The Adventures of Willy Beamish



A Sierra Adventure Game from 1991 that ended up ported to Sega CD a year later. It tells the story of Willy, a typical '90s kid who is all set for the summer, particularly a Nintari game tournament. However, a last-minute bad grade gets Willy's gaming privileges revoked, keeping him from practicing. This little setback is minor compared what is to come as Willy tries his best to get to the competition.

Willy Beamish is very under-the-radar game if there ever was one, with very adult humor. If you should happen upon the game, count yourself lucky and give it a try.

""Oh my gawwwwwwwd! Daddy has been pink-slipped?!""
 * Adventure Game
 * All Just a Dream: The vampire babysitter,.
 * Animal Talk: Willy's dog Duffy can be heard speaking English now and then, as can Horny, Gigi and Turbofrog. They never try to communicate across species though.
 * Babysitter From Hell: Willy's babysitter turns out to be a vampire.
 * The "B" Grade: Willy has all A's and B's, but somehow, the C grade he got is a huge deal that he's afraid to show to his parents.
 * Big OMG:

"Sheila: "How are we supposed to make the mortgage and car payments? How are we going to pay for Brianna's gifted preschool program? Or the credit cards, or my facials, or my nail wraps?!""
 * Black Best Friend: Perry.
 * Bland-Name Product: Willy's Nintari console and portable Game Buddy.
 * Brand X: Slam Dunk Cola.
 * Bratty Half-Pint: Brianna Beamish.
 * The Bully: Spider lives to make Willy's life miserable and always extorts him for prized possessions.
 * Can't Get Away with Nuthin': Averted at first, then exaggerated later. Taking one ferry token from the fountain is mandatory to progress with the game. Taking a second token gets you instantly hauled off to jail for life.
 * Console Cameo: The Sega CD version changes Willy's Game Buddy to look like a Sega Game Gear.
 * Copy Protection: One of the later puzzles references a picture of a newspaper clipping detailing a hypnosis school that was only available in the manual with the game.
 * Corrupt Corporate Executive: The Tootsweet Corporation.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Awesomely, the Lemony Narrator is one of these.
 * Fast Forward Mechanic: On the inventory screen, the player can skip one hour at a time to get to key events. However, be careful not to skip too far before certain actions are taken, or you might get a Have a Nice Death.
 * Fission Mailed:.
 * Game Within a Game: Willy's Nintari has a Monster Squad cartridge in it that can be checked out via clicking on it. In the PC version, it's relegated to a cutscene of a generic monster-themed Mario clone; in the Sega CD version, it's fully playable and consists of a weird cross of Space Invaders and Tetris.
 * Guide Dang It: A few areas can be pretty frustrating.
 * Have a Nice Death: Plenty of them, although they're not "deaths", of course. At least most of them aren't.
 * "Haven't You Seen a Mature Woman Before?": Tiffany to Willy in her "rebellious" phase.
 * Hello, Nurse!: Literally.
 * Housewife: Sheila Beamish.
 * I Ate What?: During the vampire babysitter encounter as a Shout-Out to Lost Boys.
 * I Coulda Been a Contender: Stated verbatim in one of the It's a Wonderful Failure screens.
 * Instant Awesome, Just Add Ninja
 * Japanese Tourists:.
 * Karma Meter: Let it get too high, and it's off to Military School.
 * The Let's Play points out that occasionally, the "correct" answer is counterintuitive: for example, if you refuse to give your dog table scraps (which any dog-owning kid would reasonably expect his parents to disapprove of), he'll start acting up, and your mom yells at you; give in to his demands, and Sheila will express disapproval, but it won't affect the meter.
 * Loads and Loads of Loading: The Sega CD version, which even shipped with a screensaver known as "Laser Balls" that could be called up at will and played with while the game spooled up a new scene.
 * Love At First Sight: Horny for Gigi.
 * Midlife Crisis Car: Gordon's Grange Rover.
 * Military School: In one of the game overs you can get, Willy ends up shipped to a military school for the summer.
 * Moon Logic Puzzle: The final area, which has Willy running through the Tootsweet complex, has several computer terminals that have to be manipulated. You're not given very many hints as to what to DO with them though.
 * No Celebrities Were Harmed: Several. Notably, Leona Humpford resembles Leona "Queen of Mean" Helmsley.
 * Nonstandard Game Over: At one point in the game, you have to navigate a tram through some tunnels to reach the final area. One tunnel takes you to The Twilight Zone. Another takes you to one of the EmWay stations in Rise of the Dragon.
 * Point and Click Game
 * Punny Name: Louis Stoole is a plumber; think about it.
 * Sadist Teacher: Ms. Glass. Who is given a Gross Up Close-Up in the opening cutscene.
 * Scenery Porn: Lots of attention was drawn in the past to the fact that the backgrounds were drawn up by former Disney artists. And it shows.
 * Second Place Is for Losers: Surprisingly averted. You can continue the game as normal if you only manage to make second place in the Tootsweet Frog Jump, as its prize is $2500 (enough for the Nintari championship) as well as the jet scooter you need to progress.
 * Sequence Breaking: Willy can put off saving Horny from Humpford Manor in favor of going to the Golden Bowl Tavern and giving its owner the (winning) lottery ticket; Horny shows up in the cutscene anyway.
 * Serious Business: The annual Tootsweet Frog Jump offers $25,000 as first prize, and giving your frog Slam Dunk beforehand, or another frog flies, disqualifies you.
 * Shmuck Bait: Chances are if your job interview consists entirely of being asked whether you can handle making "obscene amounts of money" in an office with a "drop dead view", the offer isn't entirely above board.
 * Shout-Out: The game also has plenty of these.
 * Skewed Priorities:


 * Spirit Advisor: Grandpa Beamish.
 * Standardized Sitcom Housing: Despite not being a sitcom, the Bemish Residence matches most of the traits listed.
 * Stock Ninja Weaponry: The Japanese tourists will give you a smoke bomb and a shuriken as a gift..
 * Take Your Time: Averted. The game's events are driven by an In-Universe Game Clock.
 * Tomboy: Dana paints herself this way, and it works enough that Willy doesn't consider her a "girl" in the same sense he does his sisters.
 * Toilet Humor: Pretty much the entire scene with the school bully in the pizza place, from fart gags all the way to an exploding toilet.
 * Unwinnable by Design: This being a Sierra game, there are numerous ways you can leave something behind or otherwise screw things up.
 * Unwinnable By Mistake: During the sequence where you are trying to rescue your frog, the puzzle with Chef Childish is based on your system speed, so if your computer is too fast, you won't be able to complete the puzzle. MoSlo or DOSBox to the rescue here.
 * Valley Girl: Tiffany Beamish.
 * White Collar Worker: Gordon Beamish.
 * Xanatos Roulette/Evil Plan: Leona Humpford and Louis Stoole's plot to make the plumbers go on strike, interrupting Tootsweet's processing of sludge and bring Frumpton to their mercy while pinning the blame on their choice of Unwitting Pawn, a newly hired PR spokesman for Tootsweet... that being Gordon Beamish.
 * Yodel Land: Turbofrog and his owner Hans.
 * You Get What You Pay For: Willy and friends get a free pizza with a coupon. Unfortunately, it doesn't come with their choice of topping, and it gives Willy a bad case of gas that gets him in trouble with the school bully sitting at a nearby table. The girl sums up the situation with "you get exactly what you pay for...".