Donald Trump



Donald Trump is a real estate mogul known for slapping his name on the front of his innumerable hotels, casinos, resorts and golf courses. Most of his capital is rooted in New York City, where he owns several million square feet of property, including half of the Empire State Building. This is a secondary achievement to Donald's comb-over, which rivals any architecture he's built. He also hosted The Apprentice, until he got kicked out for his controversial opinions about Mexican immigrants. But we're getting ahead of ourselves...

In The Seventies, Trump inherited his real estate business from his father Fredrick (rechristening it "The Trump Organization", natch). Following a five-year apprenticeship under his dad, Donald relocated to New York City to begin his career in earnest. He went on to gather up Manhattan's most profitable properties like so many vacant Monopoly squares.

His 1987 semi-autobiographical book, The Art of the Deal, sold extremely well as people began to identify him with American entrepreneurship and shrewd power brokering. It was around this time that Trump started to appear As Himself in television Dom Coms and films, including Home Alone 2 and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, where the characters invariably treat him with a reverence usually reserved for royalty. His golden boy image took a beating in The Nineties as the result of bankruptcies, a much-publicized extramarital affair, and mounting debt (partly as a result of the 1980s recession), but he managed to bounce back. He even has his officially licensed and voiced video game.

From 2004 to 2015, Trump starred in The Apprentice, his own reality TV series (created by Mark Burnett, the brains behind Survivor) on NBC. The show consists of a selection of candidates competing against each other for an open slot in one of Trump's companies. The program was wildly successful and remains one of the highest-rated reality shows to date. He has since been replaced with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He also holds joint-ownership over the Miss Universe pageant, also encompassing Miss USA and Miss Teen USA.

In 2011, Trump briefly ran in the Republican presidential nomination primary for the 2012 election, seen by some as a ratings stunt. He was a proponent of the "birther" theory, so his campaign was ended after the birther train was stopped for good by Barack Obama providing his long-form birth certificate.

In June 16, 2015, he again announced his candidacy for president, as a Republican. With his opposition to illegal immigration, and alleged "free-trade agreements" as well as non-interventionist views on foreign policy, among many other things, Trump quickly emerged as the front-runner for the Republican nomination, showing qualities that other candidates in his party lacked. His highly controversial remarks and unorthodox behavior during the campaign gave him a Hatedom and a Fandom as massive as each other. It came to a point where Trump became the only major Republican candidate.


 * Arch Enemy: He's hosted two Wrestlemanias and been an active participant in WWE promos, highlighted by his "feud" with rival CEO Vince McMahon.
 * Not content with prime time, Trump took daytime TV by storm when a tabloid war erupted between himself and Rosie O'Donnell, then-host of the American morning talk show The View.
 * After Rosie, Barack Obama was this to him somewhat briefly.
 * Hillary Clinton even beyond the natural result of being presidential nominees from opposite parties due to her criminal history and the discovery between the two elections she was the creator of the birther movement.
 * Awesome McCoolname: Might also be interpreted as a Prophetic Name, given his knack for trumpeting himself.
 * Brooklyn Rage: Made efforts to cultivate this image over the years, despite not being native. Trump's persona is that of a straight-talking, tough New Yorker whose face resembles a pit bull in repose.
 * Catch Phrase: "You're fired." Inverted regularly in the season finales of The Apprentice, when he announces "You're hired."
 * Does This Remind You of Anything?: Trump's resurgence in business which was symbolized by the, erm...erection of a 68-story Trump Tower in Manhattan's Upper East Side. Trump was so happy with the finished product, he sprouted more "Trump Towers" in major cities throughout the U.S., including one which looms directly over the U.N. Headquarters. Now you can't ignore his girth.
 * Didn't Think This Through: His first assassination attempt. Michael Steven Sandford, a UK national who had only just learned the bare minimum of shooting (having fired a mere 20 rounds, not even two full magazines. Presumably as it is the small unit of ammo that can be purchased new) at a Vegas range, attempted to grab a cop's gun and shoot Trump only to be stopped cold by the now universally standard retention holster. This attempt was so poorly thought out the court considered (though rejected) a halfway house over no bail for an assassination attempt on a presidential candidate.
 * Egopolis: Trump 'brands' his buildings with the Trump name displayed prominently, often placing large gold "T" symbols throughout the interior rooms. He probably has a caped uniform with a "T" on its chest in his closet, too.
 * Friendly Enemy: With Bernie Sanders, who attempted to get the Democrat party's nomination in 2016 but lost narrowly to Hillary Clinton. Trump repeatedly encouraged Sanders during the primary. The media universally acknowledged it was a transparent attempt to peel Bernie voters away from Hillary Clinton, though did not necessarily see it as untruthful. With a third party hacking revealing Democrat internal communications always talked as though Hillary would be the nominee the suggestion the primary was rigged wound up very appropriate.
 * Humiliation Conga: Trump was on the receiving end of this from Barack Obama at the end of April 2011. On Wednesday, after Trump jumped on the "birther" issue, Obama released the long sought after "long form birth certificate", making Trump look somewhat foolish (though Trump boasted about how proud he was of getting the certificate released; he probably still didn't believe it). On the Saturday, Trump was the subject of more roasting than the President at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. And finally, on the Sunday night, just to make a bad week worse for Trump, Celebrity Apprentice was interrupted for the news that Obama had ordered a successful raid and killing on Osama bin Laden.
 * Improbable Hairstyle: Apparently a mixture of a cross-grid combover and three cans of hairspray.
 * Metaphorgotten: He opposes gay marriage because of new trends in golf putter preference.
 * The Nicknamer: The ability to push nicknames on people and make them stick is considered one of his greatest rhetorical strengths of his 2016 election campaign. The nicknames reflect basic sorting of threat levels, which more minor opponents being called "Little Marco" or "Low Energy Jeb" while his biggest primary opponent was "Lying Ted" and general election opponent dubbed "Crooked Hillary"
 * No Such Thing as Bad Publicity: Trump managed to sail through the primary with minimal spending by ensuring the media never stopped stopped talking about him. Their constant airing hit pieces against him, most of which could never manage arguments beyond name calling, ensured that by the end of the primary everyone knew Trump wanted to build a border wall despite minimal ads on the subject.
 * Self-Deprecation: You've got to admit he can laugh at himself like at his roast and originally at the White House Correspondent's Dinner before the jokes against him got more scathing, which is unusual for someone so card-carryingly vain.
 * Self-Made Man: In the sense that he inherited his business, went broke (bankrupting a casino is, as many have noted, no mean feat), and then rebuilt himself.
 * Spell My Name with a "The": Nicknamed "The Donald", after his first wife Ivana Trump referred to him as such in an interview.
 * Terrified of Germs: Avoids pressing the call buttons on elevators, or even shaking hands. (Which would make him an interesting head of state.)