Gag Penis



"Susan: Some men were born lucky. Some men were born very lucky. Sally: What was Patrick born? Susan: A tripod."

- Coupling

The Spear Counterpart of Gag Boobs and the very opposite of Teeny Weenie, a character with a giant penis that causes comedy. Usually much less explicit than gag boobs, as most TV shows can't actually show penises as much as just referring to so-and-so's tripod, trouser snake, garden hose etc. Though some shows are able to use visual means of implying the same point.

A gold mine of sexual entendre for shows, and usually applies to either the hero or a dumb jock-type guy.

Owing to the extreme exaggerations possible in sequential art, this is a staple of both Ecchi/Hentai Anime and Sex Comedy Web Comics.

For when giant penises improve the sex instead of improving the comedy, see Bigger Is Better in Bed.

No Real Life Examples, Please

Anime and Manga
"Ban and Ginji: LIKE A HOOOOOOOORSE...! D="
 * A disturbingly common Running Gag in the City Hunter manga is how clearly one gets to see Saeba Ryo's easily ignited arousal through his pants and has been so large and hard that it can literally punch through walls and shatter concrete. This is downplayed or removed all together in the anime adaptation.
 * Hajime no Ippo
 * Ippo Makunouchi is constantly ridiculed by the other boxers (out of their own insecurity) at the enormous size and girth of his member.
 * Takeshi Sendoh is similarly, uhm, "gifted". Takamura once attempted to prank him in the shower, mistaking him for Aoki. Hilarity Ensues.
 * In the mini-film Sex Demon Queen, an underaged girl named Sour is accosted by a gang of ruffians. One of them breaks out his package, which is indicated by a helpful diagram to be over a foot in length. However, its maximum length cannot be calculated.
 * When Shido Fuyuki, Ban Mido and Ginji Amano take a hot bath together in GetBackers, Ginji and Ban see that Shido is EXTREMELY well-hung. So much that they get scared.


 * The anime adds a neighing sound effect, for good measure.
 * Used as a Running Gag in Pumpkin Scissors with a nurse trying to get a urine sample from Randel whenever he's hospitalized. To emphasize, it even got to a ridiculous metal-braced extra-large collector, that still breaks.
 * While describing her newly created Nugi-kun DK-1 golem in Mahou Sensei Negima, Haruna mentioned that "He sports an impressive 23.5 centimeters!!", which everyone naturally assumed to be this. Turned out she was actually talking about his tongue.
 * Axis Powers Hetalia:
 * Japan and Italy have a hot springs bonding session and Italy thinks Japan shrunk his penis since he's a whiz with miniaturization. The manga/webcomic and the Japanese version imply (while the English version outright says) that Japan is a grower, not a show-er (which actually makes sense when you remember that a scene before this, Japan created miniature U-Boats that turn into giant fighting mechas) and proceeds to show Italy with a penis that has construction sounds when it goes erect and is heavily implied to be bigger than advertised.
 * Then there's the "extra small" 25 centimeter (that's 9 to 10 inches) condoms from Russia!
 * Prussia's "5 metres, anyone?" (Which is a made-up meme based on a few joke LiveJournal icons).
 * In the manga Gakuen Heaven (not the Yaoi Guys series, actually, but a different one that happens to have the same name and basically completely opposite subject matter; It's about a Ronin teacher at an all girls' school), one of the antagonistic teachers has such a huge penis that getting an erection knocked him out cold because of all the blood rushing out of his head.
 * Shalott of Air Gear. When he reveals to Agito that he's actually a guy by lifting his frilly looking dress up, an elephants trunk is used to symbolize the size of Shalott's junk.

Comic Book
"Deadpool: Fighting a dude in a skirt. My advantage. Hmm... [sees up said loincloth] Godly endowments. His advantage."
 * Ray Mcfarland, from Top Cow's Freshmen. Nicknamed 'Long Dong', because he and his roommates were (unknowingly) given superpowers related to whatever they were thinking at that moment; Ray was measuring his penis and wishing it to be bigger and better in every way. He develops an indestructible, 15-foot penis, and has to beg people not to leave porn lying around, because he'll knock holes through the ceiling with it.
 * When fighting Hercules:

"Chase: You're sleeping in the raw? What is wrong with you?! At least the computer wore tennis shoes! Victor: We live under a tar pit Chase. It's a million degrees down here. Besides, what's the big deal? I've got the exact same parts that you do. Chase: Says who? You're an electric chair with legs! Except, you know, instead of four legs, you have uh... three."
 * When The Boys journey to Russia, they meet the ex leader of the Soviet superhero team The Glorious Five Year Plan, who went by the name of Love Sausage. And just in case you didn't get the reference, the title of the issue in which he takes up his old role as hero? Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite. Big breasts are his Kryptonite Factor.
 * The following exchange takes place in Runaways after Chase walks into Victor Mancha's bedroom in the middle of the night.


