One Tree Hill/Funny

"Jules: You couldn't turn your cellphone off in a church?
 * Episode 1x05, "All That You Can't Leave Behind"
 * The first half of the Father/Son Basketball game, with the sons pulling out the Harlem Globetrotters play book - Of note, is Dan telling Nathan not to pull that crap with him, and Nathan doing it anyway.
 * Episode 1x06, "Every Night Is Another Story"
 * Stoned Brooke.
 * Episode 2x01, "The Desperate Kingdom of Love"
 * Haley's parents asking if Nathan entered the James house through the window. Especially when Haley's father sarcastically gives Nathan a So Proud of You response.
 * "I think I see where this is going, Nathan. But we can't adopt you. I mean, if we do, the making-out with Haley is going to have to stop. [Beat] At least in public, anyway."
 * Episode 2x06, "We Might As Well Be Strangers"
 * Lucas busting out the "And what time do you call this?" routine on Karen, before revealing he's only been home for 5 minutes.
 * Even funnier when you realise that it's the exact same dialogue from when Karen caught Lucas sneaking in after curfew in Season 1.
 * Episode 2x15, "Unopened Letter to the World"
 * Dan in church.

Dan: Might be God."

"Deb: I miss Nathan.
 * Episode 2x19, "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning"
 * The women of Tree Hill at Tric.

Karen: I miss Keith.

Peyton: I miss Jake.

Brooke: I don't really miss Felix at all... Or my parents that much... But I miss my money."

"Pete: So... Be right back, I'm gonna go save the world.
 * Episode 3x15, "Just Watch The Fireworks"
 * Pete Wentz hitting on Peyton.

[Beat. Pete leaves, Patrick Stump (FOB lead singer) walks up.]

Patrick: Did he just roll out "Gotta go save the world"?

Peyton: Yeah?

Patrick: ...That's my line."

"Haley: Stay the hell away from my husband.
 * Episode 3x18, "When it Isn't Like it Should Be"
 * The shot panning across the girls applying their make-up in the bathroom mirror. Well, the girls and Pete Wentz.
 * Episode 4x03, "Good News for People Who Love Bad News"
 * After Nathan gets an award for Valor, Rachel runs up & kisses him.

Rachel: What? I was just thanking him.

Haley: Well, your thanks send people to the Free Clinic.

Peyton: Ha!

Brooke: What are you laughing at? Your love sends people to the morgue.

Peyton: Well then, I love you, Brooke."

"Skills: If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends...[Realises Lucas is watching him] What? It's catchy.
 * After sitting out the first half, Skills rants to Nathan about Whitey holding a brother down, and that someone should tell Whitey that they don't call him Skills because he's good at picking splinters out of his ass. Nathan simply replies "Okay." and turns his head slightly to the left & repeats that to Whitey.
 * Episode 4x04, "Can't Stop This Thing We Started"
 * After Deb storms out of her intervention, Dan simply quips "I think we're making progress."
 * Episode 4x15, "Prom Night at Hater High"
 * Deb returning from rehab to find the house littered with empty beer, whiskey & vodka bottles from the party Nathan had thrown the previous night... And thinking that it's her mess, apologises for it. Nathan simply responds with a simple "Whatever, Mom. Just clean it up."
 * Episode 4x21, "All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone"
 * The Ravens girls (And Shelley) break into Spontaneous Choreography to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls, followed by a Jump Cut to Skills singing along to the song.

Lucas: Mmmhm."

"Nathan: Okay, okay, lets not freak out. It doesn't mean my mom's not on top of it.
 * Haley freaking out when Deb won't answer the phone.

Haley: Your mom, the former drug addict, attempted murderer who dropped a loaded gun in the cafe?

Nathan: ...It wouldn't hurt to check."

"Lucas: J-Luke! Are you in high school already?
 * "4 years of high school, and zero girlfriends for Junk & Fergie."
 * Episode 5x01, "4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days"
 * Jamie & Lucas's first scene together.

Jamie: No, I'm only 4."

"Jamie: Bye Uncle Lucas, I have to go home now. Besides, you should be writing.
 * "Junk & Fergie play video games, drink beer & eat pizza; I'm Mouth McFadden, and I'm still unemployed."
 * Haley picking Jamie up after spending the day with Lucas & the River Court guys.

[Haley & the guys burst into laughter]

Lucas: I don't wanna hear it."

"Jamie: Peyton Sawyer - Unemployed!"
 * Episode 5x02, "Racing Like A Pro"
 * "For evey step you take, we kiss."
 * "Have you ever had a wine hangover?" "I have a fluffy earred bunny named Chester."
 * The sponsors on Jamie's racing uniform.

