Transformers/Funny

Transformers (2007)
"Sam's Mom: Wow, you are so cheap. Sams' Dad: It's his first car, it's supposed to be that way."
 * When Sam first takes his new car out for a drive, and his parents watch as Bumblebee spews black smoke all over the place.

"Glen: SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT! SHE'S THE ONE YOU WANT! I WAS JUST SITTING AT HOME WITH MY COUSIN WATCHIN' CARTOONS AND PLAYIN' VIDEO GAMES, AND SHE CAME IN AND... Maggie: Glen, you freak! Glen: DON'T TALK TO ME, DON'T TALK TO ME CRIMINAL! I AIN'T GOIN' TO JAIL FOR NOBODY!"
 * "Satan's Camaro in my yard, it's stalking me!"
 * "Are you eBay user ladiesman217?!" This line, in fact, was the sole reason this troper got a Barricade toy, simply so he could shove the toy in people's faces and yell it at them.
 * This troper has flashes of Near doing this to a member of the SPK every time she reads that comment.
 * Bumblebee peeing on Simmons alone isn't funny, but Optimus Prime saying with all of Peter Cullen's badassedness "Bumblebee! Stop lubricating the man!" had me in stitches.
 * As this video shows, Shia LaBeouf is very fond of the word "No!"
 * "You have a rodent infestation, shall I terminate?"
 * The Autobots attempt at 'hiding' in Sam's garden, leaving him with several large vehicles on his lawn.
 * "This is my private area, my place of zen...SHUT UP GRAMMA!!" The following line, "GRAMMA DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE!!" forced me to pause the movie while I recovered.
 * Pretty much any scene with Glen in it, but especially the FBI interrogation room:

"Glen's Cousin: (screams while running) I'M JUST A COUSIN! I'M JUST A COUSIN!"
 * "Hey man, I'm still a virgin."
 * Glen's cousin, expecially when he tries to out run the FBI agents.

"Lennox: (Making a gesture with his hand that clearly mimics him holding a phone to his head) Do you have a telephone? A telephone? Generic Middle-Eastern Man: Telephone? Yes! (Generic Middle-Eastern man leaves briefly) Generic Middle Eastern Man: (after returning) Cell phone!"
 * "Were you...masturbating?"
 * The real humor came after this line, where Megan Fox finally came out and said that Sam was with her. While Sam's mom tries to talk to her; Sam's dad gets this big shit-eating grin on his face and high-fives Sam in the background.
 * Made funnier by the fact that Julie White ad-libbed that line. The shocked confusion on Sam and Ron's faces and their spluttering responses? Genuine.
 * When Lennox's team are battling Scorponok, Lennox attempts to contact the pentagon. First, he needs to find a phone. When he finds someone with one, we get this jewel:

"Lennox: (Coming up to Fig) I need a credit card! Epps: In my back pocket! Lenox: Which one? You've got ten back pockets! Epps: LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!"
 * Later on, Lennox finally gets connected, but a bored Indian operator is hassling him because it is an international call and the Indian man does not buy Lennox's angry complaints about how he's in the middle of a battle and needs help immediately. The Indian man blandly insists that he needs a credit card to pay for the call.

"Bobby Bolivia: "Kid, come on, get out. Get outta the car." Sam: "No no no, you said cars pick their drivers." Bobby B: "Well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father.""
 * "Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans. What is with you?" The last part was unnecessary, but hilarious coming from the voice of Optimus Prime.
 * When Sam is trying to keep Ironhide from blowing up Mojo, the way Shia says "chihuahua" is hysterical. And he says it about three times in five seconds.
 * Near the beginning of the movie, when Bobby Bolivia declares Bumblebee's price to be five thousand dollars, and Sam's father says he's not going over four.

"Ratchet: Wow! that was tingly! You gotta try that. Ironhide: (sarcastically) Yeah, that looks fun."
 * Megatron flicking away some poor, unfortunate human in disgust.
 * That's actually Michael Bay.
 * Thirteen words: The boys pheromone levels suggest that he wants to mate with the female.
 * Sam: *buries face in hands*
 * Ratchet running into a power line and causing the entire block to lose power.

"Sam: This is my yard is not a truck stop!"
 * Honestly, if some of the above entries weren't enough to tip you off, the scene where the Autobots are hiding from Sam's parents as he attempts to find his grandfather's glasses is absolutely priceless. First there's Sam looking back with a brief but very real look of utter horror when he sees Optimus in his normal form standing up and walking towards his house, followed by him coming up with increasingly ridiculous conversational topics to keep his father out of the back yard. When the Autobots come over, they wreak havoc on Sam's back yard. Then, when they suddenly realize that they should hide, they all transform. In the middle of Sam's back yard.


 * Hilarity Ensues as the Autobots accidentally convince the Witwicky family that they're caught in the middle of an Earthquake. Sam's father looks outside and you see that the Autobots are all hiding in the most ridiculous of places. Bumblebee has somehow wedged himself under the awning and the patio, Ratchet and Iron Hide are kneeling between the windows, Jazz has found a location similar to Bumblebee's, and Optimus is so damn big that he can only press himself up against the house and avoid the windows. When he attempts to move, the camera pans to Sam's father as he's in the house. In what is, in this troper's opinion, the best moment, Optimus comes up against the window and sees Sam's father. He goes Oh Crap and suddenly moves away, out of sight. There's a tremor and Sam's father leaps into the bath tub, shouting that there's been another earthquake.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"Sam: No, seriously dude, this car belongs to my friend over there. We were looking to see if we could get you a tighter shirt. Frat Boy 1: (wearing said tight shirt) THERE ARE NO TIGHTER SHIRTS. Frat Boy 2: WE CHECKED."
 * An exchange early on between Sam and two frat boys, after Bumblebee illegally parks on the college campus.

"Jetfire: What sort of hideous mausoleum is this? Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves, or suffer my infinite wrath! You little spinal-cord-based organisms...! (bangs his head on a satellite, which drops, closely missing Sam) Jetfire: Oh, bugger it!"
 * "You know who my father was? A wheel! The FIRST wheel! And you know what he transformed into? NOTHING! But he did so with honor! Dignity, dammit!"
 * "BEHOLD THE ETERNAL GLORY OF JETFIRE!"
 * "STARSCREAM, I'M HOME!" Someone else said it best; Domestic Abuse is funny when it involves giant robots.
 * "It's an ass-whuppin', it's supposed to hurt!"
 * "THIS IS COMBAT, MAN! WHAZZWRONG WIT'CHU?" *smacks Mudflap*
 * Jetfire's introduction...

"Sometimes you get to the end of the rainbow and the leprechaun went and booby-trapped it!"
 * Sam trying to persuade Megatron not to kill him... with the exact same speech he tried to use to persuade his girlfriend not be be mad at him earlier in the movie.
 * Simmons telling Leo how not every adventure ends in success.

"What am listening to you for? You live with your mother!"
 * Leo's retort:

"Epps: We've shed blood, sweat and precious metal together. Galloway: Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk. Epps (in an undertone): Don't tempt me. Optimus: Easy."
 * The entire scene where Lennox and his team ditch major Jerkass Galloway in the middle of some random Egyptian desert by faking some sort of a malfunction and convincing him that he needs to parachute out of the aircraft.
 * This is made even funnier when Galloway accidentally activates his parachute while still in the aircraft and Lennox yells: "Not now! We're on the plane, dumbass!" and Galloway is dragged out.
 * Earlier in the film, when Lennox informs General Morshower that Jerkass Galloway has been appointed liaison for the Autobots, he finishes with an eye roll that made me giggle.
 * During the debriefing with General Morshower, when Jerkass Galloway starts berating Optimus that they didn't agree to share the Autobot weapon technology, this exchange takes place:

"Mikela: (sarcastically) You live with your mama? Simmons: No, my mama lives with me. There's a difference."
 * The entire scene of the arrival to Egypt. "This'd be a perfect moment... except you landed on my testicles."
 * The entire sequence in Simmons' mother's butcher shop.

