Goblins/Characters

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Goblin Adventuring Party

The Goblin Adventuring Party are the main characters of our story. After their warcamp is destroyed by a human adventuring party, five goblins set off on an adventure to gain class levels and become strong so that they can better defend their clan.

Big Ears

"Never tell me to silence my heart again."

A member of the Goblin Adventuring Party. After witnessing his best friend One Eye's death, he chose to be a paladin because he was tired of watching others die.

  • An Axe to Grind
  • Battle Aura: Big Ears's IME is a yellow decagonal ring.
  • The Big Guy: A type 2. While not noticeably taller than the others, he's burlier.
  • Good Is Dumb: Averted. Big Ears is very intelligent, and good at getting himself and others out of bad situations.
  • Honor Before Reason: He can fall victim to this, but can—usually—be reasoned out of it.
  • Lawful Good: A rare modern example of a truly kind, courageous and noble paladin.

Chief: Why would anyone want to become a paladin?!

Big Ears: So others don't have to.

"Paladins get the best stuff at third level!"

Chief

"My name is Chief, member of the Goblin Adventuring Party and leader of the Clan of the Cryptic Fall. And I'm not here to beg for my life-- I'm here to kill you."

The goblin tribe's leader, and unwilling member of the Goblin Adventuring Party. He chose to be a cleric because he wanted to have the least glamorous and "adventurer-like" job.

Complains of Names

"I'm your worst nightmare... A goblin with a readied action AND an elevation bonus."

One of the members of the Goblin Adventuring Party, he fought Minmax in the latter's attack to the village and swore to find and kill him. His class is Barbarian, since it benefits from his bad temper.

Thaco

"You know, in the old days we depended on ingenuity rather than feats, the strength stat used a forward slash as a decimal point... and there were no such thing as Drow. I miss the old days."

Thaco is the oldest goblin in the Goblin Adventuring Party, which is why he's named after an outdated Dungeons & Dragons defense mechanic. He's also Complains's father. Thaco already had a lot of combat experience at the start of the story, and when the others chose character classes, he became a monk.

Fumbles/Senor Vorpal Kickass'O

"SENOOOOR VORPAAAAL KICKASS'OOOOO!!!"

Fumbles is the fifth member of the Goblin Adventuring Party. It was originally his idea to take class levels, and the rest of the party decided to follow suit after the warcamp fell.

"Which class did you choose?"
"All of them."

Well of Darkness

Soon after the massacre of the warcamp, Dies Horribly is captured and enslaved by the goblin Viper Clan. Their leader, Duv, sends Dies and a few other slaves on a quest into the Well of Darkness to retrieve an artifact to ensure her prophesied rise to power.

Dies Horribly

"For the love of the Gods watch where you're pointing that sword!"

Dies Horribly is a timid, fearful goblin who is separated from the Goblin Adventuring Party during the attack on the warcamp.

  • Back from the Dead: After fufilling his fate, he spent just over a page actually dead
  • Because Destiny Says So: A firm believer of this.
  • Blessed with Suck: Dies loses an arm, but Klik makes him a living metal replacement. He doesn't like it because it's hard to control.
    • Deepened in the later chapters, as now Dies' metal hand can now control him to an extent. And it calls him "Father."
  • Catch Phrase/Running Gag: "For the love of the Gods watch where you're pointing that X!"
  • Cowardly Lion: Despite his outward cowardice, when it comes down to the crunch Dies proves repeatedly that he is capable of overcoming his (perfectly understandable) fear of a hideous death. When fate finally comes for him, he accepts it without thinking. He should have thought.
  • Empathic Weapon/Morph Weapon: Dies' left arm has shapeshifting abilities that respond to his emotions, but since fear is his most common emotion, it mostly just makes spikes.
  • Fail O'Suckyname: Lampshaded numerous times by people aware of the fact that it's a prophetic name. The name alone has basically ruined his entire life.
  • The Fatalist: Accepts that his death is inevitable and that there is no fighting it. Too bad it looks to be a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
  • The Fool: Altough his name says the opposite, the universe seems to conspire for his survival.
    • Alternatively, his name implies he's horrible at dying.
  • Lovable Coward
  • Nervous Wreck: He's always on edge. This is justified because most Goblins in his clan are named prophetically.
  • Only Sane Man: Seems to be this for the Well of Darkness party.
  • Senseless Sacrifice: Subversion! While it looked like he was going to sell his soul for the artifact he needed but Exact Words ended up meaning he sold it for a worthless bauble, thanks to Loophole Abuse, he inadvertently got out of the deal and was resurrected.
  • Super-Powered Evil Side: The badassery he shows in the Well of Darkness has shades of this, his arm more or less controlling his actions while he kills the demons. He doesn't remember his actions after he snaps out of it, and the alternate personality also seems to be very possessive of its "father" (whether that's Klik or Dies himself hasn't been revealed).
  • Took a Level in Badass: After fulfilling (what he believed was) his fate, Dies Horribly finally had enough of everything making his life (and even death) miserable and took several levels of Bad Ass. On the spot.