"Brooke: I want to have a baby.
 * Episode 5x11, "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side"
 * Owen bringing Chase as a blind date for Peyton to the joint bachelor/bachelorette party, completely oblivious to his history with Brooke. On the car ride to the Scott house, Chase asks if he remembers the girl he told Owen about when he first moved in with him, specifically her name. You can see the cogs turning in Owen's brain, before he suddenly realises it's the same Brooke, much to the amusement of Chase, Brooke & Peyton. Later, Owen comments to Chase that one of them should have realised, since he said Brooke & Chase said Brooke... Only for Chase to point out that he said "Brooke who started a clothing line".
 * Skills being utterly terrified of Chester.
 * Episode 5x12, "Hundred"
 * Skills tailgating before Lucas's wedding to Lindsey, before going on to encourage Peyton to interrupt the wedding & declare her love for Lucas, before musing that maybe Lucas will say the wrong name at the altar, with Brooke commenting that none of that will happen because This Is Reality. Peyton then follows up by saying she'll just get drunk at the reception & have sex with some random guy, if that's okay with Skills... Who promptly starts hitting on Peyton.
 * And when Peyton does stand up to declare her feelings for Lucas, Skills happily declares "That's what I'm talking about!"..
 * Brooke finally revealing why she came back to Tree Hill.

Peyton: ...With me?"

"Lucas: The way I see, Skills'll be better father than Dan ever was."
 * Episode 6x04, "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
 * Lucas ribbing Nathan overDeb dating Skills.

"Nathan: I'm gonna call his mom a bitch & push her. Oh wait, you already did that!"
 * Episode 6x07, "Messin' with the Kid"
 * Nathan teasing Haley over not walking away.

"Brooke: I feel guilty. Julian was being so nice to me, and I freaked out & I took it out on Sam. I am a horrible person.
 * Episode 6x16, "Screenwriter's Blues"
 * Mia & Peyton's attempt at making a crib.
 * Peyton "auditioning" for the role of Peyton in "An Unkindness of Ravens" & being turned away by Reece for being too old. Especially in a meta-sense, when you remember the Dawson Casting that the characters were originally subject to, and that James Vàn Der Beek was in the trope naming show.
 * Episode 6x18, "Searching for a Former Clarity"
 * Brooke, Haley, Mia, Skills & Lucas at Tric.

Haley: "As a teacher, I must adhere to a higher standard of conduct and I failed to live up to that higher standard, for that I am truly sorry." I'm also sorry Principle Rimkus is a hairy backed bitch.

Mia: Guitar. Play it on guitar. That's their great idea. Maybe I could just play it on spoons. A nice spoon ballad.

Skills: What the hell she mean I'm too good for her? I am NOT too good for her. Trust me, I know me. Luke, am I too good for anybody you know?

Lucas: Dude, I just lost three hundred thousand dollars, do you understand that? Three. Hundred. Thousand dollars. And you lost Deb?! Shut up! [Beat] What the hell are you doing here?

[Reece happily jumps into shot]

Reece: Celebrating! [Drinks shot] I just got paid for doing nothing! Hahaha! Everybody! Drinks! On! Me! Who's with me?

[Everybody looks at Reece with "Dude, SHUT UP" faces]"

"Rimkus: Congratulations. You've set a new record for failing.
 * Episode 6x19, "Letting Go"
 * Rimkus being called out her incompetancy as a teacher by Jack & Sam. Also a Crowning Moment of Awesome.

Jack: We didn't fail, you failed. Bring back Mrs Scott.

Rimkus: You. Detention in my office.

Jack: Here's how little you know - I'm not even in this class. You shouldn't be either.

[Jack gets up & leaves the class]

Rimkus: Anyone else?

Sam: He's got a point. Maybe we wouldn't be failing if you hadn't fired our teacher.

Rimkus: Watch it, or you'll be joining your friend, Mr No-Name.

Sam: All I'm saying is, that either we all got instantly dumber, or you should've been a little bit smarter. I'll see myself out."

"Julian: It's, like, crazy hot in here; it must be, like... 98 degrees..."
 * Episode 6x21, "A Kiss to Build a Dream On"
 * "Welcome to Tree Hill; try to find a boy who didn't lose his virginity to Brooke Davis."
 * The "Stay out of it, Nick Lachey" scene at TRIC.
 * Episode 6x23, "Forever And Almost Always",
 * Lucas and Peyton's wedding has arrived and Brooke and Julian, recently broken up, have attended separately. Julian has brought "movie Brooke" as his date and Brooke has brought... Nick Lachey. At the reception, to piss off Nick, Julian says the quote mentioned below, earning himself a punch in the face in the process:

"Brooke: I am SO pissed right now, that whore stole my man!
 * Jump Cut to Julian putting ice on his eye, and asking Peyton why guys in Tree Hill keep punching him, and Peyton pointing out that Julian was asking for it by mocking Nick's boyband... Which Julian responds to with a simple "Well, yeah!" in a tone that basically sounds like he's really saying "Well, of course I was going to mock his boyband! What did anybody expect?" & Peyton responding to that by reminding Julian that he likes 98 Degrees.
 * Brooke bursting into the tent where Haley & Peyton are getting ready.

