Pirates Versus Privates

Pirates Versus Privates is an Alternate Universe Disney Fanfic that's got a heap of something for everyone. Minnie Mouse is a Private for the NAVY (Nautical Air Victorian Youth), an all-female military that primarily hunts down pirates. She winds up catching the eye of pirate Mickey Mouse, and though she vows to arrest him, a love develops between them. A million other plot lines run through this, including a mysterious notebook, kidnappings, engagements, greedy kings and bloody revenge.

It's completed at thirty-four chapters. It can be found on Fanfiction.net and DeviantArt.

It has a completed mid-quel in the works, Versus Vampires, which is a Crossover with the fancomic Count Dragul. It has no baring on the full canon work and is mostly just for fun and speculative what-ifs.


 * Aborted Declaration of Love: Horace, thinking that Clarabelle was going to marry Edward, was just about to confess his feelings for her when she told him who Edward was really marrying. They never discuss this again.
 * Absent-Minded Professor: Ludwig Von Drake.
 * Abuse Is Okay When It Is Female On Male: Minnie has slapped Mickey, kicked him in the face, and tried to hit him outside of battle situations. To be fair, he usually deserves it. Ortensia has also been violent to Oswald.
 * Alternate History: In a Q&A session, the author said that George Washington, after having won the war, became America’s first king instead of setting up a democracy.
 * Alternate Universe:
 * Arranged Marriage: Minnie and Mortimer, Donald and Daisy. According to them, it’s a standard practice in this day and age.
 * Artificial Limbs: Pete has a mechanical eye, leg, and arm, as he was based on the Disney Steampunk Pin Collection version.
 * Asshole Victim: Mortimer seems to earn a lot of the abuse he suffers.
 * Awesome Moment of Crowning: King Ezekiel of America gives
 * Backstory: The author has been tight lipped about certain ones, such as Mickey and Goofy, refusing to say anything even in Q&A sessions. She wants to wait until the chapters reveal themselves.
 * Badass Adorable: Minnie.
 * Badass Grandma: It’s implied Minnie’s grandma was this.
 * Bad Bad Acting: When Goofy and Millie are in public during the crashed wedding, Millie tells him he’s a brute and tells him not to kidnap her… while smiling and gushing with love. Fortunately the chaos all around them prevented anyone from taking notice, and it's implied this has been the only slip-up, despite being a...
 * Bad Liar: Millie certainly doesn’t have a boyfriend and she has no idea where you would get such a ridiculous notion! Goofy can’t pull it off either, making Minnie note maybe they do belong together.
 * Berserk Button: Turns out Mickey is this to Oswald. Mirage is also this to Amelia. And for the love of Walt, don't threaten Minnie's life, or Mickey will make you pay.
 * Blatant Lies: Mickey’s letters to Ortensia about his relationship with Minnie. See Unreliable Narrator.
 * Big Brother Instinct: Mickey towards Ortensia. It’s why he’s been oblivious to her advances, in that he can only see her as a sister and not a ‘woman’.
 * Badass Boast: Given that Darkwing Duck is in this story, it’s inevitable. And come chapter 33, he finally delivers.
 * Big, Thin, Short Trio: Pete (big), Goofy (thin) and Mickey (short) are usually working together in any scheme.
 * Bonus Material: The author occasionally writes Storybits which are spur of the moment stories. Some of them have been side stories and others are previews for future scenes. The side-stories are typically not considered canon, such as Mickey and Minnie meeting vampires and Minnie having a dream that their roles were reversed.
 * But for Me It Was Tuesday: Oswald assumed Mickey had been specifically targeting him during past robberies. To Mickey it was all routine work and he had no clue he’d been robbing the same guy repeatedly.
 * The Cameo: To thank a friend who made fan-art for the story, the author used the friend's Author Avatar as a character for a short scene, Liliac the Bat.
 * Cane Fu: Oswald’s method of fighting, helped by the fact his cane has a sword in it.
