Wasting your time, but not very much.
5 Second Films (or 5SF) is a website run by a group of actors and writers that regularly produce short films. These short films last exactly five seconds (8 seconds, if you count the title card and 'The End'. But don't pay attention to that). The subject of said films are almost completely random, with only a few subjects and characters referenced more than once.
In addition to the link above, they have a YouTube channel; useful, since it has some of their earlier videos that are no longer accessible on their main site.
Not to be confused with Five Second Movies.
- Affectionate Parody
- April Fools' Day: As an April Fool's prank in 2009, the team took out most of their preceding content and replaced it with an... interesting web animation called "Telekats".
- As Himself: Most of the videos.
- Animation Age Ghetto: Parodied in-universe in Truman Capote's Children's Hour.
- Artifact Title: Sometimes, they fit a bit more content into the episodes by continuing the audio into the ending frame. The fans get a bit annoyed at this.
- Ass Pull: Used in-universe in 'LOST' Writer's Room
- Atomic F-Bomb: Late For Work, not for volume but for duration.
- Bedmate Reveal: Wolfman's Hangover.
- Big No: Digging to China, and Whither Thou How Now, The Man In The Moon.
- Bottle Fairy: Kelsey, according to Kelsey's Maternal Instincts.
- Break The Drill Sergeant: Due to All Men Are Perverts.
- The Casanova: Elliot ZANDERFLEX. Could also qualify as a Kavorka Man.
- Catgirl: Kelsey Cat.
- Choose Your Own Adventure: From the episode of the same name:
"Will you: Lead the galactic rebellion, or Make a sandwich?"
- Cloning Blues: A common occurrence in Another Monday, apparently.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Corporate Board Meeting.
- Crisis Crossover: 5SF Assemble!
- Dead Baby Comedy: Quite literally in Magic Show Volunteer and Food Baby.
- Dirty Cop: Officer Sminkle. Apparently, the City of Chico's most trustworthy officer.
- Discriminate and Switch: Guess Who's Coming to Diner?
- Double Standard: Mixed with Values Dissonance in Sexism Saves.
- Earth All Along: Inverted; Earth is actually the Moon.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The series as a whole, but also recurring characters, Johnny Quickdeath and Dealbreaker Jones.
- Which are also examples of Meaningful Name.
- Even Evil Has Standards: The mugger's reaction to the boyfriend parkouring away in Quick Moves.
- Everything's Deader with Zombies: Inverted in The Day Before Yesterday When Everything Was OK and There Weren't Any Zombies.
- Eye Scream: Johnny Quickdeath Goes Scissorjogging
- Face Death with Dignity: Richards in Grown Men Are Talking
Dufresne Sr.: RICHARDS! Did you kill my boy?
Richards: Yes - and I accept the consequences.
[Dufresne Sr. hurls a throwing knife into Richards' forehead]
Richards: ...Thank you.
[Collapses into his chair, still holding his cigar and whisky glass]
- Freeze-Frame Bonus: Quite a few of these; prominent examples include Vote Responsibly and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it newspaper front page in Meanwhile, In Kansas...
- Frickin' Laser Beams/Reality Is Unrealistic: Laser Test where the researchers gathered to view the effects of a new laser instead get into an argument about what noise it should make.
The Board of Highly Scientific Review & Science, as you can no doubt imagine, went on to publish several papers based on Dr. Firenzi’s findings, the most prominent of which were titled “Zhoo! Zhoo! Zhoo! And the Neurotechnological Capabilities Therein” by Dr. Sandoval, and “Pew, Pew: A Rebuffing of Dr. Sandoval’s Hasty Assertions,” by Dr. Gunn. Dr. Firenzi himself disappeared from the eye of the medical world and has yet to resurface, after several long years.
- Furry Confusion: Bringing Home The Bacon.
- Gag Dub: Ending to a Bad Teen Romantic Comedy.
- Getting Crap Past the Radar: Inverted with The Fastest Cancelled Kid’s Cartoon Ever. Could also possibly qualify as an Accidental Innuendo.
- Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: At the end of Fortune Cookies.
- Go Out With A Terrifying Shiteating Grin: Super-Psyched.
"Yes... finally... FINALLY!"
- Guy-On-Guy Is Hot: At the end of What Girls Do In There.
- Halloween Episode: The videos coming out around Halloween are typically Horror-themed.
- Hey, It's That Guy!:
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Never Switch a Switcher.
- Idea Bulb: Resourcefulness
- Imagine the Audience Naked: Invoked in Jon Worley Gives a Speech. This turns out to be a bad idea.
- I'm a Humanitarian:
- Indian Burial Ground: Apparently, the used car in The Used Car was built on one. It also has a stuck tape.
- Infomercial: Jon Worley hawks some interesting products: Chop-Wow, Flip-a-Baby, and his own... special cleaning services.
- Jackass Genie: Shazaam: The Lazy Genie.
- Jumping on a Grenade: Forgotten Hero.
- Killer Rabbit: Meeps? ... MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS!!!
- Kill Sat: Death Ray From Space. It doesn't do much.
- Late to the Punchline: Brian Finally Gets Mike's Joke.
- Leather Man: The Fabulous Four
- Left the Background Music On: Guaranteed Distraction.
