Brendon: How are ya? Coach McGuirk: What do you mean, "how am I"? Brendon: How's it goin'? Coach McGuirk: Well, I just drank pee. How's it goin' with you?
"The turkey taste like pee now. Everything taste like pee."
In one episode, Jason was acting like a jerkass to Melissa. During the argument, Jason stuttered and Melissa mocks him.
The intervention scene in "Buisness and Pleasure".
"Brendon Small is on drugs!"
The Don't Kill Children Video.
The entirety of History. But especially this gem:
George Washington: There's been a lot of talk about destroying the human race, but have you given any thought about how we're going to do it?
Picaso: I Was thinking we kill them with rocks!
Annie Okaley: Yes Rocks!
George Washington: No!
Annie Okaley: I have collected many rocks!
Picaso: Rocks!
George Washigton: No! No rocks! Geez, where are you guys from?
Linda and Brendon yelling at each other while Linda is giving birth.
From Politics:
Paula: What were you saying?
Brendon: Can we move the flowers?
Paula: No, before that.
Brendon: This meatloaf is dry.
Paula: Before that.
Brendon: This is meatloaf!?
Paula: Before that.
Brendon: This fish is dry.
Coach McGuirk's insomnia in Writer's Block. Particularly this exchange:
Melissa: Did you try just laying on your bed and, you know, having your eyes closed and just relaxing? McGuirk: Well, that's genius, Melissa. Let me write that down. You're saying that all I have to do to fall asleep is to go to sleep! Is that what you're saying Melissa? Good, 'cause it's brilliant. You should write a book! You should give seminars! You'll make millions of dollars! ATTENTION ALL INSOMNIACS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO FALL ASLEEP IS GO TO SLEEP! Melissa (on the verge of tears):...I'm just trying to help. McGuirk: LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN MY LIFE!
The conclusion of Bad Influence, when the entire cast gets fatter and fatter and make fat-related movies such as Three Fat Men and a Fat Baby.
The biggest Non Sequitur Scene in the show occurs in Storm Warning, where Paula describes her idea for a children's book (the adventures of a sparrow and a cockroach) to Walter and Perry. In a completely bizarre moment, both trash the idea violently.
Walter: Sounds trite. Perry: It sounds like it's been done before. Paula: I don't think so. Walter: Lame! Perry: Yeah, double lame-O! Walter: Lame! Perry: Double lame-O donkey bleep!
They both then grab each other with the most bizarre expressions on their face, collapsing out of frame to the car floor laughing maniacally.
In the Season 4 premiere "Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion," Mr. Lynch becomes principal. McGuirk takes full advantage of this by claiming he's Lynch's "best friend" and doing whatever he wants. In one scene he is shown teaching a classroom of children the essentials of alcohol consumption. He is noticeably angered by the lack of reaction he is getting from the children.
McGuirk: Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, throw up quicker.
