Deadpan Snarker/Real Life

"Carlson: I want to contrast our questions with some questions you asked John Kerry.
 * As mentioned in the live action TV section, Jon Stewart of The Daily Show is a snarker, but it's not just on The Daily Show either; his snarkiness is a major staple of his public persona elsewhere as well. For example, there's this "Crossfire" interview.

Stewart: If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to."

"Stewart: I shouldn't poke fun. Bill's just standing up for a shrinking, exploited minority.
 * Stephen Colbert as well.
 * The fictional Stephen Colbert is an example, but the Real Life Stephen Colbert is an aversion -- he's quick to smile and has a warm personality in contrast with his on-camera persona. Sometimes he has to struggle to keep his straight face on the show.
 * Well, character!Stephen is also not actually being snarky (except when he's supposed to sound idiotic) — his character is so extreme all his beliefs sound like sarcasm. The disembodied mind of The Word, on the other hand...
 * One must remember the man that Colbert parodies: Bill O'Reilly, the most notorious Deadpan Snarker on the news airwaves.
 * To wit: When Jon Stewart took him out of context and snarked about how Bill is "looking out for a poor, dwindling minority", implying that that rich were who O'Reilly was talking about, O'Reilly turned it into an Insult Backfire with the following:

O'Reilly: "That's absolutely correct. I'm standing up for Americans with common sense. ""

"Keith: As an aside, Bill, who's this "we" you always talk about? You and Ann Coulter? You and your multiple personalities?"
 * Keith Olbermann going back to his days at ESPN: " is on the disabled list with a groin pull. His own we hope."
 * ESPN days nothing, even when talking about politics (or rivalries with other commentary shows) he can be pretty snarky.

"Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
 * Don Rickles. It was even in his nickname, "Mr. Warmth."
 * Winston Churchill

Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


 * And

"Bessie Braddock: You, sir, are drunk.

Churchill: In the morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly."


 * And

"Minor Commons functionary, seeing octogenarian Churchill shuffling through the lobby: They say he's dotty, you know.

Churchill: They say he's deaf, too."

"Spartan mercenary 1: How can we wrestle on ground as rocky and overgrown as this?
 * Simon Cowell
 * Terry Wogan -- Irish commentor on British Eurovision, although he is actually Irish. He was replaced by another Munster man, Graham Norton, and both of them refered to the British entry as the first person plural.
 * Oddly enough (and almost ironically), Spartans in real life, despite being intense Blood Knights and badasses are renowned for their startlingly Deadpan Snarker nature (laconic wit originated from them - Sparta is in the region called Laconia). Examples include King Demaratus's response to someone asking him who the most exemplary Spartan was: "He that is least like you.", and the Spartans' response to both Phillip II and Alexander the Great's threat that if they bring their army into their land and win the war, then it will mean Sparta's destruction. They replied with a one word response: "If." (Subsequently, both Phillip II and Alexander avoided Sparta entirely).
 * During the Battle of Thermopylae, the Spartans were told that the Persian arrows would be so thick as to blot out the sun. The Spartan response was: "Then we shall fight in the shade."
 * When asked by the Persian army to lay down their weapons, their response was "Molon Labe", Greek for "Come and take them." In fact, dry wit was invented by the Spartans. This would also make it Older Than Feudalism. You already knew most of these.
 * After the battle of Cunaxa, King Artaxerxes II of Persia asked the Greeks involved in the battle to surrender their weapons. The response of their Spartan commander Klearchos: "It is not the victors who lay down their arms."
 * Xenophon's Anabasis gives us this comment on preparations for festive games at Trapezos:

Spartan mercenary 2: The one who gets thrown will get hurt a bit more."

