Deadpool



""Yay, now is fighty time, fighty time, blood blood blood!""

- Me, giving a lecture on the deep philosophical ramifications of what I represent to the collective subconscious in relation to a post-information age society... after I Shoryuken'd Kitty Pryde so Wolverine would fight me!

Heya, true believing Troper! This is me, Deadpool, aka The Merc with the Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, and The Crimson Comedian. I'm a Marvel Comics mercenary Anti-Hero character, related to the X-Men and Wolverine in particular. I appeared in print for the first time in New Mutants #98 (February, 1991) as a ripoff of DC mercenary Deathstroke the Terminator, but Deathstroke himself was a rip-off of Taskmaster! So score Marvel! But that's old news. I'm all-new, I'm all-different, and boy does that feel good!

I appear in many different comics in the Marvel Universe. Besides my own series (which I'm pretty sure came with foil alt-covers and a collector card) the biggest mutie badasses they've got are lining up to team with the dude who went toe-to-toe with the Incredible Hulk and came out in one piece—and that was the one time I was trying to lose! I can beat anyone! Well... except that #$@#%#$%$ Squirrel Girl. She kicked the mucus out of me constantly. But hey, that's OK! She did that to everybody. Truly, she's the single greatest threat to the multiverse. Well, except maybe Galactus ... and clowns. Never forget clowns.

As you're probably noticing just about now, I loooooove to talk. Yes, it's my most valuable asset: the lungs to provide endless witty banter in the heat of battle! In fact, everybody loves to hear me talk!

OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single -- albeit snappily-suited -- mercenary become so incredibly awesome in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing every single one of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja Spider-Man" meme. Caption this, suckers! On the other hand, my own memetic monologues led to me becoming THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER. That and the fact that I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans. Like now, for instance. You lucky, lucky nerds!

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become the sexiest mercenary alive?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with Wolverine's man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. Perv). Suddenly... -insert Dramatic Fanfare here- No, wait, let's go with that old Six Million Dollar Man thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got the ability to heal quickly, so that whenever the cancer shows up it instantly gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly after it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am just. That. Charming.

Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became so goddamn handsome that my brain exploded. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that I'm a comic book character. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and Stan Lee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a pool to figure out which one of us would be dead first, so I naturally named myself Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with Deadpool instead.

Anyway, so you wanna know my fighting style, huh? Why, being absolutely rassum frassum crazy is my fighting style, kiddies! Don't Try This At Home! Wait... y'know what, go ahead, makes my job easier in the long run. Guns, explosives, guns, my trusty katana, guns, guns, anything I find on the ground, doorknobs, guns, and firearms are all ways I kill people. That is, of course, on the rare occasions my razor-sharp wit hasn't caused them to crumple into sobbing balls of surrender long before that. My good buddy Weasel also provides me with shiny new gadgets that help to kill more, so I can use any power I want.

Also, you better never mistake me for that other psychotic, fourth-wall breaking clown who sided with those DC fellas. You know how many of my stupid Facebook friends ask me to "do that pencil trick"? EVERY SINGLE ONE.


 * New Mutants: Where I first appeared, then I started popping up in X-Force once the title switched over to something that was Darker and Edgier.
 * Five miniseries, Deadpool: The Circle Chase, Deadpool: Sins of the Past, Deadpool: Suicide Kings, Deadpool Wade Wilsons War and Fear Itself: Deadpool (written by holycrap Chris Hastings!!!).
 * My ongoing Deadpool series: The first incarnation appeared from 1997 to 2002; the second volume began September 10, 2008.
 * Agent X: How is Agent X related to me? It's a mystery!
 * Cable and Deadpool: After Cable went bye-bye, I had to find some new apprentices to fill the hole in my heart.
 * Wolverine & Deadpool: Only available if you can get scones with it.
 * Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth: A second ongoing series which began in 2009.
 * Deadpool Team-up: A third on-going monthly, also starting in 2009. I'm gonna suck every dime outta this inexplicable and totally undeserved popularity until my lips fall off.
 * Deadpool Corps: Which features me and Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Kidpool and Dogpool as my amigos. Me and Lady Deadpool have a thing going on. I'm saying that I screw myself.
 * I also drop by in that "DOOMWAR" Black Panther event. Apparently, my unscrupulous mercenary nature, healing factor and screwed-up-mind are needed to stopping that crazy Von Doom. What can I say, they need me. And the paycheck is HUGE. And I also have hot girls backing me up. BEST. JOB. EVER.
 * There's also this Deadpool: Pulp thing going on, which is like the Film Noir line of Marvel.
 * I drop by this 5 RONIN March 2011 event, engaged in a heartwarming tale of five samurai being wronged by a particularly nasty daimyo. I'm focused in the fifth issue, of course they save the best for last.
 * You can also be expected to see me utterly destroy the Marvel Universe in August 2012, when my 4 part miniseries: "Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe!" Nobody's safe, baby! Not even you!


