John's first fight against a single imp. The best part is that he spends so much time failing that it takes him threenon-consecutiveStrife updates to finish.
Which becomes actually prettysad once you found out how he got there.
After playing "Hot and Cold" (mostly cold, freezing, frozen fucking tundra) with Jade's Memory modus and getting three of the wrong items from her deck, we get this gem:
"Congratulations, you advance your matching skill to the new level: YUKON HERO: LEGACY OF THE FROSTBITE AMPUTEE."
TG: thats what you see / a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together / radially effervescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine / turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong
Made more hilarious by the ending, that being that adiosToreador blocks Dave at the end of that conversation, which is the opposite of how many conversations with the trolls go.
The bit with WV's can town was a command, but AR has a completely random freakout:
> SS: Return to being Hearts Boxcars. Spades Slick cannot return to being Hearts Boxcars because obviously Diamonds Droog is too busy being Clubs Deuce.
Stitch says drop the livestock knob and settle the hell down. He says you do realize C4 is a stable explosive and won't detonate with gunfire, right? You say oh.
This somehow makes it even funnier (the part in question starts around 2:46).
CG: OK IF YOU TALK TO HER AGAIN WHEN SHE TRIES HATCHING MORE PLANS GIVE HER A MESSAGE INTO THE PAST FOR ME. EB: ok. CG: TELL HER TO POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT. CG: ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE.
EB: oh, he said to give you a message... GC: OH >:? EB: he wants you to touch his bone lump or something. GC: WH4T!!! EB: and that he's pretty much basically in love with you. GC: W41T GC: D1D H3 4CTU4LLY S4Y TH4T GC: 1N CONF1D3NC3 EB: yeah, i dunno, pretty much. GC: C4N YOU COPY 3X4CTLY WH4T H3 S41D EB: ohhh no, we're not going down that road!
The term "candle light hate date" pops up again here. Its usage isn't any less humorous.
The last update Andrew did before leaving for a week begins here and ends with, uh, this. But it easily overlaps with Nightmare Fuel and possibly CMOH and/or Tear Jerker, but really it's just such an over the top scene that it's simply incredibly hilarious in spite of all that. What makes it even better is the aforementioned fact that it's the last update in a week. Andrew's comment in the thread:
But I guess all this can be discussed into the ground in the coming week. Over what shall heretofore be known as THE WEEK OF THE GREAT ROBOSMOOCH OF 2010.
Okay, this is Vriska to Tavros, so there's absolutely no way it's anything but subjective, but Vriska's absurd insistence that Tavros apologize for being a cripple leads to this panel:
aG: Say you're sorry for being a cripple! Wheeeeeeee!
GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head AG: No, don't! GA: Im Still Learning The Interface GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment
The narration when Tavros crashes through Vriska's bedroom wall is hilarious.
He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all.
Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?
Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy.
Karkat sets up a bulletin board using Trollian so he can send memos to all the other trolls, but it turns out to be incredibly frustrating and impractical because of weird time shit. When his future self signs in to tell him this is dumb, he bans him. Yes, he bans his future self.
He does it again in his second memo.
CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. CCG: GET TO THE POINT. FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH. CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
And then this happens:
CCG: HOLY HELL. CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING. CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE. CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE. FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG]609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCG: NO YOU WON'T. FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN. FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
FCG closed memo.
Yes. Karkat from the future (Almost a month in the future, actually) banned current Karkat and closed the memo himself.
Basically, the memos in their entirety. All the memos. All of them.
Except for Aradia's memos to her past duplicates, which are more awesome/horrifying.
[S] Make Her Pay qualifies as several Crowning Moments, but it only becomes funny at the very end. Vriska, after getting the Blue Blood beaten out of her by Aradia in revenge, wakes up in Prospit...only to have Terezi smack her upside the head.
The real reason Karkat decided to troll John backwards: He was so embarrassed by inadvertently revealing his hatecrush that he decided he could never again speak to John at a point in the timeline when John would remember it.
Also from the same conversation, Karkat unloading a blistering list of epithets, paragraph long, against his much-despised hatecrush for the first time, only to be completely derailed by John's cheery "hi karkat!" It only gets funnier from there, leading up to the reveal of said hatecrush.
EB: you mean platonic hate?
"HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD."
"See you soon!"
Reexamining the video, John is wearing a spade shirt for most of it. Karkat develops/realizes Kismetic feelings as he watches. Now go to Terezi watching Dave....who has a heart shirt on.
