Clark Kallen and His Merry Band

""A reason not to kill me? That you need one shows that you're a heartless monster too. I wonder how many lives you've taken, and how many more were ruined by the taking. If you're set on murdering me, I can't really stop you. But listen to your allies. Maybe one of them has a conscience.""

- Jael, telling Clark exactly what she thinks of his methods.

Clark Kallen and his Merry Band is the name of a clan and role-play on the Fire Emblem Arena Battle League, a Fire Emblem fan site. The story takes place on the continent of Elibe from Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken, specifically in Etruria not too far from the border of the Nabata Desert. The leader of this Ragtag Bunch of Misfits is the eponymous Clark Kallen, a Crazy Prepared mercenary whose origins are unknown. Some characters fade in and out of the story due to the nature of the RP, but most of the characters fit into one of the following categories:


 * Clark's group: the titular merry band.
 * Langras Crusaders: a small group from a world parallel to Elibe.
 * Byron's Fury: a rival band headed by Byron, Clark's former employer.
 * Etrurian Nobility: various dukes and earls that provide jobs for the mercenaries.
 * Thieves and bandits: the cause for the first few low-brow jobs.
 * Villagers: pretty much the rest of the cast.

The story picked up quite a bit of momentum as it progressed, and an expanding character base has led to the decision to grant a larger portion of the plot to Byron's group to offer a wider perspective on the story.

"Weyler: "How could that not bother me, that Clark just threatened to kill a woman looking for her husband?!""
 * Anti-Hero (Clark is the forerunner, but Brannan as well.)
 * Several other characters are slipping into this, justifying their slow loss of morality by claiming it is necessary for survival.

"Ognus: "This is a duel between gentlemen, so if you please--""
 * Applied Phlebotinum (Bloodbane)
 * Author Avatar/Write Who You Know (Tookie in spades. The real Tookie doesn't even try and hide it. All things considered, this is fairly disturbing.)
 * Badass Bookworm (Weyler is a good contender, after decimating a fair amount/most of Vassarin's troops in Chapter Four.)
 * The introduction of Wonderwall cements this. Weyler is hit by . When the smoke clears, there's not so much as a scratch on his body.
 * Berserk Button (Do not mention House Persantius or Vastian's history with them around him.)
 * Oh yeah, don't get innocent people involved. Tookie (despite happily carving his way through the Graael Order and the Whisperwind-led rebels) doesn't seem to like that.
 * Oddly, Clark takes a stand for Karaisali despite his past behavior.
 * The very sight of Clark makes Kajan go nuts.
 * Big Eater (Byron.)
 * Blood Knight (XEQ, borders on Ax Crazy.)
 * Brother Chuck (Evelyn, Derran, and Jabin. There are several others, but Evelyn and Derran were notable fighters while they were involved, and Jabin was the party's main healer and had a fair bit of dialogue with Brianna.)
 * Evelyn seems to be reappearing at the moment.
 * Brannan and Serena have vanished. This is particularly jarring because both were very involved in the plot at the time of their disappearance.
 * The Brute (Vassarin)
 * Clear My Name (Chapter Three revolves around Brannan being blamed for a rape he didn't commit.)
 * Cold Sniper (XEQ, to the point of not talking, but that's for a different reason.)
 * Crazy Prepared (Clark. It was revealed that he is this way because
 * Doomed Hometown (Langras steps it up to Doomed Homeworld. )
 * Disproportionate Retribution (The rationale behind Chapter Eight; Jane's answer to Clark and co wounding Byron and Brannan (for all of a day and after she'd nearly killed Clark anyway)? Even Byron thought that she'd gone a bit overboard.
 * Dual-Wielding (Brannan, recently.)
 * Fish Out of Temporal Water (Tookie, and one of the rare cases who tries to fit in... though some people probably wish he hadn't.)
 * Friendly Enemy (Relus, with the Langras Crusaders apart from Tookie, on the grounds that they grew up together.)
 * Friendly Sniper (Recens)
 * Genki Girl (Serena is positively brimming with energy.)
 * Godwin's Law (Mentally invoked by Tookie.)
 * Good Old Fisticuffs/Improbable Weapon User (Valtair is quite possibly the only person in Elibe who prefers to use his fists to any form of weaponry or magic.)
 * Groin Attack (Tookie. His glee in doing so is a bit disturbing.)
 * Heroic Sociopath (Tookie murders multiple enemy soldiers...for getting blood on his shirt. Their blood, to clarify.)
 * Arguably Serena, but to a much milder degree.
 * Ho Yay (The story is set in a Fire Emblem universe. The subtext was almost unavoidable.)
 * I Do Not Like Green Eggs and Ham (Kajan. The audience gets very few glimpses of him, but he is portrayed as a very capable and efficient soldier with a grudge against Clark. In his debut battle, Kajan's stats were only slightly behind Myke and Clark's, but the combination of Grandalgram and Kajan's skillset (including Heavy Force) made him a true nightmare.)
 * Idiot Hero (Tookie, though so far it's a reasonably creative use of the term "Hero".)
 * Ineffectual Loner (Myke, initially, though he's opening up and realising that he can't do much by himself.)
 * Infinity+1 Sword (All of the named wyvern knights so far possess special weapons.)
 * I Call It Vera/Theme Naming (Their weapons are also named after them in most cases.)
 * Kid Hero (Myke, one of the strongest people in the group, is also one of the youngest, tying with Tookie at sixteen.)
 * Kill It with Fire (Jane, to everything.)
 * In the opening to Chapter Eight, things turned ugly.
 * Knight in Shining Armor (Myke, coupled with Always Save the Girl towards Lilane.)
 * Also Rowan, with a dash of Lawful Good thrown in for good measure.
 * La Résistance (The Langras Crusaders.)
 * The villagers of Auncet would qualify, but they're a bit of a subversion, since the protagonists have to put down their rebellion.
 * As would the villagers of Sydelle.
 * Ironic in that the villagers are going to have to team up with the noble they rebelled against to take on an even greater threat.
 * Let's Fight Like Gentlemen (Myke and Ognus, to each other.)