 * Cannot Spit It Out: Horace and Clarabelle. Minnie herself can’t even say the word love in her own mind, and instead constantly refers to it as the ‘l-word’.
 * Childhood Friend Romance: Goofy and Millicent. Implied with Horace and Clarabelle.
 * Childhood Marriage Promise: Goofy made one to Millicent. At the time, he didn’t understand what marriage meant, and assumed it was some way of being with your best friend forever. However, they still fully intend to keep this promise someday.
 * Clear Their Name: Minnie’s main reason for wanting to re-arrest Mickey, since her already not-quite-stellar reputation took a huge hit when he escaped.
 * Compressed Vice: In a non-canonical Storybit, Minnie has an apparent and intense fear of ghosts. This hasn’t and probably never will show up in the main story as it tries to avoid supernatural elements.
 * Cool Boat: The Hawkins, and Mickey’s ship (which name he keeps changing) which has the ability to go through air and water, and go underwater. This shocks everyone who sees it, as no ship has ever been able to go underwater before.
 * Covert Pervert: Minnie has a brief fantasy moment when Mickey takes his sort-of bath, and other implications in the story suggest her mind can reluctantly be as dirty as his.
 * Corrupt Corporate Executive: Magica Despell and Morgana. Though they haven’t technically done anything wrong, they sure do act and look suspicious.
 * Crossover: Aside from the Sensational Six, there are characters from Treasure Planet, Darkwing Duck, Ducktales, Rescue Rangers, the Muppets, and on and on.
 * Dating Catwoman: Millicent is secretly dating Goofy. She arrests pirates and he is a pirate. Oswald, a noble, wants this very much with Ortensia, a pirate. Darkwing is also dating the semi-villain Morgana.
 * Death Course: Used in a Storybit (preview) in a future chapter that Darkwing and Minnie endure. This scene has been cancelled but the Storybit can still be read in the author's gallery.
 * Disney Villain Death:
 * Dying Declaration of Love: Horace finally confesses his feelings to Clarabelle while trapped inside a burning building.
 * Exact Words: Amelia assigns Minnie to kitchen duty instead of assigning her to guard the museum like the other girls. Minnie twists this and goes to the museum anyway, saying Amelia didn’t say which kitchen to clean. Minnie typically tries to abuse such Loopholes whenever she's told not to do something.
 * Eye Scream: Implied with Pete, since one of his eyes is mechanical and glass. It’s also played for laughs since someone always accidentally breaks the glass.
 * Flat What: Donald's response to finding out about
 * Flirting Under Fire: Mickey flirts with Minnie in all kinds of dangerous situations.
 * Forceful Kiss: Most of Mickey’s kisses on Minnie.
 * Frying Pan of Doom: Used in a fanart comic, with Minnie against Mickey.
 * Funetik Aksent : Along with the pirate talk, the author has tried to implement the dialects certain characters had in the old comics, such as Mickey, Goofy, Horace, and Donna.
 * Fun with Acronyms: Oswald’s ship, BLOT, which stands for Beautiful Landmark of Time. Everyone except him thinks it’s a terrible name. Then of course you have the NAVY and ARMY – Nautical Air Victorian Youth and Air Requisitioned Male Youth. Oswald thinks those acronyms are the stupid ones.
 * Gosh Dang It to Heck: Though violence and perversion are abound, the author has been very reluctant to make Disney characters swear.
 * Hartman Hips: Minnie’s hips have gotten unwanted attention a few times. The author herself has stated Mickey has a thing for ‘dem hips’.
 * He Is Not My Boyfriend: Clarabelle and Horace about each other. Nobody buys it.
 * Hide Your Pregnancy: Amelia struggles to do this for a while.
 * High Heel Face Turn:
 * Hilarity Ensues
 * How We Got Here: Sort of. The first ‘scene’ of the story is very ambiguous as to what’s going on aside from people drowning, and then the narration states that they have to go back a year to explain exactly what’s happening and why it happened. It comes full circle by the end of chapter 33.
