How Many Fingers?

"Harry: [holding up three fingers] Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?

Marv: Uh...ooh...eight..."

- Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

A Stock Phrase when anybody loses their glasses or injures their head. "How many fingers am I holding up?" Can produce a variety of responses including:
 * The askee is seeing double vision.
 * The asker is not actually holding up any fingers and the askee says so.
 * The askee says something nonsensical and then falls down again, with a Non Sequitur Thud.
 * The askee is perfectly fine, but lacks the ability to count the fingers due to blindness or innumeracy.
 * The askee gets snarky, asking how many fingers they're holding up. (Hint: The correct answer is "one". Possibly two if you're British.)

Note that the response does not indicate whether there was actual damage.

Not to be confused with how many fingers a character has; that's Four-Fingered Hands.

See Hard Head.

Anime and Manga

 * During the "Attempte Suicide" chapter of Franken Fran, after one character is shot to pieces, he comes to in Fran's operating room. His first sight is Fran, holding up a finger and a flashlight, asking him "How many fingers?" before seeing if his eyes follow the light.

Fan Fiction
"“How many fingers am I holding up?” Ise asked Orihime, very nicely. She waved her hand in front of Orihime.
 * In the Bleach fic Winter War, Ise Nanao tries this on Orihime after

“Lots and lots,” Orihime said. She kept on trying to add two and two together and getting the wrong answer. “But it’s very pretty,” she added, in case she’d hurt Ise’s feelings."

Films -- Live-Action
"Coach: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * From the first The Mighty Ducks movie:

Another Player: He wouldn't know that anyway."

"McCoy: That's not very damn funny."
 * After McCoy is arrested for Spock-related reasons in Star Trek III the Search For Spock, Kirk asks him this question while doing the Vulcan salute.

"Dr. Von Bon Bon: Let me try somesing...[holds up four fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
 * In Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, the bad guys did this after one was hit by a brick. The other was holding up 2 fingers. The one hit saw 8.
 * The Comic Book Man:

Josh: [a word balloon appears: "Four fingers."]

Dr. Von Bon Bon: Good. [Holds up two fingers] And now how many fingers?

Josh: [a word balloon appears: "Two fingers."]

Dr. Von Bon Bon: Good! [Opens his hand] And now how many? [Before Josh can answer, he slaps him hard in the face and begins to shake him] SNAP OUT OF IT!"

"[Napoleon Bonaparte slips and hits his head on the cobblestones]
 * The Emperors New Clothes (2001)

Truchaut: Sergeant! Sergeant Lenormand, are you all right? Can you hear me? [No response]

Dr. Lambert: Listen to me. How many fingers can you see? [No response]

Truchaut: What is your name?

Napoleon Bonaparte: Emperor Napoleon."

"Bill Robinson: Look here, how many fingers you see, huh? Eight? Twelve?
 * Maximum Overdrive:

Duncan: Okay, so I got a little double vision, but it's clearin' up, Bill."

"[Godber bangs his head on the goalpost]
 * Porridge:

Mackay: [holds up one finger] How many fingers am I holding up?

Godber: You can't fool me sir, five."

"Dave: [doesn't hold up any fingers] How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?
 * See No Evil Hear No Evil:

Wally: Three!

Dave: That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind."

"Jane: Damon? How many fingers?
 * Little Man Tate:

Damon: Orange."

"Vinny: How far away were the defendants when when you saw them enterin' the Sac-o-Suds?
 * In Bruce Almighty, Bruce tests God's omnipotence by asking "how many fingers am I holding up" with his hands behind his back, rapidly changing them as God answers correct. Fed up, Bruce decides to cheat by holding up seven fingers, five on his right hand and two on his left, and then quickly folding up the two on his left hand as God answers. Bruce then holds out his right hand triumphantly... only to notice that God instantaneously altered the anatomy of his hand to include two extra fingers to validate his answer.
 * In Just Like Heaven, a skeptical character is told by his friend that there's a ghost in the room with them. As proof, he puts his hand behind his back where only the ghost can see it and asks his friend how many fingers the ghost says she sees. After a few correct answers, he tries a different "gesture," leading the ghost to comment, "He's flipping me off."
 * My Cousin Vinny: Vinny uses How Many Fingers to test a witness's eyesight:

Mrs. Riley: About 100 feet.

