My Immortal/WMG

My Immortal is not Harry Potter fanfiction
It's just a bad story with some plagiarised names. Can anyone find any part of the story that it implies it takes part in the HP universe?
 * Well, it takes place at a castle called Hogwarts and it is a school, even if it doesn't seem to teach magic anymore.
 * Perhaps, in the My Immortal world, there is a high school by the name of "Hogwarts" in America, named in honor of the book series, which does exist in the world. (This explains why the teachers are "profesors" and Dumblydore is called the headmaster.) Some of the characters, by cruelty of their parents, have the names of the main characters in Harry Potter. In order to not be made fun of, they went by nicknames. (Like Hermione going by "B'loody Mary.")
 * Jossed as it specifically says that the school is in England.
 * Jossing the Jossed. Word of God (Rowling, not Tara) states that Hogwarts, the actual school, is located in Scotland. This "Hogwarts" could still have no direct connection to the actual one.

My Immortal is an experiment
It was written by a psychologist to examine people reactions to raping a popular canon. The WMG and JBM pages for My Immortal will be used for careful reassearch about human nature.

My Immortal takes place in a chaotic timeline.
It explains why there doesn't seem to be any kind of logic in the universe of the fanfic. The timeline didn't start bifurcating when Enoby went back in time, though. Rather, Marty McFly caused the first bifurcation before the story even starts - Enoby just made things worse. The reason the fic ends? The timeline finally became too chaotic to support organic life.

My Immortal is an Eldritch Abomination in fan-fiction form.
Every mite of sanity it drains from a reader goes one step further towards allowing it to take a material form in this dimension and finally eradicate all reasoning consciousness.
 * Actually, I think you got it backwards. This is fan-fiction of an Eldritch Abomination. When you think about it, it explains everything.

Tara is merely the first vessel of whom it has taken control.

Tara's account was never hacked
Most people assume Tara's main goal was to troll the Harry Potter fandom like never before. A new account with a very Tara-esqe written sequel, X Hot N Heavy Goffz 666 X, also uploaded the original story, including the hacked chapter. So we may have an amazing Tara impersonator, or we may have the real Tara returned and refreshed after a long break. She's back this time.
 * That's what people said last time. And the time before that.
 * We just want to hope! Inside we know the truth, but please... let us hope that the lulz are back.

They're all German
Think about it. "Das Nightmare b4 Xmas", the fact that they always say "Yah"? It would even explain the bad English. Tara wrote this to improve her skills from her home in Munich. It also explains her fixation with British vs. American accents.

My Immortal isn't bad.
We all just think it is because we have no taste in literature or Fanfic.
 * This could make it the new Trope Codifier for True Art Is Incomprehensible
 * And it could explain why it's the epitome of So Bad It's Good.

My Immortal is a masterpiece.
See above. Remember how Finnegans Wake was horribly received in Joyce's time? In the same fashion, literary critics some 50 years from now will rediscover the work and hail it as one of the greatest examples of modern literature.
 * Really? Because I'm fairly sure that I would rather just let the nukes start to fly now, if that's what civilisation will be like in fifty years.
 * I imagine it could be hailed as the pinnacle of Post Modernism or a deconstruction of conventional storytelling in the highest form.

The story is a copy of the Daily Prophet that Ron and Hermione's kids accidentally put online.
Hermione quickly fixed it with a charm that makes any muggle who looks at the page only see a terrible Harry Potter fanfic.
 * No, it's the real Daily Prophet article. Rita Skeeter wrote it with her usual level of accuracy. We're seeing it before it was given to her editor, so it's full of the innumerable spelling and grammar mistakes she always makes, but which said editor always cleans up before publication. Hey, in her articles from Goblet of Fire Rita canonically referred to Arthur Weasley as "Arnold Weasley" and misspelled the names of the other Triwizard champions. It's not too much of a stretch that her rough drafts would get everyone's names wrong as much as My Immortal does.
 * Um, would computers even work around wizards and witches like Ron, Hermione, and their children? I think Hermione mentioned in the third book that technology (like surveillance equipment) just fizzles out when around magic.
 * Firstly electric doesn't work around particularly magical places (ie. Hogwarts) not wizards and witches - otherwise there would be chaos in the homes of muggleborn children and Ron wouldn't have been able to use the phone in POA. Secondly, by Ron and Hermione's children's time wizards could have worked a way around this problem anyway.
 * Maybe they got their hands on their muggle grandparents computer while visiting them.

My Immortal is a real-life attempt at a Brown Note
Tara wants to drive all of us crazy so that she can take over the world. Let's face it, just reading it as it is now causes your I.Q. to drop 20 points. What if she makes an even more terrifying Brown Note that drives us to insanity? Everyone with common sense is incapacitated and Tara is free to rule.
 * So she's Pearl Forrester?

My Immortal wrote itself
Think about it, Tara's either a truly clueless fanfic writer or one of the most dedicated trolls ever... OR she simply does not exist. My Immortal spontaneously created itself from the sum of all the bad fanfics out there, creating the "Tara" as a mouthpiece to spread it's wickedly bad, but oddly fascinating existence all over the web... to take over the world (OF COURSE!) Things came full circle when the "Tara"-personality became sentient and tried to stop this madness, thus the whole "hacking" incident.

My Immortal was not initially a parody, but became one as it progressed.
Think about it: Tara starts writing a crappy Mary Sue fanfic, which is...rather heavily criticized. Tara decides to make it a parody when she realizes a non-parody Suefic just isn't going to work. This would explain why the spelling goes from decent to brain-breakingly terrible, and why the story seems to suffer from reverse Cerebus Syndrome.
 * Tara Gilesbe, you magnificent bastard.

Alternatively, My Immortal started out as a parody, but Tara went insane and started taking it seriously.
If you took it upon yourself to create and dwell on such a psychotic story, you'd go crazy, too. Tara is still writing it, currently on chapter 30,964, but has not been able to put it online because she has neglected to take a break from the story to go to work to earn money and pay her internet bill.

The My Immortal Movie will change the world forever.
Tara will collaborate with Seltzer and Friedberg and Uwe Boll to create the My Immortal Movie. This movie will be released on the 21st of December, 2012 thus revealing the true reason why the Mayan calendar ends on that day.
 * A movie so bad it'll split the very fabric of space and time!
 * If this is true, then only the brave crew of the S.O.L. can save us.
 * Or, inversely, the sheer amount of suck will cause an effect similar to digit overflow and wrap around to being a decent film. Not Snark Bait, not So Bad It's Good, not even So Okay It's Average. I mean a legitamitely decent film.

Tara Gilesbie is a Time Lord.
Honestly, it's as good as any other explanation.
 * As long as she isn't Suzumiya Haruhi. Thinking about that makes me want to keep watching for potentially dangerous changes in reality already.

My Immortal is an experiment gone horribly wrong that destroyed its creators
Some scientists decided to test that whole theory on "if you placed a thousand monkeys with typewriters, they might eventually write Shakespere". As locking the monkeys was considered cruelty to animals, they had to keep everything secret, and decided to post their efforts in the internet so as to have the results of the experiment correctly valued. They decided to make the writings look like a "Harry Potter" fanfic because whatever came out could not be so bad, and to make it look like on, they taught the monkeys how to type some of the names. For more fun, they made the accounts of Ravyn and Tara. At first, they did run some spell-check. But then, one of them (Ravyn) had to leave for some time, and the other (Tara) was destroyed by their fic, reduced to... well, Tara. But some neuron conectivity remained, enough to remember that there was a Ravyn. And the neurons that still worked became the "Ravyn" personality, That was when they fought. The whole "hacker" thing is the other scientist, who was trying to destroy the story/work/whatever, to save his friend. The final chapter was when someone from outside found the place of this madness, freed the monkeys, and sent "Tara" to a mental home.
 * Alternatively, it was a study that involved teaching ravens or crows how to type. True, those birds are very smart, but they never read Harry Potter, and they are all dark and stuff, so...

My Immortal is a Real Person Fic Within A Fanfic.
Written by Taebory, a Shrinking Violet Muggle-born with a massive crush on Draco and malfunctioning Error-Correcting Ink.

It isn't even writing.
It is pure, unadulterated, mary sue fantasy manifested into text form without the constraints of actually being writing.

My Immortal was an experiment in psychological warfare
Your local secret organisation/military taskforce/hidden cabal developed the ultimate in brain-numbing technology: a series of words that was so mind-shreddingly painful, if it were ever deployed on a sufficient scale, it could bring the world to its knees. It was only after beta-testing it on a single website that they realised some things really are better left undisturbed.

My Immortal is based on Gone with the Wind.
Tara watched the movie (she didn't read the book, obviously) because she thought the plantation was named after her and she was inspired. Consider the characters:
 * Ebony = Scarlett: Temperamental drama queen with shallow emotions. Both are willing to kill people in order to never be hungry again.
 * Vampire = Rhett: The heroine rhapsodizes about this character's attractiveness, but she's so totally not in love with him! She often decides she hates him when he turns up in her life.
 * Draco = Ashley: The heroine is so in love with this character. It's a total fluke that she keeps thinking about another guy!
 * Britney = Melanie: Meek girl the heroine hates for no reason.
 * Or maybe it's a Troll Fic, essentially Gone with the Wind if it was a bad Harry Potter fanfic. The author's name isn't Tara, but he/she came up with the name as a Shout-Out to Gone with the Wind.

My Immortal is a fic within a fic.
Starring Tara Gilesbie and Jenny (Raven). Think about it. It explains the occasional inconsistencies in Tara's character, and why she never grows as a person in over three years. The story is probably a parody of fanfic writers themselves. Whether or not the author was trolling or never thought people would believe her story is irrelevant.

My Immortal is a Mirror Universe of FATAL.
They're both terribly, terribly written, have excessive ammounts of unnecessary sex, and have authors that respond stupidly to criticism.
 * No, MI is the result of the eponymous spell of death. This fic is FATAL, After the End.

My Immortal is Volxemort's journal.
He has been spying on Egogy and her friends, writing his findings down under the cover name of Tara. When Egogy killed him... Well, who'd keep writing?

My Immortal is a Troll Fic experiment Gone Horribly Right.
Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Tara experimented with Trolling by writing the abomination called My Immortal, however as it was her first time Trolling, she started to go insane from her own obnoxiousness causing her mind to crack under the pressure making her believe that My Immortal was an actual fanfic, and the more she wrote, the crazier she became, when she was allegedly hacked was actually her sane side come out and ask for help, unfortunately that side had caught the Idiot Ball and decided to troll her troll side instead. She is currently locked away in an asylum far away from a computer in hopes that she get better.

There is nothing special about this fanfic. The writer is just completley terrible at writing.
By sheer probability there would have to be someone out there who is a complete emo goth wannabe fangirl, and is too stubborn to change her ways. My Immortal is an example of this.


 * As another Troper has said: Good theory I suppose, but most of us were just having fun with the guessing game.
 * The artist behind the "My Immortal: The Parody" comic (NSFW) claims that she knows Tara Gilespie personally and yes, "My Immortal" was intended to be a completely serious fanfic. Allegedly, Tara was only thirteen at the time she wrote it (hence her total lack of knowledge about sex). However, since she has no proof to back up her claims, we can only guess whether she's telling the truth.

This fanfic will set up the biggest practical joke in the history of literature.
Someone will hate the fanfic so much they actively try to find the author's computer and delete the fanfic. And what will he or she find? A 200 page story written by Tara that makes Agatha Christie look like an ametaur.

This fanfic is reality.
The truth is everything in My Immortal is real. The reason why we don't notice is because once the final chapter was done, the characters finally went insane.
 * You are the Only Sane Man. Everyone of Earth, and that includes me, is just as absurd and nuts as the cast. You refused to surrender to the madness, and opted to imagine a world much to your liking. J.K.Rowling is Tara Gilesbe, filtered through your mind. Now I know that this makes no sense, but that's because nothing makes sense.

There are no typos.
Tara is an alien, and the fanfic is written in her native tongue. If translated to English, it would be a very good Harry Potter fanfiction. "Prepz" is in her native tounge, "Illiterate"
 * Or, it's not supposed to be a fanfic at all: Harry Potter is similar to their word, "Herry Ptter," which means something like "smart seminar." She's written an intelligent thesis to teach us about them, and to help us prepare for their coming. (All those Troll Fics that spawned after Tara? Her people.)

If a new chapter is added to My Immortal
The sheer awfulness will so great the setting becomes real.
 * No, the last chapter would have been a work of sheer brilliance. It would have redeemed all the previous chapters, explained all the apparent typos and plot holes, and rendered the whole story a work of genius. Tara would have been revealed to be a literary god who makes Shakespeare look like an amatuer. If only she'd gotten to post that last chapter...
 * Or it will finally confirm whether or not My Immortal is a troll fic. And, if it's a troll fic, Tara could end up writing a talented version of My Immortal. One that is worthy of being part of the Fanfic Recommendations.

My Immortal is set in the verse of A Very Potter Musical.
It makes total sense! We shall ignore the irrelevant fact that My Immortal was written three years before A Very Potter Musical and focus on the important details. First of all, consider the way in which Hogwarts is overrun by Muggle pop culture and Americanisms. Second of all, look at the characters: "Dylan Saunders as Dumbledore: They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!\"
 * Harry, Hermione, and Ron: Friends with Draco now.
 * Dumbledore: Yells and swears at students ("Malfoy, you little shit!")
 * Voldemort: Perhaps he never wants to kill Ebony or "Vampire" himself because he hasn't "been feeling so evil lately". And he wears tap shoes, so how OOC would high heels be?
 * Lupin: He's a pedophile in both ("Cho, I said I was joking!")
 * Snape: Ditto. He has Ho Yay with Ron in A Very Potter Sequel. And you really could see the musical version of Snape saying things like "What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit?"
 * Hedwig: Talks in A Very Potter Sequel.
 * Umbridge: What's the one way in which Umbridge was OOC in My Immortal? That's right, being nice to Dumbledore. Well...
 * "The fat guy who killed Cedric": In Very Potter Musical continuity, this becomes Quirrell, who did strangely look like he had twice the body mass of a normal person while Voldemort was attached to him. Almost like Voldemort was just hiding his body under the back of Quirrell's robes. Now we know why Voldemort and "the fat guy who killed Cedric" were living together. And Voldemort was wearing high heels at the time.
 * Draco: 'Nuff said.
 * It works especially well with this scene:

Joe Moses as Snape: How dare you! Lauren Lopez as Draco: BECAUSE [fails to strike pose] I LOVE HER! Joe Moses as Snape: Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms. [hammily exits stage] "Devin Lytle as Ebony: WTF, is that why y'all wanted condoms? Brian Holden as Lupin: Only you wouldn't give them to me! Devin Lytle as Ebony: [flirtily] Well, you shoulda told me. Joe Moses as Snape: You dimwit!"
 * Ebony is musical!Cho. "Ebony" is just her "goffic" name in the same way that "Vampire" is Harry's "goffic" name. Or at least very least, Ebony is "played" by Devin Lytle with the Southern accent.

My Immortal is a satire of 21st century teen fantasy fiction
At the dawn of 2000, there was the wonderful world of Harry Potter, Lord of Rings and other fantastical places with beautiful adventure sagas and they were good. Then along comes a Vampire Romance novel, Twilight, that becomes insanely popular compared to the other works extremely fast, infecting our book shelves with the genre and knock offs such as Vampire Academy and Vampire Diaries and bloodykiss/vampireangel/suckmylove/what-have-you. In My Immortal, the setting is Hogwarts with the characters we know and love, but as Ebony infects the school with goffik vampire crap, the setting and characters devolve so far we don't even recognize them. Tara Gilspie is telling us this is what has become of todays fantasy fiction, over run with inexplicably popular vampire romance novels that think brazil has a west coast, menestration is dead blood and self hating stalker emos make good boyfriends.

My Immortal is a Springtime for Hitler.
My Immortal is simply a purposely bad fan fic someone wrote for his or her own amusement and didn't expect to become legendary.

We are the fanfic!
It's a madhouse, A MADHOUSE!!

The fanfic is the Dying Dream of a depressed girl bullied to suicide.

 * It's her perfect version of the world, twisted by blood loss delirium.
 * That's...horribly depressing.

My Immortal was written by a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters.

 * We all know the saying that, given enough time, a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters would stumble across the greatest work of literature ever produced, or recreate the entire works of Shakespeare, right? ...Well, clearly, they just haven't been given enough time yet. This is what they've been producing along the way.

The story is a hoax created by Death Eaters to start an anti-Dumbledore movement among pure-blood parents.
The story, purporting to be the diary of a real Slytherin student, is circulated among certain pure-bloods who may be sympathetic to the Death Eater cause. They are told that it shows what's really happening at Hogwarts under Dumbledore, but, of course, it's just a heavy-handed lie, similar to Go Ask Alice. The fact that even hardcore Slytherins like Draco Malfoy are portrayed embracing Muggle culture and rejecting Voldemort on this basis is meant to shock and offend the sensibilities of these pure-blood parents, thus spurring them to oppose Dumbledore for inflecting the corrupting influence of Muggles on their children. The numerous spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional, meant to show how dumb the students of Hogwarts have become under Dumbledore's reign. The portrayal of Muggle culture is so wrong because the wizards who wrote it Did Not Do the Research. Sadly, some pure-blood parents are ignorant enough of Muggle culture and cynical enough about Dumbledore to actually believe it.
 * Alternatively, Voldermort was bored.

My Immortal is a retelling of The Catcher in The Rye
Compare Enoby with Holden- both middle class teenagers who feel seperate from and superior to their peers and curse their lives. Ebony sees everyone she dislikes as preps while Holden sees them as 'phoneys'. Both swear excessively. Holden's relationship with his brother is based on respect turned to hatred as is Ebony's relationship with Raven and both have vauge images of their future. Plus, look at the depictions of conformity and school environments. Look at the relationships with teachers (both encounter awkward situations where they believe teachers are infatuated with them and 'perverts'). And both stories have abrupt endings that wrap up nothing, merely detailing a period in the characters lives. I rest my case. WMG: [[My Immortal is an extremely imperfect version of Harry Potter from "The Library of Babel" by Jorge Luis Borges. In "The Library Of Babel", the story is set in a library which contains books in the form of every possible combination of letters in the English language (as good an origin for this abomination as any). Most of the books are complete gibberish, but some are legitimate literature. This would straddle the border...

My Immortal takes place in the same universe as Turkish Star Wars
I don't know how, it just does.
 * Thin plot thread holding obsessive amounts of self-indulgent gratuity (violence in Turkish Star Wars, sex in My Immortal)? An unstoppable protagonist? Small bits of the source work spliced into a barely-relevant story? Definitely. The Evil Wizard from TSW is Ebony's father. She was sent to Hogwarts after he was cut in half.
 * Snap moonlights as Italian Spiderman

My Immortal is a Future Imperfect version of Harry Potter.
It's from either Warhammer40000 or Mortal Engines. One of the Harry Potter books was discovered, badly damaged, either in the ruins of America or somewhere on Holy Terra. Whoever did the transcribing embellished it and added parts, trying to come up with a storyline for the random text fragments.

My Immortal is an in-universe Alternate History in which Arthur Weasley has a high seat of of power in the Ministry of Magic.
The materialism, music, and shallowness of the characters are a direct result of Weasley's policies to introduce and emphasize muggle culture into the Wizarding World.

My Immortal is an alternate universe in which Voldemort did not receive word of the prophecy and thus did not attempt to kill Harry Potter.
Instead, his power grew, and his dark ways became associated with being "cool." Thus Enoby and her friends were raised in a culture where imitating the Death Eaters and dressing like them is the epitome of awesomeness. Enoby is a wannabe, trying to be like the Death Eaters in order to be accepted by her peers- and not be targeted by Voldemort's supporters. But, like a high schooler who pretends to be a nazi because it shocks people, she doesn't honestly believe in what Voldemort does and would oppose him if it was necessary- and she does. In this bleak alternate universe, Lupin and Snape are broken, lonely perverts, Dumblydore is foul-mouthed and depressed, and Harry Potter is a goff.

My Immortal one of the results of an experiment to see what happens when you give people in a mental hospital computers with internet access.
Raven is someone who takes care of the patients and used to help Tara (a patient) with her spelling, Tara killed her off in the story after she was fired and couldn't see her anymore, she then came back for her last paycheck and was somehow spotted by Tara who brought her back into te story along with compliments in an attempt to get her to stay. The reason so many characters in the story slit their wrists with no repercussions is because Tara did it a couple times prior to being brought to the mental hospital (only to be saved by doctors) and is now forced to wear padding on her wrists to stop her from trying to do it again, which she manages to try with various objects, and she's now fully convinced herself that cutting your wrists causes no damage. Everything else that makes no sense can be attributed to her being insane with the worsening chapters being her getting worse and worse.

Ebony can see through time
And it's slowly driving her insane. Note that things will occasionally have a preview moment which is never referred to again, only to have the exact same paragraph appear again when it actually happens. These are brief flashes of the future that Ebony sees. Also note how Ebony and Willow manage to get from the dungeons to the great hall in a single line; They don't, but Ebony perceives that they do. Her bizarre explanations/retcons of backstories is simply how she interprets the flashes of character's pasts she sees. The odd mixes of makeup and clothing that show up on most characters are a result of her actually seeing multiple versions of them from different times, thus causing the makeup to become something like what Tara describes when it blurs together in her vision. The slow plot deterioration is her mind desperately trying to adapt to this ability and failing; it tries to create a narrative out of the random snatches she sees, some of which are simply single words. (For example, her thinking that Young Voldemort told her that his middle name was Satan may have used a moment in which he explained that Voldemort was an anagram of his name to a friend or supporter, or he may have briefly gone by Marvolo simply to avoid the common name of Tom before coming up with Voldemort) The horrible grammar and total nonsense of the later parts of the story is caused by the limited material she has at hand. The entire time travel segment didn't happen at all, but something prompted her to think it did and her mind began using the snatches of Tom Riddle and the marauders to complete it. "Hedwig"'s appearance is due to several out of context shots of Harry mentioning her which Ebony misinterpreted, at which point she began using shots of yet another Hogwarts student to represent him. When "Satan" is brought to the future, it's actually Voldemort finally breaking into the school, which she saw a snatch of earlier when "Tom Rid" randomly showed up in Sinister's (Perhaps Trelawny and the never-described Sinestra look similar?) office. His turning into Voldemort is her self defense instincts taking precedence over this, briefly allowing her to see parts of the world the way they actually are. This also explains why both Vampire and Draco have flying cars; When Ebony thought she saw them standing near them (Or, indeed, in them) they were simply standing near (Or in) places The Car had been, which she could also see.

My Immortal was pounded out during NaNoWriMo to win a bet.

 * Think about it. NaNoWriMo is all about literary abandon; write now, fix later. Maybe, in the beginning, she didn't have any word programs to use, and she used fan fiction sites as a way to save her work until such a day that she could get to a word program. By the time she did, the story had started to gain a massive following in all of it's suck, and she ran with it. NaNoWriMo accounts for the spelling errors (NaNo is fast and hard, especially for new writers, and you are encouraged to ignore spelling errors until you either get far enough ahead to breathe or the end of the month), the lack of continuity (when you are trying to hit that coveted 50k words, you'll do anything to make the story stretch on), and the sudden, seemingly unrelated plot twists and pop culture references (Plot Bunnies, which are sudden ideas you pound out to make the story go on, and word sprints, which are Exactly What It Says on the Tin, often lead to random references and additions you wouldn't normally put in if it wasn't NaNoWriMo, for the sake of satisfying the challenge or feeding the plot bunnies).

My Immortal is really an advanced sociological study.
Really. All the dynamics between the Goths and preps is really an analysis of modern society. The Gryffindor preps (notice how the ones in canon are either clever, successful, popular, etc.?)are the popular- well-connected obnoxious rulers. The goffs are the oppressed individuals fighting for a revolution, just like Romantic poets used to support the French revolution. It's significant they are the ones sent to defeat Voldemort. Because it really symbolises the so-called intelligent oppressed individuals fighting against a tyrant dictator. The goffs are rather like young Communist idealists years ago. Also, all the wrist-slitting is a critique on stressed teenagers who resort to self-torture. Ebony's insatiable desire to screw in public places? A satire on underage sex and promiscuity. And why oh why does a goff go for Hot Topic, a mainstream shop? Tara is using Ebony as a mouthpiece for armchair Socialists who like to think they practise this ideology when in reality they don't. Ebony thinks she is being goffik by going to Hot Topic when in reality she's being materialistic, spending a fortune on black leather fishnets. Hot Topic is a symbol for mass commercialisation. Snape and Lupin refer to rising paedophilia in the media. Omg I am starting to believe in this ...

My Immortal is a Satire on modern Goffs.
Why are the goffs portrayed as stupid wrist-slitters who are depressed over trivial things? They also seem to say really lame things,and talk about how good Satanism is when they behave like slutty preps. Posers are also made fun of. Dumbledore paints the Great Hall pink and then black, and goes round in an Avril Lavigne cloak. Surely Tara couldn't be that dumb? It was done deliberately, to make fun of Goffs. I mean, Allo Allo (a comedy set in WWII) was a parody on other TV dramas set in WWII. Tara obviously knows how imperfect Goffs are, she argues that Ebony is not a Mary Sue because she slits her wrists. They are written to be imperfect.

My Immortal is a parody on Milton's Paradise Lost.
Voldemort, also known as Satan, is Satan. The fact he keeps on nagging Ebony to kill Vampire (or he will kill Draco) doesn't make sense, why can't he kill Vampire himself? Voldemort's coolie, Snap (known also as Snoop and SNAKE) execute his orders. When Ebony goes to the cinema with Satan he admits he tried to use amnesia potion on her so that she would fall in love with him and do stuff with him. The amnesia potion represents the forbidden fruit. Since Satan in Milton's epic is the main character, and Ebony seems to prefer Voldermort to Dumbledore, Satan is the rebel angel breaking away from God/Dumbledore. It's also worthy to note that Adam and Eve live in harmony until the snake comes into the picture, just as Draco and Ebony are blissfully stewing in you-know-whats and makeouts until Vampire and Voldemort come in. After that, Ebony becomes promiscuous, just as Eve screwed Adam after eating the apple.
 * Alternately, Ebony represents Satan (since she's a Satanist). Professor Sinister/Trevolry argues if she tempts Voldemort to fall in lust with her he won't go round massacring Muggles. Ebony is therefore tempting Voldemort from his true vocation, hoping it will result in his fall from a high place.

My Immortal is a clever theological re-interpretation.
In Paradise Lost, Satan is the protagonist and God the antagonist. Tara is trying to argue that what we call God isn't a God because he is good or anything. God is worshipped because he won the war against Satan. Like if Hitler won WWII he would be the hero. See Written by the Winners. By making the Christians evil preppy paedo's and the goffs the good guys she is arguing that Christianity's God isn't such a wonderman after all. By being a Satanist Tara is backing up a fallen dictator.

Harry Potter is in fact a My Immortal fanfic.
My Immortal broke the fabric of time and was lost for many years until JK Rowling found it and decided to write a fanfic for it. Tara later recovered it and put it on fanfiction.net to bring the real story to the public. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out as planned.

My Immortal was written by a rival band wishing to bring down sales of MCR, Good Charlotte and every band referenced in the fanfic.
It's too obvious that the slabbering references to hot goffik men in MCR are ludicrous and blindingly stupid. This is designed to put off readers from becoming MCR fans, making a fool out of Gerard Way, Marilyn Manson and company, by means of Reverse Psychology. Everyone is put off by Tara, anyone whom she fancies is immediately shot down, and everyone she disses is sympathised with.

My Immortal is Hell
No fire is hot enough nor punishment to ironic enough to satisfy eternal torment of the Devil. This, only this, read aloud for all time, till your ears bleed out your heart, till you scream out your lungs, till your so mad your sane again, quench the need of the Devil to cause you agony. Then Devil stop reading this, and start reading the 48,000 sequels!

Tara's last name is actually "Gilespie"

 * She's spelled her protagonist's own name wrong more than half the time, is it really such a stretch that she would misspell her own?

Tara Gillespie is a very young (3-5)-year-old German girl who has seen the Harry Potter movies and has been on the internet for too long
All of the typos are explained if she is foreign, particularly the German-themed ones noted by another troper. All the storyline mistakes, character-name typos, and surreal happenings are explained if she is very young, and doesn't understand writing fanfic or writing anything very well. Her apparently adult knowledge of "goffics" and her primitive knowledge of sex come from internet pornography and "goff" sites. She talks about sex in porno terms, if even that; she often says "thingy" and "you-know-what", showing she actually has no idea what they're called. It's actually really sad.

There is no Tara Gillespie. Tv Tropes itself wrote the fanfic
Notice how the ones who care the most about this fanfic are the people of TV Tropes. How evil and nasty the fanfic is. How Trope Overdosed it is.

My Immortal is another way for the people of TV tropes to spread evil and mayhem in the world.
 * My Gods... what have we done?
 * We need to launch a formal investigation into this possibility. If true...well, there can be only one means of atonement.

RAVEN is the troll.
Remember how Tara said Raven spellchecked it? She probably didn't look back over it herself, so Raven thought she could have some fun with it.

Tara Gilesbie is J. K. Rowling.
Makes perfect sense.
 * Rowling with major Sarcasm Mode on? It was her way to mess with the fandom? Yes. Yes, it does make sense.
 * It's the only thing that does make sense - JKR was sick of all those Mary Sues and wanted to prove that, even in her own fandom, she could outwrite and get more reviews than anyone else.
 * And she actually guessed several parts of the last book correctly!
 * It makes perfect sense! Rowling frequented Fanfiction.net, where she saw all of the slash fics, Mary Sues, Character Derailment, and Americanizations. So she used all of the Mary Sue cliches to create the ultimate Sue and pieced it all together.
 * If this is the truth then J.K. Rowling is my new deity.
 * Except how on earth would she know so much about MCR GC and Green Day? Some of the songs mentioned in the fic are very obscure like Demolition Lovers.
 * Wikipedia is your friend. You can find almost anything about a band if you want by a quick internet search.
 * How would she even know what bands to look up? Based on the generic rock star look of Bill Weasley, Rowling isn't very up on youth culture, much less youth-culture stereotypes from another country. Stereotypes like "Hot Topic is for goth wannabes" can't simply be looked up because the "knowledge" isn't academic.
 * She probably just read the profiles of some of the suethors and went with that.
 * Note that Tara claims to have based her fic on the movies. Yet she talks about events that haven't even happened in the book. Clue?

The story was written as a side effect from meds.
Tara suffers from insomnia and nightmares, so she takes sleeping medication. In the middle of the night she would go to her computer and type horrible fanfiction while still asleep. I mean seriously, something that bad couldn't have been consciously written.

"Tara Gillesbie" is the Internet name for Stephenie Meyer.
After having her books compared to the Harry Potter saga, she wrote a Harry Potter story to prove she can do it better.

Face it, that explains a lot.


 * A lot? How about everything?
 * Not really. Smeyer can, at the very least, use a spellchecker correctly. Tara can't.
 * No, her "editors" can use spellcheck. Who knows if she can use a computer correctly?
 * If nothing else, Meyer is a Mormon and Tara is a Satanist. Those sound a bit incompatible.
 * Not to mention that unless Meyer is a very different type of Mormon than this troper, most of the fic would be very uncomfortable/difficult to write. (This troper was pretty uncomfortable reading through all the "sex scenes" and swearing.) Granted, some Mormons swear more than others, but generally, a Precision F-Strike is rare, and a Cluster F-Bomb is even rarer. Hell, this troper is uncomfortable with swears as mild as "hell."
 * Tara is a Theme Park Version of a Satanist. Meyer thought if people thought she was a satanist they'd accept her works better than they would if she was a Mormon.
 * Assuming that Stephanie Meyer really is a Mormon, and not a secret Satanist in disguise.
 * Tara was her old pen-name before she converted into the Mormon religion. She left her "Goff" look behind but it was always in her heart. Her spelling improved after she completed her education... Then Twilight began. Just look at the Mary Sue character!!! The laughable gore of the final book and the sheer stupidity MUST be from the same author!!!
 * Twilight is older than My Immortal by a year.
 * It was a old story Meyers wrote and originally had on a different site but when it was taken down she copied it to Fanfiction.net where it became famous.
 * Then how did she know that Voldemort would have no nose in the films before the fourth movie came out?
 * She read the books and figured Volxemort would look cool without a nose.
 * You know, it could be just a troll fic by Stephanie. She targeted the Harry Potter franchise partly to irritate Rowling, and partly For the Lulz.

Tara Gilesbie and Kristen Cast are one and the same person.
Think about it. It's also said that Twilight = My Immortal – Harry Potter. So, mathematically speaking, The House of Night = My Immortal.
 * It's said that The House of Night = Twilight + Harry Potter.
 * A teenage girl writer inserts herself into a magic school and turns into a vampire. Which story did I just describe?
 * Raven. Redbird. Nice try.
 * My Immortal? Evanescence song title. House Of Night? Evanescence song title. No way this is coincidence.
 * The reason why The House of Night has proper spelling is because Kristen's mother P.C. Cast spell-checked it. P.C., by the way, isn't "Raven". That, or P.C. Cast is actually a spell-checker on Tara's PC—which is still not "Raven".

"Tara Gillesbie" is an experimental female Ork Prototype.
It explains everything. EVERYTHING.
 * Eh? Are Orks even literate?
 * Tara isn't literate, either. If this was a test to gauge her intelligence, it would suddenly make sense; My Immortal is a story she wrote when she was asked by the scientists making her to write something. It's a creativity test. But the subject was soon euthanised, which is why we still see no female Orks.
 * Given how long My Immortal was, the subject wasn't euthanized that soon.
 * Perhaps she was dictating?
 * Oh, shut up.
 * Of course! That's why she kept calling herself a "Goff!"
 * Hence why everything in the story's all wrong/exaggerated: Tara has no idea of what Earth culture (or Imperial culture) is like and probably got all her ideas from inaccurate sources-- perhaps a recording or vox of some sort, or maybe a fragmented document on pre-Dark Age Terra. Or maybe, the attempts at gathering info by the Old Ones who created her for the creation of the Ork proto-female have been stymied by the eternal war around the galaxy, and so they had to reference other races' behavior for the creation of a female Ork psyche-- although their references were very much outdated. Why did they choose the female teenage human as their reference point? I will never know.

Tara is Raven's alter-ego
She was created so Raven could go all out and be as stupid and Troll Crazy as she wanted without anyone knowing it was her. The hoax became more elaborate as she gained more popularity.

Think about it. The reason people believe that "Tara" can't possibly be a troll is that she and her friend Raven have so many accounts. Accounts that "Tara" rarely posts updates on. And when she does, it's brief and always the same stuff... as if she can only talk about "prepz" and "haturs" and "goffs" or else Wangst about the Hatedom following My Immortal. Her mood on My Space is always "Goffik". Come on, people... she's had the exact same lame-o one-dimensional personality for three years now... The whole dyslexia thing was added later to make her spelling errors more believable and to make us less likely to call her out on the hoax in case she is real.

The feud, the shout outs, the (few) My Space pictures, the whole "Tara totally ROCKS!" thing -- it's all FAKE.

It's obvious that Raven is the true mastermind here. She just makes sure to take "Tara" with her wherever she goes...
 * "Tara" occasionally contradicts herself. On her second My Space, she claimed that her profile picture was taken by Raven. On her first one, she claimed that the same picture was one she took herself.

Raven is the attention-seeker.
Think about it. Raven didn't get many reviews until Tara wrote My Immortal. To get attention she created another account as Tara Gilesbie and then wrote that atrocious blitzkrieg of spelling, grammar and obscenity, and then subtly pretended that she's Tara's editor. Obviously it made people go over to her stories and review them. My Immortal is really a publicity stunt. Proof: their likes, hatred of preps, even the characters are similar (Mary Sue). She couldn't write as Raven because then everyone would boo Raven and she couldn't continue writing under that name. What better idea that to create Tara, create a bomb and leave abruptly? Lots of authors write under two names.

Tara was the inspiration for Gilderoy Lockhart.
Rowling has admitted that Lockhart was based on a real person. Who fits the bill better than Tara does?
 * But... but it was written way after "Chamber of Secrets"... wait, of course! Timey-Wimey Ball! It all makes sense now! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
 * Building on that theory, it's possible that Tara Made an unholy pact with the four trolls of fanfiction.net to go back in time and give JK Rowling the inspiration to write Lockhart.
 * Or a more simple theory: Tara emailed the fanfiction to Rowling. Rowling was inspired by Ebony and wrote "Chamber of Secrets." Tara locked My Immortal away until a few years later.
 * The first one is more likely. The second doesn't hold up when you consider that characters like Lupin Loopin and Wormtail Snaketail don't show up until after CoS. So yeah, the Four Trolls must have given her the Ipod Time Machine.
 * Of course, Tara herself no doubt existed before writing the fanfic, so it's not too inconceivable that she just knew J. K. Rowling beforehand and was already stupid enough at that point to "impress" Rowling without the fanfic's aid... but your explanations are funnier.
 * Except Tara would have been about five years old when Chamber was written.
 * Precisely!
 * What if Tara had the first book read to her (was it published?) when she was young, and she tried to impress Rowling with her own sequel. Rowling didn't respond, and that sent Tara on a downward spiral of illiteracy and hating the HP series, hence later writing a terrible fanfic from a "fan" of the series (proving the fans were idiots!), all the while still subconsciously trying to impress Rowling - by taking the love of mythical species (?) (vampires, wizards, etc.) and dark magic, that sort of thing, only times ten.

Tara wrote My Immortal ''For the Evulz"
Tara wanted to drive a mass amount of people insane and cause chaos. But due to the fact that she had no power in the outside world, she decided to wreck havoc on the internet. And thus My Immortal was born.

Tara was a loser at high school.
Think about it. This fic is really a typical American high school drama - the nerds against the cool people. People like Britney represent the popular people, and Ebony represents the nonconformists. Tara couldn't just write a popular kid-nerd fic because she wanted to sound cool, despite being a loser. Hence, making Ebony's gang a bunch of goths. Unfortunately she made the Goths sound too cool and behave like preps. That was probably because My Immortal is her fantasy of how cool she would like to be, only she's Goffik.

Tara is a reincarnation of James Joyce.
She is superior in every which way to her predecessor. My Immortal is so brilliant that it crosses the critical limit of brilliance and reverts all the way back to puerile stupidity.
 * Disturbingly enough I can grasp her having written Finnegans Wake, the previous owner for most insane troll literature.

Tara Gilesbie and Raven are split personalities
Exactly What It Says on the Tin. Neither of them are the original personality, but are continually fighting for dominance, surfacing one after the other. Tara surfaces and writes a chapter, and then Raven surfaces and edits it. Later in the fic, Tara gains more control, pushing Raven to the back of the mind for a while. This explains why the writing gets even worse, and why Tara and Raven allegedly become mad at each other, Gerard Way posters notwithstanding. The reason the writing was terrible to start with: Raven was never around long enough to actually edit worth a damn. Tara came back, assumed the chapter was edited, and submitted it. Tara and Raven's supposed absences are one or more additional personalities surfacing, hence why Tara seems to go to England about three times over the course of the last few chapters. Somewhere in the recesses of this dark, goffik mind, there is a personality that enjoys Buffy, Star Wars, Back to the Future, LotR, and Harry Potter. Bits and pieces of this personality seep into Tara's writing, hence the numerous references. Tara genuinely considers herself a goff, but is never around long enough to experience much in the way of goffness, therefore is quite confused on what exactly is goff, and has a very shallow understanding of the goff things she actually knows about. As for how the base person (let's call her "Echo") has the time to manage all these personalities, see above re: Time Lord. Raven on the other hand is a seemingly normal girl with some goffik tendencies who wishes she were popular. She couldn't imagine all this crap as Raven, being ashamed of all the crappy grammar and sex scenes. Hence Tara was created. Then there's the third personality. It's been speculated that the hacker in chapter 39 is really Tara. It is her 3rd alter-ego. This alter-ego is a rational funny person who laughs at the ridiculous goffikness of the other 2 personalities.

