Game of Thrones/Recap/S1/E05 The Wolf and the Lion

As dawn breaks on the second day of the tourney, Lord Eddard Stark, Hand of the King, comes down to visit the corpse of Ser Hugh of the Vale, slain the day before in a joust with Ser Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane. Ned is not only concerned over the body receiving proper treatment, but is curious as to how this boy Hugh, knighted only a few months ago, could afford a new suit of armor. However, Ned is soon distracted from his detecting by the news that Robert plans to enter the lists. Ned is able to dissuade him only by pointing out that all the knights in the kingdom will lose to him in the hopes of currying favor. (He's also too fat for his jousting armor.) Ned also gets another disquieting clue by noticing that Robert's squire Lancel is, of course, a Lannister, foisted on him by Cersei.

The next tilt shown is between Ser Gregor Clegane against Ser Loras Tyrell, called "The Knight of Flowers," by universal acclaim the prettiest knight in the Seven Kingdoms. He wins by riding a mare in heat, causing Clegane to have trouble controlling his stallion. Whilst Littlefinger and Sansa debate whether this makes Loras a Combat Pragmatist or a cheater, The Mountain deals with his recalcitrant horse by hacking off its head and then going after his opponent. He is stopped only by the intervention of his brother The Hound, and then the booming commands of his king. For his decisive action, Sandor Clegane is proclaimed the hero of the day.

On the eastern road, Tyrion is unbound and discovers that Catelyn is taking him to the Eyrie, ruling seat of her sister, Jon Arryn's widow Lysa, despite having announced ("often, and loudly") that they were making for Winterfell. The ragged party, including a sellsword named Bronn and a singer named Marillion, are almost immediately waylaid by one of the Mountain Clans of the Vale, and Tyrion first shows his Badass Bookworm side by beating one of them to death with a shield. Tyrion ends the battle in much better state than he began: no longer tied up, a bit of rapport with Bronn, and doubts planted in Catelyn's mind after he points out, correctly, that had he sent a mercenary after Bran, he would not have armed the man with his own blade.

At Winterfell, Bran plays Mister Exposition as Maester Luwin quizzes him on the major houses of Westeros. Bran's resentment over his now-Missing Mom comes out, but there's a spark of hope as well when Maester Luwin mentions that the Dothraki are excellent mounted archers. Theon, meanwhile, works out his resentments over his family issues by mounting Ros from behind. He's a hostage of House Stark and hasn't seen his actual family for more than a decade. This will be important next season.

Ned consults with Varys. Varys, as per usual, bears bad news: the king is in great danger and Eddard Stark is the only one who can save him. Varys, like the queen, has bided his time to try and get the measure of their new Hand, and Varys (at least) has come to trust him. He reveals that Lord Arryn was killed by a poison called "the tears of Lys," and implies that the poisoner was the former squire, Ser Hugh. When asked why Lord Arryn was killed now and not any time in the seventeen years of his Handship, Varys only replies, "He started asking questions."

Meanwhile, elswhere in the Red Keep, Arya is chasing cats as per her instructions from Syrio. It flees into a storage basement crowded with dragon skulls--hey, remember Viserys's ruminations last episode? There's the answer!--and then ducks into the shadows when two strangers walk by holding a cryptic conversation. It's Varys - and Magister Illyrio, the man who sheltered the Targaryen siblings in Pentos! Conspiracy! They recap what has happened so far with between the wolf and the lion, discuss whether Khal Drogo is ready to invade, and imply that Ned's sleuthing might put him in danger. Arya hurriedly returns to their house to warn her father -- and is mistaken twice for a boy in the process-- but can only recount bits of the conversation, since she didn't understand half of it, lacks the context for the rest, and didn't recognize the people involved. And while she manages to blurt out that they suggested offing him, that isn't really news to him. In the end, she is led away by Jory whilst Yoren, who was present for Catelyn's little kidnapping enterprise at the end of the last episode, drops in and updates Ned on what he saw.

Varys, meanwhile, goes on to have a conversation with Littlefinger in front of the Iron Throne, in which Baelish reveals he knows about Illyrio's brief visit and Varys taunts him with his knowledge of the weird fetishes Littlefinger's brothels accomodate, not to mention his lingering crush on Catelyn. Each has the other over a barrel, and both of them know it, but neither is able to act on their threats before real news arrives from abroad. "The WHORE is pregnant," Robert growls. The information is from Varys's spy, Ser Jorah Mormont, a slaver and a man of questionable repute, but Robert is too angry to be wise. He gives orders to have the Targaryens slain, and the small council falls in line. When Eddard sees that he will have no support, he resigns his Handship in protest, and departs the chamber with Robert's furious rants echoing behind him.

