The Grand List of Overused Science Fiction Clichés/Section IV: Silly Science

Section IV: Silly Science


 * 1) Super-intelligent computers blow up when the hero confuses them.
 * 2) Super-intelligent computers get confused when the hero says to them "everything I say is a lie" or some other paradoxical statement.
 * 3) Space vessels lack fuses, circuit breakers, and surge suppressors, so that the control panels explode when some distant portion of the ship is damaged.
 * 4) Computers get reprogrammed by someone who has no knowledge of the computer's operating system.
 * 5) Computer terminals display the current operation (e.g., "UPLOADING VIRUS") in huge, flashing letters.
 * 6) The patently obvious design flaws in a vehicle or weapon system go uncorrected during the entire life cycle of the system in question.
 * 7) A vehicles and/or weapons system is deployed in an entirely impractical environment.
 * 8) Spacecraft features have been pointlessly carried over from water-borne designs.
 * 9) An untested medical treatment is used. It's 100% effective and has no side effects.
 * 10) Someone acquires a medical condition that will be fatal in an amount of time expressed to the tenth significant digit; the cure is found and applied in the nick of time, enabling a 100% recovery.
 * 11) A robot is shot and bleeds oil.
 * 12) Spacecraft, when shot, blow up as if they had been hit in their fuel tanks, regardless of where they were actually damaged.
 * 13) Computers, when shot, explode as if they had been stuffed full of Roman candles.
 * 14) An item of technology is quickly reverse-engineered by a far less advanced group of researchers.
 * 15) A group of aliens is smart enough to steal someone else's technology, but too stupid to make any improvements on it.
 * 16) A technological development progresses from half-baked theory to useful implementation in fifteen minutes instead of fifteen months.
 * 17) After thirty years of crew members being tossed around like the balls in a bingo cage, the spacecraft still has No Seat Belts.
 * 18) Nuclear weapons have an effect well out of proportion for reasonable yields.
 * 19) Computer security protocols are overridden merely by saying "override" to the computer.
 * 20) A clone grows to match the cloned person's state of physiological development in a small fraction of the time.
 * 21) Clones think, act, and speak in a manner indistinguishable from that of the cloned person.
 * 22) Clones come out of the cloning vat with the same haircut as the individual cloned.
 * 23) AI software has unique properties that prevent it from being copied or transmitted like any other data.
 * 24) AI software is able to bypass the security protocols of the operating system in which it runs.
 * 25) On-board computers always know exactly how long it will take for the malfunction to blow up the ship.
 * 26) Computers that exist in the far future or are alleged to be 'cutting edge,' will demonstrate less functionality than a Commodore 64.
 * 27) Two races have never contacted each other, cannot speak each other's language, and cannot possibly have worked out compatible protocols for transmission of data; nonetheless, their computers enable them to communicate over their ships' viewscreens upon first contact.
 * 28) Twentieth century firearms are abandoned, even though the high-tech replacement is significantly more complex to engineer, more costly to build, and is not appreciably deadlier, longer-ranged, or more accurate.
 * 29) When an extra or a minor character is shot, they fall over immediately dead; when a major character is shot, they either survive with a nasty-looking wound, or they linger long enough to utter some parting words.
 * 30) Lasers are visible when travelling through the vacuum of outer space.
 * 31) A robot that can't climb stairs is deployed in an area where stairs are common.
 * 32) A tactical system that can only deal with targets visible to the naked eye is still considered worthwhile.
 * 33) A tactical system of the future that has no targeting capabilities is still considered satisfactory.
 * 34) "Reversing the polarity" is the solution to virtually every engineering problem.
 * 35) Laser beams travel about as quickly as an arrow.
 * 36) Heroes/ships can dodge laser beams because the beams travel about as quickly as an arrow.
 * 37) Alien artifacts still work after being abandoned for a million years.
 * 38) Spaceships make a whoosh as they go by.
 * 39) Huge, expensive spacecraft are used to transport inexpensive goods in tiny quantities.
 * 40) Stars go shooting past the spaceship as it flies through space.
 * 41) A large dose of radiation results in super powers instead of super tumors.
 * 42) A large dose of radiation causes an individual creature to "evolve" into a more advanced form.
 * 43) The solution for a problem solved four weeks ago is thrown away and never seen again.
 * 44) When a character is aged prematurely, or cured of premature aging, hair that has already grown changes color to match.
 * 45) A space vessel is sent out on missions before its systems are fully operational.
 * 46) The Hero knows how to defuse the bomb, but can't remember which of two wires to cut.
 * 47) When a computer is working on a difficult problem, the increased power requirements cause the room lights to dim or flicker.
 * 48) Robots that despite their size and function are designed with exactly the same features as a human (two arms and legs, ten fingers, two eyes, same joint system, etc.)
 * 49) Somebody lifts a car (or some other heavy object) with his bionic arm, even though the rest of his body is normal flesh and bone and couldn't possibly support the load.
 * 50) The plans for a complicated device can be downloaded onto a 1.44 Meg floppy.
 * 51) Increasing a computer beyond a certain level of speed, memory capacity, or complexity causes it to become self-aware.
 * 52) Creatures capable of changing their shapes can also alter their mass while they're at it.
 * 53) A hole the size of a barn is made in the hull of a space ship; decompression of the ship's atmosphere takes a half minute or so.
 * 54) A hole the size of a dime is made in the hull of a space ship; decompression of the ship's atmosphere takes a half minute or so.
 * 55) A large nuclear explosion can be obtained by putting several smaller devices together.
 * 56) The same energy beam which causes rocks, buildings and robots to violently explode produces only a puff of smoke and a bit of burnt flesh and clothing when used on a living being.
