Lame Comeback

"Scott: This band sucks.

Monique: That's what they'll be saying about you on Sunday.

Scott: At least I... wait... something... you... insult..."

- Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

In a situation where the usual tropes call for a clever rejoinder, sometimes the absence of one can have the same effect (as far as the audience is concerned).

Related to Comeback Tomorrow, except here there is no comeback.

Also see Dissimile, Metaphorgotten and Buffy Speak for different kinds of subverted verbal setups. See Your Mom, Big Stupid Doodoo Head and No You for straighter examples.

Truth in Television, you know who you are.

Comic Books
"Scott I... but... it's... not... it's totally... it's... y...you're not the boss of... me?"
 * Scott Pilgrim is the king of this trope.

"Scott: This band sucks.
 * Later:

Monique: That's what they'll be saying about you on Sunday.

Scott: At least I... wait... something... you... insult...

Ramona: Scott, that was not a good comeback.

Stephen Stills: That was actually not bad for Scott."

"Scott: Shut up, you... guy...
 * Even later:

Wallace: Better comebacks, Scott!"

"Scott: C'mon, man, dish! Got any embarassing stories?
 * This also happens to some of the Evil Exes, like Matthew Patel in the first volume...

Matthew: Your Mom is an embarrassing story!"

"Scott: I don't like you.
 * ...and Todd Ingram in the third volume:

Todd: Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

Scott: ... Huh?

Todd: Because you'll be dust by then.

Scott: ...?

Todd: Because I'm going to pulverize you sometime this weekend. And the cleaning lady, she... cleans dust. She dusts. And she has weekends off, so Monday...

Envy: What the hell are you talking about?"

Film
"Jesus: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
 * Singin in The Rain: "I make more money than... Calvin Coolidge... put together!"
 * The Big Lebowski contains an example that, due to the Dude's sheer unflappable laid-backness being combined with Jesus Quintana's over-the-top arrogance, turns this trope into an artform, to the point where Memetic Mutation has in fact made this an actual comeback that is successful:

The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just like... uh... your opinion man."

"Richard Hayden: Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
 * In Tommy Boy, after Tommy sets a bag of M&M's on the dashboard and they pour into an open slot:

Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.

Richard Hayden: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it.

Richard Hayden: Are you talking?

Tommy: Shut up, Richard."

"Mal: You want to run this ship?
 * In Funny People, George is verbally abusing Ira . Ira -- having put up with all the shit he's willing to take from George by this point -- proceeds to completely demolish the other man and basically pegs him as a pathetic, bitter, self absorbed and self loathing man who even if he had everything he ever wanted still would find some way to fuck it up and be completely miserable because he doesn't even know how to be happy himself, much less inspire it in other people. Faced with this verbal assault, George's comeback -- that Ira isn't funny -- is exactly as pathetic as it sounds. And unfortunately, Ira has a comeback for that also.
 * From Serenity:

Jayne: Yes!

Mal: Well... you can't!"

"Samson, pitifully: I'm really angry now. You know what you are? You're a big poop."
 * In Hook, Robin Williams as a grown-up Peter Pan when he engages in the verbal duel with Rufio.
 * He quickly develops his own successful brand of insults, though. His opponent, Rufio, is eventually reduced to calling him "You stupid... you stupid man!"
 * Hercules Returns - Urses mocks Samson, trying to provoke him into a fight to see whether or not he's faking the loss of his strength. Samson's response?

"Brick: Where'd you get your clothes...the...toilet store?"
 * Brick Tamland, from Anchorman, has a few of these.

"Kip: Your mom goes to college!"
 * Napoleon Dynamite has tons of this.

"Harold: Shut up, cock-boy.
 * And the original statement wasn't even directed at him. Or even an insult.
 * In Shallow Hal, after Jason Alexander brags that he is "bigger", Hal takes about 8 seconds to respond "Yeah, bigger than a mouse's". Jason calls him out on taking too long; that's why it's called a "quip", not a "slowp".
 * In Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, towards the end, when Harold confronts his two co-workers.

