Marvel Universe/Funny


 * The Avengers
 * Bullet Points
 * Deadpool
 * Marvel Zombies
 * The Mighty Thor
 * New Avengers
 * Nextwave
 * Runaways
 * Spider-Girl
 * Spider-Man
 * Thunderbolts
 * X-Men

"Samson: The Hulk keeps yelling at you to leave him alone. So my advice is to leave Hulk alone. Watch him by satellite. If he gets near a populated area, send out Hulk alerts the way we send out weather alerts.
 * Doc Samson, in discussion with General Ross:

Ross: And if America's enemies get hold of him?

Samson: Send condolence cards to America's enemies."

"Mr. Immortal: "I beat it out of my imaginary childhood friend.""
 * Mr. Immortal of the Great Lakes Avengers explaining how he found out about the villain's plan.

"Deadpool: "??? The... the black... heh... heh... BWAAAAAAHAHAHA!"
 * Even funnier, before the line we see the 'beat down', which consists of Mr. I punching the now squirrel-sized Deathurge...from our perspective, he's punching the air while something goes "SQUEAK!"
 * Pete Wisdom in a wheelchair and a bald cap in Excalibur #94: "To me, my X-Men! I sense danger! Make it so! Somebody get me a drink!" Made even funnier when you consider that it was published four years before Patrick Stewart played Professor Xavier in the X-Men films.
 * And in Excalibur #102, Pete again: "It's vital you keep his mouth covered. He can control your mind by voice, if you remove the gag, you're doomed. Don't worry, he breathes through his fingers..." (The "supervillain" in question was a government agent who'd made the mistake of trying to strong-arm Kitty Pryde. They tied him up, gagged him, and shipped him off to a super-prison.)
 * Anything Deadpool does. Including, but not limited to: performing a Shoryuken punch on Kitty Pryde, dressing up as Silver Age Jean Grey, writing "Point this end at enemy" on his guns and strangling Santa Claus with barbed wire, while he ponders to himself, "It was a routine assignment."
 * See also one of Blind Al's best moments, in the issue where she's sabotaged all of Deadpool's weapons and is telling Weasel about it.
 * Added: Proving to the B.A.D. Girls that he did not have that one Ho Yay moment with Cable by dropping his pants in front of the girls, completely forgetting he was wearing his Silver Age Jean Grey girl panties at that time.
 * Deadpool, upon seeing Black Talon's costume for the first time.

Black Talon: "Hey... Hey, you... Stop that!"

Deadpool: "Eh heh hah hah ha! Chicken Head! Bwaaaahahahaha!"

Black Talon: "This is the ceremonial headdress of the ancient Loa! It is an honor to-"

Deadpool: "Aaaaah haaaaa!"

Zombies: ::snicker:: ::chuckle::

Black Talon: "Hey! Not a peep out of you two!"

Deadpool: "The chicken said peep! Hahah!"

Black Talon: "If you're quite finished..."

Deadpool: "Oooh... ooh. Okay. Okay, I'm stopping... Heh... I'm okay..."

(beat)

Deadpool: "BwaAAAh! Oh, God! Make it stop!"

Black Talon: "Kill him.""

"Harry Osborn: What's the scam, hip cat? I thought I'd find you singin' with the squares!
 * When Deadpool turns detective in "A Murder In Paradise": "My name's Wade Wilson. I'm a dick."
 * Also, Deadpool arguing with himself within his own bio.
 * "No! Not even for a bigger badge could I betray my Uncle Sam!"
 * "Buuuuuulllllleeeeettttttsssss!!!!!!"
 * The famous death trap wherein Deadpool breaks all his limbs AND KEEPS TALKING.
 * For this troper, it was when Deadpool challenged Captain America (who was possessed by an Eldritch Abomination) to a match of Rochambeau for the fate of the world. To anyone who is familiar with South Park and what the game of Rochambeau is all about...
 * In his new series, Deadpool is fighting Bullseye in a meat freezer. Trapped in with the meat he tries to think of a way to keep Bullseye from killing him with arrows, when one of his voices tells him to "Be the meat". Cue Deadpool emerging from the freezer in a makeshift armor made of frozen pork announcing, "I am the meat!"
 * Even funnier when a flashback page shows us that even as a child Wade had wanted to dress up in a meat suit and fight somebody.
 * Or his exclamation, "He's beating our meat!" when Bullseye attacks the armor with a power saw.
 * "Say it! SAY IT!" "GET YOUR MEATHOOKS OFFA ME!"
 * What, no love for Deadpool getting sent back to the Silver Age Spider-Man universe?

