Murderer's Row

Murderer's Row is a Red vs. Blue AU Slash Fic, written by Violent-Medic.

Donut is given a life sentence and locked up in prison after he stabbed his roommate to death. Surrounded by conmen, blackmailers, murderers and other no-good criminals, Donut is going to have his work cut out for him if he wants to live long enough to achieve parole. And just staying out of the way won't help, as he's immediately roped into the fighting between the inmates.

And on top of that, his jumpsuit is incredibly itchy. Could things possibly get any worse?

Yes. Yes, they could.

This fic is set to span the twenty years between Donut's incarceration up until he achieves parole, and is mostly based around the fighting between the inmates. In particular, the fighting against O'Malley, an insane psychopath with a habit of picking 'favourites' to focus on.

There are also 'flashback' chapters interspersed with the main fic, detailing how the main six inmates wound up in prison, and a collection of oneshots focusing on other characters, either to show new aspects of the story or elaborate on known events. Or for porny purposes.

"Donut: Oh! You're a prison snitch! Church: I'm not a fucking snitch! I'm... just a blackmailer."
 * A Lighter Shade of Black: There are few characters who aren't evil in some way, as basically every one of the main characters is a murderer. However, O'Malley is always a much darker shade of black than anyone else, being an unrepentant torturing, raping serial killer. In comparison, characters like Church and Wash can still be considered bad, but less so.
 * Abusive Parents: There are many sets of parents who could be considered abusive. Church's father is the most clear-cut example, neglecting both his sons and being very emotionally abusive to Epsilon in particular.
 * Alcoholic Parent: Tucker's mother.
 * Alternate Universe Fic
 * Ambiguous Situation:
 * Anyone Can Die:
 * Attempted Rape:
 * Attractive Bent Gender: Tucker, when he crossdressed for certain cons in the flashback chapter. He was attractive enough to attract a couple of marks, at least.
 * Awkward Father-Son Bonding Activity: Caboose's father had been known to drag Caboose to strip clubs when he was a teenager.
 * Ax Crazy: O'Malley and the Red Zealot. Caboose is also a borderline example.
 * Back-Alley Doctor: After losing his doctor's licence, O'Malley became a back alley surgeon in the flashback chapters. It was the reason he was hired by Church's smuggling group.
 * Bad Dreams: These affect Donut after the death of his roommate
 * Berserk Button: Do not hurt Church or Donut in front of Caboose. Just don't.
 * Wash can be set off by Donut or
 * Beta Couple: Grif and Simmons Lopez and Sheila also count. They're both much more stable than Church and Tucker and certainly much better than Doc and O'Malley, if you can call them a couple at all.
 * Black and Grey Morality: No-one is completely clean in this. After all, the majority of the 'good' characters are convicted murderers. Even many of the guards are in the gray area, especially Wash. But there are completely irredeemable characters like O'Malley.
 * Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word: Inverted.

