Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

  • Chazz's recap of Chuckie's first visit to the barber: "And after he smeared the industrial strength cologne and got into the barrel of hair, he knocked over a tub of lather, skidded into a shelf of shampoo, and snapped a cardboard cut-out of Crew Cut the Clown right in half."
    • Arguably, Chuckie's mangled retelling of the same tale to the other babies was even funnier.
  • This conversation during the Beach Episode:

Chuckie: We look silly, we feel sticky, and we smell like a coconut cream pie.
Angelica: (Runs by) Look at me! Look at me!
Tommy: (Deadpan) Well, at least we don't look like that.

  • Or how about when Lil asks Phil if he'd save her from a snake? His response -- "How big a snake?" (Dies laughing).
  • Stu's descent into madness while trying to procure chocolate pudding late at night for the (not really) injured Angelica.

Didi: Stu, what are you doing?
Stu: Making chocolate pudding.
Didi: It's 4:00 in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Stu: Because I've lost control of my life.

    • Let's not forget the scene that follows.

Stu: Here's your pudding, Angelica.
Angelica: Oh that's okay, Uncle Stu. I'm not hungry anymore.

  • The episode where they camp in the backyard.

Stu: Angelica seems to think there's someone in the neighborhood named "Satchmo".

Grandpa: The trumpet player?

Stu: No, the monster.

Didi: Stu, this isn't Manitoba, it's our backyard. The kids'll be fine. Just forget about them, and soon it will be morning, and we can all go on with our lives!
Stu: Yeah, I guess you're right. Good night.
(Light goes off, then comes back on)
Stu: What if there's a flash flood?
Didi: Stu, go to sleep.

  • When Tommy spends the weekend at Chuckie's house. After Tommy wakes him up over and over again to say something innocuous like "I'm glad I'm staying at your house," Chuckie finally has enough:

Tommy: Hey, Chuckie...
Chuckie: WHAT?! Tommy, what?! I'm trying to sleep!
Tommy: Oh, I was just thinking about green jello.
Chuckie: Green jello?
Tommy: Yeah, how do they do it?
Chuckie: Do what?
Tommy: Make it green.
Chuckie: I don't know, Tommy. Just go to sleep!
(They do, but then Chuckie's eyes shoot open.)
Chuckie: (whispering, frightened) How do they make it green?

Grandpa: Remember what happened the last time you boys put on a show?
Stu: Oh, come on, pop, my arm healed, and Drew sees almost perfectly out of that eye.

  • The babies getting naked in "Naked Tommy"

Tommy: Um, Lil, could I ask you a question?

Lou: Why do you always lose your keys, dag-nabbit?!
Stu: Why do you always talk like a prospector when you're aggravated, "con-flabbit?"

  • The episode where Angelica gets hold of Stu's latest invention, a voice-changing gadget that makes her sound exactly like her mother. She uses it to call a restaurant and order every single dessert they have for delivery. When the delivery boy shows up, she grabs a picture of Didi, and speaks to the delivery boy through the mail slot.

Angelica: Just leave the bags by the door and go away.
Delivery boy: Uh... what?
We see a picture of Didi peeking through the mail slot in the door
Angelica: Down here! Just leave the bags by the door.
Delivery boy: Uh... okay. Thank you for calling Zippy's Snappy Home Delivery.

Angelica: Go away.

  • This troper thinks it was topped by them actually Getting Crap Past the Radar by having Angelica say "turd" in the North Pole episode.
  • Angelica's parents reactions during this random exchange:

Angelica: Mommy, I have a question.
Charlotte: Yes, dear?
Angelica: Where do babies come from?

  • When Chuckie thinks he's gonna grow gigantic, Angelica tricks him into thinking he squashed her, and the babies try to convince him he must be mistaken.

Phil: And even if you did... that's okay.

  • The "moose" Running Gag in the episode with the costume party.
  • Angelica's supposedly fake Flash Back in the episode where the babies try to stop Angelica from eating cookies. In the first part, it seems like it's going to be a Heartwarming Moments, with Angelica's mom and dad telling her to say "mommy" or "daddy", respectively. Her first word?


    • It gets even funnier in a later scene, where we see her taking her first steps. Her parents go crazy trying to save the magical moment for posterity...then they realize that she's just trying to get a cookie on the table.
  • One of the best scenes is Grandpa naming off past experiences Stu's had with fixing things, all ending in some form of disaster. The best one is obvious.

Grandpa: This one I STILL don't understand! October 3: Change the Refrigerator Lightbulb: 4 broken fingers and a case of pink eye?

  • The Pirate Episode:


  • The episode where Spike runs away and Stu is trying to find a replacement pet. He buys two gerbils, and the kids let them loose in the basement. Several weeks later, Tommy and Chuckie open the basement door.

Chuckie: Look, Tommy! The floor's movin'!

    • While they're staring at the basement floor, Stu finds them and sees the "moving floor" and immediately yells, "Didi! The gerbils have reproduced!"
  • The entirety of the episode where Stu hits his head and thinks he's a baby.
  • Tommy & Chuckie's Wild West style showdown with the "Junkfood Kid". She smacks Chuckie across the cheek with a chocolate bar, leaving an imprint ("I've been branded!") Tommy bends over to help him up, and she shoves a popsicle down the back of his diaper.

YOWCH!! It's cold!!

  • Chuckie's reaction when Tommy begins planning The Quest of the Week in the episode with the blackout:

Chuckie: (from under his blanket) No way, I'm not goin'! Not this time! This isn't just regular-plain-old scary, Tommy. This is THE DARK! There's no light at all, not even a night light! Forget it, Tommy. I'm. Stayin'. Right. Here.
Tommy: Okay, Chuckie, whatever you say.

(The other three go off, leaving Chuckie sitting silently under the blanket for a minute.)

Chuckie: (panicking and running after them, still under the blanket) Hey, wait, you're not gonna leave me?! WAIT! I'm coming, too!!

  • This exchange when the blackout first happens is also priceless, primarily because of Stu's tone:

Didi: (completely calmly, like she's announcing something he must not know yet) Stu, honey, all the lights in the house are off!
Stu: I'm aware of that, Deed.

  • Also in that episode:

Phil: Why are you under your blanket?
Chuckie: 'Cause it's dark out there!
Lil: But it's dark under there, too.
Chuckie: -Beat- Gee, I never thought of that.

  • This Running Gag: "This coffee tastes like mud!" "It is mud."
  • The Garage Sale episode. After the babies have sold everything inside the house, and when Stu is brooding about it, Didi comes along with a little speech about how they still have each other and losing all their material goods can bring them closer. Stu's response?

Stu: Put a sock in it, Deed.

Angelica: I'm playing the most dangerous game of all.
Chuckie: Musical chairs?


  • In "Piggy's Pizza Palace": Tommy giving commands to the dog suit in Yiddish.
  • From "Naked Tommy", this exchange between Betty and Didi when they find the babies naked.

Betty: Sweet goon von goolagon! What's going on here?! Philly, Lilly, you're nudists!
Didi: Betty! I'm surprised at you, they're just babies, Lipschitz says...
Betty: Never mind that hippie Lipschitz! I don't know what kind of baby colony you're running, Deed, but it's time to face facts! The sixties are over and we lost, so get with the program, alright?

  • The end of the episode where Tommy is afraid he's turning into a monster. Betty's brother stops by and says "Big sisters are monsters". Tommy then says to Phil "Isn't Lil a teeny bit older than you". Lil turns around with candy canes for fangs and Phil runs away in terror.
  • The end of the episode where Angelica tries to convince Phil and Lil that either of them is the unfavourite. She walks in on Charlotte and Betty talking about sweaters.

Charlotte: My favourite will always be Angora.
Angelica: (terrified) Who's Angora!?

  • The "Vacation" episode where they go to Las Vegas and Angelica gets up on "stage" in the snack bar and starts singing her own song "Angelica the Beautiful". Then when the mothers leave the Circus Giganticus hotel and see Angelica performing on the big TV outside. Their reactions are priceless.
    • Hell, the whole episode counts as one big CMOF.
  • This Getting Crap Past the Radar moment from "Mommy's Little Assets."

Charlotte: (on the phone to Jonathan) What? Not you Jonathan; you know I wouldn't call one of my employees sweetie. At least, not since the Clarence Thomas hearings.

  • From the episode where Angelica learned a swear word, just the end where she casually says, "She thinks we're all, little..." and then her parents scream to censor the word out. It also offers as a bit of a funny moment considering several kids actually would have done that in her shoes because they didn't know the consequences!
    • This is followed by Angelica actually saying the word on the children's TV show she was trying out for. When the host is ordering Angelica to leave, Angelica counters that the host did indeed say it. The host then loses it and actually does say it before the broadcast is cut. Angelica is ecstatic while everyone else in the studio is totally shocked.

Angelica: See?! See?! She did say it!

  • From "Tommy At Bat" when Didi sees Tommy on the TV and does her big slow-motion faint on the floor.
  • When Stu sleepwalks and imagines he's a TV magician. Didi finds him on the living room floor and...

Didi: Stu, are you alright?
Stu: (half asleep) Sure, Ramona.
Didi: Ramona! Who's Ramona!?

  • Angelica was once told she had spunk from a mafia-isque restaurant owner.

Angelica: I got spunk? Is that good?

    • YMMV of course but from the same episode the restaurant owner constantly calling her "Angie" always made this troper chuckle.
  • At the end of "Angelica the Magnificent," Tommy picks up Angelica's supposedly magic wand. He points it at the shed the dads spent all episode putting together and utters a "magic" word. The shed promptly collapses (though due to shaky workmanship), but the look on Tommy's face and the way he slowly lowers his arms are priceless.
  • In the episode where they pretend stuff is going on on TV, Phil and Lil make fun of a soap opera. Angelica doesn't quite understand soap operas and comes on wearing a viking outfit and singing about how if it was an opera, they had to sing.
  • Blocky and Oxwinkle. They even got June Foray!
  • Chuckie's attempt at telling the most un-scary "scary story" he can think of so he won't scare himself:

Chuckie: So, um...the boy opened the door, and...he finded the most beautifulest room with lots of flowers and big fluffy pillows and bowls filled to the top with yummy candy! So the haunted house wasn't haunted after all, and the scaredy boy wasn't scared no more. The End!
Angelica: What?! You can't end it like that! That wasn't even scary! A scary story doesn't got flowers and pillows and candy! Now tell it right! Or I'll start telling the story again!
Chuckie: So, then, um...the boy, uh, opened the door...and the room was kinda dark, and there was pillows, but they was hard and lumpy, and the candy was yucky.

  • In the movie Dil dirties his diaper and Tommy goes "It looks like we'll have to change his diaper" and Phil goes "What do you mean we?"
  • In "Stu Makers Elves" Chuckie bounces up and down on a mattress and has fun but then bounces so much that the mattress closes leaving his head sticking out. That visual and his scream of "TOMMY!" are priceless.
  • "Rebel Without A Teddy Bear": Tommy's failed attempt at being bad.
  • "Reptar On Ice". Period.
  • This moment:

Howard: Betty a thief?! That's an absurd proposition!