Galaxy Quest/Funny

"Jason Nesmith: What? What was that?

Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.

Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealing or something.

Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.

Teb: But the animal is inside out.

Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?

(BOOM!)

Teb: (not moving despite being covered in Ludicrous Gibs) And it exploded.

Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it EXPLODED?

Gwen DeMarco: Hold, please..."

"Jason Nesmith: You will go out there.
 * Also:

Alexander Dane: I won't. And nothing you can say will make me.

Jason Nesmith: "The show must go on."

Alexander Dane: ... Damn you. Damn you!"

"Guy:Wait, don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know! * inhales loudly and holds his breath*
 * And Gwen's indignation at having to go through the deadly corridor: "Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!"
 * Icing on that particular cake is that what the audience hears is quite obviously different from what she said.
 * "WHOEVER WROTE THIS EPISODE SHOULD DIE!"
 * When they've landed the shuttle, and Guy is at the height of his nervous breakdown while Fred goes to open the door:

Kwan: * sniffs a few times, exhales* Seems okay."

"Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.
 * Guy's breakdown itself, in which he appears to forget that he actually does have a last name:

Guy: I'm not? Then what's my last name?

Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh - -I don't know.

Guy: Nobody knows. Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

Gwen Nesmith: Guy, you have a last name.

Guy: DO I?! DO I?! For all you know, I'm "Crewman Number Six"! [Breaks down weeping] Mommy... mommy...

Alexander Dane: Are we there yet?"

"Mathesar: The medical quarters are to the left...
 * When the cast is first being shown around the ship:

Tommy Webber: What the hell is going on?!!?

Alexander Dane: Jason, what have you gotten us into?

Gwen DeMarco: I don't believe this, it's insane.

Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so CLEAN."

"Gwen: I mean, surely you don't think Gilligans Island is--
 * Especially funny given the 'screensaver' on the Special Features screen, of a Thermian sweeping and then licking a floor. Okay, he licks a finger that he rubbed on it, but essentially the same./
 * Even funnier knowing that Fred Kwan was played by Tony Shalhoub.
 * When the actors are first trying to explain that Galaxy Quest was just a show.

[chorus of mournful exclamations from the Thermians]

Mathasar: Those poor people."

"Kwan: Besides, *cackles* I just had an interesting idea.
 * Kwan's whole personality, especially given his later series.
 * Clearing out the control room:

Guy: Are you stoned?


 * cue rock monster*

Kwan: *watching Gorignak wailing on the alien goons with a beatific smile, one arm around Guy and one around his girlfriend, with identical expressions* It's the simple things in life you treasure."

"Jason Nesmith: Brandon, Brandon! ...it's all real.
 * Guy's reaction to Fred and Lailari's, er... public display of affection: "Oh! That's not right."
 * On the way out of the spacedock, Laredo manages to scrape the entire damn ship against the side of the docking bay. Everyone on the bridge cringes as an almighty "EEEEEEEE" echoes through the hull.
 * Also, after uber-fan Brandon has spent a solid 30 seconds explaining how he realizes it was only a show, and the whole thing was fiction...

Brandon: Oh, my God! I Knew It!!"

"A Thermian: Our most sincere apologies. We forgot about our appearance generators.
 * (Alexander, poor in tone but rich in self-loathing) "By Grabthar's hammer... what a savings."
 * This damage report (at 0m21s) from Tech Sgt Chen.
 * Then there was the aftermath where Chen got the engineering crew to group hug.
 * This takes place during the climax of the film when Sarris transports to the ship and starts killing off the crew, forcing Jason to activate the Omega 13. The camera makes a point of showing a close-up of the faces of all the main characters who get shot, and that the Earth is getting very big in the window: chilling stuff. But then, right before Jason pushes the Big Red Button to set off the potential universe-ending bomb, the camera show the Red Shirt right in the middle of the line of fire, still alive... after he's been complaining the whole movie about the fact that he's doomed. Plucky Comic Relief indeed!
 * When the crew are first beamed aboard the ship, every one of them is completely frozen in horror at what just happened. Except for Fred, who doesn't seem to be the slightest bit traumatized by the experience.
 * "That was a helluva thing."
 * Just before that is Guy's Delayed Reaction to being surrounded by the Thermians in their other, more alien forms.

Jason: You guys came! Who wants the grand tour?

Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ....ahhh!

Jason: ...anyone else?"

"Jason: Gwen, put me back on with Sarris.
 * Gwen: "My TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs, and how they fit into my suit!"
 * Sigourney Weaver playing a bimbo is one big CMOF in itself.
 * "There's a... red thingy... moving towards the... green thingy... I think we're the green thingy..."
 * After Jason barks out a series of orders to the crew and insults to the bad guy Saris, including 'he's as stupid as he is ugly' while Gwen is busy trying to get his attention...

Gwen: That's what I've been trying to tell you, you are on with Sarris.

Sarris: Perhaps I am not as stupid as I am ugly, commander.

Jason: [to Gwen] I gave you the 'kill' gesture.

Gwen: No, you gave me the 'we're dead' signal. I was agreeing with you. Like I know where the hold button is."

"Guy: Are we doing episode 81?
 * After everyone telling Guy he isn't going to die on the mining planet. The moment the children aliens kill one of their own, Gwen gets this golden line: "Let's go before one of those things kills Guy!"
 * And within a minute after Guy hears that line, the team starts thinking up a plan.... Like, oh, how about that one they did on episode 81? Guy turns white and interrupts the group's brainstorming.

Jason: [very irritated] It's just a rough plan Guy, what difference does it make if it's episode 81 or not?!"

Guy: Because I died... ON EPISODE 81!!!!"

"Guy: I don't know, look around, could you maybe construct some sort of rudimentary lathe, or something? *promptly dragged away from the communicator*
 * Jason and the rock monster: "Attack its vulnerable spot!" "It's a rock, it doesn't have any vulnerable spots!"
 * And the incomparable:

Jason: A lathe?! Get off the line, Guy!! "


 * "Alex, where are you going?" (Beat) "To see if there's a pub!"
 * A fangirl faints seeing Jason and Gwen kiss.