Shine On Me

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"Watching this video, you will wonder, briefly, if Chris Dane Owens "means it". This is an ungenerous thought--dismiss it. You may also wonder why "Shine On Me" is modelled on early ABC and Spandau Ballet and padded out with an unnecessary layer of loud guitars. Irrelevant. What you need to know is that Mr. Owens will live forever--until the dragons rule the earth again (or the first time, whatever)--and that you are going to watch this video more times than you can imagine. You may dream of this video, but the dream won't be as good because it won't be this video."

- ~The New Yorker

Shine On Me is a song by Chris Dane Owens (son of Laugh In star Gary Owens) from his album Blue Stone. An 80's love song made in 2008, under most circumstances it would just be thrown in the Guilty Pleasures pile without another look. But that was before Owens, armed with a budget that he's too embarrassed to admit, footage from other movies, a green screen, Robert Short and a Porn Stache, created an incomprehensible mess of a music video jammed with as many over-the-top fantasy cliches as possible.

And by "fantasy cliches", we mean all the evil sirens, dragons, explosions, assorted swashbuckling, stallions, fair maidens, floating fair maidens, glowing books, ghosts, goths, an electric guitar, sculpted body armour, sculpted body armor nipples, pirate ships, exploding pirate ships, a Legolas lookalike, a Dr. Doom lookalike, witches, hot witches in catsuits, spinning crystals, dragons, Stonehenge, awful bluescreen effects and an alligator. ... well, by now it's safe to say it's made of pure awesome. And cheese.

Was Cracked.com's #1 for the "6 Worst Professional Music Video" (of course Swaim ends up saying "Who am I kidding, this video is fucking amazing" at the end) and won The New Yorker's "Video Of The Year" award.

Not to be confused with Mr. Big's "Shine", which was the closing theme for Hellsing TV.


 * All There in the Manual:
 * My character is part of the witches kingdom, which is the second kingdom. I'm actually part of their army and an enforcer, a general, if you will. I meet that young lady Arra who is secretly being trained by the angels and they hand her a book. That book is the book of golden symbols which can only be understood by the spirit, by the living soul. She's being trained secretly to be the queen of this realm, to overthrow the forces of darkness. My character actually meets her and falls in love with her and decides to leave the dark side, so he has an epiphany.
 * Artifacts of Doom
 * Back From the Dead: Resurrection apparently involves ripping your shirt off while blinding light bursts out of your chest.
 * Badass Cape
 * California Doubling: Los Angeles doubles for Middle Earth.
 * Chroma Key: Abused like a bag of free heroin.
 * Cool Horse
 * Cool Sword: so cool, it actually looks uncannily like a Franklin Mint reproduction.
 * Cue the Sun
 * Development Hell: A manga, book adaptation and two sequels were planned, but never produced. Well, not so much "planned" as "made unrealistic pie-in-the-sky dreams of", but still.
 * Dull Surprise: Everyone has an unchanging slack-jawed stare.
 * Epic Rocking
 * Everything's Better with Sparkles: Owens fights off a menacing swarm of blue sparkles.
 * Femme Fatale: Femme Fatale goths with catsuits and magical powers.
 * Fantasy Kitchen Sink
 * Gainaxing: Owens' lover and her...assets.
 * Hair of Gold
 * Instant Awesome, Just Add Dragons
 * Malevolent Masked Men
 * Matte Shot: Also abused.
 * Narm
 * Never Smile At a Crocodile
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: arguably, the main character considering he goes from pirate to plate-armored knight in the space of four minutes.
 * Nipple-and-Dimed: About a minute in. Whoops.
 * Ominous Fog
 * Pirates: Just because.
 * Pointy Ears
 * Porn Stache
 * Rule of Cool
 * Scenery Porn: Tons of it.
 * Slippy-Slidey Ice World: Complete with a frozen dragon carcass and random ice castle.
 * Stock Footage: Half the scenes are ripped from other movies.
 * Stuff Blowing Up
 * What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made on Drugs?: The permanently-bloodshot eyes of several characters don't help.

Love has enemies