Grem

"I swear, on a good day, that goblin could battle the Gods themselves."

Grem is Duv's son, and future chief of the Viper Clan. He joins the party in the Well of Darkness against his mother's wishes.

  • Badass Normal: Has no adventurer levels, or magic equipment, or much of anything except sheer skill and tenacity. It suffices.
  • Fearless Fool:

Grem: "I am a goblin prince! I know when to fight!"
Dies Horribly: "I am a coward. I know when to run!"

K'Seliss

"You are one messed up piece of food."

"Okay, I've tried absolutely everything. There is no way to open this door."

  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: From his point of view. To lizardfolk in this 'verse, fighting, eating, and mating are aspects of the same thing, so he's horrified to find himself forced into fighting things which he can't eat.
  • Extreme Omnivore: If it's made of meat, he'll try to eat it. Even clearly decaying, or even undead, meat.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: He gets around his 'don't fight what you can't eat' taboo by using one Mecha Mook as a club to beat the stuffing out of the rest of them. After all, the Mecha Mook was doing the actual *hitting*.
  • Heel Face Turn: Sort of. He goes to run and leave the others to their fate when they futilely try to blockade a door holding back a monster, and had made clear up to that point that he considers the rest of the party to be expendable. He comes back, blockading the door and giving the rest of the party a chance to escape.
  • Hidden Heart of Gold

Grem: "You came back."
K'Seliss: "Shut up! If anyone asks, I ate your limbs and left you all here to die!"

Klik

"Klik"

A strange flying metal sphere that was sitting around in the goblin warcamp. It follows Dies Horribly around after he helps it recover.

Saves-a-Fox

"Trust me. I'm tougher than I look."

A goblin girl who starts looking after Dies.


Human Adventuring Party

"Human" isn't really the best descriptive word for this adventuring party, seeing as how it consists of one human, a dwarf, two drow and a sort of drow/halfling hybrid. Still, they are a group of accepted demihuman races and they were the ones who first massacred the goblin warcamp. During the fight, the three drow were slain and only Forgath and Minmax survived. While the other three PCs have since been reincarnated, they have yet to encounter Forgath and Minmax again and the two groups have been going in different directions.

Minmax

A dimwitted human fighter, Minmax lives for treasure, fighting and excitement. The muscle of the triad of himself, Forgath and Kin.

  • All Love Is Unrequited: He loves Kin. Kin isn't too sure if she's capable of love the way humans define it.
  • Big Ol' Eyebrows: To the point where out of all of his Maze Of Many incarnations, the eyebrows are the one thing that remain consistent.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: He checks out the charisma scores of every woman on the street, but beats Goblinslayer almost to death for raping the Cute Monster Girl.
  • Dumb Muscle: Oh, yes.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: See the link for Kin's Tears of Joy.
  • Hidden Depths: More emotional then mental—despite his minmaxer nature and fervent belief that the only point of monsters is to be killed by adventurers, Minmax was still so horrified to discover what Dellyn Goblinslayer was doing to Kin that he immediately attacked him in outrage. Later, he tried to come up with any excuse he could to avoid having to kill Kin in the way that he said was natural, even going to the extent of using his non-existent non-combat skills to try and make a birthday party for her so that he could claim there was something "normal" about her and, thusly, she wasn't a monster. He's also surprisingly understanding of Kin's emotional trauma, taking no offense when she hesitates to take his hand to enter the Maze of Many.
    • Minmax also pointed out the ridiculousness of Drowbabe's very existence.
    • And he came up with the idea of pushing over a tree made of dead wood to crush the goblins that had him and Forgath pinned. Even Forgath couldn't believe Minmax could come up with something that clever.
  • Man Child: Sometimes bordering of Psychopathic Manchild, especially earlier in the series, before he starts travelling with Kin.
  • Min-Maxing: It's in his name.
  • Mismatched Eyes: His right eye was injured but healed back up, and the iris has been white ever since.
  • Morph Weapon: His new sword seems to be an unusual variant of this, where it can take on the properties of other materials that it touches.
  • The Munchkin: Naturally; "minmaxer" is another name used in Dungeons & Dragons for a munchkin.
    • Partially averted, though, as (quite unlike a true munchkin) he actually allows his "chosen flaws" to affect his life.
  • Power of the Void: Minmax's new sword Oblivious. Originally a Morph Weapon, it permanantly copied nothing after Minmax sticks it into an oblivion hole. As a result, it cannot be affected spatially or temporally unless Minmax wields it, and is powered by ignorance.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: Subverted. Minmax's new suit of magical armor is bright pink... and he hates it. However, it's able to change to any color the wearer likes; he just hasn't realised this fact yet. During the battle with Not-Walter he finally (accidentally) turns it red.
  • Sacrificed Basic Skill for Awesome Training: The whole point of minmaxing is that Minmax has traded away just about every simple non-combat trick he can think of for more combat prowess. These include the ability to read for a +1 to hit bonus, the ability to wink for Weapon Proficiency: Furniture, and the ability to rhyme on purpose for Improved Unarmed Strike. As mentioned however above, it comes back to bite him sometimes.
  • Scars Are Forever: Almost lost his eye fighting Complains, and still has a vertical scar over the area.
  • Too Dumb to Live: The only thing keeping him alive, his prodigious stats aside, is Forgath predicting and preventing the shenanigans that would otherwise kill him.

Forgath Bladebeard

A dwarven cleric, definitely the brains to Minmax's brawn. He worships Herbert, the Game Master, and was the nominal leader of the band. The first of the group to start questioning if their attack on the goblin warcamp, or even the racism towards goblins, orcs and other such monstrous humanoids, is really alright.

  • Because Destiny Says So: He is fated to die at the hands of another dwarf. Given he is currently travelling with a Yuan-ti, Kore may be involved.
  • Combat Medic: He is the cleric, after all.
  • Gamer Chick: His player.
  • Luke Nounverber: His name.
  • Mundane Utility: His favorite magic item, the Anymug, is capable of repeatedly producing any mundane room-temperature fluid that can't inherently destroy the acid-vulnerable stone mug (so no liquid nitrogen, acid or magma). However, as he is quick to prove, it becomes Awesome Yet Practical if you're clever enough to see the potential in it—like creating an endless supply of the ultra-flammable fuel "dragon lung" to soak enemies with to burn them alive.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: His reaction when he realises he and his party have basically massacred an innocent band of warriors who want nothing more then to keep their women and children safe. He even races to use his Cure Light Wounds power to prevent Thaco from dying as a result.
  • Running Gag: Tackles Minmax whenever the latter does or is about to do something stupid.

Kin

A yuan-ti who was held prisoner by Dellyn Goblinslayer as his "pet", somewhat accidentally freed by Forgath and Minmax. She continues to accompany them, in part because they have a bargain with her that she will let them use the Jade Teapot she's been sent in search of to find the Goblin Adventuring Party and so they are willing to help her in the Maze of Many.

