Freud Was Right/Real Life



""What did you have in mind when you were designing it?" "A big dick!""
 * Shift the letters in "Freud" up the alphabet by three. You get the word "Cobra", which can itself be viewed as a euphemism for a penis. Your mind is now blown.
 * Tentacles.
 * Colonoscopies.
 * The Florida State Capitol Building in Tallahassee, Florida, is one immensely tall center building, flanked on both sides by smaller domed wings, giving the entire capitol complex the look of an erect penis and a pair of testicles when seen straight-on (and in order to prevent people from seeing it straight on, strategically placed trees were planted all around its base... giving it green pubic hair, unfortunately). In Florida, the building is often referred to as "Askew's Erection", after the governor who authorized the capital building's construction.
 * The film "Manfast", set at the University of Central Florida in Tallahassee, is a sex comedy about a group of college-age women who dare each other to abstain from sex. The film opens with a long helicopter shot over the Florida Capitol Building that emphasizes its phallic nature.
 * May have been intentional in the film, but the University of Central Florida is in Orlando. Florida State University is in Tallahassee.
 * Geographically, the state of Florida does somewhat resemble a you know what.
 * "Florida? But that's America's wang!" "They prefer the Sunshine State."
 * Cex, "Florida [is shaped like a big droopy dick for a reason ]"
 * What does that make the Bahamas?
 * Semen.
 * Georgia and Alabama?
 * I Read That As "PERVERT" instead of "PREVENT". Ironically, it still kinda works.
 * Spoof interview on radio with the supposed architect who designed Toronto's CN Tower.

"To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands": If it's longer than it's wide, then it's a phallus! clap clap! If it's longer than it's wide, then it's a phallus! clap clap! If it's longer than it's wide, when you turn it on its side, if it's longer than it's wide, then it's a phallus! clap clap!"
 * For reference, this is the CN Tower. Why, that hardly looks suggestive at all. Incidentally, it was preceded by about 10 years by the Skylon Tower, which is much shorter, but also much closer to the Canada/US border. I'm sure this is all purely coincidence, of course.
 * The clock tower in a particular New England town is a bit too suggestive to be an accident. It has a frenulum, I tell you!
 * And it's called Willimantic.
 * John Hancock's Grave.
 * He must have thought his name was too good not to make this joke.
 * This bridge.
 * The Nebraska State Capitol. So blatant it's actually been called "The penis of the plains." The statue on top doesn't help matters at all.
 * Take a look at One Mellon Bank Center in Pittsburgh. It's the world's largest dildo!
 * How about 30 St Mary Axe in London? Its nicknames include the Erotic Gherkin, the Towering Innuendo and the Crystal Phallus.
 * The Washington Monument doesn't look like the guy.
 * It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton.
 * One word: Scandinavia.
 * The two euro coin used to look like this. Newer versions added Norway for the sake of ending the penis jokes.
 * Unsuccessful; it looks even more phallic now. Doubly phallic, actually, as the land part looks like a head-on view of a dick and the water looks like a side view of an erection.
 * This particular water tower in Ypsilanti, Michigan. It's like the architects were trying as hard (no pun intended) as possible to make it look phallic.
 * The Mull of Kintyre test used as an unofficial guideline as to whether a depiction of a penis was acceptable to the British Board of Film Classification or not. Anything that stuck out at a greater angle than this outcropping of land was unfit for release in the UK.
 * Obelisks.
 * Entirely intentional. In Egyptian mythology Geb and Nut, the earth and the sky respectively, were lovers and were constantly, er, together. Ra was understandably annoyed at this because it prevented anything from living and so commanded Shu, the air, to separate them. Therefore, obelisks were built to represent the earth's constant desire to rejoin the sky. Clearly, we can all learn many things from the Egyptians.
 * The earth and the sky, coming together? Indeed.
 * In the same vein, Karen Armstrong's book A Short History of Myth supports the thesis that farming—the union of sky and earth—represented sex and seeds represent semen. This made tenth grade English very fun.
 * At the main entrance to Converse College, an all-women's school in Spartanburg, SC, is a monument to the founder, a Mr. Dexter Edgar Converse. You would have to see it to believe it. It is nothing less than the frontal silhouette of a 20' erect penis.
 * This is what ANZ Stadium in Sydney used to look like. The jokes went on for the entire Sydney 2000 Olympics.
 * Even God's getting in on the suggestive imagery. This is a real photo of the Orion nebulae.
 * "And now we know how the Milky Way originated. Milk, yeah, right."
 * These Cake Wrecks.
 * Rhombic drive beta Stirling engine. 'Nuff said.
 * Animated Rhombic drive beta Stirling engine. Now enough has been said.
 * This hotel in Dnipropetrovsk, Ukraine.
 * Torre Agbar. If you say "See you in front of the giant cock" while in Barcelona, everybody will know what are you talking about.
 * That thing up top? Yeah, it's not a Photoshop, that's an actual artillery sound suppressor. The sides are expansion chambers for the sideways blast from the muzzle brake.
 * It was built and used at a German artillery training site, simply because the nearby villagers where annoyed from the sound. The unit was dissolved, rendering these obsolete and probably scrapped already. It reduced the sound by about 20Db.
 * When we're talking about weapons, some trebuchets. Especially the aptli-named "couillard" with its twin counterweights.
 * From the people who brought us I Can Haz Cheezburger: Things That Are Doing It.
 * Designer Donna Karan asked that her first perfume include the smell of the back of her husband's neck. However, the bottle, as seen from certain angles, would seem to suggest another body part.
 * Sports stadiums, especially if they're oval shaped, have pink seats, have night lights mounted on horizontal poles, and burly men frolic around inside to see who is best.
 * My, so many phallic symbols! Is there no love for the Pentagon as seen from above? Or maybe a pretty conch shell open just barely enough to see the smooth pink inside...
 * This inflatable children's slide.
 * The very existence of the geoduck clam is proof that even nature is vulnerable to this trope.
 * And the penis] fish.
 * Large Hadron Collider? I only just met her!
 * Stereotypical slash fans can come off as seeing Ho Yay in everything.
 * The existence of this Real Life section is itself an instance of the trope—so many people assuming that any object several times taller than it is wide must be a penis.
 * From Psychotherapy by Melanie: "A thing's a phallic symbol if it's longer than it's wide."


