"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Fan Works
- The magnificent Final Fantasy IX fic Go Not Gently stands back and lets its villain deliver an absolutely cutting speech to an adult Eiko Carol as she tries to defend Zidane's heroism. (Do not highlight the spoilers unless you've read the fic.)
Tango/ Vivi: What we did together, was it so courageous? Zidane walked among us as an angel of death, down in the dark places, his heart a crippled worm of blackness worse than Kuja's. Worse than Garland. He danced the dance of death and everything he touched turned to dust, linden-bloom. We walked in Alexandria and it exploded. We walked in Lindblum and it exploded. We walked in Burmecia and it exploded. We walked in Cleyra and it exploded. We walked in Terra, the dead planet, and it died. Do you truly know the things Zidane did, down, down, in the dark, with his hands and feet and mouth?
Eiko: Zidane was a hero. Shut up! Shut up!
Tango/ Vivi: Zidane was a liar!
- In Chapter Three of the novel-length Daria Fanfic It's All About Respect, Sandi Griffin delivers a blistering Colony Drop version of one of these to Daria, in front of a lunch-room crowd:
Sandi: "I don't even know why I'm even wasting my time or theirs talking about or to you. You don't care about anything or anyone here -- you wouldn't lose a moment's sleep if anyone or everyone else were wiped out, would you? To you, it really wouldn't matter if this were a class project, a video game or real life - even if all these people that you know were to get wiped out, would it? You don't care about people getting hurt or dying -- I'm certain you didn't lose sleep over Tommy Sherman --"
Daria: "You have no right to say that about me."
Sandi: "I have every right to say it. You make fun of all of us. You think we're idiots, running around doing nothing of any real worth, just acting stupid and wasting time until we're dead while YOU cage yourself up in the dark in libraries and such, doing your living by reading constantly about the people who had the guts to do what you won't -- which is go out and LIVE! You make fun of people like Kevin, and Brittany, and Charles. You make fun of things like the 'Lowdown', the Fashion Club and the football team, and people like Andrea -- hell people like Mack and ME are afraid that someday, you'll notice them and start chopping away at them, hurting their feelings because you don't want to feel good yourself and don't want to know why! You treat us like idiots! Yes, we're not all as smart as you -- and by the way, even though we ARE the idiots, we still outnumber you - and if we wanted, we could stampede over you. But do you know why we don't? Because we don't NOTICE you. You see -- we're having fun. We're out doing things. We fight among ourselves, we do stupid things, we make others notice us, but above everything elseâ€¦ we're living. We're alive - and whether we're in pain, or happy or getting screwed by the system, we're gonna keep going -- but YOU! You're a black hole for happiness -- you're world-class buzzkill! It's kind of like what Billy Thomas said on 'Ally McBeal' -- 'Life is wasted on you, Daria! Life is wasted on you because you'll never enjoy it!' You're worse than a 'misery chick' -- you're Sally Field in 'Soapdish!' No matter how many chances you get for happiness, you'll just screw them up because you are the Queen -- of -- MISERY!"
- Jane gives Daria the OTHER barrel of the coach gun moments later with an equally harsh speech -- and then, in Chapter Five, Daria herself gives one of these to Trent Lane:
Trent: "Daria, I'm not trying to --"
Daria: "You're not doing ANYTHING with, to or for me -- there are better-looking ways to get an STD, and you've probably never heard of antibiotics. What, piss-poor lyrics make you dumb AND deaf? Let me make it simple, so even a non-guitar playing bag of skin, bones and smell like you can understand without you needing your wannabe psychic earth-mother floating around on bong smoke to translate: GET -- AWAY -- FROM -- ME. GO -- THE -- HELL -- AWAY. FUCK -- OFF!" (pauses) "So you are capable of learning. I guess that empty look in your eyes is just for decoration -- well, something about you should be physically appealing to someone someday. Study up on '2+ 2' -- maybe you'll SOMEDAY be able to swing that job collecting tolls on the Jersey Turnpike. It's your kind of career, Trent: money, respect AND intellectual development. Maybe you'll pull down a Nobel Prize for your fundamental breakthroughs in counting loose change." (Trent steps away.) "Smart call, two-ply. Now practice playing the scales -- it'll help you pass the time in the Public Aid Office while you wait for your appointment to get food stamps. Better yet, close your eyes while you're there and count all the fans you'll have when you make it -- my God, are you done already?"
Jesse: "Daria, c'mon --"
Daria: "Are YOU trying to develop the concept of speech and evolve?" (shoves something down Jesse's pants) "Here's a twenty; go buy a haircut, a shirt and a vasectomy. That way -- you'll be the perfect man."
- In Chapter 16 of God Save the Esteem, appropriately titled Wedding Hell, Erin (Daria's cousin) unloads on all and sundry with a screamer at her own wedding:
Erin: "Don't you even think about telling me off for making a scene, maybe if I did it more often I wouldn't be standing in the shit like this! As pathetic as Aunt Helen and her fucking coven are, at least they don't let someone box them into a fucking box for their own image! This wedding, this fucking wedding... this is all, all mirrors and smoke, you just want it to look good so you can pretend you wanted me to get married! And oh yes, Brian is fucking worthless but that never bothered you about Paul or Bruno or any other of the other troglodytes you keep dragging round the house every four months and forcing me to play stepdaughter to! And you wonder why I left home the damn instant I was laid off from work and had an excuse to move? Any wonder I stick with my troglodyte after watching you piss it up every third of the year? Don't you ever think it, Daddy! I haven't seen you in years and so what if you can't stand Mother you could work something out, but you don't! And Aunt Amy! Brilliant damn advice, brilliant, you sure know about horrible shitty relationships only you forgot to give me anything more practical, like what happens if my boss is such a creepy pushy bastard he follows me? YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'VE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH MY BOSS ANDREW LANDON WE DID IT TWO MINUTES AGO! Well, that's me fired, I guess, and the wedding off too! Are we having FUN yet? Are we, Hellion Wheels? Is this punk enough for you? Maybe if I was doing this at 3 fucking AM and shoving it down your throat every damn time we met, that'd be punk, right? Christ, and your hellspawn is worse than you, you must have really worked at that! And don't think you're out of it, Daria, you made it clear you knew the marriage was failing and you snarked about it! Snarked about it? What use could you be to anyone? And a big thank you, I MEAN FUCK YOU, to all my friends who had to walk in and decided to snitch about me behind my back, well I'm sure glad I wasted years of my life with you and tried to act all sympathetic with your problems! A total waste! I hate every damn one of you."
- Heroic Example: In the fan-made DCU Shared Universe of JLA Watchtower, Gar Logan gets in a zinger of one against a resurrected Terra. The Gar player at the time had just finished reading Judas Contract and was mad as hell about what Terra put him through.
Terra: Thought you mighta been one of the smart ones. Dick had something to prove. Kory was an airhead. Donna was all 'whatever ya say, Dick.' Tincan was stuck in moping mode. An' let's not go there with Raven. But you mighta been something.
Beast Boy: I am! I ditched my lying, deceptive user of a power hungry lunatic, and found someone the complete opposite to share my life with! (laughs) And you were so pathetic, after getting out of your slavery in Hell with a sliver of honor, to fall right back to where you DIED. A worthless shell, used to bribe assassins with, among others no doubt, to con with, and scheme with. And now you tried to con yourself a life. With your ex no less. As a martyr to the Titans yourself, back from the dead honorably, when you really died crushing yourself by accident in the murderous rage you created from your insanity. You're pathetic Markov....See, that's your main trouble. You hate the truth Tara. You love lies. Lies are your best friend. You can shape lies. You can't shape truth. You can adjust lies by adding more lies. Adding a lie to a truth just makes it look worse. And you know what you'll end up dying with Tara? You and your lies. What a life that was. From nothing to something to nothing again. Hope you like this path, because on this planet, on the road you're on, you're pretty much screwed. Here lies Lying Manipulator. Died alone.
- Played straight and then subverted in Ultimate Sleepwalker: The New Dreams, when Psyko has led an army of brainwashed supervillains in a mass invasion and beaten Sleepwalker to within an inch of his life. Sleepwalker, already half-made with guilt over Psyko's creation, completely loses his mind and very nearly kills his human host Rick Sheridan. It takes some Epiphany Therapy from Rick to bring Sleepwalker around, and when Sleepy comes back for round two, Psyko tries the speech again, only for Sleepwalker to throw it right back in his face with a Shut UP, Hannibal retort of his own.
- Link gives one to Mido in Awesomeness of the Ocarina. It is also played with, because it is more of a Badass Boast.
"Why yes, young Mido. I wield [the Kokiri Sword] tightly so that I may smite any enemy that stands in my way. And most importantly is the symbol that these two items make when they are placed together. It is the symbol of your defeat by my hands once again. It proves that your status as my rival is but a joke delivered by a sad clown and is dismissed just as quickly. It tells the depressing story of how a young man, you, constantly tries to face the invincible giant, me, in a battle of wits, yet even though you keep trying and keep trying, your sheer suckatude always causes you to be crushed by my sheer awesomeness. I weep for you, young Mido. I weep for others like you, who feel as though you could possibly defeat awesome main characters such as myself. In fact, maybe I can consider myself as a Mary Sue compared to you. Your shittiness as a character, no… as a soul in this universe, is only useful for one thing, and that is to glorify my existence. Lastly, this sword and shield is a reminder that no matter what you accomplish in your life, compared to me, you will always and forever be shit."
- In Love Hina Double Trouble, a wanted murderer of all people lashes this out on the resident Tsundere duo, Naru and Motoko:
"Don't you two get it? You two are the monsters, not me! You two attack people just for gesturing at you wrong! I know! I've done my research into you two bitches! Parents tell their kids to stay away from people like you! You two are ten times scarier than I could ever be!"
- In the Total Drama Island fanfic Don't You Care Anymore? Where Gwen refused to kiss Duncan after Courtney gets eliminated Gwen tells her exactly why Duncan would try such a thing.
"Listen and shut up for once in your life! You want to know the truth? Let's start with what happened on TDI when you left him with a sprained ankle when chose the money over him! What kind of girlfriend chooses money over her boyfriend? Then when you and he were got back together on TDA did you try to patch things up with him? No, instead you made a thirty page list of what he could and couldn't do all because you and everyone else thought Duncan and I were seeing each other behind everyone's backs without any kind of solid proof! And even after you two got back together you were still a rude and possessive bitch! I never stole Duncan from you! You drove him away because you wanted to change him into something he was not! If you truly loved him like you said you did you wouldn't have come up with some stupid lawyer list on what he couldn't do and a list of what changes he needed! You better think long and hard about what you have done in that near empty head you have because I am getting sick of the crap I have been getting about this! You may call me the New Heather all you want but even if I did kiss Duncan you still would not be any better. Flirting with Tyler while he was with Lindsay just to get Duncan jealous and you flirted with Alejandro while Heather might have had a crush on him. When it is going to be enough, Courtney? How long are you going to keep trying to get revenge until you are satisfied?"
- In the Family Guy fic Payback from a Pipe Following Quagmire's brutal beating of Brian in Quagmire's Dad Stewie takes Quagmire, beats him up some and gives Glenn a RYSS in response to the one he gave Brian.
"You, Glenn, are the worst type of person on this planet... You are nothing but a hypocrite... You accuse Brian of lusting after Lois, but you fucking got caught spying on her in the can... you tried to hook up with her after Peter lost his memory, you used my pacifier as a sex toy, you're a convicted sex offender, pedophile, AND necrophiliac... and you accuse Brian of being a tool... but look at you! Brian at least TRIES to better himself with college and careers, but you... we RARELY see you working and I wouldn't be surprised if you just got into the pilot business just so you could fuck every stewardess into the mile-high club! So what if Brian craps on the fat guy's lawn, HE'S A FUCKING DOG! DOGS DO THAT YOU IMBECILE! You've fuckin' hit on Meg, Connie... you destroyed Cleveland's marriage and fucked Loretta's corpse... you treat women as if they're nothing more than objects... you act like you're some well-read snob, but in reality the closest thing to a novel you've probably ever read is the Private Parts book! But you know what... I could possibly, POSSIBLY forgive you for all this... but for one small fact. You're a shithead... a hypocritical, perverted, sexist, violent little shithead!"
- In Better Living Through Science and Ponies, this is, as in the games, GLaDOS' bread and butter. She delivers particularly brutal ones to each of the Mane Cast in turn, plus Ditzy Doo, preying on Rainbow Dash's fear of failure, Rarity's vanity, and Pinkie Pie's fear of loneliness. She tells Applejack that she's stupid, tells Twilight Sparkle that the others are only her friends because Princess Celestia is bribing them, and tricks Fluttershy into killing the Companion Cube. However, when she tries to apply the same on Princess Celestia, the Princess effectively engages in Troll Judo, turning every one of GLaDOS' taunts back on her. Even a psychopathic A.I. specialized in Passive-Aggressive Kombat and psychological torture can't compete with Trollestia.
- Isolde gets a pretty heavy one in Dragon Age: The Crown of Thorns when she makes the mistake of accusing the protagonist of being someone who has no problem with killing children. This is one of the very few things that can really rile the dwarven Wise Prince up. It didn't help that Isolde was constantly throwing blame around.
How dare you imply that I have no qualms about killing a child? Your stubbornness and decision to keep Eamon out of the loop about Connor being a mage just killed everyone in this castle, almost killed Teagan and almost eradicated all life in Redcliffe! How many mothers worked here and are now dead? How many sons? How many daughters? How many children? How many men, women and children from the village died because of this? Massacre! This secret of yours caused massacre upon massacre and the fact I was here to stop the last one was pure coincidence! And then you come and lure Teagan here to share this fate! And all you can do is cast blame and mewl in this pathetic manner? How dare you try and weasel your way out of your responsibility for letting this happen?
You weren't thinking of Connor's own wellbeing when you kept his magical aptitude a secret from Eamon! You weren't thinking about his well-being when you hired an apostate to tutor him! You weren't thinking of his wellbeing when you repeatedly lied to your husband's face about what was the most massive thing in your son's life! All that time, you only saw what you single-mindedly considered was for the best. You convinced yourself it was for the best just so you could not realize how utterly selfish you were! You were never thinking of Connor's wellbeing, only about your own!
You handed your son over to the first blood mage that someone happened to stumble upon! And even though any sort of logic likely screamed inside of you the words "this is utterly stupid", you did it anyway! Because you would not 'lose your son to magic"! You say you love your child, but all you do is do what makes you feel better, even at his own expense! Instead of seeing him as your son, you see him as a means to feel better about yourself! All he is to you is an object that improves your mood!
Oh, I know you love your son, and that only makes it worse, because it means your selfishness overpowered that love. And that is one of the worst kinds of betrayal. You betrayed your own child and now he has become an abomination that killed hundreds.
- In Gregg Landsman's Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic Nobody Dies, the angel of terror Iruel attempts a Badass Boast at Asuka's expense, only for Asuka for fire it right back at him.
Iruel: I am the Fear of God. I am the Angel of Terror. I will wipe this world clean of your organic sludge and remake it into my own!
"Dollie": "And without ADAM, how does that work? You said it yourself. Godhood's lost to you. So now you're just delusional. You're code breaking down."
- In the Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic Ascension, Asuka delivers a hard rebuttal to Kaworu's treatment of his piloting job, instantly driving him into a Heroic BSOD.
Asuka: I saw the footage of your third battle and while you’re already so pathetic I can barely watch, you seem to suffer a sharp drop in competence whenever someone else is fighting alongside you! Why don’t you just get off your high horse already and think?! This is not a goddamn game or contest! This is REAL LIFE; you screw up and people die! And while I couldn’t care less about you living or dying, you’re not the only one who will suffer because of your screwups! And don’t you DARE trying to make up some bullshit about ' dying for a worthy cause' or something like that! Dying for a cause? For whose cause?! It is sure as hell not theirs and if they die because you screwed up, that goes on YOUR conscience and yours alone! And if you truly expect someone to give their life for you without even having a say in it, you’re not the 'man' you always say you are but a selfish asshole no better than the likes of Breen!
Kaworu: I am not... selfish...
Asuka: Like hell you aren’t! You treat all this the way I would expect that idiot Aida to do! You’re not a soldier, not a warrior, nothing! The only thing that carried you this far is just sheer luck, nothing more! You refuse to see it but you’re NOT cut out for this! Are you going to keep up this charade until someone else like Ikari dies from YOUR fault?! Are you prepared to have that kind of blood on your hands?! If not, do us a favor and leave this job to the professionals, you pathetic excuse of a man!!!
