Dark Shadows (film)/Funny

Pretty much any scene with Julia Hoffman, but one in particular:

Hoffman: Do you know what doctor patient confidentiality is?

During the climax when Elizabeth realizes her daughter is a werewolf, Carolyn gives her the most deadpan expression and says:

Carolyn: Yes, I'm a werewolf. Let's not make a big deal about it.
(Beat)
Carolyn: Woof!

The first thing Barnabas sees after being released (and slaking his thirst)? A large, golden symbol that quite resembles one he had found in a book about the Devil.

"Mephistopheles!"

Barnabas seeing a television for the first time and trying to figure out how it works.

Barnabas: Tell me your secrets, tiny songstress!

- Later on, he's watching Scooby Doo.
The Running Gag of Barnabas thinking that Alice Cooper is a woman.

Barnabas: (watching Cooper perform) Ugliest woman I've ever seen.

Barnabas reciting "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band as if he were reading a poem.
Barnabas' scene with the hippies. Especially the end.
Barnabas's response to Angelique's proposal. "You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!"
The following:

Angelique: Barnabas, get over it.
Barnabas: Locked in a box for 200 years!
Angelique: Don't exaggerate, it was only 196.

Barnabas asking Carolyn for some love advice. It's impossible for that setup to not be hilarious.

Barnabas: What is your age, if I may?
Carolyn: Fifteen.
Barnabas: Fifteen and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die!
Carolyn: You're weird.

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