Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/Recorded and Stand Up Comedy

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Comedian George Carlin did this during one of his rants about God in relation to the state of the world:

"The longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize; something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades."

  • Not to mention the immortal (and 100% NSFW) routine "The Seven Words You Can't Say On Television":

You wanna know what they are? There's seven of them. They're fuck, shit, piss, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. And tits doesn't even belong on the list, man.

  • The revised version of the list is even better: motherfucker is exchanged for "fart," which as Carlin points out couldn't even be alluded to on TV at the time he performed the routine (whereas all of the others could be referred to with some kind of euphemism).
  • In one of his books, he mentions a news story of two men who were arrested for forcing a little boy to smoke, drink, and perform oral sex on them. "Can you imagine?" he comments. "Smoking!"
  • Also from George Carlin:

Carlin: I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried...but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades.

Titus: So I took [my future wife] from the womb to Los Angeles. The city of drive-bys, riots, fires, floods, earthquakes, and producers.

    • Christopher Titus loves to use this trope and Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick. When describing how dysfunctional his family line is in Norman Rockwell is Bleeding, he names off that his family tree is full of mental illness, perscription drug abuse, and worst of all -- one of his uncles was a Mormon!
  • From Bo Burnham's Catholic Rant routine/rap song

Bo Burnham: There's so much pain beyond this steeple/Wars and drugs and homeless people/Sadness where there should be joy/hate and rape and Soulja Boy.

  • Billy Connolly once read out a lengthy and utterly hilarious business card that began with this: "Albert Richardson Nelson, 1952 East Belfast. Film and TV VIP, Seeker of the Peace, Part-time Chandelier Cleaner..."
  • British comedian Marcus Brigstocke in a bit on global warming: 'Listen, there's a lot China doesn't do that's worth our while. Democracy. Human rights. Cheddar. There's three.'
    • Also, from one of his Now Show rants against religion: "The Bible contains examples of acts of wanton genocide, infanticide, fratricide, straight murder, rape, pedophilia, enslavement, brutality and sexism. The Qu'ran has beheadings, underage sex, mysogeny, and Mohammad was an Illiterate."
  • Jeff Dunham let Walter, dressed as Santa, answer questions from the public. To the question "If you could rename your reindeer, what would you call them?" Walter ansewered: "Moron, Dimwit, Numbnuts, Pinhead and Chuck."
  • Gilbert Gottfried's version of The Aristocrats joke:

"AND NOW THEIR FACES ARE COVERED WITH SHIT AND PISS AND CUM AND ALSO SWEAT- OOH SWEAT, SORRY. NO SWEAT, SWEAT'S DISGUSTING."

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