The Legend of Zelda CDI Games/WMG

I wonder what's for DINNER.
Well? Does anyone know?
 * MAH BOI.
 * An Octorok!
 * Lotsa Spaghetti.
 * And Toast.
 * Your face. Give me your face!
 * HAM!!
 * Actually...
 * LUNCH
 * PINGAS!
 * Bombs?
 * There is no time for DINNER! Your sword is enough to eat.
 * Dinner?
 * Your mother.
 * Mashed potatoes.

The CD-i Games were brought on by a strong drink.
Link was on his adventure. He stumbles upon a strange potion salesman. He buys some and drinks it, but suddenly he feels weird. He's actually drunk some strong beer from overseas. When this dream occurs is up for grabs.
 * Probably around the first generation of games and media (LoZ, AoL, the cartoon, and the comics), since they all came out around then. The cartoon was caused by similar potion-induced dreams.

Ganon is actually fighting a war against Zelda the Satan-figure. He loses.
In some texts, Satan is called the "Lightbringer". What does Ganon say when Zelda appears? "You dare bring light to my lair?!" That is all.
 * And she likes it when you kill people. Good!

The CD-i games happened after Giygas, spinning out of Ganon's control, ate Hyrule.
Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon... ....one month later.... Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon Gannon...
 * You are GANNON-BANNED.

This incarnation of Link is a Psycho for Hire.
When sent on a quest, his first thought is that he can finally get to bombing Dodongos. Most likely that he goes on these kind of adventures just so he has something to kill.
 * That actually makes total sense. He thought peace was boring and desperately wanted to fight Ganon again.

Gwonam is actually on Ganon's side in Faces of Evil.
When Link says he'll "grab his stuff" to go on his quest to defeat Ganon, Gwonam tells him, "There is no time! Your sword is enough." Link doesn't have his sword on him at the time, however, and since Link always pulls his stuff out of Hammerspace anyway, having Link take only his sword is an arbitrary limitation of his power. He wanted Link to lose. Gwonam's little scene at the end, in which he congratulates Link -- "The birds are singing!" -- is a cover-up for his hand in trying to defeat him. Also from the first scene, when he says that "Only Link can defeat Ganon," he is reading from randomly-chosen cuneiform and pictures of fish. He was making it up. If Link, who only had his sword, were killed before reaching Ganon, nobody else would try to defeat Ganon because the prophecy said that only Link could. Gwonam probably had something to gain from Ganon's victory.
 * For proof of him making up, play Super Smash Brothers Melee.
 * Or Brawl. Or even the other two games in the series.
 * I will counter that Young Link/Toon Link were much higher tiered, but...
 * In fact, it isn't true that only link can defeat Ganon, because Zelda does in the other game.

Gwonam is Ganon.
They have creepily similar names. This stirs up some suspicion...

This is all just a bad dream Link is having.
Self-Explanatory.
 * It's not just a bad dream, it's a nightmare.
 * So this is like Links Awakening, except Link is really hallucinating while Would explain a lot.

Not just a bad dream Link is having, but a bad dream Wind Waker Link is having after months and months on one and the same ship with Tetra.
After she hit him with the broomstick for the x-th time as punishment for falling asleep instead of working, he started having nightmares of what it will be like once they found a new Hyrule and Tetra's an actual princess of something... very bad nightmares. The Link in this nightmares is so stupid because that's what the actual Link fears he'll become like if Tetra keeps on punishing him with hits on the head.
 * So he would prefer a Groin Shot?

In fact, that same bad dream is what starts the plot of Link's Awakening
They became so unbearable for Link that his mind retconned them from existence... and were left in the sea, taking the form of Dethl. Eras later, these nightmares would slowly try to take over, using the mirage island as a cover. If Link failed to destroy Dethl, the island would become into these games.

Going by the "Same-legend-retold" theory, the CDi games were told by someone who was very, very drunk.
Part of the reason the second two games feature Zelda as the protagonist: the guy messed up and kept referring to Link as "Zelda" 'cause that's the name in the legend's title.
 * Not just any drunk guy... it's the drunk guy who tells you how to fight Glutko. He even gave himself a Marty Stu Author Avatar!

