Sherlock Holmes (film)/Funny

Sherlock Holmes (2009)
"Holmes: Doilies. Watson: Lace -- doilies? Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds? Holmes: No."
 * "Madam, I need you to stay calm, and trust me, I am a professional. Underneath this pillow lies the key to my release." Said while handcuffed to a bedpost, entirely naked, and the pillow is the only thing covering his privates.
 * Made even funnier when you consider that maid is probably the only woman alive who would run away from a naked Robert Downey Jr tied to a bed.
 * Irene is in her hotel room when she hears a noise at the door. She rolls her eyes and opens it to reveal Holmes failing for the second time to pick a lock.
 * The first time Holmes fails to pick a lock, courtesy of Watson's foot.
 * Holmes having wine splashed into his face as he incorrectly analyzes Mary's last relationship and remaining completely motionless in blank shock for about a minute afterward. And then nonchalantly resuming his meal when Mary and Watson depart.
 * Gets funnier via Fridge Logic...there's only one meal served, indicating that Holmes expected that the encounter would end with him pissing off Watson and/or Mary, causing them to walk out.
 * "Is that a--" "False nose? No."
 * Following up on the false nose bit, the part shortly after, when he jumps out of the window and a crash is heard off-camera. He then shouts for Watson and Watson looks out of the window to see that Holmes has fallen through the roof of a shed. Watson proceeds to roll his eyes, shut the window, and walk away.
 * Holmes compliments a hereto silent Watson on his value as a companion, and is then sucker-punched by Watson.
 * "So that's a no to the opera then?"
 * "Why are you always so suspicious?" "Shall I answer chronologically, or alphabetically?"
 * "That's not Blackwood!" Holmes' expression is priceless.
 * "Now we have a firm grasp...of the obvious."
 * The woman who tells Watson's future. "What of the warts? Are they extensive?!"
 * Lace doilies giving up the game.

"As for mystery, the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all."
 * If you know much about the fandom, particularly the shipping: Watson to Holmes: "You look gorgeous..."
 * "Don't get excited."
 * The Sleep Cute scene.
 * "Take Watson." "I intend to." Followed by Holmes' scoffing.
 * "I'm in the process of inventing a device that muffles the sound of a gunshot!" "It's not working."
 * From that same scene, Watson opening the curtains and letting sunlight in, and Holmes yelling out in pain.
 * The hammer scene. Holmes is running from Dredger the Frenchman, who has armed himself with a massive sledgehammer. Holmes fumbles around for a weapon, and produces an ordinary hammer. Both take a moment to compare their armaments, followed by Holmes pathetically chucking his at Dredger. It just bounces off.
 * Holmes, after proving he knows exactly where he is and who he's speaking to despite having been blindfolded until about thirty seconds earlier:

"Holmes: There is only one case which intrigues me at present...the curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, and they appear most...sinister... Mrs. Hudson: [long-suffering] Tea, Mr. Holmes? Holmes: Is it poisoned? Nanny?! Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already. Holmes: Don't touch! Everything is in its proper place, as per usual... Nnnnnanny..."
 * When Irene makes a surprise visit to Holmes' room, he tries to be sneaky as her back is turned about slamming a picture of her on his desk face-down. What he intended to be subtle winds up being hilariously awkward.
 * Made even funnier by the scene where she leaves and he scurries off to find where she's going but first slams the photo down again.
 * "Wear a jacket." "You wear a jacket!"
 * Right after Holmes owns his opponent in the Curb Stomp Battle boxing match, the Stunned Silence is broken only when one man indignantly shouts: "Where did that come from?!"
 * The Curb Stomp Battle itself is a combination of Crowning Moment of Awesome and this, due to being Disproportionate Retribution of the highest order.
 * Watson letting out the flies Holmes had spent 6 hours trapping inside a glass tube.
 * Holmes' discussion with Watson about and subsequent exchange with Mrs. Hudson:

"Watson: Holmes, as your doctor... Holmes: [Gladstone]'ll be fit as a trivet in no time. Watson: AS YOUR FRIEND! You've been in this room for two weeks; I insist, you have to get out! Holmes: There's nothing of interest for me. Out there. On Earth. ...At all. Watson: So you're free this evening? Holmes: Absolutely. Watson: Dinner? Holmes: Wonderful. Watson: The Royale? Holmes: My favorite. Watson: Mary's coming. Holmes: (pause) Not available. Watson: You're meeting her, Holmes!"
 * From the same scene: "He's killed the dog...again."
 * Also from the same scene:

"Watson: Holmes, what is that? Holmes: (in French) I don't know."
 * "Watson...what have you done?"
 * The scene where Holmes disguises himself when he follows after Irene becomes one of this when you realise that Robert Downey, Jr. is the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.
 * Holmes fighting the Giant Mook with an electrode.