 * X-Men Origins: Wolverine, although Wade Wilson was more in character when he was a normal person than the abomination I can only describe as Dudepeel (eew!). The actor who humbly played me, Ryan Reynolds (himself a fan of yours truly), seems determined to do a more true-to-the-comics version for my new spin-off movie. Because of his portayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man Alive. What a guy!
 * I decided to animate myself as a member of Weapon X in Hulk vs. Wolverine, the first time I ever got animated excluding the 90's X-Men cartoon where some guy called Morph decided to transform into me for a second. Nolan North provided my heavenly voice and although I never mentioned I was in a cartoon, I was still cool.
 * I was going to star in Wolverine and the X-Men in its second season (with Nolan North voicing me), but some executive decided to cancel the show. What the hell?
 * John Kassir, also known as The Crypt Keeper and the first Ice King, moved my vocal chords in X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and both Marvel Ultimate Alliance games.
 * I also decided to drop into Marvel vs. Capcom 3, with Nolan voicing me again. F*@# THE KNICKS!
 * I'm also a boss battle (Nolan North again—seeing a pattern here, folks? Me neither!) in Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions. In the Ultimate Verse! Boo! Though this Ultimate Deadpool retains some of my greatness (Kassir even shows up as one of my mooks for bonus nerd points).
 * I'm even going to be in The Marvel Super Hero Squad Online Game. Here's a trailer with me in it. Blink and you'll miss me, but you can clearly see me shooting an exploding Piñata! Weird.
 * I even made a cameo in the X-Men anime. Unfortunately they never gave me a speaking role.
 * I even managed to break into Real Life, too! You can see me patrolling the streets in Wenatchee Valley. And again at Comic-Con! I even brought my health bar and got to play in an Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 tournament (playing with myself, of course)!
 * After being left out of season one, I had to march into that cheap bastard Max's house out in Santa Monica and demand he do a character tutorial of me for Marvel vs. Capcom 3. check it out.
 * The Internet loves me! I'm the star of many YouTube videos and fan arts. You Might Remember Me From some of my super exciting adventures, particularly those with Rorschach (which had a bitching Theme Song, sung and written by me of course).
 * LEGO has now chosen to immortalize my wonderful likeness in plastic. Buy me up, people!

"Yours Truly: Missed? I never miss with the sheep gun."
 * Alliterative Name: Wade Winston Wilson.
 * Nolan North and Ryan Reynolds have both done my voice. See what I did there?
 * Alternate Universe: Several iterations of yours truly have been made into comic form for your perusal. There's also that Deadpool Corps thing, where we're all alternates of ourselves! FUN!
 * Always Someone Better: So what if people call me the discount version of Wolverine? That guy can get his butt kicked by refrigerator magnets!
 * Ambiguously Bi: Wait, ambiguously?!
 * Anti-Hero: Bob is a Type I on the Sliding Scale of Anti-Heroes. My exact placement on the scale varies depending on who's writing me, but I'm usually a Type V.
 * Anti-Villain: I'm a Type I on the Sliding Scale of Anti-Villains.
 * Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Remember tropers, Ultimate Me is available for black ops, missions, assassinations, and birthday parties!
 * And when I made a guest appearance (or two or six) on I'm a Marvel And I'm a DC, I talked about how my guns allow me to interrogate people, shoot fleeing suspects, and get free DVDs from Best Buy!
 * Asskicking Pose: I invoke it in Hulk Vs Wolverine, and hell if it didn't do the trick.
 * Ass Shove: I have to use a lot of lube to hold all of my weapons.
 * Atop a Mountain of Corpses: In Cable and Deadpool #26, natch!
 * Baa Bomb: I had an inflatable sheep gun at one point. Unfortunately, the one time you feebs have the honor of seeing it, it fails me.

"Me: Astute observation, Captain Obvious. Me: Wait, did I just diss myself? Me: And this just surprises you right now? I mean, me?"
 * Badass: Oh yeah. I am exactly that: A character who gets away with outright insane stunts that would never work in real life. Most times it overlaps with my Crazy Awesome. Not that many people are willing to acknowledge how badass I am, though (they're just envious).
 * I'm so badass that even Bullseye was afraid of facing me down. I inspired fear into the man who regularly fights the Man Without Fear. Wrap your mind around that one.
 * Badass Transplant: Since I am not a mutant.
 * Bald of Awesome: Having your body constantly torn apart and rebuilt by cancer and a healing factor does that to ya. But at times I have been drawn with hair, Depending on the Writer.
 * Berserk Button: I've got quite a few of 'em (though not enough to qualify for Hair-Trigger Temper).
 * Even being reminded of the Weapon X project brings me to a frothy rage.
 * And never go into my house unannounced. I hate surprise guests.
 * Also when T-Ray burned off my mask, and later when Zoe and Monty found me without one. They also went inside my house too, so they got a double beating.
 * Also, don't dis my chimichangas. Seriously, I will beat you for it with a humorously oversized mallet, even if you are the Cookie Monster.
 * Don't hurt kids. Ever.
 * Complimenting the prequel Star Wars trilogy will be the last words you ever say.
 * I... AM... NOT... SPIDER MAN!!!!!!
 * Big Damn Villains: I once made a promise to Sandi that I wouldn't kill her abusive boyfriend. Tasky... didn't make any promises.
 * Big Eater: All that Merc Work makes me hungry!
 * Biting the Hand Humor: Why, yes. You do suck. Especially at fighting games.
 * Black Comedy: Par for the course. I'm a PSYCHOPATH.
 * Black Comedy: Par for the course. I'm a PSYCHOPATH.

"Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right? Me: Wannabes? My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now. My Other Thought Box: And another one coming out next month."
 * Blessed with Suck: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.
 * Blood Knight: I love fighting and killing. Read the page quote, and you'll know what I'm talking about.
 * Blue and Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.
 * Body Horror: In the beginning of the Deadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cable series, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor and nearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we did not haveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that. This is yuck-worthy). The whole gig gets even more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.
 * Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.

"Felicia: For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you! Me: Awww... but why not?"
 * I steal Marvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as "Deadpool and his Cronies." During the closing credits of the sequel
 * Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.
 * Bunny Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "batshit-crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
 * But Thou Must!: After the whole "I Screw Weasel" arc, some Vegas Executives wanted me to be an enforcer full time... but I begged to differ.
 * Butter Face: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.
 * Until I recently reverted my face to its natural, pre-altered space! As if I didn't have enough ladies chasing after me already...
 * Captain Ersatz:
 * Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of that Deathstroke guy from Teen Titans. You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, hell, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me into The DCU as the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.
 * In Deathstroke's own early 90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "Wade Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown and Spidey.
 * Also, BILL! AGENT OF A.I.M.!
 * Career Killer: Obviously. But the D-Man is the best at what he does, and what he does depends on how much money you can pay up front.
 * Catgirl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in Marvel Vs Capcom 3...

"Black Swan: "He dies! He dies SCREAMING!!!""
 * Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had
 * Chekhov's Gunman: Oh sure Way, bring some other regenerating mercenaries who also attempt to make wisecracks. I'm soooooooooooooooo sure they won't be relevant in the future!
 * Close on Title: In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title,, is the very last thing of all.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait... I am.
 * Confusion Fu: My legendary fighting style, key in my victory against Taskmaster.
 * Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...

""I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you. . . so I can pay my phone bill!""
 * That got boring pretty fast though, so I went with alternative folk rock next.
 * Covered with Scars: Or maybe they're just tumors. Or both, even. I dunno.
 * Cursed with Awesome: One time, I insulted Loki, so he made me have Tom Cruise's face until I apologized. The thing was so indestructable, I nearly gave up on ever ripping it off. The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that literally left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.
 * Okay, so me and Thanos both have the hots for Death. The solution, considering the standard approach kinda won't work here and the other standard approach is never gonna happen? Thanos made me immortal. And I thought I was an asshole...
 * Dark and Troubled Past: I don't wanna talk about it...
 * Deadpool Snarker: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit (not just other characters. During my face off with the Punisher in issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking).

"Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed."
 * In one issue, I was snatched by a Death Trap enthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear (just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up. At least, the bear was originally going to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap put it:

"Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, very, wrong... -- Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything too embarrassing, wasn't I? Irene (staring): No... Not by your standards, no."
 * Death-Activated Superpower: How I got my Spiffy McSpiff Healing Factor! Wait a minute, does this mean I'm a zombie?! No wonder I find Hsien-ko so adorable!
 * Death Seeker: Literally! Death is HOT!
 * Depending on the Artist: My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure Nausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resembles The Thing." Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat Freddy Krueger-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...
 * Depending on the Writer: Eventually even me and T-Ray stopped caring about who really was Wade Wilson, so we just accepted that it depended on the writer. Also determines how crazy I am, which side of the Heel Face Revolving Door I'm leaning towards that day...
 * Derivative Differentiation: I used to just be Deathstroke in red, until they made me insane and gave me my own fighting style.
 * The Determinator: Usually I gotta tangle with opponents much more high-falutin' and educated than I is. Doesn't stop me from tryin'.
 * Downer Ending:
 * Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire—which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
 * Duct Tape for Everything: Check this out. Oh, there was also that time when Cable, Captain America (comics) and a few others frickin' cocooned me with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse... I had to pee.
 * Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get close to no respect from anyone.
 * Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this a lot (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.