 * Played for Laughs in Tank Girl. Our heroine is fighting a guy wearing God's Housecoat. He informs her that the housecoat has granted him a whale's genitals (by accident or on purpose, it's not quite clear which), so Tank Girl shows him her breasts... and his resulting erection causes him to die of blood loss to the brain.

Fan Fic

 * In With Strings Attached, the one real moment of levity in the Ghost City of Ehndris is when the four come across As'taris battling a living statue (an image of which they'd seen before and dubbed “Biggus Dickus,” thanks to George the Monty Python fan) using its long penis as a sword. They wince when As'taris cuts it off.

Film
"Gaz: You can't dance, you can't sing. What can you do? Guy: Well, there is this [drops pants] [everyone stares in amazement] Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed."
 * Baseketball had Matt Stone and Trey Parker's characters appear nude before the Love Interest, and their dicks are so big that they touch the ground. She can't keep her eyes off them and keeps having Freudian slips when looking at them. And, while the two leads are naked--whenever they turn a number of objects get knocked off the nearby table/shelf. The one scene in which we get a shot of their junk shows what can only count as a third leg, as each of their penises stretch to below the knees with no end in sight.
 * Also happened in the comedy Jane Austen's Mafia!.
 * In Borat, during the naked fight, Borat's producer doesn't have anything censored (his pot belly pretty much covers it up) but Borat has a censoring black box... descending past his knees. Show-off. Making this even funnier is the black box getting bigger and bigger as the fight goes on. This was explained in a deleted scene, where he's interviewing a cosmetic surgeon and asks whether he could get his freakishly huge penis reduced in size. Apparently all his friends make fun of it all the time.
 * A recurring gag on Son of the Beach was that in any nude scene, the characters would have black censor bars over their TV-sensitive areas - Chip's bar would extend to his knees, while Notch had barely a square centimeter.
 * Sacha Baron Cohen loves this kind of joke. His Ali G character has a dream in which he's in a gang shoot out. One of the bullets tears his pants around his knee, narrowly missing his Gag Penis. Just a little while later, after the shoot-out is complete, he turns toward his assailants and the bullets outline where he once stood - complete with a Gag Penis extension in front of him.
 * In The Full Monty, an auditioning male stripper displays his qualifications for the job. All we see is a reaction shot of the audition panel ...

