JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Abridged/Funny

First episode: "Son of a bitch stole me gun!" always gets me.
NIGGA BLIND PEOPLE CAN'T READ! YA KNOW WHAT BLIND MEANS?! IT MEANS YO' EYES DON'T WORK! WHAT ARE YA, DEAF?!
"Hey, kid, thanks for dealing a fair game." "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
"F* ck you tables, f* ck you plates- ooh, I'll take these knives."
- "Activating Sh* tstorm in Three... Two... Ooooon-NOW!"
"Is Dio Brando going to have to choke a bitch? [...] Because I, Dio, seriously believe that I, Dio, have not done enough bitch-choking since I've been here."
- "It's funny because there are bitches in the way that need to move."
"Hey kids, you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Comment special!!!" "Massive orgy- comment special. Yeah. That's... That's what I meant."
- Dio pulls a hostile video takeover on Jotaro: "'sup, bitches?"

Dio: Hey, look over there. It's Tuesday.
Jotaro: FAJITAAAS!!!

- - "...Boneraff. ...Boneraff. Bon. Er. Aff. ...Boneraff. ...Boneraff."
  - When Dio swears in anger at Jotaro pointing out that having friends on Facebook doesn't actually count a having friends:

Jotaro: DIO! Don't you know that swearing on the internet is a serious offense punishable by ban?!
Dio: Don't you know that sucking my dick is a serious offense punishable by FUCK YOU?!

Jotaro: You....actually saw the Drawn Together movie?

Dio: Hey, you're talking to the guy who set a dog on fire when he was 12. *Flashes back to Danny the dog bursting from a furnace on fire*

Jonathan in flashback: DANNY! You son of a biiiiiiiitch!

- - This exchange at the end:

Dio: Well, the sun's coming out, and I'm afraid I must make my departure.
Jotaro: Yeah, you better. Don't want you to sparkle to death.

Dio: FUCK YOUR FACE!

"Alright Paul!" "You know it man!"
JOTARO IS THE BUILDING!
When Polnareff tells the gang they'll go to hell when he kills them.

Joseph: Ha! Joke's on you asshole. Abdul's Muslim, so when he dies he goes to Mcdonalds. Face!

- And as of the eighth episode, it's confirmed!

Abdul: (At King Yemma's place) Ahhhhhhhh!!! I f** king hate white people!!!

- Earlier on the same episode, the whole flashback scene:

Joseph: "HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK DO I FLY THIS THING?! WHAT IN GOOD JESUS- WHAT THE FUCK?!? FUCKING PIRANHAS! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM?"
Present Day Joseph: "And that's how I got my artificial hand. Good times."

And in episode seven

D'Arby "Do you remember what you were doing August 13th, 1976?"
Avdol "What? How am I supposed remember something so far away?"
D'Arby "Fine, I'll think of a more eventful time for you dut dut duhduhduhdut ah yes, do you remember what you were doing September 11th, 2001?"
Avdol "GO! FUCK YOURSELF!"

D'Arby "Oh, but I DID, good sir! I did fuck myself. And do you know when I did it? 9/11."

From episode ten:

Dio: * tossing a ship* Enjoy your stay on the S.S. Plummet, Jotaro!
Jotaro: That's a boat-* boat crashes into him*

"I say he looks like Tarzan / Beats up badguys with his hands / You think I'm crazy, but you don't under... stand."
From the epilogue, the Tommy Wiseau alternate reality.

TW!Jotaro: Oh hai Dio.
TW!Dio: Hey, Jotaro, what's up?
TW!Jotaro: I'm here to defeat you, motherfucker!
TW!Dio: What? Why?
TW!Jotaro: Because you're the one who killed my grandfather...Dio Brando!
TW!Dio: What? That's not true, I did not kill him, that's bullsheeit, I did naaaht!
TW!Jotaro: You are lying to me! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART DIO!!!
TW!Dio: That's me. (Sees Iggy) Hi doggie.

- Even better when Antfish takes a jab at himself by jumping on that bandwagon.
The entire Epilogue is hysterical. Especially the Guy Ritchie alternate reality.

Narrata': That there's Jotaro Kujo, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for lookin' a' 'im wrong! That there's Dio Brando, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for not lookin' a' 'im wrong!

In one of his bonus videos, what Fugo experiences in the mirror world

Fugo: Huh. Well, this doesn't seem too ba-OH MY GOD THEY SPELL TRASH BACKWARDS!!

HOES AND WINE, ALL ZE TIME