13 Assassins

""TOTAL MASSACRE""

13 Assassins is a 2010 chanbara film from director Takashi Miike.

The setting is Feudal Japan, 1844. Lord Naritsugu is the younger brother of the shogun, which affords him the unchallenged right to murder, rape, torture, and mutilate on a whim. After a high-ranking official protests Naritsugu's latest outrage by publicly committing Seppuku, a conspiracy is formed within the shogun's senior council to eliminate Naritsugu before his madness plunges the entire nation into anarchy. A veteran samurai named Shinzaemon is recruited to accomplish the suicidal task, assembling a ragtag group of twelve warriors (including one enigmatic vagrant) for one last chance at an honorable death in an age of peace. They quickly transform a sleepy little village into a booby-trap laden killing gound, preparing to ambush their target before he reaches the safety of his estate. But even with surprise and skill on their side, can the small group of assassins possibly hope to prevail against Naritsugu's private army of more than 200 soldiers?

Provides examples of:
""I thought samurai would be fun! But you bore me. You're useless. Even more useless in great numbers.""
 * Asshole Victim: Naritsugu. Definite case of "He had it coming."
 * Badass: All of the assassins, but especially Hirayama (who kills a bunch of Naritsugu's guards with an entire alleyway full of swords) and the vagrant Kiga (who takes down plenty more guards with nothing but a sling and a few impromptu clubs).
 * Badass Boast: Sahara calls out Natisugu and his guards by unrolling a scroll with the words "Total Massacre" written on it,.
 * Big Badass Battle Sequence: One that continues unbroken for over 40 minutes.
 * Biggus Dickus:
 * Blade On a Stick: Sahara's yari.
 * The Caligula: Naritsugu.
 * Combat Pragmatist: In training, Hirayama (who studied under Shinzaemon) instructs the others to win a fight by any means necessary, and to inflict as much damage as possible in case they die. Shinzaemon himself.
 * Complete Monster: Naritsugu embodies this trope, and is considered such In Universe, a fact which drives the main plot. Among other things, he uses an entire samurai family as target practice (including their young daughter) and . To quote this review of the movie: "Magnitude 8.3 on the Dickter Scale."
 * Conservation of Ninjutsu: Twelve of the thirteen are either more experienced than most of the army, or were trained by someone who is (Kiga, the thirteenth, is just a brawler, ). Hanbei provides far more of a one-on-one challenge than any of his troops. Kiga lampshades this during the final battle:


 * Deliberate Injury Gambit:
 * Driven to Suicide: Multiple instances of Seppuku, including one which kicks off the whole plot.
 * Due to The Dead: Naritsugu earns more bastard points by.
 * Dual Wielding
 * Dwindling Party
 * Face Death With Dignity: The samurai use this as a code of honor. Guess who didn't face his death with dignity?
 * Foreshadowing: Early in the film, Hirayama instructs the lesser samurai: "No sword? Use a stick. No stick? Use a rock. No rock? Fight with your fists and feet." He and his student end up using those exact tactics in the final battle.
 * For Great Justice
 * Friendly Enemy: Shinzaemon and Hanbei were students together, and greatly respect each others' abilities.
 * Gut Punch:  is the signal that things are about to get very, very ugly.
 * Improbable Aiming Skills: Kiga.
 * Incendiary Exponent: Stampeding bulls. On fire.
 * Infant Immortality: Played with in Naritsugu's "target practice" scene: his last remaining target is a little girl, but he keeps missing her.
 * Kick the Dog: Happens just about every time Naritsugu is on screen, including kicking the.
 * Kill Em All:
 * Master Swordsman: Hirayama, Shinzaemon, Kuranaga and Hanbei.
 * Mass Oh Crap
 * Maybe Magic Maybe Mundane:
 * My Master Right or Wrong: Hanbei knows his lord is evil but is willing to fight to the death to protect him.
 * Nightmare Fuel: Shinzaemon's reaction when he meets the "poor woman". But this also gives him the resolve to fulfill his mission.
 * Off With His Head
 * Rated M for Manly
 * Ronin: Hirayama and Sahara.
 * Samurai
 * See You in Hell
 * Suicide Mission: None of the samurai expect to walk away from their assassination attempt on Naritsugu. Many of them are even counting on it, seeing this as their last opportunity to find a warrior's death on the battlefield in this era of peace.
 * Tanuki:
 * Throwing Your Sword Always Works:
 * Unexplained Recovery:
 * What Is This Feeling: Pain, for Naritsugu.
 * Worthy Opponent: Hanbei and Shinzaemon view each other as such.
 * You Shall Not Pass
 * Your Approval Fills Me With Shame: During the assassination attempt, Naritsugu comments to Hanbei that he will use his position to start more wars because the fighting is so awesome. He also thanks Shinzaemon for giving him such an exciting day.
 * You Shall Not Pass
 * Your Approval Fills Me With Shame: During the assassination attempt, Naritsugu comments to Hanbei that he will use his position to start more wars because the fighting is so awesome. He also thanks Shinzaemon for giving him such an exciting day.