"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Quotes
"I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you muuuurdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall not be mourned. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
Elmyra: Why, Monty, what's the matter?
Montana Max: You're what's the matter! You're a complete waste of space! You have a personality that rivals spore mold! On the evolutionary chart, you rank someplace between head cheese and toaster ovens! You're a cruise to nowhere! A null! A void! A zero!
Elmyra: Just what are trying to say?
Montana Max: ARRRRGH! I DON'T LIKE YOU! READ MY LIPS: I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!
"Punk Ass / Are you listening / Can you hear me
Or are you deaf and dumb to my language
Do the real words / Seem to hurt you
We put'em up motherf*cker
Gonna feel it / when I stamp it / on your forehead
So you will never forget that you're a reject
And you're no one / And you're nothing
Little impotent one".
"But this is the truth, Doctor. You take ordinary people and you make them weapons. Behold your Children of Time transformed into murderers. I made the Daleks, Doctor. You made this […] How many more? Just think--how many have died in your name? […] The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself."
—Davros, Doctor Who, "Journey's End"
You know what it's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.
—Rory, Doctor Who, "Vampires of Venice"
Brian: I'm just trying to build a friendship with you. All I've done is try to be nice to you, and you still don't like me. How can you not like me?
Quagmire: OK, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You're always like. "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes. And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't. He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by thinking you're a great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "Legalize Pot, maaan..." How big business is crushing the underclass; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian... never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! And by the way, driving a Prius does not make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! You failed college TWICE, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a BORE. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE. Sigh... Well, see ya later, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
"You disappoint me, Corinthian. You and these humans you inspired and created disappoint me. YOU were my masterpiece, or so I thought. A nightmare created to be the darkness, and the fear of darkness in every human heart. A black mirror made to reflect everything about itself that humanity will not confront. But look at you. Forty years walking the earth, honing yourself, infecting others with your joy of death, and what have you given them? What have you wrought, Corinthian? NOTHING! Just something else for people to be scared of, that's all. You've told them that there are bad people out there. And they've known that all along."
Keats: You think you're so special. So clever. So needed. So damned right. You fooled everyone into believing in you. And I have the horrible, unpopular job of showing the world what you really are. The things you've done? Oh, they won't want to believe it. Because they love you. They think they know you, and they'll hate me for it. But in the end, they will see. As sad as it will be for them, they will see. I know what you did, three years ago. I know.
Gene: So you're gonna bring me down? Why're you telling me that?
Keats: See, that's what's ironic. You can't leave here, no matter what happens. This place defines you, which means you're going to have to sit here and watch me close your little kingdom forever. And you're left with a scrap heap. I just hope I can help Alex before it's too late.
Shepard: The turians lost twenty cruisers, figure each had a crew of around 300. The Ascension, the asari dreadnought we saved, had a crew of nearly 10,000.
Kalisa al-Jilani: But surely the human cost—
Shepard: The Alliance lost eight cruisers: Shen Yang, Emden, Jukarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw, Madrid and yes, I remember them all. Everyone in the Fifth Fleet is a hero. The Alliance owes them all medals, the Council owes them a lot more than that. And so do you.
"My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again... I loved you... do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named after the rocks in his head!"
—Columbia, The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Bruce Wayne: I came here to show you that not everyone in Gotham's afraid of you.
Carmine Falcone: Only those who know me, kid. Look around you: you'll see two councilmen, a union official, a couple off-duty cops, and a judge. Now, I wouldn't have a second's hesitation of blowing your head off right here and right now in front of 'em. Now, that's power you can't buy! That's the power of fear.
Bruce Wanye: I'm not afraid of you...
Carmine Falcone: ... because you think you got nothing to lose. But you haven't thought it through. You haven't thought about your lady-friend down at the D.A.'s office. You haven't thought about your old butler. Bang! People from your world have so much to lose. Now, you think because your mommy and your daddy got shot, you know about the ugly side of life, but you don't. You've never tasted desperate. You're Bruce Wayne, the Prince of Gotham - you'd have to go a thousand miles to meet someone who didn't know your name. So don't come down here with your anger trying to prove something to yourself. This is a world you'll never understand, and you always fear what you don't understand.
[A firefighter has been caught looting bombed-out houses.]
Foyle: You know, I sometimes wonder why I do this job. And then I come across someone like you. I mean, we're living in such evil times, when the whole world seems to be sinking into some sort of mire. And as if Hitler wasn't enough, we've got the likes of you, who capitalize on other people's misery, who hurt them, make things even worse for them when they're at their weakest. And it's with the likes of you that this mire begins. And it's some small consolation to know that I've helped to clean up just a little bit of it.
"Suppose I tell you exactly what's gonna happen to you. You're gonna be back in television. Only it won't be quite the same as it was before. There'll be a reasonable cooling-off period and then somebody will say: 'Why don't we try him again in an inexpensive format. People's memories aren't too long.' And you know, in a way, he'll be right. Some of the people will forget, and some of them won't. Oh, you'll have a show. Maybe not the best hour or, you know, top 10. Maybe not even in the top 35. But you'll have a show. It just won't be quite the same as it was before. Then a couple of new fellas will come along. And pretty soon, a lot of your fans will be flocking around them. And then one day, somebody'll ask: 'Whatever happened to, a, whatshisname? You know, the one who was so big. The number-one fella a couple of years ago. He was famous. How can we forget a name like that? Oh by the way, have you seen, a, Barry Mills? I think he's the greatest thing since Will Rogers.'"
—Mel Miller to "Lonesome" Rhodes in A Face In The Crowd
Annie: "Britta's right; you're the most selfish person alive! And all that is going to end right now, because I'm telling him what kind of friend you really are."
Jeff: "Maybe you should tell him you're hopelessly in love with him. [Annie is stunned] High school must have been tough, huh? Waiting for a superstar to notice you. But here, he's all alone, and he needs so much help! Did you enroll in all of his classes, or were you worried that might freak him out? The important thing is that you are there for him. The important thing is that you are the only one there for him. And you don't really care what he wants, just as long as you don't have to share him with the rest of the world. Because really, you're just as selfish as I am. You're just not as good at it yet."
Annie: [Hurt] "You're right. I could never be as good as you. Probably because I actually care."
Jeff: [Flippantly] "Profound, but technically meaningless. [Upset, Annie storms off] And don't bother trying that thing that women do when they walk away and make the guy feel like crap because it's not going to happen! Yeah! [Guilty] Damn it!"
Nina: But I finally did everything perfectly!
Sassy Gay Friend: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING PERFECTLY! Everything in your life could be improved! Number one, stop chomping people's tongues when you kiss them! Don't pick at your finger! Number two, when you're gonna diddle yourself, maybe glance around the room to make sure your MOM'S NOT THERE. P.S., your technique is amazing! DON'T PICK AT YOUR FINGER. Number three, BUY SOME NAIL CLIPPERS.
Nina: I CAN'T!!!
Sassy Gay Friend: THEY ARE NINETY-NINE CENTS AT CVS!
Nina: You think you're all sassy and gay--
Sassy Gay Friend: (nods)
Nina: Well, so am I! I DID IT WITH A GIRL.
Sassy Gay Friend: In a drug dream!
Nina: Yeah, well, it was Mila Kunis.
Sassy Gay Friend: Aw, big deal. I'd sleep with Mila Kunis. (to the camera) Maybe. No.
Nina: You're missing the point! (whispers) I was perfect.
Sassy Gay Friend: (whispers, gets louder as he talks) Were you? Or did you dance an entire act WITH A PIECE OF MIRROR STUCK IN YOUR ABDOMEN????
Connie: You know, Meg, dogs aren't allowed here, so you'll have to leave. But Brian can stay.
(Connie and her friends laugh.)
Brian: You know, Connie, I think I got a theory on why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg: Brian, let's just go.
Brian: No, no, no, Meg, no, lemme... You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started putting out at age 12. But now, you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the realization that when your body is used up at age 19, you'll be a chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that? Am I... am I in the ballpark?
Connie: (runs away crying)
Chris: Look, Meg, I don't know what your problem is. I thought Dad's humming was pretty entertaining.
Meg: You know what? This is what I'm talking about. This is a perfect example. You're my brother. You're supposed to be on my side, and you're such a bastard to me.
Chris: HOW AM I A BASTARD?!
Meg: Oh, you want the whole story?
Lois: Meg, please.
Meg: Not now, Mom. Chris, you treat me like you hate me, and I don't know why. You say hurtful things to me constantly. Do you have any idea what that feels like? What if I said those things to you? What if I started calling you a fat, zitty loser, who has no friends and smells like an old woman who has birds for pets? Is it too much to ask to be treated with a little decency from my brother? Maybe show me some kind of kindness by not jumping on the "Let's-Get-Meg" family bandwagon?
Lois: Look, the bottom line here Meg is that you're just taking your own problems out on everyone else.
Meg: Oh, my problems? Oh, I see. Is this coming from my role-model mother? The shoplifter, the drug addict, the pornstar, the whore who let Gene Simmons and Bill Clinton go to town on her?
Lois: (scoffs) So what? A-all those things are behind me now. I'm a better person now because of those experiences.
Meg: Are you? Are you a better person?
Lois: What's your point, Meg?
Meg: My point is that with all the irresponsible, reckless, idiotic behavior in your past, that somehow, heh, somehow you have the nerve, the arrogance to consistently and ruthlessly point out my shortcomings.
Lois: Alright, well fine! Okay, I'm not the perfect mother; who is?
Meg: (chuckles) Not only are you not the perfect mother, you're the farthest thing from! From the moment you gave birth to me, I had to trust you. I had no choice. I needed you to protect me from the world, to be my guide, to help me navigate the difficult, confusing, and vulnerable journey to becoming a person. You have done NONE of those things! You're my mother and you took a child's trust and smashed it into bits in a seventeen-year long mission to destroy something that you killed a long time ago! And honestly, when I turn eighteen, I-I don't know that I ever want to see you again!
Lois: (lips quiver, then she cries)
Meg: (to Peter) You are completely selfish, and totally irresponsible as a father.
Peter: All right, I see what's going on here. You're in love with your old man.
Meg: You have no education, you have no interests, you just do whatever reckless thing you want to do, whenever you want to do it, without regard for anyone else. Oh, oh, oh, and when you're not terrorizing the community with your impulsive escapades, you're being a total jerk to your family! You shove your daughter's face in your ass and you fart on it!
Meg: God, if someone in the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!
Peter: (laughs again)
Meg: (fake laughs) Oh, this is amusing to you? Well, see if you find this funny!
Peter: I like where this is going.
Meg: You're a fat, lazy, abusive, blue-collar, Irish-Catholic dad who drinks WAY too much, and barely makes enough to support his family! You've lived half your life, and you have nothing to show for it! Your only arguable accomplishments are your kids, and look at us! We're a disaster!
Stewie: Meg, watch it.
Meg: You're a total and complete embarrassment in every possible way! Take a good look at yourself Peter Griffin! You're a waste of a man!
* Beat *
Peter: Wait a second, these are criticisms! Hey Lois, tell her to knock it off!
Lois: Oh, and where the hell were you when she was laying into me?!
Peter: I was thinking about getting a fancy cane, maybe getting more attention from strangers.
John Cena: Two things happened last night; the world found out the Rock never lost it, he's just as good as he ever was, and now all eyes are focused on April 1 in Miami for Wrestlemania!... And two; nobody cares about you guys! AT! ALL! I mean after all this you try so hard to convince people that you're a legitimate threat. Everybody should be afraid of the Awesome Truth? You wanna know what's awesome? (To R-Truth) He thinks you're a wacked out nutjob who never had any talent in the first place whose just riding his coat tails. (To The Miz) And you want to know what the truth is? The truth is he thinks you're a pompous, arrogant, attention stealing D-Lister whose greatest acomplishment was being a skinny loud mouth on a crappy reality show. But don't boo me, you should be booing yourselves.
Odin: You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy!
Thor: And you are an old man and a fool!
Odin:...Yes. I was a fool...to think you were ready. Thor...Odinsson...you have betrayed the express command of your King. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you have opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war! You are unworthy of these realms. Unworthy of your title. YOU ARE UNWORTHY...of the loved ones you have betrayed. I now take from you your power, in the name of my father and his father before! I, Odin Allfather, CAST YOU OUT!
Leo: Half! We stopped half, and only because we got lucky! Is that good enough for you?! Is it?! We're always one step behind! We act like a bunch of amateurs! How many times are we gonna get beaten before you guys wise up and realize this isn't a game?! (storms off)
Raph: I hate to admit it, but he ain't wrong.
Grolla: You know nothing. I work for no one. You're pitiful, Count. You don't even realize that you're being deceived by your own flesh and blood.
Sepperin: Nonsense. You are the one being deceived.
Grolla: Are you saying that you will believe no one but Iris, no matter what?
Sepperin: Hmph. I will not hear that from you. I cannot know where traitors lie.
Grolla: ...I was a fool for having respected you. I wonder what those who share your ideals would think if they could see you now...
Waluigi: Hey, iz the President of the United States of "You Suck" on the phone. He sent you a secret message for you, man. But I decode for you though. It says "You suck".
Luigi: Oh, that tears it! I suck? I SUCK!?! Look who's talking, you freak! How many games have you been in, huh? Mario Tennis? Yeah, real winner there. And what? Did you wake up one morning and think "I'm sick of playing with myself. I should do something with my life. I know! I'll dress up like a crappy evil clone of a second-string video game character." Yeah, way to aim high, pal. I may have low self-esteem, but I think you are the only person who actually sucks more than I do. So you can take your "secret message" and SHOVE IT WHERE THE WARP PIPES DON'T GO!!
Tyrion: I heard there was some trouble in Littlefinger's brothel the other night.
Slynt: Nasty business. Had to be done.
Tyrion: Of course. The city watch must keep the peace. Only....I hadn't realized peace depended on killing babies.
Tyrion: You've heard the awful rumors about my brother and sister?
Slynt: I don't listen to filth.
Tyrion: That's good of you. But you have heard the rumors. I suppose the people who do believe that "filth" also believe that Robert's bastards have a better claim to the throne than Cersei's children.
Slynt: Joffery is my king, and the rest doesn't interest me.
Tyrion: I appreciate your loyalty. Tell me... When your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men in the throne room, did you give the order?
Slynt: I did. And I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion: The fool! He had no idea your loyalty was already bought.
Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.
Slynt: (leaps up) If you think I'll stand there and take this from you, dwarf-
Tyrion: "Dwarf?" You should have stopped at "imp." And yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you'd like to take it from my friend here (Bronn steps into the room) I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war, and seeing as you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about.
Classic Sonic: I. Absolutely. Can't! Take it anymore! You and your stupid moron friends just keep pissing me off, one by one!
Modern Sonic: What...what are you trying to say?
Classic Sonic: ...I don't like you. I don't like your friends, and I don't like your future! You and your stupid misadventures have nearly gotten both of us killed, and I just can't take it anymore. You don't even keep your Tails from trying to rape mine! And that is just going WAY too far!
Modern Sonic: I...I had no idea, Mini Me.
Classic Sonic: And stop calling me that! It's Sonic! It's always been Sonic! And soon, IT'LL BE THE ONLY SONIC!
- Back to "The Reason You Suck" Speech