"Sam: The-The truth of the matter is... I'm hung like a newborn... Bullies: Oh! Ha ha ha! -- See! Even he admits it. -- Ha ha ha. Sam: ...7 pounds, 18 inches. The-The coach made me promise to keep it covered... so I wouldn't hurt your self-esteem... right before the next game. Bully: Dude, that would--that would really scare me."
 * In Mel Brooks:
 * Silent Movie, the board of directors of Engulf and Devour is shown a picture of Velma Kaplan, the sexiest woman in the world, and the table starts rising.
 * A similar gag can be found in Brooks' History Of The World Part 1 in the fan dance scene. Let's just say that Gregory Hines was not, in fact, a eunuch.
 * For whatever reason, a running gag tended to go through many of Madeline Kahn's roles in Brooks that involved Kahn getting involved with impossibly endowed men. Examples include the aforementioned History of the World, Part 1, Young Frankenstein mentioned below, and Blazing Saddles.
 * Mel Brooks used yet another version of the Gag Penis in Robin Hood: Men in Tights; Robin and Marian are behind a screen, and Robin's sword creates a silhouette in just the right spot...
 * Mini-Me of Austin Powers fame has one of these. "If you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!" "You're a frickin' tripod!"
 * In A Chinese Torture Chamber Story,
 * Young Frankenstein. It's noted that if all parts of the Monster were in proportion to his size, "He would have an enormous schwanzstucker!" Later on, Elizabeth is raped by the Monster but likes it and falls in love with him because of his enormous size. At the end Inga learns that her new husband Frederick traded part of his brain for the Monster's endowment, and she has the same reaction.
 * Played for both drama and comedy in Boogie Nights. Eddie Adams's huge member gets him a job as porn star Dirk Diggler. The first time he pulls it out on film, we only see the amazed silent reactions of the crew. The prosthetic penis would go on to win the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.
 * Elliot Richards in Bedazzled gains one of these in one of his final wishes to win his girl's heart. Satan makes him gay to compensate.
 * In Nothing to Lose, Nick Beam's boss has a statue of a fertility god in his office whose phallus is half again as big as the rest of it. It gets cut off with a samurai sword when Nick snaps.
 * Scary Movie 4 has one of the characters trying to kill himself using pills...only to find out that he had swallowed Viagra. Cue the growing erection.
 * Bachelor Party had a scene where a male stripper is paid to prank the bachelorette's friends by serving a "foot-long hot dog" in a restaurant. "Is this the footlong?" "And then some."
 * An aversion is a major plot point in the Caper Film/Comedy 9 Dead Gay Guys. After learning that a prominent member of the homosexual community was murdered with a cattle prod, one of the protagonists comes home with a cattle prod he found while performing sexual favors for booze money. Since the room he was in was pitch black, he could only identify the owner by the size of his penis: three and a half inches.
 * The movie also has the "Really Hard Red Bull Test" offered by the character Golder's Green: in order to get into his house you need to have a dick as long as or longer than two cans of Red Bull stacked one on top of the other. Three characters in the film are seen to pass it: the Queen,
 * A case of Gag Balls occurs in Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Two cannonballs are positioned so that they hang between Barbossa's legs. There's also the scene with the telescopes.
 * The Penis Monster from several Troma films, starting with Tromeo and Juliet.
 * In Condom des Grauens (usually referenced to as Killer Condom) detective Maccaroni is extremely well endowed although his enormous penis is visible only as a shadow on the wall.
 * Inverted in one soft porn spoof of Gladiator where the Emperor of Rome is called "Dickus Minimus".
 * Showdown in Little Tokyo. They actually halt an action scene just so Brandon Lee can tell Dolph Lundgren "Just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man."
 * Parodied in You Don't Mess With the Zohan, where the main character is featured with a massive bulge in his pants. However he later shows to someone else that he merely cultivates a large amount of pubic hair (apparently it helps with the ladies) and the person observing it states "It's not that big."
 * Porky's
 * Pee Wee's first elated act in II, upon waking and recalling he'd scored at the end of the previous film, is to add a sharp (exaggerated) upward slash to his personal penis-growth chart. His mom soon finds the chart in his room, and her eyes bug out at the Biggus Dickus implications.
 * Perhaps more to the point, Meat from the original, who elicits a "That boy is deformed!" from a woman pretending to be a prostitute.
 * The 1975 Blaxploitation film Soul Vengeance has a wrongly-imprisoned black guy take revenge on the people who sent him up by strangling them to death with his giganic prehensile penis. The few reviews suggest it's not nearly as good as that sounds.
 * In Life of Brian Pontius Pilate has "a fwend in Wome called Biggus Dickus!". The implications of the name are left mere implications. This used to be the Trope Namer for Bigger Is Better in Bed.
 * The eponymous monster from One-Eyed Monster. Not only is it Ron Jeremy's dick, but it's loose, and it's killing most of the cast and trying to impregnate the rest.
 * A small one in the film Kinsey - early in the film, Alfred Kinsey and his wife have come to a doctor because they're having trouble consummating their marriage. The doctor explains that sometimes, if a woman with a thicker-than-usual hymen is matched with a well-endowed man, it can make sex tough. He holds out a ruler and asks Kinsey's wife to point to the ruler, indicating how big the...member in question is. She hesitates, then points to a spot in the air TWO INCHES past the end of the ruler. The doctor just raises his eyebrows a bit and says "I'm surprised you didn't pass out."
 * In a deleted scene included in the Phantasm DVD, drunken Jody and Reggie adorn the passed-out Mike with all the fixings of a human ice cream sundae, complete with humorously-placed banana and pair of cookies.
 * In the teen fantasy-comedy Full of It, high school outcast Sam tells increasingly wild lies to improve his social standing -- only to have his life unwind when they start coming true (so that he can learn the value of being himself). When bullies on the basketball team taunt him for wearing shorts in the shower, Sam tells the following whopper (so to speak):


 * Later on, they do see it, and they are scared. Sam, however, is delighted, and parades it around the locker room for all to see (audience excepted, of course).

Jokes

 * A logic joke: A woman who's had a string of jackass boyfriends puts in an ad for a partner who won't run off with her best friend, won't hit her, and is good in bed. An armless, legless man rings the doorbell. She helps him into her house and quizzes him on the aforementioned characteristics. He says he couldn't run off with her best friend, not having legs, and, as he has no arms, he couldn't hit her. Then she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" The armless legless man says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
 * There is a joke about a man who goes to the hospital and complains that when he walks, his penis drags on the ground, and that's really uncomfortable, so he wants a bit cut off. Well, the doctor is not sure how to do it, so he passes the job to the nurses. They are not sure where to cut from; from the end, from the middle, or from the base, so they go to the senior nurse. She takes one look and says: "Are you idiots? Stretch his legs."
 * Two guys are walking along a bridge one night and they both have to take a piss. They go to the edge of the bridge, whip 'em out, and go to it. One says, "Damn, this water's cold." "Yeah", the other says, "deep, too."
 * Alternate punchline: "Yea, and the bottom is rocky."
 * Two black guys are talking about one's new 15-pound son. A week later, he says his son is seven pounds. His friend says what happened? Black guy says "Had him circumcised."
 * There's a joke/anecdote of a policeman who was escorting a group of drunken men to an overnight cell, when he saw a huge bulge in one of their pockets. "Hey, you can't take a bottle to the can!", he exclaimed grabbing the bulge, only to instantly pull his hand away and mutter: "Sorry".
 * There's an old one about a man who goes into a tavern and sees a large mason jar filled with 10 dollar bills. He finds out from the bartender that his horse had been very lethargic lately, so he was willing to bet whether customers could make the horse laugh. The man takes the bet and walks out back, shortly followed by whinnies of laughter from the horse. The bartender asks "How the hell'd you manage that?" The customer replies "I told him my dick was as big as his."
 * Cut to a week later, when the customer comes in again, the whinnies of the horse still going on, and the tender offers him another 100 bucks if he can get the horse to stop. The man shrugs, walks out back, and the laughter immediately stops, followed by the sounds of the horse crying. When the bartender asks the man how he managed to pull it off this time, the man smirks. "Well, last time I told him - and this time I showed him."

