Addams Family Values/Funny
- In the hospital waiting room:
[Lullaby Music is playing]
Girl in Waiting Room: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby,too.
[Music stops, dramatic zoom on Wednesday]
Wednesday: They had sex.
Hippie-Nanny: Children, as your new nanny, I know that we are all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
Wednesday: Prevent them? [lights a very large match]
Strict Nanny: All right children, I have had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question; where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?
Maid-Nanny: [with a hand puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: [pulls out a devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room ... in exchange for your immortal soul. [devil puppet rubs hand together]
- Wednesday. Nothing can stop her deadpan - and sometimes deadly - response to the smugness and faux happiness that surrounds her.
Amanda Buckman: She's scaring me!
- Morticia's first line:
Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby [[[Beat]]] Right now.
- Again, Morticia:
Morticia: Oh no. He lives.
- What about Raúl Juliá's phenomenally hammy performance at the police station?
My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [cut to grandma and the baby] I have seen horror! [cut to Lurch] I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul! [Morticia: "They're at camp"] I have seen all this, but until today, I had never seen you!
- After Fester and Debbie get married, Fester reminds her to throw the bouquet. Wednesday winds up catching it.
Joel: Now you have to get married.
Wednesday: It's not binding.
Addams Relative: Tramp.
- Though in The Musical, Wednesday does end up getting married (though not to Joel)...