Hudson Hawk



""Hi! I'm being blackmailed into robbing the Vatican by a psychotic American corporation and the C.I.A.!""

- Hudson Hawk

Hudson Hawk is a 1991 film starring Bruce Willis while he was still making the transition from comedy roles like Moonlighting to his current Action Hero typecasting. Older tropers experienced with the actor's pre-Die Hard career will know this means he mugs a lot and does just about anything for a laugh. And he still has hair.

Gentleman Thief extraordinaire Eddie "Hudson Hawk" Hawkins has just gotten out of prison, and all he really wants is a cappuccino and an honest job. However, his parole officer has teamed up with two Italian brothers with the surname "Mario" to force him to do One Last Job that leads to a madcap series of capers that do all they can to defy summation.

Before it's over, Eddie will hurtle down a freeway on a gurney, unknowingly flirt with a nun, burgle the Vatican with fifty bucks worth of seemingly random items, discover Leonardo da Vinci's secret formula for turning lead into gold, battle candy-bar codenamed CIA agents (and one damned annoying crotch-biting dog), and if he survives all of this, then he can have his coffee.

The film was a box-office bomb (partly because it was marketed as though it were a serious action film when it's clearly intended as a comedy) and regarded for a long time as an embarrassing vanity project for Willis. Over time, it's developed a bit of a following for its shameless campiness.

"The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended."
 * Affably Evil: George Kaplan; picture an evil version of Derek Flint.

""Candy bars. Well, it's better than when we first started out. Our code names were diseases. You know what it's like being called Chlamydia for a year?!?""
 * Afraid of Needles: Cesar Mario's reaction to his brother's face in the ambulance.
 * Alliterative Name
 * Almost Kiss
 * Auction
 * Axe Before Entering
 * Badass Boast - "We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Tommy are nothing more than a mid-afternoon Triscuit."
 * Bar Slide - But cappuccino and bullets don't mix. sniff.
 * Battle Butler - Alfred, a Knife Nut with a Blade Below the Shoulder; "A cross between Alistair Cooke and a Cuisinart."
 * Becoming the Mask - Anna, at least in regards to her come-ons to Hudson.
 * Blow Gun: Used by CIA agents, who should logically have something better, with explicit mention of curare, which is treated as a temporary paralyser. Because it was improperly prepared, the victims recover sooner than anticipated.
 * Brake Angrily
 * Break Out the Museum Piece - Leonardo da Vinci's 500 year old flying machine, which Eddie and Anna use to escape from the castle.
 * Brick Joke - The duo sings songs to time (and synchronise) their capers. Each time, the song ends before the caper is over. At that very moment, they invariably get caught.
 * Camera Spoofing - "BIG STAN!"
 * Camp - It's basically a live-action cartoon.
 * Captain Obvious - "Coach? I think we've been double-crossed..."
 * The Playmate of the Year riding the car next to Hudson as he's rolling on a stretcher: "Hey mister! You gonna die?"
 * Card-Carrying Villain - "What can I say? I'm the villain!"
 * Catch Phrase - Tommy has one. Can you believe it?!
 * Character Title
 * Christianity Is Catholic:
 * Anna veers close to being a Naughty Nun, so much that her boss complains. But in reality she is a Good Catholic.
 * Fantastic Catholicism: the "Vatican Organization" that Anna works for, a pseudo-CIA for the Church.
 * Also, "Catholic girls are scary."
 * Raised Catholic is also why Anna won't shoot Almond Joy.
 * And why Hudson is not allowed in her bed.
 * And why she loves Butterfinger, in a weird Catholic way.
 * Hollywood Nuns: inverted, as we only see Anna in a habit once. Because she's undercover as... a chaste Catholic girl who works at the Vatican.
 * Chekhov's Gun - The opening with Leonardo's lab would make Tom Servo declare "Foreshadowing!"
 * Tommy and Hawk's game of rattling off a song's playing time takes on a whole new meaning during the first robbery.
 * CIA Evil, FBI Good - FBI isn't featured, but ex-CIA Kaplan is definitely evil.
 * Code Name - Snickers. Butterfinger. Kit Kat. Almond Joy.

"Hawk: "That's a good shot of you, Minerva""
 * Comedic Sociopathy
 * Confessional - "Hit me with your best shot." yawns.
 * Cover Drop - For the rope-swinging one.
 * Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon - The Corrupt Corporate Executive will torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career!
 * Deadly Dodging
 * Deadpan Snarker
 * Death Equals Redemption: Kit Kat, after being betrayed and pumped full of arrows, uses his last breath to loosen the ropes on Anna, allowing her to escape.
 * Disney Death - Twice! To the same character!
 * Damsel in Distress - Though she knows she doesn't make a very good one.
 * The Dragon - Alfred.
 * Dragon His Feet - Alfred again.
 * Dresses the Same - Kit Kat does this a lot.
 * Driving Into a Truck: The ambulance carrying Eddie and Tommy Five-Tone away from the Mayflowers drives up a ramp into a truck.
 * Dumb Muscle - Butterfinger.
 * The Eighties - Bookended by the fact that at the start and end of the film, after being released from prison after several years, Eddie has no idea what "playing Nintendo" is.
 * Embarrassing Slide - "Damned Photomat assholes!"

"What can I say? I'm the villain."
 * Every Car Is a Pinto - The safety features on ambulances are apparently disabled by the presence of stupid mobsters. On the other hand, certain cars in the movie have very good interior fire-suppression systems.
 * Famous Last Words: MY PENSION!!!
 * Fast Roping - This is how Kit Kat makes his first appearance.
 * Faux Affably Evil: Darwin and Minerva Mayflower.

"George Kaplan:	People were scared, the Agency had some respect, and I got laid every night!"
 * The Foreign Subtitle - Varied versions of "The Master Thief" was added to the title abroad.
 * Go to Your Room - Followed by a Vulcan Neck Pinch.
 * Grievous Bottley Harm
 * Groin Attack: "Come to think of it, there is one part of your anatomy you won't be needing..."
 * Guilty Pleasures
 * Hammerspace: One of the villains cuts open the cover of Da Vinci's codex to reveal that the book cover, which was approximately a quarter inch thick, contains a piece of the gold machine reflector which is about the size of a billiard ball.
 * Heterosexual Life Partners: Eddie and Tommy seem to be a May-December version of this.
 * Hey, It's That Guy!: David Caruso? YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH! And he's in a dress? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 * Actually Retroactive Recognition, as NYPD Blue came after this.
 * Human Mail: Eddie wakes up in a packing material shipping crate in another country after being rendered unconscious.
 * Hawk later uses this to
 * Idle Animation
 * Improbable Aiming Skills - "Exact change?!"
 * Incredibly Lame Pun
 * "So much for his... cut."
 * Cesar Mario and Antony Mario -- i.e., the Mario Brothers.
 * Indecisive Parody
 * Instant Sedation - The victims are paralyzed instantly by curare-tipped blowgun darts.
 * I Want Them Alive - "Really? Don't hurt him?"
 * Knuckle Tattoos - Kit Kat has them.
 * Lampshade Hanging - "The guy on the donkey is just a guy on a donkey."
 * Let's Get Dangerous - Don't insult the Big Guy when Anna's around. Just don't.
 * Look Behind You! - "You don't expect me to fall for that old gag."
 * Made of Explodium:
 * Da Vinci apparently saw the need for a Self-Destruct Mechanism when he had his alchemy lab built.
 * Which, really, suits his personality just fine.
 * During a chase, an ambulance drives off a ramp and explodes in midair for no reason whatsoever.
 * Master of Disguise - Kit Kat.
 * Master of Unlocking
 * Murder Is the Best Solution - "My God, Minerva! I Was Just Joking!" they dance together.
 * Naughty Nuns - Not that naughty, but she certainly thinks flirting with Eddie is a guilty pleasure.
 * Neutral Female: Subverted. She does free herself. And, during the fight with Alfred at the end, she does try to help Eddie. Unfortunately, her aim sucks, but, to be fair, she is a nun, and therefore probably not particularly experienced in the operation of firearms.
 * Nice Hat: To Eddie at least, as realizing that it has fallen off his head is what allows him to break free from the involuntary movements that Kaplan had him locked in.
 * Nobody Here but Us Statues - Kit Kat in the castle.
 * Not the Fall That Kills You
 * Offhand Backhand - "I'll kick your Centrally Intelligent ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!" Elbow-to-the-face.
 * Offstage Villainy: The third robbery takes place offscreen by the main villians after Hawk is arrested
 * Off with His Head - "I guess you won't be attending that hat convention in July!"
 * Only Known by Their Nickname: Eddie, who's called "Hudson Hawk" by everyone except Tommy Five-Tone.
 * We never learn the real names of the Candy Bars.
 * Overly Long Gag
 * Overly Long Name - in a sense, with Gates' description of Alfred.
 * Percussive Maintenance - The Pope's attempt to fix a malfunctioning TV by hitting it with a staff.
 * Playing High - Anna in the castle.
 * Poisoned Weapons: Almond Joy's curare-tipped blowgun darts.
 * Pokémon-Speak: Igg and Ook.
 * Pretty Little Headshots
 * Psychopathic Manchild - Butterfinger.
 * Punctuated Pounding - Tommy Five Tone to Darwin Mayflower.
 * Realistic Diction Is Unrealistic - Overlapping: Tommy and Anna, after the Tommy-Hudson fight scene.
 * Reality Is Unrealistic - The "Da Vinci Codex" is a misnomer, as there are at least 5 codices of Da Vinci's. The one in the film is neither; it is a composite of two recognizable Da Vinci works: the Vitruvian Man on one side, which was never in a codex, and the Study on Muscles on the other, which are among the Windsor Folios. No such codex exists. Nor is there a Da Vinci codex in the Vatican Museum.
 * Rhetorical Request Blunder
 * Rule of Cool - When Eddie and his partner have to synchronize their actions to pull off a heist, do they use their wristwatches? No ... they sing showtunes. While sneaking around inside an occupied building.
 * Rule of Funny - This movie runs with it and the tank is filled baby!
 * Running Gag - Will Eddie ever get his cappuccino?
 * Will Eddie ever learn what a Nintendo is?
 * Sarcastic Confession
 * Slashed Throat
 * Speak of the Devil - when Gates is talking about Alfred and the latter immediately enters. A subverted Inadvertent Entrance Cue. Also provides an Answer Cut.
 * Staged Shooting
 * Stolen MacGuffin Reveal
 * Stop Helping Me! - Nuns can not and should not handle firearms.
 * Ought to be the Trope Namer.
 * Stuff Blowing Up
 * Sword Sparks
 * Tap on the Head
 * The Butler Did It - Quoted by Eddie when telling Tommy
 * Theme Naming - The CIA people are code-named after candy bars; apparently before that, they tried diseases.
 * Theme Twin Naming - Eddie jokingly asks of the identical twin mooks tasked with following him around, "What do they call you guys? Igg and Ook?" They are credited as such.
 * Time for Plan B - "You've gotta love male bonding." Cat burglars fall off balcony.
 * Trojan Horse - "The Pope takes his mail seriously."
 * The Voiceless -
 * Kit Kat only communicates through preprinted cards. "MY NAME IS KIT KAT THIS IS NOT A DREAM"
 * Also Igg and Ook.
 * TimeBombs with one case of Delayed Explosion.
 * Unexplained Recovery - "Can you fucking believe it!"
 * Unholy Matrimony - The Mayflowers.
 * Use Your Head
 * What Kept You? - "I got bored, so I saved myself."
 * Why We're Bummed Communism Fell - Let The Dragon tell you.


 * Why Won't You Die? - Butterfinger.
 * Window Pain
 * World of Ham - The entire cast seems to be engaging in a scenery-chewing competition, especially Bruce Willis and Richard E. Grant.
 * You Fail Economics Forever - The Mayflowers want to make the world currency market collapse by making so much gold that it turns all of the stuff into Worthless Yellow Rocks. That might have worked in, say, 1965. However, ever since Richard Nixon took the US off the gold standard in 1971, no currency has any significant links whatsoever to gold, and making lots and lots of gold would only collapse the gold market. Enough to send shockwaves through the global economy? Probably. Enough to destroy it? Never.
 * The idea that their own fortune would be unaffected also falls short.
 * There's some implications that "most of" their fortune is in physical commodities and properties whose relative value would be unchanged... Which doesn't explain how they can throw around money like it's already worthless pieces of paper.
 * You Have Failed Me
 * You Have Outlived Your Usefulness