R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN. Just... yeah. Terezi opens the memo to discuss the stupidity of Karkat's plan to troll the humans and it only gets better from there. Karkat from closer and closer in the past keeps on interrupting until he comes over and starts messing with Terezi's keypad. They ban and unban and reban each other until finally at the end:
FGC: 1 JUST THOUGHT 1 WOULD 4DD ON3 L4ST R3M4RK TO TH1S S1LL1N3SS FGC: 4 R3M4RK OF R34SSUR4NC3! CGC: OHH >:? FGC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD TROLL TH3 HUM4NS FGC: 1T W1LL B3 FUN >:]
Following the vein of cultural confusion over pails/buckets, Kanaya is so perturbed when a bucket falls on Rose's head that she covers her monitor in shame.
Later, it explodes. It simply cannot take this much horseshit.
Way back when, Rose and Kanaya talked about a conversation that Kanaya supposedly edited. We finally see it, and Kanaya has edited it. In Her Own Way Of Typing.
TT: that's me! i am the rose human. look at me, i am so smart with all these snooty words and complicated things to say.
TT: i am the queen of books.
TT: I Am Also Infuriatingly Aloof
TT: And Difficult To Engage With
TT: When Maybe All The Other Person Wants To Do Is Maybe To Try To Be My Friend
For those people who ordered a Troll shirt, it comes with some wise words from Tavros:
AT: uHH, dON'T gET iN tHE rECUPERACOON, wHILE wEARING tHIS [sHIRT], sO yOU wON'T hAVE tO, uHH, cHANGE,[1]
Mine had some from Aradia:
AA: i'm 0k with this shirt. maybe y0u are t00. 0r n0t. i'm 0kay with either possibility
Mine was from Terezi:
GC:TH1S SH1RT SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS, BUT DONT COUNT ON 1T TO M4SK TH3 PUTR1D ST3NCH OF YOUR D3C31T FROM TH3 PROS3CUT1ON, H3H3H3H3H3 >:]
I ordered the God Tier!John one:
EB: well... i guess you probably can't do the windy thing, bit that's ok! you can be my trusty sidekick. i'll handle all the windy stuff.
—Actually it said the all windy stuff. which makes things even funnier in my book.
I got a Hero of Mind God Tier hoodie. My message was from Vriska:
Hahahaha. You think you have what it takes to wear this???????? Don't you know you have to 8e strong and 8rave to wear this and not 8e an em8arrassment to yourself????????
I got the same message with the Hero of Space God Tier Tee. Not fully sure why.
EB: excuse me, but spending just a little quality time with my man bill here is not a w8stey w8ste at all. EB: no amount of 8's in words will make that true.
Fans of Homestuck had wanted to see a full Hero Mode Gamzee and but the closest they get is this. Andrew Hussie in reaction to fans posted this on his forum.
This update. You have to laugh at how such a simple phrase, such as, "I will make them pay" (for telling a minor "sekret") is so unbelievably bone chillingly scary when coming from Vriska.
What makes this one great? You can tell that finally, Karkat isn't just being crabby and running all caps just out of habit. No, for the larger portion of the memo, you can clearly picture him abso-fucking-lutely furious for so many reasons.
Dave's reaction right after Karkat's opening speech
CTG: ok later windbag ?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF ?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us CTG: and thats saying something ?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
(...) CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now CTG: no peeking k
Then you have Dave and John talking about how some of the Troll girls may like them
CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do... ?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE????? CTG: doesnt concern you dude
CTG: is that how it went down ?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS ?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU) CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you ?CG: FUCK OFF. CTG: haha wow bingo
Because Dave is completely and totally correct.
Karkat's reaction to finding a bucket in Alterniabound. (It's in the room where you see Karkat's reaction to creating himself and the others.)
Speaking of which... Karkat's reaction to creating himself and the others.
Much of Alterniabound is hilarious, especially Tavros disregarding Equius' warnings about stairs and pretty much all of Karkat's conversations with the other trolls, particularly Nepeta, Equius, and Gamzee.
Equius needs his own mention.
Equius: D --> Is this where we embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros"
VRISKA: Karkat! Man, you were out for a long time. I have made so many plans for these humans while you were asleep. Do you know how many plans have 8een made? KARKAT: PROBABLY ALL OF THEM, EVEN THOUGH PLANS AREN'T AN EXHAUSTIVELY QUANTIFIABLE THING AND WE BOTH FUCKING KNOW THAT. VRISKA: Yes! Aaaaaaaall of them. So many irons too. Guess where the irons are! KARKAT: PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE, PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE... VRISKA: They are........ VRISKA: IN VRISKA: THE VRISKA: FIIIIIIIIRE!!!!!!!! ::::) KARKAT: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
"You cannot be Future Aradia because in the future, Future Aradia has exploded!"
