Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/Newspaper Comics

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Calvin: Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?
Mom: No, Calvin.
Calvin: Can I ride my tricycle on the roof?
Mom: No, Calvin.
Calvin: Then can I have a cookie?

  • In psychology this is called the "door in the face" method of bargaining.
  • In an even funnier one, Calvin declared that he wanted to be a radical terrorist and was going to inhale pesticide in order to soften up his mother (who doesn't believe him) before moving in for the kill with "I'm going to watch TV all night!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. ("That's what you think, buster!")

Calvin: You can never tell if they're listening or not.

Andy: Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want Mortal Karnage II coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.
Jason: But...but...
Andy: You're too young for this sort of thing. I mean, look at what it teaches: that human disembowelment is entertainment...that "winners" decapitate their enemies...that carnage is spelled with a "K"...
Jason: I know carnage isn't spelled with a "K".
Andy: The sad part is, that's the least of my concerns.

  • Also, in a strip released on March 30th of 2023, Roger has to dispose of some old chemicals by taking them to the hazardous waste center - paint, weed killer, furniture stripper, insecticide, motor oil, and his leftover Superbowl clam dip. Even chemisty-nerd Jason is grossed out by that last one.
  • In Zits, there was a variation. Jeremy's mother says there's something she wants to talk to him about. He then deadpans several wild guesses, including "You're having a sex change?" and "You and dad are cousins?" She gets increasingly frustrated and finally yells out, "No! We're changing salsa brands!" "...WHAT??"
  • In The Far Side, there was one where it showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Murderers". Door #2 had a sign saying "Kidnappers". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drive slow in the fast lane."
  • In one Candorville strip, a psychologist is talking about his experiences with gangs: "I thought I knew the evils of gangs. Drive-bys, carjackings, garish bandanas..."
  • From the title character of Garfield: "Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... but more important, my dish is empty."
    • Another example:

Jon: Garfield I have some bad news, I ran out of your favorite cat food
Garfield: I'll survive
Jon: Odie chewed up your scratching post
Garfield: Big deal
Jon: And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie
Garfield: How could he?!

  • Peanuts:
    • In one series of strips, Marcie became obsessed with getting baseball caps for Peppermint Patty's team, and she started to get rather annoying:

Marcie (Playing right field): Babe Ruth had a cap! Willie Mays had a cap! Ted Williams had a cap! Maury Wills had a cap! Mickey Mantle had a cap!
 Peppermint Patty (From pitcher's mound): MARCIE, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?
 Marcie: Even Joe Garagiola had a cap!

  • In one strip, Lucy is yelling at Charlie Brown, who is walking ahead of her:

Lucy: You blockhead, Charlie Brown! Numbskull! Dimwit! Dummy! (Beat Panel) Smartyboots!
Charlie Brown: Smartyboots??

  • In another series of strips, Snoopy is pretending he's an astronaut flying to the moon. When he gets there, he excitedly proclaims, "I beat the Russians, I beat everybody! I even beat that stupid cat who lives next door!"
  • In Drabble, Norman has to explain to his father Ralph (a mall cop) why he got arrested at the mall.

Norman: I went snorkeling in the fountain.
Ralph: That's not so bad.
Norman: And I jumped up and down on all the beds in the mattress store.
Ralph: A minor infraction.
Norman: And I rode the escalator without holding the handrail!
Ralph: Whoa! Now you're looking at hard time!

  • In "Over the Hedge", RJ upset the balance of nature by making Verne popular. And then the Nature Police show up.

Nature Police: You're under arrest
RJ: What for?
Nature Police: Tampering with a loser, humiliation without a license...and jaywalking.
RJ: Jaywalking!? I was Edgar Allen Poe for Halloween...He was my pet raven!

Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Arson,_Murder,_and_Jaywalking/Newspaper_Comics?oldid=2007510"