- Mad Doctor: The Brilliant Dr. Eye:
Doctor: "This man is going into shock. Quick, get him ten cc's of-"
Dr. Eye: "NO! GIVE HIM AIDS!"
- Man, I Feel Like a Woman: Don't Cross The Streams.
- The Mean Brit: Stern British Matron.
- Mind Screw: Many, but prominent examples include Never Switch a Switcher, The Gift That Keeps on Giving, and Masters of the Viewniverse.
- Ms. Fanservice: Kelsey Gunn and Olivia Taylor Dudley play these roles often.
- Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Brian Firenzi tends to take on the more unnerving roles.
- The Nineties: 90's Brian, who makes a reappearance here.
- One Steve Limit: Averted; there's loads of Brians.
- The One That Got Away: Cynthia Onethat Gotaway, to be precise (Obituary).
- Or Was It a Dream?: Dream Therapy.
- Overly Long Gag: Over a few episodes, called The Gift That Keeps on Giving.
- Petting Zoo People: In Blind Date and Bringing Home The Bacon
- Police Lineup: Played with three times.
- Private Eye Monologue: The Big Creep, and subverted in The Big Drip.
- Product Placement: The New 911. With a bloodied hand gripping the phone:
"Thanks for calling 911, brought to you by Budweiser, the king of beers! And Emergency. And Hush Puppies. And-" * thud*
- Punny Name: Invoked (in a rather awesome fashion) in The Ballad of Truck Thunders. Subverted in the video description:
His brother, always one to try and copy Truck’s genius with wordplay, had his name legally changed to “Ama Pan,” but never found the chance to have his last name spoken first in any setting. Plus, he lost his Halen tape anyway.
- Rage Against the Reflection: Self-Hatred
- Black Comedy Rape: Lampshaded/Parodied in The Plagiarist.
- Rapid-Fire Comedy: They do compilations.
- Real Is Brown: It's not WW2. It's HBO.
- Real Life Writes the Plot: One of the actors broke his hand and needed it to be in a cast; it become a theme in a few few of the films.
- Reality Warper: The Changeling
- Recurring Character: Johnny Quickdeath, Tony & Joey, Officer Sminkle, Elliot Zanderflex and Renegade Pervert. Maybe the Nesquik bunny. Also, the actors usually play themselves; Jon Worley has a recurring character in the form of himself as a sleazy/demonic advertiser, and Pauly P is the name of a non-sequitur-happy tragic gangsta guy.
- Recycled in Space: Inverted; Hipster Spaceship came before Hipster Submarine.
- Refuge in Vulgarity: Jackpot. Also counts as Squick: the sound effect... * shudders*
- Ret-Gone: Morning After Pill.
- Retraux: Boss Greedwell's Deathbed Wish, Flarby's Secret Weapon
- Robot Dog: "Robodog, walk."
- Running Gag: SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
- See You in Hell: Used literally in Woolthorp v. Pendergrast.
Woolthorp: I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL, PEDERGRAST!
[Woolthorp and Pendergrast shoot each other]
Later, in Hell...
- Skyward Scream: They're a fan of this. See: The Warden's Toupee, "Boarding School", Bowzer, and Dealbreaker Jones:
- Spit Take: Morning Read. Multiple spit-takes, no less.
- Stalker with a Crush: Secret Admirer
- Stealth Pun: Setting the Mood, starring a man with a radio antenna sticking out the top of his head. Lampshaded in the description:
His favorite band is…wait for it...wait for it...__________________ (guess)
- Stylistic Suck: The Telekats shorts.
- Take That: 5SF seems to take a few potshots at hipsters: see the aforementioned Hipster Submarine and Hipster Spaceship, as well as Hipster Superman:
"Hi, I'm Hipster Superman. You probably haven't heard of me, I'm pretty obscure."
- Week 151 is "5 Second Films: Special Edition", where the team has taken pot shot after pot shot at George Lucas and his "improvements" of the original Star Wars trilogy, either adding in needless Conspicuous CGI to classic videos, bowlderizing some of the more vulgar ones, or editing them in ways that are Completely Missing the Point and ruining the original joke. For anybody who didn't get the joke with Brian looking like George Lucas, sitting in his director's seat the whole time in front of nothing but green screens, and having a constant cup of coffee in his hand, along with a Suspiciously Similar Song version of the Star Wars opening playing after each video, in the last one they used footage and sound clips from Episode III (Darth Vader's NO! scene)
- Tempting Fate: Subverted in Forever Young.
- Tomato in the Mirror: My Grunge Band's Playing at a Coffee Shop
- Too Dumb to Live: The Midas Touch, Forgotten Hero, Wrap It Up, and predictably, Johnny Quickdeath.
- Took a Level in Badass: Little Ben: Monster Hunter
- Trigger Phrase: Paul Was In The C.I.A. & The Bluebird Legacy
- Visual Pun: Drafty, The Heart Thief and Engaging The Enemy.
- Where Are They Now? Epilogue: Parodied in Coming of Age
- Wondrous Ladies' Room: What Girls Do In There
- World of Ham: Grown Men Are Talking
- Would Hit a Girl: Little White Lie
- Writing by the Seat of Your Pants: Osama Bin Laden's Final Video was filmed and uploaded a few hours after the man's death was announced.
- You Look Familiar: They have only a few actors, but man are they diverse!