Michael Cole



""I'd rather listen to a recording of JR than a live you for one more second!""

- Edge, to Michael Cole

Michael Sean Coulthard (born December 8, 1968), better known by his stage name Michael Cole, is a play-by-play announcer for WWE. He is best known for announcing WWE Smackdown for nine years, from its launch in 1999 until 2008; in 2008, he was switched over to WWE Raw, where he has been ever since.

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"Michael Cole: (after the "new" "email" jingle goes off) Can I have your attention ple-- Chris Jericho: OF COURSE YOU HAVE AN EMAIL YOU IDIOT! JUST READ IT!"
 * Arch Nemesis: Bryan Danielson, and The IWC.
 * Ascended Meme:
 * Cole asked Josh Mathews if he been playing Michael Cole Bingo during an episode of the first season of NXT.
 * His Slammy acceptance speech, wherein he gives a Shout-Out to almost every Catch Phrase and criticism leveled at him.
 * Two Slammys were named after Michael Cole; 2009's "Oh My" award and 2010's "And I Quote." Naturally he won both.
 * Author Avatar: Of Vince McMahon, or his evil "Mr. McMahon" character at least.
 * Interesting enough, wrestlers have started to yell at Cole whenever upset, much like they did to Vince McMahon when he was on the announce booth.
 * Bullying a Dragon:
 * Cole has also verbally assaulted nine time World Champion The Rock to his face on two seperate occasions, both times resulting the Rock delivering the Rock Bottom and People's Elbow to Cole.
 * Butt Monkey: Just look at the page quotes, that is a sliver of the hatred Michael Cole gets.
 * Catch Phrase:
 * Vintage [Insert anything here]
 * Oh my!
 * Lookitlookitlookit! (Likely not intentional, but still.)
 * You are watching the longest-running weekly episodic program in television history!
 * No! Not this way!
 * And a [clubbing blow/big boot/ steel chair/ etc.]...to the skull of [insert wrestler name here]!!!
 * The best pure striker in WWE, The Undertaker! His entrance is absolutely bone-chilling!
 * Whenever Bryan Danielson shows up, expect Cole to say "He's a vegan!" and "...the minor leagues!" Every. Single. Time.
 * ("New email" jingle) "Can I have your attention, please? (rampant booing) I have received a message from the General Manager!"
 * The Chew Toy: To the point where one of the easiest ways to get a reaction from the crowd is to take a cheap shot at Cole.
 * Companion Cube: The "GM Laptop." It's even getting its own heel heat. On the Raw before the 2011 Royal Rumble, Cole willingly put himself in harm's way by standing between the laptop & Edge, after Edge decided he was going to destroy the GM Laptop "for old time's sake". Lampshaded by Jerry Lawler, who pointed out it was just a computer.
 * Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Sure, it's easy for the IWC to pick on Cole, but the man in his pre-WWE days spent nine months in the field as a journalist covering the Yugoslavian civil war in 1994, as well as covering the 1993 Waco Siege for 51 days and the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995. A far cry from what his WWE persona is perceived as.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Cole's been rather snippy with his broadcast partners of late, especially on Smackdown! with passive-aggressive sarcasm being favored.
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?:
 * In an episode of Smackdown Heidenreich abducts Michael Cole in the middle of a match and carries him trough the crowd. Afterward, we see Heidenreich has Michael Cole in a locked room pressed up against the wall, talking directly into his ear about "having the same desires", "wanting the same things" and "giving him what he wants" now that he's alone with him. Thrusts him repeatedly against the wall as he says it all while Cole has a painful and frighten expression on his face. It can be seen here
 * On a latest episode of NXT Season 3, shortly after Cole woke up from his sleep during the arm wrestling competition, Josh Matthews received a text message from Yolanda Coulthard (Cole's wife) stating that she knew what it was like to fall asleep during the action.
 * The Dog Bites Back: In Kayfabe. Think about it: Cole put up with JBL constantly calling him a sissy for nearly a year and a half. It's remarkable he didn't snap long before now.
 * Face Palm: His reaction to  returning.
 * Fan Boy:
 * Of The Miz, Alex Riley, and pretty much anyone who isn't Bryan Danielson.
 * Of LayCool, Vickie Guerrero, and basically everybody that the Smarks are supposed to hate.
 * This hit a crescendo on 11/29/10 when Cole interfered on Miz's behalf in the latter's TLC match with Jerry Lawler, Cole's own broadcast partner. Even CM Punk was disgusted.
 * Flanderization: He actually used to be quite good during his early run with Tazz on Smackdown (WWE follows a pattern of having one technical commentator and one color commentator. Cole was the technical, Tazz was color commentary.) He had a lot of energy and passion, and if you watch him in a match from 2003 or 2004, the difference is staggering. However, with time, he has fallen backward and began endlessly repeating catchphrases, like the "Vintage!" mentioned above. Part of it isn't his fault (likely corporate is forcing him to endlessly shill the "longest running episodic" thing as a form of boasting,) but it doesn't make listening to him call a match any less frustrating.
 * He started the "vintage" line when referring to the Undertaker's leg drop on the apron (and it made sense back then because Undertaker had just brought back his Deadman gimmick and thus was using moves he hadn't used in a long time), and it slowly spread from there.
 * His Troll persona has gotten more and more exaggerated as the months go on. He's gone from just having a problem with Daniel Bryan not respecting The Miz to screaming at his long-time broadcast partner Jerry "the King" Lawler that he's a loser who will fail when Lawler was tapped to be in the Raw Rumble and then won. Cole has also gone from being at least somewhat intelligent in his snark to resorting to "What you said was stupid!" as a retort.
 * Happily Married: Cole's reason for ignoring the fanservice when his broadcast partner brings it up.
 * Humiliation Conga: Jerry Lawler, Eve Torres, Jim Ross, and Bret "The Hitman" Hart joined forces to give one to Michael both during and after his "Kiss My Feet" match at Over The Limit. It continued the next night on RAW with Eve and Jerry rubbing salt in the wounds. Booker T even got in on it that Friday on Smackdown by leading the crowd in a "Kiss My Feet" chant directed at Cole.
 * Insistent Terminology: Cole refers to himself as a "broadcast journalist" than a play-by-play announcer.
 * Jaw Drop: The first time Bryan Danielson beat The Miz, not only did Cole become speechless during the count, but the second the match was over, the camera cut back to a close-up of Cole's face, his mouth hanging open like a dope. If he wasn't a Fountain of Memes at that point, the relentless photoshopping of that image (as well as the one at the top of this page) made him into one.
 * Jerkass: He's made a highly successful career from the role.
 * Lampshade Hanging: At Smackdown's ten year celebration, he repeatedly shouted "Vintage x" for anything. He said "vintage shrimp!" when he ate some shrimp and "vintage Punk!" when all CM Punk did was enter the room.
 * Laser-Guided Karma: King pushed Cole into an RKO in retribution for Cole's screwing him out of a chance of winning the WWE Championship. See also Humiliation Conga.
 * Like a Son to Me: Cole took it to the next level the following week. Stating seeing the Miz win the WWE championship was like seeing his son win the title.
 * Mean Character, Nice Actor: In comparison to his heel run Cole has shown to be completely different to the role he plays, such as how humbling it was to take over for Jim Ross and his hopes that he would be able to live up the beloved commentator.
 * Mood Whiplash: Cole will sometimes momentarily break character while calling Bryan Danielson's matches, actually sounding impressed or excited when Bryan does something of note.
 * Never My Fault: The following Raw after he screwed over The King to help the Miz, he tried to turn it around King, stating that it should be him who's apologizing instead.
 * Pet the Dog: Has become less occurring as of late, but he still is a fan of John Morrison despite being a heel.
 * He's also one for Santino and Kozlov. Note how excited he gets when Santino hits The Cobra.
 * Favouritism Flip Flop: Cole's former favoritism towards Cena has made him turn on superstars he's shown favor for in the past. Cole took amusement in Cena's verbal abuse of Vickie Guerrero a heel who Cole admires and has an attraction to. Cole went on to belittle Vickie when she slap Cena when she had enough of his verbal onslaught.
 * He'll often do this depending on whether the person in question is feuding with The Miz.
 * Screw This, I'm Outta Here: At the end of the 9/13/10 NXT, Michael Cole derided the competition, and stormed out of the arena.
 * Shut UP, Hannibal: By another Hannibal, ironically...and it was during one of his most hated catchphrases.

