Married... with Children/Characters

Actor: Ed O'Neill
Al is the forever down-on-his-luck patriarch of the Bundy family. His defining moment (so he says) was when he scored four touchdowns in a single game as a fullback at Polk High School. Nowadays, he works a thankless minimum wage job at Gary's Shoe Store in the New Market Mall. He enjoys bowling, visiting strip clubs and avoiding sex with the wife. "Peg: I used to call you the Minuteman. Now I long for those days."
 * Actually Pretty Funny: He usually invokes this with Jefferson, who laughs at his jokes about Marcy behind Marcy's back.
 * And There Was Much Rejoicing: When Al's neighbors mistakenly thought he'd died, they began dancing in the streets and singing Ding Dong, The Shoe Man's Dead! When he moved out of the neighborhood after briefly splitting up with Peggy, they had a parade to celebrate.
 * Aw, Look -- They Really Do Love Each Other: Him and Peggy had several of these moments.
 * Badass
 * Berserk Button: Whenever Al catches someone hitting on his wife or having sex with his daughter, he goes into full Tranquil Fury mode before administering the No-Holds-Barred Beatdown.
 * Bumbling Dad
 * Catch Phrase: "...four touchdowns...", "A fat woman [verb]ed into the shoe store today...", "Let's rock."
 * The Chew Toy
 * Cosmic Plaything
 * Crowning Moment of Awesome: Scoring 4 touchdowns in a single game. Getting his bathroom back after Peg turned it into a pink, frily mess by eating a lot of spicy Mexican and defecating in front of the interior designers she was showing it off to.
 * Deadpan Snarker: It's hard to believe that someone this witty is so Book Dumb.
 * Establishing Character Moment: In an audition, no less. When O'Neill auditioned, he was required to act like he was walking through the front door and then say his lines. He did the entrance, but before saying his lines, he did what no one else thought to do - let out a defeated sigh over returning home. This bit of Throw It In won him the part.
 * Fag Hag: Gender Flipped by Al and Marcy's cousin Mandy. Al initially thinks Mandy is hot, but when he learns she's gay that doesn't prevent them from being good friends and going to baseball games or playing foosball.
 * Henpecked Husband: He thinks he's this.
 * Heroes Want Redheads: Well, Al is a hero to many people in real life. In one episode, Al ruefully admits that, however much he might ogle other women, at the end of the day Peg is still the one he wants.
 * Heroic BSOD: Al suffered a couple of these over the course of the series after particularly traumatic or horrifying experiences (being beaten at bowling, accidentally looking up a fat woman's dress and seeing her filthy underwear, being forced to have sex with his wife, etc.)
 * I Coulda Been a Contender: A talented athlete whose career ended at age 18 due to marrying young.
 * Jaded Washout (Former Trope Namer)
 * Jerkass Woobie: Sometimes it's just impossible to not feel sorry for mean old Al. His views on just about any subject are at best offensive. But consistently watching his every effort lead to disaster, you kind of get where his frustration comes from.
 * Jerk Jock: It's implied in several episodes that Al was one of these in high school before he married Peg. A rarity in that the Jerk Jock was actually the protagonist and a semi-sympathetic character.
 * Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Deep down, and we do mean deep, he really does love his family and does what he thinks best for them.
 * Let's Get Dangerous: When Al states "Let's Rock", it typically indicates that he is about to beat someone senseless.
 * If he didn't say that, but George Thurgood's Bad to the Bone started playing, it was also this.
 * Memetic Badass
 * No Accounting for Taste: His marriage with Peg.
 * Not So Different: In order to escape being held hostage by fat women, Al cooks up a false traumatic childhood memory in which he, too, was overweight and knew the pain of being bullied for it (by his own parents, no less). This realization moves the women to let him go free.
 * Overprotective Dad: Al regularly pummels Kelly's boyfriends. Subverted by the fact that most of the guys she dates are scum that no sane father would allow his daughter to date.
 * Politically Incorrect Hero: Al frequently makes disparaging remarks about feminists, fat chicks, and women in general, but to his fans he is one of the funniest and most memorable television characters of all time.
 * Schoolyard Bully All Grown Up: How the mighty have fallen...
 * Speed Sex: Peg constantly mocks him for not being able to last in bed for more than a few minutes seconds:


 * Straw Misogynist: He fits the description, though not always proven wrong.
 * Throw the Dog a Bone: Though very rare and never in any large fashion since Status Quo Is God, every now and then Al does come out a winner.
 * Tranquil Fury: Typical mode for Al when actually delivering a beating.

Actor: Katey Sagal
Peggy is Al's wife, born and raised in a backwater area in the Midwest called Wanker County. She actively refuses to seek employment, expecting Al to be the breadwinner for their family. She's usually found on her favorite couch with a TV remote in one hand and a handful of Bon Bons in the other.
 * Big Eater: Well, sort of. Peg does nothing all day but sit on the couch stuffing herself full of Bon Bons, and yet she never seems to gain a pound.
 * Buxom Is Better: Al once punched out a guy making a comment about his wife's large assets in one episode.
 * Clingy Jealous Girl: to ridiculous ends.
 * Evil Redhead: At least if you believe Al about her role in destroying his life.
 * Fag Hag: Played straight and subverted in the same episode when Peg has a close friendship with a gay man, to the point where they actually begin dancing together at an upscale nightclub. The subversion comes when the gay man's husband thinks that his mate and Peg are having an affair, and tries to tell Al about it. When Al learns that the husband has a job, likes to cook and enjoys watching sports on TV (except for soccer, which he doesn't think is really a "man's game"), Al briefly falls head-over-heels in love.
 * Gold Digger: Peg, despite the fact that her husband has a crappy job. When they met, Al was a star athlete in his highschool, had earned himself a football scholarship and seemed to be going places. He seemed a great catch... until a leg injury ended his sports career prematurely.
 * Hot Mom: Many fans of the show viewed Peggy as one of these. Even years after the show ended in 1997, Katey Segal jokes that Peg "still gets lots of letters from guys in prison."
 * Housewife: In title only. She finds doing household chores abhorrent.
 * Karma Houdini: She took advantage of her family in some really awful ways, but you could count all the times she got punished on only one hand.
 * Lazy Bum
 * Lethal Chef: Peg in the early episodes. In the later episodes, she typically didn't cook at all, often going out to eat, ordering pizza, or not eating at all. Unless the plot specifically required it. Occassions included Al using the money from the "No Chicken, No Check" insurance company to force Peg to buy meat, Peg's insanely obese mom starting to make money as a phone sex operator, and Peg suffering amnesia and Al brainwashing her into being a competent housewife. Her lethal chef skills at times proved beneficial for her family. For example, her leftover Mystery Meal had the Bundy house and everyone in it quarantined for six months. The people inside at the time included the band Anthrax, favorites of the Bundy kids who apparently really enjoyed those six months.
 * And then there was her attempt to develop and market her own line of Bon Bons. Al and Jefferson each need both hands to lift them, and several hours to chew through a single bite. Curiously enough, Marcy and Buck didn't have any trouble eating that one bite, although they both suffered a crazed, hours-long sugar high afterward.
 * They could've just been faking how heavy the Bon Bons were because they were horrified of trying Peg's cooking.
 * Alpha Bitch: During her high school years.
 * Pretty Freeloaders: Al, Kelly (in the later episodes), and Bud are typically the ones earning money. Peggy is the one helping them spend it. Whether they agree or not.
 * Secret Identity Identity: When Peg hears that Al is going to be a judge at a stripper pageant at the nudie bar, she's so upset that she enters the pageant herself using a Middle Eastern-style gimmick that keeps her face veiled and calling herself by the stage name of "Jasmine". Not only does she win the pageant, she becomes a full-time exotic dancer and turns Al on so much when he watches her at the nudie bar that he starts doing her on a regular basis. Unfortunately, Al doesn't realize that Peg and Jasmine are the same person, and he ends up screaming Jasmine's name during sex. When Peg realizes that Al is only being turned on by Jasmine, she gets angry at "that slut" for destroying her marriage. Marcy has to remind Peg that she's Jasmine.
 * Ungrateful Bitch: To Al.

Actor: Christina Applegate
Kelly is the Bundys' only daughter. While not nearly as unsuccessful as her parents (she has held several part-time jobs over the course of the series, and had occasional success as a model and bit actress), she's also not nearly as bright (to put it lightly). "Buck: Where does she find these guys?"
 * All Girls Want Bad Boys: Her boyfriends are various sleazy bikers, hoods and ex-cons with nicknames like Mayhem, Pinworm and Stab Wound. It's even Lampshaded:


 * Alpha Bitch: During her high school years.
 * The Brainless Beauty: Kelly didn't invent the Dumb Slutty Blonde stereotype, but she sure as hell added to its fame. In fact, Applegate has been spending the rest of her career trying to get away from that image.
 * Bratty Teenage Daughter
 * Daddy's Girl: Of everyone in his family Al seems to have the softest spot for his daughter and the feelings are mutual.
 * Dating What Daddy Hates
 * The Ditz: Though in the earlier episodes, she wasn't that dumb, and was only made fun of for having bleached-blond hair, being a slut, dating sleazy guys, and committing petty crimes [like speeding, sneaking out of the house, stealing money from Al, and vandalizing public property]. Lampshaded in an episode which showed that Kelly used to be very intelligent as a child, until she hit her head during a car accident.
 * Dumb Blonde
 * Flanderization: Kelly gradually gets dumber and sluttier as the show goes on.
 * Freudian Excuse: It's implied in several episodes that Kelly's promiscuity stems from Al being a bad father and her being used as the family Butt Monkey.
 * Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Many jokes about what a lousy mother Peg was to Bud and Kelly.
 * Hormone-Addled Teenager: Obsessed with guys.
 * Malaproper: Such a common feature of her dialogue that fans call them 'Kellyism's and have assembled a list of them here.
 * Ms. Fanservice: If you don't understand why Kelly Bundy is this trope, you've obviously never seen the show.
 * Really Gets Around
 * Sibling Rivalry: The typical interactions of Bud and Kelly feature this. Doesn't stop them from teaming-up for a common cause.
 * Spanner in the Works: For rather obvious reasons, Kelly had a tendency to screw up whatever scheme she became involved in. It's even Lampshaded by Peggy at one point as the Bundys and the D'Arcys are being arrested by the police, when she notes that it probably wasn't a good idea to let Kelly in on the plan.
 * Took a Level In Dumbass: Kelly had perhaps the most extreme version of this trope ever. It is actually possible to pinpoint the exact moment she went from merely Book Dumb to an outright idiot.
 * From what I've seen online, season two, episode 14 is considered the exact moment.
 * It is. In that episode Kelly falls for a prank by Bud when he coaches her on a book report on Robinson Crusoe which she hasn't read (Bud feeds her the plot of Gilligan's Island instead.) Not so strange considering even pre-bimbo Kelly was always an awful student, but then having become a laughingstock in front of the whole school, she falls for the same prank again when Bud promises to help her on her report on Edgar Allan Poe (this time tricking her into talking about The Addams Family.) Thus was born one of the iconic Brainless Beauty characters.
 * We're shown (in flashback) that Kelly was bright enough as a young child (having no problem reading, for instance), until a car accident dumbed her down a notch.

Actor: David Faustino
Bud is Kelly's younger brother. Probably the smartest and most decent member of the Bundy clan, although he's still usually quite willing to throw the others under the bus at any given time. Is completely obsessed with girls and sex, so he spends a lot of his time thinking of ways to get laid, but rarely has much luck on that front. His collection of blow-up dolls is a secret to everyone except Kelly, who loves to pick on him for it (among other things). "Amber: (To Bud) You're amazing. Where do you learn this kind of behavior? Al: (Watching The Centrefold Weed-Whacker Murders on TV) No, you can't hide under the tree stump! He can burrow! Don't you see? He's half mole!"
 * A Date with Rosie Palms: Just another Friday night for Bud Bundy.
 * Alliterative Name
 * A Man Is Not a Virgin
 * Beleaguered Assistant: In many later-season episodes when Bud and Kelly embarked on some sort of scheme, he usually ended up suffering the consequences of Kelly's screw-ups.
 * Casanova Wannabe
 * Caught with Your Pants Down
 * Combat Pragmatist: While Bud was perfectly capable of handling himself in a straight fight, he continued the proud Bundy tradition of cheating by smashing larger opponents over the head with bottles or chairs, or by hitting them below the belt. Needless to say, this made Al especially proud of his boy.
 * Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Many jokes about what a lousy mother Peg was to Bud and Kelly.
 * Hollywood Dateless
 * Hormone-Addled Teenager: Obsessed with girls.
 * Like Father, Like Son: Bud is just as much of a pervert as his father:

"Ariel: I didn't say it was the best. I said you did your best."
 * He also seems to have inherited Al's less-than-spectacular bedroom skills:


 * Loser Son of Loser Dad: Bud hasn't sunk to the same level of personal failure as his father, since he got good grades in school and sometimes makes good money as a talent agent or in other temporary professions. On the other hand, Bud has never gotten the same kind of action Al did in high school, and is frequently reduced to scheduling A Date with Rosie Palms whenever he feels horny, so it balances out.
 * Sex as Rite-Of-Passage
 * Sibling Rivalry: The typical interactions of Bud and Kelly feature this. Doesn't stop them from teaming-up for a common cause.
 * The Smart Guy: Arguably the brightest of the Bundys and by far the best educated one. On the other hand his hormones usually keep him from achieving his goals.
 * The Unfavourite: While neither Bud nor Kelly were well looked after by their parents, Bud seems to have been the more neglected given Al's Overprotective Dad act towards his daughter.

Buck
The Bundys' first family dog.
 * Ascended Extra: Originally, he was just the family dog. Over time, he became a Talking Animal with several episodes focusing on him.
 * Even the Dog Is Ashamed
 * Talking Animal: He can't really talk, but, as with Snoopy or Garfield, the audience can hear his thoughts.

Lucky
The Bundys' second family dog.
 * The Nth Doctor: Kinda. Buck was reincarnated into Lucky.

Actor: Amanda Bearse
Marcy is a bank teller who lives next door to the Bundys. She frequently belittles Al and reminds him of how much a loser he is, but has a much friendlier rapport with Peggy.
 * A-Cup Angst: She's mistaken for a boy several times due to her flat chest, much to her anger. Al constantly mocks her about it.
 * Boyish Short Hair: She had a haircut like that for a large part of the series.
 * Evil Laugh: She was known to issue a triumphant, cackling laugh on several occasions, most notably when something particularly unpleasant happened to Al.
 * Harmful to Minors: Marcy mentions that all three of her mother's husbands committed suicide. That would be her father and two stepfathers.
 * Sitcom Arch Nemesis
 * Straw Feminist
 * Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Gender Flipped with her and Jefferson.

Actor: David Garrison
Steve is Marcy's first husband (Seasons 1-4). Like Marcy, Steve worked in the banking business. He tends to stick by his wife a lot, and frowns upon Al's attempts to get him to go against her wishes.
 * Deadpan Snarker
 * Harmful to Minors: Steve mentions that his father commited suicide.
 * Henpecked Husband
 * Put on a Bus: He was written out as leaving Marcy so he can be a park ranger.
 * Straight Man (to Al)

Actor: Ted McGinley
Jefferson is Marcy's second husband (Seasons 5+). Unlike Steve, Jefferson doesn't hold down a steady job, believing he's "too pretty to work". He enjoys most of the same activities that Al does, and the two of them get along pretty well. "Woman #1: Hold it, sweetie. You don't just walk into a Jefferson D'Arcy class. Marcy: But I'm his wife! Woman #2: Nice try, honey. On an average day, he usually gets about four wives, plus a couple of husbands!"
 * ClingyJealousGuy: He's actually become quite fond of Marcy, believe it or not:
 * Sometimes Mary will gush in Jefferson's presence about how good Steve used to be in bed. This makes Jefferson take her home and promise to "rock the Steve right out of her." This is a Batman Gambit that Marcy uses whenever she wants sex from Jefferson.
 * When Jefferson and Steve finally meet, they begin fighting over Marcy. They try to outdo one another by bragging over where they've done the deed with her.
 * After Marcy has an orgasm while giving a speech at her bank, she's soon hired by other corporations to give bad news in erotic speeches. Unfortunately, she begins neglecting Jefferson, and he starts getting pouty over it. When he complains to Marcy about being ignored, she takes him home for his own "private little speech". In the last scene of the episode, Peg asks Marcy where Jefferson is, and she explains that he's in the hospital being treated for dehydration.
 * Even the Guys Want Him: Jefferson gets a job as an aerobics instructor in the last season, and he's incredibly popular with the studio's female exercisers. When Marcy finds out, she tries to make him quit:

"Jefferson: I thought you wanted me to get a job! Marcy: Your job is to please me. And right now, I am not pleased."
 * Gold Digger: A glorified gigolo who married a relatively affluent woman.
 * Handsome Lech
 * Harmful to Minors: Jefferson mentions that his mother was an exotic dancer ... who got killed by her own snake.
 * Henpecked Husband
 * Pretty Freeloaders: Marcy is the breadwinner, Jefferson earns his keep with sexual favors.
 * Retired Badass: One episode involved him rappelling down into Fidel Castro's office and holding him at knifepoint - only it turned out he and Fidel were old friends from Jefferson's CIA days.
 * Spear Counterpart: To Peggy. He's very lazy and comes up with all sorts of excuses to avoid getting a job, and has been known to blow Marcy's money on expensive baubles the way Peg spends Al's. He also gets very jealous when Marcy reminisces about her ex-husband Steve, or when she generally starts ignoring him.
 * Status Quo Is God: Despite his protests, Jefferson actually does manage to get a few jobs throughout the series. Unfortunately, whether he gets a job at the shoe store, as an actor or as an aerobics instructor, Jefferson typically ends up working with beautiful women. This makes Marcy force him to quit and return to his de facto job as her sex toy:


 * Upperclass Twit

Actor: Harold Sylvester
Griff is a friend of Al's, and his co-worker at Gary's Shoe Store in the later seasons. He is also one of the founding members of Al's NO MA'AM group.
 * Only Sane Man: Compared to the rest of the cast Griff seems to be the only character who is at least relatively grounded in reality.

Actor: Dan Tullis Jr.
Dan is a police officer who operates in the area where the Bundys and the D'Arcys live. He is familiar with Al and his family because he's usually the first to arrive on the scene whenever they get in trouble. He's also a member of NO MA'AM, but isn't seen as frequently at their meetings as the others.
 * Corrupt Cop: Openly admits to being crooked, though after joining NO MA'AM he frequently used said connections to keep Al out of jail.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Officer Dan had some of the shows best one liners.
 * Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": More often than not everyone calls him "Officer Dan" instead of just Dan.
 * Heel Face Turn: During the seasons where Al started "NO MA'AM," Officer Dan went from being the cop who always arrested Al to being his best friend.
 * Not right away. He finally joined up with them after "Psycho Dad" was cancelled.

Actor: E.E. Bell
Bob Rooney is one of Al's NO MA'AM cohorts.
 * Dirty Old Man: Like the rest of NO MA'AM.
 * Full-Name Basis: Everyone always refers to him by his full name.
 * Fat Bastard: A textbook example. Al once used his exposed gut to scare a bunch of kids out of their Halloween candy.

Actor: Tom McCleister
Ike is another member of Al's NO MA'AM group.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: He insists that Elvis is alive, enjoys Yanni's music, and it's occasionally implied that he's bisexual.
 * No Accounting for Taste: Ike has been known to drool over elderly strippers and fat women in aerobics outfits, in other words the kind of women that give the rest of the NO MA'AM guys dry heaves.

Actor: Janet Carroll
Gary is the rarely-seen owner of Gary's Shoe Store. Despite having a name meant for males, Gary is a middle-aged woman who laments having a sad-sack like Al working for her.
 * Corrupt Corporate Executive: She had illegal immigrants making shoes for her.
 * Fiction 500: Own several multi-million dollar businesses, but the constant failings of the shoe store keep her at #501
 * May-December Romance: In one episode, she has a relationship with Bud.
 * Tomboyish Name: That and the fact Al never met her during the first twenty years he's been working at the store made Al mistakenly believe Gary was a man. Whenever he wasn't thinking Gary didn't even exist, that is.