The Private Diary of Elizabeth Quatermain



The Private Diary of Elizabeth Quatermain is a five-part Fanfic series based on The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (the film, not the graphic novel). It follows the adventures of the non-canonical title character, daughter to Sean Connery's character Allan Quatermain, and is told entirely through entries in her diary.

Following the events of the film, Elizabeth is introduced to the surviving members of the League. Through a series of somewhat bizarre circumstances, she's not only about to lose her home in London but has also been sent a letter directing her to solve an incomprehensible mystery. The League takes her under their collective wings and as the series progresses, helps her to break out of her shell. It's better than it sounds, really, and during its heyday was rather popular. There are a few mysteries, some romance, and a lot of historical detail. The author, Lady Norbert, devotes the last chapter of each installment to a pseudo-FAQ in which she attempts to explain certain facts (or Blatant Lies) and give credit to other people.

The first volume (originally intended to be the only volume) carries the series title as its own. The subsequent volumes were given titles of their own prefaced with the series acronym; these are TPDoEQ: The Egypt Chronicle, TPDoEQ: The Wintering, TPDoEQ: Only in America, and TPDoEQ: Tartan Holiday. The final installment was completed in early 2008. The series was slightly notorious among its fans because of the length of time it took to complete; there was a gap of almost two years where it stagnated, eventually revealed to be the result of a Creator Breakdown caused by the deaths of the author's grandparents.

In addition to the five main volumes of Elizabeth's diary, there were numerous one-shot side stories, showing certain scenes from the points of view of the other characters; volume four even had an entire companion volume told from the viewpoint of Rodney Skinner, the invisible man. There was also "Allan Observes," the Bridget Jones-styled comic edition in which Elizabeth's father Allan commented -- quite harshly at times -- on the events of the stories.

The whole series can be found at Fanfiction.net.

This work provides examples of the following:
"Sawyer: As we say in America, the cavalry has arrived!"
 * Alliteration: A few of the individual chapter titles, such as "Sun and Stone."
 * Ancient Egypt: The second volume, which takes place in Egypt, references this.
 * Aborted Declaration of Love: plans to make one in the fourth volume, but gets pre-empted by the villain.
 * And the Adventure Continues...: The first through fourth volumes each conclude with an invitation to the reader to look for the forthcoming next volume, giving its title and a small hint about what's going to happen.
 * Anguished Declaration of Love: He actually gets to do it a few chapters later. It's sort of an accident.
 * Anywhere but Their Lips: Elizabeth and Skinner share two very chaste kisses in the third volume. He kisses her cheek under the mistletoe; later, she kisses the top of his head to thank him for saving her life (again).
 * Attempted Rape: Toward the end of the first volume.
 * Audience Surrogate: Elizabeth, of course -- being The Team Normal in the group, she lets the reader experience what it would be like to be a completely ordinary person in such a company.
 * Author Avatar: Elizabeth started out as one of these, but eventually developed her own personality.
 * Bald of Awesome: Skinner. However, it's eventually explained that he actually shaves his head, to make it easier to put the greasepaint on his features while he's invisible. When it looks like they're going to cure him in the fourth volume, he lets his hair grow and reveals himself as a Redheaded Hero.
 * Batman Gambit: The villain's plot in the first volume.
 * Beast and Beauty: Jekyll -- or, more correctly, Hyde -- and Mina
 * Berserk Button: In general, harming anyone in the League presses everyone else's button. Skinner has a particularly large neon-green one when it comes to Elizabeth's well-being and honor, as seen most clearly in the version of volume IV from his point of view.
 * Better Than a Bare Bulb: "Allan Observes" is extremely heavy on the Lampshade Hanging.
 * Big Brother Instinct: Tom, who even dubs Elizabeth "li'l sis" to drive the point home.
 * BFG: Allan's elephant gun from the movie reappears in the third volume.
 * Big Damn Heroes: Everyone but Elizabeth. She tries, though.
 * Big Fancy House: Where the series begins.
 * Bodyguard Crush
 * Bonnie Scotland: Where the series ends.
 * Break His Heart to Save Him: A huge part of the plot in volume IV.
 * Broken Bird: Elizabeth, to some extent, when the League first meets her. Her journey is largely about moving past it and becoming her own person.
 * Busman's Holiday: They may not be called on to Save the World at any given point, but it seems the League can't go anywhere without stumbling on some local mishap that has to be set right.
 * Cannot Spit It Out:, in the extra side story where he proposes to , can't get the question out because he's so nervous. Later, has to be essentially harassed into making his Anguished Declaration of Love, because the words refuse to come until he's practically arguing with the girl.
 * The Cavalry: Referenced by Tom in the first volume, somewhat cheesily.

"It may be wondered that I would engage in such a breach of propriety as to travel openly in a carriage with three unmarried men. It should be remembered, however, that Nemo is my guardian for all intents and purposes, and therefore spending time in his company is no more questionable than if my own father were here. I make note of this here not so much for my own awareness as for that of anyone who may chance to read this volume after my death; I can assure the reader that, in the capacity of my guardian, Nemo is a perfectly acceptable chaperone."
 * Character Tics: As in the Mark Twain novel Tom Sawyer, Detective, Elizabeth notes that Tom likes to trace a V on his cheek or chin while he's thinking.
 * Clear Their Name: The League has to do this for Skinner when he's falsely accused of robbery in the fourth volume.
 * Cliff Hanger: The wedding in the fourth volume was deliberately split into two chapters for this purpose. The readership reacted badly when Fanfiction.net proceeded to crash in such a way that the second half could not be posted for an entire week.
 * Comforting Comforter: Elizabeth wakes up from a nap in the Amazon to find a certain leather trench coat covering her that hadn't been there before she fell asleep. Another time, she falls asleep in the Nautilus library and wakes up tucked into her own bed, and we all know who put her there.
 * Cool Ship: As in the movie, the Nautilus.
 * Continuation: Of the movie. The story actually begins while the movie is taking place.
 * Corrupt Bureaucrat: The antagonist of the second half of the fourth volume.
 * Dances and Balls: They all attend a ball in Tom's hometown in the fourth volume, which includes...
 * Dance of Romance
 * A Day in the Limelight: Apart from "Allan Observes," extra volumes and one-shot side stories allow Skinner and Jekyll to narrate events for which Elizabeth was not present; Alexandra takes over as the narrator in the final chapter of the main series. Other stories, from a third-person point of view, omit Elizabeth entirely and focus on the original League members.
 * Dead Guy, Junior: Elizabeth's middle name is Grace, after her late mother; her first name is after her paternal grandmother, Allan's mother. Word of God adds that after the series ends,
 * Deadpan Snarker: Allan, in "Allan Observes." (Pun not actually intended.) Pretty nearly the entire cast exhibits instances of this at least once or twice.
 * Dead to Begin With: Among others, Elizabeth's elder half-brother Harry.
 * Death by Childbirth: Elizabeth's mother.
 * Defrosting Ice Queen: Mina
 * Diary: Naturally.
 * Did They or Didn't They?: It's never made entirely clear what happened when Tom and the vampire Kiya were cuddled together in a coffin in the second volume. "Allan Observes" gives the impression that Allan, at least, believes.
 * Damsel in Distress: Elizabeth fills this role at times, though she attempts to be plucky about it.
 * The Dragon: Elizabeth's stalker, in the first volume. May actually be a Dragon with an Agenda.
 * Drowning My Sorrows: Skinner, in the version of the fourth volume from his point of view, goes out to get drunk after.
 * Dying Clue: Elizabeth is trying to figure out why she needs to go to Paris in search of a key when the League makes their convenient arrival in the first volume.
 * English Rose: One of Skinner's less frequent nicknames for Elizabeth.
 * Establishing Character Moment: Most of the cast had theirs in the movie; Elizabeth's comes when she meets the League for the first time. She offers them the hospitality of the manor, describes them respectfully (if incredulously) to her diary, and appreciates the fact that they are all clearly . This establishes her as intelligent, polite, somewhat naive, and almost painfully normal.
 * Everyone Can See It: Tom practically invokes the trope by name when trying to push into making a move.
 * Exactly What It Says on the Tin
 * Fainting: Just once, and it's reasonably justified. Elizabeth faints in Egypt from the extreme heat.
 * Famous Ancestor: Allan Quatermain, Elizabeth's father.
 * Faux Fluency: Elizabeth is not good with foreign languages, and admits as much when she makes herself look stupid in Paris.
 * Fan Art: Several pieces exist for the series (including the page image), most of which can be seen at the link in the synopsis.
 * Fanfic: There are at least three stories on Fanfiction.net which are Fan Fics of this Fanfic.
 * Fan Verse: In addition to its own length, TPDoEQ takes place in the same continuity as the author's unreleased Sherlock Holmes fanfic, with the characters meeting in the final volume.
 * First-Name Basis: Elizabeth is the only person to call Skinner "Rodney" for most of the series. The first time she does it sort of by accident; when they discuss it afterward, he encourages her to "call me whatever you want."
 * Fish Out of Water
 * Flashback Echo: In the first volume, Elizabeth has a trauma-induced flashback to her shooting lessons in Africa with her father, the details of which allow her to.
 * Forceful Kiss: It only takes until the end of the fourth volume for them to finally get around to this, crossing it with True Love's Kiss.
 * Friend to All Living Things: Humorously averted with Elizabeth. Nearly all of the wildlife they come in contact with tries to kill her.
 * Gentleman Thief: Skinner identified himself as one of these in the movie; in the third volume he shares a large part of his backstory with Elizabeth, revealing how he came to be one.
 * Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: Mina does a version of this to Elizabeth in the second volume, when the younger woman is wangsting over the current medical emergency.
 * Girl Next Door: Elizabeth is meant to be one of these; the author even invokes the trope when describing her in one of the FAQ chapters. Alexandra could also qualify.
 * Go Through Me: Skinner takes his self-appointed role as Elizabeth's "invisible shield" very seriously. In volume II, he takes it to literal extremes, getting between her and a crocodile.
 * Gray Eyes: Elizabeth has these, a fact only mentioned in one of the side stories from volume III.
 * Great White Hunter: Sebastian de Gaulle calls Allan this in the first volume. In fact, the first volume's unofficial subtitle (as shown in one of the extra stories) is "Legacy of the Great White Hunter."
 * Green-Eyed Monster: A mild example in the final volume. is rather miffed that his fiancee is spending so much time with another man.
 * Happily Adopted: Not formally, but Nemo regards Elizabeth as his surrogate daughter. It Makes Sense in Context.
 * Happily Ever After: The ending of the last volume implies this is more or less the case.
 * Healing Hands: Jekyll, generally; when he's felled by dysentery in the third volume, Mina takes over.
 * Hero's Journey
 * Heroes Want Redheads: Skinner turns out to have red hair, as does his niece Alexandra, so the trope applies to both
 * Heroic BSOD: Elizabeth goes through something like this toward the end of the first volume, after . Later, Skinner has one in the fourth volume, when  . It's shown more explicitly in the version from his point of view.
 * Heroic Sacrifice: Elizabeth tries to make one of these, or something like it, toward the end of the third volume. It doesn't quite go as planned.
 * Heroic Self-Deprecation: In he won't pursue a relationship with  because he's not good enough for her.
 * You Are Better Than You Think You Are: The response this receives.
 * Hidden in Plain Sight: The false bottom of Allan's sea chest in volume III.
 * Historical Domain Character: Volume II had the League befriend Dr. Howard Carter, the famed Egyptologist who is best known for the discovery of King Tut's tomb. Volume V introduced them to Queen Victoria herself.
 * A few others are mentioned in "Allan Observes," including George Washington, Geoffrey Chaucer, and Caligula.
 * I Can't Dance: Skinner in his version of the fourth volume.
 * Idiot Ball: Elizabeth could be accused of picking this up once or twice.
 * I Do Not Own: Part of the FAQ chapter at the end of each volume; Lady Norbert comments that she can't legitimately claim to own anything except the plot and "the personality of Elizabeth, who says that she is perfectly capable of owning that herself, thank you very much."
 * I Have You Now, My Pretty: In the fourth volume,
 * I Have Your Invisible Man: The villain of the second half of the fourth volume makes a point of letting Elizabeth know that he's holding Skinner hostage for her continued cooperation.
 * I Just Want to Be Normal: While Jekyll has come to accept his Hyde side as a result of the movie's events, Skinner still has this going on, at least in part. It doesn't come up until volume III, when he concedes that he's not sure he wants the invisibility cure because then maybe he won't belong in the League anymore. However, in volume IV, he decides to go ahead with it, largely because.
 * I Just Want to Be Special: Perhaps not in so many words, but Elizabeth is very aware of her status as "the ordinary Extraordinary Gentleman." She doesn't mind that by itself; she just worries about being The Load.
 * I Just Write the Thing: The author claims this more than once in author's notes and FAQ chapters; in particular, she admits that certain plot elements (such as Mina's lab explosion in the first volume) didn't make a lick of sense to her until she reached the part where the logic behind them was explained to the characters. Essentially, and in her own words, she never knew very much more than Elizabeth at any given point.
 * I Kiss Your Hand: This being the Victorian era, it's not unusual, so the few instances Elizabeth writes down are highly significant.
 * Ill Girl: in the third volume.
 * I Never Said It Was Poison: How Tom traps the real perpetrator of the crime for which Skinner is blamed in volume IV.
 * Informed Attribute: Elizabeth's former best friend and her husband are apparently not very nice people, although we're not really shown evidence of it.
 * Innocent Inaccurate: Details are sometimes glossed over because Elizabeth is unconscious, not present, or just has absolutely no idea what's going on.
 * Insistent Terminology: Skinner absolutely refuses to use Elizabeth's proper name, preferring to address her as Bess or Bessie. It becomes significant in the third volume, when he finally calls her Elizabeth and thus prompts her Love Epiphany.
 * In "Allan Observes," Allan stubbornly refuses to identify either of his children by their names, simply referring to them only as Son and Daughter.
 * Invisibility: Skinner has the opportunity to be cured of his in the fourth volume.
 * Invisible Streaker: One of the villains from the first volume and, as in the film, Skinner. Lampshaded in "Allan Observes" (like almost everything else) when Allan comments that Skinner is frequently naked around Elizabeth.
 * It Has Been an Honor: In the final volume, Elizabeth has a conversation of this nature with her foster father Nemo, telling him that "It has been an honour to live as your daughter."
 * It Was a Gift: Arguably, everything given in the Christmas chapter could qualify, but most particularly Skinner's mother's locket.
 * I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Why attempts to remove himself from the awkward Love Triangle in volume IV.
 * Landmark of Lore: The Valley of the Kings, the Parthenon, Machu Picchu, and Stonehenge all show up during the course of the series, among others.
 * Last-Name Basis: What most of the League remains on, particularly with Skinner, who is never called anything else except by Elizabeth and Alexandra.
 * Last Of Her Kind: Elizabeth being is a plot point in the first volume. In the fifth volume, it's revealed that she's also all that remains of her mother's family.
 * Like Brother and Sister: Elizabeth's relationship with Tom Sawyer, eventually.
 * The Load: Elizabeth, due to her frequent Damsel in Distress status and lack of practical skills.
 * Locked in a Freezer: Skinner in the old mine shaft, in the fourth volume.
 * Long-Lost Relative: Mina finds out what happened to her son Quincey in the fifth volume.
 * Loveable Rogue: Skinner, even moreso here than in the film.
 * Love Epiphany: Elizabeth finally stops being Oblivious to Love at the end of the third volume when she has one of these.
 * Love Triangle: The first volume awkwardly establishes two -- one consisting of Jekyll/Mina/Tom and one consisting of Tom/Elizabeth/Skinner. By the second volume, it's pretty clear how the first one will be resolved, although it takes a bit longer for the second one to sort itself.
 * Luke, You Are My Father: The villain of the first volume believes himself to be Allan Quatermain's illegitimate son. Word of God says that
 * Married At Sea:, in the third volume.
 * Masquerade Ball: They attend one in a Dream Sequence Elizabeth records in one diary entry.
 * Meaningful Echo: In the fourth volume, Tom tells Elizabeth to keep her "Eyes open, girl. I can't watch you all the time." This is an almost exact quote of what Elizabeth's father says to Tom in the movie.
 * Memento MacGuffin: Skinner's mother's locket; to a lesser extent, the handkerchiefs Elizabeth monograms for his Christmas gift.
 * Mistaken Identity: When the League finds Sherlock Holmes in the fifth volume, he's been extremely ill and, on first glance, believes Elizabeth to be someone named Lucy. Not a case of Identical Stranger, however, since when Lucy is finally seen, the resemblance is only a mild one.
 * Misunderstood Loner with a Heart of Gold: Skinner, who at first makes Elizabeth so uneasy that she thinks she needs to count the silver when he leaves.
 * Morality Pet: Elizabeth is Skinner's, as is explained in his version of the fourth volume. She's not the only reason for his redemption, since he's more or less honestly repenting his past misdeeds, but she's a big part of it.
 * Most Writers Are Writers: Hence the sometimes relatively improbable level of detail in Elizabeth's diary entries.
 * My Sister Is Off-Limits: Subverted. Skinner is very much in favor of Tom getting together with his niece Alexandra, and Tom is.
 * Naive Everygirl: Elizabeth is a variant on this trope, in that she's quite a bit older than the usual example, and does know how to say thank you.
 * Naive Newcomer: Again, Elizabeth, for almost the entire first volume. The ending leaves her considerably less naive.
 * Nakama: The League, increasingly.
 * The Namesake: Played with in the Christmas chapter of volume III, when all of the League members (except Skinner) present Elizabeth with additional diaries, so she can continue to document their adventures.
 * Nephewism: Gender-flipped version. The last volume added Skinner's niece Alexandra to the cast.
 * The Nicknamer: Skinner. He dubs Jekyll "Jeks," calls his niece "Ducky," and has an apparently endless supply of nicknames for Elizabeth, including "Bess," "princess," and "our bonny English rose."
 * Oblivious to Love: Skinner and Elizabeth. It both amuses and irritates their friends.
 * Of Corsets Sexy: Averted, largely; although the women wear them, it gets mentioned only once.
 * An Offer You Can't Refuse: The villain of the fourth volume makes one to Elizabeth, using the (fairly believable) claim that her refusal will mean the deaths of both Tom and Skinner.
 * Original Character
 * Our Vampires Are Different: The Egyptian vampire Kiya bewilders even Mina.
 * Out-of-Clothes Experience: Played for laughs in the fifth volume, when Skinner is able to use two different formulae to become visible or invisible as needed. He forgets to put his clothes back on before taking the visibility serum.
 * Painting the Fourth Wall: In the third volume, Elizabeth essentially Lampshades the idea of her diaries being read by an outsider.


 * Also played with in the version of the fourth volume from Skinner's point of view, in which Tom snarks that "this is real life, not fiction."
 * Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: Elizabeth
 * Papa Wolf: Nemo, Jekyll, and Skinner all have tendencies in this direction. Nemo and Skinner both behave this way toward Elizabeth; Nemo is also A Father to His Men (as in the movie) and Skinner has his niece. Jekyll eventually has.
 * Parental Abandonment: After her mother died in childbirth, Elizabeth was raised by her mother's sister because Allan didn't feel up to raising a baby girl.
 * Personal Mook: The villains of volumes I and IV have these, although the ones in the fourth volume are shown to be more personally mookish. This is largely due to Elizabeth's perspective.
 * The Piano Player: Alexandra
 * Princesses Prefer Pink: She's not a princess (although Skinner calls her that occasionally), but Elizabeth's fondness for pink is Lampshaded at least once.
 * Protectorate: Elizabeth, for Skinner. One of the side stories has him explain that she's too young and inexperienced to be wandering around on her own, and he initially felt like he owed it to her father to keep her out of harm's way. Then he realized he genuinely liked her. Then...oops.
 * Post-Kiss Catatonia: Skinner experienced this after the thank-you kiss Elizabeth gave him on the top of his head. He was literally startled into silence.
 * Power of Trust: Comes into play when Skinner is accused of robbery in the fourth volume.
 * Queen Victoria: She appears in a chapter of the final volume.
 * Raised by Grandparents:
 * Random Event: There are a few of these here and there...the dysentery outbreak and the puma attack, both in the third volume, could qualify.
 * Redheaded Hero: Skinner, of course, even if you can't see it for most of the series; Jekyll/Hyde and Mina also qualify.
 * Reformed Criminal: Skinner; Nemo and Jekyll, to an extent.
 * Relationship Upgrade: Continual throughout the series, between all the characters as they become more of a family, and particularly between . It's implied that eventually get one too.
 * Rescue Romance: Played straight and averted, depending on which character is doing the rescuing.
 * Scrapbook Story: The whole series, except for most of the side stories, is written diary-style.
 * Sherlock Holmes: Much of the final volume centers around locating him.
 * Shipper on Deck: Tom more than anyone, especially in the fourth volume. In the fifth volume, Elizabeth and Skinner become this for him and Alexandra.
 * Shout-Out: To everything from The Hunchback of Notre Dame to Much Ado About Nothing to King Solomons Mines.
 * Also, "Allan Observes" includes a Shout-Out to "The Very Secret Diaries," as Allan amusedly notes of a number of characters that "Skinner will kill him if he tries anything."
 * Shown Their Work: The author not only researched everything she had the League do, she had Elizabeth explain everything in (sometimes ridiculous amounts of) detail in her diary.
 * Side Bet: The entire crew of the Nautilus turns out to have one of these going about if and when . Mostly due to Rule of Funny.
 * Allan, as shown in "Allan Observes," has one of his own going on about what Skinner will look like when the invisibility is cured. He notes that he lost on the hair color, having guessed black, but correctly bet that Skinner has Blue Eyes.
 * Smug Snake: Ben Everett in the fourth volume.
 * Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace:  in the fourth volume. Played slightly for laughs, as the interruption arrives a little bit late and they con the minister into repeating the line to get the desired effect.
 * Special Guest: Quite a few literary characters make cameos, including Mycroft Holmes and Becky Thatcher.
 * Spot of Tea: The League takes tea daily. Elizabeth makes her own from herbs she grows in her room.
 * Stalker with a Crush: Elizabeth has a particularly Squicky one of these in the first volume; he's invisible to boot.
 * Talking to Himself: A literary version. The fifth volume has a chapter in which Elizabeth interacts with another of the author's original characters, the narrator of the unfinished Sherlock Holmes pastiche A Study in Charlotte.
 * The Team Normal: Elizabeth, and Tom to a degree; later, Alexandra fits this as well.
 * Tell Me About My Father: Elizabeth has a rapport with Sherlock Holmes in the fifth volume primarily because he once met Allan. They trade stories.
 * Trope Overdosed
 * True Beauty Is on the Inside: Since Skinner spends most of the series invisible, this is an important factor in.
 * Unbroken Vigil: When parks himself in the chair next to her bed and the rest of the League can't pry him out of it with a crowbar.
 * Under the Mistletoe: end up there when dancing a polka on Christmas Day. It's left to the reader to decide whether this was intentional on his part or not.
 * Unusual Euphemism: In the Skinner version of volume IV, the villain makes a comment about reaction is unsurprisingly violent.
 * Vampire Bites Suck: Just ask Tom, Skinner, and Dr. Howard Carter.
 * A Very British Christmas: Nemo lets Elizabeth make all the arrangements for the League's first Christmas together, with this as the result.
 * Virgin Sacrifice: Elizabeth was supposed to be one of these in the third volume, in what is possibly the most contrived plot of the series.
 * Wacky Marriage Proposal: After getting out of jail in the fourth volume, Skinner asks Elizabeth if she wants to elope to mess with everyone else's heads.
 * The Watson: Elizabeth fills this role to some extent in general, and a bit more literally to Tom when he's in detective mode in the fourth volume.
 * Web Serial Novel: All told, the entire series rings in around 200,000 words.
 * Wedding Day: Three of 'em! get Married At Sea on Christmas Eve in volume III;  have a wedding in volume IV ; and finally,  in the very last chapter of volume V.
 * Wedding Deadline: In the fourth volume.
 * Well Done Daughter Guy: Elizabeth feels like this was Allan's behavior toward her; while he showed as much affection as his Badass Grandpa temperament allowed, and clearly did love her, she was stuck in The Unfavorite slot mostly because she was a girl.
 * We Need to Get Proof: Tom says this almost verbatim about how they're going to clear Skinner's name in the fourth volume.
 * Will They or Won't They?: Elizabeth and Skinner.
 * Write Who You Know: Alexandra is based on the author's best friend.
 * Wrong Guy First: Elizabeth originally crushes on Tom.
 * The X of Y
 * You Must Be Cold: When Elizabeth follows a troubled Skinner out into the rain in the third volume, he immediately throws his coat around her. Later in the same volume, he covers her with it while she sleeps.