Everything Trying to Kill You/Quotes

"Gordon: I don't understand! Why is everyone trying to kill me? I'm awesome! Are you all jealous!?"

- Freeman's Mind, when Gordon tries to figure out why the army is trying to kill him.

"Yugi: It's as though nature itself is just randomly trying to kill us! Tristan: M. Night Shyamalan was right!"

- Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series

"In Nintendo you control a little man who runs around the screen trying to stay alive while numerous powerful and inexplicably hostile forces try to kill him. It's a lot like New York."

- Dave Barry

"The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

- GlaDOS, Portal

"Let's worry about more important matters, like why does the fire department want you dead?"

- Mike Fireball in his article about The Simpsons arcade game

""R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics""

- One of many Nethack death messages.

"The axolotl bites! @ "axolotl? What's that?" Specify what? axolotl A mundane salamander, ... ... harmless*. @ "...? What's the asterisk mean?" ______ *except for Dudley."

- Dudley's dungeon

"Abner: She used to be run by a dwarf named Kurtz, but he was killed by some bad clams. Krosp: Clams? Abner: Yes, they had axes."

- Girl Genius

"Othar Tryggvassen: Ha! It'll take more than being tied to a lit keg of explosives and tossed into a pit of acid filled with mutant, acid-resistant flying piranhas equipped with flame throwers and battle-axes while mechanical, missile-launching morris dancers armed with liquid nitrogen harpoon guns are overhead, riding giant, rabid killer bees with side mounted death rays to kill Othar Tryggvassen! Ferretina: Whoops! Silly me, I forgot to turn the lightning generators on! Othar: Er, not a whole lot more, I'll admit..."

- Turning the above Up to Eleven, Girl Genius

"Zola "Heterodyne": Avoid any floorstone marked in white. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not stand under any part of the ceiling marked in white. It is a trap that will kill you. Duck under any opening taller than one meter. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not touch any metal surface. It is a trap that will kill you. Mook 1: Are you trying to frighten us? Zola: Yes! This place is dangerous, twisted, and worst of all-- Mook 2: Hey, a gold piece! Aaaaaaaa..... Zola: It likes to think it has a sense of humor."

- Girl Genius 25 Jul 2007 (inside the Castle Heterodyne)

"Oh my god, here comes a shark and it's gonna kill you Oh my god, look out for the jellyfish, they're gonna kill you Oh my god, the rocks a-falling, they're gonna kill you Hey look out, you're almost out of oxygen, it's gonna kill you Oh my god, I can't believe that that could kill you Oh my god, I can't touch a bubble, that'll kill you Dear god, this game is frustrating! I guess I'm just angry about the 40 hours I can't get back"

- That Chick with the Goggles, singing about Ecco: Tides of Time

"All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when they catch you, they will kill you... but first they must catch you."

- Watership Down

"Holy shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!"

- Mrs. Lift, Throw Momma from the Train

"This brings up the first issue I have with D&D: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. Nothing can be trusted. If the game master wants to kill you, you're dead."

- Head Injury Theater, Celebrating 30 Years of Very Stupid Monsters.

"Because if D&D has taught me anything, it has taught me that my laundry is just waiting to stab me in the face whenever I let my guard down."

- Celebrating 30+ Years of Stupid Monsters: Part Two

"Survival rule 502: Every hunk of rock is trying to kill you."

- Zurdi, goblin shortcutter

"Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes."

- Col. Miles Quaritch, Avatar

"He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers."

- Angel of the LORD to Hagar about Ishmael, The Bible, Genesis 16:12 (New International Version)

"An animated globule of molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING is out to get you. That's what you get for being a protagonist!"

- Lava Blob description, MARDEK Chapter III

"This rock, this sock This clock, that tree All have a great potential for harming me I bet that you think You could never get hurt By a box of raisins or a flannel shirt!"

- Wade Duck, Garfield and Friends

"Scott: Look out for that truck. It'll kill you. Missy: Okay. Scott: Look out for that dog. It'll kill you. Missy: Is there anything in this game that can't kill you? Scott: Not that I've found. Look out for that shrub."

- Scott and Missy playing a video game together, Basic Instructions.

"Dream Valley is constantly out to kill you. It's like Australia, Sunnydale and Ravenloft met at an orgy, and spawned this abberation, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized Care-A-Lot and Disneyland had also participated."

- Where I Watch: My Little Pony, post #72

"When I was a kid we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and blade of grass was trying to murder you."

- Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation

"Deadly poison nerve gas smoke was sprayed at me from CIGARS, CIGARETTES and even from BALL-POINT PENS also from the WIG of a woman sitting next to me, even the Swiss cheese-type ice cubes were evaporating into poison nerve gas smoke in all of the "free" drinks!"

- Francis E. Dec, "To all Judges!"

"You better pay attention or this world you love so much Might just kill you."

- Monk theme song

""So you're walking through Hill Valley and every single thing you can imagine is out to kill you. Bullies, hoola-hoop girl, killer bees, and guys holding glass windows?...I never knew a hoola-hoop girl could be so deadly! Why does she want to kill Marty, anyway?...What are those guys doing with that window, anyway? And why are all these giant bees coming out! Give me a break! And what the fuck is Marty doing when he gets killed? It looks like he's having some kind of a seizure! I mean, I guess I'd have a seizure too if there were bees and hoola-hoop girls coming at me! I mean, just leave me alone! I'm trying to collect clocks!""

- The Angry Video Game Nerd, in his review of the Back to The Future game.

"Everything imaginable wants you dead. Even water faucets coming out of trees. Even the hands of a clock can kill you."

- The Angry Video Game Nerd on The Wizard of Oz for the SNES

"Even when the battlefield gives us every advantage, it is still part of the universe. And this universe, never forget, despises us."

- Daenyathos- "The Reliquerae Tactica", Warhammer 40,000

"So who is it this time? Uncountable Tyranids? Unkillable Necrons? Untouchable Eldar? Unshootable Tau? Unbeatable Orks? Unbanishable Daemons? Unvirginable Daemonettes of Slaanesh? I hope it's Unvirginable Daemonettes of Slaanesh. If I have to die, I want to die motorboating."

- An Imperial guardsman being savvy about how his universe works

"Everything out there is trying to kill you, soldier. If you figure that out quickly enough, you might live long enough to pass it on to the next batch of fresh casualities-to-be."

- Private Mercio Grant, Only War - Enemies of the Imperium