James K. Polk



""Who the hell is James K. Polk?""

- Whig party slogan during the 1844 election campaign.

""Who the hell are the Whigs?""

- Most late-20th-century high school students.

Um... They Might Be Giants sang about him? And the school in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide was named after him, wasn't it? Or was it Married... with Children? The only US Presidential candidate to lose both his home state and state of residence but still win until 2016?

Seriously, the 11th president was one of the most underrated in history. He is sometimes called "Our greatest one-term president." Between the purchase of the Oregon Territory (present-day Oregon, Washington State, Idaho, and chunks of Montana and Wyoming) in a move that avoided the serious threat of war over the territory with Great Britain, and the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo (which added California, Nevada, Utah, most of New Mexico and parts of three other states), added almost a million square miles to U.S. territory. Had an enviable record for setting and (gasp!) accomplishing his agenda.

The Mexican-American War (when Polk, as TMBG put it, "seized the whole southwest from Mexico") was fairly controversial at the time. Abolitionists considered it a war being waged for the purposes of expanding slavery into new territories (at the time, not many people knew that Arizona and New Mexico weren't exactly suitable for plantation labor). Henry David Thoreau, who refused to pay taxes to support the war, coined the term civil disobedience at this time.

Many consider him to be one of the finest presidents of all time for the simple reason that he achieved everything he wanted to do in his single term, which is why he decided to not run for reelection (it wouldn't have done him any good as he died only 103 days after Zachary Taylor, his successor, was inaugurated President). Or for the simple reason that his mullet was about 140 years ahead of its heyday.

And for the record, if you're in Mexico, make sure you always, always talk shit about him, about Antonio López de Santa Anna, and about the "Lost Territories"...

A one-minute summary of the guy can be found here.


 * Dark Horse Victory: Trope Codifier. He won the presidency after Martin Van Buren shot himself in the political foot after the question of Texan annexation, which made Polk the one to succeed him after Van Buren nuked his own political credibility.
 * Exact Words: Abraham Lincoln famously tried to catch him in a lie over how the Mexican-American War started, asking Polk to declare the exact spot the war started, as if it started on Mexico's side of the border, then it was an illegal war.
 * Groin Attack: Had surgery when he was young to remove kidney stones. Given the crudeness of the surgery, it did severe damage to his groin that rendered him impotent for the rest of his life.
 * Implacable Man: When he served as Speaker of the House in the late 1830s, his enemies tried desperately to get him provoked into a fight, as that would damage his political credibility, but despite having everything and the kitchen sink thrown at him (verbally), he refused to take the bait. His ability to resist the urge to rise to the bait was so profound even the infamously Hot-Blooded Andrew Jackson was amazed at his coolness.
 * Spiritual Successor: Was referred to as "Young Hickory", a reference to Andrew Jackson, who was known as "Old Hickory".
 * Workaholic: Known for this. Probably shortened his life too, as he tended to work from morning to midnight constantly.