FaCe ThE StRaNgE



"When Dally Darkblood, a vampire Ravenclaw, goes to Hogwarts, with her best fren, Edward Cullen, and then Hiei, things began to get intresting. Shadow the Hegehog comes and then Dumbleddore turns out to be not so good after ale. With the asstence of close friends and family and a lil wizard magic, Hogwarts will be sale fo the students once more..."

- Dallas Philpott, "introdiction to the story"

The above summary does not even begin to capture the pure Mind Screw that is Face The Strange (or, as it is spelled officially, "FaCe ThE StRaNgE"), a Troll Fic written in an attempt to write the worst Fanfic ever. Dally Darkblood is a young lady who happens to be both a vampire and a witch. She is invited to go to Hogwarts along with a certain young man named Edward Cullen who has been having some issues with his girlfriend Bella Swan. On the train, they happen to run into Hiei, who is selling candy to pay for his trip to Hogwarts and hits on Dally a few times. They also encounter Shadow, the anthropomorphic hedgehog. When they actually get into Hogwarts, Dally and Hiei decide to get it on and use magic to turn their bodily fluids into water in order to avoid impregnating Dally. Little do they know, however, that a very jealous Edward is spying on them, and decides to use his magic to teach Dally a lesson.

And it only gets worse (and weirder) from there.

The even more twisted lovechild of Brewdening Love and My Immortal, Face The Strange is a true test of whether the Internet has truly made a person resistant to terror and having their childhood ruined. If you are feeling brave, you can read it yourself here, but be warned that it quickly becomes NSFW.

And now there is a sporking of it here! And a dramatic reading!

Face The Strange contains examples of:
"“What do you think u punishment should be?” Dubledore asked paseing around he was wearing a black t-shirt and ripped Hollister jeans that showed off his mussles."
 * A Date with Rosie Palms: Hiei, in Chapter 13, goes to "study" with Sasuke.
 * Aborted Arc: Considering he never gets a Heel Face Turn moment and is inexplicably good again after the Time Skip, Edward's time working with Mystique and Dumbledore could qualify as this.
 * Adaptational Attractiveness: Dumbledore.

"“YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM ANAL.”"
 * Adaptation Dye Job/Self Fanservice: Edward no longer has messy auburn hair and an expression filled with chagrin, but is now an Animesque pretty boy with bright orange hair and eyes who looks almost nothing like the original character.
 * Added Alliterative Appeal: Dally Darkblood.
 * Also, Charla can turn into a cheetah.
 * All Gays Are Promiscuous: According to our author, not only are they promiscuous, they're also pedophiles. And they have to die in horrible ways because of that alone.
 * All Men Are Perverts: Every male in the story gets hard if they're within a mile radius of Dally. The few who don't are homosexual rapists.
 * All There in the Manual/Informed Ability/Word of God: The biographies describe the powers of Dally's Girl Posse. We rarely see any of them in the actual story.
 * Also, Sasuke's apparently 12 while the other characters are around 16 or 17. Yes, twelve. And Hiei has sex with him at a point. But Dumbledore's a pedophile for lusting after 17-year-olds and Hiei isn't.
 * Anachronism Stew: In Harry Potter, the wizarding world was shown to be pretty old fashioned. Here, there are chain clothing outlets like American Eagle, cars, and cell phones, among other things.
 * Animesque: The traced illustrations.
 * Animorphism: Vampires can turn into bats and Charla can become a cheetah.
 * You Fail Biology Forever/Anatomically-Impossible Sex: The entire sex scene. They turn their fluids into water, but wouldn't that affect their bodies? How can Dally even have love juices, let alone get pregnant, if she's a vampire? Her boobs wrapped around his wiener like bumblebees?
 * Also, this gem from Dally:

"“Its gay anal surf,” answored Dally, “if they don’t take garyatric pills then if we put enough water in their ass their intenstines and stomach wil leak out…”"
 * The pregnancy in general. Dally shows signs of it within a couple of days, and has the actual demonspawn not too long after that. Might be justified if you consider it's the baby of a vampire and a demon, so it might mature differently, but that might be giving the author too much credit.
 * Apparently gays are built differently than straight folk according to Dally:

"“Oh is that because their asshoes are all loosened out from the sex??” Shadow asked."
 * She does offer a (terrible) explanation:

"Jut then Mystique came out of the fire she was naked but she didn’t have nipples."
 * Atomic F-Bomb: The further you dive into the story, the more frequent the cussing.
 * And the more frequent you'll want to.
 * Author Avatar: Dally.
 * Barbie Doll Anatomy: Mystique.

