Ariana Vampire Queen

Ariana Vampire Queen is a Deviant Art author, admitted admirer of Erin Locklea (of Brewdening Love fame) and the new stage of madness in the domain of Sue-fics.

All her fics are centered around Queen Ariana Erehaha SilverDove Seagull, who gained names along the stories and is currently Ariana Erehaha Celestia Twilight Sparkle Heffalump Chives SilverDove Seagull, daughter of Aro Volturi, who was upgraded to King of the Vampires. Ariana's an obvious Self Insert Black Hole Relationship Sue.

There are three main fics centered around Ariana :
 * The story of the vampire queen (usually shortened to Vampire Queen) introduces Ariana. She lived the past six years in a foster family for her protection, and her foster parents are going to let her live with their friends, the Thorn family, while they're on a cruise. The parents, Ann and Richard love her. She also starts dating their nephew (and adopted son) Damien, and treating their son as if he had somehow wronged her.
 * Da Life of Delia is a sequel, taking place nine years later in Hogwarts (yes, they're still students at Hogwarts nine years later).
 * Da Story of De Dalton Vampire (usually shortened to Dalton Vampire)) apparently takes place in a different continuity, where Ariana goes to Dalton Academy, despite being a girl, because her father threatened the principal. She then proceeds to make Kurt explode, have Blaine realize he's actually straight and wants to date her, and she joins the academy's Glee Club, the Warblers.
 * True Blue Achy Heart (or True Bloo Hart): A story where Ariana goes to Afghanistan and meets the character from The Kite Runner.
 * It was rewritten as True Heart Love, because "it was not as gud as it cud have bean". This time it's dedicated to snarkers Josky and Chibi.

Her other fics include: As well as numerous one-shots that are based on fandoms as varied ass all of the above, Shakespeare's plays, The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas and Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame.
 * Secret Family: A Kung Fu Panda and The Kite Runner Crossover. Po is Assef's brother, somehow. And there's a lot of sex changes among other, worse things. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context.
 * Edward Cullen goes to Hogwarts, later named Hoggy Edward: As the name implies, a Twilight/Harry Potter crossover. As the name does not imply, characters from The Kite Runner and CSI: Miami are in the story, and later on Winnie the Pooh makes an appearance. Edward Cullen, along with other characters such as Assef "Nazi Buttrapist" go to Hogwarts to stop Ronald Weasley from growing a beard, stopping some ancient prophecy in the process. This fic could be considered the top of Ariana's insanity (or trolling).

General tropes
"every1 was gay accept me and Damien. Damien.... was STRAIGHT!"
 * As Long as It Sounds Foreign / Gratuitous Foreign Language: Sometimes a character will spurt random nonsense that the narration will dub as Japanese or French. It should not surprise anyone that this is actually never a real sentence — or even a real word — in those languages
 * And then the Hunchback fics use grammatically correct Gratuitous French.
 * But Not Too Foreign: In Dalton Vampire Chapter 13, we learn Ariana's mother is, in fact, American.
 * Butt Monkey: Mark Thorn is this in most of her fics, despite not making any sense in any fic besides Vampire Queen and Da Life of Delia.
 * Catch Phrase: "Breakfast Roll" and "like the unicorns dancing with the elves" both qualify.
 * Dear Negative Reader: Just like Erin, with a twist: she fails to realize some of the haters are haters (case in point: WolfBloodRei), and thanks them for their "good reviews" by inserting thel in her stories as her friends.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: Too many example to list individually, so we'll just list one here.

""WARD HELL I SCREAMED!!!""
 * Damsel in Distress: Ariana, while being the most powerful vampire, is unable to do anything by herself and needs her current love interest to save her.
 * Everything's Better with Princesses: While Ariana's officially Queen of the Vampires, since her father Aro's the king, that makes her a princess (unless…). In that case, she inverses this trope so very much it hurts.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun: Ariana's repeated use of "Tom Hanks" instead of "thanks" seems to be this, because he's T. Hanks.
 * It Runs on Nonsensoleum: Oh so much.
 * Out of Character: Basically any character who has a canon equivalent somewhere. Strangely, with the exception of WolfBloodRei, the snarkers in the Revenge Fics are immune to this, notably with Anya The Purple screaming that the whole thing is illogical.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: More so than My Immortal and Brewdening Love.
 * Shout-Out: To Brewdening Love, Twila the Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre, My Immortal, Face the Strange. Almost to the point of plagiarizing. For instance, many characters weep tears of blood, and will speak in something similar to this quote from Erin's Truelove Fight :


 * Stripperiffic: Ariana and Po often wear clothes where you can see their boobs and/or asses.
 * Troll: She's an obvious one.
 * What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made on Drugs?: Pretty much the whole thing is the result of either drugs, insanity, of brilliant trolling. Or a combination of the above.

Vampire queen
""when u kissed damien ur love nd his sperm cum up nd den so u can hav babyes tru kussing becoz u are a great vampire>""
 * Anatomically-Impossible Sex: Let the quote speak for itself:

"I bit down hardon is dick."
 * Arranged Marriage : Attempted, as Aro wants Ariana to marry Edward.
 * Continuity Snarl: In about three chapters. Delia seems to appear and be capable of talking before she's actually born.
 * Crossover: Twilight, The Omen, Forrest Gump, Harry Potter, South Park
 * Groin Attack : Ariana defends herself from Edward confessing his love for her by… ahem… let's just quote it.

""Aryana, (remember her nam is peeled dat way 2.) ariana..." a vooice shade."
 * Rouge Angles of Satin : And HOW.


 * SORAS: Delia. See Continuity Snarl above.
 * The Cameo: Marik or Yugi from Yu-Gi-Oh! appears twice for no good reason. The spelling's so awful it's not very clear who actually appears.
 * What an Idiot!: Ariana spends five months "imprisoned" in an unlocked cell.