Deadpool: What?

Harry Osborn: Hangin' with the hard cases--

Deadpool: Excuse me?

Harry Osborn: Rappin' with the rubes--

Deadpool: Are you having a stroke? Speak English!"

"Deadpool: I will make you and everyone in this village recognize me for one day... I will be hokage!
 * Issue 13 of his latest series has him agreeing to rid a resort island of pirates (which he himself was trying to be) if the woman he was talking to would become his navigator in the most blatant Western Comic reference to Manga I have ever seen, made all the more hilarious by the fact that she's blind, and that Wade knows she is. (admittedly, she had already shown that she knew how to navigate the island better than anyone). What follows makes the next issue one continuous Crowning Moment of Funny.
 * His buying of a tug boat for the price of a nuclear sub (which he "sank") was just as funny.
 * When an AIM minion comments that he prefers the Star Wars prequels to the original trilogy, Deadpool blows his head off, points his gun at another minion and commands him to shout, "JAR-JAR BINKS IS AN ABOMINATION!" This doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
 * Issue 15 is another continuous one. He starts off talking to the shark he had just eaten most of (he was adrift at sea), has a crazy hallucination about being on a cruise with a bunch of heroes (he was on heavy painkillers/sedatives though...), asks his inner voice to confirm whether or not San Fransisco was being attacked by breakfast cereal mascots to see if he's still hallucinating (he was), roller blades around in a stereotypical outfit and manner in an attempt to fit in (he has a couple funny interactions with people like this), walks into a Navy bar still dressed like that (complete with Hello, Sailor! and Is It Hot In Here in an attempt to save face), and then ends up in a hostage situation in said bar.
 * The thing is, this issue focuses on
 * This identity crisis is brought on after . Without the constant mercenary work and need for money to distract him from his own thoughts, Wade had some time to philosophize.
 * Similar to the One Piece shout out above, in his team-up with Iron Fist, Deadpool makes an even more blatant anime/manga reference. As the villain and his ninja mooks surround him.

bystander: Does anything he says ever make any sense?"

"Rhodey: That's some pretty big Hulkbuster armour.
 * Deadpool Team-Up #890; Three Words: Rabid Hamster Gun.
 * Let's face it, when Deadpool's not funny, it just shows us how serious the situation is.
 * Two words: RESPAWN LOL. Deadpool: 1, Norman Osborn: 0.
 * In a more family-friendly retelling of the Weapon X story, Deadpool narrates and presents the team in a photo laid out like The Brady Bunch. Alice is still in the middle.
 * Um, vol. 2, issues #30-31 anyone? There we have Deadpool insisting on calling every vampire "Dracula." It gets even funnier as other characters get caught up in his insanity and adopt the terminology. Even some of the vampires.
 * During Marvel's Civil War, after Captain America gives a heartfelt and awesome speech about doing the right thing no matter what, a reassured Spider Man says, "Can I like, carry your books to school? For the rest of my life? I mean it. I can give you my lunch. My aunt made tuna sandwiches. Again." The Mood Whiplash isn't overstated.
 * From Avengers: The Initiative:

Tony: Thanks. I've got a smaller one for taking out Ant-Man."

"Rhodey: @#$%! There is not a word of that I approve!"
 * Also Cloud9's summing up of the KIA storyline, and War Machine's reaction.

"Daredevil: I won't let you violate his civil rights.
 * From Marvel Civil War: Fallen Son, with Wolverine on his way to "visit" Crossbones, who was involved in Captain America's death:

Wolverine: Is that what they're calling 'em these days?"

