Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • In Chapter 5, Madam Pomfrey ranting to Harry after he fought the troll:

"...I don't know what those so-called adults were thinking. You were obviously in shock, a compound fracture sticking out of your arm, bruises all up and down the other side. Do they take you to the infirmary? No, let's hold an inquisition on the spot. Don't mind the people bleeding on the floor."

  • In Chapter 15, Harry's thoughts dreading the possibility of the Malfoys gaining guardianship over him:

"If they give me to the Malfoys I'll just have to Avada Kedavra them on the spot and tell Madam Bones to pick again."

  • In Chapter 17, Ginny gets teased by Fred and George about Harry:

"She wanted to die on the spot when they said she didn't want to have Harry as a 'brother'. She knew very well what they were implying, but she was too young for that and it was horribly embarrassing and HOW COULD THEY SAY THAT IN FRONT OF HIM?"

    • Also in Chapter 17, Harry complements Nevile:

"You know," Harry said, "Muggles who have a gift for growing plants are said to have a 'green thumb'. I think Neville has a 'green thumb' that runs all the way up to his shoulder."
Hermione laughed at this, while the others looked a little confused.

  • Luna's Brutal Honesty about her attraction to Neville is made of this. For example, Luna doesn't understand aerial tag.

Luna: What if I want Neville to catch me?

  • In Chapter 21, Luna gets new wire-frame glasses:

"It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but Madam Pomfrey said that should pass," Hermione reassured her.
"I think they look rather unattractive," Luna said as she fiddled with the string of butterbeer corks around her neck.
"Harry's got glasses and he looks all right," Ginny quickly reassured her.
Luna stared across the table at Ginny, cocking her head. "Harry is a boy. It's all right if he looks unattractive."

  • In Chapter 22, Nevile wants to help Pofessor Sprout with her mandrakes:

"I'll help too, if you want," Luna volunteered.
Neville looked at her, a little surprised.
"If I'm going to tease you, I should also be nice at times. That way you'll be more confused," she explained.
Neville sent Harry a pleading look.

  • In Chapter 25, during a Duelling Association session, Draco taunts Harry by calling McGonnagal an "old hag"... while she is right behind him.
  • From Chapter 27, "This ponce is Voldemort?" What makes this even more hilarious is that it's Ron who says it.
    • Also from Chapter 27, Luna reacting to Harry knowing how to speak Parseltongue:

"Luna looked as though she'd been told the house elves were serving roast beef for supper – mildly interested, but not really surprised."

    • After Harry warns his friends that they might not want to know some things about the future:

Ron, however, had no hesitations. "Do the Cannons ever win the League Cup?" he asked quickly.
"Not even close," Harry answered instantly. He'd been expecting that question.
"Damn..." Ron said in an anguished voice, "I see what you mean now about not wanting to know."

    • Right as Draco is expelled from Hogwarts:

"This is an outrage!" Lucius snarled.
"Yes, it is," Arthur agreed, surprising everyone. "He should be facing trial, not expulsion. Shall I call for the Aurors?" he asked the Headmaster in a firm voice.

  • In Chapter 31, after Harry's interview with Rita Skeeker:

Arthur: That woman was absolutely insatiable with all her questions. I mean, why should she even care if you wear boxers or briefs? You're thirteen years old!

  • From Chapter 34:

Hermione: What if you get struck by lightning?
Ron: Hope the broom doesn't explode between your legs?

  • From Chapter 38, Luna produces a Patronus...in the shape of a duck-billed platypus. When Ron congratulates her on having an imaginary animal for a Patronus, Hermione tells him that no, it's actually a real animal. He doesn't believe a word of it. Luna is completely straight faced, but Harry laughs so hard he almost passes out.
  • In Chapter 44, after the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, Harry explains to McGonagall how he'll sleep with the whole of Gryffindor Tower celebrating:

"Don't worry, I have silencing charms on my bed. Ron and Neville both snore."

    • Also in Chapter 44, Ginny reacting to Harry's bad mood after the private talk with Charlie:

"I think my brother needs a thorough hexing," she declared.
Ron's head jerked up from his focus on his food, frowning.
"Not you, Ron," Ginny said. "Charlie."

Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Harry_Potter_and_the_Nightmares_of_Futures_Past/Funny?oldid=1693117"