Chibi Usa's Seventh Birthday

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Trigger warning ahoy.

Written by Robert Tsunai, Chibi Usa's Seventh Birthday is a Sailor Moon fanfiction that features Chibiusa on her seventh birthday. It starts normally enough: singing, cake, the works. But then, Chibiusa notices that there are no presents. It turns out that every one of the senshi and Tuxedo Mask will give her a special present.

Sex.

Chibiusa is then tied to a bed and is given her present in rather painful and implausible ways, but she likes it anyway.

Read it here [dead link] but be warned, it isn't work-safe and you may want to keep the Brain Bleach handy. A heavily edited version of it was sporked here. A non-edited MST exists here.

Tropes used in Chibi Usa's Seventh Birthday include:
  • Artistic License Logic:
    • Ami. Chibiusa's vagina would most likely explode if they stuck something else in it, so what does Ami, the aspiring doctor do? Ram a banana up Chibiusa's backside.
      • And that's after the aforementioned impossible insertions. Bit late for that, no?
    • Chibiusa as well. Ami flat out tells her what she's going to do, and Chibiusa turns around, expecting to be spanked.
  • Artistic License Sex Ed/Artistic License: Biology: A seven year old should not become a raving pain slut in that short a time. And even if she already was, there is no way she could enjoy two fists and two feet at once... or survive it, for that matter--nobody should lose that much blood without dying.
  • Author Appeal: Robert Tsunai is a kiddy hentai, and seems to be obsessed with pain.
  • Author Vocabulary Calendar: If you had a dollar for every time the words "pussy", "moaned" or "pain" showed up, you'd have a cool 58 bucks.
  • Beyond the Impossible / O-Ring Orifice: Makoto packing all four of her limbs into Chibiusa's nethers at once.
    • Setsuna shoving the WIDE END OF THE FUCKING TIME KEY up Chibiusa.
    • Rei lodging a dowel as wide as a soda can into Chibiusa's crotch. Somewhere, a man is wincing.
  • Big No: Chibiusa lets one out when she is being tortured by Rei.
  • Buxom Is Better: "Chibiusa, do you like my tits?"
  • Corrupt the Cutie: The end result of all this.
  • Fix Fic: One prolific author took it upon herself to write a family-friendly (to an extent, there is still sex in the fic but it's not till later and is Chibiusa-free) and 100% less squicky version. Instead of the Senshi gangbanging the poor kid they subject her to surprise dunkings while frolicking in the swimming pool. It can be found here.
  • Gorn: Unsurprisingly, there is quite a bit of bleeding.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: The author's notes feature a little bit of this (though it is at least somewhat correct in its usage, surprisingly).
  • Gratuitous Rape: Pretty much the point of this fic.
  • IKEA Erotica: Tsunai describes what gets stuck where rather robotically.
  • The Immodest Orgasm
  • Lemon
  • Lolicon
  • Parental Incest
  • Parody Retcon: At the very end of the fic, the author's notes claim that this is "just a satire".
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: Tsunai spells many words wrong, capitalizing random letters, and seems to have a malfunctioning space bar.
  • Rule 34: One of the many ways Rule 34 can go wrong.
  • Troll Fic