Into the Woods/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The Witch. This is what you get when you have Bernadette Peters and Vanessa Williams as two of the iconic actresses in the role.
    • This bit of the opening number:

Witch: In return, however, I said "fair is fair, you can let me have the baby that your wife will bear . . . and we'll call it square".
Baker: I had a brother?!
Witch: No! But you had a sister . . .

Baker: I just wanted to be sure you really loved this cape!
Little Red: (stomps on the Baker's foot and/or depending on the production, kicks him in the nuts)

Jack's Mother: You need to be careful with your children.
Baker's Wife: (sadly) I have no children.
Jack's Mother: ...That's okay, too...

  • The princes bickering in "Agony, Part 2", eventually getting to the "thing about dwarves". And on the topic of "Agony, Part 2": "Ah well, back to my wife!"
  • "On The Steps of the Palace". The sheer wordplay of the whole thing.
  • In the filmed version, there's just something constantly hilarious about Red Riding Hood's theft of as much of the Baker's wares as possible while the Baker and his wife futilely attempt to stop her.
  • The Baker believes that his father died... in a baking accident.

Rapunzel: (offstage) *hysterical, over-the-top screaming*
Cinderella's Prince: *looks startled*
Rapunzel's Prince: (completely deadpan) Rapunzel.

  • "You can talk... to BIRDS?"
  • Red Riding Hood's grandmother is usually over the top and hilarious. In addition to the sheer silliness of Red and Granny climbing out of the wolf's stomach after the Baker cuts it open, Granny turns out to be surprisingly sadistic.

Grandmother: *begins choking the wolf, who is already mutilated and writhing in pain* Kill the devil! Take that knife and cut his evil head of! Let's see the demon sliced into a thousand bits! No! Better yet, let the animal die a painful, agonizing, hidious death!
Red Riding Hood: Granny!
Grandmother: Eeeh, quiet, child! This evil needs to be destroyed! Now, you fetch me some great stones. We'll fill his belly with them, and then we'll watch him try to run away! *giggles gleefully*
Baker: *walks away, disgusted* I will just leave you to your task.
Grandmother: Wait! Don't you want the skins?
Baker: Oh, no, please keep them!
Grandmother: What kind of a hunter are you?!
Baker: I'm a baker!
Grandmother: *drags the baker back into the cottage to skin the wolf*