It's even better in hindsight when the explosion's cause is revealed... and turns out to be a good thing.
Gamzee's dancing.
The "meal" Nannaquin made for John, and his reaction.
TT: Consider this your first lesson in showmanship.
[[color:#a10000:AA: maybe if i behave in a manner s0 rand0m
AA: parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it!
AA: blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+
AA: didnt see that 0ne c0ming did y0u pspace??? + ?*rand(413^612)
AA: oh look and now i suddenly refuse to type zeroes in my sentences
AA: isnt that crazy! who thought that was even a possibility
AA: bslick never would have imagined THAT little vestibule of probability was tucked somewhere in his huge glistening blow sack
AA: ribbit ribbit ribbit
AA: WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT
AA: I JUST CONTROLLED THE RIBBITS AND I DID IT DELIBERATELY]]
TG: im not that strong ok TG: just cause i broke a cheap ass sword doesnt make me the fucking hulk CT: D --> Oh TG: what did you go around breaking a bunch of swords too CT: D --> No CT: D --> Bows TG: how the fuck do you even wield a broken bow TG: did you go around clubbing shit with the two halves CT: D --> Yes CT: D --> Sometimes
TG: basically robots are in control now TG: which is good news and bad news TG: the bad news is theyre all pornbots and theyve got LOADS of provocative material theyre just dying to share with us GG: whats the good news? TG: thats also the good news
And at the end of it all, the Readers/command-givers put unnecessary pressure on her to alchemize stuff, leading to this.
And she's...completely fine with it. She acts very understanding of Tavros and his cultural misunderstanding. She's not angry or even mournful. In fact she's grateful that he saved her life. Then they bond over the loss of their respective guardian figures at the hands of Tavros. Sure she was freaked out for awhile, thinking the Blue Haired Dummy did it, then thought it was suicide, and would have liked it if he had told her what had happened, but all in all takes it very well.
Then it turnshilariousagain when Vriska shares her two boondollars with Tavros regarding the whole thing.
One of the salamander's reactions to getting 1000 boondollars from John for a "rumpled head object."
Salamander: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god Salamander:(faster) THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE MY NEW RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT, AND I LOVE YOU. (salamander is now fast it's practically seizing with glee)
Not to mention the haberdasher selling them—they're unsightly, too! The list includes: Rumpled Head Object, Even Rumplier Head Object, and lastly, The Rumpliest Head Object Of All.
Another one by Terezi and Dave:
GC:oops red is how i talk, my bad GC:OH MY GOD... GC:D4V3 TH1S 1S SO D3C4D3NT GC:WHY D1DNT YOU 3V3R T3LL M3 HOW 4M4Z1NG 1T 1S TO TYP3 L1K3 TH1S GC:1 4LMOST C4NT H4NDL3 1T >:o TG: ok stop that shit is probably like crack to you TG: im not going to stand by and watch you fall prey to your own wild cherry apeshit apocalypse GC: OK >:[
The text underneath the image only enhances the inherent hilarity of the image:
Karkat cannot be conveyed with a more detailed portrait yet. He is too angry, and is forced to look like shit. Maybe later if he can manage to calm down.
From [S] Wake, when Tavros confronts Vriska, she gives him the same thumbs-down Bro gave Dave. Tavros responds by holding up the severed head of one of his host plushes and making the neck-slashing gesture Dave made. Vriska responds by waving around his severed legs, making the same gesture at her waist.
The crazy look on her face was just priceless.
Bec Noir nonchalantly kicking Dream!Nepeta over was surprisingly slapstick-y for an otherwise depressing event. This troper blames the accompanying sound effect. DOOF.
Likewise when Vriska slaps Tavros. It's in the same art style as the ROBO-SLAP. Of course the funny stopped when she impaled him.
We finally learn what Eridan's planet was, and more to the point that he spent most of the game genociding the angels which lived there. They may have been his consorts. Nobody would visit his world nor would he leave since nobody would take up killing duty in his place. Oh, and they're tough enough to take sustained fire from a legendary weapon. It's even funnier when Karkat tries to explain how he screwed up and Eridan doesn't get it.
The comic takes a sudden turn to the grimdark, but veers out again when we see Karkat's reaction to what just happened.
Especially funny because it's almost a meta joke - that's basically everyone's reaction.