[Vinny measures out 50 feet, then stands 50 feet away and holds up two fingers]

Vinny: All right, this is 50 feet. That's half the distance. How many fingers am I holding up?

Judge: Let the record show that the counselor is holding up 2 fingers."

"Trainer: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * Real Life variant: Defense attorney Irving Kanarek tried this one on a witness in the Manson murder trial. Too bad the witness was testifying to something she had heard, not claiming to have seen...
 * In the high school football movie Varsity Blues, one of the beefier linemen is knocked cold, leading to the following exchange (paraphrased, feel free to correct).

Lineman: Uh...

Quarterback: No, no, it's gotta be true-false. Billy-bob, the man is holding up some fingers, true or false?

Lineman: Uh...true?

Quarterback: He's fine."

"Ted: Ted, if you're really [future] me, how many fingers am I about to hold up?
 * A Kid in King Arthurs Court: "How many fingers am I holding up?" "That's a bit off topic right now." * faints*.
 * In Patch Adams, a fellow psychaiatric patient Arthur Mendelson comes up to everybody (including Patch), holding up four fingers and asking how many. When Patch responds "Four?", shouts "No! Look beyond the fingers!" Patch, staring long at his fingers, lets his vision blur until he responds "Eight?", satisfying Arthur enormously.
 * In Wedding Crashers, Zach asks this to Jeremy, but wiggles his fingers around.
 * Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey:

Evil Robot Ted: Three.

Ted: Whoa!"


 * In The Three Stooges, Moe would often ask this question before giving his signature Eye Poke.

Literature
"Igor: Very good, thur! Well done!"
 * In Terry Pratchett's Making Money Igor asks this from Hubert Turvy, holding a jar full of fingers.
 * In Monstrous Regiment, after getting this from an Igor, Maladict replies "You know, that is something an Igor should never say."
 * In one of the books an Igor asks this question and gets "thirteen" for an answer.

"Carrot: How many fingers am I holding up, sir?
 * Also, in Men at Arms:

Vimes: Bleargh...

Carrot: How many hands then?

Vimes: Uhh... four?"

"Granny: Gytha? How many fingers am I holding up?
 * In the same book, Cuddy asks this of Detritus, several times. Only once does he ask it to see if Detritus is hurt, though; the rest of the time he’s either making fun of him or trying to teach him to count.
 * In Witches Abroad, when a farmhouse is dropped on Nanny Ogg's head, forcing her hat down over her eyes:

Nanny: Wha' fingers? 'S'all gone dark."

"Nina: You're not really blind at all are you? How many fingers am I holding up?
 * The Electric Torture scene in Nineteen Eighty-Four where holds up four fingers and forces Winston to see five.
 * From one of Katherine Applegate's Chatham Island books in response to a blind character being perceptive.

Ben: One. The middle one. That was too easy."


 * Catch-22: The Man Who Saw Everything Twice was subjected to this test. Interestingly, he responded "two" (as in two fingers) regardless of how many fingers were held up. He was subsequently considered cured when he responded "one" instead, in the same way.
 * In Shanna Swendson's Enchanted Inc., how Owen tests Katie for a concussion.
 * In John C Wright's Count To A Trillion, the doctor tries this on Menelaus, who answers "Fifteen" without even looking up from what he's doing.
 * Godmother Elena does this in One Good Knight, to confirm that Andie really does need that cure-a-concussion spell.

Live-Action TV
"JD: How many fingers do you see?
 * In Scrubs, "My Musical," they did this in song:

Elliot: Call 911 emergency."