Literature
""Definitely male. Terrifyingly so -- I'd seen smaller fire extinguishers.""
 * Discworld:
 * Possibly one of the very largest examples, the aptly named "Long Man" is 20,000 tons of long burial mound with two small round burial mounds located either side of one end. The runic inscription on it reads - roughly - "I've Got A Great Big Tonker". When a dwarf, after seeing and admiring the earthen mounds,
 * Though size wasn't actually specified, a comparable brand of humor was exercised in Maskerade, when Nanny Ogg served her Chocolate Delight with Special Secret Sauce to the directors of the opera house. The one man with the forethought to open a window and let in some cold air couldn't do so, as he didn't dare get up from his seat.
 * The book and movie versions of M*A*S*H had this as a minor plot point with Walter "Painless Pole" Waldowski, the surgical unit's dentist. His assistant makes a lot of money selling shower peephole privileges to those curious enough to look, and one enlisted man is overheard commenting to another that he'd "love to see it angry".
 * From the short story "Heorot", when Harry is describing the grendelkin:

"Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big cock, comes in and stops the king from being killed. He is a Hero. His cock is big."
 * The grolls (troll/giant hybrids) from Glen Cook's Garrett P.I. series are sufficiently equipped to make mules envious, which is quite a feat for a couple of brothers named Doris and Marsha.
 * The wildling called Longspear Rik from A Song of Ice and Fire. "But he fights with an axe."
 * In The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse, Geoff Tipps writes himself into the screenplay for Show Within a Show The King's Evil, and specifically points out, a propos of nothing, that he has a big cock. In the screenplay, at least.


 * Tom's dog in Neuropath, apparently. In a crude but funny scene, Gerard jokes that it's so large it should have its own website. And makes up some domain names. ("www.dog-got-a-bone.com")
 * In A Lovely Monster : The Adventures of Claude Rains and Dr. Tellenbeck, the titular Claude Rains, a Frankenstein's monster, is endowed with a pony's penis by his creator (apparently he felt this was the best method for ensuring his ability to prove that he'd made Claude out of various bits and pieces).
 * Jakub Wedrowycz, a Dirty Old Man. He's not happy with it, because it's hard to walk with it (he keeps stepping on it). He usually keeps it in one of the trouser-legs... and puts the tip into the shoe. He can use it as a whip to kill a fly on a faraway wall. Of course, it only comes up when it's funny.

Live-Action TV
""Dennis, how did you not KNOW? I mean, hadn't you ever seen other guys in the shower?" "No, I sat gym out because of my allergies. The only time I saw other guys naked was in porn. I just thought I was a little above average." "... You son of a bi-""
 * In a Horne and Corden sketch, shown here, a man gets a penis enlargement, resulting in him pulling a snake several feet in length out of his trousers to show his friend. "It's not too big, is it?"
 * Lots of references in Coupling to Patrick's endowment. Particulary funny was just after Suzan told Sally that Patrick is very well endowed, Patrick happens to walk by and lose his balance for a brief moment.
 * At one point he finds out that an ex-girlfriend started a business selling vibrating dildos modelled after "Junior Patrick". Apparently she'd never found it so easy to accommodate the battery compartment.
 * One episode of Just Shoot Me revolved around Dennis Finch's boss and male coworker discovering that the small, overly delicate Finch had a penis whose size was of such that it caused immediate crushing despair in other males at the sight of it. Made all the more crushing because he apparently had no clue this was anything special.

"Cybill and Friend: [looking excited and amused] Wow... [they turn to each other] Ouch!"
 * On Cybill Shepherd's sitcom, Cybill and a friend were in a museum and came across a statue of a fertility god, who...well...