The stuff in Dad's wallet modus is hilarious. In addition to the literal ton of shaving cream, Dad had also stored away ten tons of pipe tobacco, the tickets to Cirque Du Soleil (presumably from that visit that banned), and a spare car. In his wallet.
Followed swiftly by John's thoughts on his fathers interest in Mr. Foxworthy:
Those redneck jokes were so corny and stupid. You secretly suspected your father was mostly arrested by the man's mustache. Maybe he fantasized about shaving the man's Egregious furry lip? This seems like a reasonable theory to you.
Every talk between Nepeta and Equius in this flash. Especially the roleplay.
They don't just roleplay, they roleplay as each other. Nepeta's imitation of Equius is particularly hilarious, especially with the shades.
NEPETA: :33 < D--> *STRONG EQUIUS NO LIKE HISS-POOR ATTEMPT AT ROLEPLAY, ALSO DISAPROVES OF MISSED OPPURRTUNITY TO SPELL AMUSEMENT AS AMEWSMENT* EQUIUS: D--> That's not how I talk.
(...) EQUIUS: D--> *The e%posed belly commands to be scratched* EQUIUS: D--> *It commands it, do as it says*
Then Jack killed them all 8ut one. Then she 8lew up. Oh, and she also had that exact 8izarre laptop you are using right now. How weird is that?
Dave: Resist great urge to play Bro's Xbox. As usual, you fail to resist the urge. You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for OH GOD DAMMIT.
TG: so aradia just so were clear TG: this is like a hellbubble right TG: its my eternal punishment to have shitty rapoffs with this tool forever is that it AA: yes you figured out the mystery! TG: i guess i had it coming for a flagrant lifetime spent being unbelievably fucking incredible at rap and just about practically everything else TG: except not dying
Just before that:
AT: cERTAIN FEATURES OF YOUR PALE ANATOMY MAY SERVE AS THE MARSH MALLOW INGREDIENT, nEEDED FOR THE MOLTEN SNACK,
Vriska, Eridan, and Gamzee appear to be facing off in what is sure to be an epic (or horribly-one-sided) battle. Kanaya, now revived, also shows up, and it's the first time anyone has seen her since she died. What happens next? Kanaya, now glowing, rushes over and kicks Gamzee in the crotch bone bulge, sending himover the cliff.
You forgot the best part: hooooooooooooooooooooonk
Vriska has just seen rainbow drinker Kanaya punt Gamzee off a cliff, chainsaw Eridan in half, and punch her so hard her eyes cross. Her reaction? <33333333. Jegus, girl.
"He says, you mean the very same droll who couldn't manage the one simple task assigned to him, to steal the White Queen's ring from the very same adoring, wonderful girl and master and friend in question? Wait. He says he just means girl. Just girl. You didn't hear any of that. You don't say anything."
Aradia's conversation with a dead Aradiabot and an unconscious Sollux.
TA: 0_0
TA: FUCK, i cann0t BELIEVE i just made that face.
AA: hahahahaha!
AA: hahahahaha!
AA: just as if you stay in one place for too long the geometry of space surrounding you will become unreliable
AA: you may swat the air to your left and discover you have just slapped yourself!
AA: yes sollux that would probably be pretty weird
Doc Scratch attempting to be civil to Spades Slick. While Slick is clubbing his enormous white head with his trademark horse hitcher.
[You're not going to stop, are you. It will be very difficult to discuss our points of mutual interest like this. I was prepared to go about it in a civilized way, even though I knew very well I would spend the first several minutes of our meeting sitting on the floor while being flogged. I have even prepared a bowl of candy for you, which I know you will enjoy. Courtesy is important, Jack. Do you have anything at all to say? Any form of communication you care to attempt beyond the sound iron makes against my head repeatedly?
No, of course not.]
And let's not forget evidence that he really was synthesized from Lil' Cal.:
[There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures. In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.]
TT: Oh my god.
The conversation getsbetter. When he refers to the White King, the Homestuck reader knows he means the fifth exile, but Rose hearing it from a guy made completely of white means something creepilyunsettling.
Even though [S] Seer: Descend is generally sad and a bit frightening, it still has its light moments, like when Rose meets up with John, signalling the first meeting between the children. John can't understand a thing Rose is saying because she's speaking like an Eldritch Abomination, and when Rose tries to tell John that his dad is dead, John asks if he's in trouble. Rose responds by pulling her velvet pillow out of nowhere[4] and yelling her frustration into it.
But the background image of a certain Mr. Cage for Vriska's confirmed death, despite being a Level Breaker, is a funny Level Breaker.
Doc Scratch can tolerate almost anything. Just don't messwithhisclock.
