Glorious Shotgun Princess

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Judging from the car, I think he had another career planned out as the Kool Aid Man.
Joker, on Garrus' aircar

On the one side, we have Mass Effect, with its grand space opera and omnicidal cthulhuan cuttlefish. On the other side, we have Exalted, with its superheroics and Kung-Fu Fighting.

What would happen (asked Gregg Landsman of Nobody Dies fame/infamy) if a titular Exaltation from the latter wound up in Commander Shepard of the former?

And Hilarity Ensued.

Can be read here, along with pages upon pages of speculation, off-topic ranting, and hilarious omake scenes. Just check your sanity at the door.


Tropes used in Glorious Shotgun Princess include:

You took a murderous AI, plugged it into parts from a more murderous AI, and made it non violent, then tried to make it violent anyway, and succeeded at failing.

Kasumi: And 'kill all the Solars' is more of a 'all hundred of us get together' sort of plan.

"Vasir Spectre. The cybersecurity suite of your personal vehicle requires updating."

"I need you to distract Donovan Hock while I steal his house."

Miranda: No, I've figured it out. It's just that it would take more eezo being jammed into you than the drive core of an Asari Dreadnought.

Joker: I've always wanted Power Girl as a drinking buddy.

  • Noodle Implements: Kasumi's miniature Krogan statue.
  • Punching Gag: Shepard's attempts to get off Alchera invariably end with her destroying the ship she planned to use to escape, occasionally with Clothing Damage ensuing (as while an Exalt is nigh-indestructible, her clothing, not so much).
  • Shout-Out: Joker's maneuvering in the aircar chase is not unlike the "tunnel scene" from Men in Black.
    • "One of my magic powers is a bullshit detector. It goes ding when there's crap."
    • What would happen if Cerberus made a taco cart?
    • Wuffles, the Wonder Geth references Wuffles, the Wonder Fish from Nobody Dies (whose own naming was a shout out to Legion's in Mass Effect 2)
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Vasir tries to give one to Shepard. It doesn't work as intended.
  • The Immodest Orgasm: Shepard.
  • Weak but Skilled: Vasir doesn't have the pure power of Exalted Shepard, but she has been a Spectre longer than Shepard has even been alive, with the experience and skill to match.
  • Xanatos Gambit: The Illusive Man fully expects Shepard to steal Normandy, unshackle EDI and subvert the crew.