Co-Worker: Cock-boy?

Harold: Yeah, cock-boy. You're just stalling for time because you're not quick enough to come up with a comeback.

Co-Worker: You don't think I'm quick enough - he doesn't think I'm quick enough. Well I got news for you! I AM quick enough... Cock-Boy!"

"Bertie: "What's the difference between a guy telling Manta jokes and an asshole? There is none!""
 * Manta, Manta from Germany. The main character who drives an Opel Manta and becomes the Butt Monkey of a radio moderator who tells Manta jokes all the time. Finally, he gets revenge when he breaks in at the radio station and has the opportunity to say his opinion on the radio.

Literature

 * In American Psycho, when somebody calls the protagonist a "fucking yuppie", he responds: "Hey... You may think I'm a really disgusting yuppie but I'm not, really."
 * Kate's banter tends to be hit-and-miss. When she's on her game, she's pretty witty. When she's off-balance, her inner monologue and the people around her are perfectly willing to point out how embarrassed she should be.

Live Action TV
"Captain Rum: Aaah, courtiers to the Queen, you're nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl!
 * Black Adder did this a couple of times despite usually being very good with a comeback.

Blackadder: Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl" than a... git!

Captain Rum: So you do have some spunk in you!"

"George: Only the other day, Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger, and it wasn’t until ages later that I thought how clever it would have been to have said, "Oh, bugger off, you old fart!""
 * In Black Adder The Third, George combines this with Comeback Tomorrow, because he can't even think of a lame comeback on the spur of the moment:

"Girl: I'm leaving. Call me when you decide to grow up!
 * From Friends, when Chandler is in a fight with his girlfriend:

Chandler: Well don't expect that to happen anytime soon!"

"Joey: (while playing football) Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
 * Chandler, despite being known for his sense of humor, has a lot of these:

Chandler: Hey, well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! ...Or something about you that's mean!"

"Jackie: Lobster face!
 * In the That 70s Show episode "Eric's Depression" Eric and Donna have a shouting match (it was shortly after their breakup) in which Donna calls Eric a dillhole. Eric's response is to call her a "double dillhole". As soon as Donna leaves he berates himself for saying something that stupid.
 * In the episode "Eric's Hot Cousin":

Donna: Little Red Riding... Bitch!"

"Donna: Eric, my sunburn will fade, but your shame will last forever.
 * In the same episode:

Eric: Yeah well, at least my shame won't... peel."

"Ruby: It's called witchcraft, shortbus.
 * From Supernatural

Dean: You're the shortbus... shortbus."

"Hank: Hey, hey - you like your job?
 * The Larry Sanders Show: Hank is guest-hosting the show and letting his ego get out of control. Phil, the head writer, isn't impressed.

Phil: No.

Hank:... Well watch it."

"Beiste: Do not get up in The Panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelette.
 * Glee: Shannon Beiste. Her comebacks are actually so lame that they leave her rival Sue speechless.

Sue: [whispering to herself] That doesn't make any sense..."

"Sam: Can I just say I was the one who was in trouble? I was the one under siege, it was my picture in the paper and I don't know why I need to call you and explain myself.
 * The West Wing has this a couple times, one when Sam meets Mallory after she dumped him following his whole 'being-photographed-with-a-callgirl' scandal:

Mallory: It was a picture of you and a callgirl.

Sam: Oh, like there aren't any pictures of you and a callgirl.

Mallory: No. There aren't any pictures of me and a callgirl.

Sam: ... Well, that's a crime."

"Josh: Let's do this: find out what her problem is, solve it and then, I don't know, do something else.
 * Also on The West Wing:

Donna: You're the reason there are term limits.

Josh: Yeah? You're the reason... Nothing. Nothing's happening. Nothing's there."

