Diamonds Are Forever

""Welcome to Hell, Blofeld.""

- James Bond

After traveling the world in his quest to kill Blofeld in revenge for the murder of his wife, Tracy, superspy James Bond returns to England only to discover he has another job waiting for him. A huge amount of diamonds have been stolen from the South African mines and two Camp Gay assassins are killing everyone in the smuggling ring ladder, rung by rung.

Bond infiltrates the group by managing to kill smuggler Peter Franks and poses as him in an effort to find out what is going on. He discovers that the head of the smuggling ring is none other than Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

Now, Bond must survive the machinations of Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, so that he can defeat Blofeld's sinister plot.

The seventh James Bond film, starring Sean Connery in his last (and least regarded) Eon series appearance. After Bond kills Blofeld in the opening sequence, he is assigned to an international diamond-smuggling case, which is later revealed to be part of a plan by the not-dead-after-all Blofeld to build a Kill Sat and hold the world hostage. Of note, Sean Connery, who was done with the series after You Only Live Twice, was lured back to playing Bond to get a massive paycheck. He used half of it to establish a charity to support deprived children in Edinburgh.

Parts of the first Austin Powers movie are a direct spoof of Diamonds Are Forever, including the Las Vegas setting and the casino sequence, the miniature models displaying the reach of the villain's businesses, and the Room Disservice sneak-attack against the hero at the end of the film.

Tropes:

 * Actually a Doombot: Blofeld has been using plastic surgery to turn henchmen into doubles to fool Bond. It works, and Bond kills two of them mistaking them for the real deal, plus a third in the first scene who is in between procedures.
 * Alternate Character Interpretation: Or, he killed the real Blofeld and the other just took over the operation, deciding he likes being the boss. Hell, he might even have been the second guy Bond killed, and the other other Blofeld took over from him. There's even a fan theory that all of them were doubles, and the one from For Your Eyes Only was the real one from On Her Majesty's Secret Service, since the injuries are identical.
 * America Saves the Day: U.S. helicopters attack Blofeld's oil rig.
 * Animal Assassin: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd use a scorpion to kill Dr. Tynan.
 * Anti Love Song: I don't need love/For what good will love do me?...
 * Artistic License Physics/Convection Schmonvection: Shady Tree opens Bond's coffin without any problem, even though it would be hot as hell since it had just come out of a crematorium...
 * Auction of Evil: "An international auction, with nuclear supremacy going to the highest bidder."