 * Hypocritical Humor: Mickey sees very little wrong with his obsessive love towards Minnie. When he sees Oswald acting the same to Ortensia, he flips his lid. Minnie points this out but is loudly denied.
 * I Need a Freaking Drink: Minnie contemplates taking up Goofy’s offer of rum when she sees her own situation being reflected in Oswald and Ortensia.
 * Invisible Parents: Though Minnie’s decisions rest on wanting their love and approval, we’ve yet to actually see her interact with them. The same can be said of Oswald's father.
 * Kavorka Man:  No, really. Really!
 * King Incognito:
 * Knife Nut: Ortensia’s preferred weapons of choice.
 * Known Only By Their Nickname: Mostly for the pirates, though it’s revealed that Minnie’s full name is Minerva, and Millicent is typically called just Millie.
 * Imagine Spot: Mickey and Minnie have an awkward case of this when Mickey tries to take a bath on the Hawkins.
 * Imaginary Love Triangle: Oswald thought Minnie would fall for him, and then later sees Mickey as his rival for Ortensia. Ortensia sees herself in this with Mickey and Minnie as well. The mice have absolutely no interest in the cat and rabbit that way.
 * Insignia Rip Off Ritual:
 * Interspecies Romance: Horace and Clarabelle, Oswald and Ortensia, Amelia and Delbert, it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen in a story involving all kinds of animals.
 * It Got Worse: The first ten chapters are full of romance and comedy, but starting with chapter eleven, the story becomes darker, and the next chapters follow up with dramatic back stories, people start getting kidnapped, bloody injuries are abound,
 * Lampshade Hanging: Daisy compares on Mickey and Minnie’s relationship to a soap opera. “It was like watching one of those soap operas were the guy and the girl are totally in love with each other, but they don't admit it and they just act awkward forever, until the fans have to beg on their hands and knees for any sign of them getting together, and then the producers make a huge tease scene and the fans just scream, will you two just kiss already?! What does that tell you?"
 * Lemony Narrator: The narrator will often go out of its way to point out just how stupid a character is. Including blatantly saying so.
 * Loads and Loads of Characters: Aside from the Sensational Six, we have tons of characters from tons of shows and many with their own plotlines. Here's an attempted list at some of the many shows/movies which have had their characters in the story so far.
 * Enchanted
 * Rescue Rangers
 * Treasure Planet
 * Aladdin
 * Muppets
 * Darkwing Duck
 * Goof Troop
 * Ducktales
 * Tarzan
 * Oliver and Company
 * Lady & The Tramp
 * Pinocchio
 * Atlantis
 * Beauty & The Beast
 * The Three Little Pigs
 * The Princess & The Frog
 * Who Framed Roger Rabbit
 * The Incredibles
 * Mulan
 * The Lion King
 * Love Epiphany: When Minnie has one, it scares the hell out of her, so she heavily denies it.
 * Love At First Sight: Surprisingly, not Mickey and Minnie. Oswald for Ortensia, and Darkwing for Morgana. A Q&A session also said that’s how it was for Donald and Daisy.
 * Love Makes You Dumb: All over the place.
 * Lover Tug of War: Minnie endures this between Oswald and Mickey.
 * MacGuffin: The notebook that Mickey was hired to but failed to steal.
 * Mad Scientist: The Fearsome Four are this.
 * Making Love in All the Wrong Places: It’s heavily implied that were Mickey not interrupted, he would have tried this on Minnie while on Mortimer’s ship!
 * Male Gaze: Made evident when Minnie tries to reason with her four suitors in the jungle. Mickey’s the only one who actually looks at her face during that scene.
 * Moment Killer: Minnie becomes one between a sweet moment with Millie and Goofy. Daisy has also interrupted Mickey and Minnie on purpose, as has Ortensia.
