Oh Wait, This Is My Grocery List

Old comedic villain trope that isn't used too much anymore.

Basically, the "villain" writes down their master plan onto a piece of paper. etc.
 * Step One: Take over power plant.
 * Step Two: Get rid of heroes.
 * Step Three: Take over country.

Well, they got Step One done, but forgot what Step Two is. So they reach into their pocket, pull out a list, and more or less go....

"Yes, now that I've taken over the power plant, I can commence with the next part of my plan, which is eggs, milk, bread! ......wait, no. That's my grocery list", puts it away, pulls out another list: "Here's my real master plan!"

A variation has a messenger handing at first a grocery list instead of the intended message to its recipient. Another variation is for the villain to kill two birds with one stone and combine the 'mundane' list with the 'take over the world' list to begin with.

Not to be confused with Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick. Except in the most literal examples.

See also Script Swap.

Anime and Manga

 * Used in one of the Full Metal Panic! novels, 'Cinderella'. Sagara Sousuke lists things Cinderella needs to go to the ball: "1 pumpkin, 4 mice, 1 lizard, 1 assault rifle, 1 shotgun, 24 anti-personnel hand grenades, 160 5.56 mm bullets, three cases of c4 explosives, 6 Claymore land mines..." Turns out, all of those deadly weaponry are just his shopping list, not the things one needs to get to the ball.
 * In Durarara, Shinra finds out that he gave Celty his shopping list rather than the license plate of the van she was supposed to chase after when he checked it at the supermarket. Later, it turns out that she didn't need to do anything anyway since Kyohei AKA Dotachin's group was chasing after it, albeit for other reasons.
 * Some of the manga editions of the original Kingdom Hearts included a set of one-shot comic strips at the end of the volume, generally featuring an amusing twist on something that happened in the main story. One of the ones at the end of Volume 3 featured Aerith trying to decode Ansem's Report. "Ansem the Wise... what were you trying to do...? Pork, onion, carrot, potato, shiitake mushroom... Ansem... You like shiitake mushroom in your curry?!"

Comic Books

 * Inverted in Walt Disney's Comics and Stories 630 (1996), story "Scandal on the Epoch Express." Donald Duck, porter on a train, reads what appears to be a grocery list of all the freight items the train should have picked up, but segues halfway through into the Witches' Chant from Macbeth.
 * In The Muppets King Arthur, a group of planted protestors are reading cue-cards provided by Sir Sam of Eagle. One of them shouts out "Bread, milk, cheese, armour polish..." before Sam gives him the right card.

Comic Strips

 * Prickly City: Winslow's final comments on the budget: 1. Milk. 2. Carrots 3. Toilet paper. Except that no one notices.
 * One Dilbert strip had a man trying to push a stupid plan because the pros outnumbered the cons. Dilbert read the list and found out that everything in the pros column was part of his grocery list. Having been caught out, the man claims that the fault is trying to quantize pros vs cons, rather than that the plan is stupid, and goes ahead anyway.

Film

 * Used by a hero in Mystery Men, where Lance Hunt (alter-ego of Captain Amazing) feigns reading a letter sent by Captain Amazing - but the piece of paper he's supposedly reading from is just his grocery list.
 * In Dartagnans Daughter, a series of mix-ups and misunderstandings by the heroes and the villains have both looking for (and finding) coded messages in a laundry list and a really bad love poem. Neither contain any coded messages and are, in fact, a laundry list and a really bad love poem.

Literature
"Whit: "But you gave them the map."
 * This gag appears in the 1960s-vintage parody novel Bored of the Rings (written by the staff of The Harvard Lampoon), and when it appears, it's called "ancient".
 * The trope also appears in the James Thurber children's book Many Moons, where the king's three advisors carry lists of all of the matters they have been consulted on. As each one reads out his list, all have added grocery items their wives wanted the advisors to pick up that day.
 * A cartoon in the Horrible Histories book of the 20th Century parodies the infamous "cranberry sauce" lyric of "Strawberry Fields Forever", with John Lennon reading "Cranberry sauce, strawberry jam, milk and a packet of biscuits. Wait, these aren't my lines...".
 * In Foucaults Pendulum by Umberto Eco, the main characters construct an elaborate conspiracy theory around a document that is eventually
 * A Canticle for Leibowitz, sort of. Among the holy relics found by Brother Francis in the fallout shelter are a grocery list and a circuit diagram.
 * Of course, since the Simplification had long destroyed every remaining diagrams and list out in the open, they're as valuable as War and Peace to the monks.
 * In Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey, Catherine finds some papers just before the light goes out. Having read far too many Gothic novels, she is horrified with the possibilities. And morning reveals it was a laundry list. At the end of the novel, to escape the problems of a Parental Marriage Veto, Austen has the hero's sister marry a nobleman, and the hero's father is so pleased that he approves the hero's marriage. She then asserts that the nobleman was the one who left the laundry list, and therefore she wasn't introducing a new character at the end to act as a Deus Ex Machina.
 * Happens to the Prime Minister in Minidoka: 937th Earl of One Mile Series M by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Having written his speech on the back of his wife's recipe book, he drops his notes. When he picks them up, he accidentally begins reading the recipe rather than his speech.
 * Used as a bluff in Witch and Wizard:

Sasha: "It wasn't a map, it was just a list of things I had to do once I got back to base.""

Live Action TV
"Marshall: [looking for his password] Jelly beans, fluffernutter, gummi bears, ginger snaps- this is a grocery list.
 * In Spin City, vice mayor Charlie's friends at the office come to do an intervention to make him stop betting money on football games. Paul starts reading from a list of arguments, which turns out to be a chili recipe. "Charlie, I want you to know how much you mean to me. 'One pound of ground meat....'"
 * Buffy the Vampire Slayer has an odd version; the Affably Evil Mayor does not actually keep them on separate lists, making it almost literally Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick : Meet with the PTA, Boy Scout awards ceremony, Become invincible, Haircut.
 * Shouldn't the haircut be before becoming invincible?
 * In Sunnydale? Are you kidding? The barbershop will probably be run by demons with scissors for hands. In that town, the question is really why 'become invincible' is THIRD on the list.
 * Such are the demands on the time of a humble public servant...
 * In the Thanksgiving episode Pangs Willow starts reading what she thinks is a list of ingredients for a magic potion, only to be told it's the recipe for the turkey stuffing. (This is part of a running gag: virtually every conversation in the episode is eventually derailed to be about food.)
 * Frankie Boyle on Mock the Week: "Eggs, Tea, Bread, Rich Tea biscuits.. Are you sure this is the right list Mr. Schindler?"
 * Hugh Dennis: "Milk! Bread! Germoloids! I believe...I have been reading from the wrong piece of paper."
 * Variation in an episode of That 70s Show where stoner Leo falls in love with Kitty and sends her a bouqet of flowers with a note reading "Roses are red, Violets are blue eggs, milk, butter"
 * In an episode of Keeping Up Appearances, Hyacinth Bucket announces she has a list of demands from the Women's Institute written on the back of a voucher for 20 pence off golden syrup, and immediately afterwards reads the first demand as "20 pence off golden syrup".
 * Variation in a Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch. Graham Chapman plays the role of a policeman who intrudes on two guys having lunch, claiming he's got a warrant to search the premises. After a brief awkward silence, Graham produces a paper bag from his pocket, drops it on the table, and begins loudly declaring that he has discovered a bag which may indeed contain illicit substances. Eric Idle searches the bag to find... a sandwich. Dismayed, Graham looks at the camera and inquires, "Blimey! Whatever did I give the wife?"
 * In a Lazy Town episode, Robbie Rotten, disguised as a pirate, pulls out his grocery list instead of the treasure map.
 * Red Dwarf went farther than most with this. The evolved descendants of Lister's cat escaped the space ship years ago aboard arks using a "star map" given to them by their god, Cloister the Stupid. The star map turned out to be Lister's laundry list which he used to line his cat's basket.
 * In the episode Timeslides the crew goes back in time and steals Hilter's Diary. It read: "Things to do: Stop milk, pay papers, invade Czechoslovakia!"
 * The second episode of Psych featured Shawn reading things to the spelling bee contestants from the original announcer's shopping list. Things like "banana" and "onion".
 * Inverted in an episode of The Nanny in which Fran picks up an old piece of paper from Maxwell's desk: it's from an original Shakespeare manuscript, specifically "Hamlet, Prince of Denmark". Fran's reaction is "If he wants Danish ham, why can't he just say so?" and she goes shopping with the MS page as her list.
 * Variation in Wizards of Waverly Place episode "Future Harper". Max reads a printout from a writer who is writing books that feature the Russos' life story: "Bread... eggs... milk... this is the worst story ever."
 * How I Met Your Mother gives us the following example:

Robin: For who, a witch building a house in the forest?

Marshall: Sugar helps me study.

Barney: This is the kind of shopping a ten-year-old does when he's alone for the weekend.

Lily: Who leaves a 10 year old alone for the weekend?

Barney [Sarcastically]: Oh, and your mom was perfect."

"Police: We found this list in his cell.
 * An episode of Welcome Back Kotter had Mr. Kotter accused of sexually harassing a student. (Actually, she fainted due to a fad diet she had been on and Mr. Kotter was just trying to help her get up.) The Sweathogs wanted the girl in question to sign a confession stating that Kotter hadn't done anything. Horshach wrote the confession on the back of a grocery list and read that to her at first.
 * At the beginning of one episode of MASH, Blake asks Radar to read a list of everything the camp is running low on because their supply line got cut. After Radar finishes the list, Blake tells him to brief the other officers on what areas of rationing they'll be in charge of, and he starts reading the first list again. Then he stops, flips the top page of his clipboard out of the way, and reads the real second list.
 * In another episode, Colonel Blake is directing Trapper out of a minefield using what he thought was a map of the mines - but actually turns out to be a map of WWII Germany. Cue an Oh Crap moment when they realize that Trapper is inches away from stepping on a mine.
 * In the episode of The Slammer where the Governor loses his memory, he introduces the next act as "a pint of milk, a bag of bin liners and three scratch cards". His nephew then tells him to turn the card over.
 * In Kenan and Kel when the Hammer escaped prison and wanted revenge on Kenan.

Kenan:(Reading the list) Number one: Get out of Jail. Number two: go to the laundry. Number three: get Kenan."

Music

 * The immortal Anna Russell used this in her "Introduction to the Concert (By the Women's Club President)", in which her character introduces "that magnificent pianist, Miss ... er ... Miss Hamburger." It's well worth listening to, if you can find it.
 * When Rush got inducted into Canada's Music Hall of Fame, Alex Lifeson's speech consisted of "Uh-oh...three dozen eggs, two liters of milk and about 150 Valiums."

Radio

 * A "Graham and the Colonel" sketch on The D Generation breakfast show (later included on The Breakfast Tapes album) featured the Colonel reading a list of ingredients for a recipe: "Milk, eggs, bread, dish washing liquid, squegee... Oh wait a minute, this is my shopping list".
 * In the episode "The Canal" of The Goon Show, Henry Crun attempts to read helpful advice to Neddie after he falls in the canal, and gets halfway through a cake recipe before realising he's got hold of a cookbook instead of the Lifesaving Manual. It's typical of the series that the still-drowning Neddie's response to this realisation is to wonder what he should do with the cake batter he's just made.

Theater

 * In The Musical Comedy Of Murders Of 1940, Elsa von Grossenkenueten talks about her grandfather's great achievements in the Kaiser's secret police. She asks her houseguests if they've heard of various historical espionage documents. She begins with the Dreyfus Papers, lists a few more to the complete incomprehension of the others in the room and ends with "the von Emmett Shopping List!?!?
 * Subverted in All The Great Books (Abrdiged) where a certain character, angry at having been given another character's grocery list instead of his poetry, tears it up. Turns out his poems were on the back.
 * In the spoof play ''Murder In the Magnolias", the lawyer who comes in to read the will for the deceased land owner initially reads off a recipe for gumbo, going on for a while until someone points it out to him.

Video Games

 * Inverted in Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice For All where a witness tries to hide her possession of an important document by claiming "this is my top-secret list of groceries to buyyyyyyy!"
 * Fernswarthy's Letter from Kingdom of Loathing probably sets some kind of record, starting out as the great (but senile) wizard excoriating his pupils for digging up his body, meandering into a reminiscence about the last kid who bugged him, segueing from that to a friendly letter to someone away on vacation before finally, yes, ending with a grocery list.
 * Inverted in Sam and Max Season 2 where you actually have to replace a list of swear words with a grocery list to solve one puzzle.
 * From then on, the Soda Poppers are referred to as the **** Poppers, making players chuckle every time.

Web Animation
"Strong Bad: "That's not a love poem! That is a lavishly produced grocery list!"
 * The Homestar Runner cartoon "The Interview". Strong Bad tries to interview Homestar, but Homestar at first thinks he's at a job interview and hands Strong Bad his "resume", not realizing it's his grocery list.
 * Then in the sbemail "Love Poems", Homestar relays a "love poem" to Marizpan, which is more like an acrostic poem full of foodstuffs.

Homestar Runner: "No, here is my grocery list: Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing!"

Strong Bad: "Woah, where have you been shopping??"

Homestar Runner: "Sky Mall.""

Web Comics
"Code of the Demon Hunters: Demons are bad. Kill demons. Also, remember milk, cereal, and bread."
 * Not quite, but almost: In this installment of Scary Go Round, the Devil makes an appearance. He's evidently looking at the right note; just misreads it: "Excuse me. Ryan Beckwith? I believe you owe me your soup. Oh, wait, no, can't read my own writing. Soul. You owe me your soul."
 * Happened in this The Noob page.
 * Particularly odd example in this Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, and another one here.
 * In an Adventurers sidestory, the evil Miguel proclaims that he will "defeat chicken sandwiches" before realizing that his speech and grocery list got mixed up.
 * Exterminatus Now managed to fuse this trope with a (not very) Badass Creed.


