Sailor Nothing



""My name is Shoutan Himei. I'm sixteen years old, and I'm very tired.""

Take a basic Magical Girl template, influenced most of all by Sailor Moon (note the title). Infuse some Neon Genesis Evangelion, mix in the tone and atmosphere of Animorphs, and add some of the self-awareness of Scream on top. What do you get? Sailor Nothing, a Web Original written by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne and a very scary mahou shoujo story, not unlike Elfen Lied. It also predates some other subversive takes like Futari wa Pretty Cure and Puella Magi Madoka Magica (but not the fellow subversive story Shamanic Princess), being written 2000-2001.

Uncommonly, it doesn't begin with the heroine's origin story. In fact, as the story opens, Himei has already spent five years as Sailor Salvation, and acquired a lifetime's worth of horrific memories fighting as the sole grunt soldier in a futile war against the Yamiko. Having initially Jumped At the Call, she sees it as cause for celebration when her boss and Mysterious Protector, Magnificent Kamen (nicknamed "Magnificent Bastard" for good reasons despite the trope-y name), finally gets fed up with her complaints and fits of Unstoppable Rage and fires her. After all, more even than most, she just wants to be normal...

There's just one problem: she can't be. Kamen cut her off, but she still has her powers, and still gets the unbearable splitting headaches that signal the birth of a new Yamiko. There's no escape, except one option... and that option is looking more attractive every day...

Available via this link.

