Glurge Addict
 |
Kristoffer: ...And know this, as the swallow twittered beneath the eaves, this is not adieu, but au revoir! |
 |
Most people dislike Glurge as overly trite and sentimental garbage incapable of truly plucking at the heart strings of anyone but the most sugar-addicted, naive and overemotional of people. And it just so happens that one of those tasteless, naive and overemotional people is in the cast! This guy or gal loves to collect motivational posters of kittens, cries over every sad story spam email, and adores anything and everything cutesy. They will probably gush over the nearest glurge positive item or animal nearby, and will baby talk to it. A few Glurge Addicts who are aware of their condition will actively hide their hobby from friends and family out of embarrassment.
Glurge Addicts are surprisingly positive people (even if they happen to be Smug Snake villains), even if they aren't nice they're always smiling and encouraging others to do the same. This incessant optimism is sure to quickly get on other people's nerves. If it's a strong enough addiction, it also serves as a possible Flaw Exploitation for these characters in the form of a Kitsch Collection that can be broken or added to as a threat or bribe, respectively.
If two Glurge Addicts start dating, the result is Sickeningly Sweethearts. If they have kids, and the kids start a wiki, they name it Sugar Wiki.
Anime and Manga
- Ryuuguu Rena in Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is a subversion. She does like cute things... but she is also a Nightmare Fetishist so her definition of cute does not always conform to the norm.
- Ouran High School Host Club's Suou Tamaki fits this pretty well. He's easily moved to tears by heartfelt or tragic stories, or just by looking at Haruhi whom he fawns and gushes over pretty much every chance he gets. She finds his fawning quite annoying, though. Despite Tamaki's sad past he's very optimistic and urges those around him to see the glass half full, rather than half empty.
- Fullmetal Alchemist:Alex Louis Armstrong has all the the hallmarks of one, including the Manly Tears
Film
- The Boss Of It All. Ravn in the opening quote had the Glurge precipitate a nervous breakdown because was going to cheat his employees out of money and a job by selling to Finur.
- Little Shop of Horrors has Audrey. She has a stuffed puppy on her bed, and other cute decorations around her room.
- Mega Records CEO Fiona from the Josie and the Pussy Cats movie.
- Misery has Annie Wilkes. She is a Liberace loving, ceramic penguin owning, romance novel addict who doesn't like it when people swear. She's also keeping her favorite author hostage and does such thing as shatter his ankles so he can't escape.
Literature
- Harry Potter: Smug Snake Dolores Umbridge is a villainous variant. She wears only pink, has an office full of kitten plates, and seems to want to shelter children from frightening things. She's also a Sadist Teacher and part of an ill-advised government coverup. Glurge addicts don't have to be good.
Live Action TV
- Shirley from Community loves all things sugary-sweet, so much so that her stated reason she's at Greendale is to start a dessert bakery. She also has rage issues and loves to gossip.
- JD from Scrubs. When he becomes a teacher, his favourite pupil Lucy Bennett takes over the role of 'wipes away a tear while applauding the saccharine speech' girl.
- Synclaire from Living Single. She's generally extremely optimistic, emotional, and sunny (as well as sensitive and a bit immature), to the point where her friends are surprised to hear her say "I'm mad as H!" She particularly loves Troll dolls, and owns a gigantic Troll doll named "Crispus Attucks" that her friends find particularly unnerving.
- Her boyfriend/eventual husband, Overton, has these moments as well - usually when he's in close proximity to Synclaire.
- Jess in New Girl.
Web Comics
- Joyce from Roomies is possibly the only being in the Galaxy to not see an endless loop of The Sound of Music as torture.
- Piffany in Nodwick is a bit of a glurge addict. She has a mock beanie baby collection, never swears (instead saying things that would make Curse of the Ancients laugh) and is always upbeat.
- Mrs Merriweather; of Angel Moxie also a Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher... and actually a evil demon., the addiction to Gluge is still an honest one though!
- In Starslip, Vanderbeam's discovery that his crush Jovia had a "Hang in there" kitten poster led him careening down a path of desperate speculation as he tried to figure out if she was genuinely one of these, or if she had some ironic, intellectual interest in it. Her explanation that she just thought it was cute and felt she should be allowed to turn off her brain now and again didn't satisfy him.
Web Original
- Count Nefarious Vile in Press Start—right down to his My First Pony Princess notebook!
- Many of the "fauxtographers" on You Are Not a Photographer.
Western Animation
- On King of the Hill, Hank Hill's mom is addicted to Hummel figurines.
- And don't forget Reverend Stroup's snow angels!
- The Simpsons. Marge Simpson's Glurge Addict status is her love of kitten motivational posters. Even if they eventually fall.
|
Just Hang In There, Marge. Just Hang In There. |
|
- To some extent, Ned Flanders is one of these, as well. This was tested when he moved to the disgustingly cute town of Humbel, which was a parody of the above Hummel figurines. It was too oppressive even for Ned, and it actually demonstrates the difference between a sympathetic and unsympathetic Glurge Addict; Ned loves Glurge, but is capable of accepting people for their faults. The townsfolk of Humbel weren't.
- Becky, from The Life and Times of Tim, for whom greeting cards are Serious Business.
- DNAmy from Kim Possible. While she may be a maniacal rogue geneticist, her devotion to her Cuddle Buddies and creating real-life versions thereof is definitely Glurgey.
Other
- Michael Jackson appears to have been one, to the point that his Neverland Ranch was drenched in sugary sweetness. The paintings his friend David Nordahl created for him are a good example.
- Jack Chick.