"Dally began to get nervous… if hiei was high he was also gonna get violet and if he found Billy she would surely get the smackdown."
 * Bastard Boyfriend/Domestic Abuse: Hiei smacks Dally a few times, and is hinted at being capable of doing far worse:

"“Well students there is nothing wrong with bean gay,” he said, “I am bisexual myself.”"
 * And yet she has no problem staying with him and feels guilty if she comes even close to another man.
 * Bi the Way: Professor Skellington.

"Draco is straight and it’s Adam and Steve not Adam and Steve."
 * Hiei, who is dating Dally, had sex with Sasuke.
 * Big No: Link, when he sees Shadow burning to death.
 * Bigger Is Better in Bed: Hiei. And yes, we get to hear a full description of his "wand," length in inches included.
 * BLAM Episode: Chapter 15, in which Harry Potter and baby Shadow essentially spend the entire chapter ordering McDonald's and going to see Wicked.
 * Body Horror: In addition to his Cruel and Unusual Death, Hagrid has multiple penises all over his body.
 * In later chapters, this became a Once an Episode occurrence.
 * Whenever someone's "face falls", or "jaw drops", their face or jaw is described as falling off. In one chapter, Dally's stomach is described as falling off (and she's pregnant at the time, to boot).
 * Break the Cutie: Bella. She gets raped, blamed for the whole thing, and then murdered. Keep in mind that Bella actually acts pretty kind from what little we see of her in this story.
 * Breaking The "3rd" Wall: At one point, Dally literally looks up the story to reread a ripped up note. Clumsily Lampshaded by the narration.
 * Broken Aesop: The story tries to push that there is nothing wrong with being homosexual, but aside from Jack Skellington, all of the characters who aren't straight are portrayed as villains, including the only actually canonically gay character in the fic- Dumbledore.
 * Right after Professor Skellington tells the group it's okay to be gay, we get this bit:

"“Hi-hi-hi-hiei and I are th-th-thorough!” she sobbed, “It t-t-t-urms out hes a f-f-f-faggot just like D-d-d-dumbledooooreeee!!”"
 * When Hiei screws Sasuke, Dally is more ticked about Hiei banging a man then she is that he slept with someone else in the first place.
 * Sasuke is another one of the "good" gays, but even then he is a walking stereotype.
 * Another supposed Aesop is that screwing multiple guys, especially one that isn't your true love that you're married to, is wrong, as demonstrated with Bella. However, Dally has no problem doing it with Hiei the first day she meets him and is constantly going back and forth between various men.