"Dylan Moran: And the news is going "How can this all happen? It's dreadful!" And I think "Well, you all have guns. And they do have a limited number of household applications. Unlike Californian wine, which can be used to clean submarines."
 * This is essentially comedian Dylan Moran's entire stage persona, and makes up the majority of his television and film roles.
 * On the subject of news coverage when there are shootings in the US:

"Life is a sky-dive: out of a cunt, into the grave.
 * General Anthony McAuliffe famously responded to a German request for surrender during the Seige of Bastogne, during the Battle of the Bulge during World War Two, with one word: Nuts.
 * Mark Twain. He was Sarcasm Incarnate!
 * Oscar Wilde
 * Dorothy Parker
 * Fran Lebowitz
 * Faina G. Ranevskaya, great Russian actress of Jewish origin. Most favorite snarks of her:

Ageing is tedious, but it is the only way to live long.

Solitude is a house that has a telephone, but the only ringing comes from the alarm-clock."

"Well-Dressed Lady: (falls over, hoopskirt flies up)
 * Canadian Father-of-Our-Country, Prime Minister Sir John A. Macdonald, lived and breathed this trope.

Sir John A.: (laughs his ass off)

W.-D.L.: (pissed) I can see, sir, that you are no gentleman!

Sir John A.: And I can see, madam, that neither are you."

"Grace: What did the reverend speak about?
 * He showed up in the House of Commons hung-over, threw up, and declared that comments made by the Leader of the Opposition had made him ill.
 * When caught embezzling money from the Canadian Pacific Railway? "I should never have put it in writing."
 * Or the other time he showed up in the House of Commons drunk: "Yes, but the people would still prefer John A. drunk to George Brown sober".
 * Bill Maher.
 * Former U.S. President Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge. During a dinner, a guest (Dorothy Parker--no slouch herself in the snark department--according to some accounts) informed him she had taken a bet that she couldn't get him to say more than two words that whole night. His response? "You lose."
 * A conversation turned to Soviet Russia and became quite heated. President Cal, hanging back as usual. His wife, Grace, tried to defuse the situation by asking, "Now, what dressing would everyone prefer on their salad? Italian or Catalina?" Coolidge answered mildly, "I'll take the one that isn't Red."
 * His wife was once too sick to join him at church, so when he got back from services, she asked him about the sermon:

Calvin: Sin.

Grace: But what exactly did he say?

Calvin: He was against it."

""No one I met at this time -- doctors, nurses, practicantes, or fellow-patients -- failed to assure me that a man who is hit through the neck and survives it is the luckiest creature alive. I could not help thinking that it would be even luckier not to be hit at all.""
 * Ski movie maker Warren Miller is famous for this.
 * Jane Austen
 * Roger Ebert is well-known for his Genre Savvy snark in his film reviews.
 * George Orwell had his dry wit, with saying like "it seems, that in modern political discourse in England, Fascism means 'everything I don't like'", "Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious", "Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it" and this particular gem:

"Fern Britton: (to Paul, after going on about Madonna adopting a child from Africa) Sorry, am I boring you?
 * Anthony Bourdain. His snarky, long voiceovers in No Reservations say ALL you need to know.
 * Any writer who makes habitual use of the Lemony Narrator, What Do You Mean Its Not Awesome or Lampshade Hanging tropes. Like Neal Stephenson, Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore and Neil Gaiman.
 * Memoir writers that reflect on dark moments or awkward memories often use this type of language. David Sedaris is a prime example.
 * A vast number of political hecklers. Though not nearly as vast a number as those who think they are.
 * Politicians too: According to one article on George W Bush, he was brought up by a famously competitive father and adopted "almost nonstop towel snapping" as a survival mechanism.
 * FactCheck.org, when dealing with the craziest of Conspiracy Theorists and most overblown of chain e-mails, indulges in quite a bit of this.
 * ESPN's Stuart Scott.
 * Similarly, NFL Total Access host (and Scott's former Sports Center cohort) Rich Eisen.
 * ESPN has always been a haven for deadpan snarkers, from Charley Steiner to Dan Patrick to (nowadays) Kenny Mayne.
 * On the podast side of ESPN, Fantasy Focus host Nate Ravitz and Baseball Today contributor Keith Law are both very good at delivering snark.
 * Paul Merton falls here as does Ian Hislop from Have I Got News for You.

