Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV series)/Funny

"Hilda: "There's just one problem. When Harvey found out you were a witch, he dumped you like yesterday's trash." Salem: "You dumped yesterdays trash?! That was today's lunch!""
 * In I Think I Love You:

"Sabrina: "See, Harvey was worried about his French test. It has nothing to do with me" Salem: "And denial is a river in Egypt""
 * From "Sabrina The Sandman" when Sabrina spies in Harvey's dream:

"Sabrina: "Aunt Hilda. How was the movie?" Hilda: "Oh I laughed, I cried, you're in big trouble!" Sabrina: (noticing Mr Kraft unconscious) "What happened to Mr Kraft? Did you put a spell on him?" Hilda: "No, fortunately he passed out from terror.""
 * From the same episode - Zelda's dream? Making out with George Washington.
 * The Gag Haircut episode where they hire Ru-Paul to give Sabrina a purple version of Marge Simpson's hairdo. And she gives Salem the same do at the end of the episode.
 * "My Nightmare The Car" the living car Sabrina bought from the Other Realm gets borrowed by Mr Kraft for a date with Hilda. After getting angry and driving all around town on a rampage it finally zaps itself into Sabrina's room.

"Libby: "Most people just use visual aids.""
 * "Boy Was My Face Red" when Sabrina casts a spell to get rid of Valerie's embarrassment and it boomerangs onto her instead, resulting in a certain bodily function happening during a presentation.

"Judge: "Have you anything to say for yourself?" Sabrina: "I think your wig looks silly" Crowd gasps in horror Zelda: "Sabrina, that's not what I meant when I said 'grovel'"."
 * "When Teens Collide" where Sabrina is on trial against the Witches' Council.

"Sabrina: "You're going down you little plastic nightmare!""
 * Anyone remember Sabrina's intense Cat Fight with the Molly Dolly?

"Mrs Quick: "We shall drink out of a cup of our enemies' annihilation!" (cackles)"
 * Sabrina gives Mrs Quick a medal that turns her into a competitive freak, resulting in her having this attitude to a yard sale for charity:

"Hilda: "Great, it's the biggest night of Zelda's career and she has the verbal skills of a potato" Salem: "It's pronounced 'po-tah-to'.""
 * Zelda snaps from having too much work to do and before a big presentation all she can say is "it's pronounced hydroxine"

"Hilda: (In German accent) "The songs of Bavaria. We will never forget them""
 * The same episode also has Zelda forcefully hold Salem down while she fixes a bonnet round his head, randomly dancing around the living room and talking in a Southern accent.
 * At the end when Hilda snaps as well she enters the kitchen playing an acordian.

"Sabrina: "Look at me! I've become Tyrannasaurus Wreck!""
 * When Sabrina turns into a literal Bridezilla with her lower half becoming covered with dragon scales.

"Salem: (via dialogue card) I should have had a bigger role in this picture!"
 * Really, the entire silent film portion of the appropriately-titled third season episode, Silent Movie. For starters, it's chock-full of shout-outs to Dudley Do-Right and various silent film tropes. But the very best bit?

"Sabrina: (locked in a sleeper hold) "So glad I spent three hours doing my hair!""
 * Aunt Vesta hires Hilda's string trio to get her away for the weekend. Where does she hire them for? Daytona.
 * And before that, Vesta mentions that she gave Mr. Quick a "twenty four hour bug". It cuts to a horrified Mr. Quick fighting off a giant bug in his bathroom. By the episode's end, Quick wakes up in his bathroom and figures it must've been a crazy dream, but freaks out when he sees a fly on the floor.
 * When Salem's daughter is getting married, Sabrina has to substitute as her father which includes having a wrestling match with the groom's father (played by Billy Gunn).