Sorting Algorithm of Mortality/WMG

To use the Sorting Algorithm of Mortality, simply add the Scream Score for each applicable row, then divide by as many rows (At this point, 11 or less). Remember: this is a relative score, so you need at least 3 or more characters from the same movie or series to establish a baseline. The original article is here. For characters who have already snuffed it, see Sorting Algorithm of Deadness.

Example Cast:

Series or Film Name
Description of who's who and why they're likely to snuff it.
 * Character A:
 * Row 1: Value 5-1
 * Row 2: Value 5-1
 * Row 3: Value 5-1
 * Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
 * Character B:
 * Row 1: Value 5-1
 * Row 2: Value 5-1
 * Row 3: Value 5-1
 * Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
 * Character C:
 * Row 1: Value 5-1
 * Row 2: Value 5-1
 * Row 3: Value 5-1
 * Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun

Avatar: The Last Airbender

 * Character A: Toph
 * Row 1: Age: Toph's just a little kid! So, 1.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Despite that accidental kiss with Suki, Toph is pretty straight, lusting after Sokka a few times. 3.
 * Row 3: Role: Falls anywhere from Loner to Plucky Comic Relief to The Lancer. I suppose I'll go ahead and give her a 3.
 * Row 4: Aesthetics: Katara called her "pretty" once, but as far as looks go, she doesn't compare to the show's more beautiful characters. Her appearance on the whole is pretty average. 3.
 * Row 5: Personality: Starts out rough around the edges, but she's nice overall. Definitely a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 3.
 * Row 6: Flaws: Well, she's blind. Not Blind Without'Em, just blind. I suppose that still counts as a 3.
 * Row 7: Virtues: Action Girl all the way. A 2.
 * Total divided by rows: 18/7 = 2.57. Aang's ambiguous vision aside, it looks like Toph's probably safe, though in a show that's as close as an American cartoon can get to Anyone Can Die, she might still get it. Definitely not a foregone conclusion as some would have you believe.


 * Character B: Azula
 * Row 1: Age: A monstrous teen to be sure. 4.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Depending on what you take "my favorite prisoner" to mean, Azula's either a Psycho Lesbian or simply someone who's bad with boys or hates people too much to love anyone. Hard to place her here, but based on "The Beach", I'll say she's reluctant and give her a 2.
 * Row 3: Role: Villain all the way. 5.
 * Row 4: Virtues: Nothing listed for looks, personality (she's a bitch but not a nihilist) or Flaws that really apply to her, so skipping straight to this one, and giving her Genre Savvy for 3.
 * Row 5: Occupation: Military Commander, sort of. 4.
 * Total divided by rows: 18/5 = 3.6, meaning she's more likely than not to meet a well-deserved end, but there's still a chance for the heroes to spare, or even reform her. Again, Nick's not afraid to bump off adult villains (Zhao) but killing off a 14-year-old girl might be beyond the pale even for them. Jet and Yue were slightly older.
 * Update: Indeed, the heroes have spared her life in the end. No reforming though. It is possible, but it would most likely take an ungodly amount of therapy.


 * Character C: Aang
 * Row 1: Age: Again, he's a little kid. So, 1.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight or Celibate, but most likely straight, as previous Avatar Roku has shown. 3.
 * Row 3: Role: Hero all the way. 1.
 * Row 4: Personality: As Messainic as they come. 1.
 * Row 5: Occupation: Superhero, big time. 1.
 * Total divided by rows: 7/5 = 1.4. While there's always the chance Mike and Bryan could go for a Matrix-style Messainic sacrifice, I really don't think that would happen to this brave and adorable little guy. Aang's pretty darn close to immortality if you ask me.


 * Character D: Sokka
 * Row 1: Age: Protagonist Teen, so 2.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight, was in love with Princess Yue, kissed Sukki so not quite Reluctant anymore, 3.
 * Row 3: Role: Falls anywhere from Loner to Plucky Comic Relief to The Smart Guy to The Chick. Let's say 4.
 * Row 4: Aesthetics: Not ugly, but he's far from being as good looking as many a minor character, so "Average" for 3.
 * Row 5: Personality: A Deadpan Snarker and comic relif character, which are un-plotted. Still, the funny guy tends to either go first or not at all, so lets be cautious with 3.
 * Row 6: Flaws: He's very skeptical, to the point of almost Arbitrary Skepticism, so that's a 5 right there.
 * Row 7: Virtues: He is Genre Savvy though, so that's a 3.
 * Total divided by rows: 23/7 = 3.28. ... Well, he'll hopefully outlast Azula, but it seems we've found one of the more expendable members of the Gaang.