"Me: No one remembers but us. Me: The guy who made next issue's cover seems to remember though."
 * Even Evil Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.
 * Faux Affably Evil: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."
 * Embarrassing Nickname: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names! He still hasn't caught up.
 * Everything's Better with Bob, agent of HYDRA!
 * Evil Albino: T-Ray, and Tombstone. A black one, at that.
 * Evil Twin: Evil Deadpool who is made out of various limbs that I have lost over the years.
 * Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Hit-Monkey. A hitman who's a monkey. No, really.
 * Expressive Mask
 * Expy: Captain America (comics) made his own corps made up of a few of his alternate universe counterparts right after Deadpool Corps was canceled! He even has American Dream to counter Lady Deadpool and where brought together by the same guy who gathered the Deadpool Corps. The only difference in the plot is that they're trying to liberate a ultra- patriotic America.
 * Fan Boy: I'm a fan boy of Captain America! Did they remember the time he was possessed by some alien thing and I kicked him in the crotch to save the world though?

"Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue..."
 * One time I was mashed to a pulp by Mighty Thor!!! (Fan Boy squeal)
 * Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more offputting than me...
 * Fan Service: ...unless she's wearing her mask. : )
 * Five-Man Band: The Gail Simone run featured this set-up prominently:
 * I'm The Hero, duh!
 * Agent X, The Lancer
 * Sandi is The Chick
 * Weasel is The Smart Guy
 * Outlaw is The Big Guy
 * Bob is the Tagalong Kid
 * And Taskmaster fills the role of Sixth Ranger
 * Fourth Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.
 * Fourth Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:
 * Fourth Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:

"Moi: You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!"
 * Freudian Excuse: I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!
 * Fun Personified. And Guns Personified. But mostly fun.
 * Funny Schizophrenia: Hey! That's not what schizophrenia means! Even I know that.
 * Fur Bikini: This trope has nothing to do with me. Fun!
 * Except now it does. Of course, I'm not the one wearing it, but...
 * Gambit Roulette or Indy Ploy: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they they don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this was 's plan, but damn it was fun.
 * Genre Savvy: Of course.
 * I'm not Genre Savvy! I'm Dangerously Genre Savvy!
 * Sometimes it becomes Wrong Genre Savvy but I'm never wrong... Right?.
 * The Greatest Story Never Told: I've saved the world on quite a number of occasions, it's just that no one was there to see them. Really.
 * Good Thing You Can Heal: Not really a "good" thing.
 * Guns Akimbo: Aw yeah! Double the guns, double the fun.
 * Healing Factor: In fact, the cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!
 * The Heart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as The Heart, something is seriously wrong with the team. Not to mention I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!
 * Heel Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the whole Heel Face Turn thing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man. Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. I was leaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...
 * Hero with an F In Good: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...? I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?
 * Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.
 * ...although, wait. Heroic?
 * Homoerotic Subtext: What can I say? Cable loves me. Do I need to explain? Our series has it's own Ho Yay page, for cryin' out loud! "Bodyslide by two" indeed...
 * I Just Want to Be Loved: Deep down, I actually want to be acknowledged and accepted by the rest of the heroes in the Marvel Universe.
 * I Resemble That Remark: I say those exact words often.
 * Image Song: My Marvel vs. Capcom 3 theme song has managed to capture my essence: "DO THE WALK, DO THE TALK, DON'T BE A FOOL, GO TO SCHOOL."
 * Immortality: On top of my Healing Factor, I'm also immortal thanks to Thanos. Since I'm made of cancer, nobody but my fans and Death love me, and I'm in love with Death, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
 * Implausible Boarding Skills: I surf on Phoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubble in the Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3 opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!
 * In Name Only:
 * In the X Men Origins: Wolverine, that guy's "dead pool" of mutant powers include the healing factor !
 * The Ultimate version of Deadpool has little-to-nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me), mutant-hating psychopath. Ulitmate 'Verse me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. In fact, he's soooooo bad I had to take his place against his Spidey counterpart during that whole dimension tear thing just to spare my adoring fans from rioting about how not-me-like he was!
 * Inspirationally Disadvantaged: I remind people with illnesses that they too may also be awesome one day. Not as much as me of course, but then again, who is?
 * Interrupted Cooldown Hug: I ticked off a calming Hulk intentionally!
 * It Makes Sense in Context:
 * That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't all that bizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...
 * Better yet: Fulfilling my childhood dream by wearing raw meat as body armor and senselessly beating a super villain dressed like a superhero (Hawkeye, then called Bullseye) with a giant ham.
 * Jerkass: Hey, I resemble that remark! Sometimes I am shown as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, as in Cable and Deadpool #17. That's just 'cause he brings out the best in me, the big lug...

