Addams Family Values/Funny

"[Lullaby Music is playing] Girl in Waiting Room: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby! Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby,too. [Music stops, dramatic zoom on Wednesday] Wednesday: They had sex."
 * In the hospital waiting room:

"Hippie-Nanny: Children, as your new nanny, I know that we are all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires. Wednesday: Prevent them? [lights a very large match]"
 * Also:

"Strict Nanny: All right children, I have had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question; where is that baby? Wednesday: Which part?"

"Maid-Nanny: [with a hand puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms! Wednesday: [pulls out a devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room ... in exchange for your immortal soul. [devil puppet rubs hand together]"

"Amanda Buckman: She's scaring me!"
 * Wednesday. Nothing can stop her deadpan - and sometimes deadly - response to the smugness and faux happiness that surrounds her.
 * Until the bit where Good thing she was  The reaction is the crowning bit, though.

"Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby [Beat] Right now."
 * Morticia's first line:

"Morticia: Oh no. He lives."
 * Again, Morticia:

"My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [cut to grandma and the baby] I have seen horror! [cut to Lurch] I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul! [Morticia: "They're at camp"] I have seen all this, but until today, I had never seen you!"
 * What about Raúl Juliá's phenomenally hammy performance at the police station?

"Joel: Now you have to get married. Wednesday: It's not binding. Addams Relative: Tramp."
 * Which is also a Hilarious in Hindsight moment, because the actor that played the police officer (some guy named Nathan Lane!) would play Gomez in the musical.
 * Such a performance must be seen.
 * After Fester and Debbie get married, Fester reminds her to throw the bouquet. Wednesday winds up catching it.


 * Though in The Musical, Wednesday does end up getting married (though not to Joel)...