Fallout 3/Funny

""Oh, no. You've been exposed to radiation, and a mutated hand has grown out of your stomach. What's the best course of treatment?""
 * The G.O.A.T. test. Mr. Brotch's deadpan narration of each question is priceless.

"Ask granny for a minigun. After all, you don't want to miss."
 * Also from the G.O.A.T. is a hilarious case of Never Mess with Granny. "Your grandma invites you over for tea, but you are surprised when she hands you a pistol and asks you to kill another resident. Do you...?"

""Yeah? Up yours too, buddy!""
 * "A crazed vault scientist runs up to you and yells "I'm going to stick my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resignation chamber!" How do you respond?

""What did you put in the last question? I'm stuck between "The Overseer" and "The Overseer"."
 * The last question has all it's answers being The Overseer. The funny part is that if you talk to some of the classmates after the exam, they're somehow stuck on this question.

"Lugnut: I'm only going to say this once. GIVE ME THE NAUGHTY NIGHTWEAR!"
 * Andy the robot attempting to cut your birthday cake.
 * And later is assigned as a medic!
 * Chiding Dr. Lesko with a high Science skill. The explanation for killing the Fire Ant Queen (as opposed to the Speech option, which tells him not to play God) is something along the lines of "You flagrantly violated the scientific method. I had no choice."
 * "This is Three Dog, coming to ya live from my fortified bunker in the middle of the D.C. hellhole! Ain't life grand?"
 * If you decide to kill Mister Burke with a Mini-Nuke. At the very least, it's ironic.
 * Finding (and possibly equipping) a certain item leads to a rather humorous special encounter:

"Lone Wanderer: *fires teddy bear*
 * The rock-it launcher.

Talon Company Merc: "I want this one's head on a fucking pl-" *limbs go flying off as his body crashes into the ground*

Lone Wanderer: *fires pre-war money*

Super Mutant: "I'll eat your h-" *explodes into bloody chunks*"

"Do brahmin heads learn independently? More study of Brahmin language required. Can explosives be used to expand town? Lucas Simms requests all testing cease. Can mole rats be domesticated? Yes, if defanged, declawed, & lobotomized. How to prevent raider attacks? Raiders refuse to sit for interview. What do super mutants eat? Research assistants. What happened to China? Reports uncertain. China may be fictional. Can centaurs talk? Abundance of tongues suggests so. What is the purpose of being?"
 * "You know, I think I'll put that on a sign. The Brass Lanturn: Cleaner, safer, and less likely to contain PISS IN THE DRINKS!"
 * One happened to me by a combination of a well-known glitch, timing, and pure dumb luck. After the "Those!" quest, I was heading into the Ant Queen's lair to raid everything there, but knowing she wouldn't be easy to kill. I loaded up on Magnum rounds, 10mm, Shotgun shells, Stimpaks; I was prepped for a long and bloody war. So I made my way down to the caves, the corpses of her guards making me more and more nervous. I got to her chamber, got my biggest gun out, and...she was stuck in the ceiling. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or grumble, so I did both. A lot.
 * This troper and his friend were playing once, on the You Gotta Shoot Em' In The Head quest. We were at Tenpenny Tower, doing stupid things such as jumping off the tower and planting mines in front of Tenpenny.After reloading quite a few saves, my friend decided to try and quickscope Tenpenny. He missed his head and hit him in the chest. Tenpenny immediately rose from his chair and suddenly got flung off of the tower, and fell to his assumed death. We laughed for about ten minutes straight, being the most funny thing to ever happen to us forever. After we unpaused the game and used the sniper scope to look at his body, instead we found him running around screaming at his guards. We laughed a lot.
 * Mel, the wasteland pickpocket. All interactions with him are pretty funny, but with a high perception character you can notice that his gun isn't even loaded.
 * Hacking into Moira's computer reveals some of her research project notes:

- To perform science.