Tara might be working on fan fiction again soon.
Check out her user page: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/999831/XXXbloodyrists666XXX

Read the top line (important part reprinted here):
 * "i will try 2 post a new fanfik maybe derring da summer"

Don't get your hopes too high (or for others, you can breathe a sigh of relief):
 * "but i probebly wont koz all od u r such idiotz"

What will this new story be about? Will it end the previous story? I don't know, but I think this line might answer my question:
 * "EVRY 1 C NEW MOON!!1"

Be afraid. Be very afraid...


 * The ED page claims to have contacted Gillespie and asserts that the original Bloodyrists666 account has been hacked, but she still has plans to continue.
 * Can you provide a link or tell me where I can find this ED page? I do not even know what is is let alone how to get there.
 * Encyclopedia Dramatica - visit at your own risk.


 * -I know my opinion doesn't matter that much because I'm just an Anon, but I believe that My Immortal is a genuine fic, or was at first. Now the bloodyrists bitch implies she might try 2 post a new fanfik (but probebly wont)? I don't buy it. By that, I mean I don't buy the idea of it being her. Tara Gilesbie, as she is called, wrote My Immortal when? 2006? Let's put that in perspective, ladies and gentlemen. 2006 was four years ago. Nearly half a decade has passed. People change a lot in even a single year. Now, four of them have gone by, and we're supposed to believe that Tara hasn't changed at all? Her profile has been updated (as mentioned above), and she's still the English language-murdering dumbass that she was when she first wrote My Immortal? I believe that My Immortal is mostly genuine - I can buy the idea of an extremely immature, arrogant, and deluded teenage girl writing a story that horrible. People do stupid things when they're young, and especially on the internet. But I can't buy the idea of her being just as stupid four years later. Even her friend Raven hasn't updated her profile since 2005. Tara Gilesbie is gone. Whoever has control of her account now is a fucking poser.
 * Also, it has been said on Raven's account someone, possibly Tara, had commited suicide. Whereas that is true or not, it may be an indicator of how true this new account is.
 * The account where 'Raven' said that Tara had committed suicide is an admitted fake.
 * Also, it's most likely Tara's a troll to begin with. One of her Favorite Authors on FF is none other than XXXmidnitegoffXXX who parodied My Immortal, made a fake sequel, and intentionally makes badfics for fun. Not the kind of person a shallow person like "Tara" would like.
 * That can be rationalized, however, if you're like the guy who wrote the paragraph above, and believe that Tara's account now is in somebody else's hands.
 * You don't even need to go that far. Someone above proposed that Tara wasn't a troll at first, but became one later on after realizing how bloody-awful the story was. With similar reasoning, it could be suggested that Tara is a troll now, still has her account, and after she stopped writing MI, is now just messing with people by editing her account information (and may actually be considering writing a new story just for the evulz).
 * This site's founder claims to know the real Tara, and answers that she was legitimate.
 * Think about this: If Tara wasn't a troll, why did she keep writing? By about chapter twenty if not earlier, it was obvious that she would only get mountains of flame reviews. Why would she keep going if she didn't get off on being flamed? When most newbie authors discover no one likes their story, they abandon or delete it -- they certainly don't pound out thirty more chapters of the same drivel. If Tara was writing the story only for herself, she could have kept writing it on her home computer and stopped posting it. The only reason to keep posting it would be because she wanted the flames.
 * Because Tara was stupid, arrogant, and stubborn - none of which are in short supply on internet young people.
 * Yes, but stupidity doesn't eliminate the need for a motive. An idiot doesn't walk into open traffic just because it's stupid. There has to be something shiny on the other side of the street.
 * The shiny thing on the other end of the street is simply the end in Tara having her story written and posted online. Have you really never encountered anyone on the internet who was doing something stupid that offended others, but kept doing it anyway and defended it even to the point of pretending to have support? I have, and literally the only differences between those cases and this (besides the format) is that My Immortal lasted slightly longer than average and is pretty funny. Sure, there is no doubt a more specific motive than "its own sake", but that motive is impossible for the internet to know (especially now that a good six or different people have come out claiming to be Tara/the perpetrator or to have known Tara).
 * "Have you really never encountered anyone on the internet who was doing something stupid that offended others, but kept doing it anyway and defended it even to the point of pretending to have support?" Yes, those people are called "trolls".
 * If that's the case, then the side which contends that Tara did not legitly write the story needs to find a word for her other than "troll" since that description is completely compatible with her legitly writing it.
 * I was trying to say that you're only comparing Tara to people who were probably also trolling. Maybe some people like that are for real, especially if they have some kind of political or religious ax to grind. They don't care that they're being flamed because they have the "higher purpose" of proving they're right. Tara didn't have a point to prove, unless it was "preps suck". And even then, she didn't treat it like a point she wanted to prove anyway. She just used it as an all-purpose shut down.

Tara is really an insane AI.
She was created to make great works of fiction but went rampant and wrote this in an attempt to become a god by brown noting everyone on the planet. "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what"
 * When she went rampant, she lost some of her vocabulary for real: the technical one. The badly written sex scenes actually are attempts to fix her:

refers to a diagnostic plug and a diagnostic port, for example.

Tara is Gerard Way himself.
Gerard Way wrote this to mock his overzealous fans without experiencing a public backlash. He has come out against the kind of snobbery Ebony epitomizes ("If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day T-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about.") and, for the nail in the coffin, he's a writer.
 * That probably just nails another coffin. What writer would write that?

Tara is a Vogon.
She just went into prose instead of poetry.
 * Vogons only write the universes second worst poetry. She's Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings.
 * Vogons write the universe's third worst poetry.

Tara is actually Daniel Radcliffe.
Radcliffe has admitted that he writes fan fiction. Maybe My Immortal is a response to all the bad HP fics he's seen.
 * Who better than Harry Potter himself to write a bad Harry Potter fic? The answer is JK Rowling, but the guy who has spent the last decade as Harry is the 2nd best person for the job.

Tara is a Goth.
She figured out that simply marching into cities with a Barbarian horde doesn't work anymore, so she went about writing the worst fanfiction ever and let civilization destroy itself.
 * Alternately, she's the other kind of Goth, and actually knows about the roots of the scene. In chapter 28, there's the line "Red vevlet lined da blak box", which is almost a direct quote from "Bela Lugosi's Dead" by Bauhaus. Since this was written without a "geddit," it seems likely that this was a stealth Shout-Out to any "actual" goths who might be reading.

Tara Gilesbie is a troper
Let's see...as evidenced by her name and her naming a character Willow, she is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. And to know and parody (assuming this is a parody) every cliche in the book so masterfully, she'd have to be Genre Savvy. It just makes sense.
 * YES!! And then there's the constant lampshading. Particularly the "Latin Standoff"
 * The fic was written in 2006. Was tvtropes really around back then?
 * Actually, yes.

The troper who said that the troper who said that the troper who said said Tara Gilesbie is a-THONK!!!.
We apologise for the previous WMG, the troper responible has been restrained and sedated.
 * Was it Tara?
 * Unfortunately, no.We are working on restraining and sedating her, but at the moment, we cant find her.If you have any infor mation on her current whereabouts, please call ███-███-████

The two primary interpretations of Tara's true nature are too extreme to be true.
Why does everyone seem to think that Tara is either a Magnificent Bastard (or not so magnificent) Troll or an epic dumbass who is permanently 13-15 years old and will always be an emo Goth-wannabe. A considerable chunk of this story's fanbase points to the suspiciously specific spelling/word mistakes (like how Loopin masticates and Dumblydum constipates Professor Snoop's camera, et cetera) and the fact that said mistakes get worse over time as evidence that there's no way she didn't do that intentionally, therefore Tara must be a troll. Has no one considered that it's entirely plausible that the Rouge Angles of Satin are intentional and she's legitimate? Consider this: Tara has shitty spelling and grammar skills, and the story is far from enjoyable to read, even with her friend Raven picking up the slack. Tara takes flak for this, and that pisses her off, even though her reviewers are right to complain about it. The truth is that when Tara actually wants to, she can spell a lot better than she ends up doing, because she doesn't think it's nearly as important as it is. So when the flamers flame her over her bad spelling, she takes it as a personal affront to her style of writing, which is to write whatever the hell she wants, whether anyone else likes it be damned. So Tara figures that when she lets her spelling really deteriorate in later chapters and randomly uses completely wrong words for things (like "eructation"), she's sticking it to the flamers because in her mind, they're taking this spelling crap far too seriously. Like most self-righteous teenage idiots, she thinks she's being really clever and boldly "rebelling" against the "mainstream" by deliberately not giving a crap about their values about spelling and grammar. In short, half of the spelling, grammar, and naming errors are Tara deliberately not caring in order to fuck with her readers for being so stuck-up and preppy, and the other half is her throwing in random bullshit because she thinks her terrible puns (Harry's Dogfather Serious Blak), corruptions of established names (Filth and Mr. Norris, almost all recurring characters having goofy misspellings like Dumblydum and the Bark Lord Voldemprt, St. Mango's and Azerbaijan), deliberate failure to get established facts within the "Potterverse" right (like the magic school being in England instead of Scotland and it not taking place in the 1990s), and random pop culture references (Morti McFly, Darth Valer, Tom Anderson, Tom Bombadil, the Gothic 1980 Beetles poster that Ebony sees in the past) are funny or clever, while in reality they are anything but intellectually stimulating, and if they're funny, they're funny for the wrong reasons.

Also, the pop culture references themselves? Approximately no one in the world is pretending that Tara ever knew the first thing about being Gothic, and since her author notes indicate that at the time of writing, she, like Ebony, only saw things in terms of Gothicness or preppiness, it seems logical that anything Tara saw, she put into those categories. Extrapolated, it can be theorized that Tara has seen (or at least heard of, since she seems to know next to nothing in particular about the Potter series) Back to the Future, Star Wars, The Matrix, the Lord of the Rings books (this may be a stretch, but she only needs to have heard of "Tom Bombadil" once in order to be able to plausibly use his name) and seen something that she likes (therefore making it Gothic and worth mentioning in her eyes). Yes, it is immensely stupid and makes no real sense that a smart person would do, but who here is pretending that Tara was smart? It synchronizes with the fact that she fits her own definition of "poser" like a glove perfectly.

Finally, it has more recently been proposed that since Tara added XX Xmidnitegoff XXX (a genuine troll who has parodied her work) to her favorite authors list on FF.net, she can't have written My Immortal seriously. This doesn't prove jack in actuality. Tara couldn't have possibly favored midnitegoff less than a year or so after she inexplicably stopped adding chapters. What people don't consider is that Tara is a human being who changes over time. It's quite plausible that Tara ended up taking a year off from her story, and by the time she got around to looking at it again, she had actually matured - maybe not a lot, but just enough to see the horror of the story that she had made. So, knowing how much time she had wasted on it, Tara would not go back to My Immortal. She observed the strange fandom that formed around her story, but didn't go much further than that. During this time, she added midnitegoff to her favorite authors list. Or hell, maybe Tara never went back to her story, and her account was hacked and now belongs to someone else and Tara doesn't give a damn. Either way, Tara no longer cares about My Immortal. Look at it this way: if you had written something as fuck-awful as My Immortal in your youth, and then grown a few years and looked back at it, would you want to continue that? I sure as hell wouldn't. So Tara decided to get on with her life and left her terrible story in the dead past.

I know that this theory banks on a lot of ifs, but, really, none of them are implausible, and it does take into account the fact that Tara is a human being who changes over time, something that many simply don't think about. True, the odds of all of these possibilities all coming together into one are very low, but stranger things have happened in the world. In the end, My Immortal was the product of the right girl in the wrong place.
 * Good theory I suppose. But most of us are just having fun with the guessing game.

Tara Gilesbie is a medium.
My Immortal is the Dying Dream of a gothic HP fanatic named Way, that was lost in translation.
 * I've been getting spam from a psychic reading; the author was called Tara Medium! A possible hint?

Tara is an attention whore.
Of the, "even bad attention is good type." She wanted to make sure people would keep talking about her story, so she just escalated the badness of it.
 * This is what's called "being a troll".

Tara is a muggle who stumbled across Hogwarts.
She Went Mad From The Revelation and tried to inform the muggle world of what she saw. Unfortunately, the first place she staggered into was a Hot Topic store, which greatly skewed her memories of the place. She also suffered a head injury on her way back home, which led to the odd grammar.
 * In one of the Harry Potter books, it is mentioned that Hogwarts is guarded by spells so that muggles don't see Hogwarts where it should be; they just see a junk yard with over 9000 "keep out" signs.

The "hacker" is Tara, possibly acting out of boredom.
Turns out it's a troll fic after all, and after 38 chapters of writing essentially the same ridiculous thing over and over again, the author decides to take a different approach for a bit. Could explain why the hacker only wrote one chapter, and then uploaded two of Tara's originals; why not do more damage than that?
 * This theory is already listed near the top of the page.

The fic was written by Amy Lee.
Come ON, guys, the damn thing is named after one of her songs! Lee (or someone else in the band) wrote it under the idea that any publicity=good publicity, and associating themselves with a So Bad It's Good fanfiction can only help. Alternatively, Amy Lee also collaborated with Gerard Way or Rowling herself.

Britney is an Author Avatar.
Think about it. She's Tara's second avatar. She hates herself and created Britney to punish the good side of her she always hated. "Britney" is just a normal, unremarkable girl, what Tara probably is in real life. She (Tara) bundled her up with everything she hates to justify her punishment.

Tara is Uwe Boll.
Think about it. He wanted to write fanfic, but also test out his acting ability. so he created the whole Tara character. But he was serious when he wrote this, and his reactions towards haters is his reaction to people not liking his work.
 * This explains why My Immortal is such Boll-ocks.
 * You do realise that's an insult to Tara Gilesbe. Name me one movie Uwe Boll has made that qualifies as So Bad It's Good.

Tara is the CEO of the Coca-Cola company and My Immortal is a subliminal Coca-Cola advertisement disguised as a fanfic.
Yes... And I have proof... Multiple times in the story does tara make "spelling mistakes" that allude to said soda. for example:
 * "Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke." -
 * "Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires."
 * "I put on my Invisibility coke - (a side note on the "invisibility coke": Perhaps this should be taken literaly. Because the "cloak" did not work. "Mr. Norris" found them and actually made notice of the cloak/coke before even noticing the people under it. Perhaps the "invisibility coke" is actualy a gigantic bottle of coke, and therefore ineffective when hiding Enoby and Draco.)

Now it has been proven that seeing somthing like the word "coke" will make you want to drink a coke. (And this troper actualy did pour himself a glass of coke after reading those sentences.) Perhaps these messages were put in the story on purpose.
 * This one actually does make some sense. When the LRM Reading group on Youtube got to the part when the guy's name is spelled "Dracola", it became a running gag in their recordings to advertise for coke.
 * I, for one, find the idea of people hiding behind giant bottles of coke to be hilarious, and completely sealed the deal for her to believe this WMG. Great, now I crave soda.

Tara Gilesbie is really Barack Obama.
When he's not being a politician, Obama likes to write bad fanfiction For the Lulz. This is made somewhat probable by the fact that he is clearly a nerd.

XXXmidnitegoffXXX really is Tara.
XXXmidnitegoffXXX writes intentional badfics and did one of the "fake" My Immortal sequels, but is listed by Tara as one of her favorite authors. Doesn't it seem somewhat plausible that the same person ran both accounts?
 * XXXmidnitegoffXXX confessed to having written My Immortal recently. Here's what he has to say.

Tite Kubo wrote My Immortal.
Think about it; he has enough fun trolling his own fandom as is. He figured that messing with another one might be even better.

Tara will become Stephenie Meyer.
Through time travel of course. Her most well-known novel? It is an "improvement"

Tara's Account Got Hacked by Several Trolls Before the Chapter 39 Hack
It makes perfect sense. Some troll was looking for something to hijack. He picks a random one, and chooses My Immortal. Then another one comes along, and another, and another and so on and so forth, until we finally have the awfulness we have here. Each person hacking it didn't realize somebody hacked it before them. This would explain the changes in styles from chapter to chapter.

Tara is a Guy In Real Life
The bizarre lines like as referenced in the characters page, with "he put his boy's thingy in mine" or "he put his throbbing you-know-what in my tool" or "my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko" suggests something odd. "Tara" really can't be that bad in writing a fan fiction, and the whole thing is an elaborate plot pulled by a troll. Eventually, the troll, realizing the prank had gone on long enough, slipped away.
 * Uh, you have noticed the theory that this is a Troll Fic is brought up a lot, right? I suppose Tara could be male if "she" were a troll, but that doesn't mean "she" is either.
 * My WMG was mostly about Tara being a Guy In Real Life than a troller.
 * We've got alot of those theories too, man you are way behind on your theories.
 * For what it's worth, I plugged the entire text of My Immortal into Gender Guesser and it thinks the author is female.

This fic was written by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris must have thought one day if he could write something so heinous and even he couldn't read. Since he's Chuck Norris, he wrote the fic without reading it. And then, he let the fic to the humanity.
 * Mr. Norris is the self-insert.

A third individual was in on the story.
The person who posted the fic on the blog page after fanfiction.net took it down is skilled in the English language, moreso than either Tara or her co-writer Raven. Also, this person refers to both of them in the third person, while referring to him or herself in the first person. Furthermore, this person seems to be aware of which parts of the story were co-written by "Raven" and which parts were not, suggesting familiarity with the creation of the story.
 * Except being good at English and talking in the first person are not uncommon, and Raven's help is common knowledge.

Tara is Nyarlathotep.
"She" wrote My Immortal to screw with human beings and entertain herself. Goes well with the fic being a Brown Note.
 * Actually, I believe "The Pokemon Story" fits Nyarlathotep's character. Tara could be one of his worshippers.
 * I just finished reading it to chapter 25 and haven't had any prob- SHUB-NIGGURATH! O black goat of the woods with a thousand young!

Tara is Haruhi.
We know what happens when Haruhi makes a movie: it's disjointed, poorly edited, and has no coherent plot. What would happen if she were to write a piece of Harry Potter fanfiction? It would look a lot like My Immortal. The "goffick" bits come from Haruhi having some contact with the Elegant Gothic Lolita community and thinking it was so Moe.

Tara is an advertiser for a clothing store competing against Hot Topic
The whole fic is an elaborate mudslinging campaign agaist Hot Topic, designed to make people think their customers are stupid, shallow, and horrendous at spelling and writing in general.

My Immortal has no author.
All the bad fanfic on the Internet gathered energy from their authors, which pooled in Fanfiction.net and came to life. The monstrosity seized upon the largest fandom at the time, and subsequently wrote itself. Thus was born My Immortal. Tara Gilesbie does not exist.

English isn't her first language.
Simple.

Raven/Jenny was the hacker.
As a friend and the editor, she would have access to Tara's computer (and files) and would probably know (if not the password) then where to find it. It is possible that Tara was even signed into FF.net at the time (it does have a 'Stay Logged In For Three Days' option) so Raven/Jenny would just need access to the computer.

Tara is friends with Cori Falls.
Just take a look at their writing styles. OK, Cori's grammar and spelling are way better than Tara's, but apart from that, they both have similar styles.

The My Immortal rehost site was created by Tara.
This theory assumes Tara is a troll. After her story got deleted from Fanfiction.net, she rehosted it herself, pretending to be one of her own lulz-loving "fans". The site even includes a link to a petition to get My Immortal put back on Fanfiction.net for crying out loud.

My Immortal was written by either Megami33 or KrisRix. Maybe both.
Tara comes off as a sort of proto-Abridged!Raye from Sailor Moon Abridged. She hasn't perfected the No Indoor Voice yet, but is taking steps towards "MUST! PRAY! TO! SATAAAAN!" and has perfected the love of pain and violence. Come to think of it, Ebony's black, waist length hair (which Sailor Mars/Hino Rei/Raye has in canon) is tinted with purple and red- the colors of Sailor Mars' fuku.

Tara is Kara of the Star Trek episode "Spock's Brain".
The woman who gave us the immortal line "Brain and brain, what is brain?!" is certainly dumb enough to write this and the names are so close. And we know she spells her name wrong, so maybe every time she wrote "Tara" she meant to say "Kara". Kara has seen the Harry Potter films because the Eymorg picked up TV broadcasts of them. The signal forms of the first four movies have only just reached Sigma Draconis VI by 2268, which is why Kara thinks the fifth movie is about to come out. "Raven" is the name of the person whose brain formed the original Controller. Exposure to My Immortal was what caused the original Controller to be "finished". When Kara absorbed knowledge from the Teacher to get Spock's brain, she happened to be logged into her fanfiction account. After retrieving the brain, she went to her computer, didn't think the story could be hers because she remembered that story being brilliant, concluded that she must have hacked into some idiot's account, and wrote the hacker chapter. After the knowledge faded from her brain, she went back to her account and, not remembering she had written the hacker chapter, continued writing as normal. My Immortal ended shortly thereafter when Captain Kirk forced them to abandon the Eymorg complex.

Tara is actually Lil' J, a.k.a. LILSHOWSTOPPA from the infamous youtube video "ME TELLIN YOU MOTHA FUCKERS OFF"
You know, THIS video? Come on. Think about it. The demeanor just... fits, what with the horrible vocabulary and strong tendency to curse out and threaten those who criticize her. This was what Tara was like in real life; she was a white "gangstuh" (I wont use the word "wigger" because the Moral Guardians will get on to me). However, unbeknownst to those around her, Tara actually had a secret desire: a desire to be goffik. But sadly, do to the cruel world we live in, she had no doubt that she would've lost all her "gangstuh" friends if she all of a sudden became a goff and revealed her love for MCR, GC, Evanescence, and the like. The only person she knew in the same situation was Jenny (a.k.a. Raven), who she would have secret Gerard Way worshipping parties with. One day though, she came up with a brilliant idea: Write a fanfic for her favorite book/film series that would feature a goffik protaganist who would also be her Author Avatar/Surrogate, and employ Jenny "Raven" as the "editor" of said fanfic. Little did Tara know just how horribly wrong horribly right things would go.... Also, LILSHOWSTOPPA posted her video in Feb 2007, at which point in time My Immortal was still being published and, funnily enough, both Tara and LILSHOWSTOPPA stopped (verifiably) updating around the same time. Maybe Tara gave up on the internet after the second hacking locked her out of her FF account? For further proof, I present this line as evidence:

""Then swooped he [Hargrid] in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.""


 * Alternatively, Tara and LILSHOWSTOPPA are the same troll.

Tara's account was really a prank run by Fanfiction.net staff.
Someone working for Fanfiction.net read through all the bad slash, authors who didn't care for proper spelling and grammar, unrealistic lemons, and emo-wannabes. So they decided that as a sort of Take That, they would write a Stealth Parody to beat the badfic authors at their own game. And seeing how My Immortal supposedly got an abnormal amount of reports, you'd think that the account itself would have been deleted, but it wasn't because they had protected the account, but not the story. Also, the hacked chapter was really a reference to all the reported badfics, especially with the "Fanfiction.net hell" line. And the real reason most rip-offs were deleted is because the trolls spread around the site like wildfire, which was the effect the person didn't want because the story was really to teach people a lesson. It's a stretch, but not impossible.
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Fanfiction.net run a large purge against bad fanfiction after My Immortal? Perhaps they were trying to create some evidence?

The editor is to blame.

 * Tara is actually a brilliant author who wrote a Fanfic that was the epitome of So Cool Its Awesome. Her editor hijacked the brilliant fanfic and turned it into the parody we're reading now. For some reason.

Tara is somehow related to CWC, creator of Sonichu

 * The similarities are... uncanny.
 * Or its written by the man himself. He takes a female identity to hide the fact he's gay or bi. Likely bi, because Tara fancies girls. Ebony is one of the biggest Mary Sues in the universe, but not a Purity Sue. At the same time, Chris has an Author Avatar who reeks in Mary Sueness, but at the same time is a self-centered egotist who'll kill you even if wronged a little. Clearly, Chris found a Twilight book, tried his hand in writing it, and failed hilariously. If this is true, it means:
 * a) Chris is the biggest, most dedicated troll on Earth, and everyone is in on it.
 * Yeah, I highly doubt that. Though I wish that was the truth.
 * b) Chris has a range of talent, from So Bad It's Good to Bile Fascination. He's just really, really bad at writing Sonic and Pokemon fanfics.
 * c) Chris miracolously managed to write something So Bad It's Good, instead of his usual trash.
 * d) Chris created Tara as one of his dream girls/future wives (he creates this type of character a lot) and My Immortal is a story within a story inside Sonichu, created to needlessly pad out Tara's character.
 * e) So Bad It's Good is an evolved form of Bile Fascination. After all, Sonichu is so awful you can't help but look away. My Immortal is so bad, it forces you to enjoy it.
 * The troll who hacked My Immortal is Clyde Cash, evil overlord of the internet and Chris's sworn enemy.

Tara's gotten saner.

 * Seriously. Just check her Twitter. She even insists that the story was a satire.
 * I believe she also refers to Tara in the third person when she says that. Hence, your theory is either inverted and only her grammar has improved with the rest of her mind spiraling into multiple personality madness, or that isn't her.
 * Doesn't prove anything; this would hardly be the first time someone on the internets has pretended to be Tara/know her IRL.

Tara is a Time Lord

 * Well, why not?

Tara and Jenny (assuming they are not fictional) come from relatively rich families.
How else would they be able to go on these vacations to England and Transylvania?

Tara is nigel molesworths cousin.

 * ...as any fule kno.

Tara was mentally disabled.

 * She had some kind of condition which affected her ability to read and write, and she was bullied in school because of it. So she turned away from the world and went "goffik", with Raven being one of her only friends. Eventually, after she and Raven had the fight, she felt even more alone. The depression spiraled until she was Driven to Suicide.
 * Not likely -- don't forget that she and Raven made up by chapter 30 or so.

