Bailey School Kids

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The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids (or simply The Bailey School Kids) is a series of children's chapter books co-authored by Marcia T. Jones and Debbie Dadey. It revolves around a group of third-grade kids who are convinced that people around them are monsters. In each story, the kids meet an adult who shows signs of being some mythical being.



Contains the following titles:[edit | hide | hide all]

  1. Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots
  2. Werewolves Don't Go to Summer Camp
  3. Santa Claus Doesn't Mop Floors
  4. Leprechauns Don't Play Basketball
  5. Ghosts Don't Eat Potato Chips
  6. Frankenstein Doesn't Plant Petunias
  7. Aliens Don't Wear Braces
  8. Genies Don't Ride Bicycles
  9. Pirates Don't Wear Pink Sunglasses
  10. Witches Don't Do Back Flips
  11. Skeletons Don't Play Tubas
  12. Cupid Doesn't Flip Hamburgers
  13. Gremlins Don't Chew Bubble Gum
  14. Monsters Don't Scuba Dive
  15. Zombies Don't Play Soccer
  16. Dracula Doesn't Drink Lemonade
  17. Elves Don't Wear Hard Hats
  18. Martians Don't Take Temperatures
  19. Gargoyles Don't Drive School Buses
  20. Wizards Don't Need Computers
  21. Mummies Don't Coach Softball
  22. Cyclops Doesn't Roller-Skate
  23. Angels Don't Know Karate
  24. Dragons Don't Cook Pizza
  25. Bigfoot Doesn't Square Dance
  26. Mermaids Don't Run Track
  27. Bogeymen Don't Play Football
  28. Unicorns Don't Give Sleigh Rides
  29. Knights Don't Teach Piano
  30. Hercules Doesn't Pull Teeth
  31. Ghouls Don't Scoop Ice Cream
  32. Phantoms Don't Drive Sports Cars
  33. Giants Don't Go Snowboarding
  34. Frankenstein Doesn't Slam Hockey Pucks
  35. Trolls Don't Ride Roller Coasters
  36. Wolfmen Don't Hula Dance
  37. Goblins Don't Play Video Games
  38. Ninjas Don't Bake Pumpkin Pie
  39. Dracula Doesn't Rock and Roll
  40. Sea Monsters Don't Ride Motorcycles
  41. The Bride of Frankenstein Doesn't Bake Cookies
  42. Robots Don't Catch Chicken Pox
  43. Vikings Don't Wear Wrestling Belts
  44. Ghosts Don't Ride Wild Horses
  45. Wizards Don't Wear Graduation Gowns
  46. Sea Serpents Don't Juggle Water Balloons
  47. Frankenstein Doesn't Start Food Fights
  48. Dracula Doesn't Play Kickball
  49. Werewolves Don't Run For President
  50. The Abominable Snowman Doesn't Roast Marshmallows
  51. Dragons Don't Throw Snowballs

The franchise provides examples of:[edit | hide]

  • Aesop Amnesia - The characters take turns between believing a character is supernatural, considering it unlikely, and teasing their friends for considering it, depending on the book. This becomes particularly egregious when a character who was convinced their science teacher was a sea monster in the last book sneers at their friend for thinking the cashier at a restaurant is a mummy in the next.
  • Agent Mulder: Liza is almost always the one to suggest that someone is a supernatural creature.
  • Agent Scully: Eddie is consistently the most doubtful of the group, making him official Scully. Melody also usually takes more convincing than the others.
  • Almighty Janitor: Regardless of whether or not he's Santa, Mr. Jolly is clearly this.
  • Black Best Friend: Melody
  • The Cameo: Numerous one-time characters from the other books appear in the illustrations in Bogeymen Don't Play Football, cheering in the stand.
  • Carpet of Virility: Mr. Jenkins is characterized by this.
  • Classical Movie Vampire: Mrs. Jeepers shows every sign of this, being a very suave and ladylike, and even bearing a widow's peak, her Eastern European accent, her air for the dramatic when she's not being calm and menacing, and her outdated clothes.
  • Does Not Like Shoes: Mr. Jenkins avoids wearing shoes, until his cabin is filled with wolfsbane, at which point he puts shoes on.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything? - Although it may not have stood out in 1990, when Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots was published, modern vampire mythology often puts them into a sexual context, making one wonder what Mrs. Jeepers did to Eddie in the last chapter.
  • Evil Albino: Mrs. Zork from Aliens Don't Wear Braces. She's implied to be an alien on a mission to steal color from Earth and bring it to her monochromatic home planet.
  • Funetik Aksent: Averted with Mrs. Jeepers; she is said to have a thick accent, but it does not translate into text.
  • Girlish Pigtails - Melody is always drawn with twintails, sometimes wearing a ponytail or braids within the story.
  • Haunted House: The Clancy House, which Ms. Jeepers moves into in the first book, is described as this by the students.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Each book features a title "<Insert Supernatural Creature Here> does not <Insert Mundane Task Uncharacteristic to Said Creature Here>".
  • Informed Flaw - In Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp, Liza is described as "plump" and "chubby" a few times, despite this never being mentioned or seen in any books or pictures.
  • Jerkass > Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Eddie, who is originally described as the school bully, often comes off as this.
  • Lame Comeback - Eddie is prone to these.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane - The books rarely come to a concrete conclusion over whether someone is or is not the creature the kids think they are.
  • Mind Control Eyes - Mrs. Jeepers' eyes flash green when she hypnotizes Eddie. (They also flash green threateningly when she's disciplining the children).
  • The Mole: Allegedly, a vampire infiltrated the leprechauns' kingdom as the teacher of their children in order to take back the gem they stole and seal them in Ireland. It's heavily implied that Mrs. Jeepers was this vampire.
  • Monster of the Week
  • Oireland: "Magic" O'Grady's nationality. Howie's grandmother also hails from there.
  • Our Monsters Are Different (Depending on whether you believe that the characters are monsters or not.)
  • Positive Discrimination - Melody is the only black character, and she's also the bravest, most polite, and most reasonable of the group. She is often pitted against Eddie, who is a red-head.
  • Sassy Black Woman: Melody, in spades.
  • Sealed Evil in a Can - Although not evil so much as tricksters, the leprechauns were confined to Oireland by the vampires.
  • Shown Their Work: In Frankenstein Doesn't Plant Petunias, Liza gives a surprisingly good summary of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, avoiding most of the misinformation that has been engrained in the public's minds after the movie. The only one mentioned is the angry mob at the climax, and Frankenstein's fear of fire, both of which are actually plot points.
    • It should be noted, however, that Frank's creator is Dr. Victor, whereas his creator in the novel is not a doctor at all...or named Victor.
      • Victor is the creator's first name in the book.
  • Stern Teacher - Mrs. Jeepers
  • Title Drop - Once a book.
    • It's absent in Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp, however.
  • Token Minority: Melody
  • True Meaning of Christmas: The ending to Santa Claus Doesn't Mop Floors.
  • Vampire Vords: Somewhat averted in that she's said to have a realistic Romanian accent, rather than the exaggerated one that comes with the trope.
  • Villainous Widow's Peak: Mrs. Jeepers
  • Wolf Man - Between the descriptions and the illustrations, Mr. Jenkins is probably something like this.
  • You Know the One - Referring to Mr. Jolly as "SC" feels particularly unnatural after a while.