"Tucker: There's an elephant sitting in the corner. A giant, ceramic elephant with rainbows painted all over it and covered in glitter. A giant homo elephant."
 * Bloodier and Gorier: Definitely more bloody than the source material, especially in later chapters.
 * Bumbling Dad: Caboose's father, who is rather clueless about why it's not good to keep hookers in the same house as your ten-year-old son.
 * Bungled Suicide: A few years before the beginning of the story, Church tried to kill himself via hanging. However, he didn't tie the noose properly and ended up falling and breaking his leg instead.
 * Buried Alive:
 * Catch Phrase: As well as the ones from the original series, North has a habit of going "Jesus Christ on a unicycle!" Or substituting unicycle for another mode of transport.
 * Cheshire Cat Grin: O'Malley almost constantly wears one, if he's not in full-out Slasher Smile territory.
 * Chess Motifs: Simmons attempts to explain the situation with Church during episode 100 with a chess metaphor. However, he doesn't have any chess pieces on hand and ends up using playing cards instead to represent the 'pieces.'
 * Cold-Blooded Torture:
 * Companion Cube: Caboose and his toy pigeon, Margretta the Fourth. Before he had the stuffed one, he kept accidentally killing live pigeons and bringing them into his cell to talk to.
 * Con Man: Tucker and Jones in the main fic. The backstory also adds C.T, Joannes and Gary.
 * Contemplating Your Hands: O'Malley did this regularly during a stretch of time when he was on particularly heavy drugs. All Doc had to do was draw O'Malley's attention to his own hands in order to stop O'Malley from harassing him.
 * Coup De Grace : In the final flashback chapter,
 * Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: York once threatens to rip Doc's teeth out through his ass.
 * Much later, a particularly angry Donut threatens to cut off someone's face and replace it with an ugly, badly-coloured blanket.
 * Dead Guy, Junior:
 * Death by Falling Over: Caboose will often claim this is how his victims really died, rather than admitting to murder.
 * Denied Food as Punishment:
 * Died in Your Arms Tonight:
 * Disabled Love Interest:
 * Disappeared Dad: Neither Grif nor Tucker knew their fathers. And Donut can't remember his biological one, instead being adopted by two mothers.
 * Disguised in Drag: Tucker has disguised himself as a girl more than once in the past, for conning purposes.
 * Driven to Suicide: Rumor has it that Tucker talked Jones into suicide.
 * Drives Like Crazy: Grif.
 * Drowning My Sorrows: Grif attempts to drink himself into a coma after
 * Dumb Blonde: Caboose. Delta is an inversion, being both blond and possibly the smartest character in the fic.
 * Dumb Muscle: Caboose. It's why Church lets him hang around.
 * Dumb Struck: After the car accident responsible for his brain damage, Caboose had trouble speaking for a while.
 * Dysfunction Junction: Everyone seems to have either a bad past, mental problems or both.
 * Ear Ache:
 * Elephant in the Living Room: Referenced.


