The Simpsons (animation)/Funny



NOTE TO TV TROPE EDITORS EDITING THIS PAGE: The Simpsons has over 500 total episodes so in an effort to make this page look more organized, try to name the episode each individual "FUNNY MOMENT" was from (including the random entries below the folders) and place it into the correct season folder. If there is confusion about what episode was in a certain season, open this PAGE in a separate tab or window for use as a reference.

1 - Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
"Homer: Y'ello?
 * Homer answers the phone.

Patty: Marge please.

Homer: Who is this?

Patty: Can I speak to Marge?

Homer: (irritated) This is one of her sisters, isn't it?

Patty: Is Marge there?

Homer: Who shall I say is calling?

(long pause)

Patty: Marge please."

"Bart: One "Mother," please.
 * Bart steps into a tattoo parlor.

Tattoo Artist: Wait a minute, how old are you?

Bart: 21, sir.

Tattoo Artist: Get in the chair."

2 - Bart the Genius
"Teacher: You know what happens when you mix acids with bases, don't you?
 * This.

Bart: Of course I do.


 * KABOOM*"

"Marge: What's going on with those two?
 * After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.

Lisa: I think Bart's stupid again."

4 - There's No Disgrace Like Home

 * The visit to Dr. Marvin Monroe. ("My finger slipped. *bzzt* AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.

5 - Bart the General

 * Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
 * Herman going crazy and bayoneting a dummy, his stealing a century old war treaty from Otto von Bismarck, anything with Herman.

6 - Moaning Lisa
"Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
 * Homer and Bart play a video boxing game:

Bart: (as announcer) In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of the town, Battling Bart Simpson! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...

Homer: Must you do this every time...

Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!"

7 - The Call of the Simpsons

 * PORK CHOPS APLENTY
 * Homer setting a trap for a rabbit, which flings it far into the distance. Animal abuse has never been funnier.
 * Homer as Bigfoot.

11 - The Crepes of Wrath

 * Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it: as Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!"

13 - Some Enchanted Evening

 * "Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
 * The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellians. Homer calls back using the fake name "Sampson" just for the receptionist to badmouth The Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical.

14 - Bart Gets an "F"
"Bart: I passed, I passed, I... KISSED THE TEACHER! (spitting in disgust)."
 * Bart's moment of disgust when he realises he kissed Mrs Krabbapel.

21 - Bart the Daredevil
"Homer: You think you've got guts, try raising my kids."
 * The ending. Homer has just fallen down Springfield Gorge, hits his head repeatedly on the way up and put onto on a stretcher on an ambulance. Next second, the ambulance hits a tree, Homer rolls out of the ambulance and falls back down the gorge. It is an iconic moment and one of the funniest in Simpsons' history.
 * Even better: years later, in The Movie, they go back to that location in the climax and the ambulance is still there.
 * The short scene immediately after that with Homer in the hospital bed next to daredevil Lance Murdock has one of the best lines in the show's history.


 * Also of note from the episode is Lance Murdock's failed stunt. He successfully jumps over a large tank of water full of sharks, electric eels, pirhanas, aligators and lions but as he rests his bike at the top of the landing ramp and waves to the crowd he falls in. Then he tried to climb over the side, almost makes it and is pulled back in by the lion.

35 - Blood Feud
"Homer: (using fake voice ) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
 * When Homer is posing as Mr. Burns at the Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.

Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?

Homer: (still using fake voice)...I don't know!

(cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office)

Homer: (sarcastically) Great plan, Bart."

"Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant."
 * This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:

36 - Stark Raving Dad
""Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
 * The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (Jackson provided his speaking voice), had the show on the cusp of its arguable golden age with gags such as this phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:

Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?

"Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital."

"Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
 * This bit:

Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right."

39 - Bart the Murderer
"Bart: Are you guys crooks?
 * Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.

Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?

Bart: No.

Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?

Bart: Uh-huh.

Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like. . . cigarettes.

Bart: I guess that's OK.

Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?

Bart:. . . Hell no!

Fat Tony: Enjoy your present."

40 - Homer Defined
"Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
 * As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit while Smithers stands by.

Mr. Burns: (annoyed) Oh, how the hell should I know?"

"Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: I love you, sir."
 * The suit is clearly labelled "Smithers" by the way.
 * Also, this moment only seconds away from the meltdown:

Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last moments on Earth socially awkward."

42 - Treehouse of Horror II
"Krusty: Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!!"
 * The Bart Zone:

"Mr. Burns: Hel~lo! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
 * "Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
 * "The ball is turning into a fat, bald man! And it's no good!"
 * In the third segment, Homer gets a job as a grave digger...on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot.

Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... (scoff) he wasn't exactly a "model employee."

Mr. Burns: Well, who is a model...(Evil Eye) employee?

(Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses)

Smithers: (panicking) Simpson will do just fine, sir!

(Smithers is dragging the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain.)

Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?

Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!

Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!

Mr. Burns: (walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel) Bad corpse! (thwack) Bad corpse! (thwack) Stop! (thwack) Scaring! (thwack) Smithers! (Homer whimpers inside the bag) Satisfied?

Smithers: Thank you, sir."

"Mr. Burns: Smithers hand me that ice cream scoop.
 * Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.

Smithers: Ice cream scoop?

Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!"


 * "Well, now that I've saved the world maybe I oughta spruce-up the ol' homestead!"
 * "Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett!"

45 - Flaming Moe's
"When the weight of the world has got you down
 * The Flaming Moe song:

And you want to end your life

Bills to pay, a dead end job

And problems with your wife

Well don't throw in the towel cause there's

A place right down the block

Where you can drink your miseries away

At Flaming Moes (lets all go Flaming Moes)

Where Liquor in a mug

Can can warm you like a hug

And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away

Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away"

"Marge: Maybe you could take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
 * Also:

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I am the magical man from happy land! In a gumdrop house on lollipop laaaaaaane! (storms out, sticks his head back in) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic!

Marge: Well, duh."

47 - I Married Marge
"Homer: Wow! Who would have ever guessed Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father?
 * This absolute classic joke as Homer and Marge leave the cinema after seeing Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

Moviegoers Waiting To See The Film: Oh come on! Thanks a lot! Why did you have to spoil it for us?!"

51 - Bart the Lover
"(In church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate)
 * Homer's contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:

Bart: Homer, that was a twenty!

Homer: (pause) DA--!

(Jump Cut to him dropping two coins into the jar.)

(While bowling, the last pin fails to fall over)

Homer: Oh, you son of a--!

(Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar.)

(Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash.)

Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster that a lady cast me in a commercial! (checks mail) I tell you, the way these checks keep coming it, it's almost criminal.

Homer: (after Ned walks away) YOU DIRTY BAS--!

(Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar.)

(Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door.)

Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?

Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?

Homer: Well, he just goes...(pause) Awwwwww--

(Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar.)

(Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls out and on to his stomach.)

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

(Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar.)"

"Homer: Oh. Fudge. That's... broken. (He turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe.) Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to... KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! (He does.)"
 * A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.


 * As for the main story: when the whole family is composing a letter to Ms. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again, the family come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "crocodiles bit off my face," to Homer repeatedly pitching "Three simple words: I am gay."

52 - Homer at the Bat
"Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
 * Barney's argument with Wade Boggs:

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!

Boggs: PITT! THE! ELDER!

Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! (he punches out Boggs)

Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! 'Pitt the Elder'...

Barney: LORD PALMERSTON! (he punches out Moe)"

"Ozzie Smith: (while falling into oblivion) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--Hey, cool!--AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
 * The mishaps of each of the professional players, especially the fate of Ozzie Smith.


 * Homer winning the game for his team is funny enough, but then the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode) is even funnier.

54 - Dog of Death
"Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
 * This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers:

Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?

Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?"

"Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
 * Read more: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/characters/waylon-smithers/page-5.html#ixzz1dbwWIOLG
 * Homer and Marge discussing Kent Brockman:

Marge: What's that?

(beat)

Homer: A dinosaur."

57 - The Otto Show
"Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive." (flips to answer key) False?! Oh, man!"
 * The entire first half with Spinal Tap. "We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord!"
 * Otto's mad drive to school after his impromptu concert (including crashing into Spinal Tap's bus, none of the police officers bothering to get the license number of the bus as it crashed through a police picnic, and all the bystanders rushing to pay phones after seeing the "How Am I Driving?" bumper sticker on the detached bumper), followed by his explaining to Principal Skinner and the cops that he doesn't have a license or wear his own underwear.
 * Otto mistaking Marge's sister Patty for a transsexual ("Have you always been a chick? I-I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open-minded.") and Patty dropping the green driver's test marker (after explaining to Otto that she uses the green pen for correct answers and the red one for incorrect answers).
 * Otto studying for his driver's test.


 * Patty telling Otto that he "failed every segment [of his driver's test], and misspelled 'bus' on [his] application."

59 - Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
"Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
 * This exchange between Homer and Herb:

Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!

Homer: I try, but I can't..."

"Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
 * And when Herb first arrived:

(Homer opens the door.)

Homer: Herb? (Herb punches Homer.)"

"Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
 * A little bit later:

Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?

Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!"

"Herb: And Maggie, the one who helped me reclaim my fortune, I'll give you anything your heart desires.
 * And at the end:

Maggie: (Baby gibbersh)

Translator: I want what the dog's eating. (Cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish.)

Homer: D'oh!"

60 - Kamp Krusty
"Bart: Don't look in my closet, in fact, stay out of my room altogether.
 * Bart and Lisa talking to their parents before leaving on the bus for camp:

Lisa: (yelling from the bus) If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!"

"Lisa: Bart, I think we're going to die.
 * Lisa: (writing letter to home) I no longer fear hell, for I have been to Kamp Krusty.
 * Same ep:

Bart: (matter-of-factly) We're all gonna die Lis.

Lisa: I meant soon!

Bart: (sadly) So did I."

"Bart: They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
 * Homer and Marge hearing of the hostile takeover of Kamp Krusty on the news. When they see Bart has become the ringleader, Homer (who had spent the entire summer completely stress-free and had gotten into notably better shape) yells out, "D'OH!", and immediately, his newly grown hair falls from his head, and his gut expands to his pre-summer shape.
 * How Krusty reacted to Bart's grievances:

Krusty: Oh my god! (breaks down sobbing)

Bart: ...actually, the bear just ate his hat.

Krusty: (collected) Was it a nice hat?

Bart: Oh yeah.

Krusty: Oh my god! (breaks down sobbing)"

61 - A Streetcar Named Marge

 * Marge going crazy and almost knocking Ned over.

62 - Homer the Heretic
""Mmmm, fattening...""
 * On the subject of Homer's culinary talents: While skipping church, he pours pancake batter, caramels and liquid smoke into a waffle iron, wraps it around a stick of butter, and eats it like a burrito.

"Homer: God, I gotta ask ya: What's the meaning of life?
 * At the end when Homer talks to God in a second dream:

God: Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die.

Homer: Aww, I can't wait that long!

God: ...You can't wait six months?

Homer: No, tell me now!

God: Oh, alright. The meaning of life is---(cut off by the theme)"

63 - Lisa the Beauty Queen

 * When Lisa finally gets crowned Little Miss Springfield (after the actual winner gets struck by lightning), a new wax figure is created in the Springfield Wax Museum. The problem is the curators just stuck Lisa's head on a wax statue of Dr. Ruth. The funny part is that Dr. Ruth's head now resides in the Chamber of Horrors next to Mr. T and Ronald Reagan.
 * During the beginning sequence with the school carnival, there were a couple of funny moments:
 * Groundskeeper Willie trying to sell haggis from his stand (which looks like it's nowhere near the school carnival).
 * A part that's usually cut in American (U.S.) syndication where Otto cranks up the speed on a Rocket Spinner ride and the car flies off and crashes into the school. Otto then tells Bart that he's going to Mexico until this blows over and is chased by an angry mob.
 * Another scene lost to syndication: Milhouse goes into a crappily-built haunted house that turns out to be a shed with the three bullies (Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney) standing under a bare lightbulb, getting ready to beat Milhouse up. When Milhouse steps out, Bart steps in, thinking that it's a regular haunted house.

64 - Treehouse of Horror III
"Homer: Marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!"
 * From the first segment "Clown Without Pity":

"Old Man: Take this object. But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
 * Homer is buying the cursed doll:

Homer: Oh, that's bad.

Old Man: But it comes with a free frogurt!

Homer: That's good!

Old Man: The frogurt is also cursed.

Homer: Oh, that's bad.

Old Man: But you get your choice of topping!

Homer: That's good!

Old Man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. (pause) That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?"

"Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my sexuality."
 * Also from that segment, the doll attempts to kill Homer while in the tub and Homer runs, screaming and naked through the kitchen, where his wife and his sisters-in-law are having lunch.

"Mr. Burns: Excellent work, Smithers! When we get back, I'm giving you a raise! (King Homer eats Smithers;Beat) ...Oh, well."
 * From the second segment "King Homer":
 * Smithers had just knocked out Homer with a gas bomb:

"Marge: He's not dead!
 * After King Homer falls three stories:

Mr. Burns: No, but his career is. I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler building. After that, he couldn't even get arrested in this town."

"Mr. Burns: I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that.
 * After King Homer has broken free and started his rampage.

Marge: (sees Homer outside) Oh hi, Homie!"

"Bart & Lisa: Dad, dad we've done something terrible!
 * From the third segment "Dial 'Z' for Zombie":
 * The zombies have risen from the grave so Bart and Lisa urgently tell Homer:

Homer: Did you crash the car?

Bart & Lisa: No.

Homer: Did you raise the dead?

Bart & Lisa: Yes.

Homer: But the car's OK?

Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.

Homer: All right, then."

"Bart: Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
 * Also this moment:

Homer: He was a zombie?"

65 - Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

 * Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole.
 * The I&S World War II cartoon that ends with Franklin Delano Roosevelt kicking the decapitated corpses of Hitler and Scratchy (considering FDR's polio, it's best not to ask how he can do that).
 * Homer's advice to Bart about how to get out of jury duty: "The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
 * Marge's Imagine Spot of Bart as a fat, sleazy male stripper who gets booed at by his "adoring" female fans and lies moaning under the garish disco lights after someone hurls a bottle at his head after Mrs. Krabappel tells her that there's no telling how low Bart will sink if he doesn't straighten up and fly right.
 * Homer threatening to put Grampa in the "crooked home [he] saw on 60 Minutes" if he doesn't start making sense (though some episodes do depict the Springfield Retirement Castle as a crooked assisted living home like the ones Homer saw on 60 Minutes)
 * Grampa trying to get his friend Jasper's teeth out of the glass (in the aftermath of Bart breaking Grampa's teeth) while he sleeps and Jasper waking up and drawing a gun on him ("Well, well, if it isn't the Tooth Fairy!")

68 - Mr. Plow
"Homer: (smiling) My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage!
 * This exchange during Homer's commercial:

Bart: You are fully licensed and bonded by the city, aren't you Mr. Plow?

Homer: (stops smiling, talks out of the corner of his mouth) Shut up, boy.

(Homer growls angrily at Bart as they watch the commercial on TV)

Homer: So, (cue jingle) Call Mr. Plow. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow."

"Homer: Don't worry, this baby's as surefooted as a mountain goat. (Cut to nearby mountain goat, which slips off a cliff repeatedly)"
 * "It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV."
 * When Homer's going out to rescue Barney:

"Woman: Could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
 * Homer's hair-raising trip across a rickety wooden bridge, during which he sees a full suspension bridge a short distance away that he could have used.
 * Homer and Customer

Homer: Kiss my asphalt..."

""I never needed plastic molding to improve my physique." (taps chest) "Pure West.""
 * Every moment with "Adam West!"

69 - Lisa's First Word
"Bart: Homer!
 * Homer telling baby Lisa that he opened a college fund for her at Lincoln Savings and Loan (which infamously shut down in the 1980s), followed by Homer dismissing Marge's fears that Bart will be jealous of his new baby sister with: "Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt!" (Word of God states that this line was ad-libbed and nearly got cut by the censors because they thought the line was too pedophilic, despite that telling someone to kiss their ass is more of a rude brush-off, rather than a sexual come-on).
 * Bart's refusal to address Homer properly.

Homer: Homer's what grownups call me. Call me Daddy.

Bart: Homer.

Homer: Daddy.

Bart: Homer.

Homer: Daddy!

Bart: Da-da-da... Domer! (chuckles)

Homer: Why you little--! (strangles Bart)"

"Homer: Can you say Daddy?
 * Lisa follows suit, even after naming everything else correctly.

Lisa: Homer.

Homer: No, sweetie. Daddy.

(beat)

Lisa: Homer.

Homer: D'oh!"

70 - Homer's Triple Bypass
"Dr. Nick: OK, bye. (Reporters are outside the door) It's such a nice day. I think I'll go out the window. (Jumps out the window)"
 * Dr. Nick: Call 1800-D.O.C.T.O.R.B! The "B" is for Bargain!
 * Dr. Nick Riviera is funny throughout the whole episode.

"Dr. Nick: Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg! With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!"
 * The best part there is that he's just gotten finished reassuring Homer and when the reporters are there the first question they yell is "Where'd you hide the bodies?"
 * And another one:

"Dr. Nick: What the hell is that?"
 * When he's watching a video on how to perform a triple bypass, shortly before he has to perform that surgery on Homer: "Oh no, blood!"
 * And, of course: "The kneebone's connected to the something; the something's connected to the red thing; the red thing's connected to my wristwatch... Uh oh."
 * To the O.R. team before Homer's surgery: "Now remember, if something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved. You know what they say: 'One hand washes the other.' Oh, that reminds me..." (washes hands)
 * And after that, just as Homer is falling asleep from the anesthetic:

"P.A. system: Dr. Nick Riviera, paging Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner's office immediately.
 * And of course this Dr. Nick bit:

Dr. Nick: The Coroner?! I'm so sick of that guy."

"Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
 * A defining moment for Apu:

Customer: Gimme some jerky.

Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?

Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!"


 * The COPS opening, which featured: a suicidal man choosing to hurl himself off a building rather than come to Chief Wiggum, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou shooting at a mummy and Chief Wiggum throwing his gun, and these lyrics to the song ("Springfield's cops are on the take/But what do you expect/With the money we make/Whether in a car or on a horse/We don't mind using/Excessive force")

71 - Marge vs. the Monorail
"Homer: Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor.
 * One of Homer's lifelong dreams is mentioned here:

Marge: Homer, no.

Homer: It's my lifelong dream!

Marge: Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game and you did it last year! Remember? (Marge points to a framed sports page, with a picture of Homer running onto a baseball field in the middle of a game, with the headline, "Idiot Ruins Game/Springfield Forfeits Pennant")."

"Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
 * Marge returns from North Haverbrook with someone who helped Mr. Lanley create the defective monorail in that town:

Homer: Batman?!

Marge: No, he's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist!

Marge: It's not Batman!"

"Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
 * During "The Monorail Song"...

Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!"

"Bart: ...I'll get back to you on that."
 * Homer: "I call the big one Bitey!"
 * Homer: "Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you "Ho-Ju"!

"Leonard: Well, my work here is done.
 * Any line spoken by or about Leonard Nimoy in this episode:

Barney: Whaddaya mean, "Your work is done"? You didn't do anything!

Leonard: Heh, heh. Didn't I? (beams away)"

"Mayor Quimby: And let me be the first to say, "Let the force be with you!"
 * The grand opening ceremony for the Springfield monorail:

Leonard: Do you even know who I am?

Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?"

"Leonard: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
 * On the out-of-control monorail:

Man sitting next to Leonard: Does anyone want to switch seats?"

"Krusty: KRUSTY WANTS OUT!!! (attempts to jump out of the runaway monorail)
 * As the monorail goes haywire:

Leonard: No! (saves him) The world needs laughter."

"Simpson, Homer Simpson,
 * Also a Crowning Moment of Awesome as Nimoy was able to save Krusty when he was already out the monorail door.
 * How could we forget Homer's Flintstones theme song spoof?

He's the greatest guy in history!

From the town of Springfield,

He's about to hit a chestnut tree! (screams)

(And he does.)"

"(looks at Bart, pictures him as a anchor)
 * The scene where Homer has to find a anchor to stop the monorail.

Bart: Think harder Homer."

"Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield embarked upon. Except for the popsicle stick skyscraper. And the 50 foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere."
 * Marge was unable to stop the monorail cause the guy she was with had to have a haircut.
 * The ending.

"Lanley: Mono means one and rail means rail. That concludes our extensive three week course.
 * Lyle Lanley's monorail conducting classes

Otto: Hey, wait! Who gets to be conductor?

Lanley: I have been monitoring your progress, (he looks in a book with a picture of himself driving to Tahiti with lots of money) and this gentleman stands above the rest. (Does general arm sweep across room and gets ready to leave.)

Homer: Who, me?

Lanley: Yeah, sure.

Homer: Woohoo!"

72 - Selma's Choice
"Marge: Mr. Hutz!
 * Lisa becoming the Lizard Queen after drinking the water in the Duff ride.
 * Also: "And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same!" (Well, no, not after Bart pulled down the robot's pants.)
 * Lionel Hutz redubbing Great Aunt Gladys's video will.

Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works. You really would."

