Malazan Book of the Fallen/Funny

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• This piece of dialogue in "House of Chains", when Torvald and Karsa meets Keeper:
  • “Splitting one’s head open with a single blow? With a wooden sword? In deep water? And what’s that other one? Catfish big enough to swallow a man whole? Hah, a good one.” Torvald stared at the Napan. “Both true. As true as a flooded world and a ship with headless Tiste Andii at the oars!” “Well, I believe all that, Torvald. But the shark and the catfish? Do you take me for a fool?”
• Shadowthrone's rant in TCG:
  • “Are you done with your moment of doubt?” Shadowthrone asked. “Good. It ill-suited you. Listen, she’s a woman, and that alone makes her the most terrifying force in all the realms.” “Yes,” Cotillion said, “I am well aware of your longstanding fear of the swaying sex.” “I blame my mother.” “Convenient.” “I don’t know which of us dreads more our visits –” “She’s still alive? Don’t be ridiculous, Ammanas.” “Listen, I wasn’t always this old, you know. In any case, every time we end up in the same room I can see the disappointment in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. ‘Emperor? Oh, that empire. So now you’re a god? Oh dear, not Shadow? Isn’t it broken? Why did you have to pick a broken realm to rule? When your father was your age –’ aagh, and on and on it goes! I’ve been on the run since I was nine years old, and is it any wonder?”