New Year's Resolution

A popular tradition for people to make at the start of a new year. A new year means a new start, and a new me- so time to drop habit X!

Almost always ends with Failure Is the Only Option, in part because characters often set lofty goals for themselves that require more motivation beyond "hey it's a new year, better make a resolution". Will sometimes be referenced several episodes later.

Occasionally a character will have fun with this by making resolutions for other people. Naturally, yours truly is a perfect paragon that cannot be improved.

Compare Compressed Vice and Compressed Abstinence.

Film
"Bridget: New Year's resolution: drink less... and quit smoking... and quit talking total nonsense to strangers... actually, quit talking, full stop."
 * Bridget Jones' Diary

"Alfie: In a flash I have my New Year's resolution: Aim higher."
 * Alfie

"Pauline Parker: My New Year's resolution is a far more selfish one than last year. It is to make my motto, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow, you may be dead."
 * Heavenly Creatures

"Nick Charles: Have you made any New Year's resolutions? Nora Charles: Not yet. Any complaints or suggestions? [snip] Nick: Well, you don't scold, you don't nag, and you look far too pretty in the mornings. Nora: All right, I'll remember: Must scold, must nag, mustn't be too pretty in the mornings."
 * After the Thin Man

Live Action TV
"Gil Chesterson: My wife and I made a New Year's resolution: Deb and I have joined a gym to slim down and buff up."
 * Frasier episode "The Fight Before Christmas"

"Hilary Banks: I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter."
 * The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode "Hilary Gets a Life"


 * Friends: "The One With All the Resolutions"

Western Animation
"The Joker: I'm interrupting the Toilet Bowl to bring you my very special New Year's resolution: Ahem, starting tonight at midnight, I, your loving uncle Joker, do solemnly vow not to kill anyone for a whole year. Which means I'm going to have to work extra fast to bump off a few more of you today."
 * The New Batman Adventures episode "Holiday Knights"

"Peppermint Patty: Have you made any New Year's resolutions, Chuck? Charlie Brown: Yes. You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
 * Happy New Year, Charlie Brown!

Literature

 * In one of the Babysitters Little Sister books, Karen spends the month of January cracking down on all the members of her family who haven't been keeping up with their New Year's Resolutions, but they retaliate by pulling out Karen's own list of resolutions, which has been heavily altered to give herself loopholes.

Music
"It's New Year's Eve and I'm full of empty promises I half pretend to keep this time just like last year."
 * Five Iron Frenzy's "New Year's Eve".

Newspaper Comics

 * Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes often made his New Year's Resolution not to change at all, but to force everyone else to change.
 * Lucy from Peanuts also did that at least once. She handed out sheets of paper.
 * In For Better or For Worse, the Pattersons discuss what resolutions they are making, but while most are setting up lofty ones, Michael resolves to do things like watch more tv and hang out more with his friends. When his mother confronts him that those resolutions are worthless, Michael responds smugly, "I know, but at least mine are going to be kept."
 * In one FoxTrot strip, Bratty Teenage Daughter Paige tells her parents that her resolution is to not let Annoying Younger Sibling Jason bother her anymore. Then Jason tells them that his resolution is to mess with Paige even more. Father Roger comments "This is going to be a real battle of wills" while mother Andy breaks out the medicine and says "More like 'pills'."

Web Comics

 * The practice of making New Year's Resolutions for other people is discussed in this Dinosaur Comics strip.
 * The cast of Sequential Art tend to amend their lists quickly (see the next two comics).
 * Cyanide & Happiness presents... hmm... maybe next year.
 * The Optimist resolves to do or not do things every 365 days or so here and here.
 * In Sinfest "Big D" also has one. Monique's just keeps the status quo.
 * Snafu reminds us: bunnies aren't good at New Years resolutions.