"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Video Games

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

  • The Big Bad of Final Fantasy VI engages in a nihilistic speech at the end of the game that basically berates the human species (and the party) for being feeble worthless insects in comparison to him, how he wields the might of the entire universe, and how stupid it is for them to keep trying to rebuild the things he destroys, since they would inevitably decay or be destroyed anyways. Afterwards, the party attempts a philosophical retort with each of them systematically explaining what they've learned and how they've bonded with one another throughout their experiences. The Big Bad says, "This is sickening ... You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet. Prepare yourselves!", and proceeds to attack the party. And he then proceeds to get his ass kicked.
  • Jenova, from Final Fantasy VII, is fond of these. She tells Cloud that he's "just a puppet," "a failed clone," etc. and that he should "stop pretending [he's] sad," because he's not even real. This leads Cloud to a mental breakdown, which causes him to hand over the Black Materia and become nearly comatose for some time.
    • Dissidia Final Fantasy has Sephiroth telling Cloud that he'll always keep coming back to Sephiroth, and Sephiroth will keep giving him a reason to fight every single time, for the sake of manipulating him. Cloud turns it around on Sephiroth, saying, "You're the one who won't let go!" but Sephiroth just ignores it and the two fight.
  • In Final Fantasy VIII, Sorceress Edea gives one of these upon taking control of the country of Galbadia, doubling as a subverted New Era Speech:

"...Lowlifes. ...Shameless filthy wretches. How you celebrate my ascension with such joy. Hailing the very one whom you have condemned for generations. Have you no shame? What happened to the evil, ruthless sorceress from your fantasies? The cold-blooded tyrant that slaughtered countless men and destroyed many nations? Where is she now? She stands before your very eyes to become your new ruler. HAHAHAHAHA."

  • Lightning gives one of these to Orphan right before the final fight in Final Fantasy XIII.
    • An amazing one happens in the secret ending of Final Fantasy XIII-2. Caius, who successfully destroyed the timeline and got the goddess Etro killed in the normal ending, openly mocks the player for spending countless hours unlocking the secret ending in the false hope that the outcome would be different. Despite all the fragments you collected, all the super tough monsters you took down, and all of the different paradox endings you have seen...the goddess is STILL dead, and Caius STILL wins.
  • Scolar Visari, from Killzone deserves a place in here, durning the speech he mocked the protagonist's status and tried to crush everything the protagonist believed in(Maybe even succeed) it. And who are you, soldier? [...] They send a sergeant to take Visari? Are your commanders really all so afraid? "[...] Really sergeant. And who won? The cowards who commanded you and your comrades here to die? The Helghast have lost nothing. We fight for who we are. We wear our wounds like badges of honor. Helghan is ours, and we will die before we let it fall to plunderers. That is why your leaders dare not make a martyr of me. Your fleet burned, your friends butchered...And you become a hero for saving my life? Does that sound like a victory to you, Sergeant Sevchenko? [...] For giving my people pride, purpose!? We have built this great nation from nothing! Take me, and Helghan will dissolve into chaos. The ISA war machine, powerless against the sheer will of my people. We will choke the streets with our dead before we surrender. Your masters will beg me to restore order. You have not won! You will neve-[...] The madness begins..."
  • The Big Bad of Live a Live does this, although it's a monologue to himself and possibly the audience. But it's the classic "Humans Are the Real Monsters and don't deserve to live" type thing.
  • SHODAN does this a lot in the System Shock franchise, calling you "insect," "irritant," "maggot," and so on, always calling your body "meat," and doesn't hesitate to say you're inferior just because you're a human being.
  • Just about any main character in a Legacy of Kain game gets and gives a ton of these.
  • Arthas attempts to deliver one of these to Tirion Fordring in a memorable Wrath of the Lich King quest line, claiming that the Argent Crusade can never defeat him because they insist on trying to redeem evil instead of destroying it. Fortunately, Tirion isn't quite that stupid.
    • Ner'zhul also gives one to Kel'Thuzad in the short story Road to Damnation.
    • Arthas failed to learn from his earlier encounter with Tirion. At the start of his battle in Icecrown Citadel he freezes Tirion in a block of ice "To witness the end." At the end Arthas kills the raid at once, and proceeds to tell Tirion how his whole plan was to find the greatest champions of Azeroth and make them his new lieutenants. Too bad Tirion calls upon the Light to break out of his iceblock, then shatters Frostmourne with the Ashbringer, releasing the pissed off souls the Lich King had collected.
    • Come Cataclysm, Vol'jin gives a rather epic one to Warchief Garrosh.
  • The massive S3-and-Raiden duologue at the end of Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty is a massive Reason You Suck Speech to both Raiden AND the player. It's even more depressing in that everything they say is true.
    • "You enjoy all the killing, that's why!!"
    • Revolver Ocelot delivers one on Fortune, she considered herself as "lady luck", and believes she had psychic powers that can deflect bullets, till Ocelot shot her. In truth it was all staged out by the Patriots, and she was really protected by a electro-magnetic gizmo, and was nothing but a pawn to their experiment. But in her final moments she did display real psychic powers.
  • Andrew Ryan lays it all out for you.