""I told mom it was a fashionable thing at school now to tape your left hand.""
 * Abandoned Warehouse --.
 * All of the Other Reindeer -- A standard High School trope
 * Allergic to Evil -- Himei detects the birth of a Yamiko via nearly debilitating headaches.
 * Alpha Bitch -- Ami
 * Subverted by Aki. She's originally part of the fashion club Girl Posse, only to be forcibly outcast when . Afterward, she realizes that she never actually liked being part of the clique and that she's much happier ignoring the rules of the group.
 * Anachronic Order -- Chapters 8 and 9, the former being "stream of consciousness" and the latter much more orderly, both venturing into Mind Screw.
 * And Your Little Dog, Too -- If Himei almost losing her friends and boyfriend were enough to trigger a Heroic BSOD, you just knew the guy who kidnapped her cat was going down.
 * And I Must Scream --
 * Anti-Hero -- Shoutan Himei
 * Anti-Villain -- Dark General Cobalt.
 * The Atoner
 * Battle Aura
 * Beauty, Brains, and Brawn -- Aki, Shin, and Himei, respectively.
 * Be Careful What You Wish For
 * Big Fancy House -- Seiki's, to some degree.
 * Black Eyes of Evil -- The Yamiko.
 * Book Ends -- The opening and closing sentences are almost exactly the same, except for Himei's age.
 * Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick -- "Rose... wand... floating... superior... crystal... eternal... beautiful... flower... genocide!"
 * Break the Haughty --
 * Broken Bird -- Himei without a doubt.
 * Calling Your Attacks
 * Card-Carrying Villain -- Deconstructed, as being pure evil makes the Yamiko incapable of plotting and scheming.
 * Argon plays it straight, largely because he's Genre Savvy enough to know he's a Card-Carrying Villain and plan for it. Averted by Cobalt, who keeps his CCV tendencies in check in the interest of making his plans work.
 * Catch Phrase -- "This should not be happening"; Himei also grimly quips that "I'm very tired" wouldn't sell any action figures. However, she gains a new one later:
 * The Chessmaster: Cobalt,, Argon. Radon tries, but is really too handicapped by his monstrousness to pull it off successfully.
 * Child Soldiers -- The sailors.
 * Clark Kenting -- In chapter 4, Shin explicitly draws the comparison with Superman, noting, "The magic even extends to MPEG."
 * Collapsing Lair --
 * Curb Stomp Battle -- Very, very few Yamiko can stand against even a normal-power Sailor. None can withstand their Unstoppable Rage
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Argon, who not only knows that he's both The Dragon and a Card-Carrying Villain, but is able to avert Smug Snake status because of it: he knows he's an arrogant, condescending bastard and plans for it. He's also aware he's in a deconstruction of the Magical Girl genre, knows the roles the others are playing and works with it.
 * Dark Chick -- Cobalt, who combines this with many of the traits of the Evil Genius. In a group of Mad Artists, sexual predators, and Card Carrying Villains, he's into Pragmatic Villainy and just wants to get things done.
 * Darker and Edgier
 * A Darker Me -- The Yamiko are the physical manifestation of this. They're just like regular people, but with absolutely no inhibitions or moral concerns.
 * This is actually the clinical definition of psychopathological behavior. Robert D. Hare, Ph.D., the foremost psychologist currently (or maybe ever) teaching on the subject, has written or collaborated on a formidable number of texts.
 * Dark Magical Girl
 * Death Seeker --
 * Himei, in some ways. Given that she has no way to attack the enemy at their source for the majority of her time as a sailor, she sees death as the only way out.
 * Deconstruction -- ...of heroes and villains both, and Magical Girl stories in general.
 * Defector From Decadence --
 * Despair Event Horizon -- Himei being on the edge of this pretty much sets the tone of the entire story.
 * Determinator -- Kongou Shin, always.
 * Determined Defeatist -- Himei.
 * Distant Finale
 * The Dragon -- Argon to The Dark Queen & Ohta to Cobalt.
 * Dragon-in-Chief --.
 * Driven to Suicide
 * Earn Your Happy Ending
 * Emotionless Girl -- Sailor Nothing
 * Enemy Without -- Happens multiple times, each with significant plot effects.
 * Aki:
 * Kotashi:
 * Seiki:
 * Shin:
 * Enigmatic Minion:
 * Argon; while his loyalty to the Queen is unquestioned, his motives, backstory, and ultimate goals remain obscured to the very end.
 * Cobalt would be this, but because so much of the story is from his point of view the audience knows exactly what he's after, neatly subverting the trope.
 * Evil Overlord: The Dark Queen
 * Evil Tower of Ominousness
 * Evil Twin: All Yamiko
 * Fate Worse Than Death -- Take your pick. is a good candidate.
 * Faux Affably Evil: Argon, who lampshades it constantly.
 * Five-Man Band:
 * The Hero: Himei
 * The Lancer: Aki
 * The Smart Guy: Shin
 * The Big Guy: Sekai
 * Non-Action Guy Kotashi is both The Chick and The Lancer to Shin.
 * Five-Bad Band: A variation:
 * The Big Bad: The Dark Queen
 * The Dragon / The Evil Genius: Argon
 * Dark Chick / The Evil Genius: Cobalt
 * The Brute: Both Neon & Xenon
 * The Sixth Ranger / The Starscream: Radon
 * Flashback Nightmare
