Dreadful Musician/Quotes

Oh, I write love songs for my favorite girl
And sing them soft and low
But before I get to finish
She says she has to go
She's nice and says, "Excuse me,
I've got to find a bar
I think I need refreshment
'Fore I hear you play guitar."

—Harry Chapin, "Six-String Orchestra"

Get off that piano. You're hurting its feelings!

—"Jelly Roll" Morton (legendary jazz musician)

Klink: Col. Hogan, I have decided not to play in your prisoners' orchestra. I may, however, do a solo over the loudspeaker system.
Hogan: Well, if I were you, I'd wait until the general leaves, sir.
Klink: Why?
Hogan: I mean, how would it look, a mass escape while he's here?

—Hogan's Heroes, Movies Are Your Best Escape

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

—Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

The captain watched, intrigued, as Liriel set the enspelled statue on the bed and triggered its song. His face lit up with pride as his own song poured forth from the little figure.
"That'll keep 'em away for a bit," he observed with a touch of wry humor. Obviously, Liriel concluded, the man held a realistic view of his musical talents.

—Elaine Cunningham, Tangled Webs

She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.

—Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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