Starcrash



"We'll scan it with our computer waves.

The only solution is to leave space and re-enter on the other side."

The evil Count Zarth Arn is threatening to take over the galaxy with the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. The Emperor's son has gone missing after this weapon destroyed his spaceship, and smugglers Akton and Stella Star must find him and destroy the weapon.

In the late '70s, Italian director Luigi Cozzi attempted to capitalize of the success of Star Wars by creating a space movie with B-movie faves Caroline Munro and Marjoe Gortner, plus Christopher Plummer and even David Hasselhoff. The result? STARCRASH!

Starcrash is a hilariously bad movie, made better by the hilariously artificial-sounding translation. Many believe it to be even worse than that. It's a really, really, really badly done movie, so watch at your own peril.

Note: Irony-chan of Get Medieval fame has put a (somewhat) more flattering review here in Dumnestors Heroes.

This film provides examples of:

 * American Accents: The robot (!) L speaks with a Texan accent.
 * Bald of Evil:
 * Bond Villain Stupidity: Zarth Arn corners the heroes with an army of armed robot guards... and proceeds to leave them on a planet set to explode.
 * Captain Obvious: The smugglers come across a drifting, derelict spacecraft. They can see it out the window, big and glaring, for several seconds. Then, Stella Star gets a look of utter surprise on her face, and squeals, "IT'S A SPACE SHIP!!"
 * Colony Drop: The titular Starcrash.
 * Contemplate Our Navels: The Emperor of the Galaxy tries to do this at the end of the movie, but the script isn't really written well enough for him to succeed.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: Stella's name means "Star Star".
 * Reality Is Unrealistic: There have been actual people named Stella Starr, and at least one Stella Star.
 * The Emperor: Christopher Plummer as the Emperor of the Galaxy
 * Expanded Universe: Yes, there really is one, thanks to a anthology called, of course, Curved Space.
 * Evil Overlord: Zarth Arn
 * Follow the Leader: Star Wars ripoffs were all the rage at the end of the 1970s -- this is the best-known European example.
 * 'Zarth Arn' is also the name of the younger son of the Galactic Emperor in Edmond Hamilton's 'The Star Kings'. This is probably coincidence, though that book did include a star system destroying weapon (implied to be galaxy or universe destroying if handled incorrectly).
 * Green Lantern Ring: The sine waves that Akton can make hover over his hand seem to be able to do anything from allowing him to see into the future to acting as an emergency microwave oven.
 * Made of Explodium: People, when they're hit with laser beams. (Except for .)
 * Never Tell Me the Odds: Akton spends the trip through hyperspace enumerating the probabilities of all the different ways he and Stella could be killed. No Determinator here, but neither of them seem to find it particularly interesting.
 * Orcus On His Throne: Zarth Arn's means of taking over the galaxy is a weapon so large it had to be hidden inside a planet. The weapon only seems to be able to attack things right next to the planet, which has no means of propulsion. Zarth Arn has nothing to do but walk around his spaceship talking about how he will rule the galaxy by sunrise.
 * Shout Out: The Imperial warship at the beginning in named Murray Leinster. Two of her officers are named Clarke and Bradbury.
 * Space Friction: Leaves a trail.
 * Space Is an Ocean: At one point, Stella swims between two spaceships.
 * Space Is Noisy: All spaceships move through space making all kinds of whooshing, whirring and/or beeping sounds.
 * Stripperiffic: Stella. Apparently, skimpy clothing is perfectly suitable for manually moving around radioactive material. At least she puts on some clothes for the ice planet. To a lesser extent, the entire population of the planet of Amazons, including their Humongous Mecha.
 * You Fail Logic Forever: "You knew would betray us? Then you can see into the future!"