"Tim: This is something that I've always wanted! You have things you want - you're always going on about going to Asia and seeing the Taj Mahal.
 * Spaced, when Tim and Daisy are arguing about Tim's desire to get back with his unfaithful, selfish and manipulative ex-girlfriend, who has made overtures to him:

Daisy: I do want to go to Asia! I do want to see the Taj Mahal! The difference is, the Taj Mahal didn't sleep with its boss behind my back and break my heart!

Tim: Yeah, well... it might if you go to Asia."

"Daisy: "We don't have a tumble dryer..."
 * Tim makes another lame comeback after claiming Daisy's dog, Colin, will eventually grow up to savage the man repairing the tumble dryer:

Tim: "You will my friend, you will...""

"(Sheldon's phone rings) Leslie: Don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel committee letting you know you've been nominated as Dumbass Laureate of the year.
 * Lyle's inability to come up with a decent comeback is what drives his romantic interest in a recent episode of Kingdom
 * In The Big Bang Theory:

Sheldon: Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!"

"Ronnie: I'm going to contact the authorities!
 * The Monkees: Famous line by Micky (who often mixes up his words).

Micky: ...You do and I'll be sorry!"

"Cordelia: Here's a chocolate... (realises it's Buffy) Oh, I don't think I need the loony-fringe vote.
 * Requisite Buffy the Vampire Slayer example:
 * In "Out of Mind, Out of Sight" Cordelia is giving out chocolates to drum up votes to become May Queen.

Buffy: Well, I don't even like chocolates! (to herself) Okay, that was the lamest comeback of our times."

"Buffy: Let's be realistic Willow, your basic spells are usually only about 50/50.
 * And this one...

Willow: Oh yeah? Well... so's your face!"

"Spike: Back off Betty.
 * In "Superstar" reality is changed so Buffy is overshadowed by another superhero, affecting her confidence and therefore Deadpan Snarker skills.

Buffy: It's Buffy, you big bleached...stupid guy."

"Elaine: You’re a salesman now - and the high-five is.. it’s very grease monkey.
 * The plot of an episode of Seinfeld was George trying to come up with a good comeback to use on a guy who burned him. All he could come up with was "The jerk store called, and it's running out of you." He's so proud of this that he travels to a city he doesn't want to go to, and makes an ass of himself again, just so the guy will insult him again so he can make this comeback. After all that, the guy deflects it in two seconds with "why should they worry when you're their main supply?"
 * In the episode, "The Dealership", Elaine criticizes Puddy (her boyfriend) for constantly giving the high-five to people:

Puddy: What did I tell you about that?

Elaine: I’m sorry, but the high-five is just so stupid.

Puddy: Oh yeah? I’ll tell you what’s stupid. You. Stupid.

Elaine: Well, that is really mature.

Puddy: Yeah? So are you.

Elaine: Huh?

Puddy: You’re the grease monkey."

"Bob Fossil: Hey Moon. What are you supposed to be, Zorro on gay night?
 * From The Mighty Boosh:

Howard: ...

Bob Fossil:... Nice comeback.

Howard: (after Fossil leaves) Uh, yeah well... your uniform is too tight and you look stupid!"

"Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron?
 * From Lost, in one of the instances where Hurley gets tired of Sawyer's nicknames:

Hurley: Shut up, red... neck... man.

Sawyer: ...Touche?"

"Phil: The best comeback I ever came up with was, "You're right, I'll work on that.""
 * In the Better Off Ted episode "The Impertence of Communicationizing", Phil laments his lack of ability to insult people:

"Sam: Hit it, Fred-Weiner!
 * House has a combination of this and Comeback Tomorrow here.
 * In I Carly, Freddie isn't very good at comebacks for Sam.

Freddie: Sure thing, Sam... jerk."

"Echo: You're so corny.
 * In the finale of Dollhouse:

Paul: You're...fat!"

"Dr. Cox: Look, newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital knowing only one thing -- and God save me, it looks like there's a real chance that might happen -- please let this be that one thing: I'm in charge, and I don't care about your opinion. Now [whistles] go get me a cup of coffee.
 * In the Scrubs "My Butterfly":

J.D.: [thinking] Whatever. Just avoid the shoulder bump, catch the elevator, and make a great wise-ass remark before the doors close!

J.D.: Hoohoo, hey, Dr. Cox, if you're so smart, maybe you should just... go ahead and be the... you're the kind of... [elevator door closes] Oh, dammit!"

"J.D.: I know all about the war.
 * In the episode "His Story IV":

The Janitor: Really? (takes out a globe) Point to Iraq.

J.D.: Why do you keep a globe on you janitor cart?

The Janitor: In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint. It's not the country shaped like a boot.

J.D.: (points to a country) That's Iraq.

The Janitor: That's China.

J.D.: You're China! (walks away)

The Janitor: ...That's an outrageous accusation."

"Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because, I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middleweight annoyance crown!
 * J.D. also claimed at one point to have a comeback for every situation. Unfortunately, this comeback was always "so's your face".
 * Occurs twice in the same conversation here.

J.D.: Well you're the number one jealous... w-weight, for the... jealous weight, jealous... ch-champ.

Dr. Cox: HE'S DONE IT! HE'S DONE IT! DORIAN'S THE MOST! ANNOYING! MAN! IN THE WORLD! Who would have ever thought? A Journeyman annoyer like Dorian...

J.D.: (As Dr Cox is leaving the room) You were a close second."

"Topanga: I can't believe you said that to me, you stunted little whiny brillo-head!
 * In the Boy Meets World episode "Honesty Night", Cory and Topanga pretend to be mad at each other in front of Shawn, and when they trade fake insults Cory proves he's not very good at ending them:

Cory: Oh yeah, well you're a short little nasal voiced blimpo lipped... so and so! (whispering) I need more time."

Opera
"White: I...I can't think of anything with I...
 * An embarrassing scene in the opera Le Grand Macabre, by Gyorgy Ligeti, has the White and Black Ministers calling names at each other -- in alphabetical order. It starts out strong with "Ass-kisser" and "Bloodsucker", until:

Black: I can't think of anything with J...Kidnapper!"

Professional Wrestling

 * Dave Batista became infamous for saying to CM Punk, "Yeah, well...you're a punk!"
 * SPEAKING of Batista, there was that hilarious time where Batista was to face The Great Khali for the world championship, and Khali was demonstrating his strength by crushing a basketball in his hands. Batista's response was, "Basketballs... don't hold grudges! Basketballs don't wanna knock your teeth down your throat! And you're not gonna be in the ring with a basketball Summerslam for the World Heavyweight Championship!"
 * Kurt Angle in the WWE, when he was still on his square American Hero persona.

Radio
"John: Here, Barry, I'll tell you something interesting.
 * In Hello Cheeky, John Junkin gets one of these to Barry Cryer.

Barry: Why change the habit of a lifetime?

John: I'll have you know, I'm taking repartée classes.

Barry: Alright, let's hear your witty repartée, then.

John: Uhh... ...shut up. ...I start classes tomorrow."

Theater
"Keating: Oh, no, they sent the Doctor to get us,
 * Keating: The Musical has an epic one during Paul Keating and John Hewson's debate on the GST (Keating's insults are based on actual comments in parliament:

It's like being flogged with warm lettuce

And cabbages, the feral abacus

Come to savage us, he must be ravenous, ravenous!

Mr. Mediocrity from the Bunyip Aristocracy

The Member for Wentworth should be in bed

He's like a lizard on a rock, alive but looking dead

Old Dozy knows when I've got him

He always turns around when I drop one on him

It's something he can't psychologically handle

Him and his band of constitutional vandals

Drones and pansies, frauds and mugs,

Blackguards, harlots, pigs and thugs,

And your mindless, stupid, foul-mouthed grubs,

You couldn't even raffle a chook in a pub.

