How to Be Badass
| How-To Guide |
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Out to be Badass, are you? Well, it's not as easy as it looks. Honestly, it's really not. But it is fun.
- Get a trenchcoat, or any other long coat that billows in the wind.
- Learn to control the wind at least well enough to get it to blow your coat around. Failing that, always appear on windy days or get a portable fan.
- Be as cool as possible. As a matter of fact, be cooler than humanly possible. And then some.
- Don't let anything faze you. Especially not multiple fatal injuries.
- Don't feel any pain from being set on fire. If you do feel pain, you're not trying hard enough.
- Learn to be angsty. You don't have to be angsty (see point 16), just make sure you know how.
- Minor in asskicking.
- Stop shaving.
- Come up with an awesome motto or vow to recite in dramatic situations.
- Be friendly and cheerful during your off-time. This one's strictly optional, of course, but it has the added bonus of making everything you do when it's not your off-time look twice as awesome.
- Try not to get kidnapped at all. Learn escape skills so when you get kidnapped, it's so you can show off your awesome escape skills.
- In case of escape skills being disabled, then fine. However, when you are rescued, get back at those kidnappers and own them awesomely, so you don't look like you've been reduced to a Dude in Distress or Damsel.
- Learn to think on your feet. When your enemy dies in a particularly noteworthy manner it is your obligation to make a witty quip that suits the situation. Puns are not only allowed, they're near-mandatory.
- Always keep your wits about you.
- There's still no such thing as overkill.
- There is a fine limit to how much angst you're allowed to indulge in while remaining badass. Nothing below the death of your Love Interest should faze you.
- Be born on Earth. Or be part of an alien/fantastic race with natural, amazing metahuman abilities.
- Just be yourself.