Sneakers/Funny

"Martin: How about a lunch? You can chaperone. Abbot: I will not do this. Martin: Come on, the FBI would give him twins! Abbot: NO!"
 * When Carl is trying to get a date with the female NSA agent at the end:

"Female Agent (wonderingly) You could have anything in the world and you're asking for my phone number? Carl: Yes. Female Agent: (smiles) 273-9164. Area code 415. Carl: I'm Carl. Mary: I'm Mary. Abbott: I'm going to be sick."
 * Oh, they just milk that gag as far as they can:

"Martin: Where'd you get the fifty bucks? Carl: Took it from Mother's wallet. Martin: Good."
 * Carl tells Martin that he got the complete blueprints of their target building from the county recorder's office for fifty bucks.

"Crease and Whistler: (as Mission Control) If you love him... Martin: If you love him... if you really love him... then just keep on loving him. And never let him know that you know what he thinks you don't know you know... y'know? Mission Control: And give him head whenever he wants. Martin: And give him heh... help. Be a... be a beacon in his sad and lonely life. * girlfriend leaves* Martin: Give him head? Mission Control: Be a beacon? *bust out laughing*"
 * During a break-in, Martin turns around to see the girlfriend of the theft victim walking in the door. Mission Control (by Playing Cyrano) helps him lie his way out of the conversation... and then they nearly ruin it.

"Carl: I just want is her telephone number."
 * During the repeated blackmailing of Mr Abbot at the end of the film.

"Mother: I want peace on Earth and good will toward men. Abbot: You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!. Bish: Oh, no, he's serious. Moter: I want peace on Earth and good will toward men. Abbot: We are the United States government! We don't do that sort of thing. Bish: You'll just have to try. Abbot: [sigh] I'll see what we can do."

"Crease: I have never taken my wife to Europe. Abbot: I'm sorry to hear that. Give me the box. Crease: You will buy me two round-trip, first-class tickets to Athens, Lisbon, Madrid, and Scotland. Bish: Don't forget Tahiti. Crease: And... Tahiti. Abbot: Tahiti is not in Europe! Carl: Excuse me. When you get the box, you give us geography lessons. Until then, this man goes to Tahiti."