Riff Trax/Funny

Since Riff Trax is essentially an Uncanceled Mystery Science Theater 3000 with the same cast as the later years of that show, funny moments are almost entirely guaranteed.


 * Film Franchises
 * Shorts

300
"Leonidas: What message do you bring? Persian Messenger: Earth and water. Mike: So...mud. Leonidas: You rode all the way from Persia for earth and water? Bill: Well, I lost some of the message along the way..."
 * When the Persian messenger arrives:

"Bill: Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA! Mike: His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!" Kevin: Or when he's giving his car a tune-up, and his kid asks, "Hey, dad? What's that small, white thing with metal at each end?" And he always replies, "THIS! IS! A SPARK PLUG!" Bill: Or...when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal-- Mike: Uh-oh, where's he going with this? Bill: And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "THIS! IS! 'SPART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST!!!"
 * When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the THIS! IS! SPARTA! gag straight into the ground:

Kevin: Wow!

Mike: Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done!"

"Son: Um, Dad, why are you Scottish?"
 * Leonidas sitting down next to his son after a sparring session, "Hey, wanna beer, kid?"

"Leonidas: Submission. Mike: That would be a great name for a Muslim rock band."
 * When Leonidas meets with the Persian messenger:

"General Guy: ...Sons to carry on their name. Bill: Though Johnson's son may not be the marrying type, if you know what I mean. Mike: He's considering moving to Athens, if you catch my drift.
 * "Jog, men! Jog casually into battle! JOG!!!"
 * (seeing the Rain of Arrows) "Aw, relax; they're probably not even meant for us..."
 * When the 300 are preparing to leave:

Kevin: We think he may be a homosexual, if you can read between the lines."

"Mike (as Delios): And so Xerxes and Jimmy Buffett assembled the largest boat-to-boat party in history."
 * After a shot of the massive Persian fleet:

"Kevin: (as Xerxes puts his hands on Leonidas's shoulders) Mmmm...you're so tense... Xerxes: It's not the lash they fear... Mike: Oh, no...it's turning into one of these... (all three start imitating porno music)"
 * "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for, like, five minutes!"
 * "Uh, I don't like this new 'extreme' image for The Giving Tree --it was fine the way it was."
 * "March Of The Penguins had less marching!!"
 * Leonidas meeting Xerxes for the first time:

"Leonidas: You are as generous...as you are... Mike: Gay. Leonidas: ...divine... Bill: Oh, he is divine~
 * And later in that scene:

Leonidas: Such an offer, only a madman would refuse.

Mike: (in a bad Scottish accent) And guess what? I forgot me thorazine today!"

"Delios: We did what we were trained to do, what we were bred to do, what we were born to do. Bill: What we were cast, costumed, and choreographed to do. Mike: What we were blue-screened and digitized to do. Bill: What we were shaved to do."
 * "Muffin out your chests, men!"
 * "Alright, men, ready your six-packs! And if you haven't done so already, oil up those pecs!"
 * (imitating Roger Rabbit) "Ahem. Attention, Spartans!"
 * During one of the many battle scenes:

"Kevin: Okay, so they're really pre-ninja ninjas.
 * And in another battle:

Mike: In pre-kabuki kabuki masks.

Bill: And using pre-samurai samurai swords."

"Delios: (narrating) When muscle failed, they turned to their magic... Bill: To their Ku Klux Pimps!"
 * When they start throwing bombs at the Spartans:

"Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been The Importance of Being Earnest."
 * "Alright, we're finally here. The movie has finally taken us quite literally to hell."

"Disembaudio: Bill: No-no, no, no-- Disembaudio: Kevin: No, Disembaudio-- Disembaudio:"
 * When the evil senator essentially rapes Queen Gorgo:

"Delios: The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia.... Kevin: The Russian vollyball team?"
 * "Kneel before the soundtrack!! SUBMIT TO IT!!!!!"
 * Also referring to the music: "March, gentlemen, march to the music of Nine Daktylos Nails!
 * The Immortals approach.

"Mike: HAM ALERT! HAM ALERT!!! (imitates klaxon)"
 * During Xerxes' rebuttal to Leonidas turning down his offer to submit to Persia's will:

"Delios: (narrating) [Leonidas's] roar is loud and long... Mike: His teeth are bleached and capped..."
 * Right before all the Spartans get killed:

"Kevin: But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear headed into him... (The spear clips his face, making him bleed, and sticking in the back of his throne) Bill: (as Xerxes covers his face) How tacky!"
 * After Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes

Spartans: HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH! Mike: And I'm a flower arranger!
 * The Slo-mostrians are coming!
 * Leonidas: Spartans! What is your profession?!
 * "Remember, only you can prevent sickly babies from diluting the strength of our race! Freeedooom!"

Alien
""I've got a little alien in me, It's as busy as a little bee. It's gonna be my dinner guest When it busts out of my chest, Because I've got a little alien in me.""
 * Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by Randy Newman instead:

Avatar
"Grace: Who'd you expect, numb nuts? Bill: Thoughtful nickname for a guy who is crippled from the waist down."

"Mike: This how it is going to feel like for anyone who dresses as a sexy Na'Vi at Comic-Con this year. Kevin: Hey, now! Don't try to talk me out of it! Bill: Gungan! Kill it! Kevin: Meesa... senet... tar... Bill (whisper): Kill it more!"
 * The scene where Jack tries to keep the doglike creatures away with a torch.

"Soldier: Yee-ha, baby! Get some! Bill: Did I just tell a tree to get some? Man, I need shore leave."
 * During the destruction of the Home Tree

"Mike: In a nice, clean hospital with a crack surgical team? Oh, I guess this is good too."
 * Jack: Look where we are, Grace.

"Mike: Yeah, it kept falling out so somebody stapled the emergency mask into the case..."
 * Bill: Come my peaceful brethren, LET'S KILL THEM ALL!
 * Kevin: Look at this stuff, Isn't it neat? Wish that my junk was as big as my feet. Doctor Manhattan's got nothing on me in PANDORA!
 * Mike's "Robot Knife Fight" song.
 * After the final duel between Quaritch and Jake, Jake is back in his human body and struggling to grab a breath mask:

"Bill: Poopin in da Huggies, eatin da strained peas!"
 * Neytiri, after she meets Jake: You are like a baby! Always making noise, don't know what to do.

"Moat: Her wounds were too great. It was not enough time. Kevin: Also our religion is bullshit."
 * The very last joke:
 * After the failed ritual to transfer Grace into her Avatar:

"Neytiri: The Great Mother does not take sides. Mike (as Neytiri): -she's an amoral psychopath."
 * The 'Informer's rendition was short but hilarious.
 * After Jake prays to the Great Mother for aid.

Mike: George Lucas slowly nods his silent approval. "Kevin: A desperate man in blue, confused and frail, lacking necessary skill and training, called up to the big leagues before he was ready, swinging wildly at his more powerful opponent, a single disinterested spectator idly looking on from a distance... eerily reminiscent of a Kansas City Royals game. Bill: Wow. Mike: I believe you covered three entire city blocks before you got to that one. Kevin: I try."
 * Kevin: 6-legged, anteater horses.
 * Probably the most involved Kansas City Royals joke in Rifftrax history while Jake fights the six-legged dogs:

"Quaritch: Oh, yeah. "Breathing". I suppose some of you pussies need to do that..."
 * Any reference to Quaritch's supreme Badass-itude.

