No Matter What Happens, I Still Won't Become An Anime Character

"When I was 13, a sword threw itself up out of a lake. I handed it in to Lost and Found."

The JSDF has been in a constant battle with The Monster Formerly Known As Godzilla for an unspecified amount of time. Magical Girl duels are a semi-regular occurrence. Ancient Conspiracies make move and counter-move against each other in the dark of night. At least one Alien Invasion is implied to have happened in the not-so-distant past. This is the world of anime, and everyone knows it.

But in the middle of it all, one unfortunately-pink-haired girl just really, really wants to have a normal life.

No Matter What Happens, I Still Won't Become An Anime Character is a kind of anti-forum-roleplaying-game, where the objective is to avoid any and all plot progression. Player Character Sakura Kokoro (yes, really) has had the universe trying to rope her into one adventure or another for her entire life, but her encyclopedic knowledge of tropes has allowed her to unfailingly thwart its efforts thus far.

Now, however, there are 10 weeks left until Sakura's sixteenth birthday, which has her very, very worried...

Tropes that are Exploited

 * Always in Class One + The Lancer: Sakura sets up Kita to be the protagonist in her place.
 * Knight Templar: If all else fails, yell "HEATHEN!" and duck. The Homeroom Teacher Who Is Definitely Not A Nun With A Sword will take care of it.

Tropes that are Defied
"I maintain a careful, arms-length distance from every other person around me, keeping an eye out at doors, junctions and broom closets on the off-chance someone is about to burst out from there on a collision course."
 * The overarching goal is to defy The Call Knows Where You Live.
 * Crash Into Hello

"When I was six, my memory still developing, my mother left us in tears. She said it would further my character development. My father offered to hire some abusive grandparents, but I declined."
 * Dark and Troubled Past


 * Dreaming of Things to Come: Upon waking up on Day 4, Sakura makes sure to immediately forget the dream she had the previous night.
 * Tempting Fate: Members of the Red Shirt Gang never, ever keep family portraits in their pockets.
 * Through His Stomach: Sakura always packs a lunch exactly large enough for herself, so that "nothing can get mysteriously offered in any direction."

Tropes that are Invoked

 * Plot Armor
 * Sakura makes a point of learning the names of members of the Red Shirt Gang in order to increase their chances of survival.
 * Sakura encourages Hideaki to ask out the Mysterious Transfer Student in the hopes of getting him into a "romance subplot," because when the guy in a relationship gets beat up, there is never permanent damage.

Tropes that are Deconstructed
"I...look up at the incredibly bland exterior of concrete, barbed wire and sandbags that make up my current choice of high school. Because all the other ones closed down...There's a few craters here and there but honestly it's lasted the longest out of any school I've ever been to."
 * Comedic Sociopathy: When just off-screen, we hear no less than three explosions in quick succession.
 * Hero Insurance

"Completely wrecking a classroom first thing on a Monday morning is the type to make the Student Council irritated; they can only mysteriously repair any and all damaged faculty buildings over the weekends, after all. The construction teams take not being seen as a point of professional pride... we think. Having never seen them or anything."
 * Red Shirt: In addition to literally wearing red shirts, members of the Red Shirt Gang know exactly how short their life expectancy is. They post (extremely jumpy) lookouts whenever they gather in a group. Many have large numbers of scars from the times they not-quite-died. Some seem to be in a perpetual state of shock, whimpering and mumbling to themselves.
 * Negative Continuity

"Amidst the smoking rubble and twisted steel, her boots crunched against the broken glass. Heresy, mind-control, mecha, magic... everything had brought down everything in the end. A broken equilibrium that could never have been met..."Well?" The figure asked, regarding the ruined vista spread out before them. Fire, smoke, rubble, water. An entire city with shirts painted red. "Do you feel like a normal person, yet?...The truth is, Sakura, that you're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not. Real.""
 * The entire premise of the work itself is deconstructed in the non-canon Spec Ops: The Line-inspired ending.

Tropes that are (merely) Lampshaded
"[Introducing Self]: "Kokoro Sakura, 3-C." Newbie immediately starts snickering. "'Kokoro Sakura', seriously?""
 * Bilingual Bonus: The main character's full name is roughly Japanese for "Cherry Blossom of the Heart".

""CLOOOOUDS.""
 * Childhood Friend:
 * Cloudcuckoolander: The literature teacher.

"From a nearby open window, the Piano Club unintentionally starts providing a mournful piano solo."
 * Dramatic Wind: In Day 2 Part 8, and again in Day 3 Part 7. Both times, they're indoors but with a conveniently-broken window and open door to provide the cross-breeze.
 * Empathic Environment

"After Homeroom, the morning session is Science; which consists of a physicist standing in front of the blackboard and crying."
 * Fantasy Kitchen Sink

"[While hanging out with allies]: You're not sure, but you could probably do something with pepper spray in this situation."
 * Mysterious Transfer Student
 * Rose-Haired Girl: Sakura hates the bonus to uniqueness given by her unchangeably pink hair.
 * Running Gag: Pepper spray is always an option.

Tropes that are Played With in other ways
[There's nothing here yet]

Tropes that are just Played Straight

 * Ascended Glitch: On one occasion, the GM accidentally called Hideaki "Hideyoshi." By the time anyone noticed, so many players had already gone along with the new name that the GM decided to have Sakura misremember it too.
 * Forgotten Friend, New Foe: Although it’s not her fault, is effectively the antagonist for the first arc, since Sakura’s goal is to avoid her so she doesn't have a chance to recruit Sakura for whatever quest she has.
 * Gentle Giant: Hayate Kurosawa,
 * Hive Mind: The student council drones are implied to be this.
 * Humongous Mecha: Mentioned in passing a couple of times.
 * Off the Rails: As above, Sakura's main goal.
 * Parental Abandonment: In addition to her mother's complete abandonment mentioned above, Sakura's father doesn't live with her anymore. Justified since he and she both know how dangerous a teenager is to be around in this world.
 * Royal Brat: The Rich Girl With Curls Who Owns Most Of Europe.
 * Shout Out
 * Sakura doesn't ride bikes because they "have an irritating habit of trying to fly to the moon whenever I crest the hill."
 * Apparently, they really didn't build the school on a hellmouth this time.
 * Too Awesome to Use: Pepper spray.
 * Utility Belt: Where Sakura keeps her pepper spray and burn phone.