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There are six million stories in the naked city —Intro, The Naked City

New York has a new problem. —Tagline for Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Rennie: "You don't understand, there is a maniac trying to kill us!" Waitress: "Welcome to New York." —Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do. Now you're in New York, these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you. Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York... —Alicia Keys, Empire State of Mind

"New York City! If aliens had to come to Earth... well, no wonder they came here." —Tallulah, Doctor Who, "Evolution of the Daleks"

New York, New York. The town so nice, they named it twice. —David Letterman

I don't really fuckin' care. You wanna know fuckin' why? 'Cause I don't fuckin' live in the fuckin' world, I live in fuckin' New York City, so go fuck yourself! —Henry Hackett, The Paper

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime. —David Letterman

Ah, summer in New York -- when the rats are mating in Central Park!

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. —David Letterman

It's all painfully obvious to me -- there's nothing wrong with New York that a sound thrashing, a hot bath, and about $20 billion in federally guaranteed loans wouldn't cure. —The Badger

Herman: Good morning, Louise. <pause> What is that smell? Louise: This is New York City, Herman. Which smell do you mean? —Herman's Head

New York -- when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. —David Letterman

New York's such a wonderful city, but at the library the guy was very rude. I said I'd like a card. He said, 'You have to prove you're a citizen of New York.' So I stabbed him. —Emo Phillips

New York is a narrow island off the coast of New Jersey devoted to the pursuit of lunch. —Raymond Solokov

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.... —Douglas Adams, in Mostly Harmless

Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to Nazi Martin Bormann. A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are weighing the odds of a slander suit. Mayor Koch could naturally be reached for comment, but we chose not to listen. —Dennis Miller

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound." —David Letterman

Dana Scully: You know, on the old mariners' maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters." Fox Mulder: I've got a map of New York City just like that. —The X-Files