 * Mood Whiplash: Chapter Eleven has the fun insanity of a crashed wedding, but near the end of the chapter . Since then the fic has had equal bouts of seriousness and comedy.
 * Moral Event Horizon: Though Magica is supposedly the Big Bad of the story, she's done most of her harm off screen, and even then, it's just paying people to steal things. Then we get up close with her in Chapter Fourteen,  She gets worse from there on.
 * Mirage's MEH is most likely
 * Muppet: Sweetums is a pirate working for Mickey, and Doctor Teeth helped with Minnie's stitches when they reopened.
 * My Name Is Not Durwood: Oswald’s name will probably be never pronounced correctly by Mickey’s lips.  Mickey also usually calls Minnie ‘turtledove’ much to her chagrin, and Scrooge insists that Magica stop calling him Scroogie Darling. Mickey also has messed up Daisy's name, but it's implied at least that time he's doing it on purpose to annoy her.
 * No Fourth Wall: See Self Deprecation and Lemony Narrator.
 * Noodle Incident: “There was a rumor that once Amelia took down an entire boat of pirates with only a paperclip and an old pillow. Minerva didn't know if it was true, but she could believe it.”
 * Not What It Looks Like: Mortimer and Oswald come across Mickey on top of Minnie, groping her through her dress.
 * Oblivious to Love: Despite how amorous Mickey is to Minnie, he’s blatantly oblivious to the fact Ortensia has had a crush on him since they were kids.
 * Official Couple:
 * Only Sane Man: The role keeps shifting because it turns out each character is nutty in their own way. The closest would probably be Donald Duck, a disturbing factor in of itself.
 * Original Character: Millicent Manchester, a poodle that serves as Goofy's love interest. She was created by the author's friend and is typically seen in the author's other works to fill the same role. Captain Devil Eyes, Princess Edna, and Mickey's mother are all also original characters, along with Liliac the Bat, though she is an OC of a friend of the author.
 * Paper-Thin Disguise: It's been lampshaded by other characters how easy it is to guess Darkwing and PK's identities.
 * Parental Issues: Oswald wants to be acknowledged by his father who praises his brothers and ignores his efforts, Amelia
 * Pink Girl, Blue Boy: Inverted. The NAVY uniform’s design is blue. Their male counterparts in the ARMY wear green.
 * Post-Kiss Catatonia: Minnie is so stunned by Mickey’s first kiss she collapses face first onto the floor, and the second one left her stunned as well. Millie also endured this when she was telling the story of her and Goofy’s reunion, and so did Donald when Daisy kissed him to leave an impression on Donna. The author has stated that she loves using this trope.
 * Power Crystal: There are hints of this in the mysterious notebook the pirates were supposed to steal.
 * Reason You Suck Speech: Minnie tries to give this to her four suitors in order to make them behave. It doesn’t last too long, but it did seem to have an effect on Mickey.
 * Rich Bitch: Daisy. During the course of the story, she's brought down off her pedestal.
 * The Rival: Oswald thinks he’s this to Mickey. Mickey didn’t even remember him.
 * Royal Blood: In order to obtain the System Sword of America, one must offer their arm to be cut. If their blood has the DNA of the royal family, the sword will be given to them. If not, off goes your hand.
 * Rule of Cool/Drama/Funny: The author typically stuck to these to keep the audience interested.
 * Running Gag: Mickey just can’t get Oswald’s name right. Also, Pete’s mechanical glass eye keeps getting smashed.
 * BONK!
 * Sacred First Kiss: Mickey takes Minnie’s, and her friends try to convince her that it doesn’t count. Then Mickey winds up kissing her again and again…
 * Self-Deprecation: The author is pretty terrible at taking compliments. Then there’s this quote thanks to Darkwing Duck – “I am the steampunk fanfiction that contains scientific errors!”
 * Servile Snarker: Ducksworth and Nathanial.