And then, after a resounding "DOOF." of Slick on the next roof, Doc Scratch delivers the conclusion of his lecture to him (Starting here.) Slick is told to use Scratch's deudly firearms.
CG: I'VE TRIED TO TELL HER THAT HER SPRITE SELF IS PROBABLY NOWHERE NEAR AS DESPICABLE AS SHE'S MAKING OUT WITH HERSELF TO BE.
CG: I MEAN
CG: MAKING HERSELF OUT TO BE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
and shortly after:
CG: LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING
CG: WE'VE ALL GOT FLAWS, EVEN HER
CG: AND FOR ALL THE SHIT SHE'S GIVEN ME ON THIS VERY SUBJECT, SHE KEEPS HERSELF DANGLING FROM A VERY HIGH HOOK.
CG: SHE'D BE DOING ME A MAJOR PERSONAL SOLID BY MAKING AT LEAST SOME ATTEMPT TO GET HERSELF OFF.
CG: WAIT
CG: FUCK
CG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY
EB: wow.
CG: I MEANT LET HERSELF OFF.
CG: THE HOOK. THE FUCKING HOOK, IT'S A FIGURE OF GODDAMN SPEECH.
EB: /raises eyebrows
CG: PUT THOSE THE BACK DOWN, BEFORE MY HOT ACID RAGEBREATH BURNS THEM OFF YOUR IDIOTIC FACE.
EB: ok, i am putting them back down as not suggestively as possible.
CG: WHAT WERE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT, IT WASN'T THIS, WHATEVER THIS IS.
EB: what is what this is?
CG: IT'S NOTHING, YOU SHIT. IT HAS BEEN THE CONVERSATIONAL EQUIVALENT OF US WHISTLING THROUGH OUR SNORT BARRELS WHILE TOUCHING EACH OTHER INAPPROPRIATELY.
EB: was...
EB: was that another weird erotic slip of the tongue?
CG: NO, THAT WAS ME BEING WORKED UP INTO THIS RIDICULOUS FUCKING CONNIPTION AND SAYING SOMETHING INFLAMMATORY, GOD. HOW DOES THAT NOT BE CLEAR BY NOW???
While the big multi-story flash from 07/02/11 is mostly Heartwarming Moments and tear jerkers, one segments stands out for being funny as balls: the Liv Tyler and Courtyard Droll Chase Hour! Guest featuring WV.
Dave and Rose's increasingly inaccurate sports metaphors in the 07/14/11 update.
Was anyone else hearing Tim and Eric's 'SPORTS!' song playing in their head as they read that?
Before all of the unpleasantness on the asteroid happened, Jade gave Karkat a mildly self-deprecating phrase to use as their chat password. Karkat...blows it a little out of proportion.
CG: LET'S SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER, IT WAS PRETTY ELABORATE IF I RECALL, OK HERE GOES.
CG: I'M A DISGUSTING WORTHLESS BILGESACK ON THE GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST. MY SELF ESTEEM IS SO SMALL, ITS EXISTENCE IS A MATTER OF CONJECTURE AMONG THEORETICAL PHYSICISTS. I SMELL SO BAD, THE STENCH CANNOT BE EXPRESSED WITH EVEN THE MOST ELOQUENT, FLORID LANGUAGE. THE ODOR MY BODY MAKES HAS MADE POETS CRY. I HAVE WON SPECIAL AWARDS FOR DISCOVERING NEW PLACES TO TOUCH MYSELF EROTICALLY WHILE FARTING. I UNFAIRLY PULVERIZE THE COMPETITION IN ASSHOLE PAGEANTS, AND I HAVE RECEIVED A LIFETIME BAN FROM UGLY CONTESTS BY PRESIDENT SHITFACE HIMSELF. MY BLOOD IS NOT FIT TO FLOW THROUGH A SEWER, AND MY SIGN IS A PICTOGRAPHIC SYMBOL THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES AS "PLEASE HIKE THESE PANTS UP TO THIS GUY'S ARMPITS, CHAIN HIM TO A FLOGGING JUT, AND MAKE A FUCKING EXAMPLE OUT OF THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT." WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR, MY REFLECTION SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD WHILE I WET MYSELF IN SHAME.
Jade wapping Bec Noir upside the head with a newspaper.
Gamzee admitting to wanting to make out with Tavros. It comes almost entirely out of left field and Tavros is completely dumbfounded about it.
Gamzee referring to a light that makes him wince. If only he knew.
The rapping beforehand is also pretty hilarious.
AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES,
Despite being a gigantic Tear Jerker for Karkat, the 8/2/11 updates manage to be tragically absurd.
