Brain Dead 13



""If it's a challenge you want, then it's a deadly game you'll get! We shall see just who is 'average'" Dr. Neurosis in the intro. "Just to prove that this game isn't messing around... Yes, you can die within the first two seconds.""

- Obscure Game Theater on Brain Dead 13.

An interactive movie game similar to Dragon's Lair and Space Ace. As in those games, you have to input commands at the right time during the movie or face sudden death, and have to retry. Compared to Dragon's Lair, Brain Dead 13 gives the player slightly more time to make decisions and actually tells you when you entered a wrong command (instead of killing you, as Dragon's Lair does), but there's much less of an idea of what you're supposed to do and when (and some of the inputs are downright counterintuitive). Combine that with Everything Trying to Kill You, and you've got yourself a challenge.

You star as computer fixit Lance, who is hired on a routine repair job to the creepy old castle just outside town, but discovers that he's been tricked into fixing the computer of Mad Scientist Dr. Neurosis, who now plans on using his master server to take over the world. Unfortunately for Lance, he makes the mistake of pointing out how cliche Neurosis' plot is, which, of course, doesn't exactly go over well. Lance finds himself on the run from the doctor's psychotic henchman Fritz, and now has to find his way through the oddly large castle, fight the various other villains who live there, make it back to Neurosis' computer and shut it down, taking out Neurosis for good.

The game features several unique, vibrant areas and characters, including the seductive but sadistic Vivi, who's intent of giving you the best, and last, makeover you'll ever have, and Moose, the Frankenstein's Monster with the brain of a mindless jock. The areas are interesting but challenging, since standing still at any point will leave you dead faster than you can blink.

"Moose: "Alright twerp! It's third down, the bases are loaded, and we're pullin' the goalie!" Reviewer: "That... doesn't even make sense.""
 * Affably Evil: Vivi, to both Lance (who she tries to chop) and Fritz (who she tosses into a spiked coffin).
 * Amusing Injuries: The game plays off the deaths as this, but despite the Bloodless Carnage, they can get pretty graphic.
 * Ax Crazy: Fritz. More like "hook, harpoon, chainsaw" crazy, but you get the idea.
 * Badass Normal: One of the two reasons why Lance is alive (and kicking) among a castleful of monsters and undead beings.
 * Berserk Button: "AVERAGE?!?"
 * Big Red Button: Lance blows up Neurosis and his computer with one of these.
 * Black Comedy: The death animations can be pretty hysterical because of the cartoonish ways Lance can get killed.
 * Bloodless Carnage: Despite all the horrible ways to die, none of them show any blood or gore (with the exception of green blood or so).
 * Brain In a Jar: Dr. Neurosis.
 * Butt Monkey: Fritz, who has a chance of getting injured in every single room. Let alone the final battle....
 * Catch Phrase: "Hiya, pal."
 * Chainsaw Good: Fritz at one point attaches one to his wrist.
 * Creepy Centipedes: There's a room where a giant centipede comes out of a hole. And it'll bite Lance's head off if you're not quick.
 * Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: During a Wingding Eyes segment revolving around how badly Fritz is going to kill Lance, a high heel shoe appears.
 * Deadly Dodging: Lance in part defeats Neurosis by tricking Fritz into shooting him.
 * The witches are both defeated by constantly running away until they slam into a wall at high speed.
 * Determinator: Fritz. Insanely so.
 * Diagonal Cut: Happens when Lance is slashed by the witch's black cat or when Fritz hit him with a saber.
 * Dinner Deformation: A couple of the deaths result in this, such as a book getting stuck in Lance's throat or a huge stone football thrown into his mouth.
 * Distracted by the Sexy: Fritz while looking at Vivi.
 * The Dragon: Fritz again.
 * Everything Trying to Kill You: Everything from the spiders on the wall to the trophies in the hallway.
 * Eye Scream: At the beginning of the game, Lance poke Fritz's eyes, prompting him to cover them.... too bad that he has Hook Hands.
 * Freeze-Frame Bonus: One of the many things that fly out of Fritz's coat when he's falling down the stairs is a porno mag with Vivi's (clothed) breasts adorned on the cover.
 * Gainaxing: Vivi.
 * Genre Savvy: The other reason why Lance is and keeps being alive.
 * Getting Crap Past the Radar: The deaths are really violent for a K-A rated game. There's also the issue with the buxom vampire lady... Also, see Freeze-Frame Bonus above.
 * Gretzky Has the Ball: Most of Moose's dialogue. Prompted this exchange in a review:


 * Guide Dang It
 * Half the Man He Used To Be: In many death scenes, Lance will be cut in half (vertically and horizontally) by Fritz.
 * Hoist by His Own Petard: Both Vivi and Neurosis are defeated by their own attempts to kill Lance.
 * During the stairs sequence, Lance pick up several of Fritz's weapons to use against him, including at least two hammers.
 * Hook Hand: Fritz has two, which he can replace with other weapons... like a chainsaw.
 * Hyperspace Arsenal: Fritz. Just look at the image.
 * The Igor: Fritz.
 * I'm a Humanitarian: Several of the deaths involve Fritz eating Lance somehow. Also, the witches do this if you die in their rooms as well.
 * Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Several of the deaths.
 * Impossible Hourglass Figure: Vivi.
 * Improbable Weapon User: In one death scene, Fritz messily kills Lance with what appears to be a spoon and an egg beater.
 * It's All Upstairs From Here: The battle with Fritz takes place on an extremely long set of stairs. Before the battle, Fritz falls down each and every step.
 * Jerk Jock: Moose.
 * Kaizo Trap: A piano falls on you if you're not paying attention after the final boss. They don't even try to hide how spiteful it is.
 * Lampshade Hanging: When he meets Dr. Neurosis, Lance mocks him for every Mad Scientist trope in the book. The doctor is not pleased.
 * The entire rest of the game is really one big lampshade hanging for Horror and Sci Fi tropes as well.
 * Let's Play: By Frankomatic.
 * Loud Gulp: When Lance is fighting the ghosts.
 * Mad Scientist: Neurosis. Lampshaded.
 * Male Gaze: Vivi says she's a little bit "behind". Guess what's appearing onscreen as she says it?
 * The Many Deaths of You: Tons and tons of ways to die. Of which only a third of them are shown in this video. The ways range from cartoony to very violent yet cartoony, such as Lance having his spine ripped out of his body.
 * The Maze: The first area of the garden in a hedge maze, where any and every wrong move equals death. The hallways themselves can be thought of a mazes, though it's really more of an exploration thing: unless you're too slow, you won't be penalized for going the wrong way.
 * The Mirror Shows Your True Self: Vivi has no reflection, revealing that she is a vampire. Not like this wasn't obvious before.
 * Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate: Dr. Neurosis.
 * Ms. Fanservice: Vivi.
 * Nintendo Hard: You can die within ten seconds of leaving the intro cutscene, and you have to have good reflexes (and occasionally psychic powers) in order to get past everything in the castle.
 * Oh Crap: Fritz when he realize what Lance was doing with the carpet...
 * Overly Long Gag: Fritz falling down the stairs.
 * Palette Swap: The blue witch and the orange witch are the exact same battle, except everything is flipped horizontally and the witches' palettes are swapped.
 * The white gorilla in the trophy room uses the exact same wedgie kill scene as Moose.
 * Also, the giant snake in the maze has the same wraparound and head-biting attack as the centipede in the basement.
 * Another one can be found with the acid-spitting death by a dragon in the Trophy Room, which is the same as the one used by the Giant Statue in the Garden.
 * Power Walk: Lance has a pretty badass one when entering Dr. Neurosis's quarters.
 * Psycho for Hire: Fritz. Also, possibly Vivi, since she's given no real motivation besides apparently enjoying killing anyone who steps in her shop.
 * Psychopathic Manchild: Moose.
 * Rant-Inducing Slight: Neurosis goes into a rage when Lance calls him "average".
 * Redheaded Hero: Lance.
 * Serial Escalation: How many weapons does Fritz have? How insane can the castle's residents get?
 * Sliding Scale of Linearity vs. Openness: Level 3. Unlike Space Ace or Dragon's Lair, navigating the castle is part of the game, and it's not only possible but easy to find yourself in previously visited areas.
 * Southern Belle: Vivi.
 * Stealth Pun: You encounter flesh devouring worms in the library. The only speaking person there makes no comment on this.
 * Super Rug Pull: Lance uses this on Fritz in the penultimate confrontation. He sees Fritz at the top of a huge staircase and gives the rug at the bottom a mighty pull. The rug shockwave travels up the entirety of the stairs as Lance and Fritz watch (with smugness and curiosity, respectively) until it hits Fritz, who then falls down the entirety of the stairs.
 * Take Over the World: Dr. Neurosis' overall plan. This is one of the things mocked by Lance.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Fritz at times, particularly the intro cutscene, where Lance tricks him into thinking his cannon arm had already fired by yelling "BOOM", after which he looks into the barrel to see if it worked and gets shot in the face. It's a good thing he's practically unkillable, huh?
 * Totally Radical: Lance, but it's surprisingly subtle.
 * Trench Coat Warfare: Though not an actual trenchcoat, Fritz invokes this with his vest at several points, including the cover.
 * Trial and Error Gameplay
 * The Unintelligible: Fritz.
 * Unwinnable by Design: If you accidentally run from any of the "big three", then you can't see the ending without restarting.
 * Vampires Are Sex Gods: Vivi.
 * Villainous Breakdown: Fritz's patience begins to visibly wear thin as you progress through timing events where he's the danger..
 * You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Half the reason why Neurosis wants Lance dead. The other half being that Lance called Neurosis an "average mad scientist".