Back to the Frollo

"Back to the Frollo" is a piece of fanfiction reviewed by The Fan Fiction Critic. It was written by a woman calling herself "Crazed Writer" and "Frollo Freak." It's the sweeping, romantic tale of how a Sassy Black Woman named Danisha discovered a time-traveling Chevy, traveled to 1480's Paris, met Judge Claude Frollo, and fell madly in love with him. It can be read here

"I heard a sound from under the table. I pulled back the tablecloth and, to my surprise, stared directly into the eyes of Quasimodo. He was munching on cookies and drinking lemonade. "Quasi! What are doing here? You're going to get into trouble!" Quasi shushed me and whispered, "I heard about your party, and I wanted to come. Please don't tell my master." I thought for a few seconds, then decided not to tell Claude; after all, Quasi's my little buddy."
 * Adult Child: Quasimodo is portrayed as this.

"I really let him know how I felt and went off on him. I became a dissed sister, a raised voice full of fire and spit."
 * Affectionate Nickname: Danisha calls Frollo "sugarbritches." Squick.
 * Angry Black Woman: Danisha becomes a "dissed sister" or a "sister with a 'tude" at the slightest perceived insult.

"Danisha: Hmmm --- 'cruel and unusual punishment' --- a lot of folks in my time would say, "Bring back the rack!""
 * Berserk Button: Danisha seems to have many, among them being mistaken for a Gypsy. When her Berserk Button is pushed, she becomes an Angry Black Woman.
 * Break the Haughty: The author attempts to do this with Esmeralda, but it comes across more as Break the Cutie. Esmeralda's only real crime is bring physically attractive. Frollo threatens to kill her if she refuses him, which she does. Both the author and Danisha act as though turning Frollo down was a mortal sin and that the scene where Frollo corners Esmeralda in the cathedral and propositions her is romantic.
 * Cold-Blooded Torture: Esmeralda's ultimate fate.

"He wasn't wearing the splendid black velvet judicial robe with its jewel-trimmed yoke and epaulets. Instead, he wore a casual, hunter-style outfit complete with tall boots, tunic, form-fitting black hose, a sweeping cloak, and the famous triangular hat with its long red veil. The entire ensemble fitted his tall, slender form perfectly."
 * Costume Porn: Any time Danisha's outfits are described, and any time Frollo's outfits are described.

"Uh...If you remember Chapters 8 & 9, you'll recall that Frollo Freak mentioned to Claude Frollo that she was from the New World. Bella corrected me on this -- 'America' hadn't been discovered yet! How could a social studies teacher let that one slip by?! :)"
 * Defrosting the Ice Queen: Easygoing, fun-loving Danisha has to get strict, uptight Frollo to loosen up!
 * Did Not Do Research: And how! Danisha travels to 1485 and tells Frollo that she's from "the New World," which has not yet been discovered. She also claims that Christopher Colombus was Spanish (he was Italian). All of this is made worse by the fact that the author is a social studies teacher.

"To quote The Fan Fiction Critic: That bastard! That bastard! How dare he? How dare he decide that it’s time to go home? How dare he act like a responsible older brother and bring his younger siblings home for bed? How dare he? How fucking dare he?"
 * Disproportionate Retribution: Malus shows up at Danisha's party to collect his younger siblings, for whom he is responsible. He insists on taking them home, even though it's time for ice cream. As he leaves, Danisha demands that Frollo arrest him...for denying his siblings ice cream and taking them home.

"I put on my cloak and hat as Claude summoned the guards to take Esmeralda away to the Palace of Justice. As the soldiers put her in shackles, I walked up to her, squared my shoulders proudly, and in a firm, clear voice, said, "Baby, let me give you some advice. The next time you give a man an almost lap-dance, get him all hot and sweaty, and don't follow through...Honey, don't expect him to be too accommodating the second time." That said, the soldiers dragged the gypsy dancer away."
 * At the end of the story, Esmeralda is beaten up by Danisha and then arrested and tortured because she turned Frollo down.

"We really knocked ourselves out to make this party a truly memorable experience. Fern and Kyle cooked mounds of barbequed ribs, chicken, and turkey (Kyle's idea -- to introduce medieval Parisians to native American foods). Jacki and I worked overtime, preparing salads and scrumptious desserts. I proudly pointed to the pecan cake."
 * Fan Girl: Frollo is accosted by a group of fangirls after his clothes are stolen.
 * Faux Action Girl: Danisha. Most of her "fights" occur against captives.
 * Food Porn: Danisha and her friends cook up modern American foods - barbecue chicken, pecan pies, ice cream, etc - for Frollo and his friends.

"I looked at Frollo quizzically. "Minister Frollo, this horse is not white, he's black. Naming a black horse 'Snowball'?...That's like naming a polar bear 'Midnight'." I was certain that the good judge would slap me upside my head, but he just softly chuckled and said, "My dear, never lose that special style of humor. I will admit I am getting used to it..." He paused for a few seconds, then adding at last, "And getting used to you.""
 * Giving Radio to the Romans: Danisha introduces modern food, music, technology, and American sports (kickball and baseball) to the medieval peasants of 1480's France. She also teaches Quasimodo about early American history, including the Underground Railroad and the Civil War.
 * Groin Attack: Clopin makes the mistake of cornering Danisha in a dark alley and threatening her. She responds by kneeing him in the groin and running away.
 * Homeschooled Kid: Quasimodo - despite being in his 20's - is visited in the bell tower by both Frollo and Danisha for lessons. Danisha's lessons include early American history and African-American poetry.
 * Ironic Nickname: Frollo's coal-black horse is named Snowball. Danisha points out the irony to him.

"Malus? Well, he's based on a kid that used to live in the 'hood - a real bad seed – I think he's in jail(!). Hence the name, "Malus"...that name came from the only Latin teacher in my building. Sort of fits..."Malus" means "bad"."
 * According to the director's of the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame Frollo's horse was nicknamed "Snowball" by the animators.
 * A Little Something We Call "Rock and Roll": Danisha introduces Frollo to Motown. He loves it.
 * Meaningful Name: the villain's name is Malus, which is Latin for "bad."

"Claude smiled as he immediately explained, "My love, kindly leave the superstitions to the common crowd. I'm not as close-minded as some would have you to believe.""
 * Misunderstood Loner with a Heart of Gold: the author portrays Frollo as this.
 * No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Danisha does this to Esmeralda.
 * Out of Character: Frollo - an incredibly racist man who hates anyone with skin darker than his - falls madly in love with Danisha, a black woman. He also spends a great deal of time giggling and simpering when he's around her. He also doesn't believe in witchcraft at all and has very modern and politically correct views on issues like racism and slavery.

"Maybe, just this once, I could believe that he was paying attention to my attire; I wore a silk shantung dress of deepest violet, very elegant and figure-enhancing. My hair was upswept in a stylish twist, a la En Vogue, held with a sparkling amethyst ornament. Matching highheeled peau de soie shoes, a gold and amethyst necklace, and oversized earrings completed the ensemble. Even my makeup followed the same color scheme, right down to the deep-violet lips."
 * Pimped-Out Car: Danisha's purple, time-traveling Chevy.
 * Purple Prose: Often used when describing Danisha's outfits.

"I returned the smile and, feeling a little silly, replied in a mock-Southern, down-on-de-ole-plantation dialect, "Mornin', Min'ster Frollo, suh. Much 'bliged y'all kin stop by an' set a spell. I has some pow'ful tasty pecan cake in yonder. Y'all sho' is welcomed.""
 * Salt and Pepper: Frollo and Danisha are an interracial couple. Frollo is laid-back and easygoing, and Danisha is sassy.
 * Sassy Black Woman: Danisha fits this to a T.


 * Trademark Favorite Food: Frollo adores Danisha's pecan pies.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?: Danisha accidentally breaks one of Frollo's windows while playing baseball with some children. She offers to work for him until she has paid off the cost of the window. He agrees on the condition that he keep the baseball until she has paid off the debt. Danisha responds to this by throwing a tantrum and screaming at Frollo. The audience is expected to side with her even though Frollo is being perfectly reasonable - he originally wanted to arrest her and throw her in the dungeon for breaking the window.
 * Yandere: Danisha borders on this when you mess with Frollo or Quasimodo.