Ten Pounds of Fetus and Mouthwash



And [sic] Unnamed My Little Pony Fanfic, more commonly known as Ten Pounds of Fetus and Mouthwash, is a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Troll Fic in the style of My Immortal in two ways. Firstly, the spelling, grammar, coherence and general story are awful. More importantly, though, is the fact that no one is certain whether or not it is actually a Troll Fic to begin with.

The "plot" goes a bit like this. Apple Bloom, or rather Appleblume, introduces herself and, for the most part, everything starts off simple, until she casually mentions her Unbirth Fetish. Suddenly, Applejack takes control of the narrative and we cut to her making out with Rainbow Dash. Then Apple Bloom starts narrating again and she and the Cutie Mark Crusaders decide that they want to unbirth her. They do, and backwards aging ensues. The story ends with Apple Bloom, now the surrogate mother of her older sister, deciding to do the same with Big Macintosh.

Much like The Spiderses, the story drags out that single paragraph over several pages, and manages to fit in every mean-spirited line it can. While it would be easy to assume that the story was intended to be bad, the author is allegedly Kphoria, a known author who does have every fetish mentioned in the story. If this story is a troll fic, it certainly does its job well, but if not, weep for humanity.

A reproduction of the story, with minimal changes, can be found here, but don't waste your time. A comedic MST can be found here.

"I gave her my middle finger with my hoof which was easy since I only have one finger anyway."
 * A Date with Rosie Palms: Apple Bloom begins tickling her beav- because it felt ticklish.
 * And Now for Something Completely Different: One "chapter" is narrated by Applejack.
 * Anatomically-Impossible Sex: Big Macintosh and some unnamed mare end up banging so hard that he gets unbirthed, which clearly mentally scars Apple Bloom.
 * It doesn't do the reader much good, either.
 * Art Major Biology: Consistantly. One case in particular uses a bit of Fanon logic, wherein pegasi can show arousement through wing-boners... despite not being a pegasus and lacking wings.
 * Author Tract: The various author's notes give some disturbing insight into the writer's mind.
 * Crack Fic: Almost literally.
 * Depraved Bisexual: Apple Bloom
 * Dissimile: "It was like vore except not so shut up Jellote and stop flaming.
 * Drunk on Milk: Applejack and the author get drunk on mouthwash and Nyquil, respectively.
 * Easy Amnesia: Being unbirthed to infancy will do that to you.
 * Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: And if you don't think so, you're a homophone, apparently.
 * Insane Troll Logic: If you enter a womb backwards, you grow backwards as well. Also, not liking Les Yay makes you a homophobic homophone.
 * Les Yay Shipping: In-universe, we get Scootaloo/Apple Bloom and Rainbow Dash/Applejack.
 * Lying Creator: Kphoria has flip-flopped on whether it was always a parody, always serious, turned into one of the two halfway, and whether or not he is actually Kphoria or an imposter.
 * Padding: One sentence in the fic boils down to "we left the house and went back", but is thirty words long, a good portion of the fic's length.
 * Plot Hole: Puns aside, Apple Bloom has no issues with an orfice shove with a grown adult but bleeds when something half its size goes the other way.
 * Put on a Bus: Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo unceremoniously leave the story with a single sentence's goodbye.
 * Revenge Fic: After an alleged Troll from Something Awful stole one of Kphoria's stories, which in turn he stole from another author, he wrote this.
 * Shout-Out: The introduction to each character is reminiscent of My Immortal, and there's always the constant use of "stop flaming" and "did it for the first time".


 * Also, the way the story ends is similar to the bad ending of Pattycakes, wherein the younger sister of one of the Mane Cast adopts their older sister after erasing their memory.
 * Possibly unintentional, but considering the Troll Fic status, we have older misspelled as oldered.
 * Something Else Also Rises: Applejack gets so turned on at one point that her wings rise up. Never mind that she doesn't has wings.
 * Take That: Several of them, on various levels of subtlety, against members of the Friendship is Magic fanbase, particularly ones that have given Kphoria grievance.
 * Troll Fic: This fic is probably a stellar example of this. Keyword being probably.
 * Unusual Euphemism: Shut the flam up.
 * Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: Sometimes, a sentence. Will be broken up by period. For no reason.
 * Word Salad Title: There are both fetuses and mouthwash in this story, though neither is given a weight or value in British currency.