I'm gonna fill your hoo-ha with goof juice!
Frequently in games and TV shows aimed at children, there's a need for sex to occur without anyone ever actually having sex. Usually this is because breeding is a large part of the game, a character wants a baby, or it's a Very Special Episode where the writers are Getting Crap Past the Radar with an Unusual Euphemism.
No real life examples, please; no Real Life examples are possible.
- Power Girl has had G Rated Sex twice, the first time with the alien Sean Connery character known as Vartox. This sex impregnated all the women, and men, of Vartox's groovy 1970's cultured homeworld. The act consisted only of touching a floating ball of energy simultaneously. Power Girl later participated in some kind of emotion sharing ritual with her best friend Atlee while they both wear skimpy bathing suits. Power Girl specifically compares it to her experience with Vartox and finds it weirder. While Vartox was played entirely for laughs, the sequence with Atlee was very sweet.
- Rocky Horror Picture Show: "EL-BOW SEX!! EL-BOW SEX!!"
- In Dumbo, animals wanting a baby must hope a literal Delivery Stork pays them a visit. Apparently it never occurred to Mrs. Jumbo that she could up her chances by sleeping with Mr. Jumbo.
- In a neat little Parental Bonus, the other elephants are absolutely indignant when the stork asks if any of them are expecting.
- The movie Gremlins had mogwai and gremlins reproduce by ...er... splashing or immersing them in water.
- Fun Fact: Mogwai come from Chinese lore. They were said to be gremlin-like creatures that inflict harm on people and bred during the rainy seasons.
- The aliens in the film Cocoon have sex by shooting their energy at each other.
- In Earth Girls Are Easy Valerie and Mac's sex is simulated by energetic snuggling and persistence-of-vision type special effects. It is possibly the most Eighties sex scene ever recorded in any medium. And there's glow paint.
- In The Lion King, at the end of the final musical number of the movie. Surprisingly heavily implied for a children's movie, actually. The DVD commentary actually confirms it.
- In the Stallone/Snipes movie Demolition Man, sex (or kissing, or anything involving the "swapping of body fluids") has been outlawed by the government due to being deemed bad for your health, so sex is simulated with helmets projecting sexy images into your head and hitting your tickle button in your brain.
- Notably, this has nothing to do with the audience (indeed, a naked woman appears elsewhere in the movie) - it's to show just how much of a nanny-state the protagonists are living in.
- After a night of romance, Lady and the Tramp wake up cuddled together. It's implied later that Lady came home pregnant.
- Especially considering that her two neighboring dogs felt that they needed to get her married immediately to spare her honor, as would be done back then and in times before with a young woman who got pregnant - there would generally be an immediate scramble to find her a husband, if the father either refused or was deemed unsuitable by her parents, because to have a child out of wedlock was unthinkably scandalous.
- The same thing happened in Bambi, after their "Falling in Love" Montage, the scene cuts to Bambi and Faline lying together in a thicket. A few scenes later, twins.
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit?: Roger reacts to Jessica playing "patty-cake" with Marvin Acme as if she were having an affair. The Does This Remind You of Anything? dialogue and sounds fill in the rest. Of course, then you see the photographs and discover that they were literally playing patty-cake, and that it turns out this is the toon equivalent of sex. (Though, going by Herman's comments about having a "fifty-year-old lust and a three-year-old dinky", they can do it the normal way.)
- Ghostbusters featured the Gatekeeper (female) and the Keymaster (male). You don't have dig deep for the sybolism.
- A deleted scene (from immediately following the big finale) appeared on the 15th anniversary DVD and somewhat addresses this issue:- Louis says "Did you and I ... did we?" Dana replies "No, Louis. No." Louis wonders to himself "I don't know. I'm sure that ..."
- In The Aristocats, Duchess has kittens. She and O'Malley skirt around the issue several times, and it is possible Duchess is a widow, or the feline equivalent.
- Rodney's parents in Robots declare that "Making the baby is the fun part!" Then they assemble him from a kit.