 * Character E: Zuko
 * Row 1: Age: Protagonist Teen, so 2.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight and in love with Mai, so 3.
 * Row 3: Role: Not quite The Lancer, not quite a Plucky Comic Relief. Split the difference for 3.5
 * Row 4: Aesthetics: Fashionably scarred for 2.
 * Row 5: Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold and an atoner, let's say for 3.5.
 * Row 6: Flaws: Very realistic in an idealistic series, so 4.
 * Row 7: Virtues: He is Genre Savvy though, so that's a 3.
 * Total divided by rows: 21/7 = for a clean 3. Seems Redemption Equals Death will be a cloud in Zuko's horizon as part of the Gaang.


 * Character F: Katara
 * Row 1: Age: Definitely a Protagonist Teen. 2.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation:She seems... reluctant. 2.
 * Row 3: Role: Since they don't have Team Mom up there, probably The Lancer. 3.
 * Row 4: Aesthetics: Not incredibly one way or the other (sensing a theme here?). 3.
 * Row 5: Personality: Has some elements of The Messiah, so 1.
 * Row 6: Flaws: Has elements of a 5, but those don't last too long, so I'm going with a 4.
 * Row 7: Virtues: Part Action Girl, part Main/Pollyanna. 1.5
 * Total divided by rows: 16.5/7= 2.36. Katara doesn't seem likely to die anytime soon. Note: This is about the only piece of news good for both Zutara and Kataang fans.


 * Answers:.

Stargate Atlantis

 * Character A: Dr. Beckett


 * Row 1: Age: Early 40s (apparent) at most. 3
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: You can't count Rodney. 3.
 * Row 4: Role: A major character, but not part of Atlantis-1. 3
 * Row 5: Race: Very white. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Well, he attracted the hot soldier, but let's put it at 3.
 * Row 7: Personality: He's kind of a nerd, but as a doctor who even treats the enemy...split the difference. 2.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Serious technophobe. 2.
 * Row 9: Virtues: The smart, quiet guy 3.5.
 * Row 10: Species: He's a clone. Lousy Word of God-breaking...4.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Takes a hit for being on a military mission (4) and possibly carrying the karma for "Michael". 3.5.
 * Total divided by rows: 27/11 = 2.45. Nearly dead center, but closer to 2 than 3. He may spend next season on ice, but might see daylight again, maybe even to help beat Michael, making him The Atoner.


 * Character B: Administrator Richard Woolsey


 * Row 1: Age: Middle-aged, single, and definitely not that wise. Single Adult = 3.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Has apparently never come up. At all. I'm putting him down as married to his work. 1.
 * Row 4: Role: Started as a single-episode Obstructive Bureaucrat, then became a regular supporting character, and is now a member of the main cast. So, somewhere between Mauve Shirt and Series Regular. 3.5.
 * Row 5: Race: The Whitest Man Alive. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Has never been mentioned on the show, see Row 2. I'm putting him down as genuinely average, rather than Hollywood Homely. 3.5.
 * Row 7: Personality: An Obstructive Bureaucrat, but the writers seem to be slowly growing him a spine, especially now he's joined the main cast. He also was always portrayed with good intentions (despite always trying to shut the Heroes down), so I guess he'd also quality as the Jerk with a Heart of Gold. I'll split the difference and give him 3.5.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Skeptical and Genre Blind (in a show where most characters are Genre Savvy). 5.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Pragmatic. Oh so very much. 5.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: A civilian administrator rather than a Military Commander, but similar career role. 4.
 * Average = 32.5 / 10 = 3.25. Things aren't looking too good for Mr. Woolsey's long-term career prospects. I mean, honestly, Atlantis goes through administrators like Hogwarts goes through Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. And that's not even bringing into consideration the fact that he just recently killed his established, more popular predecessor!.


 * Character C: Dr. Jennifer Keller


 * Row 1: Age: Single Adult. 3.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Has had chemistry scenes with both Ronan and Rodney, so quite straight. 3.
 * Row 4: Role: Recent promotion from Mauve Shirt to series regular. I'll give her a 3.5.
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Keller's more mature than Kaylee, but still has her share of Moe Moe behavior. Still The Cutie. 1.
 * Row 7: Personality: Like her predecessor Dr. Beckett, she seems to fall under the "desire to heal everyone, even crazy cavemen trying to kill me" school of medicine (and she ends up trying to make peace with said crazy cavemen by the end of the episode), so Friend to All Living Things. 1.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Crippling fear of heights. Or was it bridges? In either case, 2.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart. Stargate Doctors tend to have attributes of the Omnidisciplinary Scientist, and she's no exception. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. Despite looking exactly like a certain young female Wraith from several episodes back... 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Well, when you think about it, Keller is the cast's Competent Secondary Female. Sure, Teyla's the Action Girl, but she's also The Heroine and has cast seniority. So, the non-action girl is Vasquez for once. Anyway, give Keller a 5.
 * Average = 25.5 / 10 = 2.55. Unless she goes the Ford route and has a complete flip-out, or they decide to blow her up like Dr. Beckett to show that Anyone Can Die, she seems pretty safe at this point.

