Lost/Funny

"Charlie:That’s French! The French are coming! I’ve never been so happy to hear the French!"
 * From part two of the Pilot, when they first hear Rousseau's message:

"Kate: I know he deserved it but--
 * The 11th mobisode is a prime example.
 * Jack's "diagnosis" of Sawyer in "Deus Ex Machina". After asking Sawyer many embarrassing questions about his sex life and possible STDs, Sawyer storms off. Then this happens:

Jack: He needs glasses."

"Hurley: Dude, looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter."
 * And later, after Sawyer has found a pair of glasses that work:

"Hurley: "Dude, I know how it works. This is gonna end with you and me running through the jungle, screaming and crying. He catches me first because I'm heavy... and I get cramps.""
 * Also from Sawyer, the episode where Aaron stops crying when hearing his voice, eventually leading to Sawyer reading a car magazine to make the baby sleep.
 * "I collect soil samples."
 * Hurley had quite a few of them in Season 1. For example, when he and Charlie are burying, and he thinks the body'll become a zombie:

"Ben: Hello Hugo.
 * Hurley instinctively throwing a Hot Pocket at Ben.

Hurley: HYAA! *throws hot pocket at Ben*"

"Jack: How can you read?
 * Followed by Ben's subtle but awesome look of "Seriously, did that just happen?"
 * And who can forget in "Dave", when Hurley finally reaches his boiling point with Sawyer after he plays a cruel joke on him. A great fight breaks out as Hurley mercilessly drags Sawyer into a tent and punches him back with every nickname Sawyer ever gave him. The fight is finally broken up by Jin...after he spends a few moments watching all of this with utter delight.
 * When the tent collapses, and Saywer gets dragged back under with a look of horror on his face (from Hurley, no less), this troper was in stitches.
 * Sawyer pulls a bullet out of his shoulder with his bare hands, pauses, looks at Michael and says "Got a Band- Aid?"
 * Rose tells Jack where to stick his Catch Phrase: "If you say 'Live together, die alone' to me, I'm going to punch you in the face."
 * Even the usually pretty serious Jack(during a serious situation) has to admit it's a very funny line right away.
 * The untimely demise of Dr. Leslie Arzt. Here's some advice, kids: if you're talking about how dangerously unstable old dynamite is, don't wave it around.
 * "Dude... you have Arzt on you."
 * In the "316", Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun and Ben are all on a plane . The camera does a closeup on each of them, revealing them to be nervous, tense and worried. Except Ben, who's calmly reading a book.

Ben: (doesn't even look up) My mother taught me."

"Jack: What's going to happen to the other people on this plane?
 * This gets even funnier when you remember Ben's mother died in child birth, so in fact he's lying.
 * I think it's assumed by now that, if it's Ben speaking,then yes, he's lying.
 * You forgot this one:

Ben: (confused) Who cares?"

": Can I ask you something?
 * And just after 316 takes off, a cabin announcement informs the passengers that the plane's being flown by their old friend Frank, who happily exits the cockpit to say hi to Jack when the flight attendant tells him he's on board. "Small world, ain't it?" cracks Frank. Then he notices Kate...and Sayid...and Hurley...and Sun...and Ben...and looks back at Jack with an expression of dawning horror. "Wait a second," he says. "We're not going to Guam, are we."
 * Ben gets a number of these of moments. In the fifth season finale

Ben: (deadpan) I'm a Pisces."

"Dr. Chang: Your friend Faraday said that you were from the future. I need to know if he was telling the truth.
 * What makes these even funnier that these lines are Blatant Lies. Ben's mother didn't teach him to read because she died in childbirth, and he's not a Pisces because he was born in mid December. He just lies because it's what he does.
 * Wait... confusion over whether Ben was born in December or late winter you say? Have fun with that one, Wild Mass Guessers.
 * Though it's probably just Rule of Funny.
 * Heck, most of the things Ben says are enough to put you in tears of laughter. Listing them all would take far too long... Michael Emerson recently said that there were quite a few times where he delivered lines as if he was in a comedy, even though no one else seemed to be.
 * Pierre Chang quizzing Hurley to determine if he belongs in 1977 in "Follow the Leader":

Hurley: Dude, that's ridiculous.

