New York City/Quotes

We met in the springtime at a rock-and-roll show
It was on the Bowery when it was time to go
We kissed on the subway in the middle of the night
I held your hand, you held mine, it was the best night of my life

‍'‍Cause everyone's your friend in New York City
And everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty
The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see
But the best thing about New York City is you and me

The Statue of Liberty, Staten Island Ferry,
Co-op City, Katz's and Tiffany's
Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge,
the Empire State where King Kong lived
Coney Island and Times Square, Rockefeller Center
Wish I was there

—"New York City" by grrl-rock group cub, though you may be more familiar with TMBG's version.

"New York is a narrow island off the coast of New Jersey devoted to the pursuit of lunch."

—Raymond Solokov

Ah, summer in New York -- when the rats are mating in Central Park!

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

—Lenny Bruce

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

—David Letterman

"It's all painfully obvious to me -- there's nothing wrong with New York that a sound thrashing, a hot bath, and about $20 billion in federally guaranteed loans wouldn't cure."

—The Badger

New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.

Rules for driving in New York:
(1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
(2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
(3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

New York -- when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

—David Letterman

New York's such a wonderful city, but at the library the guy was very rude. I said I'd like a card. He said, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

—Emo Philips

Tourists: have some fun with New York's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."

—David Letterman

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

—Johnny Carson

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79....

—Douglas Adams, in Mostly Harmless

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.

—David Letterman

Q: How does a single woman in New York get rid of cockroaches?
A: She asks them for a commitment.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

—David Letterman

To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and stopping at red lights are both optional.

—from East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To a Californian, the basic difference between the people and the pigeons in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other.

—from East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

—Rita Rudner

Dana Scully: You know, on the old mariners' maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters."
Fox Mulder: I've got a map of New York City just like that.

—The X-Files