Deadliest Warrior/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


In general

From Season 1

  • "If I'm not mistaken, this is precisely how vikings slept together."
    • "I understand that the brain is not a vital organ to the vikings..."
    • "That's the biggest piece of wood your Samurai has ever seen!" (referring to a Viking shield).
  • Near the end of the Pirate vs. Knight simulation, the Pirate tries to escape the fight by boarding his crew's ship, but it's already sailing without him.
  • "Computer's probably Chinese."
    • Probably the funniest part of that episode was when the Shaolin team was demonstrating the emei piercers, going completely ape-shit on the gel head, utterly destroying it while the Maori team simply stood back, calmly watching and nodding, mildly impressed. The contrast of the team representing The Stoic shaolin monk going so over the top and the team representing the Hot-Blooded Maori warrior acting so calm and collected was hilarious.
    • The what the fuck expression the monk had in the head in the showdown.
  • The William Wallace expert's opinion of the Zulu poison spit: "There is one problem with that weapon..." (holds up 3 1/2 foot-long claymore) "How far can you spit, chief?"
    • Not to mention when the Wallace expert referred to Zulu's iwisa club as a "wee little stick." His Scottish brogue made it absolutely hilarious.
      • You can also get a little chuckle from the Zulu rep's offhand comeback: "Well, in Africa, we only deal with big sticks..." The snickers from the DW team indicate that they got the Double Entendre.
  • Episode 1: Apache expert Snake Blocker explaining the Apaches' preference for knives while simultaneously removing no less than 8 of them from his belt, boots, and headband.
  • During the fight between the ninja and the Spartan, the Spartan has just been blinded by the ninja. The ninja goes in for the kill and the Spartan smacks him with his shield. The *BOONG* sound effect and the fact that it sent the ninja flying made me laugh.

From Season 2

  • On the SWAT vs. GSG-9 episode, SWAT got a taser. When it was tested, Geoff gave the countdown at the top of his voice: "3, 2, 1, TASE HIM, BRO!!!"
    • As such, this video shouldn't surprise anybody.
    • Damien Puckler, GSG-9 Combat Instructor, going into depth about the training of the GSG-9; more specifically, his lesson about why new recruits have to kill chickens. Granted, there is a reason for it, but it just sounds silly out of context.
  • The three main tester's reactions to the Bowie Knife demonstration. Look at Geoffrey's face.
    • Also from that episode, the banter between the experts after seeing the Colt Revolvers being used at 35 miles per hour on horseback:

Meyer Lansky II, Capone Authority: I could run faster than that!
Joey Dillon, Champion Gunslinger: You could run faster than that!? I didn't know you could run!

    • And then the bit prior to the pistol whip test.

Geoff: Joey, are you ready!?
Joey Dillon: (going through the motions of pistol whipping) I am almost ready. (faux ninja noise) Alright. I'm ready.

  • Albeit in a darkly humorous way, the makraka, a small curved knife used by the Zande, was tested in the same way it was used in their society: a prisoner (gel torso) would be hanging from the bent branch of a tree; the warrior would decapitate, and his decapitated head would be catapaulted away!
    • After said decapition (a different type of moment in and of itself), Coley Mustafa Speaks, the Zande expert testing the makraka, goes and takes a drink of fake blood spouting from the neck.
    • The Zande war cry basically amounts to shouting OM NOM NOM NOM. Well, it's more like NYAM NYAM NYAM, but yeah.
  • Testing the Centurion's pickax, they put Rajput chest armor on the gel torso, but no armor anywhere else. What does the tester do? Exactly what you'd expect. Then, to top it all off, they start their analysis of the slightly shorter target at the busted ARM. And Geoff's line after deciding the arm shot was a kill. "OK, now let's move...to... (seems to just realize that the head was missing) the...head?" Cue laughter.
    • Any comment about the long range weapons made by the opposing side's experts. For example, this exchange about the Rajput's chakram:

Terence Rotolo, Ancient Combat Specialist: You have to remember, all Roman Centurions carried shields with them.
Gugun Deep Singh, Rajput Descendant: Well then, the chakram will bounce off it and hit one of your friends.
Terence Rotolo: Oh, so it's a heat-seeking missile too, right?
Matt Lasky, Roman Weapons Historian: Take it easy, warrior princess; you can go and take your toy to the beach.

  • In the Medellin Cartel vs. Somali Pirates simulation, the first things we see one of the Cartel thugs doing is goofing around and dancing to cumbia music.
  • From the KGB vs CIA episode: "Well, Star Spangle My Banner!"
  • As a good example of the first moment, watch the look on Max's face during the Vlad the Impaler vs. Sun Tzu when Vaclav Havlik tests the kilij on a pig carcass.
  • After Navy SEAL Rob Roy destroys the gel torso: "I'm guessing they don't let you carve the turkey at Thanksgiving."
  • Vlad the Impaler specialist, Brahm Gallager. His Creepy Monotone is massively overdone, and his Psychotic Smirk truly has to be seen to believed.
  • In the fight between Sun Tzu and Vlad the Impaler, Vlad uses his Hand Cannon to shoot out Sun Tzu's teapot. Vlad's expression afterwards is just priceless.

From Season 3

  • George Washington's delightfully smug look immediately after dispatching Napoleon.
  • From the Saddam Hussein vs. Pol Pot episode: Saddam's reaction to having his driver shot by Pol Pot's troops while trying to escape.
  • From Theodore Roosevelt vs Lawrence of Arabia, the Vickers machine gun was stated to be cooled by water, but in the Middle East, a soldier would need to urinate in the gun to cool it down.

Dorian: Urinating under pressure is hard.

    • And then when the machine gun jams during testing:

Desmoulin: Someone needs to piss in the tube!

  • In the sim for Hernan Cortes vs Ivan the Terrible, Ivan is in a laughing fit when he spots Cortes and his conquistadors setting up for a shot. He immediately goes dead serious and takes one of his Oprichniki as a Human Shield.
    • Ivan hopping on his horse, forgetting that he still has a prisoner tied to it, and dragging the upper half of his corpse.
    • And again at the end where the victorious Cortes proceeds to pinch Ivan's money pouch.
  • The simulation of Ghengis Khan vs. Hannibal has the "Oh Crap" look on the Mongol archers' faces when their arrows send Hannibal's elephant on a rampage.
  • The preview of French Foreign Legion vs. Gurkhas shows us Cpl. Nick Hughes (ret), French Foreign Legion Recon Diver/Commando completing a test with the Browning Automatic Rifle (the machine gun used by Legionnaires during World War II). After the expert explains how he felt no recoil from the gun and how the Gurkha's machine gun is inaccurate because of the sling, this exchange occurs.

Mack: Alright, Rai, what do you think?
Sgt. Rastra Rai (ret), 20-year Gurkha Soldier: Look at this weapon, right? I'm feeling I'm not having a gun here. (gestures to Nick) But look at him, he's now struggling.
Nick: No, I'm not struggling. You might struggle 'cause you're a little guy and you've got a great big heavy weapon that's 4 pounds heavier than this.
Rastra: Look at the magazine!
Nick: This things weighs 4 pounds...
Rastra: Look at the magazine here...
(at this point, the two experts have descended into talking over each other at the same time)
Geoff: (barely heard, being drowned out by Nick and Rastra's arguing) You what? You know what this sounds like? Sounds like a test! Sounds like a test!
(Mack and the other FFL expert laugh)

    • Later in the episode Doc Dorian hilariously tells the FFL historian to "Stick to history, you don't understand medicine."
  • While trying to push back a swarm of zombies, the lead vampire take a bite out of one's brain and spits it back at him.
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