Deadpool/Self Demonstrating

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
Jump to: navigation, search


Check me out, Spidey ain't got nuthin' on me! ... Whoops.


Heya, true believing Troper! This is me, Deadpool, aka The Merc with the Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, and The Crimson Comedian. I'm a Marvel Comics mercenary Anti-Hero character, related to the X-Men and Wolverine in particular. I appeared in print for the first time in New Mutants #98 (February, 1991) as a ripoff of DC mercenary Deathstroke the Terminator, but Deathstroke himself was a rip-off of Taskmaster! So score Marvel! But that's old news. I'm all-new, I'm all-different, and boy does that feel good!

I appear in many different comics in the Marvel Universe. Besides my own series—which I'm pretty sure came with foil alt-covers and a collector card—the biggest mutie badasses they've got are lining up to team with the dude who went toe-to-toe with the Incredible Hulk and came out in one piece. Yep, that's me! I can beat anyone! Well... except that #$@#%#$%$ Squirrel Girl. She kicked the mucus out of me constantly. But hey, that's OK! She did that to everybody. Truly, she's the single greatest threat to the multiverse. Well, except maybe Galactus[1]... and clowns. Never forget clowns.

As you're probably noticing just about now, I loooooove to talk. Yes, it's my most valuable asset: the lungs to provide endless witty banter in the heat of battle! In fact, everybody loves to hear me talk!

OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single -- albeit snappily-suited -- mercenary become so incredibly awesome in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing every single one of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja Spider-Man" meme. Caption this, suckers! On the other hand, my own memetic monologues led to me becoming THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER. That and the fact that I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans. Like now, for instance. You lucky, lucky nerds!

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become the sexiest mercenary alive?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with Wolverine's man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. Perv). Suddenly... -insert Dramatic Fanfare here- No, wait, let's go with that old Six Million Dollar Man thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got the ability to heal quickly, so that whenever the cancer shows up it instantly gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly after it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am just. That. Charming.

Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became so goddamn handsome that my brain exploded. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that I'm a comic book character. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and Stan Lee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a pool to figure out which one of us would be dead first, so I naturally named myself Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with Deadpool instead.

Anyway, so you wanna know my fighting style, huh? Why, being absolutely rassum frassum crazy is my fighting style, kiddies! Don't Try This At Home! Wait... y'know what, go ahead, makes my job easier in the long run. Guns, explosives, guns, my trusty katana, guns, guns, anything I find on the ground, doorknobs, guns, and firearms are all ways I kill people. That is, of course, on the rare occasions my razor-sharp wit hasn't caused them to crumple into sobbing balls of surrender long before that. My good buddy Weasel also provides me with shiny new gadgets that help to kill more, so I can use any power I want.

Also, you better never mistake me for that other psychotic, fourth-wall breaking clown who sided with those DC fellas. You know how many of my stupid Facebook friends ask me to "do that pencil trick"? EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Lots of comics feature my unique uniqueness[edit | hide | hide all]

  • New Mutants: Where I first appeared as a Deathstroke ripoff. Then I started popping up in X-Force once the title switched over to something that was Darker and Edgier.
    • I'm also added to the new X-Force roster after the whole "SECOND COMING" debacle. I hope Cyclops doesn't read this wiki, since it's supposed to be a secret! SHHHHH!
  • Five miniseries, Deadpool: The Circle Chase, Deadpool: Sins of the Past, Deadpool: Suicide Kings, Deadpool Wade Wilsons War and Fear Itself: Deadpool (written by holycrap Chris Hastings!!!).
  • My ongoing Deadpool series: The first incarnation appeared from 1997 to 2002; the second volume began September 10, 2008.
  • Agent X: How is Agent X related to me? It's a mystery!
  • Cable and Deadpool: After Cable went bye-bye, I had to find some new apprentices to fill the hole in my heart.
  • Wolverine & Deadpool: Only available if you can get scones with it.
  • Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth: A second ongoing series which began in 2009.
  • Deadpool Team-up: A third on-going monthly, also starting in 2009. I'm gonna suck every dime outta this inexplicable and totally undeserved popularity until my lips fall off.
  • Deadpool Corps: Which features me and Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Kidpool and Dogpool as my amigos. Me and Lady Deadpool have a thing going on. I'm saying that I screw myself.
  • I also drop by in that "DOOMWAR" Black Panther event. Apparently, my unscrupulous mercenary nature, healing factor and screwed-up-mind are needed to stopping that crazy Von Doom. What can I say, they need me. And the paycheck is HUGE. And I also have hot girls backing me up. BEST. JOB. EVER.
  • There's also this Deadpool: Pulp thing going on, which is like the Noir line of Marvel, except instead of the 30s it's the 50s! Looks nifty so far, Government Conspiracy, me up against a Femme Fatale (they picked Outlaw, not bad if you get what I mean). and with the backdrop of COMMUNIST PARANOIA!
  • I drop by this 5 RONIN March 2011 event, engaged in a heartwarming tale of five samurai being wronged by a particularly nasty daimyo. I'm focused in the fifth issue, of course they save the best for last.

My incredible awesomeness allows me to also transcend print media[edit | hide]


Some of the many beautiful tropes that describe me include[edit | hide]

Yours Truly: Missed? I never miss with the sheep gun.

  • Blessed with Suck: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.
  • Blood Knight: I love fighting and killing.
  • Blue and Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.
  • Body Horror: In the beginning of the Deadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cable series, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor and nearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we did not haveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that. This is yuck-worthy).
    • The whole gig gets even more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.
  • Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.

Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right?
Me: Wannabes?
My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now.
My Other Thought Box: And another one coming out next month.

    • I * steal* Marvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as "Deadpool and his Cronies". During the closing credits of the sequel I argue with the developer over not being powerful enough and the game not being called "Deadpool And His Inferior Friends". Then he goes ahead and nerfs me and even has the nerve to threaten me by making me DLC! What an ass!!!
  • Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.
  • Bunny Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "batshit-crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
  • But Thou Must!: After the whole "I Screw Weasel" arc, some Vegas Executives wanted me to be an enforcer full time... but I begged to differ.
  • Butter Face: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.
  • Captain Ersatz: Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of that Deathstroke guy from Teen Titans. You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, hell, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me into The DCU as the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.
    • In Deathstroke's own early 90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "Wade Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown and Spidey.
    • Also BILL! AGENT OF A.I.M.!
  • Career Killer: Obviously. But the D-Man is the best at what he does, and what he does depends on how much money you can pay up front.
  • Catgirl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in MvC3...

Felicia: "For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you!" (Me: "Awww... but why not?")

  • Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had Chekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov's Nuclear Wessel?
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Oh sure Way, bring some other regenerating mercenaries who also attempt to make wisecracks. I'm soooooooooooooooo sure they won't be relevant in the future!
  • Close on Title: In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title, Silent But Deadly, is the very last thing of all.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait... I am.
  • Confusion Fu: My legendary fighting style, key in my victory against Taskmaster.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...

Black Swan: "He dies! He dies SCREAMING!!!"

"I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you . . . so I can pay my phone bill!"

    • In one issue, I was snatched by a Death Trap enthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear (just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up.
      • At least, the bear was originally going to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap put it:

Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed.

Me: Anyway, he built this funky harness for when--
Mr. Sinister: Wash your hands.

  • Defictionalization: No, not a product I sold or anything like that. ME. I escaped the comic book world, you guys! Let's see Wolverine do THAT! And they say HE's the best!
  • Depending on the Writer: Eventually even me and T-Ray stopped caring about who really was Wade Wilson, so we just accepted that it depended on the writer.
  • Depending on the Artist: My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure Nausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resembles The Thing". Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat Freddy Krueger-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...
  • Derivative Differentiation: I used to just be Deathstroke in red, until they made me insane and gave me my own fighting style.
  • The Determinator: Usually I gotta tangle with opponents much more high-falutin' and educated than I is. Doesn't stop me from tryin'.
  • Downer Ending: Wade Wilson's War all took place in my head and Dom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation. GUH! MY BRAIN!
  • Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire—which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.
  • Duct Tape for Everything: Check this out. Oh, there was also that time when Cable, Captain America (comics) and a few others frickin' cocooned me with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse... I had to pee.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get close to no respect from anyone.
  • Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this a lot (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.

Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, very, wrong... -- Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything too embarrassing, wasn't I?
Irene (staring): No... Not by your standards, no.

  • Even Evil Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.
  • Faux Affably Evil: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names!
  • Everything's Better with Bob, agent of HYDRA!
  • Evil Albino: T-Ray, and Tombstone. A black one, at that.
  • Evil Twin: Evil Deadpool who is made out of various limbs i've lost over the years.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Hit-Monkey. A hitman who's a monkey. No, really.
  • Expressive Mask
  • Fan Boy: I'm a fan boy of Captain America! Did they remember the time he was possessed by some alien thing and I kicked him in the crotch to save the world though?

Me: No one remembers but us.

Me: The guy who made next issue's cover seems to remember though.

    • One time I was mashed to a pulp by Mighty Thor!!! (fanboy squeal)
  • Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more offputting than me...
  • Fan Service: ...unless she's wearing her mask. : )
  • Fan Nickname: For that idiot who steals my Goddamn name in X-Men Origins: Wolverine: "Barakapool" or "Dudepeel". More like Fan Hatenames, and I approve of that!
    • And "Headpool", the zombie talking head version of me from the Marvel Zombies universe. Headpool now qualifies as an Ascended Meme, as Marvel has used the name in solicits for his appearances in the "Merc with a Mouth" comic. And yes, he's still better than Dudepeel!
  • Five-Man Band: The Gail Simone run featured this set-up prominently:
  • Fourth Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.
  • Fourth Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like the Blob can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:

Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue...

  • Freudian Excuse: I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!
  • Fun Personified. And Guns Personified. But mostly fun.
  • Funny Schizophrenia: Hey! That's not what schizophrenia means! Even I know that.
  • Fur Bikini: This trope has nothing to do with me. Fun!
  • Genre Savvy: Of course.
  • The Greatest Story Never Told: I've saved the world on quite a number of occasions, it's just that no one was there to see them. Really.
  • Good Thing You Can Heal: Not really a "good" thing.
  • Guns Akimbo: Aw yeah! Double the guns, double the fun.
  • Healing Factor: In fact, the cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!
  • The Heart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as The Heart, something is seriously wrong with the team.
    • Not to mention I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!
  • Heel Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the whole Heel Face Turn thing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man.
    • Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. I was leaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.
    • ...although, wait. Heroic?
  • Hero with an F In Good: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...?
    • I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?
  • I Just Want to Be Loved: Deep down, I actually want to be acknowledged and accepted by the rest of the heroes in the Marvel Universe.
  • Image Song: My MVC3 theme song has managed to capture my essence: "DON'T BE A FOOL, STAY IN SCHOOL."
  • Implausible Boarding Skills: I surf on Phoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubble in the Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3 opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!
  • In Name Only: In the X Men Origins: Wolverine, that guy's 'dead pool' of mutant powers include the healing factor plus adamantium skeleton, Baraka blades, optic eye blasts and teleportation. And near the end his mouth is sewn shut because, get this, someone finally found a way to keep him quiet!
    • The Ultimate version of Deadpool has little-to-nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me), mutant-hating psychopath. Ulitmate 'Verse me suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
      • In fact, he's soooooo bad I had to take his place against his Spidey counterpart during that whole dimension tear thing just to spare my adoring fans from rioting about how not-me-like he was!
  • Interrupted Cooldown Hug: I ticked off a calming Hulk intentionally!
  • I Resemble That Remark: I say those exact words often.
  • It Makes Sense in Context: That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't all that bizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...
    • Better yet: Fulfilling my childhood dream by wearing raw meat as body armor and senselessly beating a super villain dressed like a superhero (Hawkeye, then called Bullseye) with a giant ham.
  • Jerkass: Hey, I resemble that remark! Sometimes I am shown as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, as in Cable and Deadpool #17. That's just 'cause he brings out the best in me, the big lug...

Deadpool: You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!

Thor: You will be punished for your crimes.
Me: You're really pretty.

Beat

Me: Did I Just Say That Out Loud?.

Me: I'll be totally upfront here. I find you really attractive. Why don't we just put our differences aside and have some dinner? Family. House. Kids.
She opens her mouth in a manner that is NOT for man. And out comes what appear to be flesh eating locusts. That charge at me and presumably begin eating my flesh. I mean, who wouldn't?

Moi: You totally misunderstood my proposal.

Betrayed Zombie Dude: You... betrayed us... you betrayed us all.
Me: Duh! -kicks zombie in the head-

She Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you.

"Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."

    • In The Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only I know I'm an action figure representing the character. And to break it Up to Eleven, I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!
    • It gets to the point were I'm the only one in the entire Marvel universe that knows about Spider-Man's deal with Mephisto... er, besides Mephisto that is.
    • And then there's me beating the snot out of people in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 with my own health bar.
      • If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Y'know, I keep trying to be nice, but no one seems acknowledge it. Even when they do, I don't get acceptance.
    • Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran into Evil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, of course I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least.
    • And I guess Nate did. A little.
  • Noodle Incident: You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Mamageddon.
    • And we'll never know how I, Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released a diarrhetic over Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).
  • Noodle Implements: In Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, I suggest that Nick Fury give me a poodle, a bullhorn and four nuns in order to distract Marvel's not-so-subtle lovers.
  • Not So Different: I can't believe that those Capcom guys honestly think that some wussy named Dante could go toe-to-toe with me! There's only one gunslinging, sword-wielding, snarky crimson-clad mercenary in this game, and it's definitely not some emo with a cross tatoo and a scythe! Wait, you say I'm confusing characters now?
    • While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that Dan guy, I mean he's a rip off of two characters of a rival company that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named "Saikyo" (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: It's implied, quite a bit, that my "insanity" is just my way of coping with my horrible position in life. Either that or I'm just a downright nutjob. But hey! At least I killed that guy that raped your next door neighbor's 5-year-old daughter!
    • This is also Peter Milligan's interpretation of me in 5 Ronin.
  • Odd Friendship: With Cable. And most of my friends, really.

Cable: And Wade, of course. Our fates seem to be intertwined. God help me.

You're not a mutant! ...and you're not an X-Man!

Sabretooth: Scream for me.
Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AAAAAHHH AAAAAHHH
Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson.
Me: No wait -- Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!

Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief.
Me: I REALLY FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE!
Thor: ...
Me: Did I Just Say That Out Loud?.

  • Take Our Word for It: In a recent issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead.
    • Even the man whose house I broke into to kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.
    • Also, in The Amazing Spider-Man #611, I let slip that I have the 'Yo Mamma-Geddon', which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.
  • Take That: When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to have so many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right, Rob?"
    • And in my first ongoing, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder".
    • I even made fun of Jack Chick. Can't decide which of them deserve my ribbings more, tho'.
    • Oh, and you guys shouldn't feel left out either. As Way had me mention the other day: "There is nobody I hate more than my friends." I liked "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" better though.
  • They Fight Crime: This is the point of the Deadpool Team-Up series, as it gives inferior heroes a day in the limelight with everyone's favorite mercenary, by which I mean me, by which I mean no one other than me, by which I mean not you.
  • This Is Sparta!: Must... use... Shatner... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!
  • Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition of Miami Sound Machine's Conga.
  • Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Galactus fired me because I was just too awesome for him to handle. It's definitely not because he wanted me to shut up.
    • Then there was the time I was captured to be zombiefood. I tasted like cancer.
  • Trickster Archetype
  • Trigger Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!
  • Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE. In Joe Kelly's original run, I'M NOT EVEN WADE WILSON. I just killed a random guy in his house and took over his identity! I wasn't even a good guy to begin with! But Marvel retconned this story to hell (Back in my fight with T-Ray in Cable and Deadpool), so now apparently the Deadpool: Origins comic is the canon one.
  • Ultimate Marvel
  • Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... or reality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...
  • Useless Accessory I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although When I do they have contained Awesome action figures (of Me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on Me.
  • Villain Protagonist: I bounce back and forth between this and Heroic Comedic Sociopath. Like a gun-toting pinball, really. Sometimes within the same issue!
  • What Could Have Been: I nearly was left out of Marvel vs. Capcom 3 because some moron "accidentally" put me on the "no go" list. If it wasn't for the attention of the other people outside of that single moron, I wouldn't be hitting people with my life bar left and right. Now, to go find that idiot...
  • Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I call the Punisher out on it during Suicide Kings. Since, you know, the previous day he tried to strangle me and electrocute my ass... with mecha-frickin'-tentacles.

Me: What you got today, Punisher. The Beetle's wings? Plant-Man's chloro-blaster gun? One of the Porcupine's quills?

  • Who Wants to Live Forever?: Turns out to be what I've been obsessing about in the Daniel Way arc.
  • Wild Card: Of course. I mean, that's pretty much half my reason for livin'.
  • Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've pretty much kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.
  • Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism!
    • Glad to see that you're all suggesting her as DLC in "Marvel Vs Capcom 3". I'll let her know about it the next time I see her, probably before I knock her unconscious.
  • Indy Ploy or Xanatos Roulette: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they they don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this was Nick Fury's plan, but damn it was fun.
  • Xanatos Gambit: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the entire thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public and to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the first time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. (Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?)
  • X Meets Y: You might think that Deadpool Corps is basically Exiles meets me. Absolutely not! I came up with my corps idea first, but those Exiles guys stole it before I could get it off the ground!
    • Someone once said that I was like Deathstroke and Spider-Man's lovechild, raised by Joker. Which, I think, understates my awesome...
      • Another interpretation could be "Deathstroke meets Ambush Bug".
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Parodiedeth when I briefly taketh possession of a faketh copy of thout viking guy's hammer and change thost speech patterns accordinglyst.
    • Combinedth with What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (I still striketh oute), and attacking a Michael Jackson Captain Ersatz. Eth.

Me: AND GET THEE A LIFE!


Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. Browse the indexes for me and I'll promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!

  1. Wait, didn't she beat him too? Yes she did, thank you bullet point!