Monty Python/Funny

Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Eric: I had to get up at 10 o clock at night, half﻿ an hour before I went to bed."
 * For starters, the Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit class ("No point-ed stick?" "SHUT UP!"), the tobacconist shop, and Nudge Nudge.
 * The Penultimate Supper, It took him hours, and turning kangaroos into disciples can't be easy.
 * THE BISHOP! "With 'R.F. Gromsby-Urquhart Wright' as the Voice of God"
 * We was too late!
 * Stig O'Tracy and Vince Snetterton-Lewis. Especially Graham Chapman's delivery of 'He says "I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement". And I say, "My name's not Clement"'.
 * A Scotsman on a horse!
 * It may be old now, but everyone remembers the first time they saw the Dead Parrot Sketch.
 * The Spanish Inquisition.
 * "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" And them constantly messing up. And The Comfy Chair!
 * The animations. Every. Single. Damn. One of them.
 * The "How to Identify Parts of the Body" episode, especially the parts about "naughty bits".
 * "Number twenty-three: The naughty bits...of a HORSE!"
 * Margaret Thatcher's brain...
 * ...spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam...
 * From the otherwise uneven final season, Woody and Tinny words...
 * Exploding penguins and... BURMA!!!
 * "Hello, it's just after 8 o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode."
 * How Not to Be Seen.
 * The moment when Graham Chapman "improvises" his telephone hangup in the Flying Lesson sketch was surely a Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * 'Oh, oh, no more buttered scones﻿ for me, mater. I'm off to play the groohnd piano'. 'Pardon me while I fly my aeyroplane.' NOW GET ON THE TABLE!
 * John Cleese's silly walks.
 * The famous Lumberjack Song!
 * And now in German.
 * How about a full blown orchestra and choir singers for back up at the London's Royal Albert Hall?
 * The four Yorkshiremen skit (originally performed on At Last the 1948 Show with Cleese, Chapman, Tim Brooke-Taylor, and Marty Feldman). How ridiculous each story gets is hysterical. Especially this line:

"[tomato jumps out of Gulliver's glove box and through the car window]
 * The "Deja Vu" sketch. On the subject of the animations, The Killer Cars.
 * The Argument Clinic, particularly Graham Chapman in the "Abuse Department" and the quite silly "Getting Hit on the Head lessons".
 * The "crunchy frog" sketch, which may be the inspiration of the chocolate frogs of Harry Potter.
 * "Upper-Class Twit of the Year." THEY'RE OFF! ...No, no, they're not; they didn't realize they had to start at the gun...
 * "And Oliver has run himself over!"..."Oliver is still dead, but he's not necessarily out of it!"
 * "My GOD, this is exciting!"
 * "The jump of a lifetime, if only his father could understand!"
 * The episodes with an actual story (three times, all in all) can be this. The Cycling Tour of North Cornwall and its recurring gag "The pump got caught in m'trouser leg" is an underappreciated highlight.
 * Then there's Mr. Gulliver's invention of a tomato which ejects itself just before a crash.

Pither: Here!! That tomato's just ejected itself!

Gulliver: Really? It works! It works!! [CRASH]"

"Larry: We don't seem to be doin' anythin' illegal!
 * Non-Illegal Robbery. Hilarious all the way through, but the best part is this exchange:

Boss: What d'you mean?

Larry: Well, we're payin' for the watch.

Boss: Yeah?

Larry: Well, why're we payin' for the watch?

Boss: (snorts) They wouldn't give it to us if we didn't pay for it, would they?"

""Every morning, Ken wakes up at 3 o'clock...and then goes back to bed again because it's far too early.""
 * Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook. Your nipples will explode with delight!
 * My Hovercraft Is Full of Eels
 * CAAAALLING ALL SQUAD CAAARS IN THE AAAAAREAAAAAA!
 * The Boxer Documentary sketch.

"Customer: I'd like some after shave, please.
 * "Dear, there's a man at the door with a mustache!' Tell'im I've already got one."
 * From the German TV special, the Silly Olympics.
 * From the Not-So-Rude Chemist sketch:

Chemist: Certainly sir. Walk this way, please.

Customer: If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need after shave. (Constable carts him off)"

"Person #1 (inquiring how much time has elapsed): How long is it?
 * "I am not the brain specialist! No, no, I am not! ... Yes. Yes I am!"
 * The Gumbies generally were made of this trope. "I THINK WE SHOULD PUT A TAX ON ALL PEOPLE WHO STAND IN WATER." *realizes that he's standing in water* "OH!"
 * Ladies and gentlemen, The World of History is proud to present the premiere of the Batley Townswomen's Guild's re-enactment of 'The Battle of Pearl Harbour'.
 * Used multiple times:

Person #2: That's rather personal, isn't it?"

"Announcer: Yes! Whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by International Communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready! Ready to smash the communists, wipe them out, and shove them off the face of the earth!... voice rises hysterically Mash that dirty red scum, kick 'em in the teeth where it hurts! Kill! Kill! Kill! The filthy bastard commies, I hate 'em! I hate 'em! AAAUUUUUUURRRRGH!
 * Number one - the Larch. The... Larch.
 * "Conjuring Today": Good evening. Last week we learned how to saw a lady in half. This week we're going to learn how to saw a lady in three bits and dispose of the body-WHOA! (gets chased off by police)
 * The Bicycle Repairman sketch:

Announcer's Wife: Tea's ready!

Announcer: (calming down immediately) Coming, dear! (exits, followed by the knight with the rubber chicken)"


 * Confuse-A-Cat. Particularly Graham Chapman's 'reassuringly professional' vet from the opening scene. "Your cat is suffering from... something we vets don't have a word for yet."

Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"Launcelot: We were in the nick of time! You were in great peril.
 * "What is your favourite color?" "Blue. No wait, yellowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."
 * "Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left," says King Arthur, the entire Black Knight scene deserves this crown. "Right! I'll do you for that!".
 * "I'm invincible!" "You're a loony."
 * "Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation..."

Galahad: I don't think I was.

Launcelot: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril!

Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

Launcelot: No, it's too perilous.

Galahad: It's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can!

Launcelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!

Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

Launcelot: No. It's unhealthy.

Galahad: ...Bet you're gay.

Launcelot: Am not!"

"Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
 * Made even funnier in retrospect thanks to Spamalot where, yes, Lancelot really is gay.
 * "The legendary Black Beast of AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!"
 * "Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
 * Just about every scene where the French guards taunt King Arthur and his men.
 * I faaaarrrrrtttt in your general direction!
 * I don' wanna talk to you no more! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
 * The first death by Killer Rabbit.
 * "JESUS CHRIST!!!"
 * "That is NO ORDINARY RABBIT!"
 * "Ooh. I soiled meself again."
 * "O Lord, bless this thy Holy Hand Grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy..."
 * Trumped only by the next few lines. "...who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
 * "Who's that then?" "I dunno, must be a king." "Why?" "He hasn't got shit all over him."
 * And then the French dump shit all over him near the end. Literal shit. Gotta wonder where all that runny shit came from.
 * The "burn the witch" scene.

Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant 3: (meekly after a long pause) I got better!

Crowd: (shouts) Burn her anyway!"


