Hans Von Hozel



""Hallo there, my name is Hans von Hozel.

I like to write stories to make an improve of my English.

Please read and enjoy! :)""

""I had idea when one day, I going in Berlin. Suddenly, everything in English! I could not understand it. It was like it in another language, so I make English and do stories in it. : D" - Hans von Hozel"

Hans von Hozel is one of many writers on Fanfiction.net, though his fics have since been taken down from the website. Probably the most notable thing about Hans' collection of fics is that he had a fic for just about everything. Well, maybe not everything, but chances are if there's a huge fanbase (e.g. Twilight), there will be a fic for that sooner or later. Although, the plot might not have to do with the storyline at all...

You can find a steadily-building archive of his work here. --

Hans von Hozel's works provide examples of:
""One day, Naruto was sit on a beach.
 * All Deserts Have Cacti: zig-zagged in World Cup 2010.
 * Anyone Can Die - Most of his fics end on a melancholy note. For example: He kills all of the
 * Artistic License Biology -
 * In The Raven, the titular raven is being hunted for its fur coat.
 * Also, the Glee fanfic involves a banana forest growing as a result of Produce Pelting. Edible bananas have no seeds.
 * Artistic License Nuclear Physics - 'Suddenly, his potion solution constructed nuclear in its half life and opened up a black wormholee!!!!!!'
 * Butterfly of Doom: "Doctor Who" has a time travel related accident with a feather duster which causes the world's population to turn into dinosaurs...who eat him...and conquer the world...
 * Catch Phrase - His usage of "Danube" as a verb, usually to indicate someone or something moving.
 * Crossover

It was many suns in the sky.

Suddenly, Vegeta!" - Naruto"

""LOOK!" shout Fans, "THE BEATLES ARE MAKING A STEALING!""
 * World of Danube: A Mamma Mia/Harry Potter crossover.
 * Darker and Edgier - Pikachu, Mary Poppins  , Alice  , just to name a few of the fates of famous popular characters.
 * Department of Redundancy Department -
 * 'One day, House was walk into his House.
 * "It is good to have House House!" say House, as he walk into House House.'
 * Die for Our Ship - Invoked in Valentine's Day, Harry sets a dragon on Ron so he can have Hermione for himself.
 * Disproportionate Retribution: In Pikachus Umbrella, Pikachu is locked in a prison cell for all eternity for stealing a TV set.
 * The Dog Bites Back - "The animals had had enough of being used by Panda, and gave humans location."
 * Downer Ending - Nearly every story he has written.
 * Funny Foreigner: Hans himself.
 * Genre Shift: Axis Powers Hetalia and The Room abruptly turn to sci-fi in midstream.
 * Green Aesop: The Kung Fu Panda story. Maybe.
 * Humans Are Bastards: Warhammer.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun - Yugi becomes an Yu-Gi-Oh card in Card Quest.
 * In Name Only - On occasion.
 * His Gravitation and The Day After Tomorrow fics are particularly blatant examples.
 * His Rush Hour fic is actually about the board game of the same name.
 * Also, his Across the Universe fics are essentially about wars between the Beatles (who can only say "Liverpol") and ABBA.
 * In the Style Of: if one is very charitable, Glitch City is Pokemon in the style of Metal Gear Solid 2.
 * Kill'Em All:
 * His  fic.
 * Also in his Yu-Gi-Oh fics.
 * Happens repeatedly in his Bible fic; God getting either angry, or bored.
 * Lighter and Softer - "Ok so I saw a horrible scary movie call 'The Human Centipede' and is was horrible but I make this version where it is not so scary and of the happy ending!"
 * Money to Throw Away - In Eurovision Song Contest 2010 Switzerland makes gold rain from the ceiling. This somehow fixes Greece's economy.
 * Murder the Hypotenuse - See the comment for Die for Our Ship about the Harry Potter story Valentine's Day.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: Hozel's Twilight and Let the Right One In stories use his own vampire mythos.
 * Pastiche - His... distinctive style has inspired these from other authors, particularly by way of The Weekly Hans von Hozel Challenge.
 * Pokémon Speak: The Beatles can only say "Liverpol".
 * Real Person Fic - And in a site where it's supposedly forbidden, although it's sometimes a result of confusion caused by I Am Not Leonard Nimoy and The Danza. This doesn't stop reviewers from threatening to report him, though.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin - "Tron" is listed as a Troy fanfic.
 * Saying Sound Effects Out Loud - In Spain Wins The World Cup the referee says "Toot."
 * Shock and Awe - How Thomas the Tank Engine dies in one of his stories.
 * Stealth Parody/Poe's Law - One can only hope.
 * Together in Death:
 * The Unintelligible - In Hans's fics, The Beatles can only say "Liverpol".
 * Who's On First? - "One day, House was walk into his House."
 * You Keep Using That Word -
 * As mentioned, he seems convinced that the word "Danube" is a rather vaguely-defined verb.
 * He also likes to take verbs and change them to "make a (verb)ing". For example, from the fanfiction Strawberry Fields Forever:


 * He also thinks that the plural of "broom" (which he consistently spells "Brom", and uses as if it were a name) is "bromine". "Brom", however, is German for "bromine" he seems to have the two confused. Bromine just so happens to be a periodic element; an odd thing to get confused with a broom of the sweeping kind