A Cure for Love/Funny

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Light: I am sorry though. Really. I think I was confused.
L: You were confused?
Light: Hmm.
L: But you're not anymore.
Light: No. Well, a little. Mostly embarrassed and... maybe I should see a psychiatrist?

L: Do I really have that effect?

Light: No!

L: Look, we'll forget about it. These things happen, I'm sure. I've read accounts of soldiers in the Belgian Congo being taken unaware by... waking up in the night and hormones and bad things.

Light: You have? Soldiers in the Belgian Congo?

L: They're very manly.

Light: They must be.

L: And the Spartans. Remember the Spartans.

L: Just go to sleep. You... ha, you go out like a light.

Light: I've heard them all before, L, and they weren't funny the first time.

  • From Chapter 12:

Light: I'm not gay.
L: Oh, my apologies, I forgot that you're the sexual scourge of womankind. You obviously only have sex with me because you roll over in your sleep and misjudge the distance. Maybe you're sleepwalking... or maybe the term, 'sleepfucking', would be more appropriate. Maybe you're completely unaware of what you're doing.
Light: It happens.

  • This moment from Chapter 16:

Sometime ago, Matsuda had left a post-it on one of the laptops in which he'd accidentally managed to wedge a biro into the CD drive in an attempt to extricate something.
"Pen is stuck in drive"
Only the 'pen' and 'is' were written too close together. L now had a 'penis stuck in drive' post-it stuck on his laptop screen. He was considering framing it.

Near: You snore.

    • The content of Light's drunken ramblings was apparently quite disturbing as Near relates this to L by way of Mello:

Mello (to L): I get the impression that he's going dig up the grave and crack open your coffin like some fucked up Heathcliff.

Light: OK, 5 across. Dunderhead, 7 letters...
L: Matsuda.
Light: Ha. Not funny. I think it's...Ryuzaki...no, sorry, my mistake, it must be halfwit.
L: The answer is always the obvious one, Light-kun. I think you're making a mistake.
Light: Right and down...
L: Is that an offer or are you asking? This is a ridiculous crossword. Have we two, apparently the greatest minds of our age, really been reduced to doing a quick crossword?
Light: It's the best we have. Stop being a child.
L: Do you like the crossword more than me?
Light: It talks less.
L: And afterwards you can wipe your arse with it.
Light: You're speaking in English again.
L: I thought that you liked it when I talked.
Light: No, that's a misunderstanding on your part.

Light: I wonder what N stands for... 'Nobody', 'Notus', 'Nomad', 'Nincompoop', 'Norman', 'Nemo', 'Neo'... 'Norris', 'Nathaniel', 'Noah', 'Ned', 'Nando', 'Napoleon', 'Nelson', 'Nickelodeon', 'Nicodemus'...

L: Near... It stands for Near, Light. Remember it. I'm glad that you're showing an interest though, for I never expected any less of you. However, I am most insulted on his behalf that you think that he could be named after a lost fish or Keanu Reeves.

  • Matt and Kira's first meeting:

"'Ello luv."
Light could hardly make the boy out for the orange googles which covered most of his face. He looked at him like he was observing a uninspiring-looking insect in a tank.
"Pardon?" Light replied.
"I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't you," the boy said. He was shorter than Light, more delicately built – like a scene kid - auburn haired, a slightly celtic affair. And he was speaking to Light in English. Oh, the presumption. Light rolled his eyes.

"Could you get out of my face please?"

"Don't you want to hear my chat up lines ?"

"No."

Oh God. Was it like he had a 'Hello, I'm Light. Ask me about gayness!' badge on his jacket. Was he doomed to be propositioned in shopping malls for the rest of his life now? Was there a whole other language and etiquette which he didn't know about?

"Where have you been all my life? Etc." the boy continued unabashed. He looked like he found the whole thing too amusing.

"Trying to avoid you," Light replied.

"Ha. Anyway, Ducky - I've got a message for you!"

"Oh?"

"Mmmm..."

"What kind of message? Would it include a 12 pack of lager, a bottle of cider and a Barry White compilation? Because if it does then I think I'm fine right here, thank you all the same. How old are you anyway?"

"Old enough."

"Well, sorry but you've got to be 'this' tall to get on this ride."

He couldn't quite believe that he'd said that.

"That's rude. And I don't need to bother with the lager. People tend to just fall into my bed without it. You're socially a bit awkward, y'know?"

Matt: He's always prissy, sitting at his desk like, 'I'm the king of you' to everyone and then Kira prances in and ol' Miki's literally throwing himself on the ground all, 'Take me up the arse, oh mighty one.' Bloody eejit.

L (to Light): Did you forget where the light switch was or are you endeavouring to save on our carbon footprint?

Light: You're not trying to do something stupid are you?

L: I'm not doing anything stupid, Light. Apart from speaking to you.

Light: Good, because I would hate to kill you.

L: Mmm... I'm sure you would.

L: Light Yagami is dead and there's nothing I can do to help him now.

Mello: You can't blame yourself, L. He's in a better place.

L: Pffff... Yes. He certainly is.

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