Two Weeks Notice (fanfic)

Located in full on Deviantart. A sort-of Affectionate Parody of the Resident Evil series as a whole. Seen from the perspectives of two original characters - Matthew Brennan, an Action Survivor employee of Umbrella and Kate Parker, an Action Girl member of S.T.A.R.S. Contains a fair amount of Mood Whiplash as it swerves through the series, mostly changing midchapter from over-the-top humour to Serious Business - and sometimes back again.

So far there are three chapters, two complete. There will be at least one more chapter for Code: Veronica.


 * Welcome to Umbrella - Resident Evil 0
 * Don't Fear the Reaper - Resident Evil Remake/1
 * Raccoon City Mosh Pit - Resident Evil 2/3
 * (TBA) - Resident Evil Code: Veronica
 * Fortune Favours the Bold - A trailer for Matt predicament sometime during Code: Veronica.

No relation to the 2002 romantic comedy film.

"Matt: Christ, I've got more tentacles after me than a Japanese schoolgirl!"
 * Apocalyptic Log: The first chapter begins with one of these from Matt.
 * Action Girl: Jill and Kate.
 * Action Survivor: Matt. He lampshades it bitterly in 'Fortune Favours the Bold'.
 * Adrenaline Makeover: According to 'Fortune Favours the Bold', Matt will have one by the time of Code: Veronica.
 * All Just a Dream: Used when Kate has a reaction to Yawn's venom and and then  Thankfully
 * Always Chaotic Evil: Parodied. Numerous references are made to Umbrella carrying out random acts of murder and crimes against nature, for trivial reasons.
 * Always Close: Lampshaded by Matt in Fortune Favours the Bold.
 * Always Night: Averted oddly, as Welcome to Umbrella ends at sunset, which is also when Alpha Team arrives at the start of Don't Fear the Reaper.
 * Back From the Dead: Wesker, after drinking Birkin's Retcon flavoured Plot Device.
 * Badass Normal: Wesker. He is given a major skill upgrade in Don't Fear the Reaper, able to easily beat the snot out of Kate.
 * Battle Couple: Rebecca and Billy, Chris and Jill, Matt and Kate.
 * Berserk Button: Matt threatens to strangle Wesker with his own colon when he can't remember their first meeting and keeps getting his name wrong.
 * Also... don't belittle him. You'll regret it.
 * Beware the Nice Ones: While Matt isn't exactly 'nice', when he's pushed
 * Big Bad: Wesker.
 * Big Damn Heroes: Invoked to the point of parody with
 * Blind Idiot Translation: Parodied. The first chapter of Don't Fear the Reaper ends with the line 'enter the survival horror' before thenarrator corects himself by adding 'world'.
 * Bold Inflation: Parodied. When Barry gives Jill an SAS-12 shotgun, Matt notes his unique ability to speak inbold and italics.
 * Brick Joke: Chris finds a grenade. It is not mentioned again until the Extended Disarming when Wesker asks where he got it and Chris can't remember.
 * Plus there's Rebecca's awful piano playing, which Wesker records and later uses to split the group up.
 * Butt Monkey: Lampshaded by Matt in 'Fortune Favours the Bold', as he's pissed at always getting hurt.
 * Captain Obvious: Rebecca and Billy point out in Welcome to Umbrella that 'the train will either derail or crash' and that 'it's dark and raining outside'.
 * In 'Fortune Favours the Bold' Matt points out to himself that the blood on his stomach is his own - though he's dizzy from blood loss.
 * Continuity Nod: Way too many.
 * Birkin tries to convince Wesker that combining the T- and G-viruses causes the infectee to change gender and grow electric boobies. Wesker doesn't believe him.
 * Jill has nightmares about eight-foot monsters with tentacles in leather gimp coats (Nemesis)
 * Wesker discovers a picture of Jill with blonde hair cosplaying Samus Aran
 * Probably one as Jill states that she is not a natural brunette, but her hair has changed colour due to Barry and Chris filling her beret with chocolate pudding,
 * Jill chooses not to kill Barry after disarming him because that would create an alternate future where she dies in the blast when Raccoon City is nuked.
 * Jill enters a password on a computer wrong, which activates a clip of the giant tofu block from Re3's Mercenaries yelling at her.
 * On his first day, Matt sees a video clip of Carlos getting beaten up by a bioweapon. He is then informed that voicebox injuries caused Carlos' accent to waver - a nod to Carlos dropping his accent midway through RE 3.
 * Again on his first day, during his entrance exam Matt gets the question 'what would you like most in your underground facility' right by accidentally circling D: a pool of molten lead - which is what the Birkin facility in RE 2 has.
 * And again on his first day, Matt meets HUNK as the latter goes to muder someone for letting a Cerberus loose on the Raccoon City turnpike.
 * While explaining Dr. Marcus' fascination with leeches,Dr. Bob Neville tells Matt that he used the Progenitor Virus which he got from.
 * Chekhov's Gun: A literal one with Matt's .44 Desert Eagle. Discovered late in Welcome to Umbrella, it has since . Matt also used it and a single spare shell he noted at the beginning of the story to, though that has been retconned into a subversion.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Dr. Bob Neville. So much so that he thinks that Wesker was being affectionate when he punched him in the face.
 * Cosmic Horror: Before practicing, listening to Rebecca's piano playing is as horrifying as seeing one of these.
 * Curse Cut Short: Chapter 1 and 3 of Welcome to Umbrella end with these from Matt.
 * Development Gag: In the cast list, Chris lights a cigarette only for it to be stolen by a Capcom executive. Chris' smoking was censored in most releases of the first game.
 * Though Don't Fear the Reaper follows Remake, it jokes about all the most Narm-filled lines of the original.
 * Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: Barry, both on his treachery and Wesker's attractiveness.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: After receiving a beating from Wesker, Kate lies that she 'fell down the stairs'.
 * Extended Disarming: When Wesker orders the heroes to disarm, they spend a paragraph dropping the weapons individually, ending with Chris' grenade.
 * Flash Forward: A trailer called 'Fortune Favours the Bold' which sees Matt in the middle of Code: Veronica
 * Foe Yay: Barry is unable to stop thinking about Wesker. cue awkwardness.
 * Game Breaking Injury: Chris is wounded saving Rebecca from Yawn. During their fight, Wesker punches Chris in the wound to gain the upper hand.
 * Giant Space Flea From Nowhere: This trope is referenced by name. With capitalization.
 * Gory Discretion Shot: When Chris
 * Gun Porn: It's a little too fixated on averting Guns and Gunplay Tropes and portraying guns accurately.
 * Heart Container: The yellow herb variety is referenced as Chris expresses concern over Claire's yellow herb habit, which she explains as 'raising her maximum health'.
 * Hellish Pupils: Wesker's eyes when revived.
 * I Call It Vera: Referenced by name. Matt is a little too fixated with his .44 Desert Eagle.
 * I Just Shot Marvin in The Face: Thoroughly averted. It's even a Chekhov's Gun when Kate berates Matt for waving his .44 around.
 * In Harm's Way: Matt admits to this at the end of Don't Fear the Reaper.
 * In Medias Res: Matt lampshades the trope in 'Fortune Favours the Bold' when he complains that he'll spend the whole story wondering how he'll get in that situation.
 * Kill Sat: At the observatory in Welcome to Umbrella, the telescope is apparently used to look at the Chinese Death Ray (from Dead Aim) and STAAAAAARS.
 * Lampshade Hanging: Almost every single goddamn trope here.
 * Made of Iron: Averted with the main cast as Chris, Jill and Kate all suffer serious wounds. Used more with
 * Man-Eating Plant: Plant 42.
 * The Medic: Rebecca, but played more obviously than in the games as she actually does medic things like offer advice and bind wounds instead of running off to get serum. Also parodied is her ability to diagnose and cure someone just by staring at their right forearm.
 * Nobody Poops: Wesker mentions that Umbrella used its connections to ban all bathrooms within a ten-mile radius from City Hall.
 * Naughty Tentacles: Matt comments on Alexia's magical viral tentacles in Fortune Favours the Bold;
 * Naughty Tentacles: Matt comments on Alexia's magical viral tentacles in Fortune Favours the Bold;


 * Obligatory Swearing: Mostly averted. Matt and Kate swear a lot, but the canon characters don't.
 * One Buwwet Weft: Used twice in Matt's Desert Eagle. First to kill the Leech Queen, second to.
 * Only Sane Man: At first only Kate and Matt, but the other characters have begun to catch on, Rebecca being the first to do so.
 * Shoot Out the Lock: Subverted when Barry tries to save Jill from the descending scenery, only to shatter the doorknob and kill himself with the shrapnel and leave Jill to die. It was an alternate universe, though. In the main universe, Kate uses Jill's shotgun to blow a hole in the door and reach through to unlock it.
 * Then used later when
 * Shout Out: Another heap.
 * In the first paragraph, Matt references the Shining.
 * The shotgun Barry gives Jill is 'the shotgun from Terminator 2', which causes Matt to have a nerdgasm.
 * In Welcome to Umbrella, Enrico notes that Billy is Jewish. This is a not to the Let's Play by The Dark Id in which Billy was Jewish. They even share the same one-liner when killing the Queen.
 * All the chapter titles in Welcome to Umbrella are song titles, some modified to fit the events of the chapter.
 * Late in Don't Fear the Reaper a Jurisfiction agent shows up and tells them to stop breaking the fourth wall.
 * During his venom hallucination, Chris has his own Walrus, which is a Penny Arcade Shout Out. However, this walrus is named Catsby, and introduces Chris to his colleague Twisp, a ginger cat in a top hat, suit and monocle, which is another Penny Arcade Shout Out.
 * When disarming, Chris drops the grenade he found at the start of Don't Fear the Reaper. When Wesker asks him where he got it, he replies 'I don't know', referencing Anchorman.
 * The person in charge of virus handling is a one-eye, one-armed stroke victim, a reference to Zero Punctuation.
 * Kate's final hallucination is a reference to the third Scarecrow scene in Batman Arkham Asylum, and the first part is a reference to Half Life Full Life Consequences
 * Shur Fine Guns: Thoroughly averted. Kate constantly flicks her safeties on and off, and guns jam quite a lot, but are mostly minor inconveniences.
 * Soft Glass: First lampshaded with Edward Dewey's entrance in Welcome to Umbrella, then averted when the Cerberus jumps in and is turned into chunky salsa by the glass shards.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: Wesker spends the second chapter of Don't Fear the Reaper telling the cast exactly what the Spencer Mansion DOESN'T IN ANY WAY HAVE, and STOP SAYING HE'S A VILLAIN!
 * Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Late in Don't Fear the Reaper, Matt's accent slips from a generic American tinge to an upper-middle-class Australian accent.
 * Or Are You Just Happy to See Me: Played with. Barry and Wesker are hiding in a cupboard, and Wesker's Samurai Edge is digging into Barry's back. It isn't. Wesker is just a dick.