"Thor: You. Military-industrial-complex drone woman. Bring us beer.
 * The entirety of the Avengers Christmas Special--specifically the part where Santa Claus  crashes the party, paralyzes the Avengers, and is only defeated when
 * "They put the sights on top for a reason."
 * Squirrel Girl. Pwning Dr. Doom. Being called Anti-Life. But especially her encounters with the evil, evil man.
 * The Ironic Echo Cut before the reveal that she beat Thanos.
 * A similar situation: Luke Cage borrowing a rocket from Reed Richards in order to shake down Doom for $200 owed him.
 * The Marvel Civil War has been mentioned twice already, but the scene of utter win is during the wedding of Storm and Black Panther. Spider-man is talking to a Gorilla guy (can't remember the name) and says that he really needs to choose a more lovable animal to base himself off of, since spidey's had first hand experience with this. The Gorilla guy is a shaman or chief of an tribe and the Gorilla part is due to it being a spirit animal. He gets angry at Spidey, and starts a fight. Due to the generally charged tensions in the universe at the moment, the entire wedding reception degrades to what is essentially a bar brawl. This Troper was debating between snickering and wincing for the happy couple, until they comment to each other about how now the party's truly started. But..yeah, spidey...drunk...yeah
 * Was it Man-Ape? He's a Wakandan, but why he'd be at T'Challa's wedding is beyond me.
 * That in itself is a Funny moment. One of the subplots of the wedding story was that Man-Ape felt insulted that he hadn't been invited to the wedding. He planned to crash it and start a coup as payback. The whole thing fell apart when he found out he actually was on the list of invitees. So he decided to get drunk on T'Challa's Scotch instead.
 * The story arc Blockbuster from Ultimate X-Men - Spidey teaming up with Wolverine.
 * Logan visits Black Widow for information. Spidey tags along, goes, "Hey! I know you. You owe me eighty dollars. [I helped her and she stole my webshooters.] These cost money!" and is summarily ignored.
 * Daredevil: "Could you please not sit on my head."
 * From the Ultimate Galactus trilogy, after Thor has just promised to buy Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm beer:

Carol Danvers: Certainly. How far would you like it shoved up your ass?

Thor: Well, I wanted a keg..."

"Tony: You know, some girls think my armour is pretty... cool.
 * From the same trilogy, there's also Sue Storm viciously shooting Tony Stark down when he hits on her. While still in the Iron Man armour.

Sue: You should definitely try and meet someone like that, then.

Tony, slumped in disappointment: ...I'm going now."

"Goom: "YO, YO, YO, GOOM IS IN DA HIZZY!"
 * SO MUCH from the Marvel Adventures line.
 * The first issue of MA: Super Heroes, in which Spider-Man, Iron Man, and the Hulk get stuck babysitting Grecian hellhounds for Hercules, and end up entering them as an exhibition at a dog show. Everything from "Green sir, you have a spider on your arm," to the ending is pure gold.
 * The new origin story for Hank Pym. "It's like their exoskeletons are on the inside!"
 * Spider-Man activating the Nullifier in issue 26 of MA: Avengers.
 * Captain America and Iron Man taking out phone spammers while the rest of the Avengers are stuck at a state fair.
 * Goom. Plain and simple. There is no explanation that will do it justice, but Goom is a stories-tall alien imprisoned in a pocket dimension, whom Johnny Storm accidentally lets out. As he and Spidey discover, much to their dismay and the readers' amusement, Goom learned all of his English from watching MTV and Jerry Springer (also Johnny's fault).

Torch: "I... I don't know what to say."

Spidey: "...This is messed up.""

""Why didn't you just say 'Hey! There's some dinosaurs on the street!'"
 * "Well, that's an all new 'everything goes wrong' speed record!"
 * The rules of the Ancient One's incredibly insane (and awesome!) contract to deal with the demon Dormammu. Namely, the one about having to return to Earth as a rodent, which causes Strange and Wong to have to chase down a demonically powered squirrel that keeps attacking them.
 * This exchange from Marvel Adventures Avengers:

"It would have ruined the surprise."

"Bad surprises are supposed to be ruined!"

"Yeah. Good surprises are like 'Hey! Your puppy is made of diamonds!' But nobody wants a bad surprise like - Hey! That T-Rex is about to gobble you up!""

""It's... it's like some beautiful dream... Oh, yeah!""
 * Captain America putting Wolverine in as leader of the Avengers when they fight the horde that's come to ransack the village they were brought to save, specifically because brute force, not tactics, are what's needed. What makes it classic is Logan's reaction.

"EARTH JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS! *attacks Ego hard enough to cause earthquakes*"
 * The entire Issue #12. After taking care of some geological catastrophes, The Avengers discover why; Earth is being disturbed by a living, sapient planet who wants to get it on with Earth. After trying all the basic male hook up lines, he leaves after finding out that Earth has people in it, or in his mind, crabs cooties.

""I just KNEW it was a creepy older planet. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, EARTH!""
 * Even funnier was Giant Girl's reaction when Iron Man's scans confirm that Ego the Living Planet was formed at least a billion years before Earth.

""But I can't- ::sigh:: Fine. Get her, my pretties, I command you!" (The "attack" must be seen as well. It consists of people holding angry cats who are obviously not controlled in any fashion to the bad guys!)"
 * Everyone assuming that because Tigra looks like a cat, she can control cats in the time traveling issue.

""Only seconds to talk, so answer this as quickly as possible. Can my daughter borrow your math homework?"
 * Spidey accidentally blowing his secret identity in front of Captain Stacey (Gwen's dad, who's already made a guess at who he is).

"Huh? Gwen? Why? She's really smart with- ...Oh.""

""I'm summoning the spiders! Because I'm Spider-Man.""
 * Also from MA: Spider-Man is this bit, which is possibly even more hilarious than Tigra's nonexistent power over cats:

"Venom: You shouldn't dismiss us so easily. Remember, this costume absorbed all your memories while you wore it... so we know all that you know. We'll tell the whole world your real name is Peter Parker.
 * In MA: Spider-Man when Venom first offered to aid Spider-Man under his Lethal Protector persona.

Spider-Man: Fine. Go ahead. Maybe I should have done it a long time ago.

Venom: We'll tell Aunt May where you have your massive candy stash hidden in your closet.

Spider-Man: NO... Not my Pixie Stix!!"

"Venom: Holy literary allusions! You're a genius, S.M.!
 * Venom's dialogue as Spider-Man's sidekick. "Holy themed thieveries, S.M.!"

Spider-Man: Seriously. Stop or I'll hit you."

""Your crippling injuries and cries for mercy are no match for Venom... LETHAL PROTECTOR!""
 * Really, Venom had quite a few funny moments that issue.

"Iron Man: You mean the defective batteries that explode when overheated?
 * From 'The Creeping Doom ', where Iron Man and Pepper are in a burning warehouse filled with laptop batteries. Laptop batteries which were defective, and stated earlier to explode from overheating.

Pepper Potts: Yeah, that completely fill that...


 * Beat Panel*


 * Beat Panel*


 * Cue next frame of them running away from an explosion*"

"Invisible Woman: He is making it all sound pretty easy.
 * Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes V2 #6, after Thor describes how he effortlessly defeated the Executioner in a Curb Stomp Battle and saved an entire village from a marauding band of pirates, Nova and the Invisible Woman privately express doubts on this story.

Nova: That's what I've been saying! It's like when you called me out on my story of how I beat Diamondhead.

Invisible Woman: Well... when you were explaining how you were summoning octo-dragons and riding a unicorn..."

"Black Widow: I was watching you, you know. And to me it looked like you just walked across that beach for the sole purpose of looking interesting to the women.
 * From Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #7

Iron Man: It worked too. They were enthralled.

Black Widow: Well, as you are a shiny moving object, you should appeal to the types of women you adore."

"Thor: FOR GLORY!
 * From the very beginning of Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes V2 #8

Valkyrie: Let this day ring through the ages!

Nova: This day sucks."

"Super-Skrull: Hello citizens of Earth! I have come to battle the Fantastic Four with their own powers. I am stretchier than Mr. Fantastic, stronger than the Thing, hotter than the Human Torch and more invisible than the Invisible Woman! Does anybody know where the Fantastic Four live?
 * Every Mini-Marvel strip: "That was a haiku, chumps!"
 * The panel after that line. Especially since the reader was probably doing the exact same thing. (Counting the syllables on their fingers, that is).
 * Special mention for the one where Super-Skrull lands in New York and tries to find the Fantastic Four.

Random Bystander: How can you be more invisible than the Invisible Woman? That's conceptually impossible.

Super-Skrull:...

Super-Skrull: Does anybody know where the Fantastic Four live?"

"Johnny Storm: "Well, how do you like THIS!" (entombs him)
 * Kl'lrt is adorable in Mini-Marvels.

(an entire page's worth of sitting in the dark later) Super-Skrull: "I DON'T LIKE THIS!""

"*Hank McCoy transforms into the Beast*
 * Also the Mini-Marvels' predecessors, Bullpen Bits:

Iceman: But, that's impossible! I don't understand!

Beast: Ah, it's just simple bio-chemical engineering.

Iceman: Well, yeah, but...how does your costume disappear?

Beast': Ah, it's just, um, simple...um...bio-clothical engineering."

"Silver Surfer: "Okay, Thanos... imagine you destroy the universe, and this girl, Death, falls in love with you and becomes your girlfriend!"
 * Another Bullpen Bits strip, with Silver Surfer trying to talk Thanos out of destroying the universe:

Thanos: "Okay."

Silver Surfer: "Eventually, her birthday comes up... now what do you get her for her birthday?"

Thanos: "Hmm... a pair of shoes?"

Silver Surfer "You just destroyed the universe! There are no shoes!""

"Sue: Reed! Don't let him go! We need him!
 * And the saga of Johnny quitting the Fantastic Four... because they don't like that he refuses to turn his flame powers off. More particularly, the reaction of the other members to this:

Reed: I know we may never adjust to life in a pleasantly comfortable room temperature, Sue, but Johnny's made his choice. It won't be easy, but we'll find some way to manage without the fire alarm and sprinkler system going off every five minutes!

Ben: Do you think we'll ever get used to the convenience of not having to replace burnt furniture every week?

Johnny: [By the door, ignored] Seriously, I'm leaving now.

Ben: How will our lungs ever adapt to clean air free of soot and smoke?

Reed: We'll get through this wretched increase in our quality of life together, Ben. As a team."

"Thor: THE AVENGERS DOTH CLAIM ANOTHER VICTORY!"
 * It gets even better when he tries to join the Avengers, only for Wolverine and Spider-Man to continue the barrage of insults. Then as Johnny gets tired of the abuse and leaves, we get this gem:

"Reed: Thor is implying that I am dumb! But I'm not!
 * "Spider Man remask! We don't know who he is anymore!"
 * The Mini-Marvel take on Planet Hulk ends with all the Illuminators Illuminati panicking at Hulk's return to Earth...except Namor, who's calmly relaxing on a chair saying "I live underwater."
 * A good deal from "Welcome Back Thor".

Tony: Thor is implying that I'm just a soulless robot! But I'm not!

Skrull Hank: Thor is implying that I'm a green-skinned alien shapeshifter trying to take over the planet as part of a full-sale worldwide invasion!

Beat

Skrull Hank: But I'm not!"

"Hulk: [Punting her like a football] Go be invulnerable in Jersey."
 * Tony: "Well that's just great. The army was pretty much useless here. Way to go, useless army! You are of no use to anyone here, now that the hammer is gone, so you might as well take your uselessness home!" (Thor returns in a crack of lightning) "Hey! Very useful army! Where are you going?"
 * Fat Cobra of Immortal Iron Fist on having his match delayed: "Bring me my wenches of waiting!"
 * In World War Hulk: X-Men, as the title implies, the X-Men are fighting the Hulk. When Darwin steps up, the X-Men obviously hope his power to "evolve" a way to survive any given situation will produce a way to beat the Hulk. Instead, it teleports him to the next state.
 * There's also Hulk's response to Monet describing herself as "practically invulnerable."

"Hawkeye: "Eat arrows, fascist!" ::fires::
 * J. Jonah Jameson's reaction when Spider-Man unmasks himself as Peter Parker in the second issue of Civil War. Well, technically it's his lack of reaction - he appears to have a heart attack.
 * It's such a horrible situation, what with Zombie Hawkeye being batshit insane because his bodiless head was trapped alone under rubble for decades, but the part where he attempts to take out Zombie Giant-Man is hilarious anyway.

