Death Note: The Abridged Series (1KidsEntertainment)

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Light: Of course! I want to catch Kira as much as you do.
L: I highly doubt that.

Another Death Note Abridged Series, Death Note: The Abridged Series by 1KidsEntertainment, is a pretty funny ongoing (so far 21 episodes and two holiday specials) series on YouTube.

Tropes used in Death Note: The Abridged Series (1KidsEntertainment) include:

Light: Could I have been Kira before? I mean I do think that criminals deserve to die and killing them off would create a more perfect world where I could be a God... but that doesn't necessarily mean that I could be Kira... No definitely not...

Soichiro: At last, JUSTICE!
Light: We have to make Higuchi want to kill Matsuda.
L: That shouldn't be hard.

Light: You're thinking I could become L and Kira at the same time... that I could eat unlimited candy and play with my bare feet while I kill people! It's IDEAL!!!

L: I'm taking out the part where it says "you're free to kill L."
Light: Really? I think it adds a sense of realism to it.
L: It's definitely being taken out.
Beat
Light: ...Damn it.

Light: It's not that I don't want to be more than just friends with L but I don't want to ruin our friendship, ya'know?
Namikawa: Yeah, I know, I've been there.

Matsuda: Criminals are dying again! Hurray!
Souichiro: Awesome! Was there blood? Tell me there was blood!

Random Cop: There's been a lot of identity theft on WoW lately. Let's go Souichiro Yagami and Souichiro Yagami.
Souichiro: Hold it right there!

Light: ..to those who are good he brings presents and to those who are bad he brings cardiac arrest in their stockings...
L: Still not funny...

    • Later:

Misa: ...and I want a pony, and I want a text message from Higuchi...
Light: Misa, for the last time, I'm NOT Santa Claus!

Soichiro (To Matsuda): "God d*mn, son of a b*tch, motherf*cking c*cksucker!"
Matsuda: "What's wrong?"
Soichiro: "Oh, nothing's wrong, I just wanted to make it clear that I was talking to you."

Light: "Mister Raye Penber, don't turn around. I am Kira."
Raye: "Look, you client smiled at me, and did not mind that I was watching him."

    • And later on:

Soichiro (After seeing Aizama walk in only wearing a shirt): "What's wrong? Trying to prove something?"
Aizawa: "Oh, [his forehead injury] this? It's nothing, I'm just trying to be like Harry Potter."
Soichiro: "Ah, yes, the head. That's definitely what I was talking about."

L: We need to find out how Higuchi kills.
Light: Maybe we should ask him?
L: That’s crazy.
Light: Crazy enough it just might work!

Nurse: You really have to leave now.
L: Look, I'm L I can do whatever I want.
Light: Yeah, and I'm Kira so I can kill you if you don't comply.

Misa: Where am I supposed to sit?
Higuchi: ON MY LAP! (Beat) ... The passenger seat works fine... I guess.

Aizawa: If you guys make one more joke about my 'fro I will not hesitate to murder yourselves and your families.

    • and

Souichiro: Mogi's family DIES tomorrow! (for taking the strawberry)

    • Hatori is killed for wanting the conference room lights turned down.
  • The Ditz:

Misa: Huh, for some reason I feel like I know even less than before.
L: Amane, we both know that that's just not possible.

L: Could you kill someone for me?
Light: Do you... have the money? ...Show me the money
L: Show me the weapon... Okay there isn't any money, I was just trying to trick you.
Light: Good thing I didn't fall for that.

Light: I'll solve equations with my right hand and write names with my left!
L: Your son is ambidextrous, I take it?

Light:: Is that MY coffee?
L: Not anymore, it’s not. It evaporated.

L: Light, I want you to play the part of Kira.
Light: Why? Because I'm Japanese? Racist!

Takahashi: If I may say so, these snooty accents make us sound quite menacing.
Kida: Yes yes, quite good, quite good.
Higuchi: Well, uh I don't need an accent to sound menacing.

Misa: MATSU! Your mother's on the phone!
Matsuda: AHHHHHHH * Runs away screaming*

Higuchi: If I were Kira, I'd be facepalming myself so hard right now... Ow!

Light: Misa, we need your help to rescue Matsuda. Would you mind dressing up all slutty for us?
Misa: What does slutty mean?
Light: Misa, we need your help to rescue Matsuda. Would you mind wearing your normal outfits?

Soichiro: "No! L is the only one that gets to spy on me- uh, me... family. Arggh"

Ooi: Any objections to making the Giants lose by killing them mid-game?
The Yotsuba Eight: No objections.
Soichirou: Woops, there goes your college tuition, Light.

Higuchi: So Misa, what are your goals in life?
Misa: I want to marry Kira!
Higuchi: What a coincidence, so do I! (Beat) ...the second one.

L: Why don't we just ask the Second Kira? They seem nice enough.

Aizawa: What you think we're gonna play games on our phones instead of listening to a boring meeting?
Souichiro: I got Sonic the Hedgehog.

Wedy: Hey L, I was searching Higuchi's place like you asked me to and I found this weird black notebook in his safe...
L: We're already aware of Higuchi's desire to be an artist; don't bother us again.

Namikawa: "Anyway... don't worry, we bribed the police into not trying to catch Kira. There's no way that's going to tip them off that Kira is involved with our business."
(fade into next scene)
Light: "So Kira is involved with their business..."

    • And again in that episode:

Soichiro: "Like it or not, you cannot both pursue Kira and be a member of the police anymore."
Matsuda: "What makes you say that?"
(flashback)
F.B.I. Director: "Like it or not, you cannot both pursue Kira and be a member of the police anymore."

L: (to Aizawa) No one's making you stay. Whatever phrasing you want to use... run, scoot, skedaddle... just go.
Watari: Sir, might I make a suggestion... How about "Piss off!"
L: Ooh yeah. I really like that one. Piss off!

Light: But they're businessmen! They might... I don't know... give her a papercut or something!

Higuchi: "It's like I said last time: Kira can kill people with a magical notebook, but he can't do the impossible."
Midou: "Wait, magical notebook?"
Higuchi: "Nooooot it. No tagbacks."

Kida: I really need someone to talk to. My cat died and my wife left me and took the kids and she gave me AIDS...
Aiber: That's cool. Oh by the way, did you know Misa might be the Second Kira?
Also:
Light: Misa, Higuchi is dangerous! I forbid you from seeing again-
Misa: Okay, I'm off to see Higuchi, bye!
Beat
Light: ...I hate women.
L: I'm pretty sure that was already understood, Light.

Light: Now no matter what, you can't kill him unless I give the order. [++ No matter what!++ ] You understand me?
Rem: No.

Souichiro: "Aiber didn't set off any either. What did he do, talk his way through the alarms?"
Aiber: "Yes. Yes I did."
(flashback)
Security AI: "Sorry sir, but I can't let you through. "
Aiber: "Uh... but I'm Kira!"
Security AI: "Oh, then sure, go ahead, handcuffs are in the lobby."

L: I don't know how you'll take this Light, but your girlfriend is the Second Kira.
Light: Why didn't she tell me?!

Light: Ryuuzaki, are criminals still dying?
L: Huh? Why should I be checking that? I caught you already.

L: If there is a God, he totally hates me.
Light: Damn straight I do.

Light: Now I just have to subtly fit the phrase "get rid of it" into conversation the next time L talks to me.
One month of confinement and Ryuk's endless whining later...
L: Oh hey Light I forgot you were in there...
Light: GET RID OF IT!!!!

Misa: Women can have penises just as good as men can!
Rem: But then you would be male.
Girl: Where are the f*king urinals?!

Random Cop: Survey participants found that Watari is sexy painted in black.
Matsuda: Oh yeah, I would so do Watari.

    • And:

Matsuda: Keep walking... don't be suspicious... I'm not trespassing...

    • Later, in that Episode:

Higuchi: Look, Hatori, I'm not saying that I'm Kira or anything, but you're f***ed.

L: Watari, is she talking?
Watari: She never stops talking!
L:... I see what you mean. Watari, please shut her up!

    • On the way the plot itself is written:

L: Well, if you haven't noticed this pattern by now, every time the plot goes stale, the writer just adds in another character.

L: Oh and Chief, don't touch the box labeled "toys."

  • TV Genius: L's psychic deduction when rescuing Matsuda.
    • Lampshaded when planning to capture Higuchi:

Light: We just have to be able to predict everyone else's thoughts.
L: That hasn't stopped us before.

Mogi: MISA-MISA, THIS IS AN INFILTRATION MISSION, SO BE CAREFUL!
Ooi: What's he talking about?
Mogi: DON'T BLOW OUR COVER! (Am I forgetting anything?) OH YEAH, L WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THE BUG IS IN YOUR PURSE! BE SURE TO OPEN IT OR WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Soichirou: Yes... yes... right...
L: Chief, there’s no need to bring politics into this...