- In the My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic fic "The Blueblood Conspiracy", Rarity goes crazy after being asked to help hook up Prince Blueblood and the Great and Powerful Trixie, and becomes obsessed with getting revenge on Blueblood for both his behavior at the Grand Galloping Gala in the episode "The Best Night Ever" and for trying to ruin her reputation in the prequel fic "Blueblood Returns". She crashes the wedding disguised as "the Phantom Mare" and tries to force Blueblood to apologize for both events. While Blueblood is quick to apologize for plotting against Rarity, he refuses to apologize for his behavior at the Gala, shooting back that Rarity should be ashamed and accusing her of being just another shallow suitor who only saw Blueblood as an idealized Prince Charming and trophy husband and wasn't interested at all in the person behind his royal facade.
- In All You Need Is Love a Death Note Fanfic Light Yagami writes Naomi Misora a letter telling her just how much Raye Penber sucks at being an undercover F.B.I. agent:
Light: Mr. Raye Penber is very annoying and doesn't know when to LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. I realize it is his job to follow me around like a lost puppy but could he at least put a small amount of effort into not being so bloody noticeable? It's almost embarrassing having to look behind me every day and see him there standing oh so inconspicuously behind me with that newspaper shielding his pasty face. Yes, I can see him behind that newspaper the eyes in my face indicate that I am not blind. Your fiancé should note this fact next time he comes tapping along behind me, which should be any moment now I might add. Here are a few tips I wish to convey to your lover boy, please feel free to tell him for me as I think it's counterproductive for me to tell him. Besides it would just point out how inept he truly is: 1) when following someone try not to walk so loudly and when they stop walking you stop walking 2) when following someone do not literally follow them at every single moment of the day this includes lurking outside their room in the dead of night 3) do not wear the same clothes every day especially when on a high school campus not only are you noticeable you look completely ridiculous 4) when on a bus that is being high-jacked by a man with a gun do not show your victim your ID with your real name, if you have to use a pseudonym it's not unheard of 5) everyone can see you whispering in the back of the bus your voice is louder than you think 6) don't tell your victim what day your shift ends; you never know when they might have been paying attention. 7) when wearing the same clothes every day do not wear a blue trench coat, you want to be mistaken for a drug dealer every time you take a stroll? 8) when glaring at your victim and their date try not to look so completely bored, if you are going for the 'pedophilic-stalker' look be sure to complete it otherwise you look stupid 9) walk at a distance far enough away that your victim can't instantly grasp the fact that he is being stalked 10) try to look like you're doing something besides following your victim people might start to notice. I could go on but I think this should suffice, once again I leave with the statement THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC USELESS BEAU WHO CAN'T EVEN STALK HIS VICTIMS PROPERLY!!! Thank you for your time.
- In Naruto Veangance Revelaitons, during Benji's ending, Sakura gives this to Ronan while killing him.
Sakura: "You degraded my friends. You stole my virginity. You abused me. You made me do the most vile sex acts imaginable. You made me compliant to crimes against humanity. At this point, I don't even know what of that was the Genjutsu and what was reality, but regardless, I only have one real response to your declaration of 'i luv u': FUCK. YOU!"
- Another My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic example involving Prince Blueblood. In The Vinyl Scratch Tapes, DJ-P0n3 insults the Prince on the radio talk show that she and Octavia host. The thin-skinned prince retaliates by canceling several concerts by Octavia's ensemble. Incensed, DJ-P0n3 gets Blueblood on the phone, and then...
DJ-P0n3: "I believe you are a bland, unintelligent, cowardly, prissy, stuck-up, laughable excuse for a stallion with a silver spoon shoved so, SO very far up his flank that you cannot possibly relate to anypony, anywhere, ever....My listeners like Octavia, Mr. Blueblood. They don’t like you. Nopony likes you. Heck, I have to wonder if Celestia even likes you. Or if your own mother does. Assuming, you know, you actually have a mother and didn’t just slither out of a pile of filth one day."
