Kyonyuu Fantasy Gaiden/Funny

Lute's first meeting with the Prime Minister of Fronce. He walks into the room and starts descending some stairs near the throne... He accidentally trips and falls down the stairs. Great way to make a good first impression on a foreign power Lute. Much later in the story, the Prime Minister of Fronce finally sees Lute's competence as a leader and that most of his silly facade had to have been an act. Including falling down the first time they met. Lute admits that some of it WAS a facade, but him falling down the stairs WAS indeed an accident.
The first time we see Shamsiel in this story, she's overseeing the rebels in Vunderbalt as they are producing a new kind of mug to be sold as an export. She keeps trying to rush the rebels along so that they can finish so she can go back to see Lute. They ask her why she's in such a hurry. Shamsiel says "I'm not being mean because I want to. It's just that the sooner you finish... the sooner Lute and I can GET BUSY!" The men all fall over after hearing that.
When Argent and Nellis first arrive at the palace in Edelland, Lute had disguised himself as a guard at the front gate to see if he could find out their real reasons for visiting. He does. Later on when he formally meets the duo he asks Argent his reasons for visiting, Argent tells him it's to learn about the knighted bureaucracy, but Lute calls him out on it. The look on their faces... Priceless.
- Also during said first meeting, Argent starts casting glances at Gladys (because he has a thing for "dark-skinned women"), and even goes as far as to request that Gladys herself teach him about the Knighted Bureaucracy. At this point, the writing says "Gladys' eyes went wide". Except that the visuals have a zoomed in shot of Gladys' face, and she is shown glaring angrily with her eyes kinda squinting. She doesn't look surprised, she looks pissed.
When the Golem appears to try and kill Lute, Argent arrives to "try and help". The Golem immediately backhands him and he goes flying into the pool nearby. Nellis told him to put on a show, but I don't think she meant to be THAT pitiful.
- Also, during the Golem attack, they realize that the Golem will regenerate endlessly unless the one who created it dies or the magic incantation gets recited. Shamsiel takes a shot. Her first try? "WEINER!" Everyone topples over, and even Gladys cracks up.
- Motaire's attempt to think of a removal incantaion? "Open Sesame!" Also, once the golem collapses he wanted to make sure it was dead. How? He takes out his sword and stabs the pile of sand with it.
Lute, Shamsiel, and Emeralia travel to Boan together. It had been 2 years since he had last been there, and for old times sake, he decides to look at the old, crappy room he had first been assigned when he first went. He showed it to Emeralia who struggled to compliment it. Shamsiel then told her about how it was where she and Lute had first met and he called her "cute", also the first time she gave him a titjob, and how he made her orgasm so much their first night together. Perhaps out of nostalgia, she asks Lute if he wants to... Lute reminds her that Emeralia was with them, but Emeralia told them not to mind her... Coitus Ensues and right after Shamsiel and Lute finish, Emeralia tags in and starts having sex with Lute, except that Shamsiel decides to help Emeralia feel good too.
While in Boan, waiting to deal with the wraith, Emeralia ponders why people would become obsessed with the idea of killing themselves just from looking it in the eyes. Shamsiel responds, "I bet it's cuz the spirit looks like Gladys".
Lute's confrontation with the wraith. You know Too Dumb to Live? Lute turns it to "Too Dumb to die", and it works. The Wraith fails to cause him to commit suicide, and thus dies itself.
Nellis' first time having sex with Lute is in the hall in Boan castle. She had been aroused ever since the first time Lute used her as a "milk maid" the day before, although she tried not to show it. Lute sucks and gropes her to the point of multiple consecutive orgasms, but all the while he's kind of interrogating her, and eventually she cracks. They have sex, and she orgasms again and again until she faints. The funniest part is what happens with Nellis afterward: Lute had carried her back to her room and laid her down on her bed. She starts to come to her senses, so Lute warns her that if she or Argent tried anything else against him, he would have to punish them AND the kingdom of Lingobard for breaking their peace treaty. Lute leaves. Nellis lies in bed thinking about how good he made her feel, but then she realized it wasn't time for that, because she acquired Lute's semen, she could try to use her magic to curse him. She staggers to her feet, but immediately falls down. She tries again to stand to cast the spell, but once more falls. She gives up, and decides that trying again wouldn't work... Imagine a newborn giraffe trying to walk.
A golem attacks Lute and despite being destroyed by Gladys over and over again, it reforms and comes back to life, and refuses to die until the counterspell for it is spoken. Lute eventually says "Boobs are good." at random, and it actually works.
When Lute first gets word of the fake succubus attacking Bustenhalter castle, Shamsiel is understandably pissed. The messenger talks about how the suspect resembled and even spoke like Shamsiel did. Shamsiel responds with this crude little remark: "Why the hell would I go to Bustenhalter?! There's nobody there but old geezers like Zant and Schlamm!" And then... "Why the hell would I go through all that trouble to eat inferior j-zz!? I'm actually a gourmet, I'll have you know! Lute's is delicious!" Even the messenger topples over at this brutally honest remark.
During Lute's first visit to Bustenhalter in perhaps 2 years, he encounters a merchant woman in town that he had met in the first game. The woman doesn't realize he's actually the king so she treats him politely, but not as royalty. Even going as far as giving him a friendly slap on the back, and telling him she would give him a "small discount". Suddenly, the townswoman's niece shows up, recognizes who Lute actually is, and naturally freaks out that her aunt doesn't know. The aunt freaks out too once she knows, and tries to apologize and give Lute some free food. Lute politely turns her down and pays for it instead. As Lute is leaving, the townswoman calls out to him "Farewell! Feel free to take my niece, if you please!"
Some idiot is dumb enough to send a familiar posing as a succubus to Vunderbalt Castle to try and stir dissension against Lute. The plan backfires because the soldiers immediately realize it's a fake because she's flat as a pancake, and said succubus is actually forced to run because the soldiers know who the real Shamshiel is, and it's certainly not some flatty. To add to it, after she runs, an RPG victory fanfare plays.
- Speaking of the Fake Succubus... In a similar fashion to the first game, Lute is sleeping in the same room he was in when he was promoted to High Commander in the first game in Vunderbalt. One night, the fake is sent with the strict instruction to kill Lute, but when she approaches Lute who is fast asleep, he starts to sleep-beat-the-crap-out-of-her. Just like he did with the assassins in the first story.
Cardinal Canossa continually tries to insult and instigate Shamsiel so that he can discredit her as a queen. At one point, Lute decides to ask whether the Cardinal had ever dated a woman before and if he had, whether it went well or not. The Cardinal said he had never dated a woman ever. Lute then tells him that THAT was why he didn't understand the beauty of a woman, much less a succubus. Lute then whispers something to Shamsiel who goes off to change her outfit. Meanwhile, Lute asks the Cardinal if angels were ok. He says yes, so Lute calls Shamsiel back, and she comes out wearing a beautiful dress. All who see her are awestruck by her beauty... Yes, even Cardinal Canossa, whom Lute secretly noticed to have his eyes drawn to Shamsiel's boobs.
The Assassins ABCDE group still suck at their jobs. Every-time they appear is funnier than the last.
- One particularly funny instance is when they get an audience with Lute in the throne room by posing as diplomats from Ostacia. Lute is immediately suspicious, but then they name themselves: Stoopidskiy, Dimwitov, and Sleepshodov. Lute then pulls the roll-call trick and gets them to admit who they really are as assassins. With their covers blown they rush at Lute but are blocked by Motaire and Isis. Isis in particular they refer to as "Ms. Shy-Nipples" (a not-so-subtle reference to her inverted nipples) and they kick the assassins' asses, but then Lute questions how they knew about Isis' inverted nipples. Motaire asks what they said was true. Isis gets pissed and beats him so that his face is all messed up. She tries to apologize, but he asks her if she'd show him before he "died". She gets mad again, tells him that she only ever shows them to Lute, and then sends him flying.
When Lute, Shamsiel, Gladys, and Motaire arrive in Fronce, they meet Marquis Cuvier. First off, Lute and the others managed to fool Cuvier into thinking Gladys wasn't going to be coming with them, so he's caught off-guard with that. Then, he tries to challenge Lute to a game of chess thinking if he had beat Gladys, he'd surely be up for the challenge. Lute refuses (mostly, because he knows he had won that game against Gladys by luck and honestly sucked at chess). Cuvier asks again, but also tries to have them wager pieces of territory on the match. Lute again refuses, saying that'd be a terrible idea. Cuvier continues to make remarks at Lute including saying the king of some second-rate kingdom is not worthy to speak to him as an equal. Lute replies that he doesn't consider Cuvier his equal. He considers him beneath himself (which made Shamsiel and Gladys crack up). Cuvier then tries to challenge Gladys to a chess game, which she doesn't back down from, and warns him that he'd lose everything. He then recalls that Gladys is a master chess player, so he backs down. EVERYONE starts snickering at this change of heart he has.
After the first night when Lute, Shamsiel, and Gladys are visiting Fronce, the next morning Queen Aphrodia asks her personal maids if the guests were doing well. The maids reply that they figured the guests slept pretty well, although some said they were hearing "animal sounds" at one point.
