A Scotsman in Egypt/YMMV

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Crazy Awesome: Angus the Mauler. "ELEPHAAAANTS!"
  • Crowning Moment of Awesome: All. The. Time. Nearly every chapter has one of these, either by a Canmore, by another Scottish noble, or just the common Scotsman.
    • Angus the Mauler vs. an Elephant. Angus wins. By setting it on fire.
    • The Scottish Spy Network. Every single thing Fearghus Campbell and his successors do is a CMOA. By the end of the story, Chiefs of State that opposed Scotland were driven completely insane out of terror at the mere THOUGHT of one of the Scottish Assassins or Master Spies even being in the same room, even causing one to die of a massive heart attack after having been driven completely insane with paranoia that there was a Scottish Assassin in the room. To be fair, there actually 'was', but he had no way of knowing for sure.
    • An Inquisitor tries to charge Aodh Canmore with blasphemy and heresy while they're in the middle of an Egyptian pyramid, surrounded by all manner of "evidence" the Inquisitor can easily twist into a trial. Aodh, using only words, sends the Inquisitor running and crying in terror.
      • Fearghus gets one post-death with the Milanese spymaster. The spymaster, Dego de Spina, has been regularly meeting with a disgruntled Scottish businessman who's been giving him reliable information for weeks, taking advantage of the lapse in the Scottish spy network following Fearghus' death. Dego de Spina finally prepares to dispose of his informant once he's finished getting the information, but as de Spina prepares to do so, the Scot hands him a note and goes to get a drink. De Spina looks over the note, which reads "Dear Dego de Spina - You were never as good as ye thought ye were. Signed, Fearghus Cambell." Cue the "businessman" - who is actually the deadliest of Scotland's assassins - shanking De Spina.
    • The Downer Ending with the Timurids showing up to storm a weakened and disunified Scotland. The entire thing was an epic forgery by the Scottish spy network to trap the Timurid army and kill their warlords, stopping the massive invasion in its tracks.
    • Kirk Canmore, once an uncertain,liberal lad who keeps trying for diplomacy against enemies whose only concept of diplomacy is at the tip of a sword, taking a few levels when he visits the Aztecs and discovers their human sacrificing. His next letter home is one long, furious rant about how he's going to burn the Aztec Empire to the ground and claim the New World for Scotland. Then there's a Smash Cut to the Scottish armies overrunning the Atzecs and the story ending with the statement that "Much like the Old, the New World.... would be Scotland's."
  • Crowning Moment of Funny: Also countless. one of the standout ones is when Edward attacks Gaza.

Edward's biographer would later write of the passionate battlefield speech the Scottish King in Egypt made that day, of how he waxed eloquent on the virtues of the Scottish, the nobility of the Catholic faith and the evils of the Egyptian heathens. He would write of Edward's impassioned plea for noble battle under the recognised rules of civilized warfare, to remember that they were liberating the peoples of Gaza and do all in their power to avoid bringing harm to them.
Which was a slight exaggeration of what Edward actually said, which was,"RARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!"

    • Also when the Popes keep dying in rapid succession.
    • The entire battle in Chp 62.
    • When the Spanish king has a heart attack from enraged and terrified paranoia that there's a Scottish assassin in the room with him. Farquar the Killer pops out afterward, looks at the king's corpse, and comments that "I don't think I can take credit for this one."
    • "HOLD YE PLACE! GUARD THAT GATE LIKE IT WAS YE ARSEHOLE IN ATHENS!"
  • Crowning Moment of Heartwarming: Throughout the story, our "heroes" are known under titles like "The Killer", "The Merciless" and so on, implying a mix of respect, fear and disgust from the people who gave them their nicknames. When they die? They die as Edward the Brave, Aodh the Brave and Domnall the Saint.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight: The name of the last stubborn leader of the Egyptian faction? Mubarak.
  • Magnificent Bastard: Aodh Canmore, full stop. Pick one of his plots, any of his plots. From destroying the Moors while Domnall is incapacitated to convincing Domnall to attack the Danes to convincing Hungary to invade and sack Rome and then retaking Rome and talking the Pope into surrendering control over all the Papal lands to Scotland to the entire false Downer Ending that leads to the simultaneous assassination of the entire Timurid leadership, Aodh Canmore is someone you do not want to try to out-fox.
    • Fearghus Campbell and his successors in the Scottish Spy Network also serve as these. Even after two full generations of new Spymasters have replaced him, people all over the world still get the creeps when his name is mentioned.
  • Tear Jerker: The deaths of Edward and Edmund Canmore, complete with this awesome and touching ending line:

Edward: "Do you think there'll be women?"

    • Arguably that of Domnall as well, especially when combined with "The Eldar".
    • Arguably nothing.

Domnall: "I'm so proud of the man ye became Aodh, and Father would be too.. and Uncle... but the story of my death is the story of my life.... I was nae Edward Canmore."
Aohd: "Aye...ye were better."

    • Nevin of Shetland's death.

"I will see ye again, Nevin of Shetland," [Aodh] insisted, and Nevin nodded weakly,"I WILL see ye again!"

    • In Chapter 20, there's a brief scene showing two grizzled old Scottish Highlanders, who were brothers that part of the force that stormed Jerusalem. One of them has died in battle, and the other is weeping over his body, while he himself bleeds from a mortal wound that he's refusing to acknowledge. Its one of the quieter but most powerful scenes in the story, that serves to remind the reader that these battles involve people.
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