- This should, by all means, have happened in Avatar, what with the Na'vi having weird prehensile hair they use to create mental "bonds" with animals. They never do use it between Na'vi; they kiss instead, like in human civilizations, despite having had absolutely no encounter with Earth for who-knows-how-long. In this case it might be because kissing appears to occur across many civilizations and may have a biological origin, and since Na'vi seem to have evolved similarly to humans this may have carried over. There was a deleted scene where Neytiri tells Jake that connecting their hair together was the Na'vi equivalent of sex, then they proceed to do it.
- The... whatever the holy hell the conehead daughter was doing with Chris Farley in the movie Coneheads. They also allude at one point, without further elaboration (other than it being a "difficult temptation to resist" which each conehead is allowed only four uses of) to a "pleasure spool".
- The "clasping hands together and making them glow" thing from Fern Gully.
Nostalgia Chick: (holding hands with Critic, smiling.) "Now you're pregnant!"
- "The song became love, and love became the egg" line in Happy Feet.
- Talked about, but not actually done, in Love Comes Softly. Eight-year-old Missie asks pregnant stepmother Marty where babies come from. At a loss, Marty tells her that when a man and a woman love each other very much, "it" spills over and makes a baby.
Missie: What spills over?
- The standard form of future sex in Barbarella is consuming "exaltation transference pills" with a partner and pressing palms together when one's "psychocardiograms are in perfect harmony". However, Barbarella had been introduced to the primitive form earlier and doesn't find it so interesting anymore.
- In the live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas, baby Whos drop from the sky in baskets (which use open umbrellas as parachutes). There's a bit of Parental Bonus when a baby lands on a doorstep, the man brings it inside, and, after announcing its presence, he says to his wife, "He looks just like your boss."
- The Blue Lagoon (1980 version) essentially shows Emmeline and Richard gently making out; they never make any motions that indicate they've figured out that Tab A goes into Slot B. This was one of the things critic Pauline Kael hooted at, specifically when Richard later says "Why'd you have a baby?" and Em says "I don't know": "The way they rub limbs, all they'll produce is friction."
- In Dil Se, the "Jiya Jale" Item Number (where Preity is imagining what it would be like to be married to Amar, not long before her wedding) has the two dancing together (some of the moves being rather suggestive) in water. The Freudian imagery is enforced with Amar and male backup dancers dancing surrounded by elephants. Reviews of the film noted how the lack of a sex scene was compensated for by the "exoticism" of this scene.
- The Xanth books make a Running Gag out of the notion of "summoning the stork" as a euphemism for sex. Also, instead of a sex scene, one book has a literal ellipsis appear in the characters' bedroom. This is, after all, Xanth.
- In the children's Dragon Fire book series, by Chris D'Lacey, it is possible for descendants of Gwendolyn to "quicken" (become pregnant) when thinking about motherhood or the ones they love, which typically results in human babies born from clay eggs. In one case, however, a bit of magic results in a dragon baby being born in such a fashion. It Makes Sense in Context.
- Similarly, in the third book in the series, Firestar, it's revealed that Zanna is pregnant with David's baby. Since this is a children's book series, no direct reference to them having sex is ever mentioned. However, this is actually a bit of Crap Gotten Past The Radar—early in the book, around the time said baby would logically have been concieved, it's mentioned that the two characters "spent the night keeping each other warm," said with a knowing leer.
- The Awakening has sex scenes so G-rated that students forced to read the book tend to completely miss them. The great irony of this is that when it was written the book was so raunchy it almost wasn't published.
- The third book of "The Hunger Games has this between Katniss and Peeta. The act is alluded to and then skips forward to a conversation afterwards.
- A lot of this in Warrior Cats. Beyond all of the characters that have been born to the various Official Couples throughout the series (one litter being both implied and confirmed by Word of God to be the result of a one-night stand), there are some specific scenes that are very noticeable:
- Bluestar and Oakheart. By far the most blatant, provoking many thoughts of "how did they get away with this?". Oakheart asks Bluestar to meet him somewhere at night, saying he wants to get to know her better. After a romantic evening, Bluestar starts begging to let herself enjoy "Just one night!". Next thing you know, Oakheart is building them a nest, and the next chapter skips right to the next morning. Soon after, Bluestar is pregnant.
- Sasha and Tigerstar. Tigerstar spends a night in Sasha's den "recovering". Sasha is pregnant afterwards.
- Leafpool and Crowfeather. They run away together, at which point the narration switches to another character until a bit later, at which point we are informed that "they had been traveling all day even though neither of them had gotten any sleep the previous night." Leafpool has Crowfeather's kits shortly afterwards.
- The Bible, particularly in the Book of Genesis would describe someone having sex as "knew his wife" and then the wife would bear a child.
- In one episode of Babylon 5, Commander Susan Ivanova is expected to have sex with an alien ambassador. While Dr. Franklin suggests "You could put a bag over his head and do it for Babylon 5", Ivanova instead gets out of having to do anything squicky by offering to doing it "Human Style." Hilarity Ensues.
- Steven Moffat has stated that the mind-melding as seen in the Doctor Who episode "The Girl in the Fireplace" is definitely mind sex. Which makes his later mind melds with Donna and the Master rather interesting in retrospect... the Master, in his typical way, forces the contact on him, too — after some Orgasmic Combat, of course.
- The Muppet Show pilot 'Sex & Violence', satirised the concern about increasing sex and violence on television by Muppetising it. For instance, Muppet sex consisted of two Muppets running at each other full pelt, colliding with an explosion, and babies raining everywhere like fallout.
- The explosive breeding made it into the regular show as a Koozebanian mating ritual (the "Galley-o-hoop-hoop").
- Dinosaurs: Robbie does "the mating dance" in school, obviously a substitute for getting an erection.
- He later tries to learn more about sex by visiting a dance hall of ill repute.
- And Charlene gets self-conscious when her tail starts to grow.
- In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, when Odo and Kira make up after an argument in "Chimera", they walk towards each other from the opposite end of the room, and she murmurs quietly, "I want to know you." Odo places his palms against hers, and then - being a shapeshifter, and finally able to show her his true form - dissolves into a cloud of shimmering light. Kira turns around slowly, eyes open in shock before she shuts them, and spreads her arms wide, revelling in the light with a look of complete ecstasy on her face. Quite obviously, this is an allegory for make-up sex - and, going by the look on her face, pretty scorching make-up sex, at that.
- Star Trek: Voyager: All a member of the Q Continuum needs to do is touch fingers and allow them to merge briefly for conception to occur. Lampshaded by Captain Janeway when she asked: "That was it?"
- That's not even what they really have to do, since their human form is just a concession to the species they happen to be with at the time. Whatever is actually going on to create a new Q is beyond most beings' comprehension.
- In an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise, Trip Tucker accidentally becomes pregnant by an alien woman, just via the help of some Green Rocks they buried their hands in.
- In Hindu Mythology, Hanuman could do this, one of them is that he could impregnate woman just by singing while the other is when someone catches Hanuman's sweat, thus Makaradhvaja is born. The former was a task for Hanuman, while the second one was a complete accident. Both of them which Celibate Hero Hanuman sorta panicked on.
- Apparently, it is commonly believed in India that Peacocks are asexual and the female "gets pregnant" by drinking the male's tear. This belief is not only incorrect, but ironic, because the birds are actually quite promiscuous. The entire reason the male bird fans his feathers is because he's trying to attract mates. Also, technicality, birds do not "get pregnant."
- Mrs. Pac-Man features a cut-scene titled The Chase in which Pac Man and Mrs. Pac Man chase each other across the screen amidst cartoon hearts. In the following Cutscene, a stork flies by and drops off Baby Pac Man.
- Virtual Villagers: Dragging and dropping one villager of the appropriate age and gender on to another results in a kiss effect, the couple "going indoors" and coming out with a baby. Aww.
- Later episodes of the game feature a "love shack" hut, decorated with flowers.
- In My Tribe two of your villagers walking into a hut with the status message "calling the stork". A few seconds later- a baby toddles out.
- Many people in the Neverwinter Nights module creating community get around the fact that the game isn't programmed to have visual sex encounters by creating a bubble of darkness around two characters. Though the dialogue in most of these cases is at least PG-13 rated.
- The player's kiss with Bastila in Knights of the Old Republic is demonstrated by dialogue and a black-out.
- Zoo Tycoon 2: Animals simply adopt a snoozing posture simultaneously (even from across the exhibit) in order to mate, as if literally "sleeping together".
- Creatures: That "mmmmmmmm-pop" sound means your creatures have just had non-graphic sex by standing next to each other. The official term for this is "Kisspopping" (Normal kissing noises just mean they like each other and will probably continue to make out until they starve if you don't separate them.)
- The original The Sims required only a sufficient number of passionate kisses to provoke the arrival of the baby bassinet. Later expansion packs introduced the Heart Bed, which could be used to "play in bed", which would also create a baby.
- In Sims 2 and 3, this gets averted as Sims have sex in all but name - they "Woo Hoo" instead. Complete with comedic sound effects ranging from giggling to meowing to content moaning. In Sims 2, they could even Woo Hoo in the car or a changing booth. Later expansions introduce hot tubs, hammocks, tents and an elevator. Sims 3 allows you to Woo Hoo or Try For Baby while touring City Hall.
- In Black and White, a Breeder Disciple will give a full body kiss to another villager to have sex with them. Most of the time they would go indoors after such embrace and then a child would walk out afterwards.
- Is it worth mentioning that any villager hugged by your creature would become a breeder on the spot?
- That's because you would have taught your creature how to make such Disciples. Your creature is just doing what you do: placing a male next to a female to create the class.
- Is it worth mentioning that any villager hugged by your creature would become a breeder on the spot?
- Viva Pinata: The Pinatas do a crazy dance inside their house that summons a stork superhero woman who delivers the egg. Every species of pinata has their own dance and music style.
- In Spore, creatures mate by dancing, accompanied by either romantic string music or a cheesy saxophone riff.
- Chao in the Sonic Adventure series indicate their fertility by sitting in a circle of flowers. They do a Happy Dance to some music, then a Chao egg pops into existence between them.
- Pokémon eggs appear mysteriously when you leave them at the Daycare Center. For some odd reason, no one in the world, not even for scientific reasons, has watched Pokémon reproduce and as such have no idea where all these eggs come from. Either that or the Daycare Couple doesn't want to explain the stuff to a roughly 10-year-old boy/girl. It's implied no one has seen it happen because Pokémon can't breed if someone watches. Meaning, people have tried to watch/study but it doesn't work out. Most Pokémon, after all, have near-human-level intelligence, as well as sentience.
- Strangely enough, Pokémon eggs were first discovered by Prof. Elm in Generation II - three years after the start of the series - and baby Pokémon such as Pichu and Cleffa weren't even known until some time in between the two generations. This was retconned in the remakes of Generations I and II, due to the existence of breeding in the Generation I remakes.
- In most Harvest Moon games, the player simply has to keep their spouse's Heart Meter maxed out for a specified length of time (usually 60 days after marriage, not necessarily consecutive.) to result in pregnancy. Even when the female involved is the player's character. (A Wonderful Life doesn't even go that far. Once you get married, the story jumps ahead three years, and you've already got a kid)
- The spinoff, Rune Factory takes this trope and runs with it. Once you're married for 150 days - you'll wake up and your wife is holding a baby. No time skip, no "You're Pregnant" cutscene, just "Boom. Baby."
- Rune Factory 2 has a baby born after just 15 days. This is probably because the first generation is pretty much "level up, make babies and get onto the second generation" time.
- In Animal Parade, you're actually asked if you want kids. In other words, you plan to have kids. Your spouse actually makes remarks about " having your work cut out for you".
- Magical Melody: You can only have a baby if you keep up the Heart Meter, but one of the requirements to be married is having a double bed in the house. If you try to put in a single bed after the wedding, your spouse says something like "We are married, after all". You get one Cutscene in which you find out that you're pregnant and one in which you have the baby (with all of your clothes on... somehow). Interesting, if you're playing as a female character, you lose health a little more quickly while pregnant.
- There is also the Miracle Potion, also known as the "Ushi no Tane" in Japanese which gets your animals pregnant.
- In Dragon Quest Monsters, when you select two monsters to mate (any two monsters) they go back to the Mystical Room of Breeding, look at each other...and then an egg appears, and the monsters are gone... Later games treat this as a Fusion Dance instead, explaining not only where the "parents" go but also allowing for "neutral" monsters that can breed with either "gender".
- Baldies was a RTS game where you built armies of fat, bald men. They reproduced by bouncing on a bed.
- Terra's parents in Final Fantasy VI do a sparkly dance and create a baby when those sparkles fuse together. This was (hopefully) meant as a metaphor, not to be taken literally.
- In Sim Life, mating between creatures is indicated by a sexy female voice going "ooh-la-la".
- In Dwarf Fortress, a female creature can become pregnant if an uncaged male creature of the same species exists anywhere on the map, even if no actual contact is made between them. This can lead to some very... confusing occurrences. It's assumed all creatures in this universe reproduce by spores of some kind.
- Knowing Dwarf Fortress, it's either because the creator is going to go into ridiculous depth at some later point ... or it really is modelled as spores.
- In the Ni GHTS series, Nightopians come together and an egg drops. And as for Mepians (Nightmaren/Nightopian hybrids), they're made by knocking a 3rd-level Nightmaren in the form of a ball into a Nightopian.
- Startopia has a G-Rated brothel, in the form of the Love Nest. Here Dahnese Sirens, the attractive Winged Humanoids the player can put on staff, give "love" to visiting aliens from big, heart-shaped thrones, by hovering in the air and sprinkling glowy hearts on them. There's also the Oroflex, a rare and expensive tentacly thing in a carnival tent that picks up aliens, moves around like a thrill ride, and spits them back out. This affects the "love" and "fun" meters, so it's like Naughty Tentacles plus the tilt-a-whirl.
- In Populous, two people would walk into a house, and three people would come out. (So if someone else goes inside, will the house be empty?)
- In the artificial life simulator Darwin Pond, swimmers are ready to mate when their beak gets long and thick, with a blob on the end indicating what colors they are looking for in a mate. If the resultant merry chase is successful, the pursuer touches the pursuee with is beak, causing a baby swimmer combining features from both parents to appear at the point of contact and rapidly grow to adult size. Compared to some examples on this page, this is practically critter porn.
- The old NES game Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode had a few parts in the first act, and one later on, where your character visits ladies staying over night at the local hotel and . . . well . . . the only real indication they're getting down and dirty is a third person peep into the room window. You and lady embrace, lights in room dim down to black and health is restored.
- In Petz, a large heart with congratulations on your petz' pregnancy pops up, hiding both of the animals in the process.
- Planescape: Torment has a G-rated brothel, run by a reformed succubus.
- It's not like there's any sex going on in there in any form... It's called the Brothel for Slaking Intellectual Lusts for a reason. Nice place to go if you want to, say, play chess or debate politics with someone, but the closest physical contact you'll be getting in there is being slapped by entering the 'abuse' room.
- There are some more conventional prostitutes wandering the streets of The Hive. The first time you talk to one Morte will loudly demand to be allowed to patronize her services, but since he's a floating animated skull he settles for her giving him a polish. (Disclaimer: not a metaphor).
- When using the sheep-breeding option in FarmVille, the selected pair of sheep vanish into a curtained niche in their shelter, and are replaced in their enclosure with two message signs that read "Baa Chicka Baa Baa".
- Double Switch has one scene where Lyle and Elizabeth have sex. You don't actually see it, but it is strongly implied to have occurred between them.
- Birth in Minecraft consists of two animals running into each other until a baby animal spawns.
- In Overlord 1, if you decorate enough of your evil castle in your Mistress's preferred style she takes you into her private quarters to give you some "strategy advice". Your camera gets stuck outside the door with some eves-dropping minons, but she sounds down-right orgasmic, and the castle does a lot of rocking and reeling.
- Overlord 2 manages to push this as far as possible while still having the camera stuck outside the room. And this time you have three mistresses, so if you have enough money to keep redecorating...
- The satirical G-Rated Watchmen comic, spoofing the What Do You Mean It's Not for Kids? controversy of the Watchmen movie, uses many bizarre and downright silly metaphors for sex. These include reading bedtime stories, pillow fights, and even one of the more disturbing scenes is portrayed by having The Comedian attempting to eat cookie dough.
- This trope is conspicuously averted in Sandra and Woo. One comic even shows a picture of a YouTube video of raccoons mating that Woo had inadvertently fav'ed on Sandra's account.
- The Nicktoon Aaahh Real Monsters had the monsters reproduce via a dance.
- In one episode of Futurama, it's revealed that Kif's species can become pregnant by any direct skin-to-skin contact while they're experiencing deep feelings of love. Which, as Kif observes when he accidentally becomes pregnant in "Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch", puts a whole new spin on the saying "No glove, no love."
- In a "Treehouse of Horror" episode of The Simpsons, when Maggie grows a single long, sharp tooth, and loses her arms and legs to be replaced by green tentacles, it is discovered that Marge was abducted and impregnated by Kang, the green-tentacled alien. Marge tells Homer what happened in a flashback. They gave Marge four choices of scenes in which to be inseminated, which were an airplane bathroom, a friend's wedding, the backseat of a car, and an alley behind a porno theater. Marge sits on a couch (she chooses the alley) with Kang, and he flashes a beam of light at her, and says "Insemination complete." Marge remarks that it was awfully quick, Kang asks what she's implying, she quickly says, "Nothing."
- Parodied in an episode of Drawn Together. Foxxy Love and Princess Clara kiss in the first episode, and in the next episode, Toot convinces Clara that she is pregnant because the only thing Disney princesses ever do with their man before they are seen with children is kiss.
- Avatar: The Last Airbender does this in The Headband. Aang and Katara dance together, dipping in and out, gazing deep into each others eyes, getting very close, and ending the spectacle with both of them sweaty and panting, Aang holding Katara in his arms. The whole scene is just an "I need a fire-stick" away from being completely obvious.
- Phineas and Ferb had a very sneaky one in "Isabella and the Temple of Sap". In Isabella's daydream, Phineas transforms into a centaur and allows Isabella to ride him. Any girl who's ever ridden a horse knows how this is supposed to feel. Not to mention when she talks in that scene she sounds like she's in ecstasy, but that just might be because it's Phineas.
- Rocko's Modern Life: Ed and Bev, breaking plates with their tongues.
- Hey Arnold! has an episode where, in a tale of the history of Arnold's parents, Phil starts to tell Arnold about what happened AFTER their wedding...but then stops himself in the nick of time. However, the Shortmans are seen going into a tent alone and actually laying down together while the music begins to heat up. It's a pretty bold scene for a Nicktoon, actually!
- SpongeBob SquarePants had the "Karate Choppers" episode, where every scene of karate fighting could easily be replaced with sex. Spongebob and Sandy get so addicted to karate that it starts to interfere with his job (complete with him seeing Sandy everywhere and making remarks like "She snuck up on me!"). Ultimately, Mr. Krabs fires him. He's given another chance so long as he doesn't do karate. Under all the tension, Spongebob and Sandy start making references to karate, with them eventually giving in to karate in public. Spongebob also drops the line "Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate?". After catching them post-karate, Mr. Krabs decides not to fire Spongebob and hires them both to perform karate in the restaurant.
- "Cow's seed"