(Un)Fortunate Me

(Un)Fortunate Me is an unpublished novel by a relatively unknown author. It can be found here. A sequel came out in April 2011. It can be found here.

Adele Becker thought that her life was fine. Until her parents decided to send her to boarding school. At Phoenix Boarding School for the Arts, the crazy, unusual, and just plain strange becomes the every day. To describe the funny little contradictions of life, she begins every chapter with something like this: "Fortunately, Sophia hasn't breathed a word about the Bathroom Incident. Unfortunately, oh wait. She did."

Tropes found in this work...
"Adele: (trying and failing to get the cafeteria silent enough to talk) Attention! Attention, please! Attention everyone! Delilah: (climbs onto table) HEY! PEOPLE! ADELE HAS SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO SAY! SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"
 * Academy of Adventure: Well, if you consider Closet Shuffles, big, epic musicals, and regular face-offs with Sophia, Lyn, and Hannah to be adventure.
 * Alpha Bitch: Sophia.
 * Ambiguously Jewish: Delilah. Not much in the story says she might be Jewish, but Word Of Goddess says she is.
 * Back to School: Duh.
 * Betty and Veronica: Alec is Archie, Delilah is Betty, and Fala is Veronica..
 * Big Brother Instinct: The reason Alec is so protective of the girls. He's not technically anyone's brother, but he certainly fills the role of one well.
 * Milo, Adele's actual brother, has been hinted to have this, we just don't see him enough to know for sure.
 * Big Brother Mentor: Alec is Adele's main source of help for getting through her first year of middle school.
 * Big "Shut Up!": In chapter 7 of the first book:


 * Blondes Are Evil: Lyn. Luckily, she's... less than intelligent. Inverted with Brooke, who's probably the nicest character in the book. Subverted with Fala, who, despite being Delilah's rival for Alec, is very kind, even to younger students, while most girls as popular as her would consider kids in lower grades beneath her. Delilah briefly sees her as this, though.
 * Blond Brunette Redhead: Alec is the blond (he dyes his hair black), Delilah the brunette, and Adele the redhead.
 * Boarding School: For the arts, no less.
 * Book Dumb: Sophia. Doesn't do too well in school, cunning Manipulative Bitch to Adele.
 * Break the Cutie:
 * Happens briefly to Brooke when Sophia decides to humiliate her. She gets better, though.
 * Brilliant but Lazy: Delilah EMBODIES this Trope. She has no care for things that aren't video games, could probably apply herself better in school, and is rarely shown doing any type of work. And yet she's clever, a Deadpan Snarker, and appears to be the smartest out of all of them.
 * Cat Fight: Lyn and Sophia seem to have these a lot.
 * Adele and Sophia get in one, too. Milo couldn't be prouder of his baby sister.
 * Character Development: Delilah gets slowly less bitchy, though she's a Deadpan Snarker throughout.
 * Adele, too. She gradually becomes more confident in herself and her abilities, and develops something of a wry sense of humor. In fact, Narrator!Adele becomes gradually more snarky as time goes on.
 * Closer to Earth: Adele in comparison to her friends, Patrick in comparison to the girls, Fala in comparison to everyone.
 * Closet Shuffle: Twice in the same chapter.
 * Deadpan Snarker: Oh my GOD, Delilah.
 * Determinator: No matter how much Delilah rejects Bryce, he simply refuses to give up.
 * On a similar note, Delilah refuses to stop believing that one day Alec may fall for her.
 * The Ditz: Lyn.
 * Ditzy Genius: Brooke, who is actually very intelligent, but falls asleep in class every day, and can be painfully clueless at times.
 * Drama Club: Adele and her friends.
 * Dumb Blond: Averted HARD with Brooke, played straight with Lyn.
 * Averted with Fala Jean, as well. She has her ditsy moments, but is otherwise quite intelligent.
 * Eating Lunch Alone:
 * Everybody Hates Mathematics
 * Fate Worse Than Death: Adele considers Eating Lunch Alone to be this.
 * First-Person Smartass: And how! Adele is much snarkier as a narrator than she is as a character.
 * Hell, even the "Fortunately, Unfortunately"s are snarked half the time.
 * Five-Bad Band:
 * The Big Bad / The Dark Chick: Sophia manages to be both tropes at the same time.
 * The Dragon: Lyn, Sophia's best friend
 * The Evil Genius: Hannah, who isn't really evil, she just hangs out with nasty people. Either way, she's certainly the smartest out of them.
 * The Brute: Ashton. He's not part of Sophia's clique (or even her grade, he's in Alec's grade), but he fits.
 * Five-Man Band:
 * The Hero: Adele
 * The Lancer: Delilah
 * The Smart Guy: Patrick
 * The Big Guy: Brooke, to some extent. Fits type 5.
 * The Chick: Aurora
 * The Sixth Ranger: Alec, and to a lesser extent, Fala.
 * Four-Girl Ensemble: Brooke is the sweet naive one, Delilah is the One of the Boys one, Aurora is the girlie one, and Adele is the Closer to Earth one who oversees the entire operation.
 * Gamer Chick: Delilah, who regularly beats Adele's ass at video games and plays against Alec.
 * Genius Bruiser: Alec, who's been at least one fistfight, but is also a Big Brother Mentor.
 * Genius' Sweet Tooth: In every lunchroom scene, if Patrick's in there, you can guarantee that he'll be eating a frosted strawberry Pop Tart (and will usually offer half to Adele... and only Adele).
 * Genre Savvy: (Almost) Everyone at some point.
 * Also, the author herself, as she appears to know that if she says something, it's canon.
 * Girl Posse: Lyn, Sophia, and Hannah.
 * The Glorious War of Sisterly Rivalry: The Horton family. If you think the rivalry to be the favorite child is bad between two kids, picture five of them going at it.
 * Word Of Goddess says that this will be taken Up to Eleven in book 2, when Delilah's little sister Phoebe comes to Phoenix.
 * Allow Delilah and Piper May to demonstrate.
 * Gosh Darn It to Heck: Played straight, but sort of subverted in that Narrator!Adele will always assure us that the speaker did not say what was written.
 * Hair of Gold: Brooke, Saffron, and Fala
 * The Heart: Brooke.
 * He Is Not My Boyfriend: Adele and Patrick have to say this. A lot.
 * Naturally, no one believes them, especially not Brooke.
 * Heroes Want Redheads: Many suspect that this may be the case between Patrick and Adele, both of whom have red hair.
 * Hopeless Suitor: Delilah to Alec. Good luck telling her that, though.
 * On the flip side, Bryce is this to Delilah. Not that he gives up.
 * If You Die, I Call Your Stuff: When Adele goes to tell of Sophia, Patrick asks if he should book the funeral and Delilah asks, "Can I have your CDs?" As she walks away, Delilah adds to Patrick, "Do you want her comic books or can I have them?"
 * Jerkass: Sophia is just evil, through and through.
 * Jerkass Facade: Implied with Alec. He comes across as gruff and a "bad boy", but underneath is compassionate, wise, and a surrogate big brother to Adele.
 * Junior High: Well, duh.
 * Late for School
 * Little Miss Snarker: Being only 11, Delilah should technically be filed under this.
 * Lovable Alpha Bitch: Hannah, who Adele admits is "not that bad". Actually, the only thing that even slightly signals that Hannah may be a Alpha Bitch is the fact that she's best friends with The Rival, Sophia. Needless to say, Hannah is much Closer to Earth.
 * Love to Hate: Sophia, natch.
 * Love Triangle: Delilah, Fala and Alec. This picture pretty much sums it up.
 * Magnificent Bitch: Sophia. She's evil, but you have to love her 'cause she's so darn good at it.
 * Manipulative Bitch: Oh, Sophia.
 * The One Guy: Patrick and/or Alec, depending on the scene.
 * Only Sane Man: Adele is this. Except for when she's not.
 * Ordinary High School Student: Adele is normal in comparison to her peers.
 * Picked Last: Adele and Hugo.
 * Popular Is Dumb: Averted with Sophia, played straight with Lyn.
 * Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: Everyone. Literally.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Adele delivers one to Sophia in Chapter 22.
 * Redheaded Hero
 * Rich Bitch: Sophia. Averted with Fala, who is mentioned to have a very big allowance, live in a mansion, have perfect clothes... and she's a sweet as can be. Even Delilah admits it.
 * The Rival: Sophia to Adele, Ashton to Alec.
 * To a (very) mild extent, Fala to Delilah. This is only because they both like Alec, though.
 * Shipper on Deck: Brooke for Patrick and Adele.
 * Aurora and Delilah, too.
 * To simplify: EVERYONE for Patrick and Adele. Including the author.
 * Six-Student Clique: Adele, Brooke, Aurora, Delilah, Alec, and Patrick. Fala can take the place of Patrick.
 * Spoiled Sweet: Fala Jean.
 * Stage Mom: Mama Horton, Delilah's mother. Much like Mama Rose, she puts the emphasis on her other daughters-- never Delilah. As for their relationship... strained doesn't even begin to cover it.
 * Exhibit A.
 * Stupid Likable Fala: Despite Fala being Delilah's rival for Alec's affections, Delilah finds it very hard to hate her.
 * The Team Normal: Patrick seems to be the most normal out of everyone in this book.
 * Those Three Guys: Bryce, Hugo and Danny, who are love interests of Delilah, Brooke, and Aurora respectively.
 * Tomboy: Delilah is of the Gamer Chick variety. Holly is the more standard sports-loving kind.
 * Tomboy and Girly Girl: Delilah and Aurora. Interestingly, Delilah's actual best friend is not too much of a girly girl herself, being on the middle ground.
 * Too Dumb to Live: Lyn crosses into this territory at times. Usually, she's just a mega-ditz.
 * Trademark Favorite Food: Patrick and frosted strawberry Pop Tarts.
 * The Unfavorite:
 * What's kind of sad, when you think about it, is that her Unfavorite-ness isn't just her imagination. She's right.
 * Vitriolic Best Buds: Delilah and Aurora, while not actual best friends, fight a lot, but are still good friends.
 * Delilah's real best friend, Adele, tends to clash with her, too.
 * Wham! Line:
 * Word Of Goddess: According the the author, Alec is naturally a blond, Delilah's little sister Phoebe will appear in book 2,, among other things.
 * Delilah's Jewish. As stated on the book's Facebook page, "Yeah, it's never mentioned in the story, but I said [Delilah's] Jewish so it's canon now!"
 * This.
 * Word Of Goddess: According the the author, Alec is naturally a blond, Delilah's little sister Phoebe will appear in book 2,, among other things.
 * Delilah's Jewish. As stated on the book's Facebook page, "Yeah, it's never mentioned in the story, but I said [Delilah's] Jewish so it's canon now!"
 * This.