Honest John's Dealership/Quotes

"Jon: Honest Ed seems nice enough, Garfield, but there's something about him I don't trust.

Garfield: Maybe it's the fact his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running."

- Garfield, 28 October, 1987

"Q. What's the difference between a used-car dealer and a computer salesman?

A. The used-car dealer knows he's lying... and probably knows how to drive."

""Hey there, every peoples! I'm Bubs. I run the concession stand around the way here. I'm a self-made man, I am, I am. I sell hot dogs, chili dogs, slaw dogs, ketchup dogs and mustard dogs. I got drinks, drinks, drinks, candy and snow cones. I can fix everything what needs fixing. Like cars... TVs... marriages. Ooh! I can dance, too. [starts doing the Wave] Shake it once! Shake it twice, a-gimme little bit o' sugar spice! I guess the word that best describes me is: personality. Umm... because I have a good personality. Okay. I gotta get back to work. Come on by! We're always awesome!"

- Bubs, Homestar Runner, Bubs' character video

""York, why do you turn every conversation into an attempt to sell me something?""

- First Folio, Terror Island theorem 048

"Dr. Daniels reminded me of one of those men that sell automobiles to people, claiming they were previously owned by a little old lady who only drove it to play bingo, only to discover the car had been used for taxi service in Tijuana, to outrun the border patrol smuggling illegal aliens from San Diego to Los Angeles, and borrowed on weekends to use as the losing entrant in the demolition derby, plus occasional Sunday morning drive-by shootings where the passers' by shot back."

- George Green in Paul Robinson's The Gatekeeper: The Gate Contracts

""It's gettin' tougher and tougher to make an honest buck these days!""

- Al G. Swindler, Garfield and Friends

"He'll give you a thirty-day warranty,

and his handshake is the guarantee.

But try to take a car back to his place,

and he'll act like he's never seen your face.

Don't try to grab him, he'll get away.

He eats fish like you every day.

He's a slick snake in the grass,

you weren't his first, you won't be his last."

"He's out to sell some used cars,

and it doesn't matter who you think you are.

He's got a line for everyone,

he'll treat you like his daughter or son.

But wait, don't go for that bait.

Too late."

- The W's, "Used Car Salesman"

Return to Honest Johns Dealership. I'll give you a hand - push from by the door so you can hop in and pop the clutch.