Da Life of Delia
"den, as predicted by mort in the sentence abov dis chapta"
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: This sentence.

"every1 was gay accept me and Damien. Damien.... was STRAIGHT!"
 * Cross Dresser: Draco Malfoy, it seems.
 * Crossover: Twilight, The Omen, Harry Potter, Forrest Gump, South Park, CSI: Miami
 * Everyone Is Gay: To be more accurate…

"i lookd lyk a goffik version of Hermia from wilbert shakespeeres a midsummer nites dreem. da dress barely covered my bottom (geddit bottom lyke da guy in shakespeara)"
 * Nice Hat: The "vampire hat", which is apparently a talking hat.
 * Perfectly Cromulent Word: Goffikulous.
 * Secondary Character Title: Delia has practically no lines or importance of the plot — it's all about Ariana.
 * Shout-Out: A very failing double shout-out to William Shakespeare.


 * Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: As the author note in the beginning of Chapter 3. It has surprisingly good grammar.

Dalton Vampire
"cuz u want a different kind of ride"
 * All Gays Are Promiscuous : David seems to believe so. When Blaine asks why he doesn't give him ride, he answers.

"Blood was everywhere. Blaine smiled at me."
 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny : Blaine and Ariana go from talking about the ponies, to talking about the magic piss, to going to bed, without interruption.
 * Back From the Dead: Apparently, Mark does that all the time.
 * comes back later too,
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: One of Warblers has laryngitis and can't sing, Ariana comes to sing in his place, Kurt compliments her… then he explodes.


 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: Ariana has "telikineses (like Vlodymort in my immmortal)"
 * Cure Your Gays: In that she makes Blaine (a canonically gay character) fall in love with her.
 * And then Sebastian as well.
 * Disproportionate Retribution: Mark gets killed because he's ugly.
 * Flat What: Mr Tumnus' reaction at being drop kicked into the ground by Blaine.
 * Killed Off for Real : Strangely enough,
 * Shout-Out: To Face the Strange: the OKSAK (Operation Kill Senior And Kurt) is very reminiscent of KTFD
 * Take That: At My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic (the ponies and Ariana's three new middle names and ponies appear in the story), presumably because most snarkers are fans of it.
 * At the The Chronicles of Narnia, too.
 * Weirdness Censor: No one, not even Blaine, reacts to Kurt exploding. People actually clap when Blaine kills a waiter because he's ugly.
 * To be fair, the "Edward's magic piss" series is apparently canon AND part of this fic's backstory.
 * Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Figgins/Figgina for some reason.
 * Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Figgins/Figgina for some reason.

True Bloo Heart

 * Bastard Boyfriend: Assef fits the trope loosely (he only tried to kill Ariana before they were together!) and fits the literal definition perfectly.
 * Crossover: The Kite Runner and Twilight.

Secret Family

 * Anachronism Stew: Assef checking on Facebook. Especially noticeable, considering in an earlier chapter Ariana reminds the readers it's in the 1970s.
 * Earlier, Po checks his iPhone and starts a text conversation with Assef.
 * As You Know: Amir and Hassan state their plan to kill Po's baby for no reason but to let the readers know they will kill him.
 * Attractive Bent Gender:
 * Crossover: Kung Fu Panda and The Kite Runner.
 * Department of Redundancy Department : Possibly on purpose, considering how obvious it is.
 * In an Author's note : "Please enjoy a storey after approving of it."
 * Disney Death:
 * Interspecies Romance: Po and "Kman".
 * Shout-Out: C'mon, a panda in an Interspecies Romance by a writer known to copy famous Sue Troll Fics? Where have we heard that one before?
 * Many, many shout outs to Face the Strange.
 * Parental Abandonment: Po and Kman forget Spongebob. Multiple times.
 * Wholesome Crossdresser: Po. Maybe. If you can call him "wholesome", anyway, considering the story. He MIGHT have just switched genders.
 * Parental Abandonment: Po and Kman forget Spongebob. Multiple times.
 * Wholesome Crossdresser: Po. Maybe. If you can call him "wholesome", anyway, considering the story. He MIGHT have just switched genders.

Hoggy Edward
"BREAKFAST ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"
 * Catch Phrase

"enjoy a story after pissing on the staiars."
 * Dear Negative Reader: Surprisingly averted — instead, the author notes in the beginning of each chapter is pure nonsense, such as


 * Hypocritical Humor: In this fic, Assef refuses Winnie's advances stating that love between a bear and a man is impossible. What happened in Secret Family, again… ?
 * It Runs on Nonsensoleum: All of Ariana's work does, but this deserves special mention.
 * Secondary Character Title: You could say that Assef is the real main character in this story.
 * Take That: The Winnie the Pooh references as a whole, directed at snarker Chibi, a.k.a. Fire Yoshi
 * The Cameo: Yoda in chapter two, delivers a line then pisses away.
 * Mark Thorn, again, to serve his purpose as Butt Monkey. And then turns into Winnie the Pooh
 * Vagueness Is Coming: What will happen if Ron Weasley grows a beard, again ?

Oneshot fics
Ariana has many one-shot fics, especially since a few weeks ago when she became very active. Most are so confused and muddled up that the reader has no idea what the plot is, or whether there is one at all. Her recent fics have been mostly CrossOvers between Twilight and Glee, though she seems to be getting into The Kite Runner recently.


 * Once an Episode: The revenge chapters will almost always feature Edward's (or Bella's) magical… bodily waste, then Ariana with Blaine (and maybe some other Glee males) flying on a machine gun. And involve the "flamers", of course.
 * Revenge Fic: Several.