"Lone Wanderer: The adrenaline helps. So does the fear of death. There's a lot of both."
 * The mole rat parts gets funnier when in New Vegas you run into a mole rat farm and one being kept as Sloan's town pet (fangs and all).
 * Doing research for Moira just hands you chances to be a Deadpan Snarker. When she asks you what it feels like to have extreme radiation poisoning, one of the possible responses is along the lines of "Too...sick...to be...snide...". When she's writing up the "research" on you being injured (and optionally having a crippled limb), she asks you to describe the pain and how to block it out, giving you the option of using this gem:

"Lone Wanderer: The only thing that makes this pain bearable is the idea of inflicting it on people like you. Moira: Ah... you don't really mean that... do you? I think I better leave you alone for a while..."
 * Another good one is a similar dialog choice that goes something like this:

"Lone Wanderer: I'd rather smack myself upside the head with a blunt instrument. Sierra: What an odd way to make music, I'll have to try that sometime."
 * Several dialog options with Sierra. For example, when you first meet her you can make it abundantly clear that you are not interested in taking her Nuka Cola tour. She doesn't get the hint.

"Lone Wanderer: Any help you could provide would be appreciated. Brailee Ewers: Why, of course. Here, take one of my old-fashioned chocolate chip cookies.
 * Brailee Ewers in Arefu isn't much better:


 * tin can added*"

""I'll do it! I'll blow us all to hell! You...me...the wooorm...!""
 * Actually, "Vendor Trash" Tin Cans are an ingredient in one of the most powerful explosives in the game, made of radioactive soda, cleaning agent, the titular metal storage, and turpentine. Guess who gives you the recipe? Sierra. Of course, you can just look around the ground in most dungeons and raider nests and just get a tin can that way. And Bent Tin Cans have NO use, sans fuel for the Rock-It Launcher.
 * From Mothership Zeta: "Cows? WE GOT COWS!"
 * When you accost a Pitt Slave for his clothes: "Your clothes. Give them to me. Now."
 * During Operation Anchorage, if you talk about the simulation after Vault 112, you have the option of say "Oh great. More evil little girls."
 * To which Protector McGraw will respond with "Uh...no." He then continues explaining the simulation as though you hadn't said that.
 * From Broken Steel, pretty much everything that comes out of Scribe Bigsley's mouth. And his log entries.
 * The Brotherhood will not let you into the Citadel - until Doctor Li punches the intercom and yells "Lyons! I know you're in there, I know you can hear me! You open this goddamn door right now!"...and it opens.
 * Seeing as how, it's not exactly funny.
 * In downtown D.C. (In Seward Square) there's a guy with a megaphone who rigged an alleyway to explode if anyone comes near it who shouts his insane ramblings at anyone who passes by.

""What?! Fock me sideways! No, better yet, fock heem! I swear, I'll shove a grenade so far up hez zas...!""
 * Pretty much anything Dukov says or does:
 * Upon being told that Mr. Crowley sent you to kill him:

""Hez dead. Feral ghouls ripped heez nuts off and ate them!""
 * Upon being asked about Mr. Crowley:

""Eating, drinking, farting, and screwing!""
 * Upon simply being asked what he is doing here:

""Oh. Yeah. Well! ''Your face!"""
 * Insulting Dave's son gets you this hilariously unfunny gem:


 * Yeah, well, your face is unfunny!
 * Broken Steel has a good one. During the mission where you investigate a ghoul in Underworld selling Acua Cura, you have to make a trip to his secret bottling plant. Once there you'll fight a few ghoul guards, including one wearing a wig like the ghoul who is selling the Acua Cura. On the guard's body is a note containing bottling instructions and a request that all of the ghouls there not put on any of their boss's wigs. Guess he couldn't resist.
 * This troper couldn't help but crack up laughing at the Protectrons you encounter in the Nuka-Cola plant. Why? Every time they say "Nuka-Cola", their voice suddenly shifts from their monotone voice to an announcer yelling it like he was over a loudspeaker. It's hard not to laugh at those things, more so the first time you fight them because it comes out of left field.