Jesus Christ/WMG

Jesus' status is not God, at least not originally
His phrase "ego eimi" is actually "ego eimi ho on", which is essencially an expression for "I'm being honest" instead of "I am", as translated. Thus, he was just a prophet, not a divine being. Of course, he might have become divine after his death because Clap Your Hands If You Believe, but it wasn't the original plan...

Jesus is a Time Lord.
Self Explanatory.

Jesus is the reincarnation of the master using religion to control and shape humanity!


 * Obviously he was keeping his TARDIS in the cave, which is why he secretly instructed his companion Joseph of Aramathea to bring his body there before his regeneration.

Jesus is... uh, in Purgatory
Self Explanatory, as well.
 * He gets sent to the correctional facility of the afterlife, to be let out once enough time has passed to account for every human's Original sin.

Jesus is/was Seemingly-Profound Fool.
Life of Brian was more spot-on than anyone realized. No wonder his words can be taken to back up almost anything.

Jesus was/is the Wandering Jew.
He's Jewish, immortal, and nobody knows exactly what happened to him after that last visit. Plausible enough.

Jesus gave God a human perspective
This is why there's such a huge difference between new and old testament god. Through Jesus, god was able to see just how flawed, weak, and vulnerable humanity really is. That we were practically inherently designed with temptations we face each and everyday, every hour of the day. God saw, realized that there are those that STILL never gave up and remained devoted to his faith, and truly realized humanity was god's greatest miracle.
 * Of course, that would contradict the idea that God is and always has been omniscient. An omniscient, all-knowing God would already know all that stuff about humanity right from the beginning. He wouldn't have needed to send down Jesus to get a ground-level view of things.
 * Many religions / belief systems (the difference can get a little blurry in ancient times) make the distinction between knowledge and experience. An omniscient entity knows everything, but He's probably experienced very little.
 * Alternatively, God already had full knowledge/experience of a human perspective, and Jesus's role was - among other things - to drive the point home. It's one thing to know on an intellectual level that God understands your pain; it's an entirely different thing to see him beaten raw and hanging from an execution stake.

Jesus is, or was Heracles.
He became Genre Savvy and escaped into the Abrahamic religion, when he realised the Greek Pantheon is doomed

Jesus actually is Jesus
Think about it...
 * Wait, are we talking about Jesus?


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