 * BANG Flag Gun: Kidd and Wint use one to kill Shady Tree in a deleted scene.
 * Bavarian Fire Drill: "Klaus Hergesheimer - G Section"
 * The Big Board: Willard Whyte's financial holdings.
 * Bodyguard Babes: Bambi and Thumper. No, really, those are their names.
 * Bond One Liner: Oh, so many. Many aren't even by Bond, but Kidd and Wint.
 * Bury Your Gays: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd
 * Camp: Lots of it.
 * Camp Gay: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.
 * Car Skiing: While being pursued by Las Vegas police Bond uses a ramp to put his car up on two wheels to fit through an alley that would normally be too narrow. The police car following him also tries it but flips over on its roof instead.
 * According to the behind-the-scenes special, Sean Connery and Jill St. John performed the stunt themselves.
 * Collapsing Lair: Willard Whyte's oil rig, as a result of the helicopter attack.
 * Continuity Nod: Bond's Roaring Rampage of Revenge at the start of the film seemed to have been motivated by Blofeld killing Tracy from the last movie.
 * Deadpan Snarker: The entire film is practically a war of snark between Bond and Blofeld.
 * Death By Sex: Plenty O'Toole, considerably after flirting with Bond and going to his room with him.
 * Did Not Do the Research: The first laser was generated using a ruby, not a diamond.
 * Also, in the movie someone mentions "Nairobi, in South Africa". For the record, it's in Kenya.
 * When Bond has Peter Franks' body cremated, the remains are brought out to him within minutes. The cremation process actually takes roughly 1 hour for every 100 pounds of body weight.
 * Averted for the diamonds Bond finds in the remains. Real diamonds will ignite at the temperatures used in a cremation furnace, but the ones Bond recovers turn out to be glass fakes; some types of glass have melting points above 1000 degrees Celsius.
 * The Dragon: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd as well as Bert Saxby and Bambi and Thumper.
 * Dragon Their Feet: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. For that matter, they and Blofeld are never onscreen at the same time, nor are they ever seen directly communicating with him.
 * Dressing As the Enemy: In the opening segment Bond takes out one of Blofeld's doctors and steals his clothing so he can infiltrate an operation room.
 * Dropped a Bridge On Him: Blofeld, assuming that you count his final demise as happening in this film. In fairness, they were apparently planning to bring him back for one last outing in the next film, but the ever-annoying Kevin McClory reared his head again and demanded that the producers stop using Blofeld. He is finally Killed Off for Real in the Bond Cold Open of, though for legal reasons the studio couldn't confirm that until decades later and he is credited as "man in wheelchair".
 * Elevator Action Sequence: James Bond's lethal fight with smuggler Peter Franks.
 * Everythings Sparkly With Jewelry: Including Kill Sats.
 * Fake Out Make Out: Bond does this with himself.
 * Fiery Redhead: Tiffany Case, when Bond first meets her.
 * The Film of the Book: The second film where they started taking serious liberties with the source material (the first being You Only Live Twice); not necessarily worse, but still noticed. For instance, Blofeld and SPECTRE are not in the novel - the villains are the smuggling ring The Spangled Mob.
 * Fingore: The "mousetrap" Bond carries in his jacket at the beginning seems to slice the henchman's fingers off.
 * Foreshadowing: Several examples.
 * Frickin Laser Beams: On Blofeld's Kill Sat.


 * Gem Encrusted: The Kill Sat itself.
 * Go Go Enslavement: Bond arrives on Blofeld's base to find Tiffany in a bikini.
 * Good Is Dumb: Tiffany Case after her High Heel Face Turn.
 * Good Smoking Evil Smoking: Blofeld uses a cigarette holder; he must be evil.
 * Grappling Hook Pistol: Bond's "mountaineering about" outside Willard Whyte's penthouse.
 * Groin Attack: Thumper knees Bond in the groin off camera.
 * Bond squeezes Wint's groin while tying his hands and the bomb together with his coattails.
 * High Heel Face Turn: Diamond smuggler Tiffany Case after she falls in love with Bond. It's the only thing that keeps her alive and out of prison.

""Can you tell me what's in it?"
 * Ho Yay: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.
 * There is a hint of Les Yay with Those Two Bad Girls Bambi and Thumper.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun: The explosive "Bombe Surprise Supreese (as pronounced in French)."

"Ah, but then there would be no Surprise Supreese.""


 * The Infiltration
 * Impersonation Gambit - Bond infiltrates the diamond smuggling operation by impersonating Case's contact, Peter Franks. Naturally, this necessitates a bit of improvisation when the real Peter Franks comes calling.
 * Instant Sedation: Bond and the Knockout Gas in Willard Whyte's elevator.
 * Just Between You and Me: Both subverted and played straight.
 * Kill It With Fire: The final fate of Mr. Kidd (well, he probably drowned, but only because he was trying to put the fire out).
 * Kill Sat: Now, with sparkles!
 * Mineral MacGuffin: the diamonds Blofeld needs for his Kill Sat's Frickin Laser Beams.
 * Minion Shipping: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.
 * Minor Crime Reveals Major Plot: Diamond smuggling -> Hold the world for ransom.
 * Money Song: Diamonds are forever/They are all I need to please me/They can stimulate and tease me...
 * Mugged for Disguise: During the opening sequence Bond takes out a doctor and steals his medical clothing so he can investigate inside a building.
 * Murder By Cremation: Attempted, but failed.
 * Murderous Thighs: Whyte's bodyguard Bambi subjects Bond to hers.
 * Naked People Are Funny: Close enough. Plenty O'Toole is almost completely naked when she gets thrown out the window and lands in the pool, and before that with her arms folded protectively over her chest while she screamed in humiliated protest was clearly played for laughs.