Battlefield Earth
"Bill: Psssh. 3000. What has the year 3000 ever done for us?"
 * During the Opening Scroll:

"Mike: So...these jets were all fueled, and tuned up, and ready to go after A THOUSAND YEARS?! Kevin: Yes, Mike. Mike: And a bunch of knuckle-dragging cave dwellers with spears took a break from picking nits off each other and eating them for a few days and taught themselves to become top-level fighter pilots? Bill: Yes, Mike. Mike: And that, somehow, these exact same weapons - well maintained and on alert, mind you - did NOT save the human race from the aliens one thousand years ago, when the humans who actually MADE these weapons were alive? You know, the humans that did NOT wear goat skins, and sacrifice goats, and smell like goats, and marry goats? Kevin: Yes, Mike. Mike: And is there any reason that I should not dedicate my LIFE to building a time machine, so that I can eventually travel back to the set of Saturday Night Fever and infuse the heels of [John] Travolta's disco shoes with nitro glycerin, so that he is eliminated from history and this movie NEVER GETS MADE?!?! Bill: Um...no, Mike. Go nuts. (Beat)...I think you just did."
 * "I used to like the color blue. Now it's dead to me. Cram it, Smurfs. Piss off, ocean. Screw you, sky."
 * During the final air battle:

"Mike: They did it! Those plucky little Hobbits destroyed The Ring!
 * And soon after that fight...

Kevin: Uh, Mike? We're not in--

Bill: Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh...he's in a better place now."

"Terl: While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME... (the guys start cracking up) Terl: I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES! Bill: Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh?"
 * "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
 * Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.

"Kevin: So, our story so far: Aliens from some death metal planet conquered the Earth then enslaved mankind for a thousand years. Bill: Right. Kevin: Then they sent Travolta, who's going to whiz the entire planet down his leg in a few short days. Bill: Right again. Kevin: And somehow this movie is supposed to make us feel good about Scientology? Mike: Yeah, I think in the same way Birth of a Nation endeared us all to the Klan."
 * This exchange:

Beowulf
"Here, we can follow along in the Old English text: Den punched he, nakede Beowulf, in Grendel on de noggin. Den flipped him doen Gymkata dismounten causen Grendel his assen be roasted en his bippies in der pit smoken. Wow, that is an extremely faithful telling. Oh, you're bettin' your meatballs."
 * The harp-playing scene in the mead hall, where the crew proceeds to interject "What If Thor Was One of Us" and "Shorty Got Low" into the song.
 * During the battle with Grendel:

"Mike: Guys, If I ever burst out of the eye of a giant sea creature, I promise I'll have something better to yell than "MIIIIIIIIIIIKE!""
 * (upon Beowulf stabbing his way out of the eye of the Kraken/Loch Ness Monster/what have you and yelling his name as a war cry:)

"Mike: We interrupt our movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift."
 * (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):

"Mike: (upon seeing Malkovich) GAH! A creepy, hollow-eyed John Malkovich!...In other words, John Malkovich."
 * Anything and everything pertaining to John Malkovich. Example:

"Kevin: GAH! A hideous sea creature! Mike: No no no no, it's just John Malkovich. Kevin and Bill: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"
 * And later, after Grendel has attacked, something rises from the water:

"Mike: To quote one Mr. Kevin Costner on a similar occasion, let's see if I can remember this correctly...(clears throat, says the following line without an ounce of emotion) My boat."
 * In regards to Beowulf's burning pyre boat...thing:

"Beowulf: They were great warriors. Kevin: No, they were Geat warriors. Wiglaf: They died a foul death. Beowulf: They were murdered by a foul creature from the depths of Hell. Bill: Right, Crispin Glover."
 * At the burial of some fellow soldiers:

Birdemic: Shock and Terror
"Bill: (as Tommy Wiseau) Oh, hi, poorly made cult film directed by an immigrant with a funny accent that's trying to horn in on my business! Mike: (as Tommy Wiseau) Oh, hello darkness my old friend. Hahahaha!"
 * The guys start noticing a similar similarity between Birdemic and a certain other film.

"Kevin: Help, it's a strangely localized forest fire! Bill: With small pinpoint blazes that are not spreading in the least! Help! Mike: And which are handily contained to tiny patches off the road itself making safe passage quite easy! Help! (later) Kevin: It's not a forest fire. It's a bunch of Buddhist monk chipmunks doing a simultaneous self-immolation to protest! Bill: To protest global warming? Kevin: No, this movie!"
 * The spontaneous, ahem, "forest fire":

"Mike: We're going to make this look good in post(-production) right? Bill: The hell is post? Keep flailing!"
 * Kevin: "Sadly, the only inconvenient truth was in Rod's pants."
 * Bill's Cluster F-Bomb during the credits at the cast, filled with censor bleeps, followed by Mike when Kevin brings up spruce bark beetles.
 * During an exceptionally bad bit of Special Effect Failure.

"Mike (as Sam the Eagle): Death to weirdos!
 * After an eagle manages to divebomb a filling station.

Kevin (as another eagle): Sam! Noooooooooo!"

"Rod: Watch football. Especially the 49ers. Also, part-times Eagles fan. Mike: (as Rod) Hang on. I said "part-times Eagles fan." Kevin: (as Nyugen) Keep rolling!"
 * The guys have fun with the Blind Idiot Translation script:

"Rod: You're right, he is cute. So, you're a cats lover. Bill: (as Rod) Hold on. I said "cats lover". Kevin: (as Nyugen) Keep rolling!"
 * Then:

"Nathalie's Mom: Look, keep me... (stumbles badly on the dialog) uh, er, eh, you... know, keep me informed! Kevin: (as Mom) Look, I screwed up the line. Bill: (as Nyugen) Keep rolling!
 * In one particularly bad example of Nyugen refusing to ever do a second take:

Kevin: (as Mom) But it was really bad!

Bill: (as Nyugen) KEEP ROLLING!"

"Executive: "Is there a patent?" Rod: "Yes; Mass Solar owns the patent to this technology." Kevin: "And, what are you calling them again?" Mike: "Slrpnls." Kevin: "I'm...not...?" Mike: "Slrpnls!" Kevin: "Perhaps if you slowed down?" Mike: "Sldwnslrpnls?""
 * One word: "Slrpnls." Nobody knows just what a slrpnl is.

The Bourne Identity
"Bill: Guess I'll have to arrest myself. All right, drop my weapon! I have a right to remain--hey, come back here, me! STOP ME!"
 * After Jason has knocked out two policemen

"Bill: AHA, I've ESCAPED! ...Oh, that was dumb!"
 * "I hope there's a can on this floor. I've got more gas than the Homer Simpson balloon."
 * "Well, apparently I'm a Euro-dick who's too good to answer my own door!"
 * When Castel jumps out of the apartment window


 * "Eamon's starting to breathe on the windows and write dirty words."
 * "Dude, you shot my ween! That's just not cool!"
 * "I was LYING about my ween, for you see, I do not have one!"

Casino Royale
"Mike: A GUINEA FOWL! Oh wait, it's just Daniel Craig."
 * "Welcome back to the finals of Olympic Open Field Tag. Daniel Craig is currently 'It,' but may not be for long."
 * The random yet hilarious reaction to seeing Daniel Craig's face in the opening credits.

"Kevin: (as Bond) Ha! Now I get his toaster strudel!"
 * "Oh, I get it now. This guy is the missing Mario Brother." "Either that or he's the original Prince of Persia."
 * BOND SMASH!
 * ENGLISH GUY!
 * "The English Guy doesn't so much leap as he plummet."
 * "Spies have been reduced to stealing ringtones for Eastern Bloc countries. A clean Schnappi can bring as much as $3 on the black market."
 * After Bond steals a bad guy's backpack and starts rifling through it:

"Mike: And of course, this is the day the President is scheduled to go up in the all-new space shuttle-- Kevin: With all the other leaders of the free world-- Mike: Of course. And 300 orphaned children from Kosovo-- Kevin: And Oprah Winfrey! Mike: Sure, throw in Oprah Winfrey!"
 * "Finally, he's got some time for Second Life--he can get back to being a foxy blue-skinned woman with green hair."
 * "I'm Rube Cardsuck, this is Patsy McMoneygone, and Mr. E. Z. Mark."
 * "So these are the people behind-the-scenes at the airport making sure your flight is delayed, your luggage is lost, and that the restaurants are always closed when you're hungry."
 * When the "World's Largest Airliner" is unveiled:

"Mike: "Hit me! Kevin: "Sir, you can't do that!" Mike: "Double down!" Kevin: "Sir, that's Blackjack!" Mike: "Bicycle!" Kevin: "Sir, now you're just reading the back of the cards!""
 * Mike and Kevin's bantering impressions of air traffic controllers.
 * Kevin singing the James Bond theme and segueing into the Indiana Jones theme as Bond punches out an evil truck driver during the airport chase scene.
 * (As Bond looks at his tuxedo'd self in a mirror) "Yeah! My God, I'm hot! This tuxedo would look best on the floor! ...Seriously, though, I'd do me in a heartbeat."
 * Mike and Kevin's impressions of a guy who doesn't understand poker and a frustrated croupier, respectively:

"Vesper (whispering): You can have me anywhere. Mike (as Bond, rather gleefully): Really, like on a bakery counter? Or onstage at a political rally?"
 * "Mr. Bond, I have a message for you from a Mr. Le Chiffre. It reads, 'Mr. Bond, your missing ten million dollars has been found, quote: "somewhere in my huge pile of money" and you can pick it up at "my butt." Burn, burn, ROFTLMAO, pwned, love, Le Chiffre.' You know, I really should look these things over before I read them over the intercom."
 * ...This:

"Mike: * whistles "My Heart Will Go On"*
 * "It's been six minutes and we haven't done it--I wonder if he's impotent..."
 * "The people of Venice know about land, right? And how it makes an excellent foundation for buildings?"
 * During the :

Kevin: If you break out into an ode to Celine Dion, I will give you the Le Chiffre treatment with your own microphone."

Cloverfield
"Mike: You're about an hour late, monster.
 * Our first introduction to the monster:

Kevin: We're only 18 minutes in, Mike.

Mike: I stand by my statement."

"Kevin: Ms. Liberty! Over here, Ms Liberty! Mike: Ms. Liberty, is it true you're parting with Mickey Rourke?"
 * When the citizens take pictures of the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty:

"Mike: Oh, zoinks! Let's get out of here, Scooby!"
 * "Then again, the upside to destroying New York...no more David Blaine."
 * "Wow, you're right! Destroy away, monster! Look for a smug guy with a deck of cards."
 * While the protagonists are running to the subway station:

"Mike: The Kool-Aid man did this. I'd recognize his work anywhere. Bill (as Kool-Aid man): OH YEEAAAH!!"
 * As the protagonists venture into a wrecked building to find their friend:

"* In unison* "His name is Robert Hawkins!""
 * "My name is Robert Hawkins..."

"Bill: Ladies and gentlemen, this just in: Sandy Cheeks is dead!"
 * The camera is focused on a set of TVs in a radio store, with one of them playing an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants

The Curse of Bigfoot
"Bill: He looks like a police sketch of himself."
 * When a 70's, shaggy-haired, small-mustachioed, clueless logger comes on camera:

Daredevil

 * "I would seek justice, one way or another. I would become Batman! Until some rich idiot in Gotham city sued me for naming rights..."
 * "I'm gonna get so, so naked, and then I'm gonna sit my fat bubbly ass right on Affleck's head!"

Drag Me To Hell

 * "Stop playing Wii Voodoo and help my son!"

Eragon
"Kevin: Melon? The egg vanishes in a burst of light Kevin: Magic melon!"
 * In the beginning, when Ayra is magically transporting Saphira's egg.

"Roran: Hail Eragon, the mighty hunter! Mike: Hail sweaty guy who kinda looks like me."
 * The Riffers constantly pointing out how Eragon's family members are never introduced properly.

"Kevin: So, why does he feel the need to keep this from his wrestling parter and Hat Guy. You know, the one with the hat? Mike: Well, clearly because that's a blue thing. It's blue. Kevin: Ahh, right, of course."
 * Later

"As Roran leaves the farm Mike: Goodbye, brother-cousin-friend-fellow-farmhand."
 * Culminating in:

"Kevin: HUZZAH! Welcome one and all, to the Renaissance Festival! Mike: Carolingian or Byzantine Renaissance?
 * "Ah Jeremy Irons. The guy you call when you think, 'How can I make my movie a lot creepier?'"
 * The Riffers giving baby Saphira the voice of an alcoholic.
 * Mike lets Disembaudio take over for the credits.
 * Over a shot of a medieval village

Kevin: I don't know, HUZZAH!"

"Mike: Come on, throw one more random image at us- we can take it!"
 * After the third fake ending:

Fast and Furious 2009
"Mike: "Original Film", a division of "Bitterly Ironic Studio Names, Inc." Kevin: Yes, Original Film presents the third sequel in under a decade to a movie that ripped off its plot from Point Break!"
 * Right off the bat, the's reaction to the "Original Film" card

"Kevin: Oh, it's Cameron's dad's car from Ferris Bueller, they have to run the miles off before they return it."
 * During the opening scene, the mini-semi flips around and starts driving backwards.

"Kevin: Haha! Now you see that your bullets are useless against him!"
 * After Dom catches a bullet in his back and barely even flinches

"Kevin: (as agent) Fine, I'll throw a barbecued dog out the window, ya happy?"
 * "Offer him coupons! Drug lords love coupons!"
 * O'Connor gets the name "David Park" out of a low-ranking gang member. One of his fed buddies complains that he could throw a fortune cookie out the window and hit a dozen David Parks. When another agent informs him that "Park" is a Korean name rather than a Chinese one...

"Dom: You can't buy your way out of this one. Mike: (as Dom) Unless you have 46 dollars."
 * The running gag of Dom thinking 46 is the biggest number there is. One such instance late in the movie:

The Happening
"Kevin The Haaaappeniiiiing....
 * [movie opens up with a cloudy sky]

Bill: Die die die die d-death death death d-diediediedie!"

