Iron Man (film)/Funny

""I don't want to see this on your Myspace Page. Please, no gang signs... No, throw it up, I'm kidding." "Yeah peace, I love peace! I'd be out of a job with peace...""
 * Tony at the beginning.

"Soldier: Is it true that you went twelve-for-twelve with the Maxim Girls last year? Tony Stark: That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict but fortunately the Christmas cover was twins."
 * Also at the beginning:

"Tony: I'm sorry, this is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is over there."
 * Also also at the beginning:

"Rhodey: How was the fun-vee? [Tony laughs]"
 * And then after Tony is kidnapped and assumed dead, he is reunited with Rhodey, who finds him haggard, injured and near complete exhaustion:

"Christine: "Even after all this time, Tony still has you picking up the dry-cleaning." Pepper: "I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires... including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?""
 * Pepper talking with the reporter who Tony slept with and subsequently dumped.

"Pepper: I actually don't think that you could tie your shoes without me. Tony: I'd make it a week. Pepper: Oh really? What's your social security number? Tony: ... Five."
 * Also this scene:

""I did say I was done making weapons. This is a flight stabilizer. It's completely harmless." *Tony activates it and gets blasted back by the force* "I wasn't expecting that.""
 * "Okay, let's start things off nice and easy, see if 10 percent thrust capacity achieves lift. In three...two...one..." *WHAM!*
 * Then there's the bit just after that where he's designing the stabilizers.

"Tony: If you douse me again and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college."
 * Tony in the Mark II suit turning off the repulsors, then going through the roof, piano and one of his cars. Cue one of the workshop robots spraying him with fire extinguisher.
 * The previous scene:

"Party Girl: Hey, Tony, remember me? Tony: Sure don't."
 * The great unsung comedy moment of Iron Man, due entirely to Downey's brilliant deadpan delivery:

""Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.""
 * The best part is that he doesn't even stop walking or turn to look at her as he says it.
 * When Tony shows up at the party and he thinks he sees Hugh Hefner and pats him on the back, only for "Hef" to turn around and be.
 * Tony's reaction to Pepper seeing him in the Iron Man armor;

"JARVIS: Well, it is a tight fit, sir... Tony: Ow! JARVIS: Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt. Tony: Be gentle, this is my first time."
 * Better yet, the dialogue between Tony and JARVIS while they're trying (off-screen) to remove the former's suit.

"Pepper: Oh what is that, some kind of device to pick the lock? Coulson: You might want to step back... *blows the lock*"
 * Two words: "Icing problem?"
 * A brief moment during the final fight scene. Tony's just started getting out of his suit, thinking that he's won and he can take it off, when Iron Monger appears behind him. He turns and lifts his hand to deliver a repulsor blast... Only to find that he's already taken the armored glove off of it and his hand is bare. He actually turns his palm to stare incredulously at it for a second before getting slammed in the face.
 * "TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!" "Well I'm sorry... but I'm not Tony Stark."
 * The little exchange between Coulson and Pepper while they infiltrate Sector 16.

Iron Man 2:
"Tony: Boy, I'm good..."
 * Tony hacking into the.

"Justin Hammer: She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Magazine. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know. Pepper Potts: She did quite a a spread on Tony last year. Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well!
 * In fact, the entire scene was hilarious from Tony's "Yes, dear?" to Senator Stern's launching of a Precision F-Strike at Tony on a live international broadcast.
 * The senate hearing is equal parts funny and awesome, but the best part had to be Justin Hammer Especially when the top half   Crosses the Line Twice at its best.
 * Made even better by the fact that there were originally just blurry satellite photos to try and prove that other countries had Iron Man level tech, so Tony remotely hacked into the system with his cell phone and patched in video surveillance from these failures, including Hammer's.
 * Made... umm... even more better (?) considering that said scene is {a possible} remake of a scene from RoboCop 2. One would think they would have learned by now.
 * JARVIS is wonderful at providing these moments. For example, in Iron Man 2, when looking at a YouTube video of Tony's senate meeting. "May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir."
 * Stark and Pepper running into Hammer in Monaco, who has the reporter from the first movie with him.

Pepper Potts: It was very impressive, very well done..."

"Tony Stark: Who were you trying to hit, me or him? Happy Hogan: I was trying to scare him- Tony Stark: Cause I can't tell!"
 * A nice little Mood Whiplash after...Whiplash has been causing chaos at an F1 race. Happy Hogan rams Whiplash with a car, then does it repeatedly every time he tries to move. Made even funnier by the fact that Pepper is screaming at Tony and Tony is just saying "Hand me the briefcase" repeatedly while showing virtually no reaction.

"Hammer: You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways. Vanko: *Fascinating Eyebrow*"
 * The first scene between Justin Hammer and Ivan Vanko (in the airplane hangar) has this gem. This is a conversation where Vanko so far has said and done nothing besides sit there and look at Hammer blankly.

"Tony: Hammer tech? Rhodey: * disgusted look* Yeah."
 * One standout scene was SHIELD agent Coulson finding something that looks a lot like Captain America (comics)'s shield amongst the clutter of Tony's laboratory. Tony asks Coulson to hand it to him, since it's exactly what he needs to deal with his current problem...
 * This is even funnier after Coulson's is revealed in The Avengers Movie.
 * Coulson gets another one earlier; he is assigned to keep Tony from leaving his house. Tony acts like himself, and Coulson just grins and threatens to tase our hero, and then watch Super Nanny while Tony drools into the carpet.
 * Hammer's magnificent un-success.

""A lot of people ask me how I go to the bathroom in my suit." (pause– smile) "....just like that."
 * It's more like a Crowning Moment of Snigger, but This Troper was highly amused by Tony's spontaneous christening of the Hammer drones as "Hammeroids".
 * Not the first time we've heard that name...
 * Tony "entertaining" the guests at his birthday party, completely shitfaced (bottle in hand), all while wearing his Iron Man suit definitely deserves mention.

""The party's over... well, it's been over for me an hour and a half ago. BUT THE AFTER-PARTY STARTS IN 15 MINUTES!!!""
 * Even funnier is when Pepper calls him out on pissing his pants, he mentions there's a filtration system in the suit and adds "You could drink that water!"

""""
 * Later:

"Rhodes: You look like two seals fighting over a grape. Tony: Hey, you weren't supposed to see any of that. Get lost. Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof.
 * He put on Another One Bites the Dust.
 * Tony and Pepper
 * "You look like two seals fighting over a grape" has to be one of the highlights of the movie.
 * "Get a roof" may be a Shout-Out to The Count Of Monte Cristo's (1934) "Find your own tree."?
 * Just the total deadpan delivery between a couple of guys in metal battle suits arguing like five year olds.

Tony: How much did you ...

Rhodes: All of it. I've been here a while."

""(to Rhodey) You deserve this. ... (to Tony) And you deserve this. *jabs him* Sorry. It's funny how annoying a little prick can be.""
 * Tony having Fury

"Fury: Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut! (Tony pulls on his shades slightly as a silent Flat What)"
 * Many of Fury's lines in the second film are downright hilarious. One example is when Tony is sitting in a giant donut prop and Fury finds him.

"Tony: I didn't give it to him, he took it. Fury: Whoawhoawhoa- he took it? You're Iron Man and he just TOOK IT?! The lil' brother walked in there, kick'd ass and took. Your suit."
 * The donut in general. Tony lounging around in full armor except for the mask in a donut shop's giant donut, pigging out because he's . In character but utterly ridiculous. Fridge Logic reveals a Offscreen Moment of Awesome: he must have walked into the donut shop in his armor to buy those. Like the Uncomfortable Elevator Moment in Spider-Man 2, but even more so.
 * Another example when the two are discussing the fate of the Mk 2:

"Tony: "'Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior.' In my own defense, that was a week ago. 'Prone to self-destructive tendencies.', I mean please. And hey, aren't we all? 'Textbook...narcissism? (Looks up at Fury.) Fury: (Glares back) Tony: (Looks back down at folder) Agreed..."
 * And pretty much the entire exchange while Tony is reading his evaluation to Fury, the latter not saying a word as Stark tries to justify his many flaws.

"Tony: Whoo! Tastes like coconut! And METAL!"
 * There's something strangely hilarious about a man wearing millions of dollars of hi-tech weaponry, the head of the world's top espionage agency, and a professional shadow/spy lounging around a doughnut booth like it's no big thing.
 * No love for Howard Stark? "I'm Howard Stark... and on behalf of everybody at Stark Industries, I would like to show you... my ass."
 * Also a sorta twisted Crowning Moment of Heartwarming Like Father, Like Son moment. You can definitely see where Tony gets it from.
 * Tony's line when :

"Vanko: I make salute."
 * We also have this line:

""One down!""
 * Also:

"Tony: JARVIS, break in! I need to own him!"
 * Black Widow
 * Tony has some good ones as well. Being :


 * One of Hammer's goons threatens to kill Vanko's bird and stuffs it in a bag. When the film cuts back to the scene, the man is dead and the bird is perched on him. Honestly, Vanko's burd is one of the best parts of the film.
 * Happy biting the guard's ear. HE BIT HIS EAR!
 * It's dirty boxing, and it's been around forever.