Blogging Twilight/YMMV

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


JACOB: So you want me to run away with Optimus…alone? Like, alone-alone?
BELLA: Yes. You will be her father and guardian, and I want you to…why are you wearing that satin robe?
JACOB: Um…it helps me run.
BELLA: And where is that Barry White music coming from?
JACOB: My phone. The sexy sounds of B. W. helps me run.
BELLA: And why are you lighting scented candles? I suppose that helps you run, too.
JACOB: Yes, particularly the candle called Night XXX-tasy.
BELLA: And the coconut body oil?
JACOB: I thought everyone slathered on body oil when trying to hide. No? Hmm.
OPTIMUS: Mommy.
BELLA: What it is, my little snow pea?
OPTIMUS: I accidentally lost the backpack.
BELLA: What?!
OPTIMUS: I just wanted to see if it would float in the river. And it did. And now it's gone. And I'm sorry. And I want Popsicles for dinner.
BELLA: But…but…the money? It's gone? And Jacob, why are you running an ice cube over your body in a suggestive manner?
JACOB: Helps me run. [Looks at Optimus] Who's your daddy, princess?

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