- At the finale of the Princess Gaia Arc of the Pony POV Series, Princess Luna lets Fluttershy and Fluttercruel have it for the whole mess the Fluttershy caused as Princess Gaia/Nightmare Whisper (which was Fluttercruel's fault in the first place), telling them, in detail, how they messed up in every possible way. This is such an epic What the Hell, Hero? that it's considered a fitting punishment for what Fluttershy did!
- Xanatos, a Death Note fanfic, has a Troll giving repeated ones to Kira. He manages to diss Light as both the second L and as Kira. Said troll is actually Matt.
- Original villain The Lord gets a pretty good one on Alexander Luthor in the Infinite Crisis fanfic Crisis Point during the Battle Of Metropolis, where the Lord has shown up to try and seize control of Alexander's plan (It Makes Sense in Context). While the scene actually has them going back and forth doing a "You Suck" speech to each other (and Alexander technically wins), the Lord's final response is considerably more epic.
The Lord: (upon being told his power is nothing, especially considering Luthor's insane ally, Superboy-Prime, is both a Physical God and powered by the Lord's weakness, sunlight) And what YOU have is a mad child throwing a temper tantrum, the last vestiges of your control soon to be shaken off. He bleats about how he’s going to be Superman…shuh, what a joke. Superman is at least something to be noticed. Despite all his power, all I can do is laugh at him and his little crybaby antics. He’s pathetic. Just like you....No matter what the world, neither you nor your father can win. At least this world’s Lex Luthor has the common sense to apply his genius to self-gratification. When the wave of white consumed him, what did your father have to show for his efforts? A WEAK LITTLE NOTHING LIKE YOU. Fighting the good fight leads to a false heaven, switching sides the same psychasthenia that so many have found before. He would have been better off putting a toy poodle in that rocket for all the good you’ve done.
Jack: Here's an idea. Why don't you grow a set and learn how to play the game? You let the Cheerios get away everything under the two suns of Jupiter and what they do isn't even worth the price of admission. You have a chance to have winners in this school at something, anything, and you are too stupid to see it.
- In the Katawa Shoujo fanfic, Reconciliation, Hanako gets one from a grief-stricken Lilly, when she tries to offer her comfort after Hisao's funeral. While Hanako agrees with the criticism, she also realizes that the speaker did not actually mean what she said.
Lilly: “SHUT UP! You don’t know what I’m going through! You didn’t just lose the most important person in your life! You haven’t had your entire world shattered without warning or reason! I don’t have the same luxury you have! When things get too tough, you know what you do, Hanako? You just run away!”
- In A Cure for Love, a Death Note fanfic, L does this indirectly when he asks Light's help to figure out what a "Loveable Rogue" of a criminal is going to do next and then gives Light his own psych file to read:
"...any therapy would likely further enable his abilities to manipulate others. His intelligence and superficial charm, combined with his pathologic egocentricity and internalised morality, make him a dangerous individual deserving of clinical management and incarceration. He is driven by some, as yet, undefined goal. Kira's targeting of criminals gives a certain mask of sanity and 'goodness' in terms of his reasoning, but, due to his narcissism and deep-rooted antipathy, I doubt that they are exclusively or will remain his true aim of attack. At this point in time I would score him high for the Factor 1 scale of emotional psychopathy on the PCL-R, though his neurosis are not fully incapsulated within those criteria. He appears, at times, to show feelings of strong empathy, despite his apparent incapability to love." Light slammed the folder and the words shut. "What a load of utter rubbish. I don't care. Really. I couldn't give a flying fuck."
- In the AU The Vampire Diaries story "Return to Mystic Falls" Vampire Caroline (who was turned not long after the Salvatores) gives one to Logan Fell after he has killed her descendant Sheriff Forbes
"You know I bet you probably think that becoming a vampire is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Not only can you be a womanizing prick but you can also kill the girls when you're done with them because you don't really care about them. You know I've killed my share of people and vampires just like you. Have fun in hell."
Jeremy: Why are you only thinking about yourself?
Caroline:I'm not even thinking about myself here. I am thinking about you. Have you even thought about how you're going to get blood? Plus you need human blood to turn. The only reason that Vicki was able to turn was because she killed Logan. You're just a kid, Jeremy. Maybe you should try to live your life a little before you try to join the afterlife. You know what, I'm breaking up with you because you have this sense of entitlement right now and you need to grow up.
Good Morning Near,
I hope that you are well this morning, and my impromptu greeting has not interrupted any important investigation work this man was pursuing. I would not wish to deprive you of your important information, but when I realised that you were attempting to find me I knew I it would be remiss of me not to greet you.
As is my way, I shall prove to you my identity, as if this were not enough already. I believe you have an Ellickson Thomas and a Larry Conners working for you, yes? I also know that if you had been more thorough in your investigation you would have realised they were perhaps not quite as virtuous as you were led to believe. I shall say no more on that.
I must say that taking on L's persona in front of the American President really was quite rude. L was a far more Worthy Opponent to my righteous justice than you could ever hope to achieve. I suggest you admit your real identity to him soon, as well as to those who are blindingly following you in the hope that you are L, or I will tell him who you are. I assure you the president will escape retribution for his transgression, I believe in second chances.
Oh, and Near, you should stop twirling your white hair so much, you could damage it.
- Near the end of "Thunderstorm", the Season 3 finale of Script Fic Calvin and Hobbes The Series, Hobbes mocks the recently deceased MTM as being useless, and Calvin replies as follows:
"All MTM ever did was try to help us. He always fired his lasers on time, and he always tried to lighten the mood. And what did you do during all those adventures? You were always running off. You were always hiding. You never helped us. What happened when we were attacked by a monster under my bed? You ran off. What happened when Socrates and I were attacked by a mountain lion? You ignored us. What happened when we were all trapped by that ghost? You deserted us. What happened when Socrates was lost and cornered by two bears? You feigned injury and made me do all the work, AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE SOCRATES! YOU STAND HERE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW USELESS MY INVENTIONS ARE, WHEN IN REALITY, YOU'RE THE USELESS ONE! I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER WITH YOU! I SHOULD'VE KICKED YOU OUT ON SORRY FURRY BUTT YEARS AGO!"
- In How I Became Yours, Zuko and Mai exchange these speeches after Zuko finds out that Mai concealed the letters about Katara's pregnancy from him. Each accuses the other of being selfish and endangering the Fire Nation, and while Zuko is supposed to be the sympathetic one, Mai's arguments are more convincing.
Zuko: Now I see why I couldn't love you even when I tried to! My gut knew that you would do something like this to me! A Child mai! You didn't do this for our country! You didn't do this for me! You did this for you! You hate her more than anything since the second you saw her!! And I will not have you talk about her that way! For your selfish reasons, you might have put our country in dander and all that I have built for this nation!! Your a traitor!
Mai: Stop talking like you care about this country and the people in it! I am your queen and you betrayed us all! It's because you love that tramp!!! You never cared about anyone but yourself you chard monster! I seen it the day you left their little group and became Fire Lord! The way you looked at her said it all! Your the liar!!!!
Zuko: i'm going to pretend you didn't say chard... monster... Regarless of what you think you saw, at that point in my life, I wasn't with you... your sins are way darker, and your demons more desirable than mine could ever be. I can't trust you anymore. You have made loving you impossible now. You will not talk to me like you now me. You will be stripped of your title. Tonight you will leave the palace... I am not Zuko to you anymore... and you are not my Queen...
- In Round Two, Princess Celestia confronts Queen Chrysalis in her hive, to get Chrysalis' terms of surrender. When Chrysalis tries to give a Hannibal Lecture, Celestia responds with one of these:
Princess Celestia: Well, I am a bit older than you, I think, so let me educate you on some simple truths.You think that control equals power. True power is something far more wonderful. You were defeated by something that you don’t--and never will--understand: love. You feed upon it, but you don’t feel it, do you? That’s why you don’t understand how you were driven from MY home. The pure love that Shining Armor and Cadence shared was something so alien to you that even your own vampiric power couldn’t handle it. It was love that defeated you, Chrysalis.
- She gives a second one after leaving Chrysalis battered and broken at her hooves after Chrysalis decided to fight her.
Celestia: You beat me because Shining Armor’s love is that pure. That true. And you can never have that. I saw your eyes when our first battle began. You thought you were going to lose. You knew my power then, and you understand that power now. All of these subjects, and none of them care for you at all. You rule out of fear, Chrysalis. I rule out of love. I would never let my subjects come to harm. They love me, and the very least I can do is hope to love them half as much in return.
Chrysalis: You won’t get out of here alive. Do you really think my minions won’t take you down? How can you think that they won’t stop you?
Celestia: The real question is: how do you think that they will? Pray you don’t see me again, Chrysalis. (Leaves as the drones give her a very wide berth out of fear)
- The fan comic "The 3 Little Princesses" has Rosalina giving scathing speeches to Peach and Daisy for their behavior and the mess they put her through during their sleepover. At first, she tries to hold in her anger, but as time passed and she found the Cosmic Duct tape she needed to fix her ship to get home in Peach's bathroom cabinet, she had enough of it. She basically told Peach she was the most obnoxious person she ever met and the way she acted contradicted with how she was suppose to act: a good ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. She also lambasted Daisy by saying she has no self-esteem of her own, supposedly rules over Sarasaland (which she described as a kingdom that nobody heard of to the point of doubting its existence), and calling her loud and how she "expresses herself like a Spanish cow."
- From War of the Biju: The Fourth Shinobi World War we have this tidbit from Danzo to Sasuke:
Danzo: What do you want to know?
Sasuke: Did Konoha's higher ups order Itachi to kill the Uchiha?! Answer me!
Danzo: ...does it matter if we did or not? If I say no, you'd call me a liar and try to kill me like several times before. If I replied that we did, you'll get enraged and try to kill me anyway. You let your emotions rule you more than the Kyubi Jinchuriki.
- The Suite Life On Deck story Roommates has Bailey give one to Cody calling him out on his behavior that he displayed in the show after she starts showing interest in Zack. Also keep in mind she is suffering from amnesia.
"Well even if everything that you say is true, I can tell that Zack is a good fellow. You, on the other hand have done nothing but make statements to draw attention to your own intelligence and you seem to think that you are the smartest person in the world. You make it seem like I don't have a choice in who I want to date. Well I do, and I choose him.
- In the Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic Morality Chain, Azula interrogates Iroh over his betrayal at Ba Sing Se. Iroh scolds her that the whole war was brought about because of Sozin's legacy having a feud with Avatar Roku and in turn his descendant that it was endangering the overall peace of the world. However, considering, in this story, Zuko's her Morality Chain, she was nothing but supportive to both of them in their exile (Iroh she was barely civil and only for Zuko's sake), and this action comes across as him betraying the Fire Nation. Zuko takes it especially hard, and the princess is not happy about this.
Azula: I guess continuing this conversation is pointless. It's not like you actually care about how Zuko feels anyway.
Iroh: You have no right to say something like that.
Azula: Don't I? You've been nothing but cruel to Zuko, Uncle. How am I supposed to interpret that?
Azula: Oh? What else am I supposed to call it when you've been stringing him along for three years, Uncle! You never had any intention of letting him capture the Avatar! He trusted you, Uncle! He trusted you, and relied on you, and now you've taken all that trust and thrown it back in his face!
Iroh: Those three years were meant to guide him-
Azula: And even assuming your nonsense holds any water, you 'guided' him so well that no one was more surprised than Zuko when you turned on us! Excellent work, Uncle. You were so incompetent you couldn't even corrupt him properly. You know what, Uncle? As far as I'm concerned, you're no better towards Zuko than Father ever was. At least he was straightforward about things.
- The Futurama fanfic "A Second Chance" has Leela dream about meeting a clone of hers. Said clone then lays into her about her relationship with Fry.
"Struck a raw nerve, did I?” the copy continued. “Do you honestly believe that you actually care about him? From the way you treated him, I'm surprised that he stayed close to as long as he did; although I have no idea what he saw in you in the first place. You are a bitter, violent, and often inconsiderate woman who has built emotional walls around herself and blocks people who actually care about her from getting too close while letting complete lowlifes through. Honestly, I fail to see the attraction.”
- In The Dark, Chapter 48, Victoria gets an earful from Emma, who finally snapped after what was happening to Melanie. Emma explains she just want Melanie back after the trauma, but she comes to the conclusion on who is really to blame including herself. This was likely the motivation for Melanie to overcome the trauma and face the men who nearly killed her.
- Of course, part of that was through Insane Troll Logic