Giant-Man: ::just blinks at him, several arrows now poking out of his head and neck::

Hawkeye: "...Be my friend?""

"*WHAM* "Nobody underhands me like a lawn dart into Jersey, you hear me, Reynolds? Nobody!""
 * In X-Men Noir, Police Chief Magnus taunts Black Tom Cassidy with threats of killing him so he'll go to "Irish Hell." "You wouldn't like Irish Hell, Blackie. There's no whiskey and the women hit back."
 * On the very second page of that series, there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot of Pietro pouting when his partner plops a hat on his head. He manages to look about eight years old.
 * She-Hulk's rematch with Sentry after he interrupts her fight with Lyra, starting with her screeching up in a cab (and paying the driver 40 bucks) to lay him flat after getting tossed into the next state.

"Captain England: By 'eck, lad... I 'ope that knows what tha's getting into 'ere.
 * Set up masterfully in the prior issue, where Sentry flies in at the end and basically Team Rockets She-Hulk.
 * Captain Britain: During a fight with one of his many alternative selves, Captain Britain ends up having this conversation:

Captain Britain: What do you take me for? Of course I know what I'm getting into. I'm in a parallel universe, fighting an alternate version of myself alongside a group of parahuman mercenaries who want me to help the wrongly accused Majestrix of...

(Beat Panel)

Captain Britain: Do you ever get halfway through a sentence and find yourself unable to believe that you're actually saying it?

(Captain England hammers him in the face with his staff.)

Captain England: No."

"Owner: Oh God. Are you going to throw him through the window? You are. Let me get this copy of X-Men #137 out of the way first- it's valuable. It's-
 * Another fight scene occurs in a comic book store, and the owner's reaction to a real superhero duking it out on the premises is absolutely hilarious.

(SKRESH!)

Owner: Oh. Oh well. Never mind. "Cover slightly worn. Reduced to clear...""

"Mad Jim Jaspers: Hello. I'm Jaspers. Jim Jaspers. Mad Jim Jaspers, actually. You can call me "Mad." Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I made you. I made everything actually: I made the sky. I made the tiger and the lamb... I put the bop in the bop shebop and the ram in the rama lama dingdong! I made the stars, the cockroaches, the trees, the winklepicker shoe...
 * Fresh from remaking the world in his own twisted image, Mad Jim Jaspers introduces himself to his new friends in the Crazy Gang in front of a giant billboard of himself.

(Behind him, Captain Britain is hurled through the billboard and the Fury charges after him. Jaspers does a double-take.)

Mad Jim Jaspers: Well, I don't remember making that!"

"Hercules: For the only way to win at an unwinnable game is to change the rules!
 * Thor vs. Hercules? Amusing, but been done. While dressed as each other for complicated plot reasons? Hilarious. And resorting to playground attacks like purple nurples, groin attacks, and wedgies? PRICELESS.
 * You forgot about the beautiful way the Written Sound Effect for each attack is done.
 * That entire arc was brilliant! We have:
 * Hercules is disguised as Thor, and has to sneak into the Kingdom of the Dark Elves and prove himself worthy. He comes across a complicated chess set, for which he has to win to prove that he has wits. Hercules' response? Knock it over.

Elf Queen: Brilliant!

Queen's Advisor: But... that wasn't unwinnable... all he had to do was-"

"Amadeus: How the heck do you know what a "roofie'' is in the first place?
 * "No one else has mastered the Elven Tickler so fast."
 * Thor and Amadeus Cho, attempting to rescue Hercules from another dimension, end up fighting the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet. Cho draws on a knowledge of Egyptian mythology to intoxicate her and turn her into an aspect of Hathor (yes, Hathor), a goddess of love. And lolcats. I'm not making this up, you know.

Thor: I saw it on the YouTube."

"Random goon having captured most of the team, and gloating
 * A Thor moment from an issue of The Avengers:

Thor from a distance: "I SAY THEE....."

Goon: "I say thee? Awww, crap!"

Thor: "NAY!" *Hammer to the face."

"Rhodey: Well, Tony, you've got a computer lab in here that NASA would be jealous of! This must've cost a pretty penny! And here I am worried you went welfare on me.
 * Red Hulk has been a source of these pretty much since Loeb stopped writing the series, as all the characters he beat up previously get their own back, including Iron Man and this wonderful confrontation with Thor. Thor's exchange with Bruce Banner is just the cherry on top.
 * In Iron Man issue 44, Rhodey had visited Tony who had given away his fortune and his company to lead a normal life in a small apartment. Then, there was a beep and Tony unleashed a massive computer lab right in his apartment.

Tony: What are you talking about? I did give away my money--I just kept a little for... incidentals. You know me Rhodey-- I have to have my gadgets.

Rhodey: Tony, my friend, if this is your idea of slumming..."

"Cyclops: Isn't that a Sentinel?
 * In "The Punisher: Welcome Back, Frank," after Frank drags himself back to his apartment to just sort of lie there and bleed, his weirdo neighbors tell him that they plan to nurse him back to health. Cue a look of abject horror on Frank's face coupled with just about the flattest What? in all comics.
 * She-Hulk #9: It is announced that Jen has wedded Col. John Jameson in a quick Las Vegas ceremony presided over by, what else, an Elvis impersonator. The next page? A glorious nine spit takes from their assorted friends and family.
 * In Avengers Academy #22, the X-Men visit the campus. Cyclops raises concerns over a re-programmed Sentinel that one of the students uses.

Sentinel: Destroy all mutants--


 * Sentinel's owner hits it*

Sentinel: Welcome honored guests."

"Maximus: my lord, you were saying?
 * In Guardians of the Galaxy issue 17, when Maximus reveals that Groot's apparent form of Pokémon Speak actually translates to an incredibly intricate understanding of quasi-dimensional superpositional engineering. As the two converse, Crystal and Rocket Raccoon only stare in shock as they ponder if Maximus has gone insane.

Groot: I AM GROOT!

Maximus: Now that is brilliant, and all we'd need is a socket set and a very long piece of string."

"Karnak: Whatever it is it's started to hatch.
 * Earlier from the same issue:

Major Victory: In the sense of--?

Ronan: Look at the feeds, human. It's spawning organisms from pustules on its tentacles.

Rocket Raccoon: That sentence combined so many of my least favorite words."

"Jack Flag: It's a time-door!
 * In #19, as half the team is stuck in an alternate timeline, another temporal distortion appears, leading to this:

Bug: Yeah? Full of Time-Energy? and Time-Swirlies? Jack, just because you put the word "time" in it doesn't - tik - make it any clearer!"

"Rocket Raccoon: Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic?
 * The first issue where Rocket Raccoon continues suggesting team names for their newly formed team. Keep in mind, this conversation occurs while the Guardians are in the heat of battle.

Star-Lord: No!

Rocket Raccoon: How about "Rocket Raccoon and His Human Hangers-On?"

Drax the Destroyer: How about "Drax and His Coonskin Hat?" That grab you?"

"Star-Lord: All the good names were taken."
 * And eventually when encountering the classic Guardians of the Galaxy, Star-Lord decides to make up another temporary name for his team to avoid problems or confusion with the other Guardians. The name he picks: Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic.

"Timely Inc. SP&A Device: Turn the V.R. environment off now or I will blow your head clean off. Uhm... PUNK!"
 * In the Rocket Raccoon and Groot mini-series coinciding with the Annihilators: Earthfall event, as Rocket and Groot are flung through a rapidly changing virtual reality environment in the Mojoverse, Mojo soon finds Rocket Raccoon's sentient Timely Inc. shipment processing and analysis device pointing a laser rifle at his face.

"Jarvis: It's made of Forbushian-metal."
 * Dan Slott's run on She-Hulk was nothing short of amazing, but what really got this troper was She-Hulk's boyfriend commenting on how stupid the metals the Avengers use are (referring to Adamantium). Jarvis then comes out with a saucepan on his head...


 * Captain Marvel V3 #4 has an unforgettable scene with Drax the Destroyer attempting to purchase mint cookies from a girl scout.
 * Delphyne the Gorgon's Lock and Load Montage, especially at the end: