The Hound and The Blacksmith



The Hound and the Blacksmith is a fic written by Elf, the Mistress of Porn. It stars Archer, Lancer, and Ayako as they live their lives after the 5th Holy Grail War. It follows Archer’s romantic problems, Lancer’s courtship of Ayako, and the eventual partnership between Archer and Lancer.

The Hound and the Blacksmith can be found on Beast’s Lair and Fanfiction.net.

""Stupid low luck rating.""
 * Almighty Janitor: Lancer, Cu Chulainn, the Hound of Ulster, Ireland’s Son of Light, works at a supermarket.
 * To an extent, Archer fits this as Tohsaka’s 'creepy butler.'
 * Affably Evil: Gilgamesh. Evil is debatable though.
 * Anti-Hero: One of the few things Lancer and Archer have in common.
 * Asshole Victim: Shinji.
 * Big Damn Heroes:
 * Boisterous Bruiser: Lancer’s solution to an enemy his lance thrusts backfired on is to hit it harder.
 * Boy Meets Girl: Or rather, "Girl meets resurrected Celtic demigod."
 * Buddy Cop Show: The premise of the story. Elf even admits that the story was inspired by 80’s buddy cop films like Lethal Weapon.
 * Can't Hold His Liquor: Which is how Archer manages to wind up joining Gilgamesh in singing Bohemian Rhapsody (quite terribly off key) in the back of a limo.
 * Cannot Spit It Out: Averted. Archer manages to tell Rin he wants to go with her when it’s already too late.
 * Catch Phrase: Archer's got one.

"Gilgamesh was going to approach Rin to work for him, Rin, unknowing who he was exactly, was going to take the offer. Archer cut her off and it ended in combat. Or rather, bound in divine chains with Gilgamesh laughing in his ear as something poked him that he really didn’t want to think about."
 * Chekhov's Gag: Gilgamesh once jokes that, since everything is made pure again when it's reborn, . Guess what the vampires are looking for.
 * Cunning Like a Fox: Ayako all the way.
 * Deadpan Snarker: We got this all around the cast.
 * Depraved Bisexual: "Flirting" for Gilgamesh involves very ethically dubious activities.

"Lancer: Go on, pretty vixen. Take a lick at me. Ayako: Okay, that just sounded wrong. Lancer: You were the one who twisted my words, Ayako. Now if you want to take a lick at me I'd be more than happy to return the favor. Ayako: God you're really perverted, you know that? Lancer: I come by it honestly, but if it'll make you feel more at ease go ahead and give me a good hard blow. Ayako: Ack! God you’re still doing it. Lancer: Give me a good beating? Ayako: No!"
 * Dirty Old Man: Archer.
 * Double Entendre: Lancer’s full of them.

"Lancer: I'll believe anything you tell me, but out in the open's not the place to go baring yourself. Ayako: You’re doing it again, Lancer!"

"Ayako wasn’t seeing Happily Ever After in their future, but she was seeing Happily Now."
 * Fiction 500: Gilgamesh has his own company. It is obscenely lucrative. Such is the power of the Golden Rule.
 * Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: Zelretch bails Rin out with the Association. But the other vampires in the story….not so much.
 * Freudian Trio: Lancer is the Id, Ayako is the Ego, Archer is the Superego.
 * Friendly Enemy: Archer gets along with Gilgamesh and Lancer pretty well.
 * Happily Ever After: Referenced by Ayako with regards to Lancer.
 * Genre Savvy: Ayako. Sometimes. See Tempting Fate.