Dr. Chang: What year were you born? What year?

Hurley: Uh... 1931?

Dr. Chang: You're 46?

Hurley: Yeah. Yes, I am.

Dr. Chang: So you fought in the Korean War?

Hurley: ...there's no such thing.

Dr. Chang: Who's the President of the United States?

Hurley: ... All right, dude, we're from the future. Sorry."

"Boone: That can't be a polar bear.
 * Made funnier by Hurley's earlier insistence that he didn't know who the president was in 1977 and would never need to know.
 * In the pilot, after Sawyer shot a polar bear:

Group: It's a polar bear.

Shannon: Polar bears don't live in the jungle.

Charlie: Spot on.

Sayid: Polar bears don't live near this far south.

Boone: This one does.

Sawyer: Did. It did.

Kate: Where did that come from?

Sawyer: Probably bear village. *annoyed* How the hell do I know?

Kate: Not the bear, the gun."

"Sawyer: Saw a guy lying there with an ankle holster. So I took the gun. Thought it might come in handy. Guess what? I just shot a bear!
 * And then a bit later in that scene:

Kate: So why do you think he's a marshal?

Sawyer: Because he had a clip-on badge. *shows it* I took that too. Thought it was cool."

"Miles: *handing Hurley his gun* Shoot me. Please. Please?
 * Miles' exasperation at Hurley's persisting complete lack of understanding of the fundamental principles of time travel in Whatever Happened, Happened:

Hurley: Ah-ha! I can't shoot you, because if you die in 1977, then you'll never come back to the island on the freighter 30 years from now!

Miles: I CAN die! Because, I've already COME to the island on the freighter! Any of us can die! Because this is our present!"

"Hurley's Mom: "Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch!?""
 * And Hurley's Summation in the S5 premiere, lampshading to hell and back the Continuity Lock Out masterpiece the series has become.
 * The part where Hurley is trying to get Sayid, who has been shot with horse tranquilizer, to a safe location manages to be hilarious, despite being tense. Like the part where Hurley puts sunglasses on unconscious!Sayid before going into the 7-11 to buy a large yellow t-shirt with a Shih-Tzu on it. Also, Hurley's mom once she finds Sayid on the couch:

"Hugo! Jesus Christ is not a weapon!"
 * Speaking of Hurley's mom, her reaction when he seizes a sold gold statue of Jesus to defend himself:

": See that back there?
 * Sawyer: "Oh, happy day! Here comes Dr. Giggles!"
 * Any time Ben is forced to talk towards the end of Season Five. Michael Emerson once said in an interview that towards the end of Season Five, he began to treat the show as his own private little comedy. It shows.

Ben: (complete monotone) It's a door. How bout that."

"Ben: For the fourth time, I was out picking mangoes, and when I found her she was already unconscious. Why are you assuming that I'm lying?
 * "Weirdest damn funeral I've ever been to..."
 * From the same episode: "Ben Linus, European history."
 * Used coffee filters go IN THE TRASH, PEOPLE.
 * Ilana: ... well, I laughed.
 * And just before that:

Ilana: Because you're speaking."

"It points north, John."
 * What does [the compass] do?

"FS Kate: Who died?
 * From the series finale:

FS Desmond: A man named Christian Shephard.

FS Kate: (chuckling) Christian Shephard? Seriously?

FS Desmond: Seriously."

"Jack: This is bad.
 * Ben calls Frank to see how the plane's coming, Frank curtly disconnects him. Ben: "Sounds like they're making progress."
 * "There's a lot of things I don't believe in, but I do believe in duct tape."
 * Hurley: "Kinda true, dude. He's worse than Yoda."
 * Sawyer had some great lines in the episode "The Last Recruit". Like saying Lapidus looks like a guy who walked off a Burt Reynolds set and later calling him “chesty.”
 * Sawyer in the episode "Recon": "Take me to your leader."
 * In the first season, when Hurley builds a golf course. This exchange of dialogue:

Michael: Yeah. I mean, I know what I would do, but... this has gotta be your call.

