Quantum Leap/Funny

"Sam: How do I act retarded? Al: Just act natural."
 * In the episode Jimmy, Sam's once again in trouble. And Al is once again, no help at all.

"Blake: I know you. You're that jerk from the lobby. Al: I am the Ghost of Christmas Future. Whoo Haha! Blake: Please. The Ghost of Christmas Future wore a black cape. Jacob Marley had the chains."
 * I remember that one episode where Al tried impersonating the Ghost of Christmas Future, and not very well.

"Sam: Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the hologram!"
 * In The Leap Back, Sam's delight at being the hologram for a change. Also, Sam being the one who makes dirty jokes (and his reaction afterwards, every time), leaving Al with the "choir boy thoughts" - and hating every minute of it.

"Sam: They're robbing the bank to pay the bank? Al: Well, that has a certain symmetry to it."
 * From "Promised Land":

"Al: He has all the signs of the undead. Sam: And you have all the signs of the brain dead!"
 * "Jailhouse Rock" is now recorded by Tony Orlando and Dawn. Ughh! Gag me with a spoon!
 * I agree Al, that'd probably make anybody want to gag!
 * From the episode Blood Moon

"Al: Why's everyone applauding? Did I miss something? Sam: Bunny just stripped for gas money. Al: So, she stripped. What do ya mean... She stripped! And I missed it! Sam, I'm the Observer on this project and I should have been here to observe it."
 * At the end of "What Price Gloria?", Sam gets revenge on the Jerkass skirt-chasing executive who harassed him and nearly drove the leapee's roommate to suicide. How does he do it? By saying he's a man. The exec's reactions are priceless, particularly when Sam says he can prove he's a man, and the exec backs away in a panic, shouting "NO!" so loudly that his voice cracks.
 * From "Disco Inferno": The "Man Bag", and just Al's fascination of the 70s vs Sam's disgust for the time period.
 * From "Maybe Baby":

""Despite the warm voice and friendly smile, I didn't like him. I didn't like the way people parted before him or the way they touched their hats said 'Captain' as he passed. But since he was obviously the man who ran this town, I had to learn all I could about him. Besides, I had no idea where I lived.""
 * In "So Help Me God," Sam is offered a ride home from court by the father of the victim. Sam's narration gives us his first impression of him.

"Sam: Who wrote this list, you or Zsa-Zsa Gabor?!"
 * In "A Hunting We Will Go", Al recognizes the Belligerent Sexual Tension between Sam and the woman he's supposed to be bringing to justice. He explains the Five Steps of Love: Denial, Sex, Marriage, Divorce, and, if you're lucky, More Sex.

"Sam: Look, I don't have a temperature! (presses her hand to his forehead, she goes for a thermometer) Okay, fine, take my temperature. Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaaah! (The doctor goes around behind him) Al: Uh, Sam? I don't think she's gonna put that in your mouth... Sam: (as the doctor makes him bend over) Aaaaaaah boy..."
 * In "The Wrong Stuff", Sam leaps into a chimp that's part of the space program. Just about the whole episode is great, but there are a couple of moments that stand out. In one scene, the female doctor is looking Sam over: