Ansem Retort/Funny

• Main
• Characters
• YMMV
• Fridge
• Headscratchers
• WMG
• Crowners
  • Awesome
  • Funny
• Wikipedia
• All Subpages
• Create New

Ansem Retort is full of 'em.

• In #101:

Axel: KILL THE HERETIC! Marluxia: Axel, that's a priest! Axel: DROWN HIM IN HOLY WATER!

• In #114, Marluxia manages to distract the mercenary Cloud in a unique way:

Marluxia: I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy that it hurts! Cloud: THIS IS WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS!

• In #169

Namine: Zexion, we're supposed to be helping, not filming the fight. Zexion: Well &$@! that.

• In #288, Sora tries to make a sexual inneudo while holding a pair of coconuts. Red XIII was not amused, so he knocked Sora over, causing one of the coconuts to break on the ground. When Namine walks in and asks what's the mess on the ground is, Sora explains it as plainly as possible:

Namine:Ummm, what is this white stuff? Sora:It came out of my nuts. Namine:I'm...I'm going to burn my eyes out now.

• In #313 when Riku and Namine are performing "Rock You Like a Hurricane."

Announcer: I don't want to interrupt, but I'd like to remind everyone that all of tonight's proceeds goes towards Hurricane Katrina victims. Namine: Oh...ooh we're bad...people.

• #410

Axel: "I AM THE WORLD'S DEADLIEST HOOD ORNAMENT! PIDGEONS, CRAP ON ME AT YOUR OWN DEMISE!"

• #460 has a Large Body complaining about the "anti-fat society"... followed by Xemnas coming out of nowhere and killing it with his laser blades. See.
• #510

Zexion: "No! I am offended by the insensitivity of this breakfast! FUCK YOU, RACIST PANCAKE!!"

• The time Axel and Zexion act like terrorists and hijack a plane. They then decide to list their demands to the governor and his director of cabinet: Zexion and Axel.

Zexion: We've cleared out first class. You ready to list your demands? Axel: Damn skippy! * Over the phone* Mr. Governor, I've taken 65 plane passengers hostage. Zexion: * Over the phone, while standing right next to Axel* I will not negotiate with terrorists! Axel: I guess I'll have to convince you we mean business-- Psst, Zex, go kill a hostage. Zexion: * Covered in blood* Hmm, so you're willing to kill hostages. Let me talk with my cabinet. Axel, a terrorist is holding a plane hostage. Axel: I say you give in to all of his demands. Zexion: * Over the phone* I'm willing to negotiate. Axel: The time for negotiations has long since ended!

• Time Travel Binge 2010

Axel: Yo Marluxia, we're inventing time travel! Marluxia: Looks like you're just drinking. Zexion: Exactly! And we need you to drink the gay drinks. Axel: Cause you're gay. Marluxia: So you want me to drink appletinis until we go back in time? Axel: Yes!

• Comic 43

Kairi: I don't know what happened. I was just telling him about how Cloud and Squall were secret lovers who met in a cross-dimensional portal, and then he fell over and foamed at the mouth. Namine:That'll do, fangirl. That'll do.

• Negotiations for Season 4.

Axel: Next, we want a daily yak sacrificed to the German Moon God. Ansem: Tell you what, we'll keep more bacon stocked in the fridge. Axel: Deal.

• This insult...backfire?
• I just got Rick-Rolled by Jesus!
• TVTropes was actually right about something!
• "Man, that was awesome. Now to go burn the courthouse!"
• Strip 659 has Sora using Red XIII's ripped off face as a mask.

Sora: Look at me! I'm the guy with a face! Woogety-woogety-woo!

• • For extra laughs, imagine his saying that line with Raocow's voice.
• "EAT MY ABORTION!"