Yiddish as a Second Language/Quotes

"Goy: ... The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates: "I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. The B'nai Brith is goyish. The Hadassah is Jewish. Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous. "Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes -- goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them ...""

- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish

"''There are some goyisha names that just about guarantee that someone isn't Jewish. For example, you'll never meet a Jew named Johnson or Wright or Jones or Sinclair or Ricks or Stevenson or Reid or Larsen or Jenks. But some goyisha names just about guarantee that every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish. Why is this? Who knows? Learned rabbis have pondered this question for centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think you can find one? Get serious. You don't even understand why it's forbidden to eat crab -- fresh cold crab with mayonnaise -- or lobster -- soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter. You don't even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz? Fat Chance."

- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Common Jewish Expressions

"kasha, n: Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"? I know what they are -- they're kasha. But that doesn't help you much."

- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish

"''The Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering? Pinky: Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish."

"Thus, the word we have variously been transcribing as "verschlugginer", "ferschlugginer", and "furschlugginer" really starts with an (undotted) letter "pe", if I remember correctly. Perhaps we should spell it "pherschlugginer", and avoid the whole pherkokter mess."

"Anna Baragli: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it.  I'm not sure when. Cardinal:  "Attempt to steal," you mean.  The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk!  The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists.  We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey."

- Hudson Hawk (1991)