Hussie in Alt Text: Ah-ha! Caught red-handed you bastard. You stop clogging up my story with your troll fanfiction this instaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
AH's monologue as he sneaks up on Scratch is pretty amusing as well.
My heartbeat falls in rhythm with the clock as I draw close to my prey. I leave nothing to chance, for you see it is the most dangerous prey of all, a four foot tall asshole in suspenders who wont shut up. Wait for it, Hussie. Wait for it...
In fact, let's just say all the Alt Text is hilarious.
Everybody is totally fed up with your condescending, self indulgent narrative style. They all want to go back to my slightly less condescending, slightly more self indulgent style.
See? Even that little girl has had enough of your shit. Run, Aradia's ancestor! Run!!!! You have locked up your last asian schoolgirl, you sick fuck.
Oh don't you flop around at me like that. Are you listening little man?!
And sure enough, all that flopping around gave a couple of people an idea...
And then Hussie made that pic his Twitter feed background.
Shooooooooooooosh. *pap pap*
In the flash beforehand, everyone in the vicinity 'fills a quadrant' with Gamzee, but gets stopped by Karkat. Kanaya attempts to ashen-mediate between Karkat and Gamzee, Terezi tries to go caliginous for him, and Karkat is later revealed to be pale with Gamzee, which leaves Sollux as flushed. Instead, he has mixed flushed/caliginous feelings, and starts yelling at what he thinks is Gamzee... but is facing the wrong way, and is yelling at Li'l Cal instead. It's hilarious.
Speaking of the Act 5 Flash, there's one short moment with Terezi pointing up at the Green Sun, and Karkat grabbing her arm and pointing her in the right direction.
Shortly before that, when Karkat is cut off from Jade due to The Scratch, you can see Gamzee waving while everyone else is a safe distance away from him while Kanaya eyes Gamzee suspiciously.
If you look really closely, it looks more like he's flipping her off, not waving.
"Earlier this morning you thought you heard the mail truck, even though the mail never comes in the morning. But just to be sure, you rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, you are FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE. Alas, it was not there, and you sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on your face for no great reason"
We did see the part where she stared up at the sky.
Also, Fridge Brilliance, considering Jake just killed Tavros' guardian. (Or at least one of the same species.)
Meta example: go to the Betty Crocker Wikipedia page. Scroll down to 'in popular culture.' Suddenly realise how utterly absurd Homestuck truly is.
Saved due to it constantly being removed:
A fictionalized version, of the Betty Crocker character, is a supporting character in the webcomic Homestuck, wherein she is sometimes referred to as the "Batter Witch". This portrayal is married to a fictionalized version of Mark Twain in the early 20th century. It is strongly implied that she's a malevolent, nigh-immortal alien from another universe, and is using her corporate empire to control the population, and to bring about the ruin of this universe.
Strider's touching and entirely disturbing monologue about the power of his puppetry.
TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.
GG: Oh yes?
GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?
TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.
TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.
TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.
TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.
TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.
TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.
TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.
TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.
TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.
John writes a letter to his friends on the back of a poster, but feels it shouldn't just be crumpled up and tossed. So what do they do? Use a bucket to hold the letter, only to realize at literally the last second that trolls hate buckets "for some reason". Hilarity Ensues, along with a return of a certain famous expressionon Karkat's face.
Karkat jokingly freaks out at the possibility of having his eyes burned out by the Green Sun and asks if "one of you awesome dudes has a radical pair of shades I can borrow?" Kanayaobliges.[5]
All of the dialogue with the kids and the trolls in front of the green sun, but the end of Rose's exposition is especially hilarious.
ROSE: Don't be ridiculous. It won't take nearly that long.
KARKAT: OH
ROSE: It'll only take about three years.
KARKAT: OK
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT SO BAD I GUESS.
KARKAT: WAIT, HOW LONG ARE YEARS SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?
Rose talking to Dave about Maple hoof at the end of this conversation.
ROSE: Was that the one you mentioned had a pink heart on it?
DAVE: yeah
ROSE: Hmm.
DAVE: what
ROSE: It's just that with the clarity afforded by my new abilities, it occurred to me just now that dead horse was likely the beautiful pet pony my mother gave me recently.
ROSE: It was crushed to death by your newborn ass.
ROSE: You bastard.
This troper busted out laughing and doubled over at that line.