Paul: (bluntly) Yes.

...

Ian: (on Prince Charles) Britain's oldest man."

"Shopkeeper: You look awfully like the Queen.
 * Star Trek fans are often startled by the contrast between the innocence of Data and the incredibly deadpan snark of Brent Spiner.
 * Current American President Barack Obama.
 * "Contrary to popular belief, I was not born in a manger. I was sent in a rocket ship from the planet Krypton, by my father, Jor-El, to save the Earth."
 * "So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I fucking changed light bulbs in my house.'"
 * His speech at the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner is 8 minutes of deadpan snarking combined with repeated Take Thats aimed at Donald Trump.
 * Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and husband of the British Queen also lives this trope (often in a very racist and politically incorrect way):
 * "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" to a driving instructor in Scotland.
 * "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." at the time of the recession in 1981.
 * "You could do with losing a bit of weight." Said to a 13-year-old boy who wanted to become an astronaut.
 * "How can you tell the difference between them?", at a meeting with the US-President Barack Obama when he told him that he had just met with the Chinese and Russian ambassadors.
 * Said to a blind woman with a seeing eye dog: "Do you know they’re now producing eating dogs for anorexics?"
 * The Queen herself is generally known for her decorum and quiet dignity. Which makes lines like this all the funnier: "The Polish President only knows two English words." Beat. "They are quite interesting words."
 * Or:

Queen: How very reassuring."

"Queen: (visiting a veterinary research institute): What's that?
 * Or:

Researcher: That's a cow's vagina, ma'am.

Queen: Well. Ask a silly question."

"Publius Consta, who wanted to be a lawyer, but was ignorant and stupid, was once summoned by Cicero as witness in a case; and when he kept saying that he knew nothing, "Perhaps," said Cicero, "you think you are being questioned on points of law.""
 * The British establishment practically breathes this trope. After a TV loudmouth called (in jest) for strikers to be shot, Downing Street said: "Executions are not government policy." When Nicolae Ceaucescu demanded a double-bed to be in every single piece of transportation he used for his state visit, a Foreign Office official wrote on a memorandum: "Mr Ceaucescu has thus far failed to specify the exact purpose of the double bed." When his son Nicu demanded a woman, the Foreign Office said: "purpose of woman also unspecified." When the Germans delayed Operation Sea Lion, Winston Churchill said: "We are waiting for the promised invasion. (Beat). So are the fishes."
 * Marcus Tullius Cicero. Plutarch lists several of his snarky sayings, such as:

""But now I will handle her with moderation, and proceed no further than my honor and the case itself demand. I have never thought it right to take up arms against a lady, especially against one whose arms are so open to all.""
 * Also, from the Caelius trial, where instead of defending Caelius of criminal charges he was accused of he spent most of his defense speech attacking the character and motives of the accuser, Caelius's ex-lover Clodia:

"Rodney: Hey, remind me to into you later...
 * Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple inc.. Especially since he started replying to the often ignorant or misinformed emails sent by his followers.
 * Almost any 'Let's player'.
 * Robert Downey, Jr. seems to fit this pretty well. He's been cast in such roles because he does it so well. All the way back to his role as Derek in the 1986 movie, "Back to School". In fact, the scenes with Dangerfield and Downey are like watching a Master and his Protégé.
 * Speaking of which, though he was often appeared a bit exaggerated in his snarkiness much of the time, Rodney Dangerfield was still a master at delivering deadpan snark as well. Most just remember the more over the top style because that's what made him famous.
 * There's a great cameo for Rodney Dangerfield in an episode of Home Improvement. Dangerfield's character is extremely irritated by Tim's antics and this little exchange occurs:

Tim: Sure.

Rodney: ..while I'm driving!"

"Reporter: Can you sing something for us?
 * The Beatles, particularly in their early days, were known to be quite snarky and quick-witted in interviews, which came across as a breath of fresh air following a generation of overly earnest, overly polite and slightly dull so-called "rock" musicians. Of the four, John Lennon was probably the snarkiest:

John Lennon: No, we need money first.

