Cloudcuckoolander/Quotes

"Down the road I GO. I am Following MY fishie. La la LAAAA. Because my FISH knows WHere to GO. My FISh is the BORghal RANTIPOLE who I MADE look like a Fishie becaUSE I Am soclever AND I can DO things like that if I want.... la la la... I AMso Clever... LaLALAAAA... It KNOWS many THINGUMMIES. The BORGHAL Rantipole THAT is. And now it is INCONspicuous too as well... la la la... I am foLOWING my fish."

- Ladies and Gents, meet Delirium. The fact that all of this is the literal truth makes it even scarier.

"Delirium actually mistakes a goth-dressed human for her sister Death at one point. (Of course, it's unlikely any of the other Endless would mistake a human for one of their own, but Delirium and reality are not always on speaking terms.)"

- Some Troper on the A Form You Are Comfortable With-page

"Sometimes I forget what I was going to say. Sometimes I remember things everyone else has forgotten for ever and always. Does that ever happen to you?"

- Delirium, The Sandman: Season of Mists

"That is where corn chips come from. Hmm... Maybe ol' Professor Hardwood is onto something. He probably really loves corn. And all corn-related products. I mean, isn't that what you're supposed to put in a frame? Things you love? I'm gonna do that. When I'm get home, I'm gonna frame a bunch of stuff I love. Like lasagna. I LOVE lasagna. It's SO good. And cheesy. You know who else loves lasagna? Garfield. Man, that cat really loves lasagna. Maybe I should put a picture of Garfield in a frame. You know, as a kind of shorthand way of saying "I love lasagna." That would be so fucking inside. Or how 'bout a photo of President Garfield? Oh shit, that would be totally meta! People would be all like, "Jane, why do you have a photo of President Garfield on your mantle?" And I'd be like, "Because I like lasagna, of course.""

- Jane, while staring at a framed ear of corn, Smiley Face

"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"

- Fry, Futurama

"I pooped Styrofoam. It wasn't cotton-candy like that guy said it was."

- Brick, Anchorman

"You are not me! Hell, you're not even you, you idiot!"

- Shawn Michaels to Dude Love (Mick Foley), WWE Monday Night Raw

"Ahh! We're gonna die!...Wait, does it hurt to die?"

- Taro, Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories

"Chickens are part of the natural cycle of life, and that's why we use them to play chickenball in the house!"

- Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"I ain't got no job, my wife left me, bills pilin' up, I got child support, and I don't know if any of what I just said is true... but I believe it."

- Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Sometimes I think your train of thought is carrying a shipment of toxic waste."

- Ozy, to Millie, Ozy and Millie

"Chiyo: [Trying to work under a tight schedule] Oh, we're not gonna make it! Somebody turn back the clock before it's too lay-hay-hate!

Osaka: [Sets up a chair under the clock, stands on the chair, and reaches] Oh... I can't quite reach it!

Chiyo: Miss Osaka, please do some work!"

- Azumanga Daioh

"Black Mage: Where do you keep getting those posters?

Fighter: Aren't you going to ask how it's our lifelong dream when we just met Red Mage.

Black Mage: So you're actually aware that this makes no sense then?

Fighter: Yet we chase our dreams anyway.

Black Mage: Every day with you is an adventure I never wanted. Like swimming naked through shards of glass."

- Eight Bit Theater

"Fighter: But...wait. If we're giant-sized, then that means swords are no bigger than toothpicks to me! Toothpicks, BM, toothpicks! I can't very well go around saying "I like toothpicks", can I? It makes no dang sense! I'm a fighter, not a food stuck...toothing...guy! I don't eat corn on the cob, what do I need with toothpicks! No cob, Black Mage! Cob-less! The kids could call me "Fighter 'No Cob' McGee" and if McGee were my last name then it would be perfectly accurate!

[pause]

Black Mage: Are you quite finished?

Fighter: I was thinking I should run around in an idiotic panic."

- Eight Bit Theater

"I can extrude hair, but I can't retract it."

- Summer Glau, Xkcd: The Race - Part 5

"Homestar Runner: Hey, guess who I'm supposed to be!

Strong Bad: Um... Homestar Runner?

Homestar Runner: Hey, you got it! First try! Was it my star [shows off a paper star attached to his usual one] or propeller cap [bends over and shows off a second cap] that gave it away?

Strong Bad: It was your unbelievably loose grasp on the world around you.

Homestar Runner: Yeah, I guess I do have one of those."

- Homestar Runner, TrogdorCon '97

"Joey: Maybe my ruler was wrong.

Pheobe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong."

- Friends

"I need help. And a pony."

- Deadpool

"I can say 'chimichanga' in seven different languages."

- Deadpool

"So I was thinking... wait that doesn't sound right. What's it called when you lie down in water and there's all these foamy piles of bubbles on top of you?"

- The Wallflower Report

"Aeris: Do you even listen to yourself anymore?

Leo: I try not to. It breaks the illusion."

- VG Cats, #160, "Start the Reactor"

"I'm sure on some planet your style is impressive, but your weak link is: this is Earth."

- Chosen One, Kung Pow

"Church: So, how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?

Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.

Church: [Wearily] Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot..."

- Red vs. Blue

"I've come up with a great idea: Why not combine the services of both a priest and a barber? Beist sounds a little weird, so we'll go with prarber. Think of all the time you could save! Instead of driving to the church, sitting in a booth, and talking to some guy about all the things you've done wrong, you would do that, but you'd also get a haircut. I'm not really sure what kind of degree you would need, or honestly why anyone would want to do this, but it seems to me that it would be a great idea and a wondefull service to people. How many times have you been in confession and had to admit that one of your sins was denying yourself a haircut? (voice gets shakey) I don't know about you, but its been way too many times for me."

- Ninten, Ninten Speaks: Holy Barbers

"That was some quality playing there, courtesy of Raocow and friends. The friends are the many voices just kinda chillin' in my head... I don't hear them, but they're there."

- Raocow, "toot toot all about space lime"

"You know, that's what I hate about Centaurs. I mean it's all nice and good, yeah, you got the nether-regions of a horse, la-de-dah... but unfortunately they tend to screw up water physics a whole lot. I mean - whoooa! - stopping time is bad enough, and spitting bullets for no reason, but now adjusting water physics? When all you're really good for is being a tourist attraction? I don't know... I think that's a bit too much for my system of disbelief."

- Raocow, "Cave of Bubbles"

"I might be movin' to Montana soon

Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss

Raisin' it up, waxin' it down

In a little white box that I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't have no boss

But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss"

- Frank Zappa, "Montana"

"I was thinking what it's like to be abandoned and tortured and abused and forgotten. When your life is so worthless that your only degraded value to anyone is when your pain gives them amusement, and the person entrusted to care for you sees you as more disposable than used tissue.

But then I thought... "I wonder what it's like to fuck a butterfly?""

- Ragdoll, Secret Six

"Interviewer: As influential as he is, surprisingly little is known about Dan Halen's past. Even by his neighbors and employees.

Early: Yeah, I know 'bout Dan Halen. He was a ornery feller, chatterin' up inna tree all tauntin' like. Cheeks all puffed up with wallynuts and whatnot. I took aim at 'im with my pellet gun and blasted the tar outta him.

Interviewer: Are you sure you're not talking about that stuffed squirrel over there?

[Cut to stuffed squirrel on Early's mantle]

Early: Oh. Well, you might be right about that, now.

Interviewer: Is there anything you can say about Dan Halen.

Early: Ummm... Uh...

Interviewer: The man who's been your boss for the past 17 years.

[Long pause]

Early: Wally nuts. [Nods confidently] Blasted the hell out of 'im."

- Early Cuyler, Squidbillies

"Taquitos! And a clown with no head."

- Gir, Invader Zim

"I'm just gonna roll around on the floor for a little bit, 'kay?"

- Gir, Invader Zim

"Hey, look at that dust cloud. It's so... poofy.... Poof."

- Ty Lee, Avatar: The Last Airbender

""If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" Sun Tzu said that, and I bet he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it! Then he perfected it, so that no man could best him in the ring of honor! Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth! Then he herded them into a boat and beat the crap out of every single one! And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! ...Unless it's a farm!"

- The Soldier, Team Fortress 2

"Bluebottle: Have you ever been on holiday in Corsicas before?

Eccles: No, but I once made a dog kennel out of elastic.

Bluebottle: Oh! There's something to be said for these premium bonds then.

Eccles: (something incoherent)

Bluebottle: I think the government is very clever you know. I won 25 pounds in a premium bonds draw.

Eccles: What's clever about that?

Bluebottle: I never bought any premium bonds.

Eccles: (something incoherent)...and I made a hole in the front.

Bluebottle: What for?

Eccles: For the dog to get in and out.

Bluebottle: Ohh! That's nice for the doggie.

Both: That is nice for the doggie.

Bluebottle: I say Eccles, why are you not wearing any trousers?

Eccles: Well, it's lunchtime.

Bluebottle: Oh, what did you have for lunch?

Eccles: My trousers."

- Two Cloudcuckoolanders meet in The Goon Show

"Grune: My, I seem to have grown really strong.

Norma: Well, yeah, you have gotten stronger, but...

Grune: Everyone, you can count on me.

Chloe: For some reason, that's not really that comforting...

Grune: I'm going to give it my all. Charge~!

Chloe: ...Where are you going?

Grune: Oh? Where was I going?"

- This skit starring Grune from Tales of Legendia

"Some people think I'm bonkers, but I just think I'm free!

And I'm just livin' my life; there's nothin' crazy about me!

Some people pay for thrills, but I get mine for free!

Man, I'm just livin' my life; there's nothin' crazy about me!"

- Dizzee Rascal, "Bonkers"

"Hisao: What are you doing here this late?

Rin: I... I was wondering about that myself too. Just now. Some people asked that just before. I assume they were wondering the same. I didn't know. They didn't know either. I asked. That's why I'm wondering. So that was pretty much it. It's a murder mystery without a murder. ... They were going that way."

- Katawa Shoujo

"Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess. It's like that, but with human interaction. And even if I win, it feels like losing."

- Hisao Nakai, Katawa Shoujo

"You know, whenever she starts talking I think to myself, "Maybe this time it'll make sense." I'm always wrong."

- Andre Harris describing Cat Valentine, Victorious

"Why? Why does all this happen? People are doing things I don't ask for and don't want and everyone keeps getting angry at me, I have no idea what is going on anymore and can't stop feeling like I want to run away from everything... [shuts her eyes, breathes out, and opens eyes full of desperation] I have no idea what's wrong with me!"

-, Katawa Shoujo, a brutal, brutal deconstruction of the trope

"Kat: Why, what's she put you up to?

Shadow2: I'm supposed to tell you she's been kidnapped by evil dino-demons."

- Gunnerkrigg Court, about another of Annie's many "eccentric" plans to win back Kat's friendship in 3rd year.

"In the parlance of the 20th century, this is an odd-ball. His name is James B. W. Bevis, and his tastes lean toward stuffed animals, zetter-music, professional football, Charles Dickens, moose heads, carnivals, dogs, children and young ladies. Mr Bevis is accident-prone, a little vague, a little discombobulated, with a life that possesses all the security of a floating crap-game. But this can be said about our Mr Bevis: Without him, without his warmth, without his kindness, the world would be a considerably poorer place. Albeit, perhaps, a little saner."

- Rod Serling's opening monologue for "Mr. Bevis," The Twilight Zone

"Secretary: I don't know if it's a city or a state.

Both watch Giselle spin around in circles wearing a dopey smile

Robert: Maybe it's a state of mind."

- Enchanted

"And he was in this band Gypsy's Kiss, well they were, cause they couldn't handle this song. And they turned around and said "'Arry you know look at all these chord changes and time changes", as he's famous for, and I should know... come on, give us a break. So, he took the song to the band and they've gone, "Oi 'Arry, gypsy's kiss off will ya, I can't play that!" And he said, "Oi, I've had enough of this then, I'm gonna go find some people that can, so kiss you and all". So anyway that's what he did. Not kiss them, no, he did the other thing, you know, what it rhymes with... mm off. I'll say he pissed off, so there you go. Whatever. Now he went out and he formed a band, and um..uuh, 'Burning Ambition' was actually recorded late in 1979 and originally featured the original drummer in fact of... in fact I think there was one guy before him... but Doug Sampson was on drums in those days. Dave double tracked on guitars... you know, he double tracked and all... he doesn't have to though, does he? You know what I'm saying.

Well, ok, 'Running Free' as well was also the first art work from Riggsy... RIGGSY! Now you know I tell people I'm actually from another planet, you know, 'cause I'm a bit off the wall, well I'll tell you this boy OWNS the other planet, my goodness! No god bless him, he's a diamond guy. I love him, what an artist! He first brought Eddie into the first sleeve on this the 'Running Free' single, and Eddie if you remember rightly was standing in the shadows, you never really saw him. But uh, oh my goodness, he brought him out didn't he, on the first album all in his glory and splendour, Eddie comes out and go "yeeeah I'm here!" so watch out folks. Well there, what can you say about it? 'Running Free', it's a song the band still to this day plays, it's one of the truly great Iron Maiden songs, I mean not only just because it was their first single, but... what a crack."

- Nicko McBrain