JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Abridged/Funny

    Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


    • First episode: "Son of a bitch stole me gun!" always gets me.
    • NIGGA BLIND PEOPLE CAN'T READ! YA KNOW WHAT BLIND MEANS?! IT MEANS YO' EYES DON'T WORK! WHAT ARE YA, DEAF?!
    • "Hey, kid, thanks for dealing a fair game." "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
    • "F* ck you tables, f* ck you plates- ooh, I'll take these knives."
      • "Activating Sh* tstorm in Three... Two... Ooooon-NOW!"
    • "Is Dio Brando going to have to choke a bitch? [...] Because I, Dio, seriously believe that I, Dio, have not done enough bitch-choking since I've been here."
      • "It's funny because there are bitches in the way that need to move."
    • "Hey kids, you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Comment special!!!" "Massive orgy- comment special. Yeah. That's... That's what I meant."
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    Dio: Hey, look over there. It's Tuesday.
    Jotaro: FAJITAAAS!!!

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        • "...Boneraff. ...Boneraff. Bon. Er. Aff. ...Boneraff. ...Boneraff."
        • When Dio swears in anger at Jotaro pointing out that having friends on Facebook doesn't actually count a having friends:
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    Jotaro: DIO! Don't you know that swearing on the internet is a serious offense punishable by ban?!
    Dio: Don't you know that sucking my dick is a serious offense punishable by FUCK YOU?!

    Jotaro: You....actually saw the Drawn Together movie?

    Dio: Hey, you're talking to the guy who set a dog on fire when he was 12. *Flashes back to Danny the dog bursting from a furnace on fire*

    Jonathan in flashback: DANNY! You son of a biiiiiiiitch!

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        • This exchange at the end:
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    Dio: Well, the sun's coming out, and I'm afraid I must make my departure.
    Jotaro: Yeah, you better. Don't want you to sparkle to death.

    Dio: FUCK YOUR FACE!

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    • "Alright Paul!" "You know it man!"
    • JOTARO IS THE BUILDING!
    • When Polnareff tells the gang they'll go to hell when he kills them.
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    Joseph: Ha! Joke's on you asshole. Abdul's Muslim, so when he dies he goes to Mcdonalds. Face!

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      • And as of the eighth episode, it's confirmed!
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    Abdul: (At King Yemma's place) Ahhhhhhhh!!! I f** king hate white people!!!

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    Joseph: "HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK DO I FLY THIS THING?! WHAT IN GOOD JESUS- WHAT THE FUCK?!? FUCKING PIRANHAS! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM?"
    Present Day Joseph: "And that's how I got my artificial hand. Good times."

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    • And in episode seven
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    D'Arby "Do you remember what you were doing August 13th, 1976?"
    Avdol "What? How am I supposed remember something so far away?"
    D'Arby "Fine, I'll think of a more eventful time for you dut dut duhduhduhdut ah yes, do you remember what you were doing September 11th, 2001?"
    Avdol "GO! FUCK YOURSELF!"

    D'Arby "Oh, but I DID, good sir! I did fuck myself. And do you know when I did it? 9/11."

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    • From episode ten:
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    Dio: * tossing a ship* Enjoy your stay on the S.S. Plummet, Jotaro!
    Jotaro: That's a boat-* boat crashes into him*

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    • "I say he looks like Tarzan / Beats up badguys with his hands / You think I'm crazy, but you don't under... stand."
    • From the epilogue, the Tommy Wiseau alternate reality.
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    TW!Jotaro: Oh hai Dio.
    TW!Dio: Hey, Jotaro, what's up?
    TW!Jotaro: I'm here to defeat you, motherfucker!
    TW!Dio: What? Why?
    TW!Jotaro: Because you're the one who killed my grandfather...Dio Brando!
    TW!Dio: What? That's not true, I did not kill him, that's bullsheeit, I did naaaht!
    TW!Jotaro: You are lying to me! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART DIO!!!
    TW!Dio: That's me. (Sees Iggy) Hi doggie.

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      • Even better when Antfish takes a jab at himself by jumping on that bandwagon.
    • The entire Epilogue is hysterical. Especially the Guy Ritchie alternate reality.
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    Narrata': That there's Jotaro Kujo, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for lookin' a' 'im wrong! That there's Dio Brando, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for not lookin' a' 'im wrong!

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    Fugo: Huh. Well, this doesn't seem too ba-OH MY GOD THEY SPELL TRASH BACKWARDS!!

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