Supernatural

 * Character A: Dean


 * Row 1: Age: Twenties. 3
 * Row 2: Sexual orientation: Straight, and not at all reluctant. 3
 * Row 3: Love interests: Temporary. 4
 * Row 4: Role: Hero. 1
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Pretty darn hot. 1
 * Row 7: Personality: Of the above, I'd have to say Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 3
 * Row 8: Species: Human. 3
 * Row 9: Occupation: We Help the Helpless. I'd call that a 2.
 * Total divided by rows: 21/9 = 2.33. Deal with the Devil or no deal, he's got Contractual Immortality. This being Supernatural, it doesn't mean that he won't die, just that he won't stay dead.


 * Character A: Sam


 * Row 1: Age: Twenties. 3
 * Row 2: Sexual orientation: Straight, but a little more reluctant than Dean. 3
 * Row 3: Love interests: Temporary. 4
 * Row 4: Role: Hero. 1
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Definitely The Cutie 1
 * Row 7: Personality: Halfway between Nerd and Jerk with a Heart of Gold, depending on the writer. (3)
 * Row 8: Flaws: Considering he's, I'd call this one Fell Astray. 4
 * Row 9: Virtues: The Smart Guy. 3
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3
 * Row 11: Occupation: We Help the Helpless, like his brother. 2.
 * Total divided by rows: 28/4 = 2.54. He's more likely to bite it than his brother, but again, this being Supernatural, he isn't likely to stay dead.

24

 * Jack Bauer:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: He was a parent, but now falls under Single Adult. 3.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: Hero. 1.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: "Average". 3
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: Comes closest to Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 3.
 * Row 8: Flaws: None on this list. N/A.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Genre Savvy, most of the time. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: (Ex) Federal Agent with questionable ethics. I'll call it a 3
 * Total divided by rows: 24/10= 2.4. Even if rumor that indicates Jack will die at the end of the series is true, he seems moderately safe for the time being.


 * Renee Walker:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: Single. 3.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: As far as we know, straight. 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: The Lancer. 3.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: Average. 3
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: The Captain of the FBI in the latter portion of the seventh season. 2.
 * Row 8: Flaws: None here. N/A.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Action Girl. 2.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: FBI Agent with emerging questionable ethics. Call it a 3
 * Total divided by rows: 24/10= 2.4. Right up there with Jack, she seems safe for the time being.


 * Chloe O'Brien:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: Parent. 4.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: Plucky Comic Relief. 4.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: Average. 3
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: Nerd. 3.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Smartass. 4.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Hero's friend. 4
 * Total divided by rows: 33/11= 3. Factoring in the fact that she's the longest-lived non-Jack regular and her close friendship with Jack, she better watch out.


 * Larry Moss:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: S Ingle Adult. 3.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: Since he's a boss skeptical of Jack at the start, he gets a 5.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: Average. 3
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: The Captain of the FBI. 2.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Skeptical. 5.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Pragmatic. 5.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: A commander, but not of the military. I'll give him a 3
 * Total divided by rows: 33/11= 3.09. Survived a long time, but he was doomed from the start.



Firefly

 * Kaylee Frye:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: Very late teens or early adults. She acts young, so we go for the lower. 2.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. Unless you count her electric "friends". 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Action Series, with a marriage that was only terminated by death 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: Plucky Comic Relief. 4.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: The Cutie. Seriously, that lady is Moe Moe. 1
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: Tough one. Nerd, but also Friend to All Living Things. Average: 2.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Useless with weaponry, but who would want to hurt her? 2.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart and Genre Savvy at times. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Wrench Wench. 3
 * Total divided by rows: 25/11= 2.27. Seriously, she's just too pretty to die. Unless Joss Whedon is feeling particularly evil.


 * Inara:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: "Single" adult. 3
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: She drops her panties for anyone with sufficient credits, of either gender. 5.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: See above 1.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: Ms. Fanservice and The Lancer. 2.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian, but there's clearly something else in there. '1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: Very attractive. 1
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: Hooker with a Heart of Gold. 2 then.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Apart from her profession, few really. Make it 2 for the former.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart, Genre Savvy. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Companion, for which read prostitute. 4.
 * Total divided by rows: 27/11= 2.45. She's safe, basically.


 * Wash:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: Married adult, but not a parent. 3.5
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Hard to call. Zoe is an Action Girl, so we'll call it a 4.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: More Plucky Comic Relief than anything else. 4
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: Average (your mileage may vary). 3
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: Usually comes off as an Innocent. 5
 * 8) Row 8: Flaws: Definitely a Smartass. 4
 * 9) Row 9: Virtues: Smart and Curious, kind of Genre Dumb. We'll call it a 4.
 * 10) Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * 11) Row 11: Occupation: While technically a pilot, he's really the Happy Family Man. And to make things even worse, he's the Happy Family Man in a verse whose creator HATES HAPPINESS. 5.
 * 12) * Total divided by rows: 39.5/11= 3.59. We now know the standard for "doomed".


 * Zoe:
 * 1) Row 1: Age: Not so much older, but certainly wiser. 5
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: She's effectively single now. No score.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: The Lancer. 2
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Black 5.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: A little to stern to be the Cutie. We'll call her a 2.
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: None of the descriptions fit. We'll skip this one for now.
 * 8) Row 8: Flaws: Nothing standing out in this category, either.
 * 9) Row 9: Virtues: Action Girl. 2.
 * 10) Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
 * 11) Row 11: Occupation: Served under a military commander; possibly a competent secondary. Make it 4.
 * 12) * Total divided by rows: 26/8= 3.25. If the show were to continue, her days might be numbered.

So, including Flaws, Mal has a 2.5 exactly. Without flaws, its 2.3888888... which means that even Joss Whedon would have a hard time killing this guy!
 * Mal
 * 1) Row 1: Age: A single guy, so 3.
 * 2) Row 2: Sexual Orientation: almost definitely straight, possibly bisexual. 3.
 * 3) Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: He is single. No score.
 * 4) Row 4: Role: the Protagonist so a definite 1.
 * 5) Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Row 6: Aesthetics: YMMV but probably average or fashionably scarred- a 2.5.
 * 7) Row 7: Personality: The Captain if there ever was one. 2.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Hm.... not really any, but he can be a smartass- but only a little. I'll put him at a 3.5, and include results without the score as well.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart, so a 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human, but in a show that has nothing but humans its kinda strange to count it, but a 3 averages out. so 3.
 * Row 11: Occupation: I'd say some where between military commander and adventurer, so another 3.


 * River
 * Age: A seventeen-year-old teen, so 2.
 * Sexual orientation:: Unknown. Skipping.
 * Love Interests by Genre None, so skipping.
 * Role: Ignored Expert fits her pretty well - 2.
 * Race: Caucasian - 1.
 * Aesthethics: The Cutie, definitely - 1.
 * Personality: Tough one. Let's put down a 3 as a Crazy with a Heart of Gold.
 * Flaws: Schizophrenia seems somewhere between "Mentally Handicapped" and "Crippling phobia", so 1.5.
 * Virtues: Switches between Action Girl, Supergenius Girl and Emotionless girl. I'll go with the average of 3.
 * Species: Human - 3.
 * Occupation: Her abilities make her the closest thing the show has to a Superhero, so I'll give her a 1.
 * Final score: 1.94. Not getting killed any time soon. She's even safer when you consider that the central plot revolves around her being alive.


 * Simon
 * Age: Adult, so 3.
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight - 3.
 * Love Interests by Genre: It's an Action Series and Kaylee is often a Distressed Damsel - 1.
 * Role: Something of a loner - 4.
 * Aesthetics: Considering his gratuitous shirtless scene, Kaylee's immediate attraction and Jayne's remark about "yapping that pretty mouth" at him, I'll go ahead and pick the Cutie - 1.
 * Personality: Somewhere between a handsome Nerd and a Ditz - 3.5.
 * Flaws: Smartass, definitely Butt Monkey, what with often he gets punched - 4.
 * Virtues: The Smart Guy, so 3.
 * Species: Human - 3.
 * Occupation: Somewhat of a Non-Action Guy, so I'll go with Innocent Bystander and thus 3.
 * Final score: 2.85 - potentially at risk, especially because of the dramatic potential of his death's effect on River and Kaylee. However, it would mean introducing a new Medic to the show...

Gears of War
Gears of War 2 is set to deal with Dom and the torment he goes through while trying to find his wife. Let's see if he, Marcus, and Cole make it!
 * Character A: Dom
 * 1) Dom is single, but way of being a widower. 3.5
 * 2) Straight, obviously, so 3.
 * 3) His Wife is the distressed damsel, and this is an action series. 1
 * 4) Dom is The Lancer if you've ever seen one. 3.
 * 5) Mexican, but only half. Nonetheless, 4.
 * 6) Doesn't really say.
 * 7) None of the above.
 * 8) A bit of a smartass, not as much as Baird, but it counts. 4.
 * 9) None of the above.
 * 10) Human. 3.
 * 11) He is a guy in the military AND the Hero's friend, so 4.
 * 12) * Total: 25.5/8 rows Final score: 3.1875. If he keeps his head down, he might make it.


 * Character B: Marcus Fenix
 * 1) Single Adult. 3
 * 2) Never says.
 * 3) None.
 * 4) Hero. 1.
 * 5) Caucasian. 1.
 * 6) Fashionably Scarred. 2.
 * 7) He is closest to The Captain in personality. 2.
 * 8) He fell astray in terms of got thrown in jail for desertion. 4.
 * 9) Fairly quiet. 4.
 * 10) Human 3.
 * 11) Again, in the military. 4.
 * 12) * Total: 24 /9 rows Final score: 2.66. I think he will be just fine.


