Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (novel)/Funny

From the book:
"Madam Pomfrey: I'm keeping you in overnight. You shouldn't over exert yourself for a few hours. Harry: I don't want to stay here overnight, I want to find McLaggen and kill him. Madam Pomfrey: I'm afraid that would come under the heading of 'over-exertion'."
 * The entire first chapter. The Muggle Prime Minister's reaction to Fudge and his antics is absolutely hilarious, and had me nearly in tears the first time I read it.
 * "Yeah, ghosts are transparent, but Inferi are dead bodies, aren't they. So they'd be solid--”"
 * "It's good to know six years of magical education have not been lost on you. Ghosts are transparent."
 * Snape's retort about Ron's Apparition failures isn't bad either.
 * Gryffindor's second Quidditch match. In layman's terms: Gryffindor's goalkeeper tries to take the defender position, Harry, as the team Captain, goes complaining. He wakes up hours later in the Hospital Wing, with a cracked skull.

"Ron: "Final score: Three-hundred-and-twenty to... sixty.""
 * This always gets me. Talking about the above Quidditch match:

"Slughorn: And Odo the hero, they bore him back home, to the place that he knew as a lad, they laid him to rest with his hat inside out, and his wand snapped in two, which was sad. Hagrid: (about how good people die young) ...terrible. Slughorn: Sorry. Can't carry a tune to save my life."
 * Then shortly afterward Ron casually mentions that Ginny had stopped by while Harry was unconscious. "Harry's imagination immediately went into overdrive, swiftly constructing a scene in which a tearful Ginny confessed her feelings of deep attraction while Ron gave them his blessing..." Only to have it implode when Ron mentions she was just wondering why he was so late for the match.
 * "But the more I hint I want to finish it, the tighter she holds on. It's like going out with the giant squid."
 * Try not to laugh when Hagrid and Slughorn get hammered and start singing a sad song. You will fail.´

"Snape: This is your book? Harry: Yeah. Snape: Then why does it has 'Roonil Wazlib' in it? Harry: (beat) That's my nickname.
 * "We're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?'"
 * What about the "Roonil Wazlib" scene?

Snape: Your nickname.

Harry: That's what my friends call me.

Snape: I understand what a nickname is."

"Harry: Yes. Snape: Yes sir. Harry: There is no need to call me sir, professor."
 * Luna, perhaps out of desperation, being chosen to comment on the Quidditch match.
 * Peeves blocking a hallway and claiming he won't allow anyone to go through unless they set their pants on fire. Harry and Ron just take a different route. Five minutes later, Neville comes in, smoking and looking for a pair of pants to change into.
 * This exchange:


 * Ron diving behind Hermione everytime he thinks Lavender is passing by: "Hide me!"

For the film:
"Harry: "How do I look?" Luna: "Exceptionally ordinary.""
 * After Luna fixes Harry's broken nose:

""What's this I'm eating again?" "Dragon balls.''"
 * In the Slug Party:

""I'd like to go home now.""
 * Ron spotting his sister making out with Dean Thomas:

"Prof. Slughorn: Harry?! Harry (same annoyed tone): Sir?!"
 * Harry standing up when Ginny enters Slughorn's party in her Little Black Dress
 * Harry under the influence of Felix Felicis:

"Hermione: "I think she's trying to smuggle you a Love Potion." Harry: "Really?" *smiles at her* Hermione: "She's only interested in you because you're The Chosen One!" Harry: "But I am The Chosen One."
 * Harry during the whole Felix Felicis scene is complete funny awesomeness. Harry, with his uncharacteristically peppy attitude, steals the entire scene (especially when he enacts how a giant spider's pincers work).
 * Seriously, Google "not to mention the pincers" on images. There's a bunch of them. And, it's hysterical.
 * What's even funnier is that he's acting like he's high.
 * Dan's line reading of "Personally these plants always kind of freak me out. Hmm."
 * And what's great is that it's such a subtle, out-of-the-blue performance. Harry's under a potion that brings him luck so he could pry the secrets of the Horcruxes out of the professor, and a side effect is that he acts overly cheerful and delirious, and acts like he doesn't know what's going on!
 * I always figured that Felix Felicis doesn't grant you extra luck, it simply improves your insight. You get an intrinsic sense of exactly what you have to do and when you have to do it for the most favorable outcome.
 * The whole bit with Slughorn sneakily cutting a leaf from a plant in the greenhouse when Harry walking into frame in the background, turning and seeing him and getting right next to him without saying anything and Slughorn getting the crap scared out of him when he turns his head!
 * Right after taking the Potion, Harry's alarmingly happy "HI!" to a random dude.
 * Hermione warning Harry about Romilda Vane:


 * Hermione slaps Harry upside the head*

Harry: "Sorry. Don't worry, I'll take someone cool."


 * hard cut to Luna*"

"Ron: It's beautiful, isn't it? The moon. Harry: Divine. Had ourselves a little late night snack, did we? Ron: It was on your bed, the box, I just thought I'd try one. Harry: Or twenty. Ron: I can't stop thinking about her, Harry. Harry: Honestly, you know, I reckon she was starting to annoy you. Ron: She could never annoy me. I think I love her. Harry: Oh... brilliant. Ron: Do you think she knows I exist? Harry: Well, I'd bloody well hope so, she's been snogging you for three months. Ron: Snogging? Who are you talking about? Harry: Who are you talking about? Ron: Romilda, of course. Romilda Vane. Harry: Okay, very funny. Ron: (throws the chocolates box at Harry) Harry: What was that for? Ron: It's no joke! I'm in love with her! Harry: Alright, fine, you're in love with her! Have you ever actually met her? Ron: No... Can you introduce me?"
 * "So did you and Ginny do it, then?" "What?"
 * He should've asked this question 19 years later...
 * Luna's adorable Gryffindor hat.
 * McLaggen puking on Snape, prompting approximately a second of silence and Harry hurries away...
 * Ron under the love potion. All of it.
 * Ron staring at the moon when he was under Romilda Vane's love charm.

""He's covered in blood. Why is he always covered in blood?"
 * The bit on where Snape tells Harry that Dumbledore has had to go, and when Harry asks where, Snape just looks at him for a moment and walks off. Perfect comedic timing.
 * McLaggen flirting with Hermoine. By licking his fingers.
 * Harry coming back to the feast after being sneak attacked by Malfoy.

"At least it looks like it's his this time.""

"McGonagall: (to Harry, Ron, and Hermione) Why is it that, whenever anything happens, it's always you three? Ron: I've been wondering that myself for six years, Professor."
 * Then there's McGonagall's exasperated "Why is it always you three?" upon discovering Harry, Ron, and Hermione are caught up in the crisis du jour yet again. And Ron's reply, for that matter.

"Ron: How much are these? Fred and George: Five galleons. Ron: How much for me? Fred and George: Five galleons. Ron: I'm your brother. (Beat) Fred and George: Ten galleons."
 * Price negotiations with Fred and George.

"Harry: But sir, I thought you couldn't Apparate in Hogwarts. Dumbledore: Well, being me definitely has its advantages."
 * Also, Fred and George each have different expressions when they say that last line, both funny.
 * Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes shop features an animated doll of Umbridge skating across a tightrope, squealing "I will have order! I will have order!"
 * Also, when Harry and Dumbledore are about to leave for the cave:

""[Draco Malfoy] sulks around the halls of Hogwarts like a high-school Goth fresh from a spree at Hot Topic.""
 * On a meta level, from Slate.com's review of Half-Blood Prince:

"Snape: Not... so quick, Potter.
 * The Quidditch tryouts. Specifically, the comparison between Ron and McLaggen handling their...broomsticks.
 * The scene where Ron is in the hospital wing after being poisoned, and his annoying girlfriend Lavender comes in worried and asking "Where's my Won-Won?" She and Hermione get into a fight over him, where Hermione calls her a "daft dimbo"! What makes this even funnier is that it's happening in front of the teachers -- Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn, and Snape. Then Ron calls out Hermione's name in his sleep, and Lavender runs off crying; Dumbledore quips "Oh to be young and to feel love's keen sting!"
 * Don't forget that while McGonagall and Snape keep their cool after Lavender storms off, Dumbledore is the only one who turns to look at her.
 * Also the way that Snape just stares straight ahead during that scene. And the fact that he's there at all watching it. It also becomes a little funny and sad once you realize that he should know how Lavender feels...
 * No one's mentioned any of Snape's moments yet? "How disappointing." Especially the following exchange from Half-Blood Prince:

Harry: Oh sir I really think I should get back to the party. My date...

Snape: ...could surely survive your absence another minute or two."