Honest John's Dealership

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
(Redirected from Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler)
Jump to: navigation, search
Is this the face of a man who would lie to you?


Vimes looked into the grinning, cadaverous face of Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler, purveyor of absolutely anything that could be sold hurriedly from an open suitcase in a busy street and was guaranteed to have fallen off the back of an oxcart.

You're in a sticky situation; you need to get something and there doesn't seem to be a legal way of getting it. (It could be banned, rationed, from overseas or possibly just made in extremely limited quantities). If you're unlucky, you'll have to visit Honest John's Dealership.

These are the guys who'll attempt to sell you anything, mostly items that Fell Off the Back of a Truck. The prices are usually dodgy too, either too good to be true or obnoxiously overpriced. (The former usually catches more people out than the latter). All in all, their main goal is money.

Unlike the Friend in the Black Market, Honest Johns are a fair bit more restricted in terms of their Character Alignment; in addition to being decidedly un-Lawful, their avaricious nature also precludes them from being Good. In the best cases, you'll have people like 'Del Boy' Trotter from Only Fools and Horses, who would sell malfunctioning blow-up dolls to unsuspecting customers. On the flip side, there are the far more despicable types like alleged car salesman Mr. Wormwood from Matilda, who will happily sell vehicles prone to deadly accidents.

Expect him to wear an obnoxious outfit (plaid suit jackets seem to be popular), record Insane Proprietor advertisements, and say "But Wait! There's More!" every other sentence. If this character is rendered as a Funny Animal, chances are quite high that he'll be a weasel or a fox.

Compare and Contrast Friend in the Black Market, who also sells items at a premium but at least guarantees he's giving you the good stuff. See also Snake Oil Salesman, Shady Real Estate Agent, Why Do You Keep Changing Jobs?, Crooked Contractor.

Completely straight examples tend not to last long in Real Life, but we've probably all met one at least once. They're called "gray market salesmen," in business/econ terms.

Examples of Honest John's Dealership include:


Anime & Manga[edit | hide | hide all]

  • The NightMare Enterprises/Holy Nightmare salesman in Kirby: Right Back at Ya!. Dedede gave him nearly 100 episodes worth of payback when they finally meet personally.
    • In the 4kids dub he's like a car salesman, while the original version is based on a polite and humble Japanese salesman—but the roles are just about the same.
  • Nabiki Tendō from Ranma ½. In one episode she became Ranma's "financée", rented him out to her classmates, tried to get Ranma to break up with her and pay a "consolation fee", then tried to sell him back to Akane for anywhere from (what's equivalent to) $19 to $50. As she said in another episode:

Akane: Whose side are you on?
Nabiki: I'm on the side with money.

  • In Vandread, Rabat (or as Word of God said, a contraction of Rat Bastard) is a Honest John. Only later we learn his true purposes, but until then, he sells everything from weaponry to cosmetics to ship drive boosters.
  • In the manga and anime series Area 88, the base quartermaster McCoy is a prime example of this, stocking everything from toilet paper to nuclear weapons. He is not above tricks like placing a photographer's bag in the sun to force him to buy new film or selling faulty Sidewinder missiles at $20 each.
  • Lina Inverse of The Slayers qualifies. In the very first episode, she actually haggles over how much she can get paid to save the town she's in from an attacking dragon, stating to her companion that "Necessity drives a hard bargain". A couple of episodes later, she sets prices for several items in her possession at 100 times the street price, and accuses the would-be buyer of having no balls for balking when he explicitly stated that he'd pay any price she named. Even her normally easy-going traveling companion was floored by that one.
    • The same exchange occurs in the original light novel; Lina justifies herself to Gourry, saying that the extreme paranoia with which the buyer conducted himself (refusing to even specify which item he wanted to purchase until he was actually handing her the money) piqued her curiosity, so she deliberately named outrageous prices so that the buyer would buzz off long enough that she could have a closer look to find out what was so damn important about three valuable, but otherwise unremarkable, tchotchkes. Not that she would have complained if the buyer had actually ponied up...
  • Pretty much everybody in Black Lagoon who's not a Friend in the Black Market, given it's a Wretched Hive.
  • The Magikarp Salesman that often appears in Pokémon also acted as such, often tricking Team Rocket with useless things. A notable example was in James' first meeting with the salesman, where he tricked James into buying a Magikarp by making him think that it was essentially a Hand of Midas. James seemed to wise up and be very suspicious of any new encounters with him, although Jessie's a different story.


