Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be...
Hey guys, guess what! Keep on reading! How is everyone doing? I hope you are all fine. I am not fine, as you can no doubt tell by my hanging from the ceiling fixture. You are the ones who drove me to this. I was doing just fine until you assholes came along. Hope you're happy now that I'm goddamn dead. Signed, the corpse in this room. P.S. Fuck you people!
The world was cruel. We wondered why he felt the need to say goodbye.
—The Singer, Calvin Miller
I tried it five years ago. I was at a neighbor's house and fired a gun at my head. Nothing happened; it seemed empty. I fired it at a wall and put a bullet in it. So a minute later I found some Seconals in a medicine cabinet. I remember watching cartoons and taking the pills one by one. A neighbor lady found me and couldn't wake me up. I couldn't open my eyes or move, but I heard everything. I remember the lady shaking me and saying, "Oh, my God." I remember the ambulance people taking off my clothes and making me throw up. There wasn't any pain. I don't remember having my stomach pumped.
When I woke up it was five days later. A big black lady kept tickling me. "'Bout time you woke up," she said. "I've been tickling you for three days." I thought I was in heaven -- it looked like some place in heaven for the misfits. Turned out I was in the basement of a free clinic, a long room with rows of beds with all kinds of teenagers, pregnant girls, suicides, drug addicts. We walked around in gowns, smoking cigarettes and watching TV. The reason I tried was I was angry at my mother, but when she came in she just said, "Why'd you do this -- to try to get attention?"
Am I glad I was rescued? Oh yeah. I was so glad I didn't die. It made me realize how much I appreciate myself, because I had a glimpse of what I might have lost. I had some friends and I would've missed them. I didn't have to go home after that. They put me in a foster home. The State made me go to a psychiatrist. I never liked the man. I thought he had more problems than I did. I felt drugged and slow for a couple of years. Every now and then I'd take speed to feel normal. Downers still make me feel speedy. If I had a suicidal friend now I'd ask them, "Why don't you have any alternatives? Could it really be so awful?" That's what I say to myself now.
—Reflections
Suicide Notes
All fled, all done, so lift me on the pyre; The feast is over and the lamps expire.
Male, 48: Imagine God playing a dirty trick on me like another lie!!! I've lived 47 years-there aren't 47 days I would live over again if I could avoid it... Will you see Valerie through college-she is the only one about whom I am concerned as this .38 whispers in my ear. Female: Don't let the kids in the bedroom I'm dead. Male, 45: My darling, May her guts rot in hell-I loved her so much. Single male, age 13: I know what I am doing. Annette found out. Ask Cara. I love you all.
—A list of Suicide notes in The Book of Lists
To who it may concern
Though I am about to kick the bucket I am as happy as ever.
I am tired of this life so am going over to see the other side.
Good luck to all.
Benjamin P.
—Suicide Note
What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here.
No more I will pay the bills.
No more I will drive the car.
No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes.
No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before.
This is no way to live.
Either is it any way to die.
Her grub I can not eat.
At night I can not sleep.
I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life.
W.S.
to the undertaker
We have got plenty money to give me a decent burial.
Don't let my wife kid you by saying she has not got any money.
Give this note to the cops.
top
Give me liberty or give me death.
W.S.
—Suicide note (Wife also committed suicide after 2 weeks)
Dear Claudia,
You win, I can't take it any longer, I know you have been waiting for this to happen.
I hope it makes you very happy, this is not an easy thing to do, but I've got to the
point where there is nothing to live for, a little bit of kindness from you would
of made everything so different, but all that ever interested you was the dollar.
It is pretty hard for me to do anything when you are so greedy even with this house
you couldn't even be fair with that, well it's all yours now and you won't have to
see the Lawyer anymore.
I wish you would you give my personal things to Danny, you couldn't get much from
selling them anyway, you still have my insurance, it isn't much but it will be
enough to take care of my debts and still have a few bucks left.
You always told me that I was the one that made Sharon take her life,
in fact you said I killed her, but you know down deep in your heart it was
you that made her do what she did, and now you have two deaths to your credit,
it should make you feel very proud.
Good By Kid
P.S. Disregard all the mean things I've said in this letter,
I have said a lot of things to you I didn't really mean and
I hope you get well and wish you the best of everything.
Cathy — don't come in.
Call your mother, she will know what to do.
Love
Daddy
Cathy don't go in the bedroom.
—Suicide note (Note that the Insurance is void in the case of suicide)
My boss, Kenneth J., seduced me and made me pregnant. He refuses to help me. I had not had intercourse in two years. He says that I will have to suffer through it by myself. Several people know about this -- my doctor, Dr. James R., and Pete M., who works at Willams. Pete and I never had a love affair, although Kenneth would like to drag Pete into it. Also, Dr. Arnold W. knows about it. I have always been such a good girl. Daddy dear — As much as it hurts me, I cannot make it this Friday. I may be in very serious trouble. I have always been a very good person, but it looks like I really got in a mess, through no real fault of my own. I must have been born to suffer. Love - Elizabeth P.S. Call me if you can. When will Sally be back? I may need her desperately.
