How I Paid for College



""The story of how I paid for college begins like life itself -- in a pool of water. Not in the primordial ooze from which prehistoric fish first developed arms and crawled into the shore but in a heavily chlorinated pool of water in the backyard of Gloria D'Angelo's split-level ranch in Campton, New Jersey.""

- Edward Zanni, our narrator, first page

It's 1983, Wallingford, New Jersey, a sleep bedroom community. Edward Zanni, an seventeen year old aspiring actor, is ready to go to the school of his dreams, Juilliard, after a summer of mischief and creative vandalism. However, after his father, Al, remarries and refuses to pay for his tuition, Edward turns to his lovable group of misfit musical theatre friends as they engage in blackmail, forgery, embezzlement and various illegal tactics to raise money for him to pay for college.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is How I Paid For College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship and Musical Theatre by Marc Acito.

This work provides examples of:

 * Actually Pretty Funny: Some (read: most) of the things Edward and his friends do take so much Refuge in Audacity they have permanent residency there, but it's actually still pretty funny.
 * Attempted Rape
 * Biggus Dickus: Doug has some -- very impressive equipment.
 * Evil Genius: Natie
 * Five Man Band: Roles are subject to change, though. A lot.
 * The Hero: Edward
 * The Lancer: Kelly (though this role usually shifts to whoever Edward is with at the time)
 * The Big Guy: Doug
 * The Smart Guy: Natie
 * The Chick / The Heart: Paula
 * Sixth Ranger: Ziba
 * Fun With Acronyms: CV Enterprises
 * Refuge in Audacity
 * Running Gag: A couple, including the Universally Recognized Sign for X, dressing up as nuns and priests, and people Tempting Fate
 * Tempting Fate: People have a tendency of going 'what could possibly go wrong?' right before they do something risky. How Genre Blind are they!?
 * Their First Time:
 * True Companions: CV Enterprises.
 * Unusual Euphemism: Unusual yet hilarious example: Edward refers to Doug's junk as 'love lollipop' once
 * Villain Protagonist