Tara comes from a conservative/religious family.
Ergo, her gothic/satanist fantasy is one by-product of family drama that virtually always accompanies a growing, rebellious teenager.

Two guys trolled us.
Here's the confession in all its glory.
 * Well, if this is true, then this guy is the "real" version of Raven. I mean, he says he got locked out after chapter 15, and chapter 16 is the one in which Tara declared she had fallen out with Raven.
 * What is this, the fourth time somebody claiming to be Tara, Raven, or another insider has shown up with a story? Yeah, but there's totally a chance it's true this time.
 * Now, for the next order of business: hunting down the other guy.

Tara isn't goth, she's just a poser.
To a real goth, any sex appeal inherent to the goth aesthetic is merely incidental to its main purpose. For Tara, though, the sex appeal is the whole point. She's no different from a prep who dresses up like a goth because she thinks its cute.

Tara is either the future Jane Austen of our decade, either a very young writer.
If Tara was thirteen, was a dreamy author, and had had to cope with bullying and restrictive parents who forbid her to really become who she wanted to be, a glamorous gothic girl, it would make sense that, despite her vivid imagination, she would be overwhelmed by her emotions and would have overlooked the reader's feelings of aggressivity towards a character that insults these not of the same social circle, and not be caring for grammar. Thus, she writing about a character that is morally ambiguous (but some kind of a Byronic Hero) and trying her best to make it fascinating through glamorizing and not care about value dissonance. If Tara is a young authoress and is even much more skilled, she could try to parody our modern litterature and fanfiction, trying to point out all that is bad in it (disregard for the original's rules, lack of interestfor the deepest part of the stories and Fire Wars). Jane Austen did it with juvenilia. She also used it in later works.

Tara is a USUK shipper
Some of her author's notes have her randomly yelling "USUK!!!!!1", which people tend to interpret as her telling her flamers that they suck, but perhaps she's actually referring to the ship name? I mean, she's already made it clear that she finds gay guys hot, and the fact that she's written Draco and Vampire as having been in some sort of relationship means that she's no stranger to shipping. And, although Hetalia isn't 'goffik' in the least, Tara does some to have an affinity of sorts for Japanese culture (or... her interpretation of it...) and so it's not that much of a stretch that she'd be into manga.

Tara is actually an intelligent, well-informed person.
Despite the abysmal quality of the characters and plot, there's numerous evidence for this theory. Why are all the funny or dirty malapropisms spelt correctly? "Masturbate" is spelt as "masticate" which is a pretty advanced word for a 13-year-old to use. Sirius' name is spelt alternately as Sodomize, Socrates and Spartacus. The last two names are not the sort of names a typical teenager would come up with. Therefore Tara must be reasonably well-read in some ancient history. Mc Gonagall's insults are actually better than the average insult: "You mediocre dunces," "horny simpletons," the sort of things you would see in older novels a few decades ago. Similarly, the "albastard hand" is meant to be alabaster hand, which is a sort of purple prose seen in older novels, possibly the classics. To have read all these would require a better than average intelligence. Why then is the story so immature? Because Tara is a child prodigy with extensive reading but the emotions of a child.
 * Alternately, Tara was bullied at school and retreated into books, where she got her vocabulary. She decided to write badly so that she would look cool and not nerdy. Needless to say, it didn't work.
 * Well, if you believe this guy's confession, Tara-- or rather, Todd-- actually was bullied in school, and he created "Tara" as a kind of lightning rod to attract people's bad attention away from him.
 * Hmm, unlikely. The style and sentiments expressed in My Immortal are definitely the work of a teenage girl. The social battle between goffs and preps and the redundant clothing descriptions for example.

Ebony is a succubus.
Something a friend of mine thought up a long time ago. In addition to being a demon, she has strong magical powers from becoming a wizard. They appear frightening and demonic and to anyone outside of Ebony's messed-up little world, she certainly is. In addition, she uses her magic to twist people's personalities and bring people back from the dead.
 * This. This troper was actually just about to post that WMG, and was glad someone else thought the same thing. This troper got the idea from Sabine, from Order of the Stick. (Basically, whenever she reads Order of the Stick, she imagines Sabine giving her lines in an overly sexy voice. Then she suddenly remembered how Enoby does nearly everything "sexily.") If she was literally an incarnation of illicit sex, of course she would do everything sexily!

Ebony is a poser!!!!11112
Dumbledore listens to an N*SYNC song on her "tim machine" iPod. Now how did that get there....?

My Immortal is the Apocalyptic Log of a teenage girl slowly going crazy.
As the story goes on, she makes less and less sense; entire paragraphs are placed before they are happening. The already bad grammar continues to go downhill as she writes, ending up as a garbled mess. "Raven" is just a figment of her imagination, or else another side to her personality who has much better grammar and spelling. The hacker's chapter was the last straw and was what she thought happened when she truly cracked.

Ebony is Peeves.
During the time period that Snape was headmaster, Peeves grew more powerful by feeding on the rebellous spirits of the Dumbledore's Army members and the general misery over the entire school (Peeves being a spirit of chaos, it is reasonably logical that more chaos would make him stronger). Shortly after the events of Deathly Hallows, Peeves reaches Reality Warping levels of power and sets the events of My Immortal in motion under the guise of Ebony. The preps are actually particularly strong willed people who are breaking away from Peeves's mind control.

Enoby wrote My Immortal.
My Immortal is actually nonfiction. Hogwarts is really like that.
 * NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Say it isn't so!
 * I want to kill you. So very, very badly.
 * The above troper may WANT to kill you, but I will!

Ebony accidentally killed herself at the end.
Her wand was pointed the wrong way, so she blasted herself with the killing curse.
 * Thus explaining the story's sudden halt.
 * Of course! She finally slit her wrists one too many times! It all makes sense now!
 * Here's a banger: She used the killing curse on herself deliberately. Either she wanted to commit suicide for real because she's goffic, or she did it so that it would send her back in time (like when she slit her wrists in an earlier chapter) allowing her to attempt to change stuff again.
 * But I thought only a cross or a steak could kill her? Then again maybe "ABRA KEDABRA" is a spell for conjuring steaks?

Ebony is the Alpha Bitch.
Everyone here says so, so I thought I'd make it an official theory. Here's how she measures up to Rosalind Wiseman's newest "Queen Bee" criteria:
 * Her friends do what she wants to do.
 * Check.
 * She isn't intimidated by other girls in her class.
 * Check.
 * She complains about other people copying her, never leaving her alone, or being too sensitive.
 * Ebony frequently complains about others "tring 2 be b goffik" and whines about not being left alone. She doesn't complain about anyone being too sensitive, though (mostly because she doesn't even try to hide the contempt she feels for her targets).
 * When she's hanging out in a group, she's in the center. When she moves, they follow.
 * Probably...
 * She can argue anyone down, including friends, peers, teachers, and parents.
 * As improbable as it seems, Ebony always seems to have her way with anyone who matters, even though she just yells at them and doesn't even pretend to be respectful to the teachers.
 * She can make another girl feel "anointed" by declaring her a special friend.
 * Doesn't come up.
 * She's strategically affectionate, for example, she sees two girls in her group, one she's pleased with and one she isn't. When she sees them, she'll throw her arms around one and insist that they sit together and barely say anything to the other
 * Ebony's friends are all clones of her, so she's never displeased with them. The only exception is (briefly) Willow and she was (temporarily?) dead at that point.
 * She won't (or is very reluctant to) take responsibility when she hurts someone's feelings.
 * No one tries to make Ebony take responsibility for her actions, but she would certainly refuse to if they did.
 * If she thinks she's been wronged, she feels she has the right to seek revenge and will do so.
 * Ye gods! Ebony tortures and murders people over perceived slights.
 * Conclusion: Ebony is mean enough to be a Libby, but she may or may not actually be one. It basically comes down to whether or not she's popular, but the story gives us almost no clues as to her social standing. Of course, considering everyone seems to be in love with her...

The bad grammar and spelling are a metaphor for Ebory's mind.
Think about it. Voldemort's slowly friving her to hell with his "kill your friend or I kill your boyfriend" stuff is pressuring her already fragile mind. With her boyfriend trying to kill himself and being captured, Willow dying and Snap and Loopin, she's slowly losing it. She's falling into a state of dementia and the story and grammar and spelling follow.

Ebony's a lonely Yandere.
Think about it. She's uber-upset when Draco said no one understood him. She thought she did, and thought he was as lonely as she was. When she realized that they weren't as close as they thought, she freaked out. Also, thoughout the story she seeks comfort with her friends. Without them, she's scared, lonely and afraid. She's rather serious about killing herself only when she feels everyone has abandoned her (such as when Draco committed suicide or ).

The stuff about being goth? A coping mechanism. She feels being Satanicand brooding will make her cool and allow her to make friends, but also make herself feel courageous and strong. My Immortal isn't about a spoiled goth princess Sue, it's a deconstrucion about a lonely girl who has too much pressure thrust upon her and is coping by being goth.

Ebony, and every other goff, is under the influence of magic and/or drugs designed to make them into Death Eaters.
The reason the Death Eaters act the way they do in canon is not because of their loyalty to Voldemort: they're goffs! They are forced to see things in black and white goff and prep terms. This makes it easy for Voldemort to control them, but hard for the other side to reason with them. The epic of My Immortal is the story of a young woman, tainted by dark magic, whose will is unusually strong. She tries to fight off the twisted influences, even managing to associate Voldemort with preppiness, her new definition of bad. The sudden changes she and Harry go through after being "infected" manage to tip Dumbledore. After realizing what Voldemort was doing to his students, he tried to make them and the other affected students associate him with goffness by painting the Great Hall black and drawing attention to the fact no one was wearing robes with pop singers on them. In spite of his best efforts, however, Ebony was driven farther into the madness, hallucinating the same events repeatedly, even hallucinating having Voldemort's friendship. She is able to see the people who aren't under his influence but are pretending to serve him; that's why she sees Snape as a poser. After having nearly fallen completely under Voldemort's control, she realizes herself and gathers the last threads of Heroic Willpower inside her. For only a moment, she is able to see what must be done. The last thing she is aware of is shooting a killing curse at her captor, before the goffness fully consumes her soul. That's how the story ends, with her last moment of clarity. Ebony Way saved us all.

Ebony and friends have a Hive Mind.
Think about it. When Egogy and Draco go to Dumbledore for help, they talk in usison and say the same thing. They look and dress and act the same. They are essentially interchangable with one-another. Clearly they acted like their canon selves before Enoby showed up. She altered their memories and added them into her hive of scum and villainy.

Ebony is "good at too many things" in bed.
Think about it: It's why everyone is after her. Hargrid, Vampire and Snaketail (to name a few) all lust after her despite not having actually talked to her before. This is because she had such good sex with Draco that he started bragging. And as anyone who has slept with her can vouch for, what he says is true. Voldemort misconstrued her "talent with a wand" and tasked her with killing Draco. Not to mention, she's pretty freaky in bed. And very easy. Very easy.

Ebony does exist in the canon Potterverse...
...but she's just an average Hogwarts student who is disillusioned about her life. Pretty much everything that happens in My Immortal is what she fantasizes about. She is madly infatuated with Draco and constantly wishes he'd "put his thingy in (her) you-know-what", thinks a lot of the Gryffindor kids are actually pretty cool but doesn't want to admit it so she imagines them as "goffic" Slytherins instead, wishes she could be more heroic and imagines fighting the "bark lord", etc. As for all the references to Muggle culture...well, despite being a Slytherin, she's had several run-ins with Muggle culture and is obsessed with the music and movies from it. What about the fact that most of the Muggle stuff she likes didn't exist when Harry Potter took place? Well....she got ahold of some sort of device that could allow her to see into the future, and she realized that her favorite bands and movies happen to be from the 00's. But she forgot which works were from which decade, hence her not remembering that most of the muggle stuff she likes doesn't even exist yet when the story takes place.
 * This is the real story.
 * Or, possibly, she is a Muggleborn Slytherin in the 2000s and the whole story is her wish-fulfillment fantasy.
 * As a Muggleborn, she has been exposed to Muggle culture for most of her life.
 * Or she could be a Muggleborn from Harry Potter's time, which would explain why she was announced to be dead on the radio in Deathly Hallows Part 1 (as Ebony Raven). She was caught by Death Eaters/Snatchers.
 * As a teenage girl, she has crushes on various celebrities, both Muggle and Wizard ones.
 * As someone who entered the wizarding world soon after the war ended, she is fascinated by recent wizarding history and wishes she could have been there when it happened.
 * As a Muggleborn in Slytherin, she is often bullied by her classmates (possibly including a girl named Britney). As a result, she is depressed.
 * As a shy kid bullied by her classmates, she wishes she was more assertive and self-assured
 * It's also possible that she has recently been bitten by, and turned into, a vampire. In that case, My Immortal is a story she made up in an attempt to convince herself that being a vampire is nothing to be ashamed of.

Ebony committed suicide in the final chapter.
So, you know how most of the story is all her Wangsting, and how depressed she is? She gets depressed literally over nothing, but now she's actually facing some serious pressure (as noted in her writing - she's so freaked out of having to fight Voldemort that her normal wangst is replaced by wanting to be with her friends)and now she actually has to do something, rather than dick around. She couldn't stand the presser and used the spell she cast against herself to end her life. And the story.

