Freud Was Right/Tabletop Games

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Warhammer 40,000. Dark Eldar. Sweet merciful crap, Dark Eldar. Their entire society is based around captured slaves (they're even used as currency) and torturing them so they can consume their soul energy... except every single thing they say makes them appear more like an entire society of serial rapists instead, the Haemonculi in particular continually referring to their victims as "playthings". Every single piece of their vehicles, equipment and weapons are incredibly jagged and pointy, with as many blades attached in as many places as possible. As opposed to their mostly female Craftworld Eldar counterparts, their leaders and soldiers are mostly male (the leaders having the largest and pointiest headwear), while their main female units (Wyches) wear about three scraps of clothing and prefer to fight with whips that cause extreme pain with even a single touch (Agonisers).
    • Every single servant of Slaanesh lives on Freud Was Right and Nightmare Fetishist. When one of the Renegade Chapters devoted to it call themselves the Violaters and one of the Dark Eldar Cabals is named the Emasculators, it's sort of inevitable. Then there's Lucius the Eternal and his Lash of Torment...
    • The Imperium of Man's standard architecture consists of mile-high Gothic cathedrals with skulls as far as the eye can see. And of course you have the Imperial Guard, an army made up of ordinary, puny humans. Naturally, they need more and bigger cannons, tanks and field guns so they can stand a chance in a fight. Check out the size of this gun. Or this tank, but let's be fair here. The Imperial Guard are ordinary humans fighting the sci-fi versions of every Always Chaotic Evil race you've ever heard of -- cranked Up to Eleven. They clearly already have nuts of steel. Sometimes a seven-meter-long cannon is just a cigar.
    • Slightly less blatant are the Sisters of Battle, the all-female militant portion of the resident Church Militant that use equipment (Powered Armor, bolters etc.) otherwise used exclusively by the all-male Space Marines. Then the usual level of WH40K absurdity appears with the Sisters Repentia, mobs of near-naked penitent young women equipped with two-metre long chainswords driven into a combat frenzy by their whip-wielding "mistresses".
      • It needs to be pointed out that the Sisters do not use "equipment otherwise used exclusively by the all-male Space Marines" for two reasons: First, the geneseed does not respond to female hormones, so the Sisters have none of the implants of the Space Marines, and specifically do not have the "black carapace" that allows the Marines to interface with their armor. Secondly, the fluff points out that even with the assistance of the armor's artificial "muscles", it's impossible for anyone without the strength of a Space Marine to even move in that armour. Therefore, the Sisters' power armour is less powerful, and their bolters are lower caliber. (To wit, a Space Marine bolter is approximately 20mm, while the Godwyn-pattern bolters used by the Sisters is probably somewhere between 12.7mm and 14.5mm.) It's the same type of equipment, but not the same equipment.
    • Space Marines are all men, and they live on space-rocks with other big burly marines. They've got no lives outside of training with each other, eating, sleeping, bathing, and fighting alongside other giant bald supermen. Space marines then go to feral worlds looking for young boys to indoctrine into their chapters. They're like the army, the navy, and the clergy combined.
      • Also, Space Marine pauldrons. Seriously, those things are huge. Of course The Emperor, being the bestest human of all time and a paragon of sheer manliness, has the largest pauldrons of all.
      • However materials from the second edition suggest that it gets absorbed by their own growing muscle mass during the conversion from human to Space Marine, making them virtually Compensating for Something.
  • Magic: The Gathering gives us Ekundu Cyclops, which is so much so. To wit:
    • It's a cyclops, or a one-eyed monster.
    • Just look at the branch it's on.
    • A woman is "riding" that branch.
    • She has a knife. Castration anxiety?
    • The mushrooms pointed at the woman's backside.
    • There are two moons in the background. One moon is a menstrual symbol, but two white orbs, white being the color of semen, yeah.
  • Spoofed in one Big Eyes Small Mouth sourcebook, where a piece of incidental art shows a woman wielding a scaled-up revolver, which has "Freud THIS!" written on the side.
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