Jackboots on Whitehall

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

"Eat hot lead, Fritz!"

Winston Churchill

June 1940: England's darkest hour. The entire British army has surrendered at Dunkirk. A demoralised Winston Churchill is planning to retire in a few days. Chris the farm labourer can't join the army because his hands are too big to fit inside a trigger guard, and The Vicar is keeping his beautiful daughter Daisy at arms length. Meanwhile Those Wacky Nazis have an Evil Plan: dig a tunnel under the English Channel to London, capture Churchill and end the war in one stroke! Mustering what little forces he has, Churchill orders a retreat to Scot Land -- a wild and uncivilised country populated by savage warriors with huge hands, lead by the legendary Braveheart. As Churchill's Ragtag Band of Misfits Hold the Line at Hadrian's Wall, Chris must go on a lone quest to seek out England's last hope, and the reason for his massive mitts.

Unfortunately any story this epic has to be scaled down, say to about 1/6 size. That's right; this is the UK's 2010 answer to Team America: World Police. It matches that movie for laughs, but it has its moments particularly if you're a fan of British World War II movies. Or if you're Scottish.

Tropes used in Jackboots on Whitehall include:

Chris: "We need your help, and your lethal weapons!"
Braveheart: "Would that be 1, 2, 3 or 4?"

Monty: (after the tunnel opens) "The Nazis are coming right up our behind!"

Vicar: "Come and fight me -- my God against yours!"
Soldier: "Sorry sir, he must have found his way back to the bottle."
Churchill: "Good man."
Vicar: "Sausage eating wankers! (echo) WANKERS! WANKERS! WANKERS!"
Churchill: "Let us take example from the Church. Double the ale ration, two pints per man!"

"So, the stories are true. Men in skirts!"

Churchill: "That's it: Sing! Sing!"
Everyone: "And was Jerusalem builded here, upon those dark satanic mills..."
Vicar: "Yes those dark, satanic mills!" (Evil Laugh)

"You fools! Don't you know I'm ¾ German?"

German: "Nein, nein, nein!"
Scot: "Take that!"
German: "Oh ja!"

Churchill: "Never, in the field of human conflict, was so much, buggered up, by so few, for so many!"