"Michael Cole: For all you internet geeks who voted for Kaval in NXT season 2, how did that work out for y'all ?"
 * Considering that Jericho was a Heel and he received some of the loudest cheers since his return, this doubles as a CMOA.
 * Take That, Audience!: His Face Heel Turn character, read the troll entry below.
 * Took a Level in Jerkass: During his stint as Commentator on NXT.
 * Troll: His current Face Heel Turn Character is essentially being a troll to both Bryan Danielson and the IWC as a whole.
 * In the Bryan Danielson/Sheamus match for a spot on "Team Raw" at the 2010 Bragging Rights pay per view, Cole said no-one should want Bryan on the team because he was on "Team WWE" at Summerslam against The Nexus, and Team WWE lost that match. Except that didn't happen, Team WWE won, with Bryan getting two eliminations & actually being the longest lasting member of his team, second only to John Cena.
 * On the 11/15 three-hour "Old School" Raw, Jim Ross came out to call the Bryan Danielson/Jack Swagger match. Cole attempted to troll JR (and the match itself, pretending to fall asleep during it) the entire match; Ross finally had enough and slapped Cole with his cowboy hat.
 * From NXT season 4


 * It's not just the IWC he trolls, as on the finale of NXT Season 3 after they called the soon-to-be-debuting Season 4 Rookie Brodus Clay a "Human Suplex Machine," stating in a tauntingly smug voice "I know someone who's not gonna like that!" (Hint: It's Taz)
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: With several of his commentating partners; Taz, Josh Matthews, and CM Punk.
 * You Keep Using That Word: After over a decade in wrestling, Michael Cole still switches the names of a powerslam and a scoop slam. At this point, WWE has apparently decided to make Cole's mistake the standard for their commentary teams instead of making him learn the difference.