CRFH/Characters

CRFH has a diverse cast of damaged personalities. Since the transition from "hilariously quirky" to "tragically psychotic" is very, very gradual, expect the bios to be nearly totally composed of spoilers.

The Roomies From Hell
Michael Redford Green
 * A Heroic Sociopath who domineered the rest of the cast. His demeanor turns out to have come from his mother, a Smug Snake straight out of James Bond. The fight against Satan left him with a staff of diabolic power and a one-time easement on control of his body. When he took the cast to Cancun as part of an apparent Xanatos Roulette, Satan used him to impregnate April, and then gave her Yandere tendencies just enough of a nudge to lead to Mike's death from a stab meant for his fiancée Marsha. Recently returned to life, albeit in his old, partially decayed body, although his soul still seems to be in purgatory (and trapped there by the zombie's existence), raising the question of just who is in his zombified body. Mutation: tentacle.

David Jones
 * A high school friend of Margaret who saved her from the explosion that killed her parents without letting her know. His obsessive crush on her was a major source of comedy in the early years (indirectly giving the three boys their mutations), until Blue won him over and Margaret finally started to return his affections. Also, his soul was stolen by Satan and returned, but half of it went to a cat; he's become something of a literal Cosmic Plaything since then. The Love Triangle and Blue's issues have led him to be the angstiest character, especially since he and Margaret were at the apparent nadir the last two of the main six who hadn't died or left. Mutation: heat vision.

Roger Pepitone
 * A happy Cloudcuckoolander who loves to start "nonsense contests" with his sister and others, and whose hand is apparently a sentient Jerkass. Until it was revealed that he was a werecoyote, which was played for absurd laughs until he found his estranged mother, a giant, man-eating full-time coyote who told him that his humanity was slipping away, which was proven to him the hard way when torture led to Satan taking over his body and killing dozens. Then his mother attacked Margaret in the woods and got a shotgun round to the heart, after which Margaret and Roger apparently had sex, which annoyed both Dave and Diana. Roger tried to leave the Roomies behind to celebrate his true nature, but found himself unable to adjust. Mutation: eye in already-sentient hand.

The Girls Next Door
Marsha Hart
 * Mike's fiancée, introduced as a Lethal Chef who tried to match her father's success as a cook, while pursued by small animals that she occasionally used to attack people. Her cooking, combined with the boys' sentient fridge mold, led to the creation of a "batato" that bit her, giving her bat wings that manifested during a suicide attempt brought on by a falling-out with Mike. She had a tendency to be insanely jealous in regard to Mike and even her ex-boyfriends, with her weapon of choice being fire extinguishers. Her rivalry with April developed into a full-blown deathmatch that ended in Mike's death. Then she tried to harness the power of Satan through his staff, until Hazel seemingly blew her brains out to capture April. Recent strips seemed to show that she survived, and Took a Level in Badass; more recent strips, however, suggest that she's just been rebuilt as a cyborg to infiltrate the Roomies.

Margaret Browning
 * Dave's best friend since high school, who lost her parents when her house was firebombed. This event turned her already-violent nature into borderline insane survivalism and an obsession with weapons. Dreams she had after an encounter with Satan convinced her that she was destined to be the mother of the Antichrist and that everyone close to her was sure to die violently; not wanting to put Dave through that, she rebuffed his affections despite her growing feelings. She now finds herself too attracted to Dave to be content with this, now that he's happy with Blue.

April Sommers
 * A duplicate of her sister, June, accidentally created by magic, who despite this considered herself the token "normal" roomie until she became attracted to Mike after a Fake-Out Make-Out gone wrong. This attraction blossomed into full-blown insanity, to the point that she and Marsha would periodically try to kill each other. This reached a climax when Mike was accidentally fatally stabbed, but not before Satan used his body to impregnate April. After this, Marsha tried to kill her again, but Hazel shot Marsha and took April into her custody, planning to raise the child as her own and torture April to death.

Other
Blue Green
 * Mike's younger sister, who does her best to get Dave away from Margaret, or at least drive him crazy.

Hazel Green
 * Mike and Blue's Evil Matriarch, whom they refer to as "The Dragon".

Diana
 * Roger's easy-going Hooker with a Heart of Gold girlfriend.

Paul
 * Diana's streetwalking Transvestite old brother.

Vernon Damascus

Joe

James Dover

Waldo and Steve
 * A pair of sociopathic yet rather pathetic Satanists who live in the room below them.

And let's not forget The Prince of Darkness, who shows up in various forms throughout the series to torment all of them personally.