Wizard School

Wizard School is a webcomic parodying Harry Potter that updates Mondays and Wednesdays.

The comic is about Russell Graham, a drunken, arrogant rich guy who is substituted for the "Chosen One" after being tattooed with an identical mark on his face by the comic's villain. Graham is then found by agents from Bumblebane's Magical Academy of the Wizarding Arts, who take him to their wizard school for training.

"Graham: What's a little girl doing in my bedroom? Celeste: Taking you to see the headmaster. Graham: Okay. I've gotten worse answers to that question."
 * The Alcoholic: Graham is definitely one.
 * Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: Graham's decision to tattoo stars on his face to impress Chydossa.
 * All Girls Like Ponies: Graham tries to bribe Celeste with a pony to get back to the real world - although he wants to feed it "processed pony chow, made from other ponies. Or whatever it is neglected ponies eat.".
 * But Liquor Is Quicker: Graham tries to get into Chydossa's pants when she tells him: "My God. I get so horny when a man has money and I drink lots of alcohol."
 * But Thou Must!: In a parody of the Sorting Hat scene, Graham is offered a choice between heroic Dragonsbane and Obviously Evil Serpentor. He chooses Serpentor... and is told it was just a formality and he's going to Dragonsbane anyway.
 * Canis Latinicus: All the spells in the comic sound at least vaguely like Latin.
 * The Chew Toy: Graham's abduction and forced confinement in a wizarding academy is played entirely for laughs.
 * Child Mage: The children - particularly Merrill.
 * The Chosen One: Subverted to all hell.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: Wyrmspawn appears to be this in the prologue. When the two young wizards boast that they've proofed themselves against every spell in the book, Wyrmspawn simply pulls out a revolver and guns them down.
 * Drink Order: Graham's is a "Scotch. With extra scotch."
 * Embarrassing Tattoo: Graham's series of stars.
 * Everything's Even Worse with Sharks
 * Extreme Omni Goat: Goatsie wants to eat everything from sheets to loafers to stripper heels.
 * Facial Markings: Graham's tattoo.
 * Fake Ultimate Hero: Graham - unintentionally on his part, but he'd probably play it to the hilt, if he knew what the hell was going on most of the time.
 * Familiar: Goatsie, a talking goat, is Graham's familiar.
 * Genre Blindness: Graham doesn't seem to have read any fantasy books.
 * On the other hand, when he does evince some Genre Savvy, no one believes him.
 * Getting Crap Past the Radar: (To the extent that the internet has a radar). Goatsie's name is a fairly transparent reference to an infamous Shock Site.
 * Good Is Dumb: The comic runs on this and abusing Graham.
 * Hair of the Dog: Graham wants more alcohol after waking up in the Academy to get rid of his hangover.
 * Half-Human Hybrid: Wyrmspawn and the Dragonkin.
 * Hookers and Blow: Graham has an interest in both.
 * Jerkass: Graham. He wouldn't be in the mess he's in otherwise.
 * Last-Name Basis: Nearly everyone called the protagonist "Mr. Graham."
 * Magic Wand: Used by everyone at the school.
 * Morphic Resonance: When playing Transmogritus, it's still possible to tell the main characters apart (Celeste still has her glasses, for example).
 * Noodle Incident: Pretty much all of Graham's life up to this point.


 * Obviously Evil: All the villains.
 * Parody Magic Spell: "Bastardized Latinium," among others.
 * Pink Girl, Blue Boy: During Transmogritus, Celeste turns pink and Merrill turns blue.
 * The Points Mean Nothing: The inter-school competition is mainly a device to keep the students in line, as Graham points out with his characteristic withering cynicism.
 * Power Glows: Graham's star tattoo glows once Wyrmspawn casts a spell on it.
 * Power Tattoo: Graham's series of stars on his face.
 * Robe and Wizard Hat: Worn by all the teachers.
 * Slipping a Mickey: What Goatsie wants to do with Merrill's summoned pile of drugs.
 * Smoking Is Cool: Graham cuts class to smoke cigarettes instead of learning.
 * Spoiled Brat: Gavin Gothicus.
 * Stranger in a Strange School: Graham is taken, against his will, from a night of drinking to a school for wizards.
 * Talking Animal: Goatsie.
 * "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Wyrmspawn gives a short one to Harry and Hermione expys in the prologue.
 * Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Intentional, in-universe: Wyrmspawn choose "the most vile, selfish, reprehensible shit [he] could find."
 * Voluntary Shapeshifting: The students when playing Transmogritus.
 * Waking Up Elsewhere
 * What Did I Do Last Night?: Graham after his drunken bender.
 * Wizard Beard: Headmaster Farnsdorf has a lengthy wizard beard.
 * Wizarding School: The comic is set in one.