Seth/Baka

Originally a blatant expy of Drizzt Do'urden, he died when Thaco cut him down to -3 hit points, then left him to bleed out over seven rounds. As Baka, he becomes a human of pseudo-Japanese nature and a member of the Samurai class.

Drasst/Tuck

Like Seth, Drasst was a blatant rip-off of Drizzt, only in his case short and fat, much like a stereotypical hobbit. He cut off the arm of Dies-Horribly, and was then fatally Impaled with Extreme Prejudice by Klik. As Tuck, he becomes an actual halfling, specialising in the usage of a longbow.

Drowbabe/Yodette

Possibly a man roleplaying a female PC, Drowbabe was a voluptuously endowed and spectacularly dimwitted drow sorcerer, who ended up killed by Big-Ears during the attack on the goblin warcamp. As Yodette, is a somewhat less big-breasted and dimwitted human sorcerer.


Other Characters

Dellyn Goblinslayer

I am Dellyn Goblinslayer! Captain of the elite guard and Hero of Brassmoon! There is no way that you can defeat me!

  • Big Bad: Subverted. He clearly thinks he's this. He's wrong. After Thaco defeats him in a humiliating manner and leaves him alive, he is roughed up in a meaningless barfight, but doesn't really die until Kin, one of his victims, finishes him off.
  • Complete Monster
  • Fantastic Racist: His hatred of the 'monster races.'
  • Forest Ranger
  • It's All About Me: The fact that he had a statue of himself put in the center of the city should tell you something.
  • Karmic Death: After a very thorough Humiliation Conga, Dellyn is finally killed by Kin, the monster girl that he spent his spare time raping.
  • Kill It with Fire
  • Luke Nounverber
  • Magitek Hollywood Cyborg: He looks to be a half wood-golem. That is, a human with bits and pieces of a wood golem added to his body to make him stronger.
  • Pet the Dog: He is visibly grief-stricken when he sees Sarral Caine's decapitated corpse. Normally that wouldn't be so much of a Pet the Dog moment except it's the only humanizing moment he has the whole story.
  • Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: What he did to Kin was enough to make Minmax, normally of the type to consider all monsters worth killing for the XP, go ballistic on his ass.
  • Rasputinian Death: Being humiliatingly defeated by his favored enemy,[1] having his Hannibal Lecture turned on its ear, being told by one of his oldest opponents he's Not Worth Killing, and losing an ear right before he loses his position, his pride, and is reduced to an angry drunk. Shortly thereafter Dellyn is thrown through a window, slashed and pummeled, set on fire, beaten over the head with a table, and finally stabbed to death repeatedly.
  • Torture Technician: He sadistically vivisects captured monsters in order to learn their weaknesses.
  • Walking Shirtless Scene

Kore

The mysterious Dwarven Paladin who slays any member of an evil race he encounters... or anyone that he thinks is tainted by contact with a member of an evil race.

