Metafictionized Phlebotinum Poisoning

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
"Yeah, this is a story told from a first-person narrative, but I just happen to be one of those omniscient, third-person narrators. Now isn't that cool? (However, your answer is probably an unimpressed 'no'.)"
—The narrator, opening paragraph.
"This has got to be the dumbest thing you've ever done. And that's saying a lot."
—The Author's friend, upon reading this page.

A fantasy/parody Web Original Serial Novel on fictionpress.com written by a long-time TV Tropes lurker. While it only has twenty-nine chapters so far[when?], it is noteworthy for the extensive use of tropes taken directly from the wiki. Makes numerous Shout-Outs to Harry Potter, Twilight, and Final Fantasy, and many more franchises.

The story revolves around a perfectly normal boy named Tagino Storp. One day, an angel named Arthur Avatar from another dimension accidentally opens a portal in his school. Tagino is then recruited by Arthur in the mission to destroy anything that might anger the Reader god, including Deus Ex Machinas, Monsters of the Week, and the worst of them all, Mary Sues.

Contains high concentrations of Invoked Tropes, Parodied Tropes and Lampshade Hanging. There is also a narrator, who is fully aware of the fact that s/he is in a webpage and talks directly to the reader.

Can be found here.

Currently indefinitely postponed.

Tropes used in Metafictionized Phlebotinum Poisoning include:
"Sues: Failed creations of the Writer (aka the Creator), Sues are seemingly perfect in every aspect. Angers the Reader very quickly and effectively. Because of their highly dangerous nature, destroy on sight. Distinguishable by strange hairstyles and/or hair color. "
—Arthur Avatar's Big List of Things That Might Piss Off The Reader
"She had blue hair of the color of a clear sky, lined with black streaks like melted darkness. Her large, almond shaped eyes were silver colored, a perfect match for her perfectly perfect face. Her lips were the color of freshly-picked rose petals, and shimmered like rubies of the finest quality. There was an otherworldly, wonderful aroma about her that did not come with shampoo or perfume. She wore a revealing blouse made of the best silk and embroided with silver threads, along with a perfectly matching miniskirt. Her legs were wrapped in blue fishnets that matched her hair. If Fran was beautiful, then she was gorgeous. Her figure was so delicate, so waif-like, yet she had supple, D-cup breasts. She radiated a perfect aura of perfect perfection whereever she went. Her beautiful neck was adorned with a silver necklace embedded with the some of the best sapphire found on the planet, one of them the size of a chicken egg that glowed with magical (not Phlebotinous) energy. Earrings of the finest silver hand from her sensual ears. (If I had a lung, I would be gasping for air right now.) A pure virgin of the purest purity, she was a friend to all living things. In her right hand she held a beautifully crafted katana decorated with the emblem of a serpentine dragon made of platinum, with an air of grace that surpassed all other. Her name was—If I had a lung, I would be inhaling, inhaling deeply—Hikari Sapphyre Trinity Blyss Seafoam Venustus. "
—the narrator

"“Can’t.” “Harder!”“Still can’t!”“Harder!” awkward silence followed. "
--Arthur and Tagino, as Arthur teaches Tagino how to control Phlebotinum with his mind.

"“I do not acshept virgin shacrificesh! … Stop what you’re doing! I meant I don’t acshept human shacrificesh, virgin or not!” "
—Arthur, to his worshippers offering him a virgin sacrfice.
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