Chainsaw Good/Quotes

Ethan: So we both have a bunch of little plastic men, right? and we move them manually. Then, when we fight, we roll dice and then do math to figure out who hits who. But there are no actual battles, or explosions. We use our imaginations like a couple of savages. It sounds almost as fun as chewing used medical syringes.
Lucas: These guys here have chainsaw swords.
Ethan: This is the coolest game ever. Hurry up and figure out how to play so my little plastic dudes can chainsaw your little plastic dudes.

—Ctrl+Alt+Del from 1 November 2006, on Warhammer 40,000

Beware the happy man with power tools.

—Florence Ambrose, Freefall #35

Never water balloon anyone who's carrying a chain saw.

—Helix, Freefall #65

"As you prepare to leave the town, you- Uh, Lewis, are we boring you?"
"Nah, I was just thinking how Star Wars might've been cooler if they had chain saws instead of light sabers."
(everyone get the same absent look as him)

—Full Frontal Nerdity from 02/25/2009

Put down that chainsaw and listen to me

—"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Dare To Be Stupid"

Oh. how stupid of me. That was the sound of chainsaw nunchucks.

—Dr. McNinja, The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

Problems? Problems? There is no problem I cannot solve with this...

—Warhammer 40,000, attributed to Mad Chainsaw Johnson

Make your swords become like things unto chainsaws.

—Glorious Chainsaw Method, 8-Bit Theater

You're too big to fit in a plane so... I'm going to make you compact! It'll take no time at all!

—Mao, Code Geass

A chainsaw? As if things weren't bad enough already!

—Resident Evil, Sheva Alomar

RRRRRRRNNGGGGGG DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH.

—Nexus War, in-game description of the Chainsaw weapon.

Chainsaws historically have now probably been used more often against zombies in games than against wood in real life.

—Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, Zero Punctuation, on Left 4 Dead 2

Giles: We're going to have to create a door.
Anya: Create a door? You can do that?
Giles: I can. *revs chainsaw*

—Buffy the Vampire Slayer

EVERY TUESDAY, EPIC MEAL TIME! Comin' at you with a chainsaw and a big pile o'meat! If you ain't down with that? THEN YOU AIN'T DOWN WITH COOKING!

—Harley Morenstein, EPICMEALTIME

Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

—Heathers

Otto: I added the saws!
Sprx: You add saws to everything.

—Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!

Billy solves his problems by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But Malcolm's got his own way and it's better than them all
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
And he never has the same problem twice!

—The Arrogant Worms, Malcolm

All the birds love a scar.

—Eddie Hitler shortly before having his legs cut off with a chainsaw, Bottom

Oh, Rico. Chainsaw's Your Answer to Everything!

—Private, The Penguins of Madagascar, "I Was A Penguin Zombie"

You'd be surprised how many of my transactions involve power tools.

—Kenzi, Lost Girl

Fobott'r rent-a-cop: An actual truckload of chainsaws?
Human rent-a-cop: Where do I sign up?

—Schlock Mercenary from 22 Oct. 2015, Sanctum Adroit personnel's reaction to one of Schlock's war stories.

So while I take my chainsaw, get out of my way
So while I take my chainsaw, get out of my way
Timbe-e-e-e-er!

—FaLnX - Timber

I guess I should thank you for knocking me into the lawn and garden department.
You don't have to be a sport and let me get my sword back, since just about anything works with this whole slashy-slashy thing.

—Humphrey, to one very unlucky trollkir, Use Sword on Monster, Chapter 1