Light and Dark - The Adventures of Dark Yagami/YMMV

"“YOU HAVE LEANED WELL FROM ME!”� he whispered like moldy bread. “LEARNED WELL LIKE A FOX WHO WENT TO SCHOL AND DID WELL AND THEN WENT TO COLLEGE”�"
 * Ass Pull: the Life Note, each special ability of the Royal Death Note, Naomi's true identity... Dark's magic cellphone is both a metaphorical and literal asspull.
 * Although the Life Note is fairly common in Death Note fanfiction and appeared in the manga pilot in the form of a Life Eraser.
 * The Everything Note enables Dark to become king of the world, destroy all "nuclears," and go back in time.
 * "HE HAS A DARN EVERYTHING NOTE! THAT TIT IS TAKING THE PISS NOW!"
 * A Teleport Note enables Hal Linder (who is inexplicably male in this version) to teleport into Dark's house.
 * A Ghost Note enables L to come back as a ghost.
 * But I thought ghosts don't "exits"?
 * The Pain Note in the spinoff series lets Raye put anyone in pain. The Sick Note appears to do the same thing too. Neither one actually advances the plot once the author has exacted his insane "revenge" on canon characters. Both are just lying on the floor when needed. Ditto Near's Blind Note.
 * The Talk To Dead Dudes Note and the even more utterly unhinged Talk To Not Dead Dudes Note which mysteriously just float up from the bottom of the sea.
 * The Anti-Life Note is then Asspulled out to Retcon the previous Asspulls. Except it apparently doesn't work.
 * In what must be the one of the oddest Asspulls ever, Creepy Dude gets a Secret Death Note, which can't be detected by "Death Note radars"... from a volcano God.
 * The Blind Note apparently exists solely as a reason for Light to hate Near (see Kick the Son of a Bitch).
 * The Reset Note Does Exactly What It Says on the Tin.
 * The Debu Note - a "fat note" from a Japanese sketch show - gets a Shout-Out.
 * There are "Sex Notes". What they do is unclear, but they seem to give TIOSEFAJ blonde hair and a killer rack.
 * The original canon says that there can only be six Death Notes in the human world at one time. As you can see, the fic stamps all over this rule, although it can be partially explained by the various notes not being death notes.
 * Badass Decay: Most of the characters in the story suffer it in some form but Light definitely suffers the worst from it.
 * Black Hole Sue: Dark Yagami.
 * Canon Defilement: most of it. L randomly getting a Life Note is particularly bad, though.
 * The author admits that he changed Naomi from being Japanese to being British because it would make the story cooler.
 * Cargo Ship: "She locked at near. 'You just thinked about making a laddie out of lego and sexing it.'"
 * Complete Monster: It's harder to list the characters in this fic who aren't complete monsters than those who are. Barely a single character does anything nice or for the gain of other people, and their sociopathy reaches incredible levels at times (Blud wanting to destroy the world just because he's a god of death or something springs to mind...).
 * Crazy Awesome: Blud's description in chapter 13, just read it: "Standing over him snarling and dropping bits of blood and slobber was a fierce dude with twenty feet tall. His blood mowhawk was blooder than ever and there were dead peeps stuck to the spikes screaming in pain. His tooths had been sharpened so they were all sharp and bumpy like a saw and strong enough to chomp bone or concrete or even diamond but he didnt eat them cos they were pricy. He was wearing a coat of armer made of lava with guns and swords and cannons stuck to it. He was driving a motorbike and it was powered by nuclears which made it faster." Don't forget the seventeen crossbows, stuck together with blood and "duck tape" either!
 * Every last page, word, punctuation mark, and space in this story positively exudes this trope. Never before has this much insane awesomeness been seen in one location.
 * Critical Research Failure:
 * As well as "Whales" being a town in England, the description of a nuclear bomb is wrong on about fifty levels.
 * Watari somehow becomes the Queen of England and Scotland. Kilometers are said to be the same as miles in France.
 * Apparently Pokemon Red was for the Genesis and it has a score system.
 * Dark jumps from the Eiffel Tower in Paris and lands in the Thames in London. Also, people in the 90s apparently used their TV to download stuff.
 * God Mode Sue: When Dark becomes King of the Shinigami, possibly even before.
 * Sayu
 * Ho Yay: Light and L.
 * Les Yay: Sayu/Misa, Takada/"Desk Lady", Naomi/Night.
 * Mary Sue: Dark Yagami: Somewhere between Villain Sue and Jerk Sue; and Night Yagami, whose skin is made out of death notes and who has Shinigami eyes and ears. She's also prophesied to "sign" the song that ends the world.
 * Shocking Swerve: There's usually one per chapter.
 * Motive Decay: Erm... Dark? Aren't you trying to be God of a New World? Rather than just using your powers to shag your mother?
 * Narm: Many lines in the story. Here's an example.
 * Narm: Many lines in the story. Here's an example.

"“BEFORE I DIE DO ONE THING FOR ME! GIVE”¦”¦ ME”¦ A”¦”¦ BLOOD ”¦ B”¦A”¦N”¦A”¦N”¦N”¦A”¦N”¦A”�"
 * So Bad It's Good: so many Asspulls and pointless rambling asides about how macho Dark is that they somehow become massively comedic.
 * Tear Jerker: Blud's emotional final words when he meets his end at Dark's hands

"And in Darks room was”¦”¦ DARK! DARK YAGAMI! DARK FRIGGING YAGAMI YOU GUYS!"
 * A relatively straight example:
 * Thirty-Sue Pileup: It's quickly turning into this thanks to Night's cloning machine.
 * The Untwist: Chapter 23.
 * The Untwist: Chapter 23.

""THIS DUDE CKIRA IS ACTUALY A KIRA! HE HAS A DEATH NOTE AND SOMEONE TOLD ME A CAR EXPLODED AND HE WAS THERE DANCING WITH A DEATH NOTE" " It could be a coinsidense." L said back munching on pixy sticks. "these things happen all the time.""
 * The Woobie: Ruyk. "Why can't I eat a blood banana?" Practically everything he says could end ";_;"
 * Villain Decay: Light starts out acting as Kira, but quickly takes a backseat to Dark, who also later inexplicably stops being villainous.
 * Voodoo Shark: This fic is so convoluted, it actually manages to Voodoo Shark a Voodoo Shark. Night magically reappears after Dying For Real. How did she come back to life? She was accidentally life-noted back by Higuchi Yotsuba when trying to revive his dog Might Yagami. Why does he have a dog called Might Yagami? Because Light Yagami accidentally got cloned and came back as a dog called "Might" in the future. Right...
 * What an Idiot!: After successfully sniping Light dead in the park, L found a Life Note and "accidently writ Light in it."


 * What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made on Drugs?