  • Advancing Boss of Doom
  • Big Bad: He is thus far the closest thing to a Big Bad for the entire series, dramatically overshadowing even Dellyn Goblinslayer in power and perhaps even cruelty, and a living avatar of everything the Goblin Adventuring Party stands against. He is also the first villain to have killed a main character and member of the G.A.P, namely Chief.
  • Black and White Insanity
  • Bow and Axe in Accord: his preferred tactic seems to be pincushioning foes with his pair of Automatic Crossbows, but he's no slouch in melee and is capable of slicing up any enemy who manages to get close to him.
  • Cold-Blooded Torture: He tortures Chief, using Lay on Hands to keep him alive, to lure the goblin party via his screams.
  • Complete Monster: See here and here to sum it up simply. Note that this is just the climax of his massacre of a whole tavern of relatively peaceful orcs, goblins, ogres and the like.
  • Determinator: Once he has chosen a target, he cannot be stopped. Fusing a rope with his throat is not enough to slay him... not even to significantly slow him down.
  • The Dreaded: Anywhere he goes, his arrival is a major Oh Crap moment for everyone involved. And for good reason.
  • Hypocrite: He calls others evil. In fact, his whole morality runs on a Double Standard.
  • The Faceless: He always wears a half-spherical helmet fully covering his face, save for his beard and one slit for his eye. He takes it off once, but the audience never gets to see his face.
  • Good Wings, Evil Wings: When he finally proves he can cast paladin spells, he displays a very singular Individual Magical Effect (aura) which roughly looks like a pair of angel wings, but they are made from chains of light with the heads of his past victims attached... including one that uncannily resembles the little dwarf child he has slain. Very fitting for someone who is superficially a paladin, but a Complete Monster within.
  • Guns Akimbo: Automatic crossbows akimbo.
  • Implacable Man: No amount of brutal injuries he suffers deters him for long and he can heal them back with his paladin spells anyway. He just seems unstoppable.
  • Kill'Em All: His goal for anything he considers an evil creature.
  • Knight of Cerebus: His entry is pretty much the exact point when Goblins went from a comedic, lighthearted look at goblins to a serious story with an overarching plot.
  • Knight Templar: A particularly brutal version.
    • How brutal and Templarish is he? You know that thing about killing people "tainted" by contact with an evil race? That includes people who were kidnapped by members of said race. And he doesn't even spare kids who fall into their hands.
  • Light Is Not Good
  • Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: He carries on his back a metal shield as big as he is with a slit to see through it, strapped to a mechanism on his armor to deploy it almost instantly in front of him and keep both his hands free to keep shooting.
  • Moral Sociopathy: He genuinely thinks he is doing the morally decent thing, but utter lack of empathy prevents him from being likeable at all.
  • No Cure for Evil: Averted, but it is not a good thing.
  • Obliviously Evil: His goal of eradicating all evil is racist, overly violent, and willfully cruel overall.
  • One Dwarf Army
  • Tautological Templar: He is on a quest to eradicate evil from the world. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care that he's going about it by performing some of the most evil acts seen on-screen, including torturing a helpless opponent so the latter's anguished screams will draw his fleeing companions.
  • The Unfettered: Kore's beliefs aren't currently known to be changeable. And it's probably not a good idea to call him on them.
  • Tin Tyrant: he is completely covered in armor.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Brutally shown.

Not-Walter/ Grinnorarcen

Ha ha! Yeah, right. As if "Walter" would be the name that the ancients gave me before time began! Ha ha! That gag never gets old!

A huge, hulking demon who appears due to an ill-timed request by Forgath and co. for more challenge. By the rules for demons in the Goblins setting, anyone who did know his true name would gain control over him. Minmax tried to guess it and failed (although the demon briefly tricked him into thinking it was "Walter," leading to his common Fan Nickname).

An alternate version of the demon is later seen in the Maze of Many, where an alternate Minmax guessed correctly. He deliberately tells Kin his true name so that she can banish—and therefore free—him.

  • Blood Knight: Both versions of him thus far genuinely expect that our-world Minmax is an opponent worth fighting, with good reason.
  • Healing Factor: Any wounds he receives from a non-holy weapon regenerate within seconds.
  • I Know Your True Name
  • Nothing Personal: He just has to kill anyone his master orders him to kill.
  • Our Demons Are Different: The name thing is explicitly a houserule, not part of the normal D&D rules the setting is based on.
  • Punch Clock Villain: More like a Punch Clock Antagonist (he's still genuinely evil, after all); the alternate version of him outright says he has nothing personal against our Minmax and Forgath, he's just required to kill them because the guy who knows his true name ordered him to.
  • Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies: His initial appearance was based on the 'Grudge Monster' variant of this trope, though the heroes successfully fled.
  1. ↑ For those unfamiliar with Dungeons & Dragons, Rangers get a ton of combat bonuses against their favored enemy type
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