Quarter-Life: Halfway To Destruction



Quarter-Life: Halfway To Destruction is a Half-Life fanfic that Peter Chimaera, author of Doom: Repercussions of Evil, wrote after seeing it mentioned on Uncyclopedia. The plot revolves around Gordon Freeman Freechmen Freemant Freeman and his "cow-orker" Jimm discovering an extremely vollatil volatile isotrope isotope that has a quarter-life instead of a half-life. A bad guy steals it, and they must stop him and prevent the meltdown from destroying Dallas.

In addition to the awful spelling, grammar, writing and adherence to the source material, the fic is notable for the extremely bad nuclear physics and for being an almost completely obvious Troll Fic.

Has been adapted into a machinima by Djy Entertainment that can be found here. Not to be confused with Half Life: Full Life Consequences, which is a similarly bad but longer fic.


 * Butt Monkey: Poor, poor Jimm...
 * Cliff Hanger: The story ends with someone saying "Not so fast Mr. Gordon." What happens next? You decide! Thanks for reading!
 * Complaining About Rescues They Don't Like: Played straight but then averted with Jimm's cut.
 * Creator Provincialism: Takes place in Dallas instead of Black Mesa or City 17, because the author's friend lives there.
 * Defictionalization: The story itself.
 * Deus Ex Machina: Gordon's ability to use portals to push enemy headquarters into portals to transport the it to a safe place.
 * Department of Redundancy Department: "Gordon Freechmen was studying in his was studying laboratied"
 * Dropped a Bridge on Him: Jimm is "blowed to smitheroons"
 * Fan Sequel: Someone on fanfiction.net wrote a story called "QuarterLife: Origin of Doom", which continues the story and ties it into Half Life: Full Life Consequences. Notable in that it explains a number of random occurrences in the first Full Life Consequences, explaining the origin of the headcrab officer, the wepon John Freeman finds in Ravenholdm, who wrote "u sudnt come here" on the sign, the origins of the zombie goasts, and even goes so far as to explain where the Combine hug tower at the end of the saga comes from.
 * Now in machinima form by PKMN Emerald
 * How Do I Used Tense: "He hits the headcrab and Jimm was okay but his head was cut."
 * Improvised Weapon: Inverted. "GHordon wents to get his crowbarb ut it was missing so hhad to borrow a claymore sword." Since, y'know, crowbars are improvised weaponry and swords aren't.
 * Inferred Holocaust: Gordon drops a radioactive environment into the Atlantic Ocean.
 * In Which a Trope Is Described: "CHAPTER TWO: THEY REVOCER TEH ISOTROPE BUT THEY DON'T"
 * They aren't even close to getting it.
 * Ludicrous Smitheroons: What remains of Jimm after the meltdown.
 * Mass Teleportation: Gordon teleports the entire enemy headquarters to the Atlantic Ocean.
 * No Ending: Someone says, "Not so fast, Mr. Gordon", and the author tells the reader to decide what happens next.
 * No Name Given: The "bad guy from the game," although it's unclear who it is.
 * Not So Fast Mr. Gordon: The final lines.
 * Product Placement: "Tahnks for reading please buy my book at peterchimaera .com i am poor :("
 * Rouge Angles of Satin
 * Running Gag: In the machinima, the spelling of Freechmen/Freemant/Freeman.
 * Stupid Statement Dance Mix: Bad Guy From The Game's speech was mixed with Galaxy Man's stage theme from Mega Man 9.
 * Sure Why Not: Created as a response to Uncycylopedia, which is online encyclopidia like Wikiped.
 * Terrorists Without a Cause: All the Bad Guy says of his motivation is "If you do not agree to my demans [sic] -- TOO LATE!" (Maybe the quarter-life was too short for him to finish his sentence and state his 'demans'?)
 * Troll Fic
 * You Can't Thwart Stage One: The heroes fail to recover the isotope or prevent "quarter-life".
 * You Fail Nuclear Physics Forever: The isotope has a quarter-life instead of a half-life that, when reached, causes a room to "slowly become vaporize." It can potentially destroy an entire city unless it's pushed into a portal and dropped into the ocean, which makes it harmless and has no risk of radioactive contamination. ...hmmm, don't see ANYTHING wrong here!
 * It's the page picture for a reason (or was, before images on that page were prohibited).
 * What Happened to the Mouse?: The "bad guy from the game" after the meltdown, unless he's the one who says "Not So fast Mr. Gordon".
 * Not to mention the ONE question that wasn't answered: "OH NO WHERE DID HEADCRAB COME FROM!"
 * This troper assumed that Bad Guy From The Game let it in to distract Gordon and Jimm while he stoled the isotop.
 * While this troper was under the impression that Bad Guy From The Game was vaporize with the rest of the aliens in the room.
 * Another possibility is that BGFTG went through the portal into the Atlantic Ocean along with henemy headquarters.