CD-I Link is the son of the CD-I King.
CD-I Link's always at the castle, and the CD-I King calls him "my boy."
 * Wait, wouldn't that mean...
 * You've got to be kidding me.
 * In the main Zelda canon, this is actually true, at least in some early games. Why they decided to have them dating is a recurring theme in bad Zelda media.
 * Actually, there is no mention of them being siblings in the early games; the infamous "Save the Princess... Zelda is your... ... ..." line from A Link to the Past was apparently a mistranslation. In fact, the only Zelda media I'm aware of where they are actually (half-)siblings was the 1st Zelda manga, which is non-canon.

The CD-I King isn't the king of Hyrule at all, but rather the Burger King.
The king is never shown in Ocarina of Time, so the screwdriver company would have no way of knowing what he looked like. He looks just like the Burger King, and that would explain his obsession with dinner.
 * It would also explain why he's so damn creepy. I support this WMG.
 * "Mah boi, this Whopper's what all true warriors strive for!"
 * Oh, dear. King Harkinian fights The Burger King
 * Enough. He's actually Ronald McDonald. Now, I wonder what's for DINNER.
 * That one's jossed. Watch the Youtube Poop series "The King Wants Cheeseburgers".

The CD-i king is Hastur.
He wears yellow and everything in his presence is warped into disturbing nonsense. Clearly Link or Zelda found his name somewhere and pronounced it out loud while reading it, thus dragging Hyrule into a thousand-year nightmare.

The birds are NOT, in fact, singing.
It's a trap!

Gannon WILL in fact make your face the greatest in all of Koridai.
Unfortunately, you will still DIE.

Gannon isn't a villain, but rather a disgruntled plastic surgeon.
He just wants to make Link's face the greatest in Kori DIE, but people make the assumption that he's not even good enough to improve his own face. Link's refusal of him was his Rant-Inducing Slight.

Gannon originally looked human...
Before he was horribly burnt by his tanning beds
 * Not the pit! It burns!]

The CD-i games are set in the modern times with some anachronism, and they are the last games in the timeline.
In most of the Youtube Poops and other videos of this kind you see everyone use modern technology. Though for some reason their clothes are still like in the older days and they still use old-fashioned ships.
 * Which timeline? Makes sense if they're set after Adventure Of Link.

Everyone's so stupid from inbreeding.
In order to keep the Zelda and Link lines pure they're strongly discouraged or even forbidden from not marrying close family members. It's happened enough times in reality with "special" lineages.
 * It's also why they're so hideous.

The King and Zelda are Armenian
Or at least partly Armenian. Their last name, Harkinian, ends in 'ian' like most Armenian names do.
 * Considering Hyrule's completely strange climate (in all games), maybe it's located somewhere in Central Asia, nearby the Armenia/Iranian area (where deserts, fields/plateaus, and forested area can coexist with lakes and mountains if we stretch our imagination). The Harkinians could be an Armenian branch of the royal family that took over when the local Hyrulian branch petered out.
 * That would also theoreticaly place Koridai somewhere in the Persian Gulf, the Black Sea or the Caspian Sea. And it could also explain Gwonam's quasi-Middle Eastern appearance!

The C Di Games were created by the happy mask salesman.
He's the only entity in the whole multiverse, who's EVIL enough to do this.
 * That or Nintendo actually the CD-i games but they were just an alternative to the Water Temple that they didn't use.
 * "Nintendo actually the CD-i games"? Is this dangerous?

Ganon is a tragic villain and Zelda and Link are doomed anyway.
When he threatens Zelda and Link, he says "you will/must die". He doesn't say "I will kill you". So there's really a greater The Man Behind the Man behind him who will make them die regardless of what they do to Ganon. His We Can Rule Together is a desperate attempt to save Link. All that seemingly-evil posturing? Villain Override.
 * By that logic, the true villian in The Faces Of Evil is Gwonam. His evil-looking smile while commenting on how the birds are singing is a distraction. He probably attempts to kill Link in a bonus level only accessible by achieving a certain requirement.
 * Or, Ganon is being controlled by an otuside force we never see. In many Yuotube Poops, Ganon isn't even evil at all, or is just a jerk at the most. Weegee and the Tails Doll are more often portrayed as stronger villians, so it's likely one of them controlled Ganon for their own purposes.

Petra Arkanian is a descendant of the Harkanian royal family.
Following up on the Armenian theory. The slight name change could occur naturally over time (Truth in Television here), and it would explain a whole lot about Petra's personality...
 * They also tried to name her after Tetra, but a smudge on the document they were reading about her made it look like the word Petra. By "They" I mean her parents.

The Phillips CDI never existed
It was just a simple flash/sprite scene joke claiming to be the worst Zelda game ever made. He made something out of old tv remotes, payed video games reviewers, and created several others like it just to keep up the charade.

And everyone bought it.


 * Jossed.

The CD-I Games are The Imprisoning War.
The CD-I King's Sprite looks like the King's Sprite from A Link to The Past (I know, he looks different in the Cutscenes but this is the CD-I we're talking about). Also, Ganon is imprisoned, not killed, in these games.

The CD-I Games contain a coded message for winning Armageddon.
Some argue that The Devil is the Big Bad IRL, though you'd never know by his actual actions. Ganon is the Big Bad in The Legend of Zelda, so he's a stand-in for The Devil. In these games, you Throw The Book At Him to defeat him. Hell is a Pit that burns.

The CD-i games are a prequel to the animated series
Where to start? King Harkinian, who looks far older in the animated series? The younger-looking Link and Zelda in the games, with Zelda enough of an Action Girl to go on her own adventure instead of just being a Damsel in Distress? Link asking for a kiss in the Faces of Evil opening? Impa probably died in the intervening time. The Ganon appearance is fairly similar, if you take into account the possibility of his snout lengthening and his voice changing, caused by continued exposure to evil magic (made less human as time passes, perhaps), or the Russian artists sucking worse at drawing than the show's artists.

Militron is an allegory of Kim-Jong Il.
Militron represents Kim Jong-Il, who brainwashes (in the game, "hardens with fire") innocent﻿ Koreans into mindless Stalinists. ""Worthless Koreans!"

"Feel the fire of war!"

Gwonam pulled a Heroic Sacrifice.
At the end, when he is taking Link and Zelda away on his carpet, he used much of his magic just to warp them from Ganon's lair to the open skies. He then used what was left of his vitality to undo the damage Ganon had done, such as reviving the birds to continue singing. His mission accomplished, he faded out of existence, and is never seen in Wand of Gamelon or Zelda's Adventure because of this.

Duke Onkled didn't betray the king on his own free will.
Duke Onkled would never betray his cousin on his own free will. Ganon probably threatened the poor Duke with his life or the life of someone dear to him to do so. Unfortunately, he is never given a chance to explain why he betrayed Hyrule, being threatened by Zelda to give directions quickly and he probably never told the king why because the King was always intimidating to him, which is even worse for him to deal with now that the King is angry at him. At the last moment, he just decides to beg for mercy, knowing that the king could never kill a relative.

== The Ganon you fight in both Wand of Gamelon and Faces of Evil is a mock that the real Ganon deploys to distract Link, Zelda and the King while he further prepares his comeback and to render useless the only things that will imprison him forever. == That explains why this Ganon is such a weakling, The real Ganon is hiding! The Book of Koridai and the Wand of Gamelon are the only objects in Hyrule that can trap Ganon permanently, Ganon takes notice of this and hatches a plan. He first sends the first Mock ganon to invade Koridai to draw the attention of the kingdom. Of course, this generation's Link ( being the idiot that he is ) falls for it. The book is used up on the mock Ganon and Harkinian naively thinks Ganon is gone for good. A few months later the real Ganon deploys the second mock Ganon to invade Gamelon and orders him to capture the king to distract Zelda and Link from the kingdom while his forces bust into the castle and poison the wine reserves. Link gets trapped in the mirror, which drained the Triforce of courage from him. The second Ganon is imprisoned and the Wand used up, the King boldy celebrates with a huge goblet of wine and dies days after. With Link weakened and the king and both artifacts out of the way Ganon takes over. GAME OVER RETURN OF GANON

There are very good reasons why They Just Didn't Care.
Philips was partnered with Nintendo for quite some time and culminated in what would've potentially been new video game hardware. Nintendo was so happy with it that it trusted Philips to make Zelda and Mario games. Nintendo then predicted the C Di could not sell and abandoned Philips. The people at Philips were understandably enraged by this and made the Nintendo-licensed games with little to no effort, due to a combination of them being stuck with an agreement from a company that disowned them and knowing there is no chance of the system's success. Philips made the three Zelda games and Hotel Mario for the sole reason to get the agreement over with as quickly as possible and forget about Nintendo.

Morshu(the Shopkeeper) is actually Dexter Jettster from Star Wars Episode II.
After the events of the game, Morshu time travelled with the baker guy to create a diner in the Star Wars Galaxy. The King frequently stops there for DINNER.

Militron owns both a Humongous Mecha and a Powered Armor.
If I have heard correctly, there is a significant difference in size between Militron as seen in the cinematic and when he's fought. This can be explained easily. He simply has two differently sized mechs, otherwise identical in appearance. He usually rides the Humongous Mecha simply for Rule of Cool and to intimidate the worthless Koridians, but he is aware that the mecha is too clumsy and unwieldy to successfully fight a single, small opponent, therefore he switches to the more practical Powered Armor for the battle.

There will be a Discontinuity Nod or line joke in a future Zelda game
My guess: A fake King of Hyrule who looks exactly like the CDI king.

The war between Ganon and The King is Evil Versus Evil
Ganon probably knew from the beginning that he'd be screwed if Link actually made it to his lair, seeing as all of his minions die in one hit. As mentioned above, Ganon didn't say to Link that "I will kill you", just that Link will die. Seeing as by defeating him, The King will control Koridai, Ganon probably meant that The King isn't as kind as just as he looks and will probably become The Caligula if left unopposed, wreaking havoc on the poor islanders. However, he's only saying this because he wants to be the one to do so. It's a lose-lose situation.

Ushrom is I.M. Meen, prior to a Start of Darkness.
Not only do they look similar, according to Chewiki, the Wand of Gamelon shopkeeper's real name is I. Fleecem, which, like I.M. Meen, is an Incredibly Lame Pun involving the word "I". Some time after Wand of Gamelon, he learned magic, pulled a Face Heel Turn, and became the Child-Hater Evil Sorceror we all know and love. He also somehow travelled to Earth, since Chill Manor is about real-world history. His full name is Ignatius Fleecem Mortimer Meen.
 * For an additional bit of evidence, look closely at Meen. He has pointy ears. He must be a Hylian.

Gwonam is the ruler of Koridai.
Most people assume him to be the Court Mage of Hyrule, but the games never talk about who he is. He only appears when Koridai is in danger, he guides Link through there, he seems to be very familiar with what's going on in Koridai, and after Ganon's invasion is thwarted, he's never seen again. Who's to say he's not just the sorceror-king of Koridai and went to seek out Link to help him fight off the invasion of his kingdom?
 * Or he's just a Koridian, and the reason he never shows up again is because he doesn't need Link's help now that his home has been liberated. Note that he has a house in Koridai.

Hectan is an Angel.
When Zelda kills him, he melts, except for his heart. This is really him turning into LCL, mixed with dye. He was an Angel who Ganon sought out to carry out Hyrule's version of Instrumentality.

Link isn't invoking Hold Your Hippogriffs when he's so hungry, he could eat an Octorok.
He's just recommending that they have Octorok for dinner. After all, the King doesn't seem to know, Octoroks aren't that big, there are horses in Hyrule, and people in real life eat calamari.
 * That, or Octoroks just taste so bad, Link is expressing that he's so hungry he wouldn't care as long as he had something to eat.

Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon use the Link and Zelda from the first Zelda game, but Zelda's Adventure uses the Zelda from Link to the Past
Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon are based on the Zelda cartoon which uses the Link and Zelda from the first game. These games would have to take place after Zelda II: The Adventure of Link because Link has already recovered the Triforce of Courage. Zelda's character design in Zelda's Adventure is very similar to the Link to the Past design which has never been used in another game since.

Morshu will join The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
And I'm the King of France.

Ozzy Funded the games
Why else would Ganon be called "The Prince of Darkness?"

A gas leak occurred after Ao L, causing the people of Hyrule to lose their minds.
These games take place after this event.

Morshu is a fan of Castlevania Rondo of Blood.
He isn't saying, "Come back when you're a little MMMMMMM richer." He's saying, "...a little MMMMMMM Richter!" In short, he wants Richter to come into the shop.

Everyone if Cloud Cuckolander
The person that the game wants us to believe is Link is just a psychotic drug addict. This Ganon is an insane drug addicted hubo in a pig suit, the Zelda is this as well as a serial killer. Everything else is either a drug induced hallucination, hallucination brought about by insanity, or a combination of the above that is also on drugs.