"Archer: "That's rather fucked up.""
 * "Get Out of Jail Free" Card: Gilgamesh has one for Archer. Archer is less than pleased.
 * Groin Attack: Ayako manages to get one over on by punching  in the groin.
 * Headbutting Heroes: Archer and Shirou. Shirou’s more or less given up on being a hero though.
 * Heroes Gone Fishing/Villains Out Shopping: Gilgamesh manages to get Archer sufficiently drunk enough to sing along to "Bohemian Rhapsody" with him. He then demands that someone hunt down this Freddie Mercury fellow so that he can sing for him personally at all times, only to discover to his annoyance that the singer in question is too dead to do that.
 * Homoerotic Subtext: Between Archer and Gilgamesh. It is hilarious.
 * Honesty Is the Best Policy: Lancer comes clean with Ayako shockingly quickly in the story.
 * Hot-Blooded: Lancer.
 * I Call Him "Mister Happy": "You did not just refer to your genitalia as ‘my boys.’"
 * If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: Just about everyone has given Lancer this speech regarding his relationship with Ayako.
 * I Love You Because I Can't Control You: Apparently, this is the reason why Archer is Gilgamesh's 'favorite subject'. Archer is...not that thrilled at this revelation.

"Lancer: Next person who says, “I know what kind of person you are, I’ve read your story,” to me is going to get my fist in their face."
 * Intergenerational Friendship: Archer and Lancer, after a fashion. They both come from two different time periods. They’re not friends yet, but the premise of the story all but guarantees they will be.
 * Kiss of the Vampire: Rider to Ayako. Ayako does not look back on it fondly.
 * Knight in Sour Armor: Archer.
 * Ladykiller in Love: Lancer's biggest hurdle in his relationship with Ayako is proving that he's really not just a hopeless pervert trying to get in her pants. This is not helped by the fact that his quite various sexual exploits (most damningly, the ones he had while married) are conveniently available on Wikipedia for anyone's reading pleasure.

"Not like I'm going to get attacked by another vampire or anything."
 * Laughably Evil: Gilgamesh.
 * Lightning Bruiser: Lancer is fast, strong, and smart. He also has rune magic as a back-up.
 * Naive Newcomer: Ayako
 * No Sell: Lancer is pretty much immune to Eloise's "want" power, much to her consternation.
 * Odd Couple: Archer and Lancer.
 * Our Vampires Are Different: They have superpowers that can take out cocky Heroic Spirits.
 * Parenthetical Swearing: "I've read your story" is everyone's way of calling Lancer a manwhore.
 * Rape as Drama: There are elements of this between Rider and Ayako. Lancer is more than ready to kill Rider over it.
 * Really Gets Around: Lancer, being Cu Chulainn and all, has a very colorful sexual history that anybody with access to the internet could find. "I've read your story" quickly becomes shorthand for "I know you are incapable of keeping it in your pants."
 * Red Oni, Blue Oni: Archer and Lancer, again.
 * Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Archer’s the sensitive guy and Lancer’s the manly man.
 * Supernaturally Delicious and Nutritious: Rider takes a rather unsettling liking towards Ayako for this reason.
 * Superpower Lottery: Ethan’s is pretty good.
 * Tempting Fate: Ayako.


 * The Nose Knows: Lancer’s got it.
 * They Fight Crime: Goes hand in hand with a Buddy Cop Story.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Shinji propositions a vampire for sexual favors in return for shelter. She starts giving a blowjob and uses her teeth.
 * Tsundere: Rin is the obvious one. Archer is much less so. Doesn’t stop Sakura from calling him on it.
 * Unresolved Sexual Tension: Archer and Rin, because Archer confessed far too late.
 * Urban Fantasy
 * Virgin Power: The blood of virgins is useful to vampires for keeping their bodies from degenerating. This is why they're so interested in Ayako.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: Archer and Lancer have this in spades.
 * When All You Have Is a Hammer: Subverted, as Lancer's solution of "stab him even harder" just makes things worse for himself.
 * Wine Is Classy: Gilgamesh loves his booze and is willing to share! Even if Archer can’t hold his own worth a damn.
 * Wunza Plot: "One's a Celtic demi-god with a lust for battle and the ladies, the other is a former Counter Guardian who's body is made of swords. Together they fight the forces of evil. Or something."
 * Yakuza: Archer works for it.
 * You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You: What Ayako tells Lancer when he asks about Rider attacking her at night and drinking her blood. Not only does Lancer believe her, he then proceeds to systematically destroy the entire Masquerade for her.