"It was chosen one and now it will kiss us all… because when demons and vampires mix it produces a hellspawn that is evilest at its core."
 * But I Can't Be Pregnant: “YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM ANAL.”
 * But We Turned The Semen Into Water
 * Buxom Is Better: Dally's boobs just might be bigger than Hogwarts if the art of her is anything to go by. And everyone loves it.
 * Camp Gay: Dumbledore and Sasuke.
 * The Chosen One: Shadow Darkblood Yerameshi, the son of Dally.
 * Harry Potter is the "other Chosen One."
 * Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Dally's Girl Posse and Draco completely vanish from the story right around the introduction of Lupin and Tonks.
 * Clingy Jealous Girl: Bella is ticked off beyond repair at Edward because she thinks that he's cheating on her for Dally.
 * Coitus Ensues: At the end of Chapter 3.
 * Crazy Jealous Guy: Edward. He "grrs" if any male so much as talks to Dally, even ones of another species.
 * Cruel and Unusual Death/Family-Unfriendly Death: Hagrid is killed by his innards slowly and painfully leaking out of his butt. Note that Hagrid is merely given this treatment because he's Dumbledore's sex buddy.
 * Dead Guy, Junior: Baby Shadow.
 * Dead Fic
 * Dem Bones: Jack Skeleton... Er, Skellington.
 * Did Not Do the Research:
 * Dally is a Ravenclaw with a blue and black scarf. Ravenclaw scarves are blue and silver.
 * Hiei is trying to make money to pay for attending Hogwarts. There is never any mention in any Harry Potter material of Hogwarts having a fee.
 * Considering how reluctant Hogwarts was to allow a werewolf as a teacher and have a half-giant on the property, why do they easily allow two vampires to be enrolled?
 * Dally didn't become a vampire until very recently. Edward and Bella are already dating. But, Edward and Dally have been friends since preschool.
 * Dally, a vampire, gets pregnant... Which technically shouldn't be possible. A failed Hand Wave is given by saying that vampire women only have one egg in their uterus ...Which is immediately contradicted when it's revealed that Dally's harem was kidnapped show she couldn't make the mistake again and a bit later when she gets pregnant A SECOND TIME. Not to mention the fact that women have eggs in their ovaries, not their uterus. Well, they do have eggs in their uteri as part of the menstrual cycle, but the place where eggs are stored is the ovaries.
 * Draco's dad is apparently a dementor according to his biography.
 * Snape has a jeep. The only wizards in the actual canon shown to have a car are the Weasleys.
 * The very English Hogwarts has an American Engle... Er, Eagle.
 * The narrator says that Dumbledore's dick is the size of Cuba, "which is really small." Cuba is smaller compared to many other countries, but the country itself is NOT tiny. If Dumbledore's dick were the size of Cuba, a cross-section of it would be approximately 42,000 square miles in area. The phallus itself would probably collapse under its own weight. Either way, it would be thousands upon thousands of times bigger than Dumbledore.
 * Dirty Old Man: Dumbledore.
 * Dude in Distress: Dally's entire harem in Chapter 9 are kindapped and taken to Azkaban.
 * Dying to Be Replaced: Shadow, for Dally's child. He's even born the same chapter as Shadow's funeral.
 * Enemy Mine: Edward and Hiei must put aside their differences and fuse to become "Platinum Billy" to save Hogwarts.
 * Enfant Terrible: Baby Shadow.

""That masturbator!” said Link and they all laughed and walked adaware…"
 * "Everybody Laughs" Ending: In Chapter 13:

"(since there were no rules they had sex over one thousand times)"
 * Everyone Has Lots of Sex: Or, rather, two people have enough sex to count for everyone laving lots of sex.

"They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear and a pointy hat and he said, “Come students, follow me to the great hall and we will eat and get you sorted!”"
 * Later on, the sexual references noticeably get more frequent.
 * Every One Remembers the Stripper: When this fic is discussed, the sex scene early on always comes up.
 * Everything's Worse with Bears: It's a typo, but still...

"Edward grred, his sences were tingling… that something was not wrong."
 * Evil Matriarch: Mystique, starting in Chapter 7.
 * Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The main characters definitely face some very strange occurrences.
 * Express Delivery: Dally gives birth not too long after she discovers her pregnancy, which is not too long after she initially conceived. Might be justified by the fact that it's the son of a demon and a mutant vampire witch.
 * Eyes of Gold: Mystique.
 * Face Heel Turn: Mystique decides to work with Dumbledore for some reason in Chapter 7.
 * Edward does as well in Chapter 11 due to being sick of Dally's cockblocking, but then switches back later without any explanation.
 * Fantasy Contraception: The whole "turning-semen-into-water" shtick.
 * Freudian Slip: As is almost always guaranteed in any Rouge Angles of Satin fic. The most hilarious of these occurs at the end of Chapter 2, right before Dumbledore reveals his true nature.