"Thor: You will be punished for your crimes. Me: You're really pretty. Beat Me: Did I just say that out loud."
 * Jumped At the Call: Unlike that Adamantium angstbag or that whiny web-slinger, I just love what I do. I was even a badass normal before getting awesome powers.
 * Justified Trope: Believe it or not, there's an actual In-Universe reason for my constantly fluctuating level of sanity! Since my healing factor is out of control (my body is pretty much walking talking cancer) even my brain is rewiring itself with some regularity.
 * Kansas City Shuffle: My genius plan to get Norman Osborn to pay up after he stole one of my marks and ruined my rep. No one screws with my professional reputation.
 * Katanas Are Just Better: Hell yes, they are!
 * Kavorka Man... CHICK MAGNET: Aww hells yeah, you know it, ladies. Vanessa, Typhoid Mary, Siryn, Dr. Betty, Professor Veronica,Lady Deadpool, Outlaw, Morrigan, Felicia, and not to mention the millions upon millions of others, who have succumbed to my 25 Charisma stat. In my Marvel vs. Capcom 3 ending, I got to mac with most of the lovely ladies at my slammin' party after wasting Galactus's purple pimply ass! Until I accidentally wiped out Cleveland... whoops!
 * Even Heroes Have Heroes: In one Deadpool Team-Up arc, I totally go fanboy over Thor. Even when he's beating me up!

"Me: I'll be totally upfront here. I find you really attractive. Why don't we just put our differences aside and have some dinner? Family. House. Kids. She opens her mouth in a manner that is NOT for man. And out comes what appear to be flesh eating locusts. That charge at me and presumably begin eating my flesh. I mean, who wouldn't? Moi: You totally misunderstood my proposal."
 * Also with Captain America (comics)!
 * Lampshade Hanging: Oh, so often.
 * Large Ham: What do you mean I'm an overactor?
 * Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's basically a Palette Swap of Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. A Running Gag throughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention that Joe Kelly wrote this annual?
 * Leeroy Jenkins: F**k plans. I should've just run in and scream outta my lungs like, "WAAAAADEEEE!!! WIIIILLLLSSOOOOONNNN!!!!!". Or maybe "DEAAAADDDD!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!". Boy, I should've logged on to that server sometime.
 * Let's Get TheDoorknobsand Unleash The Fricking Fury: I say with not an ounce of bragging that the best example is my showdown with Tiamat. I got so dangerous that I stopped talking. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda scared myself when I thought about that.
 * Lethal Joke Character: You read that right kiddies.
 * Likes Older Women: Oh Bea Arthur, my angel, my star, no man can love you like I do... I also have an on-off thing with Death, but that's a bit more complicated. Too bad both of them are together now... or is it?
 * Loud of War: I once thought Cable was going to transmit an endless loop of the Backstreet Boys. When he found out, he almost did. Later, I did the same thing to Black Swan, with country music. (I kill me)
 * The Mad Hatter: Crazy and loving it!
 * Major Injury Underreaction: I encounter a really pretty lady on the moon. Just roll with it.

"Betrayed Zombie Dude: You... betrayed us... you betrayed us all. Me: Duh! -kicks zombie in the head-"
 * Manipulative Bastard:
 * In one issue of the recent Deadpool comics, I betray my employer and feed him to his zombie capturers—it makes sense in context—while double-crossing the zombies too.

"She Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you."
 * Also, in Deadpool #18, I set up an elaborate gambit to make the X-Men look good. Which was not easy; emo, as you know, is so out. Seems like Way is shaping me up to be one...
 * In each "episode" of the 5 Ronin maxi-series, I step-in to rescue or aid my fellow ronin in their own personal adventures. I have a plan, trust me, it will work out in the end.
 * McNinja: Katanas. Acrobatics. If you ignore the "stealth" part (I do! It's boring), I am definitely a ninja. In fact, as I mention (in one of my first series' letter pages) I've undergone bona fide ninja training. Whether to believe me or not is up to you! Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and got some guy named Chris Hastings to write a miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, I think I'm in good hands. Here's hoping I meet the good doc.
 * Medium Awareness: You know how some guys have cosmic awareness? Well I've got comics awareness!
 * Seriously, am I the only person in that one fighting game who realized there was a screen, saw the health meter, or noticed the sucky guy with the controller? Jeez, man, why does he get to sit around and I have to do the work.
 * I mean, except for that other 4th wall mutilating Marvel character? Seriously, somebody should make her my new co-star instead of that smelly old cyborg! She's a fun-loving saint with tattered clothing and raging emotions, who can out-romance Tony Stark! I'm a fun-loving homicidal maniac who will hump Anything That Moves! What could go wrong? I'd even keep her busy with hundreds of legal cases to solve... 'cause that's just the kind of giving guy that I am. I can imagine her response now:

""Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together.""
 * Meta Guy: I never hesitate to point out when things are starting to get silly (which happens quite frequently in comic books, amazingly enough).
 * Mind Screw: I pull off one hell of an example in my Marvel Knights mini-series Wade Wilson's War, with it's ambiguous ending and all.
 * Mix-and-Match Man: Me!
 * Morality Chain: Me and Nate were yanking each other all over the place in Cable and Deadpool, trying to keep each other grounded.
 * Morality Pet: Siryn, Blind Al, and Cable.
 * Motor Mouth: I just love the sound of my own voice. I wouldn't even call it a "Motor Mouth." More like a "Nuclear-Powered Hydraulic Super Mouth."
 * Most Common Superpower: Outlaw! She has Super Strength, you pervs. Also, a great rack.
 * Multiple Choice Past: Ask three of my fans about where I came from and you'll get four different answers. Hell, even I've given up trying to figure it out.
 * The Musical: Volume 3 Issue 49.1
 * Mythology Gag: My Belt O'Pouches actually comes in handy in Uncanny X-Force. Wait. What.
 * Hell, while we're at it, I'm finally an X-Man! Albeit a dirty, blackops X-Man in an X-Team that shouldn't even be made known of... STANDARD PROCEDURE!
 * Narrating the Present
 * Naughty Tentacles:
 * I, a hideously deformed, twisted, lecherous, perverted, and amoral deviant freak of nature in good standing, was flagrantly felt up by a sexy and nubile young Scottish woman! Is no tradition sacred anymore?
 * and sprouted loads of shiny metal tentacles. When they were attracted by my overwhelming charisma, I, naturally, went from "ow! ow! hey -- that is incredibly personal space there -- ow!!!" to "okay--hey--okay--okay--see, now I'm kinda liking it."
 * Also what is implied to happen in the Marvel vs. Capcom 3 cinematic intro. Thank god that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan, learn to aim!
 * Never Hurt an Innocent: I never harm anyone who isn't involved in my actions. This extends especially to law officers as the jerks who broke me out of prison found out.
 * Never Say "Die": Yep, this happened to me once. It was in a not-exactly-canon Avengers comic aimed more toward the kiddies (Marvel Adventures), so I was constantly identified as "Wade Wilson, also known as--" just before the expositor got cut short by someone else. Oh, that reminds me: Kraven, you still suck.
 * Nineties Anti-Hero: Some people think this was my Old Shame, but I was never an Anti-Hero in the 90's, just in my debut (my REAL Old Shame for being a Deathstroke ripoff). I was mostly just Chaotic Neutral at my most awesome or a Punch Clock Villain at my second most awesome. Also, I was funny even back then, thanks to Mr. Nicieza.
 * Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: I've faced a zombie version of me, become a pirate, and I technically dress up as a ninja. Three out of four ain't so bad... not! Now: to force Reed Richards to make me a Robopool!
 * No Fourth Wall:

"Cable: And Wade, of course. Our fates seem to be intertwined. God help me."
 * In The Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only I know I'm an action figure representing the character. And to break it Up to Eleven I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!
 * It gets to the point were I'm the only one in the entire Marvel universe that knows about Spider-Man's deal with Mephisto... er, besides Mephisto that is.
 * And then there's me beating the snot out of people in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 with my own health bar. If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!
 * No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Y'know, I keep trying to be nice, but no one seems acknowledge it. Even when they do, I don't get acceptance. Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran into Evil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, of course I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least. And I guess Nate did. A little.
 * Noodle Implements: In Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, I suggest that Nick Fury give me in order to distract Marvel's not-so-subtle lovers.
 * Noodle Incident:
 * You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Yo Mamageddon.
 * And we'll never know how I, Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released a diarrhetic over Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).
 * Not So Different: I can't believe that those Capcom guys honestly think that some wussy named Dante could go toe-to-toe with me! There's only one gunslinging, sword-wielding, snarky crimson-clad mercenary in this game, and it's definitely not some emo with a cross tatoo and a scythe! Wait, you say I'm confusing characters now?
 * While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that Dan guy, I mean he's a rip off of two characters of a rival company that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named "Saikyo" (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).
 * Obfuscating Insanity: It's never really clear how much of my insanity is real and how much is an act. Different writers have different opinions on this matter.
 * Obfuscating Stupidity: It's implied, quite a bit, that my "insanity" is just my way of coping with my horrible position in life. Either that or I'm just a downright nutjob. But hey! At least I killed that guy that raped your next door neighbor's 5-year-old daughter!
 * This is also Peter Milligan's interpretation of me in 5 Ronin.
 * Odd Friendship: With Cable. And most of my friends, really.

"Me: Anyway, he built this funky harness for when-- Mr. Sinister: Wash your hands."
 * Man, he can be such a dick sometimes. It really suits him.
 * One-Scene Wonder: Ryan Reynolds as me toward the beginning of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It's best not to talk about what happens to me later on in the film.
 * Only Sane Man: You know, everyone calls me crazy, and they might have a point; on the other hand, none of them realise they are actually comic book characters, so who is really the crazy one?
 * Overly Long Gag: After being stuck in a lab tank for days, I pissed in Mr. Sinister's bathroom for a page and a half.

