Uninvited Guests

Uninvited Guests is... technically... a Bleach Fanfic. The story begins with the 11th Division burning down their own barracks and choosing, logically, to move their entire Division to the next building over... the 10th Division barracks. What follows can best be described as Bleach on crack (and possibly several more potent narcotics).

The focus of the story is 10th Division Captain Hitsugaya and his (futile) attempts to deal with the situation in a mature manner, even as the 11th Division cheerfully and unintentionally opposes him, his own vice-captain is of limited value, and the universe itself seems to go out of its way to ruin every single aspect of his life. From this fairly simple premise, the situation slowly but surely degrades, eventually dragging down the entire Soul Society and even Hueco Mundo into a whirling spiral of madness. And at least one war. Things frequently happen for no reason other than they would be funny, and neither the characters nor the subject matter are spared; Comedic Sociopathy abounds in the cast, and plot-holes and tropes from the series are mocked and lampshaded without mercy. Despite this, most (keyword 'most') of the cast largely do manage to stay surprisingly close to their established characterization, if that characterization were slowly driven to madness over an extended period.

For a quick summary:
 * 1-16 - The Eleventh Division moves into the 10th's barracks after they burn theirs down, a small Civil War is raged between the Soul Society and, Toshiro attempts to get help from the captains, and it eventually goes into the second arc with
 * 17-32 -  charges into Las Noches, attacking Aizen, therapy, and switching of sides so often it could make someone's head spin.
 * 33-41 - We couldn't sum this up, even if we tried. All we can say is that Soi-Fong's kingdom is questioned, Aizen appears in the Soul Society, and TV Tropes ultimately takes over.

This story comes highly recommended.

Warning: Don't read this in a library, or anywhere else that uncontrollable laughter will get you in trouble.

Complete, as of 11/25/2011.

""… … … wow. I never realized how annoying that 'barehanded defense' is from the other angle.""
 * Affectionate Parody
 * All According to Plan / Xanatos Roulette: Parodied (what else?). Aizen hasn't actually planned any of this, but that hasn't stopped him from trying to claim he has.
 * Chapter 36. Parodied to hell on a horse like a bat, then back out with a pogo stick.
 * Aizen continues to say it was all according to plan....
 * All Just a Dream: ?
 * Also done in the first chapter, where Hitsugaya dreams Nanao is his lieutenant.
 * And Zoidberg: Quite often, usually concerning Yachiru.
 * Angrish:
 * Toshiro tends to go through this as well.
 * Eventually,  gets it too.
 * To lesser extremes, Aizen's first reaction to seeing the insane Toshiro is "...huh?"
 * Arranged Marriage:  was not amused.
 * Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny: Yachiru.
 * Ax Crazy:  in Ch 18.
 * Bad Boss: Yamamoto, for taking "kill your greatest captains" over "listen to reason". Aizen, for... well, being Aizen.
 * Barehanded Blade Block:.

"Grimmjow: "So, let me get this straight. You are newly-minted Arrancar, freshly Shinigamified." Ikkaku: "Can we think of a different word for that?" Grimmjow: "But you're not just Arrancar. You're Arrancar from the future. And just after being de-masked," Ikkaku: "Much better." Grimmjow: "You were attacked by a strange woman with magical powers who zapped you into the past, and you didn't know about me or your numbers because in the future, all of the Arrancar have taken up… what was it?" Matsumoto: "Cake baking." Grimmjow: "Ah, yes. All the Arrancar have become bakers, and there's no need for us to be numbered or organized into a military unit." Matsumoto: "That's right!" Grimmjow:"… … … and this was REALLY the best story you could think up?""
 * Berserk Button: Calling Captain Hitsugaya "shiro-chan" or "Hitsu-playa" is just asking to be killed.
 * Touch Soi-Fon's stuffed cat, I dare you.
 * If you flirt with Hitsugaya, Harribel, Rangiku will not be amused.
 * Best Out of Infinity: Katen Kyokotsu forces Soi Fon and Kyoraku to do this, adding more and more rounds and changing the game each round.
 * Beyond the Impossible: How batshit insane will Toshiro's day will be? How much simple destruction can Yachiru cause? How much more obsessed with Yoruichi will Soi-Fon be? Very.
 * Big Damn Heroes: See Leeroy Jenkins.
 * Big Damn Hero Villain: Technically,  in chapter 39.
 * Black Sheep Chapter: Chapter 11 was of noticeably lower quality than the usual high comedic standard the story is held up to, to the point where even the characters themselves seem to know it's better to pretend that it never happened.
 * Blatant Lies / Seamless Spontaneous Lie

