Stargate Universe/Funny

"[In the video, Rush runs off during a fire fight with alien creatures] Video!Eli: Where are you going! You're crazy! He's crazy! [Cut back to the crew watching the video] Eli: [turns to Rush] You are! Rush: [shrugs]"
 * Eli's running commentary of the Apocalyptic Log in "Time", but particularly.

"Scott: Telford? Sir? Telford: O__O Scott: Sir? Sir? Telford: *blink*"
 * Also in the episode "Earth", in the first glitch with the communication stones. Colonel Young is having sex with his wife, when suddenly he and Telford switch consciousness for a few seconds, right at *ahem* a very important part in the action. When they switch back again, it goes something like this:

"Eli: Say something archaeological. Chloe: Stratification! Eli: That's good. Chloe: Thank you."
 * In "Divided", the communication stones are used to bring a doctor from Earth. She becomes increasingly mortified by the weird conditions on the ship (alien venom as an anesthetic, a makeshift fiber optic camera made from a hovering camera ball, and the fact that the ship is being attacked). TJ simply responds, "Welcome to Destiny." Hmm, that has a certain ring to it.
 * Chloe tries to justify having picked up archeology to Colonel Young, with Eli's help.

"Greer: I'm going to stay up here and cover your backs. Eli: What are you, scared? *Greer gives him a stare* That was a joke. I'm sorry, I must have mistakenly thought we were on that level now. You know, friends who can kid each other like that? *Greer removes shades and switches to a full blown death stare* Please don't kill me?"
 * Counts as an in-universe CMOF, as their rather long and awkward string of justifications ends with Young chuckling to himself once they leave the room.
 * Later on, Eli claims that he called Greer out for being afraid as a joke. Because he thought that they were on that level in their relationship.

"Scott:"
 * Same episode, when the away team have to call in a rescue team due to the aftermath of, and having to explain it to Young.

"Telford: What makes us so special? O'Neill: I know what makes me special."
 * O'Neill is good for these.

"TJ: We don't even know if it's poisonous! Greer: (deadpan) We will."
 * Greer vs. Alien Fruit. Both times ("Justice" and "Faith"). The first time, he pretends the "alien sweet potato" tastes delicious ( which was a little too generous). The second time, he eats a completely random fruit to the horror of the rest of the off-world team.

"Eli: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -Arthur C. Clarke Young: "Turn the mic back on." -Winston Churchill"
 * Greer vs. Alien Wildlife. "Is it something we can barbecue?"
 * Then again, in "The Hunt": Greer and Varro are carrying a wounded corporal back to the gate. They suddenly see a "space deer". Next scene: "Becker's Barbecue" on Destiny.
 * Eli and Young's exchange about the returning crew members' explanation in "Visitation."

"Young: (about how Eli should send a signal to an alien ship) "Ancient, English, Bat-Signal, and whatever else you've got.""
 * Apparently, Young starts to get how to make Eli understand what he wants (from "Resurgence"):

"Volker: (deadpan) "New friends. Yay.""
 * Volker on seeing the alien ship in "The Greater Good"

"Rush: Well at least we have a full tank of gas. Volker / Brody: Yaaaay."
 * In a later episode, when Rush dryly comments on their status, Brody joins in:
 * Sarcastically in unison*

"Eli: And this room is... *looks around in confusion* I don't think I've been in here before... *wanders off camera*"
 * The Kino mini-episodes can be full of funny:
 * "We... turned him purple."
 * Eli taking a Kino on a tour of the ship and getting lost.

"Scott: [About running two miles] I can do it under 23 minutes. Eli: Really? Funny, because there's a protein bar here that says you can't. [Scott runs off, everyone goes back to watching South Park]"
 * Scott catching people watching South Park when they should be exercising, and how they get him to go away:

"Park: Still a lot of potential post-operative drawbacks. Infection, high blood pressure, erec..tile..dys..function...(trails off) (beat) [Brody, TJ and Park try and fail to stifle their laughter.] Volker: Why is that funny?"
 * When Brody attempts to turn off Also Sprach Zarathustra in "Hope", the Numa Numa song comes on.
 * Also in "Hope", this little exchange in the medlab:

"Rush: You've come a long way from the videogame slacker I met one year ago. Eli: Thanks... You've been pretty consistent."
 * This:

"Volker: What's Rush's country called? Rushia? Eli: ...Futura. Volker: ...what the hell kind of name is Futura? Brody: What's wrong with Futura? Eli: Well, they say that you (indicates Brody) came up with it."
 * Pretty much the entirety of "Common Descent" and "Epilogue," at least the parts that weren't Crowning Moments Of Heartwarming.

"Yaozu: "It is easier to know where you are going if you know where you have been." Eli Wallace. Everyone Else: (awkward silence)"
 * When everyone realizes where Yaozu's little words of wisdom come from.

"Volker: Maybe Futura helped. Park: Isn't that a font? Brody: Will you shut up about the name?"
 * More Futura humor.

"Eli: Me and...Private Barnes? Chloe: You know...if you want to pursue that?"
 * The Pair the Spares moment.

"Brody: All these kids...running around, dancing. Always dancing. Tearing up my lawn! When I was a kid, people had respect-- (recording shuts off)"
 * One of the last Kino recordings is of Brody...complaining.