"Worker: David? Mike: David Blaine? Are we rid of you at last?"
 * [A construction worker has fallen to his death]

"Kevin: It's raining men, hallelujah!"
 * At the construction site

"John Leguizamo: Wanna come to my mother's for dinner? Bill: We're having ground sloth!"
 * This Actor Allusion:

"Kevin: Tis but a scratch!"
 * During the lion attack

"Mike: (as plant) Put a piece of glass in your eyyyyye...C'mon. Why aren't you killing yourself? Oh, God, I'm terrible at this!"
 * Mark Wahlberg's character notices a  plant...

"Kevin Murphy: (singing) The Summer Wind/Came blowing in/So I killed myself/It lingered there/So I took a hatpin from my hair/And plunged it into my jugular vein... Take it Mike! Mike Nelson: (singing) I sliced my wrists/with some broken glass/And then I blew my head off too/Then I disemboweled myself/And hung myself with my own intestines thanks to the Summer Wind. Bill Corbett: Very nice you guys, maybe a touch dark. Kevin Murphy: Really? Which part?"
 * One of Rifftrax's many memorable song covers:

High School Musical
""Stop singing about "having" each other!""
 * The boys singing over the creepy sibling's audition song. Including Short People, the theme to The Facts of Life, Man! I Feel Like a Woman, London Calling, Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and Suffragette City.

"Kevin: MY QUIRKINESS!"
 * Kevin deciding that "Get Cha Head In the Game" means "If you want Head, you should get it In The Game."
 * Kelsi trips:

"Kevin: SHAME! I wanna look like a douche bag!
 * A boy does some ballet:

Mike: And he was beaten by the Avenue Q puppets."
 * CRASH!*

"Kevin: The Disney Channel. High schooler's repressed secrets are "I like rap" instead of "Dissecting a fetal pig gave me a boner". Bill: The most kick-ass cello solo that doesn't involve the phrase "Yo-Yo Ma's drunk again.""
 * Troy's reaction after Gabrielle volunteers to audition, complete with wheezing.
 * Stick To The Status Quo

"Chad: Oh let's see, um you miss free period workout yesterday to audition for some heinous musical, and now suddenly people are confessing. Yeah Zeke, Zeke is baking. Crème brûlée. Troy: Oh. What's that? Zeke: Oh, it's a creamy custard-like filling with a caramelized surface, it's really satisfying. Troy: Yeah, cool. Chad: Shut up, Zeke! Bill: Zeke would blind him with his pastry torch the very next day."
 * Later, after the song.

"Chad to Troy: Because in two weeks we're going to the championships. With you leading us to infinity and beyond.
 * During Chad's first appearance.

Bill: And Disney finally sues Disney."

"Gabriella: Why did I let myself believe/Miracles could happen? Kevin: And miracles, speaking of those/How do magnets function?"
 * "Help!" - A message from the film's editor. Poor bastard never had a chance.
 * "If Troy can tell his secret, then I can tell mine. I bake... every night, while watching Adult Swim"
 * "Gah! A velociraptor!"
 * Kevin's addition to Gabriella's song:

Inception
"Cobb: To your father. Mike: And may nobody break up his empire. *exaggerated cough*"
 * The entirety of Bill Corbett's rant about Lost.
 * As Cobb toasts Fischer Sr:

Iron Man
"Mike: Glasses from the "I Own A Dirty Bookshop" collection. Bill: Beard and mustache from the "Guy Who Makes Lewd Comments About His Own Nieces" collection of beards and mustaches. Kevin: Slicked-back hair from the "Brother-In-Law Who Threw Up At Your Daughter's First Communion Party" line of slicked-back hair."
 * "The Dude, International CEO."
 * When Tony is chatting up the journalist and looking very skeevy:

""THERE'S BUGLES ALL OVER THE FLOOR!""
 * Kevin mistaking "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies for a Keanu Reeves monologue, and continuing the song in his own words when Tony turns off the radio.

"Tony: I PREFER the weapon you only HAVE to fire ONCE! Kevin: I SAY things with emphasis ON words THAT may not HAVE gotten them NORMALLY!"
 * When Tony shows his weapons to the troops:

"Yinsen: What is that? Kevin: (as Tony Stark) It's called a "cram it four eyes." Bill: (as Yinsen) Oh really, I thought tha- HEY!"
 * "And this is just for an overdue book from the Kandahar library."
 * [while Tony is building his reactor]

"Kevin: Guys...I'm having...Ishtar flashbacks...(starts gasping for breath) Mike: No! We're losing Kevin! Bill, give him 20cc of Lawrence of Arabia soundtrack, stat!
 * When Tony Stark is wandering through the desert after escaping:

Bill: Uh, roger! (starts humming Lawrence of Arabia music)

(Kevin calms down)

Mike: Oh, good...he's coming out of it, good. Kevin?

Kevin: I-is that Peter O'Toole?

Mike: Yes, Kevin, you trooper! Yes, it is Peter O'Toole!

Bill: It is definitely not Warren Beatty or Dustin Hoffman!

(A helicopter flies over Tony Stark from out of nowhere.)

Mike: Oh no!

Kevin: (gasping again) Ishtar...can't breathe...

Bill: Sorry! (starts humming Lawrence of Arabia music again)"

"Kevin: The new and improved Tin Man!
 * "Summer 2009: !!!"
 * "Doctor's got a Ph. D. in killing you."
 * "Xanadude: L. A. home of Charles Foster Kane III."
 * When Tony first attacks the terrorists in the cave with the original suit:

Bill: Oil can replaced by can of Whoop-Ass.

Mike: Seth Rogen--assassin."

"Bill (as Iron Man): Give me a reason not to smite thee! Kevin: I'm being held captive here against my will! Bill: Can't hear you, smiting."
 * This little bit when Stark returns to the Middle East village:

"Announcer: Howard Stark's lifelong friend and ally, Obadiah Stane All: Obadiah Stane?! Bill: Did they consider naming him "Menacing T. Badperson"?"
 * Or this when we meet the, aptly named, main villain.

"Stane: [over a microphone, audible pause] Aaahh... Kevin: That's a moose! Okay now you do an animal."
 * At the start of Tony's press conference.


 * Any joke about Robert Downey, Jr.'s past everlasting drug problems.
 * Mike: HEROIN! I mean HELP!
 * Kevin: I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
 * Bill: VALIUM! I mean OH MY GOD!
 * "I brought you some steak and some spinach; your diet needs more iron, man! (laughs weakly).
 * Keanu Reeves monologue. Nuff said.
 * Turning Pepper into The Ditz. "Which one is Spider-Man?"
 * Bill's "Ow!" as the mask slams shut over Tony's face.

Jaws
"Bill (as Quint) Attention. I dropped a rolo and i can't find it. so if you find a rolo, its MINE"
 * Kevin's opera note as wrong!shark's mouth is pulled open.
 * As the town meets over the recent shark attacks, and Quint scrapes the chalkboard with his nails

"Quint Break it up, will ya chief!! Daylight's wastin'!! Kevin (as Quint) AND YA PROMISED YOU'D SAVE YOUR TENDEREST KISSES FOR ME! YOU BIG GAY YA!"
 * As the Trio are about to set off to hunt the shark, and Brody is kissing his wife

"Bill:Quint? You okay man?"
 * As the shark pulls Quint under:

""Oh Yeah!""
 * The shark bursts through the wall:


 * "Thirty-eight colorful and barely coherent Quint stories later..."
 * "Day Two; or, as it would come to be known: The day Quint ate Hooper."