 * 57) The sewers/ventilation ducts provide easy access throughout the city/ship/castle.
 * 58) All computers have madly whirling tape drives.
 * 59) When something explodes in space, the shock wave is ring-shaped.
 * 60) When an orbiting space vessel is crippled or otherwise put out of action, it immediately starts falling out of orbit.
 * 61) A shape-shifter whose natural form is homogeneous can be knocked out with a blow to the head when in humanoid form.
 * 62) The narrow energy beam disintegrates the entire person it hits, and his clothing and possessions, but doesn't leave so much as a stain on the chair he is sitting in or the ground he is standing on.
 * 63) Instead of a solid physical door, jail cells of the future are secured with force fields, turning every power failure into a jailbreak.
 * 64) Space vessels bank in order to make turns.
 * 65) When the ship goes to Red Alert, the lights dim and turn red.
 * 66) In spite of the tremendous safety hazard presented, glassware is permitted in large quantities on ships that make use of artificial gravity.
 * 67) Colored irregular crystals are the power source of the future.
 * 68) The Artificial Gravity is the last system of all to fail.
 * 69) Ion storms.
 * 70) Alien life forms that increase their mass without ingesting anything.
 * 71) When two ships meet, they are both oriented with 'up' in the same direction, unless one is disabled, in which case it always lists.
 * 72) Computer security passwords are entered by saying them out loud. The possibility of bugs or spies never hinders this practice.
 * 73) The matter transmission device cannot duplicate live organisms, except by accident. Duplicating the circumstances of the accident never succeeds.
 * 74) Data processing devices emit a quasi-random series of innocuous sounds when processing information. Every character that is printed on the computer screen is accompanied by a sound.
 * 75) Although computer keyboards of the future will still have the space bar, nobody will use it anymore.
 * 76) The spaceship that is really a living creature with a significant amount of intelligence.
 * 77) Laser guns have recoil.
 * 78) The stolen alien technology is already compatible with our power systems and can be installed and used immediately.
 * 79) Beam weapons can only be fired in a narrow beam in a continuous direction, and can never be swept across a target or fired at a wide angle.
 * 80) The alien forces are dependent on the mothership, such that destroying the mothership disables them.
 * 81) Every inhabited planet rotates around its axis about as quickly as Earth does, give or take a couple hours.
 * 82) The chemicals in the lab are mostly colorful. The poisonous ones are always bright green.
 * 83) Computer displays project their contents onto the face of the viewer.
 * 84) Dimming the lights on the bridge conserves enough power to enable a significant increase in the speed of a multi-ton spacecraft.
 * 85) You can get from the common areas of a ship to the most sensitive areas via the ventilation and maintenance ducts. There are never any security precautions in place to prevent this.
 * 86) A computer can be destroyed by shooting its display screen.
 * 87) Computer bugs are always catastrophic and life-threatening. They are never merely minor and annoying.
 * 88) When the alien's speech is translated for the crewmembers, the alien's lips move according to the language of the crew member. Additionally, we don't hear the alien's actual speech.
 * 89) When a spacecraft is found adrift in space, there is always enough power remaining in it to turn on the lights, artificial gravity, and life support. One or more of these systems is usually on when the heroes board the ship.
 * 90) Don't know the code for the lock? Just shoot the keypad. The door will open.
 * 91) A robot or other AI speaks progressively more slowly as it shuts down from some malfunction.
 * 92) The harder an AI thinks, the faster its lights blink.
 * 93) The ships of two species that have never met can dock without a few days of engineering work.
 * 94) The weapon that vaporizes people at a high setting only stuns them (without injury) at a low setting.
 * 95) Telepathy works on alien creatures with a radically different nervous system.
 * 96) The inside of your space helmet is well-lit so that other people can see your face clearly. Never mind that this is unnecessary, and makes it harder for you to see what you're doing.
 * 97) Futuristic armor technology is no more effective than tissue paper at stopping any sort of kinetic projectile. Even weapons against which basic safety testing was probably performed.
 * 98) Any computer technology must have an incredibly hectic and unorganized smorgasbord of buttons, with no labels anywhere. There will always be a very big red one. Do not press it.
 * 99) Despite the staggering power requirements, all hand-held melee weaponry involving lasers or melting beams will be no larger than a hairspray can.
 * 100) Alien creatures possess a startling similarity to the majority of humanity, including mammary glands and humanoid sexual characteristics. Unless they are unabashedly evil, in which case they will look like some Alien rip off or a big bruiser gene-melded to your grandmother.
 * 101) Despite (alleged) massive biological differences, all alien women will be obviously humanoid, attractive, and sexually attracted to humans.
 * 102) All large, supposedly invulnerable death cruisers must have a glaring engineering weakness, as per union regulations.
 * 103) Laser guns act exactly like their bullet firing brothers, down to ricocheting laser beams and breaking glass. Even down to causing massive hemorrhaging on shooting someone.
 * 104) Alternatively, all laser beams instantly and relatively painlessly cauterize wounds. Because lethality is never a consideration in weapons design after all. Merely an afterthought.
 * 105) A human and an alien can have a baby together, despite the genetic differences implied by evolving independently on two separate worlds.
 * 106) "Warp speed" used to mean "very, very fast" but now means "light speed."
 * 107) FTL travel never results in time dilations, e.g. if you travel for 3 hours at light speed, you arrive 3 hours later at your destination, when in actuality, hundreds of years should have passed for those who aren't traveling at light speed.
 * 108) A male of an alien species gives birth to children.
 * 109) The most advanced species always evolve into energy beings.
 * 110) All spacecraft, regardless of the species who built them, use the exact same audio/video codecs for "hailing."