Clarence's Big Chance



Clarence's Big Chance is a platformer made by Pseudolonewolf of Fig Hunter games. In it, you play as an ugly 35-year-old virgin who lives with his parents. However, recently, through an online dating site, he found a girl willing to date him! This is his titular "big chance", and he can't afford to mess it up. The game revolves around Clarence going through humorously over-the-top adventures to accomplish everyday tasks, such as getting dressed and going to work. Interestingly, though there are lots of things to do and each area is quite large, most of it is optional, and can be sped through quickly if the player so desires. However, how much you explore and what items you obtain heavily influence the outcome of Clarence's date.

The game is split into four main areas; Clarence's house, where he must prepare for the day and find the front door keys to get out; the suburbs, where he must travel to work; the workplace, where, depending on how many tasks he does, Clarence can be either promoted or fired; the city streets at night, where Clarence must buy gifts for his girlfriend; and finally the date itself, which consists of a long Dialogue Tree revolving around impressing Clarence's girlfriend. Depending on how well you perform, you will receive one of five endings.

Unlike Pseudolonewolf's other works, there is little in the way of actual plot development, and more of a focus on over-the-top comedy and humour. Expect near-constant Lampshade Hanging of typical platformer conventions and the absurd situations of the game itself.

Play it here. -

"Executive: Crawl around, little ants! One day, daddy's gonna stand all over your faces and make him bum-loads of sweet dough! You know it!"
 * Absurdly Spacious Sewer
 * All Girls Want Bad Boys: Subverted. Some of the NPCs do, and Clarence's girlfriend might, but more often than not, she won't.
 * Apathetic Citizens: Clarence's coworkers, Played for Laughs. One even stands around impassively while the room is on fire.
 * Asteroids Monster: The computer virus, which is the closest thing the game has to a Boss Battle.
 * Better Than a Bare Bulb: Due to the game's parodic and humourous nature, Pseudolonewolf is able to hang even more lampshades than he usually does.
 * Casanova Wannabe: Clarence.
 * Collision Damage
 * Corrupt Corporate Executive: Parodied.

""While submerging yourself in water is fine and dandy, you wouldn't want to get bonked on the head with a nasty water droplet! That kind of thing causes injuries, you know. And death." Programmer: Whatever maniac decided to give [the office supplies] real, beating, flesh-and-blood hearts was sadly mistaken when he said they'd only cause them to be more loving!"
 * Cool Shades:
 * Cyberspace
 * Dating Sim: At the end.
 * Dialogue Tree: During the date.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Some of the signposts act like this. See also Lemony Narrator, below.
 * Driven to Suicide:
 * Everything Is Even Worse With Sharks
 * Everything Trying to Kill You: From office supplies to water droplets. Also lampshaded, in both cases.

""Like so many cyberland characters, Clarence, you can rejuvenate your vim by devouring the hearts of your fallen victims. Go on. Give 'em a scoff to fill up your lovely heart points and stave off death for another day.""
 * Face Palm: Clarence's girlfriend will do this if he performs badly enough.
 * Goomba Stomp: Lampshaded and justified; Clarence is so heavy that he crushes enemies by jumping on them.
 * Goomba Springboard
 * The Grotesque: Clarence.
 * Hit Points: You can restore them by eating literal hearts. Lampshaded;

""Sometimes, space just all like warps in on itself, y'know?""
 * Ice Cream Koan: One of the dialog choices during the date is "You're like a summer breeze blowing in the wind". Selecting it makes your date think you're poetic.
 * Interchangeable Antimatter Keys: One of the few tropes the game doesn't lampshade.
 * Jump Physics: Lampshaded.
 * Justified Save Point: Televisions store a copy of Clarence's soul whenever he walks by them, apparently.
 * Leet Lingo: Clarence and his boss talk in chatspeak.
 * Lemony Narrator: It's one of Pseudolonewolf's games, so this is pretty much a given.
 * Lost Forever: Generally averted, as you can return to previous levels through the interdimensional hub. However, whatever you do, do not eat the burger for breakfast, as it will give Clarence permanent bad breath . (That is, unless you kill yourself before walking through a door or past a television, in which case you will be reset to a point before you ate the burger.)
 * Mercy Invincibility: It actually lasts for quite a while.
 * Metroidvania: Sort of. Though the game itself is very linear, each level is very open and full of secrets.
 * Multiple Endings
 * Nintendo Hard
 * No Name Given: Subverted with Clarence's girlfriend. She does have a name in each game -- one picked randomly out of a possible three. There is no official name for her, however.
 * Noob Cave: Clarence's room.
 * Path of Most Resistance
 * Poison Mushroom: The hamburger. It will give Clarence "breath like an ogre" and make him look fat, which will cost you a lot of points at the date section.
 * Scary Scorpions
 * Shout-Out: The plumber enemies look very similar to Mario. The narrator even tells you, "Just don't let them near any mushrooms and you should be fine."
 * If you get the best ending, it is actually a reference to the other guy. Clarence himself is the 'Mario' based upon how his sprite moves. The girlfriend also looks a little like Pauline.
 * Stupid Boss: Clarence's boss may well be, given that he talks in chatspeak and that Generic Company in general seems rather incompetent.
 * Sunglasses At Night: If you get the promotion, Clarence changes into a swanky business suit, complete with sunglasses.
 * Super Not-Drowning Skills:
 * Temporary Platform
 * Understatement: Parodied in the Worst Ending. "Clarence was slightly distressed by the outcome of the date."
 * Wrap Around: Some pits will do this. Lampshaded, of course;

""Looks like Cuddles, your cat, is free of its regular confinement! Why not put the fluffy bugger out of its misery of coexistence with you, you heartless monster? Go on, just hop on its skull. It'll crack like an egg.""
 * You Bastard: Parodied.