Elven Quest

Elven Quest is a British radio comedy broadcast on BBC Radio 4 from 2009 to 2013.

The story follows Sam Porter, a misanthropic fantasy author, who is visited by three strangely-dressed people he believes to be cosplaying fans. However, when they attempt to steal his dog, Amis, in the belief that he is The Chosen One, Sam follows, only to be drawn into the fantasy world of Lower Earth, where Amis is transformed into a human, though keeps his dog-like tendencies. Soon, Sam is dragged along on a quest for the Sword of Asnagar, along with dim elven prince Vidar, beautiful but naive warrior princess Pentheselea, and stubborn dwarf Dean, all the while pursued by Lord Darkness and his servant Kreech.

Not to be confused with Elf Quest.

"Penthiselea: I'm not hot. In fact I'm quite cool now that I've removed my outer armour."
 * Animal Stereotypes: Although Amis is now human, he likes to chase sheep, cannot resist retrieving a stick, and is easily distracted by biscuits.
 * Back from the Dead:, in the Puzzles episode.
 * British Brevity: Three series have been recorded, each of six episodes.
 * Call a Rabbit a Smeerp: The denizens of Lower Earth have never heard of camels. However they do have creatures called 'flamels'.
 * Card-Carrying Villain: Lord Darkness
 * Cliff Hanger: The ending of the sixth episode.
 * Distracted by the Sexy: The Sirens episode.
 * Evil Sounds Deep: The Night Demon.
 * Fantastic Racism: A mild version. Humans are apparently rare in Lower Earth, and Sam attracts some disdain. Mostly from Dean, though, and mostly for being Sam.
 * Genre Savvy: Sam is the author of several fantasy novels, which occasionally helps or hinders him in Lower Earth.
 * Five-Man Band:
 * The Hero: Lord Vidar
 * The Lancer: Pentheselea
 * The Smart Guy: Sam
 * The Big Guy: Dean
 * The Chick: Amis
 * Hot Amazon: Penthiselea, although she is oblivious to this, and indeed the facts of life.

"Narrator: For as it is written in the Great Elven Book of Knowing, isn't life just one bloody thing after another."
 * Humans Are the Real Monsters: The Night Demon believes sacrificing Sam will grant it power, as only humans are compelled to annihilate.
 * Idiot Hero: Lord Vidar, leader of the Questers.
 * MacGuffin: The Sword of Asnagar, for whosoe'er wields the Sword shall rule all of Lower Earth.
 * My Friends and Zoidberg: Used by Sam when he says he wants to remain with his friends... and Dean.
 * Names to Run Away From Really Fast: Lord Darkness. The Night Demon. Also, Lord Darkness himself goes to some effort to name his new torture device... the Petard of Irony.
 * Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: It's not unknown for Lord Darkness's actions to be the accidental means of saving the questers from their own mistakes.
 * Only Smart People May Pass: What is it that is brown, and yet also sticky? Spoofed and lampshaded.
 * Opening Narration at the beginning of every episode, though it tends to ramble and lose the point.


 * Invisible to Gaydar. There are hints that Dean is this. He doesn't appear to be interested in discussing it.
 * The Quest
 * Weird Trade Union: Formed by the slaves in the salt mines.