Assassin's Creed: Revelations/Funny

"They raised the chain for me?"
 * A TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed: Revelations is normal. But a TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed: Revelations sung by Tobuscus? Hilarious!
 * From the gameplay demo, after finding out the Templars have raised the Great Chain, preventing Ezio from leaving Constantinople by boat. Ezio's reaction?:

"Ezio: When I was your age my interests were... (distracted by a beautiful woman) were mainly... Salve. (hello)
 * Ezio remembering his philandering days:

Suleiman I: Incredible. I am surprised you got anything done.

Ezio: As was my mother."

"Sofia: Who are you, messere?
 * What makes this even more outrageously hilarious is that he was commenting on Suleiman I's rather busy and professional lifestyle, and despite utterly failing at describing how his youth was in comparison, he still manages to get the point across regardless.
 * Also, Ezio's attempt at wooing the aforementioned beautiful woman:

Ezio: Only the most interesting man in your life.

Sofia: Che presuntuoso. (Presumptuous.)"

"Yusuf: And don't be afraid to experiment. What's the worst that could happen?"
 * Made even better by Ezio having a very Most Interesting Man in the Worldish beard.
 * Ezio is the most interesting Assassin in Constantinople. He doesn't always assassinate Templars, but when he does, he uses the HookBlade.
 * This gem from Yusuf while explaining bomb-crafting to Ezio:

"Yusuf: Ezio Auditore de... la la la."
 * The scene where we first meet Yusuf is pretty silly.

"Young Cesare, I heard him say / he could not be killed by man. / So I tossed him through the air / to see where he might land.
 * Ezio as a minstrel, outfit, singing and all:

Cesare, Oh, Cesare / A man of great depravity / He thought himself immortal / 'til he had a date with gravity.

There was once a man named Duccio / A rat with lecher's taste / Whenever he would show himself / My fist would find his face.

Fair Lucrezia could not sate / her appetite for lovers / But I suspect she would be fine / with two or three more brothers.

Oh, the beauties of Firenze / can melt a heart you see / Beware the girls of Roma / lest fire you wish to pee.

I am a tactless minstrel / I sing off-key for coins / If you see me in the street / please kick me in the loins.

The things I do to save the world / surprise me time to time / Like learning how to play the lute / and making these words rhyme."

"Suleiman: It is a relief to see you again, il mio bel menestrello (my handsome minstrel). Did I say that right?
 * Not to mention how Ezio seems rather delighted at the opportunity to beat up Italian minstrels.
 * After Ezio saves Suleiman at the party:

Ezio: Well enough."

"Duccio: [he recognizes you] Ah! Il diavolo in persona! (The devil himself!) Stay back!
 * The kick is some foreign minstrel save Suleiman from assassination while royal guards can't.
 * Duccio, of all people, appear in this game for a short while. Found attempting to woo Sofia Sartor (who isn't pleased) until Ezio pops up from behind:

Ezio: Duccio. A pleasure."

"Nameless Voice: Go to New York. That way, if you go there with nothing, and you leave with nothing, no one will ask why, and if you leave with something, you're one lucky son of a bitch."
 * You can also still find him in the city afterwards and beat him up. It gives an achievement.
 * The fact Desmond created a drink called the "Shirley Templar" when he was a bartender.
 * There's a creepy part, though: the drink is a Shirley Temple with a squirt of gin. A kid's fantasy for adults, like he thought the Templars were... until they kidnapped him as easily as they would pick up some change from a sidewalk.
 * Creepy or no, this troper can attest that a "Shirley Templar" is actually pretty tasty!
 * During one of the Desmond sequences he discusses how he ended up in New York. Apparently he was following some advice he heard somewhere saying:


 * In one mission, Ezio helps the Romanies get back their coin chest. What makes it funny is that you take advantage of your poison darts and spread the rumor of a 'Romani curse'. As more and more people die from the poison darts, the guards start running away. Eventually, you pick the chest up and return it to the Romani camp. As you do so, all the guards run screaming from the 'cursed chest' while Ezio and the Romanies' leader idly chit-chat with their screams in the background.
 * Disarming opponents in the fourth Altaïr mission. Who knew seeing an 82 year old man kick someone in the balls was so utterly hilarious?
 * Unlocking the Desmond skin before beating the main storyline, then playing through the rest of the game with it. It even sticks around for cutscenes, with no redubbing of the voice!
 * Even better, it maintains Desmond's outfit perfectly and includes all the weapons... Except the Hookblade. Which becomes utterly hilarious when you see Desmond flying through the air without a connection to anything, stabbing through a Mook with his fingers, or throwing them with what looks like The Force. Desmond is a Jedi!
 * From the herald: "To all visitors from Transylvania looking for the head of Voivode Dracula: Yes, we have it. Yes, he's dead. No, you cannot see it. No, he will not return and invade you again. It has been over thirty years, please stop pestering us."