(So, you totally think they're talking about something really super serious, but REALLY...)

Jack: Okay...give me the seven iron.

(Yep, they're talking about golf clubs. Beedle-ee-bink-dee-bink, BOING.)"

"Jin: "I'm sorry." "You were right." and "Those pants don't make you look fat.""
 * Sawyer teaching Jin to say (in English) the only three things a woman should ever need to hear:

"Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron?
 * "We're not going to Guam, are we."
 * From "Tricia Tanaka is Dead":

Hurley: Shut up, Red... neck... man!

Sawyer: Touche."

"...Sounds like they're making progress." "Sayid: What was that?!
 * "DON'T BOTHER ME."
 * In the finale, when Sayid is waiting for Hurley in a van, and hears him suddenly open the trunk and throw something in:

Hurley: That was Charlie."

"Hurley: None of this is bringing back any memories, is it? You, me, tranquilizer gun...?
 * Or right before that:

Sayid: You're insane!"

"Charlie: I was shot by a fat man."
 * Later, in this same series of events, Charlie gets a great line.

"Miles Well, I lived in these houses 30 years before you did, otherwise known as last week."
 * Miles in 6x15 "What They Died For" noting the rather interesting sense of time the characters deal with.

"Therapist Tell me something you like about yourself
 * Hurley meets Miles, who immediately makes fun of his weight: "Oh, wonderful. The ship sent us another Sawyer."
 * Fridge Funny: go back and watch the scene in "Walkabout" where Michael asks Sun to babysit Walt through pantomime. It's completely hysterical when you know she understands everything he's saying.
 * "We have two giant hamsters running on a massive wheel in our secret underground lair."
 * Hurley takes a census, and is weirded out by Locke just saying he was in Australia "looking for something" and "it found me." Hurley then turns to a background extra and says "I know I already talked to you, but I need an excuse to get away."
 * On The 23rd Psalm, when Eko tells Charlie to climb a tree while searching for the Beechcraft, an irritated Charlie replies, What if I don't, you gonna beat me with your Jesus Stick?. This troper was in stitches when he said this.
 * In a mid season 1 episode, Boone saying that he doesn't feel comfortable in the jungle with a Red Shirt. Becomes a bit of a Funny Aneurysm Moment when Boone dies a few episodes later.

Hurley [...] I like... chicken.

Therapist That last one wasn't about youself.

Hurley I like that I like chicken?"

"Libby That's the third time we've been past that tree.

Hurley That's a ... different ... tree.

...

Hurley And we have arrived at the most amazing secret beach...

Libby Hurley, this is our beach. There's Jin. *camera pans over, Jin smiles at them*"

--
 * Charlie and his invisible peanut butter.
 * The entirety of Sawyer's feud with the boar in "Outlaws".
 * From the Jimmy Kimmel "Aloha To Lost" special, we have the Alternate Endings sketch, where the Lost cast partakes in hilarious Affectionate Parodies of Survivor, The Sopranos, and
 * Another moment from the special: When Kimmel asks the guests if any of them took an item from the show, Jeremy Davies (Daniel Faraday) starts to say how he took the skinny tie he was currently wearing from costuming, but Terry O Quinn suddenly pulls a knife out of his pocket, flips it open one handed, and calmly smiles while everyone laughs.
 * The first thing Jimmy says to Harold Perrineau (Michael) is "First of all, thanks for killing Ana Lucia."
 * The DVD commentaries lead to some hilarious moments as well:
 * On "The Whole Truth", Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse said that they're still waiting for the people who run the "Got Milk?" ads to offer to do one with the iconic image of "Henry" saying, "You guys got any milk?"
 * On "A Tale of Two Cities", Lindelof and Elizabeth Mitchell basically do a MST of the episode (they even point this out). Highlights include Jack's trophies, Dharma Initiative labels and French presses.
 * LA X, Part 1 is also Lindelof and Cuse mostly doing an MST. Honorable mentions on how Lost would be changed if it had swearing, Lindelof trademarking "tap the bomb", and a Frank Lapidus calendar.
 * On "I Do", Cuse mentions that Josh Holloway called him to rehearse the romantic scenes... and it just gets worse from there.