""My point is, I'm barely qualified to offer psychological advice to people who don't actually need it. You people… you're all lunatics. I'm just a normal Arrancar. I get up in the morning, I put my pants on one leg at a time, I feast on the souls of the innocent, I go to sleep at night. I'm not equipped to deal with you lunatics!""
 * Book Ends: It begins and ends with.
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:

"."
 * Break the Cutie: A comedic example. Shiro-chan undergoes at least three separate nervous breakdowns. Eventually, it becomes an effective battle tactic.
 * Breaking the Fourth Wall: There have been several indications that the characters are fully aware they are in a work of fiction; Orihime once even.
 * Butt Monkey: Toshiro, obviously, but Ukitake, Ichigo, Byakuya, and even Aizen get turns in the 'spotlight'. Basically, if the narrative focusses on a character for any length of time, something bad is probably about to happen to them. And even the most beset upon characters don't respect the Stealth Forces.
 * Cats Are Mean: Sort of. The cat in question is a hallucination, but it is quite evil nonetheless.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Almost everyone to some degree, though Nel and Yachiru are the most obvious.
 * Conservation of Ninjutsu: In full effect for both sides and Lampshaded in Chapter 31. The Stealth Forces of the Soul Society aren't respected by anyone. Their leader, Soi Fon, has basically conquered the entire realm single-handedly. One Arrancar is a massive threat to the shinigami; as a group, they're pretty much useless, since all but three of them are insane; one's lazy, one's on the hero's side, and the last's alone in his world.
 * Cool and Unusual Punishment: torture of Yumichika in chapter 21.
 * Crack Fic
 * Crucified Hero Shot: The Machine.
 * Curse Cut Short between 30 and 31, and earlier in 18.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Aizen. Also Hitsugaya sometimes.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Aizen. Also Hitsugaya sometimes.

"Hitsugaya: So do it, Ichigo. Grow some ultra-strong, or... I don't know, miraculously discover a Super-Bankai at the last second. Fix that, put on your mask, and kill all these guys. Come on. Do it. For once, I want your superhuman luck to be of benefit to me. Get up, save the day, and prove me wrong."
 * Deadpan Snarker: Toshiro. Dear God, Toshiro.
 * At some points, many characters qualify, at least for one moment.
 * Death Seeker: In chapter 34, Ukitake finally snaps from all the crap this fic has put him through on top of suffering from tuberculosis. Instead of going into homicidal rage like, Ukitake wants to die.
 * Deus Ex Machina: Discussed.


 * Did Not Do the Research: Admitted in chapter 13, "Wolves began to howl in the distance... in JAPAN. I don't even know if wolves live in Japan, but they were definitely howling."
 * They do (or at least they did), but the author still didn't do the research.
 * Unintentional example: in chapter 32, Ulquiorra uses his Lanza del Relámpago to  If we take this, then it meant Ulquiorra went straight into his second form, ignoring everyone around him despite trying to keep the transformation secret. If he did(and we're never given description), then this leaps out of Flanderization and into OOC. If he didn't, it's called a Luz de la Luna for his first transformation.
 * Disappointed in You: Unohana does this in chapter 35, when she uses her Team Mom status to guilt trip Soi Fon into surrendering her hold on Soul Society.

"Aizen: When I find that little brat, I am going to murder the hell out of her, and I'm going to do it just because it makes me feel better. How is that for petty?"
 * Eldritch Abomination: Byakuya seems to think Yachiru is one, up to and including only referring to her as 'The Yachiru' because simply 'Yachiru' "Makes her sound too... human."
 * Embarrassing Nickname: Hitsugaya keeps his canon 'shiro-chan' and picks up the even more detestable.
 * Yachiru gave Aizen the nickname 'Nerd'. One of the reasons he destroyed is glasses when he defected was so he would never have to hear the nickname again.
 * Evil Is Petty: At one point, Aizen has the revelation that perhaps he was betraying Soul Society, committing many depraved acts and attempting to become a god simply to have an excuse to get away from all the lunatics there. He finds the theory depressingly petty. Though no action seems to be too petty when it comes to Yachiru.