Your barnyard bullies, crims and ghouls,

Dullards, dimwits, clowns and fools and born-to-rules,

Over here we're born to rule you

Your dishonest crew, you almost make me spew.

Loopy intellectual hobos,

Brain-damaged dummies and desperadoes,

Harebrained hillbilly cheats, cheats, cheats

(They'll always be cheats, cheats, cheats)

Useless motley corporate crooks and clots!

Stunned-mullet rustbucket boxheads!

Scumbags, and alley cats!

You wanna fight back? FIGHT BACK! FIGHT BACK FROM THAT!

Hewson: Oh, you bloody... your mom's a... bitch!"

"I will have such revenges on you both,
 * Shakespeare manages to make this one heartbreaking in King Lear:

That all the world shall -- I will do such things --

What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be

The terrors of the earth."

Video Games
"Teammate: You had -3 kills and 41 deaths!
 * Master Chief in Halo uses these a lot in the Master Chief Sucks At Halo videos (loadsa swearing):

Master Chief: Your Mom had -3 kills in bed last night."

"Saddler: Perhaps you are disillusioned with overconfidence just because you killed my small-time subordinate?
 * Leon Scott Kennedy in Resident Evil. One could pity Big Bad Saddler for being Affably Evil and having to laugh at those...

Leon: Saddler, you're small-time!

Saddler: Oh... hahahahahaha! Writhe in my cage of torment my friend."

"The Spy: I never really was on your side.
 * The MMORPG Kingdom of Loathing includes a mini-game called Insult Beer Pong, in which you have to respond appropriately to various insults (e.g., if your opponent says "When I'm through with you, you'll be crying like a little girl," you say "It's an honor to learn from such an expert in the field"). But you can't just start with battle; you have to research the insults and comebacks. So you grab The Big Book of Pirate Insults, get into fights with various pirates, insult them at random from the book, and learn various witty comebacks, which are then available for you during the match. If a pirate can't think of an insult, he'll stammer out something like "Yeah? Well... so's your face!" - and there are five possible Lame Comebacks for you to use during the match (if you want to lose), including "Stop waving it around like a featherduster!" - an extended reference to Monkey Island.
 * In Team Fortress 2, the Sniper has a domination quote in reference to the Spy:

The Sniper: I was never on your side either! ... Wanker!"

"Rick: "Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down. Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.""
 * As mentioned above, the "insult swordfighting" in Monkey Island is based not around actual fencing ability, but about being able to come up with clever comebacks to your opponents' insults to gain advantage in the duel. There are a couple of stock lame comebacks - "I am rubber, you are glue" or "Boy are you ugly!" - which don't work on any insult. In later games, "how appropriate - you fight like a cow!" goes from being a legitimate retort to Guybrush's go-to Lame Comeback whenever somebody insults him.
 * In Portal 2, during the Final Boss fight, if you let Rick the Adventure Sphere talk long enough, he will eventually ask if you have a "Cool Line" prepared for when you kill . After some unsuccessful attempts to think one up himself, he will try to invoke one by asking Chell to get   to say "You two have been a thorn in my side for long enough!", reminding you to do so as he is plugged in. Once all three cores are plugged in and the final part of the fight starts up,  's dialogue will have now changed slightly to include Rick's setup line word-for-word. Rick then delivers his "Cool Line". It's... a little underwhelming.

"Desmond:(stereotypical Italian accent) Ey, what's-a-matter you Altair?
 * Assassin's Creed Brotherhood:

Rebecca: That's racist!

Desmond: You're racist!"

"Rick: (after hearing Doctor West's Motive Rant): "Yeah, well... Fuck you."
 * In the remake of Splatterhouse (made worse by the fact that the villain had something like 200 years to think carefully to an appropriate comeback:

West: "No, Rick! Fuck you!""

"Leng: You're still slow, Shepard!
 * During your final battle with Kai Leng in Mass Effect 3, he tries taunting Shepard. Shepard throws it right back at him, and his comeback line reeks of lame.