"The assassin has overcome my final defense. And now he's come to murder me. In the end, what separates a man from a slave? Money? Power? No. You think you have memories. A farm, a family, an airplane, a crash. And this place. Was there really a family? Did that airplane crash, or was it hijacked? Forced down, forced down by something less than a man. Something bred to sleepwalk through life until they are activated by a simple phrase, spoken by their kindly master. Was a man sent to kill, or a slave? A man chooses. A slave obeys. Come in. Stop....would you kindly? Would you kindly? Powerful phrase. Familiar phrase? Sit, would you kindly? Stand... would you kindly? Run. Stop. Turn. A man chooses. A slave obeys. Kill! A man... chooses... a slave... obeys. OBEY!"

    • Then, as if you didn't get the message the first time, Frank Fontaine himself tells it to you even more.

"I gotta say, I had a lot of business partners in my life, but you ... 'Course, the fact that you were genetically conditioned to bark like a cocker-spaniel when I said 'Would you kindly' might have had something to do with it. Ah, well. Now, as soon as that machine finished processing the genetic key you just fished off Ryan, I'm gonna run Rapture, tits to toes. You've been a pal, but you know what they say. Never mix business with friendship. Thanks for everything, kid. Don't forget to say hi to Ryan for me."

  • Archer of Fate/stay night is pretty good at these. He even got Saber to give up on her wish to appoint a new king in the good end of UBW and stay with Shirou/Tohsaka with two lines plus lots more for Shirou.
    • Tohsaka Rin drops a pretty good one on Shinji during the Heaven's Feel route, mainly made awesome by how much of a Jerkass Complete Monster that Shinji is.
  • Half-Life 2: Dr. Breen spends a good portion of the game trying to inferiorize Gordon Freeman to the eyes of the citizens through the several screens spread around City 17. "You have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you even name one thing? (pause) I thought not". True, seeing that the only thing we see Gordon do is shoot things. However, it can also be seen as kind of backfiring, as his accusations show that he doesn't understand anything why the rebels started the uprising against him and tear down his little empire.
    • The real beauty is that you can say Shut UP, Hannibal simply by not hanging around to listen to his BS.
    • And once you get the powered up Gravity Gun, you can rip off the screens from the walls and chuck it away to make Breen shut up sooner.
  • In a Crowning Moment of Awesome for the entire Ace Attorney series (and coincidentally, the last case of the last game in the set that features Phoenix as protagonist), Mia Fey in Pearl's body delivers one of these to Dahlia Hawthorne in Maya's body. The speech is so awesome that not only does the witness break down, she is exorcised from Maya's body and forced to wander the afterlife forever with the knowledge of her failure. The Judge is very impressed.
    • Let's not forget that Phoenix joins in on the speech as well.
  • In Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, Kreia has already been established as a master of the Hannibal Lecture many times over the course of the story; however, it's not until Bao-Dur claims that Kreia is becoming a bad influence on the PC (during the Dark Side playthrough, naturally) that she unleashes her own "The Reason You Suck" Speech in the form of a vitriolic but awesome little rant:

There is a world on the Outer Rim surrounded by mass shadows. Past the graveyard of Mandalorian warships, this planet suffers, crushed in gravity's fist. To walk on its surface is to feel it crushing every cell of your being. It is like being buried alive until it seems you will never breathe again. What manner of creature would have birthed such a thing? Nothing human, to be sure. If you dare voice your opinions again, Iridonian, you will forget yourself for a time. Return to your machines, and trouble me no more. Serve the Exile until it is your time to die, and it will be enough.

    • Kreia delivers one to the player in the Dark Side path - as a combination of Stupid Evil decisions and world-ending hatred don't sit well with her.

I have taught you to feel the Force again, shown you the contrast, and yet still you do not understand! This is what you have wrought: countless murderers, slayers, assassins, born of war that has, as always, taught the wrong lesson. You showed them life without the Force, and instead of showing them truth, power, all you showed them was how the galaxy may die. You are responsible for all of this; even now, events spiral towards destruction, and there is nothing that can be done because you refuse to listen, to understand! You have seen the effects you have on those close to you, heard the echoes scream across dead planets, and watched as your strength has grown, yet it is for nothing. To have the Jedi Council brought low by such a failure, there is no victory in that. You have not heard a thing I have taught, and for all I have said, you have never learned to listen.

      • If you choose the light side path, Kreia ends up giving one to the Jedi Masters instead after they try to cut the exile off from the force.
    • She also gives this to you even if you're Light Side, claiming that even after all the good you've done, all the lives you've saved and improved, the galaxy will still be a bad place. This is foreshadowed on Nar Shaddaa after you give a man five credits. She will show you the guy getting mugged, simply because what you did made him rise above his station, and be hated for it.
    • In the Darkside ending to the original Knights of the Old Republic, you can give one of these to Darth Malak, or he can do it to himself. It basically consists of rubbing it in his face that everything he did was countinuing on what Darth Revan started. In the Light Side ending, after Malak is shocked by his defeat, you can say to him "This is the way of the Dark Side, Malak; all things end in death."
  • In Tales of Rebirth, Tytree Crowe delivers one to Saleh: "Someone like you who takes pleasure in trampling on the hearts of others will never ever understand! The human heart... the feelings that people have are stronger than anything else!! Remember that!!". However, Saleh runs on For the Evulz thus stuck with 'joy of trampling people's hearts', remaining irritating and never even beating the heroes or getting more powerful.
  • From Portal:

GLaDOS: I'd just like to point out that you were given every chance to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party. That all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube, but of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.

GLaDOS: Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.

    • And later:

GLaDOS: You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous. Mute. Lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go. (Soft laughter) It's been fun. Don't come back.

    • She gives one to Wheatley, too, which serves to hit his Berserk Button at the worst possible moment.

GLaDOS: Yes, you're the tumor! You're not just a regular moron. You were designed to be a moron.

  • Dominate opponents with some of the characters in Team Fortress 2, and they will deliver examples of these:

Scout: Nice hustle tons of fun, next time eat a salad.
Spy: I'm looking at your X-ray! And I'm afraid you SUCK!
Spy: Here's what I have that you don't! A functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse!
Sniper: You're making this so easy. I'm actually getting worse.

  • No More Heroes 2 features The Reason You Suck Song with the Rank #4 theme, insulting Travis at every opportunity. And it is easily the best song in the soundtrack. Here, listen to it.
    • Sylvia gives one to Travis right after he beats him. Travis gives one to Sylvia two or three times as well.
      • From the first game, Sylvia gives Travis another one right before the Rank 1 fight.

"Now be honest. Did you really think I would let you do me if you hit number one? You really are an idiot, aren't you, Travis? Come back to reality! I mean, look at yourself! You are a dopy, otaku assassin. The bottom of the barrel. No woman would be caught dead with you... unless she was a desperate bitch! Where in the world could you find a woman who could fall in love with someone like you?"

Frontier: You don't understand! I could've had class. I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody. Instead of a bum. Which is what I am. Let's face it... it was you McClane... It... was...YOU!

  • The defeat cutscene for the Forces of Chaos in Dawn of War. Eliphias blames his subordinates for his defeat, a Daemon Prince offers one of these as he disagrees.
  • Intimidate speech options allow the player to deliver these in Mass Effect.
    • Paragon Shepard gives an awesome one to the annoying reporter, Al-Jilani, when she accuses him/her of not respecting the sacrifice s/he had humans make in the battle of the Citadel.
    • One is delivered to SHEPARD (particularly Renegade Shepard) in the "Lair of the Shadow Broker" by Tela Vasir as she's dying with a critically flawed and notably hollow Shut Up, Kirk speech calling out the hypocrisy of Shepard criticizing her when s/he's working with Cerberus, a terrorist organization. The flaw in her argument is that you don't work for Cerberus, you are temporarily working WITH them, to take down a mutual foe that threatens millions. Most notably, YOU DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM CERBERUS. This means that, unlike Shepard, Tela Vasir follows an order from the Shadow Broker without question, even when said order is "massacre hundreds of innocent people, murder and fellow Spectre, murder said Spectre's friend, and kill anyone who gets in your way without hesitation". She even takes an innocent bystander hostage, taunting her when she reveals that she's a mother, sarcastically telling her how her son would be so traumatized to grow up without her. It becomes rather jarring and obvious when the game purposefully leaves out any dialogue option to tell Vasir that you don't work for Cerberus at all, you're temporarily working WITH them to take down a dangerous enemy to everyone, calling her out for the complete hypocrite and monster she is. Even Renegade Shepard can say this, as she/he never kills or harms anyone because anyone in Cerberus tells her to.
    • Paragon Shepard also frequently does this in a subtle, yet highly effective way: he points out not why they suck, but how they could be awesome, but they're hesitating for petty reasons that would be more than made up for by being awesome. This often results in guilt-tripping or daring them to be good/trustworthy/heroic/mature, and thus, success. Renegade Shepard goes straight to this trope, or To the Pain.
    • Shepard can give this type of speech to the Quarian Admiralty Board during Tali's trial.
      • And he/she does so again on Rannoch in Mass Effect 3, culminating in an impossibly epic rant (here, major spoilers).
  • In Neverwinter Nights 2, the boss of the first chapter is a Githyanki named Zeearie. After defeating her, she lingers long enough to rant at you about how you destroyed any chance the Githyanki have of helping you against the true enemy. Also an example of Nice Job Breaking It, Hero.
    • Which is funny since it was all her fault and even if you return her accusations to her she refuses to listen.
  • Playing as a Toreador in Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines and being just as petulant as the clan stereotype will result in a segmented but impressively derisive speech from Gary Golden.

You're used to getting what you want, aren't you, handsome? People just love your charisma, your face; they eat your words up like the rats eat the cheese in the trap! Oh, boss- where do you think you are?

(After he reveals himself)

En Guard, Toreador! You vainglorious, narcissistic poser! How I loathe that determination of your kind to belie your true nature with Paris Fashions and pomp! You are a dead thing, a creature of the shadows... start acting like one.

You don't get it, do you? Sit and look pretty. Pretend you never died. Do some finger-painting. What a pathetic waste of blood...

  • In Alpha Protocol, if Mike has chosen more suave stances than aggressive or professional ones, he can give Conrad Marburg one. It's one of three ways to kill him and the only way to do so in Rome.

Mike: No, you're the one who's messed up. Maybe Leland should put your octogenarian ass out to pasture with the other cattle. He will anyway eventually, if only to bury his dirty little secrets.

Marburg: You understand nothing Thorton. Just the way the U.S. trains all their agents.

Mike: Does Leland send you out for dry cleaning, too? Maybe shoot your chauffeur on the way? Chief of Security for Halbech - talk about a joke. Yeah, I know all about Deus Vult and that abortion of an op in the Middle East. Poor Agent Marburg believed dead...maybe wishing he was dead. Boo. Fucking. Hoo. And what has you life been since then: setting bombs for Halbech and murdering bystanders in museums. How fucked up and empty do you have to be to lower yourself to that level? [Mike continues, as Marburg begins to look more and more upset] You know what, Marburg, at the end of day - at least I'm not somebody's lapdog. Enjoy living off Leland's scraps. You don't even know what trust and loyalty are. Or does the fact that I didn't go that same route when I was abandoned really get under your skin, Conrad.

Marburg: ... I will end you, Thorton.

  • No One Lives Forever. In a similar Not So Different scene, Cate Archer lets the Baroness have it, using the fact they had the same background, but while Cate got over it (despite becoming a cat burglar), the Baroness just became a hateful, bitter woman who wanted nothing but revenge at any cost.
  • In the bad ending of The Force Unleashed, Palpatine gives this to Starkiller.

Palpatine: (Casually blocks a lightsaber strike from Starkiller) You have betrayed your masters and your allies both. I knew that one day you would betray me too. And now you have doomed yourself and your friends. (Knocks him through a wall and drops the Rogue Shadow on him. Starkiller wakes up turned half-machine like Darth Vader) You had such promise. You could have been my successor, my equal. But now... But, I may still have some small use for you. I still have enemies to find and destroy. You will do my bidding until I find a new apprentice. And then, like Vader, you will be cast aside. (To the surgical robots) Finish him.

    • Palpatine is the master of these. He gives another one in the non-canon Endor DLC.

Palpatine: A Great Day, Lord Vader. Today marks the death of the Rebellion and the birth of a new era of peace for the Empire. There is but one last detail to take care of. Do you take me for a fool? Your feeble schemes to overthrow me using that pathetic clone of your former apprentice were pitifully obvious from their inception. Now Skywalker… you will die. (Fries Vader with Force Lightning)

Vladimir: What the fuck is wrong with you, Max? Why don't you just die? You hate life, you're miserable all the time, afraid to enjoy yourself even a little! Face it, you might as well be dead already. Do yourself a favor, give up!

  • In Prototype, Cross gives a short one to Alex Mercer, who at this point is pretty much being led around on a leash (not that this changes much, mind you, but Alex is particularly naive at this stage).

(To Alex grinning in triumph.) You think you've won? You don't even know what fucking game you're playing! Well, I can tell you all you need to know...about Penn Station. (Alex yells and collapses in pain from memory recall, Cross watching dispassionately.) ...In a way, I feel sorry for you. (He injects Alex with a Power Nullifier parasite, rendering him unconscious.)

  • In Sword of the Berserk: Guts' Rage, Rita combines this with What the Hell, Hero? by delivering the following speech after she and Casca almost get killed by Balzac's men while he's not there.

Rita: (slaps Guts) What the hell do you think you're doing? You blew it! You think you're so tough with that big hunk of metal hanging on your back! But you can't even protect one woman! Some hero...

  • Pretty much the entirety of Evil Mentor and Big Bad of Sharin no Kuni's Masaomi Houzuki's dialogue consists of verbally destroying everything somebody believes in or being a Reasonable Authority Figure, doing a one man Good Cop, Bad Cop routine. Ubermensch that he is, he's really, really good at it.
  • The final boss of Mega Man ZX Advent tells you "You're not a god. You aren't even a Mega Man. You're a mere mortal." Your response after beating him is, basically, "How's it feel to get your ass handed to you by a mere mortal.
  • Vindictus NPC Gallagher is fond of giving these to the player character, for no real good reason. He gets a few from other NPCs, who clearly dislike the guy.
  • Many of the gods in God of War III raise the valid point that Kratos is blinded by vengeance, and is little more than a bloodthirsty monster who destroys everything he touches. Zeus, however, really piles it on at the climax, saying, "After all you have sought, all you have sacrificed, all you have accomplished is another STUNNING FAILURE!"
  • The Big Bad of BlazBlue, Hazama/Terumi Yuuki, seems to have a raging hard-on for this trope, as evidenced by the great enjoyment he gets from the very long and very brutal speeches he gives to the Anti-Hero... Heck, he doesn't limit this treatment to the Anti-Hero alone, either. To Hazama, ANYONE with convictions, ideologies and/or goals to deconstruct, ridicule, reconstruct and ridicule even worse, is fair game, be they emotional, misled teenagers; hawt, mature but desperate doctors; eldritch abominations or even children.
  • The Big Bad of Planescape: Torment attempts to give a few. The Nameless One, if he has sufficiently high mental stats, can hand out these speeches like candy when not playing the Warrior Therapist. The best is given right back to the Big Bad.

The Nameless One: If there is anything I have learned in my travels across the Planes, it is that many things may change the nature of a man. Whether regret, or love, or revenge or fear - whatever you believe can change the nature of a man, can. I’ve seen belief move cities, make men stave off death, and turn an evil hag's heart half-circle. This entire Fortress has been constructed from belief. Belief damned a woman, whose heart clung to the hope that another loved her when he did not. Once, it made a man seek immortality and achieve it. And it has made a posturing spirit think it is something more than a part of me.

Shao Kahn: Where are the Elder Gods, Raiden? Their pathetic Mortal Kombat shackles me no longer! They masquerade as dragons but are mere toothless worms! My venom spreads...it is the end of all things. Armageddon.
Raiden: STOP!!
Shao Kahn: It is done. Your time has passed. Ages wasted in foolish resistance. Now is the dawn of MY rule! Yes...pray to the worms, Raiden. As your world ends...

    • Liu Kang also turns on Raiden after he and Raiden leave the gang to visit the Elder Gods, and everyone but Johnny and Sonya are killed by Sindel saying that everything that happened to them is his fault
  • Batman: Arkham Asylum and it's sequel Batman: Arkham City every time you die and the final confrontation with Hugo Strange. YMMV but the way how Hugo basically killed a good chunk of Gotham's crime rate, by killing a good majority of Arkham City's inmates makes you wonder whether that Batman had done the same, would he even be in Arkham City, let alone have had to go to Arkham Aslyum that night.
  • The person you choose to confront in the penultimate mission of Saints Row the Third gives you one. Considering the Sadistic Choice involved, they're both right. Interestingly, each speech is more directed towards the other choice.

Killbane: You were a fucking clown, selling energy drinks and lunch boxes. You didn’t care about the crowd, just the paycheck.
Kia: Lin. Carlos. Aisha. Johnny... all you do is let your friends die.

Impa: If I had not come when I did, your Zelda would already have fallen into the hands of the enemy. The truth of it is you were late. You were late, and you failed to protect her.

    • After the end of the next dungeon, one of the Dialogue Tree options when saving Impa calls back to the speech with "Am I late?"
  • In Monster Girl Quest, Luka gives two of these, one in the first chapter of the game and one in the second.
    • The first one is directed at Lily, a girl who responded to her village ostracizing her for her magic by raping her family to death and then started a series of witch hunts. When she tries to justify her actions with her Freudian Excuse, Luka explains that he has the exact same background, but he decided to be a hero. While beating the crap out of her.
    • The second is at the end of the second game, and is directed at Alice, Luka's friend and also the Monster Lord. Luka refuses to let her get herself killed to fulfill her mother's dream (which was exactly what her mother did, until Alice slaughtered her killers and screwed everything up), and also points out that her mother's plan was wrong in the first place, since any plan that can fall apart because you underestimated one little girl clearly wasn't ever going to work.