 * Character C: Augustus Cole
 * 1) Seems to be single. 3.
 * 2) Never comes up.
 * 3) ' None.
 * 4) Arguably comic relief. 4.
 * 5) Black. 5.
 * 6) Average. 3.
 * 7) Closest to the Jerk Jock. 4.
 * 8) Cole is an awfully flat character, so not mentioned.
 * 9) Cole is an awfully flat character, so not mentioned.
 * 10) Human. 3.
 * 11) Military, 4.
 * 12) * Total: 26 /7 rows Final score: 3.7. The Cole train may be stopping pretty soon.

Torchwood

 * Character A: Ianto Jones
 * Row 1: Age: Adult. 3.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Bisexual. 5.
 * Row 3: Love Interests By Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * Row 4: Role: Somewhat Plucky Comic Relief. 3.5
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Quite attractive, and probably the closest to The Cutie as the show comes. 1.
 * Row 7: Personality: Hard to place, but probably closest to a 3.
 * Row 8: Flaws: A bit of a smartass. 4
 * Row 9: Virtues: Smart, as well as quiet. Split the difference to a 3.5.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3
 * Row 11: Occupation: Hmmm... Well... they're a secret organisation... I'm probably going to have to go with 2.5.
 * Total divided by rows: 30.5/11 = 2.77. He has a shockingly average lifespan. I'd say that means he's probably safe for at least a couple more seasons, at least.


 * Character B: Gwen Cooper
 * Row 1: Age: Married, but has no kids. 3.5
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Basically straight. 3.
 * Row 3: Love Interests By Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * Row 4: Role: Lead Female. 1.
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Pretty, but not amazingly so. 1.5
 * Row 7: Personality: Can sometimes be The Ditz. 3.5
 * Row 8: Flaws: Varies. Has been known to do some pretty crazy things (but, among this cast, who hasn't?) 3.5
 * Row 9: Virtues: Action Girl. 2.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3
 * Row 11: Occupation: Again, secret organisation. 2.5
 * Total divided by rows: 22/11 = 2. I doubt Gwen's going anywhere anytime soon.


 * Character C: Jack Harkness
 * Row 1: Age: Adult, but also technically older, so split the difference at 4.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Bisexual. And a slut. Ouch. 5.
 * Row 3: Love Interests By Genre: Action Series. 1.
 * Row 4: Role: He's the hero. 1.
 * Row 5: Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Super hot, but not really "cute". 1.5
 * Row 7: Personality: Obviously The Captain! 2
 * Row 8: Flaws: Stupidity seems to be a necessity to work at Torchwood, so probably a 3.5.
 * Row 9: Virtues: Fairly Genre Savvy. 3.
 * Row 10: Species: Human. 3
 * Row 11: Occupation: Best fits at. 2.5.
 * Total divided by rows: 27.5/11 = 2.5. Jack scored higher than Gwen, but we all sort of know that's a bit of a moot point. Unless something really crazy happens, he probably won't get killed for real any time soon.

Futurama

 * Character A: Bender
 * Row 1: Age: Single adult. 3.
 * Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
 * Row 4: Role: Plucky Comedy Relief. 4.
 * Row 6: Aesthetics: Average. 3.
 * Row 7: Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 3.
 * Row 8: Flaws: Greedy, among other things. 5.
 * Row 10: Species: Robot. 5.
 * Row 11: Occupation: Hero's Friend. 4
 * Total divided by rows: 30/8 = 3.75. Bender is in a bit of trouble, although being in Futurama probably takes some points off.

Modern Warfare

 * "Soap" MacTavish
 * Age: Seems to be single. 3.
 * Role: The Hero all the way. 1.
 * Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Aesthetics: He's got a big, nasty scar over one of his eyes. 2.
 * Personality: The Captain. 2.
 * Virtues: Willing to do whatever it takes...probably a 5.
 * Final Score: 2.333... Not all that likely.


 * John Price
 * Age: He must be at least 40. 5.
 * Role: Hero of Another Story. 3.
 * Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Aesthetics: Pretty normal, besides the pimpin' facial hair. 3.
 * Personality: He's got a few screws loose in MW 2, but he's a Captain. Let's average it out at 3.5.
 * Virtues: 20 years in SAS have given him a good stash of knowledge. 3.
 * Occupation: Hero's comrade. 4.
 * Final Score: 3.214285714. Questionable. Ready your tissues for MW 3, just in case.


 * Makarov
 * Age: Judging by that blow-up doll in his base, he's probably a 3.
 * Sexual Orientation: See Age. 3.
 * Role: Solid villain. 5.
 * Race: Caucasian. 1.
 * Aesthetics: Some people think he's hot, others are just not seeing it...let's go with 3.
 * Flaws: Will do anything for the right price. 5.
 * Occupation: He's a terrorist. 5.
 * Final Score: 3.571428571. Surprisingly low for a villain. Then again, if we consider his race to be a non-factor, we get a 4. Let's hope the developers go with the latter.


