Killer Game Master/Quotes

Dave: Damn! I rolled a one.

B.A.: A one? Excellent! That gives me a chance to use the new Critical Mass rolls I just picked up.

—Knights of the Dinner Table

As you can see I soon realized that Psycho Dave ran a game in roughly the same way that Warwick Davis in the film Leprechaun granted wishes. Everything you said your character did was scrutinized for some way to screw you over and the dice ruled all. He was the only guy I know who used a random monster encounter chart for Call of Cthulhu (tabletop game). You haven't lived until you've had a character go mad because he saw a nightgaunt sitting in a restroom stall reading a copy of the Necronomicon.

Your bodies will remain undiscovered for (roll roll roll) 82 centuries!

—Jason Fox, FoxTrot

A dragon? You only wish. I have read the entire Killer GM and Rock Falls Everyone Dies pages in preparation for this moment. I have transcended the chains of pity and mercy towards other players. I am the lava flood and the T-Rex on the plains. I am the GMPC in all its horror, the Goddamned Bats in all their multitudes. I am the spawner of overpowered monsters and the ender of life. I AM THE DESTROYER OF GAMES... AND I SHALL BE YOUR END!!!

—The troper responsible for running the traps, taking offense at the thought of his throwing mere dragons at a tomb-raiding party, Hunt for the Ark.

This brings up the first issue I have with D&D: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. Nothing can be trusted. If the game master wants to kill you, you're dead.

—Head Injury Theater, CELEBRATING 30 YEARS OF VERY STUPID MONSTERS.

Black Mage: You ever get the feeling that the universe is a vast, impersonal emptiness that exists only to hurt you?

Red Mage: Yes. It's how we know the DM is doing his job.

—8-Bit Theater, episode 543

Changing the engine of a campaign while the car is in motion is a tough sell, which is why the hiatus gives us some opportunities to approach these concerns in a broad way.

You will note that the blade of a guillotine is also broad.

—Penny Arcade, The Conflux, Part Four