Disproportionate Retribution/Quotes

"Riku: Hey Axel, we've got a -- Axel: Riku, if you say "problem" and end my date, I will murder you in your sleep. I will slaughter your family to make sure your genes are never passed on. Once you're dead, I'll poison your corpse and force feed the poisoned meat to orphans. And just for the hell of it, I''m gonna kill your best friend. Riku: Hey Sora, you might want to watch out for-- Sora: -- the hell I'm your friend! I ain't dying with you bitch!"

- Ansem Retort

"Mr. Mackey: Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behaviour, m'kay? Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital! Liane Cartman: Eric, why would you do such a thing? Eric Cartman: [insincere] I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to the school flagpole. Mr. Mackey: You know that's not the point. Eric Cartman: [rolls eyes] Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw, and then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg. Liane Cartman: Eric, that was very naughty. Eric Cartman: Well, he called me chubby!"

- South Park

"Rigby: WHAT?! You turned me into a house and killed all my friends just because I egged your house?! That's IT??! Wizard: Yep, that's it."

- Regular Show

""Oh come on! You're going to kill me because I had fake sex on graph paper with a girl who barely spoke to you in real life??""

- Dr. Venture, The Venture Brothers

"Gloria: You cost me my job! Now I can't pay my bills! Arthur: And you hurt my feelings. So we're even!"

- The King of Queens

""When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.""

- Anton LaVey, The Satanic Bible

""Men should either be treated generously or destroyed, because they take revenge for slight injures - for heavy ones they cannot.""

- Niccolo Machiavelli

""They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way!""

- Jim Malone, The Untouchables

""In the sub-equatorial deserts of Kleizen Onjere, the planet's millennia-old soil conditioning has decayed beyond the inhabitants' ability to restore it. The water table has sunk too low and the earth has broken back down to abrasive orange gravel. At the long day's peak, the desert sweats out pockets of subsurface air, loaded with chemical compounds that sting the eyes and bring rashes to the skin, while bacteria inflame any cut or abrasion. The only refuges are the chains of steep-sided mesas that stand high enough to be clear of the sand-vapour until it cools and sinks away again in the dusk. The Adeptus arbiters, whose polar training compounds and orbital docks make Kleizen Onjere a nexus point for fleet movements across three sectors, also keep watchtowers across the mesa chains. Moving between them are the convicts, disgraced and sentenced officers of the Adeptus, trekking across the sand barefoot and in coarse prisoners' clothes. They each pull behind them a metal frame that supports a banner-pole, from which hang parchment lists of the convicts' crimes, the dates and particulars of their convictions, the seal of the judge who passed sentence, and the stamps of the chasteners who mete out penal labours or floggings as their particular punishment demands. The crimes that brought this sentence were light ones, all things considered. Low-level incompetence in their duties, perhaps, or a speech that a judge had ruled might lead to sedition. It could be impiety, laziness, freethinking, or any of the myriad ways of putting the Emperor behind their personal welfare that the penal codes sum up as 'thoughts of self'. Whatever the crime, their convictions were judged not to outweigh their ranks, or whatever commendations, ordinations or charters of merit their service might have earned. If there was any question of those weights being equal, the dusty, gasping figure in front of its carriage would be marching into the maw of battle in a Penal Legion uniform, or lying in a red pool in front of an Arbites firing squad. No, the men in the desert were petty criminals.""

- Warhammer 40,000

""Once upon a time in China, some believe around the year one double-aught three, the head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates -- which is another way of saying "who knows?" -- when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now, was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was...inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.""

- Bill, Kill Bill Volume 2

""The disproportional response! Let the word ring forth, from this time and this place, gentlemen, you kill an American, any American, we don't come back with a proportional response. We come back with total disaster!""

- President Jed Bartlet, The West Wing.

"Namine: So what do you promise not to do? Axel/Zexion: We promise not to hijack and/or crash the plane. Aerith: ...I promise not to attack the pilot if the movie is The Devil Wears Prada. Axel: I don't know why you regret that. That was the best honeymoon ever."

- Ansem Retort

"Listen, listen, cat's pissin'. Where? Where? Under there. Run! Run! Get the gun! Too late, he's all done."

- Old folk rhyme

"''"Don't you go messing with me emotionally, Or else I will make you bleed internally."''"

- G. G. Allin, "Automatic"

""Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?""

- Chandler, ''Friends

"''"Oh, tryin' to be friends, but people are jerks, So I'm gonna put some fleas on you And the fleas'll have the plague, and they'll make you cough a lot, And then you'll be too sick to hurt my feelings anymore"''"

- Plague rat, The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack

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- qdb.us, quote #212804

""I heard he killed a kid just for looking at his stoop!""