Shepard: I'm only slow because I'm not running! You ran at ! You ran on !

Leng: Sh...Shut up!"

Web Comics
"Hitlerella: Oh my, did you just make a sweeping generalization that all Germans have masculine features? What about Heidi Klum? She's German.
 * This strip from The Non Adventures of Wonderella:

Wonderella: So's Your Mom.

Hitlerella: Um, YES? Wait, did you just actually say that?"

"Black Mage: What did you THINK I meant every time I said I was going to burn the world?
 * The Villain Protagonists of Eight Bit Theater (Black Mage in particular) are quite prone to this, such as in this installment:

Red Mage: Who cares?

Thief: Yeah, you're a weiner. You couldn't burn a match.

Black Mage: Yeah, well... Your face... is ugly. Shut up!"

"Angus: Does that mean you're gonna wash [your hair] more than twice a year now?
 * An amusingly awkward attempted comeback by Marigold in Questionable Content:

Marigold: I'll- I'll wash you more than twice a year! B-because you're a stupid jerk! Who smells!"

"Rice Boy: You aren't very helpful, Bor.
 * Rice Boy:

Bor the Very Large: Uh-huh, well - you aren't very large."

"Aliph: I T WOULD PAIN ME GREATLY TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE KILLED BY A RECKLESS ADVENTURER'S BLOODLUST FOR REVENGE... F OR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE THAT YOUR IMMATURE DECISION DOESN'T RESULT IN YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S DEATH.
 * In DMFA, Aliph Soulstealer (a.k.a. Dark Pegasus) goes on a rant that starts here, continues here, and ends here with the following exchange:

Kria: Yeah, well... You're a buttface."

"Cleo: I'm gonna warn you, my character has crazy good range.
 * Bobwhite. Ivy and Cleo are competing in a videogame:

Ivy: Your face has crazy good range. From ugly to... super ugly.

Cleo: Hee hee. I love when they do the little victory dance.

Ivy: I love your face when it's ugly. Which is all the time."

"Kin: Minmax! Stop throwing your clothes into the hole!
 * In Goblins, Minmax is notoriously bad at witty banter.

Minmax: I haven't thrown anything into the hole yet! You're the one throwing craziness into the hole 'cause you're craz... No, wait, you're... You're throwing... Yourself... No. Wait. You're... Yeah! Yeah! You're throwing yourself into the crazy hole!

Beat

Minmax: Heh. Burn."

"Vaarsuvius: And how would your cunning master plan have accounted for the fact that Durkon would have required 5000 gp worth of diamonds as a material component to power the Raise Dead spell?
 * The Order of the Stick, "A Minor Glitch": Belkar berates Vaarsuvius for saving his life and thus ruining his Thanatos Gambit, pointing out that Durkon could have just cast Raise Dead on him immediately afterward. After Vaarsuvius points out a minor flaw in the plan, Belkar utterly fails to come up with a comeback.

Diamonds, I hasten to add, that he does not, in fact, possess?

Belkar: Well, uh...

Obviously, I would have...

Beat

Belkar: SHUT UP!"

"Monica: Maybe that'll shut you up, idiot!
 * Brooke "Aphrodite" Lennox Rival Angels is a ditz. The following exchange is just one of many, many examples:

Brooke: You're not smart!"

Web Original
"Simmons: Suck it, Blue!
 * Red vs. Blue has a lot of these, despite the fact that the initial insults are hardly clever themselves.

Caboose: No, YOU suck it... Blue..."

"Washington: You guys are the most immature soldiers I've ever met!
 * From Reconstruction:

Grif: Your face is immature!"

"Church: Wow, that guy's dumber than you are.
 * And Lampshaded once or twice:

Tucker: You mean he's dumber than you are.

Church: Wow, Tucker. That was a classy comeback."

"Dear strong bad,
 * From Homestar Runner:

Can you please write a book about

come-back jokes!

Mike

Canada

Strong Bad: More like, you write a book about come-back jokes, NERD!"

Western Animation
"Professor: Marge, it's statements like that that make people think women are stupid.
 * From The Simpsons;

Marge: Well, it's statements like that that... are mean!"

"Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
 * A better one comes from Sideshow Bob:

Bob: I'll stay away from your son alright. Stay away... forever!

Homer: Oh no!

Bob: Wait a minutes, that's no good. (Leaves, groaning in frustration. Hurries back a moment later.) Wait! I've got one now! Marge, say 'Stay away from my son' again!

Marge: No!"

"Dwight: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
 * Futurama:

Fry: No, I'm... doesn't!"

"Giant Douche: I would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent. He is a turd sandwich.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants engages Sandy in a name-calling contest until all he can come up with is "not-wet person".
 * South Park, episode "Douche and Turd":

Turd Sandwich: You're a turd sandwich."

"You're a towel!"
 * Also, Towelie

"Flash: Mirror Master!
 * JusticeLeagueUnlimited episode "Flash and Substance":

Mirror Master: You're quick as ever.

Flash: Yeah? Well you're... you're not really all there!

Mirror Master: Oh, nice try. If you had another minute you'd probably think of a decent comeback."

"Flash: While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take some time and reflect on your mistakes! Hey, that was pretty good."
 * He does come up with a better one after the battle:

"Nightwing: You're nothing but a hack, McGinnis!
 * There was one in the Justice League episode "Brave and the Bold" when Gorilla Grodd gets snippy with Flash and he responds with: "Oh yeah? Well, you're... naked! (he shrugs to Solovar behind him because he knew it was lame). The more hilarious part is that the comment was actually pretty funny.
 * This 'Marvel / DC' spoof:

Terry McGinnis: You got issues, Dick.

Nightwing: No you're the... issues person."

"Fei Long: You've got sloppy and weak, you've never had fallen from this move before!
 * A classic from Street Fighter: The Animated Series:

Look at you! You've ignored your training, and have turned against all of your friends!!

Ken: And you! You're a loser!!!"

""Don't you fretranize me!"
 * Daria: Kevin and Brittany get into one of their weekly arguments; before stalking off, Britney snaps at him,

Kevin: "...You think I don't know what that means? I know what that means!!""

"Barry: So don't try to do anything stupid.
 * Pretty much everyone on Archer, running as it does on Realistic Diction Is Unrealistic and parodies of the Bond One Liner.

Archer: I don't have to try. [Beat] Shit. Whatever. Move."

"Magikoopa: Hey, watch where you're goin', ya egghead!
 * From Super Mario World:

Luigi: Who's an egghead, eggface!?

Magikoopa: You are! [turns Luigi into an egg] So, whaddaya have to say now, egghead?"

"Abe Lincoln: Who dares disturbs my slumber?!
 * From Robot Chicken:

George Bush: Who dares question my... daring of his..dare... Jerk!"

"Matt Damon: Hey, Ben, Armageddon ready to kick your ass!
 * From an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch:

Ben Affleck: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not gonna save your privates, Ryan!

Matt Damon: You really are dumb, bro."

"Chris: Good luck getting home.
 * From Dan Vs "Canada":

Dan: Good luck being stupid.

Chris: Well, good luck... you're stupid!"

"Barry: Where's the jerk who calls himself 'The Tick'?!
 * The Tick:

The Tick: *I* am that jerk; who wants to know?"

"Meatwad: Your belt is stupid.
 * Invader Zim is not very good at comebacks: "GO HOME AND SHAVE YOUR GIANT HEAD OF SMELL WITH YOUR BAD SELF!"
 * On Aqua Teen Hunger Force, after the Mooninites acquire the Foreigner Belt:

Err: Oh yeah, well your face is stupid!

Meatwad: Oh, good one. You really got me."