Hogfather/Quotes

"Real children don't go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs."

- Susan Sto Helit

"Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on."

"She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella."

"This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr. Clever Dick in these parts...""

""Did you check the list?""

""That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh. Which is it, I wonder?""

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."

"Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree. But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things. They wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how the makers of dictionaries look up the spelling of words."

"We took pity on him because he'd lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that."

- Lord Downey reflects on Mister Teatime

"It's a sad and terrible thing that high-born folk really have thought that the servants would be totally fooled if spirits were put into decanters that were cunningly labelled backwards. And also throughout history the more politically conscious butler has taken it on trust, and with rather more justification, that his employers will not notice if the whisky is topped up with eniru."

"The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head."

"+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++"

""Millennium hand and shrimp.""

""Don't worry, I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that will happen to you.""

- Mister Teatime is very reassuring.