 * The ending! "All right, sonny, that's enough, just take off!"
 * If you think that's funny, tell someone that the music at the very end is just a break before the REAL ending.
 * The Knights who say Ni!
 * "Brave Sir Robin ran away..."
 * "He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out..."
 * "...and his elbows broken, he was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways..."
 * "...and his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt off and penis split-" (Granted, the last word was only in the subtitles for the singalong version in the Special Edition DVD, but it makes any guy cringe at the thought)
 * I'll just leave this here
 * All of Sir Lancelot's Quest. No really, all of it.
 * "What, the curtains?"
 * "Huuuuuge...tracts of land..."
 * "Message for you, sir!"
 * "Now then, now then, this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!"
 * "Help, help, I'm being repressed!"
 * "Bloody peasant!!"
 * "There are those who know me as ... Tim."
 * Oh what the hell, let's just call the entire film a Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * Especially with the Subtitles for People Who Don't Like The Film. Straight from Henry IV, they fit perfectly.
 * The beginning credits.
 * "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

Monty Pythons Life of Brian

 * That scene about made-up vulgar names. Every repetition of "Biggus Dickus" from Pontius Pilate who fails to get the "joke" sends the guards and the audience deeper into hysterics. The mention of what Dickus' wife is named is what makes even the most desperately-trying-to-keep-a-straight-face members (of both groups) collapse into paroxyms of laughter. And then later on, we find out that Biggus Dickus actually exists!
 * In that scene, the guards were directed to keep a straight face throughout, and thus their ultimately futile attempts to suppress their laughter are real.
 * "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" is a close second.
 * What did the Romans ever do for us?
 * "Brought peace?" "Brought peace ... SHUT UP!"
 * And now in a musical format.
 * Bwian's fathuh was a Woman centuwion named Naughtius Maximus.
 * "Now look, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say Jehovah!" *gets stoned*
 * "Domus?? Nominative???"
 * And then there's that little musical number at the end.
 * "He wanks as high as any in Wome!"
 * "We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack! ] That showed 'em, huh?"
 * "Oh, it's the meek! 'Blessed are the meek!' Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something because they have a hell of a time."
 * "Yeah, well what Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem."
 * "You're all individuals!" "Yes! We're all individuals!" "You're all different!" "Yes! We are all different!" "I'm not."  "Shhh!"
 * "Obviously it's not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products."
 * "I'm Brian and so's my wife!"
 * "I'm not your Messiah!" "Only the true Messiah would deny his divinity!" "All right, than I AM your Messiah!" (The mass:) "HE IS, HE IS OUR MESSIAH!"
 * "NOW FUCK OFF!!!"
 * "How shall we fuck off, Lord?"
 * The introduction of Eric Idle's "Not the messiah: He's a very naughty boy" featuring Mrs. Betty Palin.
 * The Mr. Big Nose scene at the beginning.

Monty Pythons the Meaning of Life

 * "The Crimson Permanent Assurance" for MindScrewing the audience by playing right before the main feature, and then returning to attack the film itself halfway through.
 * "Did I... or did I not... mention... vaginal juices?"
 * The "liver removal" scene Crosses the Line Twice between shockingly gruesome and absolutely hilarious, especially with "The Galaxy Song" coming right afterwards. As does the Mr. Creosote scene. But the capper is the very long Steadicam shot where Eric Idle's waiter takes us for a little ride, then launches into a Cluster F Bomb rant.
 * Liver removed? That sounds like something that Sir Robin is not afraid of!
 * The Grim Reaper. "It was...THE SALMON MOUSSE!" And Michael Palin's contribution: "Hey! I didn't even *eat* the mousse!"

Other
"Seller: Just who do you think you are?
 * "Radio Shop", from the newest CD edition of 'Matching Tie and Handkerchief'. Not only the unnecessarily verbose prose the customer constantly spews, or his attempts to get enough argument that he indeed bought his radio at the shop, or the seller's simple not-caring-that-much for him, but most of all the ending, which has to give this sketch one of Monty Python's coolest characters, especially combined with Chapman's portrayal. Part of why it is so hilarious is that it's been so put off, and so, spoiler tags!

Customer: Ah, you just read the name at the top of that receipt.

Seller:

And...

Seller:




 * The Bishop on the landing sketch was especially hilarious when it was performed Live at the Hollywood Bowl due to a number of technical malfunctions and the performers (Jones especially) repeatedly cracking up.
 * The Fish Slapping Dance!