Sneakers/Funny

"Martin: How about a lunch? You can chaperone.
 * When Carl is trying to get a date with the female NSA agent at the end:

Abbot: NO!"

"Martin: Where'd you get the fifty bucks?
 * Carl tells Martin that he got the complete blueprints of their target building from the county recorder's office for fifty bucks.

Carl: Took it from Mother's wallet.

Martin: Good."

"Crease and Whistler: (as Mission Control) If you love him...
 * During a break-in, Martin turns around to see the girlfriend of the theft victim walking in the door. Mission Control (by Playing Cyrano) helps him lie his way out of the conversation... and then they nearly ruin it.

Martin: If you love him... if you really love him... then just keep on loving him. And never let him know that you know what he thinks you don't know you know... y'know?

Mission Control: And give him head whenever he wants.

Martin: And give him heh... help. Be a... be a beacon in his sad and lonely life.


 * girlfriend leaves*

Martin: Give him head?

Mission Control: Be a beacon? *bust out laughing*"

"Carl: I just want is her telephone number."
 * During the repeated blackmailing of Mr Abbot at the end of the film.

"Mother: I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.

Abbot: You Have Got to Be Kidding Me.

Bish: Oh, no, he's serious.

Moter: I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.

Abbot: We are the United States government! We don't do that sort of thing.

Bish: You'll just have to try.

Abbot: [sigh] I'll see what we can do."

"Crease: I have never taken my wife to Europe.

Abbot: I'm sorry to hear that. Give me the box.

Crease: You will buy me two round-trip, first-class tickets to Athens, Lisbon, Madrid, and Scotland.

Bish: Don't forget Tahiti.

Crease: And... Tahiti.

Abbot: Tahiti is not in Europe!

Carl: Excuse me. When you get the box, you give us geography lessons. Until then, this man goes to Tahiti."