 * Foley
 * Age: Doesn't seem to be that old. 3.
 * Race: Black. 5.
 * Aesthetics: Normal. 3.
 * Personality: The Captain. 2.
 * Occupation: Military Commander. 4.
 * Final Score: 3.4. Things don't look too good for our favorite boss...person...guy.

Skins
Skins likes to kill one major character every two seasons. Who will it be for Generation 3?

Mini McGuinness
 * Sexual Orientation: Probably a lesbian: 4
 * Role: The hero: 1
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Girly Girl: 2
 * Aesthetics: The cutie: 1
 * Personality: Jerk With A Heart of Gold: 3
 * Virtues: Pollyanna: 1
 * Flaws: Closest would be greedy: 5
 * Total Score: 2.25 - She'll need to open the closet doors first before anyone can get at her.

Grace Violet Blood
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight/Reluctant: 2.5
 * Role: The Chick / The Lancer: 2.5
 * Love Interests: Closest would be Shrinking Violet: 2
 * Race: Biracial but looks Black: 5
 * Gender: Girly Girl: 2
 * Aesthetics: The cutie: 1
 * Personality: The Messiah / Friend to All Living Things, but also possibly Too Good for This Sinful Earth - averaging to: 2.5
 * Flaws: None of the above: no score
 * Virtues: Pollyanna: 1
 * Total Score: 2.31 - They probably won't kill their Purity Sue, unless Jamie Brittain is feeling particularly sadistic right before the generation finale. Hey, after what happened to, who knows?

Franky Fitzgerald
 * Sexual Orientation: She "likes people," making her closest equivalent a bisexual: 5
 * Love Interests: She's The Woobie and therefore a Damsel in Distress: 1
 * Role: The hero: 1
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Bifauxnen: 5
 * Aesthetics: The cutie: 1
 * Personality: A sweet nerd: 3
 * Flaws: Crippling phobia: 2
 * Virtues: She's quiet and clever: 3.5
 * Total Score: 2.5 - She's already had enough hardship in her life.

Nick Levan
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Love Interests: Shallow Love Interest / Temporary Love Interest: 3.5
 * Role: Somewhere between The Hero and The Lancer, depending on his storyline: 2
 * Race: White with hints of Ambiguously Brown: 1.5
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Mr. Fanservice: 1
 * Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold: 3
 * Flaws: Closest would be The Stoner: 4
 * Virtues: Extroverted, athletic: 2
 * Total Score: 2.56 - Now that he's off the rugby team, his risk of serious injury has decreased dramatically.

Rich Hardbeck
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Role: Initially Those Two Guys with Alo, and is something of The Chick for their boy group: 2
 * Love Interests: The closest would be Shrinking Violet: 2
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Average: 3
 * Personality: Loner / Jerk with a Heart of Gold: 3
 * Flaws: Smartass: 4
 * Virtues: Quiet: 4
 * Total Score: 2.78 - Could go either way, depending on how careful he is with those headphones.

Liv Malone
 * Sexual Orientation: Slutty: 5
 * Role: The Lancer: 3
 * Race: Black: 5
 * Gender: Mildly tomboyish/tough, but not masculine: 1
 * Aesthetics: Attractive, but more hot than cute: 2
 * Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold: 3
 * Virtues: Smart and fairly Genre Savvy: 3
 * Flaws: Smartass: 4
 * Total Score: 3.25 - The most likely candidate if they decide to kill a girl this time.

Alo Creevey
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Role: Plucky Comic Relief, most of the time: 4
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Kinda ugly: 4
 * Personality: Crazy Awesome: 5
 * Flaws: The Stoner: 4
 * Virtues: The curious one: 5
 * Total Score: 3.63 - Let's just hope he doesn't go out the way his cow did.

Matty Levan ---
 * Sexual Orientation: Bisexual, and even if it's an Informed Ability, he's still slutty enough to earn a: 5
 * Role: The Scrappy / Loner / The Smart Guy : 4
 * Race: As with his brother, presumably White but with some Ambiguously Brown thrown in: 1.5
 * Gender: Male, and while hardly Camp, he's got an effeminate side: 3.5
 * Aesthetics: Fans either find him terribly attractive or not in the slightest, even creepy, averaging out to a: 3
 * Personality: Nietzsche Wannabe: 5
 * Flaws: Dirty Coward / Smartass: 4.5
 * Virtues: Definitely The Quiet One: 4
 * Total Score: 3.81 - And There Was Much Rejoicing!

