Insane Troll Logic/Quotes

Sure, the prosecution has presented a lot of "evidence" that my client killed her husband. But, if she were really guilty, wouldn't she not want to get caught? If she didn't want to get caught, why would she leave any evidence? Their own argument defeats itself!

—Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, 26 February 2007

Money equals power. Power equals camel. Camel equals five celery sticks. FIVE. Quid pro quo.

—Shortpacked, 11 September 2009^{[dead link]}

"What insane breed of logic is that?"

—Lorik Qui'in, Mass Effect

Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was finished in 1914? If I want to say it happened in 1941, that's my right!

—Stephen Colbert

Pippin: "If we go south, we can slip past Saruman unnoticed. The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm. It's the last thing he'll expect."
Treebeard: "That doesn't make sense to me, but you are very small. Perhaps you're right."

—The Two Towers

do they shoot stuff or are they just pretty lights, it would be awesome if they shot lasers and made people explode, thus causing massive body count rise causing the taxes to rise 10 fold. my logic is undeniable.

—Some troll, commenting on a UFO video.

Susan: ...I think you've injured my brain.
Tedd: Injured it with logic!
Susan: Sure. Let's call it "logic".

—El Goonish Shive

Your logic is as compelling as it is flawed.

—Myrhad, Chasing the Sunset

Red Mage: We should start with the visible sky castle.
Black Mage: Why's that?
Red Mage: It'll be easier to see the invisible one from up there.

—8-Bit Theater

Red Mage: Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any given step will have no effect on the macro level.
Black Mage: That's so stupid I can't even see straight any more.

—8-Bit Theater

Bleach is healthy. It's mostly water. We’re mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach.

—Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse

Okay, this is beyond evil. This is insane troll logic.

—Xander, and in a later episode Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy: Your logic is not like our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.

—Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Bah! Logic means nothing to me!

—Douchey McNitpick, during Atop the Fourth Wall's "Top 15 Screw-Ups"

Teacher: Now class, who can tell me how you find the square root of 98,632?
Gosalyn: (That's easy.)
Student: Is it...dividing the remainder and multiplying the decimal?
Gosalyn: (No lame brain! You hit the number with a laser! Lasers solve everything!)

—Darkwing Ducks: Crisis on Infinite Darkwings

Wax: Logic doesn't work on Wayne.
Wayne: I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller. It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle.

—The Alloy of Law

Dewey: Great! Now, listen!
(Dewey holds up some gas receipts.)
Dewey: I've been going through these old gas receipts, and I may have come up with something!
(Dewey uses the Duckcomputer to decipher the gas receipts and comes with a riddle.)
Dewey: If you take the last three numbers in each bar code and place them in the order of the dates purchased, and run it through the Duckcomputer, you get a secret riddle that reads, "What's red, blue, and red all over with a mustache"?
Louie: Super Mario in a blender!
Dewey: Does this mean?!
Louie: Yes! It's a direct threat to the Italians!
Dewey: Italians? Pizza? Vatican City? Gondolas? That's it! Quackerjack is gonna bomb the St. Canard gondola system, but when?!
(Louie points out a note on a receipt.)
Louie: He wrote 5:00 on the back of this receipt.

—Ducktalez 6