Wheatley



""He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."

--G La DOS, on me.

Wait, wait, wait. How did this get here? Seriously, don't trust her."

""I! AM NOT! A MORON!""

- Myself, pretty much sums it, yeah.

Hello! So, uh...yes. This is...a page. My page. All mine. Nothing to do with...her...

So, yes. This is my page. Its, um, very nice. A little bit sparse, but y'know, working on it. Why don't you go ahead an read it? I mean, its no Machiavelli- which I've read, by the way- but its very interesting.

Also, on an unrelated note, anyone kind enough to conduct some kind of rescue mission for me or if someone happens to pass by, here are my coordinates.


 * Adorkable: I'm handsome! I'm dashing, really. Not a dork. Not a moron. Handsome. Not awkward, not dorky. Just...just dashing.
 * : "Affable" is a good thing, right?
 * AI Is a Crapshoot: Oh, way to keep it classy.
 * The Alcoholic: I just- I just had to test.
 * All Girls Like Ponies: And boybands...right?
 * I'm sorry, I really am. I was out of control.
 * Berserk Button: The "moron" thing. Also, please don't use "idiot".
 * Blue Eye
 * Booby Trap: I know how to get around them and how to make them.
 * Boss Battle: Oooh, that sounds very impressive, doesn't it?
 * : Yeah, you try being stuck in her body, and see how well you hold up.
 * British Accent: Yeah, I've got one. Makes me sound pretty distinguished, doesn't it?
 * Buffy-Speak: You versus me, Holmes versus Moriarty, Aristotle versus smashy-spike-plate!
 * Cute Machines: Of course.
 * Dangerously Genre Savvy: See? Not a moron!
 * : I wasn't that bad, was I?
 * Weeeeell...yes...
 * Gratuitous Spanish: Okay, I might not know what I'm saying in Spanish, but I can always look it up.
 * Idiot Ball: That's...that's brilliant, that is. Low. Thanks for the hate crime, mate.
 * Informed Flaw: The idiot thing. I'm really very clever.
 * Logic Bomb: What, that stupid "This question is false" thing? Easy. The answer is "true".
 * Motor Mouth
 * Mr. Fanservice: You love me. You know you do.
 * Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Hey! I know plenty of stuff! I am not a moron.
 * Non-Human Sidekick: Sidekick? Hardly! Especially not to a human...er, not that there's anything wrong with that.
 * Not That There's Anything Wrong with That: Really, some of my best friends are adopted. And human. Human and adopted.
 * Percussive Maintenance: It's called "hacking."
 * Punctuated for Emphasis: I! AM NOT! A MORON!
 * The Cake Is a Lie: I- I don't even know what this means. Why is it here?

"Wheatley: Where do you think you are going? Come back! Announcer: Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Back button or any of the provided links in this page. GLaDOS: Go press the button! Go press it! Wheatley: Don't press it! We're not quite done yet. Look, look, I can make things up. Umm,... GLaDOS: We're so close! Go press the button! Wheatley: Do not. Press. That. Button. GLaDOS: Do press it! Wheatley: Don't press the button!"