Skins US
Michelle Richardson
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Love Interests: Damsel in Distress after Tony dumps her: 1
 * Role: The Chick: 2
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Girly-Girl: 2
 * Aesthetics: The Cutie: 1
 * Personality: Shades of both The Nerd and The Ditz: 3.5
 * Flaws: Genre Blind: 5
 * Virtues: The Pollyanna / The Smart Guy: 2
 * Final Score: 2.28

Eura Snyder
 * Sexual Orientation: Unknown: no score
 * Role: Hero of Another Story / The Scrappy: 3
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Action Girl: 1
 * Aesthetics: Intended to be The Cutie: 1
 * Personality: Not much is known about her yet, but so far has shades of Nietzsche Wannabe: 5
 * Flaws: Insufferable Genius: 4
 * Virtues: Emotionless Girl: 4
 * Final Score: 2.71

Stanley Lucerne
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Love Interests: Closest would be Shrinking Violet: 2
 * Role: The Sidekick: 3
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: The Pig Pen: 5
 * Personality: The Loser Is You: 3
 * Flaws: The Stoner / Butt Monkey: 4
 * Virtues: The Fool: 1
 * Final Score: 2.78

Daisy Valero
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Role: The Smart Guy: 4
 * Race: Latina: 4
 * Gender: See above for Liv: 1
 * Aesthetics: The Cutie with large breasts: 1
 * Personality: Team Mom: 2
 * Flaws: Smartass: 4
 * Virtues: Smart/Pragmatic: 4
 * Final Score: 2.88

Tony Snyder
 * Sexual Orientation: Slut: 5
 * Love Interests: Shallow Love Interest/Temporary: 3.5
 * Role: Creator's Pet: 1
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Mr. Fanservice: 1
 * Personality: Insufferable Genius / Jerkass: 4
 * Flaws: Smartass: 4
 * Virtues: The Determinator / Ambitious: 3.5
 * Final Score: 2.89

Tea Marvelli
 * Sexual Orientation: Lesbian, but has had sex with a boy, and is generally pretty slutty: 4.5
 * Love Interests: Shallow and Temporary: 3.5
 * Role: The Chick: 2
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Same as Daisy and Liv: 1
 * 'Aesthetics: The Cutie, but more hot than cute: 2
 * Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold: 3
 * Flaws: Smartass: 4
 * Virtues: Confidence/Ambition: 5
 * Final Score: 2.89

Cadie Campbell
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Love Interests: Damsel in Distress: 1
 * Role: Loner: 4
 * Race: Biracial (Black/White): 3
 * Gender: The Chick: 2
 * Aesthetics: Hollywood Average: 3
 * Personality: Closest would be The Ditz: 4
 * Flaws: Crippling Phobia: 2
 * Virtues: Emotionless Girl: 4
 * Final Score: 2.89

Betty
 * Sexual Orientation: Lesbian: 4
 * Love Interests: Shrinking Violet / Shallow Female Love Interest: 2.5
 * Role: The Chick: 2
 * Race: Black: 5
 * Gender: Lipstick Lesbian: 2
 * Aesthetics: The Cutie: 1
 * Personality: None of the above: no score
 * Flaws: Genre Blind: 5
 * Virtues: Quiet girl: 4
 * Final Score: 3.19

Chris Collins
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Role: Plucky Comic Relief: 4
 * Race: White: 1
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Average: 3
 * Personality: The Ditz: 4
 * Flaws: The Stoner: 4
 * Virtues: The curious one: 5
 * Final Score: 3.38

Abbud Siddiqi
 * 'Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Role: Plucky Comic Relief: 4
 * Race: Asian: 3
 * Gender: Male: 3
 * Aesthetics: Ugly, or at least Hollywood Homely: 5
 * Personality: The Ditz: 4
 * Flaws: Genre Blind / Butt Monkey: 4.5
 * Virtues: The Fool: 1
 * Final Score: 3.44

Mass Effect
Yes, I'm aware that Anyone Can Die in Mass Effect. I just wanted to see their scores for ME 3 provided they lived to then.

Commander Shepard
 * Age: Adult. 3
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3 (Though it sounds like Bioware might make it possible to change this in ME 3, I won't apply this, since romance is your own decision.)
 * Role: The Hero: 1
 * Race: probably White, 1
 * Aesthetics: (I'm leaving this out, since Shepard does everything the same regardless of if you make him ugly or not.)
 * Personality: The Captain(Paragon/Paragade): 2 / Jerk with a Heart of Gold (Renegade): 3
 * Flaws: I guess Smartass for talking that way to the Reapers, but it doesn't really fit. : 4
 * Virtues: Action Girl (!Fem Shep): 2 / Pragmatic(Renegade): 4 (I'll just land Paragon Shepard a 3)
 * Species: Human: 3
 * Occupation: Military Commander: 4
 * Final Score: 2.56-2.89. Give or take, a little over the average lifespan. It's very telling about the Reapers' plans that they've already managed to kill him once.

