Lobo



""The name's Lobo. That's 'L' as in 'lacerate', 'O' as in 'obliterate', 'B' as in 'disembowel', and 'O' as in, uh, aw, I guess I can use 'obliterate' twice, huh, whaddya think?""

- Superman: The Animated Series, "The Main Man"

BURP!

Listen up, dweebs! Seein' as how I'm me, it's time I gave ya the real lowdown on the Main Man.

Name's Lobo, and I kill people. That ain't my real name, by the way - you dweebs can't pronounce it, but it translates to He Who Devours Your Entrails And Thoroughly Enjoys It. I'm the best fraggin' bounty hunter the galaxy has to offer - ferget the guy in the potbowl helmet. I grew up on a rock named Czarnia, which was full of dweebs. So when I took chemistry in high school, I mixed up somethin' special to show 'em how I really felt. Fragged every last one of them for that year's Science project, gave myself an A. Anyways, afterwards I got hold of a chain and hook, and a nice bike, and I've pretty much been boozin' and fightin' my way across the galaxy ever since.

Some of the nerds around here might try to tell ya I'm some sort of parody of a Nineties Anti-Hero, but try laughin' at the Main Man and I'll blow yer head off. In any case I predate most of them, first appearing in "Omega Men" #3 (June, 1983). Records of my life turned up in my own 4 issue mini-series (November, 1990-February, 1991). The readers seemed to love it, as more mini-series turned up and sold well. I next got my own regular series which lasted for 64 issues, from December, 1993 to July, 1999. Not that I ever stopped appearing in the pages of series named after other guys.

An' I ain't no singer from the '70s! Frag that "Me'n'you'n'a dog named 'Boo'"!

Other'n that, I'm pretty much what I look like. Oh, and I like dolphins. What, ya think that's funny? Waitaminnit. There, here's yer spine back.

"Wanted for crimes against the Galaxy including: Genocide ... Fratricide ... Patricide ... Matricide ... Impersonating a member of the Intergalactic Church of Truth ... Impersonating a member of the Green Lantern Crops ... Carrying a concealed thermo-nuclear device ... Breaking into the Justice League Satellite ... Fishing without a license ... Jaywalking ... Grand theft plasma rocket ... Disturbance of the peace across three space sectors ... 1,978,643,896 unpaid parking permits ... Illegal bounty hunting ... Wanton destruction of government property ... Demolishing a city without a permit ... Reckless endangerment toward animals ... Hijacking ... Selling/distributing radioactive material to cute fluffy bunny rabbits ... Noise infractions level 5.0 ... Illegally poaching Starros ... Bounty Huntering in a restricted zone ... Stepping on the grass ... Defecating in a public garden ... Loitering ... Advocating the overthrow of the heads of state ... Not honoring the bounty hunter code."
 * Amusing Alien
 * Amusing Injuries: Frequently inflicted onto others.
 * Anti-Hero: People try to put me as a Type V.
 * Apocalypse How: That one time I found The Mask.
 * Badass Biker
 * Batman Can Breathe in Space: I can smoke a fukken cigar in space.
 * BFG: The Main Man's always packin' heat.
 * Boisterous Bruiser
 * Bounty Hunter: The best around!
 * Canon Discontinuity: Some fanboy dweebs might have noticed that I ain't exactly myself in my early appearances. In fact, I ain't even Czarnian; in Omega Men I'm a Velorpian whose species got fragged by the Psions. Nobody ever talks about that though ... if they know what's good for them.
 * Cigar Chomper
 * Cluster F-Bomb: They don't call it frag grenade fer nuthin', ya know!
 * Contractual Immortality: Heaven and Hell both kicked me out, so now I can't die.
 * Cool Bike: Doubles as a Cool Spaceship.
 * Darker and Edgier
 * Drill Sergeant Nasty: In Tiny Titans, I work as the school coach. Once made my students run a race around the world.
 * Exact Words: The Main Man's word is his bond. Mostly.
 * Fat Bastard: WHAT? I ain't fat! Well, okay,  maybe I was (or would be) in that whole DC One Million thing, but that’s what, 80 thousand years from now? Uh, maybe I’ll make a note to start watching the calories 40 millennia from now, just to be on the safe side...
 * From a Single Cell: There was this time I got de-aged and died, and every cell in my blood ended up creating a new Lobo. Then we all fought to the death, with the winner (yours truly) fragging anybody in his way ever since.
 * Genius Bruiser: Not only can I rip a spine right out of a body, I can make a homemade Virus and hack the JL's satilite!
 * The Grinch: Uh, no, I ain't got nuthin' against Christmas personally. The Easter Bunny's the guy you want. Like I said, just do what he pays me to do. And Santa was kind of a jerk too.
 * Guest Star Party Member: After the Big Blue Boyscout seemed like he bought it on the Justice League cartoon, yours truly showed up to take his place, since no one else besides the Main Man woulda been man enough to do it. Some of Superman's enemies tried goin' after us, and I ended up fightin' that tutu-wearin', daisy-sniffin, showtune-singin', broccoli-eatin', sensitivity-expressin' panty-waist Kalibak. I ended up buryin' him under a pile of smashed cars until the little sissy-mary finally agreed to say "Uncle". It was a Crowning Moment of Awesome, but as you mighta guessed the Main Man tends to specialize in that sorta thing.
 * Guns Akimbo: Can't have enough.
 * Good Thing You Can Heal
 * Heel Face Revolving Door: Hey, if the price is right, nothin' personal, but I gotta frag ya. Now if you're offerin' somethin' better than the other guy, well, I might be persuaded to do that whole team-up thing. Maybe.
 * Hey, It's That Voice!: Brad Garrett (of Everybody Loves Raymond) has the honor of voicin' the Main Man in my TV cartoon appearances.
 * Hooks and Crooks
 * Hypocritical Heartwarming: Darlene said once that I'm a pervert and chauvinist who objectifies women. Meh, I Can Live With That. Just keep in mind, anyone else who comes into the diner and gropes her while I'm there is leavin' in a body bag.
 * Karma Houdini
 * Knife Nut: Does the nickname "Mr. Machete" mean anything to you?
 * Large Ham
 * Last of His Kind: I fragged all the other Czarnians for my high school science project! Gave myself an "A".
 * Lighter and Softer: Yeah, the Main Man can do "lighter" from time to time, includin' my Tiny Titans appearances. Say I'm "softer" and you'll be shoppin' for new teeth.
 * List of Transgressions: My list.
 * List of Transgressions: My list.