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (2011)
"Sam: "You gotta slow it down, Bee; you gotta slow it way down.""
 * The Stinger, full stop.
 * Bumblebee's awesome sequence of jumping over obstacles, transforming, grabs Sam in mid air slow mo, then transforms back into car mode. Sam understandably freaks out.
 * Bumblebee teasing Sam and Carly with "rings".

"Brains: This is a total clusterf-*scene change*"
 * Anything Simmons did half the time. (The other half being Crazy Awesome).
 * Ditto for his assistant, Dutch. Particularly his delivery of the name "India."
 * Two words...Jerry Wang.
 * Wheelie and Brains manage to crash-land aboard a Decepticon aircraft carrier.

""I'm so sorry, that's the old me.""
 * Mearing and Brains's first interaction. It involves Brains jumping onto her desk, and Mearing pulling a pistol out of said desk. Brains promptly hops off of the desk.
 * Simmons on O'Reilly, that is all.
 * Dutch going Crazy Awesome on the Russians in the bar.

""Jeeeesus!""
 * When Sam was getting job interviews...the "red cup"-nuff said.
 * Heck the entire sequence of him going out on his job interviews.
 * Later on Carly puts a RED cup of RED Twizzlers on Sam's desk, like she was trying to get him fired! She must've known he was on the YELLOW floor!
 * Maybe she was trying to get Sam promoted to the red floor?
 * When Laserbeak  he drops past the window where Bruce is having a meeting. His reaction is . . . hilarious

"We don't let them get off the base much. Because they're assholes."
 * The whole exchange afterwards, in which Sam is ordered to clean up, is a brilliant Refuge in Audacity moment.
 * Ironhide thumping the top of Optimus's cab to get him to transform while he is understandably angry after learning . "Prime! Make something of yourself!" And then either Ironhide or one of the other Autobots going, "Oh yeah, he's pissed."
 * Mearing succinctly explaining why the audience hasn't seen the Wreckers up to now:

"Simmons: Dasvidania! Bouncer: That means "Goodbye." [slams peephole]"
 * When Simmons tries to get into the Russian bar:

""I'm gonna kill y—BOOM!""
 * Starscream's

""Enjoy your next job at 7-11, dickhead.""
 * Anything to do with Sam's Datsun. "It reminds me of Bumblebee... if Bumblebee were a sad piece of shit."
 * Sam freaking out when a security guard at NEST headquarters bangs on the roof of the Datsun "DO NOT TOUCH MY CAR; IT'S A COLLECTOR'S ITEM!"
 * Sam's parents giving him a hard time about being unemployed. "So your car has a job?"
 * Optimus flies in to destroy the Driller, but gets blasted by Shockwave, thrown through a building and caught in construction wire on the other side. The great Optimus struggles feebly before giving up and yelling for the Wreckers to get him down. 15 minutes of Sam and the soldiers running around and getting shot at, and we cut back to see the Wreckers still haven't gotten him down yet and Prime is clearly starting to lose his patience.
 * Wheelie mouthing off to the NEST troopers in D.C. after Bumblebee shows up to vouch for Sam.


 * Dylan referring to Megatron as "such a dick!" after Megatron "dismisses" him. Good thing Megatron didn't hear that.
 * When Epps is explaining his new job at keeping the peace between the Wreckers and the NASA techs Roadbuster yells out in background that he's useless at it.
 * Sam trying to hide the fact that put a Decepticon bug on him while talking to Mearing. The living contraption sends random nervous jerks through Sam, who ends up pulling a roll over two desks and come to a stop next to Mearing, who never even notices.
 * YMMV, but Simmons wheeling himself around in otherwise serious scenes is pretty funny to some people.


 * The Transformers Wikis entries on the Maximal Torture Chamber, with the Suspiciously Specific Denials and the pictures of the CR chamber with the word "LIES" underneath them just adds to the amusement.