"Homer: "This is all your fault! Oh, how can I stay mad at you?"
 * The fortuneteller mistaking truth serum for a love potion.
 * Homer and Bart singing "Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead" after Marge objects to them singing "On Top of Spaghetti".
 * Homer declaring that he's okay to go to Duff Gardens (despite being sick from eating a rotten hoagie) only for him to pass out on the floor and crawl away.
 * After seeing Bart and Lisa leave with Selma to the amusement park, Homer finds the rotten hoagie on top of the garbage can.

(Marge knocks it out of his hands)"


 * Everything Surly (one of the Seven Duffs) says.
 * Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney riding off into the sunset on stolen bumper cars (though bumper cars don't work unless they're attached to the electric ceiling and in an earlier scene, the three bullies were arrested in a Duff Gardens commercial).

74 - I Love Lisa
"Homer: C'mon, boy! Finish him off!"
 * During the Presidents' Day play, Milhouse plays Abraham Lincoln, while Bart is John Wilkes Booth. The play's version of the assassination boils down to a mock fight and Bart as The Ahnold - leaving everyone in the audience silent and gaping. Well, almost everyone.

"Lisa: That story's not appropriate for children.
 * "You're next, Chester A. Arthur!" (Miss Hoover grabs hold to Bart) "Unhand me, Yankee!"
 * Chief Wiggum's story of how he got tickets for Krusty's show - bumping into him at a porno movie and the clown mistakenly thinking it was a bust.

Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version."

"Skinner: (over the intercom) JOHNNY!!!
 * Principal Skinner, while broadcasting over the intercom about Bart's latest prank, suddenly having a Vietnam flashback about one of his friends getting gunned down after making a Valentine for his girlfriend.

Bart: Cool, I broke his brain!"


 * The "Medicore Presidents" song.

75 - Duffless
"Homer: Well, time to go to work.
 * Homer's conversation with his brain in the kitchen.

Homer's Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.

Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.

Homer's Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. (camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything) Well, off to the plant.

Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.

Homer's Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?

Homer: I've got to think of a lie fast!

Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?

Homer: AAAAH! (he runs out the front door, gets in his car, and drives away)"

"Homer: (reading off a scroll) "To overcome the Spider's Curse, simple quote a Bible verse!"? Uh, thou shalt not... oh! (he throws a rock at the spider, knocking it out senseless)."
 * Some time later, when Homer is making his dramatic escape from the plant, he encounters a gigantic spider.

"Homer: (puts the fuel nozzle in the car) One for you. (removes it) One for me. (he inserts the nozzle in his mouth and takes a drink of "GASOHOL", then puts it back in the car) One for you. (removes it again) One for me. (sticks the nozzle in his mouth a second time and drinks some more)."
 * Fridge Brilliance: He incapacitated a giant (spider) with a single rock...sound familiar?
 * Homer sees Ralph Wiggum's science fair project and has his own vision of an alcohol-fueled car.

76 - Last Exit to Springfield

 * Homer points out a scar on his head, which he claims to have gotten from a labor strike at the plant years ago. Flashback to said strike, with Homer's colleagues all shouting for this noble cause (equitable treatment from management), and then you see Homer at the empty snack van, periodically smacking the counter with his fist, yelling "WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?!" until the awning falls down and crushes his head.
 * "Hired goons?"
 * "You can't treat the working man this way! Someday, we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!"

77 - So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show

 * Bart's "April Fools' Day" prank on Homer. Enough said.

79 - Whacking Day
"Mayor Quimby: Ladies and gentlemen, Larry White!
 * The ceremony before "Whacking Day" commences:

Barry White: Barry White!

Mayor Quimby: The card says "Larry."

Barry White: I think I know my own name.

Mayor Quimby: Oh yeah? Well, we'll see!"

"Barry White: You people make me sick! (crowd cheers) Are they even listening to me?
 * Barry's reaction to what Whacking Day is:

Mayor Quimby: My guess would be no."


 * One of Grampa's most insane war stories: posing as a German cabaret singer in Dusseldorf and flirting with Adolf Hitler.
 * Also the part after the flashback when Grampa admitted that the only part of the story that was true was that he cross-dressed in the 1940s ("Oh, they had designers then!")
 * Bart referring to Johnny Tremaine as Johnny Deformed after Marge tells Bart about how the protagonist got his hand deformed in an accident.
 * Homer's advice to Lisa on what to do about her feelings against Whacking Day: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter, little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that time I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. (in a baby voice): Remember that? When Daddy hit the referee."

80 - Marge in Chains
"Park Ranger: Fifteen dollars short, exactly what Marge Simpson's marshmallow squares usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Lincoln?
 * One scene, wherein the aftermath of a bake sale makes the people of Springfield realise the consequences of putting Marge in jail:

Man: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper."

"Mayor Quimby: People of Springfield, I give you this statue of our thirty-ninth president, Jimmy Carter!
 * (Later)

Man in Crowd: Oh, come on!

Man in Crowd: (points angrily) He's history's greatest monster!"

""Oh, the network slogan is true: Watch FOX and be damned for all eternity.""
 * When Marge is released, the city presents her with a statue of her (which turns out to be the Jimmy Carter statue with her signature hairdo added to it), which the kids turn into a tetherball pole.
 * When the Flanders family wonder how they got the flu, Ned recalls how he once laughed at an episode of Married With Children:

81 - Krusty Gets Kancelled
"Krusty: (standing there dumbfounded and smoking a cigarette) What the hell was that?!"
 * The "Worker and Parasite" show and Krusty's reaction.

"Krusty the Clown: Ah, come on. You wanna spend your life hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers?
 * While the quote itself is funny, the delivery raises it exponentially, and was what instantly cemented the character of Squeaky Voiced Teen as a mainstay when so many others fell away. If they can, someone please link to a video of the scene (context is Krusty begging Mel to join him for his comeback (which then turns into a crowner of heartwarming). Without, further ado,

Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!

Sideshow Mel: Sorry Krusty, I like it here. Mr. Johansen treats me with dignity.

Mr. Johansen: Is this clown bothering you, Mel?

Sideshow Mel: It's all right, Mr. Johansen, I'll handle it.

Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, sir.

Krusty the Clown: I don't want it!

Squeaky Voiced Teen: But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me."


 * The Milkshakes part. ''Oh oh".
 * Luke Perry being shot out of a cannon.
 * He lands safely in a pillow factory... only to have it demolished while he's still inside.
 * Crazy Old Man: The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be...
 * And now, The Crazy Old Man dancers...

82 - Homer's Barbershop Quartet
"Homer (narrating): And then came the greatest moment of my life
 * Homer meets George Harrison in the flashback:

George: Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison.

Homer: Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie?!?

George: Over there, there's a big pile of them.

(Homer just spends the next minute shoving brownies into his mouth, without regarding George Harrison at all.)

George: (Sincerely) Well, what a nice fella."

"George: It's been done."
 * "Number 8." *BELCH* "Number 8." *BELCH* "Number 8." *BELCH*
 * George Harrison takes one look at the B'Sharps' rooftop concert and sums up the entire episode:


 * "I'd like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat."
 * And then Moe just produces exactly that, without comment.

83 - Cape Feare
"Homer: (seeing a whole lot of cacti in the distance) Hey, kids? Who wants to drive through that cactus patch?
 * The highlight of Sideshow Bob's long and memorable career:
 * ker-THWACK!! (annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!!(annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!! (annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!!(annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!! (annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!!(annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!! (annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!!(annoyed grumble/moan) ker-THWACK!! (annoyed grumble/moan)
 * Homer unknowingly torments Bob just before the legendary Rake Take scene. Bob had strapped himself to the underside of the Simpsons' car, but couldn't plan on Homer's...unique style of driving:

Bart: Yeah!

Lisa: Yeah!

Sideshow Bob: (horrified) NO!

Homer: Oop! Two against one! (He turns and drives through the cacti, oblivious to Bob's moans and screaming in agony)"

"Abe: Hello! Helloooooo! You have my pills! Hellooooooo? I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
 * While getting ready to move, Homer accidentally locks Abe out of the house:

(howling is heard in the distance)"

"Agent 1: Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job. New identities.
 * The whole of the Witness Relocation Program's attempts to move the Simpsons to a new location.

Homer: Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!

(dissolve to Homer's fantasy of playing for the Denver Broncos, also the only player in a leather helmet.)

Announcer: Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver: 7 San Francisco: 56.

Homer: (back in the office) Woo-hoo!"

"Agent 2: We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Feare, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville...
 * Plus

Homer: Ooh! Ice Creamville!

Agent 2: Uh, no. Screamville.

Homer: (screams)"

"Agent 1: Tell you what: From now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice for a bit. When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
 * and of course

Homer: Check.

Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Homer sits at the table silently) Remember now: Your name is Homer Thompson.

Homer: I gotcha.

Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Again, Homer sits at the table silently)

(Agents 1 and 2 look at each other, there's a transition to much later where they've taken their jackets off, 2 is smoking, and the other Simpsons look exhausted.)

Agent 1: (exasperated) Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.

Homer: No problem.

Agent 1: (while stomping repeatedly on Homer's foot) Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer: (looks at his foot, pauses, then leans back and whispers to Agent 2) I think he's talking to you."

"Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
 * Sideshow Bob: Surely there is no harm in lying in the middle of a public street?
 * "Ah, not the elephants!"
 * This exchange between Sideshow Bob and the Simpsons, after he's granted parole:

Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right...stay away...forever!

Homer: Oh, no!

Bob: Wait a minute. That's no good. (groans, leaves, then returns) Wait, I've got a good one now - Marge - say, "Stay away from my son!" again.

Marge: (annoyed) No. (Bob groans)."

"Homer: BART, YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!
 * Chief Wiggum: Bake him away, toys.
 * "It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel."
 * Bart is trying to fall asleep in the houseboat, but Homer scares him twice within a matter of seconds:

Homer: BART, YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK!?"

"(cut to some other cops doing just that)
 * "No one who speaks German could be an evil man..."
 * Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

Chief Wiggum: Boys, knock it off!"

"Homer: Is that so? (leans head out window) Oh Flanders, won't you join me in my kitchen?
 * After being told that "once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal:"

(Homer stands lying menacingly in wait behind a doorframe, pounding his fist into his other hand)

Chief Wiggum: Uhh, doesn't work if you invite him. (Flanders arrives at that very moment)

Ned: Hidely-hey!

Homer: Go home.

Ned: (turns right around) Doodely-doo!"

84 - Homer Goes to College
"Lisa: Dad, don't let these college essays get you down. Let's see: "List three books you've read and state how they've influenced your life".
 * Homer: Woohoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma anymore! (lights it on fire) I am so smart, I am so smart, I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!
 * What adds to the scene is the fact that he's burning his house down while he sings this.
 * And that it was actually a mistake on Dan Castellaneta's part that got thrown in.
 * Lisa helps Homer apply to college:

Homer: Is TV Guide a book?

Lisa: (flatly) No.

Homer: Son Of Sniglet?

Lisa: (flatly) No.

Homer: Katherine Hepburn's Me?

Lisa: (annoyed) No!

Homer: (moaning) Aw, I suck!"

"Smithers: For the love of God sir, there are two seats!
 * When the power plant is having a meltdown, Mr. Burns gets in an escape pod and of course locks Smithers out, prompting this exchange:

Mr. Burns: (opens pod door and pokes his head out) I like to put my feet up. (closes door again)"

"Board Member: What are you doing?
 * One of the inspector's reaction to the meltdown that Homer caused: "I still don't understand how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck."
 * Mr. Burns' giant demon chair.
 * In the same scene him attempting to bludgeon a board member with a baseball bat and failing.

Mr. Burns: (already pained and struggling) I'm giving you the thrashing of your life.

Board Member: Stop that. If you wanted him that badly, why didn't you just say so?"

85 - Rosebud
"(An evil cult, bearing a striking resemblance to the Stonecutters, goose-steps in sync with one another, practicing their Ominous Latin Chanting)
 * The opening scene:

Evil Cult: All we own, we oo-wwe. All we own, we oo-wwe!

(Mr. Smithers pops his head out of the window, quietly and beratingly shushing the cult)

Evil Cult: (whispering, on tiptoes) All we own, we oo-wwwe. All we own, we oo-wwwe!"

"Homer: Mmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. (He eats a slice of cheese.) 63. (He eats another slice.) 62.
 * Incidentally, the marching and chanting is a Shout-Out to The Wizard of Oz.
 * Mr. Burns is trying to reclaim his long lost bear Bobo, which is now in Maggie's possession. Smithers and him are climbing across the Simpsons' kitchen ceiling, at night, using suction cups. Homer walks in, oblivious to the two intruders, opens the fridge and pulls out a stack of processed cheese.

(The scene cuts to morning, Homer is still sat in the same place with a much smaller stack of cheese.)

Homer: (sounding very ill/sick/full) Two. (He eats the last slice.) One.

(Marge walks in and sees Homer sat at the table, he now looks visibly ill.)

Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?

Homer: I think I'm blind!

(Mr. Burns and Smithers fall off the ceiling.)"

"Mr. Burns: Now remember, Smithers. We have to get in and out in exactly 60 seconds.
 * The earlier attempt!

(climbs onto zipline, kicks off....then gets stuck midway across. Cut to next morning, and a rescue effort)

Marge: More cocoa, Mr. Burns?

Mr. Burns: Yes."

"Smithers: The preparations for your birthday have begun.
 * In the same episode:

Mr. Burns: I won't get what I really want.

Smithers: No one ever does. (dreams about Mr. Burns bursting out of a cake wearing nothing but a sash singing "Happy birthday, Mr. Smithers...")"

"Go to Hell, you old bastard! (curtain closes) Hey, I think he liked us!"
 * The Ramones cameo as well. Possibly one of the best of the show.

"Mr. Burns: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
 * And Mr. Burns' response:

Smithers: "But, sir, that wasn't..."

Mr. Burns: "Do as I say!""


 * "This is all *your* fault!"

86 - Treehouse of Horror IV
"Mr. Burns: (over intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
 * "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN THE DEVIL!"
 * From the third segment "Bart Simpson's Dracula":
 * Mr. Burns is a vampire and invites the Simpson family to his castle in "Pennsylvania"

Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.

Mr. Burns: Oh, son of a bi-"

"Abe: (runs into room with a stake) Quick! We have to kill the boy!
 * If you watch Mr. Burns' shadow while talking to the family you can see it pull out a yo-yo for a single second.
 * And:

Marge: How'd you know Bart's a vampire?

Abe: He's a vampire? AAAH! (runs away)"

"Lisa: Dad? That's his crotch.
 * Or when they finally stake Mr. Burns, and he dies, only to come back to life long enough to fire Homer.
 * That is, after he tries to kill him the first time.

Homer: ...Oh, right."

"Homer: What? Kill my boss?! (thinking) Do I dare live out the American dream?"
 * When first told that he has to kill Mr. Burns:

87 - Marge on the Lam
"Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal records?
 * Homer's vision of ballet
 * Kent Brockman: IT'S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE!!! (a graphic stating "Please stand by" depicting Kent Brockman in a straitjacket with a cuckoo clock bird popping out of his head appears on the screen.)
 * We get this little gem from earlier in the episode:

Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!"


 * The scene of Bart and Lisa waking up and realizing that neither of their parents are home yet. Lisa points out that Lionel Hutz is still there to care for them. Lisa tries to wake him up. Hutz jumps with a start, brandishing a knife, and yelling, "Don't touch my stuff!" When he realizes where he is, he sheepishly laughs, "Hey, this isn't the YMCA."

88 - Bart's Inner Child
"Homer:vOh my God!
 * Homer reads the "Free Items" column in the newspaper:

Lisa: What is it?

Homer: TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABOPOLINE! (He runs off)

Bart: He said what, now?

Marge: Please don't bring back any more used crutches!"

"Troy McClure: That's right, it's the Brad Goodman (Squinting at cue-cards) something-or-other..."
 * From Troy McClure's video.

"Brad: Now, listen to your inner child. What's he saying?
 * Fridge Brilliance: We later learn in A Fish Called Selma that Troy McClure wears glasses and can't read anything without them.
 * One of Brad Goodman's seminar exercises which he uses at the Springfield Community Center.

(camera pans to Ned Flanders)

Ned's Inner Child: Stay the course, Big Ned! You're doing super!

(camera pans to Homer)

Homer's Inner Child: Food goes in here!

Homer: It sure does.

(camera pans to Moe Szyslak)

Moe's Inner Child: (with heavy Italian accent) 'Ey, Moe, wassa matta, huh? Why you no talk wit you accent no mo?

Moe: (clapping hands on face in astonishment) Mamma Mia!"

"(The exterior shot of the house with just the voices heard)
 * The ending where the family are watching the show "McGarnagle" about a Cowboy Cop:

Chief: You're off the case McGarnagle!

McGarnagle: You're off your case chief!

Chief: What does that mean exactly?

Homer: (yelling) IT MEANS HE GETS RESULTS YOU STUPID CHIEF!!

Lisa: Dad, sit down.

Homer: Sorry."

89 - Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
"Homer: Mmm...free goo."
 * Homer unknowingly passes by Bart and Milhouse who are covered in bubble gum.

"Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.
 * Homer is sitting on the couch. Bart points out an error in an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.

(A second Homer walks past the window)"

"Barney: (realizing where he is) Uh-oh! Not again!"
 * The epic Noodle Incident after the Disney Acid Sequence of a musical sequence. There's a Greek ship in the middle of an ocean. Barney, in a sailor suit, wakes up groaning in a pile of burlap sacks filled with baklava.

90 - The Last Temptation of Homer
"Homer: I Have This Friend...Joey...Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo?
 * First, Homer and Mindy are stuck in the elevator together. Homer tries his hardest to think unsexy thoughts (including picturing his sisters-in-law shaving their legs together in the bathroom and picturing his fat, drunken friend humming the I Dreamof Jeannie theme while wearing the jumbo thong bikini that Barney bought Homer when he mistook Homer's heart surgery for a sex change operation), then fails at that (as he immediately pictures Mindy in a bikini blowing a kiss) and just jumps out of the elevator in mid-ascent.
 * Also, the fact that the elevator was somehow halfway up the cooling tower.
 * Second:

Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.

(a random man in the bar then runs out crying, with Barney yelling after him "Joey Joe Joe!")"

"Sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape..."
 * After the previous scene had Homer, Carl, Lenny, and the factory worker Charlie fall unconscious in a trapped room of toxic gases:

"Homer: Colonel Klink! Did you get my letters?
 * Homer is greeted by his guardian angel, who takes A Form You Are Comfortable With.

Klink: I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form.

Homer: Did you know Hogan had tunnels all over you base?

Klink: Hooooo-MERRRR!"

"Homer: Oh, this is the worst crisis my marriage has ever faced. COLONEL KLINK, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!
 * And later:

Klink: (appearing) What is it? Do you have a question?

Homer: Heh-heh, did you know Kinchloe had a radio in the coffee pot?

Klink: He did?"

91 - $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
"Homer: (in a VERY deadpan tone after eating his dinner) Let's go get mom..."
 * Homer when he has Raymond and Charlie Babbit from Rain Man at his blackjack table.
 * Homer, attempting to cook his own dinner, combines a full bottle of cloves, a similarly full bottle of Tom Collins mix, and a frozen pie crust. The expression on his face as he tastes it is unforgettable.

"Homer: The only monster around here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws!"
 * When he's summing up the situation to Lisa (who just described herself as a "monster" thanks to her Florida costume).

"Mr. Burns: I said hop in...... (points a gun at Smithers)"
 * Any event revolving around the Spruce Moose.

"Homer: (yells gibberish)
 * Homer after he breaks Marge's gambling machine:

Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!

Homer: (says the same gibberish slowly and clearly)

Marge: Think before you say each word."

"Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but they may be a Boogie Man or Boogie MEN in the house!
 * The entire boogeyman sequence.

Bart: YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
 * The costume contest results.

Ralph: I'm Idaho!

Skinner: Yes, of course you are."

"Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. (Homer gives him a card) Joker? You were supposed to take those out of the deck.
 * The Deleted Scene involving a game of blackjack between James Bond and Ernst Blofeld.

Homer: Oh, sorry. (He deals another card)

Bond: What's this? "Rules for draw and stud poker"?

Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. (Jaws and Oddjob grab Bond)

Bond: But, I never lose! It's Homer's fault! (Bond starts getting dragged away) At least tell me your plans for world domination.

Blofeld: I'm not falling for that one again."

92 - Homer the Vigilante
"Bart: Dad! We've been robbed!
 * The family wakes up and discovers that they have been burglarized.

Lisa: (shouting rapidly) Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!

Homer: Woo-hoo!

Bart: And our portable TV!

Homer: D'oh!

Marge: And my necklace!

Homer: (nonchalantly) Eh, that's no big loss.

Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom.

Homer: Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.

Marge: (pulling a necklace from a huge wad of red pearl necklaces) Well, yes I do, but they're all heirlooms, too.

Bart: Burglar even took my stamp collection

Lisa: (in a mocking tone) You had a stamp collection?

Homer, Marge, & Lisa: Ha ha ha ha ha! (the phone rings, Bart picks it up)

Nelson: Stamp collection? Ha-ha!"

"Homer: (through Rap Master 3000) Move along there. (drives off)
 * Homer's attempt to use a megaphone designed for rappers.

Kid on street: (gasps) It's Hammer!"

"Homer: Hey, you! Where'd you get that saxophone?
 * Homer and members of the Vigilante (Moe, Apu, Principal Skinner, & Barney) are patrolling the street they're walking on and see a college student playing a saxophone for money.

Student: (pause) Sears.

Homer: GET HIM! (They proceed in chasing the student)"

"Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas: Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination.
 * At the dinner table, this conversation between Homer and Lisa.

Lisa: (beratingly) World domination?

Homer: (chuckling nervously) Eh, that might be a typo. (thinking) Mental note: the girl knows too much."

"Lisa: If you're the police, who's going to police the police?

Homer: I'unno. Coast Guard?"

93 - Bart Gets Famous

 * Homer screaming about his son being turned into a box.
 * The flashback of Homer as a teenager performing "Tighten Up" by Archie Bell and the Drells as part of a one-man band -- and ends up getting attacked by an Italian organ grinder's monkey.

94 - Homer and Apu
"Homer: (enters the Kwik-E-Mart, saying to Apu) Your old meat made me sick!
 * Homer confronting Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart after eating some rotten expired ham.

Apu: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept 5 pounds of frozen shrimp. (lifts up a bucket and places it on the counter)

Homer: (picks up a shrimp and sniffs) This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny!

Apu: (lifts up a second bucket) Okay, 10 pounds.

Homer: Woohoo! (Cuts to an ambulance, with Homer most likely inside on the stretcher)"

"Lisa: "I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!""
 * There is also the moment about what Lisa's reaction is to spicy food.

"Homer: You're...selling what now?
 * Indian food turned Lisa into Muad'Dib. XD
 * Don't forget this little tidbit, from when Apu tries to square himself with Homer:

Apu: I'm "selling" only the concept of karmic realignment.

Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos! (slams door)''

Apu: He's got me there."

"Homer: Is he (Apu) still out there?

Marge: Yes, he's raking the yard.

Homer: What?! That's your job! If he starts doing Lisa's wood-chopping...!"

95 - Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
"Abe: Why didn't you buy something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty. Eww, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! (Homer parks the car and the other family members quickly pile out) Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The President is a demmycrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seatbelt! HELLO! (honks car horn, despite being strapped in the backseat)."
 * Grampa ranting about different things on the car ride home from the mall.

"Abe: (wearing a headset and twiddling knobs on a control panel) Come in, come in...Mayday! I'm losing your transmission...
 * Grampa decides to go back into the work force and takes a job at a local Krusty Burger.

(A man is in his car outside, at the Krusty Burger drive-through. A line-up of cars is behind him.)

Man: (yells) I said "FRENCH FRIES!"

Abe: (surprised and uncertainly) What the...? We sell...french...fries?""

"Mr. Burns Image: Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on.
 * When Smithers turns on his computer to search some information for Lisa, you'll see a pixeled image of Mr. Burns (who is implied to be naked):

Smithers: Uhmmm, you probably should ignore that..."


 * When Lisa enters Stacy LaVelle's mansion, a teenager comes rushing behind her, exclaiming, "All right! I've been waiting nine years to get my Frisbee back!" and retrieves his Frisbee. Before the show cuts to commercial, we see the Frisbee fly back into Stacy's yard and the boy groan in exasperation.
 * The scene of Lisa throwing the Talking Malibu Stacy out the window after her rant about how girls will be affected by Mailbu Stacy's shallow morals while Grampa is riding a bike in the street in an attempt to be young and carefree. The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bike, sending Grampa screaming into an open grave (with two grave diggers having lunch and not doing anything about the old man who just fell in the hole).

96 - Deep Space Homer
"Barney: It BEGINS!"
 * Barney takes a few sips of  champagne. The camera zooms in on Barney as dramatic music cues his shift back to alcoholism.

"NASA Scientist: I don't understand. That was non-alcoholic champagne."
 * (Barney then struggles with the NASA scientist for the champagne bottle, eventually taking it from the scientist. He proceeds to down the entire bottle of champagne, barrel through the training facility, and hijack an experimental NASA jetpack. He hums an off-key rendition of the "Charge" song, proceeds to take off, flying for a few feet, before crashing face-first into the roof of a pillow factory, and then getting run over by a marshmallow truck).

"Popeye: I CAN'T STANDS NO MORE."
 * Homer's face changes into Popeye.

"Homer: The only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute...Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!!!"
 * This bit...

97 - Homer Loves Flanders
"Homer: (yelling at the ceiling) Why do you mock me, o Lord?
 * This scene keeps topping itself:

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.

(Marge pries the waffle off of the ceiling. Homer catches it.)

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... (nom) ...Mmm, sacrilicious."

"Lenny: Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars!
 * Also, Ned drives past Lenny and Carl in the football stadium parking lot. Homer doesn't want to be seen with Ned, so he pushes Ned down to hide him.

(The car crashes because Ned could not see where he was driving)

Carl: One of those American robot cars."

98 - Bart Gets an Elephant
"Marty: We think we know how your mind works, Bart. So how about this: we pay your principal $10,000 to pull down his pants and keep them down for the rest of the school year, ha ha!
 * The D Js attempting to dissuade Bart from demanding an elephant:

Skinner: (deadpan) I'll do it, Bart.

Bart: Ermmm...no.

Bill: OK, OK...what if we use the $10,000 to, er, surgically transform Skinner here into, er...some kind of a lobster-like creature?

Skinner: Now wait just a minute: that wasn't discussed with me."

"Bart: (on the radio) Where's my elephant?!
 * Also:

Abe: Hey, they're playing The Elephant Song.

Jasper: I like this song. It reminds me of elephants."

"Homer: He took Bart, too? (runs to window, shaking fist) That wasn't part of the deal, Blackheart! THAT WASN'T PART!!!"
 * And right after that, Kent Brockman's news report: "So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives: 'Where's my elephant?' I know that's what I've been asking."
 * When Lisa blames Mr. Blackheart the ivory dealer for Bart and Stampy's disappearance:

"Foreman: This is the moment we feared, people! Many of you thought it would never happen. But I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory. But now we... (Stampy bursts through the door and crushes the foreman)"
 * A peanut factory foreman sees Stampy approaching, prompting the following gem.

"Homer: D'oh!
 * Homer hits a deer statue with his car.

Lisa: A deer!

Marge: A female deer!"

"Homer: I'm saved! And I owe it all to this feisty feline....
 * Homer is pulled out of the Tar Pits:

Lisa: Dad, a feline is a cat.

Homer: Elephant. It's an elephant, honey. And I'm sure he'll make a grand piano."

99 - Burns' Heir
"Mr. Burns: (sadly) Smithers, I just realized...I have no one to leave my legacy to.
 * The only bump in the road for Smithers' infatuation for his boss:

Smithers: (cheerfully) There's me, sir.

Mr. Burns: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Smithers. For your many years of loyalty and hard work, you will have the honor of being buried alive with me. (shows a diorama of the grisly plan)

Smithers: ...Oh... Goody."

"Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
 * The deleted scene:

Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst!

Mr. Burns: My worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

(A hidden door opens, and out pops...a robot that looks like Richard Simmons.)

Robo-Simmons: (accosting Homer)

(A speaker juts out the side of its head, and starts blasting "Shake Your Booty". After about five seconds of this, Homer screams in fear and runs away)

Robo-Simmons: (suddenly appearing next to Smithers, Bart and Burns)

Mr. Burns: (shooing Bart away) Smithers, it's out of control!

Smithers: (pulls out a shotgun) I'll take it out, sir!

(Smithers fires a shot at the Robo-Simmons' head, leaving a huge hole...which then morphs back into place T-1000-style. The recording breaks down, then plays at many times the original place, as the robot shakes violently.)

Smithers: His ass is gonna blow!

(They all scream and run back into the house. The robot then explodes, its severed head landing near the gates of Burns Manor.)"

"Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
 * Arguably the best part of that scene is how the way Mr. Burns says "The robotic Richard Simmons" indicates that he has other versions of Richard Simmons waiting to be unleashed.
 * The non-deleted version is funny, too.

Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst!

(Mr. Burns, Smithers, and Bart retreat inside. Homer runs to the door and tries the handle.)

Homer: He locked the door! I'll show him! (He rings the doorbell and runs away.)"


 * It's just something about the sheer incredulity in Homer's voice when he says 'He locked the door!', like it's something really unusual.
 * "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is, never try!"
 * "Lisa, stop getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas!"
 * "That's it! Abusing your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!"

100 - Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
"Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I mean, thank you, come again."
 * Apu's rant to Principal Skinner about Billy & The Clonesaurus:

"Willie: Lunchlady Doris...have ye got any grease?
 * This scene can possibly lead to a fascination with burly Scotsmen.

Doris: (flatly) Yes. Yes we do.

Willie: (tears off his shirt) THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!

Doris: (still flatly) ...Okey-dokey."


 * Willie: "There's nae an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"

101 - The Boy Who Knew Too Much
"Bart: Oh my God, he's like some sort of... non...giving up ...school guy!"
 * Skinner is pursuing a truant Bart, walking straight through a river.

103 - Secrets of a Successful Marriage
"Homer's Brain: Something said, not good! "Don't yell at Homer?" noo, that's okay... (gasp) Slow! Carl thinks we're Slow.
 * Carl tells Homer that he's slow. By the time he's processed what he's just heard, hours have passed.

Homer: HEY! I... huh? (He finds that it's now late night, and everyone is gone. Lenny walks in.)

Lenny: Homer? You're still here? Wow, you are slow!

Homer's Brain: Something said, not good...!

Lenny: Get the hell out!"

"Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
 * Lisa's encounter with Homer's fake Marge.

Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.

Homer:Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (Plant falls out treehouse and smashes) Aah! Oh my god oh my god oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight - she tripped, right?

Lisa: ...Look, I brought you some nice pudding."


 * Homer: That's it! I've found out what I can give you that no one else can: Complete and utter dependance!

104 - Bart of Darkness
"Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
 * The sequence of Springfield being affected by the heat wave, particularly: Hans Moleman getting set on fire as he's staring at the sun and his Coke bottle glasses concentrate the sun rays and burn him like a magnifying glass does to an ant, Principal Skinner complaining that he's up to his knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H (Skinner was in a wax museum that apparently had no air conditioning or means of keeping the wax figures from melting), and a random guy (who looks like the one who insulted Barney Gumble when Barney was dressed up as the Lullabuy$ baby) punching a hippie who made the mistake of singing John Denver's "Sunshine on My Shoulders" during a heat wave.
 * Bart and Lisa nagging Homer for a swimming pool in their backyard:

Bart & Lisa: (rapidly, in unison) Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad?

Bart: Can we- (Lisa stops him)

Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk."

"Homer: Alright! Everybody in the pool!
 * The scene with their first attempt at building the pool resorting in a large barn being built.

Random Amish Man: Tis a fine barn, but it sure ain't no pool, English.

Homer: D'OH-ETH!"

"Lisa: Huh? Hello? Hey, I'm stuck in here! I gotta think of a way to get out!
 * The scene where Lisa gets trapped in the pool after everyone gets out.

Lisa's Brain: Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back."

"Chief Wiggum: Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, c'mon. Continue! C'mon! (Beat) All right, Lou, open fire."
 * Homer and Marge are skinny dipping. A police helicopter flies over.

"Homer: There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife!
 * After Ned Flanders was mistaken for murdering his wife Maude:

Maude: Um, I'm right here.

Homer: Oh, I see! So then I guess everything's all wrapped up in a neat little package! (Beat) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic!"


 * Bart: There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?! You go now.

105 - Lisa's Rival

 * Homer: (getting stung by bees as they were eating his sugar pile) OW!! AHHHH! They're defending themselves somehow!

107 - Itchy and Scratchy Land
"Professor Frink: Not to worry, gentlemen. According to My Calculations, the robots will not go insane for at least 24 hours. (robots go insane, checks his sheet again) Oh, I forgot to carry the one."
 * A classic Simpsons example of Tempting Fate:

"Marge: (to clerk) I want all five T-shirts to say "Best Family Vacation Ever!".
 * And when the vacation first goes to hell for the Simpson family:

P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! Your son has been arrested!

(everyone gasps)

Female Shopper: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy's mother...

(Marge groans)

P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son!

(Marge groans more. Lisa and her meet Homer and Bart in their cell.)

Marge: Oh, I'm so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.

Guard: (with German accent) OK, throw her in the hole.

Marge: Oh, please: it was just a figure of speech!"

"Homer: Die bad robots! Die! (laughs) With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero."
 * As Homer and Marge go to a 70s nostalgia bar, Marge notes how the bartender looks like John Travolta (Creator). The bartender, who is indeed Travolta, mutters "Yeah, 'looks like'." Even funnier considering he would make his comeback with Pulp Fiction right around the same time this episode originally aired.
 * Homer's attempt to imitate Bart channeling his inner movie action hero during the scene where the Simpson family are left to deal with an army of killer Itchy & Scratchy robots.

"Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"..."Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
 * When Bart and Lisa are checking things out at the gift shop:

Boy: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.

Mother: No. Come along, Bort.

Man:: Are you talking to me?

Mother: No, my son is also named Bort."

108 - Sideshow Bob Roberts
"Barlow: If you'll just open that door you'll see the next mayor of Springfield!
 * When the local Republicans gather to select a new mayoral candidate:

(The door opens to reveal a water cooler; everyone applauds. The cooler bubbles)

Senator: What'd it say?

Barlow: No, no, no, Bob. Bob, come in!

Sideshow Bob: A fine "Mahoke" to you all.

Dr. Hibbert: Why, he's even better!

Ranier: I agree. I like the human touch."

"Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein.
 * Not to mention that the local Republicans meet at Castle Dracula and start off every meeting with Ominous Latin Chanting. Take That, indeed.
 * Bart has just been kicked out of Sideshow Bob's limo when he runs for mayor. Next, Homer gets kicked out of a car with the Archie gang - "Duhh stay outta Riverdale!". Noodle incidentary at it's finest!
 * Followed up with later in the episode:

Bart: Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics.

Homer: (reading the comic and grumbling) Lousy Riverdale punks. Think they're too good for me."

"Sideshow Bob: What do you want?
 * This episode also features an excellent A Few Good Men parody:

Lisa: I want the truth!

Bob: You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!"

"Homer: Hmm, I don't approve of his Bart killing policy. But I do approve of his Selma killing policy. (pulls lever)"
 * And let's not forget the stupidity of the Springfield voters:
 * Homer is shown inside voting booth, reading a pamphlet.

"Krusty: He did frame me for armed robbery, but man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. (pulls lever)"
 * After him there's a cut to Krusty in the voting booth.

"Bob: You need me, Springfield! Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but secretly you yearn for a cold-hearted Republican who’ll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! That's why I did this! To protect you from yourselves!"
 * Sideshow Bob's political satire speech in court.


 * "No child has ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it.

109 - Treehouse of Horror V
"(title card says "Tuesday", then cut to the family in the car)
 * From the first segment "The Shinning":
 * The beginning, as the Simpson family is driving to Mr. Burns' mansion:

Homer: Well, it's been a long trip, but we're almost there!

Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?

Homer: D'oh!

(cut to title card that says "Wednesday", then back to the family)

Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're almost there again!

Marge: Homer, when you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer: D'oh-d'oh!

(cut to title card that says "Thursday", then back to the now tired family, only this time, Grandpa's missing.)

Lisa: (gasps) Oh no! We left Grandpa back at the gas station! (dead silence) What about Grandpa?"

"Homer: (eerily calm) So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Homer" something something.
 * Groundskeeper Willie: Shhh! You wanna get sued?!
 * Marge discovers a phrase written on the walls: "NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY"

Marge: (nervous) Go crazy?

Homer: (hysterically) Don't mind if I do!"

"(Homer chops through a door with an ax)
 * The entire montage of Homer going crazy, making a scary face, seeing it in a mirror, getting scared, screaming and falling down the steps, becoming unconscious. Then Marge locks him in the food pantry.
 * Homer: "Can't murder now. Eating."
 * And later:

Homer: Heeeere's Johnny! (the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room) D'oh!

(Homer chops through a second door)

Homer: Daaaaavid Letterman!

Abe Simpson: Hi David, I'm Grampa!

Homer: D'oh!

(Homer chops through a third door)

Homer: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on Sixty Minutes!

Family: Aah!"

"Willie: Ack! Is that the best you can do? (collapses to the floor)"
 * Groundskeeper Willie dies from being axed in the back by psychopathic Homer.

"Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... Urge to kill fading...fading...fading...RISING!...fading...fading...gone."
 * Homer upon seeing the hand held TV.

"Homer: URGE TO KILL RISING."
 * At the end, when the family becomes frozen from sitting in the cold snow.

"Homer: Thiiiiiis is gonna cost me..."
 * From the second segment "Time and Punishment":
 * Being warned not to touch anything when in the distant past (in this case, prehistoric times). To say nothing about his father warning him about The Butterfly Effect on his wedding day, Homer accidentally sneezes... and starts a chain reaction that ends with all the dinosaurs dead.

"(Homer arrives back in the present with the time machine toaster. The house has been transformed into a luxurious estate.)
 * What really sells this is all the dinosaurs are literally standing in a perfect line, dying one after another as Homer looks on.
 * No thanks to his love of donuts, Homer paradoxically threw away paradise.

Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?

Homer: Hmm. Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan. Woohoo! I hit the jackpot! (he sits down at the table, trying to sound like a rich gentleman) Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?

Marge: Donut? What's a donut?

(Homer screams like a crazy man and runs back to the time machine. Marge looks out the window and sees donuts falling from the sky.)

Marge: (nonchalantly) Hmph. It's raining again."

"Homer: Don't touch anything?! I'll touch whatever I feel like! (And he begins beating every animal and tree with a wooden club. He stomps on one small animal, but the topper is when he punches a huge prehistoric mosquito before beating it with his club.)"
 * And immediately afterwards, Homer's back in prehistoric times:

"Maggie: This is indeed a disturbing universe."
 * Also, the (second) death of Groundskeeper Willie in a Sound of Thunder spoof where Maggie axes him in the back, pulls her pacifier out, and intones in the deep, dark voice of James Earl Jones.

"Willie: Ach, I'm really bad at this!"
 * From the third segment "Nightmare Cafeteria":
 * Groundskeeper Willie getting a third axe in the back death.

110 - Bart's Girlfriend
"Willie: If I don' save the wee tur'les, who will?! (He kicks open a door to a lab and rushes in. Moments later, he runs back out, with turtles biting him all over) Gah! Save me from the wee tur'les! They were too quick for me!"
 * After Jessica and Bart (unwillingly) pull the Springfield Elementary fire alarm, panic ensues, though Groundskeeper Willie has one concern:

"Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
 * Also this conversation:

Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.

Marge: That's not what I meant.

Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it."

111 - Lisa On Ice
"(In the future, Lisa is being inaugurated in as President of the United States.)
 * Chief Wiggum: We won! We won! But uh, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza.
 * Lisa worries that failing gym is going to haunt her:

Supreme Court Justice: I now pronounce you President of these United --

Reporter: Stop the inauguration! I just discovered our President-Elect got an F in second grade gym class!

(Crowd gasps; Lisa is handcuffed.)

Justice: (to Lisa) In that case, I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island! Don't worry, it's just a name.

(later, Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters)

Lisa: He said it was just a name!

Man: What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!"

"Bart: (sarcastically) Hello, Queen Lisa.
 * Jimbo Jones: It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother!
 * Later, Lisa's success in hockey begins to make Bart jealous.

Lisa: Bart! What are you doing in my room?

Bart: Lisa, certain differences, rivalries, if you will, have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people. But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny! (Holds up a headless stuffed rabbit in one hand, its head in the other hand.)

Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.

Bart: Aah! Mr. Honeybunny! (tries to repair it, kisses it numerous times)

Homer: (from downstairs) Quiet down, Bart!

Lisa: Bart, just get outta here.

Bart: Hey: it's a free country. You get out.

Lisa: That doesn't make sense.

Bart: I know you are, but what am I?

Lisa: Get out, get out!

Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this: (windmills arms) If you get hit, it's your own fault.

Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. (kicks) And if any part of you should fill that air, (kicks) it's your own fault.

(They walk towards each other, then start fighting. In the kitchen, Marge overhears Bart and Lisa's yells as she's taking a pie out of the oven.)

Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. (to Homer) Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!

Homer: Okay... (Marge leaves) All right, pie, I'm just going to do this. (chomps air) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head) Ow! Oh, my... aw, to hell with this. (grabs pie, eats it)"


 * Later, the scene where Homer asks Marge which kid she likes best and says "You can't possibly like Maggie best! What has she ever done? Nothing for nobody!" At which point Maggie jumps up to intercept a beer bottle flying at Homer's head.