"Holmes: I see. At what stage of the process? Contemplative?"
 * At Blackwood's tomb, Holmes is informed that the police are in the process of exhuming Blackwood's coffin. Said police constables are currently standing back as far from the tomb as they can, each one looking very, very nervous.

"Watson: When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?! Holmes: Urm, we have a barter system... Watson: When do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms? Holmes: Our rooms. Watson: The rooms. When do I complain that you experiment on-on my dog? Holmes: Our dog. Watson: *stammering with rage* The dog!"
 * The scene in the jail where Watson and Holmes are held, in which the two end up bickering Like an Old Married Couple.

"Watson: Holmes, if I were to go to the country it would be with my future wife! Holmes: [jealously] Well certainly, if we must have her along... Watson: No! Not you! Mary and I! You are not -- Holmes: Not what? Invited? Why would I not be invited to my own brother's country home? Watson, now you're not making any sense! Watson: You're not human!"
 * The same scene, later, when Holmes suggests that they go away to his brother Mycroft's estate...making it clear that he means he and Watson.

"Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It's not in your face; it's in my hand. Watson: Get what's in your hand out of my face."
 * In fact, pretty much any time Watson and Holmes have a Like an Old Married Couple moment probably goes here.
 * Like this?

"Not that it's any of my business, but I would advise you to leave. The case. Alone."
 * There's a Call Back to this scene in the trailer for the second movie.
 * And right before the above, this from Watson:

"Holmes: (points to Dredger) Meat... (points to the two other Mooks) ...or potatoes?"
 * At the end, when Watson and Mary climb up the stairs and into Holmes' room to discover.
 * A subtle, but still hilarious moment. When Watson asks Holmes if he knows where his rugby ball is, Holmes replies 'no, not a clue' in a tone of voice that indicates he knows exactly where it is and won't be telling, and indeed may have even hidden it himself.
 * Holmes and Watson are investigating Luke Reardon's house when two Mooks come in, about to set fire to the place. Holmes correctly deduces what the Mooks are there to do. One of the Mooks calls for Dredger. Cue heavy footsteps approaching. Then we cut to a shot of Holmes and Watson watching as Dredger enters the room. Seeing Dredger, Holmes' expression stays pretty much the same; Watson, on the other hand...
 * Also, this line:
 * Also, this line:

"Watson: You're not taking this seriously, are you, Holmes?! Holmes: Yes! As you should. (Watson stares and scoffs) This is a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell whether a man is dead or not!"
 * And the fight that follows, accompanied by the music that plays.
 * Holmes and Irene are about to disarm when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one hitting Dredger's hat before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?", taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."
 * Following that, Watson grabs Dredger from behind and shouts at Holmes to "Nut him!" Holmes proceeds to run up to Dredger, jump up into the air and head-butt Dredger. Holmes then stumbles backward; the look on his face was priceless.
 * And then Holmes tries throwing a punch at Dredger, only to miss, slip and fall on his back.
 * When Clarkie comes by to get Holmes, Holmes asks, "What's Lestrade done now? Lose his way to Scotland Yard?"
 * Following on that, after Holmes is informed of Blackwood's apparent resurrection, this exchange:

"Dredger: (in French) Run, little rabbit, run. Holmes: (in French) With pleasure. *takes off*"
 * When Dredger finally takes away Holmes's newest toy:

"Watson: (with a "you have got to be kidding me" expression) What was that about saving bullets?"
 * The scene in the slaughterhouse, where Holmes tells Watson to save his ammunition, then flips out and empties his gun in the direction of about two seconds later.


 * During the fight scene near the end, when Holmes has a bit of trouble fighting a Mook, he shouts at Irene: "WOMAN! SHOOT HIM! NOW, PLEASE!"
 * Oh, and he calls Irene "WOMAN!" again after she.
 * Holmes: *to Blackwood* My, what a busy afterlife you're having.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)
"Watson: Your hedge needs trimming."
 * When Watson returns to Baker Street and opens the door to Holmes' room, he finds himself in the middle of a freaking jungle. Complete with wildlife.

"Holmes: Take your time."
 * Then, he doesn't even bother trying to find Holmes and just sits to casually read the paper and does his best to ignore the fact that Holmes is continually shooting him with blowdarts.
 * And when Holmes reveals where he is and what he's wearing.
 * "I'm not going out with you dressed like that."
 * Holmes kills the dog. Again. Don't worry, he gets better.
 * "How many times are you going to kill my dog?!"
 * Sherlock Holmes in drag. That is all. In fact, the entire train sequence where he bickers and wrestles with Watson, either in drag or half naked.
 * "LIE DOWN WITH ME, WATSON."
 * The Oh Crap moment when a Mook accidentally drops an armed grenade into a bag full of grenades.
 * After Watson rescues Holmes from Moriarty with the aid of a

"Watson: Holmes, how did you know I'd find you? Holmes: You didn't find me, you"
 * And a little while later:

"Moran: That's not fair."
 * And just prior to all this, Moran's reaction when Watson

"Holmes: Who's been doctoring me? Watson: I have. Holmes: Why is my ankle itchy? Watson: Because there's a large piece of wood stuck in it."
 * After Watson, Holmes is a bit, well, frantic:

"Watson: I thought you'd never ask."
 * The little "Be careful what you fish for" cartoon that Holmes gives to Moriarty, as well as the shit eating grin Moriarty wears as he visibly struggles to refrain from just throttling Holmes.
 * The very last scene in A Game of Shadows is a twofold moment of hilarity;  This troper has seen this film twice and both times, the audience has reacted with absolute ecstasy.
 * Mycroft + nudity + Mary = Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * Mycroft introducing himself to Mary as "the other Holmes" after
 * "DID YOU JUST KILL MY WIFE?! DID YOU JUST KILL MY NEW WIFE????!?!!!!!?"
 * The best part of that is the implication that Holmes has killed his old wife.
 * "YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DANCE!"
 * The dancing, while Holmes downs a bottle of hooch.
 * Holmes asks Watson to dance with him at the ball. Watson doesn't even blink an eye at this and immediatly takes his hand. It's so they can spy on the other guests, but still.


 * The awesome moment after Watson's winnings at the party get knocked to the ground and every person in the vicinity eyes them before diving madly to grab what they can.
 * Two words: Hungover Watson.
 * Especially the look on his face at the first bagpipe notes...
 * And his little tug of war with Holmes trying to take his coat-blanket.
 * Holmes commandeers a pony while everyone else has full-grown horses, and still manages to get ahead of everyone else by the end of the trip.
 * Actually, ponies are more well-suited to traversing rugged, mountainous terrain (like the kind they are going through) than horses, due partially to their lower center of gravity.
 * Of course, it still went much slower. The real reason Holmes ended up ahead? He couldn't get the pony to stop.
 * "They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle."
 * The horses slowing down, and one stumbling on a small cliff, then Holmes hailing them from atop the cliff where his pony has not slowed down.
 * And the entire sequence is scored by Ennio Morricone's typically epic theme from Two Mules for Sister Sara. Somehow, this just makes it funnier.
 * After Holmes is revived by the adrenaline shot, the very first thing he reveals is that he had a nightmare about the pony.
 * Holmes fighting a man and describing it as a recipe for an omelette. Best moment goes to "crack eggs" (followed by a swift kick to the junk.)
 * It was at that point that this Troper's theater burst into laughter.
 * That entire sequence was very clever, especially "Flip the omelette" (judo throw) and "Additional seasoning is required" (a final blow to cossack's head as he tries to get up again). Breakfast is served.
 * And then Sim subverts the whole thing by throwing knives at the Cossack.
 * On the way to catch a train, Moriarty asks if he has time to "indulge his habit." The minds of people familiar with the stories immediately jump to Holmes' well-known vice, cocaine. Moriarty's turns out to be... feeding pigeons.
 * Moriarty's lecture tour is also one of these if you've read the stories. In The Valley of Fear, Holmes notes that Dynamics of An Asteroid "ascends to such rarefied heights of pure mathematics that it is said there is no man in the scientific press capable of criticizing it." So those crowds of people lining up to tell Moriarty how good his book was and get his autograph? They don't understand a word of it. They're just trying to look smart!
 * And Moriarty is presumably aware of this, since when Holmes requests his autograph he wryly asks "Have you actually read the book?"
 * Moriarity's extended metaphor involving Schubert's The Trout is absolutely hilarious if you know the fourth stanza, which turns the entire scene from a cat-and-mouse-game torture metaphor into a Masochism Tango Yandere (disambiguation) flirting metaphor.
 * The moment When I saw the, I nearly broke down laughing.
 * The conclusion to Holmes and Moriarty's inevitable final conflict is improbably funny.
 * "Oh and by the way, Fire...FIRE!"
 * Holmes' note to Watson to get him to save him:
 * "If convenient, come at once. If inconvenient, come all the same"