Jurassic Park
"Weird Al: "The utter majesty... Imagine how much dog﻿ food you could make with just one!""
 * When the Brachiosaur is first seen:

"Weird Al: Is that a dinosaur? Mike: No. Weird Al: Is that a dinosaur? Mike: No! Weird Al: Is that a dinosaur? Mike: NO!
 * As the Jeep drives to the Visitor Center:

Weird Al: This park sucks...."

"Weird Al: Timmy; you have a high tolerance for pain..."
 * "Time to run amok! Where are the Japanese?!
 * "I'm a sadistic bastard!"
 * "Aah! A human!"
 * Our heroes are blocked by a fence that may or may not be electrified:

"Alex: He left us! HE LEFT US! Grant: But that's not what I'm going to do. Mike: I have darker plans for you!"
 * "BOY! OR! GIRL!?"
 * After Dr. Grant and the kids first escape from the T-Rex.

"John Hammond: I can tell instantly about people - it's a gift. Mike Nelson: I go mainly by skin colour!"
 * "Shhhhhh, be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting waptors"
 * *thunder crashes* "PLAY ME WILL YOU?!"
 * When we first meet Hammond:

"Weird Al: Poor sap thinks the bag is full of bacon."
 * Nedry giggles happily as Dodgson gives him a bag full of money:

The Last Airbender
""Insta-Douchebag!""
 * Just after Sokka pops up, we get this gem:

Bill: Let's go get something to eat, HUUUUUUH? Bill: [as Aang sobbing] Mike: And your flying monkey cat. Bill: Yes? Mike: He lived. Bill: [sobs harder] Oh dammit! Dammit! "Mike: [as soldier] Sir, I just checked. The whole Daily Show crew is making fun of you, even John Oliver.
 * Iroh: When you wake we'll have tea together before we start the engines, eh?
 * Kevin: (As Pakku, fending off the Fire Nation with some less than impressive waterbending) Behold the awesome power of my grand-niece's Super Soaker!
 * Mike: [as Katara] Just F.Y.I., that big flying panda thing of yours... he drowned.
 * [A soldier walks up and whispers to Zhao, played by Aasif Mandvi]

Kevin: [as Mandvi] Wha- Oliver?! But he was in the freakin' Love Guru!

Mike: Love Guru has more than double our tomato meter ranking, sir.

Kevin: DAMMIT!"

"Zuko: You seem like a smart boy. Bill: I LIKE TURTLES! Kevin: Okay, maybe not..."
 * [When Zuko talks to the boy in the Fire Nation colony]

Bill: The water of the ocean, much like the air of the sky or the flame of the fire. "Mike: Wait, that's... I'm ashamed to know this, but that's the Harpo guy from Twilight isn't he?
 * Aang: We were forced under the water of the ocean.
 * And of course, the obligatory Harpo joke

Kevin: I'm ashamed to confirm, but yes.

Mike: Our shame is great.

Kevin: Perdurable shame."

"Old Man: These are all tools related to bending. Kevin: Well Harpo's a tool and he's related to a bender. Bill: Lock him in the shed!"
 * [An old Earth Kingdom man leads Aang to a shed.]

"Boy: Fire Lord Ozai burned his son, to teach him a lesson. Mike: The lesson: Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left."
 * As the boy narrates Zuko's Backstory

"Zhao: Who are you? Why are you doing this? Bill: (As Zhao) I mean, I know you're a cosplay character from some lame Anime series, but I can't place you."
 * As Admiral Zhao confronts the Blue Spirit:

"Ozai: And you think. My son is this... person they are calling THE Blue Spirit?
 * As Zhao briefs Ozai on the Avatar's rescue:

Mike: (As Zhao) I don't know where you got that from, my liege. Mostly they call him "The Masked Homo"."

"Zuko: BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY! Mike: I NEED THEIR PREPERATION H FOR MY FACE OWIES!"
 * [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]

"Bill (As Zuko): Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something! Mike (As Iroh): Hey, don't beat yourself up, you said "Don't even try to escape". Who knew he would try to escape despite your saying that? It's not your fault. Bill:Hmm, thanks man, that really helps."
 * Zuko: Don't even try to escape, THIS IS A WARSHIP!- [Aang flips over a table]

(Ozai's actor looks toward the Camera) Bill (as Zhao): King? King,YO! I'm over here king! "Kevin: Let us never speak of what just happened again."
 * "Hello, plot? Motivation? Audience Interest?"
 * Zhao: With this information, we can bring down the water tribe city.
 * PEBBLE DANCE

"Mike: Those guys aren't running from Aang, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's lemon drink back there."
 * A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away

"Kevin: Oh no, it's the wind from The Happening. Mike: What? Ma'am, no, not the wind."
 * Several Scenes Later.

"Mike: Oh great water god Matthew McConaughey, grant that I may remain forever shirtless. Bill (in southern accent): Well, alright...."
 * Aang practicing waterbending

"Bill: Almost as dramatic as the time the earth princess sacrificed her life for the dead ficus tree."
 * Yue doing her thing.

"Zhao:[spotting Zuko's ship] The banished Prince. Let's offer him lunch. Mike: Which one of you two can yell the loudest?"
 * Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is.
 * The whole practice area sequence
 * Also, airline safety dance.
 * Introducing Zhao: The Daily Show's Senior Taking-a-Role-for-the-Paycheck Correspondent. And also:

"Bill: Back...to you..Jon...ugh."
 * Run! M. Night's making his cameo back there!
 * Kevin [as Zuko]: I have no time to think about girls when I'm obsessing over a 12-year-old boy. Wait. That Came Out Wrong.
 * As Zhao dies a watery death:

"Kevin: Hey, man, like, what have you done with Cheech, man?"
 * "Hey, Mr. Avatar, you're causing all the toilets in town to back up."
 * Any time Aang is referred to as a Jawa.
 * Iroh's first appearance:

"Bill: When the blind serve drinks."
 * Iroh tests Aang's Avatar abilities by pouring water on the table:

"Zhao: I killed you! Mike: (as Zuko) I got better."
 * Zhao sees Zuko again:

"Zuko: I'm not allowed to go without him. Kevin: (as Katara, said perkily) That's nice; I'm unconscious!"
 * After knocking Katara out:

"Mike: You know, I tried reading the Water book; I found it a little dry."
 * One of the title cards:

""Ultimately BP resorted to witchcraft to clean up the Gulf.""
 * "So do you think they mean 'bender' the way British people use it?" "Google it, folks!"
 * Kevin vocalizing Aang's Dull Surprise while entering the Northern Water Tribe.
 * When a Firebender looks up at the wave caused by Aang, turns around and points to it - "Frag One!"
 * After Zhao removes his cape and nervously puts it down - "I'll take off more. Don't think I won't take off more!"
 * During Katara's opening seen, showing her waterbending.

"Bill: (thoughtfully) You know, that looks like a lot of effort. He should just get a gun."
 * As Aang fights off a horde of Fire Nation soldiers in a stone dais thing:

"Iroh: To teach man kindness and humility. Kevin: Workin' out great."
 * When Zhao is about to kill the moon spirit and asks Iroh why the gods insist on giving themselves such vulnerable physical forms:
 * Close up of the sack holding the soon-to-be-dead moon spirit*

"Mike: You know, if it were me, I'd try and resist the urge to look up in wonder and just go around stabbing the other guys until they caught on to me."
 * As all the soldiers/citizens stop to watch the tidal wave rising up over the city during the climactic final battle:

Memento

 * The Running Gag involving Burt's the motel manager's missing pet raccoon.
 * "SHIRTS! SHIRTS! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!"
 * (At the end of the film) "Hi, I'm Mike Nelson, and welcome to Rifftrax..."
 * "Memento: HOT, BACKING UP ACTION, PULLING CAREFULLY FORWARD LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!"

Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
"Mike (as Nestor): "Guy that beat me and killed my mother, you're my best friend of all!""
 * When Nestor returns home as Roger Miller sings:


 * Mike and Disembaudio arguing over the appropriateness of Mike using the word "ass" to describe the donkey narrator.

Paranormal Activity
"Micah: Show yourself! Mike: When guys named "Micah" try to act tough, we all lose."
 * The riffers making fun of, among other things about Micah, his name:

"Kevin: Parents, more evidence that naming your child "Micah" never ends well."

"Mike: By the way, guys, just wanted to correct a little error I've let go for too long: my name is spelled M-I-K-E, but it's pronounced "Meek"."

"Bill: Yeah, don't trash-talk the phantoms when your name is "Micah"; it's not gonna work."

"(Doorbell rings) Bill: Demon~! I'll just leave 'im on the porch, okay? (Katie answers the door) Bill: (growly, demonic voice) '"COME WITH ME TO HELL!!!""

""And, provided the thing can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!""
 * (Pretending to read with the planchette on Ouija board): T-H-I-S-M-O-V-I-E-B-L-O-W-S
 * The riffers' reaction to the ridiculously small areas where Micah puts powder on the ground to pick up the demon's footprints:

"Bill: Wow, he's doing our job for us. Mike: This might be our first self-riffing movie!"
 * The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
 * Mike: So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is Michael Bay.
 * Micah: Hey, we haven't had anything interesting happen in a while!


 * Mike (as Micah): Here, let me sing you a lullaby: PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I'M A MAN...

Reign of Fire
"Man (to Boy): Why don't you go inside and have a wee look?" Kevin (as Man): That way, when I hear your muffled screams, I'll be able to estimate the size of the cave-in." and Mike: Well, they drilled right into the side of the Batcave, killing Alfred and Robin instantly. Batman remains in intensive care."
 * * singing* "I fell in to a burnin' Reign of Fire!/ McConaughey peeled off his shirt/ and the flames got higher!"
 * When a man and a boy explore a cave:

"Kevin: That's right men--vigorously defend our smelly crap-hole! Mike (doing a damn good Winston Churchill impression): We will fight to the cistern. We will fight to the garbage-strewn towers. We will fight to the dank, rat-infested basement. We will NEVER SURRENDER!!!...Probably."
 * (As a child) "YAY!!! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed, hairy man!!!!"
 * "My ugly senses are tingling!"
 * (About the dragon) "Are we gonna get a bigger boat? We need a bigger boat."
 * "INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING!!!" "Yeah, well, INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING BACK AT YOU!!!!!"
 * This moment:


 * "Alright, just like we practiced men: panic and scatter. Panic and scatter!"
 * Any scene where they make fun of Matthew McConaughey (there are too many to list).

Roadhouse
"Dalton: Pain don't hurt.
 * The entire monologue about "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!". "Do you still keep in touch with them? Did you hang around and talk afterwards or was it purely sexual?"

Mike: I think by its very definition it does."

The Room
"Kevin: DISCONNECT! (electric shock) DISCONNECT! (electric shock) DISCONNECT! (electric shock)"
 * Brain Bleach: Every sex scene is greeted with horror by any who watch them, but especially when Kevin sees Tommy Wiseau's pasty white rear end.

"Lisa: Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Mike: Ah yes, Domino's WTF-special."
 * [Lisa orders a pizza]

"Mike: No, NOT HAMBONE!"
 * Crowning Music of Awesome. Kevin and Bill singing "There's a Hole in My Bucket", and taking it too far.

"Bill: We have fully descended into madness, people, and it's not even at the one hour mark. Kevin: I can't take it anymore! Mike: Oh, you're just a little chicken, Kevin. CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP ! Chicken Kevin."
 * Ear Worm: The mention of Loverboy gives Mike and an earworm of Working For the Weekend.
 * Epileptic Trees: Is the film secretly a sly dadaist joke? Does Mark possess the God-like power to hear the film's soundtrack? Will
 * Melodrama: The Disembaudio sequences during the movie's sex scenes. This movie manages to destroy the lives of Disembaudio and all of his friends and family.
 * Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.
 * Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
 * Running Gag: They riff on the football motif, mention the mom's cancer everytime she is mentioned or shown, and have Johnny saying "Oh hi" to everything. There's more.
 * "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!" "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa! "
 * Sanity Slippage: After one bizarre and inexplicable piece of dialogue after another between Peter, Johnny, and Mark:


 * See Crowning Music of Awesome above.
 * Take That: Kevin compares Tommy Wiseau's multiple production credits as producer, writer, director, and actor as a modern M. Night Shyamalan. Mike tells Kevin not to insult Tommy Wiseau with that comparison.
 * The riff about of Lisa and her friends discussing which one of them is Edward Cullen's wife
 * A Call Back to, of all things, Prince of Space! "I like you VERY MUCH!"

Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny
"Bill: (as a kid) Wait, the lady on the loudspeaker is a ground-dwelling animal of some sort? What's going on here?! Kevin: (as Santa) Enough questions! Guy in the gorilla suit, shut that kid up, will ya?"
 * Kevin's horrified screams upon seeing the weird bug things in the "Thumbelina" segment.
 * Kevin then states he's certain that there's already Fanfic devoted to them. Bill pipes in, "Rule 34!"
 * Any time the riffers remind us that Santa is telling the Thumbelina story to the kids, and imitate what his narration for some of the strange/boring/painful parts must be like.

"Mike: Guys if you close your eyes during these scenes it takes on a whole new context. Give it a try! Santa: COME ON! OOHHHH! OH, HARDER! Kevin: (amid mutual groans of horror) Gah! your right! Santa: Well, now he is in the wrong way! Kevin: (now utterly horrified and disgusted) OH MY!! Santa: Let's get him out again... OHH, HARDER!! Bill: OH, YOUR A BAD MAN MIKE! I'm going to open my eyes now! Santa: HARDER!! HARDER, ohhhhhh... Kevin: GAH, IM STILL SEEING IT!"
 * During the painful sequence where Santa attempts to attach a sheep to his sleigh

"Santa: (as he lumbers out of the sleigh to help attach the aforementioned sheep to his sleigh) let me see what we can do (gets out of the sleigh revealing a hideous brown stain on the backside of his santa costume) Bill: "DEAR GOD! you can start by getting your Santa pants dry cleaned""
 * And the above is immediately preceded by this bit

"Bill: (as Ice Cream Bunny) HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR! HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR! HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!"
 * During a close up of the Ice Cream Bunny:

"Mike (as "santa" stands up to greet the ice cream bunny, directly blocking out the sun to the camera) BOW DOWN BEFORE ME PUNY HUMANS! COWER IN FEAR AS I BLOCK OUT YOUR SUN!!!"
 * Mike becoming increasingly fed up with Bill's Running Gag about Mr. Digger's Bronx accent. "Now let's go get some nice pastrami at the deli."
 * Their riffing on the "Santa"

"Mike He, hes Dead!? the sun Killed him! Kevin All Hail the SUN!"
 * And as Santa seems to fall into unconsciousness after the kids leave

"The Frog: What i need is a little girl! Kevin: GAH!! the Woody Allen of Frogs! The Frog: Thats what I need alright! I wonder where my mother is? Mike: (in a horrified murmer) man that is one messed up amphibian!"
 * The group's reaction to the various nightmarish animals that appear

"Kevin (perfectly calm) Ah... well... Guys if you don't mind I've got this one Mike Ah great, ok then Kevin (inhales deeply) AAAAAARRRGHMYGOD!!! ARRRGRGRGGTHISISTERRIBLE!!! AAAIIRRGGH!!! PLEASEGODWHATISIT!!! AAAIIIRRGGHH!!!"
 * their reaction to the bug/wasp/cthulhu like things as they hop their way across the screen

"Mrs Mole: (on the subject of the aforementioned frog) Frogs are terrible looking. We moles think they are FILTHY creatures. Bill: Unlike God's chosen race, the MOLE!"
 * and their reaction to Mrs Mole's "Mole Supremicism"

"Mike:"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150+ movies, Rifftrax has nothing to say." Bill: "Just this. Enjoy.""
 * "Well, that's it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."
 * Kevin's Heroic BSOD after the entire Thumbelina story doesn't change a thing in the Santa story. "I'll pull the sleigh! I'll marry Mr. Digger! I'll do whatever you want!"
 * As the Ice Cream Bunny drives the kids in his vintage fire engine to save Santa, the guys are left speechless.

"Thumbelina I just wish there was someone younger, or someone who was handsome, someone who was a human being like i am, (bill starts giggling) someone who will come and take me in his arms. I would be happy to be his wife Bill Human Being. A distant, third priority for her."
 * Their theories of what exactly they're seeing and why- ranging from a seriously bad drug trip to the studio exploding and them being in hell while Satan himself considers that forcing them to watch the film might be a little too harsh.
 * Their reaction to Thumbelina's criteria for an ideal husband


 * "We came through time, space, and the boundaries of fiction to see that?"

Sherlock Holmes
"Clark: I'm afraid sewage workers found his body just this morning. MJ Elliott: Ah, so the body was in-turd."
 * On the sergeant found dead at the end.

Terminator: Salvation
"Kevin: If this is the last thing I see when I die, I will assume I'm going to hell."
 * As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie fades to white, and "Directed by McG" appears on the screen.

"Mike (as John): "Thanks for the ride, Harrison!" Kevin (as Harrison Ford): "GET OFF MY PLANE!""
 * Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in Avatar.
 * As John Connor steps onto the landing site:

"Mike: Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper?"
 * As the Harvester first appears:

"Marcus: What day is it? Bill (as Reese with a Dickens street urchin voice) Why Christmas Day sir!!"
 * Any joke referencing Christian Bale's infamous tirade (which came from the shooting of this movie).
 * "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
 * "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
 * (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame this on the lighting guy." "Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it?"
 * "(in a Batman-like voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
 * "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"
 * When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)

Thor
"Bill: THEN SHE BURNED HIM ALIVE AND ATE HIS FLESH!!!! Kevin: Wow, what a shocking and audacious ending."
 * The description brings up the 1985 Dork Age where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."
 * When Selvig says Thor's on steroids: "Just check his balls. They're tiny!"
 * Odin breaking his toe, twice.
 * Mike and Kevin's outrage that Bill would say anyone is as bad as the cast of Jersey Shore.
 * "Is there something in my mouth?"
 * After a tender scene in the RV, it cuts to a fire.

"Mike: My horns are stuck."
 * After Loki reveals his blue skin to Odin: "Okay, okay. I knocked up Violet Beauregarde."
 * The endless fun they have with the word Odinsleep.
 * Thor can't lift Mjolnir: "Must I now whack moles with my bare hands?"
 * Lampshade Hanging how expected the Actor Allusion jokes have become: "To avoid crucifixion by The Wire fans, we're obliged to point out that this guy played Stringer Bell."
 * As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by a mischievous monkey!"
 * "I only have one hand! Oh right, the eye patch."
 * When Loki is lying under Thor's hammer:

"Thor: You can't kill an entire race! Loki: Why not? Mike: Ah, the rarely-used 'why not' defense of genocide."
 * This:

"Bill:(As Thor) That's right! GOT A COMIC BOOK DEAL BABY!"
 * As Thor enters the halls of Valhalla to triumphant fanfare:


 * Disembaudio singing along with the Foo Fighters over the credits.

Titanic
"Kevin: I'm going to sink this bitch!"
 * Capt. Smith as the Titanic sets off.

"Ruth: So this is the ship they say is unsinkable. Cal: It is unsinkable. God Himself could not sink this ship. [a deckhand calls for Cal] Deckhand: Sir! Sir! Bill [as Deckhand]: Sir, the captain has asked if you would please stop foreshadowing! [later] Jack: We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world, you know that?! Bill: Aw, man,Cameron's beyond foreshadowing now. He is five-shadowing!"
 * Also counts as a CMOF for Mystery Science Theater 3000, as this line was also used when Mike and the 'Bots viewed clips of Titanic during an Oscar special.
 * as Rose, Ruth, and Cal admire the Titanic

"Kevin: I regret- OOOH!! Hitting the propeller! WOW that hurt!"
 * (As the flashback starts to the ship) CGI! CGI! CGI
 * Jack: Come on!
 * Bill: Into Molly Brown's changing room... OH MY GOD!!! OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!
 * At the end when the camera pans from 1997 Rose past a series of pictures of her in her cabin meant to show her life after the Titanic accident they point out how narcissistic it makes her look and have her talking about her cropping other people out of her pictures and objecting even to the presence of a horse in one.
 * Whenever Rose's mother appears talking, they start humming a circus style music.
 * On the scenes that sets the people in the high-class area, and the people on the basements, the three start to chatter on "business" and "gambling", respectively, and in the same manner on both scenes.
 * Singing "Poker Face" to the tune of "Nearer My God to Thee."
 * After saying "I regret nothiiiing!" several times in regards to the people falling off the ship, this happens:

"Mike: I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321!"
 * As a passenger falls to his death on the capsizing Titanic:


 * "I have to admit, I totally saw that coming."
 * Bill: (in a snooty tone of voice) Time for a crunk party. ...Bitches.
 * Disembaudio's rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." He gets a little too into it...
 * "Dear diary...I saw boobs today."

Troll 2
"Grampa Seth: Goblins still exist! Rich Kyanka: I fought them in World War 2 just yesterday!"
 * "Drew has broken free! He's trying to flee the set!"
 * At the beginning of the movie:

Warriors of the Wasteland
"Kevin: (singing) Just hanging out, hanging out, hanging out with my enemies, having ourselves a party!"
 * A Call Back, of all things, to Birdemic.


 * There is also a Call Back to The Room. When the film goes into a softcore Cinemax's style porn scene, Kevin exclaims, "Tommy Wiseau has ripped control of the film!" Naturally, Disembaudio walks in at this moment, just as he did in The Room, and once again calls the trio perverts.