Reporter: Why does it [Beatles music] excite the fans so much?

John Lennon: If we knew we'd form another group and be managers.

Reporter: Do you think you know what you're going to do with the money?

George Harrison: What money?"

"Reporter: How did you find America?
 * Lennon's most famous snark, arguably, from A Hard Day's Night regarding the boys' U.S. tour:

Lennon: Turned left at Greenland."

"Interviewer: With all your intense erudition, why do you bother writing pop-science books about the universe, the latest of which is the illustrated version of On the Shoulders of Giants?
 * Lennon's controversial 'Bigger Than Jesus' quote was really a bit of snark directed toward all the hype surrounding the Beatles; i.e., that the media was making them a bigger story than they really deserved to be. It wasn't taken that way at the time.
 * Stephen Hawking is quite the smart-alec for a guy who has to talk through a computer. Inspiring, really.

Stephen: I want my books sold on airport bookstalls."

"Asks the (post-Austrian Anschluss, but pre-World War II) Nazi officer to the Swiss general: "Really, how many Swiss could you resist us with?"
 * Reportedly not a joke: he needed money to put his kids through college and decided to write the kind of book that would be sold at airport bookstands - the result was A Brief History of Time. His editor warned him that every equation in a book cuts sales in half, so he limited himself to including just a single equation in a book about the history of the universe. He felt he couldn't possibly avoid "e = mc^2" but worried that he could have sold twice as many books without it. Apparently he solved that problem by just writing more books.
 * Alan Rickman could trademark this trope. Proof? Read any of his interviews. Or watch them. He especially has fun with the ones who obviously have no clue why he's there and only know him from Harry Potter.
 * Tom Petty has been known to be a deadpan snarker on occasion. When once asked why he decided to tour with Bob Dylan, he said "Money." However, most of the time he seems to be pretty articulate.
 * German negiotiator to surrounded British commander of the troop holding the bridge at Arnhem, 1944: "We come to arrange a surrender." Brit officer: "I'm afraid we don't have the facilities to take you all prisoner. Was there anything else?"
 * The Swiss make their Guards wear those funny-looking Baroque outfits because they're such Badass DeadpanSnarkers:

Swiss general: "At full mobilization, I can have one million men and weapons at my command."

Nazi: But what if five million troops came over the border?

Swiss: Then I and my men would fire five shots each, and go home."

"Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
 * When asked about Electronic Arts' stance on the legal actions between Activision and Infinity Ward, Jeff Brown responded, "We don't have the time to comment on the many lawsuits Activision files against its employees and creative partners."
 * When Bobby Kotick called out EA for not having a good relationship with their studios, Jeff Brown also sniped back thus: "Kotick’s relationship with studio talent is well-documented in litigation."
 * Jeremy Paxman, Britain's most famously belligerent interviewer, lives and breathes this trope. When presenting Newsnight, he once signed off a show with "...and that can be found on our website, along with our editor's pathetic pleas to send us in your bits of old home movie and whatnot so we can turn into the BBC's equivalent of Animals Do the Funniest Things". This is him signing off a straight-laced news show.
 * And when it was (temporarily) decided that the business news should be replaced by a weather forecast, he went even further.
 * "Here it is, short of the usual folksy nonsense about clouds bubbling up and advice about wearing woolly socks. Eastern places will mainly avoid the rain, except for those that don't; western areas will be cloudy with rain except in those places that don't have rain"
 * "And finally, by popular demand, the second Newsnight weather forecast: take an umbrella with you."
 * "It's a veritable smorgasbord - rain, thunder, hail, snow, cold, winds."
 * "It's April. What do you expect?"
 * George S. Patton, in at least one instance. After capturing the German city of Trier, he received a message from Eisenhower telling him to bypass the city as it would take too many men to capture. He responded, "Have taken Trier with two divisions. What do you want me to do? Give it back?"
 * Australia. Australian national humor is best described as "horrifying fallacies delivered with a straight face to foreigners."
 * Okay, we're not THAT malicious. It's just so much fun messing with people's heads when they pop over with such amusing preconceived notions! And you can make a decent buck. "For twenty bucks, I can let you slide down the side of the Opera House."
 * Are you kidding? I tell the world that I ride kangaroos to school.
 * This seems to be a bit of a theme among commonwealth nations. Canadians enjoy this too.
 * As illustrated by Talking to Americans, whose Crowning Moment of Awesome was perhaps getting then-presidential candidate George W. Bush to accept an endorsement from "Canadian Prime Minister Jean Poutine".
 * Not just commonwealth nations. I had some fun during university orientation (in the USA) convincing people I was ex-Austrailian SAS, and had been WIA in Afghanistan by a land mine. I am a Yank who's never been to Australia-- I can just make a decent shot at the accent. The sad part was the number who believed it.
 * This FAQ from an Australian tourism website show their snarkiness at ignorant people who know jack about Australia brilliantly:

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions."

"Jeremy Clarkson: How old are you now, if that's not a very rude question?
 * Not that America doesn't have its own stereotypes and can have just as much fun with non-Americans who believe them. A common question asked, "Do you have a gun?" "Not since the cops took it from me when I was six."
 * Even within America, there are plenty of stereotypes to play with. Not all of them are geographical in nature, either - subcultures such as homeschoolers or various religious groups find a lot of sterotypes and misconceptions about them. Like "So do you have any friends?"
 * Californians have a LOT of fun with questions like, "Do you live next to movie stars?" and "Do you go to the beach everyday?".
 * Meanwhile, if you meet someone from Texas who acts like the stereotypical Texan(loudmouthed, bombastic, and jingoistic to a tee), then they're probably ****ing with you and having a good laugh while they're at it.
 * The home nations of the United Kingdom have great fun with this. Northern Irishmen enjoy pretending they are either IRA psychos or ex-UVF. Scots have fun convincing foreigners (Americans are very prone to this) that "the haggis" is an actual creature, rather than being derived from sheep. Welshmen are all singing, hill-climbing miners for the tourists, and plenty of English people enjoy making aristocratic, tea-drinking pretensions.
 * King Harald V of Norway, especially in the deadpan department. He once opened an "informal" dinner at the royal palace with a suggestion that he should read the opening of the Storting (the dullest speech in Norwegian politics). The only thing that would tell you he was joking was the laughter from the politicians present.
 * Turkish philosopher/wiseman Nasreddin Hodja (said to have lived sometime during the 13th century) became a legend because of his droll wit and willingness to play The Fool.
 * During the Han Dynasty a general named Xiang Yu, captured hopeful-for-the-throne Liu Bang's father and sent Liu Bang an ultimatum: "Surrender or I will boil your venerable sire alive!" Liu Bang replied merely: "Send me a cup of the soup."
 * The father didn't end up boiled, in case you were wondering.
 * The best thing was that they were sworn brothers before they became enemies. It only worked because Liu Bang knew Xiang Yu wouldn't dare kill his father.
 * A vast majority of the British population uses sarcasm, although often to a more subtle degree than typically encountered elsewhere.
 * Misha Collins. To a truly superhuman degree. Just read his Twitter. To wit: "If i want to be treated like a celebrity, i've got to start acting like one...from now on I'm going to twit more like @britneyspears. Just ducked into a Starbucks. Gotta get outta the sun, it's like 80 degrees!!!! Iced double-shot skinny lattes keep me going! Peace out!"
 * Michael Gambon (whose parts include Dumbledore in Harry Potter). For example, he makes a point of lying in interviews to amuse himself.

Michael Gambon: Twenty-eight."

