Wheezy Waiter



""Winks that ding, rugs that sing, and lots of other silly things" "

- Craig, on his channel description

""It's kind of like a comedy news anchor combined with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse" "

- Craig, when asked how to describe his videos

""You gotta kill your clones. They make the census form REALLY hard to fill out. And they eat exactly as much as I do... and I'm a pig! Extra grocery shopping? I think 'kill.' " "

- Craig, in "Intro to Wheezy Waiter"

Craig Benzine, or wheezywaiter, is a popular YouTube user with a comedy vlog, eponymously named "Wheezy Waiter." New installments are uploaded every weekday, nearly without fail.

In his videos, Craig ostensibly (and primarily) plays "himself", but he creates a bizarre world of heightened reality, brimming with suicidal clones, Slapstick bagel fights, time travel, black holes, and an off-camera whale tank (in the middle of his living room).

This vlog provides examples of:
"Craig: Sarah, I too believe that the media is sometimes not "up" to the task. Sometimes they're "soft" on the facts. Sometimes they're unable to "harden" their sexual organs...I mean their sexy research, I-I mean their research penis! ...I'll leave the metaphors to you"
 * And I Must Scream: Craig's T-Rex toy that can no longer roar, as seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuMjdoKF1VE
 * Arson Murder and Jaywalking: Comes somewhat close to using it word for word in this episode, where he lists things you should not do on Anti Corruption Day, including corruption, murder, and double parking
 * Big Lipped Alligator Moment: This episode has one. Before Craig actually starts talking, he makes a bunch of bizarre 'WHOOOOOOP' sounds, gnashes his teeth and makes a series of faces. It's bizarre, while there isn't a "plot" per se, it has nothing to do with the topic of the video, and the only reference to it was him saying "That was, um...I dunno" right after it happens, then goes straight into the topic of the video
 * This video starts with a BLAM.
 * Buffy Speak
 * Catch Phrase: "Hello beard lovers." "I love it when the coffee's done!" "Gimme that bagel." "My life is boring." later replaced with the much better 'BEARD SLAM'
 * Choose Your Own Adventure: Occasionally, you'll get to make a choice about what Craig does. He'll badger you until you do, sometimes drinking "human poison" if you fail to do so (afterwards explaining that he's dead, and it's your fault).
 * Cloning Blues: Nearly of all the clones are depressed about their short and depressing lives. Played to the extreme with "Craig With A Wig."
 * It's actually rather rare for clones to be 'depressed', they just don't seem to understand that you can disobey Craig. (See Clone In Love who escaped by...running past Craig who merely looked back and admired the clone's butt.)
 * Deadpan Snarker: Mr. Wheezy himself.
 * Disney Owns This Trope: In protest of complaints that any vlogger who "clones" himself in a video is copying fellow YouTuber Mystery Guitar Man, Craig has declared breathing to be "his thing" and says that everyone else who breathes in a video is copying him.
 * Ensemble Darkhorse: Even Craig admits that Quiet Clone is his favorite.
 * Freudian Slippery Slope: While Craig tries to tease Sarah Palin on the very Double Entendre ridden words that she used in an article, he quickly succumbs to this trope


 * Don't Explain The Joke
 * Growing the Beard: Literally and repeatedly.
 * Incredibly Lame Pun
 * Jump Cut: Which are occasionally announced.
 * Mundane Fantastic
 * Must Have Caffeine
 * Overly Long Gag
 * Ridiculously Average Guy: Ty the Regular Guy.
 * Subverted repeatedly.
 * Running Gag: Explosion Wednesday, David Hasselhoff, Scarlett Johansson, free bagel Friday, the hot dog costume, juggling, breathing, banjo face, getting the coffee, the whale tank, punching clones, jumpcuts, "Eat beard", creating and showing lists, making parody songs about food, Craig's Sky Bank, Michael Phelps in the whale tank and doing drugs, Craig's mom swearing and insulting him, "GET DRUNK", creating a black hole by punching his fists together, clones jumping into the alligator pit, the thought microphone, traveling through time by jumping, extreme closeups, Craig With A Wig, Ty the Regular Guy, punching the eagle, the angry sun, handstands, Quiet Clone...
 * Explosion Wednesday won't be a "thing" until God Oprah tells him to make it one.
 * Wheezy explaining that Explosion Wednesday is NOT "a thing", however, has BECOME a thing.
 * Sound Effect Bleep: More like a "ding", to replace "fuck." "Shit" is replaced with the high-pitched word "Shirt," accompanied by Craig's mouth being momentarily obscured by a picture of a WheezyWaiter "beard logo" shirt. ("Ass" is also occasionally replaced by a picture/overdub of "Pants", in a self-referential parody.)
 * Subject 101: Many of his episode titles use this formula, e.g., "Dieting 101".
 * Wink Ding: A staple of Craig's videos, usually at the end of them. Originally done by him, then eventually by the fans