The Order of the Stick/Characters/The Empire of Blood

The Empire of Blood
"Gladiators W fight! Prisoners W die! And you W be distracted from our brutal oppressive regime until Saturday! A"

- poster announcing special mid-week games in Bleedingham


 * All Crimes Are Equal: No papers means prison for life. Don't worry, you'll be in the gladiator arena -- your sentence shouldn't last too long.
 * Bread and Circuses
 * Equal Opportunity Evil: The Empire employs humans, kobolds, and lizardfolks indiscriminately.
 * The Empire
 * Gladiator Games: Both a form of entertainment and an important part of the legal system (the punishment part).
 * Government Conspiracy: Not only is the Empress in fact a figurehead and true power in the hands of General Tarquin (who pretty much is the de facto Prime Minister and Head of State) and his High Cleric associate,
 * Kangaroo Court: Its legal system.
 * Kent Brockman News / Strawman News Media: As showcased here, the Empire's newscasters exchange witty banter with painfully fake smiles and don't go against the regime (or if they do, they will run afoul of the odd ninja death squad).
 * Meaningful Name: This may or may not be the case, but both Elan and Haley meet very close blood relatives here, particularly their.
 * Names to Run Away From Really Fast
 * Obstructive Bureaucracy
 * Please Select New City Name: Bleedingham was formerly known as.
 * Theme Naming: Most of the place names (and other things) have a blood theme.
 * Bleedingham (the Empire's capital)
 * Bloodstone Correctional Facility
 * Bluddy (national mascot)
 * Clotsburg High School
 * Hemorrhage Road
 * Miss Bloodstain pageant
 * Platelet High School
 * Sanguine Avenue (Puppet Shows)
 * Sunrise Bloody Sunrise (bed & breakfast)
 * There is also an Empire of Sweat and an Empire of Tears.

General Tarquin
""If I win, I get to be a king. If I lose, I get to be a legend.""

"Race: Human Gender: Male Class: Unknown (probably Fighter) Alignment: Lawful Evil"

A warlord at the Empress of Blood's service

"Tarquin: Magnificent. "
 * Above Good and Evil: "Realizations & Rationalizations"
 * Affably Evil: Which makes him a very different character from Roy.
 * : A fact that he is thrilled about, considering his Dangerous Genre Savvy and personal slant about heroic stories.
 * Arrow Catch
 * An Axe to Grind: "I may even get my axe out of storage for the occasion."
 * The Bad Guy Wins: Tarquin figures that he has to keep winning until a hero comes along to kill him, and then he will just become a legend.
 * Bait the Dog: He initially comes across as so likable and essentially a Reasonable Authority Figure, that you'd be forgiven for thinking he's the nice, Noble Demon variety of Lawful Evil. You'd also be wrong. You would be very, very wrong indeed.
 * Benevolent Boss: While it's a bad, bad, bad idea to screw with him in the slightest if you're a contractor (especially AFTER you've finished the job), he takes good care of his long-term employees, right up to permitting his second-in-command to . Be sure to have information to trade for continued breathing.
 * Blood Knight: His initial reaction to being attacked head on by ?

"Elan: I don't enjoy watching people suffer just because they got the better of me once!
 * The Brute:
 * Card-Carrying Villain: While refusing to be placed in the D&D alignment system, he says he is running an evil empire. Also divorces his wife on grounds of being Lawful Evil.
 * Carpet of Virility
 * Chekhov's Swordman: First seen on page #50, but not again until #722.
 * The Chessmaster: As demonstrated in "Spins of the Father" and on the next page.
 * Crazy Jealous Guy: Implied to have been this toward his first wife. He promised her he would liquify everyone in the bar if a patron grabbed her butt again. When someone did, Tarquin proved the threat was Not Hyperbole. The marriage ended shortly after that.
 * Crazy Prepared: He knows the counters to a great many obscure combat techniques, up to and including pun fighting.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Takes it to a new level. Even by this comic's standards, Tarquin is Genre Savvy. In his handbook to the guards, he includes items straight from the Evil Overlord List. And not only has he read the List, it is later revealed that
 * Dirty Old Man: So far, Tarquin has had no less than nine wives. And he's not above flirting with Haley or an attractive female petitioner.
 * Disproportionate Retribution: He has the bounty hunters sent to their deaths via gladiatorial combat because they joined in on the barrage of Star Wars references he just made, and Gannji had the bad sense to reenact the infamous thermal detonator scene with a can of tomato soup. He's also murdered every guy in the bar his first wife worked at, then grounded them into fertilizer in response to one of the patrons grabbing her butt.
 * Do Wrong Right: Is a big believer in this. Doing things the right way is more important than your reasons for doing them in the first place.
 * Dragon-in-Chief: Technically, Tarquin is The Dragon to the Empress of Blood (who is herself a dragon), but in practice he's the one who runs things and the populace seems to think of him as their leader. And despite his protestations to the contrary, it's also looking likely that he'll prove to be this to
 * Dramatic Unmask
 * Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Despite his tyrannical attitude,.
 * Even the Guys Want Him: While the attraction shown on "Slash Attack" is obviously a put on, Tarquin is apparently used to men being attracted to him.
 * Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Caused his divorce and an argument over a sign with Elan. Apparently.

Tarquin: You don't? Huh. Weird."

"Tarquin's Tips: We do not have surprise inspections. Ever. Especially not at night, when the other guards have been called away to another event. Those inspectors in front of you? They're intruders. Get them."
 * Evil Counterpart
 * He also comes across as something of an Evil Counterpart to Roy (which is part of why Elan initially trusts him). Like Roy, Tarquin is a fighter who totally subverts that class's stereotype of being Dumb Muscle, and Tarquin's total amorality gives an idea of what Roy would be like if instead of being pragmatic and good, he was just pragmatic. He's also a foil to Roy in fighting style: where Roy relies on Boring but Practical heavy attacks and heavy armor to power through combat situations, Tarquin uses defensive feats and counterattacks to turn his enemies' strengths against them.
 * Incidentally,
 * His subtle machinations and keen political savvy shows him as an evil counterpart to Lord Shojo.
 * Evil Genius: His military record speaks for itself.
 * Evil Is Cool: Invoked Trope, in that he certainly seems to think so (though he does not like to see it in terms of "good" and "evil".)
 * Evil Overlord
 * Evil Overlord List: He has read it. In fact, he seems to be trying to standardize it.
 * Evil Overlord List: He has read it. In fact, he seems to be trying to standardize it.

"Tarquin: ... So they went back to their quarters to give their pet orangutan a bath?"
 * Exact Words: Tarquin offers to send 500 of his troops to "join the battle" between the Free City of Doom and the Empire of Tears, to attempt to get a petitioner to sleep with him, which actually doesn't work. He fails to mention which side his troops would be on.
 * Expy: His name evokes Tarkin of Star Wars, as does his position, he wears a Boba Fett-like helmet,.
 * False-Flag Operation:
 * Four-Star Badass: Conquered eleven different nations over the course of eight months shortly after appearing on the Western Continent -- and was only deposed through the combined efforts of twenty-six others. His personal combat prowess is also as impressive as his military savvy.
 * Genre Savvy:
 * Giant Flyer: He uses a pteranodon as mount.
 * Glamour: Tarquin has his armor enchanted with a glamour spell that allows it to give the appearance of having another shape and color than it actually does. He says that for someone who has to change flags as often as he did, it really comes in handy, saving him a lot of money on re-enchantment costs.
 * A Glass of Chianti: Tarquin keeps several handy, just for dramatic speeches.
 * Grandpa, What Massive Hotness You Have!
 * Hair Antennae
 * Healing Factor: Thanks to one of his magic items, presumably a Ring of Regeneration.
 * The Hedonist: His speech to Elan makes him sound like this. The truth is more complicated.
 * Hobbes Was Right
 * I Always Wanted to Say That
 * I Have You Now, My Pretty
 * I Kiss Your Hand
 * To Haley.
 * To Amun-Zora.
 * Is That What They're Calling It Now?:

"Tarquin: You can't make an omelet without ruthlessly crushing dozens of eggs beneath your steel boot and then publicly disemboweling the chickens that laid them as a warning to others."
 * It's All About Me: Tarquin doesn't really seem to "get" that his horrible deeds could bother anyone, whether it is good-aligned people he interacts with, or sometimes, even the victims of those same deeds. He's basically a total sociopath who can be a nice guy to others when things are going his way, and takes badly to people who act against him. He also tends to assume that any odd plot development is about him unless proven otherwise.
 * Kick the Dog
 * Not that it wasn't there before, but pages #756 and #757 go a long way in proving that underneath all his affability, Tarquin is a monster.
 * The latter might even be something worse. Page #759 really takes the cake.
 * And it gets worse. In #763 he basically explains to Elan that his death would inspire other villains, and that even if Elan kills him, his last thoughts would be that he got three decades worth of being a god and that only the last ten minutes sucked.
 * Lack of Empathy: An incredible lack of it to anyone outside of his inner circle. Even in it, you aren't exempt.
 * Luke, You Are My Father:
 * Make It Look Like an Accident: Tarquin lost his last wife to "mysterious circumstances." It's strongly hinted that this trope is in play here.
 * The Man Behind the Dragon: He's not technically in charge, but he and Malack are clearly the brains behind the Empress of Blood.
 * Meaningful Name: The name "Tarquin" calls to mind either Rome's tyrannical last king or his rapist son, both of which are fairly apropos for this Tarquin. However, despite the plethora of Star Wars jokes when he was introduced, Word of the Giant is that Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin wasn't in his mind during this name choice.
 * Metaphorgotten:

"Tarquin: Better to look the fool than be one."
 * Moral Myopia: Cares very little for people not friends or family.
 * Multilayer Facade:
 * : It hasn't happened yet, but he's revealed that this forms the core of his Evil Plan.
 * Narrative Causality: A great believer in the trends in stories. Mostly because he is incredibly Genre Savvy.
 * Nerd in Evil's Helmet
 * Not So Harmless: There were indications of him being evil from the very beginning, but "Of Clerks and Clerics" is the first to show him "in action", demonstrating that despite his seemingly friendly and goofy demeanor, he's not someone you want to mess with. Note that at the time he was "humiliated", he gave no sign of anger and didn't drop his pleasant façade.
 * Obfuscating Stupidity: He's not above using it.

"Tarquin: Totally worth wearing a mask under my helmet for two days."
 * Offhand Backhand: To stop from escaping.
 * Orcus on His Throne: This is how sees him, and it pisses him off to no end, as he feels that Tarquin has more than enough power to conquer the world and can't get it through his head why  has no desire to.
 * Overly Pre-Prepared Gag: According to Malack, he's always willing to go the extra mile for a punchline, which is confirmed a few times, notably him waiting forever to say the line,

"Tarquin: Remember, Nale: Who knows that you know is as important as knowing it in the first place. Nale: But now you look like a fool for being ignorant! Tarquin: So what? Better to look the fool than be one."
 * Pet the Dog: Despite being a vicious warlord, he's still willing to have a day of bonding
 * Politically-Incorrect Villain: Though he's charming to women in general (Haley, being gets nothing more than a kiss on the hand, and later notes that he's rather attractive), his actions towards women he desires that aren't receptive to his attentions are rather repulsive.
 * Pragmatic Villainy: Has no desire to outreach his grasp, knows the difference between family and philosophy, and is even willing to help the heroes prevent world domination. Because that would interfere with his regional domination. This makes him a wonderful Foil for Nale, who is absolutely crippled by his gigantic ego.


 * Reasonable Authority Figure: As a result of just how very pragmatic he is, one of the rare evil examples. Perfectly willing to accept the requests and needs of the heroic party at face value without any hostages, blackmail, or conspiracy theories, recognizing that the scale of their quest precludes typical villainous behavior.
 * Resemblance Reveal
 * The Reveal: Oh, he loves these.
 * Rings of Power
 * He never leaves home without a Ring of Regeneration.
 * He also owns a Ring of True Seeing, a birthday present from his departed wife.
 * The Scarpia Ultimatum: This page makes it fairly clear that his seduction of Captain Amun-Zora from the City of Doom had more than a hint of this. The same comic reveals that he "convinced" previous brides to accept him through Cold-Blooded Torture and will likely be doing the same to Amun-Zora.
 * Shoulders of Doom
 * Silver Fox: Haley sees him as evidence that
 * So Proud of You: He's very happy Elan didn't turn out like his brother did.
 * The Scarpia Ultimatum: This page makes it fairly clear that his seduction of Captain Amun-Zora from the City of Doom had more than a hint of this. The same comic reveals that he "convinced" previous brides to accept him through Cold-Blooded Torture and will likely be doing the same to Amun-Zora.
 * Shoulders of Doom
 * Silver Fox: Haley sees him as evidence that
 * So Proud of You: He's very happy Elan didn't turn out like his brother did.

"Tarquin: Labels like "good" and evil" are just words. Words with many possible capitalizations. They're outdated concepts that do nothing but cause conflicts."
 * Spin Attack: Does something between this and Grievous Harm with a Body.
 * Stone Wall: His fighting style so far appears to be based on defending against enemy attacks and counterattacking.
 * The Strategist: Both military and political long-term brilliant plans. There's a reason why Evil Genius is on this list.
 * Strong Family Resemblance
 * Tin Tyrant
 * The Un-Reveal: Not as far as the readers are concerned since we already know who he is, but as far as the Order...
 * Uriah Gambit: When his troops invades the Free City of Doom, he makes sure that one of the casualties is the husband of the woman he wants to bed.
 * Utopia Justifies the Means
 * Villain of Another Story: Tarquin is completely aware that the world is filled with myriad stories, that he is the Big Bad of only one of them, and that aiding other Big Bads is not in his interest. He thus bends over backwards to help his son's adventuring party find Girard, because he figures there is some world-destroying villain they need to stop -- in other words, a dangerous rival they intend to eliminate.
 * Well-Intentioned Extremist: Claims to be this to Elan.
 * What Is Evil?:


 * Worth It: Tarquin figures that even though his death as a dictator is inevitable, it will still be awesome until the end.
 * Worthy Opponent: He sees Roy as this.
 * Xanatos Gambit:
 * You Can't Make an Omelette: See Metaphorgotten above.

Minister Malack
""Ah, the life of an adventuring cleric. I remember it well. A perpetual struggle to maintain the Hit Points totals of four or five nigh-suicidal tomb robbers determined to deplete them at all costs.""

"Race: Lizardfolk Gender: Male Class: Cleric Alignment: Unknown (probably Lawful Neutral or Lawful Evil)"

An albino lizardfolk, high priest of Nergal. Spiritual adviser to the Empress of Blood and old adventuring companion of Tarquin.

"Malack:"
 * Affably Evil: Like Tarquin, he can be a very pleasant guy. He even greets Durkon in a friendly and respectful manner, despite their differences in alignment and deities, and proceeds to have a good-natured theological debate with him.
 * Berserk Button:
 * Black Cloak: Wears it all the time, including in flashbacks.
 * Dark Is Not Evil: See Everybody Hates Hades.
 * The Dragon: To Tarquin, anyway.
 * Everybody Hates Hades: Insists that deities and clerics of Death should be seen as Neutral by default, without actually stating his own alignment.
 * Evil Albino
 * Evil Chancellor
 * Evil Counterpart:
 * Family Values Villain / Straight Edge Evil
 * The Grim Reaper: Not actually this (although he does serve a god of Death), but Elan thought he was this when he first met him (and assumed that he had been killed with the rest of the party without knowing it), referring to him as the "lizgreaper".
 * Healing Hands
 * High Priest
 * It's Personal: Has a personal grudge with Nale,
 * Lizard Folk
 * The Medic
 * Not So Stoic: "NERGAL WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!"
 * Obviously Evil: His appearance -- the albino scales, the black cloak, the name and the fact he's a lizardfolk. Has lead to suggestions that no-one so obviously evil-looking could actually be evil (which is either Genre Savvy or Wrong Genre Savvy).
 * Papa Wolf:
 * Playing with Fire: "Flame Strike."
 * Sarcastic Devotee: Malack has endured Tarquin's antics for 35 years; as a result, he won't hesitate to put back his friend into place if needed -- and Tarquin will listen.
 * Simple Staff
 * Speech Bubbles: The connectors from his speech bubbles are always irregular, hinting of a raspy or hissy voice.
 * Squishy Wizard: Clearly has strong magical abilities, and is implied to be physically weak (the speech bubbles, the special diet, etc.).
 * Storm of Blades: The Blade Barrier spell.
 * Touch of Death
 * Villainous Rescue: HARM. Fun fact: that particular spell immediately burns you down to a single hit point (technically it would strip up to 150 HP from a target, but Nale favors his sorcerer levels too much to have that many). Nale was one successful attack away from unconsciousness -- or death.
 * Worthy Opponent:

Chancellor Kilkil
""I lost the paperwork.""

"Race: Kobold (winged) Gender: Male Class: Unknown Alignment: Lawful Evil (presumably)"

First introduced as an Accounts Clerk for the Empire of the Blood when dealing with Those Two Bad Guys below. It quickly comes to light that he's more of a "do anything in admin" kind of guy. In short, he's Tarquin's glorified Personal Assistant.


 * Awesome McCoolname: C'mon, what's not to like about "Kilkil" for a name?
 * Badass Bookworm / Badass Bureaucrat: It's yet to be determined if he actually rates as one of these, action-wise, but it's implied. He's very good at getting some very dangerous things done, mind. Who do you think arranges those spur-of-the-moment fix-ups, pageants, slave-burnings, fancy dinners and circuses? When you carry the full clout of an armed and ruthless Lawful Evil Empire behind you, you can get a lot done quickly with next-to-no backtalk.
 * Beleaguered Bureaucrat: He seems to be the face of the Empire's whole administration and the poor guy who has to deliver on each of Tarquin's big ideas. Did we mention the Empire runs on paper as much as it does on Blood? And that Tarquin tends to kill those for whom he has no use?
 * Evil Counterpart: Err... Um... Ah...
 * Flight: Why walk when you have wings?
 * Lizard Folk: Small, orange, D&D-style draconic kobold, at your service.
 * Ludicrous Precision: He can estimate the deadliness of an attack spell to the exact percent.
 * Nerd: He likes things to be organised, is clever, doesn't get from behind the desk much, is short and wears...
 * Nerd Glasses: Kobolds, too, can wear gold-rimmed specs if they have to do desk-work all day.
 * Obstructive Bureaucrat: "You want to get those papers 'lost' to condemn some annoyances? Perjure myself in court, too? You got it, boss!" It's not quite enough to accuse him of corruption, though. Not when he's following his orders.
 * Punch Clock Villain: Has most of the hallmarks. He doesn't seem in it for the personal gratification of stomping on the unwashed masses or to do the Evil Laugh. But you can't organise half of what he does with anything like a conscience.
 * Running Joke:
 * Theme Naming: Like the other kobolds, he has a repeated syllable name. Now, we've moved to "K"s from "Y"s though.
 * Winged Humanoid: And, can use them, thanks.

The Empress of Blood
""No one gets all up in my business, I get all up in THEIR business! OR POSSIBLY THEIR GRILL!!""

"Race: Red Dragon Gender: Female Alignment: Chaotic Evil"

The gluttonous ruler of the Empire of Blood; an obese red dragon who believes she can get more powerful by growing bigger (instead of growing bigger as a result of getting older and more powerful).

"Empress of Blood: I am here! I am your ruler! Look at me! I am cool, but also very warm! Woooo!"
 * Adipose Rex: The Empress of Blood is deliberately invoking this trope. As a Red Dragon (and apparently either a very immature one or a very dumb one), she knows that all dragons grow larger as they grow more powerful, and believes the reverse also holds. Thus she is purposefully eating more than even her draconic metabolism can handle in order to become more powerful. (And yet, she can fly...)
 * Breath Weapon: She breathes fire.
 * Chewing the Scenery: She likes to do this every now and then.

"Tarquin: We've decided it's best if the Empress avoids eating in front of guests from now on. Too much clean up, both from her meal and from guests losing theirs."
 * The Ditz
 * The Empress Fails Logic Forever: Specifically confusing correlation with causation. Bigger dragons are more powerful, therefore getting bigger will make a dragon more powerful. How many whole cows must you eat for breakfast before you can cast arcane spells? In fact, both are simply governed by the dragon's age.
 * Flight: "Quite a stumper, isn't it?"
 * Gods Save Us from the Queen!
 * Is It Something You Eat?: She asks this about Nale/Elan. Of course, adventurers are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
 * I Was Quite a Looker: More accurately, she used to look like a regular dragon rather than the bloated lizard she is now.
 * Jabba Table Manners:

"Empress of Blood: If anyone needs me, I will be up here on my throne, being awesome."
 * Our Dragons Are Different: Most dragons in D&D have genius-level intelligence. The Empress... doesn't.
 * Puppet Queen: First hypothesized by Haley, it is soon confirmed that she's right on the money.
 * Small Name, Big Ego: Amongst other things over-inflated, there's her opinion of herself.


 * Villainous Glutton

Gannji
""As a reptile, I've gotten through my whole life without sucking on a teat, I'm not about to start with the government's.""

"Race: Lizardfolk Gender: Male Class: Rogue Alignment: True Neutral"

A green lizardfolk who's wishing he'd never have crossed path with the Order of the Stick. The brain of the bounty hunter duo he's forming with Enor.


 * Big Guy, Little Guy: With Enor as the big guy.
 * Blade on a Stick
 * Bounty Hunter
 * Cold Sniper: With poisoned magical crossbow bolts. Also, he's cold-blooded.
 * Deadpan Snarker
 * Exotic Equipment: Not seen onscreen, but he invites a guard to "look up 'hemipenes' because you can suck both of my--"
 * Fantastic Racism: He frequently quips something demeaning toward mammals.
 * Fight Scene Failure: In-universe example: A real Tear Jerker ensues, after he and Enor fail to convincingly stage
 * Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: "I don't need your standard-issue loincloth, I've been walking around without pants this entire time!"
 * Jerkass
 * Jerkass


 * Lizard Folk
 * Pet the Dog: He may be a real jerk (at least to mammals), but has a genuine, touching affection for Enor.
 * Shorter Means Smarter
 * Those Two Bad Guys
 * Weapon of Choice: A ranseur and light crossbow.
 * Why Did You Make Me Hit You?: Says this to Roy when he meets him in the gladiator jail.

Enor
""Well, we screwed up and got yummies anyway. We should do that more often.""

"Race: Half-ogre/half-blue dragon Gender: Male Class: Unknown (probably Fighter) Alignment: True Neutral"

A towering half-ogre, half-blue dragon hybrid. The muscle of the bounty hunter duo.


 * Big Guy, Little Guy: With Gannji as the little guy.
 * Bounty Hunter
 * Breath Weapon: He can breathe lightning.
 * The Ditz
 * Dumb Muscle
 * Fight Scene Failure: In-universe example: a real Tear Jerker ensues, after he and Gannji fail to convincingly stage
 * Flight: Although his wings are clipped in the gladiator prison and the arena.
 * Horned Humanoid
 * Hybrid Monster
 * Lizard Folk
 * Morality Pet: Serves as one to Gannji.
 * Talk to the Fist: "Puns are for girls."
 * Those Two Bad Guys
 * Weapon of Choice: A big morning star.
 * Winged Humanoid