"Questioner: Hello :) Dear Andrey, tell me please your Skype name ;) With love, Sasha.
 * Timothy Spall, who plays Wormtail in the Harry Potter films, is pretty snarky about the character. He once said he enjoyed playing Wormtail because "I'm a pin-up in pet shops all over London." Another time, when asked if Wormtail has any redeeming qualities, he answered, "Yes. His lovely tits."
 * Us. Don't you even fucking deny it.
 * We wouldn't dream of it.
 * Well, that endears us to the internet.
 * Doesn't it just?
 * Well, everyone seems to be getting more and more Snarky these days. It makes sense when we're supposed to look at the Hippie Generation, whom we're generally sired by, as some sort of Crowning Moment of Awesome for the Human race...and seeing the ugly truth behind it.
 * Actually it's not that there are more of them, it's just the Internet brings together snarkers of all ages in the same place at the same time.
 * The Internets turn you into one. End of story.
 * Oh yes. You hit the internet and instantly become the epitome of snide sarcasm.
 * Touché
 * You know, there's a trope for this somewhere around here...
 * Hipsters according to writer Christian Lorentzen. To quote the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hipster_
 * Philosopher Slavoj Zizek.
 * Russian soccer player Andrey Arshavin, if his Q&A's from his website are to be trusted. Here's some examples:

Andrey Arshavin: You are welcome. Try to play on my name and surname, and perhaps you’ll find an answer."


 * and

"Questioner: Hi Andrey, my question is: how can I improve my dodging technique?

Andrey Arshavin: By working on it."

"Woman on the street (during WWI): "Mr. Chesterton,why aren't you out at the front?"
 * The account, by the way, is "Shaving Andrey", If I rember it correctly. Or "Andrey's Shaving".
 * Writer Sam Harris produces this regularly with what seems to be a highly trained poker face. He virtually never changed his expression during his speeches, in spite of all the audience laughter. Seeing that his is a very politically sensitive field, examples probably shouldn't be given here. YouTube his videos instead.
 * Sir Alfred Hitchcock. To the fucking hilt. "When an actor asks, 'What's my motivation?' I answer, 'Your salary.' ".
 * But then, it seems that any British film director seems to be this way. See Ridley Scott for more details.
 * Ronald Reagan. No, really.
 * This IS the guy who gave us "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
 * Japanese rocker Gackt is a weird version of this. Instead of saying things that are sarcastic or cutting, he instead says things that are deliberately absurd, nonsensical, or lewd, but always with a straight face. One particularly infamous joke has led some fans to think that he seriously believes he's a 496 year old vampire.
 * Mahatma Gandhi. When asked his opinion on Western civilization, he once responded that it would be a good idea.
 * Singer Lily Allen. Pick a song, any song. Especially "The Fear."
 * Stand-up comedian Rich Hall is one of the most extreme examples of this trope, even when he is genuinely overjoyed about something, he still sounds incredibly sarcastic.
 * Dennis Miller.
 * Bill Hicks. Especially funny when you consider he was close friends with Sam Kinison, the absolute antithesis of deadpan.
 * Joey Bishop, the only comedian to be allowed in the Rat Pack.
 * Jack Dee is the living embodiment of this trope. The man was born middle aged.
 * Steven Wright is less often snarky, but has the deadpan down cold.
 * Norm MacDonald combines this with Cloudcuckoolander.
 * He is so good at it that it's hard not to believe that he's serious sometimes.
 * GK Chesterton was 300 pounds of friendly snark.

Chesterton: "Madam, if you go around to the side you will see that I am.""

""The Christian Ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.""