Catelyn's audience with her younger sister Lysa goes rather differently than anyone expected--except maybe Tyrion, who warned her that Lysa has changed since Catelyn last saw her. For one, Lysa is absolutely paranoid and is cowering in the Vale from perceived enemies. For two, her son is a spoiled and creepy brat--he's eight and she's still breastfeeding him. Lysa tells Catelyn that her letter was a warning, not an invitation... but now that she's got Tyrion, she accuses him of slaying Lord Arryn as well. ("Oh!, did I kill him too?" Tyrion replies with enviable sarcasm. "I've been a very busy man.") Tyrion is locked up in the sky cells despite Catelyn's protests.

And now: Distraction By Sexy! Loras and Renly have a Shirtless Scene! Loras is shaving Renly's chest! They're both petulant, whining and complaining about how unfair life is! Loras thinks Renly would be a much better king! Renly gets faint at the sight of blood! ...Seven hells, Loras is going down on Renly! Unlike the books, we're not gonna need Word of Gay about these guys any time soon! Boy, that's some noisy stuff going on down there! ...Sorry, where were we?

Whilst Ned packs furiously, Robert and Cersei fret over what to do if the Dothraki do invade, and the absolute PR disaster it would be. They then have a startlingly heart-felt conversation, toasting each other and 17 years' mutual resentment, and wonder whether they ever had a chance at making their marriage work. (The verdict: Lyanna says no.) As for Ned, he's distracted when Littlefinger offers to take him to "the last person Jon Arryn spoke with before falling ill." It's a whore, barely more than a child, who has borne Robert Baratheon's bastard baby. "She looks like him, don't she, m'lord? She has his nose, his black hair." Jon Arryn, when he came to visit, merely enquired into the health of the child; Littlefinger doesn't know why. But as they leave, a new problem emerges: the Kingslayer rides up with a score of Lannister guardsmen and demands the return of the Imp. While Littlefinger runs to summon the gold cloaks, the Kingslayer has Ned's three guardsmen killed. Wil and Hewett go down on the instant; Jory gives a good account of himself, but he's no match for the Kingslayer. But Ned Stark is, and the wolf and the lion go at it in a furious Sword Fight that ends only when one of the Lannister guardsmen, on his own initiative, stabs Ned through the thigh. The Lannister contingent rides away, leaving Eddard Stark in the street with his dead.

Tropes
"Lysa: These men are knights of the Vale. Every one of them loved Jon Arryn. Every one of them would die for me. Tyrion: If any harm comes to me, my brother Jaime will see that they do."
 * Absentee Actor: Emilia Clarke, Jason Momoa, Iain Glen and Harry Lloyd (Daenerys, Khal Drogo, Ser Jorah Mormont and Viserys Targaryen) do not appear, though their characters remain the subject of some heated debate.
 * Ascended Meme: In-universe example, the unofficial Lannister "words" (motto): "A Lannister always pays his debts." Tyrion says it and at a later scene, Bran mistakenly says it when asked for the House Lannister words (which are "Hear Me Roar".)
 * Badass Boast: Tyrion delivers one on behalf of his brother.

"Tyrion: The Eyrie. They say it's impregnable. Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes, I'll impregnate the bitch. Tyrion: ...I like you."
 * Big Damn Heroes: Sandor saving Ser Loras from Ser Gregor; Tyrion saving Catelyn.
 * Blood Knight: Just look at the smile on Jaime's face when he realises can hold his own.
 * However, when his enemy starts getting the better of the exchange, Jaime's smile starts turning into a scowl of rage and fear.
 * Call Back: Arya is chasing cats, which was mentioned in the previous episode to be her next lesson.
 * Cain and Abel: Sandor and Gregor. They even duel in this episode.
 * Crazy Survivalist: Lysa is distrustful of anyone coming to her husband's land, including her sister Catelyn.
 * Creepy Child: Lysa's son Robin. "Mummy... I want to see the bad man fly."
 * Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass:
 * Its clear that people consider the most dangerous thing about Tyrion is his acerbic wit... then they see him pick up a shield and promptly beat the hell out of a Tribesman, before bashing his skull in.
 * Ser Loras, the Knight of the Flowers, looks like a foppish parody of a Knight in Shining Armor... until he wins a joust through some underhanded tactics. According to Renly, however, Loras is already known as a skilled swordsman.
 * Deadpan Snarker:
 * Bronn. Tyrion approves.

""You have to give it to the Lannisters. They may be the most pompous, ponderous cunts the gods have ever suffered to walk the world, but they do have an outrageous amount of money.""
 * Renly, too.

"Renly: Such a shame, Littlefinger! It would've been so nice of you to have a friend. Baelish: And tell me Lord Renly, when will you be having -your- friend? (in reference to Tyrell)"
 * Littlefinger as well.