"The three of them mated downstairs to Professors Macnoggle’s orifice and demanded an interview."
 * Similarly, right in the next chapter:

"Edward was shocked and aroused."
 * Forgotten Fallen Friend: Shadow is pretty much brought up only once after his death a chapter or two later, and then never again.
 * Fusion Dance: Edward and Hiei fuse to become... Billy Martin.
 * Girl Posse: Charla, Annie, and Meagan for Dally. They're all pretty much interchangeable.
 * Goo-Goo Godlike: Baby Shadow is The Chosen One, can talk and move almost immediately, has vampire powers, can read minds and communicate telepatically, creates portkeys out of midair...
 * Gorn: Starting in Chapter 4 and spiraling downward from there.
 * Groin Attack: Dally rips off Snape's dick and throws it out the window.
 * Grossout Fic
 * Harem Seeker: Dally, despite claims contradicting it.
 * Harmful to Minors: Dally has no problem dropping Atomic F Bombs in front of little Shadow.
 * Hate Fic: Possibly for Harry Potter, or at least the main Canon. Snape is a lustful rapist, Dumbledore is a rapist and pedophile, Lupin and Tonks have no personality beyond having sex, Harry is a prejudicial druggie... The list goes on and on.
 * Hedgehog On Fire
 * Heel Face Turn: Edward after the Time Skip. It's never explained why.
 * Ho Yay: After Jack asks Edward to take Snape's place as a teacher:

"“WHAT THE HELL HIEI” shouted Dally, “Do you like him??”"
 * At the end of the same chapter, although this time invoked intentionally:

"“I don’t think so,” said Hiei, “It was kinda hott though…”"

"“Omg…” said Sasuke, “That’s SO wrong… but sooo hot!”"
 * When Sasuke mentions that Edward and Hiei must come together to save Dally, he compares them to Harry's mother and father. Oh Crap!
 * Then there's Sasuke's reaction to the result of the fusion.

"They didn’t put him in a koffin because it reminded Edward and Dally to much of bed and theyd get sleepy so they put him in a boat they took to Hogwarts and have him a Viking wedding."
 * Hufflepuff House: The Trope Namers themselves. The only time the house is referenced by name is when Harry kills a Hufflepuff to show baby Shadow spells.
 * Hypocrite: Dally calls Bella easy, but Bella has never been shown to screw a man other than Edward willingly (she had no clue that Snape wasn't Edward as she was blinded by a bag) both in Twilight and this fic. Dally, however, had no problem having sex with Hiei thousands of times and still considers Edward her property.
 * Further driven into the ground when Edward reveals he had sex with Bella before. Dally is ticked because she wanted to be Edward's first partner... After she cheated on him for Hiei.
 * The main gang sans Dally discovers Hagrid dead with "wands coming out of all the sausages of his body" and are absolutely disturbed that someone would do such a thing to Hagrid. Moments before, they were plotting to give him the slowest and most painful death possible.
 * "Slow and painful death" could have referred to starvation, suffocation, some form of poisoning... which, though pretty revolting, would look physically much neater than dying with your entire body covered in penises. They might have just been disgusted by the appearance of his death, which is in itself hypocrisy given that they're disturbed more by Body Horror than by their own intent to murder a man in the most agonizing way possible.
 * If I Can't Have You: Edward did NOT take Dally choosing Hiei well. Though, in her defense, he murdered his last girlfriend.
 * IKEA Erotica: The Hiei and Dally sex scene.
 * Insane Troll Logic/You Fail Logic Forever: For some reason, being a vampire means that Edward is amazing at potion-making. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context.
 * This little gem from Shadow's funeral:

"She looked in the keyhole and on the wndow and she was gunna check under the carpet… but it reminded he of shadow."
 * And another bit from Chapter 11:

"“Its because… remember how Harrys mom and dad saved him through love?” he answered"
 * Basically the entire plot, actually, but how about this one, just prior to the Fusion Dance?

"“Well… it’s the same here. We need two people who love Dally the most to savor her… and mix together.”"

