NetHack/Quotes

A collection of hilarious NetHack-related quotes is actively maintained on alt.org and serves as the source site for many of the following quotes, except where otherwise noted. The specific IRC channel will be noted where possible and appropriate.

<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna give you up", on turn 56157
<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna let you down", on turn 56157
<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna run around and desert you", on turn 56158
<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna make you cry", on turn 56158
<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna say goodbye", on turn 56159
<Rodney> Gjallarhorn wished for "MAGIC MARKER NAMED Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you", on turn 56160
<rawrmage> okay
<Nomiisama> dude, 6 markers
<theorbtwo> That's an expensive rickroll.
<TheGame20> did he just rickroll us?

—from #nethack, dated March 1, 2013

the wakisashi is a special sword carried by real samurai in their off hand. they used it for forcing chests in between battles.

—IRC user 'blackcustard', dated March 1, 2013

<MPR|> !rng 2 or 3
<Rodney> The RNG says: or
<MPR|> >_>

—from #nethack, dated March 1, 2013

I'd forgotten how much I hate mind flayers.

—IRC user 'SpeedEvil', dated March 15, 2013

I have decided (I'm farming in my current game) that pudding farming absolutely sucks and is mind-numbing.
It's so boring I've stopped doing it at work.

—IRC user 'raxvulpine' to 'Anden', dated March 1, 2013

Sokoban has the "aggravate player" extrinsic.

—IRC user 'Tjr', dated August 2, 2013

<Khor> "You were a pacifist until turn 6525."
<Khor> WHAT?!
<Bluescreen> Khor: "The boulder falls into the pit. You destroy the kobold zombie! The--More--"
<Khor> is that from my game?
<Bluescreen> yes, I looked at the ttyrec.
<Khor> ...
<Khor> ...
<+Athame> [nh4k] Khor (Hea Gno Fem Neu), 28436 points, T:11476, killed by an Archon called "fuck this shit"

—from #ascension.run, dated May 12, 2015

<attie> don't think being in the dungeon counts as a reason for divorce if you are the Chosen One and it has been known since birth that you would be sent off to the Dungeons of Doom.
<PavelB> attie: Clearly you're not the Chosen *One*, there are bones, after all, so all nethack runs are in a continuous universe. I think it's more like, the gods go "Welp, that guy failed, time to give divine inspiration the next guy, hope he does better"
<PavelB> And then I guess they just keep losing the amulet after a while after someone actually does ascend
<attie> the gods just have an eternal game of capture the flag by proxy going.
<attie> whoever gains the amulet becomes the new moloch.
<PavelB> :O I like that theory
<PavelB> deep nethack lore exploration going on here
<attie> Only one chosen one allowed at any one time
<attie> per god
<attie> only allowed to designate as new chosen one anyone born after the last one died
<attie> chosen one has to be picked at birth, not allowed to wait and see which of them grows up extra strong/bright
<attie> wide-angle disintegration beam is your god ragequitting on you
<attie> when your god is being unhelpful, they're hoping you die quick because there's a really strong valkyrie pregnant over there and they have high hopes for her kid

—A casual session of Wild Mass Guessing, dated January 17, 2019

Skippy sank in lava, Corwin turned to slime,
They could both see what was coming but they couldn't pray in time.
Pinky fought a soldier ant that crawled out of his backpack
They were all in love with dyin', they were doing it in NetHack.
Bertha swung Mjollnir like a Valkyrie in the rain
Then she lost her mind in Sokoban; a flayer ate her brain.
They were all in love with dyin', usin' every keyboard function,
As they tried to find the Amulet, somewhere in the dungeon.

I don't mind the text sometimes, the images it shows.
Running from the Ds and Ls, and killing all the Os.
Faded prints and subtle hints and fortune cookie lies.
You never ID all your stuff, until your @ sign dies.

—Rob Balder, "NetHack" Filk Song

excalibur is a crutch, REAL nethack players use only the wizard of yendor's corpse or an orcish dagger

—Discord user riker on proper weapon choice, dated March 12, 2021

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