 * Local Hangout: I just love Al's diner! And Al and Darlene love it when I show up too. Mainly because the guys who rebuild the city every time I wreck the place always eat there! They make a ton of cash. Only hard part is making sure I don't wreck the diner too...
 * Meaningful Name: My name's Khundian for "he who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it".
 * Money, Dear Boy: Hell, I'll frag myself if it's worth enough! (And I have, too!)
 * More Dakka: Frakkin' A!
 * Nineties Anti-Hero: Originally a Word of God Satire, Parody, Pastiche of one. Later played straight at times after I got a lot of Misaimed Fandom popularity.
 * Our Presidents Are Different: I got caught up as a candidate in a campaign for Intergalactic President. I fraggin' hate it when the promoters say I'm a hero!
 * Pardon My Klingon
 * Refuge in Audacity: People say I was created as "a parody of the trend in the 90s for Darker and Edgier Anti-Hero comic book characters."
 * Strong as They Need to Be
 * Throwing the Fight: Yeah, I took a dive in that fight against Wolverine, you got a problem with that?? the bald guy paid me to do it, gotta pay the bills, you know.
 * Tomato In The Mirror: You know, you'd think that the Main Man was the first guy someone would think of when they heard that the "ultimate Bastich" who had destroyed a whole solar system, but I was actually the guy who they sent to bring him in. Well, turns out it was me — me and the Mask. And I didn't figure it out until I fought another Mask. Those Timey-Wimey Ball things can drive ya nuts...
 * Truer to the Text: My web cartoon showed me swearing, trying to frag women and killing aliens.
 * The Unfettered: "Once the Main Man puts his mind to it, he can destroy anything."
 * Unreliable Narrator: Of course I did kill my entire race! Never mind that the Justice League and Green Lantern Corps never make catching me their priority! That was as true as the time I killed Santa Claus!
 * Unsettling Gender Reveal: HEY!! It ain't my fault
 * Unusual Euphemism: Whatta ya fraggin' bastiches talkin' about?
 * Villain Protagonist: Worse than that German guy, at least. I try my best.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: Me and that demon Etrigan ended up as the Type 2 version. Even helped him frag his way through Hell once.
 * Weapon of Choice: Chain and hook.
 * Where I Was Born and Razed
 * Wolverine Publicity