"Matsumoto: Now, Captain Hitsugaya is, well... a Captain. So he's faster than we are, no doubt, but we can probably still catch up to him, just because he's going to be in the living world for a long time. I mean, he'd have to find a gate to Hueco Mundo, and I seriously doubt anyone will actually help him get there! Nobody could be THAT completely irresponsible! Meanwhile, elsewhere... Urahara: Well, yes, I suppose I can get you to Hueco Mundo for your top-secret mission."
 * Filler Villain: In chapter 39,  is specifically brought in to play this role.
 * Finagle's Law
 * Flanderization: Everyone's character quirks are exaggerated to near (or occasionally literally) psychotic levels. And there's nothing wrong with that.
 * Only one who survives this is Ulquiorra, save for his sanity being strained by the lunatics around him.
 * Genre Savvy: Hitsugaya and as of chapter 35, more or less anyone.
 * Gilligan Cut:

""The fact that one of our own number has defected, casting doubt on the rest of us?" Ulquiorra guessed. Grimmjow resisted the urge to punch him. Man, he hated that guy. "The fact that we're… ::yawn::… awake?" Starrk wondered. Grimmjow resisted the urge to kick him. Man, he hated that guy. "The fact that I haven't eaten in almost two hours? By the way, you guys are probably a lot more edible than you think, so one of you should probably do something about that." Yammy suggested. Grimmjow resisted the urge to stab him. Man, he hated that guy. Grimmjow was a being of varied and complex emotions."
 * Hates Everyone On His Side Equally: Grimmjow;

""DAMMIT, STRIPPING IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!" Hitsugaya roared, blushing furiously and covering his eyes. "It won't?" "NO! YOUR BOOBS ARE NOT AN ALL-PURPOSE PROBLEM SOLVER!" "Really? But they've always worked in the past." Matsumoto said, a little confused."
 * The Hero: At first, Ichigo. Then it's
 * Hilarity Ensues: Just...read the premise.
 * Hostile Show Takeover:.
 * Humiliation Conga:
 * For  case;
 * I Have Boobs - You Must Obey!: Matsumoto is genuinely confused when undoing her robe doesn't distract Hitsugaya:
 * I Have Boobs - You Must Obey!: Matsumoto is genuinely confused when undoing her robe doesn't distract Hitsugaya:

"Ulquiorra shrugged. "Later on, I'll tell him that he was here and that he received proper therapy. That should do the job." "… what?" "If I tell him that he received therapy and got over his fear, he'll believe me." Ulquiorra said. "But… but he won't have!" "No, but if he thinks he did, that's just as good." Ulquiorra said serenely. "You'd be amazed what Yammy can do when he doesn't know what he hasn't done." Grimmjow just opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Aaaaand, now I have a headache.""
 * In Love with Your Carnage: Tia Halibel falls head-over-heels for Hitsugaya after watching him crush her fellow Espada in a madness-fueled rampage, going as far to even defect.
 * Implausible Deniability:  have rather effectively sheltered themselves from all the madness by simply locking themselves in their home and adamantly refusing to admit that anything is happening outside.
 * Insane Troll Logic: Yachiru, Old Man Genocide, Psycho Toshiro, Shunsui's Shikai, and just about anything involving Aizen.
 * Don't forget Rangiku and her cheese, which somehow works 16+ times!... in the same day!
 * Or Soi Fon and her throwing everyone in jail for.
 * Ulquiorra's own version;

"Gin: Well, I'm not exactly a psychologist, but I believe that the technical explanation would be that our old friend has gone 'batshit insane'."
 * It Got Worse: While this is indeed the whole fic plus Rule of Funny, chapter 37 has this when Aizen finally reveals his master plan:.
 * Jerkass Has a Point: Despite it looking like it would, it's averted by Grimmjow; all he manages to do with his "heroic speech" is piss everyone off.
 * Kick the Dog: As the Arrancar therapist and Ulquiorra put it, "Just one of those things [Aizen] does to mess with us", i.e everything.
 * Kill It with Fire / Ice: Yachiru and Hitsugaya.
 * Lampshade Hanging: A lot. In chapter 39 they even outright state that it's "Basically Just 'TV Tropes: The Story'"
 * Leeroy Jenkins: Brutally (and hilariously) deconstructed in chapter 30.
 * Also,  in ch 17, who proceeds to take on entire Hueco Mundo by himself. The thing is....

" : Yeah, but SOMEONE has to open these pickles. BANKAI!!"
 * Memetic Sex God: In-universe example, Hitsugaya. Apparently everyone in Soul Society is convinced that he at least has Hinamori, Matsumoto and now Yachiru. All of his efforts to clear things up has just led to them concluding that he doesn't limit himself to just one gender.
 * Mind Screw: Mr. Whiskery, the evil cat hallucination that tries to break Toshiro's teeth so that he steal his sushi, calls Toshiro nuts after Toshiro knocked himself out...somehow.
 * Chapter 38. The level of WRONGNESS in the fight between  isn't even softened by Yamamoto stating that it Makes. No. Sense. See Purple Prose for details.
 * Mistaken for Gay: Hitsugaya, but only by Soi Fon and Hinamori (the rest of the Soul Society is convinced he wouldn't limit himself to one gender).
 * Mundane Utility: taken to (il)logical extremes in Ch 6.

"Matsumoto: Wow, maybe you're not a genius after all. Are you not picking up what just happened? Yachiru Kusajishi is wandering unsupervised through your house."
 * New Powers as the Plot Demands:  Aizen immediately complains that this doesn't make any sense.
 * No Except Yes: They don't want to kidnap Yachiru. They just want to clandestinely steal her from her legal guardians and hold her captive for an undetermined amount of time.
 * Oh Crap: Aizen got one of these in chapter 22.

"Hitsugaya: Here, help me get Abarai to medical attention. With any luck, they'll be done by the time we get back. Ichigo: And if they're not? Hitsugaya: We find some popcorn."
 * You could say all the Arrancars felt this when Toshiro snapped in 32.
 * And then Matsumoto gets one along with Kyoraku. Why?
 * Only Sane Man: Tellingly enough, Matsumoto of all people took up this mantle somewhere around chapter 30, and Soi Fon had this role thrust on her while 'fighting' with . For much of the story, Hitsugaya tried to be one.
 * On the evil(er) side, Ulquiorra maintained his sanity up until Shiro-chan showed his full fury in Chapter 32. He's also the only Espada sane enough to realize that therapy might be useful... until he threatens to eat the therapist.
 * Paper-Thin Disguise: Chapter 19 has this for our "Rescue-Toshiro" squad. Grimmjow falls for it until Matsumoto slips a wrong number. Becomes a bigger challenge to figure out if Grimmjow was screwing with them the following scene and knew they were in disguise, or...
 * Chapter 23 has another one with Jushiro, Shunsui, and Yamamoto. It only works because the Stealth Force are so stupid.
 * Pass the Popcorn: After Rukia and Yachiru begin to fight over a stuffed bunny.

