Batman Begins/Funny

"Company Head: Bruce! I thought you were dead. Bruce: Sorry to disappoint."
 * When Bruce returns from his travels:

"Lucius Fox: I analyzed your blood, isolating the receptor compounds and the protein-based catalyst. Bruce Wayne: Am I meant to understand any of that? Lucius Fox: Not at all. I just wanted you to know how hard it was. Bottom line, I synthesized an antidote. Bruce Wayne: Could you make more? Lucius Fox: You planning on gassing yourself again, Mr. Wayne? Bruce Wayne: Well, you know how it is, Mr Fox. You're out at night, looking for kicks, someone passes around a weaponized hallucinogen..."
 * Bonus laughs come from the fact that Bruce managed to seduce the secretary in less than a minute of entering his own office building.
 * Alfred tries to rouse Bruce from bed. Bruce groans, "Bats are nocturnal!"
 * Lucius Fox and Bruce Wayne, both absolutely deadpan:

"Cop: Just tell me what it looks like. [ The Tumbler zooms by with a roar] Cop: ...Never mind."
 * The look on a bystander's face after calling the Bat-Tumbler a "nice ride," only to see said ride destroy a  with surface-to-surface missiles.
 * A cop in a squad car is yelling through his radio at someone on the other end, for not being able to provide an accurate description of the Tumbler.

"Cop: Suspect is in a vehicle. Dispatch: Make and color? Cop: It's a black... (looks at partner, who shrugs) ...tank."
 * Also:

"Cop 1: What street is he taking? Cop 2: He's not on a street; he's flying on roof tops!"
 * Also:

"Maitre D: Sir, the pool is for decoration, and your friends do not have swimwear. Bruce: Well, they're European. Maitre D: I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Bruce starts to write a check Maitre D: It is not a question of money. Bruce Wayne: [gives him the check] Well, you see, I'm buying this hotel, and uh, setting some new rules about the pool area."
 * "Dr Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment..."
 * "I may need your help." "What do you need?"
 * When Batman says to Ra's al Ghul, regarding the Mooks he's threatened with, "I can't beat two of your pawns?" Ra's says, "As you wish." Two more Mooks rappel down next to the first two, and Batman does this sidelong glance that just screams "I had to open my big mouth."
 * I thought he was rolling his eyes.
 * Bruce buying the restaurant so the two women he's with can go into the fountain naked.
 * Just his whole behavior during that scene, taking Rich Idiot With No Day Job Up to Eleven.

"Alfred: A little worse for wear, I'm afraid."
 * Chekhov's Gun with that restaurant - in the sequel it's the same one where he pushes two tables together with Harvey and Rachel, commenting how it's fine to do because he owns the place.
 * "WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" "Here." For some reason, I bust out laughing every time I see that scene.
 * "Nice coat."
 * "Didn't you get the memo?"
 * As Bruce is heading out just before his guests start arriving: "Tell them that joke you know."
 * The onlookers watching Alfred put an unconscious Rachel in the car.

"Bruce: Does it come in black?"
 * When Alfred is surmising that Bruce's secret identity is to protect the people he knows from his eventual enemies, Bruce responds with Rachel, to which Alfred replies that he was thinking about himself.
 * The Tumbler test drive and Bruce's grin throughout...

"Alfred: (shatters headpiece with bat) It's a problem with the graphite sir. The next 10,000 will be up to specifications. Bruce: At least they gave us a discount. Alfred: Quite. In the meantime sir, might I suggest that you try to avoid landing on your head."
 * This scene always gets me.

"Bruce: The guy dresses up like a bat... clearly has issues."
 * Bruce dismissing his own alter-ego as a means of establishing his Rich Idiot With No Day Job persona:

"Gordon: (as Batman walks offscreen with Rachel) I'll get my car. Batman: I brought mine! Gordon: Yours? (Tumbler drives past him and partially crushes a police car) I gotta get me one of those."
 * This piece of dialogue before the Tumbler Chase.