Into the Woods/Characters

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


The Baker

What if I just wasn't meant to have children?

The Baker's Wife

But you have a princess. And I have a... baker.

Jack

But Mother, no! Not Milky White - he's the best cow!

Jack's Mother

Jack, Jack, Jack, head in a sack!

Little Red Riding Hood

And though scary is exciting, Nice is different than Good.

The Wolf

Hello, little girl...

The Witch

I'm not Good, I'm not Nice, I'm just Right. I'm the Witch - and you're the world.

The Narrator

Once upon a time . . . later.

  • Anyone Can Die: Even the narrator.
    • "You're going to be on the INSIDE, now!"
  • First-Person Smartass
  • Interactive Narrator
  • Lemony Narrator: Ends up biting him in the ass. See below.
  • Only Sane Man
  • Rage Against the Author: The rest of the characters essentially feed him to the giant.
    • Actually, it's the Witch that does it right after the other characters realize how lost they would be without him. See below for details.
  • We Could Have Avoided All This: When the characters try to offer the Narrator to the Giantess as a sacrifice, the Narrator reminds them that the story would be lost if he was obliterated. Regardless of this, however, the Witch gives the Narrator to the Giantess anyway, and as soon as the Giantess sees that the Narrator isn't Jack, the Narrator is dropped from the Giantess' hand and killed. Possibly concerned of the subsequent events of the story without the Narrator, the Baker's Wife points out: "We might have thought of something else."

Cinderella

What's the good in being kind if everyone is blind, and you're always left behind?

Rapunzel

I was lonely atop that tower!

Cinderella's Prince

I was raised to be charming, not sincere.

But even one prick - it's my thing about blood!

Rapunzel's Prince

Aaaaaagonyyyyy! Much more painful than yours!

The Giantess

"That boy stole our gold, our hen, and our harp. Then he killed my husband! I must avenge the wrongdoing."

Cinderella's Father

The closer to the family, the closer to the wine.


The Steward

"The greater the good, the harder the blow"