 * Embarrassing Middle Name: Simmons' middle name is Shirley.
 * Evil Laugh: O'Malley, almost constantly.
 * Evil Redhead: O'Malley.
 * Expecting Someone Taller: Washington to Donut.
 * Eye Scream:
 * Fatal Family Photo: Jimmy shows Church a picture of his future wife. He dies a few paragraphs later.
 * Fingore:
 * Flashback Echo:
 * Flying Under the Gaydar: Donut attempts to do this when he first arrives in prison, due to his fear of getting raped by the bigger inmates. No-one is fooled, and Donut quickly drops it.
 * Forceful Kiss: O'Malley to Doc.
 * Happened once between Church and Tucker, once the truth about Church's crush came out. Church did it because he figured Tucker would hate him for the crush anyway.
 * For the Evulz: O'Malley is simply out for his own personal amusement.
 * Freudian Excuse: Averted. The one-shot 'Reasoning' shows what led O'Malley to start killing things. Turns out he simply wanted to see the insides of animals.
 * Parodied when Tucker, during a therapy session, exaggerates and lies about his past to make it seem like he has one.
 * Friend in the Black Market: Wyoming. Especially to O'Malley.
 * Freudian Couch: Once Doc becomes the prison therapist, he insists his patients lie down on the couch. Although most of the time they don't listen to him.
 * The Ghost: Sarge's wife is never shown on screen. All we know about her is that she regularly tortures Sarge for his misbehaviour by refusing to do his laundry and putting mayonnaise in his sandwiches. And that she can recognise Flowers' 'secretary voice' on the phone.
 * Good Parents: Caboose and Donut had good parents. The others? Not so much.
 * Gosh Dang It to Heck: Doc and Sarge occasionally curse using... strange words. Occasionally, Caboose will be on the edge of swearing and he will change the words to something less rude. Such as 'bullstupid' instead of 'bullshit.'
 * Groin Attack: A very vicious, non-comedic example.
 * Grudging Thank You: Wash to Donut, after Donut
 * Hair-Trigger Temper: Wash has anger issues. As does Caboose, who is friendly most of the time but pressing the wrong buttons can easily lead him into homicidal rage.
 * Hands-Off Parenting: Tucker's mother was continually drunk, and so didn't have much of a capacity to care for Tucker. Tucker grew up quite self-sufficient as a result.
 * Hannibal Lecture: O'Malley manages to do this a lot. Wyoming also got a turn at it.
 * Happily Adopted: Donut.
 * Has Two Mommies: Donut.
 * Hearing Voices: During a drug overdose, O'Malley starts hearing voices. Including that of Gary.
 * Heel Realization: This hits Caboose with full force in Part 95.
 * Hellhole Prison: Varies. Many inmates refer to the place as a hellhole, but Valhalla Penitentiary isn't hellish on it's own. But it can be if you get on the wrong side of particular guards and inmates.
 * Heroic BSOD: Grif enters one after
 * Heterosexual Life Partners: Minus the heterosexual part on Donut's end, he and Caboose have a definite bromance going on.
 * Hired Guns:
 * Homosexual Reproduction: Tucker and Crunchbite, since they're both human in this. It's apparently the result of a science experiment. The details are... hazy.
 * Hospital Hottie: Sheila.
 * How Many Fingers?: Doc uses this on Church once. Church mocks him for it.
 * Human Ladder: Donut and Caboose do this when Donut attempts to hang his laundry where inmates can't reach it.
 * I Have Your Wife:
 * Implausible Deniability: Caboose. Regardless of the evidence, he will insist he never killed anyone.
 * I Never...: Occurs with jail-made pruno between the main six inmates.
 * Institutional Apparel: Orange jumpsuits. Donut often complains about the ugly colour and itchiness.
 * It Gets Easier: Donut asks Church if he always found killing so easy. Church says the trope by name.
 * I Uh You Too: In the last flashback chapter, Grif and Simmons' way of saying they love each other is to argue about which one of them is going to be the prison bitch.
 * Killed Mid-Sentence:
 * Kissing Under the Influence: Simmons and Sister. Simmons mentions that he's a very handsy drunk.
 * Knight Templar Big Brother: Grif.
 * A Lady on Each Arm: Occurred during a con that Tucker was apart of, although he was one of the 'ladies.'
 * Laughing Mad: O'Malley.
 * Legacy Character: In Church's backstory, it's mentioned that Delta's father was also known throughout the criminal underground as Delta, and that the current Delta took over the name and identity after his father's death in order to keep his work going.
 * Lethal Chef: A semi-example is Donut's mother Liz. She can cook, technically, but her food tends towards inhumanely spicy.
 * Massive-Numbered Siblings: Caboose has seventeen sisters.
 * Mexican Standoff: In the last flashback chapter,
 * Missing Mom: Church's mother died when giving birth to his little brother. Grif's mother ran away to join the circus.
 * The Mole: In Church's backstory,
 * Mood Whiplash: Occurs often. The backstories are notable for this, as they'll start with Church's part, which is often depressing and/or bloody, and end with Donut's, which is usually fluffy and cheerful. Wash lampshades the mood whiplash in a conversation with York, which started off about dancing and ended at the subject of York's dead wife.
 * Mummies At the Dinner Table: Caboose keeps trying to catch live pigeons for pets and killing them in the process... and he ends up keeping the dead ones and talking to them.
 * Mutilation Interrogation: In the backstory, Carolina cuts off a couple of Jimmy's fingers to get him to tell her where Delta was.
 * My Sister Is Off-Limits: Grif will chase anyone who goes after his sister up a tree. Including Simmons, once.