"Justice Scalia: "We Justices must confront what is indeed an awesome responsibility. It has been rendered the solemn duty of the Supreme Court of the United States ... to decide What Is Golf.""
 * David Spade practically reinvented snark in The Nineties.
 * One Union Naval officer during the American Civil War, upon seeing the specs to the Monitor said, "Take it down and worship it. It will not be idolatry. It is the image of nothing in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth"
 * George Clooney and Brad Pitt can both tend towards the snark; put them together and it's hell on the interviewers.
 * Rachel Maddow. Full stop.
 * Rep. Anthony Weiner, seen here questioning the constitutionality of a Senate bill by reading out loud from a children's book entitled House Mouse, Senate Mouse, stating "perhaps if these were the rules that the Republicans had to follow, it's a much thinner book and it rhymes, maybe you'd get it right..."
 * There's also his interview with Fox News, where, after devolving into a shouting match with Megyn Kelly, he gives a sarcastic thumbs-up and states, "Great interview, aces!"
 * With Weiner gone from Congress for...well, showing his weiner, Peter De Fazio of Oregon has taken over the role of liberal snarker-in-chief. Just check this video.
 * Because their job is to at times listen to some seriously stupid court cases, Supreme Court Justices have been known to insert some snark into their decisions. Justice Antonin Scalia deserves special mention, since he is by far considered the snarkiest Supreme Court Justice of all time.

""If General McClellan does not want to use the army, I would like to borrow it for a time.""
 * Amanda Seyfried
 * Many quotes attributed to Abraham Lincoln seem to indicate that he was quite effective with the snark. Some examples:
 * During the American Civil War, the general-in-chief was not moving as quickly as Lincoln wanted. Said Lincoln:

""His headquarters are where his hindquarters ought to be.""
 * General John Pope often signed his dispatches with "Headquarters: on his saddle".

""Well, I wish some of you would tell me the brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.""
 * A famous (but likely apocryphal) quote about General Ulysses S. Grant, when some members of the military called him a drunkard:

""Being powerful is like being a lady: if you have to say you are, you probably aren't.""
 * Margaret Thatcher was renowned for her snarkiness. When a heckler was unceremoniously dragged out of a Tory party rally by armed guards she calmly observed: "Never mind, it's wet outside, I expect he wanted to come in. You can't blame him really, it's always nicer where the Tories are." Other gems include:


 * and...

""He would rather the poor be poorer as long as the rich were less rich. I give way to the honourable gentleman.""

"Interviewer: How does it feel to drive over 200 miles per hour?
 * Orson Welles somehow managed to maintain a snarky disposition while constantly indulging in Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness. The best example is probably his film F for Fake, which is essentially a feature-length snarkfest regarding the nature of art and forgery. And it is still great because of it.
 * And when he was older, Welles served on the Roasting board for the likes of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And boy, did he show how excellently he could do it.
 * Linus Torvalds.
 * Many of DC Douglas's political videos tend to have a very clearly sarcastic, yet hilarious tone, but this one needs a specific mention.
 * Murray Gold, composer of the music from Doctor Who, was interviewed by the BBC after a concert event in 2008. He might be the patron saint of Deadpan Snarkers as seen here.
 * Spartans despised the art of oratory as a sign of decadence. But they could come up with some remarkable snarks, some of which were remembered for thousands of years.
 * Now with the iPhone 4S, we have Siri, Apple's own little snarker. Siri likes to... talk back. More examples here
 * Aisha. She was one of the greatest scholars of her time and took no shit from anyone up to and including Allah's Messenger. Muhammad had a little of this in him too, some anecdotes of their marriage are quite funny and touching.
 * Frank Zappa
 * Finnish F1-driver Kimi Räikkönen - despite (or probably because of) his silent attire - certainly qualifies:

Kimi: Normal

Interviewer: The helmet is of special importance to many drivers. How important is it to you?

Kimi: It protects my head.

Interviewer: What is the most exciting part of a race?

Kimi: Probably the beginning.

Interviewer: And the most boring part?

Kimi: Right now."

