A Angle Is With Us

A Angle Is With Us is a Final Fantasy VII Fanfic that exemplifies MarySueness at its zenith, with a half-hearted plot and frail-yet-lovely protagonist that reads like a checklist of quintessential Suefic traits.

The plucky 16-year-old elite military operative, with the angelic beauty and singing voice, is assigned to help the main characters from Crisis Core attack a site of Dark Soldiers outside of town, but once there, she is confronted by a Dark Soldier who seems to know more about her backstory than we, the audience, ever will. As they begin to fight, she casts a spell and another beautifully-dressed angelic form appears to help her, but the original teenage girl collapses and the entire mission stops as the Crisis Core cast tenderly bears her back to their Headquarters. Once there, the resident mad scientist Professor Hojo takes an interest in her supernatural abilities, and the whole cast of the game rallies to defend her from his poorly-defined-but-definitely-evil schemes.

Oh, and her name is Anal. Anal the Angel, in full.

Anal the Angel spends most of her own story unconscious or incapacitated in some way, and her presence is guaranteed to stop the plot dead in its tracks as the rest of the cast flocks attentively around her weeping (but still lovely!) form -- even in the middle of a fight scene. The story's main plot is amusingly hard to follow, being fraught with forgotten subplots, character confusion, massive timeskips (hours to weeks) whenever the OC couldn't take the spotlight, and interludes of Anal and her friends going shopping or gossiping about the Bishonen heroes they like. Early allusions to a possible backstory and antagonist gradually peter out, in favour of scene after scene wherein the game's original Badass Crew cast stands around admiring Anal's wonderfulness, helping her to develop her angelic powers, and constantly smiling.

The story is most notorious for the moment when, not content with her OC's personal tragedy quotient, the author blatantly plagiarized one of the more famous and tragic scenes from Crisis Core,, making it about Anal and her brother Anakin, instead.

The story can be found here.


 * Badass Decay: An entire cast of super-human fighters get their asses handed to them repeatedly by mooks, or forget to fight altogether.
 * Captain Obvious: Most of the characters get promoted to this rank at some point:
 * "There is a bed over there!"
 * Clap Your Hands If You Believe: At one point, Anal's telepathic alter-ego informs Angeal that Anal will come out of her coma if Angeal believes in her.
 * Copy Cat Sue: Two of the minor OC's are female versions of Sephiroth and Genesis, right down to their identical swords, and while the Mary Sue doesn't physically resemble Angeal, her name (eventually) does (see Spell My Name With An S, below).
 * Costume Porn: Even the canonical characters' standard uniforms get this treatment.
 * Faux Action Girl: The protagonist is introduced as a 2nd-class Soldier (an incredibly powerful fighter and trained operative), but is never depicted holding a weapon, and does nothing in any battle situation but collapse and have to be carried off by the real fighters.
 * Forgotten Phlebotinum: Surprisingly averted, exactly once -- during one of the many "Anal is somehow injured and dying" scenes, Zack performs a high-level Cure spell on an injured comrade. The rest of the time, the whole cast completely forgets about using materia, or even their swords.
 * How Do I Used Tense: "'How Long till Hollander came!' Genesis Shout out of boring.
 * Improbable Age: Anal is regressed from 23 to 16, as a result of her supernatural alter-ego being injured.
 * Rouge Angles of Satin: Literally, in the title of the story, and the atrocious spelling doesn't get better.
 * "Her tempter is hot. I think she don't have a fever."
 * "Hojo look at him with angry in his black and coldness eyes."
 * "Few mints later." (used every time the author skips past an action sequence to the bloody aftermath)
 * Spell My Name with an "S": In the first two chapters, the main character's name is given as "Anal," but apparently someone told the author what this meant, and the name mutated through "Anile" and "Angly" before settling on "Anglia."
 * The Chosen One: Though what she's chosen for, we never know.
 * Unintentionally Sympathetic: In the original game, Evil Genius Hojo is reviled because he's profoundly, insanely evil and creepy. In the fanfic, the author fails to show the evil or creepiness, but keeps the hatred, making Hojo a Designated Monkey or Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain.
 * Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma
 * What Happened to the Mouse?? Anal's two Copy Cat Sue sidekicks, numerous supporting OCs, and even the villain just kind of disappear by the Tastes Like Diabetes ending.
 * Anal's alter-ago is also never explained or heard from again. Was she a Starfish Character? A Double Consciousness? Split Personality? Was Anal just hearing voices? The world may never know.