Death Note Abridged (Dogface 701)/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Light: ...the only way this day could get any worse is if an evil notebook fell from the sky!

  • Death God Ryuk does his part to save the planet:"Oh, great idea, waste a whole sheet of paper on one name. Way to save the environment! Do you know how much paper costs in the Shinigami Realm... A LOT because there are no f_ing trees!"
  • Light bonds with his little sister:

Light: ...and that, Sayu, is how I kill people.
Sayu: Awesome! Can I have a death note too?
Light: No, you ignorant child. And if you ever get kidnapped by a gay blonde man, I will kill you.

Ryuk: Hey Light, there's this big, ugly, scary lookin' guy following you.
Light: Ryuk, for the last time I know you're there!
Ryuk: No, not me!
Light: Oh. A rapist?

Raye Penber: I'm dying! Somebody help me!
Random Pedestrian 1: Shut up Emo!
Random Pedestrian 2: We have problems too, you know.

  • Poor Light...

Ryuk: Say, whatever happened to that Yuri chick you were dating?

[Post-traumatic flashback of Domestic Abuse]

Yuri: FLOWERS... AND NO CHOCOLATE?!!! [/end flashback]
Ryuk: Did you just piss yourself?
Light: Shut up, Ryuk! At least I like women!

Light: It's important that I not let her find out anything that could link to me being Kira... Hi, I'm Light Yagami, the one your fiancé was investigating. I murdered him in cold blood! Right in front of everybody and no one cared enough to help him...
Naomi: * crying* I did my best! I did my best!
Light: Ryuk, I don't get it. I didn't even write her name down yet.
Ryuk: That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen-and I'm a Death God!