 * Played with in this Wondermark.
 * Used in this Little Dee strip.
 * Least I Could Do : Rayne Summers has some unusual corporate demands. Not quite a grocery list, though.
 * In A Loonatics Tale: Stone Cold Crazy, Laguna puts some organs into a machine for analysis. The analysis comes back buried in a grocery list.

Western Animation
"Adam West: Milk, butter, cat food, those new potato chips in the snack aisle, beer, deodorant, garbage bags, toothpaste...
 * Duck Tales, Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, Tale Spin, etc. (Common in the "Disney Afternoon" set of cartoons.)
 * One specific example - In one Goof Troop episode, Goofy was obsessed with writing poetry, and all his poems were spectacularly bad. When he picked a poem at random, it later turned out to be his grocery list... and it won. To be fair, it rhymed.
 * The villain in Darkwing Duck's "In Like Blunt" is beaten when he tries to auction off a list of spy information but Darkwing manages to swap it with a chocolate chip cookie recipe. The supervillain audience is not amused.
 * Aladdin villain Mechanicles was fond of doing this. On reading the list Iago remarked "This guy's serious!"
 * Mighty Mouse
 * Looney Tunes
 * Kim Possible: Found in The Movie, wherein Drakken plays "the trading game" with bad guy Big Daddy Brotherson and initially receives the man's grocery list; also found in the Season 4 opener, where Professor Dementor drops his list at one location, making it easier for Kim and Ron to find him in the next.
 * The Critic: Subverted through overuse- When Jay Sherman's Iraqi captor intends to hand him anti-American propaganda to read on live television, he ends up giving Jay a letter to the Urkel fan club, a personal ad, and an invitation to a kegger.
 * In The Simpsons episode "Cape Feare," Sideshow Bob writes a list of his diabolical plans in his own blood and ends it with "Buy corn holders". Then he starts writing a letter to "Life in these United States" before passing out.
 * "Use a PEN, Sideshow Bob!"
 * Subverted by The Simpsons - When Bart and Milhouse were left in charge of Comic Book Guy's store, Milhouse read out his instructions (chocolate malt balls, doughnuts, etc). Bart dismissed this as his grocery list, but no, it was indeed his instructions.
 * In Arthur, Francine and the Brain are fighting, so Arthur and Buster write fake apology letters to try to get them to make up. When Arthur delivers his to the Brain, the Brain reads it and yells "This isn't an apology, it's a list of demands!" as the letter is just a list of toys and dolls preceded by "I want." Arthur quickly realizes that he wrote the letter on the back of his little sister's Christmas list.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants a few times
 * Plankton: The secret formula is -- One bottle of molting lotion, take passport photo, buy new safe, travel size?!
 * "A floating shopping list!" "I'm not a shopping list... I'M A GHOOOOOOOOOST!"
 * "Let's see... go to work, go to work, go to work, go to work... oh wait. This is my weekday list."
 * An example shows up in an episode of Phineas and Ferb when Major Monogram is relating to Agent P a list of suspicious items that Doofenshmirtz has purchased. As soon as he reads off "blood sausage", he cites this trope word for word.
 * Made more amusing by the fact that, given some of Doof's prior schemes, blood sausage wouldn't have been outside the realm of possibilities.
 * The hybrid list idea is done with "big laundry".
 * Subverted in the Family Guy episode "Brothers and Sisters", where Cloudcuckoolander Mayor Adam West is getting married to Lois' sister, Carol, and they're saying their own vows:

Carol: Adam, I think that's your shopping list.

Adam West: No, these are my vows. They're all the reasons why I'll always love you."


 * Freefonix: In "Back by Unpopular Demand" BCD are recording a new song. One of the takes is ruined when The Ditz accidentally starts singing a Chinese take-out menu rather than the lyrics of the song.
 * On one episode of Inspector Gadget, the Once an Episode reading of the exploding mission document was completely thrown off the rails by Chief Quimby accidentally handing Gadget his grocery list. The assignment still did explode after Gadget read it, of course.

Web Original
""...all sorts of living dead, giant spiders, orcs and goblins, cave trolls, wizards, cursed warriors, mutant rats, a bottle of oil, toilet paper, two sponges and pasta.""
 * Used in French audio webseries Le Donjon De Naheulbeuk. The Ranger's list of the kind of monsters the adventurers are likely to encounter runs thus: