Just Like Making Love

""Playing card games is just like making love. You usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games.""

- Grandpa, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series

Describing a topic is very much like the physical act of love...

A character compares an activity, no matter how unrelated or mundane, to sex. Bonus points if they go into great detail (often giving a description that has no resemblence to sex whatsoever, or is only about sex and not the other activity). If a character does this all the time, it can overlap with Talks Like a Simile. Looks like Freud really WAS right.

Compare: Better Than Sex.

Fan Works

 * The Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series example that provides the page quote.
 * Joey provides a similar example, stating that you treat a duel desk like you would a woman, "Sticking cards in it in regular intervals."

Film
"Shaun: Playing the drums... it's like making love. You can't keep looking down and seeing what's going on down there."
 * In the Chinese (Hong Kong?) film Temptation of a Monk, the old monk has his head shaved by the protagonist. He does it so much more smoothly than the other monks, the old monk describes it as "just like what men and women do together."
 * In the Movie Drumline:

"Yuri Orlov: Selling a gun for the first time is a lot like having sex for the first time. You're excited but you don't really know what the hell you're doing. And some way, one way or another, it's over too fast."
 * In Lord of War:


 * Arnold Schwarzenegger's bodybuilding documentary Pumping Iron features a scene where Arnold talks about how pumping in the gym "feels like cumming inside a woman". He goes further and adds that even after working out he still has the same feeling; "I feel like I'm cumming backstage, when I pose in front of thousands of people, I am cumming day and night!". The odd choice of music played during the scene makes it even weirder/funnier.

Live-Action TV
"Lord Flasheart: The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite [taps picture of airplane] like you treat your woman! Lieutenant George: How, how do you mean, Sir? Do you mean, do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother? Lord Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!"
 * Blackadder Goes Forth:

"Swiss Toni: Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible."
 * A Running Gag on The Fast Show with Swiss Toni:

"Swiss Toni: Answering the phone, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You...pick up...the receiver...speak loudly and clearly...oh, and always state your name...(To himself) You're losing it Toni..."
 * Though when he had a nervous breakdown he descended into Metaphorgotten:

"Bruce#1: We find your American beer a little like making love in a canoe. Bruce#2: Making love in a canoe? Bruce#1: It's fucking close to water."
 * Steve Martin - "Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."
 * Monty Python's Flying Circus:

"Bill Maher: Our intention was good; to penetrate Iraq and bring it to a glorious euphoric climax. But it's clear now, that's not going to happen... and yet, we're still pounding away, causing the whole area to become painfully inflamed... and in that situation the kindest thing you can do is just pull out."
 * A similar joke appears in a Discworld book; Vimes calls particularly weak coffee "love-in-a-canoe" coffee. The punchline is omitted.
 * Bill Maher on the Iraq War.


 * George Carlin had used similar metaphors to describe Vietnam and the Gulf War.

Newspaper Comics

 * Used in an early FoxTrot strip, with Roger getting glared at by his wife after trying to lecture his son... on the fine art of lighting a fire.

Video Games

 * The Secret of Monkey Island: "Swordfighting is kinda like making love. It's not what you do but what you say what's important."

Web Comics

 * Used in one SMBC page, about trees. Let's just say someone had to clean bark out of his teeth.

Western Animation
"Bender: "Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor." Amy: I know how to make love!"
 * Used a few times in Futurama.
 * Parodied in "The Series Has Landed", when Amy is trying to retrieve the keys to a spaceship from a claw arcade game.

"Jack: Now son, breaking in to a safe is like making love to a woman. Stan: So, we should just pound on it for like two minutes? Jack: No... you need to gently work the dials till she surrenders..."
 * After Fry first tries a delicious Poppler, he declares "It's like sex, except I'm having it!"
 * From American Dad:

"Chef: Children, playing football is like making love to a really beautiful woman. You can't always score, but when you can, it makes all the trying worthwhile."
 * A second example happens with a guy sweeping a broom outside an abandoned theater. He says sweeping's his passion, and equates it to making love. The Smiths drive away when he offers to show how a broom's like a phallus.
 * South Park:

"Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
 * Inverted in The Simpsons, when Homer actually is trying to give Bart advice about a girl.