Blatant Lies/Advertising

about ? Wouldn't dream of it!

"Ad Guy: We can't say it'll make you quit smoking, but thousands quit every day. We can't say it's a healthy smoke, but you do the math!"
 * David Leisure made a career about being a Smug Snake who clearly is lying - he was best known as Joe Isuzu. Here's an example. Subtitles would point out his lies.
 * Advertising in general is lies—or at least the implication of lies. Most countries have consumer protection agencies which try to tone down the most Egregious lies, but companies fight back. The truth is that although advertisers can't directly lie without risking getting caught, they can imply a lie, tell a half-truth, or spin a flaw to make it sound like an asset. If the truth is really uncomfortable they can dress it up with comedy or simply relegate it to an Unreadable Disclaimer.
 * Adding another layer to this is ads in colleges (and other places where they can get to new adults) that advertise the existence of these agencies and why you can trust ads because of them... right next to an ad full of half-truths.
 * Nowadays, most service providers (especially mobile telecomms companies...) offer "unlimited" downloading, texts, or minutes. For quite small values of "unlimited". In a similar fashion they offer incredibly fast speeds...that are in reality half of what is being advertised.
 * Another trick is to have upload speeds of X mbps, except on basically any application you would use to upload with (legit or otherwise). Here's a list of those applications: just kidding, there is no list.
 * Our bank account has no monthly fees. as long as you maintain a minimum balance for (absurdly high amount), make six or fewer withdrawals (including ATM and electronic withdrawals) in a month, and never use an out-of-network ATM...
 * Did you know that Extra Sugarfree Gum can not only slim you, but also tone your ass at the same time? No? Neither did I.
 * The Edsel sales campaign was this with a little Zeerust garnish.
 * An ad for a product called the "Smoke Assassin" avoids blatant lies by pointing them out. This is an actual quote from the ad:

"FBI Agent Burke: (pointing at Fi's gun) Do you have a permit for that weapon? Fi: (covers it with a napkin) What weapon? Agent Burke: That's a gun. Michael: That's a napkin. Agent Burke: I can literally see it. Fi: Oh, that's my cellphone. Agent Burke: (points to the cell phone in her hand) Then what's that? Fi: That's my other cell phone. Michael: She's a... big talker? Fi: (covering the napkin with her purse. a grenade falls out) Maybe we could just put this all... behind... us. Agent Burke: (deadpan) Is that a grenade? Fi: What grenade?"
 * A recent commercial for Burn Notice and White Collar is basically an exercise in telling the most blatant lie.


 * Computer running slow? Come to our website where you can get a FREE scan to find all the annoying adware and spyware and registry errors. Then for a small monthly fee, we'll remove them all and replace them with our adware and spyware and registry errors.
 * Any and all Penis enlargement - sorry, Male Enhancement drugs.
 * Add to that pumps, potions, powders and pretty much any other technique offered. Except maybe the painful stretching techniques which may cause some stretching at the expense of most of the nerve endings that make having a penis...well, fun.
 * Some of the pumps "work" as well; if you can get enough suction and movement, you start rupturing capillaries, doing permanent damage which very very slightly increases the volume of blood potentially containable by the penis (assuming the internal bleeding doesn't become external). Not that a broken penis can really be said to become erect any more. In fact, there are about half a dozen ways to "enlarge a penis" that technically work, but you don't want to even know how most of them would do so.
 * The Enzyte commercials with "Smilin' Bob" are possibly the worst offenders - the clear implication that "enhancement" means size, while the actual product is meant to increase endurance. This got to the point that someone actually filed a lawsuit claiming false advertising.
 * In a battle between pink salmon and white salmon manufacturers around 100 years ago, the public was well used to pink salmon and white salmon was having a hard time getting customers ... until ... they put the phrase: "guaranteed not to turn pink in the can" on their labels. (The canners of pink salmon countered with "Guaranteed: No bleach used in processing".)
 * Networks are starting to call the pilot episode of a series the "preview," while calling the second episode a "premiere." Nickelodeon goes even further by taking a two-parter and calling it a "movie."
 * The Yellow freight company.