of the whiskey) and (2) even if the primary reason was stomach-settling, this factor can't have hurt. Double Subversion, then?
 * Truth in Television for many many people. Reasons for falling into this trope are usually from very high stress environments including but not limited to: college homework projects, corporate/work projects, a new baby, or playing I Wanna Be the Guy.
 * In general, nobody is allowed to eat or drink anything -- except perhaps water -- in the British House of Commons chamber. There is one exception: the Chancellor of the Exchequer is allowed to have an alcoholic beverage while delivering the Budget speech. Considering how long (George Osborne's 2010 Budget speech lasted 55 minutes, and that's short; William Gladstone's 1853 Budget ran nearly five straight hours) and important the speech tends to be -- to say nothing of all-too-likely Opposition heckling -- the Chancellor is well-advised to take advantage of that exception.
 * While smoking and eating may be banned, the House of Commons does offer its members free snuff, a powdered form of tobacco that is inhaled. This is due to the smoking ban being implemented in 1693 when tobacco use was far more common.
 * After the historical Battle of Rorke's Drift the real Henry Hook -- a teetotaler -- stunned his companions by getting in line for the grog ration. "After all that," he explained, "I feel I need a little something."
 * Noah Antwiler, by Literature/Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part I. His V-log on watching it is interspersed with him, for the first time, drinking both rum and whiskey, continuously. It shows.
 * Reportedly, when Stalin realized Hitler had doublecrossed him, his initial reaction was to lock himself in a bar and go on a week long drinking binge.
 * When person has low blood pressure (or other problems which has similar symptoms), one of the things that might help them temporarily is bit of alcohol. Coffee and few other things have similar results, but alcohol is also calming on their nerves. And its faster to take quick shot than sit with hot coffee.
 * Pi mnemonic: "How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics"