Very Mary Kate

A Web Original written and performed by Elaine Carroll. It satirizes the life of actress Mary Kate Olsen. Mary Kate's fictional bodyguard appears frequently in the series, and (along with Mary Kate) will occasionally co-star with Ashley. The web series is notable for Flanderizing common media portrayals of the Olsen twins to the point of absurdity, and getting downright silly with some of its plotlines.

Can be seen here.

"Mary Kate [reading Ashley's diary]: Dear diary, Bodyguard and me kissed. It was good and I like dresses. Smiley face, heart, outline of her hand! Then she practiced upper cased J's for a few pages! Do you know what this means?! Bodyguard: That she's somewhat literate?"
 * Acting for Two: Elaine Carroll plays both Mary Kate and Ashley.
 * A Day in The Spotlight: Bodyguard.
 * Arbitrarily-Large Bank Account:
 * Mary Kate bought all the real estate in Louisiana and renamed it Mary Kanada so that she could write a history paper on the Lousiana Purchase about herself.
 * She also spends 30 million dollars to get her cat cloned over and over again... because it keeps dying due to her not taking care of it.
 * Butt Monkey: Mary Kate's unfortunate professor.
 * Cloudcuckoolander: Mary Kate.
 * Comically Missing the Point: Bodyguard interprets one of Mary Kate's long rants about Ashley sleeping with him to be about Ashley being somewhat literate.

"Zac Efron: I'm really into this English band called The Beatles. Mary Kate: Oh yeah! Me too! Same as me! I'm the same! Zac Efron: Awesome! So what's your favourite song? Mary Kate: I... really like the song... that goes.. Bee...aa.... tles..."
 * Dawson Casting
 * Dumb Blonde
 * Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Other than Mary Kate and Ashley and the occasional "celebrity" guest, the rest of the characters are known by their professions, such as Bodyguard and Professor. Although it could be that Mary Kate and Ashley's utter self-centeredness kept them from ever learning their names.
 * Feigning Intelligence: Mary Kate, especially when she has to give a presentation.
 * Flanderization
 * Former Child Star
 * Hollywood Pudgy: Professor. At least he thinks so.
 * Immune to Drugs: Both Mary Kate and Ashley pop pills like there's no tomorrow. They eat nothing but pills and drink cocktails made out of various kinds of medications and anti-depressants. Instead of being dead, they're merely kind of strung-out all the time.
 * I've Heard of That! What Is It?: Mary Kate tries to feign an interest in The Beatles to get Zac Efron to like her.


 * Only Sane Man: Professor.
 * Platonic Life Partners: Despite wanting to steal his sperm to make a test-tube baby at one point, Mary Kate and Bodyguard are these. Ashley and Bodyguard on the other hand...
 * Pretty White Kids With Problems: Pretty much the premise, but turned up to eleven.
 * Reckless Gun Usage: Mary Kate ends up shooting her cat.
 * Reference Overdosed: Very Mary Kate, being about a vastly exaggerated media portrayal of a famous pop-culture icon... is of course rife with pop culture references.
 * Replacement Goldfish: Mary Kate is the most negligent pet owner ever and keeps getting her cat, Comet, cloned because it keeps dying.
 * Rich in Dollars, Poor In Sense: The Olsen Twins. To ridiculous degrees. Mary Kate does not know what a potato looks like.
 * Straight Man: Bodyguard.
 * Valley Girl