"Sabretooth: Scream for me. Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AAAAAHHH AAAAAHHH Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson. Me: No wait -- Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!"
 * Overshadowed by Awesome: Even the total hug-me-mama, heavy metal emo, redundant clone of my hopelessly infatuated former sidekick Omnicidal Maniac Stryfe is insanely jealous of how I'm the voice of my generation and more awesome than everyone and everything: "I call myself Chaos Bringer... but this one... this one is Chaos Incarnate." That's right. I'm Galactus, and he's my herald.
 * Painting the Medium: In a lovely shade of narration-box yellow, with flecks of blood red, to be precise.
 * Poorly-Disguised Pilot: Bob, Agent of HYDRA. He never did get that limited series they pitched so hard, did he?
 * Psychic Static: For some reason, people have trouble using telepathic attacks on me. It must be because I have loads of Heroic Willpower, and totally not because I'm mentally unstable or anything.
 * Psycho for Hire: I resent that! I'm not a psycho! I've been going to therapy... until the therapist tragically died. 'Cause I killed him.
 * Psychopathic Manchild: Hey! Just 'cause I shout internet memes after fighting Magneto does not make me childish!
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: In the early days of Cable and Deadpool, Cable handed one to me. He can be so hurtful sometimes. But while he could tear me apart on the molecular level by blinking, he doesn't hold a candle to me when it comes to wordslingin'.
 * Red and Black and Evil All Over: My red suit with black stripes and matching red and black hood.
 * Redemption Demotion: Averted. If anything, I became even more awesome once I kinda, sorta turned into somewhat of a good guy. Hell, they didn't even let me have a Healing Factor in my early days of being Villain Of The Month. Go read my second appearence where I'm all bitchy because my jaw was wired shut after some guy in Weapon X broke it. On second thought... don't.
 * Retcon: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstory Deadpool:Origins has becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring. Multiple Choice Past and all that.
 * Rob Liefeld: My most famous co-creator. My dad, if you will. And I guess Fabian Nicieza is my mom or other dad or something? Talk about your screwed-up parents. While 'Pouches O'Plenty' still pops in to draw an issue or a cover, I'm all for breaking ties with the guy. Instead, Joe Kelly and Gail Simone are the people who most of the fans consider my real parents. Would that mean I have four parents, then? Wow, maybe that's why I turned out this way.
 * Rule of Funny: Rules aren't usually my thing, but I like this one.
 * Running Gag: "You're not a mutant! ...and you're not an X-Man!"
 * Sad Clown: Some writers portray me this way.
 * The Scrappy: In-Universe, folks! Most people can't stand to be around me.
 * The Scream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especially like a little girl! Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...

"Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief. Me: I really happen to find you very attractive. Thor: ... Me: Did I just say that out loud."
 * Shapeshifting Squick: Ah Vanessa, the great love of my life and best thing that ever happened to me.
 * Sidekick: Bob, hapless, captured agent of HYDRA!
 * Sitcom Arch Nemesis: SQUIRREL-GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Small Name, Big Ego: How dare you! I completely live up to my ego. My name is so big Wolverine is jealous of it.
 * Smug Snake: Weasel.
 * Snikt Me, Dammit!: I spent the better part of an issue trying to get Wolverine to stab me. But he was being a wuss, so I Shoryuken'd Kitty Pryde instead. That worked. Also, for me to unleash the fury of my Level 3 special in Marvel vs. Capcom 3, people have to hit me whilst I am doing a Sexy Walk.
 * Super Speed: Okay, so maybe it isn't one of my official powers, but it darn well oughta be. I mean, I can outrun a friggin' jetliner fer Bea Arthur's sake!
 * Stalker with a Crush: Dr. Ella Whitby, she's obsessed with me and she even has a fridge full of all the body parts i've lost over the years. She's creepy, even by my standards.
 * The Starscream: Occasionally Weasel.
 * Stupid Sexy Flanders: Stupid Sexy Cable! And Stupid Sexy Thor. And Stupid Sexy The Cat. And Stupid Sexy Captain America (comics). Et cetera.