Ebony and Satan were not watching The Exorcist, but a work-out video!
When Ebony and Satan go to see "The Exercise", that is not Tara's misspelling of "Exorcist". There is actually an aerobics video being shown at the Hogsmeade theater, possibly because of some sort of mix-up. Then why is a generic teen slasher movie described? Well, the line about how "a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came" does not refer to a scene in the movie, but something that actually went on in the theater. A couple were so busy going at it that they didn't notice when a "cereal killer" had eaten all the cereal they brought as a snack. The resulting blood that Ebony and Satan laughed at was blood that the cereal killer poured into the cereal, since using blood as a replacement for milk is actually quite common in the Tara-verse. (For some reason, Ebony is only bothered by public sex when "dumb preps" are the ones doing it, despite the fact that she and Satan get naked in public a few paragraphs later and even kill a woman for objecting to their indecent exposure.)

Ebony has Bipolar Disorder.
Actually, much of the 'Goffik' cast may qualify.

The symptoms of bipolar disorder, according to this Healthline website include: Mood Swings; [while in the manic state:] inflated self-esteem, lack of self-control, poor temper control, reckless behaviour {i.e. impaired judgement, sexual promiscuity}; [while in the depressive state:] difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions, feelings of worthlessness, persistent thoughts of death, and suicidal thoughts.

Also, "There is a high risk of suicide with bipolar disorder. While in either phase, patients may abuse alcohol or other substances, which can worsen the symptoms. Sometimes there is an overlap between the two phases. Manic and depressive symptoms may occur simultaneously or in quick succession in what is called a mixed state."

Ebony is in Azkaban
This is prior to the Ministry removing the Dementors from the fortress (post DH), and My Immortal was the thoughts (scratched into the wall) of a person slowly going mad.

Ebony is a resident of Ward 49
Ward 49 (aka the Janus Thickey Ward on the fourth floor {Spell Damage} of St. Mungo's Hospital) houses long-term residents whose brains had been permanently affected by magic (i.e. the Longbottoms, Lockhart). My Immortal is her journal. Chapter 39 is a brief period of lucidity.
 * Or a patient in the Hospital Wing. See this fanfic

Ebony must sleep with Voldemort in order to defeat him.
Because anyone who sleeps with her pretty much becomes her slave.

Ebony and her friends worship Voldemort.
Satan is not just a nickname. He eventually came to be known as Satan and was worshipped. Ebony and her friends don't know this, and Voldy probably cast a spell so he can keep taps on anyone who is a Satanist, or uses his name. Voldemort probably managed to make it so that any Satanist would do his bidding, and Ebony and co. are just pawns in his complicated power play. That's why Snape was freaked out about Hargrid being a goff (mistaking it for being related to Satan): he's used to people being controlled by Voldemort, but was shocked to learn that Hargrid had fallen in with him. Thus explaining all the Character Derailment.

Ebony had been driven to insanity by the Cruciatus Curse
Not enough to make her a shell like the Longbottoms, but enough that she has no grip on reality.

Ebony is a threat to us all.
The final chapter didn't end because of any of the above. Ebony gained full Medium Awareness, and knows we exist. Thusly, she's hiding her actions to reach our reality. And there she will use her Sue-ness to warp our universe into her demented vision. The disapperance of Tara is essentially her first thrust into our world.

Tara is really a guy.
Think about it: Every time unmentionables are mentioned, Tara gets into all the gorey details of male private parts, but only refers to Ebony's as "my you-know-what". Then there's all the slip-ups like 'he put his dude-thingy in mine' and too many instances of implying that Enoby is a Hermaphrodite. It's too convenient to be a coincidence! My guess is that some dude got really high and decided to right this as part of some sort of prank.

Enoby is an Eldritch Abomination.
Her mere presence has driven all of the Harry Potter characters to insanity.

Ebony is Q.
Centuries before he had Picard to bug, Q came down to Earth, took the form of a teenage girl, and altered the people of Hogwarts according to his whims. Willow is also a Q, which is why she came back after she "died".
 * AND BY EXTENSION, she is Discord!

Ebony is the Anthropomorphic Personification of badfics in general
There is a reason she uses every single Mary Sue cliche. She is not simply a Harry Potter fan character. She is the entire concept of bad fanfiction in general, given a human form.
 * And she's warping the fabric of reality around Hogwarts to her will!

Enoby is immune to the Death Note.
No, not because she's a vampire. Because it's impossible to spell her name correctly, since even the author doesn't know how it's spelled.

Enoby has a twin sister.
Her name is Ivory Light Innocence Dove Way. She is the preppiest prep ever. She never swears, is a virgin, and can't stand any of the so-called "goffic" bands. She is a werewolf. She has pale blonde hair with frosted blue tips and braided in yellow streaks. And she can spell perfectly.
 * Also, she's a Purity Sue.

There are actually more than just preps/posers and goffs
At least two refferences to punks exist, so maybe the goffs and the punks are common allies against the preps/posers. What happened to the punks is anybody's guess.

Voldemort keeps flying away because he wants to mess around.
He does his random threats and stuff; but he's already put the characters into a secret hell, and they're suffering already.
 * That would require him finding out that there are worse things than death. Noodle Incident?
 * Nope,he figured that one out after 2 minutes in Ebony's presence
 * Voldemort created Ebony, to torture the Wizarding World before he kills them all.

Voldermort is the hero of this story.
He's trying to stop Ebony from poisoning fanon, but he has underestimated her.

Navel is the owner of the Elder Wand.
He's also the most powerful character. Voldemort never seems to kill anyone despite threatening to do so, and only becomes dangerous in Chapter 44 when he summons Navel's wand. Presumably he requires a wand to summon Navel's wand, and the only reason he doesn't use his own wand to kill everyone is, Navel is the owner of the Elder Wand, and wields the most power over everyone. To prevent Navel from defeating him he steals the Elder wand from Navel. Voldemort's own wand probably is rather ineffective. Since in canon, Navel was one of the possibly contenders for Voldemort's defeat this is likely. As Navel is now a goff, making him the true hero is conforming to Tara's principles.

Dumbledore is an epic Cool Old Guy.
Dumbledore is, in fact, an awesome Chessmaster who pretends to be senile and manipulates Ebony so that she'll defeat Voldemort. He knows there's no way to get her to fulfill her part in his plan other than Reverse Psychology, so that's what he does. Ebony, of course, is too shallow and stupid to realize this. Notice how despite the fact he acts unhelpful around Ebony, he defended her before the Ministry when he thought she wasn't looking. And when push comes to shove, he usually is helpful, as when he saved her from "Volxemort and the Death Dealers" and orchestrated the rescue of "Lucian and Serious". He only refused to rescue Draco that one time because that was Something She Had To Do Herself. And he intentionally acts the part of a "poser" because he knows her prejudice against non-"goffs" will insure she views him simply as an enemy and won't try to see any deeper motivation in his actions. Ebony was upset when Dumbledore was sent away by Fudge because they actually have the same kind of relationship as a parent and a rebellious teenager. That is, she needs him for emotional security even though she spends all her time viewing him in a hateful stew. This isn't reflected in the story because she's telling it on her own terms and she's too petty and immature to not depict him as the bad guy.
 * Also, note she hates Cornelia Fuck even when he drove Dumbledore off. Under all logic Ebony would have felt sympathy for Cornelia for eliminating one of her enemy, but instead she concentrated her rage on Cornelia. Of course, it could very well be that she feels unsympathetic towards any prep regardless of their actions, but...

Hargrid and Hagrid are entirely different people.
Aside from Hagrid being a Hogwarts student, able to use a wand, and not, from what we can tell by the story, actually half-Giant or bearded, as well as his name always being spelled as "Hargrid", it's likely he's a different character, another OC based off of a friend that she just forgot to mention in an author's note.

Vlodemort/volxemort/Tom Bombodil is actually a time lord.
When Ebony returns to the past, Tom "satan" Bombodil seems to function exactly like a time lord. He knows things that will happen in the future as if he has been there I.E. travelled in time. In the last chapter, it says Satan transformed into Voldemort, which sounds like a regeneration. So my theory about this is that Tom's TARDIS broke in the 80's and he somehow died. Then he regenerated into Voldemort(the guy with no nose). Wanting to have a time machine, he manipulated several people within a grand scheme to get a new one. When he saw Ebony, he knew the girl would be stupid and self-absorbed enough to use in this plan. In the normal timeline she was but a minor human student who wasnt noticed, but Voldemort made changes to the timeline which made Ebony a vampire with the ability to seduce everyone she wanted. Then he posed himself as an evil person, so Ebony would go back in time to prevent his 'start of darkness'. After that, his former self would manipulate Ebony into taking him to the future. After that, he would kill Ebony(for her existence would now be useless and actually dangerous, since her vampire powers where a match for his Time lord powers) and rebuild Ebony's time machine into a TARDIS and use it to take over the universe. Because time went all wimey wibbly wobbly, he regenerated before he was shot with 'abra kedabra', during the final chapter. The story stopped at the last 'abra kedabra' because Voldemort had killed her after that. (probably by holding a barbeque with lots of steak) To add a more confusing variation to this timey wimey theory, Morti Mcfli is a future regeneration of voldemort. Both Share 'Mort' in their names. He brought Ebony a TARDIS to give to his past self. He had to give it indirectly since the selves shall never meet.

The reason why this plan was not very evident in the story itself, was because it was written from the POV of Ebony, who is actually chosen to be the centerfold of this plan because of her stupidness, which is not a very reliable point of view.
 * Alternatively, he's a Time Traveling Con Man, possibly even Jack, with an as-of-yet unknown motive. Remember how Dumbledore looks completely different in the 80s? Maybe it wasn't actually him. It may have been Tom Satan Bombadil Anderson's partner in crime. Ebony may never have even traveled to the 80s at all, which would explain the numerous mistakes about people attending Hogwarts in the 80s when they shouldn't, and about the 80s in general.

The 'Severus' in chapter 30 is a manifestation of Snap's surpressed good side.
In chapter 30 Snap is torturing the main characters. But suddenly Severus appeared. This character didnt do anything but distract Snap, so the real help could come in. So it could be that his good 'goffic' side manifestated itself to stop Snap from harming goffs.

Tara never misspelled any of the names. Those are all different characters.
Okay, so I haven't read the story this way. But it would explain various characters surviving death, and/or slashing their wrists all the time and drinking the blood.
 * Think about it; the same misspellings (Enoby, Dumblydore, Volsemort, etc.) keep reappearing throughout the story. Can it be mere coincidence?
 * Since other characters often refer to the main character as Enoby, Evony, etc., this would imply that all those names (Enoy, Ibony, etc.) refer to Ebony's identical, or at least very similar, sisters and that other characters keep mistaking her for them. It's possible that all Ebony's sisters died before the story began (Hey, that would give her an actual reason to be depressed).

Slughorn is Ebony's son.
Think about it. The Prof. is (apparently) GOFF (Saying "oh my goff" in the later chapters), and is at least once called "Slutborn." SLUT. BORN. And who is a goth and a slut? Everybody, but Ebony is the star! Plus, she is the only one (besides Voldemort). She's had sex so many times and never seems to use protection. (Lupin asked her for condoms, but she never indicated she had any). Perhaps she gave birth in the past and (since Tara does not want children) abandoned him so he can have a tragic background. Who his father is could be anyone's guess, considering she's slept with Vampire, Draco and.
 * That...kind of makes sense.
 * Also, I nearly died laughing with that theory, great job.
 * I'd say Voxymort.

Filch and Mrs. Norris are anamangi.
In My Immortal, Filch (a human in Harry Potter canon) is a cat, and Mrs. Norris (a cat in Harry Potter) is a human. This at first may seem like Tara's mistake, but in reality, both Filch and Mrs. Norris are human and are both anamangus who can turn into cats at will. During the time of My Immortal, they each simpily changed from the forms we know them as.
 * But Filch is a Squib, so how can he be an Animagus?
 * J.K. Rowling's version isn't as funny.
 * Because J.K. Rowling was the one who misspelled it! Filch is not a Squib, but a Squid!

Slutborn, Loopin and Sirius are OCs.
They're not supposed to be Slughorn, Lupin or Sirius. Tara made them up. That would explain why there's never any mention of Lupin's transformations or Sirius being Vampire's godfather. Also, this fanfic is too shitty to be made by a seventeen-years-old girl(which Tara claims to be). Tara wrote the fanfic before the second book came out. She sent it to J.K. Rowling, who got quite a laugh. She then decided to name some of her characters names resembling Tara's. It would also explain the "Tara is Gilderoy Lockhart"-theory above.
 * Jossed. "Serius" is reffered as Vampyre's "dogfather".

Marty McFly works for Dumbledore.
After the plan to stop the Dark Lord is set in motion, Ebony keeps running into Marty or his "tim" machine for no directly stated reason. Ebony doesn't have any way of traveling on her own between the past and the present except by dying (which would probably be viewed by the Professor Sinister and the others as dangerous to rely on), so it makes sense that Dumbelydum would have Marty shadow her while she's in the past and be on hand to return her safely to the present if things go wrong. This means that Marty disguised his time machine as an iPod and planted it on Ebony so she could use it to escape from Past!Dumbledore (near the story's end) and is also responsible for Ebony falling through the hole and appearing back in the present after her first time travel session.

It could also be theorized that Ebony jumping back and forth between the two timelines whenever she dies is not a weird unexplained ability that she has, but rather Marty using his time machine to transport her safely away just before she would have died (like the bullet from James' knife-gun). Depending on how long (or why) Marty was being employed by Dumbledum, he and Doc Brown might also have been the people sent to Longdon to find Serious and Lucian.
 * Except Satan told Enoby that if things from a different time (Ebony and the bullet, Satan and the amnesia potion) won't affect each other. And Enoby could have always just gone though the penseive, couldn't she? She didn't control it, but they were timed bursts.

Dumblydore knew Voldemprt had Drako.
He was crying when he thought Draco had died. Not two chapters later does he openly mock Draco. It is possible he knew what happened to Draco and wanted Enoby to find him on her own (and this does, in fact, get them back together.) Judjing by some of the above guesses about his inconsistent behavior, this is kind of likely.

Voldemort must have sex in order to be defeated.
Sinister's speech about him not being evil because he found love meant that, should someone have sex with him, he would lose his powers/die/get amnesia/whatever. Of course they send Ebony, because she's the sluttiest student in school. It would be so easy.

Tom Rid's store is new.
That's why Enoby never heard of it. He probably gave pamphlets or something to Dumbledore so he could advertize to the goffs. But alas, he is young as Distracted by the Sexy, and he goes out of business giving Ebony free clothes. That's why him and the shop fade out of the story.

In My Immortal continuity, Hedwig...
Is a Mode Locked, Gender Bended animagus, possibly as a punishment (maybe for being an unregistered animagus).

"Trevolry" takes "vloxemortserum" in an attempt to predict the future.
If "vloxemortserum" is a terrible misspelling of veritaserum, the most powerful truth potion, then it would make sense for a seer to take it so much that they became addicted to it. That is, if it enabled someone to speak truths that they did not know, it would be the perfect tool for prophecy. Makes her addiction to it a form of Fridge Brilliance, really.

"Severus," who rescues everyone from "Snap" at the end of chapter 30 is Snape's abusive muggle father.
Because it makes more sense than the original story does.
 * Wait, I typed that backwards. Snap is Severus' father according to this theory.

Draco is a Star Trek fan
In one of the later chapters Draco supposedly "put his spock in [Ebony's] you-know-what". Since there is so such body part as a spock, perhaps Draco owns a Spock action figure and used that to penetrate Enoby? Either that or Draco named his penis Spock after the character...

Snap is a good guy.
Which means that unknown to Ebony and possibly everyone else in the story except Dumbleydore, everything he's done so far is a ploy to gain Voldemort's trust and execute some master plan to get rid of him. The few direct hints at this that we get is his letting Ebony and Draco off the hook for screwing in the forest, and his past self being goffik.

Hey, Rowling played the same plot twist with the same character twice in the actual series. Why can't Tara do it once?

Wormtail became Snaketail because it's more goff that way
Since Satan was disguised as a snake in the Garden of Eden, snakes are inherently goff. Way more goff than plain old worms, obviously. (Perhaps Tara wasn't aware of what you get when you spell it wyrm, with a Y.)

Tara is not a goff. Goffs are only a symbol for the downtrodden.
It reads so much like a typical American high school novel, except the goffs and violence. Since Tara mentions emo rather than goff bands and makes blunders (saying The Nightmare before Christmas is goffik) she probably googled some bands that put on black and white makeup and labelled them as goff. But why use goffs against the preps then? Angered by bullying from preps at school, Tara retaliates by writing an escapist fic where the dorks rule. But she couldn't just make them dorks or ordinary kids, that would be lame. Why not make them goffs and Satanists instead? she reasoned, and thus My Immortal was born. It's all an allegory for social dynamics really. Besides, at her age she couldn't make the downtrodden resemble real sympathetic characters, so she made them into goffs so readers could identify the rival factions more easily.
 * Having an alternate ideology makes you look cool and profound.

It's All Just a Dream
Events happen one after another without explanation. Odd names are associated with familiar characters - sometimes many names for a single character. Some articles of clothing in the fic don't exist in Real Life - for example, leather fishnets. And that's only the start.


 * Though in the case of leather fishnets, they could be one of the things made possible by Hogwarts magic. After all, chocolate frogs that actually jump around don't exist in real life either.

Ebony doesn't actually travel to the past
She actually just projects herself into the mind of Tom, thus altering his perceptions and filtering the world through her own viewpoint. This explains his knowledge of the future and why she can't be killed. In his new state Tom causes changes to history that make the world into the crazy wannabe goffik nightmare from Ebony's time, thus allowing her personality to be formed into what it is and go back into hsi mind to make the changes. Stable time loop created through the use of the Pensieve ad Time Turner together.
 * Did you just make a coherrent guestamation about My Immortal in a way that is actually plausible and sheds light on the story?
 * But how do you explain Dumbledore remembering his meeting with Enoby in the past? And he calls attention to them being "stupid goffs." And how she saved Lucian's arm. Unless Ebony is projecting herself into everyone else's mind and the world is also changing.

It's All Just a Dream on the part of one of the canon characters.
They might've released the books under fiction, and someone had a bad dream after reading some very weird Fanfic involving a Mary Sue.

There are no Groundhog Day Loops.
What she was actually going for was the same thing you see in the beginning of books and sometimes the beginnings of acts, where you have an excerpt from later on as a way of enticing people. She just handles it as well as she does everything else, so it comes off instead as incredibly clumsy and appears to be part of the story.

There ARE Groundhog Day Loops!
Think about it. Voldemprt (Yes, I spelled that right) could travel though time, and Ebony does so later on. Notice how all the Groundhog Day Loops somehow involve Volxemort.

Voldemort is grooming Enoby to take his place as the Dark Lord.
Think about it: she's certainly dark and evil enough. She just needed a little incentive to turn her from a lazy Jerkass into the powerful, har-working witch she becomes later on. He saw potential in her.

Vampire is Ebony's Replacement Goldfish for Draco.
Think about it. There is very little physical evidence that she like-liked Vampire before Draco was kidnapped (besides one observation on his looks). When she finally screws him, she mentions before-hand how he looks exactly like Draco. She keeps him around as a love interest because she has a fear of being left without Draco. (Once, when he screams that no one understands him, Ebony is very hurt and freaks out.)

Hogwarts has a shortage of teachers.
Thus explaining why they're allowed to keep their jobs. I mean, they spied on a girl taking a bath, videotaped her, and had sex in the hallway. Not to mention, being against Enoby. Think about it.

Snap wanted Draco and Enoby to date.
Think about it. How do you explain him getting Enoby and Draco out of trouble in the earlier chapters? Either he's working for Enoby while pretending to be working for Voldemort while pretending to work for Dumbledore, or her dating Draco was important to Voldemort. And it is important for Ebony to be with Draco, so Voldemort could extort her.

The iPod that chonges into a time machine is a Transformer
Specifically, a new Triple Changer incarnation of Soundwave who was sent back in a bid to spread the Decepticon ideology to the wizarding world so the Decepticons could find a way to use magic as a new weapon against the Autobots. Unfortunately, the way interferes with technology caused him to be locked in iPod mode and sent his consciousness offline. When he chonged into a time machine, that was his consciousness coming back online and him regaining at least some of his ability to transform. However, he has elected to hide his true nature until such time as the circumstances are right to gain trust of Volsemort and the Death Dealers and take them to the future to aid the Decepticons. It is possible that the cideo camera/caramel is another transformer, who may also be mode-locked and unconscious/offline.

My Immortal is an alternate universe...
Where John Lennon survived being shot by Chapman (December 1980). After the assassination attempt, The Beatles, who were already discussing having one in our timeline, go on a Reunion tour. During the tour, they start jamming, write some songs and eventually collaborate on an album afterwards. Between experimenting with their styles and Lennon still recovering (mostly psychologically by this time) from the assassination attempt, it is a fair bit darker than their previous albums, hence "Goffik" in Ebony's eyes.

There's actually been a severe Ebola Zaire outbreak at Hogwarts, and this is the disjointed ramblings of a sufferer.
Think about it. The symptoms include irritability (explaining why everyone's so angry at each other), psychosis (explaining...well, everything, really), bleeding from needle sites or cuts (explaining how much blood flows out when Ebony slits her wrists), red eyes due to internal haemorrhaging (explaining Vampire's "red contact lenses"), occasional haemorrhaging from the eyes (explaining the Tears of Blood), petechia (perhaps explaining the odd makeup patterns), general malaise (explaining how depressed everyone is), and extreme and disturbing inflammation of the sex organs (explaining why the author says "thingy" and "u-know-wat"–she doesn't want to Squick us out.) The story, which a sufferer believes to be her life's chronicle, ends abruptly when the author goes into the final stages of the disease, convulsing on the ground, gushing blood, virus, and bits of sloughed-off internal tissue everywhere before she finally, almost mercifully, dies. The only thing not explained here is that Ebola usually causes you to puke up massive amounts of food, digestive juices, and your own intestinal tissue. Then again, the author may have left that out in order to prevent her readers being squicked (like why she called genitals the above euphemistic terms), or else it might be an entirely different strain of Ebola that doesn't cause bloody vomiting.

"Azerbaijan" isn't a misspelling of "Azkaban"; Professor Sinister, Snap, and Loopin were all actually sent there.

 * More specifically, they were imprisoned in Al-Asad's safehouse. The remnants of Ultranationalist force sent to assault the village after Al-Asad's death saved them and sent them back to Hogwarts.

Hot Topic enchanted their clothing with the Imperius Curse.
It explains why the characters act so strangely when they're wearing Hot Topic clothing.

Nowhere in the HP lexicon is it said that the curse works on objects. Only sentient beings i.e. humans, spiders, etc.

Acid
That is all.
 * Of course! That's how I can get this awful thing out of my brain!  aahhhhhh....
 * I think the original poster meant the other sort of acid.

The word "goffic" is a portmanteau.
Of the words "gothic" and "fic". You know, like "saffic"? "Goffik" is a misspelling, which is consistent with the rest of the fic and therefore requires no explanation.
 * Or maybe of "GoF" (Goblet of Fire) and "fic", and the equivalent of goth culture is actually made up.

There IS no My Chemical Romance
MCR is and always has been Voldemort and the Death Dealers in disguise, and that is the band's proper name. They specialize in rock and Christian gangsta rap.

YOU are Tara.

 * Fuk of u stupd fukn prep, my namz ENOBY, nt TARA.
 * wtf! whoeva tha motherfucker up on top of me iz a LIENG PREP!1!!!!!!!1!! IM DA REEL EGOGY!1!!!!!11!!!
 * But who was phone?

Tara wrote the hacked chapter unintentionally.
After getting so many reviews that say her story was like she slammed the keyboard, Tara decided to show the prepz what an actual chapter would be if she actually did slam the keyboard. The result was what we call the hacked chapter, but in Tara's mind she thought, "no1 wil undrstnd dis krp lol its soooo kwaii wht im ding!!!!!!1111111111" and posted it online. We can only guess what would happen if Tara mashed the keyboard for the entire story.
 * If she used her head it would also explain why it gets even worse after that.

There are no more chapters because the fanfic destroyed itself.
There are many possibilites. The first is Ebony became such a Black Hole Sue, she literally became a black hole that caused the universe to collapse on itself. Another is an unintentional Instrumentality occured due to Ebony's ungodly Sue-ness stripping them of mind, body and soul. A third is the cosmos could no longer deal with Ebony's existence, and made war on itself. The fourth is the other characters realised what she really was, and killed her. And finally, its possible the fic gained sentience and killed itself out of horror for what it was.

Das niteMARE b4 xmas is a different film from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Das niteMARE is a goffik tale about a first-generation German immigrant (Das) woman with an interest in horses (MARE) who promised her exasperated daughter that she would learn to understand her Leet Lingo (nite, b4) before Christmas (xmas).

A good version of My Immortal will be written.
Written by none other than Tara Gilesbe. What other way to screw with people's heads and prove you've improved/it was all a Troll Fic than by writing a decent version of My Immortal?
 * How would anyone know it was the real Tara who wrote the improved version? Everyone would think it was written by just another fake Tara.
 * Confirmed: My Immortal: Fifth Anniversary Edition (though, only spellchecked) was written, and its author was favorited by Tara so that's one nod towards genuineness.

The fake Taras aren't trying to steal her fame.
Tara realized that people would come after her after reading her awful fic, so after reading The Seven Potters she decided to follow suit, and get her friends to make fake accounts so no one would know which Tara was the real one anymore.
 * This theory implies that Tara can read.

The story was written while drinking.
A few friends decided to write a fanfiction. The original idea was not that great, but as they got more and more drunk the story got worse and worse.

Think about it. Raven didn't get many reviews until Tara wrote My Immortal. To get attention she created another account as Tara Gilesbie and then wrote that atrocious blitzkrieg of spelling, grammar and obscenity, and then subtly pretended that she's Tara's editor. Obviously it made people go over to her stories and review them. My Immortal is really a publicity stunt. Proof: their likes, hatred of preps, even the characters are similar (Mary Sue).

The Costume Porn had an effect on Harry Potter canon.
You know the Justifying Edit on the main page that notes that Rowling never mentioned what Hogwarts students wear under their robes? Well, maybe the movie's costume designer saw this fic and didn't like what (s)he saw. Or to put it another way, the way Raven and her goff friends dressed caused Canon!Hogwarts to make their uniform policy stricter!