"Matsumoto : "Dude, everybody already knows. Zaraki is the only one who hasn't figured it out. Well, Yachiru probably hasn't either, but that's not saying much.""
 * Pet the Dog: The Universe may do this. Eventually. If you can survive 40 chapters of Crack Fic.
 * Plot Armor: Lampshaded.
 * Power Born of Madness:  in chapter 17; in chapter 30 the inverse happens.
 * The Power of Love: This is what said helped   conquer the Seireitei for
 * Psycho Lesbian: Soi Fon . And it works.
 * Psychic Static: Aizen learns the hard way that his Perfect Hypnosis is useless on a guy who has gone crazy.
 * Puff of Logic: When Matsumoto points out that.
 * Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: MY! NAME! ISN'T! SHIRO-CHAN! IT'S! CAPTAIN! HITSUGAYA!
 * Purple Prose: With chapter 38, in, this abounds relentlessly.
 * Relax-O-Vision: From chapter 32: "What followed was… ugh. Horrible. It shall not be described here, this is a teen-rated story. [ . . . ] Honestly, just don't think about it, go look at a picture of a bunny or a kitten or something. You'll be happier."
 * Rule of Funny: So much.
 * Sarcastic Devotee: You know how Gin in canon is very loyal to Aizen until the Deicide Arc? Yeah, not so much here.
 * And this even BEFORE the Deicide Arc! And, somehow, they even FORESHADOW something that didn't even happen yet!
 * Schedule Slip: The fic has been in-progress for roughly three years, with updates slipping from once every few weeks to maybe once a month, which the author is totally aware of. Still, once a month is better than the alternative.
 * The longest break it has had was a seven month gap between chapters.
 * Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Stark invokes this in Chapter 32.
 * Subverted... sorta.
 * More notably in chapter 37, when.
 * Shut UP, Hannibal: Having killed/left Ichigo for dead, Ulquiorra opens up on a speech. Toshiro, mad at the world, cuts him off at the second sentence.
 * Significant Anagram: See Suspiciously Specific Denial below.
 * Spanner in the Works:.
 * Spell My Name with an "S": The author freely admits that he uses 'Halibel' instead of 'Harribel' because he just likes the former more.
 * Stating the Simple Solution:.
 * Suicide Pact: All the Arrancars thought Ulquiorra would say this.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: The new recruits,  couldn't possibly be a   Their names are different and totally not suspicious, see?
 * Aaroniero,, after the trip to the therapist, at least.
 * Gin gets a few of these in a few times about his plan.
 * Surrounded By Lunatics: Poor, poor, Hitsugaya...
 * Ulquiorra gave up trying to understand his co-workers before he understood the analogy Toshi said about ninjas.
 * Talking Is a Free Action: Lampshaded where in the middle of Kyoraku's Shikai release poem, Soi Fon kicks him in the face.
 * Team Mom: Unohana..
 * Tears of Fear: Again, chapter 32.
 * Theme Music Power-Up: Iconic series tune 'Number One' (referred to here as 'the cheesy 80's music') pops up a few times to provide these, and actually works once. For
 * It works a second time in Chapter 38. Spectacularly and hilariously for.
 * The Day the Music Lied:.
 * The Not-Secret:

" "That's right. You are never, ever allowed to say it. And don't you ever forget that fact. Bitch.""
 * The Stoic -> Not So Stoic: Granted, Toshiro wasn't really stoic to begin with in this, but
 * Theory of Narrative Causality:.
 * There Are No Therapists: Well, there is one, but even she isn't a real therapist, so...
 * Done straight pretty harshly.
 * This Is for Emphasis, Bitch:  in Chapter 32.

" "Go on. Do it. You've been talking about it for hours, so man up and finish me off. Come on, I dare ya, bitch. I. Want. It. To. End.""

""Anyway, I'm probably not going to die. If it were just one Espada, sure, but I really doubt all of them together could coordinate themselves enough to successfully accomplish anything. It's like ninjas, where the fewer ninjas you have the better they are?""
 * Trauma Conga Line: The whole point of the series:
 * Toshiro has Squad 11 move into his barracks, turn it upside down, and then burn it to the ground while he tries (and fails) to find some way to get rid of them while more (read: steaming heaps of) insanity ensues..
 * Ukitake somehow.
 * Aizen somehow finds himself.
 * Soi Fon and Gin also get these; the former when she faces Shunsui's Shikai of Doom, and the latter... whenever Aizen opens his mouth. Given that Gin is at times Las Noches' Deadpan Snarker Only Sane Man,.
 * As well as half the Arrancars;
 * Unstoppable Rage: Chapter 32. HO. LY. SHIT.
 * Happens twice before, too. Just off screen.
 * Unwilling Suspension: Everyone Soi Fon captures.
 * We ARE Struggling Together!:

""But how did you-" "Complete hypnosis." "Wait, but that doesn't-" "COMPLETE HYPNOSIS!""
 * Explanation:
 * A Wizard Did It: Aizen's Complete Hypnosis.


 * He has now added Amnesia Dust and the Flashback Alteration Engine to his "explanations".
 * The Worf Effect: Invoked..
 * World Gone Mad: The Soul Society, at least. Of course, Ulquiorra could argue that Las Noches is there, too.
 * World of Snark
 * Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Done literally with an Arrancar named "Woobie". Execution? Not so much.
 * Yandere: Halibel and Soi Fon are both very devoted to their respective loves, and neither one of them is what you could call "stable" about it.