"Drew: How many fingers am I holding up? (Waves fingers frantically)
 * Used hilariously in Whose Line Is It Anyway after Ryan Stiles accidentally rammed his head into the neon sign on Drew Carey's desk and broke it.

Ryan: (pauses for a second) Four?

Drew: Close enough.

Ryan: How about me? (Gives the finger)"

"Dr. Quinn: Horace, are you all right?
 * Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman:

Jake: How many fingers?

Horace: Chocolate.

Dr. Quinn: I think he's finished for the day."

"Al: Oh my God! Those women have brainwashed him. We'll have to deprogram him! [holds up two fingers] Quick, how many fingers am I holding up? [pokes Jefferson in the eyes]
 * Married With Children:

Jefferson: Whoa, thanks Al. They almost had me that time."

"[The White House has just been fired upon]
 * The West Wing episode "Evidence of Things Not Seen".

President Josiah Bartlet: Will, are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?

Will Bailey: Who's Will, sir?"

"Monica: (not bothering to hold up any fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?
 * In Friends, when Monica is trying to put eyedrops in Rachel's eyes but Rachel is not making it easy for her:

Rachel: (obviously has her eyes squeezed shut) Umm... four?

Monica: Oh my God, I was thinking four!"

"Coach: Champ!? How many fingers do you see?
 * THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!
 * Which is a reference to Nineteen Eighty-Four below, both Winston and Picard admit to seeing five at the end.
 * The Non Sequitur Thud variation occurs in Police Squad!, when The Champ is beaten in a boxing match.

The Champ: Thursday... (collapses)"

""Why do you think we're here?" (Drogyn moves closer) And what's your favourite colour, what's your favourite song, who's the goalkeeper for Manchester Utd and how many fingers am I holding up?" (gives him a two-fingered salute)"
 * Humorously subverted in Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Riley asks this of the groggy Graham. He replies, "Seventeen", in reference to Spike, Hostile 17, who was the guy who hit him.
 * Angel: Spike does this sarcastically when he gets fed up with Drogyn, who hates being asked questions since he Can Not Tell a Lie.

"Telly: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * In an episode of Father Ted, Ted uses this trope in an effort to see how (relatively) sober Jack is. Jack amazingly gives the right answer, but the camera then cuts to his POV, to show a satanic figure waving a collection of glowing fingers all roughly the size of baseball bats.
 * Salute Your Shorts

Michael: How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Jack: Chrissy, focus in. (holds up two fingers) How many fingers do you see?
 * Non-head-trauma-related example in the Doctor Who episode "Planet of the Dead": The Doctor uses this to test a woman's psychic abilities by holding his hand behind his back and asking how many fingers. The woman answers correctly, The Doctor raises another finger without saying anything, and she answers correctly again.
 * Chrissy turns this trope into one of her Dumb Blonde moments on Threes Company after hitting her head;

Chrissy: Five.

Jack and Janet: Five?!

Chrissy: (nods) Two in V and three folded down.

Jack: It's okay, she's normal."

"Will: Hey, H. How many fingers, how many fingers?
 * Robocop Prime Directives includes a scene with the titular character as the victim and a surviving researcher as the asker.
 * Used by Lisbon on a female suspect on an episode of The Mentalist. There was no response-- the suspect had been poisoned, passed out and died shortly afterward.
 * Jane gets it, too, and quickly brushes off the question with 'six'.
 * One of the first signs of John Doe's unusual nature. He responds to the question using medical jargon to explain why the thumb is not technically considered a "finger."
 * Similar to the Doctor Who example above, this was used on Shawn on Psych to test his "psychic" abilities. Shawn only got it right because he could see the man's hand reflected by the blank TV screen and a mirror.
 * On Saturday Night Live, this was once a category on Celebrity Jeopardy. It literally involved Alex Trebek asking this question while holding up a number of fingers. Sean Connery responded by showing him something that wasn't exactly a "finger".
 * From Sanctuary's episode "Monsoon":

Henry: Tuesday."