- Rhonda, Hey Arnold! "Stoop Kid"

""You hear me, Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again, and so help me, I will kill you where you stand.""

- Eric Cartman, South Park

""You're going to kill five people over $20?!" "Are you really asking the guy who just last week killed six people over nineteen dollars?""

- Klaus and Roger, American Dad

""You know, she ate my ice cream last night. I'll never forgive her for that.""

- Asagi's mother, Yotsuba&!

""Why is Maleficent mad? She got snubbed an invite to a baby shower.""

- The Nostalgia Chick

""The Laundry is infamous for its grotesque excesses in the name of accounting; budgetary infractions are punished like war crimes, and mere paperclips can bring down the wrath of dead alien gods on your head.""

- The Concrete Jungle

""...Terminate With Extreme Prejudice did not simply require that the victim was inhumed, preferably in an extremely thorough way, but that his associates and employees were also intimately involved, along with business premises, the building, and a large part of the surrounding neighborhood, so that everyone involved would know that the man had been unwise enough to make the kind of enemies who could get very angry and indiscriminate.""

- Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

""Josh, we're talking about Megan! I mean, this is the little girl who cut the brakelines on your bike because you scratched her yo-yo. Now you think she's gonna let us off the hook after we killed her rare Cuban hamster?!""

- Drake Parker, in the Drake and Josh episode "Megan's Revenge"

""But I warn you, if this cape shrinks, consider your species EXTINCT!""

- Lrrr, Futurama "Anthology of Interest 2"

""I built a pillar over against his city gate, and I flayed all the chief men who had revolted, and I covered the pillar with their skins; some I walled up within the pillar, some I impaled upon the pillar on stakes, and others I bound to stakes round the about the pillar; many within the border of my own land I flayed, and I spread their skins upon the walls; and I cut off the limbs of the officers, of the royal officers who had rebelled.""

- King Ashurnasirpal of the Assyrians

""Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.""

- The Bible (New International Version), Proverbs 6:30-31

""I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.""

- Lamech, The Bible (English Standard Version), Genesis 4:23-24

""So...because I didn't know what time it was, you ruined my chance to do something amazing that could've changed my whole life?!""

- Freddie Benson, iCarly, iCan't Take It

""I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.""

- Sue Sylvester, Glee

"Janitor: You know, I know you knocked that exit sign down. J.D.: Well then I'm sure I can expect an appropriate retaliatory response. Maybe you could shoot me in the neck."

- Scrubs, My Old Friend's New Friend

"For each devastated graveyard, one heathen grave is avenged, for each ten churches burnt to ashes, one heathen hof is avenged, for each ten priests or freemasons assassinated, one heathen is avenged."

- Varg Vikernes

""You scratch my paint, I scratch yours.""

- Knock Out to a street racer that he just ran off the road for scratching his paint job, Transformers Prime

"Every living creature that directly shares your bloodline is dead. Every living creature that is directly related to any of those creatures is also dead. Anyone who could possibly make a claim to be part of your family is gone now... This -- and no less -- is the price of threatening my family. Disintegrate."

- Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick

""I don't think murder is an appropriate reaction to disappointment.""

- Anya, Anya's Ghost

"The Joker: This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm going to give it to them. Tell your men they work for me now, this is my city. The Chechen: They won't work for a freak. The Joker: Freak?? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches. Hmm? Then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is."

- The Dark Knight

""I tickle you, you hit me in the face with a frying pan?!""

- Peter Griffin, Family Guy

""In summary, ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery six weeks, full psychological recovery six months, capacity to spit at back of head... neutralized."

- Sherlock, Sherlock Holmes (2009 Film)

""What?! You made me leave work and chase you through the neighborhood on a dog for $25?""

- Nicole Watterson, The Amazing World of Gumball

"This is for making Fluttershy cry!!!"

- Eagle Leader as he tries to shoot down Gilda

"This is for not taking me to the county fair last week, LIKE YOU PROMISED!"

- Metal Sonic, after beating the crap out of Classic Sonic and choking him in Gentendo Poop #24

"I guess it's time to nuke Washington DC and NYC.."

- Jxl5465 on the S6779-2011 Bill http://fav.me/d512pt4

"The opening cinematic shows Mario struggling to open a cookie jar, so then Yoshi eats the whole thing and Mario tries to murder him for it."

- Projared reviewing Yoshi's Cookie in his Now in the 90s series, April 14th, 1993.