Spoof Aesop/Quotes

""Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!""

- Sailor Moon Abridged, Episode 1

""When I look good, I feel good, too! And the only way I feel good is by vomiting. The only drawback is the stomach acid making my breath smell rank as hell. So I always brush my teeth after every throw up session. Take it from me, kids! A skinny bod means nothing if your breath smells like a dead horse and hot garbage! Sailor Moon says!" (giggle)"

- Sailor Moon Abridged, Episode 32

"Tom Servo: What do you think the lesson of the movie was? Crow: Don't watch it."

- Mystery Science Theater 3000

""And the Real Lesson? Don't leave things in the Fridge.""

- Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop

""The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'.""

- Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events

""It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside.""

- Action Hank, Dexter's Laboratory

"Yugi: Don't you get it, Tristan? This is Joey's coming-of-age episode, where he proves he's a real man by winning a children's card game all by himself. Tristan: Well, he's got a hot sister, so I guess I can forgive him for assaulting me. Yugi: And that's what friendship is all about!"

- Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series

""We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things.""

- Yugi, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie

""Givin' kids charity just makes 'em weak, man. Teach a kid to fish, he can eat fish his whole life. Teach a kid NOT to fish, he starves to death. Where I come from that's murder, Homes.""

- Dusty, Left 4 Dead 2

""This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.""

- Homestuck, here.

""Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn.""

- Yakko Warner, Animaniacs

"Jake: Let's never be stupid again. Finn: No! Let's ALWAYS be stupid! FOREVER!"

- Adventure Time

""Never forget the teachings of those you shoot in the head after they become zombies.""

- Alt Text of The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

"Vicken: Well I think we learned an important lesson today about online safety. Stef: Yeah, if you want to meet up with a random stranger, make sure your friends're there with loads of weapons to beat him up. Vicken: Ahhh ... right."

- Mighty Moshin' Emo Rangers, Episode 6: "Uncle Cuddles and Fiddles The Kid"

"Chan: You suppose there's a moral in all of this? Hsu: Oh... probably."

- Hsu and Chan, "Evening of Destruction"

""Dear Princess Celestia, I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!" *happily trots across the screen*"

- Applejack, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic

"" 'Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea.' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses.""

- Johnny Sasaki on what he learned from the prequel, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

"During a cold winter, one little sparrow was freezing, got all numb and fell into the snow, about to die. Then a passing cow dropped a cow-pie right on him. The sparrow warmed up, began happily chirping. A nearby cat heard this, dragged the sparrow from dung and devoured him. The moral? Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend. If you got in shit, sit quietly and don't chirp."

- an old Russian joke, with some song adaptations

"Got hole inside your heart? Fill it up like it's a shopping cart! Fill it up, and fill it up with stuff!"

- Santa