Addams Family Values/Funny

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  • In the hospital waiting room:
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[Lullaby Music is playing]
Girl in Waiting Room: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby,too.
[Music stops, dramatic zoom on Wednesday]
Wednesday: They had sex.

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  • Also:
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Hippie-Nanny: Children, as your new nanny, I know that we are all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
Wednesday: Prevent them? [lights a very large match]

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Strict Nanny: All right children, I have had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question; where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?

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Maid-Nanny: [with a hand puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: [pulls out a devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room ... in exchange for your immortal soul. [devil puppet rubs hand together]

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  • Wednesday. Nothing can stop her deadpan - and sometimes deadly - response to the smugness and faux happiness that surrounds her.
    • Until the bit where she apparently breaks under the peer pressure of the camp and begins smiling... Good thing she was faking it. The reaction is the crowning bit, though.
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Amanda Buckman: She's scaring me!

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  • Morticia's first line:
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Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby [[[Beat]]] Right now.

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  • Again, Morticia:
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Morticia: Oh no. He lives.

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  • What about Raúl Juliá's phenomenally hammy performance at the police station?
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My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [cut to grandma and the baby] I have seen horror! [cut to Lurch] I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul! [Morticia: "They're at camp"] I have seen all this, but until today, I had never seen you!

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    • Which is also a Hilarious in Hindsight moment, because the actor that played the police officer (some guy named Nathan Lane!) would play Gomez in the musical.
    • Such a performance must be seen.
  • After Fester and Debbie get married, Fester reminds her to throw the bouquet. Wednesday winds up catching it.
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Joel: Now you have to get married.
Wednesday: It's not binding.
Addams Relative: Tramp.

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    • Though in The Musical, Wednesday does end up getting married (though not to Joel)...