Tales of the Abyss/Funny

"Jade: Well if it isn't Dist the Runny! Dist: It's Rose, damn it! R-O-S-E, Rose!! .... Dist: I, Dist, once counted that duplicitous snake Jade amongst my friends... Jade: Which Jade is that? I don't know any Jades with such poor taste in friends... Dist: What did you say!? Jade: Ah-ah, careful now... You know how your nose runs when you get mad..."
 * Inside the volcano, a skit you can get shows everyone complaining about how hot it is in there, while Jade is busy smiling to himself while Tear is apparently looking the other way. Luke, Natalia, Guy, and Mieu start to ask why Jade never gets too warm, and they all theorize that he has clothes that cool him. So they all tell him to remove his clothes to see if that's what cools him off, and when he logically refuses, the others start trying to tear them off of him. Fortunately (or maybe not), Tear snaps them out of their heat-induced delusions.
 * Jade's Blatant Lies before these happen also count. "Oh not at all! I'm so hot I could just die."
 * In another skit, Tear starts shivering from the cold, and they suggest having Tokunaga wrap around her for warmth, but then shoot the idea down because they think she'd find it embarrassing. However Tear is actually secretly on board with the idea because deep down she actually likes cute stuff.
 * Granted, Guy does have an understandable excuse for being afraid of women but sometimes his reactions in the skits to them are so over-the-top they're hilarious.
 * In several skits, the girls tickle him to help him get over his fear of women and he winds up running in fear.
 * In one skit, Anise complains about how long it takes to run up a huge set of stairs and says "Guuuuuuuy! Carry me!" while apparently leaning against him - Guy quickly starts shouting and runs away in fear.
 * Tear's Boobs become the focus a few skits.
 * During the party attempt to enter Grand Chokmah for the first time. Luke says Anise is as sexy as Mieu. She then says that one day she would grow as big as Tear. He then calls her stupid and says there that's it's impossible for her to get Melons like that. Much to Tear's dismay.
 * Also in a skit about Natalia's new Star of Malkuth on how the character is a dashing thief, Luke immediately mentions how big the characters' boobs are and suggests that Tear should wear that outfit... cue Natalia pulling his ear off and made him apologize.
 * There's a skit on Mt. Roneal where Tear and Natalia are having trouble keeping their footing on the ice, and cry out loudly as they fall. Jade berates them for making noise that might cause an avalanche, saying that they need to simply be more careful...but his speech is interrupted by a shout and his face sprite tilting as he slips, dragging Luke into the scene at a tilt as he apparently grabs Luke's coat as a handhold to keep from hitting the ground - Luke is less than pleased by this. Jade then calmly tells Luke that he can't approve of him shouting and falling down like that.
 * Pretty much most of Jade's Blatant Lies. Including "No, no. I've been frail since birth... *fake cough*" while walking a long set of stairs while looking as fit as ever, or "Not at all. I'm so hot, I could just die." while walking in a volcano, or "Oh no. I'm crying from the inside, wrecked with guilt..." after Natalia's tearful reunion with her father...
 * Or his exchange with Dist the first time:

"ANISE: "Colonel, what's your secret for being so strong?" JADE: "Simple. I drink people's blood." ANISE: "Huh?" JADE: "It's so difficult when people take me seriously...""
 * And another one for Jade... Jade 'raping' Dist and comes up with a lie to cover it up. And in the anime version.
 * When the party revisit the starting area, a flower-filled Tear mentions it was night when she and Luke were last there. The party starts speculating that something happened in such a romantic place. Luke looks uncomfortable but Tear dismisses the idea as patently absurd, so coldly the whole party reacts.
 * This end of battle exchange:

"Guy: "...you sound like you're having fun, Colonel." Jade: *grins* "More than you could ever imagine.""
 * Jade Curtiss. Let's just list them up:
 * "Why if it isn't Dist the Runny!"
 * "Which Jade is that? I don't know any Jades with such poor taste in friends." ... "Ah-ah, careful now. You know how your nose runs when you're mad."
 * "Oh, not at all. I'm actually crying on the inside, wracked with guilt..."
 * "Oh, not at all. I'm so hot, I could just die."
 * And then Luke, Guy, Natalia, and Mieu try to strip him.
 * "No, no. I've been frail since birth... *cough cough*"
 * "Coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie.... nibble."
 * "What's the matter? You look as if you've swallowed a bug. Oh wait, you always look like that."
 * "Heaven smiles upon me because of my good deeds."
 * "(That can't possibly be true...)"
 * "I intend to make good use of my youth to develop a memorable character, much as these ruins have been remembered over the ages... To that end, I'm devoting myself to driving you youngsters crazy."
 * ...and many more. To sum it up.

"Luke: Our weapons are status! Jade: Scheming! Anise: Playing dirty! Guy: That's awful. (And even if he's in the battle party, he won't always say it.)"
 * Tear's "Me-me-melons, what do you mean melons!? Are you stupid!? Can't you be a little more quiet!?"
 * And what triggered said comment, Luke: Stupid there no way you'll grow melons like that.
 * This game's version of the "Our weapons are..." end of battle skit is worth a mention:

"Luke: "You're weak!" Guy: "You're a hack!" Jade: "You're wack.""
 * This one that sounds truly... wrong:

"Ion: "The poor thing must have been terrified. She screamed "I'll kill you bastards!" as she fell.""
 * This quote shows up in Tales of Vesperia if you win a battle with Yuri, Karol, and Estelle in your party. The last part of the line is said by Estelle.
 * "You idiot! You just cost us another thousand Gald!" "Mieuuuuuuuu!"
 * Even Ion of all people gets a great one.

"Peony: "Shut up. Don't beg. I'll puke.""
 * ANISE-SAMAAA!! Have mercy on me...!
 * "Luke, is getting some serious discipline."
 * The swimsuits skits, oh so much. The Leaning on the Fourth Wall combined with hilarious Lampshading makes it all the more funny!
 * Emperor Peony gets all the party members to humbly beg if they want him to give up the sword they need as a catalyst for the Planetary Fonic Arte. Except when it comes Jade's turn, and Jade starts hamming it up:

"LUKE: "Agent of justice, Abyss Red!" JADE: "Blue!" ANISE: "Pink!" GUY: "Orange?! Oh hell, we're done fighting anyway...""
 * Bonus points for Natalia's expression.
 * Guy the Orange Abyss Ranger

"Jade: ...My apologies. I was unable to take any further humiliation. Luke: Emperor Peony really has your number, huh, Jade?"
 * Emperor Peony convincing the team to find his rappigs, simply by asking Jade if he minds that his namesake might fall down the stairs, or end up in the oven as tonight's dinner. Jade is quite disturbed and quickly agrees to search for them.