Jackboots on Whitehall



""Eat hot lead, Fritz!""

- Winston Churchill

June 1940 -- England's darkest hour. The entire British army has surrendered at Dunkirk. A demoralised Winston Churchill is planning to retire in a few days. Chris the farm labourer can't join the army because his hands are too big to fit inside a trigger guard, and The Vicar is keeping his beautiful daughter Daisy at arms length. Meanwhile Those Wacky Nazis have an Evil Plan -- dig a tunnel under the English Channel to London, capture Churchill and end the war in one stroke! Mustering what little forces he has, Churchill orders a retreat to Scot Land -- a wild and uncivilised country populated by savage warriors with huge hands, lead by the legendary Braveheart. As Churchill's Ragtag Band of Misfits Hold the Line at Hadrian's Wall, Chris must go on a lone quest to seek out England's last hope, and the reason for his massive mitts.

Unfortunately any story this epic has to be scaled down, say to about 1/6 size. That's right -- this is the UK's answer to Team America World Police. It matches that movie for laughs, but it has its moments particularly if you're a fan of British World War II movies. Or if you're Scottish.

The movie contains the following tropes:
"Chris: "We need your help, and your lethal weapons!"
 * Actor Allusion

Braveheart: "Would that be 1, 2, 3 or 4?""

"Monty: (after the tunnel opens) "The Nazis are coming right up our behind!""
 * Amazon Brigade: The FANY's, and that "wild pack of bloody Bavarian bitches!"
 * Anachronism Stew: The German army attacking Hadrian's Wall advance in Roman testudo formation and have motorbike-mounted Battering Rams. Their opponents make use of catapults, Napoleonic uniforms and muskets, German weapons captured by La Résistance, and a WWI biplane.
 * Artistic Licence History: Listing every instance would be an exercise in futility.
 * Apathetic Citizens: Chris makes a Rousing Speech and calls on everyone to help save Churchill. They want to go to the pub instead.
 * Battle Cry: The Scots shout "Och aye!" as they're charging the Nazis.
 * Biggus Dickus: It's implied that not only Chris' hands are big...
 * Big No: Fiske shouts this when the brave Brit rushing to start his plane gets killed.
 * Blatant Lies: Loudspeakers declare "THE GERMAN ARMY IS YOUR FRIEND!" as said army guns down civilians in Trafalgar Square.
 * Boom Headshot: Bet you never thought you'd see one happen to a puppet!
 * Break Out the Museum Piece
 * British Teeth: Seen on General Montgomery, among others.
 * Commie Nazis: US volunteer pilot Fiske appears to be generally confused as to which ideology he's fighting. He also thinks Mr Churchill is a President and his Praetorian Guard are Indians. Which they are, actually.
 * Day of the Jackboot: Obviously.
 * Double Entendre: Loads of 'em

"Vicar: "Come and fight me -- my God against yours!"
 * Drag Queen: Adolf Hitler dressed as Queen Victoria. Wielding a diamond-covered Luger, no less.
 * Drill Tank: Literally -- it's a panzer with a drill stuck to its front.
 * Dutch Courage: When the Vicar gets drunk and starts insulting the advancing Germans, Churchill orders the barrel to be rolled out.

Soldier: "Sorry sir, he must have found his way back to the bottle."

Churchill: "Good man."

Vicar: "Sausage eating wankers! (echo) WANKERS! WANKERS! WANKERS!"

Churchill: "Let us take example from the Church. Double the ale ration, two pints per man!""

""So, the stories are true. Men in skirts!""
 * Fake Scot: It is rumored that legendary Scottish warrior Braveheart is actually Australian.
 * Fake Ultimate Hero: Suggested with Captain England.
 * Fun With Acronyms: The letters on the sides of the Spitfires are UFO (the O being the RAF roundel) and, on Fiske's plane UFOK. The FANY's are the butt of several jokes, but this is true even of the real First Aid Nursing Yeomanry.
 * Gas Mask Mooks: Who breathe like Darth Vader.
 * Gondor Calls for Aid: Beacon fires are lit to signal the invasion.
 * Gorn: Yes, it is possible to do this with marrionettes.
 * Grim Up North: Scot Land is an uncivilised place full of murky woods, the wreckage of Lost Roman Legions, impaled skeletons, and bloodthirsty blue-faced savages with huge hands.
 * Here There Be Dragons: The excessive detail of the map of Britain stops abruptly at the Scottish border, which shows no towns or roads at all.
 * Heroic Sacrifice: The Nazis jump out of the Hindenburg when it starts falling.
 * Hey Its That Voice: Ewan McGregor, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Timothy Spall, Richard O'Brien and Richard Griffiths.
 * Historical Domain Character: Many. Billy Fiske was a real RAF pilot, although he was likely less of a Cloudcuckoolander in real life.
 * I Am the Noun: Chris bemoans the fact that he's not allowed to join the military because the government says his hands are too big. Winston Churchill declares "I am the government!"
 * Ink Suit Actor: Chris looks an awful lot like Ewan Mc Gregor.
 * Kick the Dog: The evil zeppelin commander flies past Captain England and targets a baby carriage instead. Fortunately a gust of wind deflects the bomb onto Captain England anyway.
 * La Résistance: Gaston, who is quite the ladies' man.
 * Man in A Kilt

"Churchill: "That's it: Sing! Sing!"
 * Million Mook March: The German army puts on a victory parade in London.
 * Monumental Damage: Those German swine blow up Nelson's Column and the Cenotaph. And 10 Downing Street...eventually.
 * Moses in The Bullrushes: Chris as a baby.
 * Music for Courage: Daisy starts singing the hymn "Jerusalem" as the German army advances.
 * Music for Courage: Daisy starts singing the hymn "Jerusalem" as the German army advances.

Everyone: "And was Jerusalem builded here, upon those dark satanic mills..."

Vicar: "Yes those dark, satanic mills!" (Evil Laugh)"

""You fools! Don't you know I'm ¾ German?""
 * Praetorian Guard: Churchill's loyal Punjabi bodyguards are the only British army unit that wasn't captured at Dunkirk.
 * Puppet King: Averted as the King of England is thrown in the Tower of London by the Nazis. Of course, you might say he was a puppet king in the first place.

"German: "Nein, nein, nein!"
 * Ragtag Band of Misfits: Elite Punjabi guards, gun-toting FANY's, an American volunteer in a biplane, and a Home Guard made up of men of the land -- are all that's left between England and Nazi domination.
 * Ramming Always Works
 * Rape Is Love: A Scot drags a screaming German blonde into his tent.

Scot: "Take that!"

German: "Oh ja!""

"Churchill: "Never, in the field of human conflict, was so much, buggered up, by so few, for so many!""
 * Retraux: Presented in glorious Panzervision.
 * Rousing Speech: Frequently spoofed.


 * Shout Out: Spoofs Stiff Upper Lip war movies set in World War II and earlier, as well as more recent films like Lord of the Rings and Braveheart. Also Churchill in a pin-stripe suit, wielding a drum-fed Thompson submachine gun, is from a famous WW2 photo.
 * Sole Survivor: Fiske is the last remaining member of The Few.
 * Stiff Upper Lip: They don't get any stiffer!
 * Supermarionation
 * The Vicar, who's also a Badass Preacher with hints of Sinister Minister.
 * X Meets Y: Described as "Team America crashing headfirst into Inglourious Basterds."
 * Zeppelins From Another World: The Hindenburg makes an appearance, apparently none the worse for having exploded. It's armoured now however.
 * Zerg Rush: The German army when attacking Hadrian's Wall. But then again, it's difficult for marionettes to do anything else.