The Apprentice (TV series)/Funny

US series
"Jack: Like you're chopping someone's head off!"
 * In the first edition of the Celebrity version, Omarosa was on the losing team and made some comments about Piers Morgan, even questioning his sexuality. Piers and the rest of the winning team was watching on closed-circuit television and returned to the boardroom. Instead of defending himself, he went over to Trace Adkins, told him "Come here, you big, sexy cowboy", and kissed him on the cheek.
 * On Celebrity Apprentice Trump asks Marlee Matlin who she would fire. Matlin(speaking through her sign language interpreter) said Dionne Warwick. She explains that Dionne is intimidating, and says "People tell me she's a legend and I respect that but-" Trump interrupts her asking "What do you mean people tell you? You don't know she's a legend?" Matlin replies(again through her sign language interpreter) : "Well I'm deaf."
 * Added to when in another episode, Star Jones leans in to whisper something to Marlee. Again, through her interpreter, she deadpans, "I'm deaf."
 * In one video extra, Marlee teaches Trump how to say "you're fired!" in American Sign Language.


 * Season 2 of the original US edition had the winning team enjoy some tennis with John Mc Enroe and Anna Kournikova at Arthur Ashe Stadium. Raj gets into a bet with Anna: She'll serve to him five times. If he returns at least one, he gets a date with her. If he can't return any, he's got to do a dare.
 * Season 3 of the original US version ("Book Smarts vs. "Street Smarts") had Bren, who had two which had some Awesome as well:
 * The first had him on a photography set (the prize for his team was portraits of themselves taken by renowned photographer Patrick Demarchelier, who had done covers of many well-known magazines and was Harper's Bazaar magazine's premier photographer). A model noticed Bren had a bowtie, and he commented that it took a certain level of confidence to wear a bowtie. This got him flocked by several models, which stunned one of his teammates (he'd thought Bren looked like one of Orville Redenbacher's family) and Bren got a picture of himself with four of the models on the couch.
 * The second had his team win a prize of a day golfing with Trump and Christie Kerr. After Trump offers a thousand dollars if a certain shot could be made, Bren came very, very close (in fact, the closest) to doing it--and nearly getting the astonished Trump to pay up.
 * Season 5 had Sean Yazbeck and Lee Bienstock out in California as part of their prize--to do voice auditions for the animated movie Over the Hedge. (Sean would try out for and be cast as "Barbecue Barry" while Lee became "Lunch Table Larry.")

Lord Sugar
"Liz: I'll take that...
 * In series 6, Lord Sugar asked Liz Locke to stop saying she would "take that on board". A few minutes later:

Lord Sugar: [Eye Take]

Liz: [Stammers and falls silent]"

Nick Hewer
"But when she started taking her shoes off and moving into a sort of slow rhumba, then we really knew we were in trouble... it was like a cold steel hand round one's sphincter as one watched Rachel perform her dance. It was horrible."
 * Having given just broken the news that one team have massively overspent on fragrances, Nick cheerfully remarks "Anyway, I'll leave it with you," and takes his leave.
 * That whole scene is absolutely priceless. The way Nick waits until they've sealed the last box before he casually asks them what they think they've spent is just pure evil.
 * In the "Worst Decisions Ever" special, his description of Rachel Groves's presentation:

"Stuart’s leadership style leaves me trembling with irritation. Who does he think he is?"
 * His summary of Stuart Baggs' time as project manager:

Others
""And Melody runs a business, which...unsurprisingly, is all to do with talking.""
 * Simon. Trampoline.
 * A rare moment of snark from Tom Pellereau:

"Margaret Mountford: Just one final question: What would you like to tell me about yourself... and try and say it without clichés, and say it very quickly.
 * From the Series 7 finale:

Jim: About me, I'm Exactly What It Says On the Tin.

Margaret: *Face Palm*"

"Leon: There is App-roximately twelve hours to get this App done.
 * An exchange of complete groaners during the App task in Series Seven suddenly veered into this:

Jim: Are we fast App-roaching where we need to be?

Leon: (Shaking his head) This is App-solutely fabulous.


 * All Laugh*


 * Beat*

Vincent: Did you have an App-le?


 * Deathly Silence*"

"Lord Sugar: I might remind you of Sid James, but I didn't ask you to go out and make Carry On Boozing! I was expecting any moment, Kenneth Williams would walk in and say "Ooh, maître d', where's me Grandeur? Someone's nicked me Grandeur!""
 * The timing doesn't come out well in a transcript, so here is the clip (2:15 into the video)
 * In the English sparkling wine task in Series 8, Tom and Adam were so enthusiastic in their "product research" that by the end of the first day of the task, Adam was reduced to giggling fits while pulling a face that would be Nightmare Fuel if the situation weren't so hilarious, while Tom couldn't even remember what exactly it was they were supposed to be advertising. Despite this, they actually won the task, thanks to...
 * Jenna's hilariously awful video for the other team, which depicted a bride being given champagne at her wedding, and then throwing a massive tantrum because she wanted English sparkling wine, followed by team-mate Stephen (who also came up with the very French name "Grandeur" for their English sparkling wine) giving an incredibly sexist and condescending voiceover. This led Lord Sugar to comment on their video thusly: