Sword Art Online Abridged

"Kirito: I've got good news. You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is! 'Cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy. "



Sword Art Online Abridged is, as its name suggests, The Abridged Series of Sword Art Online, created by Something Witty Entertainment. You can check it out on YouTube, although keep in mind the first episode is age restricted. The first episode was released in March 2013. Early episode took around six months to make each, and later ones took around a year. The series has completed the Aincrad arc, and is now in Alfheim.

We all know the story by this point: a guy called Akihiko Kayaba made a game called Sword Art Online, and traps everyone in the game. They cannot log out, and if they die in the game they die in real life. Kirito is one of the players, and rose to the top with fast reflexes and skill. Together, all players must clear 100 floors to escape from the game, and that's where the similarity ends. Unlike the show's version of Kirito, though, this Kirito is a lot less sane, generally being the biggest asshole around. Arson is a common occurrence in the world of Sword Art Online Abridged, and Kirito goes on multiple tangents remarking about how he doesn't care about humanity or isn't interested in saving characters who are clearly in danger. Asuna isn't much better either. The game itself isn't much better either, being a buggy mess stuffed with questionable design decisions.

Despite being a parody, the abridged series still injects emotional moments here and there, sometimes altering the dialogue to add emotions to existing scenes. Episode 17 of the series replaced what was an incest confession scene with a genuine brother-sister argument. Plus, Kirito does show character development, and is a little more sane at the end of the series.

"Suguha Kirigaya: Son of a horse dick fucking shit weasel! Fucking bitch whore... ass! What is that fucking cock-sampler doing in my game? Oh Jesus fuck, I said my brother had a sweet patootie!"
 * Allusion: One is made to Flowers for Algernon as, after tasting an S class ingredient prepared by someone with level 100 cooking skill, Kirito remarks that he has fried both his and Asuna's tastebuds.
 * Artifact Title: The first couple of episodes do "Abridge" the series, but once episode numbers hit the tens you often get episodes that are longer than actual Sword Art Online episodes.
 * Body Horror: After remarking that at least Leafa has a face, Yui outright removes every part of Leafa's face to leave only a smooth surface behind, trapping her in her own body.
 * Break the Cutie: Episode 4 pretty much broke Silica. First she has to save her pet Pina from getting skinned, then her pet dies, then she meets Kirito (arguably the most unfortunate thing to happen to her), then she has to go a massive quest to collect flowers to revive Pina. After all that,.
 * Brutal Honesty: Silica tells Kirito, with a straight face, that he is the worst person she has ever met.
 * Cluster F-Bomb: In episode 14, after realising her brother is also in the game with her, Suguha drops almost every single swear word in the English language. This is helped by the fact that there's no profanity filter in real life!

"''The patient displays classic narcissistic and borderline sociopathic behaviour, especially when engaging with her brother, Kazuto Kirigaya (aka Kirito aka xVx_K1r1t0_xVx_KillMe aka Daddy). This appears to stem from deeply held feelings of resentment, as well as internalised self-hatred regarding her own femininity, most likely originating from an as-yet-unknown event in the siblings' early childhood. The lifelong repression of these feelings seems to have bled into her other relationships as well, causing her to lash out at those she perceives to be weaker than herself. This behaviour is most evident when interacting with her "friend" Recon, who she CLEARLY has romantic feelings for, yet takes every opportunity to belittle and and keep at an emotional distance, even though we can all tell what's going on and she should just admit she likes him and treat that poor, sweet, boy with the love and compassion he deserves! In short, I believe someone or something caused her to view any display of more traditionally feminine traits as something to be ashamed of, and seems to lay the blame solely on her brother. As for why this is the case, further investigation shall be needed.""
 * Compelling Voice: Keita's charismatic hat is able to persuade really any player to do anything, including making Kirito join his guild.
 * Deconstruction: Many elements regarding video games are deconstructed:
 * After becoming the hero of Aincrad, basically all variations of the username "Kirito" are taken, including "Kirito1" and "Kititwo". We're left with "xVx_k1r1t0_xVx_KillMe". Naming a character isn't as simple as it seems!
 * A character straight up complains about lag, and isolates herself to prevent the lag from affecting other players.
 * Consequences regarding poorly programmed NPCs are considered, particularly when the tutorial NPC goes missing, or them having a poorly implemented auto-loot function. We explore the consequences of someone never finishing an non player character's questline, and how the quest NPC will follow the party around forever.
 * Fix Fic: The first couple of episodes start out as a parody of the series, but it slowly starts addressing issues from the show.
 * The creators revamped the reason why Kayaba traps everyone in the game.
 * The entire Suguha Kazuto incest arc is scrapped, instead replaced with a sibling conflict.
 * In the Alfheim arc, Asuna isn't a Damsel in Distress trapped with everyone else; everyone is trapped with Asuna.
 * Flowers for Algernon Syndrome: The show straight up says the name of the trope. After tasting extraordinary delicious food (an S class ingredient prepared by someone with level 100 cooking skill), both Kirito and Asuna remark that regular food tastes utterly disgusting, with a statement that they "Flowers for Algernon'ed our tastebuds".
 * Freeze-Frame Bonus: Something Witty Entertainment sometimes alters the background of scenes, to add extra text.
 * After Kirito gets thrown away due to him accidentally touching Asuna's boobs, you get a popup that says "Distance: 15m / New Record!", instead of "Immortal Object" in the original show.
 * In episode 15, Yui's diagnose of Leafa has a surprisingly detailed psychological profile, which reads roughly as follows:


 * Damsel in Distress: Averted. Asuna is the damsel causing the distress, not the damsel in distress.
 * Embarrassing Nickname: Klein has the rather unfortunate in game name of, well "BallsDeep69". It's an account he uses to mess around in the game, and never intends for it to become his permanent username. Unfortunately for him, he gets trapped in the game with that account name.
 * Game Breaking Bug:.
 * The Ghost: Bethesda, who never shows up in the series, but still has a major role in the story.
 * Gilligan Cut: At the start of episode 4, Silica remarks that she's going to have an awesome time being in a party by herself. Two seconds later, she gets attacked by enemies and promptly remarks that this is "not awesome".
 * Good Angel, Bad Angel: In episode 10, Kirito's internal monologue features two mental Kiritos arguing about what to do after sex. This leads to him desperately wanting to do something, but not knowing what to do because "all of the dating sims go to credits at this point". A similar situation is there with Asuna, eventually leading to a proposal and it being accepted despite none of them actually wanting to get married.
 * Gosh Dang It to Heck: The profanity filter in Alfheim Online means this often happens.
 * Hopeless with Tech: Asuna, who has no idea how to open the game menu despite almost every single interaction relying on the menu. Thus, she struggles to eat food, and is unable to send trade requests for items. This comes back to bite her in episode 17 as well, when her hands slipped and clicked the "Help Desk" button instead of "Log Out".
 * Incompetence, Inc.:.
 * Jerkass: Silica calls Kirito the worst person she has ever met.
 * The Millstone: The NPCs that Keita set to auto loot. Initially they're helpful as they can fight enemies for the party, but them auto looting a chest triggers a fight which results in the.
 * Mole Men: A minor example..
 * My Eyes Are Up Here: In episode 3, Keita remarks that his party could use someone with Kirito's assets, as he glances at Kirito's level and health bar. Kirito remarks that his eyes are not located at the health bar.
 * Non-Player Character: Played with. In Keita's party in episode 3, we have Keita, Kirito, and Sachi. The rest of the party members are NPCs. As long as you don't complete their storylines, the NPCs stay with you and can help you in combat. They also utter generic voice lines every four seconds..
 * Rebellious Prisoner: Asuna acts as this while imprisoned in the Alfheim arc. She insults every living thing she can find, and actively tries to escape, causing terror to those guarding her. "Asuna: ''You can either let me go, or I break out, and I eat that Biscuit ... clock's ticking, Shoji... nom nom."


 * Shaggy Dog Story:.
 * Shaped Like Itself: The tutorial NPC for the game gives a pretty golden line. Keita remarks that it's not a good tutorial. "Tutorial NPC: Always remember. To jump: Jump!"


 * Space Whale Aesop: Don't overwork your game developers to death! Preserve their sanities. While you probably can't.
 * Stylistic Suck: The Sword Art Online game has quite a few of these, being obvious attempts to parody real video games.
 * In order to get some items, you need to collect fifty flowers to trade them into town to get to a dungeon to fight a boss.
 * Our very first glimpse of Sword Art Online sees the place utterly infested with ads, with the adblocker extension costing $39.99.
 * In episode 3, the non-player characters in Keita's party have some utterly obnoxious lines, such as "We must save my family!" They also block the doors for actual player characters.
 * The blacksmithing system has you playing three minigames at once set to intense music. You have to tackle a rhythm game, space invaders, and a fighting game all at the same time to make anything decent.
 * Title Sequence Replacement: Both openings are replaced with entirely different songs, and vastly shortened from a minute and thirty seconds to just under thirty seconds. The songs are replaced as well, giving us "This Is War" and "A Real Life', respectively. Check out the show's opening one and opening two.
 * Title Theme Drop: During the final fight of episode 11, the opening theme from the show plays.

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