The English Patient

"All I desired was to walk upon such an earth that had no maps."

- the English Patient

A 1992 novel by Canadian author Michael Ondaatje. The book opens in an abandoned villa in World War Two Italy, where Hana, a Canadian army nurse, cares for a man referred to as the English Patient. He refuses to reveal his identity, but his speech and mannerisms indicate that he's an Englishman (his status as a patient is considerably less ambiguous, given that he's being treated for critical burns all over his body). Hana and the Patient are joined by David Caravaggio, a Canadian thief who knew Hana before the war, and who worked as an Allied spy until he was captured and maimed; and Kip, an Indian Sikh who's one of the best sappers in the British army. The story sprawls out non-linearly, digging into each character's backstory, with running themes of nationality, nationalism, and the Power of Love.

Made into a 1996 movie directed by Anthony Minghella. It cast Juliette Binoche as Hana, Ralph Fiennes as the "English Patient", Willem Dafoe as Caravaggio, and Naveen Andrews as Kip. The film was a box office hit, earning $231,976,425 in the worldwide market. It has earned the distinguished pop-culture status of being "That movie Elaine bitched about in that one episode of Seinfeld." Both versions won a bunch of awards, most prominently the 1997 Oscar for Best Picture.

Provides examples of

 * A Father to His Men: Lord Suffolk. Especially for Kip.
 * Anachronic Order
 * Battleaxe Nurse: In Caravaggio's interrogation scene.
 * Bedouin Rescue Service: How the Patient survives the plane crash. Not that one, the second one.
 * Booby Traps: The villa is full of bombs and mines left by retreating Axis forces.
 * Cultured Warrior: Lord Suffolk.
 * Cut Himself Shaving: The Patient's excuses for the scars Katharine gives him.
 * Dead Little Sister: Hana's father and Lord Suffolk.
 * During the War
 * Fake Nationality: In the movie, Juliet Binoche (French) plays Hana (French-Canadian); Willem Dafoe (US American) plays Caravaggio (Canadian); and Naveen Andrews (English) plays Kip (Indian). Ralph Fiennes, who plays the title character, actually is English.
 * Geeky Turn On: The Patient realizes he's attracted to Katharine when she reads aloud from Herodotus. Of course, the story she chose to read was rather apropos...
 * Heroic BSOD: Kip, towards the end, when he learns about . Hana and Kip have slightly toned-down versions in their backstories as well.
 * Hey Its That Guy: The Green Goblin and Sayid meet in a villa where a nurse cares for Lord Voldemort.
 * Historical Domain Character: The Cliftons, Almasy.
 * Ho Yay: The Patient's description of the young Bedouin boy; more subtly, his relationship with Geoffrey Clifton.
 * If I Can't Have You: Geoffrey Clifton takes this to an extreme.
 * Important Haircut: Hana cuts off her hair shortly after she starts work as an army nurse.
 * Love Makes You Crazy: Well, everybody involved in the Patient's affair with Katharine was already a little crazy, but their romance pushed things over the edge.
 * Love Triangle: The Patient's affair with Katharine Clifton. Either a Type 7, as labeled on the Triang Relations page, or a Type 8.
 * Malevolent Architecture: The Villa, in a justified example; the retreating Nazis booby trapped every place they could.
 * Murder The Hypotenuse And The Legs: Geoffrey Clifton's solution to the love triangle: attempt to take out the Patient, kamikaze-style, with Katharine aboard the plane.
 * Named After Somebody Famous: In-story; "David Caravaggio" is implied to be a pseudonym, which he lampshades, mentioning Caravaggio's painting David with the Head of Goliath.
 * Shell Shocked Veteran: Most of the characters, in one way or another, especially Hana and Kip.
 * Slipknot Ponytail: Done with Kip's topknot.
 * The Film of the Book
 * The Power of Love: One of the recurring themes is the ability of love to transcend national boundaries in wartime. The result isn't always pretty.
 * Villain Protagonist: The Patient, arguably, once we learn that . Not to mention the unrepentant wrecking of the Cliftons' marriage (though some people would agree with his behavior there).
 * Where Are They Now Epilogue: A very brief one showing.
 * Wire Dilemma: Part and parcel of Kip's work as a sapper; most prominently when defusing the bomb in the villa courtyard.
 * World War Two