112 - Homer Badman
"Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him sexual powers!
 * Apu: I have asked you nicely to stop mangling my merchandise. I now have no choice but to...ask you nicely again.
 * Homer and Marge's daring escape from the candy convention.
 * The highlight is when Homer mixes a can of cola with some Pop Rocks and uses it like a grenade to stop the candy conventioneers from advancing, even getting in a badass one-liner: "SEE YOU IN HELL, CANDY BOYS!" This is then of course, followed by Homer dramatically jumping away from the explosion.
 * As Homer gets out of the shower, he sees a helicopter hovering outside his bathroom window, causing him to shriek and fall over, getting wrapped in his shower curtain. Cue it being shown on the T.V.:

Homer: Hey, that's a half-truth!"

"Homer: Help me, God! (phone rings and Homer answers) ...Hello?
 * Homer needs help to clear his name.

Deep Voice: Hello Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show "Rock Bottom"."

"Marge: That's your solution to everything. Move under the sea. It's not gonna happen.
 * Homer's "Under the Sea" parody sequence, during which he happily gorges himself on the friendly, dancing sea creatures.

Homer: Not with that attitude."

"Godfrey Jones: Tonight, on "Rock Bottom", we investigate a sex farm for sex hookers.
 * The edited interview with the rapidly changing clock.
 * The best part has to be the end of the interview, as we're shown a clearly freeze-framed image of Homer, VCR artifacts and all, looking like a buffoon and "attacking" Godfrey Jones, which is then followed by a quick voiceover, "Dramatization, may not have happened."
 * The gripping portrayal in Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber.
 * Some of Rock Bottom's other interviews:

(cut to a farmer being interviewed)

Farmer: I keep telling you, I only grow sorghum here.

Interviewer: Uh huh. And where are the hookers?

Farmer: Round back... oops."


 * The list of corrections at the end of Rock Bottom is totally worth freeze framing.
 * "Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger".
 * "If you're reading this, you have no life."
 * Which appears some time after "The people writing these have no life."
 * Kent Brockman News: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.

114 - Fear of Flying
"Guy: Greetings, good men. Might I trouble you for a drink?
 * A man identical to Homer, wearing an unconvincing moustache, enters Moe's Bar.

Moe: Oh, get out of here, Homer.

Guy: Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy Incognito.

(camera pans outside as he's beaten to a crap and thrown out. The real Homer passes by.)

Homer: Oh my God! This man is my exact double- Oh my God! That dog has a fluffy tail! Here Puff, here Puff!"

"Homer: Permit me to solve the mystery: your mother has a fear of flying!
 * After coming home from the airport, when Marge decided to get off the airplane.

Bart: So much for the days when I could say, "At least my mother's normal."

Marge: Everyone has a fear of something.

Homer: (smugly) Not everyone.

Marge: Sock puppets!

Homer: (panicked) Where!? Where?! AAAUGHH! (Runs offscreen)"


 * Homer: That's just the engine powering up... that's just the engine struggling... that's just a carp swimming around your ankles.

115 - Homer the Great
"Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
 * Homer wants to find out what Lenny and Carl are doing without him being involved and he tells Marge.

Homer: Well, something did!

Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.

Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. (gets up) I'm... going outside. To... stalk... Lenny and Carl. (beat) D'oh!"

"All: Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
 * the Stonecutters song.

Carl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?

Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?

Alien: We do! We do!

All: Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do! We do!

Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?

Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?

All: We do! We do!"


 * Number One: "Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!"

116 - And Maggie Makes Three
"Marge: I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right way and at just the right time. Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
 * Other than a heartwarming ending, it has this:

Patty: Oh, if he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?

Marge: Oh, yes.

Patty & Selma: Gotta go!

Marge: Wait a minute! Wait, I know that look. Now promise you won't tell Homer.

Selma: Oh, we promise we won't tell...Homer.

(At their apartment, they rush to the phonebook, and open it to page one)

Patty: Hello, is this A. Aaronson? It might interest to you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant, again.

(The scene fades away, looks like a lot of time passed, phonebook on last page.)

Patty: (on the phone) Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zykowski. There. Aaronson and Zykowski are the two biggest gossips in town. In an hour, everyone will know."

"Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
 * Indeed, soon everyone knows except Homer, who's going to his new job at the bowling alley:

Chief Wiggum: Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer.

Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It is nice work.

Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!

Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.

Moe: Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant.

Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I do enjoy working at the bowling alley."

"Homer: Hey, it's me. It's hell out there! Hey, wait a minute. What are all these presents? It looks like you're... showering Marge with gifts. Hmm...with little, tiny baby-sized gifts. Well, I'll be in the tub.
 * When he arrives home, people are just throwing Marge a baby shower:

Maude: By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer.

Homer: New job? ...Marge is pregnant?! Noooooo!"

118 - Homie the Clown
"Krusty: Forget it. I'll just cut back on the condor egg omlettes. Mmm, a couple of those would be tasty right now."
 * Krusty: Put $5,000 on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G. to play for me in "The Elevator". My house is dirty, buy me a clean one.
 * Krusty's response to his advisor's suggestion of opening a clown college.

"Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! (walks out the front door)
 * Homer's views on clowns

Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that."

"Kid: It's the Krusty-Burglar!
 * The bit a moment earlier when he makes a circus tent out of mashed potatoes.
 * Homer's first gig as Krusty the Clown.

Homer: Oh, my God! He's stealing all the burgers! Why you little...

(Homer immediately starts beating the crap out of the Krusty-Burglar, as the kids in attendance watch in horror.)

Kid: (sobbing) Stop! Stop! He's already dead!

(Two guards have to drag Homer away)

Announcer: Uh, Krusty the Clown, everybody?

(scattered applause from the kids)

Krusty-Burglar: (in Slavic accent) Please look at my medical alert bracelet... (groans)"

121 - A Star Is Burns
"Skinner: I'm telling you people, the Earth revolves around the Sun!
 * Principal Skinner about to be burned at the stake:

Abe: Burn him! (He starts to light Principal Skinner on fire)

Photographer: (takes a picture) What a story!

Abe: (chasing the photographer) You've stolen my soul!"

"Homer: Exactly.....heheheh.....D'OH!"
 * When Mr. Burns is attempting to pick who gets to play him in a biopic, we see a sequence where several people including William Shatner and Hannibal Lecter give their try with Burns's "Excellent" Catch Phrase. Then comes Homer...

"Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
 * During the film judges' meeting after all the films were presented:

Krusty: Let's just say it moved me...to a bigger house! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet."

"McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? *Beat* That's the joke.
 * A glimpse from "McBain: Let's Get Silly!":

Random Man: You suck, McBain!

(McBain pulls out a machine gun from his jacket and starts firing at the audience.)"

"Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.
 * Rainier Wolfcastle talk about the movie in interview with Jay Sherman:

Jay: How do you sleep at night?

Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies."

"Barney: My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic.
 * From Barney's movie Pukahontas, a funny exchange from a mostly sad biopic:

Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scouts' meeting.

Barney: Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"

123 - Two Dozen and One Greyhounds

 * Mr. Burns' rousing cover of "Be Our Guest", "See My Vest", wherein he describes the various animals he killed for his wardrobe.

124 - The PTA Disbands
"Homer: It just keeps going faster and faster! (The payoff comes about a minute later, when Marge asks Homer to do something; he calls Lisa into the room and angrily declares) In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!""
 * When Homer initially expresses disgust with the perpetual motion machine Lisa has made.

"Bart in Voice #1: What do you mean the bank is out of money!?
 * Bart visits the bank and pulls a prank on the people waiting in line.

Bart in Voice #2: Ed Sullivan?!

Bart In Voice #3: You only have enough cash for the next 3 people!

(Crowd starts going crazy)

Bank Guy: I don't have your money here! It's in....Bill's house...And...Fred's house!

Moe Szyslak: (Turns to guy next to him) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred? (Punches Fred, setting off a huge fight)"

"Marge: There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
 * Also this moment in Homer and Marge's bedroom:

Bart: Hello, mother dear."

"Man: The PTA has disbanded! Huh! HUH! AARGH! (jumps out window)
 * Jasper: Talking outta turn... That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window... That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals... That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe... OOOH, you better BELIEVE that's a paddlin'.
 * During the PTA Conference:

Ned Flanders: No, the PTA has not disbanded. (Same man jumps back in and sits down)"

"Bart: Now for Operation Strike-Make-Go-Longer. (to teacher) You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.
 * The "purple monkey dishwasher" scene from this episode never fails to make laughter.

(The teachers whisper it through the line)

Teacher: (to Edna) Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple money dishwasher.

Edna: Well! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark."


 * Bart: (talking to Principal Skinner) She said you'd fold faster then Superman on laundry day.

125 - 'Round Springfield
"Mufasa: You must avenge my death, Kimba - I mean Simba.
 * This part of Lisa's dream:

Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father.

James Earl Jones: This is CNN.

"Bleeding Gums" Murphy: Will you guys cut it out? I'm trying to say goodbye to Lisa.

Other guys: We're sorry."

"Kent Brockman: This just in: Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a death trap, and that he's marketing videos of Tonya Harding's wedding night.
 * Krusty tries to defend himself on TV:

Krusty: And I contend that those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question?

Woman: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?

Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. (takes a mouthful) See? There's nothing (starts screaming and writhing) Oh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides!

Sideshow Mel: Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty-O.

Krusty: It's poison!"

128 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 1
"Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?"
 * Mr. Burns walking into his office and turning on the light. Homer is holding a can of spray paint, with MY NAME IS HOMER SIMPSON painted on the wall.

"Mr. Burns: (revealing a holstered gun) I've decided to protect myself, after I was attacked in my office by an unidentified assailant.
 * Then later:

Homer: (offscreen) D'oh!"

129 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2
"Flashback Chalmers: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, ma'am--
 * Tito Puente's Slanderous Mambo.
 * Smithers' dream that Mr. Burns is alive, in his shower, and part of a campy 1960s crime show called Speedway Squad (until Smithers wakes up and realizes that he was dreaming).
 * Skinner's alibi for not shooting Mr. Burns. While he was planning to attack Mr. Burns himself after the meeting, he was in the men's room putting on camoflage make-up at the time of the shooting. In the flashback, we see that Skinner has mixed up his camoflage make-up with his mother's make-up, noticing too little too late. Then Superintendent Chalmers walks in...

Flashback Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!

Flashback Chalmers: (Realizes it's Skinner) ...Oh my God...

Chief Wiggum: So, Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?

Skinner: Oh, yes. But anything else he says is a filthy lie."

"Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
 * Moe on the lie detector:

Moe: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. (ding)

Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.

Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz) A date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now would you unhook this already, please? I don'tdeserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)"

130 - Radioactive Man
"Skinner: (over the PA system) Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man---
 * This hilarious bit:

Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!

Skinner: ...Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that."


 * The entirety of the campy 1970s Radioactive Man show (which the director does not want the movie to be like).
 * The best part has to be the bit where everyone, including the villains start randomly dancing, only for them to be joined by random women, who also start dancing.
 * "I keep telling you! He's seventy-three years old, and he's dead!"
 * My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"
 * When the director is flipping through the magazine, we see all these full page ads for Film Utah, Film New York, etc and then they suddenly stop at the ad that says "Flim Springfield" "This place must be hot! They don't need a big ad or even correct spelling!"
 * The running gag with people's hats flying off in moments of surprise - thanks to malfunctioning air conditioners.

131 - Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
"Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
 * Just the way Homer sounds when he screams "Why you COTTIN PICKIN...!" and strangles Cletus.
 * Homer and Marge are trying to find Ned Flanders, who's about to baptize their kids:

Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and -- (aloud) The Springfield River!"

133 - Lisa the Vegetarian
"Homer: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
 * Lisa has decided to stop eating meat.

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: (sarcastically) Yeah right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal!"

"'''Troy McClure"Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about.""
 * "You don't make friends with salad, you don't make friends with salad."
 * The entirety of the pro-meat propaganda filmstrip.

"Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
 * Just the image of a shark leaping out of the water to attack a gorilla.
 * Homer chases the runaway pig as it rolls through some bushes:

(The pig ends up in the river)

Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!

(The pig gets stuck in the dam and is blown away by the water pressure)

Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!

Bart: It's gone.

Homer: I know. (Scene cut to the Nuclear Power Plant)

Mr. Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!

(Smithers and him both laugh, then the pig goes flying past the window)

Smithers: Will you be donating that money now, sir?

Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not."

134 - Treehouse of Horror VI
"Wiggum: Aw, they're not so tough.
 * From the first segment "Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores":
 * Chief Wiggum mistakenly shoots at an absurdly tall basketball player, thinking him to be one of the giant advertising characters come to life.

Lou: Um....Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school football team.

Wiggum: Um, yeah, well, he was turning into a monster. Yeah."


 * From the second segment "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace":
 * The end of the short has Willy and his hilariously pitiful attempt to scare Bart and Lisa.
 * From the third segment "Homer3":

135 - King-Size Homer
"Homer: Could you recommend a doctor that will?
 * Dr. Hibbert refuses to take part in Homer's personal weight-gain plan.

Dr. Hibbert: ...Yes. (scene cut)

Dr. Riviera: Hi, everybody!

Bart & Homer: Hi, Dr. Nick!"

"Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
 * Homer mocking traffic as he stays home from work, due to experimental monkeys taking over the freeway: "Gas, brake, honk! Gas, brake, honk! Honk, honk, punch! Gas, gas, gas!"
 * And from the end of that episode:

Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas-

Marge: BART!"

"Homer: Mmm... I can feel three kinds of softness.
 * And then there's:

Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?

Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey."

136 - Mother Simpson
"Mr. Burns: (surprisingly sadly) Smithers, who was that corpse?
 * After Homer uses a dummy to fake his own death:

Smithers: (increasingly sad and teary) That was... Homer Simpson, sir... one of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 7-G! (calm and bureaucratic again) I'll mark him off the list."

"Homer: Walt Whitman?! Aargh! Damn! You! Walt! Freaking! Whitman! Leaves of Grass, my ass!"
 * When Homer visits  his mother's "grave":

"Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
 * Later, Mr. Burns attempts to storm the Simpson home in a tank in order to arrest Homer's mother Mona, who sabotaged his chemical lab in The Sixties. Before doing so, he puts in a tape of "Ride of the Valkyries"...only for it to cut to "Waterloo" by ABBA after a few seconds (Smithers accidentally taped over it). The icing on this piece of cake is the look on Burns' face when his moment is ruined.
 * It was also oddly hilarious to watch them storm the house to that music anyway.
 * Abe's attempt at stalling the feds was gold.

Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?

Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B."

140 - Team Homer
"Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
 * Bart and Lisa both have to adapt to Springfield Elementary's new school uniforms.

Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?

Homer: (nearby, using the phone) Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Marge: HOMER! Watch your mouth!

Homer: Aw, I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening."

145 - Homer the Smithers
"Smithers: (typing into computer) Incompetent... (screen shows "714 matches") 714 names! Better be more specific. (types some more) Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly. (screen shows "714 matches" again) Ah, nuts to this, I'll just get Homer Simpson."
 * Without a doubt, the best display of Homer's bad cooking can be found as the page image for Epic Fail: Homer pours some cereal for Mr. Burns' breakfast. The cereal catches fire.
 * Smithers looks for the worst employee at the nuclear power plant to replace him while he goes on vacation, so that Burns will be awfully grateful when Smithers is back:

"Moe: (the phone rings and he answers) Moe's Tavern.
 * After Mr. Burns is punched in the face by Homer, he decides to call Smithers by dialing his name on the phone (764-84377 spells S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S). He winds up calling Moe Szyslak at his bar.

Mr. Burns: (on the other end) I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers. First name Waylon.

(Moe thinks it's another prank phone call and catches on early)

Moe: Ohhhhhh. So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, OK!? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"

148 - Bart on the Road
"Lisa: (rapidly) Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Martin, Milhouse, and Nelson to week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't come back home and Bart's working as a courier and he just got back from Hong Kong!
 * Bart putting the car on cruise control, only to promptly wind up driving through a corn field.
 * When Lisa has to explain Bart's plight to Homer:

Homer: (Face reddens for a second, then returns to normal. Then, in a eerily calm tone) Yes, that's a real pickle. Excuse me for a moment.

(Homer puts on a radiation suit and rages incomprehensibly for a few seconds. He then returns to Lisa.)

Homer: (calm again) I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, and then I will murder him."

"(phone rings)
 * The phone calls Marge keeps answering before the credits roll.

Marge: Hello? Principal Skinner? No. Bart was never in Hong Kong. Good night.

(phone rings)

Marge: Hello? Tennessee state police! No. My son's car isn't parked under the sun sphere. I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that. Good night.

(phone rings)

Marge: Hello? No. Bart is not available to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. (slams phone down) Homer, are you laughing at me?"

149 - 22 Short Films About Springfield
"Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there? (the house is on fire)
 * Dr. Nick: "Calm down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!"
 * "That monkey is going to pay."
 * Superintendent Chalmers' visit to Principal Skinner:

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?

Chalmers: Ah--Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: May I see it?

Skinner: Oh, erm... No.

Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!

Skinner: No, mother! It's just the northern lights!"


 * The scene where Nelson Muntz gets payback by a very tall man and has to walk before his car, with his pants down, and has to wave and blowkiss at people. Everybody watching laughs at Nelson in the same way he normally does to them.

150 - Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
"(cut to Vidal dressed as Homer)
 * Assassination attempt #1: Vidal attempts to poison the water Grandpa's false teeth are kept in. It fails when Grandpa breaks the glass and puts his alarm clock in his mouth instead.
 * Assassination attempt #2:

Fernando Vidal: D'oh! Not again!

Mr. Burns: (dressed as Marge) I'm getting fed up with these constant failures.

(Smithers enters, dressed as Bart)

Smithers: I'll be in the car dudes."

"Fernando Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
 * Assassination attempt #3.

(Bursts into retirement home with machine gun and starts randomly firing away)

Jasper: Was that me or was that you?

(Abe runs away screaming from the gunfire, and into next room)

Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!

Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by doubling your medication.

(Vidal comes through and shoots everywhere. Nurse pulls out shotgun)

Nurse: (BANG) OUR RESIDENTS- (PUMP,BANG) ARE TRYING- (PUMP,BANG) TO NAP!

(Vidal runs away)"


 * "Ah, Del Monte! Enjoy them, old man, for they will be your last!"

152 - Homerpalooza
"Bart: (sniffing) What is that smell?
 * Lisa and Bart watching Cypress Hill performing:

Lisa: And it smells like Otto's jacket..."

"Roadie: May I have your attention please! Who here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? I repeat, someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction.
 * Later, backstage at the festival:

(The band members confer in whispers)

B-Real: Uh yeah, I think we did....um, do you guys know 'Insane in the Membrane'?

Violinist: We mainly play classical, but I suppose we could give it a shot.

(Cypress Hill begin to perform 'Insane in the Membrane' with the orchestra backing)"

153 - Summer of 4 Ft. 2
"Homer: Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, and someillegalfireworks, and one of those disposable enemas ... eh, make it two."
 * Homer at a convience store run by a cashier who looks similar to Apu.

"Marge: Homer, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight but count me out!"
 * Later, when Marge looks through his shopping bag:

"Homer: Sweet merciful crap! My car!"
 * Homer giving possibly the greatest Gosh Dang It to Heck ever over Lisa's beach friends' "gift" to her.

154 - Treehouse of Horror VII
"Kodos: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
 * In the opening, Homer is lighting a jack o' lantern, but he accidentally catches his hand on fire, then his whole body, and he starts running around screaming.
 * From the first segment "The Thing and I":
 * From the second segment "The Genesis Tub":
 * From the third segment "Citizen Kang":
 * The alien Kodos disguised as President Bill Clinton:

Kodos: I am Clin-ton! As overlord, all will kneel before me and obey my brutal commands. (crosses arms over chest) End communication."

"Kang: Abortions for all.
 * Kang's political speech when disguised as Bob Dole:

Crowd: Booo!

Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone.

Crowd: Booo!

Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.

Crowd: Yaaaaaaay! (waves miniature flags)"

"Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos! (gets whipped)"
 * Later, when everybody on Earth is forced into slavery under Kang's control of power.

155 - You Only Move Twice
"Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
 * As Homer and Marge are trying to sell their house in order to move to Cypress Creek:

Homer: Thank you, come again!"

"Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.
 * Just about anything Hank Scorpio says or does:
 * Hank introduces himself to the family at their new house.

Hank: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace."

"Hank: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
 * Homer leaning about his new job from Hank.

Homer: Right.

Hank: Three... Two... (phone rings) One second... (he answers it) Hello?

(Homer falls backwards and says "D'oh)

Hank: Oh, my God, there a guy on the floor. (helps Homer up) Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now."

"James Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad! Do you expect me to talk?
 * Hank Scorpio's brief conversation with a government spy who is cuffed to a table.

Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral. You're gonna die now!"

"Hank: But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot. (grabs flamethrower, starts attacking soldiers with it while laughing) Hey Homer, you're missing out on some fun!"
 * Homer has to quit his job for his family and Hank Scorpio has a bizarre last request for him.

160 - Lisa's Date with Density
"Crowd: "Lisa likes Nelson!"
 * During Band Class:

Milhouse: "She does not!"

Crowd: "Milhouse likes Lisa!"

Janey: "He does not!"

Crowd: "Janey likes Milhouse!"

Uter: "She does not!"

Crowd: "Uter likes Milhouse!"

Mr. Largo: "NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!""


 * Later, Lisa gets Milhouse to pass a love note to Nelson. Nelson reads note, then looks over at Milhouse, who waves at him. Next thing you know Milhouse is on a stretcher, being loaded into an ambulance. When Lisa tries to apologize to him the paramedic tells her "He can't hear you. His ears are packed with gauze."
 * Knowledge of the so-called "gay panic defense" turns this one into a Funny Aneurysm Moment and/or Dude, Not Funny.

161 - Hurricane Neddy
"Ned: I just attacked all my friends and neighbors just for trying to help me. I'd like to commit myself.
 * Ned arrives at Calmwood Mental Hospital, driving straight through the front gates. And as he checks in:

Nurse: Very well. Shall I show you to your room, or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?

Ned: Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.

Nurse: As you wish.

(two orderlies grab Ned and drag him away)

Ned: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.
 * A therapist, Dr. Foster tries to get Ned Flanders to express his repressed anger, so he makes Homer read insults to Ned from cue cards. The window separating the two guys rolls down.

Ned: Well howdy, Homer! (window rolls up) Thanks for dropping by!

Dr. Foster: Hmm. He's not responding. Proceed to level 2 antagonism. (the window rolls down again)

Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder.

Dr. Foster: Ah, he's still repressing. Maximum hostility factor.

Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry!"

162 - El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of [Our] Homer)
"Bart: (noticing Homer's silhouette in the lighthouse light) Hey Lisa, is that dad?
 * Bart sees something outside the bathroom window.

Lisa: Either that or Batman really let himself go."

"Marge: (with much confusion) Space coyote?"
 * Homer: IN YOUR FACE, SPACE COYOTE!

"Homer: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?
 * Homer: Oh man, this is crazy! I hope I didn't brain my damage!
 * Homer: A ghost train! And so little time to get out of the way. Now less! Now none!
 * Homer meets his spirit guide:

Space Coyote: Are you kidding?! If anything you should get more possessions! You don't even have a computer."

163 - The Springfield Files
"Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
 * Leonard Nimoy's introduction:

"Agent Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
 * Just before his encounter with the alien, Homer comes across a giant billboard reading "DIE". He screams. A wind blows a tree aside, revealing that it said "DIET". He screams louder. After Homer first sees the alien, he runs from the alien and manages to spell out "Yahhhh!" as he runs through the grass, even leaping to get the exclamation mark down.
 * Chief Wiggum: I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter... (First in response to Homer's alien sighting, then to an arsonist turning himself in.)
 * Also, Homer failing the lie detector test in a most explosive manner.

Homer: Yes.

(The polygraph abruptly explodes upon Homer's answer being registered)"


 * The police line up scene featuring nothing but famous famous aliens, including Marvin The Martian, Gort, ALF, Chewbacca and Kang(or is it Kodos?) from the series proper is a neat little visual gag.
 * And the commentary reveals they didn't bother getting the copyright for any of them, calling it the most illegal shot in animation history. Though the only complaint they got was from the creator of ALF, who was only upset that he didn't get to do the voice.
 * "HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER"
 * Scully rolling her eyes as Mulder goes on yet another rant about the paranormal, followed by him finishing long after everyone is gone.
 * And the part where Moe and two Mexican workers are trying to get the killer whale they kidnapped back to Sea World.
 * The part at the end of act two where Nimoy is told he has ten minutes left - then runs to his car and never comes back (save for a cheap appearance during the alien sighting carnival in act three).

165 - Mountain of Madness
"Mr. Burns: Smithers, what's a good time for a plant evacuation?
 * Mr. Burns decides to hold a plant fire drill. The entire scene has several highlights, but this was the best.

Smithers: 45 seconds.

Mr. Burns: And how long has it been?

Smithers: I don't know sir. This stopwatch won't go past 15 minutes."

"Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns!"
 * Keep in mind that not one person has gotten out yet.
 * Then Homer gets out first, and barricades the rest in by blocking the door.

"Mr. Burns: I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!
 * Later, as Homer and Mr. Burns are trapped inside the snowed-in cabin:

Homer: You and What Army? (he imagines Nazi snowmen behind Mr. Burns and shrieks) Stand back! I have powers! Uh, political powers!

(Mr. Burns imagines political figures including Mahatma Gandhi and Abraham Lincoln)

Imaginary Lincoln: (swinging a chain) IIIIIIIT'S SHOWTIME!"

166 - Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
"Shary: And so, let us leave, on this heartwarming scene...
 * The Krusty Komedy Klassic.
 * Live from the Apollo Theatre, no less.
 * At the end of Shary Bobbins' bedtime song, "A Boozehound Named Barney":

Bart: Can I be a boozehound?

Homer: Not 'til you're 15."

"Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up!
 * If you cut every corner there'll be more time for play, it's the American way!
 * Bart's method of cutting costs.

Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.

Lisa: But he didn't DO anything!

Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, HE DIDN'T! (Homer snatches the dollar out of Bart's hands)"

167 - The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
"Itchy: Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
 * The Itchy & Scratchy writers seemed to have taken Homer's suggestion to not kill Poochie off to heart....or have they?

Poochie: Yes, I certainly do! (his voice changes to Roger Meyers, Jr.) I have to go now. My planet needs me.

''(The cel with Poochie on it is crudely moved upwards, as it then cuts to a title card reading, "Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.)"

168 - Homer's Phobia
"Bart: Dad...why did you bring me to a gay steel mill'?
 * Homer, in a desperate attempt to either scare his son straight or show him what it means to be a real man's man, takes his son to a tour of a steel mill. But then it falls apart when the steel mill is staffed by every Hard Gay and Camp Gay stereotype, both of which are cranked Up to Eleven.
 * "Hot stuff comin' through!"

Homer: (breaking down sobbing) I don't know! You're all sick!

Random Mill Worker: Oh, be nice. (break whistle blows)

Homer: Wh-what's going on?

Foreman: Hey...We work hard, We play hard.

(The steel mill then turns into a stereotypical gay nightclub, complete with smoke machines, flashing lights, and man dancing in front of a slow-moving fan while his and the fan's shadows are cast all about.)"

"Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?
 * Earlier, he makes him sit in front of a huge billboard ad for cigarettes showing two sexy girls pillowfighting:

Bart: I don't know. I kind of want a cigarette."

"Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FUH-LAMING!"
 * This line.

169 - Brother from Another Series
"Lisa: Oh, it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless.
 * Lisa beliving that stopping Cecil, Sideshow Bob's brother, cannot be done.

Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see. When it's one of my evil schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's "hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless!""

"Chief Wiggum: Well that's some good work, Lou. You'll make Sergeant for this.
 * This moment after Cecil's plan failed.

Lou: Uh... I already am Sergeant, Chief.

Chief Wiggum: Perhaps you are - But I say Bob goes back to jail!

Sideshow Bob: But surely... I mean-- I caught Cecil!?

Chief Wiggum: Maybe so. But Lou here says you were resisting arrest.

Lou: No, I didn't, Chief.

Chief Wiggum: Quiet, Lou - or I will bust you down to Sergeant so fast, it'll make your head spin!"

171 - Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
"Rex Banner: You're out there somewhere Beer Baron. And I'll find you.
 * When Prohibition is declared in Springfield, Homer comes up with a surprisingly clever workaround. He garners a large amount of money, which impresses Marge. Naturally, Lisa calls Homer out for his actions. The response that she gets is a simultaneous "Go to Your Room, Lisa!" from Homer, Marge, and Bart, complete with pointing upstairs.
 * Rex Banner looks over Springfield, determinted to stop the alcohol bootlegging.

Homer: (faint shout from across the town) No you won't!

Rex Banner: Yes I will!

Homer: (faint again) ... Won't!"

"Marge: What on earth happened down there?
 * Homer runs out of liquor and decides to brew his own.

Homer: Uh, nothing, Marge. I think it must have been that bean I had for dinner!

Homer: Kamboom! Blam! Oh, excuse me again, dear.

Marge: Homer, there's no point in pretending you're making those noises. Your homemade liquor is exploding again.

Homer: What's that, dear? Kablamo!

Marge: You made a little money, and had the fun of being a wanted criminal; why not give it up, while you're ahead?

Homer: Boom."

"Homer: To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems!"
 * Then Homer goes downstairs and there's another explosion. A few seconds later he runs outside on fire, rolls around screaming until the fire is out, then stands up and calmly says "I've thought about what you said, honey, and I've decided to quit."
 * Homer's toast after the Prohibition law was repealed.

172 - Grade School Confidential
"Maude Flanders: We're talking about S-E-X! In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
 * A moment that could be controversial.

Krusty: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!"


 * In the Latin American dub, it's "children" instead of "cauldron", making Krusty not only dumb but also, possibly, a pedophile; it's still hilarious but slightly creepier.

174 - The Old Man and the Lisa
"Lisa: Does your plant have a recycling program?
 * Mr. Burns is the guest speaker at Lisa's "Junior Achievers" club:

Mr. Burns: (confused) "Re-cy-cling"? (He turns his mental dictionary to "R", and searches but doesn't find "recycle" anywhere)'' I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term, you adorable little ragamuffin.

Lisa: You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.

Mr. Burns: Ooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say "hard cheese"!"

"Real Estate Agent: And, I'm sure a pro-wrestler such as yourself will appreciate all the closet space, Hitman.
 * Later, the bankrupt Mr. Burns has to sell his house to Bret "The Hitman" Hart:

Bret Hart: (sniffs) Eww! This place has got old-man stink!

Smithers: (to Mr. Burns) Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk."

178 - The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

 * Bart puts 15 megaphones end-to-end, making the amplification louder, and says "TESTING!". The result is a sonic feedback loop so huge, it sends a shockwave throughout all of Springfield, breaking every window in the process and even Homer's Duff beer bottles.

179 - The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson

 * Definitely a Funny Aneurysm Moment now, but Homer rushing up both World Trade Center towers to use the bathroom, only to get his car ticketed again while doing so, leading him to yell a "D'OH" that the entire city hears.
 * Getting whipped in the eye's pretty funny.
 * I'm Checking In
 * Homer's response to Lisa asking if they can go back to New York City again someday: "We'll see, honey. We'll see."

181 - Lisa's Sax
"Homer: Wow, think of all the possibilities... (In a thought bubble, Lisa is given a medal)
 * Homer and Marge meet with school psychiatrist Dr. J. Loren Pryor to discuss 5-year-old Bart's sadness, only for it to turn into a discussion about 3-year-old Lisa's potential. Dr. Pryor advises Homer and Marge to start nurturing Lisa's gifts now, believing her potential to be limitless.

Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize...

Homer: Nah... (Image changes to show Lisa, now wearing a gi, getting a medal)

Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize... for kickboxing!

Imaginary Lisa: Hi-Ya! (Lisa kicks the presenter)

Homer: (intrigued) Hmm..."

"Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer?
 * Later in the flashback, Springfield is suffering a major heatwave:

Homer: What, Flanders?

Ned: Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius, but DID YOU STEAL MY AIR CONDITIONER?! (cut to footprints leading from a gaping hole in Ned's wall to the Simpsons' where the air conditioner is propped up with planks and duct taped to the wall.)''

Homer: I'll admit it looks bad, Flanders. But doesn't the Bible say "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? (Homer gets hit by a stone thrown by the 5-year-old Rod Flanders) Ow!

Rod: Got him, Dad!"

"Homer: Now, son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father game me.
 * Before 5-year-old Bart goes off to school:

(Homer thinks back to when he was 5-years-old)

Flashback Abe Simpson: Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. And if a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!

Homer: (back in present) Lousy traumatic childhood!"

182 - Treehouse of Horror VIII

 * From the first segment "The H Ωmega Man":
 * From the second segment "Fly vs. Fly":
 * From the third segment "Easy-Bake Coven":

183 - The Cartridge Family
"Homer: I'll do it! I'll rob the Kwik-E-Mart! All right, put your-- (he is then seen driving away from the store, with a sandwich in his hand) D'oh! Oh well, I'll rob it next time. (takes a bite out of the sandwich)"
 * The waiting period before Homer can get his gun. He has to wait 5 days so he sits in the front of his house, when a montage of "shootable" things, like his neighbor Ned Flanders (riding by on a lawn mower), Patty and Selma, a family of ducks and a truck with the Target logo pass in front of him. All while The Waiting from Tom Petty plays in the background.
 * For extra Comedic Sociopathy points, Flanders passes by at least twice.
 * Homer's bizarre Imagine Spot when he ponders what would happen if he used to use his gun to rob the Kwik-E-Mart (In short, he becomes a Southern U.S senator with a giant plantation, with Marge in a bikini right next to him dancing the Monkey).

"Marge: I don't want any guns in the house Homer, they only cause accidents! Remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
 * Homer bought a gun, and Marge does not like that:

Homer: I thought Smithers did it.

Lisa: That would've made a lot more sense..."

"Agnes: (with her typical motherly sternness) I've never seen such recklessness.
 * (This is funnier when you know that the alternate ending to "Who Shot Mr. Burns" was that Smithers shot Mr. Burns, rather than Maggie.)
 * Homer turns out to be more of a gun nut than the NRA. Double points when he turned on the TV with his gun...and the show that came on had a cowboy fall off a roof after getting shot. Let's put it this way: you can tell you're in trouble when you're told off by a crabby old lady, a mobster, a hillbilly, a cynical bartender, and a TV clown with a seedy underbelly.

Louie: You might have hurt somebody.

Cletus: Are you some kind of mo-ron?

Homer: Yeah, but--

Krusty: Listen, yutz. Guns aren't toys. They're for protecting your family, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face."

"Milhouse: (Takes apple from his mouth) JINX!"
 * Bart discovers the gun hidden in the veggie crisper in the fridge and decides to play William Tell with Milhouse. Milhouse holds the apple in his mouth.

185 - The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
"Homer: You know what you could do, Apu?
 * At the bachelor auction, Moe walks onstage, and without stopping, walks straight to the "Rejects" section.
 * Apu: (Entering the Simpson's house with his mother from India) Honey, I am in my home!
 * Homer's advice to Apu after the secret about Marge not really being Apu's wife is revealed to his (Apu's) mother.

Apu: Oh, shut up.

Homer: You could fake your own death...

Apu: Oh, would you shut up?

Homer: All you'd need is a car bomb and--

Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!"

"Homer: (dressed as Ganesha) Allllll willll diiiiieee..."
 * "There, Ganesha's been subdued."

190 - Bart Carny
"Bart: Hey Lisa, turn on the TV.
 * Bart and Lisa are lying around on the furniture in front of the TV:

Lisa: You turn it on. I turned it on yesterday.

(Marge walks into the room)

Bart: Allowance day. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Marge: You don't deserve an allowance.

Lisa: Sure we do. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Bart & Lisa: (in unison) Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Homer: (runs in from the kitchen) Ice cream man! Ice cream man! (runs out the front door)"

"Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!
 * Nelson: (to Bart) You destroyed Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you? (punches Bart in the stomach)
 * After the family is kicked out of their own house, Homer decides to ask the police for help:

Chief Wiggum: (sarcastically) Well well, look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for detective "Like-I-Give-A-Damn".

Homer: Thank you so much!"

"Bart: I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.
 * When the family is thinking of a way to get their house back:

Marge: We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!

Lisa: Well...if we did set fire to the house...

Marge: No fires!

Homer: I've got it!

Marge: No fires!

Homer: (in disappointment) Ohh..."


 * "That's it! Fire!"

191 - The Joy of Sect

 * Mr. Burns: Ahoy hoy lowly mortals!

193 - The Last Temptation of Krust

 * The Canyonero song. Especially the second part.

194 - Dumbbell Idemnity
"Homer: Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe! La-da-da-da da-da-da-da, insurance fraud today!"
 * Homer's little song about his and Moe's escapade.


 * Homer: (while riding down the street on a library trolley) Must kill Moe...wheee! Must kill Moe... wheee!

195 - Lisa the Simpson

 * Jasper: Moon Pie? What a time to be alive...
 * Whatever happened to Apu and Sanjay's "Nude-E-Mart" anyway?

196 - This Little Wiggy
"Ralph: That's where I saw the leprechaun.
 * Ralph showing Bart his swing set, sandbox, and a rock in his backyard:

Bart: Right... a leprechaun.

Ralph: He tells me to burn things! (Bart looks at Ralph unsure)"

197 - Simpson Tide
"American UN Representative: The Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up?
 * The meeting at the UN headquarters goes awkward.

Russian UN Representative: Yes, that's we wanted you to think! (switches placecard around from "Russia" to "Soviet Union")"

"Zombie Lenin: Must. Crush. Capitalism."
 * The following montage with Russia reverting back to the Soviet Union (and the ominous choir music).

"Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner.
 * Also this line from the Naval Reserve recruitment commercial: "After basic training, you only have to work one weekend a month. And most of that time, you're drunk off your ass!"
 * Abe: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!"
 * Grampa's story of JFK's "terrible secret" during his war service:

Abe: He's a Nazi! Get him!"

199 - Girly Edition
"Bart: Joe Banks, eighty-two years young, has come to this pond every day for the past seventeen years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery. The ducks...were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say, Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, (camera moves to another nearby pond) near those ducks. But it could be, that there's just no room in this modern world, for an old man...and his ducks.
 * The first edition of "Bart's People'':

(cut to Mr. Burns and Smithers watching)

Mr. Burns: Smithers... you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?

Smithers: There's no "maybe" about it, sir.

Mr. Burns: (sniffles) Excellent."


 * Groundskeeper Willie: Away with ye! I have to finish him off while I'm still temporarily insane!
 * Willie asks "Wha?!" when Lisa says that Bart is his son. No other voice actor can top that sort of surprise and alarm.

200 - Trash of the Titans
"Rod: Look, daddy, I'm king of the mountain!
 * Rod's trip to Diaper Hill:

Ned: Rod, you get down from there!"

"Homer: This is a very, very proud day for us! Especially me, your father, me, beat City Hall! It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!
 * Homer wakes up and sees the trash pile in his front yard gone. He then gloats about it in the kitchen.

Lisa's Brain: Oh, I know, I heard it too. Here's some music. (Beethoven's "FÃ¼r Elise" plays.)"

"Ray Patterson: I'm not much on speeches, but it is so gratifying...to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed. Thank you, bye."
 * When all hell is breaking loose in Springfield as the garbage eurpts from the ground, Ned Flanders and his sons are burying a dead rabbit (complete with mini-tombstone) in their back garden and praying, "Dear Lord, please take Mr. Bunny up to Heaven...". Cue the rabbit corpse erupting from the ground and shrieks from the three Flanders. Wonderfully morbid.
 * Also, Ray Patterson's speech after being re-instated.


 * Homer getting beat up by U2's security, all completely visible on their huge concert screen while the band plays "Pride (In the Name of Love)".

204 - Lard of the Dance
"Homer: Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
 * Before they go get the grease at Springfield Elementary, Homer and Bart have a little prayer:

Bart: Dad, he's not stupid.

Homer: All right, screw it, let's roll!"

206 - Bart the Mother

 * This scene

207 - Treehouse of Horror IX

 * From the first segment "Hell Toupée":
 * From the second segment "The Terror of Tiny Toon":
 * From the third segment "Starship Poopers":

210 - Lisa Gets an "A"
"Principal Skinner: Lisa, the president of Harvard would like to see you.
 * Similar to "Lisa on Ice", Lisa has an Imagine Spot where she worries that if she fails her test, it will cost her admission into Harvard:

Harvard President: Nasty business, that zero. Naturally, Harvard's doors are now closed to you, but I'll pass your file along to (snickers) Brown.

Skinner: Mmmm, Brown. Heckuva school. Weren't you at Brown, Otto?

Otto: Yep. Almost got tenure, too.

Lisa: No! Not Brown, Brown, Brown... (continues repeating "Brown" as the scene fades back into reality)

Miss Hoover: Lisa, you're saying "Brown" an awful lot. Are you okay?"

212 - Mayored to the Mob
"Homer: Mr. Hamill! Mr. Mayor! Come on!
 * When Homer saves Mark Hamill and Mayor Quimby from rioting nerds during a Sci-Fi convention:

Mark: Who are you?

Homer: Homer Simpson, nerd buster! And I'm getting you outta here!

Mark: (clutching his ankle) Gaah! I can't, Homer! I twisted my ankle! You guys go on without me!

Homer: Never! (picks Hamill and Quimby up) Follow me! (Homer kicks nerds aside as he brings Hamill and Quimby into a spaceship Hamill was in moments ago. He shuts the ship's door, then opens it a couple seconds later). How was I supposed to know it's not a real spaceship?"

"Leavelle: As a bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your protectee. Not to your family, not to your country, not to Moo-hamad!
 * Making this even better is that it was a SANDCRAWLER.
 * To become a bodyguard, Homer attends a boot camp run by Leavelle, also played by Mark Hamill:

Homer: Even during Ramadan?

Leavelle: Shut yo sasshole, boy!"

"Homer: WOOHOO!
 * As Homer is picked to be Mayor Quimby's new bodyguard:

Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just --

Homer: (grim and firm) I said "Woo. Hoo.""

"Homer: Excuse me?
 * "HIS CORPSE IS CLIMBING THE BUILDING!"
 * The first appearance meet the Frank Nelson type, aka the "Yes Guy":

Yes Guy: Yeeeeeees?

Homer: Do you have a table for the mayor?

Yes Guy: Yeeeeeees!

Homer: Why do you talk that way?

Yes Guy: I had a stroooooke!"

"Mark: Homer, use the for-
 * As Homer and Louie fight, Mark Hamill suddenly appears to offer wisdom:

Homer: The Force?

Hamill: The forks! Use the forks!"

213 - Viva Ned Flanders

 * The chase sequence, featuring Elvis Presley's rendition of "Viva Las Vegas", has the most hilarious subversions of Mugged for Disguise, as Homer and Ned attack two janitors in a closet, only for the janitors to walk out unscathed and Homer and Ned collapsing, and So Long Suckers, as Homer and Ned get in a prize car about to drive off, only for every casino employee to overtake them.

216 - Homer to the Max
"Trent Steel: Hey, great name!
 * When Homer changes his name to Max Power, and introduces himself:

Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer."

"Ned Flanders: (with a completely different voice) Plus they can replace them and no one can tell the diddly-ifference!"
 * 'Homer:: Networks like animation because they don't have to pay the actors squat.

217 - I'm with Cupid
"Apu: (flipping through vinyl records) Who is your favorite Indian pop singer?
 * When Homer and Marge are at Apu and Manjula's place:

Homer: (groaning) Aw, don't make me choose...

Apu: (still flipping) Shankar, Shankar, Shankar, oh, here we go!

(Apu takes out the record "Concert Against Bangladesh". He puts it on the record player, turns it on and it plays fast, inhuman sounding shrieking.)

Apu: Oh, sorry...

(Apu slows down the player's speed and we hear jazzy music a la Frank Sinatra, which Homer snaps along to.)

Singer: You make me feel so young... You make me feel like spring has sprung..."

"Fantastic Dan: I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code!
 * Homer's hilarious brawl with the pilot Fantastic Dan:

Homer: I am so sick of that damn code!"

218 - Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
"Carl: Hey, has anyone seen Homer today?
 * Lenny and Carl at Moe's

(Homer goes past the bar window, hanging by his belt from the horn of a charging rhinoceros.)

Lenny: There he goes."


 * Words cannot do the delivery of that line justice.

220 - Maximum Homerdrive
"Homer: Wait, there's a place like that in Springfield? Then why are we eating this crap? (he shoves all of the food and dishes off the dining room table) Come on, everybody! We're going to "The Slaughterhouse"!
 * Homer hears about "The Slaughterhouse" from Lisa during dinner in the dining room.

Marge: You didn't need to knock the food on the floor.

Homer: Didn't I?"

"Homer: That little punk! I'll teach him some manners! ( he steps on the gas pedal and moves closer to the rear of the car, the young boy gasps)
 * As Homer is driving on the highway with Bart in Red Barclay's semi truck, he sees a young boy moving his arm in the back of a passing car.

Bart: No, dad. He wants you to blow your horn.

Homer: Ohh. (He smiles and pulls down the cord hanging from the ceiling to his right. It releases the trailer of the semi from behind the truck.) That little punk!"

"Marge: Anyone? Anyone at all?
 * In the subplot, Marge and Lisa are waiting for someone to ring the new doorbell.

Lisa: (looking out the window) Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds and he's coming this way - Oh, the birds got him.

Milhouse: (runs by the window, trying to ward off three chirping birds that are attacking him) Aaahhh! Aahh! Not the face!"

"Lisa: Hey! People are coming! I think they're Jehovah's Witnesses.
 * More prospects

Marge: Yes!

Noreen: (just before her partner rings the bell) Wait, Marvin, I just had a thought. Maybe we're bothering people by trying to change their religion. What if we don't have all the answers?

Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs. (They walk away, discarding their pamphlets)"

"Marge: (saying to Lisa as the Wiseguy from "Luigi's" is approaching the front door) This is it, honey. We did it. (The Wiseguy knocks on the door instead of ringing the doorbell) DAMNIT! (Lisa moans) Ring the bell!
 * A little while later, in a desperate attempt to have a visitor ring the doorbell, Marge decides to order some garlic bread from "Luigi's".

The Wiseguy: Why? You already know I'm here, don't ya?

Marge: Just do it!

The Wiseguy: Nothin' doin', missy. Now do you want your half-order of garlic bread or not?

Marge: No, but if you'll just ring the - (she hears tires screeching as the Wiseguy drives away in the "Luigi's" truck)"

221 - Simpsons Bible Stories
"Pharaoh: All right, read me back what I have so far, Mrs. Krabapatra.
 * From Marge's Dream:
 * From Lisa's Dream:
 * The Pharaoh (Principal Skinner) having a conversation with his servant.

Mrs. Krabapatra: Bird, bird, giant eye, pyramid, bird.

Pharaoh: Mmm-hmm, very good. Uh, giant eye, dead fish, cat head, cat head, cat head, guy doing this (Strikes the "Walk Like An Egyptian" pose)."


 * From Homer's Dream:
 * From Bart's Dream:
 * From the ending:
 * Homer: *in hell* They're out of hot dogs! And the coleslaw has pineapple in it! Ahhhhhhhh! German potato salad!"

222 - Mom and Pop Art
"Homer: Ew, English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le Grille? What the hell is that?!"
 * Homer going apeshit while trying to build a barbecue pit. He has to quickly build the grill due to it all falling in the cement, and having to read the French instructions.

"Homer: Ah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!" (breaks down crying)"
 * The barbecue pit appears to have put together properly, but Homer is just holding the box. (See picture on the top of the page)

"Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
 * A little while later, Bart watches through the window.

Bart: I think he's almost done. (Then Homer screams hilariously, charges the pit with an umbrella, sticks it in an opening where it opens up and he falls backwards on to the grass.) Yep, he's done."

"Homer: I've got a great idea for a new art project that will make everyone love me again!. Step 1: Steal all the doormats in town."
 * Plus the bit where Homer unknowingly insults his creator, and a huge pencil comes down, like it's going to erase him, only to be revealed as part of the art museum.
 * "Soup's on, fat boy!"
 * The scene where Homer comes up with his Zany Scheme.

"Bart: Hit the road, "Welcome home"!
 * Bart and Homer do just that, and then throw the mats on street drains to block them.

Homer: Adiós, "Casa de Flanders"!

Bart: See you in Hell, "God bless this house"!

Homer: So long, "The Simpsons"! (Beat) D'oh!"

223 - The Old Man and the "C" Student
"Scarlett: Oh Rhett, Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?
 * The "Edited For Seniors" version of Gone With the Wind.

Rhett: Frankly my dear - (voice suddenly changes) - I love you, let's remarry!

Bart: They cut out the best word!

Hans Moleman: Didn't there used to be a war in this movie? (is dragged away by nurses)"

224 - Monty Can't Buy Me Love
"Willie: The whole town's turned out! I've never seen 'em so excited! (Cut to a group of about ten people standing looking emotionless and slightly bored)"
 * Professor Frink: I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form, it's long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe! It's a small frog. Just get off, just get off there. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator!
 * The parts with the Scottish people are also hilarious. First:

"Mr. Burns: We're the laughing stock of the town! (Cut to the same group as before, with the same expressions as before)"
 * And second (shortly after the above "Frog-Exaggerator" scene):

225 - They Saved Lisa's Brain
"Dr. Hawking: Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
 * Homer drinks with Dr. Stephen Hawking at Moe's:

Homer: Wow, I can't believe a guy I've never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.

Moe: All right, it's closing time. So who's taking the tab?

Homer: (hiding his mouth, speaking monotonously) I am.

Dr. Hawking: I didn't say that.

Homer: (still monotonous) Yes I did. (Dr. Hawking hits Homer with his spring-loaded punching glove)'' D'oh."

226 - Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo
"Marge: Come on Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
 * Marge wants Homer to go on the trip.

Homer: That's not how I remember it."

"Wink: Now, our game shows are a little different from yours. You reward knowledge. We punish ignorance.
 * Homer's great line after the emperor of Japan introduces himself "Oh yeah well I'm clobbersaurus" than he proceeds to wrestle him.
 * When the Simpson family goes on the Japanese game show, where the meet the host Wink, voiced by George Takei.

Homer: Ignor-what? (fire shoots out of Homer's microphone into his face, making the audience laugh)

Wink: Our categories are: "Ow, that hurts!", "Why are you doing this to me?", and "Please, let me die!".

(The family huddles up in discussion)

Marge: We'll go with "Ow, that hurt!", Skip.

Wink: (annoyed) My name is Wink! (he presses a button that lowers a skunk which sprays in Marge's face)"

228 - Brother's Little Helper
"Ralph: And I want a bike, and a monkey, a friend for the monkey...
 * At the fire safety fair, Ralph Wiggum sits on Hosey the Bear's lap, but he apparently mistakes him for Santa Claus:

Hosey: You're not going to start any fires, are you?

Ralph: At my house, we call them "uh-ohs"!"

"Principal Skinner: Fire can be our servant, whether it's toasting s'mores, or raining down on Charlie. But it can turn not-so-nice, as you'll see in this skit by the volunteer fire department players.
 * The fire safety play:

(The curtains part, revealing a hippie "crash pad." Ned and Maude Flanders, dressed in late-60s attire, open the door and walk in.)

Ned: What a great pot party!

Maude: Wasn't it, man?

Ned: Now for a regular cigarette to make the night complete. (lights one, takes a drag, and coughs) Oh, man that's good...

Maude: Mad Dog, I've been thinking. Maybe we should get another smoke detector in case that one trips out on us.

Ned: (laughs) Why bother, baby? One smoke detector's enough for Mad Dog. Now let's hit the sack.

(They both lie down in bed. In short order, Ned's cigarette sets his pants aflame)

Ned: Whoa, check it out! Mad Dog's on fire!

Maude: Stop, drop, and roll, man!

Ned: Ha, ha, ha, that's for clydes, baby. A little fire can't hurt you...

(The curtains close. Apu walks onstage to address the audience)

Apu: But Mad Dog was wrong. The fire burned through the night and cost him the use of his pants. Which just goes to show you...

(Ned pokes his head from behind the curtain)

Ned: Sorry to break character, but these stunt pants are getting mighty toasty!

Maude: Uh, roll, Neddie, roll!

Ned: (rolling around) It's not working! It just spreads the flames!"

229 - Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
"Marge: (nervously) Homer, don't go in there... my woman's intuition is telling me that something bad will happen to you if you do.
 * This gem of an exchange:

Homer: (nonchalantly) Oh, Marge, your woman's intuition always acts up when I do something new. I do something dangerous at least once a week and nothing bad's happened to me so far. (Walks into main entrance of "Taste Of Springfield", whistling, and proceeds to step in a puddle, get hit in the back of the head by a Frisbee, and bit in the back of the neck by a bat.) Hey! A bat! That's new!"

"Herald: My liege, thine daughters Gonherrea, Regan, and Cordelia.
 * From Krusty's more-than-terrible rendition of King Lear:

Krusty: (standing up, not even restraining a grin) What is this? Merry Olde England or Petticoat Junction? (Chuckles nervously)

(Audience boos him in unison)

Krusty: (angrily) Hey, lighten up! It's a comedy!

Actor playing Herald: (whispering) No, it's not.

Krusty: (shocked) It's NOT?!?!?"

"Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. (reads) The food at the Gilded Truffle really... What's a good word? (Maggie sucks on her pacifier) Sucks! That's great! And the bread was really... (looks at Santa's Little Helper) Come on, help me out here!
 * The part where Homer is trying to write a restaurant review without Lisa is always funny:

Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!

Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.

Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?

Homer: Chewy? That's inspired!"

"Homer: I like pizza, I like bagels, I like hot dogs with mustard and beer, I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer! La la la la la la la la la la! See that baby dear on the yard there...."
 * Homer's song about eating that parodies "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story; made funnier by the fact it's not as obvious until the last part:

230 - Treehouse of Horror X

 * From the first segment "I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did":
 * From the second segment "Desperately Xeeking Xena":
 * The Collector (Comic Book Guy) uses Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber to battle Stretch Dude (Bart) and Clobber Girl (Lisa). He is defeated by the knowledge that he has taken the lightsaber out of its original packaging.
 * From the third segment "Life's a Glitch, Then You Die":

231 - E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)

 * Seriously, nobody mentioned Glove Slap?

232 - Hello, Gudder, Hello Fadder
"Mr.Burns: Simpson! (Grunts in disgust) Even for a bowler, you're fat!
 * Homer picks up a bowling ball and looks at it. Mr. Burns' face inexplicably materializes in front of him.

(Beat, then)

Homer: Hey, guys, is it normal for you to see your bosses' face in a bowling ball?

Carl: Actually, I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.

Homer: (mumbling in rage) Psychotic...what a lousy, rotten...stinking... (tosses ball down lane, gets a strike) Huh?

Lenny: Wow! A strike! Hey, if that's psychotic, then what am I taking these for? (dumps an entire bottle of medicine down a trash can)"


 * When Homer makes the record, he throws his bowling ball through the floor, and we hear someone yell "OW!".
 * Hans Moleman: "NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE LAIR OF THE MOLES!"

233 - Eight Misbehavin'
"Bart: Cool costume!
 * From the same episode, the family are at Shøp talking to a 'guy' dressed as an allen wrench:

Allen Wrench: (robotic voice) (opens and closes his claws menacingly)

Marge: Excuse me, where are your hamper lids?

Allen Wrench: (normal voice) Hamper lids...uh third floor. (turns to Bart)"

"Manjula: (looks at clock, gasps) Apu! You're late for work!
 * Shortly after Apu and Manjula have octuplets:

Apu: Oh, I had the most beautiful dream where I died...

Manjula: Oh, no, you don't! Not till they're out of college!

Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!"

"Apu: (dazed) Thank you, steal again...
 * But Apu is too sleepy to work at the Kwik-E-Mart:

(Ned Flanders shows up)

Ned: Well, morning, Apu! How are the little blessings?

Apu: Oh, they're a ravenous swarm of locusts. Just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling, and two have cradle rash? How can you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?!

Ned: Yeah, they can be a handful... of joy!

Apu: Shut up!

Ned: They'll fill your lives with--

Apu: Shut up!

Ned: Can't put a price on a miracle!

Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!"

"Apu: (whispering) These animals certainly behave strangely at night...
 * As Apu and Homer sneak back to the Springfield Zoo at night to rescue the Octuplets:

(Cuts to a family of lemurs behaving normally)

(Cuts to a turtle swinging through tree branches at above-average speed)

(Cuts to three koalas, snarling, viciously devouring a kangaroo corpse. The koalas look up, blood caked on their faces, and the one in the middle snickers sinisterly)"

235 - Grift of the Magi
"Principal Skinner: Who will eat the poisoned stew? It could be anyone... it could even be Mr. Burns!
 * The school tries to get money out of Mr. Burns with a hilariously Anvilicious play.

Mr. Burns: This play really speaks to me!"

"Ralph: Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid! I'm going to remove your liver bone! (chops the head off a Mr. Burns dummy with a saw) Oops, you're dead!
 * During the play:

Mr. Burns: (darkly) I never did like that Dr. Stupid..."

"Bart & Lisa: Silent night...
 * Then at the end of the scene, Mr. Burns pulls a lever and opens a trapdoor under the whole cast. They then appear through the ceiling. "Oh, it's doing that again."
 * Lisa and Bart distract the Hibberts whilst Homer breaks in to steal their Funzo. He knocks over the Christmas tree and begins screaming as the dog chases him around the room.

Homer: (screams and crashes)

Bart & Lisa: HOLY NIGHT!!"

"(to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles") Writhing Funzos in my sack...writhing Funzos hurt my back...''"
 * Homer's song about stealing Funzos is good too:

236 - Little Big Mom
"Homer: I want you guys to give my wife the best treatment money can buy!
 * The memorable Stupid Sexy Flanders scene.
 * Marge broke her leg and must go to the hospital.

(EMT's roll sign to read "Beth Israel")

Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't go nuts!

(Sign switches again to read "St. Mary's")

Homer: Eh, little better.

(Sign switches again to read "Springfield Presbyterian Hospital")

Homer: Beautiful."

238 - The Mansion Family
"Homer: Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
 * During an award ceremony, everyone in Springfield (except Homer) has won an award.

Lisa: You won a Grammy.

Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning!

(Words run across the bottom of the screen: "LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Mr. Simpson's views do not match those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all.")"

"Marge: That's not an award. It's part of the set.
 * Plus when they leave. Homer still hasn't won anything, and takes home a large statue resembling an award instead.

Homer: Nothing you say will diminish this honor!"

"Pirate #1: Looks like another homosexual party boat. They always have such nice things!
 * The Chinese pirates spot Homer's party on Mr. Burns' yacht:

Pirate #2: Perhaps we should pay them a visit.

Pirate #1: A deadly visit?

Pirate #2: Well, let's play it by ear."

"Mr. Burns: (reading) Cause of parents' death...(writing) Got in my way."
 * "Set a course for Hidden Pirate Island, AKA Hong Kong!"
 * At the start of Mr. Burns' checkup, filling out his medical form.

"Mr. Burns: Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests! You may shake my hand if you like.
 * The scene where Mr. Burns learns the results from his check-up:

Doctor: (shirking away) Well, under the circumstances I'd rather not.

Mr. Burns: Eh?

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.

Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?!

Doctor: (surprised) A little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered... in you.

Mr. Burns: I see. You're sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?

Doctor: Uh, no, no I'm afraid not.

Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.

Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. If you have a moment I can explain. (He displays a door and a series of plushies.) Here's the door to your body, and these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis, and this cute little cuttle bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. (He pushes the plushies through the door, mimicking The Three Stooges sound effects.) Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop! Move it, chowderhead! (Speaking normally.) We call it "Three Stooges Syndrome!"

Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is... I'm indestructible?!

Doctor: Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could...

Mr. Burns: (leaving wistfully) Indestructible..."

"Mr. Burns: Do they know how many eggs it laid in your brain?
 * This exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers, after the medical check-up:

Smithers: I'd prefer not to know. Frankly, one is too many."

"Doctor: Everything's fine, John. Lay off the chili and you should be all right.
 * Mr. Burns: "Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."
 * The Doctor's other two patients:

(Fidel Castro snickers beratingly)

Pope John Paul II: Don't you laugh, Fidel! I've been in the car with you!

(Castro turns away, giving a sheepish expression)"

"Homer: I wanna be rich! (sobs) Like THESE GUYS! And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich as they should be, of course, BUT STILL RICH! Big money! Look at all the names! They all have MONEY! And have lots of money! Oh, he's poor. BUT LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T! Oh, look at all the people who can buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm takin' 'em all down! Look at all the rich people! OH, LOOK AT THAT RICH--
 * Plus the credits, when Homer is poor again and complains about how the people listed are all loaded with money.

Gracie Films logo: Shh!

Homer: Don't shush me, you rich bastard!"

239 - Saddlesore Galactica
"Homer: Did that really happen? Or was it all just a beautiful dream?
 * This exchange:

(trap door opens)

Murderous Troll: No dream, fat ass! Lose the race! (closes trap door)

Homer: D'oh!"

242 - Pygmoelian
"Moe: Am I really that ugly?
 * After Moe sees his face on the calendar which was covered by several stickers:

Carl: It's all relative. I mean, is Lenny really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald and fat?

Moe: (tearing up) No, it's worse than that!

(Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Homer burst into tears)

Carl: (looking directly at the audience) See, this is why I don't talk much."


 * "Duffman, can't breathe! Oh, no!

245 - Kill the Alligator and Run
"Homer: Okay, non-smoker...add eight years...According to this I'll live to be...forty-two? Aaooww, that's horrible! I won't even live to see my children die!"
 * When Homer finds out the results of testing himself in a self-evaluation magazine:

"Lisa: Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!
 * Also, when Homer tries to defend himself in court...by referring to the jury as "drunken hicks." Something about that part and the Smash Cut to everyone in the family working in a chain gang.
 * En route to Florida

Bart: Mom! Lisa's growing!

Marge: Quiet, you two, your father's had a nervous breakdown!

Homer: My pockets hurt!"

"Whip Man: No listening...you hear me?
 * The whole "I like that! You're hired" Running Gag with the waitress, concluding with "Those cops are chasing off my employees! Beat I like that!"
 * This exchange never fails to get a laugh:

Homer: (thinks for a moment) ...No?

Whip Man: You just don't learn do ya? (whips Homer)"

246 - Last Tap Dance in Springfield

 * Homer (who's blinded by the crusts in his eyes from laser surgery) being driven to the liquor store by Kearney and his bully friends. Unfortunately, we don't get to see what happened to Homer after that, and the whole "Homer has eye surgery" plot pretty much got forgotten after act one.
 * Little Vicki: Nobody upstages Little Vicki! (Hisses)

248 - Behind the Laughter
"Homer: I literally chewed the scenery"
 * Homer's role as Mr. Stingley on Rent 2


 * Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute. (sits there and smiles like he just said the smartest thing ever)
 * Homer: They can't take our house; my potbellied pig is in there! (sobbing) Oh, Mr. Porky....
 * Also, Jim Forbes' over-the-top narration creates a few laugh-out-loud scenes: "...The dream was over. Coming up - was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?"

Season 12
"Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!
 * From Treehouse of Horror XI:
 * In the first segment "G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad", Homer narrowly avoids getting crushed by a falling tree.

(A Planet Hollywood sign destroys half the car.)

Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!

(A pickaxe goes flying through the windshield and embeds itself in Homer's head.)

Homer: Hehe, bloopid bloroblope!"

"Homer: Um, I'm pretty sure she was going to be the next Hitler!"
 * Over dinner, Homer tells the family that nothing happened except for the rattlesnake, the pickaxe and the testicle [Noodle Incident incident]].
 * After he dies from choking on broccoli, Homer has to do a good deed to in order to go to heaven. The first thing he tries? Eating the same piece of broccoli that killed him in the first place, which kills him again.
 * When Ghost Homer lifts Principal Skinner's mom into the air in order to help her cross the street more easily, Mrs. Skinner complains that people can see up her dress now, then Homer, partly by accident and partly out of frustration, drops her into traffic which kills her.

"Homer: They said that if I come in late one more time, I'm fired. I can't take that chance!"
 * Just about everything in Homer vs. Dignity.
 * Even the panda rape?
 * Especially the Panda Rape! He was wearing a hollowed out costume at the time.....
 * From Bye Bye, Nerdie, Homer's explanation for why he hasn't left for work yet:

"Lisa: Otto, you're being brainwashed!
 * In Tennis the Menace, when Homers tries to catch a tennis ball in his pants but gets hit in the crotch is in a lot of pain!
 * From New Kids on the Blecch:
 * Lisa realizes the subliminal messages of Bart's songs:

Otto: Yeah, probably! Yvan eht nioj!"

"Lt. Smash: It's a three pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal and superliminal!
 * Lisa confronts Lt. Smash:

Lisa: Superliminal?

Lt. Smash: I'll show ya (leans out the window) Hey, you! Join the navy!

Carl: Uh, yeah, alright.

Lenny: I'm in!

Lt. Smash: Of course, now that you know this... I can't let you leave.

(Turns around and Lisa is gone. He turns back to the window to see her already halfway down the street.)

Lt. Smash: Oh."

""We've had a lot of fun today, but it was at the expense of the navy. The men and women of the navy are protecting us 24/7 from such bad guys as Godzilla and jellyfish! So head over to your enlistment office and sign up for a 2- or 4-year hitch! We signed JC up just a few minutes ago!""
 * Don't forget The Reveal of his real name - "Yeah, I'm not L.T. Smash. I'm Lt. L.T. Smash."
 * The Stinger, with 'N Sync extolling the virtues of the navy.

"Homer: (singing and shuffling his feet while chained to the lawn chair) Dancin' away my hunger pangs. Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt. I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacreligious way."
 * Homer: Oh Lisa, it doesn't mean anything. Like﻿ "Shamma-lamma-ding-dong," or "Give peace a chance."
 * The short song Homer makes up to keep himself busy in Hungry, Hungry Homer:
 * What really makes it funny is that Dan Castellaneta adlibbed the lyrics during production.

"Homer: Who are you?
 * Homer gets so hungry, he starts crawling towards a pretzel when he hallucinates:

Man: The spirit of Cesar Chavez.

Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?

Chavez: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like."

"Homer: Come on, why won't you go out with Bart?
 * Also, when Homer is trying to convince Sherri to go to a dance with Bart.

Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork.

Homer: Please, "ugly" is such a smelly word. Who would you rather go out with?

Sherri: Tommy. [indicates a handsome boy bathed in an angelic glow]

Homer: Well, duh! He's breathtaking. But Bart has inner beauty, like you'd find in a rodent. [cut to Bart, gnawing rat-like on a cracker, then back to Homer]"

"Homer: Is this the executive office of the ball club?
 * Homer's search for the executive office.

Equipment Manager: No, this is the equipment shed.

Homer: Oh. Well, is that it?

Equipment Manager: No, that's where we keep the water heater.

Homer: Is...?

Equipment Manager: That's a tractor.

Homer: I see."

"Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country!"
 * Basically, every single moment of Trilogy of Error:

"Louie: Hey! They's throwing robots!"
 * Marge throws Linguo at the Mafia:

Linguo: They are throwing robots!

Legs: He's disrespecting us! Shut up you face!

Linguo: Shut up your face!

Legs: Whassamatta you?

Louie: You ain't so big!

Legs: Me and him are going to whack you in the labonzza!

Linguo: Bad... Grammar... Overload! Error! Error! (Explodes)"

"Coach Lugash: What a little angel! How old are you?
 * From Children of a Lesser Clod:
 * When Lisa is trying out the Gymnastics class for free at the open house of the Springfield YMCA:

Lisa: Eight.

Lugash: Eight? Too old! Go home, grandma!"

"Warden: A unicorn in space; what's it breathin'?!
 * Homer is injured in a prison rodeo, and ends up in their infirmary. One of the inmates is an incredible artist, and has a painting of a unicorn in space, hanging on the wall.

Homer: Air?

Warden: Ain't no air in space!

Homer: There's an air n' space museum!"


 * Basically everything in the second half of The Computer Wore Menace Shoes. From the clever references to The Prisoner, to the Faux-Homer with the terrible German accent who replaces him at home after he's sent to the Island ("Aren't there any evil movies on? Maybe something about an evil island?"), to the bizarre koala with the funny glasses at the end. It's one of the funnier episodes of Season 12.

Season 13
"Otto: Why do they call them fingers? You never seem them fing. Oh, there they go.
 * In Weekend at Burnsie's:
 * Otto had many hilarious lines:

Otto: (looking at finger with ring) Oh yeah, I married that chick!"

"Homer: (laughing) Oh man, look at Shemp, he is so high.
 * (A stoned Homer and Otto are watching The Three Stooges)

Otto: Whoa I just realized something: "Shemp" is "hemp", spelled backwards.

Homer: And Otto spelled backwards... is Otto.

Otto: (dumbstruck and looks at Homer) Now I'm scared."

"Abe Simpson: (standing up) What is keeping that dress together?!
 * As part of Homer's roast from Gump Roast, Principal Skinner's mother walks on stage wearing what was supposed to be a skimpy, sensual dress. Everyone stares in silence for a moment before this exchange:

Sideshow Mel: (Also standing up) The collective will of everyone in this room!"

"They'll never stop the Simpsons!
 * To the music of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

Have no fears, we've got stories for years.

Like, Marge becomes a robot,

maybe Moe gets a cell phone,

has Bart ever owned a bear or,

how 'bout a crazy wedding,

where something happens,

and do-do do-do do?

Sorry for the clip show,

have no fears, we've got stories for years!"

"Homer: HOMER MAD! HOMER SMASH! GET REVENGE ON WORLD!!!"
 * The beginning, which spoofs Forrest Gump, has Homer dressed as Forrest, looking at the feather, which keeps poking his eye.
 * Homer's "transformation" into an Incredible Hulk lookalike in I Am Furious Yellow:

"Melvin Eugene Punymier: The geek shall inherit the Earth. (picks up one Jerk Jock, throws him through another)"
 * Everything about Ranier Wolfcastle's movie "Undercover Nerd" in the episode The Bart Wants What It Wants.

"Homer: (offscreen) Quit banging my wife!
 * How about Jaws Wired Shut, when Homer saves Marge at the demolition derby?

(Homer rides in on a donkey.)

Demolition Derby Announcer: A man on a donkey?! Never in my six weeks on the job have I seen the likes of this!"

"Dealer: Okay, man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money.
 * Sweets and Sour Marge, when Homer is smuggling sugar.

Homer: (pushes off in the raft) That wasn't part of the deal! (laughs)

Dealer: (consults the contract) Hey, he's right! (to his henchmen) Who wrote this?!"

"Manjula: Apu, why aren't you pressuring me for sex?
 * Homer's attempt at using Reverse Psychology on a toucan.
 * In The Sweetest Apu:

Apu: Oh how could you accuse me of repeated infidelity?! Why, I am so angry I could just, I could just fall asleep! (snores)"

"Homer: Hey Apu, in a Civil War reenactment we need lots of Indians to shoot!
 * Plus Homer walking home backwards, and then jumping home backwards on the ladder.
 * Homer tries to recruit Apu for the reenactment:

Apu: (Beat) I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first."

"Skinner: This battlefield is rife with inaccuracies. You dead people, stop playing cards! Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
 * Later:

Disco Stu: The South shall boogie again!

Frink: Well, if you don't like that you're definitely not going to like my steam powered super spider, with the stepping and the squishing and the webs made of NYLON!"

"Marge: Homer, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
 * "The Second Battle of Springfield was fought by the North, the South and the East, to keep Springfield in, out of and next to the Union respectively. Now, the actual battle was fought there, where that man is standing. But he won't move, so we'll do it here."
 * This scene in:

Homer: (Imagines himself in a futuristic city, flying a hang-glider and shooting a laser beam at people on the ground) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You can run, but you can't glide!"

"I won't drink at Moe's.
 * The song Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl sing in Homer's garage after Moe's becomes 'M'.

Homer's old garage is all I need!

I won't drink at Moe's.

(Homer solo) 'cause Moe's a big jerk, and a she-male, too!"

"Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
 * From:The Blunder Years

Chief Wiggum: Mr. Burns, you're under arrest for murder.

Mr. Burns: Er, did I say corpse hatch? Oh, I, ah, meant, um innocence tube!"

"Mr. Burns: I knew this day would come. In a way it's a relief. In another way, it's most unwelcome."
 * From the same scene:

"Bart: Still looking for a new faith?
 * From:She of Little Faith

Lisa: Yep.

Bart: Hey, how about one of those religions where you eat a human heart?

Lisa: No.

Bart: How about Methodist?

Lisa: (Emphatically) No!"

"Homer: I don't know how to feel.
 * Also from She of Little Faith after Lisa leaves the church forever.

Marge: You should be upset.

Homer: (Loudly) AHHHHHHHWAHA! How was that?

Marge: A little much.

Homer: (Quietly) Ahhhh....awahh."

"Flanders: [[Spider Man My Satan sense is tingling...]|undefined"
 * Flanders has this amusing line:

"Wiggum/Polonius: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed."
 * Tales From the Public Domain:
 * From the Hamlet parody "Do the Bard, Man":

"Homer/King: I have returned from the dead!
 * Also:-

Bart/Hamlet: It looks more like you've returned from the buffet!

Homer/King: Why you little!

(Homer tries to strangle him and his hands just go straight through._

Homer/King: You must avenge me! Aveeeenge meee!

Bart/Hamlet: How?

Homer/King: I dunno. Surprise me. Surpriiiiise meeee! (disappears through the wall. A few seconds later, comes back.) "It's cold outside, you'll need a sweater. A sweeeaaaater!!""

"Bart/Hamlet: The play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king.
 * The play within a play:

Moe/Claudius: Catch my conscience? What?

Bart/Hamlet: Hey! You're not supposed to hear me! That was a soliloquy.

Moe/Claudius: Ok, well I'll do a soliloquy too. "Note to self, kill that kid."."

"Homer: You sell hats?
 * Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge:
 * "Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party!" (Pan left to reveal that Milhouse is sitting right next to him.)
 * [later] "You couldn't catch a cold... with a ... cold catching... thing." "See, without Milhouse it's hard."
 * Homer's conversation with the owner of Wooly Bully.

Shop Guy: Mmm.

Homer: To people?

Shop Guy: Maybe.

Homer: To people with heads?

Shop Guy: Sometimes."

"Snake: (holding a shotgun) Yo, empty the register, dude!
 * As Apu is being held up at the Kwik-E-Mart:

Apu: Okay, okay, you are the boss...

(Apu presses a button under the register to use the silent alarm)

Silent Alarm: SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!"

"Marge: Aw, she's probably dreaming of the time she shot Mr. Burns."
 * Homer is about to be gunned down by Mafia thugs, and they're suddenly shot. Cue the arrival of Chief Wiggum... but what's this? Wiggum isn't the shooter. As they wonder who shot the Mafia guys, cue Maggie sitting in her crib upstairs next to the window, with a gun. Then Homer and Marge come upstairs and she hides the gun under her pillow!


 * The spoof of the opening sequence of The Sopranos.

Season 14
"Abe: Then after World War II, it got kinda quiet 'til Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat him by a furlong! Or so the comic books would have you believe. The truth lies somewhere in between and ZZZ... (he falls asleep)."
 * From the Treehouse of Horror XIII segment "Send In The Clones":
 * One of the clones is visiting Abe at the retirement home:

"Gil Gunderson: Ah, look at that corn. Ol' Gil's hard work is finally paying off. (numerous Homer Simpson clones run by and devour all of his crops) Well, at least I got my health. (a few more come by and eat him, leaving only his skeleton) Ohh..."
 * What all of the clones immediately do after becoming an unintelligent army (thanks to the magic hammock), EAT FIELD CORN:

"Electric Car: Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast. Or very far. And if you drive me, people will think you're gay.
 * The clones peeing behind a beer factory.
 * The Enron ride at Efcot from Special Edna.

Gay Animatronics: One of us! One of us!"

""Mickey Mouse": Step away from the wall! step away from the wall!
 * Sponsored by the auto makers of America!
 * the end of that episode, where homer climbs over a Barbed Wire fence into Disney World:

Homer: It's so beautiful! one churro, please!

Vendor: that'll be fourteen dollars.

(homer sobs hysterically and then says "here" in a normal tone of voice)"

"Rev. Lovejoy: And so we celebrate the--HOLY SHI--ning light of our Lord..."
 * The episode Pray Anything features the Springfield Church's congregation having to meet in the bowling alley because Homer bought the church. Krusty bowls a ball and it accidentally lands on Reverend Lovejoy's foot, leading to this priceless moment:

"Bart & Lisa: AHHHH! SIDESHOW BOB!
 * From The Great Louse Detective:
 * As the police can't figure out who's trying to kill Homer, they decide to release (Albeit, tagged) someone with... experience in trying to kill one of The Simpsons. (The extremely high security cell opens up to reveal... Sideshow Bob, restrained in such a manner he's suspended in the middle of the room.)

Sideshow Bob: [Completely nonchalontly] Oh Bart, we've been through so much together. Please, call me Bob.

Bart & Lisa: AHHHH! BOB!"

"Sideshow Bob: This is a normal day?
 * The absurdly long list of Homer's enemies, most of whom are from previous episodes of the show.
 * The best part is when Marge chimes in with "The late Frank Grimes", to provide thinly-veiled Foreshadowing.
 * Bob suggests that he shadow Homer, to get an idea of his normal day. Gilligan Cut to Homer and Bob hang-gliding.

Homer: I wanted to impress you."

"Homer: (maniacally) After I kill you, everyone will think I'm the real Homer!"
 * The sequence with the dummy Homer, to see who would want to kill Homer, capped off with Homer attacking the dummy himself.

""I don't know how we ever had fun without him.""
 * And then we cut to Sideshow Bob, who is mystified that Marge and the kids aren't the slightest bit surprised by something like this.
 * The constant shocks that Sideshow Bob receives, including one where the button gets stuck and gives him a prolonged shock. Bart sums it up best:

"Bart: Promise me you won't tell anyone about it.
 * From the unofficial 300th episode Barting Over:
 * Bart just found out he had a commercial gig as "Baby Stink-Breath" and informs Milhouse. Nelson then rides by on his bike:

Milhouse: I won't. But these things have a way of getting out.

Nelson: (while riding his bike, points to Bart and looks at him) Ha-ha! Baby Stink-Breath! (he crashes into a tree because he was still looking at Bart) Daaah! Gruuh! It was worth it."

"Tony Hawk: Yo, Blink 182!
 * The sequence with Blink182:

(they stop playing)

Tom DeLonge: We have names, y'know!

Tony Hawk: Whatever! Crank it up!

(they start playing again)

Mark Hoppus: Man, let's trash this place!

Travis Barker: After we get paid.

Mark Hoppus: Nice!"

"Tony Hawk: You're going down, Homer. Then up. Then down. Then back up again. That's how the game is played."
 * This line which Tony Hawk states in the DVD commentary, he still uses to this day.

"Marge: "Oh yeah? Well, my husband will come back with me and he'll do a little malpractice on you!"
 * From Large Marge (context: Marge has just mistakenly been given breast implants instead of a liposuction):

Doctor: (completely deadpan) "Oh yes, your husband, I'm sure he'll be furious.""

""Aww, nobody loves Oily Homer...""
 * "C.E. D'oh!" has four such moments:
 * The whole "how to strip for your wife" class was pure comic gold.

"Female Employee: Homer, I'll go over the organization chart if you'll just stop staring at my boobs.
 * The Successmanship Guy's description of his car: "That's a Bentley Mark XII. They gave one to me, one to Steven Spielberg, then they shot the guy who made it." Lenny comments that he'd hate to be in that union.
 * Homer talking about firing robots: "Don't tell me they can't cry."
 * Finally, Homer talking with the female employee at the retreat:

Homer: No deal."

"Homer: (bursts in on the ground floor, drunk) You call this a bicameral legislature??! (spits on the floor, and gets immediately assaulted by security, including whaling on his groin) OOOH--I say, I say, my groin!!"
 * Maggie dancing to Sex Bomb.
 * Homer gives Lisa his wedding ring so he won't get paint on it: This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tinfoil!" "My real one's inside a turtle."
 * "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington" has this little number, as Lisa's waiting for the right distraction to slip an important bill into congress.

Season 15
"Bart: Lisa is a fool.
 * From The President Wore Pearls:
 * Superintendant Chalmers is talking to Skinner about how to deal with Lisa. He then points to Willie outside and delivers the glorious line "Maybe that escaped mental patient you hired has some kind of toxin in his shack" at which point Willie waves cheerfully. "Yes, hello Willie".
 * From the same episode: "I'll be cooking me Lean Cuisine in yer kiln! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 * We got this segment of the musical:

Skinner: I think the rules are cool.

Willie: I'M FALLING IN THE POOL!"

"Bart: Lisa is a nut. She has a rubber butt. Every time she turns around it goes putt-putt."
 * Bart's 'poem'.

"Willie: Look at me! I'm Milhouse! I tuck me shirt into me underpants! (teachers laugh) I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!"
 * Milhouse asks Lisa if it's true the staff makes fun of the students in the teacher's lounge. Lisa says no and opens the door, just in time for us to hear:

"Homer: (after Blair leaves) Wow, I can't beleive I just met Mr. Bean!"
 * In The Regina Monolouges the family visits England to help Grandpa find a lost love, and are greeted by then-Prime Minister Tony Blair.

"Lisa: JK Rowling! You've turned a whole generation of kids unto reading.
 * The two gentlemanly gentleman making out. "Mmmmm-mmmmmmhmmm-mmmmyes, quite. Mmmmm!"
 * The family meets JK Rowling outside of a bookstore.

Rowling: Thank you, young Muggle.

Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?

Rowling: (sighs exhaustedly) He grows up, and marries you. (angrily) Is that what you wanted to hear?!

Lisa: (dreamily) Yes."

"Marge: It was nice of them to forget the whole thing if we agreed to take Madonna back with us.
 * (the family leaves England)

Madonna: (from inside duffle bag Marge is holding) I keep telling you, I'm English!

Marge: English ladies don't pump gas naked!"

"Homer: Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry."
 * The runner with The Scottish Trope, in which harm befalls Ian McKellen every time one of the Simpsons says the "M" word.

Season 16
"Guy: We've confiscated your car and its contents.
 * This exchange from Midnight Rx, after Homer, Ned, Apu, and Abe have been thrown in a Canadian prison:

French Translator: Nous avons confisquÃ© votre voiture et son contenu.

Guy: You may leave Canada, but never return.

French Translator: Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais ne retournez jamais.

Guy: I am a big fat French idiot.

French Translator: Je suis un grand gros - HEY!"

"Bart: What's menopause?
 * "Goo Goo Gai Pan" has many:

Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork who brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters."

"Robert Wagner: So let's all give menopause a round of "meno-plause." (looks off-screen) Meno-plause? I'm not saying that."
 * The informational video:

"Chinese consulate agent: The Chinese Government only allows wholesome, married couples to adopt. No "hen without cock." I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language. It is not in ours."
 * In China:

"Homer: (high on sleeping pills) Hey look, a dragon!

Dragon outside window: Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you may fly on my back.

Homer: I'll give...you...one!

Dragon: Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this! (flies away)

Homer: Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!

(after learning what he has to do/pretend to be Selma's spouse, and immediately went out of being high thanks to Marge and Selma)

Homer: NOOOOOOOO!"

"Homer: (at the preserved body of Mao Zedong) Awww, he's like a little angel who killed 50 million people. Yes you are, yes you are!"

"Chinese announcer: I regret to inform you that our star acrobat suffered an onset of outspokenness, and suffered a bullet-related death.

Chinese man #1: This is most disillusioning!

Chinese woman: It seems our leaders are not all-knowing!

Chinese man #2: Now I will question everything! Why doesn't Pearl Jam ever play here?!"

"Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.

Lisa Simpson: I don't know about that. I'm considered pretty smart.

Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent. How'd that work out?"

"Homer: I was this woman's husband for a few days -- in name only! -- and beer will soon obliterate that memory. But I don't think this baby could find any greater love on your planet or ours."

"Chinese Dragons: (singing) American jerks are going home/Now we sleep for a thousand years/When we wake the world will end."

"Homer: Ahh...hmmm. Seems a shame to chuck out these cross country skis. Mmmmm...I'll keep one. (He snaps the other one in half and throws it in the garbage can.) Let's see now. (checks list) Kill spiders? We don't have spiders.
 * The Chinese production of "Death of a Salesman".
 * The sign at Tiananmen Square that says "On this spot in 1989, nothing happened."
 * "Feast upon my shorts, stupid father man."
 * From Mobile Homer:
 * The sequence of events that occur as Homer is cleaning out the garage. First, he finishes a can of Duff beer and throws it behind his shoulder:

(Homer looks around for spiders and see one making a web around his right arm.) (screams) Ahhh! (He grunts about 10 times while trying to squish the spider. It crawls under a cardboard box.) Stupid spider! Afraid of dying?! (Homer sneaks over to the box and lifts it up; the spider is gone.) A-ha! Hmm? ''

(Homer looks around, then under the bottom of the box and sees about two dozen spiders fall on to his face, causing him to run around the garage and scream like a maniac. He finds a can of spider poison titled "Charlotte's Dead" and sprays it on his face.) YEEEOOOWWW! OOOWWWHHOOWW! WHAT?! SPIDER POISON IS PEOPLE POISON?!"

"Bart: You're gay for Moleman!
 * After informing Marge in the bedroom that he won't be dying for many, many years, Homer getting his neck crushed by the bedroom window.
 * From Future-Drama:
 * This argument between Bart and Lisa:

Lisa: No, you're gay for Moleman!

Moleman: (sadly) Nobody's gay for Moleman."

"Bender: Alright! You guys are my new best friends!
 * Future Homer buys the very first "hovercar" ever made. He's driving the car with Future Bart in the passenger seat. They enter the "Quantum Tunnel" and when they come out the other side, Bender from Futurama is now riding in the car with them. by Donald Fagen is playing in the background.]:

Future Homer: You wish, loser! (he throws Bender out of the "hovercar" and Bender breaks apart) Ah heh heh heh heh heh!"

""Here's another bomb for ya, Marge: I like beer.""
 * "Now let's explore the improbable chain of events that led to this amusing yet tragic farce."
 * In "There's Something About Marrying," Marge is completely surprised when Patty comes out to her. Homer, on the other hand...

"Father Sean I was laying on the gutter, picking up my teeth, when suddenly St Peter himself appeared in front of me. "Sean, you wanker." he says, "Repent of your wicked ways or sod off." And then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight."
 * From The Father, The Son and the Holy Guest Star, when Father Sean tells Bart of how he repented his ways after a drunken brawl with his dad.

"Bart: (groaning, clutching his chest) My heart! It hurts so much! Like it's caught in a vice!
 * Homer not knowing how to say Bingo when he won at Bingo.
 * From "The Heartbroke Kid":
 * The spoof of the opening sequence, where the now-obese Bart is buying snacks from a vending machine instead of writing on the chalkboard. When the bell rings, it takes forever to reach the entrance. As he skateboards, the ground underneath him cracks, he bends the street sign he usually grabs, makes Marge's car spin out of control, and as he gets home, he lands on Homer's car, making him fly out. Finally, as the other Simpsons sit down on the couch, they look at each other, wondering where Bart is.

Homer: (laughing) My boy's in love!

Lisa: I think he's having a heart attack!

(Bart collapses)

Homer: Come on, you can fight this! Do the Bartman! Do the Bartman!

(Bart feebly moves around)

Homer: (sobbing) Oh, why won't you dance? DAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!"

Season 17
"Bart: Don't let our hands touch, it's gay.
 * From Bart Has Two Mommies:

Rod: What's gay mean?

Bart: Umm, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rod: (to Flanders) I'm gay, daddy, I'm gay! Mrs. Simpson made me gay!

Marge: Uh, I believe he's saying 'he's okay.'"

"Bart: If you're looking for Lisa, she said she was going to spend the night in the boneyard out back.
 * From The Girl Who Slept Too Little:

Marge: And you're just sitting here!?

Bart: I figured the best thing I could do was monitor the news for any reports.

Marge: You're watching cartoons!"

Season 18
"Greystash Mustache power! ACTIVATE! *cue his mustache taking a level in badass, Popeye style*"
 * The subplot of The Haw-Hawed Couple, where Homer is reading Lisa the Angelica Button book. When reading ahead, he discovers that Greystash dies to save Angelica from the "Suff-o-clock of Sandy Doom". Rather than upset Lisa, Homer improvises his own ending, providing the world with:

"Homer: *sobbing at Moe's* No man should have to outlive his fictional wizard!"
 * And during the credits:

"Lisa: What happened to the Merlinical Council?
 * Best part is Angelica's delivery of the line "I somehow escaped from the hourglass!" And then Lisa reads the real ending and decides Homer's was better.

Homer: Um, they went to Star Wars land and...fought Star Wars."

"Martin: Individually we are weak, like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot!
 * Nobody mentions the opening of the episode?

Bart:' Well said!

(A title appears: fag•got (fag´• et) n. a bundle of sticks for fuel. [Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks])"

"Fireman: Mr. Simpson, we've already been here 6 times this month!
 * From Homerazzi, we have the following:

Homer: Yeah, but, um, one of those times, I'd actually dialed 9-1-1 by accident but I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I set the house on fire. It feels good to tell the truth! No, I'm lying, it feels bad."

"(Looking through Homer's Photos)
 * Also all of 	J. K. Simmons lines as the "Jamerson-ish" tabloid reporter.

Tabloid Reporter: Wonderful! Terrific! This has page one written all over it. Why the hell did you do that!?

Homer: I wanted to remember my place in a book I was reading."

"Ned: "Homer, you've met my parents."
 * From Marge Gamer:
 * Marge discovers the Internet, then the online role playing game "Earthland Realms".
 * When she can see her house from space, she realizes, via the Internet, Homer is sunbathing nude outside. Then, through the webpage, we see her chasing him. He hops the fence and runs into Flanders' house, where his parents are visiting.

Homer: "Not naked I haven't!""

"Moe (a head she's kicking around): "I'm paying $14.95 a month for this?""
 * "The Shadow Knight? He's the most evil, destructive player in the game. He once beat me to death with my own life bar." It was either funny or unsurprising that the most evil, destructive, and successful (in Marge's words) player in the game was Bart.

"''(Homer notices a guy waving a orange/yellow flag).

Homer: What's the matter buddy? The American flag not good enough for ya? (headbutts him)

Girl: That was my father!

Homer: (completely serious) I'm your father now."

"Moe: "I can't let go of it, Homer! It's been in my family for nearly forty seconds!""
 * From "Crook And Ladder", when Homer is trying to convince Moe to not steal a priceless clock from a burning building:

"Kent Brockman *After Homer knocks a cup of hot coffee over him*: OW, THAT HURTS LIKE A *cuts to the Simpson family watching the news report, with Kents last words garbled*"
 * Episode 400, "You Kent Always Say What You Want" has it's share of funny moments:


 * Bart 'Etch-A-Sketch'ing the word for Marge, then not being able to erase the message, resulting in Marge destroying the toy.
 * Kent referring to his swear as 'A word so foul that it would only be muttered by Satan himself whilst on the toilet'.
 * The end of the episode, where Homer tries to announce the truth about the Fox network, but his voice is dubbed over with speech that instead promotes Fox programming. When Homer tries to tell the viewers the truth, he is quickly silenced by the 20th Century Fox Television and Gracie Films logos.

The Simpsons Movie

 * Has its own page.

Season 19
"Marge: At least you need me, sack of potatoes. *starts rocking the sack of potatoes to sleep*"
 * From Midnight Towboy.

"Homer: When you married a man who would years later without warning become a tow-truck driver, you knew what the deal would eventually be."
 * From the same episode:

"All: Yeah Daddy's back!
 * From, the reconciliation song:

Lurleen Lumpkin: And I'm feeling like a daughter

All: Daddy's back!

Bart: And she's feeling like she oughta

All: Daddy's back!

Royce Lumpkin: And he's drinking bottled water

Lisa: Keep it down! I'm reading Harry Potter

Marge: My body washes Estee Lauder

All: Daddy's back and I'm feeling like a daughter again!

(Beat)

Grampa: And here comes Grampa with an otter!"

Season 20
"all: Ho-high, ho-high! It's time to now get high! We'll take some shrooms and go to our rooms..."
 * From the "Snow White" segment of Four Great Women and a Manicure:
 * In the first segment, Moe mistaking Selma (or Patty, don't remember) for Grendel and calling for Beowulf.
 * The nice Simpsons variation to the 7 dwarves song

""Ellsworth Toohey": MEDIOCRITY RULES!"
 * The "Fountainhead" parody is pretty good as well.

Season 21
"(Bart is swinging Larry around while Santa's Little Helper bites it)
 * The subplot in the episode Thursday's with Abie revolves around Bart taking care of Larry the Lamb, a stuffed animal his class has to take home and care for. Bart hates the thing, which leads to this exchange:

Bart: That's it boy, go for the nards!

Lisa: Bart! (grabs Larry) if you don't want him, give him to me.

Bart: How come you never act like this when I'm cruel to real animals?

Lisa: I do, it enrages me!

Bart: I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody.

Lisa: (angrily) I'm a FREAKING BUDDHIST!!"

"Young Abraham (excitedly): Clark Gable!
 * Likewise, the main story, filled with Cassandra truths, brick jokes, ironic and meaningful echoes, laced with a heaping helping of good, old-fashioned shout-outs to make any elderly viewer laugh. One exchange in particular got this troper, who took a cinema history course recently, laughing hysterically. It takes place during Abe's reminiscing of being a shoe-shiner on the platform for the Tinsletown (a.k.a. Hollywood) express. As the train pulls in, out steps the usual parodies of classic actors like Fatty Arbuckle, the Three Stooges, and Paul Muni (who, apparently, always looked like Frankenstein, even in real life), and Abbot and Costello. Abe looks up, realizes that he's shining the shoes of Clark Gable, and this exchange takes place:

Gable: That's right! Perhaps you've seen my brief yet memorable appearance in Du Barry, Woman of Passion?

Young Abraham (Excitedly): I sure have, Mr. Gable! Say, why haven't you been in any good pictures yet?

Gable: I'm not sure. Maybe the right role just hasn't come along yet. Say, what's that you're reading?

Young Abraham: Oh, this? It's just Gone With the Wind. It's got a boring romance story, and only one swear word, but not a very good one. Here, you can have it.

Gable (curiosity raised): Gone With The Wind, eh? Let's see... (flips through pages) Garbage, garbage, my line, garbage, my line, garbage, garbage, my line, epic war plot, fancy dresses, Yes! I can do this! (closes book, hops on train) (Shouting) Thanks, kid! Don't tell this to another soul for about 60 years!"

"Homer: Whisper into ass?! This game sucks!"
 * The scene in the episode Stealing First Base in which after Bart's earlier kissing of a girl lands the school in trouble, the school declares itself an 'Affection Free Environment'. An informational play is carried out with Skinner and Willie acting as Bart and the girl respectively, and the two of them, rather uneagerly, kissing each other. When everyone in the assembly hall starts laughing at this, Superintendent Chalmers steps in and threatens to make them keep kissing until the kids stop laughing. Needless to say it doesn't stop.
 * From "The Devil Wears Nada", during Homer and Marge's attempt to play a romantic game:

"Bart: So that's why I'm so cool.
 * From "The Color Yellow," when the family finds out that one of their ancestors who they thought were slave owners married their freed slave, thus making them 1/64 black.

Lisa: And that's my jazz is so smooth.

Homer: And that's why I earn less than my white coworkers!"

Season 22
"Marge: Mike Scioscia? But I thought you suffered from radiation poisoning.
 * Most of the parts with Jermaine and Brett (or Ethan and Kurt) in Elementary School Musical.
 * "How Munched is That Birdie in the Window?": Child/pet psychologist, for Bart and Santa's Little Helper. "Now, Marge, from what I understand from our phone conversation, you have a terrible service provider."
 * While the ostrich attacked the Simpsons, one of them hit the ostrich with an object, after being beaten with the object from the ostrich, someone besides Homer, or Marge, or even Lisa said "WHY YOU LITTLE..." and strangled the ostrich.
 * This conversation, from when Lisa became the manager for Bart's Baseball team:

Mike Scoscia: I did! But it also gave me super-managerial powers!"


 * From the same episode: "I made baseball as much fun as doing your taxes!"
 * "Nein, nein! Why did I go to the nine o'clock show?" John Lennon would've found that hilarious!
 * in the episode where Bart's Angry Dad cartoon is turned into a short film, from Halle Berry's talks to to Randy Newman's "You've Got an Enemy".

Season 23
"Homer: Death to America!
 * Homer's hostage video in "The Falcon and the D'ohman":

Ukrainian Gangster: Stick to the script.

Homer: Fine."


 * The couch gag from "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelt", which is done by Ren And Stimpy creator himself, John Kricfalusi. As a bonus, the episode itself is done at Rough Draft Studios, which not only does many other Simpsons episodes, but also did a number of Ren And Stimpy's second season, as well as all of the majority of those done after John's firing.
 * From the same episode, Chalmers' flashback to the last time he taught.
 * "If school failed me, does it have to go to Summer Jimbo?"
 * In "The Food Wife," Homer goes with Bart and Lisa to a video game expo. There is an "Angry Birds" demonstration where they have a stuffed bird aimed at stuffed pigs. The bird, however, misses the pigs completely, hits an actual construction site, and drops rafters on TNT causing the entire thing to blow-up.
 * Everyone cheers.
 * Later on Homer trying to get Bart and Lisa to the "Funtendo" showroom FPS-style while throwing discs at people, then when he gets hit he restores his health with a slice of pizza.
 * Gordon Ramsey telling Marge that she messed up with involving Homer in the first place, then telling her to get out of his dream, since he stole it away from her, to the point that Gordon HIMSELF wakes up in his bed wondering "What the bloody hell was that?!" before Marge wakes up proper.
 * The entirety of Neil Gaiman in "The Book Job." Especially the end: "I've cheated my way to the best seller list once again... AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ!"
 * "CHEESEBURGERS, FRENCH FRIES, I'M ALL OVER THAT PAL"
 * The montage of Simpsons Christmas cards 30 years into the future in "Holidays of Future Passed", especially the ones where it seemed that Lisa experimented in Lesbianism during college!
 * So.. lesbians are hilarious?
 * No, it's hilarious that someone as straight-laced as Lisa would "experiment" in college.
 * Oh, now I get it.
 * In "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson", there is a parody of the bottom markees of news networks. Highlights include: Obama declares mulligan on first term, Steve Jobs reveals iGhost and Gingrich looks forward to first term, fourth wife.
 * Homer as a spoof of TV conservative talk hosts, primarily Glenn Beck.
 * From the 500th episode, "At Long Last Leave:"
 * The Chalkboard gag:

"[[spoiler: *Title Card*
 * The Stinger:

Thanks for 500 Shows.

All we ask is that you go out

and get some fresh air

before logging on the Internet

and saying how much this sucked. ]]"


 * At the beginning of "Them, Robot" Homer is trying to go the day without drinking alcohol for a physical, and sees his family as alcoholic drinks. He sees Abe as a bottle of Jack Daniels and tries to open his head, where at first he screams but then it becomes relaxing to him.
 * When Homer first sees Mr. Burns' robots employees he mistakes them for Comic-Con nerds.

Unsorted / Running gags
"Nelson: "See-SAW!"'"
 * Everytime Mr. Burns says "Excellent", or when Nelson laughs at someone.
 * One Nelson moment in particular: In the episode The Debarted, the new kid Donny is catapulting garbage bags at and into the school off of teeter-totters. While the other kids adore him, Bart tries to prove he can do it to. Unfortunately for Bart, he ends up with garbage on his face. While the kids laugh, Nelson gives us this humorous variation:

"(Homer tries to eat donuts, but Bart and Milhouse keep making them disappear, until he pulls out a knife)
 * This troper is torn between the episode with Hank Scorpio ("And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hotdogs and burgers and BEER! He loves German BEEEEERRR!"), and the episode with the Stonecutters (Patrick Stewart: "And now the final ordeal; the Paddling of the Swollen Ass -- with paddles!)
 * Homer: You'd better run, egg!
 * Anything involving Homer and the rubber duck. "'Cause he wants it!"
 * For me it'll always be either be Homer's daydream where he eats the chocolate dog, or "BARTYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!"
 * Many if not most of Grampa Abraham Simpson's rants would qualify. But a few classics...
 * "Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
 * "That's nothing! In my day, kids got spanked by Presidents all the time! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!"
 * "We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere! Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
 * This editor can't decide whether his favorite Halloween Special is Number III ("Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!" "He was a Zombie?"/The whole bottomless pit sequence in the first segment) or Number VI ("Don't scratch up them heads!"/"Step into the light my son!" "(Sounds of electrocution) YAHHHHHH!!!!" ), but he would like to give a special mention to Number XIV for two moments, the bit when God releases Homer from being the Grim Reaper ("Hey wait, this isn't Marge. This is her fat sister Selma.") or the part where Bart and Milhouse torment Homer with the stopwatch:

Homer: I can't go on! (Tries to stab self, but the knife turns into a banana) OHHHHHHH!!!! (Gets stripped naked) AWHHHHHHH!!! (Nelson appears out of nowhere)

Nelson: HA....(Also gets stripped naked)...HUH?!"

"Homer: Aww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
 * Pretty much any time the characters have a conversation with their own brains. Particularly when Homer looks for a peanut under the couch, but finds a $20 bill instead.

Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer: Explain how.

Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Woo hoo!"

"Insurance Agent: Now before I give you the check, one more question. Uh, this place "Moe's" you left just before the accident -- this is a business of some type?
 * There's a whole website full of these
 * And then there's this great one:

Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! [gasp] But what else is open at night?

Homer: It's a pornography store! I was buying pornography!

Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh, I would've never thought of that!"

"Clerk: Mr. Simpson, why are you interested in becoming a big brother?
 * Homer signs up for the Big Brothers Big Sisters-style program:

Homer's Brain: Don't say revenge...don't say revenge...don't say revenge...

Homer: Revenge.

Homer's Brain: That's it, I'm outta here! (walks out, closes door behind it)"

"Marge's Brain: Oh, we've got a winning hand, we can take the rest of the tricks.
 * Marge playing bridge with her social club:

(camera pans higher up)

Marge's Brain: Oh, we'd better be careful. The purpose of this game is to make friends. You don't make friends by winning.

(camera pans higher up)

Marge's Brain: Still, there's nothing more popular than a gracious winner.

(camera pans higher up)

Marge's Hair: Don't ask me, I'm just hair. Your head ended ago."

"Ralph: When he grows up, I want to be just like me!"
 * The following line left this troper in a fit of laughter for several minutes.

""I like men now!""
 * ANYTHING Ralph Wiggum says.

"McBain: "But Captain, I can't avenge my partner's death with this pea-shooter."
 * Bart and Skinner's duel, complete with Duel of the Fates playing in the background.
 * Any episode where McBain (the character, not his actor, Rainier Wolfcastle) appears.

He holds up a normal-sized pistol.

Captain: "I don't wanna hear it, McBain. Tha-that cannon of yours is against regulation. In this department we go by the book."

(The Captain holds up the book of regulations. McBain draws his "cannon", a revolver bigger than his head, and fires it at the book. The book promptly disintegrates, along with a massive chunk of the wall behind it.

McBain: "Bye book!""

"Smithers: Mr. Burns! I'm flaming!
 * Smithers catching on fire and crying for help as Mr. Burns waters his garden...

Mr. Burns: (Aside Glance)"

"Bart: I have to do this, mom. I love that big old cow!
 * The family goes to a fair and Homer begins to eat various shishkabobs. Bart hands him something that's merely a stick that's on fire, and Homer eats it. Realizing what just happened, Homer starts strangling Bart while breathing fire. Even Bart's laughing as he's being strangled!
 * Most of Troy McClure's movie titles, although two standouts include Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly or Firecrackers: The Silent Killer.
 * "Chalmskinn..."
 * Anytime a character argues with his or herself, taking both sides of the argument (with different tones of voice!), and managing to convince themselves to do what they where going to do in the first place.
 * Anything that Duffman says, just because of the same intonation being consistently used:
 * Duffman can never die! Only the actors who play him. Oh yeah!
 * Duffman's pension has been mismanaged!
 * One in the commentaries: For "Another Simpsons Clip Show," the guys have little to talk about regarding the actual episode, so instead they take the time to go over the creation of a typical episode from beginning to end. After an exhaustive cataloging of the tremendous amount of work that goes into each one, David Merkin notes that the process isn't truly complete until the fans label it the worst episode ever.
 * In the Apocalypse Now episode when he had to marry Mary:

Mary: How could you! I had to starve myself to get into this dress!

Bart: No, no, no, no! You look great, honey!"


 * This montage of Homer strangling people, specifically Bart.
 * "Why you COTTON PICKIN'...!"
 * "Why thee little...!"
 * Homer chasing Bart down the street. "I'LL MACE YOU GOOD!"