"[Pope John Paul's] polytheistic hankerings were dramatically demonstrated in 1981 when he suffered an assassination attempt in Rome, and attributed his survival to intervention by "Our Lady of Fatima." A maternal hand guided the bullet. One cannot help wondering why she didn't guide it to miss him altogether. Others might think the team of surgeons who operated on him for six hours deserved at least a share of the credit, but perhaps their hands too were maternally guided. The relevant point is that it wasn't just "Our Lady" who in the Pope's opinion guided the bullet, but specifically Our Lady of Fatima. Presumably Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Guadeloupe, Our Lady of Medjugorje, Our Lady of Akita, Our Lady of Zeitoun, Our Lady of Garabandal, and Our Lady of Knock, were busy on other errands at the time."
 * The more outspoken of atheist celebrities are often associated with the Deadpan Snarker personality. For example there's Richard Dawkins:

"Bill Maher: You were talking about Mitt Romney, who was the Mormon candidate for president, and Al said, "as for the one Mormon running, those that really believe in God will defeat him anyway." Now for a guy who's tried to bring so many other people down for inappropriate statements, what do you make of that?
 * Richard Dawkins' best snark came when someone said that evolution is "just a theory": "Gravity is a theory. It is also a fact. Anyone who disagrees is invited to jump out a ten story window."
 * Christopher Hitchens as well.

Christopher Hitchens: Well, don't you always love it, to see how the Christians always love one another?"

"Bill: Why doesn't [God] just obliterate the devil, and therefore get rid of evil in the world?
 * Bill Maher himself, too, including in Religulous.

Jesus impersonator: He will.

Bill: He will? Then what's he waiting for?"

"Lee: I haven't got any lines!
 * Peter Cushing, as Christopher Lee found out immediately after meeting him:

Cushing: You're lucky. Have you read the script?"

"Journalist: Are you surprised at having won the Nobel Prize in Literature?
 * Original Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach John McKay might be the NFL's ultimate example of this trope, something he had plenty of opportunities to display considering it took nearly two full seasons for the team to pick up its first win -- once quipping in response to a question on the execution of the Bucs' offense, "I'm in favor of it."
 * Jerry Seinfeld.
 * Writer Camilo José Cela was a Deadpan Snarker in his public persona, not only using rude words in a time when they were all but unheard in public appearances of celebrities (and very cleverly, but unfortunately hard to translate), and always keeping a straight face.

Cela: Very. I was expecting the one in Physics."

"Head of the Senate: Honorable Senator Cela! You are asleep!
 * A very good snark, courtesy of Cela, took place in the Spanish Senate. Cela was appointed senator in the first post-Franco democratic administration (at that time, the King had the right to directly appoint some senators; Cela was one of those). One day, there was some senator giving a rather boring speech, and Cela fell asleep in his seat. The Head of the Senate saw him, and scolded him publically:

Cela: (Opening one eye) No, Your Honor; I am sleeping.

Head of the Senate: That's the same thing!

Cela: No, Your Honor; it isn't, just like "to be screwed" is not the same as "to be screwing"."

"Tourist (waiting for a subway): Where's the train schedule? I don't see one anywhere.
 * Oh No They Didn't often falls into this, the second most snarkiest community outside of here.
 * New Yorker's famous sarcasm sometimes fall into this category, almost unilaterally when dealing with tourists. One ad campaign by the city for the amusement of commuters had quips in print in advertisement spaces in subways, which fell into the overall category of "Overhead In New York". Example:

New Yorker: There isn't one. The trains just come.

Tourist: What? You can't just stand around waiting for a train and not know when its going to arrive.

New Yorker: Sure you can.

(Train pulls in)."


 * During the days of The Raj one Indian Noble when taking the Prince of Wales pigsticking spoted him making an error that could have been fatal said,"I know you are Prince of Wales, and you know that you are Prince of Wales. But that boar doesn't know you are Prince of Wales."
 * Billy Joel can be this sometimes.
 * Just watch Taylor Swift's musical SNL monologue. You will believe a pop star can snark.
 * HL Mencken: A serious candidate for the snarkiest man who ever lived.
 * Many dictators are this.
 * Adolf Hitler is said to have had moments of acerbic wit, an example being: "[[True Art Is Incomprehensible Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue should be sterilised."
 * Josef Stalin lived and breathed sarcasm, seldom at the appropriate moment. His reaction upon hearing of his son's failed suicide: "He can't even shoot straight."