 * Establishing Character Moment: If you have any doubts about what kind of person The Mountain is, go watch the bit with the horse again. Sore loser, much?
 * Even Evil Has Loved Ones: When Jaime finds out about Tyrion's capture, he's furious and immediately starts making plans to get him back.
 * Exact Eavesdropping: Subverted; Arya does overhear a vitally important conversation, but since she's only eleven and the speakers are both cryptic and talking about international politics, she barely understands most of it. When she tries to relay it to her father she can't remember most of what was said and the message ends up garbled beyond coherency.
 * Eye Scream: death.
 * Fan Disservice: Seeing Lysa's breast exposed should be Fan Service, but it's while her son is being breast-fed. And her son's eight.
 * Not to mention that Lysa herself isn't exactly attractive.
 * Flynning: averted. The Jaime/Ned duel is in deadly earnest, and Coster-Woldau / Bean / their stuntmen must have come away with at least a few bruises, when one of them missed a beat and the other did what you're supposed to do in a Sword Fight: hit the other guy with your sword.
 * Hair-Trigger Temper: Ser Gregor Clegane's response to losing at a jousting match involves chopping off the head of his own horse and attacking the winner from behind in front of the King and hundreds of witnesses.
 * Honor Before Reason: Ned refuses to join Robert and the Small Council's decision to kill Daenerys and her unborn child since doing so would make them no different than the Mad King they toppled 17 years ago.
 * Arguably, also the Hound kneeling to the king... in the middle of a sword fight. Gregor nearly takes his head off as he drops. Loyalty Before Reason?
 * His kneeling actually saved his life, so this is more a case of Both Honor And Reason.
 * Insignia Rip Off Ritual: Ned does this with his insignia pin when he resigns as hand, after he disagrees with Robert about killing Daenerys. In episode six.
 * The Mentally Disturbed:
 * Let's just say Lysa has changed much since Catelyn last saw her.
 * And her son seems to be a little unhinged himself - he's eight years old, is still being breast-fed, and shows an unhealthy level of enthusiasm for "making the bad man fly".
 * The Mole:
 * Morton's Fork: Robert really enjoys taunting his squire. When Ned tells Robert that he's too fat for his armor, Lancel nervously joins in the laughter. Robert angrily asks him if he thinks jokes about the king are funny. When Lancel says no, Robert accuses him of insulting Ned by not liking the joke.
 * My Beloved Smother: Lysa. Breastfeeding your kid when he's 8?! Squickalicious.
 * Necessarily Evil: Why most of the Small Council supports Robert's decision to kill Daenerys. Even Grand Maester Pycelle, the wisest of them, thinks it might be necessary to save thousand of lives.
 * Never Trust a Trailer: The preview shows Tyrion talking about how his family will be looking for him, then the group getting attacked, and finally Tyrion smugly asking to be untied. In fact, the attack is a random group of barbarians, and that last clip happens before it, with Tyrion reasoning that he can't run away without dying in the wilderness.
 * Oh Crap: Catelyn's face when she realises that Lysa's off her nut.
 * Passive-Aggressive Kombat: Varys and Littlefinger have a bare-knuckled throwdown without even raising their voices.
 * Pet the Dog: Three moments where previously established Jerkass characters show that they're not quite as assholish as might have been expected: Sandor Clegane saves Ser Loras from his brother, Tyrion decides to save Catelyn's life instead of fleeing, and the whole conversation between Cersei and Robert late in the episode--where they're almost affectionate to one another.
 * Pragmatic Adaptation: Ned is hobbled by a spear through his leg rather than his leg being crushed when his horse falls on it, which would have been far more difficult to film (not to mention vastly more dangerous for both Sean Bean and the horse).
 * Really Gets Around: Robert has fathered an awful lot of bastards. One of them's an infant, and the mother (a prostitute) seems little more than a teenager.
 * Royally Screwed-Up: Lysa and Robin.
 * Shield-Bash: Tyrion takes down a man with a shield.
 * Snipe Hunt: Robert sends Lancel Lannister off to find a "breastplate stretcher." Sadly we don't get to see his efforts.
 * Stop Helping Me!: Variant: Jaime loves fighting, and he didn't appreciate a guardsman stepping in during his duel with . Related: The Mook doesn't understand the Duel to the Death trope and averts it. Jaime, being Genre Savvy, is so incensed he punches the Mook in the face.
 * Squick: Lysa Arryn breastfeeding her son while meeting with Catelyn doesn't sound so bad... until you realise the son is eight years old.
 * Tempting Fate: One minute after Tyrion mentions hill tribesmen will be attacking them soon. Guess who turns up momentarily?
 * What The Hell Robert?: Ned calls out Robert on ordering a hit on a pregnant Daenerys.
 * What You Are in the Dark: When the party is attacked, Tyrion briefly considers fleeing, but then comes to Cat's rescue, despite the fact that she and the party had taken him prisoner. Made somewhat pragmatic by the fact that Tyrion reasoned he wouldn't have survived had a ran away.
 * Wham! Line: A subtle one, gone so fast it can easily be missed. "Based on whose information?" ""