Independence Day/Funny

"The President: I am sleeping next to a beautiful, young brunette... First Lady: You didn't let her stay up late watching TV, did you? The President: Of course not. After the President gives the phone to their daughter... President's Daughter: Daddy let me watch Letterman...
 * This exchange:

The President: *muttering* Traitor..."

"Smith: You know, this was supposed to be my weekend off. But nooooooo. Instead, you got me out here dragging your heavy ass through the burning desert, with your dreadlocks sticking out the back of my parachute. And you gotta come down here with an attitude, acting all big and bad. (pauses, looks around) AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?! (screams, kicks the alien repeatedly.) Smith: I COULDA BEEN AT A BARBECUE! (grabs his parachute and returns to dragging) Smith: But I'm not mad. It's all right."
 * Will Smith dragging an alien in the desert.

"Nimziki: I'm not Jewish. Julius: Nobody's perfect."
 * And just before that, doubling as a Crowning Moment of Awesome, Smith opens the hatch to the cockpit of the alien ship, and greets the alien with "Welcome to Earth EARF!", followed by a knock-out punch.
 * As well as Smith lighting up a cigar shortly after and proclaiming, "Now that's what I call a close encounter."
 * Made even funnier because his scream of "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?!" was unscripted. The scene was shot in the salt flats of Utah, where a few trillion brine shrip were decompsing in the summer heat when they were on location.
 * News anchor in Los Angeles: "Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war."
 * From a random woman during the news broadcast: "God, I hope they bring back Elvis!"
 * "You punched the President?"
 * Julius inviting Nimziki to join his Torah reading:

"Smith: "Just anxious to get up there and whoop E.T.'s ass, that's all""
 * One of Will Smith's many one-liners:

"Steve: Heh heh. Oops. David: "Oops"? What d'you mean? Steve: *flips the direction control around* Some jerk had this backwards. What do you say we try that again? David: Yes yes yes. Yes, without the "oops". *points forward* That way."
 * Steve tries flying an alien fighter... which immediately flies backward into a wall. The following exchange takes place:

"David: I was counting on this. They're pulling us in. Steve: When the hell were you gonna tell me? David: (beat) Oops. Steve: We got to work on our communications."
 * Which becomes a Brick Joke a few minutes later when the mothership takes remote control of the fighter:

"Julius: David, what the hell are you doing? David: Making a mess! Julius: Yes, this I can see."
 * Julius walks in on a drunk David trashing a lab.

"Julius: The television said they've started with the looting already... vultures."
 * When David goes to get him and his father out of NYC and to White House, Julius opens his front door while brandishing a shotgun. With David unphased by this.

"David: We're hit! We took a hit! Hiller: We're not hit! We're not hit! Stop side-seat driving! David: No! No! Tunnel! Tunnel! Left! EXIT! Hiller: Where the hell do you think I'm going?! David: No, they're closing on us! Hiller: Shut up shut up shut up! David: Faster, must go faster. Faster would be better! GO GO GO GO!
 * The absolutely amazing Oh Crap moment when the alien leader opens the ship's windows and David exclaims, "Oh shit. Um...hide." (ducks)
 * "PEACE!" (cue missile launch at the alien)
 * "I ain't heard no fat lady!" "Forget about her! You're obsessed with the fat lady! Get us outta here!"
 * The entire sequence of David and Steve leaving the mother ship before it explodes. Absolutely amazing chemistry.
 * For his short time in the movie, Jimmy (played by Harry Connick Jr) was absolutely hysterical.
 * Jimmy sees the ring Steve is planning to propose with on the floor, and picks it up while on one knee to give back to him. Then another pilot walks in.
 * Steve convinces a Giant Mook to let him borrow a helicopter to pick up Jasmine, and advises him "Just tell them I hit you."
 * Not to mention Hiller and David's banter during the escape flight:

Hiller: (piloting the ship through just as the doors close) AAAAAAAAHHH! ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

David: No, no, thank you very much. I love you, man."


 * The laughing skull and crossbones right before nuking the mothership still cracks this troper up every time.