Even Evil Has Standards/Quotes
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"Even for me, this is really fucked up!"
—Doctor Insano, The Spoony Experiment
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John Mclane: There never was a bomb [in a school], was there? —Die Hard With A Vengenance
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"They're vile little creatures who would step on their mother's head to have a hit."
—The famously frugal and forgiving Simon Cowell on Jedward.
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"I know we're supposed to be bad guys...but I can't let those cute little creatures get hurt!"
—Jessie, upon seeing a herd of Mareep being attacked, Pokémon
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Senator Powell: (After haranguing Dragon about the violence and sexual content in his movies) You have a young daughter, named Georgia, who is about 10 years old. Has little Georgia seen your film entitled "Ripcord", which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and 4 scenes of lesbian sex? She proud of her daddy for that one?! How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye? |
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[One of the Dollhouse's clients is in a coma, and Topher has been charged with repairing his brain.] |
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"You just don't shoot a guy in the dick!"
—Eric Cartman, one of the most evil people, ever, South Park
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"I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty."
—Cyrus the Virus, Con Air
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"Grandfather may be evil, which I admire, but he's also a jerk!"
—Father, Codename: Kids Next Door: Operation Z.E.R.O.
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"Private Josef Grigorovich. (smash) Abandoning your assigned post. (smash) Drawing a weapon on a superior officer. (smash) Resisting justice. (smash) Sexual assault on a prisoner of war. Uniform Code of Brotherhood Justice Section Two, Line Twenty-Seven. 'Any form of sexual assault of any kind by a member of the Brotherhood is considered a Class One Offense against the Messiah, punishable by summary execution.'" (throws him out a third-story window)
—Brother-Captain Allen, Black Hand Officer, Tiberium Wars
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"...J. Michael Straczynski wrote a comic book explaining the WTC tragedy from superheroes' perspective. And in it, Dr. Doom cried. Yes, the evil mastermind who shot the Fantastic Four's building into space and who contributes to 80 percent of the world's daily robodeath ... he was really broken up by this slight variation of his every waking moment."
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"Feelins? Look mate, you know what has a lot of feelins? Blokes what bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards: Be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."
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"I'm a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard."
—Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn
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"I stole this accordion from a blind monkey! But YOU! You disgust even me!"
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"I may be a criminal lunatic, but I'm an American criminal lunatic!"
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"That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen, and I'm a Death God!"
—Ryuk, Death Note Abridged, here
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"I should kill you right now! You're a goddamn embarrassment to this family, and you WILL apologize to Sando-san for this!"
—Yoshida to Chaka, Black Lagoon
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"I dare do all that becomes a man; Who dares more is none."
—Macbeth, Macbeth
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"The other Princes don't like him that much. I mean, even Malacath is more popular at parties, and Malacath is not popular at parties."
—Sheogorath describing Jyggaleg, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
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"I am evil, but I am not cruel to animals. There's a special Hell reserved for those who are."
—The demon Azzie, Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming
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"And what really bothers me is [that] you pretend that you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it."
—Quagmire to Brian, as part of a long-winded "The Reason You Suck" Speech, Family Guy
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"I'll never kick dogs, I'll never hurt a child, I'll never slap a woman - three things I won't do on film."
—Lee Van Cleef describing his stipulations about playing villains. He is dead serious, too.[1]
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"Some things sicken even jackals."
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"Compared to the mighty and their simple "pure hearts", the world's villains are much more humane. Scum rule the world and give birth to more scum. Don't they know that? We may mean to do harm, but we're sort of cute by comparison, aren't we, Killer?"
—Eustass Kidd, One Piece
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"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
—Jesus, The Bible, Matthew 7:9-11 (New International Version)
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"You...are hideous."
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"Ugly. Aah, how ugly is a woman drowning in lust...! This is this woman's true nature!! Even I, as a witch who has explored the depths of evil, find this most difficult to watch!!"
—Beatrice being disgusted by Rosa Ushiromiya verbally attacking her own daughter, Umineko no Naku Koro ni
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White Mage: There is no point in denying it any longer. I am White Mage, a destroyer of worlds! |
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"We're doctors in the field of robotics. Arson is a little beneath us, don't you think?"
—Dr. Wily, Two Evil Scientists
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Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but how could you trade Spongebob for 62 cents?! |
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"That's messed up, Sarda."
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"Stan, these people are monsters. You know what my country has done, and I'm disgusted."
—Klaus, after hearing why Francine's parents had to give her up, American Dad,
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"I have seen planes leveled and all life rendered to dust. It brought no pleasure, even to a heart as dark as mine."
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"They may all look the same to you, but there are different kinds and different levels of evil. A first-class villain doesn't target honest lives." —Accelerator, A Certain Magical Index
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"I am The God Of War. The God Of Slaughter. Even The God Of Murder. But I am NOT the god of sadism!"
—Ares, Dark Avengers: Ares #3
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Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honour of the season. |
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(Bender enters, holding his young son in his arms) —Futurama, "The Beast with a Billion Backs"
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"The Ku Klux Klan, LLC. has not or EVER will have ANY connection with The "Westboro Baptist Church". We absolutely repudiate their tactics."
—Press release from the Ku Klux Klan's website, circa September 2003
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"231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry."
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"I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes...they made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, 'You're a dick, dude. I can't believe you -- that's too far.'"
—John Caparulo
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There's nothing too embarrassing —"Weird Al" Yankovic, in his parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"
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"I thought your uninformed outrage would be useful in my eternal struggle to avoid taxation! I didn't realize you were a nihilistic moron willing to crash the entire economy!"
—Plutocrat Pete to Tea Party Tim, on his plan to force the government to default to control spending, This Modern World
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"I haven't found one single explanation of what Horcruxes do! Not a single one! I've been right through the restricted section and even in the most horrible books, where they tell you how to brew the most gruesome potions -nothing! All I could find was this, in the introduction to "Magick Moste Evile". Listen — "Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction." I mean, why mention it, then?"
—The Hogwarts library fails Hermione for the first time.
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"This isn't Wall Street, this is HELL! We have a little something called integrity!"
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"I may be evil, but at least I'm not full of crap!"
—Dr. Insano
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"Hey, Norman Bates called; he said you're really kind of a weirdo!"
—Linkara on the protagonist of the Lady Gaga comic, Atop the Fourth Wall
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Don't download this song |
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Brock: (sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her! —The Venture Brothers. The speakers are "good" guys.
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"I have few principles, but I stick to them."
—Black Hat Guy, xkcd
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"Nothing stokes my ire like a cheater. Deception, duplicity, murder -- these are merely tools in a toolbox one can use to ensure a job done well. But cheating? I cannot even wrap my head around the point of it. Wouldn't you know you had cheated? How on Earth could you maintain crisp certainty of your superiority to all others? And if you're unable to do that, what's the point of anything?"
—The Administrator, Team Fortress 2's Official Blog
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"What kind of monster have I created? No matter how evil you become, you never strike a child. I mean sure, you make them do a few million sit-ups or else there won't be supper, but you never ever hit them."
—"Sunshine", Ultimate Muscle
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"I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid. But eating people? Where's that get fun?"
—Jayne, Serenity
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"Wow...there's a level of pointless violence that offends even me when it's crossed. Live and learn, I guess..."
—Magus, Captain SNES
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"Foul as it is, hell itself is defiled by the foulness of King John."
—Matthew Paris, Medieval Chronicler possessing perceptible political sympathies.
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- Back to Even Evil Has Standards
- ↑ In The Good, the Bad and the Ugly they had to get a stand-in to perform the scene where he slapped a woman, as he flat-out refused to even pretend to hit a woman.