"“WELL YOU WOULD KNOW,” said Hiei, “YOU FUCKED BELLA… AND HTEN YOU KILLED HER.”"
 * Instant Birth, Just Add Water: Dally has her son immediately after her water breaks.
 * It's All About Me: The entire world must revolve around Dally. She can have sex with whoever she pleases, but if one of "her men" does it with another woman before they do it with her (even if they've been dating said woman for a long time), that's just sick, those jerks.
 * "It's Not Rape If You Enjoyed It": Snape raping Bella, and Bella thinking it was Edward banging her. Apparently, this makes her deserve to be killed.
 * Jerkass: Edward in this fic makes the original Edward look exactly like the gentleman Meyer intended him to be.
 * Dally becomes this sometime around when she encourages Edward to kill the already-tortured Bella so she can have him all to herself.
 * Jerkass Has a Point: Hiei (who is mainly a Jerkass for only wanting Dally to have mutant powers pretty much) in Chapter 5:

"“I thought you said you wanted to… you can’t blue balls me,” he said flatly, “Seriously if you don’t put out youre a bitch just like Bella.”"
 * Edward, after Dally says she can't have sex with Edward due to being with Hiei despite the big stink she put up over Edward supposedly doing Bella:

"“Yes it is I,” she smocked, “You really think you would get aware that easy?? DYMBLEDORE AND I ARE WOKING TOGETHER NOW!! HAHAHAHA!”"
 * Karma Houdini: Edward, Dally, and Link murder Bella and Snape, the former of which was notably innocent. They get off without any charges.
 * In fact, Edward is hired to replace Snape as a teacher after the fiasco.
 * Killed Off for Real: Shadow, Bella, Snape, and Hagrid.
 * Large Ham: Everyone, but Mystique whenever she talks to Hiei deserves a special mention.

"“you must think long and hard… like my dick” said Edward then laughed then stopped cause it wasn’t funny because actually dally probably effed everyone and was loose as a bag."
 * Life Embellished: Dally is a self-insert, and the author uses her to represent herself.
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: A new one is introduced practically each chapter, and the author can't even seem to keep them straight.
 * Love Dodecahedron: Edward loves Bella, but he also wants Dally. Hiei wants Dally, but he also shows interest in Sasuke. Dally wants Hiei, but also wants Edward and Bill, who wants her as well. Shadow wants Dally as well. The rest can be pretty much summed up as, "every male wants Dally."
 * Oh, and she wants every man.
 * And conveniently gets with every man.
 * Love Triangle: Although everyone wants Dally to have their babies, Edward and Hiei are the main two competing with each other.
 * Broken up later with Bill.
 * Massive Multiplayer Crossover
 * Master of the Mixed Message: Dally wants Hiei, and Edward has Bella! No, Dally deserves Edward, and Bella needs to die! Wait, no- Edward is clingy, Hiei should be for Dally! Hold it- Hiei impregnated Dally, so he's a jerk and she should be Edward's. But wait- Edward did it with Bella before Dally, so he's a horrible person and Hiei is Dally's one and only! But no- Edward didn't have sex with Bella after all, so he and Dally are together. Nope- Dally is with Hiei since she is having his baby, so Edward shouldn't do it with her!
 * Meet Cute: Attempted and pulled off clumsily. Dally first spots Hiei selling candy on the Hogwarts Express. He goes to sell some for her, but is instantly infatuated and gives the candy to her for free.
 * Mega Crossover: Twilight, Harry Potter, Yu Yu Hakusho, Sonic the Hedgehog, X-Men, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Legend of Zelda, Naruto... And that's just the first few chapters.
 * Mind Screw: The entire story. ALL OF IT.
 * Moment Killer: In Chapter 2, Mystique offers Hiei mutant powers if he marries Dally. Dally, who was so certain that Hiei was hers before, now thinks that she might want Edward instead despite the fact that she had never shown interest beyond friendship in him before and that he's already dating Bella.
 * Morning Sickness: Dally, of course.
 * My Girl Is a Slut: Dally, even though she believes Bella is one.
 * Finally admitted in Chapter 18:

"“Nigga FUCK no,” said Harry"
 * N-Word Privileges: Harry on drugs, apparently. Combined with Precision F-Strike.