"Dawn: That's a weird place for a horn... (Dawn looks again, then slowly closes the book, shaken) That's not a horn."
 * One Saturday Night Live sketch involved the celebrity trial de jour (Mike Tyson) which had the defendant's lawyers officially entering his penis as evidence; he whips it out (off-camera) and THUNKs it down on the table. Cut to the bug-eyed slack-jawed stares in the jury box.
 * A similar Zip-Thump moment occurs on an episode of Kids in The Hall when Danny Husk's boss reveals that not only does he know Danny used to be a porn star, but that they own his old studio. He then asks Danny to show him the goods, which leads to the aforementioned sound effect.
 * On Hustle, Ash "Three Socks" Morgan acquired his nickname after his first visit to the prison showers.
 * Friends, in the episode "The One with the Dozen Lasagnas", Rachel's boyfriend, Paolo tries to seduce Phoebe when he's naked on her massage table. She later tells the gang: "boy scouts could have camped under there."
 * The Young Ones episode "Nasty" may possibly qualify for this trope - "Argh! Neil! How are you holding that flower pot up?"
 * The Upright Citizens Brigade TV show dedicated their Season 1 finale to a mock telethon for the "Little Donny Foundation", raising money for a young boy with an enormous (mosaic'ed) penis, of which he's unaware. Essentially 30 minutes of this trope, but played completely deadpan.
 * Buffy the Vampire Slayer
 * Played with this in the first-season episode "Witch." Buffy's mother Joyce is trying to document some new items for her gallery, and comes across something she won't let Buffy see, declaring it as an "African fertility statue." When her mom leaves, Buffy looks anyway, exclaims "Jeepers!" and closes the box hastily.
 * Another example appears in the sixth-season episode "Flooded." Perusing a book of demon lore, Buffy's younger sister Dawn catches sight of an illustration:

"Drew: And no flash photography. It upsets Kong."
 * The Drew Carey Show episode "Dog and Pony Show", parodying The Full Monty, had a similar gag. Drew is arranging for a male strip act to raise quick cash, and another man asks to "audition". They step behind the bar, he unzips, Drew looks... and then drains the drink he's holding before letting out a choked, "You think you'd be more popular..." Later, just before the show starts, he announces to the crowd, from prompting by the other guy:

"Doyle: Frankie Tripod? A big no. Cordy: Frankie Tripod? Oh, I get it. Some kind of three-legged monster, right? Doyle: No, he’s human. Cordy: Then why is his name...oh..."
 * The same episode has the guys, dressed in UPS-like uniforms and carrying boxes in front of their crotches, take both hands off the boxes and SPIN THEM. When asked how they did it, Drew responds that they had Velcro. The guy with the giant wang simply says "... you guys got Velcro?"
 * Desperate Housewives plays this as the solution to a mystery- Gabby is worried that she might have had drunken sex with the much younger, and very disturbed, Zach. She can't remember anything, he insists that it happened. Her husband, Carlos, winds up in the urinal beside him- and informs her that "[She'd] have remembered."
 * Angel:

"Manny: I've got a tyranasaurus prick."
 * In one episode of Scrubs, Dr. Kim Briggs, in order to dick around with JD, draws a long line on a chart claiming that it's representative of the average length of the penis which has the patient casually replying "Sounds about right" and JD looks shocked and embarrassed while Turk silently agrees. After leaving in a huff, JD attempts to call her bluff by pulling back the patient's bedsheet. "OH MY GOD!"
 * A character on Testees (the guys test drugs for money) took something that caused his penis grow to epic proportions. Unfortunately for him once he became erect he promptly passed out due to lack of blood.
 * Kryten in Red Dwarf has a "groinal attachment" that he uses as a vacuum cleaner.
 * The main plot behind The Hard Times of RJ Berger: RJ is a Hollywood Nerd. One day, during a basketball game, his shorts fell down. Cue people laughing. Then his jockstrap fell. Cue people gasping, girls giggling in delight, and one Asian girl ripping her hair out. The series as a whole involves his attempts to lose his virginity, and his endowment is seen as both a benefit and a hindrance toward that goal.
 * Manny Skerritt, the character Misha Collins played on Nip Tuck. His penis was so large that, while flaccid, he could have 'namaste' writter on it in pretty large writing, and needed a reduction because he was addicted to sucking himself off.

""Chronic morbid tumescence.""
 * In one "Newscasters" segment of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Brad Sherwood and Colin Mochrie are the newscasters. Brad, as per usual, plays someone normal. Colin, on the other hand, plays someone who has just realized that they're nudist. Throughout the skit, Brad keeps on trying to cover Colin's junk, ending with his hand trying to do so with Colin in a ridiculous pose. Colin looks at Brad's hand disdainfully, then uses his arm to "cover" his junk. Brad can barely stay in character.
 * Quickly followed up by Ryan (playing a Mafia weatherman) telling Colin that he lost his pointer, and needs some help. Colin puts his hands behind his back, and does various hip motions to convey that his junk is pointing at whatever Ryan needs.
 * A phone application add which lets you measure a guy's penis length. The ad for it showed it used on various cartoon characters, measuring (in order of appearance): 27 cm, 31 cm, 34 cm and 3 cm. The first three were shown as manly men, the fourth was suddenly unveiled as a little girl in a pink dress.
 * On The X-Files, Mulder and Scully come across a Literal Genie and learn that her previous "owner" had died because he wished himself one of these.

