The Bible/Funny

"Moses: Are you ready, Pharoah? (tosses robe off dramatically and holds out his staff) SNAKE! I CHOOSE YOU!! (Dramatically throws it on the ground near Pharoah's feet, complete with lightening effects) Crowd: (at the staff turning into the snake) Ooooooh! Pharoah: (smirks) Hmph! You desert people are all the same. (Stands up coolly) Prepare yourself as I demolish your miserable snake with my own snakes. (Takes two smaller staffs) POWERS OF RA! GUIDE MY WAY!!! (throws them at Moses' snake with the same dramatic lightening effects) Crowd: 8D (Now amazed at the spectacle) Aaaaaah! Moses: (glares) Cheap parlor tricks. MOSES' SNAKE USES 'DEVOUR' ON PHAROH'S SNAKE (2)!! IT'S SUPER-EFFECTIVE!! Pharoah: O___O Moses: This is only the beginning, Pharoh.
 * Acts 12:7: Evidently, Peter is such a deep sleeper that the angel had to kick him in the ribs to wake him up.
 * Otaku might call Moses' first confrontation with Pharaoh "the world's first Pokémon battle".
 * Oh God, the hilarity!
 * Pharoh's snakes die*
 * Thousands of years later, the Pokemon creator is inspired to make Pokémon after reading this excerpt from the Bible*"


 * We all know the Ancient Egyptians played Yu-Gi-Oh. It’s the Romans who played Pokémon.
 * Gideon had a dream of a giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp.
 * Paul holds a sermon in a tower. It continues long into the night. A guy sitting in the window falls asleep and falls to his death. Paul casually strolls down and hurls himself at the guy, says "This man is not dead", revives him... and goes up to continue his speech until dawn.
 * Paul derailing his own trial by inciting a theological argument amongst his Sadducee and Pharisee judges.
 * Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered."
 * Acts 19:13-16 - When several amateurs try to exorcise a demon, it possesses them instead and causes them to go streaking.
 * Though another interpretation, which probably shouldn't be in this page, is that the demon-possessed guy raped them.
 * Elijah joking to 450 prophets of Baal that their god is too busy taking a shower to help them. Funnier if you interpret "shower" with "pee".
 * John 1:46: Does anything good come from Nazareth?
 * Judges 15:4-5 -- "So Samson caught 300 foxes. He tied them together in pairs by their tails. Then he fastened a torch between their tails. He set the torches on fire and released the foxes in the Philistines' grain fields. So he set fire to all their grain, whether it was stacked or in the fields. Their olive orchards also caught on fire."
 * Not as funny if you remembered why he did it and what happen afterwards.
 * Joseph tells the two men in prison with him what is possibly the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted off!
 * Judges 15:16 (NIV)--"Then Samson said, 'With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men.'" Now go to the King James version.