Epic Fail/Quotes

"Washington: That was the worst throw. Ever. Of all time. Caboose: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way."

- Red vs. Blue

"...your job is to conceal something that genuinely doesn't exist, and you discover a way to fail at it."

- Llewellyn from Ozy and Millie on the UFO conspiracy.

"I can't get over that; how do you hit a mountain?"

- Adrian Monk, referring to a submarine in Mr. Monk Is Underwater

"Not that I'm complaining about it, but... HOW DO YOU MISS A VOLCANO?!"

- Thief, Eight Bit Theater

""Wow, Fighter. You don't half-ass screwing up, do ya?""

- Black Mage, Eight Bit Theater

"Why can't my successes ever be as spectacular as my failures?"

- Jason, FoxTrot

"My god! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis!"

- Todd in the Shadows

"[...T]here are speedruns [of this game] on Youtube in under a minute. YOU CALL THAT GOOD PROGRAMMING?!"

- UrinatingTree's review of the Genesis port of Dark Castle

""You missed! With a cannon!""

- Tremors 4

"How do you get a note from the teacher on the last day of school?"

- Mrs. Summers, Least I Could Do

"It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing."

- Kanji Tatsumi of Persona 4 on Yukiko's omelet.

""He burnt my fries!'' "He burnt my krabby patty!" "He burnt my shake!""

- Various extras, SpongeBob SquarePants

""I didn't know you could burn juice.""

- Rarity, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic

"One of her teammates figured out how to counter a 100 story fall with an exploding hot dog cart, and this bitch can't kill herself with a whole jungle? You can't fail harder than that without actually being Phil Collins."

- Cracked, 6 Superheroes Who Completely Lost Their Shit

"If you lose money, it can be bad luck. It you blow up, it is certainly incompetence. #FooledbyRandomness"

- Nassim Nicholas Taleb, mathematician and trader, [//twitter.com/nntaleb/status/1174722818694471680 on] Twitter