 * Averted with Caboose, as long as you don't sleep with more than one of his sisters. Like Tucker did.
 * The Name Is Bond, James Bond: O'Malley introduces himself like this once, though he was using someone else's name.
 * No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Miller and his gang administer one of these to Tucker, which leaves his ribs and breathing ability permanently damaged. And O'Malley hospitalizes Donut through one of these.
 * No Medication for Me: O'Malley tries to ditch his medication (although he rarely succeeds) because he simply can't think clearly when on them. Strangely, the medication seems to make him crazier, possibly because Doc isn't a very good doctor.
 * Oblivious to Love: Tucker is completely oblivious to the fact that Church is obviously crushing on him.
 * OC Stand In: Quite a few. North, Carolina, Sigma and Theta are the most obvious, as, at the time of writing, the first had only appeared as a dead body, the others only mentioned (and the last two not being human in the original canon, anyway.) Though now that North and Carolina have appeared in-series, North is just severely OOC. Although Carolina is close enough not to be completely disorientating.
 * The Old Convict: Wyoming.
 * One Degree of Separation: Reasonable enough in the main fic, since it takes place in one prison, but in the flashback chapters everyone seems to be connected somehow.
 * Out, Damned Spot!: Donut spends a long time scrubbing at his hands after having bad dreams about killing his roommate.
 * Paedo Hunt: Played with during a con in Tucker's backstory. In the con, they used the fact that Tucker looked much younger than he really was to set up a situation that made their target look like a pedophile, so they could blackmail him with the pictures.
 * Parental Abandonment: Grif and Sister's mother left them to join the circus. She only left a very casual note behind.
 * Parental Neglect: Church's father at his most benevolent. And Tucker's mother, although she did love her son. She was just perpetually drunk.
 * Personal Effects Reveal:
 * Prison Rape: Donut has a strong fear of this, especially early on, but it has yet to happen to him (apart from one attempt.)
 * Promotion to Parent: Church to his little brother Eddie/Epsilon, after Also Grif to Sister after their mother joined the circus, although it's less pronounced.
 * Psychopathic Manchild: Caboose.
 * Puppy Dog Eyes: Caboose is very good at them.
 * Pyromaniac: Andy.
 * Reasonable Authority Figure: York is probably the most reasonable guard, particularly in comparison to Wash, who is nightstick-happy to say the least.
 * Recursive Crossdressing:
 * Saw It in a Movie Once: Both Donut and Caboose often operate on this.
 * Self-Made Orphan:
 * Sense Loss Sadness:
 * Serial Killer: O'Malley. It's stated that he managed to keep killing for roughly twenty years before being caught.
 * Shipper on Deck: Sister is clearly shipping Grif and Simmons, and seems to believe that if they get married she'll somehow become an auntie.
 * Donut also seems to ship Church and Tucker. Although this is more about wanting more love in the prison in general, and he stops after Church makes him really mad.
 * Shout-Out: A couple of them.
 * Caboose mentions Mulan at one point, though not by name. He compares punching O'Malley in the face to doing the same to Shan Yu.
 * Sigma says his van doesn't run well because 'the engine block's held together with a macramé hammock, and it's running on fifteen year old cooking oil.'
 * A couple of lines during the scene when are quotes from Olimar in There Will Be Brawl.
 * When he was a kid, O'Malley had a pink teddy who he named 'Dr. Strawberry.'
 * There are some Community references. Donut using his difficulty with walking to guilt Caboose into not running off in part 106 is a reference to Shirley doing something similar, Vic says, 'Cool. Cool cool cool' in a very Abed-ish way and there is reference to the 'Mexican Halloween' sex position.
 * Slasher Smile: O'Malley, pretty much all the time. Caboose does this on occasion, though he tries to stop once he does it while in view of a mirror and promptly terrifies himself.
 * Son of a Whore: Tucker.
 * Stepford Smiler: Simmons' entire family.
 * Suicide by Cop:
 * Sympathetic Murderer: Due to the nature of the fic, most of the main characters are this. Especially once the backstory goes into detail about it. Most had sympathetic reasons for killing, the main exception being O'Malley.
 * Teen Genius: Delta, when he's first shown in Church's backstory.
 * There Are No Therapists: Eventually averted, when
 * Token Good Teammate: For the inmates, Donut is this. While a murderer like the rest of them, his was purely in self-defence and he retains his sense of morality despite what the prison throws at him, making him the closest to an innocent the prison has.
 * Tongue Trauma:
 * The Tooth Hurts:
 * Villainous Breakdown: O'Malley has one after It's the catalyst for a lot of screaming, wall-punching and bloody attacks.
 * Wham! Episode: Part 109.
 * Window Love: Occurs sometimes in the visitor's room. Mostly between Sheila and Lopez as well as Tucker and Junior. Tucker calls it a 'window high-five.'
 * Worlds Smallest Violin: Church does this in honor of Donut's 'most recent shitstorm.'
 * Yandere: O'Malley. He is extremely possessive when it comes to Doc.
 * You Are Worth Hell: A mundane variety.
 * You Remind Me of X: Wash reminds Wyoming of himself when he was younger.
 * Yandere: O'Malley. He is extremely possessive when it comes to Doc.
 * You Are Worth Hell: A mundane variety.
 * You Remind Me of X: Wash reminds Wyoming of himself when he was younger.