 * Sex Equals Love: Mickey is under this impression, which is why he’s so physically forward with Minnie. He’s quite stumped as to why it’s not working.
 * Shipper on Deck: Daisy for Horace and Clarabelle, and Goofy seems to encourage Mickey and Minnie’s relationship.
 * Ship Tease: Scrooge and Magica. Do they have feelings for each other, or have they been a couple in the past?
 * Shirtless Scene: Mickey’s sort-of bath scene during his stay on the Hawkins.
 * Show Some Leg: In a Storybit (preview), Minnie reluctantly does this to trick Mickey and lock him up. Boy does she pay for it. This scene has also been cancelled, but can still be read.= in the author's gallery.
 * Shout-Out: There are tons of Disney references that show up here and there for no purpose than to just say ‘the writer is a huge disney fan’. One example is Captain Amelia’s ship being named The Hawkins.
 * There's also a reference to a certain Spartan meme in Chapter 26. You know how the line goes.
 * Son of a Whore:.
 * Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace: Millie hopes for this and Goofy tries to do this during Millie's wedding to Edward, but it turns out Goofy arrived before she even finished walking down the aisle.
 * Star-Crossed Lovers: Mickey and Minnie, Millie and Goofy, Oswald and Ortensia.
 * Sure Why Not: How the title of the story came to be. When it was in its draft stage, a friend of the author would draw fanart of it and refer it by this title. When the actual story-writing process started, the author decided that title was as good as any.
 * Suspiciously Specific Denial: Millie resorts to this anytime love is brought up. It’s why she’s such a bad liar.
 * Tempting Fate: Often used. One such example is Daisy seeing Mickey and Minnie being friendly, and she thinks it can’t get any worse. Then the two touch and get quite flustered about it.
 * Tsundere: Mickey and Minnie’s initial form of the relationship. Now it’s just on Minnie’s end. Can also be said for Clarabelle towards Horace.
 * Two Lines, No Waiting: There are several plots running around. Aside from Mickey and Minnie's romance, Donald is investigating Magica's company, Amelia has to face her secret sister, there's a monarchy scheme brewing in America, and a dozen other romantic plotines are here and there.
 * The Unfavorite: Oswald in his family.
 * Ungrateful Bastard: Oswald toward his NAVY bodyguards.
 * Unreliable Narrator: Mickey sends letters to Ortensia about his ‘relationship’ with Minnie. Saying he exaggerated their relationship is an understatement.
 * Unresolved Sexual Tension: Heaps of it for any couple that’s ‘not’ a couple.
 * Unwanted Harem: At one point, Minnie has four suitors after her – Mickey, Mortimer, Pete, and Oswald.
 * Upper Class Twit: Mortimer and Oswald.
 * Versus Title
 * Villainous Breakdown: Barnaby outright loses it when  It gets so bad he winds up screaming about other past crimes he's done.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: Clarabelle and Daisy. They do really care about each other, but they’re also always the first to argue at any given notice.
 * We Used to Be Friends: Goofy, Millie, Pete, Peg, Horace and Clarabelle all used to be childhood friends. Now they’re either pirates or fight pirates, which means half of the group is fighting the other half.
 * What Beautiful Eyes!: Ortensia feels that this is why Mickey loves Minnie. Apparently
 * What Does She See in Him?: How Minnie feels about the Millie and Goofy relationship.
 * What Do You Mean It's Not for Kids?: Despite this being a Disney fanfiction, it’s geared towards an older audience.
 * When She Smiles: Seeing an honest smile from Minnie is one of the biggest things that helps Mickey fall in love with her.
 * Will They or Won't They?: The entire plot between Mickey and Minnie.
 * Would Hit a Girl: There’s really no choice, since the girls will hit first.
 * Written Sound Effect: Usually used to interrupt a big moment and have a laugh.
 * Your Cheating Heart: Daisy is seeing plenty of other men despite being engaged to Donald.