 * Loads and Loads of Characters (Standard for the Fire Emblem series, really.)
 * Magic Knight (Reynald and Maria.)
 * Nigh Invulnerability (XEQ)
 * Add
 * No Name Given (Myke, Lilane and Emysia are only ever referred to by first name (or nickname in Myke's case), like everyone else from Langras; their surnames are purely Word of God. Tookie has a last name, but would rather use his alias than his real name. XEQ also applies, though for other reasons.)
 * Nothing Up My Sleeve (Clark's vials in Chapter Three.)
 * Oh Crap (The Bernese Wyvern Knights are having this effect, particularly on Clark and Tookie.)
 * Expanding upon this, the first fight against Kajan. Myke spent the entirety of Chapter Nine standing between him and the rest of the group, and even he had trouble handling the furious soldier.
 * In terms of stats, Chapter Ten has introduced enemies that even Myke and Clark have trouble damaging with standard weaponry. Granted, they can just switch to stronger swords, but it's still a big Difficulty Spike.
 * Oh God, Did She Just Hear That? (Tookie's reaction to Emysia's ability to read minds. Notably his. You'd think he of all people would know better.)
 * Only Sane Man (Jael is the first person to call Clark out on some of his actions, though Streak shows signs of dissent.)
 * The Omniscient Council of Vagueness (The Graael Order)
 * The Only One Allowed to Defeat You (Myke and Vassarin haven't saved each other under this, but the two do insist that no-one touch the other, as seen in Chapter Four.)
 * Kajan holds this attitude toward Clark as well.
 * Perfect Poison (Balas dies from accidentally touching a small cut on his body with a thin coating of Clark's poison on his finger.)
 * Psycho for Fire (Jane, who spends Chapter Two gleefully incinerating her enemies.)
 * Punch-Punch-Punch Uh-Oh (Tookie and Griez's first sparring session goes something like this.)
 * Quirky Miniboss Squad (The Whisperwinds)
 * Ragtag Bunch of Misfits
 * The Reveal
 * With the arrival of, we have another one: . It's not a surprise if you read his profile.
 * Satellite Character (Lilane, towards Myke.)
 * For now, anyway. The real Tookie seems to be working on this... somehow.
 * Schedule Slip (It's to be expected; the story is basically co-written by a fairly large pool of authors, all of whom have to juggle school, work, and other things in their lives.)
 * Sdrawkcab Name (Simetra is Artemis backwards, which makes this a Meaningful Name.)
 * The Speechless (As mentioned above, XEQ.)
 * Spell My Name with an "S" (Myke, Clarisse)
 * Statistically Speaking (The story is driven by Fire Emblem-esque battles; this is very much involved.)
 * Throwing Your Sword Always Works (Subverted: Clark's finisher is supposed to distract his opponent while he runs up and sweeps their legs from under them. It doesn't really matter where it lands.)
 * Twang! "Hello." (XEQ's favorite way to greet outsiders.)
 * Villain Protagonist (Clark borders on this at times, as shown by his treatment of the wench in Chapter One.)
 * His reaction to the youth in Sydelle supports this notion further.
 * His reaction to lifts him out of this territory...slightly.
 * XEQ is this to Jael's Hero Antagonist.
 * What the Hell, Hero? (Jael successfully makes use of this on Clark.)
 * Wham! Episode (Between Chapter Seven and Chapter Eight; reveals on both Clark's backstory and Langras' situation in general.)

Statistically Speaking, this role-play provides examples of;

 * Glass Cannon (Lilane and Emysia, though slightly more on the Squishy Wizard side.)
 * Fragile Speedster (Streak, definitely. Also Serena, though she's a little sturdier.)
 * Jack of All Stats (Weyler. An overpowered Jack, but a Jack nonetheless. Tookie as well at the moment, though focusing slightly more on offense than defense.)
 * Lightning Bruiser (Clark and Myke. For his level and considering his build, Tookie is a potential Lightning Bruiser too.)
 * Mighty Glacier (Griez.)