Sonic in The Search For Love

After Knothole Village is destroyed due to the machinations of a traitor and most of the Freedom Fighters killed, Sonic the Hedgehog, heartbroken, sets out on a quest to root out the spy, prevent their next move in the conspiracy, and take his revenge.

Wait, that's not quite right.

Brace yourself.

After Sonic the Hedgehog has so much random sex he allows several hugely telegraphed and easily-avoided plots to go off without a hitch, he attempts to get revenge. This leads him to the suddenly-important town of Pouncefield, occupied by a whole bunch of characters you've never heard of and don't care about, wherein he meets his rival, the Sonic Master, and even more people to have sex with.

Popularized on a now-archived Something Awful forum thread, Sonic in the Search for Love is an enchanting tale of adventure. It attempts to avert Porn Without Plot by structuring an epic adventure of intrigue and eroticism starring Sonic and some other dudes. It begins to fail roughly around the point where Sonic "gets to this massive castle that is completely made out of cement, plywood and some other things" and pees on Princess Sally. NSFW, natch (and not for the light of heart).

Complete copies are difficult to locate, but the close-enough-for-taxes website hosts the Dramatic Reading series. Check it out here, if you dare. A nearly-complete text copy can be found here, though several chapters were posted on the original host website after this version of the file was uploaded.


 * Accidental Aesop: Sex addiction is a terrible thing. Get help.
 * Don't cheat on your loved ones, it only leads to heartbreak.
 * If time is of the essence and every second counts, it is a very bad idea to stop and have sex.
 * Don't use a chair leg as a marital aid.
 * Actually Pretty Funny: For what it's worth, some of Rotor's scenes are kinda funny.
 * A Day in the Limelight: One of the minor characters, Roy (not to be confused with his twin brother also named Roy), stands out by not being a total idiot in his short time as viewpoint character. He does his job on time, acts with professional courtesy, has sex in a manner that doesn't compromise his job, and even gets a pat on the back from the king for his efforts. Compared to everybody else, he is a freaking genius.
 * Anachronic Order: The text file for Sonic in the Search For Love starts with a first draft of the first chapter. Rather than edit earlier chapters when revising, he just interrupts the narrative with updated versions of the earlier chapters. This makes sussing the plot, which is also in an anachronic order, an absolute breeze. Reflected somewhat tragically in the audiobook versions, which don't capture some of the many changes to the opening chapter.
 * Arc Words: When someone "forget[s] all about the trouble in the world," they're about to get a new world of troubles because they had sex instead of addressing what's bothering them.
 * Always Someone Better: The Sonic Master wants to be the Minnesota Fats to Sonic, and has given up on his past life and name in order to beat him at his own game. He ties with Sonic in their first competition. There never winds up being a part two.
 * Author Avatar: Twice over, in the form of the Sonic Master (a Mary Sue) and the author himself, when Sonic and the Master show up at his town, visit his house, and have sex with him... yeah.
 * Author Catchphrase: "Drank it all down." Errggh.
 * Author Filibuster: The author occasionally pauses the story to deliver a short rant on the Sonic the Hedgehog games or how trolling people is bad. He also has a sort of mini-blog at the end of each story.
 * Beige Prose: The writing is very bland, understated, and mechanical, even during sex and outrageous acts of violence.
 * Brother-Sister Incest/Twincest: The ultimate goal of Edna Fox, and what Edward Fox tries to avoid, poorly.
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Sonic and the Sonic Master meet "Eric," the author of the fanfic. What does he want to do when he meets Sonic? Play "Freebird" with him in Guitar Hero, then have sex with him. Is yourself/your author avatar considered incest? Also in an infamous infodump where one of the characters casually mentions being molested by one of his friends in the middle of an introductory ramble.
 * Cast Herd: There's Sonic and company, the Sonic Master and company, Edward and company, Tails and Chuck and company, or Sally and company, from most to least important. If two groups intersect, the higher-ranking characters take precedence.
 * Conveniently-Common Kink: Let's see: corporophagia, ball trauma, bondage and domination... Must be something in the water. Given the source material's Internet reputation, it's startling even more depraved stuff doesn't go down.
 * Cruel and Unusual Death: Just for starters, Bunnie gets her cyborg bits amputated, then her head cut in half and decapitated. Other deaths tend to be as bad as the beige prose allows.
 * Dead Fic: The person who introduced SA to the fic was the author's roommate, and he posted it after accidentally finding the first draft file on his computer. One CD full of dramatic reading files later and the fic quietly closes up shop.
 * Depraved Bisexual: Everybody, including the author.
 * Developing Doomed Characters: We spend twenty minutes with Sonic characters before abruptly switching viewpoint to some jerks we don't know about and soon wish we hadn't.
 * Did Not Do the Research: You don't wear a tux to a funeral. Also, pretty sure that you can't orgasm after you die.
 * Cement and plywood are not common building materials for castles.
 * You can't survive for two weeks on nothing but waste. The Human Centipede was fed intravenously (and came out several years after this fanfic).
 * Idiot Plot: If anyone involved in this fanfic, for any reason, at any time, acted with a quarter of their canon intelligence or skill or power, they would have single-handedly derailed the author's story at any of a million points. Well, the Sonic characters, at least.
 * Everybody Has Lots of Sex: Yup.
 * Fetish Fuel Present: All sex, all the time, against all reason, is order of the day.
 * Fetish Retardant: We hope...
 * Funny Aneurysm Moment: The Sonic Master has every Sonic game except two: Sonic Heroes, "the worst Sonic game ever made," and "the new one that just came out on Xbox 360 and PS3."
 * Forgotten Fallen Friend: In the most cruel way possible. Sonic's girlfriend (in story, it's Bunnie) gets killed hideously. He describes her as "the only girl he ever loved" and states that when he gets to heaven he wants her to be the first thing he sees. Two chapters and several, several sex acts later, some random tart gives him a bee jay in a porno theater and he says "I had this felling [sic] I never felt before, and I think it love." Now that's cold.
 * Forgot I Could Fly: Borders on Reed Richards Is Useless, for everyone with powers. Sonic forgets he can run at Mach speeds, Tails never flies. When they do use their powers, they're at a significantly lower power level than usual to keep the Idiot Plot intact.
 * Food Porn: No, not literally (thankfully), but the author lays out some rather large meals for the protagonists, some of which sound pretty tasty.
 * Fridge Horror: All those weird new guys? Turns out they're characters from a "cub"-themed furry porno comic.
 * Gainax Ending: Accomplished without actually being trippy. The final chapter is simply about a trio of rabbit lads who have mildly sexual misadventures. Other than attending St. Lovejoy's and running into what are apparently Robotnik's changes to the school, they have nothing to do with any of the characters, have no impact on the plot, and don't even have names. The end.
 * Good People Have Good Sex: Massively averted!
 * Gorn: A hotel explodes and causes a rain of blood!
 * Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: A core problem, as several characters who are usually half-dressed or naked are described as... not. By chapter five everybody is clothed by default just to facilitate nudity. This is especially confusing in the first scene when Sonic (no clothes) and Sally (just a vest) "undress" articles of clothing they don't wear.
 * I Love the Dead: When Bunnie gets killed, Sonic sends her off by masturbating her to orgasm. Post-mortem. After her robotic lower half has been severed from her torso, her head severed from her neck, and her head split in half vertically. That... that's pretty impressive, I guess?
 * IKEA Erotica: Even at its most gruesome, the sex is written like an instruction manual for some kind of perpetual rape-and-piss machine.
 * Improbable Age: Not only does a junior high school student work at the porno store in the mall, he's employee of the month.
 * In Memoriam: The heroes pause by a graveyard to pay a tribute to a poster at the author's favorite forum. It's as poorly-written as everything else, but it's sad nonetheless. Then Sonic watches some porno.
 * Intimate Psychotherapy: The default response to mental trauma, e.g. one's dad getting killed, one's girlfriend dying because you too busy cheating on her to save her from incredible death, is for their friends to have sex with them "so they forget their problems for one night at least." This tends to backfire spectacularly.
 * Intro Dump: A bunch of the non-Sonic characters are all introduced at once in a rambling block of text that quickly airs out all their dirty laundry, including that one of the introductees raped the introducer, right in front of the people who would ostensibly like their secrets be kept secret and some of whom are carrying weapons.
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: The story brings together a bunch of Sonic characters and a bunch of non-Sonic characters. Not a chapter goes by that doesn't introduce even more characters.
 * Mary Sue: The Sonic Master has trained himself to equal Sonic in speed, is trying to exceed at everything Sonic can do, and further is a master programmer who single-handedly saved the Sonic the Hedgehog game series "from the brink of extension."
 * Mega Crossover: At first it's just Sonic and the internet porn comics. That quickly expands to include guest stars like Chip from Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers and, for some reason, Team Rocket from Pokémon.
 * Mood Whiplash: The story bounds between a dark and "serious" tone to impossibly long and raunchy sexual acts so fast and so often it's virtually impossible to take the story seriously.
 * Moral Dissonance: Pouncefield is nearly as bad as Yiffberg. There's even a porno store with porno theater in the mall, right next to the tuxedo rental place.
 * No Ending: The story was abandoned by the author and the last chapter has no connection with anything that's come before. Sorry if you're dying to know who would have won in the battle between Sonic Master and Sonic.
 * Porn Without Plot: Attempts to avert the trope only to remind us all why it exists in the first place.
 * Double Standard Rape (Male on Male) / Double Standard Rape (Female on Male) / Rape As Comedy: Hoo boy. Edward Fox is raped by his own sister and a "big black cat" friend of his. Edward finds the incestuous rape annoying and doesn't seem to be too bothered by his friend raping him on threat of castration. This story is rather cavalier with rape, in case you couldn't guess.
 * Ridiculously Human Robot: Uncle Chuck, despite still being a robot, has to eat, and still has all manner of bodily functions available.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: There's practically no punctuation, numerous misspellings, and several consistent malapropisms ("tong" for "tongue," for example). The only consistently apostrophied word is a proper name, Saint Lovejoy's high school.
 * Rule 34: Yes, we know, everything is someone's fetish, but... King Acorn and Dr. Quack? Tails and Uncle Chuck? Why, why, why?!
 * Show Within a Show: Sonic the Hedgehog comics and video games exist in-universe, and Sonic claims they document his actual adventures. Apparently the story takes place on Furry!Earth, and Mobius is some kind of weird little foreign country instead of its own planet. This gets really confusing when the protags drop by the author's house--as in "Eric," the author of the fanfic.
 * Senseless Sacrifice: When locked up by the One, Tails and Uncle Chuck survive the night by eating Tails's tails, which had been severed by the night's events. While it grosses out their ostensibly-hardcore torturer, you'd think they'd have to be locked up a little longer before turning to cannibalism.
 * Well, they'd previously survived two weeks entirely via corporophagy, maybe they just wanted a change of pace...
 * Sex Slave: Rouge is casually mentioned as Knuckles's "sex slave" with no particular judgment on Sonic's part. Uh...
 * Shout-Out: Combined with Don't Explain the Joke as the author references Saw and Grindhouse.
 * Special Guest: Several minor crossovers serve as Deus Ex Machina, including Chip from Rescue Rangers sabotaging Sonic's plane twice and Team Rocket inexplicably helping out Tails and Uncle Chuck in their escape. Gets particularly surreal when characters from the author's favorite internet hang-out start showing up.
 * Take That: The author kills off Big the Cat after an extended chapter where he was the main character, endearing us to his wholesome and harmless struggles.
 * Take Your Time: Invoked. Even when the fate of the world is at stake, characters tend to take their damn sweet time doing anything. Trying to warn someone that a tidal wave is about to destroy the village? Eh, plenty of time to, uh, "stop and smell the roses."
 * They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: An epic tale of revenge and grand adventure kneecapped by a strikingly limited definition of "epic" and a strikingly sex-centric definition of "adventure."
 * Two Lines, No Waiting: The fanfic has numerous storylines paced so there's always some action of all varieties.
 * Unfortunate Implications: Tom the Big Black Cat is a big black cat who raped one of the protagonists.
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight: After losing Knothole village, Sonic thinks every Freedom Fighter is dead. When one turns up alive, he notes it and goes about his business.
 * What an Idiot!: Friggin' everybody except this one guy.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: Why is Robotnik so interested in this one high school, anyway? Shouldn't he have bigger fish to fry now that the only people who could stop him are dead?
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?: Dr. Robotnik's ultimate plan after killing the Freedom Fighters and virtually guaranteeing he can conquer the world? Being slightly mean to high school students. His list of sins also includes listening to Sonic Heroes music and driving a Ford Geo.
 * You Keep Using That Word: During the introdump, numerous characters are described as "shy." All "shy" characters are trained swordsmen and martial artists, several are described as outspoken, and several have had sex in public. ...yeah.