 * For the Evulz -- The motivation of pretty much all the Yamiko except for Cobalt . Justified in that they're largely incapable of even having a more complex motivation.
 * Four Is Death
 * Gayngst: Turns out.
 * Genre Savvy: Several of the protagonists, and Cobalt. Argon is Dangerously Genre Savvy, much to everyone's regret.
 * Giant Mook -- The insane, nigh-unstoppable, Sailor-killing Super Yamiko.
 * Ironically though,
 * Girl Posse -- The fashion club.
 * God Save Us From the Queen: The Dark Queen, who's insane to the point of being practically schizophrenic.
 * Gone Horribly Wrong --
 * Gratuitous Japanese -- Intentionally invoked for much of the Japanese names and terms. We hope.
 * Hannibal Lecture -- to Aki.
 * The Heartless
 * Heroic BSOD
 * Heroic Fatigue
 * Heroic Sacrifice --
 * Heroic Willpower
 * He Who Fights Monsters -- The whole reason the story isn't over in the first chapter.
 * Hurting Hero -- Himei
 * I Did What I Had to Do
 * I Just Want to Be Normal -- Very.
 * Impossible Task/Snipe Hunt - No, Cobalt,
 * Infinite Canvas -- Used in a few places, especially chapter 7.
 * In the Name of the Moon
 * Incompatible Orientation:.
 * Intrepid Reporter: Shin. She idolises Hunter S. Thompson and is obsessed with bringing out the Truth, . Her name even means "truth" in Japanese.
 * Ironic Echo: "I'm very tired."
 * It's Not You, It's My Enemies
 * I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: In pretty much every single permutation available.
 * I Wished You Were Dead --
 * Jerkass:
 * Ami
 * Magnificent Kamen starts as this, and descends into Complete Monster as the story goes on
 * Shoutan Himei herself is a Jerkass Woobie not unlike Ikari Shinji.
 * Jumped At the Call -- ...and regretted it. Later, though, others actually "Call" themselves.
 * Kick the Dog -- Magnificent Kamen kicks it harder and harder as the story goes on.
 * Kick the Son of a Bitch --
 * Karma Houdini:
 * Played straight with who never really receives any comeuppance for the death and destruction he causes. Possibly justified as
 * Knife Nut: A whole lot of Yamiko, including Dark General Argon.
 * Knight in Sour Armor: The title says it all.
 * Knight Templar: Magnificent Kamen, pre-Face Heel Turn.
 * Kuudere -- Himei
 * Laser Guided Tykebomb --
 * Late for School
 * Let's Get Dangerous: When Himei says, "This shouldn't be happening," Unstoppable Rage isn't far behind.
 * Lonely Rich Kid -- Seiki
 * Loners Are Evil -- Cobalt concludes The Quiet One will spawn the darkest, most powerful Yamiko ever.
 * This is actually a subversion, as it is stated in the first chapter that the purer the individual, the more evil the Yamiko.
 * Love Makes You Evil
 * Lyrical Dissonance -- One character runs right into it when he is told what the meaning of an American song he's enjoyed listening to . To little surprise, it's a song by They Might Be Giants.
 * To be more specific, it's "Everything Right Is Wrong Again", which is quite possibly the worst thing to have been listening to in that situation...
 * Mad Artist -- Argon
 * Magical Girl -- heavily deconstructed
 * Magical Girl Warrior
 * Manipulative Bastard: Argon and Radon
 * Meaningful Name -- A number of characters (and other things) have these.
 * Shoutan means "crying in pain". Himei is "scream" or "shriek".
 * Himemiya means "princess".
 * Komachi can mean "belle" or "town beauty". Aki in turn can mean "emptiness".
 * Kongou can mean the vajra, which involves symbolism for the Five Buddhist Wisdoms; one dictionary lists the word as "Buddhist symbol of the indestructible truth". Shin can (more plainly) mean truth, as well.
 * Seiki can mean "spirit of justice".
 * If you take some notice, the Nothing of the title Sailor Nothing translates as Mu in Japanese, making it Sailor Mu with a similar sounding to Sailor Moon.
 * Mind Rape -- Thankfully, the victim tends to block the memory out. Probably closer to "Spirit Rape" anyway.
 * Mind Screw -- Justified: the chapter where this happens is narrated from Himei after, and her mind is currently not sure of how "cause and effect" is supposed to occur.
 * Minion Shipping -- As observed elsewhere, Cobalt and Ohta have a definite Burns/Smithers vibe.
 * Mysterious Protector -- Magnificent Kamen in the backstory, though also a total jerk.
 * Nice Job Fixing It, Villain -- Aki's reputation being destroyed by turns out to be the best thing that could have happened to her.
 * Magnificent Kamen sure shot himself in the foot by, even if you don't count creating her in the first place due to being too indirect.
 * Noble Demon -- Argon deconstructs the trope.
 * Non-Action Guy -- Kotashi
 * Now or Never Kiss --
 * Painting the Fourth Wall -- The font varies slightly depending on who's narrating, and the background color of the webpage is usually black, but goes white at the beginning and end.
 * Parental Abandonment -- Minor forms. Seiki lives alone, which he can barely stand, and Himei's parents just don't notice her injuries.
 * Now or Never Kiss --
 * Painting the Fourth Wall -- The font varies slightly depending on who's narrating, and the background color of the webpage is usually black, but goes white at the beginning and end.
 * Parental Abandonment -- Minor forms. Seiki lives alone, which he can barely stand, and Himei's parents just don't notice her injuries.