Liara T'Soni
 * Age: Single adult: 3
 * Sexual Orientation: Probably somewhere between straight and reluctant. Difficult due to her species being mono-gendered. 2.5
 * Love Interest: Shrinking Violet: 2
 * Role: Close to Jor-El, due to her archaeology background. 2.5 I guess (since she isn't really that either)
 * Aesthetics: The Cutie: 1 (Even among asari, Liara seems like this.)
 * Personality: Nerd: 3 (eh, only with the Prothean artifacts)
 * Flaws: (None of those really fit...)
 * Virtues: Quiet Girl, but also has Smart and probably Genre Savvy, given how much trouble she went to get Shepard's body. 3.5
 * Species: Pretty Aliens: 2
 * Occupation: "Adventurer" Archaeologist (She needs the first half even if she really wants to do the second half): 2
 * Final Score: 2.39. For one of the few characters guaranteed to survive ME 2, that's still a decently high score. Though, it's still lower than most others, I anticipate.

Garrus Vakarian
 * Age: Single adult: 3
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3
 * Love Interest: His relationship could be considered "temporary" at the time, given that he was headed into a suicide mission. 4. (Where it goes after ME 2, may change this)
 * Role: The Lancer: 3
 * Aesthetics: Well most (in-game)people say turians are ugly, but Garrus isn't that bad, really. And he has the whole "rocket-to-the-face" scars going for him. I'd say 2.
 * Personality: He's idealistic, but not Innocent. He's probably somewhere between The Captain (for his Omega work) and Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 2.5
 * Species: Human alien: 3
 * Occupation: He's a former C-Sec officer, but not quite in the same way as most Retirony cases go; he still wants more action. He is still very much the Hero's friend, however. 4.5.
 * Final Score: 3.125. He's at a slightly higher risk of death, but he's already stared it down more than once. What's one more time?

Tali'Zorah
 * Age: She just became an adult. 3.
 * Sexual Orientation: Straight: 3 (She was going to be also a possible same-sex interest, but it was dummied out.)
 * Love Interest: Shrinking Violet. 2.
 * Role: Unfortunately, with her track record, she's going the path of the Loner. 4.
 * Aesthetics: Without seeing what she looks like with that helmet off, she looks just like any other quarian. 3.
 * Personality: She's closer to a nerd than anything else. 3
 * "Virtues": Quiet girl. 4.
 * Species: Human alien: 3
 * Occupation: Definitely Shepard's friend. 4.
 * Final Score: 3.22. Again, like Garrus, higher risk of death, but nothing too staggeringly short.

Mordin Solus
 * Age: Very old for a salarian. But debatable whether he was Older and Wiser, or just a plain old single adult. It leans toward the former (based on his religious beliefs) so he's a 4.5.
 * Sexual Orientation: He's apathetic about anyone who's not Shepard. Probably something between celibate and reluctant. 1.5.
 * Role: Plucky Comic Relief. 4.
 * Aesthetics: He's got the scars, but they're not quite as prominent as Garrus's. He's otherwise quite average. 2.5.
 * Personality: He's a med nerd, definitely. But he has shades of Crazy Survivalist as well (what with the farming equipment). 3.75?
 * Virtues: He straddles a line between Smart and Curious. Probably around 4, then.
 * Species: Human Alien. 3.
 * Occupation: Scientist with questionable morality. 3.
 * Final Score: 3.28. Those high scores were really starting to make me fear for Mordin's life, but it all boils down to only slightly less-lived than average, somehow. But, with Mordin at the end of his life, that may be sooner than you might think.

Samara
 * Age: Older and Wiser: 5.
 * Sexual Orientation: As straight as asari can be. 3. (She is celibate now, but not in the past.)
 * Role: She has shades of the Obi-Wan, and is definitely a loner. 4.5.
 * Aesthetics: Your call on if she is a "cutie". I find her more toward the average part. 2.5.
 * Virtues: More quiet than is probably good for her. 4.
 * Species: Pretty Alien. 2.
 * Occupation: She's old enough to probably give an Obi-Wan moment, and she is definitely a competent female fighter. 5 on both counts.
 * Final Score: 3.71. I picked Samara deliberately because I believed she was going to be more likely to die than the rest. While she is notably higher up in the score than the rest, she still is not quite as toast as I thought she was going to be.

Wrex
 * Age: He's older than Samara. If that's not Older and Wiser, nothing is. 5.
 * Role: He is a Lancer and Hero of Another Story (regarding his work with the krogan). He had the Loner part, but he has ditched it in ME 2. 3.25.
 * Aesthetics: Scars, as befitting a krogan. 2.
 * Personality: He was pretty fatalistic in ME 1, but it seems he has grown out of it. Still the Jerk with a Heart of Gold, though. 3.5
 * Virtues: He's the most pragmatic of the krogan, at least with regards to breeding instead of fighting. He fights like a krogan, but he probably more willing to improvise than most. 5.
 * Species: Krogan are closer to a human species than anything. 3.
 * Occupation: He's certainly Shepard's friend. Whether you can call him a mentor is up to you. 4.5.
 * Final Score: 3.75. Pretty bad off, considering how important he is. The fact that ME 2 defaults to his death is really telling of this. Plus, he is nearly a thousand years old. He must be approaching the end of that lifespan soon.


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