"YES COME IN” yelled Edward, he wanted a distraction. “THANK YOU!” said Dally. “I SAID ENOUGH GOD DAMMIT” shouted the Proffessor"
 * Never My Fault: Dally. Edward thinks she's cheating on him for Hiei? Hiei is a jerk! Dally encourages Edward to murder Bella? She deserved it! Dally gets pregnant? It's all Hiei's fault!
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Dally is a witch, a mutant, and a vampire. Shadow is a hedgehog and a wizard. And let's not get started on Hiei's and Dally's son.
 * No Indoor Voice: If you took a shot every time something was typed in ALL CAPS, you'd be hung over within a chapter. Here are some examples from Chapter 1 alone:

"“I think we should go home and check on my baby now. I know he can take care of himself but I think Prof Maconagle will call Child Protection Servises on my asshole.”"
 * Off-Model: Each page has an illustration or two to go with it. Most of these pictures are either screenshots from an actual show or movie, stock art (such as a bizarre one of a random guy in a body bag in one of the last chapters), or blatantly traced art of Dally and her crew or her baby. Much of this art varies wildly in style, but most notable is Edward, who has both an orange-haired Animesque traced illustration and images from the actual LIVE ACTION Twilight movies.
 * It doesn't help that the character biographies have both official art or photographs of the characters and the traced art, further highlighting the tackiness.
 * "On the Next...": At the end of Chapter 20- hilariously enough, the final chapter.
 * One Shadow Limit: Averted, which makes it confusing when reading about this trainwreck of a story, especially since the author mixes up names all the time.
 * Also, Billy and Bill.
 * Our Werewolves Are Different: They apparently have a short memory span.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: They don't sparkle, have fangs, and at one point Edward even turns into a bat. As terrible as the fic is, she still somehow gets vampires more close to the traditional portrayal than Twilight.
 * Parental Neglect: Dally has no problem letting her baby gnaw on rattlesnakes and leaving him home alone for long periods of time. She acts shocked when she comes how to find him gone. Lampshaded in this line:

"“oh my fucking christ” she said, “I can turn into whatever I want with mustiques powers!”"
 * Patchwork Kids: Up to Eleven and Serial Escalation Shadow Darkblood Yerameshi has red and black hair streaks and vampire powers like Dally, but also white hair streaks and deep red eyes like Hiei.
 * His half-sister Shadette (even the name oozes with originality) shares traits with Dally and Bill Compton.
 * Power Gives You Wings: Annie, but we never see her in action.
 * Power Perversion Potential: Using magic to turn semen into water counts. As does Dally's brilliant idea to use her powers to turn things into "kinky sexy toys".
 * Precision F-Strike: This gem from Chapter 2:

"“HAHAHA” laughed mystique “YOU WILL NEVER FUCKIN GET TE POWEERS”"
 * An even Narmier example from the same chapter:

"“Hiei is that your wand?” she asked."
 * Pregnant Badass: Attempted and failed with Dally. She's portrayed as selfless for staying behind to give birth all by herself while the men she loves so much march into battle, but really she just comes off as selfish and whiny as usual, especially since this is right after she snaps at Edward for trying to bang her despite her saying he needed to and Hiei for sleeping with Sasuke.
 * Raging Stiffie: Hiei in the lead up to the sex scene:

"“No… that is my penis, Dally…” he said."

"“So do you like that guy?” Edward asked."
 * As the story "unfolds," this becomes a common occurrence among pretty much everyone in the story with a dick.
 * Random Events Plot: The only common threads in the plot are Dally's pregnancy and taking down Dumbledore. Throughout this time, the rest of the plot is all over the place. After baby Shadow is born, the author throws everything to the wall and hopes it sticks.
 * Red Eyes, Take Warning: Dally, Hiei, and Shadow all have red eyes.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: Up to Eleven! The last few chapters are practically illegible.
 * Scarf of Asskicking: The students of Hogwarts, not that they actually get any action in this fic.
 * Schedule Slip: In October 2010, she posted a new chapter and claimed she was making a comeback. She hasn't been seen since.
 * Self-Insert Fic: The author's name is Dallas Dally Philpott. The main character's name is Dally.
 * Shallow Love Interest: All of them. This quote from Chapter 1 summarizes it perfectly:

"“Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice” Dally said happy."

"First they checked American Engle, then they checked Wet Seal, then they checked Tifanny and Co-op, but they finally found him in the queerest of all stores… Holster."
 * Shape Shifter: Mystique and -- of course -- Dally.
 * Shotacon : Sasuke's twelve in the character guide. Considering that he's a walking embodiment of All Gays Are Promiscuous, you'd never guess just by reading the fic.
 * Sixth Ranger: The main characters literally state that they are going to convince Sasuke to join their group for this reason.
 * Stalker with a Crush: Edward, who is seen in two chapters spying on Dally when she kisses and later has sex with Hiei.
 * Surprise Creepy: If you only read the first chapter and glance over the illustrations, it looks like a typical Tastes Like Diabetes wish-fulfillment Mary Sue story. Then, you continue through the story...
 * Take That: From Chapter 5 (keep in mind they're trying to find Dumbledore):

"He thought she was very cute."
 * In Chapter 14, there is a completely random Dude, Not Funny bit where Dallas insults a Deviant ART user by having her on television competing in the Special Olympics and describing her as ugly and "retarded."
 * Another Deviant ART user is insulted at the end of the Maury subplot, where said user appears in the crowd of people wanting to "bang" Dally.
 * Let's face it, the sex/rape scenes of chapters 4 and 13 are only there so that Dally can piss on the fandom of SnapeXLily, BellaXEdward, and LupinXTonks.
 * Talk Show: When Dally gets pregnant again, she appears on Maury. Yes.
 * Teen Pregnancy: Dally, twice.
 * That Makes Me Feel Angry: From the first chapter:


 * We'd be hear all day if we listed all of the instances of this in reference to Hiei's and Dally's feelings for each other.
 * Third Option Love Interest: Bill.
 * This Is Gonna Suck: Right in the first sentence, "Edward" is written as "Edwart." Heck, the clever capitalization of the title should be enough of a warning to turn back while you still can.
 * Oh Crap ensues in Chapter 3 near the end once the reader realizes that a sex scene is nearing.
 * Time Skip: After capturing Dumbledore.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Harry Potter tells Professor Macnoggle about an attempted rape on him. Two instances of Too Dumb to Live ensue:
 * Harry never specifies who did the violating.
 * He does mention that the rapist was a male... So Umbridge ends up fired. What.
 * At one point, Dally sees her baby chewing on rattlesnakes. Granted, he's a Goo-Goo Godlike God Mode Sue, but what sane mother would let their child do that?
 * Took a Level in Jerkass: Dally in Chapter 7. Up until then, she was a Purity Sue who could do no wrong, but at least lived up to that title. At that point, she began to get protective of all her potential men, which ends up costing innocent Bella her life.
 * Transformation Trauma: At the end of Chapter 19, Dally and Hiei experience this turning into vampires. But, wasn't Dally already a vampire?
 * Troll Fic: Considering how it quickly devolves into strangeness (most notably the Hiei and Edward Fusion Dance) and the Rouge Angles of Satin count grows each chapter, it is very possible that it is indeed a troll. However, there are pictures on the site of the author, so it's up in the air and will likely never be resolved unless Dallas comes out and admits it either way.
 * Even if it is a Troll Fic, it's literally painful to read.
 * It is, indeed, a Troll Fic. The author intentionally wrote it to be the worst Fanfic ever made.
 * And she succeeded.
 * Unlucky Childhood Friend: According to the biographies, Edward has been friends with Dally since preschool.
 * Unusual Euphemism: At one point, Dally starts using "effed" to mean having sex.
 * Unusually Uninteresting Sight/What Measure Is a Non-Human?: Apparently, Sonic the Hedgehog characters going to Hogwarts is not out of the ordinary.
 * Unwanted Harem: Subverted. Dally claims she doesn't want all these guys fawning over her, but she clearly does.
 * Walking Shirtless Scene: Sasuke in Chapter 7 is barged in on half-naked. Of course, it's never specified which half is covered, and considering that this fic hasn't steered clear of genitalia descriptions before...
 * What the Hell, Hero?: If you're really still rooting for Dally after she rips off Snape's "wiener" and roots for Edward to slaughter innocent Bella, you need help.
 * World of Ham
 * X Meets Y: Brewdening Love meets My Immortal... on drugs.
 * Yandere: Post-Face Heel Turn Edward.
 * Considering he kills Bella for being raped by Snape and stalks Dally, you could make a case for Pre-Face Heel Turn Edward, too.