30 Rock/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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Oh, so very many. A couple memorable ones include:


Jack: *upon realizing his fianceé killed her husband* Then why aren't you in jail?
Elisa: They threw my case out. I couldn't even get a partial jury after that song about me came out.

Random Band: Brrrah! Elisa, Elisa, la viuda negra! Elisa--

  • Jack's wonderful tolerance and compassion:

Jack: This'll show my mother, always saying the name 'Donaghy' is Gaelic for 'failure'. What the hell does she know? She's a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.
Jack: I know we like to tell ourselves that, Lemon, but when I was dating Condoleezza Rice, there were very real cultural tensions. For example, we'd go to the movies, and she'd yell at the screen...

    • Even more so in a recent episode, when Connie appeared on screen.
      • Actually Condeleeza Rice: Mars Attacks is AWESOME!
  • Tracy Jordan acting a black stereotype:

Tracy: I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks!
Ridiculus: You're making a mockery of the Source Awards! Wait til I tell Tupac about this!

  • When Jack's trying to get Tracy to publicly endorse the Republican party:

Jack: ...And let's not forget, the GOP is the Party of Lincoln.

Tracy: Lincoln was a Republican?

Dot Com: Actually, the modern Republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal superiority - that doesn't exactly sound like small government.

Jack: Dot Com, this need you have to be the smartest person in the room is very off-putting.

Dot Com: Guess that's why I'm still single.


Liz: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich or I'm gonna cut your face up so badly you'll have a chin. You'll all have chins!!!


Dream Jefferson: Embrace who you are, Tracy Jordan. And may the force be with you always.

  • Also from the dream in "Fireworks."

Maury Povich: Sally Hemmings just called you a dog, Thomas Jefferson!

  • MILF Island.

Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island.

Liz: MILF Island?

Jack: 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules.

Liz: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?

Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.

  • "Seinfeld Vision" from the same episode. In particular, the in-house singers crooning "Sein-feld VII-SHUN".
  • Dennis Duffy's entire break-up speech, written and read off of a fast food wrapper:

Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried... I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation", which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights.

  • The entire episode "Believe in the Stars," which guest-starred Oprah Winfrey.
  • The moment when Al Gore looks off as though he's heard something and then declares "I have to go, a whale is in trouble!"
    • The Call Back in his second appearance, where he advises everyone to "Recycle everything, including jokes," and then exits in the exact same fashion again.
  • Back in the first season...

Woman: Oh, there is nothing like New York in the spring! It's--OH! [slams from another passerby into garbage bags]


Put the mimosas down, bitches.

  • Every single sequence showing how people see the world in "Apollo, Apollo."
  • Liz Lemon's secret shame: "Tom" (her mustache named after Tom Selleck).
  • Pretty much any reference to Jack's political beliefs, although these two instances stand out:

Kenneth: Oh no, sir, I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name.
Jack: That's Republican. We count those.


Jack: [about C.C.] She is my lover. That's right. She's my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady. She was our chief adversary during the Sheinhardt Wig hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special, and I'm proud of her. And I'm not going to hide it any longer. I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it! And this is my woman.
[Others begin confessing their secrets.]
Man #1: I gave to NPR last year. *GASP*
Woman: My children go to public school. *GASP*
Man #2: I'm gay. *GASP*
Black Guy: And I'm black! *GASP*
C.C.: Jack, thank you so much. And I just wanted you to know that in 1984 I voted for Ronald Reagan.
Man #1: I murdered my wife.

  • Any scene in which Tracy blubbers improvised lines, especially at the end of "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" and his "I can't read" speech.

Tracy: I think I voted for Nader! Nader!!

  • Tracy's description of a sex dream he had of Kenneth. "I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy, glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born."
  • From Black Light Attack!

Lutz: It's not what you think! It's something I need to wear to support my breasts!

  • Most of St. Valentine's Day, but the end of the episode's plot conclusions:
    • Kenneth, who had been getting Tracy to help him with a date with a blind girl, largely by speaking for him. When Kenneth finally speaks, the woman asks to touch his face (in Rocky Dennis fashion). As she reaches his chin, she begins to recoil and makes up a pathetic excuse to leave. Tracy tries to insult her looks in Kenneth's defense, but eventually gives in.
    • The escalation of events over Liz and Drew's first date, culminating in the death of his "mother":

Drew's Grandmother: You must tell him that the woman he thinks is his sister is actually his mother!

Liz: I don't know...

Drew's Grandmother: You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven! *Dies immediately*

  • Tracy's anniversary gift for Angie, culminating in a choice between a jacket with "HOT BITCH" in diamonds, or a slanket.
  • Jack pitches a voice controlled TV, which responds to voice commands such as "Off" and "Mute"...unfortunately, it also responds to things said by the characters on screen. Not good when Richard Belzer mentions deleting everything on his DVR. After his idea is rejected, Jack says "Crap!"...and the TV changes channels to KeepingUpWithTheKardashians.
  • Lemon, trying to chase down her man in an airport before he takes off, is unable to choose between said man and a sandwich at security. She compromises by stuffing the entire sandwich down her throat, in a single shot.
  • The scene in the first season where Jack, while on a stress-eating binge, carries on a heartfelt conversation while eating half of Kenneth's sandwich and sticking the other half in his suit pocket. Baldwin could not have been more subtle.
  • Also, the famous "therapy scene." Just watch it. Words can't do it justice.
  • The Tracy Jordan sex dolls in the episode with Steve Martin. Especially their use at the end.
  • The Donaghy Estate wine subplot, especially when they film a rap video to promote it.
  • "Liz, are you familiar with Japanese 'Moe' relationships, where socially dysfunctional men develop deep emotional attachments to body pillows with women painted on them?"
    • "I'm the actor James Franco, damn it, and I'm in love with, and common-law married to, a Japanese body pillow!"
    • "Objects are made by men, and used for a variety of tasks, but we do not love them.
  • The Ruuur Juuur.
  • This exchange between Jack and Avery:

Jack: And I think we can both conclude that we finished Q-one with better than expected results. And I can promise that my performance will improve, especially if you're a little more flexible on your end.
Avery: I love it when you talk dirty to me. I cannot wait to see you tonight.
Jack: What are you going to wear?
Avery: To a museum gala? Think slutty Grace Kelly.
Jack: Oh, God bless you. I'm picturing it right now. Uh, and the opposite of that just walked in.
Avery: Tell Liz I said hi.

  • "Because the future is like a Japanese game show--you have no idea what's going on!"
  • All of Tracy's scarring memories of his old neighborhood from "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" including seeing a baby give another baby a tattoo (they were both really drunk) watching a pack of dogs run a Wendys, and seeing a clown stab a hobo.
    • Also, him using that in his performance in Garfield 3: "I hate you Nermal!"
    • "Our basketball hoop was a ribcage!"
  • The episode "Brooklyn Without Limits" reveals that a hip clothing store is actually a front for Halliburton, complete with a hilarious photoshop of Dick Cheney in skinny jeans. When Liz learns this, she wears the shlubbiest, most unflattering thing she owns - overalls with shorts.

Jack: Lesbian Mario Brothers!

  • "I knew it, Lemon. You're blonde in your fantasies. It looks terrible."
  • At the end of College.

Liz: Wanna see me shotgun this?
(Frank and Jack nod, then react in horror as she grabs the entire pizza instead of a beer)