Haley: Okay, but it's their wedding day so don't you think it's time you let it go?"

"Nathan: Whatever I said before Lindsey's wedding, just go with that.
 * Skills refusing to let Jamie out of his sight since he was kidnapped at the last wedding.
 * Nathan's advice to Lucas at the altar.

Lucas: You really suck at this, y'know that?"

"Clay: Quinn's out of town, what'd you expect?
 * Brooke basically forcing Nathan, Lucas & Haley to tell her that she looks better than Julian's "Brooke-a-like".
 * Episode 8x06, "Not Afraid"
 * Quinn's nightmare about a Zombie Apocalypse hitting Tree Hill.
 * Quinn & Haley arguing about whether everyone is turning into vampires or zombies, despite Haley already being bitten.
 * Brooke & Julian fighting zombies, only for Brooke to get distracted by one of the zombies knocking the cover off her wedding gown, and Quinn's frustration that everyone keeps calling the zombies vampires.
 * The Reveal about why Julian hates Halloween.
 * Haley's costume -
 * Episode 8x07, "Luck Be A Lady"
 * If ever proof was needed that Clay Evans is an Adult Child, the opening scene of this episode should be cited, with Nathan walking in on Clay dancing & lip syncing to "Get Down Tonight" by KC & the Sunshine Band.

Nathan: Literally anything else.

Clay: Yeah... Hey, I got an interesting phone call this morning.

Nathan: Yeah. Sorry, about that. Jamie's been calling eveybody about this frog he found.

Clay: Nah it-- Jamie found a frog? That's awesome."

"Millie: Just say stuff that British people say, like crumpets or wanker.
 * Episode 8x13, "The Other Half Of Me"
 * Skills being Genre Savvy about Tree Hill wedding days, culminating with him bolting out of his seat & yelling "Nobody say NOTHING!" when the priest tells everyone present to Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace.
 * Episode 9x03, "Love The Way You Lie"
 * Haley dragging Chris Keller into the kitchen & making him cook burgers, with his reassurance that he can cook. Jump Cut to Chris screaming like a girl over a frying pan fire, whilst a completely deadpan Haley walks in & deals with it.
 * After Millie explodes at Mouth over his weight problems on air after he starts going on about idiotic conspiracy theories rather acknowledge his weight gain, they go to commercial... And continue arguing during the commercial break. Come back from commercial, and Mouth recaps what happened before the break & asks their viewers to let them know if they think he's gained weight. Cut to Jerry giving the biggest What an Idiot grin & thumbs up.
 * Episode 9x12, "Anyone Who Had A Heart"
 * Brooke's reaction to the fact that her parents had sex
 * Kylie's attempt at being a news reporter

Kylie: Wanker"

"Nathan: Hey, little boy - Can I kidnap you? Oh wait, you've already been kidnapped.
 * Episode 9x13, "One Tree Hill"
 * Nathan finding Jamie at the River Court.

Jamie: So have you.

Nathan: Exactly. We go to say goodnight, you're missing, your mom starts freaking out - You realise we're the Scott family, right?

...

Nathan: I'll have to figure out how to talk your mom into not grounding you.

Jamie: Oh! Maybe we could say I was kidnapped again!

Nathan: Eh, it's a little played out."

"Mark: I got criticised once for how I wrote Skills's dialogue, and I said "I don't write that, that's how he says it!""
 * "You named your guitar after my wife?"
 * Chris Keller & Clay both having the immediate reaction to slap Chase after tasting one of his drinks for the first time. Not to mention Mouth remembering how bad Chase's drinks are.
 * An Evening With One Tree Hill
 * Mark Schwahn telling the story of how, before OTH was on the air, The WB would repeatedly tell him things like the scripts weren't right & it got to the point where he was convinced that there was no One Tree Hill & that the real show was a hidden camera show playing a cruel trick on him, which led to him checking the ceiling for hidden cameras.
 * Mark Schwahn commenting that Antwon Tanner didn't realise that Lucas & Nathan were brothers, until he saw the pilot six months after shooting it.
 * When the cast are asked about how they got into acting, Stephen Colletti briefly talks about Laguna Beach. When Robert Buckley speaks after him, he starts with "Wait, Laguna Beach? Oh my God, you're THAT Stephen?! Such a fan!"
 * Antwon Tanner commenting that he'd usually alter Skills's dialogue from the script to match his own verbal patterns, and Mark Schwahn recalling the network's criticism of the way Skills was being wrote, thinking Mark was writing Skills in that way.


 * Jackson Brundage's sarcastic What the Hell Hero treatment of Mark Schawhn for not taking him to Puerto Rico for the episode that was filmed there.
 * Daphne Zuniga commenting if she wasn't actress, she'd probably be a therapist... Except she doesn't have the patience. Mark Schwahn then chimes in "You'd be the best therapist ever! 'Oh, grow up! Everyone has problems!'"
 * Austin Nichols only says one word -.