Hogwarts Exposed/YMMV

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Accidental Nightmare Fuel: The underage sex and nudism aspects can be deeply unnerving, especially for people with siblings or children around the ages of the characters.
  • Angst? What Angst?: Characters over their rapes or brushes with rape rather quickly. The only one who shows any sign of post-traumatic stress is lectured and guilted by her best friend into going back to nudism and having sex.
  • Audience-Alienating Premise: If you looked at Harry Potter and decided that what this really needs is hamfisted and hypersexualised nudist propaganda with a side order of misogyny and stilted dialogue, Hogwarts Exposed might be for you.
  • Cliché Storm: Hoo, boy
  • Complete Monster: Quite a few.
  • Creator's Pet: Emily gets this a lot.
  • Critical Research Failure: Apparently they don't use the metric system in France, of all places.
  • Designated Hero: Jamie, Emily, Caitlin, Hermione, Sam, Claudia, and Harry Potter himself.
  • Designated Villain: The girls' rivals, especially the two Slytherin rivals who only wanted Emily to be clothed in the dorm.
  • Draco in Leather Pants: Snape, who's friendly, supportive and gets on really well with Harry and Hermione.
  • Freud Was Right: As noted on the main page, the resident Psycho Lesbian gets killed by being impaled on a unicorn horn. May also fall under Unfortunate Implications.
  • Fridge Horror: As noted in Unfortunate Implications below, Roger shows signs in the fic of being a pedophile. When we last hear of him, he has taken up a relationship with Amanda. Amanda, who has just had a baby of her own...
  • Funny Moments: Emily and Caitlin have to give Evan an hour long sex ed talk. His misconceptions are pretty funny, especially when he makes a certain statement.
    • Numerous spitefics, but "Uncle Booboo" takes the cake.
  • Generic Doomsday Villain: We're told that the Great One will usher in a reign of terror worse than Voldemort, but we're never given any evidence that she's either capable of this or evil enough.
  • Glurge: When the fic isn't going into rape, torture, paedophilia and bodily functions, and sometimes even when it is.
  • Harsher in Hindsight: The entire premise, in light of some of the details of this news story.
  • Heartwarming Moments: Hermione adopting Caitlin, full stop.
    • On the other side, some of the Revenge Fics invoke this with Kim, especially in the beginning of Too Exposed when she's in dire need of comfort.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight: Jamie owns a robot unicorn.
    • Catlin dancing with both Matt and Randy. Funny in 2003. Fucking hilarious in 2011, after the Geico "Does It Take Two To Tango?" Ad.
    • The Trust Fall exercise can never be taken seriously after the Tosh.0 "Surprise Trust Fall" bit.
    • Characters are frequently described with adjectives like "glistening" and "dazzling." A few years after it was written, Twilight was released and those descriptions took on whole new connotations.
      • Ron at one point states that he wouldn't have a problem with going nude if he had a build like "a Greek Adonis," a common description in the Twilight series for Edward.
      • If Ron wanted Adonis DNA, there's somebody he could ask...
    • The line "Suddenly Ron was a wolf" is apt to make readers think of Doom: Repercussions of Evil.
    • In one scene, genitalia are referred to as a "you know what".
      • On a similar note, it's hard for anyone who's read My Immortal to take the "perverts taking naked photos" arc seriously.
  • Idiot Plot: Both photo arcs. The first occurred because the girls didn't tell Hermione that her special charm for appearing to be clothed was gone; the second was because Emily posed nude for her Slytherin boyfriend, despite his Obviously Evil brother and including her posing in such ways as leg splits showing the entire world what's between her legs.
  • Mary Sue: A good many:
    • Purity Sue: Hermione, Caitlin, and Jamie, who are all stunningly beautiful and wise beyond their years. Hermione and Caitlin both have non-canon Empathy powers and Jamie actually turns into a Unicorn as her Animagus form. Even Jamie's arch-rival Dick, who tried to kill her earlier in the fic, can't stop drooling over her when he sees her naked.
    • Jerk Sue: Emily. While she doesn't really beat people up, her various pranks on the shy Kim (including tricking Kim into sitting in a position so that an unfamiliar boy can look up her shorts) are very cruel. Her "extreme nudism" is probably also grounds for sexual harassment.
    • Relationship Sue: Sam, for Ron. Alex, Matt, Evan, Randy, Brian, Roger and Tyler for Jamie, Caitlin, Emily, and Kim.
    • Copy Cat Sue: Jamie. She's often described as having Harry's courageous personality as well as his kind heart and Hermione's intelligence and drop-dead good-looks (Though in-canon, Hermione was a When She Smiles type. Also, Jamie's constantly likened, in jest, to have been a "secret love-child" of Hermione's or a kid sister, their looks are so close, to the point of Unfortunate Implications because it's Harry making most of those comparisons). However, she's not as brash or foolhardy as Harry was growing up (her decision to dive into a frozen lake to save a child's doll notwithstanding) nor is she up-front with or arrogant about her intellect as Hermione was (granted, we're told this by the author and not shown, but that's beside the point). In essence, she's got the best of Hermione and Harry without the flaws that allow for character development or interest.
    • Black Hole Sue: Nobody who meets the girls misses an opportunity to gush over how amazing they are and become nudists, and even their enemies have a Perverse Sexual Lust towards them. This often results in highly disturbing semi-rape scenes.
  • Moral Event Horizon: Depending on who you support, either Hooch raping Hermione, and Slytherin ordering the girls killed, or Emily forcing Kim to be nude to fix a vote in Emily's favor, Emily forcibly stripping Kim, or Ron basically being guilted into going into uncomfortable situations that he doesn't want to go in.
    • Rishard giving those potions to the people in the competition. No matter what you think of the the characters, it's pretty hard to wish that on anyone.
  • Narm: The end of Too Exposed Chapter 5. Harry and Hermione are talking about how Draco would have no chance taking Timmy away from Sam and Ron. Cut to Draco's lawyer telling him how good his chances are. One almost expects a laugh track.
  • Nausea Fuel: So very, very much. Keep in mind that for almost all of the rape, sex, and nudism, the girls are about twelve.
  • Ron the Death Eater: Ron starts off as a werewolf who just came out of Azkaban and was dumped by Hermione after he cheated constantly on her. Ginny, meanwhile is a horrible slut who toys with both Snape and Malfoy and ends up teaching the Sex Ed classes. On a more... unique note, Madam Hooch is a child molesting rapist who is working for the evil Emma Wrong.
    • And let's not forget Neville indecently assaulting Hermione.
    • Though Crabbe and Goyle weren't exactly nice in canon, they weren't paedophile rapists like they are in the fic.
  • Double Standard Rape (Female on Female): Emily pressuring Kim to go naked. Often. Despite the fact that she says seven times in one scene alone that she doesn't want to do this. Averted with Hooch's rapes of Caitlin and Hermione, however. So perhaps it's only okay if you're an attractive eleven-year-old girl who happens to be a main character?
  • Sister-Sister Incest: It's very, very difficult not to view the scene in which Emily and Caitlin perform cunnilingus on one another as this, no matter how many times the author says it's non-sexual.
  • Some Anvils Need to Be Dropped: Kim's mini-speech about us taking for granted our senses and not realizing how good we have it.
  • Straw Man Has a Point: The Obviously Evil Dick Bancroft rants about how much of an idiot Jamie was to dive into the frozen lake to rescue a child's toy.
    • In the Hogwarts Too Exposed, Bullchip points out that Harry and Hermione are perverts because they hang out naked with their naked adopted daughters.
    • Apparently we're supposed to think Ron's being a controlling bastard when he says that he believes that Sam and Timmy are being brainwashed into nudism by Emily, Jamie, and Catlin and that they are all to start wearing clothes around the house.
    • Matt asks Caitlin to wear pants. This is portrayed as controlling and evil, but all he wanted her was for her not to be seen as an exhibitionist.
  • Toy Ship: Evan and Caitlin.
  • Unfortunate Implications: Harry's naked tickling sessions with his underage, adopted daughters.
    • Virtually every woman (and girl) in the series wants to see/touch a naked guy, have sex, hear about what it's like to have sex, or be a guy.
      • That the closest thing to a strong, independent woman in Hogwarts Exposed is the main villain is an Unfortunate Implication in itself.
    • When Hermione is pregnant, she is heavily pressured by Caitlin to receive "Hyperempath massages", in which she would massage and rub Hermione's entire body. Hermione, is uncomfortable with this, but Caitlin won't take "no" for an answer. The big reason for these massages? Because she doesn't want Hermione to get wrinkly or saggy or have varicose veins after the pregnancy. When Hermione appeals to Harry to back her up, he doesn't.
    • In what might be a case of Hide Your Lesbians, Caitlin and Emily perform mutual oral sex on each other; Emily can't stop ogling her shy eleven-year-old dormmate Kim, emotionally manipulating her into nudism--or, indeed, forcibly undressing her; and Kim fixates on Jamie's breasts. But, they hasten to reassure the readers, it's okay, because they aren't gay, they're just curious about each other's bodies.
    • Schoolgirl Lesbians Caitlin and Emily. Caitlin often discussed having been sexually abused. They're adopted sisters of fourteen and twelve, respectively.
    • Emily's brief relationship with Roger reads like child grooming. Harry's interactions with his adopted daughters also fall uncomfortably close to that.
    • Despite claiming that Jamie and friends should be treated just like any other person and have their nudism ignored rather than criticized, all she, Emily, and Caitlin (and eventually Harry and Hermione) ever want to talk about is nudity.