 * The Nth Doctor: At the start of the movie, Bond corners Blofeld in his plastic surgery lab, where he was presumably changed from Telly Savalas into Charles Grey.
 * The lab was creating doubles of Blofeld. The real Blofeld wasn't actually in that scene.
 * No Celebrities Were Harmed: Willard Whyte for Howard Hughes (in fact, the plot emerged from a dream Broccoli had, where he went visiting his friend Hughes and an impostor was there instead).
 * Post Climax Confrontation: With Wint and Kidd.
 * Power Makes Your Hair Grow: Between the last movie and this one, Blofeld somehow usurped Willard Whyte's vast empire, and suddenly...
 * Pretty in Mink: Tiffany is covered by a white fox throw in one scene.
 * Red Alert: At the U.S. missile base just before Blofeld's Kill Sat attacks.
 * Right Hand Cat: Belonging to Blofeld.
 * Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Bond goes on this at the start of the film presumably to avenge the girl from the previous film.
 * Room Disservice: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd try this on Bond and Tiffany Case.


 * Sex Face Turn: Tiffany Case, with James Bond.
 * She Fu: Bambi and Thumper
 * Shoot Out the Lock: A padlock on the door to Willard Whyte's room is shot off to free him.
 * Spy Speak: "Quarterback to Tight End. Operation Passover commence."
 * Stab the Salad: Mr. Wint and his icepick-like cork removing device.
 * Stop Helping Me: Case accidentally puts the real tape in the machine (after Bond had swtiched it out for the fake), and is caught trying to switch it back.
 * Storming the Castle: Armed helicopters vs. a heavily armed oil platform.
 * Stylistic Suck: This is the kindest possible interpretation of the Special Effects Failure of the laser and its effects.
 * Swiss Cheese Security: Around Willard Whyte's laboratory where the Kill Sat was constructed.
 * Tap On the Head: Bond is knocked out after placing the diamonds in a compartment.
 * There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Inverted, some guy is threatening world governments with a satellite-mounted laser guided from fortified offshore oil rig, and all the US government responds with is utility/observer helicopters armed with rockets. Granted, bombers would greatly shortened the climax of the movie.


 * Those Two Bad Guys: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd again.
 * Time Bomb: Used twice by Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd - first to destroy the diamond-smuggling helicopter, and at the end in an attempt to kill Bond and Tiffany Case.
 * Trap Door: Subverted when Bond suspects one of these in an elevator, only to be gassed instead.
 * Two Rights Make a Wrong: Bond and Tiffany both have the idea of swapping the control tape for Blofeld's Kill Sat with a fake. Result: the real tape gets swapped right back into the machine.


 * Victoria's Secret Compartment: What Tiffany lacks in subtlety, she makes up for in cheek.
 * Such nice cheeks, too...
 * Villainous Crossdresser: Blofeld does this as a disguise to escape.
 * Villainous Rescue: Bond is only saved from being cremated because Shady Tree asks to take him out, as the diamonds were fake.
 * Viva Las Vegas
 * Voice Changeling: Both Blofeld and James Bond use voice duplicating machines to fool other people.
 * Voodoo Shark: Bond tilts a car to get through a narrow alley, from which it exits tilted the other way. This was considered so obvious that a shot was inserted showing the car flipping around, despite this clearly being impossible.
 * Welcome to Hell: Bond to Blofeld after he apparently kills him. Yeah, not really.


 * Wicked Cultured: Blofeld loves his smokes and quips.
 * Wiper Start: Bond does this twice. First, when he jumps into the moon rover, he doesn't know how to start it. Second, when he hops into the crane lowering Bloefeld's escape sub, he doesn't know how to operate it and drops the sub into the water.
 * Would Hit a Girl: Or at least choke one.
 * You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Blofeld sends assassins to dispose of the members of his diamond smuggling ring.
 * You Look Familiar: Charles Gray (Blofeld) earlier played a British agent in You Only Live Twice.

The original book has the following tropes:

 * Attack Pattern Alpha: Wint and Kidd use codes based on American Football signals.
 * Rape As Backstory: Tiffany Case's background.