 * In Celebrity Deathmatch Mills Lane once tried this on a downed combatant... using two of the guy's OWN dismembered fingers.

Music
"Guess how many fingers, okay
 * Used a little squickily (the song's about ) in "Mandy Goes to Med School" by the Dresden Dolls:

Guess how many more I can fit in there"


 * Occurs at the end of the Neal McCoy song "Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On": "How many fingers am I holding up, Billy? Get up, Billy! Get up!"

Radio
"Owen: Ryan, how many fingers am I holding up?
 * A good one in BBC Radio sitcom Think the Unthinkable:

Ryan: Wha, fingers?

Sophie: Owen, put some fingers up!

Owen: OK.

Sophie: Not that one!"

Web Originals
""How many fingers am I holding up? * Beat* that's right, zero! Man, you're good at this game.""
 * In Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Joey asks a Heroic BSODing Yugi this question with a closed hand, and takes his lack of response as a correct answer.

"Arturo: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * From The Liam Smith Show, for some reason being used to Spot the Impostor:

Liam: One... And that's very rude."


 * In this Homestar Runner menu page, while hovering over the Games button. Of course, Homestar doesn't have visible hands.
 * When That Guy was asked this once. His response? "I don't know, is it as many as me?" * flips off camera*
 * Happens in Darths and Droids to evaluate Obi-Wan's possible brain damage.
 * Used quite famously in HetaOni, during the scene where.

Western Animation
"Phil: Kid, how many horns do you see?
 * In Hercules, there's a variation, in that the person asking the question isn't very good with numbers:

Herc: Six...

Phil: Close enough."

"Dr. Julius Hibbert: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * The Simpsons episode "Regarding Margie". Marge Simpson has amnesia.

Marge Simpson: Two.

Dr. Julius Hibbert: Good. Now I can put them back in the jar."

"Captain Black: How many fingers am I holding up?
 * In another episode, a man does this after saving Homer from drowning, only for Homer to retort, "What's the matter, rube? You don't know how to count?"
 * In the first episode of Jackie Chan Adventures, when Jackie is knocked down after stopping Jade from hijacking a moped.

Jackie: Look, fishies."

"Jade: Jackie? How many fingers do you see?
 * It happens again in season three, after Jackie's been bitten by a cobra.

Jackie: Uh, what's a Jackie?"

"Dale: Hank! Can you smell how many fingers I'm holding up?"
 * King of the Hill after Hank gets his nose broken during practice for a rematch against his highschool football rivals.

"Scientist: "How many fingers am I holding up?"
 * From Daria, "Through A Lens Darkly": Daria is experimenting with contacts as opposed to her usual iconic glasses, in a response to nearly hitting a dog during a driving lesson. When the contacts irritate her too much, she decides to go to school without them or the glasses. Jane, catching on, asks her friend "How many fingers?" "I've got one for you."
 * Used differently in Big Guy and Rusty The Boy Robot; a flashback episode reveals the Big Guy Powered Armor's origins as a self-aware robot, initially canned when the AI program turned out to be inadequate:

Big Guy AI: "Wednesday.""

"Mr. O' Brien: Now, Butthead, could you tell me how many fingers I am holding up?
 * On The Schnookums and Meat Funny Cartoon Show, Obadiah asks this to Pith Possum after an accident. He wearily responds "Seven."
 * In Beavis and Butthead during a Lie Detector test:

Butthead: Uh, four?

(ding)

Mr. O' Brien: Well, it's three, actually, but since you think it's four, you didn't really lie, so that's good."

Real Life

 * When doctors are taught the "how many fingers" trick in medical school they are (depending on the teacher, perhaps) specifically warned not to hold up two fingers every time, as the bizarre universal tendency goes in both Real Life and fiction.