Comics[edit | hide]

  • Asterix and the Banquet (Le Tour de Gaule d'Astérix) has a car chariot dealer selling Asterix and Obelix a shiny, sparkling, good-as-new chariot pulled by a strong black stallion... only problem is, the carriage breaks with the first stone in the road, and the strong black stallion turns out to be an old, battered white horse painted with black dye...
    • There's also a Phoenician recurring character, Ekonomikrisis, who calls his slaves "partners with the right to row". He's just a humble partner without the right to row, of course.
  • In the Super Mario Adventures comic serial, Mario and Luigi buy a Yoshi language learning book from a man named Friendly Floyd, only to find that it's worthless because all the sentences are translated simply as "Yoshi." Later on, though, Luigi manages to get help from Floyd in rescuing Mario from the Koopalings.
  • In the Tintin series, our eponymous hero meets Mr. Oliveira da Figueira, a gent who manages to sell him a whole lot of junk, including a pair of skis with poles, in a desert. This is also after Tintin assures his dog that he wouldn't be conned into buying anything he didn't need.
    • Worse, Tintin actually points out to his dog how he AVOIDED being conned.
      • Depending on the specific translation, Tintin sometimes even points out that it was Figueira that got conned
  • Played for laughs with Manolito from the Mafalda comic books.
  • Cosmo, Camp Swampy's resident "shady entrepreneur" in the Beetle Bailey comic strip.
  • Peter occasionally takes this role in B.C.
  • Elvis Zimmerman in Piranha Club is one of them. Sid, too, who runs a shady real estate business.
  • Honest Abdul in Beau Peep, perveyor of tat to Cloudcuckoolanders Dennis and the Nomad. A typical Abdul strip will have him reflecting that no-one will buy his latest product, then a Gilligan Cut to Dennis proudly showing it to a disbelieving Peep.
  • In Alan Ford, the never-seen Bing (and perhaps his brother) is such a dealer. Sir Oliver is only ever seen conducting business with him over the phone, and then not buying but selling stuff fallen from the back of… well, everyone.
  • One issue of Marvel's Transformers series had Big Steve, a slimy dealer who used every dirty trick in the book.


Films -- Animation[edit | hide]

  • Disney's Pinocchio gave us the actual Honest John who was a fox that cheated Pinocchio on several occasions.
  • The Merchant at the beginning of the Disney Animated Canon Aladdin.
  • Similarly, in the Disney |Hercules, when Hercules lands in Thebes, a man appears, opens his vest, and says "Wanna buy a sundial?" Of course, Hades himself would be this trope if his deals involved actual money. James Woods even modeled Hades after a used car salesman.
  • An American Tail actually has a character named Honest John. However, he is more of a Loveable Rogue politician trying to get people to vote for him. Including dead people.


Films -- Live Action[edit | hide]

  • The entire movie, Used Cars.
  • Reversed in Borat in which they wanted a really cheap vehicle just to get across the country, so the guy tells them that he can sell them a used ice-cream truck which isn't very well equipped but it will at least get them where they're going (i.e. the guy told the truth).
    • It was a real used-car salesman who was being filmed, and thought it was a documentary, not a parody of one. The salesman declared "I just feel bad I wasted three hours of my time for 150 bucks. And I had nothing to do with selling him an ice cream truck."
    • The website How it should have ended essentially makes the argument that Sasha Baron Cohen is an Honest John's Dealer delivering a movie that was (he assumes) not to most people's taste then telling them "so long suckers, you can't have your money back."
  • Bobby Bolivia, Bernie Mac's character in the Transformers film, when he isn't masquerading as a Magical Negro. "Honest" enough to present an old, battered Camaro (which wasn't there yesterday) as a very awesome ride. Ironically, that Camaro turns out to be a very awesome Humongous Mecha...
  • The Hutts are turned into this in the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Understandable due to the Law Of Unequal Returns, but that part is never mentioned.
  • Flash Harry in the St Trinian's movies.
  • Ferdy the Fence in the movie version of Stardust.

Lamia: You'd better be telling the truth, you two-faced dog.
Ferdy: I can get you one of them, actually. Very good guard dogs. They can watch the back and the front door at the same time.

  • Limbo in Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes grabs some random stuff from a space pod and starts hawking it within 20 minutes of touchdown.
  • The Robin Williams movie Cadillac Man.
  • His goods may be a quite a bit more high dollar than your average Honest John, but Iron Man 2's Justin Hammer certainly has the attitude down pat as well as the cluster of malfunctions, if the videos from the Senate Briefing at the beginning are any good sign.
  • In Mad Max, Max encounters a shady gas station repairman who tries to sell him repairs on everything but Max's car frame. It's implied that his parts are all stolen as well. Max is too canny for the man and escapes with his pocketbook intact. The mechanic ultimately foments Max's downfall, though unwittingly.
  • Flywheel has one in Jay Austin (pre-Heel Faith Turn, of course).
  • The father of the bicyclist hero in Breaking Away was a used car dealer like this. He told one customer that the reason the car he was test-driving had stalled was that it had premium gasoline in its tank instead of regular, and had a heart attack at the possibility of giving a refund for a crappy car.
  • The Three Stooges got in on this more than once. Including one time set in Ancient Egypt, of all places, where they sold used chariots that were about as good as you'd expect. It had a truly comical line from Moe:

"Greetings, friend! I'm Honest Moe, that's Honest Shemp, and that's... that's Larry."


Literature[edit | hide]

  • This trope used to be named after Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, Ankh-Morpork's most famous entrepreneur and inedible-sausage-inna-bun vendor, from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. The true CMOT Dibbler is, if nothing else, an excellent salesman for his ability to continue selling his horrible products, even after everyone knows just how bad they are. And, in addition to the first Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, the Discworld is host to a multitude of variations on the theme, including:
    • Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala,
    • Fair Go Dibbler,
    • Cut-Me-Own-Hand-Off Dhblah,
    • Al-Jiblah (His self-harming descriptor doesn't come up, but probably exists)
    • May-I-Never-Achieve-Enlightenment Dhiblang,
    • Dib Diblossonson,
    • May-I-Be-Kicked-In-My-Own-Ice-Hole Dibooki,
    • Swallow-Me-Own-Blowdart Dhlang-Dhlang.
    • Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibbjla
      • This has been described by the author as parallel evolution; he writes in The Discworld Companion that "Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food, there will be someone there to sell it to them."
      • In fact, in Making Money, Dibbler's proper name is cited as Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler, meaning that it's not just a nickname based on his catchphrase, he really is CMOT Dibbler.
        • Alternatively, his name could have come out of the catchphrase, and was created to make his application for a loan more... legitimate, shall we say. Back in Night Watch, before the infamous catchphrase had crossed his mind, his cart was simply marked "Dibbler Enterprises, est". It's entirely possible he doesn't even HAVE a first name.
      • Rincewind once observed that if CMOT Dibbler ever shook hands with one of his international doppelgangers, there would probably be some sort of explosion.
    • While unrelated to the Dibblers, Heme Krona, proprietor of Camels-R-Us, in the Discworld novel Pyramids also qualifies.
    • Mention should also be made of Hobson's Livery Stable, which employs an Igor as a vet, but is rumoured to use his extreme surgery skills as a horse "chop-shop".
  • Mr. Wormwood in Roald Dahl's Matilda. The tinkering with the cars differs between the book and movie. Maybe because the books is several decades older, and the Honest Johns had to update their methods meanwhile.
    • In this case, he crosses the line into outright criminality - his entire business model is built on selling cars that appear to run fine, until they get about thirty miles off the lot, when the customer's Sudden Onset Unbridled Rage is suddenly aggravated by whatever means he should choose to use to prove he doesn't owe them a refund. He's also involved with dealing in stolen cars too.
  • In Arthur, Muffy Crosswire's super rich father sells used cars of questionable value, what with his Punny Name. Ironically, one of the episodes of Arthur reveals that he hates liars.
  • In the Harry Turtledove Alternate History The Two Georges, Richard Nixon is a salesman for used steam cars.
  • Subverted in The Crying of Lot 49 with Mucho Maas, who—during his time spent as a used car salesman—was terrified of becoming one of these and developed a psychosomatic allergic reaction to pencil shavings and a fear of checked suits.
  • The car dealership where the Joads buy their car in The Grapes of Wrath. An unusual example in which this is not played for comedy.
  • Milo Minderbinder from Catch-22 begins as a light-hearted version of this trope, paying far more attention to his various moneymaking schemes than the actual war he's supposed to be fighting. However, his financial syndicate grows so large and arcane that he eventually bombs his own air base, firmly believing that it's in everyone's best interest because it brings profit to his investors.
  • Mundungus Fletcher from Harry Potter.
  • Tom Dennis Fitzgerald, the title character in The Great Brain children's book series.
  • Jack from the book Little Men.
  • Silk from the Belgariad.
    • This is even somewhat lampshaded in one of the books, when he ends up receiving a bottle of Rivan perfume, and is unable to set a good price (In his mind this meant good as in making an exorbitant profit without setting it so high he'd be laughed out of the Fair), In the end, he gives it to Polgara, who 'thanks him for a princely gift', which only disgruntled him further.


Live Action TV[edit | hide]

  • Most characters played by Frank "Yeeeeeeeeeees?" Nelson, especially on The Jack Benny Program.
  • The Ferengi of Star Trek are an entire Planet of Hats of scheming salesmen.
  • Classic Twilight Zone episode in which the used car dealer acquires a used car that forces the owner to tell the truth.
    • Lampshaded as a plot point in the episode "One for the Angels", where the CMOT Dibbler type uses his schtick to distract and delay Death, saving a young girl's life.
  • Arthur Daley of Minder was definitely one of these. Played by George Cole who was known for his role as Flash Harry of the St Trinian's series (see above), Arthur constantly had his finger in a number of dirty pies which in at least one case did include selling shoddy cars, but was generally (at best) in the gray market, if not outright criminal.
  • Rip-off Rodney in iCarly.
  • Del Boy Trotter from Only Fools and Horses.
    • In his first appearance in Only Fools and Horses, Boycie is offered Trigger's car as part of a poker bet. His response: "You must be joking, I sold it to him!"
  • In an episode of Due South, Benton and Ray went undercover at a used-car dealership which was fencing stolen cars. While the real car salesmen were examples of this trope, it was subverted when ever-honest Constable Fraser proved to be an excellent car salesman simply by telling people the truth and helping them find the car they wanted. (Okay, and by inadvertantly being a magnet to female car buyers.)
  • Explicitly lampshaded in Family Matters, when Laura wants to buy a car from "Honest Joe's Used Car Dealership". Carl immediately warns against patronizing any business with "Honest" in the name.
  • Mike Thecoolperson (yes, he changed his name) from The Young Ones.
    • Also, Reggie Balowski, the 'International arms dealer, scrap metal merchant and French cabaret chanteuse' of the Balowski family, to whom Mike tries to sell the unexploded bomb dropped on their house.

Reggie: So, is that the atom bomb is it, eh? (sharp intake of breath) Oooh, naaaa, not in that colour, you know what I mean? See, that bomb, to me it's worth, well, a pony, couple of tortoises at most.[...] Tell you what, right, tell you what, come outside, I'll give you part-ex on a Reliant, right.
Mike: Reliant? Thats a three wheeler, innit?
Reggie: Usually, yeah...

  • Sergeant Bilko from The Phil Silvers Show.
  • Mr. Haney from Green Acres.
  • Sergeant O'Rourke from F Troop.
  • In Diili, the Finnish version of the reality TV show Apprentice had Juhana Helmenkalastaja (his surmname meant "Pearl diver", which he had legally changed his name into), who actually talked a jeweller into selling him a gold bar for spare change. The incident, however was frowned upon by the big boss.
  • Auntie Wainwright from Last of the Summer Wine.
    • And her counterpart Arkwright from Open All Hours (by the same author).
  • The mantislike alien N'Grath from Babylon 5. Whenever a character needs to sneak around the station, he's there, willing to sell them plans, access keys, and anything else, for a "very expensive" price.
    • Of course, N'Grath isn't exactly an Honest John, as he (she? it?) is also known to use and hire out hitmen if you don't pay her (him? it?); it (he? she?) implied to be some kind of crime lord, but since the B5 command staff can't pin him (her? it?) for anything and finds her (him? it?) somewhat useful at times, they more or less leave it (him? her?) alone.
  • Colin Mathews from Press Gang, who has been known to sell, among other things, defective half ping-pong balls, cans of soft drink that stain people's faces green, homicidal "security" briefcases, and the services of a sadistic hypnotist. For some reason that is never entirely clear to the audience or the rest of the characters, he is somehow allowed to remain in charge of the newspaper's finances.
  • Dan Aykroyd's early Saturday Night Live character, Irwin Mainway.
  • The Dodgy Brothers from Australia Youre Standing In It.
  • Vinnie from Sreet Smartz.
  • Benke Bengtsson from Vintergatan 5B. A rather extreme door-to-door salesman, you could say, who travelled around the cosmos in a yellow, truck-like thing, usually coming onto the protagonists' spaceship and offering to sell them an 'Intergalactic Multi-Tool'. Slightly subverted, as, despite his energetic salespitch causing him to be mistrusted, the Multi-Tool is actually useful (Or, as Benke says, "It's used for everything!"). Looks like he actually was honest, for once.
  • Hannah Montana has Rico's Surf Shop, a beachfront establishment that sells mediocre, overpriced food and merchandise, and has been investigated by the health department more than once.
  • The ninth season episode of Seinfeld, "The Dealership", features Jerry buying a new car from David Puddy, who can get him an insider deal. George tags along because hes positive that all car dealerships are Honest Johns and wants to protect Jerry. At one point in the episode Puddy and Elaine break up and Jerry loses his insider deal, so Puddy rings him up for thousands of dollars worth of useless junk and tries to sell Jerry a yellow car instead of the black he previously requested. At the end of the episode Puddy and Elaine get back together and Puddy happily admits the dealership doesn't even know what some of the expenses actually do. He gives Jerry a good deal, which Jerry blows by refusing to give him a high-five.
  • Joey Jeremiah was the High School Hustler in the '80s versions of {Degrassi}. He grew up to become a used-car dealer in The Revival.
  • Played for laughs with Junior Samples' used car lot on Hee Haw.
  • Private Joe Walker in Dad's Army
  • Furlow's garage in Farscape. There's nothing that woman can't fix, and nothing she won't sell to the one evil empire you really don't want getting hold of it.
  • Averted/Played with on an episode of Newhart. George leaves the Stratford Inn and finds a job as a car salesman. Due to his reputation of informing the customers when a car actually was a lemon or not, he was given the nickname "Honest George" and would often be sought after by potential buyers. Another salesman tried to take advantage of this by saying he was Honest George. Even to Dick when he came looking for him.
  • Kamekona in the remake of Hawaii Five-O


Newspaper Comics[edit | hide]

  • Honest Ed from Garfield. As Garfield observes, his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.
  • Private Cosmo in Beetle Bailey; basically Ernie Bilko with a reduction in rank.


Puppet Shows[edit | hide]

  • Convincing John from Fraggle Rock is a subversion of this in that he doesn't do it for money (of which Fraggles apparently have no concept) but for the lulz.
  • Mad Man Mooney from The Muppet Movie, who offers the traveling Muppets a $12 trade-in for both of their vehicles and claims a car that falls apart in front of their eyes is "collapsible, for narrow garages."
    • He also has a "you pay the price you see on the sticker" policy. Although it usually means you're getting a lemon and no haggling, it proves to be his downfall when a slapped fly means that twelve-dollar trade-in means he owes the Muppets a nickel.
  • THIS IS PRECIOUS ROY! A DOG CHASED ME IN HERE, I'M CONFUSED!
  • Sesame Street- the guy in the trenchcoat and fedora that ALWAYS cons Ernie out of his nickle.


Radio[edit | hide]

  • British spoof radio comedy Radio Active featured frequent appearances by, and commercials for, a highly dubious businessman called Honest Ron, whose debt collection methods mainly revolved around half a dozen out of work jockeys with sledgehammers. Adverts for his extremely questionable products and services were invariably accompanied by his trademark jingle, sung in a near-tuneless drone which did not inspire confidence in the prospective buyer:

Honest Ron, Honest Ron, the others are a con... Honest.

  • In The Navy Lark C.P.O. Pertwee will be glad to sell you anything from a pen lid to a Battleship (usually the same one he has sold to 3 other different people too). He has an extended clan of Pertwees that run the navy as their own personal supermarket.
  • The Firesign Theatre album How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All? opens with a character buying a car from "Ralph Spoilsport", who definitely fits the trope.
  • Sid James in Hancock's Half Hour.


Tabletop Games[edit | hide]

  • What do you get when you cross Honest John with Don Corleone? Probably something a lot like the Free Enterprise secret society in the Paranoia Tabletop RPG.
  • The Yasuki family from Legend of the Five Rings have been described as "the Wal-Mart of Rokugan."
  • One of TSR's add-on books for 2nd edition AD&D had an Underdark merchant playable class. As a class perk, this character is not only expected but required to moderately cheat any customers. If the character does a completely honest transaction, underdark NPCS such as Drow assume it's a ruse for something even worse and automatically attack.
  • Magic the Gathering features a class called Mongers that...all have an ability that any player may activate, for the right amount of mana. Oddly, the Sailmonger grants any creature flying, which would be great...if she weren't blue, blue being the color that has the most flying already. The Warmonger, in red, has a similar problem, doing 1 damage to each creature without flying...and being in the color that is the most earthbound.


Theater[edit | hide]

  • The Engineer from the musical Miss Saigon.
  • Thénardier from the musical Les Misérables.
  • All of the vendors in the "Christmas Bells" scene in Rent (in particular the one who tries to sell Collins' stolen coat back to him).


Video Games[edit | hide]

  • The Monkey Island games have fast-talking salesman Stan, who in the course of the five games has run a used-ship yard, a funeral home, an insurance company, a timeshare agency, and a law firm. And who sports a highly implausible jacket.
    • Subverted (at least in Curse) because after being trapped in a coffin for some time, he decided to turn his life around; the insurance company was actually a legit business venture, so it's a shame that you can only progress by outright scamming him.
  • Tiny, the used spaceship dealer in Space Quest I. Of the 3 ships you can purchase from him, 2 will crash as soon as you get in them (one fatally). And the third was just randomly parked next to the merchandise, and Tiny simply decided it was his to sell. As soon as you take off in it, the real owner shows up and demands to know where you're going with his ship.
    • Also, Droids B Us. If you buy the wrong droid, it breaks down, just like the R5 with the bad motivator in Star Wars. In the remake, there are two droids you can buy that will explode in your face and kill you. (One blows up with no warning, the other if you touch it a 3rd time, being warned twice by the game that the robot is too complex for you to possibly handle without killing yourself.)
  • Perhaps as a nod to the Ferengi are the Goblins in Final Fantasy XI, who are pretty much Ferengi IN VANA'DIEL!
  • The goblins in the Warcraft universe were first given this characterization in Warcraft III, where they peddled magic items to all sides of the war. It was continued in World of Warcraft.

"Time is money, friend."
"I've got what you need."

    • Downplayed with Uncle Bigpocket's Used Mounts in the Kun-La Summit. While the three mounts he sells are very expensive, one of them is the Grand Expedition Yak, one of the most useful and sought after mounts in the game. You might have to save gold for it (it costs 150,000 gold) but once you have it, all your characters on that server pretty much have a mobile merchant, armor repairer, and Transmog merchant at their disposal.
  • Almost every game of the World of Mana series features a suspicious merchant who is either an anthropomorphic cat or rabbit named Nikita. Sometimes he is playable, but he's always out to bring "happiness" to his customers. Like selling them overpriced glass beads as jewelry.
    • At exactly twice the normal buying price, at least in Secret of Mana.
  • In Animal Crossing, Tom Nook has almost complete control over your town's economy, forcing you to buy a house, and then upgrade it several times without really giving you a choice. His two nephews work for him when his store is fully upgraded, so he's also into child labor. He even manages to get control over the hair industry, having a salon in his store. And it's kinda creepy how he stalks you when you run around his store because he wants to be sure you don't steal anything.
    • Crazy Redd also fits this trope very well- he sells counterfeit paintings, after all.
  • Bosco from the Sam and Max Freelance Police games from Telltale Games, mainly in the first season, where he sells the Freelance Police various overpriced (but strangely effective) Homemade Inventions. In Season Two, he's too preoccupied with his conspiracy theories to sell Sam and Max any goodies. He lampshades his role as a CMOT Dibbler, pointing out that he keeps thinking of the most ridiculous prices he can, but Sam and Max keep buying his stuff.
  • The Melnorme Traveller-Traders of Star Control II act a lot like this, selling the player a variety of useful goodies as the end of (nearly) all sentient life steadily approaches. That said, without the information and technology they provide, the game is substantially harder.
    • The Druuge as well: they consider profit to be of utmost importance, therefore they will do anything they think they can get away with if it will net them a profit. Trading with them can yield some useful items, but one must be very careful in how one does it.
  • Costalot (it's all in the name) from Viva Pinata. While she probably wouldn't sell her own grandmother for a buck, she is doubtlessly extremely greedy—she doesn't cotton to window shoppers at all.
  • Arona Daal of Startopia is the absolute epitome of this trope. He'll be selling you anything you're looking for, all top quality; swear on all six of his grandmothers' graves. And at those prices, too; he's slitting both his throats.
  • Tristam the Ninja from Final Fantasy Mystic Quest indulges in this.
  • In Final Fantasy X, Wakka calls out Rin on the fact that, if they fail to defeat the upcoming Boss, everyone would be in trouble. However, Rin calmly affirms his confidence in their abilities, and charges them for his goods anyway.
    • Which is actually kind of funny, noting that said boss is usually considered to be That One Boss.
  • The Magikarp salesman, both in Pokémon Red and Blue and the anime, where one is a recurring character.
    • Easily subverted in the games. Buy the Magikarp from him, train it well, and you can have a Gyarados by the time you'd be able to catch a Magikarp normally.
    • Also averted in Pokémon Black and White, as buying from him is the only way to get a Magikarp in Unova.
  • Ribald Barterman from Baldurs Gate II: Shadows of Amn, proprietor of the "Adventurer's Mart" has the lingo, but most of the stuff he sells is actually good. There is however a merchant in the first Baldur's Gate who sells potions who is this trope to a tee. (each potion will increase one of your stats to 25... And lower all the others to 3)
  • Murgo in Fable II is a classic example. He sells you several cursed quest items, and while he offers a variety of clothing, makeup & hairstyle cards, and other items, most of them are merely aesthetic in purpose. The real invoking of this trope comes from his spiel about items he's selling in the "childhood" portion of the game as well as the things he'll hawk when you're standing near his kiosk as an adult. He actually does have some real magical items, but only sells them to serious customers (read, those who can defend themselves against the monsters in the places that said items teleport them to.)
  • One of the salesmen on Volcania in Hand of Fate is like this. If you keep gathering seashells, coins, and starfish for him (not required and takes a long time), you eventually become so pissed off you punch him out.
  • Ali Chica of Quest for Glory II: Trial by Fire. His goods are guaranteed the best in town or you no getta your money back. However he does sell two useful items: the map and compass.
  • Gheed from Diablo II, one of the two merchants in Act I, is one of these. He offers you a lifetime guarantee and a two-day warranty on all items (presumably on the basis that he doesn't expect you to last any longer as a hero in a world swarming with monsters). He doesn't, of course, in gameplay terms, charge any more than any other merchants.
  • Saxton Hale from the Team Fortress 2 supplementary materials is a Testosterone Poisoned version of this. He actually PRIDES himself in selling "dangerous, cheaply-made products that catch on fire!"

"If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!"

  • In Recettear you are playing one yourself.
    • Not quite - everything you sell is in working order, but you charge through the nose for it. Euria is a better example, selling rare, wondrous items and accepting a wider spread of prices for them... with that spread centered at 500% market value.
  • Pinstripe is implied to run one of a classic variety in the epilogue of CTR. While there's no suggestion of quality, he does apparently seal a deal more quickly once his tommy gun comes out. A less typical example in the same game that references the the trope title would be 'Honest Joe's Wedding Ring and Rare Gem Outlet'. Joe was convicted for laundering Cubic Zirconias.
  • Splodgy Dave in Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime comes off as this (he definitely got the name for it), but Gameplay and Story Segregation prevents it from affecting the stuff you buy.
  • In Endless Frontier practically half the people you meet all get a turn at this. It gets Lampshaded quite a bit too, especially the pricing part.
  • In Treasure Island Dizzy you need to buy a boat to get back to the civilization. Conveniently, you meet a shopkeeper who'll sell you a boat for one of the treasures you can find in the game ... with no motor. For the second treasure you can buy the motor ... with no fuel. For he third you get the fuel ... but you still need to buy the keys for the motor with the fourth treasure.

Web Animation[edit | hide]

  • Bubs from Homestar Runner, who sells an astounding number of things, often at ridiculous prices, out of his concessions stand. Snacks, drinks, broken computers, letters that fall off his sign, stolen artifacts, questionable medical care, bazooka-flamethrowers that throw throwing stars, chicken beaks, VCR repair, paint, Internet service, and so on. In the email "pom pom", he even tried to charge Strong Bad for "face smashings" and "severe pummelings" after Strong Bad tried to pick a fight with Pom Pom. He also attempted to sell Coach Z a used napkin. Twice.
    • Also, he'll take anything for his wares, including cash, money, cash money, Quesos, first-born children, and organs stolen from Strong Sad. And pencil shavings.
      • Isn't saying "cash" and "quesos" in the same sentence redundant? It's not like Strong Bad was using a credit card.
      • Since he's the only purveyor of anything in Free Country, USA, he also operates the black market out behind the concession stand. Of course, since the concession stand sells dangerous crap, naturally the black market sells quality goods. The Cheat even has an adverse reaction to the ferret ointment (which is apparently what Strong Bad looks for in a tube of ferret ointment).
    • And then there's Senor Cardgage, but he's well aware of it.

Senor Cardgage: (standing on a lawnmower) Why, hello, Miss Trela. Check out Senor Cardgage's Intregway. Dump Tell No Mandy -- it's just a landmower moved bankways!


Web Comics[edit | hide]

  • Akbar from Eight Bit Theater: present every time the Light Warriors turn around, ready to sell them anything they desperately need. What a bargain! Even if getting into one of his airships is tantamount to suicide. Why they keep buying from him... he always claims to be an identical relative that isn't anything like the others. And the heroes are just incredibly thick. It's become a running gag to show some device failing to work (often catastrophically), then to reveal via flashback that the device was purchased from one of Akbar's many, many stores.
    • Opposite Akbar is Jeff, the proprietor of "Jeff's Discount Death Traps (Not To Be Confused With Actual Airships)". His wares aren't any better than Akbar's, but he's completely honest about it, thereby earning the trust of Red Mage. Of course, the Light Warriors also like him because he kicks Black Mage whenever BM speaks.
    • Thief also occasionally dabbles in this line of work. For example, when the Light Warriors end up on a frozen tundra, he successfully sells blocks of ice to his teammates, marketing them as Ice Armor and Ice Spells.
      • He's a Thief! He is extremely greedy, steals anything that isn't nailed down or/and on fire, considers anyone that won't steal something that is nailed down/on fire to be an amateur, and then manages to sell it back to you. So he's stealing your money twice. Oddly enough, the player character can actually do this in the Fable games.
      • He was at one point very honest about his bad deals. Black Mage declared him a Magnificent Bastard upon finding that satisfaction was not, in fact, guaranteed. To elaborate, a contract had a tiny, harmless-looking dot between the words "satisfaction" and "guaranteed." Magnified to an extreme degree, the dot turned out to be the word "not."
  • Station V3 features a used-spaceship dealer/all-around scheming huckster named "Honest J!on".
  • Subverted in Misfile. The car dealer is "honest John" to a tee, but Ash is enough of a Wrench Wench to play him at his own game. [1]
  • An Adventurers! strip features "Honest Cid's Used Airships."
  • Tales of the Questor features Merchant Max, a rather slick secondhand-goods salesman who isn't above selling cartloads of (mostly) total junk to a drunk Questor. To his credit, he later gave Quentyn some really canny advice of how to bargain for the quest items that would be in someone's possession. Yes, this was an excuse to make the hero take on a ship's load of low power magic trinkets as trade goods, but the general intent is decent.
  • Doubly subverted by this Subnormality strip: after giving honest information about cars on the lot, the salesman admits he's a member of Vendeurs Sans Frontières and is doing this as a public service.


Web Original[edit | hide]

  • Nicolae of Gaia Online, especially in the manga where he fences goods stolen from The Mafia to people who want to visit the local Don... In-game, users are more likely to notice the fact that he charges real-world money (via "donations" to the site) for zOMG! Power Ups.
  • Parodied in this YouTube video (warning: NSFW).


Western Animation[edit | hide]

  • Cheddarman from Class of 3000.
  • Pete in Goof Troop. Although you have to wonder how accurate the portrayal really is when you consider how relatively suscessful Pete's business is over the series. You'd think he would have been shut down at some point but he still makes a steady income; either he's not always as dishonest as he's shown to be, or the residents of Spoonerville are just too oblivious to complain about him too much.
  • Rugrats had an episode play off the Grandpa's description of car salesmen being sharks, and it turned into a pseudo-Jaws parody.
  • Gwizdo in Dragon Hunters; he negociates the contracts with villagers (while Lian-Chu does the actual dragon hunting). One of his catchphrases is: "Can't read? No problem! Just make a cross here, here and here."
  • Malfunctioning Eddie and the dealer who sells Amy her car in Futurama. Not that Amy makes it very hard for him...
  • Wacky Wally, owner of Wacky Wally's Weather Machines, who sells slightly-used devices for controlling the weather to supervillains, in an episode of Kim Possible.

Draken: I'll take it!
Wally: Great, let's see the payment
Draken: No, I will TAKE it.

  • In the 1943 Disney cartoon The Flying Jalopy, Donald Duck runs into Ben Buzzard, the seedy proprietor of a "wrecked Used" airplane dealership. Ben is even nastier than most characters of this type; not only does he sell Donald the eponymous flying jalopy, he also attempts to knock Donald off as part of an insurance scam.
  • The Looney Tunes short The Pest That Came to Dinner has Porky Pig trying to get rid of a termite. He enlists the aid of a fast-talking, shyster exterminator named Sureshot ("I'm here to help ya, son!") whose various schemes keep making things worse for Porky.
    • Daffy Duck frequently played this type.
  • Bluto often took on this role in the long-forgotten 1980s series Popeye and Son.
  • In one Tiny Toons short, Buster went to a bike dealer who claims his bikes will be perfect or he'll eat a bucket of scorpions. Naturally, the bike fails to stay together for the initial "Warranty" length, and refuses to give Buster his refund or admitted that he sold shoddy bikes. Naturally, he makes good on his promise at the end (except in the version that aired on Nickelodeon).
  • Swindle, from the Transformers Generation 1 cartoon (and comics), is a giant transforming robot con artist. He once sold the rest of the Combaticons to the Russians (the equivalent of selling his own brothers), and has complained when being shot because it damaged his own resale value.
    • His alternative continuity counterpart in Transformers Animated proudly continues the tradition with some blatant conning and extortion-at-many-gun(s)point thrown in for maximum profit. He's honest in that the things he sells tends to be exactly as he described them... but he makes absolutely no guarantees about not walking over and selling your opponent just what he needs to counter your expensive new upgrades and leave the fight at a standstill.
    • Action Master Gutcruncher is arguably even worse than Swindle. While Megatron can tolerate Swindle because at least he's obvious about it, you never know what angle Gutcruncher is working.
  • Trader Slick from the Jumanji animated series.
  • Family Guy's Jim Kaplan. You name it, he'll try and sell it.
  • Hey Arnold! had Big Bob Pataki (beeper shop owner), who once said of gadgets he'd just discovered were defective "I'll make thousands!" The guy has no refund department, and was even shown in a later season episode telling off a woman demanding a refund for her defective beeper.
  • Wes Weasley from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, who first appeared in the episode "Birth of a Salesman". It should be noted Weasley has a few similarities with Phil Silvers, namely his voice, clothing, and glasses. This may have been intentional....
  • Daria has a used-car salesman who is not only sleazy, but creepy, trying to pick up Brittany, who is in high school.
  • Eddy from Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy is an Honest John in training.
  • Hiroki Ishiyama of Code Lyoko is another Honest John in training. He's already quite good at selling overpriced concert tickets to the students of his school. Just give him a few years...
  • The Berenstain Bears cartoon from the 1980s featured a con artist called Raffish Ralph as a recurring antagonist. He was eventually incorporated into the books and later, for some reason, renamed Ralph Ripoff.
  • Gil, the eternally luckless salesman from The Simpsons sometimes tries to pull this off, but lacks the backbone, charisma, and intelligence to do so.
  • Pasha Peddler in the Jonny Quest episode "Calcutta Adventure". He might charge a lot for his goods, but he delivers great service for the money. For instance, when Benton Quest and Race Bannon are being pursued by Mooks in a mountain range, they suddenly find some skis and poles waiting for them to make their escape courtesy of Pasha Peddler, along with the bill. Obviously, they don't argue with such salesmanship.
  • Dishonest John, the villain in nearly every Beany and Cecil cartoon. He even runs a used car dealership some of the time.
  • Al Swindler, he of the enormous nose, in several episodes of Garfield and Friends.
  • On Futurama, almost any time Bender operates a scam business, he calls it "Honest Bender's [insert business description here]."
  • Frenzel from Erky Perky.
  • A recurring unnamed Salesman on Jimmy Two-Shoes.
  • An episode of Rainbow Brite had a shady traveling salesman who conned Twink into trading the mine where the Star Sprites mine Color Crystals for some phony "color crystal seeds". The guy then proceeded to try and turn the mines into a tourist trap.
  • The Dastardly & Muttley episode "A Plain Shortage Of Planes" has the Squadron getting a beat-up run-down plane at Bargain Bill's Used Plane Lot. Dastardly offers to pony up $10 for it (Bargain Bill asked for $1000, but he took the sawbuck if Dastardly threw in Muttley's medal).
  • Danger Mouse: "The Man From Gadget" had DM and Penfold subjected to the dubious quality of the wares of Egregious M. Murphy, senior sales rep for Gadgets Incorporated.


Real Life[edit | hide]

  • In the city of Genava, Illinois, there are two stores that actually have "Honest John's" in the title. Honest John's Emporium, and Honest John's trading post. They're not really rip offs, just filled with a lot of cheap useless crap you'll never need but will have a compulsion to buy.