But You Screw One Goat!/Quotes

Sora: Where do mermaids come from?
Ariel: Well, when a man loves a dolphin more than society says he should...

—Ansem Retort

"His educational career began, interestingly enough, in agricultural school, where he majored in animal husbandry, until they -- caught him at it one day."

—Tom Lehrer

"Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett, intelligent and deep.
Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett, a shame about the sheep."

—Blackadder

Asif Mandvi: Larry Wilmore is a chicken-fucker. And from what I understand, the sex is not always consensual.
Jon Stewart: *startled, stammering somewhat* ...W-well, I mean, to be fair to Larry... is chicken-sex ever really consensual?

—The Daily Show

Bennett The Sage: What could possibly happen with two naked people? And in water! Not just any water, but warm water!
Caption: Oh, I can think of fifty different things they can do. Sixty if you threw in a few otters.

—Bennett The Sage, sporking "Welcome To The Emo Parade."

"A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him that every single night, he has a recurring dream wherein he fucks his horse repeatedly. The shrink asks whether the horse is male or female, to which the man responds 'Male, of course! What kind of pervert do you think I am?'"

—Joke

"Came the day that TC fucked the chicken."

—Preacher

A young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old man, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, "Hey old timer, why the long face?"
The old man looks at him and points out the window, "See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me McGregor the dockbuilder? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see that ship out there? I've been fishing these waters for my village for thirty-five years! But do they call me McGregor the fisherman? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see all the crops in the farms out there? I planted and have been farming those crops for my village for nearly 45 years! But do they call me McGregor the farmer? No, no."
The old man starts to cry again, "But you screw one goat."

—Joke

Neal Horsley: "Before I surrendered myself to the Lord Jesus Christ, I was an absolute hedonist. I smoked dope, I did everything that might feel good.... Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool."
AC: "You had sex with animals?"
NH: "When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "Ah, I'm not so sure that that is so..."
NH: "That's because you didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia. The fact of the matter is if they have....don't know that you experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."

—FSTDT

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