    • Before Hermione and Harry meet Sam and learn that "he" is actually a she, they assume that Ron is just in the closet. One of the pieces of evidence Hermione uses to back that conclusion? When they were dating, he didn't pressure her for sex. Hermione also implies that Ron just didn't know he was gay at the time.
    • There are a grand total of five male nudists in the series with any importance and eight females. Of those, two are dead, seven are children, and the others are ignored. The aforementioned seven are constantly played for fanservice.
    • When Hermione gets shot, several characters note how it narrowly missed her "reproductive organs" (which for some reason couldn't have been fixed by healing magic) with a strong implication that this would have been a Fate Worse Than Death, as though women exist only to reproduce. It's made worse by the Double Standard whereby a male character getting castrated is only mentioned in passing.
    • As mentioned above, Emily's scenes stripping Kim are at least sexual harassment if not sexual assault- Kim does NOT want to be naked, and Emily refuses to take no for an answer. The author seems to think this is a good thing.
  • Wall Banger: This series has Wallbangers that are not only contrived and stupid, but also extremely disgusting and disturbing. One nasty example is in the third chapter of Hogwarts Underexposed, when Jamie has been rescued from an extremely horrific abduction and torture session (the results of which are described in almost loving detail by the author). Given all of that, it's quite understandable that Jamie feels uncomfortable being physically affectionate with her steady boyfriend and holding to her nudist lifestyle. And then she's visited by her friend Amanda, who instantly begins to lecture Jamie about how wrong it is that she doesn't want to run around naked and have sex after having been tortured and (implied) raped. She also guilts Jamie by going on about how it's unfair to the boyfriend that she isn't putting out. Oh, and even worse? Amanda herself had been knocked out and nearly raped and had clearly been terrified by the event! And yet she doesn't understand that Jamie needs more than a few days to recover from what happened to her? What? Of course, that's about par for the author's understanding of the mind of a rape victim. An earlier story had a shy eleven year old girl nearly be raped by her father and immediately respond by taking up nudism, losing all previous insecurities she had with being naked in front of others.
    • The sequel (yes, it exists) takes it to the next level with a new first-year at Hogwarts who's Jamie's sister or something like that. On the train ride to Hogwarts, she and Jamie are sharing the cabin with a new first-year and then, for some reason, they wind up stripping themselves while on the ride. This makes the girl uncomfortable. Jamie and her first-year sister then proceed to essentially bully the girl, lecturing her about how society shoves the "wear clothes" practice down your throat and how it bullies everyone into adhering to it. During said lecture, whenever the girl tries to speak up Jamie and her sister proceed to talk her down into silence while continuing their drivel-laden lecture. But there's good new to all this: After reading that shite, this troper was able to watch On Deadly Ground with a new appreciation for just how bad Author Tracts can go...
      • It Gets Worse. The sister, Emily, and the first year, Kim, wind up as Slytherins together. Because of one incident (Kim having to run to the bathroom naked, first thing in the morning, to take a leak), Emily convinces her that she'll have to pretend to be a nudist while in the dorm, which means that the shy Kim is essentially bullied into marching around naked in front of her dorm mates, several of whom are rude and spiteful towards her. Oh, and the entire reason for this charade? Because Kim is trying to hide the fact that she wears Powerpuff Girl underpants. Because clearly there isn't an easier solution than that!
    • And that's to say nothing of the author's depravity, clearly not seeing how disgusting it is that he's putting underage girls through this sort of lifestyle, whether it be their Nymphomaniac lifestyle or whatever. Anyone who pointed this out he insulted and derided as "intolerant."
    • Neville indecently assaulting Hermione in Chapter 12.
  • Wangst: Common:
    • Jamie, Emily, Caitlin, and Hermione discussing nudist "oppression".
    • Every female (and a guy or two) breaks down whenever the plot thickens.
      • Indeed, it would seem breaking down into tears is about the only emotional reaction any of these characters are capable of. As one reviewer put it, "You know your characters are crying too much when you feel the need to lampshade it with "once again"."
  • Woobie: Kim and Ron.
    • Kim is a shy girl with self esteem issues who has an abusive man for a stepfather. On her first day at Hogwarts, she's magically fastened to the ceiling by the school bully and the heroes only let her down after the one takes a minute to stare up her skirt and comment on the pattern of her underpants. She then is pressured by Emily into being a nudist under some of the most convoluted reasoning ever. Oh, and after her stepfather tries to rape her, Emily and Caitlin listen to her repeat the story in rapt interest.
    • Ron is a werewolf, has been to Azkaban, and hooks up with a woman who has no qualms about pressuring him into the nudist lifestyle, while cruelly teasing him about his private bits and his inability to avoid having an erection while she hangs around him naked (and he made it clear that he's very uncomfortable about that last one). Hermione and Harry join in on said teasing, and ultimately ridicule him for asking his wife and son to please wear clothes in public.
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