"Ted: I only use my junk for good, not evil."
 * Played straight in the cult French-Canadian series "Dans une galaxie pr?de chez vous". Card-Carrying Villain Scientist Brad Spitfire is revealed to have a small penis after being hit by a naked ray (A beam which sole purpose is to render people naked), prompting Petrolia to exclaim "Wow, the nose really is in proportion to..." before being cut off. On the other hand, when the Captain is accidentally turned into a baby after spending too much time on a time-bomb planet, Valence comments, while changing him, that he's very well equipped for his age.
 * In Green Wing, Martin, judging by the reactions to the nude portrait Sue White keeps in her office, has a large one.
 * Averted in The Sopranos. Christopher is revealed through a strip search to have a small penis but this does not affect his sex life in any way.
 * In Better Off Ted, Veronica and other characters reference Ted's junk.


 * In an episode of Still Standing, Brian had apparently been skipping showers after gym because he was embarassed that his penis wasn't the same size as everyone else. His father assumed that he was ashamed of his shortcomings. We learn soon enough that Brian's issue is quite the opposite.
 * In Monarch of the Glen, Golly got his nickname when the wind blew his kilt aside and a girl who witnessed it said, "Golly!".
 * Party Down: Ron's humongous dick (briefly shown on screen) got attention of porno producer on adult entertainment awards afterparty they were catering.

Miscellaneous

 * There once was a man from Nantucket ...
 * This limerick from the 1930's reads: There once was a fellow named Cribbs / whose cock was so big it had ribs.

Music
"I've got great, big amounts in the place where it counts, And the feeling's like a sunshiny day, I take a look at my enormous penis, And everything is going my way."
 * Da Vinci's Notebook have a song called "Enormous Penis", about the joys of having one of these:

"He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world He keeps it in his trousers tightly curled. It's a yard and a half if it's an inch and it's more when it's unfurled, oh oh He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world."
 * Rodney Carrington has a song "Play Your Cards Wrong", where the narrator states that his life is an absolute mess, but he's endowed enough to make porn stars cry. In all things, balance, I guess. Not to mention his Audience Participation Song, "I've Got a 12 Inch Pecker".
 * Frank Zappa used this trope often. Played relatively 'straight' in 'Bwana Dik', a song wherein each member of the band claims to have the largest member, and mocked in 'Penis Dimension': "Do you worry / do you worry a lot/ that the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?"
 * This is part of Ivor Biggun's bread and butter. Probably the most blatant case is "John Thomas Allcock". To quote the chorus:

"My cock is much bigger than yours! My cock can walk right through the door!"
 * Honorable mentions go to "I've Got a Monster" and "The Cockerel Song".
 * Dos Gringos 12-Inch Penis, about a fighter pilot trying very hard to relieve his bladder while flying an F-16. Bonus points for said pilot flying 'hands-off' at one point, especially since the F-16's flight stick isn't between the pilots legs- it's actually on the right-side of the cockpit in the armrest...
 * Parodied in John Lajoie's "I Kill People", where he takes a break from rapping about murder, casual sex and hedonism in hilariously Beige Prose to dedicate a verse to his exaggeratedly huge penis.
 * Shel Silverstein wrote and performed a song called "Stacy Brown's Got Two", in which Stacy's.. got two of 'em.. and thus is very popular.
 * AC/DC's song "Big Balls" is nominally about ballroom dancing-type balls. In practice, though, not so much.
 * System of a Down with their song Cigaro. While the song is about dictators smoking cigars, following lines are heard in it.

Myths and Legends

 * There's the Greek god Priapus who had to have scaffolding to hold up his erect penis.
 * The 13th-century Norwegian Völsa Þáttr was about worshiping a severed horse penis (apparently loosely based on a centuries-earlier tradition involving animal sacrifice), complete with jokes about its "usefulness".
 * One Norwegian fairy tale had an extremely well endowed male character searching for a bride, no easy task considering his size. He finally found one and they decided to get married. Some time before the wedding they had a party, but they didn't have enough places for people to sit. The man unzipped his trousers and rolled out his member for people to use as a bench. When the bride to be entered the room, the man instantly got an erection, throwing the people who were using it as a bench into the roof, breaking their necks.

Newspaper Comics

 * In one FoxTrot strip, Peter's entire baseball team is standing before the coach with huge bulges in their pants. The coach Face Palms and says, "Boys, I thought I told you to let the store tell you what cup size you need."

Professional Wrestling

 * Often used by Triple H in the new D Generation X whenever referring to his and Stephanie McMahon's (legit) marriage as an in joke for the smarks.
 * For all of about two weeks in the WWE, Lance Storm was implied to be well-endowed.

Stand-up Comedy
"Chris Rock: He ain't even gonna have a stick! He gon' smack the puck with his dick! POW! 'Slapshot, biatch!'"
 * Chris Rock's routine once included a bit about how, if they ever made a heated hockey rink, black athletes would take over that sport.

"And it looked like a python had eaten the squirrel and taken its place!"
 * Ron White
 * He has jokingly described his member as only being a few inches long, but about eighteen inches in diameter, "Like a cheese wheel!"
 * In another skit, he tells of taking a vacation and encountering a man who must have had a fully grown squirrel stuffed into his speedo. He meets this same man again, this time at a nude beach...

"My dick is so big Stephen Hawking's got a theory about it. My dick is so big there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick. My dick is so big I have to call it "Mr. Dick" in front of company. My dick is so big it can chew gum. (WTF?) My dick is so big it's got its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick. My dick is so big, movie theaters serve popcorn in small, medium, large and My Dick."
 * Craig Shoemaker's "The Lovemaster" persona was made of this trope. Hell, at one point, he refers to it as a "Penis Collossus".
 * In the audio version of "Dirty Jokes And Beer" by Drey Carey. Some of the memorable ones:


 * Part of his old stand-up routine addressed this as well. "You shouldn't be able to be good-looking AND have a big dick; it needs to be one or the other. Look at Ron Jeremy. That's fair."

Tabletop Games

 * New World of Darkness Armory references this in the segment on places to carry concealed weapons, noting that a bulge in a man's pants will likely be assumed to be "anything but a..um...small weapon".

Theater
"Daniela: They he's got quite a big..taxi. Carla: I don't think I know what you mean. Daniela: Carla! He's packing a stretch limosine!"
 * An old Burlesque joke, which shows up in The Sting, told by Leonard Barr, an old Burlesque comic. The punchline is, "Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
 * Daniela implies this about Benny in In the Heights.


 * Australian stage act Puppetry of the Penis.

Video Games

 * Disgaea has the infamous equippable horse wiener. Now that's dangerous.
 * Metal Gear Solid 2, during the Raiden segment. If an alert is caused and Raiden heads to the torture rack, a soldier will come, investigate him, and be shocked and envious at the size. Also, Snake teases him about it later - "Amazing how you can walk around".
 * In Metal Gear Solid 3, Para-Medic tells Big Boss about how Godzilla grew huge when he was exposed to nuclear radiation. Big Boss, who was exposed to a nuclear blast, suggests 'maybe that's why my pants have been so tight lately'.
 * In Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, there is a radio ad for men with penises that get in the way of normal life. "Don't let your piece interfere with your peace of mind."

Webcomics
"Rick: ...It's the dead of winter, his package shouldn't be nearly so pronounced..."
 * After the Hulk-like character Martin in The Adventures of Dr. McNinja averts Magic Pants, the titular character goes into the fetal position with his hands over his eyes and blubbers after, uhhh... noticing.
 * A College Roomies from Hell strip in which Dave gets "brainwarped" (turned on to the point of incoherence) and takes his hand off the bag he's carrying, and it doesn't fall down.
 * In Peter Is the Wolf, there is one part of Peter that isn't undersized, much to the amazement of the women. The series has a 'Clean' version and an 'Adult' version; the latter makes it visibly clear that there is no exaggeration to the jokes made in the former: Let's just say that his girlfriend would not survive it in human form.
 * Hilariously averted in Steal This Comic. Our hero Devon is caught naked fleeing through a soccer game, and gets a censor bar in the front that offends his vanity. The replacement censor bar is well tropeworthy. (The censor bar in back is the punchline...)
 * Inverted by Gaia Online. Johnny Gambino and Gino have both exposed themselves at some point in the comics, both with comically small censoring.
 * Both Gambino's censor bubble and GinOverseer's lens flare censor are now equippable as the bonus poses in their respective dolls.
 * Claiming Marten in Questionable Content has one of these was a running joke for a while. It's never actually been confirmed that he does, but Raven was convinced he did, and Dora has never argued the point.
 * In You Damn Kid, an arc centers around the main character's father buying an enormous fake penis.
 * Blur the Lines features a comic where Rick comments on the bulge of a store mannequin.

"Torg: Are you sure you did the spell right? Why is his wee-wee still baby-sized?"
 * When Sluggy Freelance did a Voldemort parody, it recreated the scene where he goes from a shriveled infant to a grown man. Torg's response?

Web Original
""When women see it, they say it's time for some more chicken of the sea""
 * An Internet Chuck Norris Fact goes something like "Chuck Norris once walked down a busy city street with an erection. There were no survivors."
 * Of course, he's got nothing on David Bowie.
 * Another one simply states "horses are hung like Chuck."
 * In Chewbot's Let's Play of The Oregon Trail, Plague and Treachery On The Oregon Trail, the story is interrupted by "Dongs McGee" and his "knife".
 * In Penny Arcade's D&D Podcast there is a interesting conversation from season two. Apparently dwarven penises are shaped like a tuna can.

Western Animation

 * One episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law featured Inch-High Private Eye as the defendant. In one scene, set in a sauna, the literally inch-tall man whips off his towel in response to a comment disparaging his package. Cue Phil Ken Sebben: "Ha ha! (Shakes head, visibly disturbed) Not to scale..."
 * Drawn Together likes this one. In a Survivor parody cut short, a naked Jeff Probst appears. The black censor box over his anatomy hangs past his knees. (The token gay character is rather upset when the cast members leave rather than face this 'physical challenge')
 * In one scene, Captain Hero is taking a shower with an uber-macho Terminator knock-off. Hero's censor bar only goes down a couple of inches. The androids' is past his knees.
 * The Jew Producer's censor bar is huge. The uncensored DVD version shows it's not nearly that long.
 * One episode of Family Guy revolves around Peter coping with his son's penis being so much larger than his. Including some of the least subtle Freudian imagery imaginable in a show on network television.
 * Tommy Lee, the drummer from Motley Crue, was shown in Celebrity Deathmatch knocking off an opponent by unzipping his pants and thrusting his massive boner to the other guy's eye.
 * Essentially, the whole fight was one big Gag Penis gag. Tommy's opponent was equally famously endowed porn star Ron Jeremy, and both men were dressed in chicken suits, so that the match could be billed as... the "Cockfight." Bet you saw that one coming (unlike poor Ron, who now needs an Eyepatch of Power).
 * And speaking of Ron Jeremy, an episode of Robot Chicken based on the Surreal Life depicted him using his erect member as a jousting lance.
 * And that one episode of The Surreal Life, where the real Ron actually was naked. He later said he was somewhat peeved that the censoring box went "practically down to [his] knees".
 * On an episode of Re Boot, Enzo and AndrAIa are in a Toon-style game. Towards the end of the game, the user is flashed by one of the binomes. With his back to the screen, he opens his coat... *THUD*
 * In the Clone High episode where Joan pulls a Sweet Polly Oliver, Genghis Khan passes her in the locker room... accompanied by a dragging sound and Joan's shocked gasp.
 * In an episode of The Boondocks, straitlaced lawyer Tom Dubois has a lifelong fear of being anally raped in prison; it opens with him having a nightmare involving a prison shower, an inmate with a swinging censoring mosaic reaching past his knees, and a dropped bar of soap... (There was no mosaic on the DVD, though.)
 * In the South Park Episode "Erection Day", Jimmy has a nightmare in which his performance on stage is ruined by a boner of truly epic proportions.
 * Similarly, when Homer makes a dating video for Ned in one episode of The Simpsons, Homer had evidently added generous pixelation to the shot of Ned showering.
 * When Maggie was born, Homer confused the umbilical cord with genitalia. His remark before the clarification? "Ah, it's a boy... And what a boy!"
 * There are more examples of Ned packing serious meat. From the suggestive "foot-long" scene between himself and Maude, through to his careful wearing of an EXTRA-LARGE fig-leaf when he plays Adam in one of his home-made Bible videos. And, given how modestly Christian he is, it's probably a safe bet that he isn't exaggerating...
 * On Robot Chicken, the Surreal Life cast is involved in a Lord of the Rings mission. You can guess what Ron Jeremy eventually discards his axe for while his horse does an Eye Take. The long censor box even knocks the enemy off his horse.
 * American Dad parodied this along with the stereotype that African American males have large penises. Klaus, the goldfish with a German man's brain got his brain transplanted into an black man's body. He then proceeded to purchase condoms. At the drug store, he passes the smalls, passes the mediums, passes the larges, and finally pulls out a massive trash bag. After a few suggestive brow winks and hip thrusts, he fills the bag with boxes of medium-sized condoms.

Other

 * If in human world is usually Played for Laughs, the Gag Penis in the original sense of the trope, out of proportion with the owner's body, is encountered in other mammal species for practical evolutionary reasons. The most known example are pachyderms (elephants, rhinos and hippos) and walruses, and for a less intuitive reason than "big animals should have it big": their stocky body shape makes mounting difficult, so the male needs a fishing rod-like penis to be long enough to cover the open air space from his abdomen to the females' genitalia, penetrate, stay inside and deliver. Their Googled images are pretty scary when you understand the animal's entire body is a few meters in length, bigger than a small car.