"Me: What you got today, Punisher. The Beetle's wings? Plant-Man's chloro-blaster gun? One of the Porcupine's quills?"
 * Talkative Loon: I'm narrating my own trope page, do I really have to explain this one?
 * Talking Is a Free Action: Natch. My lung capacity cannot be matched. Domino notes my endless, inane banter is actually my most dangerous ability, since most opponents are too distracted to pay attention to my moves. Just... as... plotted.
 * Take Our Word for It:
 * In one issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead. Even the man whose house I broke into to kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.
 * In Amazing Spider-Man #611, I let slip that I have the "Yo Mammageddon", which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.
 * Take That:
 * When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to have so many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right, Rob?"
 * In my first ongoing series, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder."
 * I even made fun of Jack Chick. Can't decide which of them deserve my ribbings more, tho'.
 * Oh, and you guys shouldn't feel left out either. As Way had me mention the other day: "There is nobody I hate more than my friends." I liked "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" better though.
 * Also, there's that leaked internet script of my EXTRA FANTASTIC film which will never happen because of suits I need to kill. I have an action figure of Dudepeel in the trash as I apparently moan about it. PSYCHE, I was moaning about WHAM'S 'Music From the Edge of Heaven' LP, which I then throw on top of Barakapool. ZING!
 * Team Pet: Bob, agent of HYDRA!
 * Technicolor Ninjas: Bright red ninja, to be specific. I think it suits me.
 * They Fight Crime: This is the point of the Deadpool Team-Up series, as it gives inferior heroes a day in the limelight with everyone's favorite mercenary, by which I mean me, by which I mean no one other than me, by which I mean not you.
 * This Is Sparta!: Must... use... Shatner... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!
 * Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition of Miami Sound Machine's Conga.
 * Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Galactus fired me because I was just too awesome for him to handle. It's definitely not because he wanted me to shut up. Then there was the time I was captured to be zombiefood. I tasted like cancer.
 * Trash Talk: I had a "Your Mom" fight with Spidey in Amazing Spider-Man #611. It was fun! Even though I almost missed my chance to use Yo Mammageddon.
 * Trickster Archetype
 * Trigger Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!
 * Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE..
 * Ultimate Marvel: Here are some tropes that apply to my Ultimate self:
 * Expy: Step 1: Copy everything about Donald Pierce. Step 2: Give him my wardrobe and change his name to Deadpool without changing anything else about him. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit!
 * Fantastic Racism: OK, Ultimate Marvel guys, we get it! Everything has to be Darker and Edgier than good ol' Earth 616! But aren't I Grim-n-Gritty enough to begin with? No need to make Ultimate Me an evil, mutant-killing bigot...
 * In Name Only: Aside from the name and the costume, Ultimate Me isn't that much like Me-Me at all.
 * Except in Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions where Peter David makes Ultimate me into the lovable merc you all love.
 * Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... or reality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...
 * Useless Accessory I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although When I do they have contained Awesome action figures (of Me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on Me.
 * Villain Protagonist: I bounce back and forth between this and Heroic Comedic Sociopath. Like a gun-toting pinball, really. Sometimes within the same issue!
 * Villain with Good Publicity: Absolutley not. But outside the comic, is a completley different story.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: No matter how many fights I get in, I'm SURE that everybody loves me.
 * Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I call the Punisher out on it during Suicide Kings. Since, you know, the previous day he tried to strangle me and electrocute my ass... with mecha-frickin'-tentacles.

"Me: AND GET THEE A LIFE!"
 * Who Wants to Live Forever?: Turns out to be what I've been obsessing about in the Daniel Way arc.
 * Wild Card: Of course. I mean, that's pretty much half my reason for livin'.
 * Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've pretty much kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.
 * Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus—Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)
 * Interestingly, this corresponds to The Golden Age of Comic Books, The Silver Age of Comic Books, The Bronze Age of Comic Books, The Dark Age of Comic Books, and The Modern Age of Comic Books. However, Wolverine still hasn't fully left the spot and The Hood is also trying to claim the position, not to mention Anti-Venom... yeah. It's like the pro wrestlers say: the belt might as well be a target.
 * Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism!
 * Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Go right ahead. Hurt that kid. I've been sharpening my katanas all morning and I'm eager to try out a new method of torture I've been reading about that involves scalping.
 * X Meets Y:
 * You might think that Deadpool Corps is basically Exiles meets me. Absolutely not! I came up with my corps idea first, but those Exiles guys stole it before I could get it off the ground!
 * Someone once said that I was like Deathstroke and Spider-Man's lovechild, raised by the Joker. Which, I think, understates my awesome. Another interpretation could be "Deathstroke meets Ambush Bug."
 * Xanatos Gambit: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the entire thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public and to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the first time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?
 * Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Parodiedeth when I briefly taketh possession of a faketh copy of thout viking guy's hammer and change thost speech patterns accordinglyst. Combinedth with What Doth Thou Meaneth, 'Tis Not Awesome-eth?, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (I still striketh oute), and attacking a Michael Jackson Captain Ersatz. Eth.


 * You Bastard: In Deadpool #900. I realize that . I didn't realize how hard that would be.
 * Your Head Asplode: Nate did this to me with his uber psychic powers. Twice. I was not amused.
 * Your Mom: Again, Mamageddon, my ultimate diss!

"Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. Browse the indexes for me and I'll promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!"