 * Mascot of 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta continues to be used very reluctantly to this day (to the point of omitting him in Olympic museum) thanks to media ridicule about it looking like a sperm.
 * You show me a man whose sperm looks like Izzy, and I will show you a very infertile man.
 * H.R. Giger—Take one look at his artwork and if you don't see penises, you're not looking hard enough.
 * Not every picture of his has a penis in it. Some have vaginas or fetuses instead.
 * Worms.
 * Hence why they are one of the Squickiest things to ever exist.
 * Asparagus, it even has a head on it.
 * Bananas.
 * Apples when sliced in half.
 * E. lageniformis f. monstrose is the envy of all other plants
 * Cooked mussels.
 * Plugs.
 * Knives, which penetrate.
 * Bottles.
 * A real-life example that has nothing to do with buildings. Recently an AP psychology high school teacher in Florida has found himself in hot water for quizzing his students with a set of questions laced with innuendo, aptly called the "Sexual Tension Quiz". This trope was actually the whole purpose of said quiz, as the whole challenge was to get past the innuendo and to the correct answers. Among those true answers: a nose, peanut butter, and a crane. Most kids with unrestrained TV and Internet access (or otherwise "innocent") would probably get those right within five minutes. Most parents were not amused.
 * The Sperm Whale.
 * The Dwarf Sperm Whale and the Pygmy Sperm Whale. (No, seriously.)
 * Nancy Pelosi handing the Speaker's gavel to John Boehner: This gavel, which is larger than most other gavels here...
 * Upside-down hearts.
 * Rightside-up hearts!
 * This man apparently has the maturity of a twelve-year-old boy, insisting that anyone who designs something the least bit rectangular or L-shaped will have to answer to God for their crimes against humanity. (The best part might be the end, when he says the cross is more powerful than the phallic symbol. Sorry, but have you looked at a cross?)
 * The most common password on computer systems, after sequences of numbers and the word "password" itself, is apparently "pussy". It's doubtful whether it's always (or even usually!) in reference to a cat.
 * In German, a nut is called Mutter, which litteraly means mother. So, there is the terminology to "screw a screw into the mother". This sounds extremely oedipal. (The use of the word Mutter in that context was even topic of the work of some german psychoanalysts.) Note: The word "screw" doesn't have that Double Endendre in German, so, in German, these connotations aren't as explicit as in English. Of course because of the form of a typical nut as a metal ring with a hole where a screw is put into, there is of course still a connection.
 * Three words. Texas. Blind. Salamander.
 * Ever looked to a handbrake?
 * Suggestive tomatoes.
 * The coco de mer, an endangered tree species from the Seychelles, produces the world's largest nut. Stripped of its outer husk, this nut bears a shocking resemblance to a woman's pelvic region, complete with buttocks, thighs, and pubic hair. Just to complete the picture, coco de mer trees can be male or female, and the male trees bear elongated florets that look remarkably phallic.
 * During a quiz show, german feminist Alice Schwarzer once criticized the showmaster Guenther Jauch because he wore a Necktie and she claimed his Necktie would be a symbol for his Penis.
 * The Massive Ordnance Penetrator. Granted, most bombs and missiles look pretty phallic, but this one gets bonus points for the name.