 * Far worse was the behavior of Shin's parents in her backstory: although not the classical form of abandonment,
 * It gets worse when you realize that
 * Personality Powers: Himei's favored attack is called "Nothingness",
 * The Power of Friendship -- Darker than usual, but used as straight as possible.
 * Power Trio
 * Pure Is Not Good
 * Pragmatic Villainy: Cobalt, so very much. Like all the Yamiko, he's a total sociopath. However, he's also obsessed with getting things done in the most efficent manner possible, which means he has no time for rape, random murder, or any of the other typical Yamiko pursuits.
 * Psycho for Hire -- All Yamiko, especially Neon and Xenon.
 * Rape as Backstory -- Pretty much describes, but not so much , whose experience is explored in more detail.
 * Rape as Drama -- Several times, including.
 * Rape Is Love -- Subverted.
 * Possibly a trait of Yamiko in general. Love usually includes the desire to have sex with that person. When a Yamiko is made, it's basically a copy of a person with all the good removed. Good such as love, or caring what the person you want to have sex with thinks. In this case, rape is all that is left of the originals love.
 * Close; the Yamiko-Seiki still obviously cared about Himei in a deeply fucked-up way. But being a yamiko meant he ceased to care what anyone else felt or wanted, and no longer care if she felt similarly. He automatically assumed she'd do whatever he wanted and couldn't even comprehend otherwise, only focused on his own desires to the point of monstrous selfishness. All while still believing it was love.
 * Reconstruction -- At first it deconstructs how painful fighting real monsters would be for a child, but then it shows how good friends can make it all bearable.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech -- gives this to.
 * Replacement Goldfish:.
 * The Reveal -- true identities.
 * Save the Villain:.
 * Schoolgirl Lesbians -- Eventually subverted as Aki realizes that while she does love Himei dearly, Himei has a boyfriend, and they're not meant to be.
 * School Newspaper Newshound -- Shin; explicitly, she wants to unearth the truth wherever she can.
 * Shadowland -- Even once using the phrase "shadow realm"
 * Shell Shocked Senior -- Himei...while still in high school.
 * Shout-Out: A very subtle one to They Might Be Giants.
 * "Shut Up" Kiss -- Now or Never Kiss
 * Sissy Villain: Argon effects this appearance, with his nail polish, mincing/floating walk, love of fine clothes, and appreciation of art.
 * Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism -- Thrown way out of whack.
 * For all its grimness, however, it ultimately has a core of idealism. The Power of Friendship plays an important role in keeping the heroine together, and.
 * Smug Snake: All Yamiko, except Cobalt, who's too much of a pragmatic villain, and Argon who's both high-functioning and Genre Savvy enough to know he's a Smug Snake and work around it. Radon is a particularly vile example.
 * Social Services Does Not Exist
 * Something Completely Different: Chapter 7 departs from the written format to an animated sprite comic with captions.
 * The Starscream: Radon, who openly plots to displace Argon and then seize the Queen's throne.
 * Stepford Smiler: Aki starts out as a Type A.
 * Suicide by Cop:
 * Inverted: The "cop" knowingly walks into an unwinnable fight.
 * plays it straight later.
 * Super-Powered Evil Side -- The Yamiko, especially
 * Also subverted.
 * Surrounded by Idiots -- Cobalt
 * Note:
 * Taking the Bullet -- Subverted in the final chapter
 * Also toyed with in that.
 * Theme Naming -- The fashion club and the Dark Generals.
 * Odd Name Out:
 * All the Dark Generals are named after the noble gases (Argon, Radon, Xenon, Neon) except Cobalt (which is a transition metal). Cobalt's the one who You really have to be a chemistry geek to get this one, though.
 * The fashion club also has an Odd Name Out: Aki. The others are Ami, Emi and Umi.
 * Transformation Trinket: Every Sailor uses one. In Sailor Nothing's case, it's a literal trinket, originally just a cheap plastic trinket, before it was enchanted.
 * There Are No Therapists -- There are therapists, but they never do anyone any good.
 * This Loser Is You: Shoutan Himei herself, of course, for always angstily complaining about being forced to do her responsibility even if she doesn't want to. Because of her attitude, countless others including those who care about her are getting harmed one after another.
 * Those Two Bad Guys: Xenon and Neon. No one can really tell them apart, and Cobalt actually refers to them as the "WhateverOns.
 * Trailers Always Lie: What each Next Episode section said might not be what you should expect from the next chapter. You've been warned!
 * Triple Shifter: Himei is so tired...
 * Undying Loyalty:
 * Argon, who knows the Dark Queen better than she knows herself.
 * Ohta displays the same sort of loyalty to Cobalt.
 * Unholy Matrimony: loyalty to the Dark Queen is.
 * Unstoppable Rage
 * Villainy Discretion Shot: Played with. Done straight throughout most of the fic, with the vilest acts either done offscreen or quickly named with no description. Then hideously averted with, made even more effective by the earlier straight play.
 * Wake Up, Go to School, Save the World
 * White-Haired Pretty Boy -- The Dark Generals
 * Who Wants to Live Forever? --.
 * Word of God -- Right on our Headscratchers page.
 * Xanatos Gambit: