Armed Prophet

"In a bar in the very near future", a man among men is drinking some beer when suddenly, the TV displays news that the world is being attacked by aliens, zombies and robots at the same time! With the Earth in desperate need of a savior, our hero remembers his tattoo depicting a robot-alien-zombie thing and, probably under heavy influence of beer, takes it for a prophecy of the fact that he is the one fated to stop these threats. So he grabs the nearest crowbar and goes forth to kick some zombie, alien and machine ass. Can he stop the zombie invasion at the aptly named Dead Gulch, repel the aliens infesting Area 51 and destroy the killer robots ruling past and future with an iron fist, all at once?

Armed Prophet is a Beat'Em Up brawler Flash game, programmed by Seething Swarm, with art by Kostas Skiftas (Valerofond) and music by Harry Partridge. The game can be found here. As you can probably already tell by the description, it contains quite a fair bit of humor. If you like brawlers, the game is warmly recommended.


 * Action Bomb: Smileborg summons little critters that explode (slowly) when they get close to you.
 * Alien Invasion
 * Awesome Yet Practical: The Alienator's ultimate attack is probably the best in the game, obliterating any Mook in one hit. Used properly, it can allow you to easily clear out two packs of enemies with one charge. It also shoots giant red laser beams.
 * Breath Weapon: Zomg exhales huge lasers.
 * Crowbar Combatant: A crowbar is your starting weapon.
 * Crowning Music of Awesome: the whole soundtrack.
 * Deflector Shields: The Cyberblade you get from Smileborg has this for a Limit Break.
 * Dual-Wielding: Smileborg uses two razor blades. The alien melee mooks also use dual blades.
 * Easy Mode Mockery: The easy mode is named "Little Girl". The description reads, "Be gentle, it's my first time!"
 * Numerical Hard: "Real Man" difficulty just adds a ton of health to the enemies while halving yours.
 * Everything Is an iPod In The Future: The Robots
 * Everything's Deader with Zombies
 * Flying Saucer: For aliens. Saucers drop bombs, you can hit them only by jumping, and they may spawn an alien melee mook when they die.
 * Frankenstein's Monster: Zomboss evokes one, with its stitches.
 * Goddamned Bats: Any and all of the enemies. Especially any shooters. And those huge swarms of zombies that try to encircle you. And those small robots that impale you with the spike on their head who are dang impossible to catch. And those fire-breathing robots. Yeah, let's just say all of them.
 * The Greys: They could be expected in such a game, but averted instead - the aliens are blue and have vaguely crocodilian faces.
 * Killer Rabbit: The robots have monitors displaying happy smiling faces while they tear you apart. Possibly to parody those annoying smiley advertisements.
 * King Mook: All of them to some extent, but Zomg most of them, as he looks almost exactly like the rest of his kin, except that he's HUGE compared to them and wields a big Blade on a Stick.
 * Limit Break: The powerful special abilities of the weapons, useable once you've beaten enemies hard enough.
 * Meaningful Name: Zomboss is, well, a zombie boss. Smileborg is a robot (cyborg?) that smiles.
 * Nice Hat: Zomboss wears a top hat.
 * Nintendo Hard: Real Man mode is this.
 * Punny Name: It's not even a pun, Zomg's name is literally the internet corruption of the acronym "OMG" meaning "oh my God". And guess what the achievement for killing him is named?
 * Quad Damage: The Limit Break from the Arm of Zomboss powers up your attacks immensely.
 * Robot War
 * Shadow of Impending Doom: A shadow marks the spot where Zomboss will land after his massive jump.
 * Shock and Awe: The crowbar's Limit Break is a lightning storm that kills all books onscreen and deals heavy damage even to bosses.
 * So Cool Its Awesome: The whole game.
 * Testosterone Poisoning: The main character is a tatooed manly man. The Hard Mode in this game is called "Real Man" with this description: "I like beer and breaking spines."
 * That One Attack
 * Zomboss' grab deals immense damage and is hard to avoid. Thankfully, it has short range, so you can tickle him from a distance with your weapon and never get grabbed.
 * Zomg's whirlwind attack covers a massive area and if you get caught in it, it can hit twice. Thankfully it has a ridiculously long startup time during which you can (hopefully) run out of range, and a recovery period after it during which you can unleash hell on him.
 * Smileborg has his blades that don't knock you down when they hit, allowing him to deal immense damage if you get caught in the attack. Be ever watchful and prepared to move away. The same Smileborg can summon Action Bombs, which is more of an annoyance than a threat because he's invulnerable while they're alive.
 * That One Boss: All three have potential for this (especially in Real Man mode).
 * Wave Motion Gun: The Alienator's Limit Break allows you to fire giant red beams. Also, Zomg's breath and Smileborg's laser.