The actual "business" part of Lute's trip to Fronce: Lute was there trying to lift the ban/tariffs on bras from Edelland being imported to Fronce. When going to meet with Queen Aphrodia, Shamsiel takes one look at the throne room and goes, "Say Lute. Do you think sex in here would feel nice?" Lute actually starts cracking up, but thankfully the trumpets announcing them drowned it out. Then, after the initial introductions, Lute asks if everyone else (mostly the men) would leave the room. Queen Aphrodia asks if he was planning to kill her. Lute responds "Yes". Naturally everyone flips out and are seconds from sending him to the dungeon, but he clarifies that it was just an expression, and he meant he would "kill her" with the pleasure of a covered bust (meaning a bra). He tells her that he had brought many new brassieres made specifically for her, and that he wanted some privacy to show her. She asks him if she would become his "captive", and again he jokingly responds "Yes, a captive of bras". Count Roche and Marquis Cuvier try to tell the queen that it would be a bad idea to be alone with him, and Marquis Cuvier even reminds her of the ban on bras and that the bras they brought should be confiscated. Instantly, Queen Aphrodia tells Cuvier not to go near those bras, because they weren't "merchandise", but instead a gift. Once more the men are told to leave the room, but they point out that Lute is a man too, and that he may try to assault the Queen. Lute in turn says "Do you think a man who couldn't hold himself back would be able to successfully govern a country with Gladys or Shamsiel by his side?" Even the Queen laughs at the fact that he once more told off Marquis Cuvier. All the men aside from Lute leave the room. Aristera and Droit (Motaire's former groupies) step up to address Lute, but the Queen cuts them off pretty quick in order to have Lute and the others start their presentation. They begin showing the queen the bras, using Shamsiel as a model, and once the bra show was done? All the ladies' faces were flushed. The Queen enjoyed all of the bras shown, and Lute tells her he had 10 of each made specially for her, and that he even brought some as gifts for her maids. They're all ecstatic, and then Lute tells the Queen that it's a shame that bras can't be imported to the rest of Fronce due to the ban/tariffs, and it is disappointing that none of the other women of Fronce could experience their happiness of high quality bras. The Queen immediately summons Cuvier and orders him to lift the ban/tariffs, claiming it to be an outrage to ban bras. Cuvier tries to persuade her, but Queen Aphrodia once more orders him to take care of it immediately, and if she found out the ban was still in place tomorrow, he'd be in trouble with her. He complies and the ban is removed moments later. This is EXTREMELY funny when you realize that she actually didn't want to place a ban on bras to begin with due to hers getting worn out and needing new ones. Perhaps the funniest thing about this whole ordeal is that it took Lute's group a week or two to get to Fronce to negotiate, but then he resolved the entire issue in a matter of minutes.
After the business portion of the trip to Fronce concludes, Queen Aphrodia secretly arranges to have a "secret" meeting with Lute in Count Roche's room alone. She thanks him for his gifts and commends him for his kingliness in getting the ban lifted so quickly. She makes hints at them having a repeat of their first meeting back in Boan. Lute obviously obliges, but it's funny that it starts out with just groping again, but she kind of teases him about if he had the guts to try going all the way with her. He tells her if he did, he'd want to while she was on her hands and knees, which she said she wouldn't do, because she was of higher class than him... Guess what happens about 30 seconds after she says this? That's not all though, it turns out she was instigating him, because she was going to try to humiliate him due to her being 3/4 demon, she thought that would make her able to outlast and best him, except that what she (nor he, technically) didn't know, was that Lute is half-incubus, which is the highest class of demon, so he bests her yet again, and she has several orgasms.
- Another funny detail about this meeting is that Marquis Cuvier apparently knew about the Queen meeting with Lute alone for 2 hours... His first thought? "I hope they didn't have intimate relations together... Perish the thought." OH THE IRONY!
A few days before the end of Lute's business in Fronce is to conclude, Lute is invited to participate in a hunt for boars in a nearby forest with Queen Aphrodia. In said forest, everyone encounters a giant cyclops. Everyone else panics and either tries to fight it (and fail) or stand still like a deer in headlights. Lute on the other hand, sees that the cyclops isn't actually evil or mean, rather it's just trying to scare them away from its territory, because it's just as scared. He even ends up playing Rock-paper-scissors with it (and loses), thus befriending it. To everyone's amazement, he and the cyclops continue playing games together for a few more hours before parting ways.
The climax of the final route: Fronce and Edelland are about to sign a peace treaty and form an alliance/friendship pact. However, Cuvier had secretly inserted a line that would mean trouble for Edelland, so they weren't going to sign the treaty. Cuvier then activates his "back up plan", using soldiers he smuggled in via magic, he was going to try to take over the castle of Edelland, force Lute to sign the treaty, and then use him as a hostage until he was safely out of Edelland and back in Fronce. Not a bad plan, except that the barrels he had snuck his troops in had been put in a cell in the dungeon due to a mix up, and thus when the troops were supposed to get out, they all materialized into the cell... Cramped in like sardines! Everyone laughs at him over this.