The Wicker Man
"Edward: Get off the bike. Mike: (as Sister Rose) It's a girl's bike. Edward: Get off the bike! Kevin: (as Sister Rose) I said, it's a girl's bike. Edward: (pulls out his gun) Step away from the bike! Mike: (as Sister Rose) Fine, if you want to look like an idiot on a girl's bike."
 * The infamous bike scene:

"Kevin: Well, the 'never strike a woman' rule is still intact, it being Sister Beech and all"
 * And school girls' Straw Feminist rant.
 * Pretty much every time the ridiculously masculine Sister Beech is on screen, expect to crack up like a lunatic. She's obviously their favorite thing about the movie.
 * For instance, after Edward knocks her out with a single punch:


 * Late in the movie, when Mike mistakes her for Kevin James.
 * "When I think of getting jumped by Leelee Sobiesky, it's a little different."

Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
"Mike: Neil, can I ask you to go ahead and mix together some of my special chemicals I brought into the studio today? Neil: Of course, Mike. I see no reason whatsoever not to mix together whatever chemicals I'm handed at any given time.
 * The intro includes a fantastic Shout-Out: Disembaudio challenging guest-riffer Neil Patrick Harris to a Slap Bet.
 * "Nintendo Sixty FOUUUU-I mean a Golden Ticket! Yippie!"
 * Chemistry class:

Mike: That's what I like to hear.

(BOOOOOOM!)

Disembaudio:

Mike: Nooooooo!"

"Reporter: Whatever corner of the globe we're in, which ever of the five continents we're on... Neil: So they go nuts for Wonka Bars even in grim, socialist, dystopian societies? Disembaudio: Mike: Disembaudio~ once again coming out of nowhere to spank the French!"
 * When the news reports that two of the five tickets have been found:

"Mr. Turkentine: Today, we're going to learn...(draws a circle on the black board) Mike: ...how to play Hangman! Mr. Turkentine: ...about percentages. (talks for a while -- shot of the class groaning) Mike: (imitating children's voice) THIS IS HISTORY CLASS!"
 * "Mom saw a dull flicker of hope and snuffed it out right at the source. Way to go, mom."
 * Math class.

"Mike: Neil, I don't want to know what happens next, but just tell me this...are dreams crushed? Neil: Obliterated. Not an atom of hope or joy anywhere to be found."
 * "Where have I seen that deluded look of hope before--oh, yeah! A craps table at 4:00 !
 * When Charlie and his grandfather pine over a Wonka bar that may or may not have the Golden Ticket inside:

"Mike: Joe's pointing out all the people that couldn't vote the last time he was out of bed. Veruca Salt: I want to go in first, before anyone else! Mr. Salt: Anything you say, sweetheart. Neil Patrick Harris: I can't believe I forgot mah bloody flask."
 * Just before they enter:

"Mr. Salt: You're a bleedin' nut, Wonka! No one can get through there! Neil Patrick Harris: Sam-B would have to a~gree! (SLAP) Neil Patrick Harris: Ugh! Mike: Disembaudio! You just slapped Neil Patrick Harris! Disembaudio: Neil Patrick Harris: Ouch! Yes, I get it--very real."
 * In the very tiny room, just before the factory itself:

"Mike: Hey, I wore nearly that identical outfit to prom. (Beat) Neil Patrick Harris: ...wow. Mike: Now that I think about it, though, my tie wasn't nearly that subdued."
 * When Willy Wonka sings for the first time:

"Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry? Mike: (as Wonka turns Salt's head toward him) Look, Salt, I swear to god, I will cut you!"
 * When the kids are licking the walls:

"Neil Patrick Harris: And if you're ready Mike, may I offer you a wide-awake nightmare? Mike: Why...yes! Neil Patrick Harris: I don't mind if you do! Neil Patrick Harris: This is for all the eight-year-olds who dropped blotter acid before going to see the film. Mike: Salvador Dali took one look at this scene and said, "Hey, man! This is too weird even for me!" Wonka (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing....which direction we are going.... Mike: You know what would be funny -- if you were an airline pilot and get on the intercom and do this exact thing. Neil Patrick Harris: This is what I imagine it's like to spend time with Tim Burton."
 * When Willy Wonka starts shouting during the Creepy Tunnel Scene from Hell:

"Mike: You think this is a metaphor? You know, for...getting high?
 * After drinking the special soda:

Neil Patrick Harris: ..."metaphor"? Heck, no! I think they were high when they filmed this! And when they wrote it, filmed it, screened it, ate lunch, slept, took showers. There was more THC passing through that movie set than through the whole Burning Man festival."

"Mike: Did you ever do this on the set of How I Met Your Mother? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands? Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah. Just the other day I knocked em' dead with a five minute show-tune about the kind of cold-cuts I demanded to have in my trailer. Standing-O, my friend. (as Veruca Salt trashes the room) Gosh, I didn't do this exactly; during my dance break, I ran around punching crew guys and lighting small fires."
 * During Veruca's "I Want It Now" song:

"Wonka: If you want to view paradise... Neil Patrick Harris: (finishing the lyric) Simply watch another movie!"
 * "A stiff thumbs-up shows the kids today you're 'down' with the 'music' and the 'scene' and the 'Pogs'."
 * The confusion over which country the movie takes place in, including "Maybe it's set before the American Revolution" and "Hope he doesn't get mugged on the mean streets of Englameripoland."
 * During "Pure Imagination":

X-Men
"Mike: Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie? Bill: It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it..."
 * During the opening scene:

"Mike: You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all." Bill: I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look."
 * On Wolverine's facial hair:

"Bill: Such a subtle name. Mike: Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'.""
 * "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start being their mascot?"
 * "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto." "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."
 * On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):

"Charles: This is a school for gifted mutants. Wolverine: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Mike: Then you've never seen X-Men 3."
 * A nice Take That at a certain other movie in the series:

Gears of War 3
"Mike: Those chestplates indicate the actual size of their nipples. Yeah, the future is gross."
 * On the COG armor:

"Bill: (as Cole) My old locker room! (sighs dreamily) Saw a lot of nude men in here, yep. Mike: THRILL as a grown man grows nostalgic!"
 * When Cole Train enters his old locker room.

Live Shows

 * The pre-show cards. A few from Jack the Giant Killer included "Movie Mistakes" (Zookeeper starring Kevin James), "Real Life Giant Killers" (David - Goliath), "Only in the Movies" (Could a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun have difficulty finding a relationship, because she is "kinda clumsy"), Movie Anagrams (Blil Plluman - Bill Paxton), and Movies that Netflix Puts on Instant Watch Instead of Riff Trax (Cool Dog).
 * The all-time best is one from Jack the Giant Killer, where they finally answer an open question from the previous year's show: yes, corn is actually grass.
 * The toy commercials from the Christmas show. Mike's "gift" was of a 60s toy robot with an Accidental Innuendo-filled commercial.
 * At Jack the Giant Killer, the constant jokes about "seizing the bone."
 * "Be right there..."
 * Shmorky's animated short before the main show, an animated representation of the thoughts of Lowtax's daughter Lauren. It's hilarious.
 * This leads to a bit in Jack the Giant Killer where the guys suggest that one scene in the film (which involves a chimpanzee reaching for a bottle containing a leprechaun in order to have him assist Jack in dealing with a two-headed giant) was actually written by Lauren.