And immediately before that:
KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW EVERY NOW AND THEN YOUR LUSUS WILL BRING SOME RANDOM ASS DEAD ANIMAL BACK TO YOUR HIVE FOR NO FUCKING REASON
KARKAT: AND THEY DON'T EVER STOP DOING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL
KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
DAVE: not really
DAVE: oh wait
DAVE: against all odds i sorta do
The entirety of the "first contact" between the two humans and the surviving trolls is almost nothing but laughs, but Terezi's sheer embarrassment over the whole thing is hilarious.
The letter that John places inside said bucket also qualifies; he's unaware of the fact that trolls reproduce by depositing their genetic material in buckets, and that as a result trolls consider buckets obscene. In that light, the fact that he opens the letter with "it is john, jade, and dave sprite. we all contributed to the contents of this bucket!" is nothing short of hilarious. As a whole, the letter is basically worded as awkwardly as possible.
Davesprite insisting on defiling the poster John writes the letter on. When John doesn't let him, Davesprite acts as if he's being denied something that's rightfully his. And then he draws on it anyway with sprite powers.
After weeks about wondering about the other three letters in Roxy Lalonde and Dirk Strider's first names, we finally get some more information. Specifically, we know one more letter: their names are Roxy Lalonde and Dirk Strider. Teasing Creator at its finest.
And just when we're about to find out Lalonde's name... a cat's tail is covering the last two letters. HUSSIEEEE!
And again with Dirk's name and a miniature Maplehoof. Hussie has all the Trolling Creator credentials down. All of them!
The version of Detective Pony edited by D. Strider, starting here
You're cool with dabbling in the FINE SEQUENTIAL ARTS, and your work could be viewed by some as BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC. And to those philistines you'll be heard wondering, what the fuck do you mean BORDERLINE?
TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass
also
TG: jane i am afraid
TG: that ur bottom
TG: is a stubborn clam
TG: guarding priceless treasure
TG: and a deadly secret
An incredible portion of [S] Prince of Heart: Rise up. It is filled with Call Back power, from a very large number of pages, often with humorous twists: at one point, Jake taunts Robo-Dirk... only to get five thumbs down, a la [S] Dave: Abscond. The look on Jake's face is priceless.
Jake's Eye Glasses flying off. True to the trope, he has no eyes underneath (but he's not Blind Without'Em as badly as Velma, effortlessly picking them up off the ground).
After finishing his conversation with future Karkat, Karkat proceeds to respond to the memo that he had created ten minutes ago because he wants to antagonize a version of himself that's 10 minutes away. What really hammers it in is the chat bubble above his head, which shows Karkat yelling at Karkat, whos yelling at karkat, who's yelling at Karkat...
It's not just Rose's utterly hilarious expression that does it, but the fact that she grabs the book and runs away without moving her arms or legs at all.
It gets even funnier when you think about it: Karkat doesn't even really react or yell at her for it other than just stare at her. That means he's used to it because SHE'S DONE IT BEFORE.
You cannot beat Strider in a counter-troll-off. HE IS SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS!
This is eventually followed by Kanaya silently and wordlessly wondering about their desperate need for an auspistice, and, presumably, the fact that it will almost inevitably be her, with a confused "what the hell" expression on her face.
Karkat getting wrapped in Dave's cape, forcing Dave to suplex him in an attempt to get free.
John's face getting trampled by Dream Roxy. Bonus points because it calls back to Karkat getting hit in the face by a bucket AND Jake's dreambubble meeting.
It then results in the Running Gag where it zooms in to heart emotes or similar next to a character's face. It happens to John here, only because of his Celibate Hero status it's... him making a silly face.
Hussie saves Spades Slick from Lord English...by hurling him off a balcony, on top of what is apparently a very, very tall building.
TT: He and I are linked the hell up cyberwise. We are so tight. Tight like you wouldn't believe.
GG: Oh yeah?
TT: It's like he is the Incredible Hulk's pants, and I am his monstrous package yearning to bust loose.
GG: Blehhhh, why??
TT: Jane.
TT: It seems there is a way bigger than average probability that you do not want to discuss Bruce Banner's megalithic gamma schlong.
Jane's possible responses for meeting Gamzee(?) and being asked if she would like for him to be her guide are "No" and "Fuck no." Even Jane, who's never met him before, already knows he's trouble.
GT: Pardon me but do i SOUND like some trollycar bellwether toiling in the heart of the mustache belt from the ruff n tumble year of nineteen aught nine???
TT: Either you get your shit together and put the moves on this dead space vixen or I start fucking with your cortex and make you pop a dream boner.
GT: NO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME A BONER DIRK!!!
TT: Sorry Jake. The plan's in motion.
TT: Next stop, Boner City.
GT: SO THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG???
GT: TO GIVE ME A BONER???
TT: And you
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: Got one.
GT: YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
The entire conversation between Dirk and Jake is made more hilarious with the reveal that "Dirk" is just a figment dreamed up by Jake. Jake is having an argument with himself. And losing. Badly.
Not to mention that it seems he's having said argument in front of Aranea.
CD's attempt at sending Jack help along with the message, "You're welcome." With a picture of him winking.
The Running Gag of Jack killing the guards making his own escape harder.
That is not how you convince someone to do something. You're supposed to save the stabbing until AFTER you intimidate him into doing what you want! How exactly is a dead guy supposed to pick up some keys for you?!
Being the other guy, who happens to be a sentry Jack just killed, which acts as a Relax-O-Vision from Jack fighting a regulator lug.
Hussie getting laid out by Vriska in the exact same way that Kanaya did to her (also the first time we see the Huss of Lips actually have lips.)
Jane's Dad has officially gone overboard with the notes.
uu has Dirk draw him some porn. It is much funnier than anyone could expect. After two pages of "porn" so tame and non-sexual you could print it on a cereal box, we get:
Dirk is clearly not enjoying this. It's even funnier due to these events being contrasted to his epic battle against an army of robots in his relative future.
From the expression, he looks bored, making it even more amusing. He clearly would be happier if he was allowed to get into deeper territory.
Aranea is utterly enraged by the above event, and sarcastically gives Better Than It Sounds summaries of the lives of all the A2 Ancestors. Ampora and Makara's really stand out though:
ARANEA: Ampora was a pirate. No8ody liked him. He killed a lot of people, 8ut was later executed 8ecause he was una8le to tell a funny joke. What else needs to 8e said? That's right. Nothing.
ARANEA: Makara was the guy who didn't like his joke. He was terri8le and so is his story. Period.
Not long after Alternia was released, Andrew announced that another album was already in the works. What did it turn out to be? A Squiddles album!
In somewhat of a meta-example, a fan on the forums by the name of Lotus wrote a 15 pageresearch paper on the ship teasing between John and Rose. The panel immediately after this featured a lotus in the book Rose was reading, before proceeding to be a ridiculously ship teasing conversation.
The reference to lotus is to the ring of Skaia shown here, a few panels before that, which was the immediately subsequent panel to the release of the paper. The conversation was continued immediately as well (as Andrew often updates with several panels at once).
In the anticipation of the EOA5 Flash, Michael Bowman of the music team gives us a little preview...
The End of Act 5 Flash was hosted on Newgrounds. Soon after it went up, the entire site crashed due to the sheer amount of traffic. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
To give an idea as to exactly what "soon" means in this context, using time codes on forum posts, this Troper figured out that Newgrounds went down in about 3 minutes. From EoA5 posting to Newgrounds' demise.
andrewhussie: Assuming he makes it that far. Do Hollywood superstars even have that kind of time??
andrewhussie: I have to make sure I don't scare him off or anything. Do NOT fuck this up Hussie. Pull it together. There is a lot riding on this.
andrewhussie: And just like that, I have already gone too far. [1]
Hell, Dante's liveblog alone is filled with crowning moments of funny as he reminds us all of precisely how confusing the first few acts are, which combined with the undoubtedly strange feeling of thousands of people egging you on and encouraging you leaves him hilarious nonplussed about the entire thing.
And yes, I saw the “Hello Dante”… I greeted him on twitter… I have to admit, that’s pretty dope. I wonder if he makes this first part so hard to get as an obstacle for those not worthy to get the story… a somewhat right (sic) of passage… maybe I’m just rambling and have no idea what I’m talking about… Back to reading.
While we're looking at Tumblr, you should also check out What the Fuck is Homestuck, where one girl chronicles her reactions right throughout the entirety of the comic, only catching up early into Act 6. She loves using a copious amount of gifs from all sorts of sources, especially when she overexcited.
It's especially funny from the perspective of one who's read the comic: right from meeting him, she hates Gamzee, which just makes her reaction to his freakout in Act 5 Act 2 a hilarious Foregone Conclusion.
Not to mention her reaction to finding out her starsign is Capricorn, as well.
WtFiH: Correct! My star sign is Capricorn! However, Gamzee is- what- wait... oh, oh FUCK ME.
Another meta example: this article about the Juggalos had someone comment in character as Gamzee (find it near the top of the third page of comments). Then, Karkat showed up. Then Nepeta joined in on the commenting, followed by Kanaya.
![[1]](http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/hellodante.gif\){kind=link}