If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her.../Playing With

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Basic Trope: A family member threatens the suitor of a relative, conditional on if the suitor hurts the relative.

  • Straight: Bob is about to marry Alice. Her brother, Charlie, walks up to Bob on the eve of the wedding and tells him that if he ever harms her in any way, he'll kick Bob's ass.
  • Exaggerated: Bob glances at Alice, and Charlie delivers his ultimatum.
    • Bob makes goo-goo eyes at Alice, and Charile begins to kick the living shit out of him.
    • Charile makes ridiculous threats to Bob if he should even hold her hand.
  • Justified: Alice's previous boyfriend left her, which caused her a great deal of trauma. Charlie knows this and wants her to avoid it.
  • Inverted: Bob leaves Alice at the altar...and Charlie gives him a high five.
    • Roberta is marrying Alfred. His sister Charlotte tells her that if Al ever comes to harm, she'll kick Roberta's ass.
    • Charile warns Alice not to break the heart of his best friend, Bob, or she'll pay for it.
  • Subverted: Charlie walks up to Bob with a scowl. Bob cringes, expecting the threatening speech...but Charlie just shakes his hand.
  • Double Subverted: ...then he comes back a few seconds later to deliver the speech.
  • Parodied: Charlie calls Bob every morning to remind him that he'll kick his ass if he hurts Alice.
  • Deconstructed: Charlie's threats drive Bob away, which leaves Alice heartbroken. This in turn strains their relationship a great deal.
  • Reconstructed: Bob is scared of Charlie, but realizes that he's just being a big brother and accepts the threat.
  • Zig Zagged: Charlie's level of concern varies.
  • Averted: Charlie doesn't deliver a threat at all.
    • Charile doesn't care about who Alice marries.
  • Enforced: "We need this older brother to show that he's overprotective!"
  • Lampshaded: "If you ever do anything..." "Yeah, yeah, if I ever do anything to hurt her, blah blah blah..."
  • Invoked: Charlie sees Bob being a little overly flirtatious at his bachelor party. He realizes that Bob needs to know that it won't be tolerated.
  • Defied: "Look, Charlie, I understand you're concerned, but she's no longer your responsibility. She's mine now. Back off."
  • Discussed: "There goes Charlie. He's probably going to give the traditional 'older brother' speech."
  • Conversed: "Wow, that is one overprotective brother."
  • Played For Laughs: Charlie, a 98 pound weaking, gives a long speech about the brutality he will visit upon the Badass man-mountain named Bob. Bob is forcing himself not to laugh.
  • Played For Drama: Alice and Bob broke up. Perhaps it was her fault, more likely it was amicable, but Charlie does not see it that way....

I swear, If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her..., I'll...well, go back to that page and you'll see just what I'll do.

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